Spouse with mental illness? Answering your questions, with Josh Canning

[@ThePossibilityMom]

We finally listened to the requests and started a community on Locals where we can keep this conversation going. Please join us there! perseveretogether.locals.com/

[@1noorsyed]

These are fantastic videos going a long way to helping people and ultimately entire societal view on depression. Great work Lisa and Josh - well done. My wife has been struggling with depression on and off and it has recently gotten much worse. She has been talking about pushing me away and taking a "break" from being married but then is constantly mentioning how much she loves me. In that situation, I am worried that she may want to actually break up and leave the marriage. We have been together 10 years and have not had any apparent/major marital issues

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am so sorry to hear that you guys are having a rough battle as of late. We did start a new channel where we talk on this specific topic in the hopes of helping married couples persevere through these hard times. Give it a look and see if there is anything there that you can share with your wife. Sometimes we might push people away when we see ourselves as a burden to them. Keep letting your wife know that you want to be with her forever and that despite the hard times you would choose her again and again and again. I hope you are both able to find hope in these trying circumstances. www.youtube.com/@perseveretogether

[@mandydiedrich-zd1be]

This is the first you tube video that has truly been helpful. I started crying on the first question. All of this is hard and I struggle w taking things personally. We only have been married a year. My stepson passed away last year which has been really hard for him and myself. I even work in mental health and feel like a complete failure because I can't figure out how to be there for him. I'm exhausted from doing it all on my own and struggle with that part too. I miss my husband so much and don't know what to do to help anymore. His anger is directed at me always. Never thought it would b like this. I love him so very much and just don't know where to go w this. Yes I have a therapist and so does he. He is also on meds.

[@joshcanning]

Mandy I am revisiting our videos and seeing your comment for the first time. I am so sorry for the burdens you have been carrying. I hope that things have improved since you commented. 🙏

[@dena5558]

Thank you for taking the time to do make this and answer so many questions. I loved the point of unconditional love. I only wish he believed that I did love him unconditionally and that the mental illness and struggles don’t define him or our relationship. I just keep showing him love and grace and praying.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Never give up hope Dena!!!!!!

[@ItsaMe444]

Thanks to both of you. A friend of mine (who I love very dearly and who is actually more than a friend to me) suffers very seriously, and this is helping me to understand his suffering. It will help me to be a better friend and to love and support him in a better way. It encourages me to be stronger and to be an adult. For me and for him ❤

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Belated thank you for your comment!

[@stephanieferguson5999]

Thankyou for being open and honest about your journey with mental illness. You both have helped me so much with your wisdom and witness of unconditional love for each other! God bless you!

[@joshcanning]

Praise God, so glad to hear that. God bless you, too!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Stephanie Ferguson thank you Stephanie ❤️

[@tiffanyt3368]

I love seeing you guys together! I'm not married, but I am seeing someone who is going thru depression/anxiety. It can feel extremely tough in the moment especially how to react cause my instinct is to correct them. I struggle with "expectations" like I really love to socialize and that person may not want to for weeks even months. Or they even limit who they socialize so, it can feel very lonely. He does not like to acknowledge that he's depressed because I feel like he's ashamed by it so I do my best to give space and kind of observe what his wants and needs is and enjoy my own company cause I can't help anyone but myself.

[@joshcanning]

Thanks for the comment, Tiffany, and sorry to hear of the challenges. If the relationship turns into a longer term thing and leads to marriage it is good to start talking about these things now. The extent that he is willing to talk about it, however difficult, would be an important consideration regarding the long term viability of the relationship. Prayers and best wishes.

[@tiffanyt3368]

@@joshcanning Thank you!

[@bernadettedietrich6429]

Thank you for taking the time to talk about this. I felt the Holy Spirit speaking thru the two of you through out the video . God bless your family!

[@joshcanning]

Wow, praise God! Thanks for sharing that. God bless you, too!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Bernadette Dietrich thank you so much ❤️

[@noricoleman8988]

So important to talk about this openly! I had post partum depression after my 6th child. Hormones, brain chemicals are real and we need to have more dialogue on this topic especially in this fast paced stressful society we live in. So many people are self medicating today with alcoho or improper drugs etc. instead of getting real helpful therapy or prescribed medicines. Too much stigma attached still.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Yes I agree- stigma has no place!

[@thetruthshallsetyoufree5092]

I'm so blessed to have found you both. You're an inspiration and I agree that there is always hope. The freedom to respond to any situation. YES! I love your rubber band analogy. That's exactly my husband and me.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thank you so much! I am glad you found the content helpful.

