My Mother-in-Law Is Ruining Our Marriage

My Mother-in-Law Is Ruining Our Marriage
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[@jvsaints3028]

My mother was treating my sister-in-law very poorly and my brother said, very calmly, "Mom, don't make me choose between you. You won't like who I choose." I had immense respect for my brother for handling that. My mother straightened up immediately.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

My ex spoke up once to his mother and he lived to regret it. She cut him down emotionally and verbally so bad he never spoke up again. I mean never.

[@candaceewell9582]

Your brother is AWESOME and I’m glad you AND him fell far away from THAT tree! I have crappy parents, I sympathize!

[@bakedbeans9546]

Wow good for him!! The problem is that most men in this situation will never fully support their wife/girlfriend over their mother and that's what ultimately destroys the relationship

[@Shopgirl1]

@@LisaLisaCJ sounds like he needed to grow a pair..be a man and put his “mommy” in her place..good thing he’s an ex..I can only imagine how he would’ve allowed his mother to treat you!

[@FedkaSlovanich]

@@LisaLisaCJi imagine livia from the sapranos, a narcissist mother

[@ahealthylivingforyou3329]

This got me so mad and sad. Men who always put their mom first ahead of their wives should never get married. Period!

[@geraldmcdonald783]

Their are some men who are not mature enough to correct this. It happens to a lot of people, but most correct it, or else we would be seeing this story more often. I also believe this highlights how parents are very controlling to the point that their kids are placed in hell. He has learned not to protect himself from her. How can you expect him to protect his wife? I guarantee his wife has always protected him from his mother. It's truly sad and disturbing.

[@ahealthylivingforyou3329]

@@geraldmcdonald783 absolutely! Some mothers are also very selfish and therefore want their sons to stay attached to them for life. Sometimes it’s borderline sickening. She brave for putting up with this fire so long. I working have even accepted the natural proposal

[@sanji546]

Happened to me too

[@robertorebola7532]

What about the other way around , my wifes mother is killing our marriage and she is so blinded that her parents are first for everything I'm so exhausted

[@mst-pierrem5729]

​@@robertorebola7532good luck women or men in that situation need to learn to detach in therapy. I did, but yeah now that I learn the importance of boundaries. So, I know not to let my parents get this intense. So, I'd figure à way to suggest her therapy. Often children of those controllers we just dont understand the importance and the damage they do to people around us. Good luck.

[@kellharris2491]

You don't have a mother in law problem. You have a husband problem. A partner that doesn't protect me is so unattractive.

[@sunniermoon]

You couldn’t have said it better! So unattractive!!! So so so unattractive! If we can’t stand up for each other in the face of adversity (no matter where said adversity comes from), what are we even doing together? To spend so many years questioning herself, and trying to placate this woman while also thinking about her well-being. Gosh! I feel so very sorry for this woman! It must have been incredibly taxing!

[@thembisaodendaal]

Get yourself a Will Smith

[@kassiewest]

yep, this is definitely a husband problem

[@manylaughs9002]

Hallelujer!!

[@BhappyD]

@@thembisaodendaal I don’t want to get myself that kind of man either. I’d prefer a confident man who knows how to lead, has emotional control and maturity, and sticks up for me when needed for the right reasons without being asked, like a mature adult, without resorting to automatic violence. Will didn’t stick up for his wife because he thought what Chris said was wrong. Will actually laughed at the joke. He punched Chris because Jada has total control over Will and after giving Will the stare down and likely also saying something to him, Will knew he better do something or else he would pay for it later. Will has zero backbone whatsoever and is controlled by Jada big time. She makes all of the rules in the relationship, and he’s just there to follow her and do her bidding, even when he is disrespected by her publicly. That is not a healthy dynamic, and it isn’t something I want anything to do with. I don’t want a doormat for a husband. I want a leader who knows right from wrong without having to be told, and who acts on those things like a grown adult, with both husband and wife working as a team.

[@CarlosMartinez-hl7ko]

There is NO way I would let my Mom talk to my wife like that. Your husband needs to grow a pair.

[@caitlinbures4802]

I also would not let my mom talk to my husband like that!

[@itsmeterri]

Well said Carlos.

[@JT-lt5gr]

Wow, I didn't know there were sons who have your opinion. My husband isn't one, though, and neither is his mom. "She didn't mean anything by that." "You can't take her seriously." When she talks to him like that, he says something about it. When I do or say anything, she makes it so that I'm the problem. I guess I am to her cuz I'm the other woman. He's my husband, but she's his wife. I'm the 3rd wheel.

[@blacksea1726]

That is a man right there! You make your decisions and don’t let manipulation from another woman, being your mother, influence your life!

[@BlackStump172]

@@caitlinbures4802My mother would never have spoken badly to my husband . We won’t mention some of his family .

[@erinwhipple4666]

It’s never the mother-in-law ruining the marriage, it’s the spouse who is not setting boundaries with their mother that’s ruining the marriage. My mother-in-law is a nightmare, but it has no bearing on our marriage because my husband keeps her at a safe distance. Her and I have no relationship whatsoever, and it’s fantastic!

[@elizabethjoy3830]

What do you do about children in that scenario? Does she have involvement with them if you have any?

[@erinwhipple4666]

@@elizabethjoy3830 we don’t have any. If we did, I honestly don’t think I would want her to have a part in their lives at all. He told me that he doesn’t think she would want anything to do with them either, so I guess it works out!

[@Estoverax]

You lucky thing!

[@nicholecornes1915]

Thats soo wonderful! ❤

[@Shopgirl1]

You’re so lucky!

[@manoflegacy]

Ladies this is why you never marry a momma's boy. Never. Boundaries people.

[@kayleeover5533]

I married a mommas boy (her favourite) and I told him he needed to really stop talking about our problems with his family (my in laws). We got into a nasty argument, he went to his family and told them every problem we’ve ever had. Would rather have him cheat on me, that’s how hurtful it was. I was newly pregnant at the time. He realized what he had done but the damage was done. I always had weird vibes about his siblings too. His little sister would come into his space half naked and beg for a hug, and hug him for like 5 minutes. It was very long and strange body contact and it started making me annoyed. It hurt because I got used to not being defended by him.

