My Spouse is Depressed: Loving a Depressed Man, with Josh Canning

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My Spouse is Depressed. Loving a Depressed Man (Even when it's hard...)
Hey to you out there struggling as the lover of a husband or spouse or loved one with depression... I've been there, and I know that loving a depressed person is not always easy... gosh, far from it!
Since my husband Josh Canning started opening up about depression a few years back, and I started sharing about the experience from my side, I have received MANY questions about anxiety and depression in marriage. I am happy to speak on this topic because it is so important and I truly believe that THERE IS SO MUCH HOPE!
In this video my husband Josh and I discuss how to love a depressed partner in a way they can receive it. While Josh's depression surprised and blind-sided me in the beginning, I've come to accept it as part of the whole package of who he is, and loving a depressed man, THIS man, has become life's passion for me.
REAL TALK FAQs: HOW I COPE WITH MY HUSBAND'S ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION bit.ly/2DRxEE7
Check out the recent Bell Let's Talk documentary which we contributed our story to, In Their Own Words: • Video
Read my blog post 6 ways to cope when your spouse has depression: bit.ly/2DJF09h
5 simple ways to end stigma and start a conversation: letstalk.bell.ca/en/
WANT TO WORK WITH ME? MOM COACHING OR BUSINESS COACHING
lisacanning.ca/mom-coaching/
WHERE TO GET MY NEW BOOK
On my website: lisacanning.ca/my-book/
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Barnes and Noble: bit.ly/2M84chw
LISTEN ON AUDIBLE: adbl.co/2G95NPc
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WHO AM I:
I am a parenting, design and lifestyle expert in Toronto, Canada where I live with my seven kids ages ten and under. I write a blog focused on productivity, motherhood, interior design and other strategies on how to design a beautiful life:
www.lisacanning.ca
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#helpingdepressedpartner #mentalillness #PossibilityMom

[@ThePossibilityMom]

We finally listened to the requests and started a community on Locals where we can keep this conversation going. Please join us there! perseveretogether.locals.com/

[@Pappysjuice]

My wife has depression and anxiety, how to love someone that has been diagnosed with both? Patience. I love my wife more than anything in the world, and I would do anything for her. Being patient with them is key 🙂

[@joshcanning]

Great advice, Captain! Thanks.

[@kaydencegauthier3857]

I have to ask can sex for a man if he's depressed the lack of sex i get no sex I'm starting to think he's cheating but i know he depressed that's why i need to no if sex can lack of men are depressed

[@avi10000]

@@kaydencegauthier3857 yes. He us currently beyond getting pleasure from something.

[@alishaliggett]

@@kaydencegauthier3857 yes depression can affect sex drive negatively. He needs all his hormones/ testosterone checked, as well as his adrenals and thyroid for certain.

[@gennieinajam]

How about when he is Bipolar DISORDER type 1 with puschotic and paranoid features?? :(

[@Erica22282]

Lisa, I just found this video. My partner has refractory depression and anxiety. I am at a point where I don’t know what to do anymore and I feel like the depression is consuming me, feeling unloved and unwanted while I am exhausting all of my mental and emotional resources. This video is a silver lining. Thank you.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Erica Lesto you are wonderful ❤️ don’t forget how important it is for you to get help and support too ❤️❤️❤️

[@Erica22282]

Lisa Canning thank you! Today was a good day. 💖💖💖💖 you’re amazing for doing this!

[@depressionnews977]

630+ Enjoyed the video, thanks

[@lotusmarilyn2825]

I can understand you soo much

[@marthazimba2505]

Am going through the same and I don't know what to do.

[@flixety7857]

Depression affects my relationships. I sabatoge my relationships. I feel unloved and unwanted. He's lucky to have someone like you.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Don't lose hope friend.

[@kellyavanburen3390]

You two are so sweet. It sounds like your husband can manage to still show love and kindness when he’s depressed. He is easy to love and makes you WANT to support him through his darker times. He is one of those who just needs a loving cheerleader in his corner. What about spouses who are intolerable? Those who are cold and can be cruel and go for weeks without showing any affection whatsoever. Their entire mind goes dark and they literally cannot feel love and might tell you that they don’t love you. While the love you show each other is endearing, it doesn’t quite capture how ugly depression really can be.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am so sorry, that sounds so hard. It's true that our situation is not everyone's situation and he doesn't resort to cruelty. Have you found anything that helps you when he's like that?

[@martadelatejera-ornelas9906]

I believe your comment minimizes Lisa and her husband's issues. In no way are they saying it's easy, the one thing that makes them so inspiring is their commitment to their marriage and to each other,... But it doesn't mean he's always "lovable", or that she is always so resilient and considerate. My sincere admiration, respect, and prayers to you and your husband, Lisa Canning ‼️ 🙏🏼🙏🏼. I also wish to thank you for your testimony on Hollow (that is how I first came to know your beautiful and enlightening story)

[@yellowisme]

I am only halfway through but this had me in tears, especially when you mentioned the mental illness being a burden, because in reality it is. Not the person but the illness. To commit is a choice and even with all the challenges you'd still choose that person, that's love.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am so glad that it resonated with you and you found some support through it. Hang in there together!

[@darkalion7]

I know my girlfriend has a really hard time dealing with my dual diagnosis. However, we should really cherish those brave enough to stick with us.

[@drama2u]

My boyfriend is the one who has depression and who adamantly tried to break off our 1.5 year relationship. I couldn’t change his mind. So my only choice is to let him go.

