My SIde Of The Story - Post Reunion of Ultimatum Queer Love with Tiff Der

[@ToriR94]

As a Latina, and a bisexual woman, I was so angry and disgusted when Mildred tried to excuse her behavior by saying she was Latina. That is not a reason, or an excuse. Being loud and flamboyant does not excuse abuse. It is an individual’s responsibility to control their own emotions, regardless of race or ethnicity.

[@90sDRgirl]

Same Dominican and queer and this made me so angry

[@fabiolagutierrez5892]

I totally agree with you! Mildred does not represent me.

[@linisaenz]

Couldnt agree more

[@marybella24]

Same!!! She’s a poor excuse of a Latina.

[@sonyasunnymartinez6328]

We can be flamboyant and exaggerated, and active listeners. That was absolutely ridiculous and I’m glad that Tiff called her out on it.

[@eseesa]

Even Aussi, who is very conflict-avoidant, spoke up during the reunion... Now that's telling!

[@sdmakeupandentertainment]

I didn't forget all of the horrible things Aussie did the entire show based on her finally speaking out in the reunion. Aussie is a terrible partner and is in no way ready for marriage. I would run far away from her.

[@chananyalupomesky9214]

​@sdmakeupandentertainment yes,Austin is a damage person. I would run for my life

[@klimtkahlo]

@@sdmakeupandentertainment agree! The one couple that 100% should have separated was the only one that remained together!

[@cwalsh-thebabysocialworker]

Big time!!

[@sdmakeupandentertainment]

@@klimtkahlo Right. I thought Aussie acted like the typical misogynist. And pushing her repression on her partner. Definitely a psychologically damaged person unwilling to deal with adult conversations in open way. She expects her partner to accept a runner or someone to bottle things up and thst is not a partnership. She's selfish and immature.

[@DarryCotter]

it particularly frustrated me that yoly was agreeing with mildred's abusive behavior, then pitying her. it was obvious that mildred's behavior at the reunion was unacceptable, and it was bad enough that the attendees didn't care, but for yoly to support and encourage mildred was horrible.

[@charlottewebb8191]

My respect for Yoli absolutely plummeted when I saw that. Honestly disgusting.

[@taay_thegreat2057]

Yoli is also toxic no wonder she supported a toxic person

[@pattykochenower4222]

Omg me too !!! Yoly and Mildred are BOTH TOXIC !!!!! They both live in their own disillusioned big fat heads !!!!!! 🙄🙄🤬🤬

[@computasaysnoo1]

I always felt Yoli was a mean girl. The ending proved it right.

[@ReinaLovesLaw]

It’s interesting to see everyone focus on yoli and her seemingly “accept” (if not support) Mildred’s version of the inflicted abuse upon Tiff. In reality, I don’t think it has anything to do with that. She’s too selfish to let it be about merely being a sincere friend to Mildred. She doesn’t care about her enough to extend that loyalty. Yoli is using Mildred….She only needs ONE person from that group to be her “friend” who will enable her and girl talk her, affirm her, and say, “Xander and Mal are the issues! NOT you!” that way (in her mind) she’s not forced to look in the mirror and do the hard work. She couldn’t care less what she has to to gloss over in Mildredville so long as she’s got that one one little flying monkey to allow her to live in denial where she’s comfortable in her dysfunction.

[@ashleyneville]

“respect has no race” … that was the best thing said in the series ❤ you got it 👏🏼

[@estherwright2068]

Yep best line of the whole show 👏 👏 👏

[@sierrafarnum9689]

That was the best mic drop of the show.

[@ninamatthews8747]

Completely agree. I don't know why she kept saying she was latina, like that means you can be rude and people are supposed to except it. I'm not latina but I can imagine other latinas would be annoyed with that too.

[@sweetpary]

I'm very disturbed that Mildred admitted to DV during the reunion and no one spoke up, especially production or the host. Now hearing that Netflix was aware of the abuse the whole time and still allowed Mildred to attend the reunion or even berate you for as long as she did is insane. I'm sorry you went through that.

[@renten7393]

It makes me upset too seeing that during a chunk of the show some of the women would back each other up or speak against disrespect but the moment that they hear abt DV everyone is quiet. It's ridiculous.

[@mary-janereallynotsarah684]

I didn't like how Mildred treated Aussie. Avoidant PD is a very difficult thing to deal with because the fear is confrontation. Its deeply ingrained ptsd. Sam's patience and love towards Aussie and Tiff was awesome to see. I'm glad ur free Tiff, I believe u! 💜

[@mary-janereallynotsarah684]

And as a special needs person I think it's really sad what her son witnessed. Edit typo

[@qwandary]

Yeah I thought they said nothing because they were so shocked they were scrambling behind the scenes. Knowing they knew and were probably anticipating it coming up is just ridiculous. Maybe they separated the seats with ultimatums givers and receivers thinking that was enough to protect Tiff? Maybe I'm giving them too much credit thinking that though...

[@kimberlybyrne3674]

This! The show should never.

[@tanykawolf]

as an autistic child that grew up with domestically abusive parents (still living with it)….. thank you for considering the safety and emotional stability of HER child.

[@ZinniaGulden]

Can we just talk about Tiff was literally talking about her dog being hospitalized when Mildred interrupted her to accuse her of all of these things and then has the AUDACITY to say “umm I’m speaking” when Tiff interrupts to defend herself? The fact that she interrupted a vulnerable, sad story of Tiff’s to attack her says everything.

[@niax782]

IKR! I was confused as to why Mildred had to interject at _that_ moment. I thought maybe it was bad editing or something.

[@siamesefightingfish2861]

Mildred wanted to shut that shit down before anyone could have a chance to sympathize with Tiff in any way.

[@cgill914]

@@siamesefightingfish2861 yes, I agree. She didn’t want Tiff getting any of the sympathy. She wanted it all to herself. Then she just ended up exposing herself as a horrible person 🥴

[@escapingsociety8139]

Right! Then Yoly asks Mildred if she's ok and if she needs water or anything after Tiff makes her exit. 🙄 You could tell Mildred was creating a narrative to gain sympathy. She knew she was stretching the truth.

[@sheknows4991]

​@@cgill914 She was so worried about Tiff exposing her, that she exposed herself. My family was so disgusted and angry.

[@shilohgalanius]

When you said “Respect knows no race Mildred” my boyfriend and I were SHOCKED. Good on you boo

[@AlwaysFedUp]

I know I was clapping for her

[@JustLIkerapunzel]

I was so glad she said what we all wanted to scream at the TV!

