My Boyfriend Of Five Years Said He Won't Marry Me. Am I Wasting My Time? ... - Best Reddit

My Boyfriend Of Five Years Said He Won't Marry Me. Am I Wasting My Time? ... - Best Reddit
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My Boyfriend Of Five Years Dropped A Bomb About Not Marrying Me, Am I Wasting My Time?
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Sitting in our living room, surrounded by the familiar comfort of our shared space, I find myself lost in the memories captured in our photo album. I'm Emily, and over the past five years, I've been in a relationship with Mark. We met at a friend's birthday party, and since that day, our connection has been undeniable. Mark, with his kindness and intelligence, has always made me feel loved and valued.
From the outset, our relationship progressed naturally. Our first date at a small Italian restaurant lasted for hours as we discovered our shared interests and goals. Soon, we were inseparable, exploring new places every weekend and building a life together. Our first vacation, a week-long hiking trip in the mountains, solidified my feelings for him. It was then I realized I wanted to spend my life with Mark.
We celebrated our first anniversary with a weekend at a bed and breakfast by the lake, which further deepened my conviction that Mark was the one I wanted to marry. As our relationship grew, so did my desire to start a family. Both of us come from close-knit families, and the thought of creating our own was both exciting and natural.
After two years, we moved in together, and our home became a testament to our shared life, filled with photos and souvenirs from our travels. Despite some challenges-like supporting each other through job changes and personal growth-I believed these experiences only strengthened our bond.
However, as we celebrated our fifth anniversary with a vacation in the Caribbean, I found myself expecting a marriage proposal that never came. Despite the perfect setting, Mark didn’t pop the question. I tried to hide my disappointment, reminding myself perhaps he just needed more time. Yet, both our families had started to ask about marriage, increasing the pressure and my anxiety about our future.
Upon returning home, the uncertainty continued to grow. I had subtly hinted at marriage for a year, but Mark’s non-committal responses began to worry me. Family gatherings and conversations often turned to our future, which seemed to make Mark uncomfortable. Despite my efforts to ease the pressure, I couldn't shake the feeling that he might not be as committed to our future as I was.
Eventually, I decided we needed to have a clear conversation about our relationship. I asked Mark directly if he planned to marry me, which led to a distressing revelation. He confessed that while he did want to get married eventually, he wasn’t sure he wanted to marry me. He didn’t feel 'ready' to commit to our relationship in that way. His response left me devastated, filled with doubt and confusion about his feelings and our future.
In the days that followed, I sought comfort and advice from my friends and family. They provided various perspectives, but all agreed that I deserved clarity and commitment. I found myself reflecting on the good times we shared, wondering whether they were enough to outweigh the current uncertainty. Mark's reluctance seemed tied to deeper fears, possibly influenced by his parents’ troubled marriage, which made him cautious about making such a lifelong commitment.
Torn between my love for Mark and the need to respect my own dreams, I was faced with a difficult decision. When Mark eventually reached out, claiming he was ready to commit, I found myself hesitating to accept his change of heart at face value. I realized I needed time to focus on myself and ensure that any decision about our future was made from a place of strength and not just emotional turmoil.
Our future remains uncertain as I continue to ponder the right course for my happiness, whether with Mark or alone. Through this journey, I’ve learned the importance of valuing myself and my own happiness as much as I value our relationship. No matter what happens next, I know I’m strong enough to embrace it.
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#redditfamily #redditstories #redditfamilytales

[@hannahgrimm8839]

It wasn't until 23 minutes into this thing where I thought this was fake. Emily asked Mark to meet her in the park where they shared so many happy memories together to have this serious confrontational talk. Then, when he confirms that he can't make a marriage commitment to her, she leaves the house and goes to the empty park to sit on the bench her and Mark were sitting on when she first started this conversation.

[@hannahgrimm8839]

Man, I should be a detective 🧐🤨😂😂

[@Salandrews]

Thanks for saving me the time xD wont be seing the video then

[@jdaggrrr575]

Nobody talks like this on Reddit unless it’s a fake story lmao

[@depthproductions9195]

@@jdaggrrr575yeah, and there are no updates. No amount of information such as this is given in one single post.

