My Sister Is Severely Autistic, I Have Been Hating Her For A Long Time. AITA?" Reddit Family Tales

My Sister Is Severely Autistic, And I Have Been Hating Her For A Long Time. AITA?" Reddit Family Tales
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In today’s video, we dive into the life of a young adult who shares a candid and powerful story of growing up overshadowed by the needs of a sibling with severe autism. Discover the emotional toll of being an invisible caretaker within his own home, and his journey towards finding personal freedom and identity. Experience the highs and lows as he navigates the delicate balance of family responsibilities and his own life aspirations, including the breaking point that led him to seek independence. How does he cope with the familial expectations, and what does his path to self-discovery look like? Join us in exploring a story of resilience, the quest for normalcy, and the pursuit of a life beyond caretaking.
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#redditfamily #redditstories #redditfamilytales

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you so much for watching ! kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZnzdqH-oa81ngLc

[@ang3l284]

I relate to this story a LOT..

[@IceBonnie]

I’m going to say this if you cannot take care of your disabled child without bringing in your other child you should not be taking care of a disabled child

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you so much for your insightful comment!

[@christinebutler7630]

Nobody sets out to have a disabled child intentionally.

[@HaruDoneYet]

@@christinebutler7630yeah but the parents had the opportunity to get professional help. Instead they had their oldest take care of the sister and the sister isn’t receiving the help she needs

[@Leyladjdjx]

​@@christinebutler7630 no one ever said that though.

[@arnaumartorell6543]

@@christinebutler7630 Doesn't F*cking matter, they still have to, NOT seeking professional help is the most stupid thing to do.

[@Nerdificent]

OP's parents are parentifying her. OP's little sister is NOT her responsibility.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

That’s the point

[@Hanamanini]

Not to this degree. No. They are putting all the work on her but siblings are each others responsibility as well to an extent. It wouldn’t be bad if the parents also helped out but they don’t and they put blame on OP when they shouldn’t.

[@ashercandelario4374]

​@@Hanamanini I think that depends on the siblings themselves. Some people might get too stressed out even if the parents do most of the work. Children should be able to enjoy themselves while they don't have many responsibilities. And while it is important for them to learn about responsibilities, I feel like too much pressure is often put on them and they get the wrong message. Plus the kid never even chose to take care of their sibling, that shouldn't be forced.

[@brendagomez8656]

Parents are each other's responsibility?? Nope, parents brought them into this world, they are responsible for them.

[@cynthiaisenberg1029]

Parents are Responsible for their kids! It is obscene to expect siblings to take care of younger ones no matter the situation! This is just wrong. It's indentured slavery! I feel the same about people with more than 2 kids, as well. Don't keep having them if you don't take care of them!

[@LadyVader]

I'm autistic and this is 100% on the parents. A sibling should never be expected to be a caretaker to a disabled sibling. That's fully the parents responsibility to raise both their children, and not play favorites. It sounds like OP was expected to just accept everything their sister did, and later on, to care for their sister. The parents did NOTHING to help OP at all.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[@silviaconsonni586]

I second this! My parents sent me to therapy, they consulted doctors, school tutors... Well, I am the big sister, so... Yes, I'm the one who first learned how to cook and who first had opinions about little sister's diet and stuff. Still I think the parents in the story here are too scared/lazy to try and raise the autistic girl with the right balance of warmth and discipline.

[@impishrebel5969]

You're not wrong but personally I stepped up because I could see how hard mine were struggling and my sibling was frequently in the hospital on the verge of passing. So at the same time I think a lot of us could be a tiny bit less, y'know, selfish when someone's life is in the balance. And too many people get wrapped up in this "the parents should be responsible for EVERYTHING!!1!one" stuck in their own mindset, and forget that you're a family in it together.

[@dodohateswater]

I always find it difficult to see a coherent well thinking person as autistics. Yes, I'm aware there are different "levels" but to me it's justs psychologist trying to get their "phd's". Every single person is different due to their upbringing and environment. I certainly would have been diagnosed austistic were i a child in this day and age, but it really came down me failing at being bilingual.

[@Hanamanini]

You’re right. Siblings helping is fine and honestly expected but they shouldn’t be **the caregiver** it should be shared amongst the family members and typically primarily the parents depending on the situation. Like OP could help when the parents are at work or to give them a little break but not all the time and they certainly should not be getting blamed for things like the laptop. The parents are the problem in this situation not the sister. Also in your situation…. I’m so happy for your situation and you seem like a great person. Your sister sounds crazy. She’s literally abusing her kids :( I hope something happens to help them get out from that situation. She sounds cruel…evil almost.

[@astronomybrainiac]

The moment you turn 18: run, and don't look back. You are being used and abused. Get out and live your life.

[@DerpDerp3001]

That is the easy way out.

[@superduperangelgod]

Guys, I found OP's parents!

[@ahappilydrunkpuppy8961]

@@DerpDerp3001there is no other way. Not anyone else’s job to take care of the children you made.

[@MomeDeser]

i think she is 18

[@randomvids5883]

⁠@@superduperangelgodwhere?

[@habituallearner7680]

Something like this happened to a friend of mine, without all the lying. Her parents just expected her to go straight from high school to being a full-time caregiver for life. She joined the military as soon as she graduated. Her sibling went into a wonderful group home where he got the 24/7 care he needed which he could not get as well at home. Stories like this make my blood boil. Not only are you forcing one child to sacrifice their life as a caregiver, but you're providing inadequate care for the person with severe needs.

[@BiggestHaterEVER]

Never heard "wonderful" and "group home" ever in the same sentence.

[@milagroshernandez9351]

@@habituallearner7680 I'm happy for your friend and their sibling! Group homes can often times be abusive- it's really rare to find a good one and getting away from a situation like that (being expected to become a caregiver by family) is hard as hell. I hate when parents just expect shit like this to work out

[@disneyprincessintraining2725]

I hate parents who do this. I told my husband if we have any children who have high needs, we are getting family therapy immediately and making sure we have a healthy family dynamic and that we do not make the other kids an afterthought. Also, a lot of parents don’t discipline their special needs kids because “they don’t know better.” Poorly behaved kids who have special needs are a lot worse than typical children who behave badly.