[@charlottewebb8191]

I want to highlight how valuable it is to have Tiff, as a more masc-presenting person with a platform, feel safe to speak up about this with such vulnerability, courage, honesty and respect. Most people have an implicit bias around DV with regard to gendered roles, including a lot of masc-presenting people who are being abused but don’t think it’s *possible* that they’re a victim because of this ingrained bias. I’ve seen it play out, particularly in sapphic relationships, far too often. Tiff, if you ever see this, please know that as much as I wish you’d never gone through any kind of abuse, your story is helping a lot of people who never saw themselves in a survivor’s story before yours. Thank you.

[@tiffdercoach]

Hi. Thank you for your kind words ❤ it is very different with masc presenting people. It almost looks embarrassing, at least what I thought at first.

[@MoreCoffeePlease.]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Thank you for your thoughtful, poignant comment.

[@clarisselarue151]

@@tiffdercoachit’s not embarrassing, it’s brave 🤍

[@DevDawg323]

@@tiffdercoach It's not embarrassing at all! You are awesome!

[@Jamesandthehooligans]

I thought Mildred reminded me of my ex the second I saw some of her behaviours especially how she spoke to you. Thank you Tiff for this video it is a much needed video for yourself, other survivors, fans and anyone else who is willing to listen and learn from your experience. I wish you all the best and hope you are doing well, much love and respect ✊

[@justcantforgetyou]

The moment I realized that Mildred was trouble without any doubt was during Mildred's trail marriage to Aussie when she told Aussie that Aussie needs to be considerate of others, and Aussie told her that Aussie is always considerate and Mildred says bad things about Aussie to make Aussie look bad in front of the camera. The way she immediately denied that she ever did (despite just having used very passive aggressive language to imply negative things about Aussie) set off all kinds of red flags for me...

[@bobococo89]

I believed when Aussie said that

[@reneeturcottecicigoi9435]

Me too. I thought she was bat shit crazy from the start. Lol

[@DaniSmurfpants]

When she refused to respect Aussie's boundaries, no matter what level of truth there was to Aussie running away at every conflict, clearly her actions were triggering Aussie and Mildred just wouldn't stop. She couldn't even be kind to a total stranger and give her space!

[@leleprtk]

She would not let Aussie get a word in either. She keeps talking and talking and talking and humiliating the person and the minute the person tries to defend themselves she says "I'm the one talking now". Walking red flag, extremely disrespectful.

[@pattykochenower4222]

@@reneeturcottecicigoi9435 omg me too!!!!

[@estherflecksing6305]

Netflix seriously needs to make a statement AT THE LEAST. Letting a person be berated by an ABUSER for 15 minutes is unbelievable. Not to mention all of the bystanders. IMO they are putting their employees in danger as well! Thank you for putting all this out and using the emotional energy this requires to help people and share resources.

[@meeeeeeeeeeeep]

I agree!!! I'm so disgusted at Netflix as much as I am by Mildred

[@Lscherer4]

Agreed. They also should’ve had a trigger warning and details for how to seek support (phone numbers, etc) at the start of the reunion episode.

[@YoSoFunnyx3]

As a survivor (and I think this is the first time I’ve said that), I saw it from how she talked to Aussie. Aussie def had her own issues esp with avoidance but Mildred berated her and I almost wasn’t surprised she popped off at the reunion. I almost feel like she picked Aussie because of who Aussie is. Also huge shout out to Sam. It was awesome to see Sam grow and start standing up for herself and it was so wholesome to see her stand up for you call out Mildred’s behavior.

[@CrochetQueendom]

People go on and on about Aussie's avoidance. Here's the thing. When a person is abused, they're asked, "Why didn't you leave?" Well, Aussie left when Mildred attempted to abuse her, and yet she was made out to be a problem because of it. As far as I'm concerned, Aussie showed healthy behaviour by getting out of Dodge.

[@bej7784]

@@CrochetQueendomt first, I thought Aussie was overreacting to Mildred but now I understand and would have left as well. The avoidance that seems like an issue is when Aussie consistently lashes out at or runs away from Sam 💔

[@tired.5565]

omg 100 percent

[@stacilynn604]

@@CrochetQueendomabsolutely but it translated to their relationship with sam even before mildred, it's def a trauma response but that doesn't mean it isn't harmful to building healthy relationships

[@molly4561]

i'm so glad you made this video! it made me really sad that everyone was acting normal after finding out what happened, they should've taken mildred out of the reunion. It's heartbreaking seeing people defend and stand by abusers and you deserve so much better! i'm glad you got out of that situation safely and i'm so sorry for everything you went through

[@tiffdercoach]

thank you. it's something no one will understand until they go through it. I constantly had to ask myself "is this drama?" and i got so sick of keeping this in to protect someone. especially after they continue to smear me post show.

[@GemmaSpeht]

Totally agree. I was actually really pissed off and ashamed at the producers. It was so obvious what the reality was and it was like they were saying it was acceptable and letting Tiff have a breakdown while she just sat there smirking. Made us all so mad. But pretty sure the whole world saw right through it.

[@dscott8799]

@@GemmaSpeht made me mad too! I am sorry this happened to you Tiff. Me too sadly. Luckily there are so many more wonderful people out there. You know what the red flags are now.

[@prisminside8904]

Dear Tiff Please know that the CPTSD you have undoubtedly suffered will take years and years to heal and it’s already so great to see that you are in such a good space now. In my experience new dimensions of disturbance and inevitable healing pop up when you’re reminded of something or your health isn’t great or your hormones change or you hear a song in the radio . and with the exposure you’re having right now I can’t even imagine how hard this must be. In those periods of life when you feel off balance because of the Trauma it is so important to go gently on yourself and really love yourself because it’s so normal to resort to shame, self doubt and downright despising yourself because that’s what they trained us to do. I was sitting in a lecture about family violence once with my arm in a sling because the day before my ex had dragged me up the stairs by my arm and dislocated my shoulder…… but I was quiet as a mouse due to shame, lack of self worth and the fear of what me speaking up would do to their employment and therefore our children. Watching you get upset about your dog with Sam was triggering to me in the first instance because I’ve been so wounded by being addressed with anger. But as I saw you sort things out it was a beautiful learning again because anger does not always equal abuse, it’s the ongoing control and gaslighting and dismantling of self worth that makes it abusive. So to see you take responsibility and be transparent just restored my faith in humanity again. I luckily now have a beautiful wife and without her I wouldn’t be able to co-parent (yes, the court makes you co-parent with an abuser) with my ex, because she reads all the texts first and knows my triggers and acts as a buffer which she can because she does not have the same trauma. I hope for you that you get to move on in life with people who truly see your worth and when you feel vulnerable I wish that you’re able to fall apart safely because after there’s always another Phönix moment just around the corner, I promise. Your statement here is just right, but you don’t even have to explain yourself, the dynamics are so blatantly clear, especially for people who went through it Much love

[@babitamundra]

Well done Tiff, we support you ❤

[@CalliNightmare]

Girl, seriously, we believe you 100% we all get it. We were all blown away by what happened at the reunion

[@mariellebosco]

Tiff uses they/them so I don’t know for a fact if “girl” is something they’d see a being misgendered but just wanted to throw that out there. Absolutely agree with your sentiment, just wanted to mention that. Tiff, if you see this and want to clarify it’d be nice to know but I do know you’re probably overwhelmed in both positive and negative ways with comments, messages and social media in general

[@carmen.g440]

@@mariellebosco”girl” is often a term used to refer to a friend and not necessarily trying to mis gender tiff

[@WhoWhatWhereNow]

Yeah I do say bro also to all genders. Could I say something better? Prolly. Also say dude.

