My Mom and My Wife Do Not Get Along! (What Do I Do?)

My Mom and My Wife Do Not Get Along! (What Do I Do?)
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or email www.johndelony.... We want to talk to YOU!
As heard on this episode:
BetterHelp - bit.ly/3seoBCe
Get John’s new book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future here: bit.ly/3Lmf076
Get a money plan for real life! Start your free trial of Ramsey+: bit.ly/2JcSe6H
Learn how to change your thoughts, change your behaviors, and change your life. Subscribe to the Dr. John Delony’s show!
www.youtube.co...
Twitter (@johndelony)
Instagram (@johndelony)
Facebook ( JohnDelony/).
These platforms contain content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal, or other advice. The Lampo Group, LLC d/b/a Ramsey Solutions as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show.
If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional advice, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified professional expert and specialist. If you are having a health or mental health emergency, please call 9-1-1 immediately.
Ramsey Network (Subscribe Now!)
• The Ramsey Show (Highlights):
www.youtube.co...
• The Ramsey Show (Full Episodes): www.youtube.co...
• The Dr. John Delony Show: www.youtube.co...
• The Rachel Cruze Show: www.youtube.co...
• The Table with Anthony ONeal: www.youtube.co...
• The Ken Coleman Show: www.youtube.co...
• The Christy Wright Show: www.youtube.co...
• EntreLeadership: www.youtube.co...

[@sarahzayas4340]

It's hard listening to this guy. He needs to come to the table to communicate and stop avoiding conflict.

[@trumpisgod2535]

Said by a female who probably always tries to avoid conflict

[@slothisasin8240]

​@@trumpisgod2535 You know that some women can communicate? And even if they are terrible at it they can still pinpoint an issue. If you have an issue you are also very likely to know the consequenses of that behaviour, so her point could still be valuable.

[@jakes658]

You probably think you're an alpha male don't you​? Look at you defending this weak mama'sboy so you can talk down to women.. @@trumpisgod2535

[@st_adam9058]

I want to hear the wife’s side… something is “off”

[@TheCatnipCinema]

He's not doing a good job at explaining what is going on.

[@donnag7908]

I agree. I don’t think he’s telling the whole story.

[@Love.America]

💯 agree!

[@chalon835]

This call was so hard to listen to the caller kept beating around the bush, sugar coating and not answering questions directly

[@kellyje11y]

Right? Imagine being his wife.

[@hansonallie]

Pretty painful!

[@animaluva098]

Right... I don't think he was born with any balls... Lol

[@RobinTaylorMusic]

The wife probably doesn’t like the mom because her husband is there for his mom when she needs him but he’s not there for his wife when she needs him. He drowns his wife in silence when she needs him but when his mom needs him he’s there at the drop of a hat. He should be there for his wife.

[@ember13dp]

Sounds about right!!

[@witchsistah]

And dude sounds emotionally vacant and constipated.

[@LisaSoulLevelHealing]

This. She is picking it up correctly.

[@dewilew2137]

Textbook “only male child of a single middle-aged woman” syndrome. I coined that term myself after a considerable amount of field research. 😅

[@ChandraChandra-wx9em]

Nah. A wife would attend to her parents at the drop of the hat too. A man would never be angry about that.

[@danix3638]

I think he's the cause of the problems between his mother and wife. He's not stepping up and would rather remain neutral and in the middle instead of putting his foot down.

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

i love my mom and always will love my mom, but if i marry, my wife is number 1 woman in my life and boundaries are set that we both agree on if needed. Fortunately my mom is a sweetheart and dont think boundaries would be needed. To this day i have ex's who are still facebook friends with my mom and talk with her when they see each other lol. My mom seriously has only had an issue and disliked 1 of my ex's (she cheated so its for good reason).

[@peterlee584]

​​​@@johnsmith-kt7efI don't think the Mother is the real issue. I thiink she's just the scapegoat. The real isdue is between the caller and his wife

[@IndianOutlaw1870]

He isn't making his mother respect his wife's boundaries. He is making excuses for his mother's behavior and is thereby enabling that very behavior. He is unwilling to gently confront her. This is a common problem with men.

[@Michelle_east.living]

I agree. My MIL is narcissistic and controlling. My husband was always afraid to speak up to her because she punished anyone who upset her..

[@LisaLisaCJ]

Yep that’s why the time I marry his mother has to be dead . I’m not having the battle again

[@nancypicchi9224]

Sad & stressful when in-law problems arise. The only person we control is ourselves.

[@BlueDauntless]

Common for mama’s boys

[@Jaisee14]

You're full of crap. This mindset of allowing a Daughter in Law to disrespect her husbands mom is shameful. Women today are nortorious for this. They can't stand their husbands family for no reason at all. DIL's deny grandparents access to their children. They stop their MIL's mother son from calling and visiting. They always make waves because they themselves are insecure and frankly hateful. People need to all come together as a FAMILY. Her side of the FAMILY and his side of the FAMILY and all will be well.

[@Sarah-xj9il]

He’s married to his WIFE, not his MOM. You defend your wife, you support your wife. Your mom had her husband in life, now it’s your wife’s turn.

