My Sister Was Our Daughter's Egg Donor (Things Are Now Complicated)

[@possible1111]

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.

[@atdepaulis]

Yup... this is why God didn’t design things to be done this way

[@KManwarren]

Shout this from the rooftops!!!

[@cathleencaratan3373]

🎯

[@ms.suzanna2511]

Bingo!!!

[@LaDominicana2011]

what a mess

[@AlyssaSaldana1]

I would never pick my sister as an egg donor. That is a messy situation. There are so many ways this can go wrong later in life.

[@vivekcse1]

A donor in Us costs 20 thousand dollars.

[@AlyssaSaldana1]

@@vivekcse1 I understand that. The high cost of a donor is a another issue to think about. However, using a family member as a donor can lead to difficult and sometimes damaging situations for a family. People need to understand this when making a decision regarding how they will get a donor egg.

[@dogsenseforu301]

@@vivekcse1 A couple can adopt especially if there is another child and record of trying to have another- albeit it takes time and effort up front. ❤ + 🙏 goes out to this family. This show is making me WAY more grateful and loving towards those in my life.

[@RealGalaxyGamers]

I wouldn’t have a egg donor ever

[@michellerichardson3090]

@@vivekcse1 you could always ask a friend. Having a family member be a donor is worst because they're biologically connected to both of you

[@natef1504]

Imagine 3 adults in the same room with zero common sense between the 3 of them.

[@Myraisins1]

LOL

[@salvatoreluciano864]

💯 broken down lol

[@ceciliapreziose3783]

hahahahaha

[@rscbmr1023]

You've obviously never delt with the heartbreak of infertility.

[@JV-bc8um]

@@rscbmr1023 that's no excuse to throw away common sense

[@Reluctant.Idealist]

I was actually considering donating an egg to a family member, and I just want to say thank you to Dr. Delony for his thoughtful questions and advice.

[@camcam221133]

Well it depends . It can be done , you just have to be the right candidates for it. This doesn't sound like it.

[@kaycon4823]

I think it can be done if the family had healthy relationships and the information is not hidden from the child.

[@User-s868]

Don’t do it , just don’t!

[@Chicagocubbiegirl]

This could never happen in my family. They are such uncontrollable gossips the kid would know everything before she left the hospital.

[@punkpolish8288]

This made me laugh out loud. I can relate.

[@DarknessFalls29]

😂😂😂😂 @Chicagocubbiegirl

[@kap849]

🤣🤣🤣 thanks for making my day.

[@rubipotter1980]

🤣

[@Somegirl3602]

🤣🤣🤣🤣😅

[@faxoxo2306]

Hmmm, you should never do this with a family member! It only brings problems

[@elizabetha8565]

I see why some do, the child will look like the mom and the mom has all medical information. I couldn't imagine doing this but I get it.

[@BradleyJean]

Generic problems also for the generations to come.

[@Positiveenergy68]

Especially a family member that has no children of her own. They don’t even let you do that with surrogacy.

[@prihaps]

@@BradleyJean what? How?

[@BradleyJean]

@@prihaps it's like mating with a family member.

[@ADhuv]

Sister: “I just feel like an egg donor.” Everyone else: “duh.”

[@unnamedchannel1237]

Solution would be for the sister that donated the eggs to adopt her sister . Then she would be the mum of the sister and grandmother of the testtube baby

[@justmeagain7]

"You are an egg donor and an aunt."

[@ComfortingGrace]

You are correct that this is messy...but the reason it is messy is because the adults made a bad "plan" at the start. If the adults did their research and made their "plan" based ONLY on what is best for the child, not based on their own selfish wants. The child should already be hearing how she came to be...in terms she will understand. This is coming from a mom of an adopted child. You CANNOT wait until she is 12 to explain this and it will ruin her trust in her parents.

[@laserbeam-fx9qv]

This is just not messy because they haven't told the child. It's messy because the husband has a child with the woman's sister biologically which he has to see and have an awkward relationship with. Secondly the sister at some point will want to have more involvement with the little girl because biologically the little girl is 50% her. This is why if you are going to have a test tube baby it better be anonymous.

[@kaycon4823]

@@laserbeam-fx9qv But DNA is not anonymous. Many people thought they were anonymous and are being found out today by those children who are now adults. Most of the time the child feels resentment at being lied to.

[@laserbeam-fx9qv]

@@kaycon4823 I understand that DNA wise if you look hard enough potentially the person could be found. The point I was making is the awkward situation between the husband, the wife's sister and the little girl.

[@kaycon4823]

@@laserbeam-fx9qv Yes, it is an awkward situation, but my point is that being anonymous would not necessary prevent awkward situations. So many people are finding out their what they believed to be their biological make up is not what they though.

[@ASmith-jn7kf]

Let's just be honest, if the parents weren't selfish they wouldn't be paying to have children. They are obviously people who have to have what they want no matter who suffers.

[@overflow1789]

It doesn't really sound like she fully understands how difficult this situation is for her husband..

[@salvatoreluciano864]

I don't think she really cares. This struggle between her and her sister will continue and intensify once the daughter is a teenager. He messed up in agreeing to this and will suffer in the end when he loses his wife and is considered the 3rd parent.