[@uglygeguri]

girl isnt gender neutral to everyone. Just like guys isnt. If someone corrects you you dont have to argue back just say ok and dont do it again lol

[@mariellebosco]

@@carmen.g440 of course! I was intending it in an open ended sense of personal preferences, not meaning to over generalize. I see that gendered language doesn’t always mean it in a literal way, I just personally tend to take a better safe than sorry approach!

[@MakerHighSchool]

Count me among the triggered masses while watching the reunion. The following are my opinions and my own personal conclusions based on what was presented at the reunion. When she said you wouldn't get a joint bank account, my first thought was, "Thank god." Financial abuse is a real thing, and is just another way to manipulate and control. When Mildred said you were broke all the time, it confirmed it in my mind. What she was saying made no sense if you actually sit back and think about it. Not only did she freely admit to domestic violence, it's like she couldn't bring it up fast enough. Her focus was how dare you call the police? How did the host/producers not call her out on that? I'm shocked they even let her on stage. They've done zoom segments on other shows. Why didn't they put your physical safety first? Also, they could have done a follow up with you so you could slow down the rapid fire of when she was saying and answer them one by one. Manipulators use misdirection and confusion to try and get people on their side. Starting arguments is another big one, as well as talking over people/shouting them down. I'm happy you seem to be in a better place. My hope is this whole thing will help you steer clear of this in the future. It takes a lot of work, but just being able to breath when you're with the right person is totally worth it.

[@fionagallagherapologist5968]

domestic violence is not taken seriously in non-heterosexual relationships which is why mildred was allowed at the reunion in my opinion, it was so hard to watch :(

[@lucaleone4331]

@@fionagallagherapologist5968 honestly abuse by women in general is not taken seriously, so even in heterosexual relationships its a problem. I feel like (tho not really abuse) They had this same problem with their other show, Love is Blind, between Zanab and Cole, where Zanab just treated him horribly and for the most part was treated like the victim. She bullied the hell out of him at the reuinion. Im glad Tiff's story is beaing heard!

[@Jennifer-vh3tv]

​@@lucaleone4331 true but also it's disproportionately impacting LGBT relationships, DV between queer couples usually isn't taken seriously which is why people usually don't even bother to call the police. I believe it's very underreported.

[@unicornL]

I think these shows have a history of allowing abuse to get the ratings, which is really sick and sad. The company who produces The Ultimatum also produces Love Is Blind. I think every season of Love is Blind has had some form of abuse on the show starting in season 2. Natalie and Shayne (season 2), Matt and Colleen (season 3, and I'm still so sick w worry over Colleen's situation tbh), and then in season 1 of The Ultimatum there was Zay & Rae (I maintain that he kept the fight going and then she punched because she felt cornered, but not everyone agrees w me), and also how verbally confrontational Zay was w Shanique made me scared for Shanique. Season 2 of Love is Blind's Nick and Danielle are currently suing the production company over their working conditions and how they would play w their known psychological triggers to get good TV.

[@qwandary]

@@Jennifer-vh3tv Also if the abuser is femme presenting they are taken less seriously. A lot of people think if it was the other way around and Tiff had been the abusive one, people would take it more seriously. Not sure if that's true but I think people do try to overlay hetero-concepts of gender and vulnerability on same sex relationships often.

[@sleepingwhale]

"You stayed because you were trying to prove you were a good person" I needed to hear that , Tiff. Thank you.

[@hannahs6474]

I only just clicked on, but Tiff, regardless of the context you add - you should have been protected more. I'm so sorry those moments were exploited. Under no circumstances should you have been on the same stage as someone who was literally arrested for violent crimes against you. If they wanted your ex involved they should have taken steps to keep you two separate, have a Zoom call, etc. You truly seem like one of the most genuine people in the cast. Edit just to include that as a survivor, it broke my heart to see you feeling so gaslit at the end. I know that in that moment you were questioning your reality, so I hope the support you're receiving helps alleviate some of that. We saw what we saw. Police reports say what they say. You don't have to prove yourself, but you deserve the opportunity to speak your truth without interruption or dismissal. Proud of you for claiming that moment here

[@MissTeaq]

❤❤❤

[@pirateunicorn42]

the show speaks for itself. though you started off pretty feisty with sam, you softened up SO MUCH once you realized what healthy communication could look like in a relationship. you deserve so much better tiff, you're a gem ❤️

[@CarrieArt7]

One thing I noticed is that when Mildred would verbally abuse you or Aussie, she would then act like an innocent victim while making a manipulative knowing grin. I felt really bad for you when she slandered you at the reunion, but I loved that Sam had your back. Sam seems like a really caring person.

[@wvdrummerchick]

Aussie tried to say something about her relationship with Mildred but she never got to finish her statement.

[@pearljammies]

that grin, YES. it was duper’s delight (a smile people tend to give when they’re lying & can’t hide that they’re delighted to think they’re getting away with it - look it up if not familiar!) & i’ve never seen it more clearly than on her.

[@jun.candice]

I cannot believe Netflix let Mildred go off especially after she admitted to DV. You deserve so so so much better! I commend you for being the bigger person throughout this whole process.

[@mjob1212]

She loves using the fact that she is a mother and a Latina to excuse her shitty behavior. And yes it’s impossible to change the behavior of a narcissist.

[@hellaSwankkyToo]

i hear you. also, it’s not impossible. change is absolutely possible, it just requires the narcissist to seek, then acknowledge the diagnosis, stay in therapy, + do the work. it is 100% possible. so anyone not changing doesn’t want to change + that’s on them. saying change is impossible takes accountability + blame away from the harmful person. cause if they can’t change, their behavior is not their fault right? no. narcissism isn’t like gender or sexual orientation. they aren’t born that way, it’s a result of trauma + healing + change is possible if they want it. 🖤✊🏾

[@flaviaanamaria5826]

she literally said that once

[@LovingFlowers]

@@hellaSwankkyToo👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@brittrugg2676]

@@flaviaanamaria5826she’s still using it.

