My Parents Are Enablers And Don't Want Me To Leave!

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[@sl-te2xh]

. You do not need to have them set a date, You set the date.

[@donnasalerno9870]

Exactly. He needs to start thinking for himself and setting up some boundaries.

[@talltemple]

True

[@tashawilliams8093]

💯

[@Eric_Bassett]

The whole being judged if you don’t move out thing really seems to differ from culture to culture.

[@carloscrespin7074]

Yep it's actually the norm across the world.

[@AntiMasonic93]

Yeah, here in the U.S. we tend to place a strong emphasis on moving out. In other countries, adult children still live with their parents and in some cases those parents are still living with their parents. So, you have multiple generations living in the same household. I, personally, think adult children should move out. Your life will be placed on hold until you step out.

[@Eric_Bassett]

@@AntiMasonic93 I think its for sure healthier to move out and have your own space. But unfortunately you need roommates or a significant other to pull it off in most cases. Rent has just gotten to be unreasonable and has priced out many single young adults. So if your single and you dont have anyone to be a roommate you are SOL.

[@dantheman909]

It makes you a stronger, harder working person if you move out. You are in make it or break it mode and you wont get that with parents around.

[@Dipset-wr6kt]

Actually I disagree and you are wrong. Moving out, independence is the core value that makes western countries successful. That's why people are moving from the east to the west, not the other way around

[@BruceJC75]

At 36 I’m stuck taking care of my grandparents cause I never had their blessing to leave, thus enabling their kids to not be there for them. The family has had me over a barrel and I was pretty much forced to buy my mom and stepdad a house. It’s the only way I could keep them from being homeless and have any kind of financial future for myself. I’m literally stuck waiting till everyone dies before I can have anything for myself. I make about 75k. I’ve never really had any meaningful relationships cause how the hell can I move on when everyone depends on me? God I hate my wasted life. Everyone gets to be happy except me.

[@FR-tb7xh]

I’ve a sense the parents in this case may be emotionally dependent on their son. They might not really like each other, and subconsciously be using their son as a buffer between or themselves or distraction from each other.

[@thispersonrighthere9024]

you will not believe how common this is!

[@FR-tb7xh]

@@thispersonrighthere9024 Oh, I do. I’ve seen countless examples!

[@kheleecebrown1799]

True.

[@s1234pro]

I had to tell my debt free, 29 year old son that he shouldn't WANT to live with me. He should want to live on his own. Now he does.

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

After high school I worked for 18 months to get a car a build savings/EF. Chipped in with my parents utility bills and groceries. After that my stuff was packed and off to school 1200 miles away. One of the scariest and best times of my life. My mom did the same thing and left Springfield NC for New York City at 19. Dad went into the military.

[@bettysmith4527]

Oh yea, as soon as I graduated college at 29 and got a good job I was like BYEEEEEEE! My mom said "oh, but you can stay here forever if you want!".... thanks, but no thanks mom! I was very thankful my mom let me stay at home for a while so I could attend school and pay low rent, I still worked full time, but I didn't have to work more than 40 hours a week.

[@deb9806]

One of my kids stayed home until loans and debt was paid off (except for year abroad working) It helped her a lot but also makes you a little lazy because you always have a roommate. ; )

[@random-nz7dy]

"I asked them to give me a deadline.....uhhkay". 😂😂😂

[@lovethemflowers]

Crazy! Set the date yourself man!

[@thegodblogger3812]

Right!

[@lefromthecity]

This sounds like a relative of mine 😂, says she wants to leave and parents are suffocating her but continues to take the handout.

[@MichelleLyn84]

I went through this. I realized it in my 20’s to a certain extent but my parents made me feel like I couldn’t do it. Not in a mean way, I don’t think they realized they were doing it. But then I moved out after I turned 30 and it was not good. Lol 😂 I’m still adjusting to it at age 38!!!!!!! It’s like I should’ve been like 20 and perfecting stuff at 28 but no. My boyfriend and I joke that we are a little behind on things in life. But we’ve done ok I think.