[@nhgc5332]

@@salvatoreluciano864 bingo!!!!

[@agricolaregs]

Yeah, she doesn’t care. She just wants to do it. She’s pulling the rug out from under her husband and is like “get on board, loser”.

[@veracityhunter7777]

I don't think she cares

[@theundone777]

It would be a lot easier for him if he wasn't keeping secrets and hiding things because he is afraid of what people think.

[@trenthaywood7938]

A strange, modern version of Abraham, Sarah, Hagar, and Ishmael

[@PracticalBibleStudies]

Deep cut. Nice.

[@un1xl0ser]

@@PracticalBibleStudies It’s fork in the road where Judaism and Islam diverged, and the bridge to understanding that we are all brothers and sisters.

[@ivettedizon7020]

🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭

[@zeal4god402]

WOOOOOOOOW

[@TheeMrsChampion]

Not really. Hagar wasn’t Sarah’s sister. This is worst but I catch your drift.

[@joesillamanrs7189]

I’m an IV product, I didn’t know I was until my early 20s. I was shocked but it didn’t change any relationship aspects between my parents and I. I’m definitely more appreciative towards science and technology, otherwise I wouldn’t be here lol. I look like my dad but am not sure I look like my mom lol. Tell the kid early. Set boundaries with the sister..the end

[@OWNReview]

Well said Joe!

[@habibahq4272]

I have a feeling you're oversimplifying your processing of this highly unusual situation. You were obviously destined to be born. But this could not have been easy. Please write a book or something. Peace.

[@stuff1784]

Interesting!!

[@sarahzayas6433]

I think they may lose their sister over this. Kids are resiliant adults not so much. If I gave my baby away, I would secretly panic when its time to make tough decisions about my "egg". I guess that's why I would never do it. Telling the sister tough luck sounds great to some people but its not realistic in some families and this whole show is about healthy realtionships. "It" felt like just an "egg" and now the "egg" is looking and acting like "it's" biological mother, who feels like "just a donor" AKA used.

[@biellaspointofview2054]

like you said, you don't even know if you look like your mom. This situation is different.

[@krissifaith6709]

The title had me sooooo confused. Lol. Wow. The fact that she also does not have children makes it even more challenging. Wow.

[@courtnee3]

Right. And the caller doesn’t sound that old and she said her sister is 5 years younger than her. She’s probably in her early twenties and wasn’t mature enough to really weigh the outcome of this.

[@cloudedcolour5329]

@Heinrich Himmler nope she doesn't, she gave up a cell of DNA, No differnt from a blood sample

[@cloudedcolour5329]

@Heinrich Himmler she will know but it doesn't change the fact thats not her mom, her bio mother yes but just because you share 50% of their jeens doesnt make someone a parent

[@Myraisins1]

This is why therapy should be required before donation especially in this situation. Identity must always be disclosed especially in today's world with dna tests etc. Also recommended that the donor has children of their own prior to donation.

[@wendysteele4508]

At some fertility clinics, therapy is required for known donors.

[@veracityhunter7777]

Yes!

[@mgb5170]

it is required.

[@aribbonatatime]

The caller doesn't seem to respect her husband that much. What do you think?

[@unnamedchannel1237]

Solution would be for the sister that donated the eggs to adopt her sister . Then she would be the mum of the sister and grandmother of the testtube baby

[@nickwerber8286]

The thing is - even with all that paperwork, the reality biologically is the sister is the mother. That has significance to a child.

[@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559]

She didn't carry the child though, so in some States, the woman who births the child is the mother.

[@justmeagain7]

@@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559 carrying the child lasts only for 9 months. DNA, physical resemblance is forever. I guess it wouldn't be a problem if the biological mother wasn't around, but in this case... she will ALWAYS be around. And everybody in the family will always know (maybe they don't know now but they will in the future). This situation is calling for trouble forever.

[@andrew1532]

Wow the title needs changed. I thought auntie donated egg to daughter. Reminds me if song by Ray Stevens. That would be wierd tree branching.

[@DennisNedryisStillAlive]

Yeah I read it the same way

[@ceciliapreziose3783]

me too

[@annehoyle3581]

I'm confused

[@NT-bz5nh]

People do the craziest things to have a biological child. I can’t wrap my brain around this.

[@RandomPerson-nd2ey]

Yeah, sooo glad my exwife was infertile (would have REALLY complicated the divorce) and that my wife is.

[@jan-jaaphaasnoot2579]

Once you've been with a woman who catched the baby fever, you'll understand.

[@jakem6076]

I mean they already had a kid. The husband should have stepped in and recommended getting a golden retriever puppy instead

[@MistyGlades567]

The wife probably wanted to be pregnant again

[@CrystalM1917]

It's not her bio child it's her hubby's. Her daughter is her bio neice. A combo of her hubby and sister....just strange

[@kashfortheking]

Sister pulled a bait and switch. That’s what it sounds like to me.

[@habibialisha5117]

This has convinced me to adopt over conceiving with someone else's egg

[@angryox3102]

I think the issue the donor being her sister. I don’t think it’d be as bad if it was from an anonymous donor

[@selfishcapitalist3523]

Adoption is always better.