[@comuseli123]

@@hannahgrimm8839That is always something to consider in the future ;) you never know

[@asmita2318]

She needs to drop him. Waste of time. She wants marriage and he is just wasting her time, dragging her, putting her in placeholder until he finds his dream girl whom he wants to marry.

[@fvrstw]

But there's no sense in pressuring somebody into marriage too.

[@nicklausdavis]

@@fvrstwagreed. Could you imagine being pestered every week about marriage when you’re not sure about it? Honestly the family and op probably pushed him away a little bit every time they brought it up.

[@fvrstw]

@nicklausdavis Real. And with ops family history, it's even worse.

[@GeorgeBolen-l4z]

It's pretty toxic to think you can just pressure and force someone to be in the same page as you. It's pretty toxic to only think of your own happiness yet you say you love the person. It's pretty toxic to have other folks pressure your significant other. 😂😂😂😂

[@vick2255]

Ladies, remember this: the only adequate response to men stalling regarding marriage is leaving. If he wants you, you will know; if he doesn't, you'll know it.

[@lolmfs]

You're in your 30s Stop wasting the rest of your years

[@susanmarks416]

If someone doesn't want to get married, then don't move in together. As soon as he said wants to married, but not sure if it was to you. It means no, and to end it, move out, and move on. Don't even reconsider it, if only then he "only now" realizes he does want to marry after you move out and dump him. It'll be a shut up ring, then a shut up marriage where he'll resent you. Hell, he'll probably do the most violent cake smash at the reception.

[@ZombieOfBerlin]

Girl, it's been five years. How much more time does he need? At this point, everything that isn't an enthusiastic yes is a no. Stop wasting your time. If you want children, you don't have all the time in the world.

[@banina1836]

She’s given her all & he still “doesn’t know” if he wants to be in a marriage with her She’s a placeholder and he’s emotionally immature. Their talks have always included marriage, even if it was without a timeline. She needs to get out now, he’s a waste of time and she’s on a biological clock

[@friday-lr3mp]

You acted as a wife before a ring. That's what happened.

[@stillscrimmaging283]

He was acting like a husband before the ring as well, that’s why OP wanted to marry him.

[@user-xd6nc6rg7b]

@@stillscrimmaging283She wanted to BE a wife. He wanted to ACT like a husband. Their relationship has no future.

[@stillscrimmaging283]

@@user-xd6nc6rg7b my point is, you have to ACT as a wife for the right man before he’ll MAKE you his wife for real. Do you think any real man will wait until marriage for you to be a wife? Good luck with that.

[@user-xd6nc6rg7b]

@@stillscrimmaging283 Nobody should be doing a wife or husband job without being a wife or husband. I got married without doing anything a wife does, and we didn’t sleep together until after we were married. Giving those things away makes people think they aren’t valuable. Most people would rather take take take without having any responsibility, which is how we ended up where we are as a society. Why make a commitment when someone is will to take care of your house, pay half your bills, have your kids, buy property together, etc., like people are doing now, and can walk away with no consequences or cheat and pretend it’s okay because you aren’t married after all? Hell no. I don’t work for free, and I don’t invest my life or body in a man without commitment and responsibility. You can play around if you want.

[@Princetonian4eva]

@@stillscrimmaging283 This is backwards. I got married and neither my husband or I acted like anything other than moral human beings. We had the characters and traits of good partners that shared similar beliefs and got married as a result. Men waste women’s time having them jump through hoops for years only to end up like this poor woman, or worse. A lot of times they’ll get cheated on or dumped just for the same guy to marry a woman within a year. Personality, character and values are the only things you really need to know if someone will be a good spouse. The behaviors are natural consequences of those so no need for a “trial run.”