[@CreativeCats-qy6yc]

That’s so real, my autistic sister tends to get really upset if you even say that she might be wrong, or offend her. So my parents hardly ever correct her, for fear that she’ll get upset for the next 30 minutes.

[@truthseeker9249]

I HAVE Autism. My fiance has dyslexia but also strongly suspects he has Autism as well even though his parents never got him evaluated for that. So two Autistic parents with learning difficulties are sure to produce at least one Autistic child or maybe even a child with something more severe. Especially considering it can be difficult for us both to take care of ourselves, we will not hesitate to get outside professional help for our child if we really need it. But no matter what all of our kids will be showered with love and attention. Not just our one or two kids that are special needs.

[@sarahealey1780]

This is very common for siblings of disabled children, your needs are always put second and causes resentment. I have seen multiple families break apart once the siblings come of age.

[@LittleSparklingStars]

They’re called glass children.

[@deloreanrc]

@@LittleSparklingStars I didn't even know this was a documented phenomenon but I just looked it up. You would think given it is wide spread enough for studies to have been done on it that when people are told they have a child on the spectrum, a professional would point this out so they don't neglect their other child.

[@seabreeze4559]

second or never at all, it's cruelty

[@sarahealey1780]

@deloreanrc that sounds great, but in real life, they will always come second no matter how hard the parents try not to. Children on the spectrum or just any child that has extra needs are always going to take priority. Even the best parents only have so much time and patience.

[@bluedragonfly8139]

@@sarahealey1780 That sounds like an excuse for parents to neglect non-special needs kids in favor of their special needs kids instead of actually looking for help for the special needs kid and remembering that their non-special needs kid is *also their kid* and deserves the same love, help, and attention.

[@SuburbanSavage]

My sister was mad that I got married because according to her, I was so ugly and she just assumed that I'd be happy being an autistic spinster who would care for her disabled kids when she was unable to. I pointed out that she wouldn't allow anyone to make direct eye contact, touch or speak to her kids without her supervising the interaction, including grandparents. She won't let them open presents that they receive; she makes them sit in the basement while she opens gifts and decides if they're acceptable. You also have to provide a receipt; if you used a coupon or was on sale, she expects you to give HER the difference in cash. Her kids are terrified of everyone who isn't their parents. When my son was born with autism, she gloated, stating that now I know what she's going through and what a nightmare it is. I arranged for professionals to come to our home to work with our son and us too, unlike my sister did with both of her kids. Needless to say, he is leaps and bounds ahead of her kids, who are adults now and he is 12 years old, which is really making her mad because I proved her wrong. My sister hasn't spoken with me in 9 years and I'm not even bothered by it because I'm too busy enjoying spending time with my family. My son just mastered riding a bike and we go on adventures, talking about anything. That is the joy that happens when you follow medical advice.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for sharing your powerful story. Your strength and dedication are truly inspiring!

[@rebeccaconlon9743]

That's both heartwarming for your son and also depressing for those children of your sister... that isn't even normal behaviour, that's just crazy and making things worse for the sake of it. She had the entirety of human knowledge and specialists at her finger tips and chose to do nothing... those poor adults now... congrats on not being anything like her, it's a shame she's a cautionary tale for the rest of us

[@thecatfather857]

As an Autistic 25-year-old: I say your sister sounds like a pure (unt.

[@ms.annthropic6341]

Your sister sounds messed up as all hell and I bet you don’t miss her one bit. Seriously, WTF? If her kids have difficulties socializing/understanding social cues then the worst thing she could do for them is isolate them, particularly from people who love them and who could have helped them practise being in social situations. I pity her kids, glad you and your son are doing well though.

[@bluedragonfly8139]

What does any of that have to do with 'medical advice'??

[@user-zs7id4xt3q]

Your parents are disturbing. You have been made a servant to your sister. You are not your sister’s parent. You are 18 move out.

[@cathylanders6377]

Yeah

[@xeternalflowerx1978]

Not even like she has a choice at this point

[@seabreeze4559]

domestic slavery, it's a crime internationally so legal action is needed

[@mnirwin5112]

​@@Peoplephobicweirdo OP has already done so, gone to live with a grandfather. Oddly, the parents aren't fighting it the way I thought they would. Maybe *something* finally got through to them... including the fact they cannot legally force her to go back. And it sounds as if the parents are about to face their own shitstorm, which they richly deserve.

[@EauCanada]

@@PeoplephobicweirdoDid any of you even watch the video completely. The OP moved out and the extended family are helping financially. The money that the parents were siphoning from the extended family for "professional care" that wasn't actually given to the autistic sister, the extended fam decided to redirect future payments to the OP to help pay for college. I think OP is set for life, free from slavement. Kudos to the grandpa for putting his foot down and revealing the truth to the aunts and uncles.

[@carolinecheney]

I'm autistic, and I hate that you went through this and your sister never got the help she really needed.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for watching our videos. We sympathize with what you have through.

[@SkylarThompson-mu1qs]

@@RedditFamilyTales Why tf did you say you hate your sister when it's your parents fault? Hate your parents not a mentally unwell person.

[@exollix5255]

@@SkylarThompson-mu1qsdude, this person isnt OP. This person is telling the story that is on reddit

[@SkylarThompson-mu1qs]

@@exollix5255 Okay.

[@ZowithnoO]

@@SkylarThompson-mu1qs this person isnt op but honestly feelings are uncontrollable and while hating the parents is the well-thought out feeling, often feelings arent that easy to control

[@KalKreates]

This happened to me, but I’m also autistic. My little brother was diagnosed as a baby and I wasn’t diagnosed until I was an adult. It’s not your sister that’s the problem, hun. Your parents just don’t want to have to deal with the responsibility. I left as soon as I could, and my little bro struggled for a while but soon got the hang of living life solo. My mom would constantly tell me after I left how depressed he was and how impossible his meltdowns were to deal with, because I was the one putting in effort to calm them down and not her. Your parents are using you.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

We're happy to hear that you liked the content. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[@shinatina2466]

Youre braver than i am. I didnt leave my brother left first. I was parentified for him but my dad got injured a couple years before he left and i was taking care of him and mom up until last month when shtf and now im living with my bf its so weird not to be relied on and made to do everything. Or getting yelled at for not doing more.