[@swolehas1794]

Good conclusion

[@CrystalM1917]

If you know the donor it complicates everything I can imagine.

[@jamessmith7425]

Too bad everyone is so selfish. There are so many kids who need to be adopted. Sucks this world is full of narcissists who feel the need to pass on their own genetics.

[@LaDeeDah]

She gave birth to her niece and her husband is her sisters baby dad

[@steelcastle5616]

Maury Povich just sent out a search party to find this family!

[@natef1504]

🤣🤣🤣

[@mattsorenson2086]

I’m my own grandpa.

[@brittany7573]

@@mattsorenson2086 did you marry your grandma?

[@swolehas1794]

thanks for the translation

[@cathleencaratan3373]

This is why some of these fertility treatments have serious moral implications. This is a human being, not a business deal. This is sad.

[@starlingswallow]

Great point!

[@kaycon4823]

Also, a child is not an item that you can just pass around.

[@candyluna2929]

I still don't understand the problem... telling the child the truth??

[@ImVeryBrad]

Because people get hung up on dumb stuff

[@redvelvetcakeYUM]

Because if the daughter ever takes a Ancestry DNA test it can really leave her distraught in years to come. They should explain this as best they can as early as they can, together.

[@nikkisigmon8090]

Problem is bio-donor sister wants some say and possible control over the kid bc it shares her DNA. Nope! No legal parent access, she signed away her rights.

[@jessa4596]

@@nikkisigmon8090 right? I don't understand the issue, all of the legal documents were submitted. This isn't your child, you have no right to anything, period.

[@drinaramirez1114]

@@jessa4596 it’s not a legal issue, it’s an emotional issue that they didn’t foresee.

[@minkaaa7]

When I read the title, I thought the sister donated the egg TO this woman's daughter and was trying to imagine what that family tree would look like lol

[@krystalmcguffie8881]

Me too

[@rnickens1999]

The sister that donated the egg is looking to alter the deal. The husband maybe upset that two significant people he put his trust in his wife and his sister in-law are willing to rework the arrangement without unanimous agreement. The husband is on the losing side of this bump in the road, unfortunately for him he will have to accept it.

[@probablynot1368]

I was half-expecting the caller to mention her sister is the child’s godmother. The sister/donor should not be altering the arrangement at this time, as the child is a bit too young to deal with the information; however, better start talking about it in a couple of years (with a solid plan developed ahead of time - beginning NOW), because those “handful of people” who currently know about it will see this child’s behavior patterns and physical appearance possibly looking closer to the sister/donor, and 5his “handful of people” may begin talking outside their inner circle. It could begin with small remarks, said within hearing of the child, that compare temperament, hair color, etc old sister/donor with the child. As the “chatter” becomes more frequent, the child will begin asking questions and become angry that she’s so often the topic of conversation. Fast forward to difficult teen years. The petulant, angry child stomps her feet at mom & dad, and then decides she’s going to go live auntie/donor and book on out of her parents’ lives, and into the loving arms of auntie/donor, who warmly welcomes the child she always wanted. I wonder if the caller’s husband is feeling that he was pushed into a corner by these two women, and there’s the possibility, in his mind, that sister-in-law may have a change of heart and want more involvement?

[@MrJrobb182]

John is a wizard. That man knows how to answer impossible questions to impossible situations.

[@crwilliamsification]

It was not wise in the first place to get an egg from your sister who lives one hour a way. If she still in the picture it is guaranteed there will be problems. She is not just a donor, she can’t ignore the connection. I pray they get through this.

[@bobbygzzz7116]

U 100 percent right...she shud have let her husband just bang her lil sis n get her pregnant let her push out the baby ..then raise the baby...cuz in the real life its just about wat they did...nobody has a brain in this story....i feel sorry for the baby...thats it...the worlds filled wit krazy krazy peeps

[@aqueen13]

The secrets have to end and in their place, instead of living in that low energy of secrecy for how they got their baby, they need to openly celebrate it. I would call my sister our angel who helped mommy and daddy get what we needed to have her. So she knows it was because of her aunt that her mom could carry her to bring her into the world. Her mom is still her mom and gave birth to her, her dad is still her dad, but her aunt helped them get what they needed for the special doctors. To her sister she needs to talk about it like she’s an angel with extra gratitude. They all need to normalize this so that they can move forward with gratitude rather than living in fear of the truth. This could be an incredibly beautiful story for this family if they handle it right. If they continue with secrets it could explode later so I hope she finds a way to bring more gratitude and normalcy to all this.

[@thrifstorean]

@aqueen13 beautifully put! I am an egg donor for my sister and brother in law and this is exactly the trajectory we have been following. Our entire family is on board and helps us all celebrate the miracle that has taken place. Things are so far so good for us and I see a future filled with appreciation and awe at the family culture we are cultivating. It's a really cool thing!

[@melissadicampli]

Amen!! This is beautiful

[@sarajane5306]

Just be honest from as young an age as possible. If you are always honest and open with your child they will be happily accepting.

[@NB-ky5ol]

Another reason to not do IVF with donors. It complicates things. If you cannot conceive then you should adopt.

[@juliennetully4814]

What about an anonymous donor?

[@plamondonworks6948]

Adoption is just as complicated if not more.