[@Tkyl0-0]

Not how it works

[@momfromnj911]

💯

[@momfromnj911]

​@Tkyl0-0 YES IT DOES. you're married to your wife NOT your mother

[@Tkyl0-0]

@@momfromnj911 if his wife has a valid point sure but if not why would you just because she is your wife? Would you want your son or daughter to not be truthful just because their spouse is involved? Marriage isn’t a license to accept everything your husband or wife says.

[@ecclesiastesThreeVerseSeven]

@@Tkyl0-0a husband is to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife…

[@happyinparis]

Cleave to your wife no matter what. I'm also a widow and I would never, ever put pressure on my son to put me before his wife! There are boundaries that must be respected. My daughter-in-law is wonderful. I love her dearly and we are friends. I want to keep it that way. It's not my children's responsibility to make me happy, less lonely, or just feel better. Let your wife know with word and deed that she comes first. Women generally respond to the way we are treated.

[@katemiller7874]

Amen to that

[@Onalenna_Thobega]

You’re such a wholesome mom in law. That’s how it should be.

[@bromance3496]

I hope I'll have this attitude in the future to my son and get to have a MIL who believes the same.

[@kellharris2491]

Dude I was reading a story on reddit where the widowed Mother moved in and kept interrupting their sex time. She didn't want them to have a children because that would take her son away from her.

[@leejay2418]

You sound like a fantastic mother in law!

[@desertcat4193]

Dude couldn't answer a single question in a straightforward, mature way. I feel for his wife because she no doubt has to deal with the same thing all day long

[@LordOfTheWings848]

Amen

[@meesh1002]

Right? I was like she’s probably frustrated because you can’t communicate and stand up for yourself

[@cindyrodriguez689]

This 100%. Husband won’t/cant communicate with wife. I imagine it’s almost impossible for them to talk through any problems.

[@catherinethompson6531]

Yeah I’m so confused how deloney is getting any conclusions (which is why I think his may be wrong) because this dude is being was unbearably vague that it’s hard to tell what the actual problem is. Like give examples bro! Not one was given. When asked he just repeated his same vague stuff.

[@MineMeMineMeMineMe]

Protecting himself or wife! doofus.

[@ImJustFunSize]

Yikes this one was a complete miss. Mother in law in crossing lines, and husband won’t stand up to her. Mama boy issue 100%

[@makamurphy]

I can tell you, my husband chooses me all the time over his family, his mum, his dad, his siblings... and he always stand by me, because of that I have a great relationship with his mum and dad. He has always chosen me over his family. Why I love him. And why I treat his parents with love.

[@Irunwithscissors63]

Even when you’re in the wrong?

[@user-jp5rf4ib4htwpon]

💯 that's how it happens

[@karahupp4589]

Dr John! No, his wife isn’t the problem… He said she set boundaries and his mom continued to cross them! And he defends his mom… been there, done that and got a divorce.

[@1sydeee]

I wouldn't put any wife or girlfriend over my mum but I would just separate them win win

[@LisaLisaCJ]

@@1sydeee do you would let your children watch you allow your mother to disrespect THEIR mother and the woman YOU chose? Can you sleep with your mother? Build a life with her? Make that make sense

[@1sydeee]

@@LisaLisaCJ bro my wife (ain’t got one) wouldn’t go through the struggles my mum went through to raise us. Plus u can get a woman anywhere you go. Tomorrow I could leave my wife cause I got bored

[@MsTbaker09]

@@1sydeeethen you should never get married, just keep her your girlfriend because when you say I Do you two become one and the wife & kids comes before your mom that’s not disrespectful it’s order.

[@1sydeee]

@@MsTbaker09 I’ve been to a lot of weddings not even gonna tell you what I’ve seen cause you wont believe me but I ain’t getting married with no candles or sand or rope

[@justineh6899]

I really wish the wife was on the call because he is leaving out soooooooooo much because he can't answer a friggin question directly.

[@WemmieFemmie]

Yes, he can't talk straight. He goes back and forth along with not completing his sentences correctly. Frustrating.

[@leighb8485]

Yup. I’m willing to bet MIL has always been a problem.

[@Nayahpooh012]

The husband is communicating that his mother disrespects his wife and violates her boundaries regularly and he hurts his wife when he enables his mothers behavior by excusing it all. His wife is going to detach from their marriage if he doesn’t establish boundaries and command respect.

[@wiseowl2020]

An age old problem. Men fail to leave their mothers and cleave to their wives. Mom can't let son go and be his own man. Seen it in my own family and encounter it regularly in others. Time for some boundaries and for the son to stand up for his wife and let Mom know he loves her but wife is #1.

[@yolylacy5416]

I was shocked that John de Lone didn't see it.

[@katemiller7874]

Agreed. I always tell my son his lady is number 1. I’m ok with being number 2 lol

[@alqoshgirl]

But that wasn’t the case here. He couldn’t even say what the wife disliked about her MIL.

[@JS-tv8sf]

Any person who insists on being #1 is a tyrant. #1 is who needs you the most. Sometimes it's a child, sometimes a spouse and sometimes it's a sick loved one.

[@ChandraChandra-wx9em]

Atleast in my culture, a wife understands that her man loves his mother more than her any day. so this isn't a problem with us.

