My Mother-in-Law Became Entitled After Moving In

[@dougl945]

My in-laws lost their home to gambling. They moved in with us. They are 70’s. I’ve worked very hard for everything I own. They told us that we should move out of the Main bedroom with en-suite bath and give it to them because they are our elders. We didn’t want to give up our room, but we moved into the biggest room upstairs that once belonged to our daughter who is away at college. I was told the first morning after getting a shower upstairs to get ready for work at 6:30 am, that I was “to not shower and make noise upstairs again, because they are sleeping”. I told them I would do what I want in my own home, and they were welcome to move into an apartment if they didn’t like it. Came home and my project car was removed from garage and my in-laws moved their old car into my spot. This was done while my wife was at work. The kitchen was rearranged and done the way my MIL wanted. I saw a side of these people I had no idea existed after knowing them 30 years. My MIl was ruthless, mean and insulting. She made meals with our food and wouldn’t set a place for me at the table. She would serve everyone and pass me by. One day she announce that my wife and I would be better off if we split up and I moved out. My wife looked at me, I looked at her and both of us at the same time screamed “get the F*** out of our house”!

[@dalejones6627]

They had a bet on how long before you kicked them out

[@mmp495]

Best story ever!

[@kwoylee5617]

Don't leave us hanging! What happened then? Did they move out?

[@TheRealDeadhorse]

@@kwoylee5617. This is fiction

[@dyates6380]

I give you credit for your patience. That would have lasted about three minutes with me. ESPECIALLY given how they lost THIER home in the first place. Nope. I'm a nice and giving person, but I won't be used or taken advantage of. I'd have just said to them "Yea, adulthood is tough, but we all have to deal with our life choices and mistakes". In any event, based on the latter parts of your post (which frankly, sound completely made up - I was waiting to hear you say they kicked the family dog daily too) and the last line especially, me thinks this is account of the in-laws moving in is either completely fake or extremely exaggerated. Cool story though.

[@swayzieandchinita]

The bank blocks my card after a $20 suspicious charge or withdrawal. This bank saw a pattern and waited till 150k was gone. That’s insane

[@9liveslisa]

Take her to a doctor to give her a good medical and mental assessment. You need to know what you are dealing with.

[@Rachel-ul8et]

Good call

[@ceciliapreziose3783]

exactly

[@markstaley5461]

Exactly, erratic and unusual behavior in someone who is older. Should be one of the first things discussed

[@markstaley5461]

Not to mention if it’s not dementia they said multiple falls

[@claudeyaz]

Could even be some sort of neurological or physiological issue...

[@jacquelinelewis5627]

Never move them in to your home, it will destroy your marriage. Take the money from her house you bought and put her in a basic facility. And downsize the new home and you guys buy something smaller, you don't need the room bc she's not there. She will become a nightmare and cause so much stress in your marriage it will break u guys. Speaking as an in home caregiver

[@avagrego3195]

Correct

[@LifeIsAComedyDontOverDoIt]

Doing that to your own mother who raised you good enough to be where you are now in life, just shameful and selfish act.

[@Tehui1974]

I agree.

[@comment_account2343]

​@@LifeIsAComedyDontOverDoItYou raise kids so they can be successful and lead happy lives, no so you can destroy their lives when you lose your abilities.

[@RhondaJoe-s1e]

Totally agree 100%. My mother lived with us and our lives were absolute misery for 10 years. Find another way always. I will NEVER do to my kids what my mother did to us. A good parent plans for their elder years and does not burden their kids.

[@commonenglishmistakes4360]

Paying 150k to scammers is either a mental decline or never having enough mental competence to manage money. And what happens if they give control back to this mentally incompetent woman when she loses everything? Does she live on the street? Or do they have to take her back? And that why I think they do have the right to take control.

[@VeeAlee]

Agreed.

[@Fishouta]

Not necessarily. It's called loneliness and gullability. Perhaps low self esteem as well. If we're talking about romance scams.

[@radolfkalis4041]

Being foolish and gullible, falling for every sob story a scammer can belt out is not, in itself, a mental illness or defect. They will have a hard time getting a court to give them control over her with that angle. The mom is angry her independence is being taken from her. "Her" house is being sold, her credit has been frozen, she has to move in with her kid, and is now dependant on him for almost everything. Yeah she is angry. Hopefully they can work thru this and she does not make their life Hell.

[@commonenglishmistakes4360]

@@Fishouta believing someone loves you does not indicate that but giving more than very small quantities to someone you have never even met, DOES indicate those problems and that you should not be in control of your money for your own protection.

[@commonenglishmistakes4360]

@@radolfkalis4041 voluntarily giving 150k to people she's never ever met definitely indicates that the person is not competent to manage money. Maybe she should get a job in congress and help them to spend tax payers money even faster.

[@danielleamory5428]

Why not get her a prepaid card that they fund up to a certain amount every month. It will mean going to their bank to set up, but it can be done. The bank will call it something else, but it reduces the friction in the relationship.

[@brendalabranche365]

I actually did that with my mom. It worked wonderfully. She didn’t gamble or anything, but needed/ wanted to have the feeling of controlling her finances and spending her own money. And yes, it was hers to spend! Definitely reduced friction.. and gave me peace of mind knowing she was blowing g $100 or $200 at a time.. win, win

[@avagrego3195]

My suggestion too

[@SharonD7]

Great idea.

[@Jamie-h5b]

This is the best solution, and shame on the hosts for not suggesting it.