[@dreamingfool2]

The issue for the husband is that hes finally thinking this through in the way it is and he doesn't want to think that he is the father of his sister-in-laws child. It's almost like cheating, even though cheating didn't occur.

[@caitlinthomas4881]

John, you're goood at this! 👏🏽

[@gettygarrettable]

Caitlin Thomas I know, you can tell he's very educated

[@Mitzi73]

Yes he is! Glad he has this amazing gift because I don’t have time for that nonsense.

[@jaketillywilliams118]

Wow! Such a tough situation :( Praying for grace and wisdom over this family.

[@ChooseU4ever]

I am infertile, about to use an egg donor. I would never use a relative as a donor. I don't judge this lady but this makes a complicated issue over complicated.

[@whitneyw.7919]

adopt. it's not even your genes anyways

[@ChooseU4ever]

@@whitneyw.7919 I don't want to. Its my choice what to do with my money.

[@whitneyw.7919]

So her husband and her sister have a baby together. Creepy AF

[@jordanl4805]

I think that they need to somehow get their mom involved, as well as the husband's father. More people can only make this situation simpler.

[@monicavandeventer5429]

It would be extremely hard for me to be a donor. I wouldn’t be able to do it. I don’t want a mini version of me out there.

[@michellerichardson3090]

This is definitely a mess. I would have never used my sister's egg. Especially since she doesnt have kids. Now she's probably looking like that child could be my only chance at having a child.

[@celly9719]

I agree

[@ggRfrFcr]

The reality is the husband and the sister now have a kid. The caller just hasn't realized it yet I guess.

[@barbarathomas2471]

I wish John would just say that to her.

[@ChristianSedaPlays]

Not at all. DNA doesn’t make you a parent. She’s the donor not the mother.

[@Big-Government-Is-The-Problem]

imagine if the sister and the husband ended up getting together lol

[@redvelvetcakeYUM]

@@ChristianSedaPlays Thar isn’t until 15 years later the kid decides to take a Ancestry DNA test. Flips the turkey off the table at Christmas and walks off feeling lost!

[@ggRfrFcr]

@@ChristianSedaPlays If that were true, the sister wouldn't be convincing the caller for more access.

[@Noutchka]

Surrogacy pregnancies are insane. They are illegal on France and I think this conversation explains why... Great piece of advice again Dr Deloney. I'm praying for this family.

[@kateg9437]

This isnt surrogacy though. The caller was pregnant, they just used an egg donor.

[@cloudedcolour5329]

@@kateg9437 no she wasnt, the kids already been born, and it would be egg donation but not surragacy

[@kateg9437]

@@cloudedcolour5329 that's what I said

[@Lizestechreviews]

Especially women who don’t have kids of their own. They will have NO IDEA what that feeling is like of attachment seeing your own DNA walk around. It’s what causes women to be so nurturing it’s how we are primally wired. It’s obvious that she wasn’t expecting or wasn’t educated on this before hand.

[@Big-Government-Is-The-Problem]

the sister just needs to have some kids of her own, ideally a daughter. if she never has kids and she sees what is half her daughter growing up with her sister as the parent, she will always have some resentment towards her, or at the very least regret of not having kids of her own.

[@phoenixspirit9530]

If/when the sister has children of her own, it has great potential to add further complication to the situation. Now we have a situation where the child born though the donation of her egg ( her niece) , is the sister/cousin of her children. Pregnant women tend to be even more emotional. Fluctuating hormones and all that jazz. Does she then push for the niece to be more of a sibling to her children or is she going to be able to accept that they are simply cousins ? How is she going to feel when she sees her niece interacting with or holding the baby ? Layers upon layers of extremely emotional issues that need to be addressed.

[@Big-Government-Is-The-Problem]

@@phoenixspirit9530 for sure, but in my opinion and how i grew up, our cousins were basically just as close as my brothers/sisters. so i personally see no issue with that.

[@phoenixspirit9530]

@@Big-Government-Is-The-Problem I don't personally have an issue with it either. I also grew up very close with my cousins. Saw each other almost daily throughout childhood. My Aunt didn't have the same biological attachment to me as this Aunt has to her niece. I just hope everything works out in the best possible way for all involved. Emotions can sneak up on you in unexpected ways. This gift of a child was given out of Love. I hope they all find a way to continue to embrace that love in a manner that benefits and honors all. Happy Holidays, to you and your loved ones.

[@PoodleParti]

Can the mom give the sister extra thanks and praise? Or does the sister want all the family to know she's the donor?

[@courtnee3]

I think the sister is just hurting on the inside seeing her biological child grow up. And she probably doesn’t know how to say that so she’s just saying she feels like a donor.

[@eurekahope5310]

I wonder if sister's bioclock is part of the issue. Maybe she saw herself married with kids by now and is reminded of her lack when she sees her bio-child iece. Everyone should have been counseled about the emotional concerns prior to consent. P.S. If you cannot or do not want to defend IVF, don't do the procedure. The truth will eventually come out.

[@michellerichardson3090]

@@Austenfan177 she should have definitely talked to someone and researched it before he agreed. She literally is a donor, related or not.

[@isay207]

Shes got a lovely niece she is only the donor don't see why there's a problem?