[@deidredonovan3864]

sometimes you don't know that until later

[@rachelatwater7576]

That is so true!! I dated a mamas boy never again. Luckily my husband doesnt put up with that when his family makes comments about me.

[@BlueDauntless]

Mama’s boys are incredibly unattractive.

[@shannonobrien9922]

Both my husband's were Mama boys! First was horrible and wouldn't defend me- even when she used me as a punching bag when I was 6 months pregnant! My CURRENT husband: wouldn't have tolerated it E.V.E.R.

[@amyleigh7624]

All my serious relationships ended because of the moms. In the end, they all got their boys back. 'Emotional incest' is the perfect term.

[@justanothermaid]

At some point they will do the uncomfortable research regarding the younger generations of males who are not thriving, and what the mothers of that population are like.

[@Life23Live]

Yup . My Mil claimed I took her son away

[@Sammicakes171]

Yes! This term needs to be used more often.

[@KoolT]

Called ENMESHED familes often narcissistic ENMESHMENTS where a parent CONTROLS and is Toxic. 😮

[@nursep18]

How much work did you do to make it better? Just curious.

[@dennischiapello7243]

It's painful to hear her constantly making excuses for her husband.

[@mishylove]

It's easier to blame the mom than the husband. Men will either shrink and hide because they don't want to upset mommy or they will put their foot down and let their mom know that there will be consequences for poor behavior.

[@kimmyymmik]

It’s sad. She doesn’t realize he’s the problem :(

[@ashleysalazar2012]

I never understand how in laws have so much of a presence in a marriage.

[@mw87675]

Right! My MIL pretty much bribes my husband to pick her over me and our kids. No joke. I'm ready to ✌!

[@ashleysalazar2012]

@@mw87675 Ahhh I hate. Does your husband ever tell her off?

[@Wilma.Flintstone]

Neither do I, it's so creepy and strange. Like, how do you think you have the right to be all up in someone else's relationship and child-rearing? Get a life of your own

[@LisaLisaCJ]

Well when your sisters in law call you and your husband while you are on a Valentines date to rant about why he didn’t call THEM for Valentines….I should have known then. His parents and siblings wanted to go with us on our honeymoon as well.

[@guacgirl]

Research Enmeshment !!!

[@marks.7593]

My best college friend married a wonderful woman but his mother disapproved of her, saying she wasn't pretty enough, dressed poorly, didn't cook well, etc. He told his mom they wouldn't see her if this treatment continued. AT their wedding she said nasty things about her to anyone who would listen. My friend got her coat and said "I'm sorry you can't stay, mom." She protested that she wanted to stay, but her got her coat and drove her home. She fumed for a few months. Then they invited her to dinner. She hated all the food and said so openly. My friend, her son, got her coat and said "I'm sorry you can't stay, mom." She started arguing, but he responded with "no one speaks to my wife that way. Get out." She tried to argue, but all he would say is "get out." After a lot of crying and shouting, she left. They didn't see her for more than a year, until she showed up when their baby was born. She was all smiles for a while, but she took her son aside and said "are you sure the baby is yours?" That was it. He made her leave and they haven't seen her in several years. Some people never learn.

[@zeekay3205]

Wow. That's unbelievable - it's like it's ingrained in her to be this way. She toned her overt behavior down but her offensiveness went off the charts with that baby nonsense. I'm glad he protected him family from her toxicity and proud he even had the strength to give her chances to cut it out first. Nerve of some people.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Wow! That's amazing that he showed such a strong BACKBONE... That is: Good for Him, Good for Her, Good for Them!

[@ladytea697]

Classic narcissistic mother.

[@BlueDauntless]

He handled it perfectly though. He gave her chances to fix her behavior. But those chances don’t last forever.

[@zammymynakersnackstbmoth]

When he kicked her out of the house that should have been it for good. She would never meet my kids if that were me.

[@pamelatd]

Her husband walked away knowing his mother was going to hurt her??? WHAT. THE. HELL.

[@ahealthylivingforyou3329]

Exactly! That literally blew my mind. I cannot phantom that. He’s not just a momma’s boy. He’s a coward and weak himself.

[@sugarhiccup2584]

always choose your mom over your wife..hakimi case is a great reason@@ahealthylivingforyou3329

[@amyashlyn2999]

I Agree!

[@novemberpepper9761]

I feel for this caller. She puts up with substandard behavior from her husband and his mother because she doesn’t know she deserves better

[@fallon7616]

My husband is a Coward

[@RepentImmediately]

​@@fallon7616you should stop being a coward and divorce him, then.

[@KH-xx1rg]

Right? She needs to leave and choose herself.

[@humboldtborn8128]

Couldn't have said it better! Never know what's actually keeping her there.. it could be socioeconomic like in my circumstance.. if I could, I'd be GONE

[@listenquitely2888]

Wow. She is constantly making excuses for her husband. That's sad.

[@mrich9654]

I divorced a man for letting his mother be horrible to me. She ruined our marriage as did he because he wouldn’t make her stop .

[@johannanguyen9101]

I'm terribly sorry but the reality is, she did not ruined your marriage, your husband did by not protecting his wife and honoring your boundaries.

[@girlygirl1890]

@@johannanguyen9101 Did you hear what she said???? She said "As did He". She clearly stated HE ruined it by not making her stop. She was totally correct in what she said.

[@girlygirl1890]

@mrich9654 You did the 100% right thing by divorcing him. Glad for you that you did. Good for you.

[@johannanguyen9101]

@@girlygirl1890 You're right, she said that. 😅 But he was fully at fault, it was totally up to him.

[@jefftube58]

Good for you !

[@sandrasimplytoday7772]

If your spouse doesn’t make you feel safe, that’s a problem. He has been a weak husband not standing up for you and not protecting her from his mother.

[@Truthseeker-iz3dj]

The problem is the kids in the previous generations including grand parents would always tell their children to always respect the parents. It's not about weakness but more of an undeserving respect. A lot of men will do anything for their wives (defend them against anyone else) but show respect to the parents because it was brainwashed from an early age. This is a problem for a lot of woman and men. The kids that had parents who gave them independence and didn't seem to care much probably had a long term positive effect in this regard.