[@sdmod1]

Letting MIL go bankrupt and then having to pick up the pieces is NOT a solution. Unless you're willing to let her be homeless. Intervention, with consequences is necessary, like a child. If you're an adult with childish behaviors, you need parenting.....even in your 70's. I've been there, I've intervened, I've had the difficult conversations, but in the end, the result was in favor of the elderly person who needed this 'parenting'......this is life !

[@Julie-kl5sp]

It's absolutely a solution. She will spend all of her own resources and then qualify for Medicaid. Medicaid will pay for long term care in a nursing facility.

[@Jamie-h5b]

@@Julie-kl5sp Medicaid will pay for the cheapest, most awful facility they can find. And the caller and her husband will have to pay the difference between the Medicaid allowance and the actual charges, once the MIL's money is all gone. That wouldn't work out well for any of them.

[@Julie-kl5sp]

@Jamie-h5b That is not correct. The patient gets to choose which facility she would like. Medicaid does not choose for her. The family is also not required to supplement her Medicaid benefits for her to live at a facility.

[@sdmod1]

@@Julie-kl5sp Only if she requires medical care. Medicaid is NOT for housing/groceries/utilities, etc

[@Julie-kl5sp]

@sdmod1 Yes, Medicaid does pay for long term care in a facility. Food, bills, etc. are included in the price.

[@dhoytinaz]

Dave would have asked, "What can I help you with *today*?" about a minute into that monologue.

[@coderider3022]

We just want Dave.

[@SkunkNWindow]

Or how much did the MIL contribute to the upgraded new house and how much does the MIL have in her account.

[@PoyTroy]

I miss Dave

[@NMelter]

I like Ken

[@carmen15s]

I thought the same thing 😅

[@maryannanderson2213]

MIL's change to an angry, entitled woman sounds like early stages of Alzheimer's to me. My husband had Alzheimer's and this brings on a TOTAL change in personality. Sometimes it is difficult to recognize the Alzheimer's patient as the same person. I had to constantly remind myself "This is not HIM doing this. This is the Alzheimer's doing this." It is possible for practically anyone to be scammed ONCE but if she gets scammed time after time this also may be a sign of dementia. I just wonder if they have had MIL go to her doctor to be checked to see if she has Alzheimer's. I am 77 years old and since my husband died 16 years ago I have lived alone and I have total control of my own finances. I also have scammers call me with the story that they are from Medicare but I know that Medicare has said they don't call anyone so I have no problem just hanging up on them because I know they are not from Medicare. But seniors are targeted from all sides and while Dr. John seemed to be saying that MIL is an adult and must be allowed to control her own finances, I totally disagree. Scammers are very smooth and if her cognitive ability is compromised, MIL could very easily be targeted again. She has lost over a hundred thousand dollars and sadly, if she is allowed to control her own finances, I would predict she will lose more. I think SON should take Power of Attorney over his mom's affairs. As a woman who is even slightly older than she is, I understand how terrible it would be for her to feel that someone else is controlling her life but she has proven that she is unable to control her own life.

[@jmp8822]

If I could humbly give you a suggestion: stop answering the phone altogether. If it's not family/close friends on caller ID, you don't need to talk to anyone calling you.

[@linjubar]

Or it sounds like an adult having her financial independence taken away. Who wouldn’t feel upset at that.

[@tyaodle2087]

😊thjtyhlñljl

[@Silencedogood-r6l]

It’s very rare when a person with dementia is cooperative with the process of getting a diagnosis because they are so into denial over it. “There’s nothing wrong with my mind!” Is what you’re going to hear.

[@jennifermarie3158]

It could be dementia, but also it's just difficult sometimes for older people to go from living on their own and being the elder in charge, to being what feels like to them an underling in someone else's house. So it very well may be dementia, or it could be actual anger and entitlement

[@RenateDeBruyn]

A senior who has given away $150,000. in scams, cannot be trusted to handle their money. It must be managed for them. You may need a lawyer to draw up Committeeship papers I.e., Adult Guardianship papers.

[@289Mustang67]

There has to be a determination of incompetency. What I've read is that people are allowed to use bad judgement but if their bad judgement is caused by a mental defect, you can step in and take over against that person's wishes.

[@whosaidthat9265]

You have no idea how difficult it is to have this done. People have the right to do stupid things with their money. If she’s not declared incompetent by the courts or she doesn’t do so voluntarily, it won’t happen

[@davidhale4647]

She gave away $150K

[@jsy3359]

73 isn’t really a senior by today’s standards.

[@goofygirl1311]

@@jsy3359 Exactly. She's 73 not 93 and it sounds as though this has already been going on for years.

[@Shopgirl1]

Gosh….at my age of 62..73 doesn’t seem so old..and I’m not lonely and thankfully I’m tight with my money…might wanna get her checked for dementia

[@loomonda18]

Yes - this!!!

[@dacokc]

💯 dementia like symptoms there

[@uchechi1982]

💯

[@cutehumor]

Shopgirl1, 73 years is old!! I'm 47 years old.

[@melcoggan4515]

@@cutehumorI’m younger than you and I don’t feel like 73 is old. I feel like 80 crosses into oldness.

[@vtvincent4893]

I disagree with with them on this one... if she is falling for scams that bad and takes her credit back, she's going to be completely destitute in less than a year and her and her husband will be left trying to clean up the mess.

[@John-du2mq]

He doesn't have to. He can call social services for her and let her deal with it like she has been.

[@cherylfauth9543]

Children are not responsible for their parents debt.

[@vtvincent4893]

@@cherylfauth9543 Unless they can't bear to see their parent out on the street in a tent or under a bridge.