[@Gtrundlebed]

Dr. John completely disregarded her actual question for most of this and just talked about what he wanted to talk about

[@ilovefefi]

100%

[@user-ns7cq5so4s]

Yes thank you!!!! Talk about steamrolling it. I’m the donor.

[@rayneh4092]

It sounds like she was the one that wanted the second child more so than the husband and took the chance to have a relative, a sibling, be the donor. That opened up a whole can of worms, a very awkward one 😬

[@MR-fn7rw]

I think the caller is used to getting her way. Well, she got what she wanted and then some.

[@jimroscovius]

I will never understand why people do things this stupid!!

[@maslinje2109]

Because they are desperate.

[@unnamedchannel1237]

Solution would be for the sister that donated the eggs to adopt her sister . Then she would be the mum of the sister and grandmother of the testtube baby

[@debfryer2437]

Didn’t anyone think about the emotional ramifications on everyone especially the innocent child? There are so many children who need homes in this world.

[@pierrehenry3483]

True but it’s pretty normal for people to not want to adopt and take care of another’s seed. It seems pretty instinctual as it can get. They should’ve really considered the emotional consequences of their decisions and try to find a way to come out ontop of this.

[@pebonifield]

The sister was a donor. If not for her donation to her sister, that egg would have been flushed. She needs to back off and get counselling.

[@grayandgray]

At the end of the day, you have to raise the kid with the truth. All the adults need to put the kid first. They chose to do it, so they'll have to have those conversations, deal with what people think, tell the kid. I'm dismayed with these weak parents that will do whatever to have that next kid, but can't hack the path.

[@steelcastle5616]

Use a lifeline...call Jerry Springer...additional charges may apply...

[@n3rdpl0w]

Literally All you have to say is mommy couldn’t have you and mommy sister used her egg to have you for me! Idk get this got so complicated… only thing is she has to worried about is the daughter getting older and becoming closer to the sister that had her.

[@justinewhite-hadley3138]

John, you are Thee Best addition to the Ramsey team and such a gift for us ❤ Hugs from Napa

[@laserbeam-fx9qv]

What blows my mind is that the wife talks as if this is the first time someone ever brought up the potential pitfalls having her sister be the egg donor... 🤯 Just watching John's expression is probably how most everyone watching this video reacted.

[@michellerichardson3090]

She probably just shrugged it off but not its reality

[@angel-ke9vs]

Listen my aunt took in her brother's kids because they were struggling and it got messy. She did not even adopt them and they knew their parents but my God 😂😂😂 it got messy.

[@theundone777]

It sounds like her and her husband both come from families who aren't open to discussion with things that they don't agree with. She's probably just used to not talking to people about things. It's horrible and damaging, but I think it's pretty common.

[@CryptoDad83]

Man ,, this is becoming more of Dr.Phil show. Crazier every episode!

[@leekshikapinnamneni4835]

What a mess! Thank you so much John for being graceful and honest well showing compassion at the same time.

[@nikkisigmon8090]

Y'all are thinking way too hard about this. There's legal boundaries. Stick to them. The kids just want to be loved and safe.

[@redvelvetcakeYUM]

@Severus Sneed in this situation yes!

[@Theprincessinyellow]

The callers had the same mindset when they made the choice. The issue comes up when we realize over the years that there may be some underlying attachment being the biological parent to a child that you witness growing up and it may grow into wanting more access to the child and resentment when that access is denied, putting strain on the family unit. It’s not all that black and white when we’re dealing with human emotions

[@nikkisigmon8090]

@@Theprincessinyellow their fault that they didn't give that any thought beforehand 🤦‍♀️ This is why they signed paperwork. Do people just sign legal papers without giving them any thought whatsoever nowadays?? Oh, right, that's why young America has so much student loan debt. Choices have consequences. It wasn't like these consequences were hidden very deep. Integrity: she signed paperwork. She has no legal access to her bio-child as a "parent". It's not her kid! I feel bad for the husband in this situation and he needs to set a strong foot here and explain why this chaos should not be allowed. The women obviously aren't going to. What a whacked out situation. 1st world problems 😆

[@nikkisigmon8090]

@Severus Sneed absolutely!

[@Mitzi73]

It’s a messy situation because the woman has to save 3 relationships.

[@AshGeo]

I think the little one looking like the caller’s sister wouldn’t be a huge deal since she and her sister probably look alike anyway.

[@unnamedchannel1237]

Solution would be for the sister that donated the eggs to adopt her sister . Then she would be the mum of the sister and grandmother of the testtube baby

[@admirallily]

Not necessarily.

[@katjones4840]

Poor hubby, he’s upset cuz he has a kid with his wife’s sister. 😦

[@sirraymondluxuryyacht8131]

that will do it LOL

[@StringerBell2002]

🤣

[@miketheyunggod2534]

He wanted to do it the old fashion way. LOL!

[@texan903]

From the sound of it, the sister really needs to build a life of her own, which might entail having a family. The sister agreed to this, so she should allow her sister she donated to raise the child without interference. Maybe the caller shouldn't have had any other children.

[@BillDaBurgerEater]

"My goal was to give my son a person". No. You f'd up cuz you waited too long and wanted to cheat your biology for your own selfish desire.

