She blamed herself for her husband's affair because she was dealing with post-partum depression, raising 2 kids, and working full-time. That is sad
@Exploringgrowth2 жыл бұрын
Truly sad
@lillybell2557 Жыл бұрын
He never said he was sorry
@drew2fast489 Жыл бұрын
I mean, what if she's not wrong?
@kellharris2491 Жыл бұрын
Her husband is a grown man responsible for his own actions and choices. The emotional toil his wife went through just to carry his children into the world and he is only thinking about his feelings. Her husband is beyond selfish. Part of being a man is taking care of his wife while she is caring for his children. Getting her help if she needed it. She was already carrying so much he was supposed to hold up his part in the relationship. Instead ahe had three children. He is selfish.
@jackiemyers2773 Жыл бұрын
@@drew2fast489 a woman can't be blamed for a grown man's decision. He could he could have left instead he played games.
@ineedhoez2 жыл бұрын
She knows she isn't safe. That is why her body won't let her heal.
@biancapierce6398 ай бұрын
I agree. The only way to heal is to leave him.
@sarahwales62766 ай бұрын
@biancapierce639 Hell yes, children or not I would not tolerate nor forgive it. They know what is at risk when they cheat and they choose to do it anyway.
@acerpalmatum64468 күн бұрын
The body keeps the score
@rickycastro65553 жыл бұрын
He fought for his mistress, didn’t want to lose her. Mistress finally dumped him, and you took him back, he knows when all else fails you’ll always be there. So when another woman enters his life that shows him attention and wants to have an affair, what’s going to stop him? He’ll just manipulate you into staying again.
@respectabletampodcast3 жыл бұрын
I agree.
@Aristaifly3 жыл бұрын
The caller can think for herself. By saying "he'll just manipulate you into..." you take the responsibility from the caller.
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
YES. He doesn’t really want to be there if this was the case. Anytime someone goes back out of guilt and obligation or because the other relationship didn’t work out it is doomed for disaster.
@JoeGarofaloII3 жыл бұрын
That may or may not be true but the concept behind what you're saying is solid. When I finally told my ex-wife, I'm not doing this anymore, I physically saw the control she lost over me coming out of the look on her face
@princesslamour19853 жыл бұрын
Yup
@SimplyFitwithJay3 жыл бұрын
So he cheated and she allowed him to choose between the mistress and her? Nah.
@aledomer68053 жыл бұрын
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYINNNNNN'
@Kodak7183 жыл бұрын
I was like 🥴🥴🥴
@lynnebucher65372 жыл бұрын
Yeah, I would have bailed out when he chose the mistress over me.
@aimeeglatt32992 жыл бұрын
RIGHT??!! Typical Pickmeisha. Sad.
@ineedhoez2 жыл бұрын
Yeah..... that took me out.
@belindagarza39583 жыл бұрын
Forgiveness is one thing, allowing him to hurt you again is another.
@siegfriedbraun54472 жыл бұрын
Especially, if he's not contrite. I heard nothing about his feeling, let alone *expressing* any remorse!
@Jenna-ok9wb23 күн бұрын
Not all behaviours deserve forgiveness. Also, if you cannot forget, then you cannot forgive...IMO, You should never forget!
@Lianne4593 жыл бұрын
Why do so many women think another baby is going to fix things? It's nuts and never works.
@Ryan_DeWitt3 жыл бұрын
If anything, it will make things worse.
@amydoran99873 жыл бұрын
It definitely complicates things.
@quitesweetly69633 жыл бұрын
Too many.
@curbtec003 жыл бұрын
Often times it seems that people try to fix a marriage with having another baby. Best wishes to them.
@PrecioustheMovie13 жыл бұрын
yep, it's a lose/lose situation for everyone involved. ESPECIALLY for the child
@stillpril89422 жыл бұрын
Being cheated on especially after marriage and several children is traumatic. You can't just put it down.
@TEM144117 ай бұрын
Everything is a choice. We choose our partners. We choose to accept behaviors. We choose to stay or go. We choose it all. The moment an individual accepts that truth, they are set free.
@BeanMacdui4 ай бұрын
@@TEM14411Everything is not a simple choice. You don’t choose to have postpartum depression and having to simultaneously take care of young children alone while your man is cheating. There are physical and financial barriers to having available choices. And your comment seems naive if you’re thinking EVERYONE has choices, everyone?! Like people born in third world nations and in extreme poverty?
@bethanybrowne38033 жыл бұрын
This wasn’t a one night stand “affair”...this went on for over a year!!!!
@patriciairwin94913 жыл бұрын
Yeah, I would not have taken him back.
@aimeeglatt32992 жыл бұрын
She literally waited for his decision while he went back and forth between her and the mistress! I cannot! 🤯
@ineedhoez2 жыл бұрын
Amen!!!
@lisaann912011 ай бұрын
Even a one night stand hurts
@girlienerd8 ай бұрын
Ladies, never, EVER be in a "pick-me" situation with a man. Married or not.
@mchong315011 күн бұрын
😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
@LettersfromSierra3 жыл бұрын
Infidelity will rock a person to their core. There is nothing more painful than infidelity. 😞😞😞
@kiethmergard3 жыл бұрын
I agree. Not even abuse. Abuse is infidelity
@breeeque2 жыл бұрын
Abuse is um worse
@trishhuerta45772 жыл бұрын
Alchoholism is CJ harder, and they cheat too
@vernonu73142 жыл бұрын
I've heard sexless marriages are pretty painful as well.
@michelleeaton92822 жыл бұрын
Infidelity is the product of a criminal mind.
@AlyssaSaldana13 жыл бұрын
Oh he’s gonna cheat again. If it was a one time thing, maybe the marriage could have been saved. However, he repeatedly went back to his mistress. He’s a repeat offender. He’s gonna do it again.
@inalaska12083 жыл бұрын
Yeah they never dealt with why he had an affair no one wrecks their marriage for no reason. worse than that he just learned that she'll stick by him no matter what I mean why was she willing to move with him when they were in the middle of getting a divorce?