[@SkunkNWindow]

@@cherylfauth9543 there is no “parent’s debt” here, it’s the daughter-in-law and son who are using the MIL’s funds. The caller rambles way too long trying to convince the listeners she is in the right and MIL is crazy…looks like she succeeded with all of these comments from the online doctors diagnosing dementia

[@GAFB1122]

I have experienced this myself with relatives. My thought is... too many people want to do it their way but with my money. That ain't happening! You reject my good advice and guidance, then you are on your own! Seek help elsewhere!

[@garygerard4290]

perfect - 'let me put it another way - Perfect. I'm going to use that line - thanks.

[@kcourtney6826]

Love this!

[@SkunkNWindow]

@@GAFB1122 the caller is using the MIL’s money here though.

[@JoeyNYSDnomad]

There are wonderful assisted living facilities. Dont move crazy into the house. It spreads like a fungus.

[@radolfkalis4041]

If she is not mentally deficient they cannot force her into assisted living. Also, the cost for assisted living is extremely high. I live in one of the cheaper parts of the country abs crappy assisted living facilities, 2 people in a room, hospital like rooms, 3,000 a month. My siblings found a good one, house setting, 12 bedrooms, 4500 a month. She got a smoking good deal there. My mom has 1000 a month coming in from SS, my siblings pays the rest. I don't make enough to financially contribute much, so I am the gofer. Mom needs something or needs to go somewhere, I do it. SS pays nothing, and will continue to pay nothing, until my mom has been destitute for 5 years. At that point, they will only pay for the cheapest nastiest place they can find. We are trying to get mom to agree to move in with one of us, but she does not want to.

[@jessicaparker374]

Those aren't free.

[@corianne2099]

Are you offering to pay the monthly payments? They are so expensive

[@LegDayLas]

Crazy is hereditary, it's already in the family.

[@lonnie224]

Gee, sooo compassionate. Hopefully you aren’t in charge when your parents are old and need help.

[@jimroscovius]

Why does the son never call in? It's always the in-law who can't do anything about it.

[@thetaekwondoe3887]

Because they're blind to the problem because it's their mother. And/or make excuses for the behavior. Lived that misery. Don't wish it upon anyone else.

[@sarikagoode1505]

Because he’s counting on his wife to deal with the day to day management of the household.

[@indigostaraz]

He's at work.

[@kushman89108]

Set up an account (Debit) with limited amount than can be lost, she still gets independence and will not lose a large amount to a scammer...

[@DeniseCestmoi-y6e]

I just heard a similar story from a friend, minus the housing issue. His mother has been showing dementia in the past year and recently his sisters took her on a cruise. They were horrified because she suddenly became enraged for no apparent reason and they were not aware that might happen as dementia progresses. My own experience with caring for elderly as a nursing home assistant and in some private care is that they become dependent on their surroundings at the same time as they may show some childlike stubborn behavior. In my friend's case his mother was not in her own home but was on a cruise ship and his sisters did not know she might have a real problem coping in a place outside of her familiar home. In the eldercare homes I worked in, we made sure to keep the physical surroundings of certain residents as unchanged as possible, noting their favorite blankets etc and this helped them stay calm. Maybe the change in settings is part of what is causing your caller's mother-in-law to be so upset as well as the resentment of losing full financial freedom. Very little can be done about this because if they think setting rules will help, they are ignoring the fact that elderly impairment (dementia or whatever) includes an inability to adjust to changes the same way a healthier younger person does. It is not going to be easy no matter what they do. They will have to set rules as if she is a child and she will resent that, but if they can shrug off her behavior the same way loving parents can shrug off a toddler's tantrums, they might get through the transition. They can't expect her to behave like the adult she used to be. This period of life used to be called "second childhood" for good reason. They should put energy into making her new room as familiar as possible, with her favorite colors and textures, and involve her in physical hobbies if she is willing because as her illness progresses, she will live more and more in the present moment of her physical senses and less and less in the abstract moments of intellectual thoughts and plans. This brings to mind one of my ladies who was advanced Alzheimer's. I used to sit and hand sew on quilts during the afternoon rest period. She would sometimes come out of her room to sit nearby and she would pick up a corner of the quilt I was working on and would make hand motions of imaginary sewing. She seemed so intent on what she was doing that she must have really sewing in her own mind. We passed many an afternoon that way.

[@DeathSnacker]

You sound like such a lovely woman. Made my day.

[@garyclark6427]

I’ll be 73 in 30 months and I am still working. This appears to be a sign that there is something that needs attention by qualified doctors. I had a 72 year old friend pass away 2 years ago and the situation appears similar.

[@leatharay3565]

Something is seriously wrong medically or mentally

[@linhaton4957]

Sounds like dementia to me. My husband has it and thats exactly how you first recognize it.

[@Kroh13]

Carnivore .. carnivore .. carnivore .. start now and don’t look back

[@jimmymcgill6778]

No it doesn't. If someone took away your access to your own money, you'll be angry too.

[@CorporateQueen]

It's very typical of FLD actually. ​@@jimmymcgill6778

[@maryjane-vx4dd]

My mother has it. She knows I'm her daughter, but can't remember my name. I here a lot of people get angry with dementia. My mother turn into the sweetest most loving child. She is aware enough to know there's enough she can't remember. She seems to enjoy not having to make all the decisions

[@linhaton4957]

@ Understood, however they stated that that her credit cards were full of scam charges. Also, at the beginning of the call, they said that she was scammed out of 150 thousand dollars.

