My Parents Want Me to Fund Their Retirement Because I "Owe Them"

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[@TheRamseyShow]

Say goodbye to debt forever. Start Ramsey+ for free: bit.ly/3g11A2V

[@peraltaisrael2598]

Ask your parents how much they paid your grandparents… would be fun to listen to their answer.

[@BrendanEvan]

This!

[@HamiltonRb]

Good point

[@SugarWeasel1227]

If you're Asian, paying your parents is common practice and is expected

[@delanamanuel1451]

@@SugarWeasel1227 what's the amount based on? Just curious. I've heard taking care of parents is common/expected in many cultures, but I never heard payment in dollars.

[@karenchikuku8773]

@@SugarWeasel1227 even African too

[@rememberthefallen1970]

None of us owe our parents. It is all voluntary. Nobody told your parents to have kids. This is absurd.

[@jdubs2113]

Not unless u have asian parents/not from the west

[@0num4]

@@jdubs2113 yeah those folks are going to have to learn to assimilate.

[@tanL22]

@@0num4 Assimilate? You must be American. Most cultures care for their parents.

[@Trenton.D]

@@tanL22 Not when they abuse you.

[@wathnaklike]

Not an Asian culture

[@annamuszalska4214]

Poor girl. Just imagine what her life was like when she was living with them

[@PattieM]

I can. Becomes clearer when the kids grow up to be parents and see how messed up things were.

[@brucesmith9144]

This is total narcissism on their part. Hopefully their offspring were not patterned in NPD (narcissistic personality disorder).

[@Picca65]

@Kelly Smith I feel you, it sucks.

[@jimroscovius]

@Kelly Smith My wife and I are "boomers" and we saved for our own retirement and hope to leave something for our kids. Stop generalizing.

[@deannatroy8113]

Jim I'm not sure you understand Kelly's comment...

[@e.n.g2034]

There is a difference between caring for your parents and "owing" them

[@thecurrentmoment]

Well said

[@moneypro85]

She's 21. They are still of working age. She owes them nothing yet.

[@calidreams5379]

Most parents would never think their kids owed them anything. They would want a caring relationship and most would have a burden in their heart if they had to ask for financial support.

[@AshleySpeaks4U]

My mother would tilt her head up and literally look down the nose, put her hands on her hips and say, "You OWE me an apology." Or "I'm disappointed in you girl!" 🤮

[@ChristopherR1981]

​@moneypro85 she doesn't owe then anything... period.

[@BrokeMillionaire1]

Interesting. I’m trying to set up my future so that our kids never feel we are a burden to them.

[@gmoney0987]

Keep going man, and make it so life is easy for your kiddos too! That’s what I’m trying to do as well

[@penguin12902]

This. I worry about my parents. I don't want my kids to worry about me.

[@firstoolastoo470]

I'm 26 and still trying to set boundaries with my mom. She always reels me back in with guilt trips and constant gaslighting.

[@AGM-ts5bb]

Time for her to learn some life lessons; better late than never.

[@MNcoquicoqui]

Time to go NO CONTACT. Google: Narcissistic Abuse

[@daisy9910]

Look up covert narcissism.

[@macfahad]

This is old world thinking. My parents also have the same thinking. I have supported my parents for 10+ years… have put hundreds of thousands of dollars. Even now, 25% of my salary goes to their living expenses. They even went as far as asking me to support my younger brothers with their college tuitions. My wife mentioned we have to teach our son he needs to support us when we get old, just like I am with my parents. I shut that conversation down quick. I would walk around the streets 12+ hours a day when I’m 65+, than even think about putting this type of burden on my son. I would pick up cans everyday on the streets before making my son go through this. I would live in a cardboard box before putting my son in this situation. I would be homeless before I do that because I feel what’s happening to me. I’m robbing my retirement. Thank god I make good money that I can afford to do that but I would never do this to my child.

[@chrisconsorte7893]

I wouldn’t either and I don’t have any children.

[@razmiddle9410]

Yeah, but that's also exactly the kind of attitude, from you, that will inspire your kids to *want* to take care of you. If you raise them right, if you've done everything you can to set them up for happiness and success, you've been as financially responsible as you know how to with the information you have, your kids won't let you pick cans on the street and live in a box.

[@creswhiteside3749]

You're expected to help put your parents in the Asian culture. If the Asian child/children do not help , this child/children have no heart..

[@creswhiteside3749]

correction: The offsprings are expectect to help the parents till death. It's the culture of a big heart. Some children do not do this practice becasue , they may not be able to help financially. If the children do not help the parents and they know they can, they had abandoned their parents..

[@grth3929]

Hope you are investing your money as well so that when you are that age you have don’t also have to be supported

[@cjwise5552]

There are so many more parents out there like this than people realize.