@texan9033 жыл бұрын
@@inalaska1208 Their marriage is over in all but the legal status. She's made it easier to cheat by having another child. Her husband will think she's stuck and assume she'll stay. Once the kids are all grown, if it even takes that long, she will file for the divorce. By then, her resentment will be so great that she will borderline hate her husband.
@MariaSalazar-sq9so3 жыл бұрын
And some wives are so gullible it hurts!
@aimeeglatt32992 жыл бұрын
YUP!!
@88pynogrl2 жыл бұрын
Agree- he’ll either cheat with another student, or eventually a colleague at work. It will always be in the back of her mind when he leaves the house, comes home late, or if he doesn’t answer her phone calls immediately. Sucky way to live- I’d rather be divorced.
@appgirl253 жыл бұрын
Nope, he's done. If they show you who they are, believe them.
@yvonnemclaughlin43242 жыл бұрын
She can’t work through it because she knows it was wrong to take him back. Do the right thing and listen to your inner voice. ❤️
@nitareed4088 Жыл бұрын
This.
@RBNY Жыл бұрын
That’s what I felt in my heart. That she regrets accepting his behavior and staying.
@aprilchow-chee5281 Жыл бұрын
@@RBNY exactly cause she knows he'll just do it again
@zarbins8 ай бұрын
Many couples work through infidelity and in some cases it does strengthen their resolve and marriage. Delony's advice was much more prescient than your "listen to your anxiety response."
@MagickIsPower8 ай бұрын
@@zarbins Tell me you're a cheater without telling me you're a cheater. Infidelity NEVER strengthen a relationship. Show a little emotional intelligence.
@myjeanification3 жыл бұрын
Adultery, abuse and addiction are deal breakers for me. I wouldn’t ever get over it.
@quelquun20182 жыл бұрын
It’s called being codependent, they don’t know how to stand on their own 2 feet and walk away💯💯💯💯
@katemiller78742 жыл бұрын
Nope I don’t know how people knew
@katemiller78742 жыл бұрын
Sorry. Stay
@michelleeaton92822 жыл бұрын
Infidelity is the product of a criminal mind.
@samhellion Жыл бұрын
😆🤡👮🏼
@barbarahollands6013 жыл бұрын
You are dreaming. I wasted over 40 years of my life doing this kind of thing. I could have saved the kids heartache, myself heartache, and possibly have met a wonderful man and married a man that would have been a good father and husband. Gaslighting, lies, fake repentance. It never stops. As Christians we need to forgive but that doesn't mean to continue being a doormat. I stayed because I was the good Christian wife and would save him. No. I had grounds for divorce Biblically and I should have taken them.
@pinklobelia23893 жыл бұрын
My culture is very religious. Even though there is biblical grounds for divorce, staying with a cheating man is something that is considered tolerable. I just don’t get it.
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
Good for you! I am so sorry for what you have been through but is so refreshing to hear that you actually get it! I wish more women thought like you do. We need to love ourselves more & stand up for our self -worth. Too many women are not doing that!
@nmc18593 жыл бұрын
Wise woman 💜
@IdiotSnakeParent3 жыл бұрын
Good lord, you just gave me a glimpse into my future. 🤕
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
@@IdiotSnakeParent Girl, run! Staying (tolerating) it will only enable them to keep hurting you...And believe me, if they know they can get away with it, they will keep on doing it. You are worth so much more!
@heartlesslove90848 ай бұрын
Never try to win over a man when he is not doing same for you.
@josephinenelan42043 жыл бұрын
Would he forgive her if she cheated? Doubt it. Leave! Completely unequal, and in marriage you need equality.
@josephinenelan42043 жыл бұрын
@shadowofanubis66 She'd likely get divorced immediately and would feel even worse and even less equal. She's not his equal no matter what.
@willowt9196 Жыл бұрын
Exactly! When my husband and I finally divorced after he went back to his affair partner, he told me that if I had done the same it would have been the end of everything. He would not have tried to work it out with me. That is the problem with having an unequal society for women and men. The men have the power to just leave and why women who mostly think of their children are terrified financially and for the well being or our kids.
@kayvids87723 жыл бұрын
She’s unsure because deep down she smells the BS. She knows she needs to leave. She’s suspicious of him and she should be.
@bessiebreedlove48883 жыл бұрын
This is Insane
@coffeeblack17972 жыл бұрын
Just bc she knows, it does not make it easy for some people to break their family apart. Yes he broke it already, she’s trying to hold it together.
@aprilchow-chee5281 Жыл бұрын
@@coffeeblack1797 but she didn't break it he did
@RG-hf4et3 жыл бұрын
HOW MANY MEN WOULD PUT UP WITH THIS BS BEHAVIOR FROM THEIR WIVES ? ZERO!!!!! Start thinking like a man, stand up for yourself, show him the door, and stop with this fantasy of he is the love of my life. He proved to you and his family that he isn't.
@aimeeglatt32992 жыл бұрын
Omgggggg! This comment is everything!! 💯!! Can you even imagine a man sitting around waiting for his wife to decide on him or her boyfriend??!! WHY do women accept crap like this??!!
@ASmith-jn7kf2 жыл бұрын
You are silly. You have no idea what some people, men and women, will put up with. When you love someone, you love them and men can love. I know it's a shocker, but they really can.
@zerayacob32462 жыл бұрын
There enough simps who don't wanna live without their wives
@EadsB70022 жыл бұрын
This!! So many women live in a state of denial...9/10 the guy cannot and won't change...they don't have to ...because they were led to believe they can get away with it. I have yet to see a scenario where it became anything different. You have to respect yourself in order for another to respect you.
@l-train78762 жыл бұрын
Ummm, some men go through this and tolerate this all the time.
@nicorusso15263 жыл бұрын
He’s really not a good friend or partner if he cheated in my opinion
@AlyssaSaldana13 жыл бұрын
I feel like it’s unfair to ask for her to just move on from the affair. It’s not that easy.
@stephaniegonzales7613 жыл бұрын
Cheating is one thing but him going back and forth that he wants the mistress rather than his wife is another! I understand moments of weakness...kinda...but I will never be the second choice option! Bye boy!
@amosiren3 жыл бұрын
Exactly! It would be hard enough to forgive a one night oopsy "bachelor party" mistake- but a full fledged affair/relationship with another woman? Yeah no.