[@janikahbrice3298]

It's the oxytocin, the "bonding" hormone that's release during sex and cuddling. This helps with improving moods. This was an amazing and very helpful conversation. Thank you both!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

That makes sense! And glad it was helpful!

[@romcallis]

Dealing with a mentally ill spouse can be extremely difficult. I chose to honor my marital vows and do what it takes to make her as comfortable as possible. She is one in the minority who refuses treatment because she does not acknowledge her illness. I’m a Christian so that helps. There’s always hope through God and God gives you the power to do amazing things. You have to figure it out and apply yourself.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

There is always hope, amen.

[@adriannag8101]

Thank you so much for your videos. Thank God for you. I needed this today. Please keep making videos like this. You are being honest and not skirting the very real issues associated with this. I’m so thankful for you!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am grateful for you! Thank you so much

[@ambergreen6714]

Thank u so much. And thank u for sharing it all because I'm trying to learn to be helpful and understand what I need to do for my love.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

You are so welcome

[@ambergreen6714]

​@Lisa Canning can u share the quote u have in ur room again

[@sarahjpeters]

I am so so so grateful for these videos and you both being willing to talk about this stuff!!! Thank yous so much!!!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thank you so much for watching!

[@aime3737]

Your channel is such a blessing to me. Thank you

[@ThePossibilityMom]

You are so welcome

[@nadirhossainsaifullah2467]

These two souls have deep rooted happiness. 🇧🇩🇧🇩🇧🇩🇧🇩

[@anthonyparke5561]

You are both amazing and inspiring. Thank you so much

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Our pleasure! So glad it was useful

[@camilleortegaaa]

I really needed this. Praise God.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I am glad it was a help. Praise God indeed! Wishing you blessings.

[@s.d.9391]

Thank you for sharing your experiences and thoughts. Very inspiring. Wish you all the best.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Thank you so much!

[@shainashaina7528]

Thank you so much for your videos, I wish you both happiness, strength, and abundance ❤

[@joshcanning]

Thanks very much! Bless you.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Shaina Shaina thank you so much ❤️

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Do you have a question you'd like us to cover in a future video?

[@cssruth]

Thank you both. What do you do if your depressed spouse doesn't want physical intimacy? I know he needs to be loved and I'm trying to show him in other ways while still being respectful that he isn't interested. I would feel like I'm abusing him if I tried to persuade him to be sexual intimate right now. He is struggling with some lies depression is telling him. Specifically "I'm ment to be alone, I've been pretending to love you for the last 15 years and because of that I'm a bad person it would be better if I was dead."

[@barragansl]

I was doing my best to help my husband during his depression, and he would tell me he wasn’t sure if he loved me or even if he married me for the right reasons. In the midst of that he ended up cheating on me. How can I care for him and his mental health when now infidelity is added to the equation? How can we get through this. Depression is hard enough, now trust issues, what’s the priority or who

[@PuppyLoverPUPPYSROCK]

Thank you for taking the time to make these videos and being so honest. I’m currently trying to love my significant other with depression and I need to know, from your perspective, how do you approach having a boundary setting conversation or a conversation concerning the needs/wants of the relationship when the spouse with depression refuses to communicate with you? He will speak to a therapist but won’t have conversations with me about things directly affecting our relationship.

[@shannonallen1697]

Id love your point of you both. Thank you

[@shannonallen1697]

Be more confident. Get comfortable with being uncumfortable and let down those walls. You two are amazing ♥️ You should spread of love across the world.

[@rlewis0909]

Extremely helpful ‼️ Thank you

[@ThePossibilityMom]

I'm very glad it was helpful! Blessings.

[@brotherinarvroger9990]

Thank You Josh!!!!

[@joshcanning]

Hey you're welcome brother, glad it was a help!

[@PuppyLoverPUPPYSROCK]

Thank you for taking the time to make these videos and being so honest. I’m currently trying to love my significant other with depression and I need to know, from your perspective, how do you approach having a boundary setting conversation or a conversation concerning the needs/wants of the relationship when the spouse with depression refuses to communicate with you? He will speak to a therapist but won’t have conversations with me about things directly affecting our relationship.

[@joshcanning]

Hi Kira, so sorry for the late reply. That sounds incredibly hard. It's good that he is in therapy but if he is refusing to communicate with you, would he be open to speaking in the presence of the therapist about these things? i.e. couples therapy? That's all I can think of because if he refuses to communicate it's like refusing to have a relationship. I hope things have improved since you commented.

[@hjanes16]

Lisa, Josh, do you think that the depression has ever or could ever cause Josh to say he's not in love? Doesn't have the energy to reciprocate love? Has he ever pushed away in that way?