[@arthursok3163]

My mother expected me to give her a stipend before I even had the chance to graduate college. She expects me to give her money all because she gave birth to me and 'raised me'. She only had my siblings and me just so we could make money for her. It's the most toxic and draining situation to have a parent or parents have this ridiculous expectation on their children.

[@Stands2Reason]

Yes it is

[@AvaLeBlanc]

You sure we don’t have the same parents? This is mine to a T

[@amy2284]

I agree definitly toxic and hard. Gosh boundaries are so hard but only people who don’t respect them seem to mind them

[@arthursok3163]

@Nathan Michaels not anymore. She just gossips and tells people how bad I am for not helping her. I've learned to not let it affect me. It took some time though.

[@amalHope3]

😢

[@samuel.andermatt]

I would like to know if they funded the grandparents retirement.

[@pwells10]

good point

[@MrMollysadie]

i can promise you they didn't.

[@ZookeeperJim]

You didn’t have to fund a retirement back then

What if they actually did? My grandparents were actually poor. My father got a degree and bought them a house back when they were cheaper. Retirment benefit was not enough to cover the full care facility. My father paid the difference for my grandma for 10 years using the house money. None of my other uncles ever helped.

[@dbaby8748]

As a parent you owe your child until a certain point.. your children owe you nothing. They did not ask to be here. This is an insane way of thinking.

[@KA-NV]

I really dislike people having kids and expect their children to take care of them. They didn’t ask to come to this world.

[@mistahtut]

What about end of life though? Parents often need support - I'm not talking about funding their retirement but being there for them in their time of need. You know..."honour thy mother and father"

[@tudorbourne]

Absolutely despicable for parents to say that

[@pwells10]

yup. well said.

[@ebesti19]

Cinsider the 10 commandments.

[@pinkkfloydd]

@@ebesti19 Honoring your mother and father doesn't mean allowing them to manipulate you.

[@robertrudisill5777]

You "owe" them Nothing.....your first obligation is your husband and child.

[@goofygirl1311]

If my 21 year old had a small child, I would be offering free babysitting and anything else that I could do to help make their lives a bit easier. Of course this young woman's first responsibility is to her husband, her baby and herself - they are just starting out in life together and her parents come out with this nonsense? I'm offended for her.

[@mmaybee4379]

@@paulsmith2279 it doesn’t matter where she’s from. It’s still stupid.

[@littleripper312]

@@paulsmith2279 It doesn't matter what their rules are in their country, she doesn't have to follow them. She can simply state what her rules are instead which is looking after her husband and own kids.

[@PInk77W1]

I gave my daughter every penny I had. I even slept in my car 2000-08 To pay child support. She don’t owe me a penny. I’m retired my home paid off. No debt at all. Tons of money in the bank. Life is good.

[@benjaminhartman4488]

My inlaws expected this of their kids while simultaneously spending beyond their means. Moreover, one of the children was trying to convince the others to start funding their IRAs and surprise them. Had to be the "bad" son-in-law and put my infant children and nuclear family ahead of their needs. I cannot imagine expecting my children to pay for me over my grandchildren's needs.

[@jimroscovius]

You did the right thing!!

[@stephtimms1776]

Jesus taught, “But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.” ~ Matthew 15:5-6

[@letty4558]

My parents are experts at the guilt trip. I don't let them manipulate me anymore. The only person that is obligated to take care of someone is a parent to a child. I let my parent's know they cannot pull this with me.

[@lovethemflowers]

@Letty 45 - Great! Glad you let them know this.

[@evodgamehunter4290]

It's a two-way thing! Learn a lesson about gratitude and less about entitlement.

[@letty4558]

@@evodgamehunter4290 sir I am grateful everyday for everything god has blessed me with, but some parents are very manipulative to their kids to the point that the child never establishes boundaries and they feel at liberty to cross them. Children owe parents nothing if they chose to do something great, but no one has a right to guilt someone into doing something.

[@QuietlyCurious]

So nice to see the child defended for once when toxic parents are in question. Society routinely grants parents impunity regardless of how they treat their kids. Respect is earned and goes both ways.

[@penguin12902]

It's my job to sacrifice for my children, not the other way around. I would do almost anything to make sure they have a better life.

[@I_like_turtles_67]

I personally am. When I retire. I can afford to fly on a private jet. I won't. But my kids/kids will own the planes.

[@JJJobson]

I agree, pass it forward not backward. I gave mine college. One went and the other one decided not to go but, I gave both the opportunity for a debt free education. Now it is there turn to start out fresh

[@andrew8168]

You are the minority

[@penguin12902]

@@I_like_turtles_67 see that level is beyond reach for me, and I don't really think they will need an inheritance. If I make sure they have the opportunity for debt free education they can make their own way in life. If there's anything left for them when my wife and I are gone that's a bonus. I told my Mom she can spend every penny she has and enjoy it because I don't need her money. I hope my kids will feel the same.