@MJWife073 жыл бұрын
For real
@BagsNBaguettes_3273 жыл бұрын
Yes ma’am
@razmiddle94103 жыл бұрын
He probably makes more money than her (if not all the money at this point) and they have three young children together, I can see why she'd feel so strongly about trying to make it work.
@aimeeglatt32992 жыл бұрын
Cuz you have self-esteem! 😘
@emsquare27752 жыл бұрын
He's having it all isn't he? The affair, then grad school. Of course he needed his wife back, alimony is too expensive when you need to pay for school.
@moaraa25756 ай бұрын
Yes! There was a reason to hold on to wife for grad school. I was thinking a salary, or benefits. Didn’t consider child support on top of it or having responsibility of coparenting. Something tells me when he’s done, he’ll find someone else.
@chelseybrown75113 жыл бұрын
He didn't want to pay child support I bet. Happiest he's ever been...hmmm. Sounds like he's eating his cake too. You are worth so much more than what your getting. Prayers for you.
@nazbah59293 жыл бұрын
but if he stays he still has to pay for household right? maybe even more than child support. i would personally leave him but then again she has three kids its not that easy when kids are involved.
@ASmith-jn7kf2 жыл бұрын
Or maybe he is the happiest he has ever been with her?? Marriages and the way you view your spouse change and if he has been having an affair and then maybe his view of his marriage was tainted but now that she is out of the way he can love his wife properly.
@EadsB70022 жыл бұрын
he is with most certainty still out doing whatever the heck he wants! i've seen this scenario toooooo many times! women who tolerate cheating and "give another chance" almost always end up regretting it /learn that the guy continued to cheat. It's sad but it is the truth 90% of the time!
@michelleeaton66023 жыл бұрын
Choosing to commit adultery is an absolute “dealbreaker” and “Biblical grounds” for divorce. Fornication is the end of the marriage. Full stop. The victimized partner needs to accept that her husband has destroyed the family and leave him ASAP.
@vernonu73142 жыл бұрын
Biblically, adultery (for a man) is having sex with another man's wife. Fornication is a sexual sin. Sin is a violation of the law (check the Torah). I don't recall seeing anything in the law that prohibits a man from having multiple wives/concubines. You must be thinking about something else.
@blondegiraffe20232 жыл бұрын
@@vernonu7314 there isn't anything that supports polygamy either. Polygamy isn't that great for the multiple spouses... only one spouse normally benefits and that is the one screwing all the spouses. That's not God's plan for marriage.
@blondegiraffe20232 жыл бұрын
It's not that simple when kids are involved and the cheater spouse shows repentance. But I normally agree with you.
@vernonu73142 жыл бұрын
@@blondegiraffe2023 You're right, there is no support for polygamy...but there is support for polygyny. Exodus 21:10, Deut 21 15-17, 2 Samuel 12 7-8, Genesis 4 19, 2 Chronicles 13:21, 1 Chronicles 3 1-9, Deut 25 5-10, Numbers 12 1, Deut 21 15. I can go on and on. Not only does The Most High allow polygyny, He gives us instructions on how to properly implement the concept. I understand that most women don't like the idea, but The Most High did not ask you or me what we thought about polygyny.
@vernonu73142 жыл бұрын
@@blondegiraffe2023 Just to be clear, in 2 Samuel the prophet Nathan is speaking for the Lord "Thus saith the Lord God of Israel..."
@JoeGarofaloII3 жыл бұрын
I'm trying not to be a Pharisee here, but this dude sounds terrible! I can't phathom how someone can cheat on their spouse, especially with 2 kids and then keep going back to the mistress...for a year and a half?!?! I don't know how you can actively hurt someone you're supposed to love like that
@dolphina37942 жыл бұрын
You’re not a Pharisee, you’re just stating facts.
@aimeeglatt32992 жыл бұрын
And how SHE allowed herself to be treated that way!! 😳🤯
@KerryLang3 жыл бұрын
Been there (sans kids). He won't change, and he will cheat again. Leave now while you can start over and still live your life. Don't let him steal your life from you.
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
you are absolutely right! Too many women wasting their time on men like this... settling or hoping they'll change. Just plain SAD! Move on and you will find better!
@whitneyw.79193 жыл бұрын
You can never start over with 3 kids or live your life. Let's be honest.
@KerryLang3 жыл бұрын
@@whitneyw.7919 Not with that attitude you can't.
@patriciairwin94913 жыл бұрын
@@KerryLang , Depending on her age, shes right. It ain't easy after you've had multiple children with another man and look old.
@KerryLang3 жыл бұрын
@@patriciairwin9491 No one said it would be easy, but it's better than letting yourself be abused. And it certainly won't happen if you don't go for it. It might be the best decision of your life.
@grod8053 жыл бұрын
This show is getting more interesting than doctor phil. Where do they find these people?
@Jeseneia3 жыл бұрын
I agree. I would listen to Dr. John than Dr. Phil any day. Dr. John is so authentic and genuine in his approach. Every time I see his video, I’m learning something about myself.
@lisak73803 жыл бұрын
Dr. Phil is scripted. It is an entertainment show.
@samtackmier92743 жыл бұрын
God-fearing folk who act like all is fine on the outside, but have some deep-rooted damage they have repressed and shoved and taken great pains to lock away, until the damage grows into a monstrous demon of their own making Trust me
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
oh it's far more prevalent than people want to realize or admit.....go look at some of the videos and comments on channels like marriage helper...this woman is no different....it's just so sad!!! We as women (and men) need to do way better.
@lynnebucher65372 жыл бұрын
It happens more than you realize.
@aubreyalbanese44403 жыл бұрын
This is such a hard call. Her heart will not heal from this because deep down she knows she can not trust him. I firmly believe in intuition. I think she knows that something will happen again and she’s guarding her heart. I couldn’t forgive him, especially since he wavered so much in his decision to reunite. She deserves a husband that doesn’t keep going back and forth. I think the ultimate insult is for someone you’ve loved so well to feel you’re not only replaceable, but to also be unsure if you’re who he wants. I agree with other comments, he’s only faithful until he’s tempted again.