[@ldv02]

As a Hispanic woman I’m telling you yes the husband has to say something but do not hesitate to put her in her place, screw culture. I had a similar situation with my mother in law. It was resolved right before the wedding when I put her in her place. Needless to say we haven’t had any issues in almost 20 years, we have a good relationship. She is also Hispanic

[@sarahalderman3126]

As a mother of 8 young men I concur! Being a good wife and mother takes strength, courage, and tenacity. She could be testing you, to ensure that you’re of solid character?

[@ldv02]

@@sarahalderman3126 I get it but no, testing is one thing but the things she said were super inappropriate

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@ldv02 either way, it is a good thing you stood up for yourself! ❤️

[@ldv02]

@@sarahalderman3126 ty, I’m glad I did!

[@Beginningtopeak]

Hispanic women definitely test other women to see if they’re worthy of the mantle so to speak. That’s not a defense of it, just how it is

[@rokzane]

OMG. Her husband is such a coward! The first time my MIL ever said something disrespectful to me, my Husband flipped his lid. He told her to get out and not come back until she could treat me respectfully and respect my position as his wife. We didn't see her for a LONG time.

[@user-wc5ue9se1x]

As the mother of a son I would be furious if I raised a man so cowardly to allow someone to abuse his spouse like this.

[@wenchyfoodwench4098]

Her husband is ruining the marriage. He’s breaching his vows. And don’t let the kids be around someone that hates you. Attorney time.

[@financialeducation4433]

How many unsuccessful marriages have you been through?

[@wenchyfoodwench4098]

@@financialeducation4433 I’m in one wonderful marriage now. I held out for a great guy. My husband is a Man and my in-laws are wonderful. I’m fortunate, I’ve been through unsuccessful relationships with wimps though until I wised up lol

[@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf]

​@@financialeducation4433It's definitely time for a divorce.

[@tanyaenglish1603]

My mil was like that… very under cutting comments and bad treatment of me and our kids… but my husband would never stand up for me or the kids and all he would say is “I’m not defending my parents to you” . I didn’t want him to, I wanted him to defend me and the kids. We are now divorced.

[@rememberinglives9432]

The in-law battle is a battle I lost long ago. I don't care any more. I really admire men able to stand up to toxic family to protect their partner.

[@aliolivi]

A mother in law problem is a husband problem, typically.

[@denfolo5224]

I LOL'ed at the idea of wearing a t-shirt with that statement.

[@SusanBaileyAmazingEstate]

Always.

[@MoonFoxASMR]

Respecting elders doesn't mean allowing them to blatantly abuse you or anyone you love.

[@claymore9359]

I don’t know who said this but it applies to this situation “A coward is a danger to everyone but themselves”

[@claudiaelena29]

I cut out my MIL from my life 2 years ago, put up with her abuse for too long. Your husband needs to grow a pair and be on your side 100% Stay strong!

[@christastone813]

Same here! Cut her out 2 years ago and life is great ❤

[@Amandaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Don't marry a "Momma's Boy". My husband is the only child and my mother in law is great, a good friend and I consider her a second mother to me , I've been married for 10 years

[@amylin5062]

My husband and I have an only son. God willing, someday he finds a good woman to love, and if/when that happens, I want to be a great mother in law. My husband’s mom is great, too.

[@sophiaalvarez6137]

I love my in laws but my hubs is a mommas boy, not enmeshment level but he does put a lot of weight in her opinion. Thank goodness she is amazing 😅

[@jasamboginja]

That's such a blessing! I can't even imagine what that's like.

[@BlueDauntless]

Only child isn’t always a mama’s boy.

[@zammymynakersnackstbmoth]

I love that for you. ❤❤

[@KatieJoMikell]

What is wrong with mother-in-law’s? Why don’t they want their sons happy? Why is there such jealousy it’s just mind-boggling the way mother-in-law’s are. There’s some kind of sick jealousy in their head like they’re losing their son to another woman. It’s crazy!

[@johnchacko1425]

what about toxic selfish narsist grandparents

[@joanmckinnon2368]

I have a son and I never interfere He's said his wife comes first I would be upset if he didn't put her first their problem has been with her mom I have told my daughter in law she needs to take a stand for son they're been married 18 years. Hope things have got better

[@NataliesMommy]

They can't let go. Many mothers do not raise their sons to be capable, functioning adults. They raise them to stay latched to mommy's boobie forever.

[@juliamedina1214]

I have never told any of my children who they can or cannot be with. I try to be as unobtrusive in their marriages as possible.

[@KatieJoMikell]

@@juliamedina1214 I think I’ve narrowed it down watching videos that I think mama‘s boys mostly come from broken homes because the father is gone. Her husband is gone. She uses the son as the male figure in the house and in her world. It’s a whole messed up relationship! And then the son feels responsible for the mother and then the mother doesn’t wanna let go of the son because she’s made him her man of the house. It’s all so messed up. Dads need to take care of their kids!

[@silverado0938]

“In my culture”. That’s insane to hide behind that. Most cultures respect elders, most cultures elders also respect the younger generations and try to be a positive steady influence.

[@mishylove]

Exactly! Most people don't understand that "elder" doesn't mean someone that is older than you. Some people are just old jerks or old fools and not elders. Elders are wise, positive role models.

[@WatchMeLearnIt]

She said "Oh, He's in the other room. I can go get him!" 🤣🤣🤣

[@lilmabud23]

bruh switch the topic real quick 😂😂😂😂

[@Ms-Jones]

She wants help with this frfr

[@solitatorres3682]

Facts😂

[@girlygirl1890]

@briereynolds6848 I knooooow! (lol) . I about died because that was too funny!!!🤣🤣

[@paulababula9621]

He talks like a Hispanic girl

[@amezrismommigower6839]

My MIL was a pain in my side from day one. No one was good enough for her son. She wore black to my wedding. When we found our house my husband purchased it with his money. She told him not to have me on the deed, not even to talk to them if there was a problem. He lost his job, twice, and I covered insurance, household bills, medical insurance. She critizied everything I did, never to my face, but to my husband and anyone else who listened.17 years later my husband died suddenly and she tried to take the house from me. Thank goodness for state laws or I would be homeless.