[@andreagomera]

@@drama2u Let him go! My ex- wife couldn't help me! She tried and tried but in the end I was the one Who decided to leave her. She begged for me to stay but I told her : "you don't deserve a depressed man like me, I don't wanna be selfish to keep her in misery. Go and find ANOTHER Man Who Can give you the happiness I can't give you.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@drama2u]

@@andreagomera thank you for your words…i have accepted that he’s not ready for a relationship..i have already let him go the moment he skipped town..he wants to live in a lie and i don’t want to be a part of that

[@esmesanchez3701]

He is brave!! I applaud her husband for sharing his feeling infront of the camera THANK YOU SO MUCH You are amazing

[@joshcanning]

Thanks Esme! Yeah, it's not easy to share some things, but I know others can relate. It helped me a lot to hear men talk about their depression.

[@GoldenKandina]

This video brought me to tears. I’ve been married to my husband for over a year. He never expresses how he feels and 2 days ago he told me he’s been having suicidal thoughts and instantly I felt like it’s my job to help and understand. So here am I watching you two and I am SO thankful that you post these videos. I needed this.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am so glad it helped. Praying for you guys, you are not alone and there is aways hope. Have you sought professional help for your husband?

[@GoldenKandina]

@@ThePossibilityMom He doesn’t believe therapy will help him because he’s gone before before we met and when he was younger. I asked him to make an appointment with his primary and he said he’s never met his primary and wanted the same one that I have and his mother has since she helped both of us with depression. Her panel is closed so she isn’t taking new patients which kind of leaves me in the dark of what to do next.

[@joshcanning]

@@GoldenKandina Hi Jus, I hope you guys are finding hope in the situation. I find even reading about depression helps me. Knowing that others have struggled mightily and suffered, but without depression having the last say. Eg. Abraham Lincoln had terrible bouts of depression, and Winston Churchill had persistent suicidal thoughts, so much so that he hated to be on a train platform, afraid he would be tempted to throw himself in front of it. Perhaps he can invest in himself in this way while awaiting an opening with the therapist he wants. FWIW I have seen a number of different therapists over the years and I think it's very worth it to try, but if he doesnt want to then maybe there are some other ways to continue to grow in the meantime.

[@yasminemagalhaes3278]

Hi! how is are u and your husband doing?

[@GoldenKandina]

@@melissaelizabeth9871 Or maybe don’t comment negative assumptions. He has never ONCE abused me. Mental illness doesn’t always mean abuse. It’s a team effort.. We are happier than we have ever been. He’s gotten promotions since my initial reply, we moved out and are way more stable and I love him more than ever.

[@fostertree9258]

"To commit when its hard is a choice" SO TRUE and so applicable to so many relationships and so many challenges in marriage. Thank you Lisa!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Foster Tree thank you so much for watching!!!!

[@depressionnews977]

467+ Nice video thanks.

[@Jennifer-di4nl]

The way he looks at her! True love!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I love him!

[@nayselie83]

I’’m literally crying cause I felt these couple days so lonely and I’m feeling like I’m getting depressed about the situation. I am in the midst of the situation. My heart is hurting, my breathing is a little bit weird. Pray for me and thank you for this video 🙏🏽

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Dadaisy I am praying for you❤️

[@joshcanning]

Hang in there, Dadaisy. I will pray for you as well.

[@GetAtMike]

Same here. You are powerful enough to post this message so keep reminding yourself how strong you are!

[@fetiibrahim3035]

@@joshcanning hi Josh are you on medications for your illness? How do I convince my self to to keep taking medications? Every time I feel better I wean myself off and after a couple of weeks my symptoms will come back and couldn't function. I really appreciate your advice. Thanks.

[@joshcanning]

@@fetiibrahim3035 hi Feti, just saw this comment. Yes, I would say stick with it until counselled by your psychiatrist to come off of it, and even then he or she will probably lower the dose over time rather than halt it cold turkey. There is no shame in taking meds, and combined with good counselling and good lifestyle habits they can help transform your outlook. Hang in there and keep taking the meds.

[@JumpRopeQueen]

Wow! I'm in tears listening to this video. My husband is in the throws of a very severe and dark depression--and I'm in total despair. I feel so helpless!!!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am so sorry to hear that you're enduring that right now. I hope there have been some rays of light since you commented.

[@kayla7984]

I literally cried watching this been able to hear others going through the exact same thing and relate as a couple and parents. I’m so glad I watched this, I feel a lot better knowing I am not on this path alone and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Here in New Zealand there is plenty of mental health services to help those suffering from depression, anxiety ect but there isn’t many services to support those family members coping with people with mental illness. Thank you for your wise words this really helped.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Kay hyperZ YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am so glad you are here, and let’s keep the conversation going ❤️

[@questfortraquility]

I cried also. When he described the thoughts that go through his head during a depressive episode. I cried because it was so true.

[@joshcanning]

@@questfortraquility good to know that these thoughts don't reflect the reality, right Sarah? It helps a lot when a good partner or friend can remind us.