@jji76673 жыл бұрын
What... are you thinking girl!? You think he will stay faithful after that??
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
He won’t. He’s been able to get away with it too many times. He’s probably STILL cheating as we speak. Having his cake and eating it too. I’ve seen it more than once with friends of mine.
@MalloriDan3 жыл бұрын
Exact
@sasameans3 жыл бұрын
Every woman has to decide what deal breakers are in a relationship. I know for a fact that this is a deal breaker for me personally. I won’t allow someone to dictate my worth by cheating. If you cheat then I’m out. Period. Plain and simple! I think it’s very simple. If your husband isn’t happy he needs to tell you. You don’t ever have a right to cheat on your spouse. You need open communication and then you can work on the issues. Cheating means your just to lazy to work it out, and means you are a very selfish person.
@dolphina37942 жыл бұрын
Exactly! Preach!
@willowt9196 Жыл бұрын
Yes! My ex cheated because he was just tired to the expectations I had for our marriage, Like helping around the house, helping with the kids, not drinking 6 or more beers a night. Wanting to be able to plan for a future. Allowing me to have a say in major decisions that affect my life and our kids life / he did not allow that because he knew best and my opinion wasn’t as rational. I also went back - because he had me so beaten down and I did not want to be replaced by someone better (My ego). Only for him to get back with her 2 years later.
@BrandonKuptzMusic3 жыл бұрын
Cut and run...like yesterday! There's plenty of honest non-cheaters out there...why waste any more time with a known cheater???
@Wellington205i3 жыл бұрын
Easier said than done.
@nmc18593 жыл бұрын
3 babies and need of a provider, that's y
@linjubar3 жыл бұрын
Who is she going to find with 3 little kids?
@brookealicia925 ай бұрын
Why would she want another man is the question? He can’t be cheating outside of the home and helping in any meaningful way. Get a job and leave and file for child support
@chrystallee1563 Жыл бұрын
My husband left me when I was 7 months pregnant. Denied our son and said I cheated. I stupidly stopped the divorce. He begged me for another chance to ‘make it work’ I took him back and moved to SC to be with him. Such a stupid mistake. He ignored me and our son for nearly a year. One day I packed up and left his ass and divorced him. Being with him was pure hell on earth. As of today, I’m happily remarried and my son is thriving. And my ex has chosen not to have anything to do with my son.
@annstewart8506 Жыл бұрын
So glad you found happiness. I divorced my husband after 23 years when I learnt he was cheating. He turned his back on both our children as his ego was bruised. He never remember their birthdays or paid any kind of financial support. We struggled but, survived it all. We are all happier minus him and his BS.
@Shay-yg7nm3 жыл бұрын
It is NEVER your fault that your partner went out and cheated. Dont blame yourself.
@ASmith-jn7kf2 жыл бұрын
That's not true sometimes it is your fault. If you are withholding sex from your partner and you are not available for them sexually then yes it is your fault that someone might want to go out. Some people don't cheat but do other things but not everyone wants to masturbate but actually wants real intimacy so yes you can cause it. If you are a guy, not being available sexually and not being there emotionally can also make a wife cheat.
@ASmith-jn7kf2 жыл бұрын
Then there are people who are just cheaters.
@dpborn27212 жыл бұрын
@@ASmith-jn7kf no it’s called divorce and move on. To sleep with someone outside of your marriage is your fault and yours alone, not your partners. Withholding sex and intimacy is not an excuse to hook up with someone else. People just need to grow up and be adults about the situations they cause.
@willowt9196 Жыл бұрын
Easier said than done. Our society blames the person who is being cheated on - she must have done something to cause this. Then the person who cheated will want to flip blame on the spouse to help them not feel guilty and responsible.
@Flash3-22 Жыл бұрын
@@ASmith-jn7kf in a real marriage there should be communication about why no sex. Expecting your partner to read your mind is the real issue. Now if it is a situation where this has been honestly discussed then perhaps couples counseling, investigating physical reasons etc. should be the next step. Cheating is the easy way out.
@UnstoppableMorgan4 ай бұрын
Woman that stay after infidelity blow my mind.
@buibuibuirockineverywhere87013 жыл бұрын
Such a heart breaking call. You can still hear so much hurt in her voice. I think she’s staying because he brainwashed her with bs (I’ve changed, I cut her off, I am committed to you- all BS) and she’s staying for their kids to have a family together. I hope she finds the courage to leave him. She deserves happiness and to be loved.
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
Yes. She needs to love herSELF now... and give herself and their kids a chance at a healthier home and life.
@stephanie5799 ай бұрын
I blamed myself for my husband’s affair too because I had MS, was recovering from injuries from a head on collision and had gained weight but then I realized his affair has nothing to do with me … he weaponized my issues to justify having a 2 yr affair … I am fully healed and physically feel amazing but he didn’t notice I had recovered because he didn’t see me while he was with his girlfriend … betrayed spouses should never blame themselves for their spouses bad behaviour … my husband still justifies his behaviour and I am ready to show him the door cause after 35 yrs I deserve better
@nancyt68953 жыл бұрын
No one, man or woman, ever forgets how betrayal of any kind feels. I don't believe she will ever be able to trust him again and she knows it. Simplify your life and move on. Co-parent.
@whitneyw.79193 жыл бұрын
It will never everbe a simple life with a broken family w/ 3 kids. Agree that betrayal is never forgotten
@christinah20653 жыл бұрын
Agree.
@dolphina37942 жыл бұрын
@@whitneyw.7919 the family was already broken and soon as he decided to cheat
@andrewbenson84272 ай бұрын
Do yourself a favor, people. Don't take a cheater back. Find someone who values you enough they don't betray you.
@oakiediaries99073 жыл бұрын
Please Lord! Never let me be such a doormat
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
agreed!!! And she is just one of MANY women like this! It is so SAD!!
@Picca653 жыл бұрын
That's what I thought before I got married. Turned out to be easier said than done. Luckily I am out now and standing on both feet in all ways.
@oakiediaries99073 жыл бұрын
@@Picca65 me too! Sorry maybe I should have added "again " to my comment. All the best to your future!