[@JahAmericanNY]

OMG, You just describe my situation. It was an learning curve but for the better.

[@mcdee1313]

Well said. We are coddling our kids too much. We think we are being helpful by letting them live with us etc, but what we are doing is telling them we do not think they are capable. We are delaying those final steps to adulthood. Yes, spending your money on bills and such stinks, but it is also your independence and that is the best feeling ever and you will mature in leaps and bounds when you get a taste of it.

[@fuse911]

Honestly dont beat up urself too bad youre only trying to become the best parents you can be.

[@genxx2724]

There never should have been any coddling. Parents’ responsibility is to get their offspring to be able to do everything for themselves.

[@donaldlyons17]

No that depends on a lot of factors. Some people get eaten up when independent!!!! I say stay dependent it can only help assuming you are able to be independent but choose not to!

[@dogguy8603]

How are you independent if your homeless?

[@vickieclark5931]

@@dogguy8603 If someone is homeless then that is their choice. Some chose that cause they don't want to work. It just depends on what you want in life. Your more independent as a homeless person than living off mommy or daddy cause most of them still find a way to get food and shelter on their own.

[@Jim_Curtis]

Accounting firms are paying new associates $50-60k per year coming out of school because they're desperate for staff.

[@kuryanthomas1438]

hes probably with a smaller cpa firm though. But hes just starting out, the more experience he gets, the more money he will make over time.

[@donaldlyons17]

@@kuryanthomas1438 he might have to change employers to increase income.

[@jillgott6567]

You decide when to move You decide what to do YOU ARE AN ADULT

[@veeshoo2880]

My in-laws were like this with my husband and his brother. I became the big bad enemy when we got married and he "abandoned" his family (which meant we had our own life and that their wants had to be worked into our lives, and not the other way around). We created a budget to pay off his student loans and his dad was livid about it. My husband started realizing that his parents wanted him and his brother to be dependent and useless so that they could keep control over them. Fast forward a few years, he has no relationship with his parents due to worsening toxicity and his brother is now in his mid 30s and still stuck there with no life, no independence, and the brother is a bitter and miserable person. It's probably the loneliness.

[@adamfpv8294]

Shouldn’t your husband save his brother from this?

[@veeshoo2880]

@@adamfpv8294 you have no idea how long he tried, the brother is a lost cause, he knows things aren't normal but doesn't feel like there can be any option because his parents have made him feel that worthless. The brother then turned on us, running their parents' hateful messages to my husband, so he distanced himself completely. My husband now describes his home life as "cultish". I believe it.

[@adamfpv8294]

@@veeshoo2880 that’s sad, there’s got to be something that can be done.

[@bettysmith4527]

The brother is a gown adult, he is not "stuck" there, he is just a man child with no balls that won't leave!

[@adamfpv8294]

@@bettysmith4527 it’s not that simple.

[@brandonjuber3576]

$41k a year with a bachelors in accounting is a pretty common salary right out of college. Should go up pretty quick, but that's an entry level salary.

[@ILiketoSayYeehaw]

Maybe 20 years ago. But I made about 30/hr as an accounting intern in a MCOL area this past summer. If you're graduating with an accounting degree in this day and age, and working in the field, 40k is way too low

[@brandonjuber3576]

@@ILiketoSayYeehaw I graduated with a bachelors in 2015 and most people in my class received offers in the $40's. My first job paid $46k. Definitely went up quickly. Looks like times have changed lol

[@bulbasaur1232]

I’m an accounts payable clerk in Houston Texas (caller is from Texas) and I make 50-55k. He’s definitely underpaid or probably in a bookkeeper position

[@deb9806]

Maybe if he was a CPA?

[@ojalara3937]

My firmed was making 30/hr or 60k fresh out of college back in 2014 with an accounting degree I got a mass comms degree and was making 20/hr or 40k 🤣 an account with a degree should not be making 40k a year

[@feduppatriot7647]

The real world giving you that little smack in the face , being a adult and actually doing the everyday responsibilities does wonders for the wing span , so to speak. You will never fly if you don’t leave the nest .