[@NiniSweets]

First off! You and Sam don't get enough credit (& SCREEN TIME) for being the "couple" and people with the most growth from the experience. You guys had a real connection, and I wish I could have seen more scenes of you guys. Thank you for sharing and even now, still sharing with us. Please share more if you are comfortable! Thank you. Also! Will Sam & Aussie ever to be be a guest on the channel?

[@TaylorJ]

I agree!! When Sam went to Tiff in the reunion, I kinda was like “oh didn’t realize they had a connection”. I completely forgot they trial married each other because they barely gave them any screen time! They deserved more

[@emmettmeta1418]

In countries like the UK, forcing a child to witness domestic abuse is considered child abuse in its own right. Children are extremely sensitive to violence, it can impact their development, and it creates long lasting trauma. Admitting to domestic violence and then accusing the person who called CPS of being the abuser is truly despicable behaviour. I can fully why people questioned her abilities as a parent.

[@a1bc0p7o5t]

If that was true my ex would've been done for it. What they actually do is help the abuser get a diagnosis and money while the survivor loses their kids and gets victim blamed so the gov can sell for adoption.

[@a1bc0p7o5t]

It may be in the law but it's rarely held up

[@nvsforza]

As a therapist, as a Latina, as a queer person, and as a survivor of DV, I cannot thank you enough for making this video. It was very clear early on in the show that you were in an abusive relationship. And I think the fact that you are both women make it appear less severe to many people who are ignorant to what constitutes abuse. One of my favorite parts of the show was seeing your growth after your trial marriage with Sam. I didn’t need to see that to know that you weren’t the abuser, but it highlighted that your behavior was not ‘you,’ it was the trauma responses that you learned to survive in your relationship. Again, thank you. Thank you for speaking your truth. Thank you for using your voice to spread awareness. And thank you for validating the experiences of other survivors. I wish you all the best in your healing journey and I know there will be someone who will be deserving of that growth. Someone who will actually appreciate and value you. Someone who will see you and love you for who you are 💛

[@i_DayDream_]

“Be careful what you tolerate , you are teaching people how to treat you”

[@tiffdercoach]

ufff! great quote!

[@donnaz922]

I’m one of the many people that were triggered by Mildred. Her behavior was disgusting and her excuses and gas lighting was sickening. My heart goes out to you Tif. I’m so glad you got a chance to share your thoughts on this.

[@rachillona]

I can’t believe Netflix knew of these DV instancES and still decided to let her speak over you and even attend and didn’t protect you instead filmed the exit that’s INSANITY

[@thejewel0123]

I mean brennon from LIB was arrested for DV and they let him on

[@thatbemefool]

Cuz it’s ENTERTAINMENT!

[@krisssantos23]

Can netflix be sued for endangerment or something?

[@adriennebaptiste5864]

I’m not watching the next season because of this

[@adairdick3488]

@@thejewel0123 doesn`t mean it`s right. just means netflix has a pattern of not giving a shit

[@sarahpeterson976]

Omg, when she used the "Latina" excuse for being terrible, I nearly spit out my water. Just left my abusive partner and she used that phrase word for word all the time. So glad you're safe now.

[@JNDReacts]

To speak a little bit about what you said about her son, I’m an adult on the autism spectrum, and one of my traits is sensitive hearing. Just being around people who are yelling, especially in anger, causes me to become overwhelmed. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a home without anyone being abused, so I can only imagine how terrifying and traumatizing it would be to experience that growing up, even if the abuse is never directed at the child themself.

[@tiffdercoach]

Yes that is how he was!! He gets overwhelmed with it. Because he also can't fully understand.

[@hybrid09]

As someone with autism who dealt with constant screaming at home (not even aimed towards me) growing up, I can definitely say that I've got a lot of mental health issues now, including CPTSD and many other problems 😅

[@qwandary]

@@hybrid09 I also am autistic (most my siblings are haha) and we had a lot of arguing parents and sometimes violence in the house. I get anxious hearing people argue and start shutting down, makes me want to sleep or hibernate because I feel helpless and emotionally drained. When I have relationships I NEVER argue, we have disaggrements and discussions but NEVER arguments. I've only had an argument with one person as they were dumping me (they started an argument to justify dumping me because they didn't know how to do it in a healthy manner) and had one abusive relationship where we argued a lot. Now I know if arguments happen something is wrong. I don't care how normal they are for other people, I can get by just fine without them at all, and when they're there, it's because someone isn't respecting my boundaries and is pushing me relentlessly. I feel for her son. I'm sure she loves him lots but she needs therapy and to learn healthier communication skills and emotional control. It's like she's emotionally still 6 years old. :/

[@me1love2max]

It can be very traumatising for those who aren't neurodivergent, so I can only imagine how traumatic it is for those who are.

[@pattykochenower4222]

She’s knows Damn well SHES TO BLAME if she ever loses her son …. I’m actually scared for her son if she is raising him ….. she is NOT STABLE !!!!

[@abigailjupiter374]

Fellow survivor here. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. Thank you for speaking your truth. I hear you and I believe you.

[@tiffdercoach]

❤

[@ruthless3253]

What wilded me out the most about the reunion was that Mildred admitted to throwing a pet gate at you but somehow tried to victimise herself by complaining how heavy it was. Like you made her pick up something heavy to throw at you. That was when I knew she was in the wrong.

[@jasperkanes3001]

Yes! And also the way she tried to make it sound like Tiff was being mean for calling the cops to stop her from continuing physically abusing them! Like ffs Mildred if you didn't want the cops involved maybe you should have...I dunno... NOT hit and threw things at Tiff? What an astounding lack of accountability to blame someone else for the cops being called because of your own violent behaviour.

[@donteverfckwithmyvibe]

It's like she was implying that Tiff's actions drove her to the point where she had to get violent

[@ryninthestars]

Classic narc abuse tactic-- blame the other person for you abusing them. Idk if it's really our job to diagnose her as a narcissist or just a very troubled person, but it's abuse either way

[@marztarantino113]

I’m masc and wow tiff I’m crying you really have shed so much light on some behaviors I didn’t even see…I’ve been thinking all this time in the past it’s all my fault wowwww thank you so much for this thank you so Much

[@tiffdercoach]

Hope it helps!

[@coralbluenumber7lipstick688]

I'm so proud of you for posting this. It's disgusting the the producers, ppl at Netflix did nothing to protect you when they knew what was going... you deserve so much better

[@73kdt]

The change in you when you lived with Sam was so lovely to watch, it felt like a weight had been lifted. You were calmer and we saw the real you. I’m sorry you had to experience such a bad relationship with someone who was abusive to you. I hope you find happiness.