[@kellharris2491]

They really needed to discuss all of this before it happened.

[@Mscoloraturakae]

We were gifted three embryos by my brother and SIL as part of our IVF journey. We had to do multiple sessions of counseling, as well as having a legal document. These are things you have to talk about beforehand. I know many places that would not have let the sister donate, not having children of her own. For those saying that this is creepy, unless you have been on an infertility journey yourself, please don't judge. Egg and embryo adoption is extremely common, and it's also not uncommon to have eggs or embryos donated by people you know. If this woman is having trouble with her sister's ability to handle the situation, the problem is with the expectations created at the time of egg donation, not with the fact that it was a family member that donated their eggs. That child was carried and raised by the woman on the call and her husband, and it's their child. The sister needs to get some counseling of her own if she's struggling with how to interact with her niece. All of the problems being presented here should have been addressed with counseling prior to the egg donation. These are conversations the mom and dad should have had privately as well. If the husband blew up or melted down easily in having these discussions, there's your sign that you are not on the same page about things and should not have moved forward with the process.

[@laserbeam-fx9qv]

Some real ethical questions are being raised by medical advances which IVF is one of them. Just because you can do something, does it mean that you should? That being said I agree with you that lots of counseling and discussion should have taken place prior to the IVF. Unfortunately by the sound of it, It looks like that didn’t happen.

[@ariettej4271]

Great comment!

[@Mscoloraturakae]

@@laserbeam-fx9qv Correct, it doesn't sound like the counseling was done. This is surprising, since usually the clinic requires it before they will do any transfers.

[@themacandcheese2240]

Counseling won’t change a thing. U can get 7000 hrs of counseling and it still won’t change the fact that she ain’t her real mom? And u aren’t the real mom to ur kids. U are the aunt and if the kids ever find out, they will know this truth

[@karenmunger9070]

Wow! So complicated; what great advice you gave this brave person while sharing her story.

[@melanieb2132]

It's like he has 2 sister wives without the fun.

[@sohd2283]

😂

[@jaimegallup761]

Ewww

[@WW-sw8ls]

yes.. just the heartaches

[@miketheyunggod2534]

He's upset he couldn't do it the old fashion way.

[@bobbygzzz7116]

Heres the funning thing...lil sis wants to give birth to a baby now..so brother in law is going to get her pregnant giving her the sperm she needs ....krazy but true...

[@ladybug7967]

Holy 🐄. It’s so messed up. Three absolutely delirious adults took the craziest decision. Poor girl.

[@littleripper312]

That little girl could easily get 23andme one day and feel like her trust has been betrayed beyond repair if you don't tell her something like this.

[@kaycon4823]

Yes, I don't think that the people commenting here understand that.

[@user-ns7cq5so4s]

Exactly. I’m the donor btw.

[@mariemartins8606]

Three is way to young to explain this to her. I would tell her with a therapist and find out what age would be appropriate.

[@kasandramckenna6221]

Talking about this at three means she won’t experience the news traumatically. Is a therapist helpful? Sure, they always are. But if she waits Therapy will be required

[@michellerichardson3090]

@@kasandramckenna6221 a 3 year old is not going to understand what ivf and being an egg donor is.

[@kasandramckenna6221]

@@michellerichardson3090 wondering of you have kids? Will they understand the intricacies no. But the introduction at 3 or 4 is certainly feasiable.

[@celly9719]

Yep!

[@hurshrd654]

No it isn’t. The earlier they do it the better. One isn’t even too young.

[@azucenavarin4504]

The sister was just a donor and knew that going in. It should be no issue

[@miketheyunggod2534]

lol!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE DON'T HAVE KIDS!!!!!!!

[@azucenavarin4504]

@@miketheyunggod2534 same!!!

[@benwhitnell]

@2:55 well it seem that she has the correct read of the situation. She is a donor, that’s it. End of story.

[@yamamancha]

I don't think they're accurately recognizing the husband's concerns.

[@deshia1471]

The sister needs to get over herself. She agreed to this. It's still this woman's child. One of my nephews look and act like me more than my own children and people always think that hes mine but that doesn't mean that I can keep him. What's going to be weird is when the sister has children...they'll be siblings and not cousins.

[@Allybaba55]

Good job john. Poor girl was very defensive and I'm not sure she heard you, but good job!

[@samahj8567]

This needs to be a reality show.

[@AaAa-ri4uf]

This is we’re John should be doing, not on the Dave Ramsey show! I was critical of him and the way he portrayed himself but I could see this show taking off

[@natef1504]

Yup Dr. John is way better at this than the financial aspect.

[@christiankansichi6622]

Yeah I agree

[@dogsenseforu301]

Dr John is SO involved and doesn't cut time. Subscribed so I can gain an understanding of how to act with Grace, irrespective of circumstance and be WAY more grateful towards those I love.

[@hurshrd654]

He is the new Dr Laura.

[@ethanrandel2882]

I actually think John kinda missed the mark with this one by following the assumption of the wife for the husband's reasoning. I could be wrong but if I'm that husband, my worry is the sister wanting to assert herself as some kind of parent'ish figure. That would be the only reason why the sister would say something like "we have to tell the kids about it" no, no we don't... The wife even said that the relationship with the sister had been bad for a year and it sounds like it's only started to get better when the wife started to agree about telling the kids. I think some strong boundaries need to be lovingly set for the sister and made clear she has NO say in anything to do with the kid. But, what do I know lol 😅

[@starlingswallow]

Great comment!