[@donaldlyons17]

So how do you explain people the world eats up? I say depends on other factors.

[@DiaJasin]

There's some logical incoherence to this guy...just move

[@elvisii4220]

I was cringing the whole introduction and thr pause and “oook” by dr wass icing on cake 😂😂

[@clutchlaughs9179]

He needs to go to public accounting and make BANK in career progression. Ez 100k in 4-5 years.

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

Even sooner if he's willing to move.

[@inthebooks3947]

Tbh with his experience he can go make 85-100k. He just decided to pick a bad company as senior accountants are making 85-95k and managers are bringing 95-120k.

[@chris.shamblin]

Sell your rice. Sell your beans. Go buy some rice and beans.

[@mba2ceo]

"Sell their car" ?

[@stevenporter863]

Get out and be yourself instead of in the shadow of your parents.

[@yesitsme738]

love this episode!

[@thecoyote9866]

It sounds funny but there are parents like this. Mine refused to teach me how to move out for years. My career allowed me to live on the road though

[@brittanygonzalez1282]

Depends. If he threw all money at debt he could give himself a 1 year deadline and be debt free and move out. Whatever he decides he is the one who needs to make a plan not his parents.

[@TShirtAndReeboks]

This question seems like it came from a great person and a kind son. He should move out but I think he is going to be just fine!

[@murphyville]

I mean... if I were him... I would look for a better paying job, pay off the debt, and then move. You can't afford to move out right now. Move out with a emergency fund!

[@TubeDeviant]

Ok there.. The guy wants to move out, but asks his parents to make a deadline for him to move out..?? And he has no money saved and is in debt..?? What's wrong with this guy..?? Take advantage of the situation to pay off the debt while he's still able to live there and then save some money.

[@djpuplex]

Must be nice I was shown the door at 18. Than asked to come back at 35 strangely.

[@sblijheid]

Were you making bank at age 35?

[@djpuplex]

@@sblijheid More than when I was 18.

[@amireallythatgrumpy6508]

Should have said no at 35.

[@AsianVideoGamer]

Sounds like the guy is from an Asian background. Accountant, gets low pay and lives at home around 27.

[@melanieb2132]

The idea of him asking his parents give him a deadline makes more sense then.. it's more honoring in that culture.. maybe I'm speaking out of turn, but is that right?

[@melanieb2132]

My kids can come home on summer break during college, but otherwise, they are getting a boot. Goodbye, darlings!

[@bettysmith4527]

Ouch cold.. I bet you change your mind when they finish college and have no job yet and no place to live, other than with you!

[@vickieclark5931]

@@bettysmith4527 I'm sure if she raised her kids right that they have a place to live on their own.

[@blaze376192]

I waited till I was 27 to move out. Because I waited, saved, n invested, I now make 100k a yr, drive a corvette, and about to buy my second house. Don't move out unless you make enough money to save and invest on top of your expenses.

[@peterlembessis6427]

Move out with Roommates to help reduce your debt

[@donaldlyons17]

Only if they all pay in. Not everyone will be able to pay thousands for access to their basics!

[@mmp495]

Omg Dave... that laugh! 🤣😈😈😈

[@markg999]

Leave if you want geez. I stayed after school had no debt but wanted to save up for a house and a big down-payment and got one at 27. Of staying longer at parents it's OK just have a goal to leave at some point.

[@donaldlyons17]

His odds of having more wealth are much better if he leaches off other his entire life. I say be able to leave but if he can never leave!!

[@JoeEnt]

Lol 😆 🤣 😂 you need to throw me out

[@jondoe5305]

Get the debt paid off and have 10k saved on top of a down payment on a place before you leave.

[@GAMEONBABE]

Depends on your culture. Some cultures you don’t leave home as it’s a sign of disrespect.

[@Pack044]

Dave’s laugh made my dsy

[@josephsantangelo2801]

This was hilarious.

[@talltemple]

That's why I wrote them a letter instead of calling lol

[@catlady2795]

Maybe he could start looking for a better paying position, then once he gets one, then move out hopefully soon.