[@L_143_]

As a survivor myself and an advocate for other survivors, I know the pattern of abuse well! I wanted to say that you not only shared your story well Tiff, but you also shared key behaviors that will enlighten many others--way to go! You're an incredible human! I don't know if I could have been this vulnerable in such a public way so thank you for sharing your story and experiences. 💗

[@tiffdercoach]

Yess I was trying to do both....I wish I would have learned about these signs earlier, as it would have prevented me from even being in that relationship to begin with. But, I'm hoping I can leverage the pain and confusion to help others

[@haze7972]

@@tiffdercoach you’re so strong. My mom was in a DV relationship and we were with my abusive father till I was around 6 years old. It brings me real joy to see people escape and gain back their power - your message will help others and potentially save lives. ❤

[@camilledalma9008]

When she said, “you called the police AT me” on the reunion I immediately knew things were not right in Mildred’s mind. So glad you’re raising awareness on this kind of abuse cycle so many find themselves in again and again. Never feel embarrassed for someone you loved actions! You are brave and strong and like to believe the best of people, that is not a downfall that’s your strength it just requires more protection of your heart. You will find the stable love you deserve once you find it within yourself. ❤thank you, survivors like me are so deeply grateful for you speaking out so bravely. Never forget that!

[@nickiboyles2417]

You are seen. You are heard. The abuse and narcissism of M were evident throughout the show. Watching her behaviors throughout the show was triggering for me and my daughter. We are Latina survivors of narcissistic abuse. We see you. We believe you. You are loved.

[@raiacherednikov2164]

Tiff, I’m so glad that you have the language to describe your experience and educate others. I have a background in healthy relationship education/abuse prevention education, and it was clear to me and all my friends that Mildred was causing the problems and you were protecting yourself in fight or flight. The vast majority of viewers understood that situation, so you don’t have to worry about her making you look bad. It’s obvious that she was at best completely distorting and at worst on a campaign to gaslight you.

[@tiffdercoach]

Thank you so much for seeing this!

[@ariannanicole922]

I was in an abusive relationship and Mildred set off alarm bells right away. I could tell the dog situation with Sam was a fight or flight reaction to your being abused in the past. But I was so happy to see those weeks helped you to heal a bit and see not all partners are playing abusive mind games like Mildred did with you. Tiff, you are SO WORTHY of a safe, straightforward and secure relationship. I wish the reunion touched on DV the way it should have. But you have so many people here that saw through her.

[@Monocultured01]

That fight with Sam is so strange to watch now. If you watch it, Sam is so calm, basically chilling and leaning against a wall while Tiff stands there yelling. It seems as if Tiff was just yelling out of habit because that's what was "normal".

[@mittens4kittens435]

A little thing that I thought was spooky and set off red flags was when Mildred told Aussie she would take care of her plant "because it means a lot to you." Not sure why, as the words were nice, but it sounded like narc love bombing and control.

[@mittens4kittens435]

I also wanted to add thank you for speaking your truth, Tiff, and empowering other survivors out there.

[@margaretelizabeth5399]

Yes!!! Tiff freaked out because she was immediately placed in a position where she has to defend herself even for the smallest thing. My experience with my now husband was the same. I would flinch so hard anytime his hand was raised even if it was just reaching for a bill reaching for a paper towel anything. He was patient and let me feel out my safety. Sam let Tiff slowly realise it was a safe space with her. Tiff was able to then calm down and realise because she was safe there was a place to compromise. I loved watching tiff and Sam!’n

[@briannaswearingen]

Currently planning my “escape” from my narcissistic abuser and leaving her Tuesday, this video helped me so much. You are strong and worthy ❤❤❤

[@psyCHOlogy1111]

You got this Sis. ❤️

[@OGseoulite]

I hope you did it safely👐🏽👐🏽 blessings and great luck to you stranger friend🫶🏽 I hope you made it out and are taking care of yourself🫶🏽

[@OiOBlinkingOwl]

Hope you got out okay ❤. Good luck.

[@silveryn9784]

How did it go?

[@sarahh_2024]

You got this, girl!!

[@tharealcar-lee509]

I’m really proud of you. DV is so common in same sex relationships. This took so much bravery to post, this has helped more than you will ever know.

[@writerwannabe8778]

Really? Do you know if there is a reason for that?

[@LizNeptune]

@@writerwannabe8778 superrrree high prevalence among same sex relationships. It’s also super under reported. In fact, DV occurs more often in same sex relationships than in heterosexual relationships.

[@writerwannabe8778]

@@LizNeptune Do you know if there's a reason for that?

[@harundaniel7705]

@@writerwannabe8778 I feel like it might be because in a same sex relationship, partners don’t feel threatened by the presence of each other. If you look at straight relationships, the male partner has more “power” over the female as he is physically more stronger or capable to cause harm (going off biology). This makes the female partner more wary/ on the look out for any behaviours in which would cause an abruption of behaviour. Plus in same sex relationships, because both are seen as equal, they don’t feel the judgement of “your a guy hitting a girl” since it’s a girl hitting a girl or a guy hitting a guy. This makes partners feel hesitant to come forward because how could they allow someone whose equal to them abuse them. Because had it been a straight relationship and the female was to come forward, then they are more likely to be believed….this is not to say guys don’t get abused as well in a straight relationship.

[@missr736]

​@@writerwannabe8778 There's probably a plethora of reasons but you will not get a direct answer to that because of how the field of psychology is, humans are complex and psychological research done on abuse (and other topics) looks at support for potential explanations rather than to prove one explanation (or a set of explanations) are the one answer, because we simply cannot prove that. One theory is that LGBT people have a lot of tension due to the discrimination they face as a minority and this stressor may play a factor. However, this is just one example and no doubt there will be other factors that contribute. What I'm trying to say that, loaded questions like that do not have a simple answer so it's best to look at abuse in a case-by-case basis.

[@ched28]

I’m going to be honest it took me until after the show and reading comments to see that Mildred was abusive. I had to go back and rewatch the scene to see the CLEAR warning signs that I had glazed over. Thank you for telling your story, it’s really helping a lot of people including me. I feel that I would be one to be easily susceptible to someone who is abusive had there not been videos like these to educate myself. So thank you, wishing you a happy and fulfilling life🤍

[@laura94isabel]

Get her ass 👏🏻 as a survivor of domestic violence, thank you for sharing your side of the story in the way you did

[@stasia7899]

I felt like Aussie was so kind and reasonable throughout the trial wife period yet everyone continued to point fingers at them 😭 it killed me seeing their childhood trauma being triggered 🥺 I hope they’re doing well and are beyond happy

[@ooooolooooo]

I hope Aussie seeks help. She is hurt and confused about her identity and her past. Sam is so patient and nice.