[@CAdint-zi3tq]

Oh my goodness, so glad that worked out for you. So sorry about losing your husband. Gosh, life can be so cruel. I hope you can peace that come from God despite all the hard things you went through.

[@victorialavenderasmr]

This is called “emotional incest”. The mother should’ve been arrested for assault or battery. That’s how petty I would be & to put the mother in her place. The husband is a “Mommas Boy” & it’s disgusting.

[@manylaughs9002]

He's a son-husband.

[@marks.7593]

@@manylaughs9002 Usually these kinds of mom have no husband or an unsatisfying relationship with her husband. She turns to her son for some kind of emotional life.

[@marilynbartlett1850]

@@marks.7593 Yep. Exactly right. I would never compete with Mommy for my husband's attention. First time he showed me that she ranked higher than me in his eyes, I'd be gone. I may not be a perfect human, God knows, but I am too valuable to waste my life competing with Mommy. They can have each other. Neither one of them is worth it.

[@Truthseeker-iz3dj]

@@marilynbartlett1850 The problem is the kids in the previous generations including grand parents would always tell their children to always respect the parents. It's not about weakness but more of an undeserving respect. A lot of men will do anything for their wives (defend them against anyone else) but show respect to the parents because it was brainwashed from an early age. This is a problem for a lot of woman and men. The kids that had parents who gave them independence and didn't seem to care much probably had a long term positive effect in this regard.

[@mishylove]

@@marilynbartlett1850 You're absolutely correct. A real man knows that he has enough love for both his mom and his wife. No competition is needed and he would put his mom in her place if need be.

[@JustinBeller]

The mother in-law is a bully. Stand up to bullies.

[@sgp1489]

I send my husband on Christmas eve to his family. I'm not going. If I go, his step mother who rules the house will disect everything I say. If I don't go, all she can say is that I didn't show up. I go to my family on Christmas Eve and we have our time Christmas morning. He doesn't stand up for me, but I do.

[@MichaelJones-rn2pq]

If a husband doesn't stand up for his wife, then who will??? That's in the Top 3 jobs when a man is the head of a family. No exceptions, even if it is "Mommy".

[@ahealthylivingforyou3329]

Exactly! And a man who who knows he can’t go against his own mother to defend his girlfriend, woman, wife should never get married.

[@Truthseeker-iz3dj]

@@ahealthylivingforyou3329 He would probably lose both at the current divorse rates but the husband can start fresh in a new marriage.

[@johnchacko1425]

Saint Joseph role model of a righteous good husband and adopted dad , Saint Joseph protector and provider for Jesus and chivalry values, knightly values, courtly values

[@sharonbowers9929]

My stepmom was the just plain rude and mean. A total narcissist. After putting up with it for years I finally started ignoring her and did my own thing. For years I tried to win her over with love and kindness. Only for her to double down. Finally I told her what I thought of her and refused to be drawn into her drama. I wouldn’t eat a meal at she and my dad’s home and I would rent a hotel room in order to come and go as I pleased. Denying her bragging rights for having to feed me and providing a bed. Best thing I could have done, even though it was very hard because I am a very warm and kind person. Boundaries had to be established.

[@cd2612]

You know sometimes you got to forget about culture. I come from the Caribbean and have seen what my paternal grandmother and her daughters did to my mom while I was a kid. My mom almost had a nervous breakdown and my dad never protected her at the time. Thank God he does now but this affected my mom so much. I'm married now and early in my marriage noticed that this was starting with my husband's oldest sister. Well i took care of that real quick. I swear she's afraid of me now cause she keeps her distance and knows her place.

[@toluani7690]

So sad the way she keeps making excuses for her husband when he has massively failed to stand up for her to his mother. And as a Nigerian I also get her point about respect for elders but it's a culture that keeps people in toxic situations in the name of respect. Yes you respect your elders but they also need to respect you and themselves, respect for elders is not a blank cheque to be mean and evil to people.

[@robertguidry2168]

Respect for elders is important, but it isn't a shield from accountability and consequences for hurtful behavior

[@BrendaJones492]

Well said.

[@adrianajimenez4342]

I don't see my mother in law because of many bad incidents and I've never looked back! Happy 😊

[@lauvasquez7198]

The more I hear this the more I think everyone in that family has boundaries issues. SHE PUSHED HER? Oh hell no! OMG this call. Kick out the mom!

[@dav2386thor]

" oh he's in the other room" like yes! She should have put him on the line with Delony.

[@marlene1708]

The husband walked away knowing his mom would attack his wife. Absolutely not!!! He can see his mom if he wants I would never be in the same room as this person. And my kids will not see this woman again.

[@youtubelady6118]

“You have a duty to keep yourself safe and feeling secure.” I needed to hear that. It continues to be a struggle having cut out an emotionally abusive family member, with guilt coming back up to the surface often. But at the end of the day you have to keep yourself safe from people who are constantly *trying* to emotionally attack you. Even if it’s your own mom/ mother in law.

[@jefftube58]

Absolutely right.

[@itsallperfectlynormal9805]

Yes, ma'am! I finally distanced myself from my mother when she hosted a family reunion, didn't invite us kids, then called a few days afterward to tell me how lovely it was. Safe, for me, is understanding we're not considered her family. I spend my time not being like her for my babies.

[@bz3548]

Her husband is a mama's boy and will never change; her mother in-law is jealous of her and will continue to disrespect her. She needs to speak up for herself.

[@a.humphries8678]

We've quit spending time with my inlaws so that we can have peace. MIL had started literally whispering things about us into our kids ears, right in front of us. I don't have parents, so we are very alone, but having peace is worth it! When my husband finally talked to his mother about her inappropriate behavior she yelled she can't be wrong about anything because she's highly esteemed in the Christian community, then she hung up on him.

[@iHATEFORCE]

Sounds like you're a long lost sibling of mine 😂

[@brittaj68]

I'd be tempted to find the part in the Bible about pride and email it to her everyday 😆

[@aelh123]

1. This is the person that gives Christian’s a bad name. 2. Girllll he should of told her “you’re not God, he’s the only one that doesn’t make mistakes” ARROGANT! So glad y’all have peace ❤️ God bless you two 🤍

[@AD59669]

The husband let the situation get worse by not putting his mom in place years ago. My husband doesn't let my MIL get into our business at all. But I think that has to be established early on.