[@sweetiespoon5150]

@@penguin12902 I concur. I said the same thing to my parents. They worked hard to get where they are. I fully appreciate everything they have done for me & my siblings. If they have to spend it all to live comfortably on their own terms up to the end, so be it. They can put everything in a pile & light it on fire if that is their choice. Those are their assets, not mine. If they choose to leave anything to me & my sibs, I will cherish it, even if it is only photographs.

[@hestiaa9354]

If they were my parents: “So, you didn’t have children because you truly wanted them and wanted to rear compassionate, empathetic beings who bring positivity to the world, but because you needed retirement funds and you didn’t want to do that yourself? WOW! That tells me everything I need to know about the type of people you are-and it’s not good.”

[@yamunasriravichandran3293]

My mum agreed to this when I asked her about it and I never looked at her the same anymore

[@donnawheeler2195]

I remember as a teen, my father said something similar to me. I didn’t hesitate to tell him what I thought of that idea! I’m not against making sure that a family member isn’t starving…but funding their retirement? Nah.

[@bigd3721]

i have parents like this, they are both narcissists, and i don’t speak to them anymore. just remember, you body may have came from them but The Lord gave you your spirit

[@stephtimms1776]

Jesus taught, “But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.” ~ Matthew 15:5-6

[@DarthFurie]

@@stephtimms1776 Narcissists are abusive and deeply wound others. You can have compassion for someone, forgive them, even pray for them, but that does NOT mean you have to have a relationship with them. There's no need for you to try to use a Bible verse to guilt somebody whose parents obviously have hurt them very badly, and suggest that they have to tolerate maltreatment in order to honor their parents

[@TruthSayer2007]

Amen

[@TruthSayer2007]

@@stephtimms1776 Are you really quote-mining scripture, GOD’s Holy Word, in order to cause someone to sin?? Smh please pray and ask GOD to reveal the TRUTH of that verse, instead of using it to damage others.

[@stephtimms1776]

@@TruthSayer2007 I brought that scripture up from memory because I've had to deal with this issue in the past. Please explain how you interpret it to mean anything else than that we do owe our parents.

[@iPLAYtheSTATION]

The audacity of parents to demand their kids, who never even asked to be born in the first place, to be their retirement plan because "they owe them." That's just toxic.

[@deonambrose]

You know you messed up your life, when you depend on your children to take care of you financially when you are old.

[@thecurrentmoment]

It may have made sense when life was a true struggle for existence and parents were barely able to save something for the days when they wouldn't be able to work, but in most developed countries there is support for retired people, and there is also great access to funds that you can be investing in over your lifetime and simply contributing a steady amount of your paycheck, using dollar averaging, will get you at least a million dollars in your lifetime if you start early. And that's why older people should have more wealth available than younger people. If they don't do that, then they will have less money when they are older and have to rely on someone else to support them (government, kids, etc)

[@Thebootyrater]

Nobody asks to be born. You owe them NOTHING.

[@RK831]

Then this is reason for abortion.

[@gecn9685]

Exactly

[@diannamc367]

@@RK831 nope. It's reason for him to keep it in his pants and her to cross her legs.

[@haleytruslow7200]

I had a parent tell me they considered having a kids as a way to have someone take care of you when you are old- I did not hesitate to shut that nonsense down lol

[@TShirtAndReeboks]

I will definitely not let my parents suffer in old age, and I think most children are like this. I think that is different from expecting your kids to fund your entire retirement.

[@raleigh2747]

@@TShirtAndReeboks agree

[@TheProductiveHomemaker]

Sounds like my parents. If they aren’t willing to follow the boundaries you put in place, run. Shut the door and focus on raising your baby. You’ve got to think about how your parents toxic behaviors will effect your children. It feels like they die, but the grief gets easier as time goes on. I’m sorry, it’s really hard to deal with these types of people.

[@tcgtpl]

New and aspiring parents should take this advice. Children can be a great many things: blessings, gifts, an incredibly large responsibility, etc. but they are NOT a retirement program. Expecting your children to take care of you in your old age is selfish, rude, and wrong, especially considering they're trying to build their lives as adults at the same time and may have children of their own.

[@Carolina_Berean]

I would never want my child to feel like they owed me anything for raising them.

[@ebesti19]

And what if you were needy?

[@drea4195]

@@ebesti19 Funding someone's retirement is a far cry from helping the needy.

[@hornetguy9063]

Guarantee this girl didn’t get nice vacations, dance classes, or anything like that growing up. Parents probably did the bare minimum and now expect to be funded for the rest of their life for it. Make your own money, a 21 year old girl with a new husband and an infant is in no position to be taking care of full grown adults

[@Teamshmo]

My friend's parents got a divorce years ago and his mom now says he owes her. She said since she paid for things for him as a kid he has to pay her back. She had a tally of how much everything cost over the years and everything. No wonder his dad divorced her lol

[@delanamanuel1451]

She sounds like a bitter and likely very miserable person

[@johndewgames]

lol that is honestly awesome, i wonder what items she tallied vs the stuff she didn't have on the list then how much, that is honestly very impressive , i also wonder if she had like a APR? and if the debt compounded.