[@kendrapratt2098]

She has something more serious going on if son was able to get POA, I’d imagine

[@diceportz7107]

Son may have had POA. I am 71 & my son has held POA since I made out my will 5 years ago. You are correct that in order to get control of my finances, he would need documentation from a medical provider that I was unable to manage my affairs.

[@davidOConnor-z3l]

She should’ve set up some sort of living will trust that way she stays in her house and she could name her stupid Son is the executor of the trust and they can put her on ,,I think they scammed her for the money she doesn’t even know it

[@thetaekwondoe3887]

@@davidOConnor-z3l Stupid son?

[@Mrsmomof2kids1]

She probably signed over POA to her son willingly. Which you can do. But what she might not realize is that she can take it back at anytime.

[@Kaythegardener-w5x]

Has she had a thorough medical exam, including mental ?? My father had clogged arteries in his beck & head, that affected his personality. They got reamed out & he reverted & improved...

[@John-du2mq]

My parents gamble all the time, I can't stop them nor do I want to because I know they'd be kicking a screaming. But I sure as hell wouldn't loan them money if they came asking.

[@queens6583]

Worst case scenario is they gamble away everything and end up on your doorstep because they are destitute. They will guilt you into taking them in or they are in a shelter. What would you do then? Perhaps you should voice your concerns and tell them you will not be giving them money in the future.

[@lindalav1477]

If you have the ability to stop them, you should. It's better for them to kick and scream now, and have some money, rather than they kick and scream later and have to depend on you!

[@leelaural]

I am older and I do gamble on slots......but I feel guilty about it...I fully intend to leave a legacy for my children so I am very very very careful..

[@rajbeekie7124]

The hosts are WRONG. The woman is clearly incompetent. She is incapable of making wise choices. From a financial management perspective she is a child. She has no business making financial decisions.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

HOW? People of all ages falls for scams.

[@thomasdalton1508]

"Incompetent" is much more than just lacking wisdom. Lots of people do lots of unwise things. The law doesn't take away their adulthood as a result.

[@SkunkNWindow]

What is she has $3 million dollars in her account? $150k wouldn’t be much.

[@derekd1510]

@@jimmymcgill6778 Competent people do not make mistakes of this magnitude over and over to the point where they are incapable of providing for their own needs.

[@lauragreen4899]

My sister in law was placed in a memory care home at 73 because of dementia. She was scamed...became angry....hard to deal with.....memory issues.....hoarding....all the symptoms

[@kc-il4sb]

Sounds like a cognitive impairment is prevalent- plus the caller mentioned she is falling. Have her seen by medical professional to be evaluated for cognition, neurological, other health conditions and then you will have more information to move forward in her care.

[@jeffreywhitaker5154]

Exactly correct. 👍🏽🙏🏽💪🏽

[@carlosmiro4932]

The big mistake they made is selling the house she was living in alone and move her in with them. Now it’s too late.

[@goofygirl1311]

That house was in the caller and her husbands' names. If Mom was blowing her savings on scams, that meant that staying in the house would not have been feasible long term because her money was going to quickly run out. That would have left the caller and her husband supporting Mom and maintaining her house, paying her utility bills, etc which few people could afford to do for their parent. The son stepped in and took over Mom's finances for a reason. I'm sure that right about now he is beginning to regret that. No good deed goes unpunished.

[@lonnie224]

Wow I can’t believe how callous you people are. She is his mother, not some person down the road. Sounds like she needs an assessment for dementia or Alzheimers.

[@SkunkNWindow]

@@goofygirl1311 caller/husband sold MIL house and used it to buy a bigger house essentially taking away her freedom. Caller was curiously less confident when talking about the “scams”. Buying stupid stuff is not a scam. Caller rants way too long to convince the listeners…she sounds like the real scammer here

[@jasonrodgers9063]

About 15 years ago my Mother-In-Law was released from a stay in the hospital. She & my wife are walking up the front steps of our home, dear wife says to me- "My Mom is moving in with us- I'll tell you about it later(!)." Things went downhill from there! She had no day or night schedule, slept in chunks of a couple of hours randomly around the clock. Refused to shut her bedroom suite door, so every time I'd make a bathroom trip in the middle of the night she would want to chit-chat. Asked me for an orange juice from her mini-fridge. "Sorry, none there." (Three items in fridge). "Yes there ARE. LOOK AGAIN!" Finally I caught her smoking in her bathroom while on high-flow oxygen! THAT finally prompted Dear Wife to kick her out! Worst 6 weeks of my life! We actually had got along great before that!

[@1wadesdad]

I'm exhausted listening to hear her backstory.

[@mr.constitution]

Women love to talk

[@Julie-kl5sp]

@1wadesdad Personally, I'm HERE for the backstories 🤣

[@cutehumor]

@1wadesdad, you must have an easy life.

[@lot2196]

​@cutehumor, it's part of the whole point of these videos. Like when people have horrible car payments, they always ask what kind it is.

[@therealmvp232]

Don’t let her move in.

[@vv-cv6ud]

It’s cost me my marriage . We decided to let my in laws stay with us , and soon later I was kicked out

[@janebaker4912]

😮😮😮😮😮

[@jaengen]

You are better off if your spouse chose them over you. I’d say to them all “Good Riddance!”

[@coriemmett1363]

😢😮

[@LegDayLas]

If you were kicked out it clearly wasn't your home to offer up. If the home wasshared and awarded to her via a custody battle then you were not kicked out, she took her half.

[@the.magic.catbus9459]

I love y’all’s response to this. There is pushback from parents when they realize their kids are stepping in to care for them.