[@elyse443]

I knew he was a Mama’s boy when he couldn’t admit that his mom is an A-hole. Sick that she’s using the grief to play her games. With three under 3, if the mom was even reasonable his wife would be begging her to babysit the babies so she can have a precious minute to herself. His mom is over the top and he lacks the backbone to tell her to back off, losing his wife’s respect.

[@BlueDauntless]

That’s such a good point!!!

[@AuraDawn_Health]

There's ALWAYS a second side to a story like this....I'd love to hear the wife's story. ✌️

[@BettyCollins88]

She's crazy.

[@TstormVA2012]

The MIL could be criticizing the wife about the everything. MIL has to respect boundaries. If MIL asks to stay is for a week or a month. The husband is not communicating effectively

[@cabayern9416]

The wife is a spoiled brat narcissist. She is abusing her husband and his mother. She needs to be dumped hard and she can go out and work and be independent.

[@calibrial]

Agreed Dawn. We have no idea what the MIL is saying to the wife. I highly doubt the wife is just randomly targeting her.

[@cabayern9416]

@@calibrial the wife is doing the age old strategy of all narcissists: alienate the person from the family members.

[@BG-nm5xt]

Dr. John, he explained the mom is loud, in your face, obnoxious and you're not getting it. No wonder the wife wants to limit visits.

[@Love.America]

I agree, Dr. John is off on this one.

[@LaCantressa]

This guy is such a vacillator and doesn't speak in a straightforward manner. No wonder his wife is frustrated with him.

[@alyshannon5677]

I can’t believe how off this doctor is in understanding what is happening. The MIL is not just wanting to come and visit and spend time with the grandkids. The MIL is obviously crossing boundaries (like the guy SAID) and is NOT respecting his wife and HE is not standing up for her. Blaming the wife for having BOUNDARIES, like she’s suddenly using the MIL as a “scapegoat” … is just absolutely nuts.

[@pisces1017]

Thank you!

[@BG-nm5xt]

Agree totally! It's the Mom!

[@brandyholmes1094]

You are so right, where on earth did he come up with that BS. The wife just wants domain of her own house. MIL's life changed so she just decided that she'd hijack her sons life.

[@beatitcreep.]

Thank you!! I felt so invalidated listening to this call... I went through a very similar situation with my ex. We weren't married and we were together for 5 months when he broke up with me 1 week after his father's passing. My ex decided to have his mother move with him, and he chose to end our relationship when I expressed my concerns about the amount of privacy we were going to be able to have once his mom had moved in. He sided up with his mother and refuse to set any boundaries... I would have LOVED to know what the caller's MIL is like. Mine was extremely intrusive even before her husband passed. She would facetime her son 3-4 times a day and she would visit him unannounced 2-3 times a week. I felt like she was always disrupting our time together (also my love language is quality time). She rearranged my ex's furniture to whatever she felt like it when he wasn't even home. She would just show up to his house when he was at work, do the laundry and turn the living room around. She even went as far as borrowing my bathing suit without asking me first to take a dip in my ex's spa when I wasn't at my ex's house. She then took my bathing suit to her place to "wash it" and never returned it. When I very politely told my ex his mother wearing my bathing suit made me uncomfortable, he sided up with her. She's a Saint in his eyes. I usually think Dr. John is very insightful, but I do have doubts about that call. Maybe I'm just biased.

[@JEANNEHUNTER-q5t]

Sorry, spouse and family come first and their house rules apply. Mom needs to find additional support and interests and leave some room for being appreciated, welcome and loved.

[@brasshouse-og]

My dad was a prize fighter in the 1970s and he was stronger than a car salesman’s cologne. I was terrified of him growing up. He was extremely aggressive and intimidating. The first time I ever spoke back to him was when I was 21 years old, but I could never work up the nerve to defend myself to him until I was grown and out of his house. When I was 26 or 27 he got somewhat disrespectful with my wife over us not being able to come to visit him for Thanksgiving due to other obligations with her family. He took a disrespectful to my wife and I immediately asked her to leave the room and crawled up one side of him back down the other. That boy that was intimidated by my father did not exist the second he took a disrespectful town with my wife. I would never allow it. From anybody. I don’t care if my wife wrong I’m gonna have her back and then we’ll get home and talk about it in private.

[@samanthasmiles9112]

This guy can't even say what their actual problems are. He is beyond non-confrontational and he most likely let's his mother disrespect his wife and family. When you grow up with a parent who is selfish, you become terrified of speaking against them. This guy clearly grew up with abuse if he can't answer a simple question. He needs to handle his mother. Or get some therapy that can help him speak up. Express his feelings and establish healthy boundaries with people around him.

[@JS-tv8sf]

Clearly. How would you know how he grew up?

[@jjminor]

My mother was and still is one of the most selfish people I know and what you’re saying actually hits home with me. There was a long time that I would not argue with my mother. But that ended as I grew older and now I put my mother in her place when she gets out of line - which is actually frequently due to my wife and mother, not getting along, mostly the fault of my mother.

[@queenbee3647]

He should never have married. Hes not mature enough to be a husband.

[@vladchan]

He's got to man up and cut the umbilical cord. His wife is the numero uno woman in his life now.

[@messenger8854]

I wish I could like this comment more than once. Surprising that the doc didn't see this

[@JayJay-ii5un]

My wife stopped talking to my mother 5 yrs ago. I supported that decision 100 percent.