[@MrGunlover12]

Let her see how well that argument holds up in court

[@brianliberante]

I want to see this list lol

[@Chthonic_Elements]

Talk about psychopath...😦

[@chrisdconant85]

Unfortunately I have been there with my parents as well. It took me quite a few years to "unlearn" a lot of the stuff I was taught growing up.

[@jesuslovesyou916]

My dad came at me with that non sense once. My response was, "I never told you to touch my mother and birth me. I'm your responsibility when I was young so you did what you had to."

[@aaunyea4799]

They always hate the "You're the one who choose to have kids" line 😂

[@jesuslovesyou916]

@@aaunyea4799 lol. My dad would say the Bible say honor your parents. I would respond, it also says don't provoke your child. He never came at me again.

[@faw3162]

That's a little mouthy, but it is the truth.

[@jesuslovesyou916]

@@faw3162 I know it is and I know we shouldn't disobey our parents. However, in this case, he was provoking me, the Bible warned parents not to, right?

[@Romns1513]

“…for children are not responsible to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.” 2 Cor 12:14

[@hananiah1169]

Dave thank you for answering this it means a lot! For everyone in the comments that want more details my parents did the bare minimum with raising me. I was on my own at 18 with the car I bought myself somehow because they didn't allow me to work I had to save money behind their backs, they didn't save for my college or future, and didn't pay for anything at my wedding. when they saw that we were doing well they got up into my son's face and started yelling at him and me that when I was quote "his age, they took care of me so therefore i owe them". This was very insightful to hear because I just needed some confirmation that I was doing the right thing. And I feel in my soul that it's not God's will for me to be burdened with that. If it was under any other circumstances (if they paid for my college, helped me set up my future, paid for things at my wedding, etc.) then I would have no problem giving back to them. But that's not the case here. I feel sorry for anyone else who is faced with this and feeling that you were only born to be an ATM

[@sweetiespoon5150]

This was your call? 😯 You & your husband are a team. Listen to the Ramsay Team's advice. Set solid boundries & stick to them no matter what mean things/ guilt trips they try to lay on you. Don't budge an inch or they will walk all over you. See advice from your religious advisors if you need to settle your soul. Counseling from a professional might help, too, in working through this. And, honestly, I would be hesitant to accept anything but small gifts from them moving forward, or allowing them to care for your children for free as they will likely hold these things against you also. Just remember, love them unconditionally, even if it means loving them from a distance.

[@hananiah1169]

yes, it was my call. I wanted to try to answer the phone and be on the show that's why I didn't put a whole lot of details because I wanted to personally explain. Thank you also for your advice!!

[@kendrahipsag2449]

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Prayers for you and your family.

[@andreaharris2454]

I have family that are the same way,I told them that I don’t owe them anything and that they can shove it. I disowned those family members immediately. The only time we were “family” is when they wanted something. I grew up in a very abusive household and decided I wanted nothing to do with them.

[@innerpeace528]

Thank you for the context. It puts this call into perspective. At the end of the day, you owe them nothing.

[@slamdunkslamdunk6995]

They way your children pay you back is by eventually being 100% self sufficient and independent.

[@TheChromelover]

I have experienced this in my family. I always tell my friends and relatives - Never have kids thinking that the kids will care for you when you are old. It is not an obligation on your child. Have kids for the sheer joy of bringing a new life into this world and raising him/her into a good citizen and a good human being. Don’t expect anything from your child. Don’t think of your child as an investment. In short, think of having kids like having a pet dog… Do you like being around your pet dog…Yes. Does your dog make your life more beautiful? Absolutely. Do you expect your pet dog to provide for you in your old age? …No.

[@melindaboomer6471]

No one owes their parents jack. You didn’t ask to be born. It’s their responsibility to look out for themselves.

[@TheGeorgeous]

This is a situation mostly in poorer households that end up spending all the funds they ought to save on their children. Expecting a return down the line.

[@marilynbartlett1850]

Cultural too. Some cultures, particularly Asian, push the idea that the children should support the parents, and the parents will even brag to each other about how "my kid supports me better than your kid supports you."

[@drea4195]

@@marilynbartlett1850 It's a very transactional way of thinking. Thank God our culture doesn't require this.

[@alexcorll90]

My parents have this same attitude. This was good to hear.

[@msi8311]

Ditto

[@sarayoung9395]

My dad doesn't but my mom does. It is stressful.