[@lean3HisBeloved]

My husband fell into depression two months after we got married. It's been an on and off,and an up and down rollercoaster since then...I have no resources,no frame of reference on how to deal with this...We're almost at our one year anniversary,and We've never been in the honeymoon phase...it's been harddddd. Lately its gotten worse and I'm on my knees praying every day.. My husband is experiencing suicidal thoughts..I'm still processing two miscarriages through all of this.. If it wasn't for God..I don't know how I would be standing..Please keep us in your prayers.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Sorry for the late reply and so sorry for what you have been going through! It's not the same, but we had an atypical first year of marriage as well, as we found out one month in that I had cancer and had to undergo surgery. It brought up a lot of stuff... Anyways, so sorry as well for the miscarrages. You have been handed some heavy crosses in this first year. Please come and join us in our new locals community and we can continue to support each other in persevering in these challenges. And count on our prayers! perseveretogether.locals.com/

[@CnJWade]

I dont think anxiety craves control, I think anxiety is a result of knowing you dont have control

[@gomezg8497]

Im happy to have found this video. My husband of 10 yesrs has depression and it all started after his mom passed away. He fell lost he feel he doesnt feel enough or that he deserve happiness. Its really hard because you can't help but to feel is YOUR fault they are unhappy. But is not you or the kids or the home, is their mind and they cant seem to see the good side. So really for all of you who are going throught this, may God help you. Is hard to hear the one you love believing they arent deserving of love. Or that they should die. It breaks my heart to see my husband a loving father and a loving husband feeling he isnt enough

[@danamariefinnegan7176]

My son who is a clinical therapist is going through depression and anxiety after his father passed away last month. He was not dealing with his illness, our family had to intervene. Please, please always listen with an open heart and be subjective about what they are saying. Left untreated and unsupported this illness can lead to an awful ending. Thank you for addressing this topic. My daughter in law needed to hear what you had to say.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

DanaMarie Finnegan I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for your words. We are in this together:

[@laurabrooks434]

😢😢😢 thank you! My husband has depression, anxiety and I am all out of cheerleading power! Thank you for the new tools!!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Belated thank you for the comment. If you want to keep sharing tools, join us in our Locals community. God bless! perseveretogether.locals.com/

[@saramichael3837]

Your husband is amazingly humble! It makes it easier to cope with the whole situation of mental illness. Much respect.❤️

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am grateful for him everyday

[@nataliegreenham]

He is so brave and so honest. Im listening intently as Im 3 months into dating someone special who has just gone into a depressive episode. Im reading and watching everything so I can be there for him.

[@malindakolb5994]

I felt alone for so many years. My husband has always suffered with anxiety and depression. Thank you for this video.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Malinda Kolb you are so welcome- thank you for watching ❤️ you are not alon

[@depressionnews977]

64+ Enjoyed the video, thanks

[@drama2u]

Did he ever push you away and wants to leave the marriage?

[@malindakolb5994]

@@drama2u He often said he wanted to run away. But not leave the marriage. He is very loving. He realizes if he runs he takes him with him.

[@drama2u]

@@malindakolb5994 is he better now?

[@Chris-kk6uy]

Thank you so much for this video. I have been diagnosed with severe depression, mood disorder and anxiety. I didn't really understand and all I was doing was taking meds, but not getting the therapy I needed. 7 weeks ago, my wife asked me to leave because she couldn't handle my ups and downs. I didn't realize at the time it was the depression. Your talk helped me a great deal and I sent it to my wife. I pray that she watches it and has a change of heart. I don't want a divorce and I am doing everything I have to do to get treatment for it.....anyway, I am rambling.... Thank you for your video and I've subscribed to your channel.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Chris thank you so much for watching. It is such a journey, but a worthwhile fight. Keep fighting.

[@veronicalagor4771]

I hope you reached out and were vulnerable too. As a spouse in this situation, if my spouse just sent this video without having a full conversation about it, that would be pretty manipulative. It'd feel like he's trying to guilt me back into the relationship because I want to prove I'm not "shallow".

[@nickymooney9424]

Thank you for this. I take everything personally 😅. My husband is the one with anxiety and depression. This was so helpful - especially about CBT for myself. Be at peace with things and not a doormat. Very wise. You are both so lovely.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thank you so much! Glad it connected with you.

[@vickayyyeoo]

Thank you for posting this. The hardest part for me at the moment with my partner is that he cuts me out for months and shows up when he’s better like nothing happened. I don’t love him any less but I feel like when he returns there’s so little of me left.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am sorry for what you are going through. That sounds incredibly difficult.

[@dalive___]

You can see how happy he is that you are very understanding!! This is something beautiful to see

[@cleanclothes]

Thank you for both of you to come and share this so that other couples can benefit from your struggle. And congratulations for going through this still keeping it together. Your love is really strong. Also Lisa, you're an amazing woman! Everything you say has so much love and care I can feel it. It's like a goldmine of good thoughts and quotes.

[@christinejudd1491]

I'm so glad I came across this video, it is such a great positive and useful content for people dealing with mental illness and those on the supporting side. I love how you talk about both sides feelings, the importance of acknowledging them, to disassociate the illness from the person, how to set time for dates to show love, to remind yourself why you love that person, acknowledging that it's hard but we're not alone. I also really love how you compare it to having children and how we treat children, how we always love and care for children no matter what. It's so powerful to see what love can do ❤️

[@5thdimensionliving727]

Such a great video 🙏 Thank you Lisa for sharing your personal experiences. Really appreciate it. So helpful. Talking and regular communication is so important. Your video has given me so many valuable insights to take forward. Bless you all 🙏🙏

[@roxannerodriguez7075]

Wowzers. The part about noise, clutter and tension. My husband and I both have moments of anxiety, depression and I have the wonderful BPD... (Borderline personality disorder.) Then we have 5 kiddos (4 still in the home). We both wound up with addictions, because I really believe we just lost to the mental illness for a while... It was so hard. We're still slowly pulling ourselves up and out. My husband has been struggling recently, so I came looking for videos to remind me of how to help him. I'm soooo thankful for this video. When it's addiction, people wanna just say "kick him to the curb!" But you're statement about "if you had a child in a wheelchair, you wouldn't consider them a burden... You just have to learn how to live and love differently" (something like that 😊) was exactly what I needed to hear. I get to make the choice to dig deep and love him when it's hard. Thank you both so so much. 💜😊

[@ThePossibilityMom]

It is a choice! I am grateful you shared your story with me!