[@andrewreviewschannel883]

Did you stop talking to her too??

[@KnicksNYanks84]

i wish my wife let me stop talking to her mom

[@kacidee9577]

I heard some Mom in law issue… like feeding the kids stuff that Mommy doesn’t approve of. That’s a big problem. I wonder how else MIL disrespects her Daughter in Law?

[@BlueDauntless]

I heard the same thing. Not sure what John is smoking to get where he got

[@mmmmlllljohn]

@@BlueDauntlessDr. John was making up scenarios, like: She gives the kids candies and then the husband should say “we don’t want that in our house”. It was hypothetical. 😘

[@thefoodwench4848]

He needs to set boundaries with Mom and protect his wife if he wants to stay married.

[@katemiller7874]

Protect her from what? He never said.

[@amy010276]

From a third f****** wheel. Mom needs to get her own life.

[@slothisasin8240]

​@@katemiller7874 I wonder if he even knows what goes on in his marriage 🤔

[@plaidpaisley5918]

@@katemiller7874the boundaries the mil crosses, the constant defense of his mom.

[@miriamcohen7657]

Mama's boy. Why doesn't he take the kids to his mother's house to visit? Does he ever do anything with his wife besides impregnate her?

[@vickimerritt2832]

His poor wife needs support, first. She is likely exhausted, tired af just being background noise. Her needs have totally taken back seat, but with 3 little ones she needs help, being number one for a change.

[@donnag7908]

“Are you violent with your silence?” Wow John is so good the way he can read between the lines. He’s so compassionate and non-judgmental.

[@haleytruslow7200]

Wife sets boundaries MIL crosses them Husband defends mom Yeah, that’s a mommy’s boy problem. He needs to stand up to his mom and quit siding with her if he wants a peaceful relationship with his wife.

[@girlonlaptop]

Classic mammas boy definitely.

[@kw2075]

Just that simple.

[@jomo2332]

@@girlonlaptop I got 1 So annoying 😭

[@lilymohsye]

I hope the husband reads the comments!

[@abbyxiong3931]

Not going put labels. He needs to really have a good talk to his mother. He is a grown man. He should be able to decide what is best for himself and for his wife.

[@jesussaves89]

Sounds like a mommy's boy. He needs to stand up for his wife! Same goes for a woman you must defend your husband against your family as well. Mother's need to back off once their sons get married

[@fionared8240]

The doctor completely missed It here. The fact the wife told the husband to ask other people for advice shows she knows she is being gaslite and ganged up on from her husband and his mother. She’s drowning in her household with babies, a weak husband, and an overbearing, mean MIL. The doctor is probably a mamas boy too.

[@DeRocco21]

you are looking at this situation with a cloudly lens, the dr asked what boundaries is MIL crossing?

[@slothisasin8240]

​@@DeRocco21 And what did he answer to that?

[@Jaisee14]

Stop. It's sickening that so many people blame and attack their MIL's. It's just stupid, lame and quite frankly juvenile. The problem with a lot of daughter in laws is that they create problems when their are no problems. People make life so messy when their is no reason to make it messy. I have seen over time how a mother's son's wife denies her husband time with his parents. They stop coming to visit. They don't call. They keep their children secluded from their grandparents. It's bullsh*t and I am calling it out GOD says to HONOR THY FATHER and THEIR MOTHER. I stand with this man's MOM.

[@BlackStump172]

@@DeRocco21Correct , but he did not insist on an answer when none was given other than a vague answer about the kids . John is very good but he sometimes equates himself and his experiences with the guy’s .

[@queenbee3647]

You are correct. Dr John is a mamas boy.

[@marycarricaburu3683]

Never say, "You can stay as long as you want". Never, never, never. The idiom "Fish and visitors stink after three days" is defined as an old truism that comes from founding father Benjamin Franklin, who penned it for his Poor Richard's Almanack.

[@araineacutebrownnurse7315]

I’m so confused 😳He’s saying a lot of nothing 😖Man spit it out 😫

[@Scott-got-caught]

Its unattractive when a man cannot be assertive. Beta.

[@caligirllala1267]

This is hilarious!!!! Just what I thought too…for gods sake man spit it out!😂😂

[@nataliabusko1432]

Word salad, typical narcissist

[@liveyourbestlife143]

I am just starting this video... wonder if the caller is my husband. 🤣

[@sonnia31]

Oops 😬

[@briblack2307]

Same here 🤣🤣🤣

[@leec5170]

Haha! Many are in your shoes, I'm sure!

[@albs1448]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@tugbankert6581]

This caller is everyone's husband.

[@kara6177]

The fact that his wife told him to get help says she’s not trying to manipulate him. My husbands parents had a really hard time not “telling him what to do “ as an adult. He had to put his foot down as a man and took the heat off

[@lmsmoothies]

I don't think the responsibility needs to fall alI on the husband. I would think that all 3 need counseling together and separately.

[@BlueDauntless]

@@lmsmoothiesFamily counseling is for minors and parents not grown ass adults. Separate counseling for all.

[@lmsmoothies]

I don't think there is an age limit on therapy even for grown ass adults. It doesn't hurt to try.