[@lindawilson4625]

Don't do this. Just don't. This isn't going to work. She can live for many years and will make your life Hell. Come up with another plan that doesn't involve her under your roof. And freeze her credit!

[@Judy-c3d]

You have to get a power of attorney first.

[@lindawilson4625]

@@Judy-c3d I think you're right. And they probably wouldn't grant one. It doesn't seem fair that a spouse can destroy you financially, but you can't proptect yourself without a legal doc...perhaps a financial separation. I wish him luck!

[@michellewinkler3985]

Her stress makes their stress and they don't deserve this! I had a similar problem with my mother, she's in her 90's. She would not listen to me no matter what. Finally she was placed in a nursing home after another broken hip, and I only communicate now through her caregivers or medical staff. It became so overwhelming for us, her yelling, screaming, demanding, that I finally set boundaries. I know she is safe, and I finally got my sanity back after years of emotional abuse. I hope these people can move this lady somewhere else. I tried for years to help my mom. Then I remembered.... The Lord helps those that help themselves!

[@davinasquirrel7672]

The cognitive decline in elderly parents is a real thing. They will throw tantrums (or little mini tantrums) over stupid small stuff. It just happens. The problem is, they still see themselves "as the parent" (and you as the child), but the reality is, the roles have to be reversed to whatever degree they are struggling with. Most frustrating thing with my mother, she thinks she is mentally fine and logical - but she is the opposite of logical - and if she has it in mind that something is a certain way, no amount of rational and calm explanation can get her to budge. If she feels she is 'losing', then comes out the tantrum or emotional blackmail. It's a hard place to be. For the caller, not much you can do other than to give her a decent allowance but no credit cards. Don't make her ask for money for each purpose, make her feel like she has some control. And it will never be easy.

[@erikhagstrom5083]

I’m a financial advisor and these scams happen more than you’d think. It breaks your heart because their target demographic is elderly

[@oulibemusic1257]

I am 67, and when I am bored, I have a lot of fun with catfishers. They are so dumb, that usually it takes 30 min to have them say they are in Lagos. Fishing catfish in a bowl

[@maryellendoran8806]

Has she seen a doctor and been evaluated for possible dementia? She could be in early stages of dementia. Giving away money and becoming oppositional are red flags. Could she go to a senior center or program during the day so she is less focused on money? She needs to get involved with something.

[@Nickbronline]

This caller really yapped for 80% of the call

[@lalal8182]

😂😂

[@sassysister8552]

I almost quit watching!! Spit it Out already!

[@matthewgardner2144]

I hate when people start their breathless diatribes with "So..." and I can't stand it when they go in and out of first and second person narratives.

[@omarnoory]

If she would have been more succinct, she might have actually had time to hear some advice before the music started playing 😂

[@norviliaetienne222]

Why are you watching then? Move on with your life! Let the woman ask for advice however she wants!

[@ivydickson7596]

I am 72 and live in a flat that i pay for on my own. Plus all my expenses. Would never expect my kids to house me. Totally independent.

[@bulioperamusic25]

I don't understand why people give money to strangers . They ruin their lives just because someone says "I love you ".

[@fhuber7507]

Guys give away half of their net worth to women all the time when they say "I Do."

[@mhodge0890]

@fhuber7507 and that’s a fact

[@Kroh13]

@@fhuber7507strangers um ok

[@Kroh13]

@@fhuber7507does the mom not raise the kids ? Did you not get kids out of the deal ..

[@bulioperamusic25]

@@fhuber7507 Is this lady talking about scammer or married individuals?

[@DaleEGrant]

At 73yrs old it's very sad the lady makes terrible choices. The sense of entitlement comes from lack of consequences for her choices. If the 73yo lady actually thought she'd end up homeless she wouldn't have been scammed out of $150k, quite the contrary she'd hold tight to every penny. There's more to the story, but I don't think the son and DIL are equipped to deal with it. They'll either end up divorced, or pay the MIL poo poo, or go broke trying.

[@anniehope8651]

I think the entitlement might come from a feeling of losing control. People who feel like they are losing control start controlling and holding on to everything they still can. It could be an early sign of dementia. These people often look a lot worse after they move to a new place because they no longer have enough flexibility to adjust. Don't try to teach her consequences, or anything else for that matter, get her checked out medically and move on from there.

[@iii9266]

We gave my parents a chance to move in with us, having 2 bedrooms, a livingroom, fireplace, private entry all to themselves and sharing the kitchen. Their response, nope. Now we've retired, seriously downsized, dad has passed on, mom has somewhat serious cognitive decline and we aren't close. My younger brother, who berated us for trying to talk them into moving in with us, now has to deal with it all. Karma.

[@jillgott6567]

She is blessed to have all of you to help. Once she has seen a doctor and if proved to be healthy, she needs to take some steps toward improving her life. That includes making friends, finding activities such as volunteering, taking a class ,going to church or another group. It is best for her to have things to occupy her.

[@kelleyturner6584]

My mother in law stole nearly $5,000 from us. When we discovered this and approached her, she freaked and my husband's older siblings and a cousin, took her side. It got physical two years ago and we ended up cutting the family off and were given permanent restraining orders against the family.

[@coriemmett1363]

😮😢

[@coriemmett1363]

😮😢I’m so sorry she did this. That’s heartbreaking 🙏🏻♥️

[@Petruskinhap972]

Sounds like she needs a neurology consult to evaluate her capacity and assisted living placement.