[@Stands2Reason]

Same

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Yes!!!! Take their advice. We dealt with this a decade ago! It’s been a journey healing away from my abusive parents…. Hang in there. Heartbreak doesn’t mean you are doing the wrong thing. It hurt for years after cutting them off…. But I leaned into my hubby and his family.

[@Zellie1994]

“Travel agents for guilt trips.” Dave has bars.

[@VijayDasRadio]

Way better than his cohost here 😂

[@heatison11]

Absolutely shameful how common this is, parents are supposed to leave their children the best possible future, not leech off them until they die

[@kingfeagley4306]

I’d rather be homeless and on the street than force my child to provide for me.

[@evodgamehunter4290]

And a grateful child would never let you do that.

[@kingfeagley4306]

@@evodgamehunter4290 as an adult it’s just sad to have your child provide for you.

[@evodgamehunter4290]

@@kingfeagley4306 As an adult child i am blessed to be in a position to provide for those who provided for me. Pride is the enemy of gratitude.

[@kingfeagley4306]

@@evodgamehunter4290 it has nothing to do with you being capable of providing for your parents. It’s simply they shouldn’t rely on their children to support them financially.

[@FourSeasons04]

@@evodgamehunter4290 Agreed.

[@jairoherrera4040]

If their solely purpose of having a child is to force them to be ur pension, ur better off being single and start working hard to save that money.

[@idboo1234]

My mom is doing me and my brother that way and she was absent through half our childhood.

[@PinkieJoJo]

Wow. That is horrible.

[@HamiltonRb]

Feel free to put the same effort into her, that she put into you and your brother

[@billsmith360]

Ask your mom. when did you call her on the phone before she got pregnant and said ok I'm ready to be birthed

[@0num4]

Guess that makes it a 50/50 chance that her plea will be met with adversity, or completely ignored.

[@ellencox8415]

I'm sorry. Do not let her guilt you into it. She has to live with her decisions. They are NOT your burden.

[@alinatamashevich3354]

Tell them, you are funding their retirement! You are working, paying into Social Security.

[@tinapetrie9813]

This is actually pretty common with Asian culture. It's exhausting.

[@Trenton.D]

That's why you put an end to that relationship. It's abusive and I will not subject myself to that.

[@michaelkim8834]

My parents won’t ask me for their retirement. However if they do need anything if I am able to I will help. Growing up I saw them sacrifice so much so that I could have more. They will not be around forever, I would rather give them stuff now when I am able to than regret not giving them stuff when they are gone.

[@redvelvetcakeYUM]

Asian, African and Caribbean parents literally will decimate any other perspective on this to their first generation children.

[@johnyoung823]

I don’t think it’s exhausting. I mean it CAN be if they ask for it and expect it. But they don’t. They don’t ask for it. Well my parents don’t. And while they’re not wealthy, they are able to self sustain BUT if they are not able, I feel 1000% comfortable helping them out. They’ve sacrificed much. I am glad and happy to be in a place now where I am able to help them out if they need it.

[@littleripper312]

Culture isn't law, you can simply say no and make your own rules and culture.

[@carieyoung1111]

Wow- sometimes I have to wonder if some parents love their kids at all...this is unbelievable

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

There are a lot of entitlement parents out there. I am shocked how many people I bump into nowadays who had severely dysfunctional families that went to church and hid it well

[@SEFenno]

Parents get to choose to have kids…children do not choose to have parents. A parent’s love does not come with a monetary value attached to it. Love is a gift.

[@sanctred]

🎯

[@wkjeom]

You're too judgmental. You FO NOT know all the circumstances on this one. Ramsey did not tell the whole story.

[@sanctred]

@@wkjeom what about her comment is judgemental? Her comments only speak the truth about the roles of a parent. If you took this as judgemental then perhaps your OWN conscience is speaking to you!

[@curiouspeople6441]

an example of toxic parents

[@jcman240]

This is very common amongst 1st generation immigrants, often the norm in their home countries...I'm very thankful my parents are self sufficient

[@williamrobles2901]

My dad came to me recently saying not only do I owe them a retirement, but that he felt it was time that I started giving he and my mom a monthly allowance. He’s got nothing saved for retirement, but growing up he would always say that I (his son) is his “retirement plan”. I love him to death, but it’s just so hard to draw those boundaries.

[@hmzasyd]

What do you plan on doing?

[@yashthakar9441]

You are not anyones retirement. It is bettet to leave

[@slimpaco3561]

I guess a in-law suite is in your future. I would consider moving across country, if i were you.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Run…. Say Heck NO!!!! Bible says to store up an inheritance for YOUR CHILDREN… not your parents.

[@xyz987123abc]

Move 2,000 miles away or better yet to another country.

[@ProfessorArt]

Tell your parents you didn't ask to be born. It was their decision to have a child while failing to save up for their own retirement.

[@aolvaar8792]

Biological Parents!

[@mikemcbeth3216]

Non of us did.