[@veri.contrary]

they’re doing all the things married people do, 5yrs in and he “doesn't know”? if this is real he’s stringing her along for the benefits of being with her. i’ve been with my partner for 6yrs, not married, but i don’t care to be. if you know marriage is what you ultimately want: 2yrs and if no ring, move on. it doesn’t take THAT long for men to know who they want

[@chetzu961]

The thing is, what is the end of that waiting? It is just uncertainty. Move on is the only answer

[@KoreForever]

He doesn't think she's his dream girl.

[@LinkT-z8i]

Give up he did it out of desperation

[@user-xd6nc6rg7b]

He missed having the benefits of a wife and realized she wasn’t going to keep doing everything without a commitment. If she had to drag it out of him, he didn’t really want it. The mistake was playing house in the first place. He got comfortable.

[@DisappointedButNotSurprised]

It's good to be cautious about making big decisions like that. The last thing you'd want is to marry someone who feels like they're being pushed into it and being unhappy about it. Crying, being manipulative, and trying to get your way when the other person obviously isn't ready is a recipe for disaster.

[@fatimaibrahim2200]

Your username is exactly how I feel about your comment. Did you even watch the whole video

[@moniquegrove9809]

That’s true but expecting someone who wants Marriage to wait until your ready especially after 5 years. Then you obviously aren’t ready to be with someone at all. Stringing people along isn’t good.

[@invisigoth510]

If you want marriage & he doesn’t then yes, you are wasting your time with him

[@swiftygem420]

He got the benefit of the doubt i woulda hired a pi like why is he not ready to choose me after so long... They been monogamous

[@ladybetrayus69]

This is something you need to have an in-depth conversation about some people don't want to get married and that's fine I'm one of those people dont want to get married or have a relationship. And I can say you need to be with another person who doesn't want to get married it's like with the kids you don't be with someone who doesn't want kids if you want them it very rarely ends well

[@geraldineekhator5428]

He should have known by the second anniversary! He wasted your time and energy playing you. Leading someone on is horrible! Not to mention that leading someone on is a sin as is living together! He would have left you once he found the woman that he loves if he married you. I fell in love with players too! I even married one. He was also a narcissist. So thankful to be divorced! He’s tried to get me back twice but I see through that he doesn’t love me. He only misses how convenient I make life more comfortable for him. I am also not going to go back for more abuse. I would rather be single the rest of my life. All that being married someday is lying to you, him and everyone else.

[@dariusreedo]

This is stupid. How you both want to get married but mark doesn't want to marry her? Mark is not giving a good reason why. It has been 5 years. Relationship doesn't have to end with marriage to make it official unless the parties agree that is the goal for them, making the relationship complicated. Some people don't believe in marriage and that is fine as long as they make it clear to the individual.

[@CainnTADC]

I feel like OP is to desperate about marring him

[@jessep3571]

I think I found the original post but had nowhere near this detail. Did ai write this?

[@P1RSA]

Top comment says its AI, ill still listen

[@TheQueenPsChannel]

Why beg someone who doesn’t want marriage as much as you do? This never bodes well for a forced marriage.

[@moniquegrove9809]

5 years and your not sure… yeah it should be over. If he’s not willing settle down with her then needs to let the next man who will do it.

[@toniirion5225]

Palpable

[@aga1nsty0u]

There is 0 benefit for man to get married

[@RedditFamilyTales]

I'm not quite sure I understand your point that the BF not choosing to get married is right. Doesn't this seem unfair to woman (OP)?

[@banina1836]

Only if you don’t love your partner, if you actually have someone you love and respect you’ll want to make sure you’re both secure if the other passes or gets terminally ill. Idk if you have the mental image of a housewife, but my partner and I both work to get each other through university so we can move up a socioeconomic class from where we came from. He wouldn’t be able to do his masters if it wasn’t for me We have true love and mutual respect, we want security for each other. I feel sad for men that think there’s no reason, it says more about your intentions in your relationship

[@aga1nsty0u]

@@banina1836 tell that to 70% ( or more) women who initiate the divorce

[@hibooty7262]

​@@aga1nsty0u women divorce more because they face more abuse and stuff like that

[@caitlynhays720]

People do know that commitment without marriage is also an option, right?