[@Angel-hm9so]

​@BlueDauntles its more about interpersonal dynamics and clear communication than the age of children

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

I found the best way to deal with my in laws was to leave them to my husband. They're not my family: they're his.

[@gabbygabbs91]

He is a mama’s boy. Period. MAMITIS.

[@KnicksNYanks84]

all men are! men love their moms and tolerate their wives

[@wgrady222]

When my dad passed, my mum needed lots comforting , after a while it gets too much, turning up all hours, no calling ,even after calling her 2 -3 times a day/night. 3.00 -4.00 am calls. Too much, mum had no friends. We tried getting her into clubs etc people her age. It gets overwhelming and exhausting while trying to stay calm.

[@TheVampireLily]

3 kids in 3 years and you've only been married for 5. Notice he didn't perk up until Dr. Delony started talking about him. If you're not fun or deep anymore that's on you, dude. You helped create this chaos- don't blame your wife... if she's territorial sometimes then she's trying to protect her space and her place in your life. P.S. You can't replace your dad in your mom's life. You're her son, not her husband.

[@suetucker9264]

Hint for callers: know what you are going to say before you call. He shouldn't have to pull it out of you.

[@coffeeblack1797]

Gone through this, to make it worse my MIL has low IQ and it’s very difficult to have any conversation because she can’t comprehend things well enough. I have drawn boundaries with her and it’s been much easier. I tried for about 15 years, and I have given up, and I’m much happier now.

[@plaidpaisley5918]

This husband sounds like he avoids confrontation.

[@anunez3450]

Some men take honor your father and mother to an unnecessary level. If you give your mom excuses for a behavior that your wife isn't okay with than why can't you do the same for your wife? Tell yourself she is like this because of x y z. But some men are quick to think a wife has bad intentions.

[@Old_Toby]

He's not being specific about what boundaries his mom has crossed. I have this issue too. My mom legitimately crosses boundaries, so correct. There is something bigger here.

[@HeroC14]

What are your thoughts on having a daughter, good sir?

[@Old_Toby]

@@HeroC14 I have a daughter. Relevance?

[@HeroC14]

@@Old_Toby Lol nvm. I do too. God bless you and your family.

[@marycarricaburu3683]

I am a woman, it was MY mom that didn't respect boundaries. She lived in an apartment attached to our house. it ended up with me leaving both of them. My husband took mom's side, so I left.

[@Onalenna_Thobega]

I love seeing some of the men’s comments here. Turns out we have some level headed men out there. Love to see it

[@MissBiancaRenee]

He’s not telling the whole story at all. His mother is invasive and wife doesn’t like it. He doesn’t know our to tell his mother to respect boundaries.

[@mrsminty3615]

I am a wife...its his mom and his lack of standing with his wife. That is why the wife has to set such strong boundaries because he is a wimp and wont do it with his mother. It is his job not the daughter inlaws....Leave and cleave.....he didnt marry his mother and its gross he puts his wife in second place and expects his wife to respect him.....dream on dude

[@pisces1017]

I am right there with you. It IS actually his responsibility to deal with his family. Wife deals with her own. Your family treats wife like poo, you say nothing or little to nothing. Boundaries are a big deal? She's creating conflict? And these men always claim wife doesn't respect them. Mind f much? What's to respect about that?

[@isay207]

Typical mom sees son as her husband now emotional incest

[@b.1162]

She said "this thing". She did "this thing". These things make all the difference. It really seems like the caller is being purposely vague because he knows he's defending the indefensible. Of course there's bigger issues in the relationship other than his mom, but that doesn't mean that his mom isn't a legitimate issue. I get that Dr. J got a limited perspective from this call, but it was wrong to just declare the mom was only a "scapegoat". Though the biggest issue here is having 3 children in 3 years. That would wreck most people.

[@janeddooee]

The kids don’t necessarily wreck people but they do change things. You have to be very intentional with everything you do when life is that busy, and if you don’t specifically carve out time for your marriage then it will get lost.

[@sarahengert4541]

10000% true. It’s like he’s never talked to women who’ve dealt with MIL with out boundaries.

[@acuerdo3]

That happened to someone I know. The first pregnancy was planned out. They wanted mo r e children but not right after the first birth. Then oups, it happened. She said that birth control didn't work, twice. Lol

[@b.1162]

@@acuerdo3 I once dated a guy whose ex had gotten pregnant and given birth 6 times in 12 years. He claimed that the 5th came even though she was on bc and the 6th came even after she got her tubes tied. Some people are ridiculously fertile and some people are just ridiculous. :P

[@ivonned32]

Finally someone with a wider view on this situation. Glad there are still intelligent people like you! 🎉

[@virginia3222]

Odd because the guy’s mother could be a real help with their 3 little kids. She could babysit when they go out, make dinner etc. If the mom comes over and acts like another kid they just will not have the energy for her.

[@BlueDauntless]

Such a valid point!

[@carolmapp7113]

Your wife comes first. Don't apologize. Difficult situation. Speak to your mom about being respectful to your wife. You must have boundaries!

[@JS-tv8sf]

Nobody is entitled to being first.

[@carolmapp7113]

A wife is first. A man leaves his parents house and his wife comes first.

[@carolmapp7113]

A man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife.