[@Veronica-zn3rh]

Im crying watching this video! there is so much love here! ive never seen your videos but i am so thankful for you guys! thank you for being brave and sharing your life and helping us, sending you a big hug

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Oh thank you Veronica!!!!!!

[@ThePlantas]

Thank you for allowing yourselves to be vulnerable by sharing this. This is really wonderfully helpful.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thank you, so glad it was helpful!

[@AJSMAS18]

This is beautiful to witness ❤️❤️❤️ I commend your love and commitment to each other 🙏

[@wondyclay4312]

I fully agree that reminding a depressed person of their intrinsic preciousness, like that of a "new born" (and reminding youreself of your own) is absolutly necessary for a relationship that is being battered by depresion, to survive. Neither partner can reject theirself and maintain the relationship. This love of self by the spouse without depression is the platform from which that person can show love to the depressed mate. And an intense commited love to the depressed mate is only possible if an intense and commited love of self is present. Thank you for making this video! I was reminded to take things less personaly; and to show love to my bestfriend who has depression, from a heart full of tender love and humble and healthy admiration of self. It made me love her even more :)

[@dinahmiteideas]

Thanks for sharing, I can totally relate to you as I’m the supporter in my marriage.

[@kaaskt]

Thank you guys for taking the time to make this video. It is very much appreciated. 🙏🏾

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Very glad to hear it connected. You are not alone.

[@joshcanning]

You're welcome. Glad to hear.

[@motog717]

Hello Lisa, you are two lovely couple. It is so heart warming to hear you try to understand your husband a lot. 🙏

[@Chicken-ev1ln]

Your videos are really really helpful. They give me hope, honestly. At the start of our relationship we were already open with each other about having depression and anxiety, but only recently did it actually like manifest in our relationship. I’ve been reading articles and watching other videos about how to support a partner with mental illness but honestly your videos were really the only ones that gave me hope and encouragement. I feel like your insights are more concrete and holistic as compared to other ones I’ve come across before. I’m really thankful for your videos, it really helps me in a deeper level.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

mng mng oh thank you so much for watching ❤️❤️❤️

[@nataliegreenham]

Same. We just want people who are depressed to tell us what they need but don’t know what to hear.

[@menelson4475]

I love how you are both so on the same page in how you approach depression - it speaks to the strength of your relationship. It seems as though you had the ability to experience life together before depression showed up. I think my spouse has always been depressed, even before we were together, and neither of us recognized what it was. This makes it challenging, because I don’t know what the “before” looks like - I only get little glimpses of what it could be. I appreciate your suggestions and sharing your strategies. 💜

[@joshcanning]

Hi M&E, I had struggled in the past, before meeting Lisa, but it seemed to not be an issue when we met and fell in love, only surfacing in.a difficult way later. In terms of striving for greater health and finding out what that kind of normal could look like, I guess I would encourage working with a therapist or psychiatrist to deal with any issues, and design your lifestyle in a way that might alleviate stress and draw out joy. I try to build up habits of exercise, eating well, good sleep, sunshine, pleasure reading, prayer, quality time with friends, etc. My wife also encourages me to keep reading books on mental health/mindset strategies, like forming positive thought patterns, and even simple things like smile therapy. Control what you can and go easy on yourself when you fall short of the mark. As the spouse, I would say remind her of the progress you see her making and vocalize observations when you see her having a happy mood. Some thoughts.

[@noveliaimelda]

Just found your channel, Lisa. Just want to give appreciation for you and husband for open up, discuss this kind of thing without limitation. Im hoping the best for you, your life and your family. Hope your channel will continue to grow. Love from Indonesia

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thank you so much!! Glad it connected with you and thanks for the encouragement. We have to talk about these things, right?

[@jowakelin5558]

Smart man to express his feelings so well. Great partner to support him. Thank you . I need insight into how to cope with a man who is going through this. Thank you

[@weiava1]

Thank you for this video. It has opened eyes for dating someone with depression. He is a kind and loving man. And I want to love him better, so thank you for the tips.

[@GeraldDeBelen]

I appreciate this so much. Even before watching this vid, I have been saying to my partner with the approach you suggested. I didn't know that it was the best approach, I was just doing it by heart. Thanks for the reassurance that I am doing it the right way. Many people advise just to let go of the relationship but I believe that my partner needs me so much now more than ever, not because of blackmail or ill intention, but basically because he is practically in need. And leaving him at this point might actually trigger the unthinkable. Hope this video will help more couples dealing with the same situation.

[@zanastrange1878]

Thank you for sharing your experiences and being so vulnerable and open. Very helpful

[@ThePossibilityMom]

You are so welcome, glad it was helpful!

[@AmadeusCraftycraft]

Thank you for sharing your hearts! I sent this to my husband in hopes that he will understand me better.

[@joshcanning]

I hope so too! It's a journey for both, eh? Glad to hear it resonated.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Anna Swanson thank you so much for watching ❤️

[@jodi-anndrummond5339]

Thank you so much! This helps me understand my husband so much better and I will follow your advice, getting outside help. You're awesome!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I'm so glad! Thanks very much ❤❤

[@lilicarepilica1078]

Such a good video! I don't struggle with mental illness neither my husband, however my dad did. He's been feeling really well for the last 10 years or so, but there are always the triggers you mentioned. In his case, he can't deal with crowds or really bad knews. He is so much better now, but there were times when he couldn't even get out of bed. My mom was awesome and always by his side. Your video touched my heart, as reminds me the difficult times we had when he was really sick. Thank you!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Lilica Repilica thank you so much for watching ❤️

[@moniquejackson8635]

Thank you, you really helped me to understand the man i love and how i can be their for him better. And helping me learn about depression.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am so happy it was a help! We have other videos on this topic as well. You are not alone!