[@Ghostcrvsh]

"Her" responsibilities? All of this is on the parents. Kids do not raise other kids, let alone disabled siblings. These parents should not have kids at all.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for sharing your perspective.

[@fablethewolf825]

I think a lot of parents do this on purpose. Not having a nerodevergent kid, obviously, but having a second kid _because_ you have an older kid; the idea from the beginning is that the parents will get all the fun of children with very little responsibility because it’s the older siblings’ duty to essentially raise and take care of their younger siblings. There’s a difference between asking them to babysit every so often and giving them all of the unpleasant tasks so you no longer have to do them.

[@TheHcjfctc]

Yes, it is likely with these parents that even if her sister wasn’t disabled, that she would have still had the responsibility forced upon her.

[@ChiquitaBanana-si5qq]

Excuse me, when did YOU sign on as THEIR KID’S caregiver?

[@thetireddragon]

OP's parents: You are OUR kid. You DO as we demand of you.

[@peeonthe3rdrail414]

Another privileged take.

[@sammygreen066]

Parents must not make a child parent another child, end of story. The odd baby sitting, looking out for each other. They cannot be expected to sacrifice their own lives on behalf of their parents

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thanks for sharing your perspective!

[@SL-hl5fi]

This story just kept getting worse and worse the longer it went on. The parents sound like narcissistic monsters. I hope OP is thriving and living her best life now that she's free.

[@Sly_fox_____]

As an autistic person WTH IS WRONG WITH THESE PARENTS These parents shouldn’t be pushing their responsibility onto their child, I’m aware lower spectrum autism is not easy but you shouldn’t be neglecting your other child. They shouldn’t blame them for wanting to be a kid, That’s not fair And they are ignoring the fact that their autistic daughter needs help? That’s worse

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for sharing your perspective. You're absolutely right-every child needs attention and support. Through our stories, we aim to highlight these challenges. Your insights are invaluable to this conversation, and we appreciate your comment.❤

[@babsbybend]

About a third of the way through, the word "hours" is pronounced "whores." The visual was weird and I ended up putting my phone face down as it seemed to get gross.

[@ninjascarlet8815]

Those who are high functioning autistic can be problematic as well and I'm autistic so I can understand where ppl are coming from

[@dajanajovanovic]

No. You've done your part. It's time to take care of yourself.

[@truthseeker9249]

I have Autism too. As Autistic people this is exactly what we DON'T want. To be a burden. I know that sounds harsh but it's true. We do not want ANYBODY to have to give up their whole life in order to take care of us. We don't want that kind pity or smothering for ourselves and we don't want that kind of pain and suffering for people we care about. If OP were my sister I'd be crying myself to sleep at night seeing how much she's forced to sacrifice just for me.

[@--XoXo--]

What op's parents are doing to him is called "parentification" and can be categorized as abuse towards the child ( as it should be and this story solidifies this )

[@zierragacha5089]

OP's a girl, just saying

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[@gabbidurham]

Yeah even though the long term effects aren’t known yet, researchers have theorized that it could be as harmful as other types of abuse against children which is the scary part

[@--XoXo--]

@@gabbidurham that's so sad to think about

[@ChrissaTodd]

Her* op said she was a big sister

[@garrettlundy3959]

OP: “I hate being 18 and my family treats me like a slave!” ARMY recruiter: *heavy breathing*

[@Eye_Of_Odin978]

Nah. The Army doesn't need anymore over-emotional quota-fillers. They have enough mentally disturbed women as is, thank you. :)

[@garrettlundy3959]

@@Eye_Of_Odin978 Have you seen the Army enlistment numbers lately? They’ll take anyone who can sign their name, and a few that can’t even do that😆 (But seriously; the armed forces are operating at severely understaffed levels and it is a real security concern. They’re even talking about reinstating the Draft and they haven’t had to consider that in decades)

[@zoecoffee9054]

​@@Eye_Of_Odin978 did you serve?

[@seabreeze4559]

@@Eye_Of_Odin978 most veteran deletions are men, are they mentally disturbed?

[@seabreeze4559]

@@Eye_Of_Odin978 quotas men refuse to fill - BRING BACK THE DRAFT!

[@Sienna6164]

As an autistic person, this sister needs professional help

[@blackangelqueen7783]

How?

[@uberkirbeeh7954]

@@blackangelqueen7783 There are group homes for severely autistic people who have live-in caretakers. She might need that.

[@dodohateswater]

How are you autistic?

[@Peoplephobicweirdo]

no, just better parents

[@notproductiveproductions3504]

@@blackangelqueen7783cuz knowing Reddit, it’s not the bad parenting that made her hate the autistic sister. It’s the autism of the autistic sister that made the Redditor hate the autistic sister. There’s a STEREOTYPE of Redditors trying to make autistic people the villains of their AITA stories

[@virginiamosier9115]

The parents were putting themselves before both kids. Many people on the spectrum can have a career and live independent lives if they get adequate therapy and training in coping mechanisms. Every person deserves to be their best.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you so much for your kind words! We're thrilled that you enjoyed the video. Don't forget to subscribe for more!

[@HaruDoneYet]

I feel bad for these siblings. The one was basically a slave and the other clearly isn’t getting the help she needs. The “parents” are letting both those kids down

[@skylinefever]

Sounds like your parents are crap, and it led to you resenting her. Responsibilities? They shat it out, that's their problem.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

They should hold their responsibility, right?

[@Daffodil-xw7nf]

My friends parents are like this, they never really take her to the hospital when she needs to, they mostly pay attention to the 2 autistic kids, now I understand that they would need special attention, but to ignore your other childs health is just a terrible thing to do!

[@seabreeze4559]

they will be shocked at no contact

[@trevordavies5486]

As a professional family therapist, I can only say how important it is to get professional care. The care is not just for the child but for the entire family. And this person, who we refer to as "shadow children" , as well as the parents, would have got the care they needed.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for sharing! Professional care is important not just for the child, but for the entire family. I hope your experience will help many others.