[@stasia7899]

@@ooooolooooo Aussie goes by they/them

[@Herbalgalaxii]

I was mad that nobody checked Mildred for admitting to committing dv and then acting like the victim. She was the Villian we weren't expecting. They basically just patted her back and were like oh honey do you need some water. I threw my phone. I wanted justice for you. I hope you're healing and doing well in everything and I hope you know that what happened wasn't your fault. You learned so much from Sam and she learned so much from you. That show was good for you. You won Tiff.

[@margaretelizabeth5399]

Her speech sue states they rented a place together and then got pissed about it? But they agreed to it? There were so many contradictions on her little “speech” all it did was make her look even more PSYCHO

[@samanthaojeda2946]

I’m so proud of you for separating yourself from that situation and protecting your peace and energy. Absolutely baffled me that she sat through the show like she didn’t just admit to having been arrested for domestic abuse against you and tried to act like she was the victim. So much love Tiff! You deserve so much more

[@pattykochenower4222]

Yes, Tiff you, definitely do!!! You are way too good for THAT !!! I’m so glad you spoke you’re truth and I hope the Netflix sees this and regrets what they did !! I can’t believe everyone sat there .. except Sam( love her ) love you Tiff!!!!

[@JARARIAN]

"She doesn't know how to look within herself" Well said

[@meganmitchell5409]

Watching this video reminded me that what I experienced WAS abuse and not something. I should excuse. Thank you, I wish peace for you

[@amrey31]

I have so much trauma from my past relationship with my ex and past childhood events. I recently seen this video that said, “the most traumatized people often tend to under-react in the most traumatizing situations while overreacting to the seemingly less stressful situations. The higher the stress, the more disconnected their mind becomes to the point of numbing and dissociating. The lesser stress, the more unfiltered emotions will be released.” And this is so accurate. I find myself getting quickly impatient with things that aren’t major, yet with things that are I just dissociate. Maybe you can relate to that in your trial marriage. I’m still working on this but it really alters your brain chemistry. I’m sorry you’re going through this and thank you for speaking out. ❤

[@ieatgremlins]

I am a Latina. All of my best friends are latinas, some of us are gay, some straight, some bi. None of us are violent or manipulative, none of us will ever use our cultural identity to excuse abusive behavior. Mildred’s calculated desire to hide behind a stereotype is disgusting. I’m so sorry for what you experienced.

[@valentineboucinha8516]

I am so happy to finally hear your version !!! She didn’t even let you speak and kept gaslighting you over and over and we saw it with aussi as well. I am fully with you, realizing that your relationship was toxic is already hard but realizing that you were also abused is even harder.

[@MossyBear]

As a survivor of narcabuse, I'm so thankful you spoke out. I hope you are safe. I hope you can heal. I'm wishing you all the best

[@seachels6126]

Netflix should not have allowed her to be at that reunion. They could have given you a voice or, at the very least, addressed the issue of DV in same-sex partnerships. So proud of you for speaking out and shedding light on this! ❤️

[@gilbej91]

When you said, you don't realise how toxic it is until you get out, that hit me. First day I spoke to a psych, I told her what happened with my ex and her response was "do you realise that's domestic abuse" and I just sat there like 😮😮.

[@StephinTech]

Honestly Tiff, I was shocked no one said anything at the reunion! I don’t if it was shock but I’m glad both Aussie and Sam did speak. She was very smug when speaking and I couldn’t understand how anyone believed her. When I watched the season I said to my sister that your guys relationship was toxic but I realized that she was extremely manipulative. Being a Latina myself that really pissed me off. I realized your “toxic” behavior was a more reactive. No one is perfect and we all have a lot of internal work to do. I’m glad your healing!

[@pattykochenower4222]

Me too!!!!! And people asking her “ are you ok” SERIOUSLY??? Asking Mildred if SHES OK??? Are you kidding me ?????? 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

[@jennrlancaster]

I remember watching the reunion and being absolutely shocked that the DV was fully swept over.... I am so absolutely sorry that this was something you went through. I don't know you personally, but I am so proud of you for speaking up and speaking your truth.

[@SakuraPixie]

So proud of you. I left the reunion just exhausted beyond belief and furious at production for their handling of things. Cannot even fathom what you went through in those immediate moments and after and before. Thank you for sharing your truth and doing so so eloquently and compassionately. Sending love and support from Japan ❤

[@Lenci_of_Hazelnut]

As someone with c-PTSD, just wanted to say I believe you and I'm glad you're speaking out.

[@dcandleonna]

Tiff, I applaud you for speaking up and having the bravery for standing up for yourself. What Mildred said and did during the show and reunion were harmful and manipulative. I hope you can heal from this and find yourself a true love that you deserve so much ❤ Everything she's done will come back to bite her. I hope everyone here who has gone through DV and abuse can also heal and have the strength to leave such conditions. Edit: I forgot to add. The production team was so wrong for that. Knowing about her DV charge and STILL choosing to invite her to the reunion, sitting in the same room with you, which then harmed you even more only for what? For "good TV" and more "juicy drama"? That was disgusting of them.

[@seshuansaurc]

"sex board games" - literally turns out to be the most wholesome introspective card set with absolutely nothing sexual about it

[@margaretelizabeth5399]

RIGHT,????????? Like wait what?????? Yoly acting like she wasn’t surprised. I loved her and xander but after she openly supported somebody like Mildred I lost all respect for Yoly she deserves to lose mal

[@gaysalamandy]

this is so incredibly well-put and thoughtful. thank you for speaking your side so openly and honestly. you don’t see masc-looking people speak up about the abuse we face but it’s real and we should talk about it.