[@sunni9403]

I would like to know too....currently going through this with my husband.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

Hi Heidi. In my experience, Josh has withdrawn. There have been times where he has not felt worthy of love, to use his expression. And there have definitely been times where he has been in bed for days unable to function. But- there have also been MORE days than those, where he has been able to come out of the fog, MORE days where he has been vibrant and able to express his love and believe in himself. Depression can make a person not remember who they are- so in these moments, try to remember his vision of his self worth is skewed- and try to remind him of who he really is.

[@ThePossibilityMom]

@@sunni9403 see my message to Heidi ❤️ cling to hope, it helps so much ❤️❤️❤️

[@hjanes16]

@@ThePossibilityMom Thanks so much Lisa!

[@perseverance9888]

@@ThePossibilityMom thanks Lisa! I'm a Christian and just wanted to know how much you believe medicine has played a positive role in helping depression. Thanks in advance and much prayers and God's love to you both!!

[@Manyhailmarysatatime]

That first question wow! How do you help your spouse when you need help yourself?!

[@ThePossibilityMom]

One Hail Mary At a time hey friend. I know- it is a serious dance sometimes. But one that I know can be done, and done well ❤️

[@amishapatel2234]

What do we do when my depressed spouse is angry all the time?

[@sanemonk1]

Same question

[@ih8987]

Thanks for making videos about mentalilness❤

[@ThePossibilityMom]

You're so welcome! Thanks for watching.

[@Weird-isolation]

I looked up depression in a relationship and you guys came up. Im wondering how I can help my partner understand me and my mental illness more without thinking that I'm just trying to get attention or feel pity?

[@ThePossibilityMom]

That's a really important question. It's worth discussing in depth in a future video, but in brief I would say that it won't help your relationship by not shedding as much light on it as possible. There is another video we did that you could maybe share it with your partner and see if he is willing to watch it with a drink one evening and discuss. kzbin.info/www/bejne/n4rRn5mYg7N4gpI

[@shannonallen1697]

You two are a beautiful couple. I'm the women how is mentally ill and idk how to....fix me

[@shannonallen1697]

What if you don't have healthcare on America, and my husband can't stand my rightly unruly behavior?

[@ananeixon]

How do you approach the conversation of ‘I think there is happening something and you may need some help’ when they don’t see it or don’t want to accept it...

[@ThePossibilityMom]

It is a hard conversation to have. Sometimes it takes a while for someone to accept what is happening. My husband was a bit surprised when friends reflected to him that he didn't seem as happy at his current job as the previous one, or a close friend telling him, "You're not trapped." This helped him realize that other people were seeing something that he wasn't seeing. Perhaps it is reflecting something like, "You haven't seemed like yourself for a while. Do you want to talk about that?" Or something similar. Realizing something is actually happening will have to take place before seeking help for it, and he may need to hear it from more than one person.

[@denisefan719]

Just wondering if Josh takes medication and if you could share what has worked for you guys in terms of medication. Thanks

[@joshcanning]

Hi Denise. Yes, I take an SSRI. I wouldn't say it fixed everything but it seems to have a positive effect. I would ask your doctor about whether he or she thinks that it makes sense for your case.

[@denisefan719]

@@joshcanning Thank you very much for being so open. And love your KZbin channel. It's invaluable.

[@joshcanning]

@@denisefan719 You're welcome! And thanks :) Blessings.

[@ohemaatv4617]

Does he sometimes push u away by saying he don’t want the marriage anymore

[@ThePossibilityMom]

He does not. But I know that he sometimes feels that all life is such a struggle that I would be better off without him, and another person might verbalize the same thing that way. Sorry to hear what you are going through.

[@banritongwah3166]

Sorry for my curiosity but can I ask you how did your spouse get the illness?

[@ThePossibilityMom]

He attributes it to past experience of depression, a difficult job, and other stressors. But it is hard to pin it down to one thing.

[@banritongwah3166]

@@ThePossibilityMom thank you very much for your time, I adore you for your strong support to help the one you love so much but for me its opposite because my husband is mentally ill just because he is doing marjuana, nevertheless I have try my best to help him but being a mother of 8 kids below 12 years old,and dealing with financial problem is hardwork, I give up on him, I am truly sorry for him as I have love him so much but he is a problem especially for my children,he is a threat to them to be honest he cause emotional abuse and sometime physical abuse both for me,am I doing something wrong I wonder what I do because his relatives says I dump him mercilessly can you say anything about my situation I cannot forgive myself