[@isay207]

Mummy's boy

[@girlygirl1890]

@dariose you have a great husband.

[@kcourtney6826]

The in-law factor in a marriage can make or break a relationship, this is why I'm so glad my husband and I met and live in a different state from either of our families. I have always been very protective of my husband when it comes to my family, they've never disrespected him because I have made it clear that is not an option. On the flip side, I've made it clear to him I expect him to defend me when needed if I'm disrespected but if he chooses not to I'm going to defend myself and he may not like the results

[@girlygirl1890]

@kcourtney6826 WOW! Oh my..... I loooove your message. You sound like a strong woman who goes by Maya Angelou's quote "You teach People How to treat you." ...."He may not like the results..."🤣🤣🤣 Love it. No person who respects themselves is going to put up with mistreatment from in-laws.

[@debragillen255]

Exactly

[@sophiaalvarez6137]

If it weren't for my in laws my husband might have broken up with me after a certain binge drinking episode back when we were dating... they definitely made our relationship. Were now married and I don't wanna move too far from them!

[@linhc9552]

I tried to defend and justify my ex-husband in front of my mom but he just went ahead and humiliated her. Mom was once divorced and remarried and he insulted her for having two husbands in her life, implying that she was good for nothing. That was it. I immediately took mom's side and quickly kicked him out of my life. No second chance and no apology accepted. Period. Disrespecting the in-law parents and putting blames on them for breaking the marriage, how flabbergasting!

[@lyricsoftheart]

@@linhc9552that’s your story not the callers and not majority of marriages when it comes to In-laws. It s usually similar to the caller.

[@joshuaswanson4789]

Your husband has failed you in his role as a protector. It is his job to stand up and defend you on your behalf. He has refused to do that. He is not a man or a husband. If he’s not careful, she will find someone else who will.

[@girlygirl1890]

Exactly. If a woman's husband doesn't protect her, especially during a time like this situation, then how the heck can she trust that he will be there for her in other ways, when really needed? Sorry...not sorry for saying it.

[@sugarhiccup2584]

@@girlygirl1890 always choose your mom over your wife..hakimi case is a great reason

[@Truthseeker-iz3dj]

@@girlygirl1890 The problem is the kids in the previous generations including grand parents would always tell their children to always respect the parents. It's not about weakness but more of an undeserving respect. A lot of men will do anything for their wives (defend them against anyone else) but show respect to the parents because it was brainwashed from an early age. This is a problem for a lot of woman and men. The kids that had parents who gave them independence and didn't seem to care much probably had a long term positive effect in this regard.

[@willow6049]

I had an awful mother in law problem. I am no longer married. He did nothing to support me against his mother.

[@Nayahpooh012]

Callers like this are so frustrating. She’s so deep in this toxicity that she excuses and minimizes everything! Her husband is the problem! Her only mistake was choosing to marry a cowardly man who doesn’t protect her from his evil mother.

[@emptysoul5057]

My mother in-law was like this and it took her threatening to run me off and take our son away from us to get my husband to finally say nope I'm done. She's old and divorced and it seemed like she hated her son and I for being happy. Mother in-laws are scary. My mother was so nice and supportive of us and I was so not ready for dealing with mother in laws. Growing up my mom was an angel I couldn't imagine a mom being so evil but they're real.

[@Erica-wz8yv]

Yes it’s always jealousy!!! She didn’t have a good husband/life and she sees her son treating you good. It angers her. You would think she would be happy for you guys. My grandma is the same way with my mom.

[@kimberlyjohnson6052]

Thank you! ❤

[@marks.7593]

She is angry that her son is happy while she isn't. She clings to her son because otherwise she would have no emotional life at all.

[@jamuu1]

Reminds me of my late paternal grandmother growing up. I never saw my dad so abrupt and violent in his behavior because how much she instigated my parents and hated our family. Even told me I looked like my father and how she wished I wasn't born. I was only 11 at the time, and those words broke me so much I hid myself in the closet and didn't eat dinner. The object of my love as a kid was to grow up and be successful according to my parents so my paternal grandpa (who left and abandoned his family to make a new successful family whose kids are all in the health/science industry with their Ph.D., Masters and PharmD. while my aunts all have broken marriages and daddy issues and my father having a sense of abandonment from his father who betrayed him) can approve of our family and have our grandpa come back and visit us. It completely destroyed me because that was my identity thru college and everything I did was just guiltripped into me that of I failed I failed my family and lost a chance to gain approval of love from my paternal grandfather. It was only about 4 to 5 years ago that I let go of all that pain and identity so I can embrace the Me that is moving forward and becoming the person I need and want to become.

[@freyachandra1869]

Man, I wish I could give this caller a hug :(

[@annette2326]

Husband and wife are family. Period. MIL out of picture. Ava. You are an angel.

[@kenya1067]

I hope she's okay, her constantly wanting to make sure everyone is okay is really relatable. Even though it's bad for you it's almost like a natural instinct to make sure you didn't do the wrong thing even when you were totally in the right. It's frustrating but I wish her well.

[@user-yd5qi2mp3c]

Gosh this my life !! Husband always puts mom first it’s the most painful thing in the world

[@rebekahlowe4288]

Then put yourself first, don't let her run over you, be vocal. As long as he won't recognize that his wife is his partner, his new family that comes first then he can come last as well. Pull the rug of comfort and partnership you provide from him. Explain first, as long as you are a second class citizen in your marriage to mummy then he will not get the perks of being married. My husband would change it up real quick with all I lovingly do lol Try everything but from a place of self respect and strength, not pettiness and revenge. That would end up pulling you as low as him and that's no place to be. Maybe get your mother to act as his does a few times, let it develop and then sit down calmly and logically explain the experiment once he begins to feel as you do. That may seem petty and vengeful, however it's how you go about it. Don't so so in an I told you so manner but in an, I needed you to understand how this is for me because telling you how I feel doesn't seem to matter to you, manner. Don't get emotional, just be calm, patient and logical about things. Get emotional when you tell him how much you love him, how you married, you chose each other above all others but as for making points and explaining how this is not going to stand, keep it calm and collected. It's so hard but getting emotional often causes things to go in an unhelpful direction more often than not. Only if you've tried everything, been as patient as you can and showed him everything you feel/ have gone through and he still doesn't care...well that's when you explain he chose his mother over his wife at every turn, he's acted like a child and not a grown man making a family of his own and his mother can have him, you're done fighting for him. Tell him good luck finding a woman who will always come second place to his vindictive, meddling mother and stay with him. Tell him, "you may have another relationship, you may even get her to marry you but you will never have peace as long as you let your mother ruin it." Tell him to look into narcissistic mothers on Reddit or just in general. I know this is a lot but you have to put you first if he won't. Love is selfless and as long as you both truly love one another all needs are met. Love is compromising too, it's important to understand each other's sides and make a path forward with pieces of both towards progress and happiness.