[@critterdude311]

There’s just one flaw with the Ramsey thought process on this situation - it doesn’t take in to account for, on an inflation adjusted cost basis, what it takes to do this now versus 30 years ago. It’s apples and oranges when comparing young adults of today vs their parents and grandparents. It’s intellectually dishonest to be dismissive of this fact. My suggestion to young adults would be to bank as much as possible your first few adult years while still living at home and then start to look at housing once you’ve got a financial foundation laid. It is your one and only chance in life to do it. As a parent I would encourage it. There’s no dignity in being house poor just to say “I left the nest”.

[@donaldlyons17]

Well and that he likely paid less in proportion than his kids did for their housing too!!!! 2009 showed me what housing cost being cheap was all about!!!

[@All_Things_Pertaining]

That was funny by the Dr.

[@Ryan_DeWitt]

13 g in cc, living at home at 27 with a 40k income. There are a lot of other issues going on here.

[@donaldlyons17]

I think he can't afford to. He seems to be buying too much for his income and that is always a concern for me!!!

[@joshua38410]

I’m just gonna say this, moving out on your own does better for your emotional maturity. However, I would definitely wait until I was 30 to move out. I would have plenty of money saved and paid off all my debt. A great way to start your 30s.

[@DiaJasin]

I'd say age 18, small studio or shared apartment

[@dogguy8603]

@@DiaJasin most 18yos cant afford 1500 a month rent, also what wrong with staying at home

[@DiaJasin]

@@dogguy8603 I think this should be addressed by area, every area has it's own socio-economic conditions and norms

[@dogguy8603]

@@DiaJasin yah where kicking out your kid leads to them being homeless, ie anywhere that has high rent prices (everywhere)

[@Chromewarrior]

A 27 year old baby 🤣😂😅

[@freedomfan4272]

That would probably take you out with one ✊️.

[@alinatamashevich3354]

Man Baby

[@Chromewarrior]

@@alinatamashevich3354 is it ok to say “man”? 🤣

[@alinatamashevich3354]

@@Chromewarrior You tell me.

[@MichaelJones-rn2pq]

Why does the son think he has to have the parents kick him out? He needs to put on his Big Boy pants and just leave.

[@talltemple]

This was my question and your right. I felt like my parents weren't pushing me to my fullest but I do need to take responsibility. I appreciate your feedback!

[@TShirtAndReeboks]

Sometimes parents can make a child feel like they SHOULD stay.

[@adrianmanriquez7233]

That will be me in the future 😅

[@christopherbowers4071]

There is a movie about this guy. Called “Dinner for Schmucks”

[@atmart619]

Brian your 27 give your self a deadline. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@theforeignerinamerica1817]

One of my family members is 45 and still living at home. I don't agree but it is what it is. I left home and never been happier.

[@donaldlyons17]

Well you and your family member are different people so why do you feel the need to agree or disagree? Also is there a reason why the one living at home is living there still?

[@azteca6695]

Stay! Pay off your debit!!!!!!

[@TerryJohnson757]

In my wife’s culture. The kids stay home until marriage.

[@nicolcacola]

My kids are going to be welcome to stay until they are married.

[@random-nz7dy]

I mean I do understand a cultural differences but I also don't think that that makes that plan inherently better than how we do it in america. Kids also grow up differently in America and so I think a lot of kids who grow up in the American culture, do you benefit more from leaving home earlier I moved out during college and then I was back with my parents for a brief few years to save on living costs during grad school. They offered for me to stay afterwards to pay my loans off sooner but I declined. Reason being, even if that makes a lot of sense I was a single guy and a reality is that an American culture women don't want to date a guy who lives with their parents. They just don't.

[@wowso4]

Same here with me can't move put until marriage. But I work hard and have a job and save my money I am not lazy freeloading of my parents.

[@amireallythatgrumpy6508]

Marriage is for the stupid.

[@TerryJohnson757]

@@random-nz7dy who cares what she wants. Never do things to impress a woman. If you’re financially stable, the right woman will come along and get on your program.