@Picca653 жыл бұрын
@@oakiediaries9907 same to you💪
@urdadshusband7813 жыл бұрын
Exactly. This lady isn't even a doormat anymore. She's the few pieces of string left that used to be a doormat
@NT-bz5nh3 жыл бұрын
I wish she would’ve divorced him when she had the chance. Instead, she went back to him even though he choose another woman and continued to have kids with him. He will cheat again.
@hiitscourt3 жыл бұрын
Not too late to get a divorce.
@texan9033 жыл бұрын
He's probably still cheating. The only reason he came clean is because someone else was about to tell the wife if he didn't.
@Wellington205i3 жыл бұрын
Divorce him and do what??? Single mothers who aren’t stable won’t survive after a divorce. Three kids, in graduate school, in a new state DURING A PANDEMIC.
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
Yep. NOT a smart move at all. Very unfortunate for her but he’s going to keep doing what he’s doing because he knows he can get away with it!
@mollycule27923 жыл бұрын
She should stay with him for finances until she’s stable and then she can leave
@cheeseburger55553 жыл бұрын
He recommitted to his wife because the other woman ended things with him.
@AbnormalJustice4 ай бұрын
100% facts
@calgal5752Ай бұрын
💯
@hs1athome2 жыл бұрын
So once when my husband and I was going through a very hard rough patch I would go to this grocery store. The clerk was always the same and was very flirty. I found myself asking myself why this guy was so sweet and helpful yet my husband couldnt be bothered. I could have chosen to continue going and open that door or stop going to that grocery store. Thankfully I chose the latter and nipped it in the bud. Listen until you realize Satan is always there to trip you up and plant these seeds you will continue to falter. Your choices even small ones lead you down paths you never would have taken outright. Protect your marraige. A good friend of mine told me a long time ago that I was HER friend, not her husband's (we were having a conversation about how couples think they all need to be friends). It was sage advice. I don't need male friends as a wife. I have seen friends who facebook their old flames and nothing good comes out of it. Who cares where their life has them? Focus on your own home. And for this lady she needs to realize this man is not worth hanging onto. A 6month affair is beyond a "cheating". He had a side chick he was willing to leave her for.
@EadsB70022 жыл бұрын
exactly!!! She is in total and complete denial. He is very likely still seeing the other woman OR will have another affair...it's only a matter of time. This is what happens in most of these cases. You stay and allow yourself to be disrespected, don't be surprised what you get!
@bcreilly1803 жыл бұрын
Now, I will never tell anyone to stay with their cheating spouse and I'm very pro marriage. Infidelity is basically divorce, just skipping steps until you start seeing and then sleeping with someone else. My wife and I, before we got married, discussed cheating. It wasn't an easy discussion but we both know where we stand and I think it has benefited our relationship
@26Bluegb9 ай бұрын
He's 100% committed...when things are good
@lizaw.7313 Жыл бұрын
He should be the one in therapy and proving himself to her every day! He should be reassuring her with all of his being that he will not do that to her.
@lizwiens6713 жыл бұрын
You can hear the pain in this woman’s voice. She can’t trust him and I don’t blame her. He abandoned her when she was in the midst of her post partum depression and she scared it will happen again.
@janeyrevanescence127 ай бұрын
My father was a serial cheater and Mom took him back both because she loved him and because she didn’t want my brother and me to grow up without a father like she had. He eventually left us for his mistress. Mom told me years later that if she had known that he would do it again…she would’ve packed us up and left.
@MR3DDev3 жыл бұрын
I know people here wont like this but that is why is better to wait to marry after college. I met girls in college I swore I would have marry but I didn't and I am glad I waited as I met my wife later on. You are a different person when you are a student than when you are a working professional
@texan9033 жыл бұрын
I wish had had the experience of a high school or college sweetheart. You have have the benefit of time to get to know one another while still young, and grow together. I think meeting someone with whom to have something lasting becomes infinitely more difficult later in life.
@auroramothergoddess3 жыл бұрын
Yes more people need to wait to get married and have kids...some people shouldn’t even have kids or even get married
@cd26599 ай бұрын
When he told you about the infidelity, it should have been the end of the affair. He went back to her a few times and blew his chance for trust from you.
@Katrn302 жыл бұрын
When you talked about her “part” in the infidelity it hit a nerve with me. My man cheated when our relationship was perfect…or so I thought. Upon much reflection I realized I had “settled” for him, and overlooked a few red flags from the beginning. After 5 more years I realized he has a pattern of cheating and I needed to love myself enough to set up boundaries. My responsibility in his infidelity was my acceptance of crumbs…I need to only accept the type of man who is willing to put as much as I do into the relationship.
@SaystheTruth3 Жыл бұрын
I'm hoping you left him... Right? You deserve so much better!
@blueseptember217411 ай бұрын
This comment is spot on 👏
@FavoritesPersonal6 ай бұрын
He got into graduate school and suddenly decided to recommit to his marriage. I think the mistress wasn’t willing to move to TN. When he realized the mistress wasn’t going to support his goals and dreams, he turned to his wife, knowing she was reliable. The wife should brace herself, because when grad school is completed, he’ll start looking for something new. This is a very sad call.
@Efferheim3 жыл бұрын
It really sounds like the guy was cheating the entire marriage, likely with different people. Finally began cheating with someone he really liked, who may have been married to someone else and then was riding the wave of “if they get divorced, so will we” and when the other person finally ended up staying married to their spouse, he just decided to stick with his wife too.... for now. The fact that the entire time was difficult for him as well means he’s “committed” at the moment to their relationship, because the other relationship burned him. The reason she feels the marriage is stronger now than it was previously is because for the first time in most of their marriage, he’s NOT cheating on her. She’s less interested in him both for the cheating and because for the first time he’s focusing entirely on her and their kids, and that means she’s seeing more of who he is entirely for the first time. I base this on the way she’s describing it sounds almost exactly like what a friend of mine felt in this exact situation.
@Efferheim3 жыл бұрын
The mistress might have also been pregnant/played pregnant.