[@ryanjones3163]

What a phenomenal comment.. all bias aside

[@kevinl5173]

There’s no such thing as a “biological parent” or “donor”. A person is either the parent or not. The child has a RIGHT to the truth of their conception. Denying a child the truth should be a CRIME. Adults are so narcissistic they have put themselves ahead of their children. There is no debate to be had among the adults. The child’s rights are the only thing that matters, and anyone that disagrees should take a walk in the shoes of someone betrayed by their parents on this magnitude.

[@chieppachat9381]

He said the sister is not the mom the sister is the mother it’s her child by dna if not legal.

[@righand]

You need a snickers bruh

[@mgb5170]

Kevin, I whole heartedly agree with you.

[@WholeHeartily]

I don’t think it’s that weird lol... the kid looks like her mom! That’s nice. Sometimes adopted kids don’t look like their family and it can feel isolating. The beauty of this situation is “Mommy couldn’t have a baby in her belly, so auntie helped because she loves us all so much!” ...and that’s okay because family can look a lot of ways. My family is blended too and honestly is DEFINITELY the best policy for the health of the child.

[@kateg9437]

The mother did have a baby in her belly. The egg came from her sister, but she was the one who was pregnant

[@rosewein]

Yes agreed I don't see the issue.

[@galeg.3427]

Make it normal now. Let the child know that she has two mothers. Three times the love and celebrate the sister for her egg donation. What a beautiful gift for everyone. It is done, so make the best of it. You can’t control what people think. Get your husband counselling and teach him to man up to his family and be proud. An oncologist said he observed by talking with his patients, “that secrets make us sick.”

[@TheDjcarter1966]

Wow, the ONLY way this works if the sister is the biggest person she has to be 100% happy being Auntie. Then they tell the kids on a timetable that make sense.

[@kariannkirk]

There is a good chance the daughter actually looks like the mom and not the sister(egg donor). Two of my girls look like my sister. Genetics are wild. My sister and I look nothing alike.

[@korab.23]

It happens all the time! My oldest is identical to his paternal grandpa at his same age. A friend of mine has a neice that looks like her. Happens all the time! Watch paternity cases where baby doesn't look like dad but is a match. Total craziness.

[@Joyjoyjoy4]

Yeah Dr. John’s focus on looks was kind of wild. You have no clue what the child will look like.

[@samahj8567]

They should have never agreed to this plan. You can get an egg from someone else.

[@terralroberts2088]

Dr. John. I am in all of your response. You are my hero!

[@katwaugh1686]

I have no idea why anyone thought this was a good idea. That child can absolutely choose to abandon you and your husband for the sister at any time.

[@jacobtorres9554]

What does she have against adoption? There’s a lot of kids that need a loving family and they can be your sons sibling

[@AuntieFairy]

True, but she wanted blood. And the focus is the now. No more “what could have-should have”

[@user-ns7cq5so4s]

Update: As THE sister that donated her eggs to her sister/best friend in need: It’s been almost 2 years since we ALL decided that this information should be celebrated and shared with close family and friends. After speaking with a family therapist that had experience with egg donors, IVF patients, adoption, etc, as well as books and articles on the topic, it is best for the child to know as soon as possible. The ask of my sister to Dr. Delony was how do we approach this new found information with my brother-in-law, her husband. Regardless this secret would of eventually come out with modern day technology like 23andme, or a slip of the tongue. There is no play book for this. Until YOU experience this personally, put your beige on. I never wanted parenting rights, hence the decision to keep it secret. And I still don’t, she has my stubborn attitude, no thanks :) It was a very hard and emotionally process but it was all worth it because she is a blessing to us all. Looking back, speaking with the family therapist was our greatest resource. P.S. internet trolls comments are hilarious Peace & Love

[@kellharris2491]

She didn't tell her husband? Wow.

[@Sarah-xj9il]

Maybe don’t say things like….she’s like ME, …she’s a blessing to US. This is THEIR child. Same as adoption….it’s their kid.

[@nickyhigby]

You did a truly beautiful thing ♥️ I’m an aunt to four amazing young people and it’s the best part of my life outside of my marriage. I get to do all the fun bits and give them back. I also get to live selfishly, we please ourselves, we travel, we sleep late. We are very happy. Don’t let anyone tell you you’ll regret it, only YOU get to make that choice, and my bet is that you won’t. Sending you love and light through the ether ♥️

[@crissw2471]

Unfortunately, few people understand how genetics actually work. Every person has 50% mom and 50% dad DNA. That means you and your sister both have 50% from each parent. Some of that overlaps and some does not. We all carry genetic traits that simply don't show up in our appearance, but could in our children and even grandchildren. That means any child could look like parents or even great grand parents. Most of society, including the host, don't understand that your sister's child could look like anyone on your side or her husband's side of the family. If everyone, including the child, understood that they might stop worrying so much about who is seen as the mother. Of course, for some non of this matters and a parent is the person who takes care of a child, but if people are wondering...they should really look at the scientific realities of DNA. The amount of DNA is different than the DNA (traits) that actually show up. The child in question has 50% of your brother in-law's DNA and 50% of your DNA (the donor) The child has 25% of your sister's DNA, but could have several of her traits depending on what decides to show up. Some of what shows up is simply dominant. For example, if one of the parents has blue eyes and one has brown, the child is very likely to have brown eyes because brown eyes are dominant. Some of what shows up is random. So, even if both parents have brown eyes (dominant) a child could still have blue eyes if a grand parent or even great grand parent has blue eyes (recessive) That's why the child can be told that the way they were able to come into the world was through their aunts help and that you gave their mom and dad something that was part auntie and part mommy.