[@juanaabad7315]

I didn’t agree with this assessment either. I think the wife handled it responsibly she respects the MIL and husband but reasonably sets boundaries that neither the husband nor MIL respects. I think they should stop drowning her out and it wouldn’t be nearly as much tension. Sounds like the wife sacrificed a lot to be their for their family even in the FIL’s health and death, yet they aren’t willing to budge on compromises for her.

[@sjradical]

Live far far far away from your mother so she won't have the capability to cross your wife's boundaries. Have the balls to stand up for your wife like a real man. Rescue her because she is suffering, she can't even be transparent what your mom did to her because she knows you love your mom. She's enduring everything because she loves your family. Listen to what she's saying. If your wife says something about your mom, it means she endured a lot already before she even brought it up to you.

[@mtheron100]

I live 14hrs away from my in-laws. That only means when they come and visit(every 3-6months), they want to stay for 3 weeks plus. In a 3 bedroom house. We are a family of 6, do the math...

[@BlueDauntless]

@@mtheron100then they can stay in a hotel

[@michele5695]

I'm impressed with Dr. Delony's ability to establish such a good rapport with people in a short conversation. He asks the right questions to get to the issue.

[@bluebellcrushedvelvet]

What??? Lmao!! Noooooooo!! Couldn't be more further from the truth!! Dude did you even listen to the goddamn convo?? Are you fr?? The caller kept beating about the bush, not one sentence that was a solid full depiction of the reality, and john just went off on one and just totally missed the boat!! Not only was he not at all listening, and fully engaging in the conversation, he put on the caller preconceptions of what is actually listening, quickly assuming things that he was just guessing on!! It's insane!! What a f_ked up convo!! Was torture to watch how he missed the plot so badly!!

[@creature57]

Wow! Dr. Delony is amazing. The husband is the problem! Communication is key.

[@ChrisAndCats]

No. Both mom and husband are the problem.

[@KnicksNYanks84]

it's like the caller speaks another language and i don't even get what he's saying. so the mom is bad because wife doesn't like how she cares for the kids? what did mom do?

[@ire1398]

It’s REALLY simple. You either pick your wife as your family or you get divorced. Your parents are relatives. You aren’t “in the middle”, you are married. In-laws really need to learn their place.

[@silvana8737]

Is it so simple? If your parents just want to see their grandchildren. Why is the wife destroying the relationship without any proper reason? I hope my son will not cut me off because my daughter in law has personal issues or doesn't like my nose.

[@ire1398]

@@silvana8737 you are ridiculous. I’m talking about real issues, not petty squabbles

[@BlueDauntless]

@@silvana8737Who said there’s not a reason? I bet there’s valid reasons. And don’t be a horrendous boundary-stomping MIL and he won’t have to pick his wife over you.

[@maryann7619]

"We cannot go back and edit yesterday; all we can do is hold this pen and start writing sentences for tomorrow" Well said.

[@staceystrukel1917]

The silent treatment is emotional abuse. How does a therapist not know this?!

[@pandabear7177]

He doesn’t want to be the bad guy and tell his mom about respecting boundaries.

[@Angel42836]

My husband's mother would constantly drag me into the kitchen and tell me that i need to wash the dishes when there was only 3 dishes in the sink and i was trying to do homework because i was in college. Or when i was working 2 jobs she would tell me that there is no way that I was working anywhere from 8 to 18 hours a day every day so i have to do all the housework because that is a wife's job. She also told me that i should stop spending his money then i wouldn't have to work so much but he was the 1 going out getting a finance loan for a repair bill for a truck that he just traded in the very next month and he only got the same trade in value that he would have gotten without the repair so that was an extra debt we didn't need. But i am the one over spending i am now divorcing him and my finances are so much better because i left him

[@Love.America]

I do not like MIL nothing, but trouble and spinless men don't help

[@CaToRi-]

Mom is a widow and wants more company and wants her son to substitute the husband (emotionally). The DIL is an obstacle. The son is scare to death of his mom. Until he grows up, this will continue or end in divorce.

[@BlueDauntless]

This is the take I had!

[@AndreDMalan1966]

My father was a mommy's boy who routinely sided with his mom my mom (his wife). Its a VERY unhealthy situation and a very sad, toxic situation in which to raise kids. I ended up hating my father and my grandmother.

[@Cathy-xi8cb]

The answer to this click-bait banner is easy: grow a pair. And check your marriage vows. You cleave to your wife and leave your family of origin.

[@murderofcrows7738]

Did you leave your mother or are you still close? It’s just men that are expected to do this. So toxic.

[@BlueDauntless]

@@murderofcrows7738Women need to leave and cleave as well.

[@tugbankert6581]

I can relate to being silent and refusing to speak. I can also relate to having to put a mother in her proper place. Look, mom...this woman is my wife and she is the most important person to me. You will back off and stay in your lane or we will move and not tell you where we went.

[@uncleslide]

He never said what the actual problem was. He beat around the bush the whole time. Makes me think his wife was listening to the call.

[@slothisasin8240]

That's also a possibility. I was thinking that he might also be the type of person to avoid conflict at all costs, because I used to be like that and I would excause everyones behaviour and "forget" things so I didn't have to hold people accountable. Your point is a good perspective that I hadn't thought about!