[@havuckofp]

This episode makes me wanna cry. It's so hard to set boundaries

[@amalHope3]

This is common in Asian and ME families. It’s a blessing to take care of parents, but sometimes it turn into a nightmare

[@v-reyes1525]

Hispanic parents are like this 😕 always borrow money and never pay back because they say they gave me everything but I need my money to have a life 😐

[@Zoey24]

@@JuancoPRoFlow why exactly are you throwing certain Latin islands under the bus? Hispanics encompasses so many countries than just the islands in the Caribbean. Idk what your roots are but just cause YOUR family didn’t have those expectations doesn’t mean others in your ethnicity had the same. The “you owe me” mentality is strongest with immigrant families.

[@Chthonic_Elements]

@@Zoey24 shutup santos

[@Zoey24]

@@Chthonic_Elements 😂😂 ok man, the guy I responded to deleted their post. They were saying how THEIR family isn’t like that, only Latinos from Carribean. Gotta defend the community.

[@billthebutcher6873]

My parents are and have been trying to pull the exact same thing. I know how to say no, it's the guilt trips that upset me more than anything. I've even told them the guilt trips really need to stop.

[@rajbeekie7124]

Culturally, in the US, many are raised to be independent. However, there are many cultures in the world where the parents gives their best to the kids by scraping up every penny and sacrificing with the assumption one or two of the children will take care of the parents in their old age. This has worked for centuries in some countries. It is even bigger than helping the parents. The ones that got the breaks to go to schools, etc are expected to help their siblings.

[@hornetguy9063]

Well, we are a richer nation, and the money tends to be held by the older generations. There’s absolutely no excuse why someone working from 20 to 65 can’t have some semblance of a retirement in the USA. What you stated used to be culturally relevant, because the man would work until he literally couldn’t any more, and then they’d not have much longer afterwards.

[@innerpeace528]

I’m Haitian and this is the norm. You take care of your parents not out of guilt but out of gratitude. When all siblings pitch in, the burden is light. When it’s only you, it can feel very taxing.

[@LauraB.335]

If you have to scrape every penny together, why have kids in the first place?

[@The_Pattern_breaker]

Exactly! ​@@LauraB.335

[@dcg590]

Well Asians don’t have welfare, social security, Ira’s, pensions or anything. The children are expected to provide for their elderly parents, HOWEVER, if you’ve lived in the country (USA) for decades, you’ve had decades to prepare for retirement. Your kids don’t owe you anything.

[@Je.rone_]

Did he just make a jay z reference 😂 And yeah becoming a parent is like becoming a youtuber, easy to start, hard to do it well...

[@truthmerchant1]

Those parents sound like narcissists. Their entitlement has no limits.

[@medasha1]

When parents feel their children are obligated to give them money or do other things for them. No ma’am. It was your job to raise me. It was your choice to have children. You were obligated to raise your children.

[@callmeosho7792]

You only owe your parents whatever you borrow from them. Outside of that they are all gifts

[@elizabethaschwege2987]

Well put!

[@aolvaar8792]

I should have chosen another child at the orphanage.

[@ebesti19]

Sort of like the bank.

[@lovesophia19]

I feel her. My sister and I have been sending $1000 each per month to our parents because they brainwashed us to give them money once we start working. I didn’t really like the idea…. But they did pay for our college and cars. Plus I want to live comfortably. I know it’s not fair but I am willing to help them.

[@virgierutledge3004]

Did they brag about all they did for you and lived above their means. So sad. I am sorry.

[@LoveLife-oo9cz]

You are still lucky. I wasn't allowed to save much because my parents took the rent $400-500 per month the moment I started working. No college fund for me, I did have a first car I was thankful for that. So I'm helping them with monthly household expenses and take them to vacations but I don't give monthly allowance. It's the poor mindset of parents who always expect this.

[@georgewagner7787]

Add up what they spent on college etc and let them know once you've paid them back, you're done

[@starrschwering1787]

I help my parents as much as possible...give of my time and talents, but they understand they are financially responsible for themselves....

[@cadechristensen1136]

When my son is a fully sustainable adult, he does not owe me or my wife a single cent. This is absolutely absurd. He will have his own family, future, and retirement to save and care for. It is up to me and my wife to find ways to support ourselves when the time comes for retirement.

[@TommyRibs]

I’m worried about being able to leave something meaningful from a monetary standpoint for my kids when I am gone. I couldn’t even imagine saying something like this to my kids. Unbelievable.

[@lulabellegnostic8402]

It’s a common theme. My parents( my father in particular) never wanted children, they enjoyed a selfish narcissistic lifestyle. But my mother’s father ( a grifter) told her she needed children to take care of her in old age. So they had two children, but never compromised on their selfish lifestyle. So, come the time, i informed my mother i would treat her exactly as she treated me as a child- by leaving her to fend for herself.