[@jjgems5909]

“She has my stubborn attitude”?

[@leathelandlady]

I thought she did all of this to have her first kid. That's a lot of messiness for a second child. Good luck, they will need it!

[@laurenandreas5950]

Your family doesn’t need to know your private life. It’s ok to keep this between the three of you. I don’t know whether/how/of if to tell the kids! What a mess...I don’t know if I would ever tell.

[@lynn7392]

There's a lot of gifts I would give either of my sisters, but donating an egg would not be one of them.

[@Margatatials]

Another couple that thought that their desire to acquire a child justified intentionally terminating that child's right to know and be in relationship with their biological parents.

[@cloudedcolour5329]

shes got a relationship with their bio. dad, just the maternal parent isn't the DNA part

[@gabbygabbs91]

Wow! Really complicating situation. Her and everyone else is in for a long run of many problems. Wishing her the best!

[@carstuff4u942]

Pro tip John, this IS a big deal. But don't make it a big deal by going, "wow, oh my, gosh!" Just understand how heavy it is, but play it cooler.....

[@leslie3566]

I agree

[@ktsterlin9304]

Agreed, he was so over the top with this one.

[@silkroadtraveler5613]

But by verbally acknowledging the weight of it, I think it helps convey that he understands just how heavy it is. And the caller is trying to play it down anyway, so by not playing it cool it helps her see how big it really is.

[@RandomPerson-nd2ey]

@@silkroadtraveler5613 Yeah, it's rough to not only determine the right response but also the right way to deliver that response.

[@afterthestorm9355]

Jeeze, Dr John-this was so much tougher than I would have expected! I’m assuming the egg donor should be anonymous in your opinion?

[@joyphillips1821]

Even if you were to hire a surrogate one of the rules is that the surrogate already has children. Do not pick someone who doesn't have kids.

[@criktun3346]

They already had a kid, this was a really weird decision

[@b.bernal6151]

She said she wanted her son to have a sibling. Great, but you don’t always get what you want. A lot of people grow up without siblings and they are fine. By doing this you have made his life and the whole family’s way more complicated. She just wanted another kid no matter what.

[@PapaBearDuverge]

Man, the things that are out there..... what the?! Unreal lol Me at 3:32 lol I'm there with you John

[@JM.TheComposer]

I would love to see a video from Dr. D explaining the 'right way' to do this.

[@tinaholbrook9719]

I think the answer is to never do something like this with family. Any donors for this kind of thing should be from outside the family.

[@kevinmiller5467]

12:00 The husband and wife agreed no to tell anyone. The sister signed a Non-disclosure agreement. Now because the NDA signer wants to tell, the wife wants to tell and the husband who went along with the idea on the bases of not telling has to tell and needs marriage counseling. The wife who wants to change the deal after it has been bad is the one who needs marriage counseling.

[@Theprincessinyellow]

My question is why is the default to skip over adoption and right into the long, painful, expensive, not 100% successful process of IFV? The child didn’t end up being biologically hers anyway yet she’s able to love them just the same as her son.

[@amberdalbec548]

I’m assuming it was faster, adoption is a slow process. Also it is biologically the husbands child. It may have been his preference

[@jennythompson7513]

Adoption is slow, expensive, messy, and the outcome isn't always certain ether. It's not always the answer for everyone who is struggling to build a family.

[@kateg9437]

Adoption is also long, painful, expensive and not always 100% successful.

[@michellealjunaidi8471]

There's a big mole hill here. The sister only donated the egg. She didn't carry and give birth to the child. The sister needs some therapy to examine why she's feeling like she does. There's a bigger picture here. I think the sister actually wants kids but is in denial about it. The actual parents of the child need to stop allowing the sisters nonsense to come between them. Merely having an egg donated shouldn't be such a dramatic scandal.

[@respectabletampodcast]

I once wanted to be an egg donor, but I think I will be selfish and just pass.

[@kaitlin8669]

This next generations going to need a ton of therapy with all the drama caused by ivf and surrogacy.

[@Swedetwin]

Problem is.....dad did not tell his own family. He is worried about their reactions to the revelation. He must now put his own selfish concerns aside. This will move forward akin to an open adoption.

[@consumerdebtchitchat]

Hand me the popcorn. This is a 25 year epic film!

[@unnamedchannel1237]

Solution would be for the sister that donated the eggs to adopt her sister . Then she would be the mum of the sister and grandmother of the testtube baby

[@Rosepineres]

Two of my nieces are my twins, and we share DNA, because she's my sister's so what???