[@mnirwin5112]

If they think her going to a movie is abandoning her "responsibility" (which isn't hers to begin with) wait until she moves out and goes completely NC with all of them.

[@OctavioGaitan]

The parents should have known better. >:( May God bless the person who moved out and I wish them the best.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Yes, the parents must do their responsibility

[@JBoo]

As someone who has Autism, this is on the PARENTS NOT you

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thanks for sharing your perspective!

[@rebeccaconlon9743]

They forced a child to be a third parent...

[@iidentifyasyourhighness9294]

She should have called CPS on them and walked out on them and lived her life. Eff them.

[@flyingtank]

You undermine how hard that is

[@LoveAndSnapple]

You guys don’t understand what EXACTLY CPS does. First off, she’s 18. Second, they’re not harming her in a way that would require them to remove her out of the home.

[@melaniemills4505]

This hits me hard as I had a severely autustic sister as well. My mother had every intention of me being her 24/7 caregiver. I had to fight hard to break away. It wasn't easy, but well worth it. Who honestly expects their child to bear their personal responsibilities? 🤨

[@jmac5951]

The visuals on this are creepy.

[@introvert211]

Seconded

[@user-ip8sz8sl3c]

yeah they're really awful and also any writing comes out backwards, so it's been flipped (making them even more annoying)

[@TheHcjfctc]

Agreed!

[@averageelasmobranchenjoyer2972]

Mmmmmm… headphone burger…

[@heermannmorrer]

>Two puppets resembling humans get beheaded, then get eaten > Ant get eaten by spider, spider gets eaten by bigger ant, then both get eaten by some woman >Lego pac man chasing mini Among Us figures ,also gets eaten > Wtf

[@laquietagray9323]

I would have called CPS and police report them for abuse.

[@peeonthe3rdrail414]

WTF is wrong with you? That's a good way to put yourself into the foster care system.

[@jennifervan75]

If you can't take care of a disabled kid without ruining the life of your other kids, don't have them

[@christinebutler7630]

Don't have the disabled kid? Nobody sets out to do that intentionally. Not everything can be diagnosed in uterine before viability. Don't have the nondisabled ones? Makes sense not to have any more children after the disabled one, but if you already had older kids, it's a bit late to send them back!

[@jennifervan75]

@@christinebutler7630 If they can abort it in time, they should. Otherwise put it up for adoption. Anyways, I was talking about the struggle of the sibling being a caretaker even though they don't want to

[@christinebutler7630]

@jennifervan75 who the he!! is going to adopt a child known to have disabilities? Doesn't happen. And the institutions that once warehouses, and abused, such kids are mercifully gone, but they closed with the expectation that parents would keep the children in their homes and care for them. Period. There is no.viable alternative. Unless you are suggesting that all imperfect humans should be put down. Peter Singer has stated exactly that. Our society seems to be determined to avoid responsibility at almost any cost.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for sharing your feelings with us!

[@jennifervan75]

@@christinebutler7630 ? Care homes exists? There is nothing wrong with putting people out of their misery. Some foundations are helll

[@soxpeewee]

Nah, get a job after graduation and move forward without them

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for your comment.

[@dravendfr]

The comment section says what needs to be said and exactly how I want to say it very succinctly. I pray that this girl is happier with her life now.

[@attitudeproblem6462]

I’m so glad she has a supportive extended family that helped her escape. I wouldn’t go back to that town unless it was to see them. I see No Contact in those parents’ future…😒😒😒 P.S. that last “break down” by the mom is giving manipulation.

[@leatcanned]

Its scary because these same parents claim to know what their children want.

[@hildaottosson8660]

As an autistic eldest sister, this is the parents fault. I had a similiar situation with my sisters medical condition in my early childhood, but without the blatant parentification. This is the parent's fault. The sister is the parent's responsibility, not OP's. They should not be raising a disabled child if another child has to be cheated out of their childhood because of it. I wouldn't blame OP if she cut off her parents. She was a damn child, no child should be expected to be a caretaker to anybody.

[@ChrissaTodd]

Also how can they tell her "she was born to take care of her sister" when she was born first, and they can't predict if their second child will be disabled or not

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for watching and sharing

[@LittleMissV]

Been there, except it’s my older sister and she has schizophrenia. Parents were willing to risk my safety because they didn’t want to call the cops on my sister, after I found a note from her talking about how the voices were telling her to stab me. She’d been practiced with a knife in the basement! Eventually, they had to call the cops after she beat up our mom.

[@silviaconsonni586]

Psychos popping out kids. I'm sorry for you. She needed to be seen by a doctor in the exact moment she had this kind of hallucinations!

[@LittleMissV]

@@silviaconsonni586 she was taken to a hospital for treatment after the arrest. She seems to be better now. Just wish it didn’t have to come to that. Their clear choice to protect her over me fractured my relationship with my parents for a while

[@toulousegoose1150]

I'm so sorry you're going through that.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been through such a terrifying experience. It's tough when family dynamics and mental health issues collide in such a way. You're incredibly strong for handling it.

[@seabreeze4559]

sibling violence is also never believed because they are legally protected, neither bail out the parents nor sister, don't be the hospice care kid

[@ingwik]

The parents forcing the older sister into being a third parent, claiming that she is responsible for taking care of her younger sister above having a life of her own is messed up. The parents are the only people with responsibility to be caretakers, and they are responsible for BOTH of their children! If taking care of their second child is "too hard" there is help out there, forcing that on the older sister instead is not only incredibly unfair, but straight up WRONG!

[@ingwik]

An older sister helping her younger sister is one thing, but to be forced into it (by adults!) to the point of not being allowed a life of your own? No. Just no.

[@teresarayburn4501]

if a person cant care for a disabled child, they should have the child placed in care in a facility for the advanced and full care that they need.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

We're thrilled that you enjoyed the video. Don't forget to subscribe for more!

[@Susweca5569]

You have a right to be angry & frustrated. Resent your parents for foisting inappropriate responsibilities on you, but please don't hate your sister for what she has absolutely no control over.

[@beverlyarcher546]

Parentification

[@bluedragonfly8139]

The sister isn't responsible for destroying OP's belongings? Nah, after the age of, like, three, you know not to ruin other people's stuff.