@Moneymojo62722 жыл бұрын
Yep
@edithtierce82092 жыл бұрын
For once she isn’t vying for his attention because there isn’t another woman making him somewhat distant. So sad… Yes she definitely can see the difference in his behavior, probably more over the top and loving because he is trying to fix things and erase the past for now and that alone would be unsettling. Like this is what I get when you cheated but don’t have anyone else? So this is what I should have and could have been getting the entire time…? Ugh
@goinggaga4ladygaga Жыл бұрын
Exactly 💯 I will also add that ( in my case ) the reason for doubt is their words never aligned with their actions and you’re constantly comparing the two. When they are all in (seemingly) on the marriage they tend to love bomb to draw you back in, in you’re weakened ( want to believe anything but the truth ) star and then after they’ve suckered you in the narcissistic mask starts to slip and you get a glimmer of the old them, then they see if you’ve noticed and if you do the mask goes back on and you’re like what was that? Did I imagine that ? Is this a red flag etc etc and you’re always second guessing you’re thoughts, feelings and instincts; because they were obviously wrong before It really is a mind #@$&
@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe27882 жыл бұрын
It's interesting how the victim goes to therapy and the perpetrators never do. My condition for recommitment would be that he has to go to therapy.
@piak788 ай бұрын
Yes it's like paying the price for someone else's sins.
@zarbins8 ай бұрын
Who said he never went to therapy was that explicitly stated?
@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe27888 ай бұрын
@@zarbins it's usually the case, my friend. I work with abuse victims and during the relationship the victims had been to therapy while the abusers never have.
@zarbins8 ай бұрын
@@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788 "Usually the case" indicates nothing about the particulars of this case.
@zarbins8 ай бұрын
@@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788 Appreciate the moderate concession and agree that we certainly learn from experience. I do hope, in this case, her partner attended therapy as well.
@itchyisvegeta3 жыл бұрын
Leave him. When someone cheats, it's over. Period!
@yv61503 жыл бұрын
He kept going back and forth which means that he was not sorry for cheating. People cheat but you should forgive only if they are doing everything possible to restore the relationship...
@user-zv9oh4kb7l2 жыл бұрын
Exactly!
@amydecker62072 жыл бұрын
Ladies:. THE "LOVE OF YOUR LIFE" WILL NOT CHEAT ON YOU.
@lizab84005 ай бұрын
Yes they will. Bless your heart.
@alicjaalvena11205 ай бұрын
@@lizab8400 no, they wont. if they do, they're not love of your life. end of story.
@gigiwoodlawn21424 ай бұрын
@@alicjaalvena1120 so naive.
@mrv23084 ай бұрын
@@lizab8400found the doormat.
@thetwistinside28572 ай бұрын
@@gigiwoodlawn2142 Just has the confidence to take out the trash.
@whenthestarsfalldown3 жыл бұрын
She needs to put more effort into her self and finding ways to support herself financially, emotionally, and socially away from her husband. Then she can truly say she is choosing to stay and will not be scared if he leaves again.
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
Yes yes and yes. So many women make the mistake of throwing all of them selves into a marriage/family. Not that it’s a bad thing to do that... But.... we should always have a life outside of and have means to take care of ourselves in the event that things don’t work out.
@conniehenderson70713 жыл бұрын
Totally agree. This "happier than ever" husband needs to pay for child care while she goes back to school and gets a degree. When she can earn her own money she can make a "real" decision.
@bettysmith45272 жыл бұрын
yup, as soon as her master's degree is done, she needs to find a really decent job, and leave!! The child support he deserves to pay will cover the rest!
@goinggaga4ladygaga Жыл бұрын
Exactly
@blueseptember217411 ай бұрын
Yes, I learned this. You can only feel semi comfortable choosing to stay when you can stand on your own two feet.
@minervagalvez47483 жыл бұрын
WAS, HE WAS, WAS IN THE KEY WORD!!! HE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AND YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME, YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL NOT BE THE SAME EITHER. LET IT GO. LET EACH OTHER GO.
@mimiso5167 ай бұрын
"I'm completely committed to you paying my way through grad school", is what I am hearing.
@carableu3 жыл бұрын
She already knows the answer.
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
Not to be the bearer of bad news, but in many many cases... if they do it once and get away with it -they will very likely do it again... most especially in a case like this.... Where the man is only returning to the marriage out of guilt and/or obligation. And because the other relationship didn’t work out.
@isay207 Жыл бұрын
I don't understand how a man with hopefully a full time job and children has time for a mistress doesn't he have to wash car do dishes home repairs friends socialize cleaning bq getting groceries????
@NB-ky5ol3 жыл бұрын
The fact that it took him a whole year to figure out that he wanted you only when it came down to moving and graduate school screams that he only stayed for convenience. I don’t really know his motive but if my husband chose a fling over me and my children several times you better believe I’m out of there quick-like! And I’m speaking from experience. I’ve been option #2 before, and desperately waiting for him to come around. Never again! I hope it works out for them b/c having a healthy marriage is what’s best for the kids.
@martell85603 жыл бұрын
I agree
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
yup, and if the marriage can't be saved (very very unlikely in this case), best to leave and give yourself and your kids a healthier environment to live in. Remaining in an unhappy, toxic environment is terribly detrimental to kids.
@lj21923 жыл бұрын
Unfortunately for all men the honeymoon phase comes to an end. This guy will always look for something new to fill the void. Having an extra kid was not helpful at all. I’m not very hopeful for this marriage.
@ASmith-jn7kf2 жыл бұрын
Who cares if you are not hopeful?? You don't know the future.
@justinewhite-hadley31383 жыл бұрын
My heart hurts for her 😔
@pinkcyclop3 жыл бұрын
Same! This wasn't simply a one night stand. This was a whole second relationship. My head hurts for her
@angryox31022 жыл бұрын
3 kids? That’s why he doesn’t want to leave, all that child support.
@sam.alva.3 жыл бұрын
This show has really been evolving into something wonderful. Hope it helps a lot of struggling hearts.
@primabellas68563 жыл бұрын
She would be foolish to be "all in". He will likely cheat again and eventually abandon her when he finds someone he really wants to be with. As much as it might hurt, she would be wise to cut him loose now and avoid the heartache and drama.