[@babysteps09]

Wow, I'm so happy I ran into this channel. I'm struggling so much living with my husband who has major depression. Thank you for your openness and knowledge of this topic. I feel hopeful now and feel I need to make changes of my own to understand my husband better.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Oh I am so glad. We must always cling to hope!

[@gloriaramla8280]

me too dear, its not easy

[@radhikaraj7394]

Thank you for this video I didn’t know there was a community like this on KZbin. It helps a lot! God bless you both :) you’re a light in your husbands life wishing him the best also!

[@joshcanning]

Thanks for the kind words, Radhika! Glad you found support here. Wishing you the best as well :)

[@leewins]

Thank you! I am a husband with depression and anxiety. This was spot on helpful information. God bless you both for sharing.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am so glad it was helpful. God bless you as well! Merry Christmas.

[@Teyros]

This was pure gold. You guys are so great at explaining things, I loved what you said about how you’re both dealing with this separate thing. A separate entity, and not blaming the depressed person for struggling with somthing they didn’t ask to have/ deal with. Brilliant. I hope this helps depressed couples too, I’m not 100% sure my girlfriend is depressed, but there are things he said here that I think would resonate with how she feels. I love her so much, I want to help her more than anything and show her who she really is. Mature love yes!! “In this for the long haul”. 100000%.

[@joshcanning]

Glad to hear it was a help, Taylor. Maybe if you share this video with her it will help her see how much relates to her experience. Best wishes.

[@ragamuffin126]

Beautiful... I love this so much and really needed to hear this! Thank you for sharing ♥️

[@ThePossibilityMom]

You are so welcome, I am glad you found something helpful in it. Wishing you blessings.

[@doomkute]

Thank you very much for sharing these personal stories and feelings. This is truly helpful

[@ThePossibilityMom]

So glad it was helpful!

[@Cat-ri7xu]

Thank you both so much for bravely sharing about this. I am muddling through with a 1 and 3 year old, working from home, and supporting my husband with his recently diagnosed depression. The insights here are so so helpful. I am getting through with God's help but this gives me some more concrete things to try too.

[@joshcanning]

Sorry for the late reply, but glad to hear it resonated, and sorry for the challenges you are dealing with. It hit us with young kids like that. It's kind of scary when it just shows up. But glad this video provided some help and glad that you are able to draw strength from your faith in God as well. If you didn't catch the other one we did about parenting with depression, that one is here. kzbin.info/www/bejne/eZfaoXeKe5Kblbs

[@corlainehughes7007]

So perfect love the newborn analogy raw love

[@GamingwithaTwistTV]

this is the first video where I have found honest raw answers to this part of my life. Everything speaks to me in mays no therapist or counselor has done or could do. Seeing others going through this helps me see that there is hope for my marriage and my husband's mental illness. I have used CBT for my own life and some of the struggles I have had, but rethinking how it could help in approaching my husband and my responses to his illness were something I had never thought about. Thanks.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Ele's World - Gaming With a Twist you are so strong and have so much courage. Thank you for watching ❤️

[@joshcanning]

Glad to hear that it resonated, Ele. There is always hope. Bless you.

[@lorenawieshamm46]

Wow, you guys are legends! So supportive, so loving. My partner and father of my children just told me he doesn't love me anymore and he only cares about me. I get that he is hurt and in a lot of pain but the pain of this breakup sent me into a downward spiral of thoughts. I am feeling better now, supported by a team of professionals and my family/friends. Although the pain of my broken heart is tremendous, at least is not consuming me. I know I will come out the other side eventually. Your story resonated a lot with me, thank you so much for sharing!! And congratulations on building such resilience in your marriage... you are an inspiration and I hope one day o will be loved this way. With the good and the bad, in sickness and in health....You two are amazing!💕💕💕💕

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Lorena Wieshamm I am so sorry for your trials ❤️❤️❤️I am so glad you found the support you need

[@joshcanning]

Thank you for the encouraging words, Lorena. Sorry for the pain you have been experiencing. Glad to hear that this offered some support. You are worthy of love.

[@markcafebrown2883]

Wow I just came across your channel. In year 11 of my 14 year marriage to my wife we were hit w/my wife’s suppressed trauma memories. We had no idea she had past trauma. She has CPTSD and wow it’s so extra hard I believe because her trauma was in a past relationship. I love my wife unconditionally and tell her I love her and I’m never leaving her. Because the trauma came from a past abusive relationship she still has some trust issues with our marriage. Each passing month and year I believe we are headed for such a strong marriage. What hurt me was all I did was want to be there for her and she didn’t want me there at one point. Just keep loving the person and working together to control the symptoms of the mental illness and separate the person from the mental illness

[@Ehcuada]

Thank you for having this honest and vulnerable conversation! I pray God continues to bless and keep you both ♥️🙏🏽

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thank you very much, I pray God blesses you as well!

[@ngozi5687]

Wow, this video was incredible. 😢 Thank you so much for creating this video, and for doing this together as couple. So much to take away, I took good notes. And I definitely teared up at the end when Josh thanked those that support their partners with mental illness. God Bless you both for what you are sharing with the world, and may He continue to bless your marriage and well being.

[@joshcanning]

Thanks so much for the comment and God bless you too! We are planning to start to do more content on this topic and it’s great to hear that it resonates. We really want to offer support to people like you in the supporting role. Pretty soon we will be doing so from a channel called Persevere Together. Anyways thanks again and bless you for your support.