[@midnightcoffee6463]

@@bluedragonfly8139 As someone who suffers the same life as the girl in the video, I can tell you that someone with severe Autism is 3 years old until the day they die

[@lssjvegeta7103]

When the calm, funny grandpa gets pissed, you know you're screwed

[@jbach1738]

The siblings of disabled children are not responsible for the care of their sibling. In fact, no child should ever be responsible for other siblings. The older kid did not make the decision to have a younger sibling. It is not their responsibility. Period. Parents need to understand, older siblings are not free childcare for the other kids the parents chose to have. I absolutely hate when parents tell children that it is their responsibility to look after the siblings they never chose to have. It's not the kids' responsibility. It's the parents' responsibility, and theirs alone. Period.

[@cheddarcheesewoah]

My little brother is autistic with high support needs. I myself am pursuing diagnosis, but have low support needs. Although it definitely hasn’t been perfect - I used to often feel I was put second to my brother; I was left to my own devices (literally- I was a major ipad kid) a little more to be considered good- I was never expected to help care for him in any way. The only times I look after him are either when he comes to me first or when I choose to, and even that is mostly just playing and mucking around with him.

[@androgynylunacy]

Thanks. This is exactly why my younger daughter will never be responsible for her older sister, who is non-verbal, has level 3 autism, ADHD and now has sezuires. Kids don't deserve to feel this way. I have a good amount of health problems, and I am doing everything not to have her feel like she has to be a caregiver. She helps me once in a while. I don't think this person really hates their sister.I think they are using the wrong word. It is more that they are under extreme distress. Asking your other child to help here and there seems okay, but it just isn't fair or right for their mental health to have them relying on their other child that much.

[@queenvictoria4237]

I'm autistic but high functioning. I feel sympathy for both siblings as one shouldn't be the caregiver if they don't want and i feel sympathy for the disabled sister as she didn't ask for that.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Your comment made my day. Thanks for sharing!

[@junewilliams4752]

I used to listen to ppl talk about hating their special needs sibling and parents. that parents told them they were to take care of them after they passed. . Some left for college/military never to return.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

We're glad you enjoyed the video. Thank you!

[@TheHcjfctc]

I’m glad she saw that her resentment was misplaced and that it was really her parents that were the problem. I’m also glad she had such a supportive extended family to help her out of that situation. My oldest is autistic with level one needs, so not needing much, but I still always try to make both of them feel equally loved and valued. While my youngest can handle more responsibility than my oldest, I don’t put that on her unless I feel it will hold her back like in academics and such.

[@littlepinkskeleton]

Those parents are fucking awful.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

I cannot imagine how can they do that

[@obstipuit]

both sisters are completely innocent, the parents are evil

[@joshuawesteros5345]

She’s got an epic extended family. Damn.

[@AllecYoon]

To the parents : THAT'S YOUR FCKN JOB. YOUR CHILD. If you had TWO then take care both. It's funny that they expect the sister to take care of the other sister. If you don't want to take care your own child.

[@diosbizarreadventure7383]

Let's be honest here when OP's mom said she love OP , she most probably didn't meant she loved her rather she loved the service that OP provided without any cost to her.

[@bluedragonfly8139]

THIS!

[@DerekBennett-pk4nu]

Maybe the parents could’ve tried actually training the daughter, so she could take care of herself

[@RedditFamilyTales]

We appreciate your engagement and thoughts!

[@IBSSnape]

Either that or send her to a group care home if she can't live independently.

[@livmashupmansen191]

I have an older sister who is autistic (diagnosed at 13) and four younger brothers. My family’s life (including her’s especially) and my life, and it caused massive meltdowns, fights, setting up routines (having them fall apart because she got complacent and developed new compulsions: washing hands, checking for dirt, etc.), allowing her fears overshadow the rest of our family’s concerns. I don’t blame her for her autism/OCD, but it is difficult because she fails the people around her (especially her family). She wants to do things her way, and if anybody messes with her schedule (springing unintentional surprises), she freaks out, and it’s a whole meltdown. Yet, she doesn’t understand that she makes the rest of us late or that the rest of us are busy. My parents don’t expect my siblings and I to be responsible for her, but my sister does expect us to do things FOR her as a way to “help” keep her calm and elbows her family and invades our spaces by leaning into us and not leaving room for us. She also lacks awareness of our schedules and wants to go on vacations, which is excellent, but the rest of us have school and calendars to stick with. She wanted me to drive her to OH for a dating conference (IDK). Still, I didn’t want to: 1) I was doing summer college courses, 2) I was preparing to transfer to an in-person college in Aug. 2022, 3) She is incredibly bossy, 4) I hated driving, especially on far distances, and unknown places, &. 4) She barely cares about what I like or bothers to engage with the rest of us. I knew the OH trip wouldn’t fix anything between us, and it would cause me to be tense, focusing on driving, directions, bossy backseat driver, and going to a conference that I couldn’t care less about. She isolated herself from the rest of us. She also didn’t want to have a grad party but wanted to control my guest list and invite people with whom I was not friends. I don’t hate her, and I understand that OCD and Autism are complex diagnoses and affect the mental, physical, and emotional parts of her life. She is struggling immensely, but I feel sad that she seems to accept defeat and lets it define her when there is more to her than that and doesn’t recognize the difficulties and having to walk on eggshells so as not to set her off. I resent that she doesn’t put the effort and care into her family as she does her friends; the rest of the family and I face the brunt of her anger and anxieties. My parents are doing everything they can (medicine, therapies, routines, OCD, & Autism programs). My siblings have had to deal with her while I was at college (the only thing I hated about going home was dealing with her meltdowns and having to walk on eggshells or having to do things for her when she is perfectly capable of doing it herself and is bossy about it). I have felt that I was living in her shadow and people have credited some of my kindness to her because they see her as kind, extraverted, and personable which has made me question some of my good characteristics.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for sharing your story. It's clear you deeply care about your sister and family despite the challenges. Your resilience and empathy are admirable, and it's important to also prioritize your well-being. Remember, seeking support for yourself is just as crucial. Stay strong, and know you're not alone.

[@seabreeze4559]

She knows, she just doesn't care about you. Autism is called a low empathy condition. They have a weak theory of mind. Sociopathy is also a low empathy condition.