[@whatsup848]

There may be a problem with the money that was transferred to the son and daughter in law. If unable to afford the cost of assisted living, which averages $5000 a month, they would first have to pay an equal amount to the facility of all money transferred over the last 5 years before the MIL would be eligible for assistance. If they received $200,000 toward their new home....they would have to pay the initial $200,000 of assisted living cost

[@kathleencarter7231]

When there's big changes (as in this situation), it can really cause upset and rebellion. What needs to happen is to give her time to adjust to the move, but if things get worse, it's probably dementia and then you will need a diagnosis!

[@azimuthbusinesscenter]

I will never understand how an adult has to ask another adult what to do

[@patriciau6277]

I feel for you son. My son and wife have been pressing me to move in. I love them with all my heart. But, two women in the same house is rarely a good idea. The older brings experience and confidence. The younger is inexperienced but deserves the time and patience to gain that experience. In todays world these don’t respect either of these.

[@clarky_kevin]

It’s pretty simple. When you live in your son’s house you live by his rules. You get no say in anything.

[@cutehumor]

do they not want your home to be used to pay for a nursing facility? what is your son and his wife have to gain?

[@brendalabranche365]

My gosh, you are an example of a loving and considerate mother!

[@patriciau6277]

@@clarky_kevinTrue. but it depends on what your talking about. Personal man and wife things ABSOLUTELY! And honestly 99% of everything else. Common decency and respect in the fact that they are an adult NOT one of your children. They might have a question or feeling about something that does or will effect them. At least have the common decency to ask.

[@patriciau6277]

@@cutehumornothing. They worry because I’m alone. I have been on my own for twenty years now. In that time I owned my home (sold it). I drove OTR for eight years ( retired health reasons). My situation now basically homeless. They don’t know to what extent because I don’t complain about anything. Everyone in this world has their own problems. I’m not about to add to them. I understand what you’re saying. I’ve seen that my whole life. You have to understand not everyone is like that. There are good people in this world.

[@dorahmulinge3800]

Why are people complaining about the backstory. I love a good yapper😂❤

[@Punk-76]

😂

[@MP-qf5gg]

She’s not answering a simple question. Does she have a diagnosis or not. Sounds like she doesn’t. People need to learn to stop being politicians and just answer the question straight.

[@willelliott5052]

She is entitled, ungrateful, and such people are invariably unhappy and unpleasant. That is a tough spot. The MIL of one of my daughters is a long train wreck of bad financial choices, the latest of which is another divorce. I live several states away. I suspect that she already has or will move in with them. My daughter, still raising her kids, does not deserve that.

[@JoshuaTrinityWolf-dc4up]

We ran into the same thing up here in Canada. A nurse said that we should wait for a medical emergency and then tell the Hospitals that she can't live alone safely. Repeat that a few times. Then put her in a nursing home and do not let her move in. Our mother was 73 when it started. back out of promises if you have to.

[@marciagabrielle9988]

Ombudsman here! If she ever needs a personal care home they are private pay or SSI/D. There is a VERY big difference between the two… the later being a step above a shelter

[@jvillebil13]

I'm well off financially and have 2 married children in their 30's. I told them their mom would probably outlive me so make sure to take care of her, but if I happen to be last when the time comes do not hesitate to find me a good nursing home. Heck I make friends easy and be at peace of mind. Just get it close enough you can visit me a couple of times a month. Scammers, man can't be too careful especially when you're a senior. I had one try to scam me for $48,000 but got my banker and the police to stop it.

[@jaklg7905]

Nobody that gets scammed over and over is mentally stable. This clearly signs of dementia. They need to take her and have her officially diagnosed. I imagine that within a year, she will no longer be able to drive herself.

[@hannahi9355]

They need to take her to a doctor. She may need assisted living.

[@elmarsupial6483]

Bad advise, the best thing to do is: from her income put some little money on the side so she can use it, even if she drops it in the toilet, asume that that money will be wasted but will give her the feeling of independence and self determination. Doesn't have to be that much, might be just a 10 % of her income.

[@susanparsons9365]

She’s angry at you. You took her house.

[@Sheryl777]

I'm not in this woman's mother in law's place financially, but if I was, to me it seems like it would be a big relief to have someone else manage my money, pay any bills, or anything else that needed to be taken care of financially. I'm not in her place though, and everyone views that kind of thing differently.

[@Mr.Mister1974]

I say let her live there. She falls for anymore scams that is on her. Provide shelter and food for her anything she wants if she has no money to bad. I am 51 years old on a fixed income, depressed, lonely yet I don't fall for scams. I pay rent first, buy my own food anything else is optional or a luxury.

[@katrina3157]

HER SPENDING GAVE HER A EUPHORIA AND NOW SHE DOESNT HAVE IT SO SHE IS ANGRY. SHE PROBABLY NEEDS AN ANTI DEPRESSANT. TAKE HER TO A GERIATRIC PRIMARY CARE DOCTOR FOR THAT/GERIATRICIAN!

[@JJ-jn7ei]

My Dad has dementia. I check his accounts weekly just based on a convo with a good friend s girlfriend who's father also had dementia.

[@pama.6410]

It is one thing to fall for one scam. It is another to fall into one after another after another unless she is being set up. If she has multiple fraudulent charges on multiple cards, she is not able to have control of her money. She needs you and you need to explain that plainly to her. She has crossed a line. Seems like for 30 years she handled everything well and then all of a sudden didn't. Does she talk about how it happened and why she believed them? It would be helpful to know that.

[@LanaMyslyvetsPlanners]

So, the reason why the mother became “entitled “, is because, if it wasn’t for her almost losing her home, you two would not be free and clear Now. You mortgaging a second home, started the chain of events that totally Upgraded your lifestyle, and Loweted her to “an inconvenience “. She lost everything to a man who lied to her, and now she’s controlled and feeling unworthy. People need to see Both sides of a situation.