[@Colettebailey1111]

Lisa I’ve just found this video and it’s so helpful. Thankyou so much. My partner has been really struggling for 2 years and has just reached out and got help, as I think he’s finally hit rock bottom. I’m struggling because he’s currently staying with his parents, saying he needs time to get better and he thinks if he just comes home he’ll slip back into putting a face on and pretending he’s ok. I find it difficult to be so supportive when I feel like he’s walked away from all his responsibilities.xxx

[@kiaram9391]

You and I are in same place I think mentally. He’s been with his mom. But like we have bills and responsibilities and it’s home, feel almost abandoned

[@LifeHacks_Central]

Hey, sending you a virtual hug! I watched your video on loving a depressed spouse, and it hit close to home. It's tough, right? But know that you're not alone in this journey. Your honesty and empathy shine through, and I'm grateful for the support and understanding you're spreading. Keep being amazing

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thanks so much for the kind and encouraging words! Let’s keep encouraging each other on the journey ❤️

[@yeseniareyes538]

Thank you for sharing this, it’s so helpful ❤️

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Glad it was helpful!

[@lwbdragon]

Lisa and Josh appreciate your video my girlfriend has bad depression and i just learning about and trying to figure out how to be there for her better. Both of you are awesome for sharing

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Hi Lon, so glad to hear it has helped. I hope she is able to find hope in this difficult situation. Sounds like you're a great boyfriend and friend to her.

[@rachelweis8175]

Your videos on mental illness have helped me SO much! ❤️. I feel like your comparison to your husband’s illness to a newborn speaks to women, because we are truly nurturers and our qualities of nurturing and love are SO important in our role as a spouse and mother 💕

[@ThePossibilityMom]

That's a really interesting insight! Thanks for sharing that, it's a great point. And glad that the videos have been a help. Blessings.

[@lolgirl123rice]

Thank you! This video is so helpful! I am in a newer relationship with someone struggling with depression. And it’s starting to become more and more evident. I’ve been trying to just push it off for a while, but I’ve realized I can’t and I need to be there to help them, but also stay in one piece myself! And this video is so helpful! I’m praying to marry this person because I already know I love them so much, but I need this wisdom now as having them as a dating partner and forever!

[@joshcanning]

So glad to hear that this brought some insight. Best wishes to you and your loved one.

[@AlisonPerfater]

me too ❤️ i’d love if we prayed for each other!

[@anitai.nielsen8471]

Dear Lisa, thank you for help others by sharing your thoughts. I'm a mom of 3 very small kid's and with a husband with mental illness and I'm losing hope and I'm so angry... But it helps to hear your point of view. I'm not ready to give up my anger yet, I'm to Said but just listing to you and your husband gives me hope. Thank you so much! Anita from Denmark ♥️

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Dear Anita, I am so glad that it has brought some hope. You are not alone!!!

[@naftaliayukabredyaamara5428]

I would say thank you for this video. My boyfriend has chronic depression too. Every month has episodes of it and it can be said to be more than 2 weeks a month. It has been tiring for both of us. Plus, we live in different countries so physical quality time isn't possible. Talking through phone and video don't help much either. He feels like he's surrounded by toxic people in the family, at work, etc. But i can't really help. I keep suggesting things to him like find a distraction, a breather, i also always remind him of who he is how he always was. But he's always being defensive and saying i want easy fix everytime. It hit me deeply tbh because I'm struggling with something else too that I'm trying my best not to make it a burden for him because i know how he already has it rough. But being accused that way just snapped me. I didn't mean for an easy fix, but at least when we're apart from each other he'd find a way to help himself to go through it. He expects me to listen, i listen, he expects ne to respond, i respond, he expects me to give him advice, i give it to him, but in the end it's always my fault for not being able to handle it all. It's just crazy. He even told me our relationship is starting to get boring. I think that's the real turning point for me. Being with someone who has chronic mental illness is definitely not for me. I'm done trying because i'm also starting to lose myself due to it. But with this video, i hope there would me many other couples hold on to each other and get helped. It's not for everyone, but do your best. Thank you.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thank you for your honesty. I pray you guys both find peace and healing

[@ainsleyrawlings5602]

Can you make a video on how to help kids deal with a parent's mental illness? Thank you for this video 💜

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Ainsley Rawlings that is a great idea.

[@joshcanning]

This is a great idea.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Ainsley we hit on an aspect of your idea in a recent video, but probably could say more later. Our kids are still young so we haven't dealt in great depth on the topic with them. One day we will probably have a lot to say. What have you learned? And that other video, by the way is here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/eZfaoXeKe5Kblbs

[@stefonpalinic5559]

This is wonderful because most relationships today mean nothing. They are fake meaningless fun then suffering and that it . It’s always good to see people who actually care for one another.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Belated thank you for this comment. ♥

[@denise_abe]

Some really good info and tips to apply. I’m looking forward to watching more of your videos and learning how to become a more patient, supportive and understanding wife to my husband who developed a severe case of depression and anxiety after we got married. We had a very different relationship together before marriage. He was more social, easy going, adventurous, motivated and positive. Now after we got married, it’s the opposite and something shifted, as if there is more pressure for him and he can’t handle it. I do think he gets into his head and overthinks things, then gets anxious which can be disabling for him to do simple tasks on a daily basis then that becomes depressing for him. He isolates himself for long periods of time (sometimes all day) which upsets me and builds resentment because I just want to be around him, love him and help him. I’m hoping we can manage these challenges better to get back to a more loving and collaborative marriage. ♥️ TY for your videos.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am glad that you have found some value in them. I hope that he can watch and see if he identifies with it. It is an ongoing learning experience to live with these issues.