[@seabreeze4559]

It sounds like she has a personality disorder instead and was misdiagnosed, either NPD or ASPD. Autism is not controlling and OCD is not controlling of people. "control my guest list" NPD tell she feels entitled for you to stick around putting up with neglect and other abuses "brunt of her anger" sounds like NPD rage attacks. Stop feeding that Beast, see what happens. You are not her mother. "walking on eggshells" NPD tell again, like the false PERSONA she has outside, the fake one.

[@bradleybrown8428]

Then Don't do anything for her, if she says do x, tell her no, either do it for yourself or it won't get done. If your parents complain then let them know that autism and OCD can only take you so far, the rest is all on her, she knows what she's doing, she's used to getting her own way and throwing her weight around. Autism does not mean you can't learn right from wrong, it might be harder but it can be done. She's either just being stubbern or as I said, is just used to people doing things for her. Also, move out ASAP.

[@FREE.PALESTINE1955]

I have 3 siblimgs with autism and the constant violence, anger, and agression that comes from them has destroyed my and my mothers life.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

I'm really sorry to hear about your struggles. It must be incredibly challenging for you and your mother. Thank you for sharing your story with us, and please know that you're not alone.

[@seabreeze4559]

sibling abuse is never believed either becuase they're legally protected, including molestation cases which are extremely common in the boys. Charities lie.

[@seabreeze4559]

don't be a hospice care kid, look that term up

[@bradleybrown8428]

Have your parents looked into a care home type place? They might need it.

[@bluedragonfly8139]

Run as soon as you're 18 and don't look back!

[@ChrissaTodd]

As someone with autism these parents suck i was able to learn not to break things. They clearly play favourites

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for letting us be a part of your journey. We're here to support you.

[@DeborahSwenson-zk3oy]

I am autistic as well and these parents are terrible

[@amoghlad9792]

I feel sad for the autistic sister. She is not getting the help she needs.

[@cynthiaisenberg1029]

This also sounds like the movie where a couple had another child so she could be used as a doner for her older sister who had cancer! That is despicable. I think it was called My Sisters Keeper?

[@orangeapples]

I stopped at she was sent to the basement. What?

[@darth3911]

Could be a small house with few usable rooms that can be made into bedrooms. I personally know of some cases where basements are used for bedrooms because a family just has to many kids.

[@christophermills7693]

Op never look back.

[@incite2004]

As someone with autism, I've already decided that if I have a kid with autism they'll be treated the same as my other kids. & None of my kids will be expected to help with raising siblings. If they wanna help then that's fine. But I will never force me kids to be parents.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for sharing your perspective. It's wonderful to hear that you've already decided to treat all your children equally, regardless of autism. Your approach to parenting, ensuring that no child feels forced into a caregiving role, is truly commendable. Your thoughtful attitude is inspiring.

[@plantedlife]

I hate my autistic brother too. Was 7 and excited to have a brother I could finally play rough with, previous little sister was too princess and frail so I'd get scolded for going biking, tree climbing, play fighting, etc with her because she'd get sunburn, scrapes, or upset because she lost. But then that boy turned out to be heavily autistic so I'm stuck with 2 princesses. Happy to be out of that house in college with people I can actually interact and play with. Feel a bit bad because all my past responsibility got pushed onto my little sister and she had become suicidal but she'll be going to college soon so it should be fine

[@Demonetization_Symbol]

Don't be mad at the sister. Be mad at the parents.

[@voiceactorchimera3171]

One of my cousins had a kid with severe disabilities, despite knowing well in advance what kind of intensive care the baby would need after it was born (Also maybe partly religious reasons). Over a few years after the child was born, they went to a nasty Divorce, had 2 more kids(diffrent dads), Bankruptcy, Eviction, and jail time. The kid didn't last long without anyone else to care for them 24/7, but they had been 'living' in a car for a few months before that. Sadly, or fortunately, my cousin is doing better and can actually go to work without worries. The other two kids are still in foster care as far as I know.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for sharing such a personal and heart-wrenching story. It's a stark reminder of the challenges many families face, and I'm glad to hear that your cousin is doing better now.

[@seabreeze4559]

she knew before it was born so it's hard to feel sorry if she chose it

[@anglepsycho]

Her parents are to blame. I'm autistic, and I know I torture my family, but my little sister is able to trust me with things she won't tell my mom. You cannot be a parent and force your child to care for another until they drop dead.

[@Eryniell]

it's not on the autistic sister that the parents are horrible. They seemed to have just decided that you won't be treated like a child anymore and that you should be able to handle everything like an adult too (including emotionally) which are unrealistic and unfair expectations. They are pretty much to blame for each time you felt like your sister mattered more, because THEY kept using her as an excuse to not treat you right. (it's also unfair towards your sister and I wouldn't be surprised if some of her difficult behaviour was caused by that...autism doesn't make you destroy things, dysregulation can though)

[@WalkinTheWalkers]

I completely understand and know what this op is going thru, I'm my grandparents caregivers... and I LOVE them and very thankful for this time with them but I've noticed that they've became TOO dependent on me... cleaning, cooking, laundry etc. I totally understand I have to do, but now it's even "hand me the remote...clip my finger nails, turn the channel " and these demands are being asked from them sitting on the couch 24/7 and just scream my name all the time! 😊 my nana has panic attacks every time I leave too , she calls me every 5 mind begging for me to hurry home...it's hars

[@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist]

That is definitely crazy… they need to apply for a state given care giver, or sadly a home if they cant take of theirselves to such a degree.

[@jstokes5582]

That sounds horrible. My family has had to care for sick parents but we have a large family so we take turns helping.

[@seabreeze4559]

get on the deed of the house, don't trust any promises, don't be a hospice care kid search bar the term and stop being their unpaid labour, you are not their slave they are guilt tripping you, a form of emotional abuse

[@seabreeze4559]

@@XFizzlepop-Berrytwist a state given one won't degrade themselves the way she is doing

[@IBSSnape]

Sadly, caring is a thankless job that pays nothing. Nobody notices how much work the carer does until they stop.

[@karenmitchell6814]

Just get out. Leave. Don’t look back.