[@kyleschaffrick3845]

Dude what. Your kids only started buying groceries and doing laundry once they left the house??? LOL

[@bretfeeney1072]

I would first get a better paying job and I would stay with your parents until your debt free and save up a couple grand then move out. I didn't move out until I was 26 years old and now, I make a little over a 100k. I had coworkers at a job that told me I should be embarrassed to still live with my parents, but they were broke.

[@donaldlyons17]

Heath only certain times does independence lead to more wealth. People online do ok but they are the survivors and do it is likely those who did not make it are not seen!

[@genxretiree]

Yeah move out man. It's past time at 27. Find a place to rent. Get on a budget. Baby step to freedom. If it's not easy at first welcome to reality.

[@donaldlyons17]

Nope if he seems to not be able to why tell him to do so? Many online lived with others but finding people with money should get more and more difficult over time so I say keep leaching off others.

[@sblijheid]

@@donaldlyons17 You need to practice your English. I'm still trying to figure out what you wrote.

[@donaldlyons17]

@@sblijheid People living off each other is not uncommon and many on KZbin did not always live on their own!!!

[@dogguy8603]

How is it past time? Its very common thing in most cultures and paying 1500 a month on 41k a year is not feasible

[@genxretiree]

Doesn’t sound like he wants to stay there. Otherwise he wouldn’t have asked Dave in the first place. I always answer a question with what would I do if I were in his shoes and I’d have been out of there faster than you can say “Independence Day.”

[@rachelharrison7961]

This LW is going to bring his laundry home, mark my words.

[@danielwashburn7145]

I don't think Dave considered that the caller might be starting out in the accounting field. Where I live 41K is standard for a starting accounts payable or receivable.

[@talltemple]

Exactly, this was my question and I just graduated from collage that why I'm making that much but it will increase. Thanks for the feedback!

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

That's the problem. It's "where you live".

[@chrishollis6015]

Wow how sad is that a 27 year old man with a degree still living with mommy and daddy.

[@vickieclark5931]

He probably just got out of college. But he does need to get out ASAP and start to live a life of a man instead of a boy now that he has graduated.

[@donaldlyons17]

@@vickieclark5931 If he does not leave he still has plenty to do.

[@michaelk1840]

needs to grow up

[@alinatamashevich3354]

Man up more like it

[@danip.9995]

What's the book he recommended to get a better job?

[@alinatamashevich3354]

It is called a college degree.

[@yourgooglemeister6745]

He must be exaggerating what his actual degree is in. NO WAY he has an actual degree in accounting and only makes 40k! Probably just Quickbooks certificate or something like that?

[@clutchlaughs9179]

Ehhh not really. I just got mine and make 60k but that's in public accounting. He could be doing some job that doesn't necessarily need an accountant degree like a clerk.

[@BlowitAllUp]

It’s more common nowadays than you think. Bachelors degrees are treated like hs diplomas now. So many idiots take out massive debt for it that pretty much everyone has one.

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

@@clutchlaughs9179 Or he can apply for a job anywhere in the U.S. and leave like my neighbor.

[@donaldlyons17]

@@blackworldtraveler3711 Can he really afford to leave? If he can and wants to sure otherwise nope!!!!

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

@@donaldlyons17 You won't know what you can afford until you apply for employment at different locations and find out things like pay,benefits,affordability,etc.. It's how my neighbor moved from New Jersey starting an accounting position making over $80k a year. He didn't make up excuses.

[@Jannjari]

And then they enter the workplace with a terrible attitude

[@donaldrichey3318]

It would be wise to put on your big boy pants and move out

[@azteca6695]

Dave paid for his kids education....So there's that

[@hustlasstory7611]

And probably their house

[@amireallythatgrumpy6508]

@@hustlasstory7611 His son in law manages his real estate portfolio, so probably.

[@azteca6695]

@@hustlasstory7611 Or contribute a big chunk of money towards it.

[@alinatamashevich3354]

Prove that!