[@zanastrange1878]

I’m listening to you both again as I need to. Since the last time I visited you, I have been listening to Therapist Marissa Peer and Relationship Therapist Esther Perel. They can really help as well! they are really helping me. You 2 are so amazing: thank you for sharing this vulnerability with the world.

[@joshcanning]

Thanks for the kind words! Glad it has been a help. Bless you.

[@ASMinor]

I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and spoken word performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my KZbin channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates. 💙❤

[@hannahangelaguadalupe6562]

Exactly what I am going through right now and this video helped me so much. Thank you for sharing your story. My husband is currently depressed and he turned full 180. It seems like he is a different person. I kinda resonated with you when you said you didn't know what depression was. I was pushing the wrong buttons. But glad to be able to see these kinds of videos. Makes me sooo hopeful. Thank you and God bless you both. 💖

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am so glad it was a help! Hang in there. We have been trying for a while to make new videos on this topic on a new channel. Stay tuned. God bless you.

[@denisemills5572]

This was raw, mature and educational, thank you 🙏

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am very happy that it was a help!

[@rachelb9834]

This was so extremely helpful and encouraging♥️ thank you for sharing!!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am so glad it was helpful!

[@mallorieluciano6009]

I needed to watch this today. Thank you. I'm currently going through this with my partner. He's in the beginning stages of identifying his mental illness. And its been so hard.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am glad it was a help, and I am sorry to hear that. It is so hard, but there is hope. We have some other videos on this topic that may be of help as well.

[@clementm9161]

You're a treasure. It's so beautiful to see such genuine people. If I could cry, I would. Being depressed feels like you're never good enough for anything and it can be hard to accept love from someone. I've never even tried to find love because of that and I'm 25. I'm starting to feel really lonely, sad and hopeless.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

You are not alone ♥️

[@TheMeka1497]

This is absolutely perfect advice. My husband went through a breakdown last year, it was so hard for both of us. But wow, when I see how close God stuck by us through absolutely every second. My gratitude for the Lord is bigger than it ever has been, as well as my faith and hope in Him! The situation also empowered my position as a Godly wife - I really have come to understand who God wants me to be in my position. It’s been awesome and I am so grateful, even though it was awful and terrible - God exists in every part - he is Awesome !!!!

[@jazzminchapman4283]

I believe it's a Blessing I just found your video. Thank you so much for sharing ❤️

[@ThePossibilityMom]

You are so welcome and I am glad it was a blessing :)

[@anthonyquinn5927]

Thank you for sharing you life challenges!!!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

You're welcome. Glad it resonated with you.

[@roneedarby1746]

Thank you for sharing your story and ideas and experiences. God bless you and your family🙏🏾🙌🏾😇🙌🏾🙏🏾

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thank you! God bless you too!

[@monicadewit4281]

Oh my goodness!! Josh and Lisa, the two of you are so beautiful together!! ❤❤ Thank you for this video.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thank you so much!!

[@j.jruiiz530]

I am so glad I stumbled upon your videos I have realize that a lot of people don’t speak about their spouses depression especially when it’s the husband . Finally my husband asked for marriage counseling but I asked for him to go to counseling separate from me . Its clear that he is going through a lot and he needs help . He agreed thankfully but today I’m going to buy a calendar and set the days of the weeks or the month where we can schedule a day for him, a day for me, a day for us, and a day for the family. I have realize that we need to work on reliving the pressure that is triggering him. Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

[@ThePossibilityMom]

WOW WOW WOW thank you for sharing this and please let me know how it goes!!!!!!

[@s.d.9391]

Loved this video. Thank you so much, very inspiring, very emotional! My ex has (most probably) borderline personality disorder. She got depression over time too. She has a problem with spontanous, uncontrolled lies, and what I hardly could cope with is her emotianal instability that lead her to be towards me like "I hate you, don't leave me". Our joint life was a roller coaster ride. She accepted to go to seek help more than a year ago, and invited me to join her in order to learn better about her mental illness and what she struggels with. I did not have the emotional strenght and the trust towards her to accept her offer. I experienced too much hurt during our marriage, confusion caused by her irrational behaviour, and a terrible separation phase where she filed for a separation with false allegations, at the same time telling me not to accept it and that she wants me back. All of it was totally weird, I was totally confused, and since then I'm keeping a safe distance to her. Nevertheless, after some reasearch, I better understand now that she suffered in the past and still suffers more than I probably can imagine, and I more and more believe that it is not her and her geniune motivation to hurt me, but her mental illness that caused all the trouble, essentially I'm striving to make the differentiation that you emphasize in your video. Thanks again for the video & all the best!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thanks for watching, and glad to hear that you are getting increased clarity on a very difficult situation.

[@koolhwhip2957]

I have BPD and yes it’s not her. BPD is like a chaotic demon “possessing” her. If you love her and sounds like she is trying then please give her a chance.

[@hannap8052]

I've been dealing with depression for years, it breaks my heart that I'm such a burden, I wish my boyfriend would find someone else

[@joshcanning]

You're not a burden. You feel like you are, but you are not.

[@Cam_and_Kalee]

Me and my fianceé have been going through this and I am on the perspective of not having a mental illness. The truth is that i care for her so much and no matter what happens she is never a burden and I love her to the moon and back. Your boyfriend loves you and the last thing he needs is to leave you. He can be there for you when you need him. Throw him words and he will figure out what you are trying to say.

[@bd-ps1gn]

You are worthy of love. I have a friend with depression and she feels like she is burden. It is not easy but when you love someone you stay with them through hard days.