[@Tormekia]

I work in social services. This happens a loooooooooooot. Once the parents get too old they expect one of the kids to take on all duties. And that usually means: The carer kid doesn't get to get married. Can't have kids. Can't have a real job. They spend their whole lives as a carer and never asked for it. It's a noble thing to choose, but a terrible thing to do to a kid. Patents should make sure that the disabled child will be taken care of professionally. There are programs. It may involve moving out of state for a while to establish residency in a state with solid supports, but there are programs out there that will provide the person with a social worker to manage their funds and housing and bills and all that. But yeah. It happens a lot. We've had some people come in who had all their family die. They're 60+, with severe deficits, and have no one else. Parents died. Siblings died. No friends. It's tragic. Parents have a duty to make sure their kids will be OK when they die if they can't care for themselves. Also as an autistic person - Parents REEAAALLY need to control their emotional state around their autistic kids. It's like being trapped in a storm. It can HURT and make everything else so much worse.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for sharing your insights.

[@hineraable]

I can't stand parents that treat their children like co-caretakers

[@zierragacha5089]

I'm glad you didn't blame your sister for this, it's your parents' fault I hope you're living a happier life and I also hope your sister gets the proper care she needs

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you so much for your kind words!

[@kimberlycraigie2443]

This is so sad no kid should have to put his life on hold just to help parents that can’t cope themselves never put ur stresses on ur kid

[@0815Horst]

Had a similar situation with my family. Realized in the end, distancing myself from them was the better option. I'm free now. Wish the person who wrote this the best.

[@PsychoMantisss]

My sister has a severely autistic daughter as well and I am here to help with her, but at least I eventually get a break. It is not okay for them to basically shove their responsibility onto their child. They are the parents, if they cannot handle their child they need to get help for her, respite care, therapies, or even, and I know this is horrible because I know about the horrific things that can go on in them, a group home. Sometimes the environment is just not right for kids that disabled. They need a LOT of structure that they aren't going to get depending on the person in question, and a group home might be a better fit if you can find a good one. Sometimes there is no choice in the matter. OP is not trained enough to handle these things, and everyone needs a break. I would try to find other living arrangements because this is just not it.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for your comment!

[@sowat06]

Makes one wonder what the money was use for if not for a caretaker?

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment!

[@Slowpoke3x]

Life is expensive enough for an typical family. Just cuz they dont have a caretaker doesnt mean they dont have other outstanding bills for care. Even if they dont , have anything crazy insurance, and rent doesnt need to help to f up your finances.

[@OrontesRM]

See, this is why I like some 'universal credit' for young adults that some EU countries are doing: at 18 you still haven't the money to buy your own house, but, seriously, you must have the right to leave your parents' house.

[@IBSSnape]

Do you mean "universal basic income"? Universal Credit is means-tested benefit in the UK, but not everyone is eligible for it.

[@berryXjerry216]

The "normal" child is never responsible for the sibling in need, and if the parents can't understand it, they're complete morons. The phrase: "they just need help" is not acceptable. It's a cheap excuse to justify their despicable behaviour! I know because I am in the same situation as the OP. Luckily for me, my parents have probably accepted I'm never going to love my brother the way they do. They probably think this way: Either you'll sacrifice yourself for the one you love, or you'll be indifferent to their existence. Once she turns 18, I hope she moves out and never talk to them again. Hopefully they'll change their mind!

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for sharing and hope things get better for you and your family.

[@starfuryduck3446]

These parents should learn to grow a pair. Holy, your child isn't your younger child's maid. Fine if you don't have enough time of energy to give attention to your oldest. But don't be suprised if later down the line your child will hate you for it. Everything has a consequence.

[@christinebutler7630]

If you think it's rough now, wait till your parents are old and you're stuck with your sister for the rest of your life. Not to me tion that you will have to take care of your parents without the help a sibling would normally provide.

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for your comment!

[@LaserGryph]

Jeez. Those parents basically tried to groom her into being a third parent at her own expense. I'm sorry that their younger daughter has a disability, but that's their cross to bear, not hers.

[@noonenowhere877]

It feels like OP is putting all her resentment on the other child when the real ones at fault are the parents.

[@Mel720001]