[@alinatamashevich3354]

@@hustlasstory7611 Prove that!

[@jimmymcgill6778]

Pay off debt then leave.

[@Whitt_9425]

Where do these poeple send the questions in at?

[@yesitsme738]

apply for a new job with that degree make a whole lot more !

[@Mr_Fairdale]

Pay off the debt and move out. Then buy your parents something nice (in cash) as a thank you.

[@alinatamashevich3354]

Steak knives !

[@Mr_Fairdale]

@@alinatamashevich3354 yeah an informercial ginsu knife set is a great idea

[@alinatamashevich3354]

@@Mr_Fairdale And no money down real estate course.

[@oshkoshbegone]

my parents want me to stay because they are immigrants, immigrants love kids staying home. its awesome

[@johnlanier3616]

This is just another example of horrible parenting. ALL kids should be out at 18.

[@donaldlyons17]

Nope not good for so many of them!!!

[@crystalsnow1138]

Most kids are still in high school when they turn 18. And unless they've been working and saving money during their high school years most don't have the money to move out right away.

[@critterdude311]

John, you’re ignorant. The brain does not finish fully developing until 25. An 18 year old person is a child, usually still in high school. Sounds like you are the one who would make a horrible parent.

[@choicemeatrandy6572]

This is only an American thing. Other cultures don't boot their kids at 18.

[@thegodblogger3812]

Dude doesn't wanna move out from mommy and daddy but tells himself he wants to so he doesn't feel like the cheeseball he knows he really is

[@donaldlyons17]

WOW LOL but seriously that is not funny!!!!

[@Shay-yg7nm]

Sounds like the son likes being enabled by his parents

[@donaldlyons17]

No they are assisting him....

[@DeAndresWay]

Accounting degree with a salary of only 40k? He can get a job very easy for a higher starting salary. Atleast 50k

[@blueboat9581]

Grow a set and move out man child

[@freedomfan4272]

Takes one to know one

[@alinatamashevich3354]

@@freedomfan4272 Have a story to share?

[@bettysmith4527]

Accountant making 41K a year?? He needs to find a much better job!

[@donaldlyons17]

Why would he not make more if he can? It is likely the job he got offered at the time while the alternative is extreme poverty!!!

[@JC-du6sn]

Look up Andrew Wommack's A Better Way To Pray and How To Hear God's Voice.😇

[@jimmymcgill6778]

Maybe he just graduated from school, that's why he's making so little. Why does Dave hate people living with their parents?

[@HatedJared]

Because they are adults with adult jobs. Time to figure out how to survive on your own

[@nicolcacola]

He really does until they're grown adults with family struggling then its "time to move in with mom and dad"

[@front331]

Dave says take a right turn, Jimmy McGill takes a left.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

@@HatedJared SO what. That does not mean anything.

[@talltemple]

I did just graduated.

[@michael567jober]

if it were a female he’d tell her to wait until she finds a husband to take care of her

[@donnasalerno9870]

He would never advise that! lol

[@michael567jober]

@@donnasalerno9870 u must’ve not seen his other episodes. he’s a simp for women. totally different energy

[@donnasalerno9870]

@@michael567jober I'll have to look for those.

[@wowso4]

It's better for woman to stay home until. marriage. Better for their safety too.

[@michael567jober]

@@wowso4 nor do they get assaulted

[@dipsuny]

Honor thy parents by calling Ramsey so he can insult them…Ramsey is above God and the Bible..

[@sblijheid]

You have no idea what honor or dishonor mean and definitely from a biblical perspective.

[@vickieclark5931]

Your comment makes no sense.

[@KT-sv6jx]

I Agree With Dave Moving Out Will Speed Up Maturity, He Will Have Better Focus 💵💰🧐 And Will Improve His Perspective👓. IF He Decides To Live There Longer, He Needs To Pay Rent, Pay Off Debt And Get A Better Paying Job Within A Certain Time Frame⌚ 🪟 FOCUS

[@alinatamashevich3354]

It is called being a MAN,! Time to man up/move out!