[@theintrovertednotary7528]

It took me years to get this! I refuse to be around people that tolerate and not celebrate me. I refuse to be around people that disrespected me for years. I will not! If you don’t want to go, don’t. If you want to go, go! Ava, put yourself first. This makes me so angry. You deserve better for you and your children. Your children will see you demand respect.

[@jefftube58]

It may have taken years for you to get this but you DID get it. Good for you.

[@bgurl4live]

I’m so sorry to hear Ava. You deserve better from both sides. I hope your miL finds peace and your husband puts you first in his life.

[@sugarhiccup2584]

always choose your mom over your wife..hakimi case is a great reason

[@ithinkigottalent4047]

Bless her gullible heart ❤️ She deserves better.

[@tammycortez9557]

Dr. John should have taken the opportunity to bring the husband into the conversation to be really helpful. The husband needed to hear this directly from another man

[@tech4uro]

We we got married 24 years ago and before we had kids, we had that discussion and set up the boundaries. I always asked "Is my wife being reasonable". So when I couldn't make both of them happy and I knew that my wife's requests about what my 3 kids, that she went through the pain of giving birth to, was reasonable- I wrote my mother a long letter explaining why we felt strongly about the type of movies our 5 year olds were watching (not big on them watch someone plug knives into someone's chest, but when she refused and told us not to tell them what to do in her house- still loved my mom but we started seeing each other once a week for breakfast. The point is, especially when you have a loving and reasonable wife, zero tolerance for anyone, including mom and dad, disrespecting her. As a husband you are now the head of your house and you fight for your wife and family- yes, they come first and mom and dad come second. Obviously her husband never grew into that role.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

So he was raised by a single mother. I was also raised by one. We tend to end up with no spine and afraid of confrontation. It takes a lot to correct and build a spine when you never have a proper male role model.

[@talyahr3302]

True if the single mom also happens to not have a spine. I got my spine from my mom (as well as my dad in different ways).

[@LDM805]

​@@talyahr3302Assuming by your picture you are a woman. Its different. Men need male role models.

[@mishylove]

Ouch, that's a hard realization to make.

[@judeocean6586]

You think single mothers have no spine? What? It’s very hard to raise children alone - you develop a spine, even if you didn’t already have one. Which most women do.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

@@judeocean6586 reading comprehension isn't your strong suit... Is it?

[@bettysmith4527]

He needs to sit down with his mom, have a conversation that includes "look mom, I love you, but I cannot tolerate how you behave around my wife, so if that doesn't change we will no. longer be able to see you".

[@donnafontaine2799]

Very good advice as your opinion is excellent...the daughter-in-law seems so kind feel bad for her - his mom is a troublemaker!

[@bettysmith4527]

@@donnafontaine2799 That's because my mom can be toxic, so I understand!!

[@Ms-Jones]

She seems to have a really good heart. She is feeling guilty and the person who should feel guilty is probably just fine smh

[@cherylbroadenax1006]

I felt that way too until I could not take it anymore. It caused me not bond with my husband. We ended up divorced. Once I got over the guilt , I spoke up. And over 18 mos later he finally spoke up but didn’t console me so I felt like he did it halfhearted. Some mother in laws are a mother in law from hell.

[@ahealthylivingforyou3329]

@@cherylbroadenax1006 Sad thing is that I don’t think she will ever divorce him because she still feels guilty and would continue to feel guilty even after all these years of being mistreated and abused by her MIL. It’s so sad

[@brittse]

Sounds exactly like my MIL. And the roughest year has been the one I was setting boundaries but I started finding my happiness again

[@girlsplaygames2910]

20 yrs and he stills let’s his mom disrespect you in his face. Divorce.

[@marlynnek6449]

That respecting your elders is a license to kill for a lot of people. Age doesn't give you the right to be an asshole

[@ncylee4]

I have 3 wonderful daughter in laws. I can’t imagine treating them poorly. It would be so insulting to my sons. I hope this caller really listens to this advice and sets boundaries.

[@truthseekertruthspeaker]

What we allow will continue babe❤ I agree as well about the examples we are being in front of our children not even realizing that the actions that we are taking is affecting them. I didn't realize that myself in my situation as well... it is very disheartening when it's your children and it's your parents ...

[@sensimania]

Correct! Time to start setting some boundaries

[@anthearichter]

My husband also avoids confrontation with his parents to stand up for me. It took me so many years to accept it and try to ignore things I get bothered by. However, I do have a talk with my son who is 21 years old that when he gets married, I want him to tell me if I did anything to bother his wife. I told him. How I won’t get upset with them. I do not want to be the cause of their marriage trouble. I want my son to understand that he can always talk to us. All I want is him and his family being happy.

[@thesewingeyedoc]

Mother nor the husband respects the wife. Respect is due to everyone, not just older folks. My husband’s twin sister was disrespectful to him and myself when we visited her for the first time. And frankly I don’t like the way she treats him. She is just acting ugly because of jealousy. I told him day one I didn’t like her. And the more we saw her the more reasons I disliked her. My husband had a conversation with her and we haven’t seen her in 10 years. He speaks to her on the phone, but no love loss there. His older sister is wonderful. We get along well. I don’t put up with disrespect from anyone.

[@44nk96]

Her problem is her cowardly husband FIRST.