[@goose2888]

When I saw you and Sam arguing for the very first time when the experiment started, it made me tear up a little because I could tell that Sam was really going to impact you in a beautiful way, but also because I immediately recognized the pain you were exuding. I adore this video, and I'm so proud of you for speaking up about something so terrifyingly silencing. I'm currently disengaging from a 14 year friendship because its the same exact energy as what you spoke about in this video. You seem like a really cool person, hope you're doing okay

[@ul8590]

Mildred’s behavior at the reunion said everything. Also your reaction back said everything. I never experienced dv so I didn’t get triggered or upset at Netflix for not stepping in, but I understand people who do. To me it was just so obvious by her behavior and the things she said that she was blatantly lying and manipulating with the intention to harm you. It seems totally clear to me that sh was the abuser and you were the victim and that she had just showed that to the whole world. I think almost everyone watching is on your side in this! I don’t know if this is other people’s experience too, but I would assume that. Though some people are very naive and don’t believe that anyone will lie or intentionally harm. I hope you heal from this and find a healthy relationship that has room for growth and true love

[@tiffdercoach]

I love Sam! She is definitely trauma informed. Thank you watching ❤

[@chall6446]

Tiff, I’m so proud of you for being strong enough to finally see you. I understand this position. I was in a relationship like this for 6 years, on and off. Even after I chose never to go back, we stayed friends. Through self care, mindfulness, and self-love, I finally ended the relationship for good. As a quote for a great song goes, “I miss me more!” I believe life teaches us lessons on how to be true to yourself. Love who you are and remember others opinions of you are only opinions, you know in your heart who you truly are! Much love in your journey through life!💕

[@mmanyhandss]

We stand with you Tiff. Thank you for having the strength to share your story, especially as a masc presenting person.

[@KatKinzer]

As a sapphic woman who has not only experienced emotional abuse and domestic violence from a same-sex partner - but abuse that sounds a LOT like so much of what you survived - thank you so much for sharing your truth. It means so much to be able to stand in solidarity, and I'm sorry that your abuse has had to become a matter of public discussion. You seem so strong and confident within yourself in spite of the trauma and pain you have experienced. That's amazing and I admire you. Thank you again for speaking out.

[@pamela8590]

Tiff - your story is resonating so much with my fiancé and me. She was in a very similar situation where her ex’s child was also involved. When we first met, I could see the trauma in her, and your reaction with Shilo and Sam really reminded me of those days. It took a lot of patience and understanding from both of us, but she’s healing and now feels much more like herself. I hope you continue to find your peace, and thank you for sharing your story.

[@tiffdercoach]

Thank you so much for sharing your story !!!!

[@taleliyahu6599]

Healing is not easy thats for sure.. takes time and lots of self work.. but i also wanna point out that in the end of the day, Sam and Tiff became friends after Tiff apologised (and which Tiff never did that again).. and Mildred and Aussie couldn’t get along..

[@sophievictoria7337]

I’m a survivor of a narcissistic mother so can relate to this. It really does mess you up for life, to this day I am constantly questioning my emotions and perception towards everything because of how long I was gaslit and berated. Thanks for sharing, it makes me feel less alone hearing your story ❤

[@moneywiththemillers8373]

From a psychology student this show was educational. From a human being I hope and pray you and many others on the show get the professional help and healing you all need ❤️. I personally know how hard going no contact and speaking out against a narcissist abuser is and for what it’s worth I’m so proud of your growth and courage!

[@xFuzzyLove]

Vanessa and Mildred were very much manipulative. And i rolled my eyes and remembered how all that was done to me, emotional abuse is so deep inside, and it hurts to see. But im so happy that you and some of the others realized that too and are healing.

[@emilys8072]

Yeah, I thought Vanessa was emotionally abusive too. She used the same tactics of making their SO feel awful for no reason. She was so manipulative when she realized Xander moved on. Both of them really grossed me out. Edit: both of them as in Mildred and Vanessa

[@lillierose5304]

The breaking up with you over and over again is a power play thing. It's such hell.

[@havenrenee8584]

tiff, we all stand with you. i was so proud to see your growth throughout the show and afterwards, and mildred never sat right with me. i’m so sorry you had to deal with that for so long. thank you for using your platform for good💗

[@akjkjjsndhcuifrisnfi]

I hate that everyone discharged your experience on DV just because you’re masc presenting :( Sending you love from South America! ;)

[@computasaysnoo1]

Bless you, Tiff. You are so eloquently spoken and articulate. Your soul always shined through from Day 1. I was raised by an emotionally and physically abusive step-father and I had no idea it was abusive until I was much older and looked back. I never thought of myself as a victim - and I still don’t. But I knew I had to get out, and I moved out at 17 and never looked back. You lose your sense of self in environments like that. I hope now that you are free, you learn to accept and love yourself the way the viewers do. Sending you love ❤

[@FoxHoliday]

Yesssss Tiff! I'm so happy that you're speaking out and using your platform to be a advocate for survivors! Thank you so much 💖✨️

[@auburnringlets]

Thank you for speaking up. Know that we are with you, we see you--we are you.

[@midnightrainbow9191]

when i saw you react so aggressively about the dog issue i immediately thought of my ex. He always did that too when i set a boundary but after a while i saw that he started screaming and attacking as a way of defending himself. He expected me to attack and hate and abuse him the same as his mother did… i immediately sympathized with you. That was a reaction to a bad past, I wanted you to realize that so bad as soon as possible to be able to heal. I am so glad that you are making this video!

[@sternocleidosoundsgood]

Tiff, I am so sorry that this happened to you. You explained all of this really well, and it is such a typical story and a great example of how emotional and physical develops in relationships. It is brave for you to put it out there, and it is brave to leave her. I was SHOCKED to see how some people at the reunion reacted to finding out Mildred abused you. We are cheering for you!

[@firebvrd]

tiff, i knew since episode 1 that mildred is an abuser. the second you said “she kinda just throws me away” while in conversation, i felt it in my bones. as a narcissistic abuse (and attempted murder) survivor, I See You. i was with my ex fiancé from 2017-2022 (ages 19-23). throughout those 4+ years i experienced exactly the same dynamic as you: the lovebombing, the devaluing, the breadcrumming, the stonewalling, the discarding, all to start again and again. the minute i started to wake up and see him for what he was, that’s when he began physically putting my life in his hands. i am LUCKY that i made it out. after dozens of tries to escape, on february 11, 2022 i ran out of our shared apartment, fearing for my life, and never fucking went back. that day is my personal independence day. i remember he used to say “don’t become one of the girls who loved me so much and still love me but i dropped them all. lana, casey, sharon. all of them. don’t become one of them.” i’m happy to announce that *i* dropped his ass and have refused to engage since. since i escaped, he has since claimed he has cancer (including falsified blood work), pleaded that he could get us on any flight anywhere i wanted, that he would pay me any amount of money to get me back, to then claiming i never loved him, that he felt worthless, that HE always tried and i “never did”… 30+ emails later… I Am Strong. i am not falling for his manipulation ever again. i’m so so proud of you for doing the same ♥️

[@sapphicalix]