Hello. I am french then I apologize for spelling mistakes. My big sister is autiste (from the "hight level"/ "Asperger"" kind). I am two years younger than her. In France, when I was young, autism was very difficult to diagnosticed by specialists (they had a psychanalistic approach of the trouble. My parents,, howewer, felt that something wasn't well in my sister's behaviour. Then, they have fight during many years with doctors, health institution, diagnostic center, schools... The public school refused to accept her but private school (catholic but with a contrat with the State) have accepted her because she knew read when she was four. Many friends of my family insisted to not make her diagnosed because it would put her "in a case". My parents wanted just to know what she had. Like I said, I was two years younger. Apparently, I was very hypersensitive to everything concerning the relations with others peoples, my family too. I couldn't bond really with children from my school where I was scolarized before three, in part because I was in the same school that my big sister... Child, i saw my sister going with my father to other cities in hope to cure her or at least, to discover what she was affected. I was jealous by this attention for my sister and then, I was trying to show I was a grown up, asking for gifts at Christmas or my birthday based on the knowledge. I talked to my father only about history, sciences, because it was the only way for me to bond with him. After me, I had one little sister and a little brother. It was more easy for me to communicate with them : it was super easy to me to imagine stories and include in them as little mouses, to play as if they were in a video game, to create a town in the garden, invent new games in the darkness to hide and seek... I was their game master. Another thing which saved my life was reading. I refused to learn to read with my father contrary all my others sisters and brother. But my mother one day, began to read a adventure children book (the Famous Five) and let me alone at the half of the story. It had adventure and a immense world of imaginary was opened to me. I was the one who "played" with my sister in her funny world which was sometimes uncanny similar to my own evasions. Readind allowed me to survive when I grew up. I was bullied in middle school because I couldn't communicate well with the other. I knew only how to answer to professors's questions. At this time, my big sister was finally diagnosticed as "Asperger". In France, many psys thouhkt that the autism came from the mother behaviour. My mother hadn't an easy childhood, I suspect she was neglected and she was depressive. She fall in alcoolism (she had already that tendancy when I was born but after, she fought for my big sister and my little sister and brother...For me too, I suppose.). But the moment happened when she was broken. It was the hell between her depression with alcoolism and being bullied. I escaped in books, everytime. I had suicidary thoughts but only books prevented me to make serious try. Dad, even with his job, was already implicated in our home : tidying, laundry, raising us but he was alone. He made the procedure to give to my big sister auxiliaries of life (rejected soon or later by her), fight for she continued her scolary education. My little sister and my little brother spoke of the difficulties of our life to their friends, even if it was...forbidden. No more friends in our house. Just involuntary hospitlization forced on my mother when she vecame a danger for her and us. She provoked my father to be harmed but my father refused. My big sister was more easy to provoke in violence and one day, I was between them...I was lucky. I suppose. Then, in hightschool, I had my nervous breackdown during classe. I couldn't cease to cry. My father was contacted. Social services too. It has allowed my mother to decide to take measure to heal. It wasn't easy. My little sister, my little brother didn't forgive her. I was in college when I understood that I suffered of psychic social anxiety trouble preventing me to accomplish my dream to become a teacher. This understanding came with suicide attempts some time. The one reason because I had my degree in Education Master was because I worked on my hobby : fanfictions as educative support to teach. But pratically, I couldn't to work with many children. I was hospitalized in an institution. I could to see my parents only one night ech three weeks. Family therapy didn't worked. I was hopelessness. I successed to be transfered in post cure home for handicapped. I have written all my feelings in therapeutic writting, I have learnt many thing about my relation in my family ; Any positive. My anger had finally open the doors to the truth : they didn't understand me. Until tat, I was dependant from my parents for everything, particuraly money because they refused to see me dependant from state's help. I obtained I have sucessed to have my first appartment. I have accepted social help and handicap help; I have integrated an association with many peoples with psychic troubles and help them. But now, it's me who tries to obtain a diagnostic for autistic troubles because many peoples suspect that I have autistic troubles. But my big sister's trouble was more visible and I wasn't seen. Because I should to be the "big sister". My parents have promised to each of little sister and brother (me too) that even after their death, we wont be responsible for being my sister's caregiver. She has too State's help, with money. She have a curatorship. She can to live alone in her appartment, like me. Because my parents has fought for her to have an education, to raise her without give up on her. They have taught her to have autonomy, even if she isn't totally independant. But it's apparently too my case and I had to learn by other peoples's help and not really their. My worst nightmares have always them in my bad dream. I don't know if my story very different matters for you, but I want you know that I sympathize for you and realise that I was lucky even if my life wasn't perfect. You had it worse and I admire you to not falling in hopelessness. I am happy you had the desserved support from your larger family. My one piece of advice is to follow therapy. Just that. Sometimes, things continue to haunt your mind and your soul. And if it may help you...

[@AelaLoves]

The cockroaches and the HEARTTT😭😭😭in a FRYING PAN?? What is happening in the background!!!

[@RedditFamilyTales]

We apologize for any unpleasant experiences you may have had. We are continuously working on improving our background.

[@AelaLoves]

@@RedditFamilyTales Hahaha xD it's creative tbh! Just didn't expect it

[@-yasmean-]

This relatable except my sister who has downe syndrome actually meant whatever she did she pushed me off staircases tried chocking me on multiple occasions

[@neolibertarian5492]

I hope the extended family sues the crap out of OPs parents for committing fraud. They took money meant to care for her sister went where?…for what?

[@fictional-girl_05]

This is a sucky situation but do not blame your sister. It’s not her fault, it’s your parents’.

[@tsugima6317]

Talk about parentification!

[@RedditFamilyTales]

Thank you for your comment.

[@StarshineMelody5678]

Sadly I have a friend who’s going thru this and her parents scold and ground her if she doesn’t accept she has to be her sister’s caregiver. Even worse she tries to let her sister learn thru stuff and her mom intervenes and doesn’t let the sister do anything for herself. They have a dog which the sister isn’t even allowed to associate with cuz “she won’t understand” how to play with the dog. It frustrates me

[@cathylaw]

Have the parents ever heard of respite care?!

[@pirjettabesil6669]

That takes effort and they are not parents since they are pushing all responsibility to OP...they are not being parents to either of the children

[@user-ii3vn8tn3q]

You aren't trapped, THEY are. A parent loves their child blindly. A sister SEES her sister for what she is.

[@shishoka]

That "she's younger and doesn't understand" hurts. Been there.

[@ilikeandloveeverything8711]

i grew up in a very large family and my mom is single which is why this had commonly happened in my family.

[@reneedittmer9625]

As an autistic, at first I thought this was going to be the typical "Autistics are so annoying for being themselves so I just hate them" but this was a whole different level that I honestly was not expecting. And, it is definitely the parents fault. I don't know much about the autistic sister and how bad she has autism, but since she needs a professional caretaker it sounds like she has autism pretty bad. A teen who is still not an adult SHOULDN'T be taking care of their sister like that 24/7! They still have a lot going on with school, education, figuring out who they are, and not to mention hormonal changes too. And autistic kids who have autism that bad really need help to understand what they shouldn't do and what they should do. They need help to do basic life and how to function as a human. And the little sisters parents didn't do a good job of it at all! I won't be surprised if she has behavioral issues or something like that, because it sounds like the parents weren't doing anything at all. And I wouldn't expect a teenager to be able and help a kid who has autism like that either. Im honestly really disappointed at the parents, they shouldn't even be parents at all! This is honestly really frustrating and I hope the little sister gets the right care she needs cause obviously the parents don't know what the heck to do! And Im glad the older sister got out of there as fast as she could, she definitely needs it.

[@pyrogirl1482]

The moment she turned 18 she should have left the house. Taking care of her sister is NOT her responsibility, its her parents responsibility. Them not being able to care for her disabled sister is not her problem, robbing her of a childhood and forcing her into that role is completely unacceptable. She owe her parents nothing, just leave and let them take care of things like they should have from the beginning!

[@Dock284]

You could easily call child protective services considering how mistreated the sisters is in this situation.

[@jacepawplayz]

As an autistic, how does destroying things have to do with autism?