[@xyz987123abc]

And I bet she is still alive, didn't die from starvation?

[@DaveM-FFB]

Clearly there's more to this. Many parents divert their retirement savings, to pay for private schools and colleges, only to regret it later. Either way, parents must live with their decisions and move on.

[@Margatatials]

not all parents wuod do that for their children, I know someone whose grandmother would steal the eggs from their family chickens before anyone else got up so she could buy alcohol, literally stealing the food from her grandkids mouths

[@drea4195]

The caller commented that her parents did not pay for her college or wedding, they did the bare minimum to raise her and then demanded she fund their retirement when she was 21 and newly married with a baby! No, there really isn't more to this.

[@braceyourselvesfortruth2492]

I want to know which friends of her parents are being taken care of in retirement by the kids, because that's the only way I can think they would rationalize this nonsense.

[@almaz1648]

I'm thinking she must have done something exceptionally bad, her parents had to use their retirement to save/ get her out of serious trouble using their retirement funds, can't recover from the loss, hence that statement.

[@braceyourselvesfortruth2492]

@@almaz1648 that could be, but it would be a lot easier just to have her clean up her own mess. There's some serious dysfunction going on here.

[@jamesbassett1484]

A friend of mine once commented that people have children either by accident or for their own sense of gratification. It is not an act of altruism which, in any case, does not involve repayment.

[@kengy1991]

I would be interested to know what she and her husband do for a living because having a two 21 year olds finance your retirement sounds strange.

[@wernerbrandes389]

I doubt his parents funded their parents' retirement.

[@buckybarnes3803]

If this was the case people would be having 20 kids so that they can have outlandish "retirements"

[@radolfkalis4041]

Many people HAVE kids for the sole purpose of getting money out of them, one way or the other.

[@wkjeom]

@@radolfkalis4041 You don't know the circumstances enough on this one to be so judgmental.

[@radolfkalis4041]

@@wkjeom my comment did not say I applied it to this vid. I am stating a fact as I have seen it happen many times over the years, nd have a friend who came from a family where his mother had kids to exploit welfare, and to have them work when they were old enough to flip a burger to take their money.

[@TartarianTopG]

@Ctavano wouldn’t a doctor be better than a dentist?

[@blackworldtraveler3711]

@@radolfkalis4041 I understand what you mean. See it myself.

[@goofygirl1311]

The ONLY way that any of this would make any sense is if the parents at some point had loaned their daughter money (college, down payment for a house, bought a car for her) with the clear expectations that the money get paid back. But it does not sound like that is the case. I really feel for this young lady. And I totally agree that she should not be paying a dime towards her parent's retirement. I can't imagine laying a guilt trip like that on my kids. How sad.

[@ZagreusTheGod]

This is very common in Eastern cultures. Many Asian Americans deal with this very same dilemma.

[@jdelacruz1058]

That's what I was thinking, it may be cultural.

[@DarthFurie]

Well, this isn't Asia or another region in the East. In America a couple would have to be extremely, extremely rich to fund retirement for all of their parents, afford to raise children, take care of themselves, and fund their OWN retirement for the future. The cost of living in America is insane, and this caller's parents are insane too

[@paulinachavarria6637]

Also for Latin people!

[@muslimfamilyadventurers5055]

Are they Pakistani/ Indian lol? This is the immigrant mentality especially when they have a “son” and came to this country with $20 in their pocket. Puts a lot of pressure on the child- sandwiched between parents, spouse and children.

[@jesuslover5968]

Yup these are my parents and I feel bad and a burden to figure out how to fund my own retirement AND theirs

[@joeriveracomedy]

My mother has NEVER had to ask me for money. I made sure she was financially setup because the sun was out on a Tuesday and the grass was green.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

See, you doing that out of your heart because she sacrificed for you is amazing…. You can tell you have a healthy relationship. Sadly abusive parents misuse and focus on themselves and then demand recompense for merely popping you out and making sure you had food and not much else. I pray my sons feel as you do when they are grown but I also pray my hubby and I can also leave something for them later when we are gone!

[@JJ-tt6pm]

My father told me “ I raised you and spent so much money on raising you. I always feed you, cloth you, have you a home. You owe me for that” I was flabbergasted , all I could respond was. “ isn’t that a dad’s responsibility, I guess when I was born the doctor forgot to have me sign and read the loan agreement “

[@bremass851]

That's mess up

[@tomranc]

Really excellent advice. Not only for this situation, but ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable. Thanks guys!

[@LittleMopeHead]

If Hannah owes her parents simply because she was brought up by them, then that's ridiculous! If it was something terrible she did to her parents, we need to know the context.

[@ludmilaandr8793]

And she just had her own child. It can be hard enough to take care of yourself and a child, but parents at the same time... it's insane!