Tiff (and anyone who needs it), I wanna share something that took *so* much weight off me when I saw it for the first time. It’s called DARVO and it stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It’s a tactic that abusers use to try to paint their victims as their perpetrators. It’s what my horrifically abusive adoptive guardians did to me. It’s commonly used to turn victims loved ones against them and the really fucked up thing is that it’s incredibly effective. The person who gave it its name had it happen to her. I can’t remember her name at the moment but she’s a professor at a university and if you type DARVO into KZbin she should pop up. Hearing that it happens to other survivors was so validating and honestly, overwhelming (but in a good way) to me. It’s basically what you’re talking about but idk just hearing that it has a name was really important to me. Maybe it can help you in your healing journey as well. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through and I’m sending you so much love, and a big hug (if you like hugs). You’re incredibly strong and brave and I’m so proud of you for speaking out. 💛

[@izzyd4782]

I love when people share information that helped them ❤️

[@jasmonetlarsuel7663]

Wow. I’ve grown up with a diagnosed narcissist dad and dated an abusive narcissist too and it’s crazy how they blame you for everything and take no accountability for anything! And I went back twice after being held hostage 😭 I’m soooo happy you broke the cycle 🥺 sometimes it seems impossible! I’m also glad you didn’t loose ur self thru the process. Ty for speaking out ur not alone💕

[@jessyk4101]

It was very obvious to viewers what was going on. Especially when Mildred was paired with Aussie and Aussie had to experience it as well. I’m so glad you realized it and were able to leave. Proud of you!!!!

[@Faauncreates]

Thank you for speaking out and speaking your truth because it matters. Domestic abuse happens within the LGBTQIA+ community more than people think and it’s not talked about enough. As someone who is a survivor of DV watching the reunion and Mildred attacking you in front of everyone without you being able to even get a word in and defend yourself really set me back. Everything that Mildred was displaying right then and there took me back to my ex and their narcissistic tendencies. When you went off set and said “she made me question my reality…” that took me back completely. Because that’s really what it’s like to live daily with a emotionally manipulative person. And regardless if she took accountability for what she did that doesn’t give her an excuse to use violence in any way towards you. My ex made me feel for years on and off that it was my fault that she put her hands on me. That I was the reason and if I wouldn’t have made her feel the angry or upset then she wouldn’t have to. This is also coming from the same woman who for 2-3 years on and off would say “I love you so so much” “I want you to come live with me, I want you to come back HOME.” “I want to MARRY you…” that’s what they do. When they feel like you’re going to leave them they will stop at nothing to get you back they’ll do anything to say anything. They will manipulate you into feeling bad so you will come back to them.

[@cassandraj1822]

When you talked about excusing abuse because of the abusers past trauma… I needed to hear that.

[@MsAaannaaa]

Thank you for sharing your story, Tiff. I already had a bad feeling about Mildred throughout the entire show after her first fight with Aussie. It's so important to talk about this & give you a voice in this. I'm disappointed in the production team for handling this so poorly.

[@charitydixon7828]

Hurt people hurt people, but hurt people can heal people, too. We stand with you!

[@GemmaSpeht]

You can hear Shylo in the background haha aww cute. 🥰🐕

[@tiffdercoach]

I know her nails lol

[@Jamesandthehooligans]

Tippy tappy toes 🥰

[@Hibyewt]

This is very helpful for me to get through a phase that I am on. This often happens at the workplace too. Thank you for opening up to share your vulnerable story. You are wonderful! I hope Shylo is doing well.

[@Junkyty]

Hey Tiff (if you're reading this), I watched your story on the ultimatum queer love and it was so heartwarming to see your personal growth when you were with Sam. To see you self-reflecting and improving how you wanted to treat others was really inspiring. When you had your two weeks back with Mildred was hard to watch. It was clear you just wanted to be respected and the fact that she used race as an excuse, to me, meant she didn't learn anything from the experience. I'm glad you're in a better place now and it's brave of you to come forward like this. Sending love from Canada.

[@cheesefriday]

I wasn't even in a romantic or familial relationship with my narc abuser and I have ptsd from it YEARS later. I can't even imagine the amount of pain, anger, confusion, and trauma loving a narc. Tiff, you are so brave and how you acted in the reunion and now, is admirable and wonderful. Thank you so much for YOU

[@sssshhhhh45]

You just described my relationship with my ex husband. Well done for using your platform to speak out.

[@jayypride88]

I just went through something similar to this .. someone I was talking to glad I didn’t continue it

[@frannybagels]

From the perspective of a child that grew up in an abusive household, I applaud you Tiff for doing the best you could by her son. We're all so proud of you and I wish you nothing but the best in your healing journey ❤️

[@rebeccablankenship4710]

Thank you for sharing this. I am so so proud of you. Keep investing in your own healing. You are so worthy. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. Those of us who have been abused like this know how much insane courage it takes to protect yourself and speak out. ❤

[@ks.7856]

Yeeeees girl say it loud !!! As someone who survived dv & were locked in a room for 8 months , I couldn’t be more proud of you. You will find your true happiness 🫶🏻

[@StylishGirl79]

i’m so sorry ❤️

[@KimTaylor-o9p]

Girl I’ve been on your side since day 1! I’m still trying to get over my last toxic relationship and that ended over 2 years ago… it’s not easy. I’m so glad you have the strength to speak on your side. Mine posted all about me saying horrible shit, I just never responded. We got your back 100%!!!!

[@couch1003]

Thanks for making this. I'm so proud of you for becoming the person you are. You're showing a lot of people that it's possible to get out of horrible situations and to move into a better life. We'll be here to support you throughout this journey, and I hope things continue improving for you.

[@kimday8260]

I just finished watching The Ultimatum: Queer Love & I can say that I truly believe your toxic tendencies seemed more to me as reactive abuse from being subject to an emotionally abusive partner for so long. I can’t say I experienced it to the same degree, but my longest relationship was 3 years and I know from personal experience that I was such a loving, patient and nurturing partner in the beginning and then at the end I became more reactive & submissive as a defense mechanism because my partner at the time took & took until I had nothing left to give. And when I had nothing left to give, I became the villain and suddenly they did NO wrong in our relationship, or the wrong they did became something I “needed to let go” because I was “becoming the toxic one”. It’s a vicious cycle and I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and speaking your truth. I truly saw that you have a beautiful heart, and just have room to grow and heal because of that relationship. I hope you’re giving yourself the time and grace to do that!💓

[@thedriscol10]

Fellow narc / DV survivor here, I was recognizing the abusive behavior patterns coming from your ex while watching the show. I am so so so thankful and proud to see you have come to recognize your situation for what it was, that takes so much strength. I can identify with your experience and perspective so heavily, as I'm sure so many other survivors do. Sending you so much love and healing, I hope you have all the support in the world because you 100% deserve it. You are worthy of so much love, I'm so happy to see your progress.

[@victordelgado1107]

Thank you for your side of the story, I hope your healing journey continues well. You are heard and seen.