[@DigitalLogicCircuit]

My husband is an only child and admittedly calls himself a “mamas boy.” We have been together 15 years. Thank you for this show, it’s helped me so much.

[@nualanicghearailt8011]

Dr. John did great navigating this call from what was supposedly the issue to uncover the real issues.

[@analozada9475]

This dude is sus. It sounds like he’s not telling the whole story in order to protect his mom, wife and himself. When someone describes a person as “quirky” that’s code for odd, strange, eccentric, eclectic or difficult. So, I wonder if the mom is not respecting boundaries and he allows her to do so, hence why the wife gets upset, or both women are jerks and he’s a spineless man. And the way he wouldn’t answer the questions straightforward demonstrates that he’s scared and spineless.

[@jefftube58]

You NEVER advocate for your mother's case over your spouse !

[@honeybadger2986]

Unless your spouse is WRONG and not your mother.

[@WordsPictures997]

Really glad James brought in the question at the end. That was definitely a concern I had listening to this. If you go to a woman trying to 'rekindle' things and Mum is actually causing real problems ... it would just make things worse.

[@BlueDauntless]

I’m pretty it’s the mom in this situation.

[@TheSunshinefee]

the man is hard to listen to. he doesn't even know what the problem is or he is denying the problem. get to the point

[@stacidarlington9518]

Wow. I hope you know the solution to all your problems and the root cause and why your struggling so when you see a professional who can help you, it is a quick, easy fix. So strangers on the internet can be entertained as quickly as they want to be and not listen to some one else's problems longer than necessary.

[@jandinunez9710]

Wow this guy is really going around the bushes. So immature. He needs to grow up and be the type of man God wants him to be. I wouldn’t want to be married to that guy. HORRIBLE! 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@evelynsierra5775]

I have five sister-in-laws and I don't get along with any of them they are condescending, Manipulative and controlling. And the best part is God cleaned house. I have a personal quote: if God takes people out of your life it's because they wasn't supposed to be there permanently.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

I want to hear more lol

[@eatenvegan1565]

They don't like each other for a month straight? That is definitely not liking your wife for "90% of the time". It sounds like they have serious martial problems.

[@saradarv1161]

Oh man this guy is so tongue-tied by the end of his call I thought I had a stutter.

[@Kiero07Accord]

Don’t drown your spouse in silence I love that.

[@graceanne385]

Your response made me cry. I’ve been the daughter in law 20 years ago and I am the mother in law now. The scapegoat both times. Your guidance was amazing.

[@ruthirwin8222]

I loved my parents in law like my own they were incredible, when my husband had an affair and i left she told the minister it was not my fault

[@starlingswallow]

I think he needs to try harder to be on his wife's side when it comes to setting/holding boundaries with his mom ♥️ Even if she isn't like a Narc mom....hubby and wife need to be on the same team!

[@patriciairwin9491]

I agree. With children, any other behavior will ruin their marriage.

[@sabrinadunn8099]

Nothing like a mommy's boy

[@murderofcrows7738]

Such a toxic mentality. Of course daughters are close to their mothers and no husband would be able to dictate otherwise, but if a man is close to his mother he’s a “mommy’s boy” 🙄

[@BlueDauntless]

@@murderofcrows7738There is quite the distinction between a man that is close to his mother and a mama’s boy.

[@highfive9835]

@@murderofcrows7738 Good relationships aren't Oedipal.

[@elainenilsson5472]

I could only imagine trying to have an argument with this guy. He has no personality.

[@faithhopelove292]

I am grateful for James making Dr. Delony address the issue that his mother may actually be crossing boundaries. My husband's mother seems like the kindest and cheeriest person ever. But she can stomp on our boundaries like nobody's business. Dr. Delony glossed over the fact that this man said that his wife is right about his mother's behavior. There's no doubt that this couple needs to take care of their relationship. However, it seems pretty clear to me that this man is letting his preconceived notions about his mother and his mother's grief prevent him from supporting his wife. What about leaving and cleaving? I'm not saying that he should dishonor his mother but ultimately his wife is now the most important person in his life and he needs to own that.

[@Ciera_Banks]

Thank god for James coming in at the end of the call. I was seriously concerned. Still am. The Dr dropped the ball on this one

[@elsie123]

I had a similar but not exact situation. (My MIL has a needy personality, doesn't like to be left alone) When I was younger, my mother-in-law would come twice a year, and stay 6 weeks each time. I felt like the third wheel. I was usually busy cooking, washing dishes, cleaning up in the evening while the two of them were planted in front of the tv on the sofa. Then I had to put my kids to bed. I really felt jealous, but felt like I couldn't say anything.

[@stefaniamalatesta8076]

This marriage won't last.

[@thaneros]

So I see a lot of woman here in the comments pointing fingers at the mom....I wonder if these same people will be come the future versions of the mother-in-laws that they are blaming. Its almost a vicious circle of life.

[@ChrisAndCats]

"Mom is a really loud,in your face person". Yeah, that would drive me bonkers. Thats not "cheery". Thats a pain in the backside. This mother is clearly imposong herself and the wife is fed up. I think you missed the issue on this one.