[@Princetonian4eva]

And it is something that some people want which they have a right to, given the protections and advantages being married comes with.

[@banina1836]

If he were to become braindead she’s have 0 say in what happens next, his family COULD just ban her from the funeral, she’s not entitled to anything without marriage. There’s no security, half of their house would belong to his family and she’d be forced to sell it if she couldn’t in her grieving state cough up the money

[@enriqueperezarce5485]

@@Princetonian4evaWhat protections and advantages, being legally married as a guy can be really bad if you choose the wrong women and if you fuck up legally. Which lets be honest a lot of people are worse now morally and emotionally then ever

[@josieegold6758]

Yes

[@GallowayJesse]

You need the government in your relationship that badly?

[@Princetonian4eva]

She does yes. Being married, especially if you have children, comes with legal protections, rights and benefits for both parties. Additionally, marriage represents a lifelong commitment and a level of seriousness that many see as a sign of stability and safety.

[@Nimnoss]

I agree. I don't care about marriage however how comment above pointed out it does come in handy if you want to have kids.

[@francescorizzi8696]

@Princetonian4eva 😂😂😂 both parties......😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@helletenbrix9614]

What an unhealthy obsession with marriage! It's not the only way to live.

[@bluebells6494]

Why should she continue to stay with someone who doesn’t seem ready for the same things she is especially at her age

[@SuicideboysGrey59]

@@bluebells6494toxic way to live ur life. just go about it happily like before. Having a rock on your finger should change anything.

[@linneasandelin5319]

I agree. It’s not the only way to live and certainly not the only way to progress forward in life. Were they religious? In that case I do understand why they might not want to have kids before marriage, but it’s still not the only way to live. If they want to be with each other for the rest of their lives then what’s the rush? Why marry?

[@davidjobin2013]

@@linneasandelin5319it’s easy to leave when u r not married

[@linneasandelin5319]

@@davidjobin2013 Agreed. It’s much easier to leave when you don’t have anything binding you. I’m talking from a legal standpoint. Like being legally married for example

[@MrNocturnOwl]

Marriage is fake concept made by humans. It's just a title. A financial contract. The fact that she let the pressure of friends and family ruin a 5 year relationship is insane.

[@zakosist]

I kinda agree, but also kinda get some people feel different about marriage. The way I see marriage, it isnt needed for a relationship and does not ensure love. Everything people want inside a marriage you can have without one. Marriage just makes it harder to leave when one or both parts are not happy with each other. For two people who genuinely love each other, marriage is simply not needed, but it can be a nice celebration. But if a partner really wants marriage and you wont comply even after years of being together you can expect to lose that relationship and choice is yours.

[@MrNocturnOwl]

@@zakosist Very insightful take. I see what you're saying and I actually do agree. It was kind of strange that he didn't want to get married. I just feel like they were actually very happy without the title of marriage and the pressure from people around them actually ruined their relationship. Pretty sad story for both of them.

[@stefanosntailianis1511]

You can break up with your girlfriend with an email when you meet another girl. You can also act single whenever you want to. Think about it. You are clearly wrong in your thinking.

[@FrederikEngelmand]

He is intelligent... Then why would he want to get married? Unless you are die hard religious. Marriage is idiotic

[@jesstarriero4740]

I'm not religious but I'd want to get married because I don't want to live like of sin, I have respect for myself. So, if he doesn't want to just break up with him. Some guy's need to realize not all women want to live life of sin.

[@GallowayJesse]

How does bringing the government into your relrionahio make it not a "life of sin"? the "sin" is all in your head

[@SuicideboysGrey59]

??? What??! 😂 not being married isn’t a life of sin. it’s definitely not for everyone and I’m sure God is 100% aware of that.

[@user-ir5fl6xl4h]

@@GallowayJesse its a nice way of saying no one wants to be a baby mama. being a wife has more security and being an ex wife sounds better than being called a baby mama

[@mereassassinates550]

What benefits do man get from marriage???