@texan9033 жыл бұрын
He won't leave, he'll go back and forth. The only reason he canceled the divorce paperwork is because it would've cost him a fortune once the judge signed off on it. She'll divorce him once she busts him or the resentment becomes too much to handle.
@richvail75513 жыл бұрын
There was a great Zen moment there when he mentioned “you can’t control what pops into your mind but you can choose what you want to focus on.” I think that’s a much better explanation than just letting it go. The mind needs direction or it will control ones world. So to refocus the mind to a strong character trait and goal will certainly over time be the very thing that will then control your world. Very Zen
@joannthompson44103 жыл бұрын
You don’t get over affairs…. You always remember that your spouse cheated & probably will do it again! My ex cheated more than once & I went back to college & got my bachelors degree so I could support myself… then I got a divorce when he cheated again! Why have another child after your husband cheated?!?!?!? Crazy
@SaystheTruth32 жыл бұрын
My heart goes out to her... Adding another baby to their family is like adding another brick on the doormat- (her) unfortunately. He has more opportunities to cheat on her with the comfort of coming back home... She needs to grab her children & run !!
@sbeasley71003 жыл бұрын
Honestly, she doesn't even sound like she believes what's she is saying. If you want to stay for your kids, then just say that so you can get some sound advice. This man didn't just cheat aimlessly, he picked this woman and proceeded to go back and forth between you and her. I won't even get into the fact that she had another baby by him. If you want to get married that's fine, but do not get married to find yourself in someone else or else you'll be calling this show asking "should I swim with the sharks or eat with the bears" She's not over the cheating but she doesn't think anyone else will want her with 3 young kids.
@bres99773 жыл бұрын
I’m not judging, but I would have NEVER brought another child into a situation like that. It only makes thing harder.
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
@@bres9977 totally agree..worst thing you can do! So unfair to the child!
@brockb36923 жыл бұрын
It's the fantasy of the relationship that she's not ready to grieve and bury.
@carlasmith47693 жыл бұрын
This guy just tells it like it is..no sugar coating! I respect that and I wish I could have spoken to him when I was cheated on...the devastation rocked my world...and took me years to accept it!
@LizNeptune2 жыл бұрын
Something about this advice is not sitting right with me! LOL
@sarahb81473 жыл бұрын
I don't like how John starts with the "assumption" that she didn't cause the affair. The person getting cheated on is NEVER responsible for cheating UNLESS there is extreme physical/financial abuse going on and the person feels like they CAN'T leave unless they find someone else to help them out. I find it very unlikely that Charly was putting her husband through that. So why even bring it up, John? Seems like a way to gaslight listeners into being a lot more understanding of scummy behavior. **edit:** She's blaming herself now because she was sick. Being sick is not an excuse to abandon your spouse. What a worthless piece of trash. I hope she wises up and reads these comments and leaves him.
@htpeck919 ай бұрын
I think when two people fall in love they create something that has a life of its own. His betrayal killed it. There is walking away or creating a new thing. You cannot go back to what was. His back and forth was especially cruel. I hope she just hands him her backpack.
@laurab48333 жыл бұрын
She should leave! It hurts children to stay! She will lose herself and then he will move on to the next.
@whitneyw.79193 жыл бұрын
It doesn't hurt the children for her to stay. what would hurt the children is 50/50 households-- half the time they'll be with him regardless. Also, their mother would now be near impoverished. They would likely then date/marry new people and have new kids to compete with and no feeling of "home" or unity If the kids don't know about the infidelity, it's better for the children if the family stays together and they both choose to act peaceably and happy. I personally wouldn't stay, but wouldn't make an excuse by saying it's better for my children.
@jasperj.d.g.41473 жыл бұрын
@@whitneyw.7919 having parents who resents eachother is not good for kids at all.
@amyeastman87642 жыл бұрын
Sometimes you just can’t get over it and have to end things. You can’t spend your life punishing someone or yourself
@ominous4503 жыл бұрын
He could be having another affair and just not telling you about it
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
Likelihood of that is very HIGH. He knows he can get away with it. Seen this same situation numerous times amongst friends.
@truckingwithtobee3 жыл бұрын
The second caller Charlie. This was very similar to my situation in regards to having trouble getting over my husband cheating on me. This has been the best explanation I have heard out of probably dozens of infidelity videos here on KZbin. Thank you so much Dr. D you have no idea how much you have helped me right now.
@brockb36923 жыл бұрын
The most toxic, sinister myth that we push onto women is that they can and that their job is to redeem men. The idea that they can "fix" the broken man, and if he will just come back to her, everything will be all right. If they just have another baby, all their problems will go away. This is a very common myth we peddle and you find it everywhere--movies, books, etc. The problem is not you, honey, and you CAN'T fix him. It's not your job to fix him. You deserve a partner who is a fully-functioning ADULT and gives you his all, 100%. Don't let him drag you down. That fantasy of you two being together was just that--a fantasy. It wasn't a real relationship. Notice how SHE went to therapy and put in all the effort to work on herself LIKE THIS PROBLEM WAS CAUSED BY HER. It was her fault. She wasn't a good enough wife or mother. She wasn't skinny enough. She wasn't nice enough. She didn't cook enough. WHAT OUNCE OF EFFORT HAS HE PUT INTO OWNING UP TO HIS OWN MISTAKE? He caused this problem, not you. You need to grieve that loss, release your anger, and move on. He is not worth it and he will not change. This relationship will hurt your children too.
@adrianajimenez43423 жыл бұрын
Once a cheater always a cheater no way no how I'd give him a chance!!!
@kcourtney68262 жыл бұрын
Don’t let a man or woman tell you more than once they don’t want to be with you. She hasn’t forgiven him and she will never love him like she used to at this point she feels stuck because they have kids, however if he was already willing to leave her and the kids for this woman she might as well be on her own.
@patriciairwin94913 жыл бұрын
I wished it were so easy as to decide you don't want to worry about it anymore. When we love someone, we want to be 100% vulnerable to them, but after getting cheated on, the safety of that is gone.