[@MariaInIowa]

At 18 minutes my ears perked up because this is so important! Creating reasonable boundaries together, with a strong relationship established between you, and then sharing them lovingly with Mom/MIL together. Great plan. And I'm a grandma and MIL myself. I would like to know what my kids expect from me.

[@Dannniellleee]

You sound kind of awesome. 😎

[@annamuller4819]

You sound really sweet wanting the best for your family and respecting your DIL. If only all MIL were like this :-)

[@arlenefisher1164]

All of this is so American... In many cultures parents have a place of honor, They are equal parts of the family.

[@BlueDauntless]

@@arlenefisher1164If parents are respectful, that’s never a problem. When they aren’t, it becomes a problem.

[@cg741graf5]

This guys beating around the Bush and it’s ridiculous. Mom pulled something earlier and disrespectful to wife, wife was done with it. Husband is the issue here and really not the women. Ask what birth order he is and get another step of insight.

[@SaltwaterRebellion]

Is your guess that he's the oldest also?

[@murderofcrows7738]

Or mom legit didn’t pull anything and wife is toxic herself. It isn’t always the man’s fault. Some women try to create boundaries that isolate.

[@BlueDauntless]

@@murderofcrows7738Or she’s a mom of three kids in three years and is dead tired. And if MIL was so great, I’m sure the wife would appreciate the help! But since the wife doesn’t want her around, that tells me MIL doesn’t respect the boundaries they have with their kids. And continues to cross them. What mom of three children under three would turn away a helpful hand? Heck any hand?

[@ChrisAndCats]

​@murderofcrows7738 he admitted mother was loud and in your face. That alone would drive me bonkers.

[@KnicksNYanks84]

@@BlueDauntless so mom helps too much and wife doesn't like how she helps, or mom doesn't help enough?

[@faithhopelove292]

I generally respect Dr. Delony's opinions and I think he did an amazing job recognizing that this couple has deeper relationship issues. However, I think he dropped the ball by telling this man that they shouldn't create and enforce boundaries until they resolve their issues. Their problems are not going to be solved in an afternoon vision session or even a weekend retreat. It will take months of practicing new behaviors that allow them to trust the new vision. If the husband allows his mother to keep stomping on his wife in the meantime, it will produce conflict that will negate the progress. I realize that the boundaries they set while their relationship is strained may be too heavy handed. But those boundaries can be adjusted later when the marriage is on better footing.

[@sheilayoung8007]

Poor guy!! Poor family, how sad, what a lot to deal with in 5 years!! Let grandma watch the babies and take a long weekend off!

[@redzin8818]

I wonder if cheery in your face is really code for antagonism and asserting dominance over her son and daughter in laws house

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

You married your wife. She’s your priority and if your wife is the problem in that relationship, you chose poorly.

[@jackieruso6493]

That happens alot, sometimes your spouse is the problem.

[@OkayBilly]

@@jackieruso6493 , exactly

[@richardv9648]

yeah but wife can always leave, but moms cant.

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

@@richardv9648 My point is that he made this mess and now has to live with it. When you marry women who aren’t of quality, this can happen. Date long term, be choosy, and send women packing when they aren’t on your program. This dude has nice guy syndrome and I mean that in the worst way possible.

[@carosol07]

Is anyone else amazed at How Dr. John is able to read this guy ?

[@tobyfitzpatrick565]

Eight minutes in and I still don't understand what the problem is. He keeps going in circles.

[@tugbankert6581]

Think, Mcfly, think...the problem that the wife has is that this guy is siding with mommy. He will not open up and just be honest and tell mommy she needs to back off because he thinks he is being disrespectful to mommy. Guys, stand up for your wife and leave mommy.

[@jomo2332]

Not my husband. He even on his sister in law 's side than to my side. So sad 😭 I understand if it's his sister.

[@Maverick-zy7yu]

“Choose my wife and honor my mother” 😂 that says it all

[@Bluesnakes333]

He’s the problem. Not the mom. It’s his responsibility to figure this out. Not easy but it’s on him. I left the love of my life because he did not enforce boundaries w/ his mom. Her problems run so deep, and she’s extremely codependent. His life revolves around her. I could not marry him.

[@xkovacsx09]

Leave and cleave brother

[@jesussaves89]

Wife always always must come first! Leave and cleave

[@Texan_Gal]

My husband family won’t even talk to me. Rejected my FB friend requests. I have yet to have a conversation with them. 🤷🏻‍♀️ So I’ve just made peace with it, ignore, and move on.

[@foxymama5272]

Consider yourself blessed. I am dealing with ppl who hate me. They wanna see the kids. But talk recklessly towards me. Any conflict. His response is "well that's my mom" its been 7years. I wish they would leave me alone. They ruined my life . I am ready to walk away

[@abbyxiong3931]

I am moving on with my life. I don't need their permission or suggestions unless I want it. I had tolerated a lot of abuse from people that don't even personally know or even have some kind of connection with.

[@christiangamer3669]

Me too....I'm moving on ❤

[@amy010276]

That sounds so peaceful. I wish I was that lucky.

[@lucascorsi1341]

Super impressed by him switching hands writing with the pen. Thought it was an optical illusion at first 😲

[@jasanthacanham7914]

I am married to the only child so you can imagine the minipulations, and the conflict she causes in our marriage