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

You owe your husband and children your attention, love, and effort. You owe your parents nothing. This is America and adults are responsible for their retirement and elder care with the way our society is structured. If anything they should be helping you. Remove these people from your life.

[@kuryanthomas1438]

what i want to know is what this woman and her husband do that their parents think they can fund their retirement at only 21 years of age!!

[@msi8311]

Yes, my parents say it’s an “investment”. I told them I would help my older brother who lives in the mountains, and they can worry about themselves and forget us.

[@maybug88]

An investment in a retirement plan would be a safer bet.

[@curtisscott1848]

I've watched my BIL cash out his 401k every time he changes jobs, and then put pressure on his kids to be successful to take care of him when he gets old, referring to his youngest as his 401Kayden. It's frustrating to watch parents behave like kids and watch kids have to be the parents...

[@saranwright7113]

My dad said this a couple times smh. He makes over 100k a year & is still broke.

[@jesuslover5968]

SMH what does he do for a living

[@JustSomeguy83795]

@@jesuslover5968 spends money 😂

[@jesuslover5968]

@@JustSomeguy83795 right

[@George-ps5]

Your parents chose to have you! You didn’t choose to have them! Kids owe their parents nothing but respect

[@hannahi9355]

Owe them for voluntarily having her? Babies don't sign petitions to be born... parents remember this and stop with the martyr complexes...

[@es2056]

I have little respect for ANY adult, parent or not, that does not plan accordingly for old age and retirement and assumes that someone (usually the children) should support them financially.

[@xelefonte]

Parents that get a sense of entitlement feeling owed by their kids growing up in more financially difficult times…are just as bad as the adult kids who feel entitled to living at home getting free rent with their aging parents.

[@andrewsherman2398]

Parents are obligated to take care of their children not the other way around if I have an obligation to someone that person doesn't owe me something because I meet the terms of my obligation a parent who thinks their children owe them because they met their parental obligations are totally off their rocker

[@gtbigdog3507]

You are incorrect most states require children to take care of their parents in their own age it’s called Filial responsibility

[@peterpan4038]

Plus most children will help out their parents no questions ask... That is if the parents made sure the children life a better life then they themself. Sure, this only happens IF the parents did a good job, and their kids are well off. In essence: good children of good parents usually help each other out for life. Not because they have to, no: because they want and can.

[@drea4195]

@@gtbigdog3507 Most states? Not states in the U.S.

[@sarahburkhardt2037]

I can relate to this -- moved out when I was 18 for similar reasons. Thanks for what you guys do!

[@candacefife6763]

I grew up with a friend that’s parents absolutely thought the same way. Totally nuts.

[@carmellegarcia7900]

And whatever boundaries you make stand your ground! Otherwise 10 years down line not only will it be you feeling cornered but also your children will be hanging in the valance. Do it now so you don’t have to make really hard decisions later. Ask me how I know.

[@bigdave5946]

Be prepared to walk away after you have that uncomfortable conversation . It probably won’t go well but remember you are not in the wrong here . Unless you had some agreement where they paid for your home or education and you agreed to repay them that would be different. I had to walk away from both my parents at different points of my life for different reasons . Remember you don’t get pick your parents but you get to choose if they stay in your life . Good luck

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

We had to walk away…. It was sad because they just kept proving how toxic they were

[@bigdave5946]

@@Jaxmusicgal23 I’m sorry they don’t understand how wrong they are . You did the right thing maybe they will change over time . Helping your family with in reason and in your budget is one thing . I have a 27 year old son I would never impose on him in this way . I have helped my family before on meh terms with in my budget . But I always set my limits . It is hard to say no sometimes but you did the right thing .

[@fxxtickyx]

As a muslim, we believe that kids have responsibility to their parents when they are unable physically, mentally and/or financially to support themselves, the key word here is "unable"

[@sewmeonekenobi639]

It’s stunning how many parents feel this way.

[@Lianne459]

Some cultures know they will take care of their parents in their old age. I worked with a man who told me it was normal in his culture, but this woman is clearly not in this position.

[@dcg590]

Normal for their ‘culture’ is such BS! In this country you have decades to prepare. All the ‘culture’ argument is, is an excuse for the parents to be irresponsible then a burden to your kids.

[@kara2162]

I hope to leave my kids a legacy of wealth. They OWE me nothing! This might be a cultural difference if her parents aren't from the US originally.

[@dcg590]

I hate irresponsible, entitled parents using ‘culture’ as an excuse to extort money from your kids

[@ryanetch8922]

This is ridiculous. I think about my children's future everyday. I want to make sure I leave them both with enough to be comfortable after I'm gone. I'll die a happy man when I have accomplished this.

[@kaydublin5164]

My parents would never ever of asked such a thing, they were born in the early ‘30’s and were very smart and knew how to save and plan for retirement, unfortunately they passed at 57 and 63 and never got to enjoy the fruits of their labor for the future.😢