[@deekang6244]

My stepmother got dementia at 60, don’t make it sound like her MIL is too young. She definitely has some decline.

[@jsy3359]

I was shocked at how young the mother-in-law was. I thought she was 85+, not 73. I can’t imagine taking my parent’s financial power away from them at 73 unless they had early onset dementia.

[@CaliAAA72]

lol. Unless you have a great relationship with your in-laws never do anything that would involve you and them being under one roof. It’s a recipe for disaster and it will definitely ruin your relationship with your spouse

[@Rickettsia505]

Bring in a counselor or mediator to help with the conflicts. Realize that living together may not work.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

You won't allow her to have a debit card to her own account, but they still let her write checks on her accounts? How does she fell entitled? I never heard any bank call someone and say they are concerned about how much someone is spending.

[@thomasdalton1508]

They already had power of attorney when the bank called. That's why the bank called them.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

@@thomasdalton1508 Banks still won't call for that. If they had POA, they should be checking her account everyday.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

@@thomasdalton1508 If they did. They should have been checking her accounts every day. But they weren't.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

@@thomasdalton1508 But they never checked the accounts? They never set up alerts for withdrawals?

[@thetaekwondoe3887]

I think the point of the checks is she can spend locally, but can't fall for online BS and use cards to pay for it.

[@cindynok]

The wording “we down sized her to”. and the “home is in their name”. No one has said who paid for the home they “downsized her to”. Did funds for the downsized home come from kids or from sale of a home mom previously owned? Sounds fishy to me. Did she give money to other of her children etc.

[@sanjaypatelmd4669]

My mother-in-law did same thing…right after we got married she moved into our house for frirst 13 years in last 20 years and 7 years ago we had to kick her out

[@cutehumor]

where is she now? Just wondering

[@sanjaypatelmd4669]

@ far from us…. She tried to come back and told my wife …”can I come visit you for two wks” my wife said no we will come visit you…because she knew it will be permanent if she comes this time. She is living in India now….

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@sanjaypatelmd4669 Are you Indian? It is common in that culture.

[@lakiiamccall3051]

At the end of the day she's an adult. Yes, she fell for scammers and lost alot of money, but to have your child (in many ways) treating and disciplining you like your their child is humiliating and is going to cause some pushback and resentment. Especially, when you've been independent/self-sufficient for most of your life. Put yourself in her shoes.

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[@AligningHer]

OR why not give her prepaid debit and/or a secured credit card. This way she feels the freedom and even if she gave it away-it has a limit.

[@wendybryan6071]

For what it's worth, I have bipolar disorder, have problems with impulse control and with male authority figures. I've been scammed twice and have learned to question my reactions.

[@DaveSmith-pm2yq]

Take her for a full medical evaluation. Not to scare you but certain medical conditions can make people irritable.

[@butimbobbywitdatool]

I would like to know a little bit more about the financial power of attorney situation. Caller said MIL was “present” when they set the guard rails but was she receptive to it? At first I also took it as dementia but if you have to write a check for everything you buy, that’s an inconvenience. (Notice the pause when Delony asked about giving her an allowance.) I’m not taking sides here, as she is still a resident in THEIR home, but I think there’s a lot missing in the story.

[@SpX-StarCraft]

Called for help but won’t shut up for them to talk

[@FP65]

We had always planned to take in my mom after her husband died. Once he passed away, there began a nightmare year and 1/2 of my mom acting out in ways unimaginable to most people. And this was while she was still in her own home. After a solid year and 1/2 of unbearable, intolerable behavior from my mom my husband had finally had enough and said she will never come live with us. We tried to get her to go into a beautiful active adult community which she could easily afford and she said that was beneath her. Bottom line, she went to live with my brother and is now tearing his life apart.

[@JustBree716]

She could have early onset dementia or Alzheimer's or even a UTI related to the behavior specifically

[@SkunkNWindow]

Or the caller could be really manipulative painting that picture for u.

[@Fatmamafat]

Sounds like dementia. I’ve worked with dementia patients a long time and those are all warning signs. They fall a lot too. Get her evaluated.

[@deekang6244]

And the anger.

[@clairevinet3557]

This conversation was helpful….thank you!💖🇨🇦🙏🏼

[@lynnebucher6537]

If mom has given away $150K to scammers, she's cognitively impaired and needs her son to protect her remaining finances, not throw her to the dogs.

[@SkunkNWindow]

What if she has $3-4 million in her account? $150k is not that much to lose. Also, people broadly define scams; what if they were just bad purchases? There is no mention that the MIL was under financial stress and the caller and the husband needed to save her. Quite the opposite, since they used the sale of her house to upgrade their smaller house they significantly outgrew and they also have access to her accounts. Be nice to know the financial situation here since this is the Ramsey show before condemning the MIL.

[@eurekahope5310]

I disagree with Dr. Delaney's advice on this. The choice he gave MIL is spend or save, but you have a home regardless. I believe they should allow her to stay under the condition of being reasonable with money. If she starts going crazy again, she needs to figure out how to live on her own. We shouldn't reward dangerous behavior simply because of blood.

[@jencomito8957]

This sounds a lot like my MIL. Early dementia can be so hard because it's rarely diagnosed, there's so little to be done, and they can be so hurt by the changes that are needed in order to protect them. Our society is not set up to help much in these situations.

[@moonbuni59]

You can give her a preloaded debit card that would keep her from spending too much. Plus get her cognitive testing.