[@chantalekilley4219]

I have loved people with depression, and it was no different than loving anyone else. A person is a complex entity! Your depression is not all of who you are. When i love a person, i love all of them - all the ways they express themselves and relate to the world. It's a tricky thing to talk about - i'm not trying to say i loved THEIR ILLNESS.... but i loved THEM, just them just as they were. Maybe... THROUGH their illness would be the best way to say it? It was the furthest thing from them being a burden, even though they - like you - expressed feeling that way. I think that is part of the depression talking, and I can love right through it!

[@sabinamadill7078]

I just got pushed away from EVERYONE who cared about me. EVERYONE. Boyfriend, friends, family. You lucky if people in your life don’t make you feel like a burden. I got told I am a narcissistic, selfish burden, whose too broken and I can only fix myself, NO ONE is going to help me or wants to be around me. Some of us will end up in a women’s shelter or ending our lives. I’ve been told I SHOULD just kill myself, because I’m sick of being around you. I’ve done tons of therapy, it’s that the people in my life won’t help me with real life stuff that triggers all of this.

[@tparentful]

This is so helpful, thanks for sharing ❤️

[@joshcanning]

Glad to hear it was a help! Best.

[@jowakelin5558]

Like what josh says in that he acknowledges how it’s hard for the partner to support a person with mental illness. I’m a single mum with kids and to get an insight into the male view point is so very valuable- please keep going. I need support in this

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am so sorry for what you have been through. I am glad that this has brought some insight. May God bless you and your kids and bring you strength.

[@abigailgonzalez5927]

I love this video so much. I suffer from severe depression and have tried taking meds and sometimes they don’t feel to do much for me. I admire your husband for being so vulnerable but also I admire you for sticking by him. I always feel like a burden to my fiancé and like I’m not loved or good enough

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! I know that my husband would relate to what you are feeling in those moments. You are more than your depression.

[@youtubaddicter]

I needed this. So much. Thank you.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

So glad to hear it was a help. Blessings.

[@mgreenway1881]

oh my... just found this video and so glad i did. i found myself completing your husbands sentances i knew what he was going to say because everything was spot on for my current struggle. So here i sit excited with my boyfriend to take on this journey and learn to find the beauty and love within. THANK YOU i havent found a video that helped us like yours did. Many blessings

[@ThePossibilityMom]

You are so welcome! We are working on more resources for married couples dealing with this issue. Wishing you all the best.

[@kellyimath]

This is such a profound video ❤

[@catbee1452]

Oh my, I needed this video so much. Even though my husband is not willing to be evaluated and get help, I can say, without a doubt, he is clinically depressed. And what worsens all of this, is that I have fallen into a depression as a result. Each day is painful as my husband is completely unmotivated to do anything and his affect is so flat. He will not, or can not, acknowledge when I've been crying ( and I'm an ugly crier so its obvious) or when I'm at a very low. He's just not there; lights are on, but nobody's home. We've been married for 42 years and depression feels a lot more hopeless when you're older.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thank you for sharing your story with me and know you are not alone ❤️

[@creciendoyina8012]

You are such a great couple. You definitely gave me hope. My husband has been suffering from depression for two years now, and sometimes I feel like I don’t know what else to do. It is difficult and most of the time I feel anxious myself, and that all this is holds me back. We have been together for 12 years and I really want to see him happy again. We learned many things through other peoples experiences and specialist we found online. I feel I ran out of resources so I just convinced him to see a phycologist and I’m participating with him on session. I really hope this help us. Thank you for this wonderful video.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

It sounds like you are tackling this head on together, and that is HUGE! Good for you guys. Hang in there, it's a journey. Glad you enjoyed the video.

[@vbaby1997]

This helped me so much Lisa! Thank you so much ❤️❤️

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am so glad that it was helpful! 💟💟

[@avagardner4619]

I feel like your very right about anxiety craving control. Disorders related to anxiety like eating disorders are characterized by acting in a way to exercise control of your life when you feel like you don’t have that. Thank you so much for this video - it means a lot to me during a difficult time ❤️

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am so glad to hear that you found it helpful! Hang in there. There is always hope.

[@themetaphysicalwitch3570]

I just want to thank you. My husband has been really struggling. And he refuses to go to drs and get help. We both struggle with anxiety and depression. He has helped me change my mindset and i got on meds and I improved greatly. But my husband refuses medical help and insists he is okay. But I know he isn’t. He has lost interest and that fun loving attitude is all but gone. I want to thank you both for being so open and I’m so glad I found your video. Cuz I have never truly been on the other side. Definitely subscribing. ❤️

[@ThePossibilityMom]

The Metaphysical Witch I honestly never thought we would be either ❤️ there is always hope!

[@joshcanning]

Glad to hear that it resonated with you! Best.

[@vidushipundir1665]

Thank you so much for creating authentic content like this loads and loads and load of love ❤🙏

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thank you! I am glad it was useful.

[@dizzelytshorts354]

Your reference to how you would handle the situation with a disabled child really hit home to me. That is so true. Good analogy. Thank you for being so genuine and transparent about your personal experience. Keep sharing your story. It has helped me and will help so many others! ❤️

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Dawn D I am so glad this was helpful ❤️

[@hilarykey8189]

My husband has dysthymia - chronic low-grade depression. Worked so hard for so many years to be of help without saying the wrong thing. I’m the only one to ever set up travel or dates. It’s profoundly exhausting, eroding my well-being over time. I’ve focused on self-care to a huge degree, but it’s lonely. It’s rough being married to someone who can never feel joy.

[@ermygurl]

Yeah I think with the ankle example too Like if the other person just saw you that way “Oh she just limps all the time. That’s just how she walks.” That’s something that happens a lot too Like people will say you’re a negative person when you’re not actually a negative person Like you can have negative moments but some people who are very optimistic can’t get their mind, opinion, and feelings to match up You can “know better” but still not feel better