[@rememberinglives9432]

Absolutely agree with you.

[@katierose1566]

I feel like I made this phone call- 😢 my heart goes out to you Eva❤ I'm justing going no contact with my MIL. My husband had the nerve to also tell me IM putting him in a bad position and giving her the power by doing that. No, sir. I'm not opening up myself for anymore abuse. Almost 15 years of it. I don't want her around my children either.

[@Lala89856]

I was in her shoes more than a year ago, and I had to end things with him as one of the issues we had was that he didn't do anything when his mom would yell at me and belittled me. She was also rude to waiters and would rage at them. My ex would tell me it was his mother so he couldn't say anything to her.

[@salma_Nella22]

Mother taught him how to lose good women. Made his life about her. Gross.

[@Lala89856]

@@salma_Nella22 Yes. They are the ones who lose at the end. I have seen guys like these in their late 30s, 40s, 50s who can't keep a women for the same reasons.

[@RachelReaiah]

This would take such an emotional, mental, psychological, spiritual toll on me. I am unmarried and desire marriage one day. If my bf/husband cannot step up and set some boundaries for disrespectful families even before the wedding I would need this addressed.

[@latonyahylton8690]

Or don't marry him. What bothers you 1000 times single will be 1 million times worse married.

[@ahealthylivingforyou3329]

No need to address because it wouldn’t change. Best thing to do for your own sake, life and sanity is to not marry him.

[@jefftube58]

Raquel, I want to encourage you. If you find a guy you think is the one, as you do things together like eating out or having dinner with his parents, pay strict attention to how his mother treats him and what she says to him. Pay stricter attention to how he handles what his mother says to him. If you don't like what you see, it will only get worse if you marry him.

[@joellet8774]

I hear you lady. I am from Africa too and I have a white mother in law who is so manipulative and toxic and when we’ve had issues she will come to me and tell me to divorce her son and apparently she told her son to divorce me and all these years I kept respecting her because that’s what our culture demands but I ended up saying something. You have to stand up for yourself

[@Mombal5]

We are Latinos and let me tell you the women in laws can be NASTY! My sister in laws and mother in law are not nice therefore after my husband had a stern conversation and got no where with them he decided to cut them off. A husband should have your back. It’s his job to deal with his family.

[@cruzan8183]

I had to set my mother straight. My wife was in tears once because of how my mother was treating her. It was hard but I eventually put my foot down. My mother never became friends with my wife but she knew that she could not be in our lives if she continued to bully my wife . Almost thirty years later my mother is demented. Guess who has helped with the logistics of my mom’s care. My wife. The sad thing is that my mother missed out on having a relationship with a wonderful person, my wife. The husband must put an end to the nonsense. If he doesn’t his life will be ruined. Women don’t like weak men. There’s no way to please your wife and your mother when your mother is being unreasonable. A stand must be taken .

[@FTG2Eli]

Holy Cow! Does this bring back memories!! My boyfriend and I met when I was 19, he was 18. We broke up when I turned 29 yo. His mother was intrusive and sometimes mean. I am American of mixed race and he is Costa Rican. She hated the fact that her 1st born son was with someone darker than him. She was finally 'ok' with us dating when she found out that we lived in the hills of an upscale neighborhood. He is a very good man, but I am glad I lived my life without his family. I LOVE the family I have now.

[@sundown6748]

OMG gosh This is my story with my mother in law. She was so terrible to me. I wanted a family unit so badly because of my own pass too. And never could my husband tell her anything and he’d say the same thing “oh it’s how she is” And me the same begging my husband to visit and call his mother and he wouldn’t. And she’d blame me and act worse to me. The best thing we did is move far away and visit once a year. My mother in law was most all of our marriage problems a lot of years. Now she is passed. And I’m relieved my kids don’t have to deal with her. Also my MIL was in a wheelchair and that’s a lot of why I took her terrible behavior. My husband grew up taking care of her and literally couldn’t say anything to her. She treated him like garbage his whole life and he was so relieved when she passed.

[@murraybeachtel8585]

Talk about leaving a legacy or lack thereof.

[@debragillen255]

Some women are just total bitches and are so unhappy with themselves. They are also control freaks and if things don’t go like they think they should then all hell breaks out 😮. Stay away from unhappy people who sit around and divulge in manipulative behavior. These people are out there . Stay away

[@bingo123270]

I feel for this young woman and all of us who have experienced this. My mother-in-law not only threw the shade, but she would frequently ask inappropriate questions about our sex life and talk about his parts like a jealous ex. WEIRD. She was even shady on her deathbed last year SMH.

[@thembisaodendaal]

Omg shady on her death bed

[@VirginiaRican]

I have a friend who's house is getting wrecked by the mother-in-law (wife's side). she's not willing to take a stand against her destructive mother, and it's destroying their marriage, baby son, friendships, job performance, etc.

[@carpediem6431]

She’s making her bed. Everything that is good will be pushed away because her character and the person she is, is too weak and damaged to do anything. The truly sad part is her mother, who sounds vile, will be her reward. Hopefully the husband can get out with the son. Children are damaged by cray cray.

[@ahealthylivingforyou3329]

She still attached to the umbilical cord. She can’t escape and if she tries her mother will remind her that she’s still attached. Wow!

[@jefftube58]

I was formerly married to a wimp wife who was a girl, not a woman around her mother. She let her do inconceivable damage for 20 years and would blame me when I told her to back her mother off.

[@carpediem6431]

@@jefftube58 hopefully you’re free now and you (and your children if you had any) are healthy and happy.

[@susanf4857]

My kids aren't married yet but I can't imagine being a mother in law like that! 😳😬

[@sundown6748]

That’s the thing all these terrible MILs think they are the innocent ones. And it’s the daughter in law that’s the problem. That’s why they act so terrible to try to push them out

[@ahealthylivingforyou3329]

Please don’t be that MIL. 😂

[@meredithbaker4369]

My mother in law said the exact same thing to me when I miscarried at 6 weeks. she told me I killed my baby by running three miles a day.

[@mle011]

I’m so sorry she was so cruel. That’s just awful.

[@girlygirl1890]

@meredithbaker sooo, you were running *3* miles? Not 1 mile, but 3 miles a day knowing you were pregnant?