[@rommym7528]

Well, it's clear nothing was resolved with that conversation. If that is all there was to it! 😕

[@kcourtney6826]

My great grandmother gave away over 250k she kept in her mattress to her brother who gambled it away, that’s how we found out she had dementia. My grandparents ( who were on a fixed income) had to take her in there was no money to put her in a home and they took out a small life insurance policy(Colonial Penn)to cover burial expenses.

[@Andrea-iw9gh]

Multigeneration homes CAN work. It takes a supernatural amount of patience, grace, forgiveness, humility, communication, and selflessness. Other cultures (other than American) have been doing it for centuries. I have experienced it, and am grateful for the time I have had with my inlaws. I am just throwing this out there for anyone who is living similarly and discouraged and seeking encouragement. But it is true that depending on the people it may not work. Boundary setting is very important, and if boundaries are not being met, that can be an indicator it is not a healthy situation. Also, the woman is in her early 70s. It is going to take her time to adjust to needing so much help and losing a sense of control.

[@creature57]

My MIL likes to buy 'things' from the TV - shopping channel stuff. When her husband was alive, there were always boxes being delivered. My husband said they knew the delivery guys' names off by heart. The husband died - my father in law so my husband and his sister put her into a smaller home outside of town that was affordable with her fixed income and told her that her debit card wouldn't work for TV shopping purchasing. She believed it and they curbed her shopping habits.

[@philwill0123]

She's angry that she feels she owns nothing and her ability to "spend money is taken away. She is the dependant child, and still can't accept she was scammed

[@pslowazo]

Sounds like early onset dementia like symptoms.

[@jeffreywhitaker5154]

As a nurse, I thought exactly the same thing.

[@robertperry814]

@@jeffreywhitaker5154 yep...I'm also a nurse, and live with a spouse dealing with the same thing.

[@jeffreywhitaker5154]

@@robertperry814 Thank you for what you do. I'm a cardiac ICU nurse in Fresno Ca. And you?

[@gaildevaney6074]

@@jeffreywhitaker5154 At 73, is it really "early"?

[@jeffreywhitaker5154]

@ yep. It can be at ANY AGE.

[@johncameron4194]

Could be dementia Take her to the doctor

[@zenmama4160]

Could be undiagnosed dementia. Used to work at a bank and we had mother-adult daughter clients who were going through the point of the mother’s dementia where she should have a home caregiver or assisted living. The mother accused her daughter, our bank and another bank of having stolen from her. She said our banker took her money downstairs but we re only ground level. She was still driving around on her own. You could tell she didn’t have her full faculties. The entitlement could be dementia sundowners which is their stress coming out from kinda knowing that they’re losing cognition. Both my parents suffered through dementia or cognitive decline.

[@hannahi9355]

I hate people that don't know how to answer questions. It irks me so much. It shows a lack of intelligence. Its like is she unwell yes or no? And if you don't want to answer the question say you don't want to, don't just keep rambling on and on.

[@littlehousepineywoods5352]

Please have her assessed for cognitive decline based on poor decision making and petsonality changes. 👍

[@marim7784]

Take her to a neurologist and urologist. Get a geriatric care manager.

[@Hatbox948]

I had a disabled FIL live with us. He was divorced from my MIL who lived next door with a new husband. Of course we're divorced now. Never again!

[@gonefishing3644]

I say this as someone who has worked with patients hospitalized on psychiatric wards: It is a mistake to try to provide full-time, in-home supervision to an elder who may be developing dementia including forgetfulness (leaving a burner on the stove top unattended that could set the house on fire), poor sleep and disorientation (wandering outside at 3 a.m., leaving the front door unlocked or wide pen and getting lost) and volatile emotions (angry outbursts, punching, biting). A better choice would be to escort the elder to a neurologist or a psychiatrist for a voluntary mental health evaluation to determine if the cognitive problems are due to Alzheimer's or some other kind of irreversible cognitive decline. If the elder refuses to get evaluated, then it would be time to seek a court-ordered evaluation. Once the nature of the problem is understood and if it is irreversible dementia, then it is time to seek some kind of conservatorship over the elderly person. At the least this would involve guardianship over the person's finances and medical decisions and placement of the elderly relative in the right kind of residential facility. Getting the person the appropriate residential care -- the kind of care laypersons CAN NOT provide in the family home -- is the kindest thing to do and the choice that is also the least stressful and disruptive for other family members.

[@leelaural]

$$$$$$$$$$$$$.......unless you get your elderly eligible for medicaid,the cost of assisted livin̈g let alone nursing home care is astronomical.

[@sparkofhope-withkatrinadar8707]

Raises a huge red flag for me. Exactly, cognitive decline seems likely. She will eventually get used to her “new Normal”. As her cognitive capability continues to decline she will push back at each ‘new normal” Begin by ascertaining documentation by a doctor which, if it is discovered she has cognitive decline, will give you a better idea of how to proceed.

[@DudeWatIsThis]

"I'm glad I let my mother in law move in with us." - Not a single person ever.

[@theresamc4578]

My MIL moved in with us when we moved to another state. We tiptoed around each other for a while, but I learned to really love her. I knew she was not happy to give up her home, but she faced the fact that she could no longer maintain her home by herself. It worked out well, but everyone had to compromise something, like adults.

[@Dre2011]

Bad advice. Give her a debt card and put a certain amount of money in it each month.

[@RetroGamer20109]

They need to get a financial guardianship if appropriate (voluntary if possible). Otherwise, they either need to let her love on her own or get her agree to their rules.