@MaisyMimi6 ай бұрын
I don’t think I’d be able to forgive/forget a deliberate affair but then he goes backwards and forwards on trying again… no way would I go back to that. He should have been humbled and truly sorry and he wasn’t at all.
@megalopolis20153 жыл бұрын
Did I hear that only she was in therapy? They both need to be there, stat. This isn't her problem, it's what they need to deal with as a couple. This wasn't just an affair, it was ongoing, and he left his wife for this other woman. Trust takes years to build back. That's natural. He needs to prove himself, continually. Their relationship needs professional guidance and supervision. This should NOT be her burden to bear. She seems wonderful and worth fighting for. I hope he sees that. I'll pray for them and their kids.
@vickynissi7043 жыл бұрын
Dr. Delony, I was really inspired by your insight about saying out loud "NO" when a negative thought comes to mind. I will definitely use this. I wanted to ask if you have thought of writing a book to share such insights with the world. I would definitely read it and know many will read it too and be blessed. Thanks for doing what you do.
@jak99342 жыл бұрын
I don’t think it’s quite as simple as this. Repairing trust is about the work of two people not one. The effort and will required to “put the backpack down” and “be all in” is assisted when met by the equivalent effort and will of the person who had the affair.
@quitesweetly69633 жыл бұрын
Not sure I agree with Dr. D on this one. The couple needs to go to counseling and work through this together. To expect her to forget about his cheating is unfair to her. He has to work on repairing the relationship, too. They'll be dealing with this for the rest of their relationship. It's kinda crazy that he's telling her to just forget it...especially since she wasn't in the wrong here. He's basically telling her to control her mind instead of them working through the pain as a couple. Being all in means the couple working together through the hardship, not one of them forgetting about it. Disappointed in the advice he gave.
@hawkgurl11573 жыл бұрын
Didn't she say that he was trying and she was the one having hesitation on improving the realtionship?
@texan9033 жыл бұрын
The doctor knows this marriage is over, he's only saying what he said to all her to reach this realization on her own in her own time.
@quitesweetly69633 жыл бұрын
@@texan903 No one can really know when or why other people's relationships will end. He's a therapist, not a psychic.
@quitesweetly69633 жыл бұрын
@@hawkgurl1157 Well of course he wants to repair it, he's the cheater who went back and forth on whether or not he wanted to be in the relationship or not. Also, working on it means confronting what happened and repairing the relationship together in counseling. I would recommend watching Dr. Kirk Honda if you want to learn more about marriage and relationship counseling.
@hawkgurl11573 жыл бұрын
@@quitesweetly6963 Yeah I don't disagree on counseling that's a good point. But I see it as if someone is repentant (truly) and wants a second chance then they should have the opportunity to prove themselves. Anyway she called about HER having an issue, not him. Either way the wife isn't obligated to give him that if she doesn't want to. But if she does then she needs to implement a different mindset that things will never be the same, but it can work in a different way to be better if the sentiment is reciprocatedon both ends. If she doesn't then she's wasting both of their time and should move on.
@mollycule27923 жыл бұрын
Why should she have to control her thoughts and he doesn’t have to do any work? He needs to be showering her with affection and repentance. You’re off here Dr D.
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
Agreed....if this was one-time offense and he was truly repentant, i could understand maybe trying to work it out....but this is NOT the case here. This woman needs to read the comments made by women who have been in the same position and tolerated this sort of issue for many years and see how well (not!) things turned out.
@Vlad-fb9fb3 жыл бұрын
I think he is focusing on her because she is the one calling. He is trying to help her deal with the situation because only her can choose what to do next. I think that if he had spent anytime on him it would have be a waste, telling her what he should be doing could lead to more resentment. We cannot control other people. I do hope this ends well for the family.
@lilsamantha1 Жыл бұрын
But he isnt because he doesnt want to
@snowcone3934 ай бұрын
Why would you have another kid with someone who left you for his mistress???
@heatherroydiy3 жыл бұрын
Listen if a man who is a husband approaches you... Trying to engage you in an affair.. Think of this woman. Just flat out say no thank you! These are red flags. Tell him to go home and have a conversation with his wife. Stop trying to fix your relationship outside of your marriage!
@adrianajimenez43423 жыл бұрын
I feel sorry for this lady she seems sweet.
@isay207 Жыл бұрын
But please dont bring children into this mess he's not a committed father
@funmir93183 жыл бұрын
So many people commenting on what she “should have done” as if y’all are living her life. She’s hurting and she’s obviously grieving many things in her life. She needs time to process on her own timetable.
@msknich0le3 жыл бұрын
She’s calling in for advice. So, people are going to give their opinions. You must be in the same situation, poor thing.
@ToothpasteKisses63453 жыл бұрын
@@msknich0le There's no need to be snarky. She's just pointing out that some people aren't being empathetic in the comments to what this lady is going through and to be mindful. Yes, she called in for advice but there's no need to be kick this lady when she's down.
@ccc-e1f3 жыл бұрын
This advice would probably save a lot of marriages. Great job again, Dr. Deloney.
@michellemorford3492 жыл бұрын
Girlfriend likely dumped him and so he went back. He likely bulked about child support for 3 kids too. May have decided it was cheaper to keep her and continue having affairs.
@pixie34585 ай бұрын
Definitely
@rachelgee78943 жыл бұрын
I just realized Dr. John is the real life equivalent of Frasier and I somehow became even more interested.
@mastersfan043 жыл бұрын
I had the same exact thought!
@CynthiaVanSchalk6 ай бұрын
There will always be triggers. Forgiveness does not wipe them out. Tough situation, I live it.
@siegfriedbraun54472 жыл бұрын
Question; did her husband feel or express any remorse? If he didn't, then I would have to doubt his commitment. Without remorse, he's simply skipped out on what he deserves; knowing the incredible pain he's inflicted on everyone. Deeply feelings remorse, is the only way forward for him, in this marriage.
@RedShiftedDollar3 жыл бұрын
She needs to sit down and think about what she needs, not what she thinks she wants, not what her kids or husband needs, but her needs deep down to her core. Then she needs to do what it takes to seek out and satisfy that need in the most selfish and uninhibited way possible.
@duvessa20034 ай бұрын
Great advice! I wish it is the advice that had been given her.