[@sundown6748]

Yes some women are so vain they won’t stop their intense exercise even when pregnant

[@girlygirl1890]

@@sundown6748 All I can say is there is no way in Hel _ I would run 3 miles a day if I knew darn well I was pregnant. No way in hel _.. Who would even THINK that's something you should do?

[@angelatheriault8855]

@@girlygirl1890 At 6 weeks the baby is the size of a bean! Exercise is not dangerous for a pregnant woman. In fact, it is considered to be healthy and can reduce the possibility of complications related to giving birth. It is recommended to do what feels comfortable and of course one would naturally reduce the amount of exercise over time as they grew larger.

[@wbae1340]

Man it’s so crazy hearing all of these constant problems with in-laws. Am I some crazy exception? My wife LOVES all of my family and has ZERO problems, I LOVE all of her family and have ZERO problems. Are we just some fluke?

[@721GuyCool]

You're not a fluke, I know many marriages that have wonderful in-laws on both sides.

[@amandamilobooks]

You are blessed. Thank God for great families who love and respect one another!

[@ljo0605]

You are blessed. It's wonderful when that can happen, I can only imagine

[@jefftube58]

Problems with in-laws is the norm, not the exception.

[@alexandratewell5337]

Same. My in-laws are my favorite people- I literally love them as much as my parents. I feel SO thankful and blessed reading these comments and watching this episode

[@Fireballpug]

I have a similar problem with my mother in law and my husband and I constantly fight about her disrespect towards me. He says it’s my issue with her, and avoids what’s going on. 13 years of this. She’s gossips really bad about me to the rest of the family and makes me out to be the bad guy in everything. I may be calling soon with this.

[@bronsonisaboss]

a man shall leave his mother and Cling to his wife.

[@mst-pierrem5729]

To any man who lives such toxicity with their parents, the greatest gift and FOREVER greatfulness of your wife or mother of your kids, it's that you stand up and choose them instead of dear old folks. My husband despite loosing his sister, mother and father said it to me recently (because my mother in law is just cruel with me at this point), YOU ARE MY PRIORITY AND I WILL NOT LET THEM DISRESPECT YOU. That's what a worthy spouse does! Anything less, is not worth wasting your time on!

[@samanthasmiles9112]

She doesn't have a mother-in-law problem. She has a husband problem. He is pathetic. Absolutely shameful! Anyone who allows this abuse to take place....it might as well be done by her husband.

[@QueenIvania]

I wish I could hug this lady. I know her pain. I have gone thru the same thing. 22 years together & the disrespect from her has been unreal. I finally put my foot down this year. It’s her loss because I was so happy that my kids had their grandparents so close to home.

[@angelamwatts]

There are men out here who are controlled by their mothers because it's learned behavior steming from childhood. He needs to set the boundaries and get away from that. Some men are intimidated by their mothers. This is common with narcissistic mothers.

[@Angel-hm9so]

Emotionally/psychologically healthy women do not raise men that have unhealthy dynamics with them.

[@Launibu]

I think some men forget, once they marry, their wife and family come first....before their mother. She sounds so m7ch like me. Certain personalities make it harder to not always be a peace keeper

[@jdtreharne]

There's a book called "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" You might want to give it a read. At a minimum you will gain some insight into your husband's mindset.

[@crisisorigin7465]

Babe, your MIL is a racist control freak. Your kids are just absorbing this like sponges. Get away from her. Your hubby made his decision a long time ago. Love you queen ❤

[@minuit6305]

Once she said Ethiopian i was immediately on the wife side. Y'all dont know how those MIL from those countries are. But its also hard to feel sorry for her because she keeps defending the MIL and Husbands actions.

[@ChristopherDonnerArtist]

I appreciate these listens . I fell into a really bad situation with my parents . Really left me hurt for a minute . understanding that boundries are okay is amazing .

[@iHATEFORCE]

I went no contact with my toxic mother. Not only for the benefit of myself but also for my wife who was also feeling her negativity. This has been the best move we have made. My wife and I have grown closer together through this process and it has been great! We will celebrate 17 years of marriage this year, and my mom has never asked about my wife or how my wife is doing. Sounds like Ava's husband needs to step up for both of them. Cut the dead weight.

[@acd1168]

Way to step up as a man and do what was needed for your family. 🙏🏾

[@ahealthylivingforyou3329]

Awesome! That is being a man and taking care of your family. Ava’s husband needs a big wake up call. Him and so many other men who never stand up for their wives and let their mother interfere in their marriage.

[@TheKatiness]

2 of our 3 kids ended up hating her with zero input from me. She ended up showing her true colors and my kids wouldn't tolerate it. She's dead now but I'm still full of rage bc she took so much from me while I was trying to be loved and accepted.

[@ToyaTee123]

my mother in-law is vindictive , she's a troublemaker, i honestly just tune her out, she tries to get to me thru my kids. I try not to speak ill or negative about her to d kids because i dont want them to not be kids but she uses her grandmother privileges to go into my kids heads. Worse thing I have a son before our marriage and she tries to influence my other kids to treat him differently. How do I set boundaries. To keep her out my kids life?

[@marthas.4456]

Yes, better to keep the btch out. Good luck.

[@CAdint-zi3tq]

You need to just tell her strongly and boldy and calmly. Your husband should be the one to tell her but if he is too scared to, you will have to do it. Stand up to her, there is nothing wrong with standing up to her. Once you do, you will be glad you did and can do it again. Don't get emotional when you tell her, that always helps if you keep your cool. You can do it!

[@legacygame3]

I like how many excuses she makes for him lmao

[@lg223]

Someone once said, "he can't be her boy and your man". This guy has got to grow up.

[@GrannyDi276]

It sounds like her husband was beaten down by his mother from childhood....he needs counseling too & to stay away from that toxic mother....God bless you, Eva & give you His strength & love❤

[@Wants2knowitall]

That is a good point

[@Truthseeker-iz3dj]

Also respect your parents was also beaten into kids in previous generations even if they were in the wrong.

[@tacooflove6175]

What would she say to a sister who was being treated like this? This is really horrible and if he’s ok with his mom after this you might be better off alone.