"My story growing up and leaving Hasidism" | In Conversation with Eli Benedict

[@Fitzgeehhsksl]

Freeda is vary intelligent. I left the hasidic community completely 2 years ago, as a 21 year old guy. and everyone is saying something must have happened to me badly, If not, I wouldn't leave. 😂 May god help everyone, especially the people who leave who are going through a vary difficult period after leaving. 🙏 Please make more podcasts like this . It's the only place where I can listen and feel I'm not alone.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

amen, amen, amen!

[@annabizaro-doo-dah]

You should try connecting with ex cult/ex fundamentalist group members. You'd be surprised how much we have in common. How much you'll learn about yourself. Truly. We are a family❤ Especially those of us who are shunned by family and/or the community we grew up with. Everything we ever knew.

[@Fitzgeehhsksl]

@@annabizaro-doo-dah you have link ? I can't find it

[@anonymousanonymous-qx7mv]

I don't think you'd feel alone if you actually investigated deep down why you left. When a person finds truth in his actions,he feels empowered and not alone. It's when he doubts his actions that he feels the need for validation and company in his crime. There is nothing outside of yiddishkeit that is beneficial or will serve you well in the long term. Hashem put you where you needed to be and gave you ( and all of us) challenges to overcome in that bubble he placed you. Freedom is not without discipline, it is only the discipline THAT ACTUALLY SETS YOU FREE! And that is a thought to contemplate. Hashem specifically made the wise choices for us out of ALL THE CHOICES YOU THINK ARE AVAILABLE...so you don't have to bother figuring out what's best. His Infinite WISDOM and kindness bestowed a gift upon you, that you don't appreciate at the moment..and that's where you need help. Hatzlacha. May Hashem bring clarity into focus. He loves you. Never forget.

[@anonymousanonymous-qx7mv]

@@annabizaro-doo-dah Judaism is NOT A CULT NOR FUNDAMENTALIST..it is a G-d given... Thank you kindly.

[@chetanjoshi2159]

Frieda ur very honest. Thank u for interview. God bless this gentleman

[@billducker7404]

Eli what a brave young man giving such a moving testimony and you are wonderful interviewer sensitive and empathetic to Eli. You are a great listener MayHaShem bless and heal you both Frieda. Thank you. Bill. Uk 🙏🇬🇧🇺🇸

[@Galuppi728]

Wow, this was really deep, and very sensitive. Thank you, Eli, for sharing. I pray your son will look you up when he's older & the bond will be like it was always there. In the meantime, so glad God has given you a family with someone you share so much of the same passions with. Certainly a match made in heaven.

[@lyndaalterio1027]

Thank you, Frieda, for bringing Eli back on again! I thoroughly enjoyed your segment with Eli in Israel - and now am so happy to see him again!!!

[@lystein1070]

Once again a lovely interview. I just want to object to one point which was made about marriage being not for love, but for building a family. As a Hassidic woman, who is married for 30+ years and has married children, it is very much the desire of us the parents for our children to have an happy and loving marriage. The difference is that we accept that falling in love comes post nuptials, and not before. The parents, if they are good healthy minded people will look for the person who will make their child the happiest

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Yeah that makes a lot of sense!

[@missiris1234]

May Eli have a beautiful life whatever passions he chooses to pursue. He is very bright young man!

[@cherrepository5787]

What a beautiful conversation!! Thank you both.

[@elisabethm9655]

Thank you, Frieda for bringing Eli to us in a more personal way. He’s had an amazing journey so far…his derech is unique and it’s good that he’s so open. There’s a growing crossover community of those who are ‘going out’ of strictly religious life and also those ‘coming in’ to a new and living expression of Jewishness. Living in Tzfat, I see many people who are deeply connecting spiritually, explorative religiously, yet not part of a particular Chassidus.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Sounds amazing!

[@renag9475]

A beautiful interview with a marvelous sensitive man. I must comment on how very sad A beautiful interview with a marvelous sensitive man. I wonder how much his bride was told beforehand about his curiosity and testing limits, and if they were even able to discuss these things after the marriage. I must comment on how very sad the amount of power a school principal can have and the wish to protect "important" individuals. I believe no community is entirely free of this. There must be efforts from within a community to abolish abuse and I'm very gratified to hear evidence of that change and his continued involvement.

[@chavkon526]

Wonderful interview with so many insights. Thank you Eli and Frieda, you are both special people with hearts of gold.

[@jillclark6076]

That shop was bursting with treasures. So fun to come along! Excited to see your next round of home decorations.

[@karlakh]

I love these long interviews, thank you once again.

[@trudetonning8613]

"Don't give advices." Best advice ever! Let people find there own way. Thank you both for a really interesting episode ❤

[@joemoore9066]

This is such a wonderful interview ! I enjoyed the video from before the horrific events in Oct. It's nice to have a more intimate "look" at his life.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Yeah, looking back at that video makes me feel better. It was a sweeter time. Now it feels like everywhere I go there is anger and resentment to the Jews. 💔

[@joemoore9066]

I agree the world was changed in October. The media seems to forget quickly who started this how many innocent people were killed. Keep up the wonderful videos. You are changing hearts and minds !

[@VioletACordy]

🌳🩵💙🩵😇🩵💙🩵💙🌳🌳🌳💙🩵💙🩵🌳🌳🌳@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn

[@carolinospelt2932]

Thank you, very interesting and a pleasure to see Eli once again!

[@devorahfriedman7502]

Lovely interview! Really enjoyed it. Thank you Frieda!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thank you Deborah!

[@mariamd2243]

Such a delightful guy

[@fran4636]

❤❤❤❤ to both of you, thank you for the interview!

[@joemoore9066]

Thanks!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thank you sooooo much Joe!

[@alexandervanlohen4229]

Thank you so much for this interview! It’s heartbreaking to hear what Eli had to go through since he is one of the kindest souls I have ever seen. God bless you and your family, I hope your first son will be with you very soon and this disgusting teacher will end in hell. It´s amazing that you are still such a wonderful and kind person after everything what happened to you. You deserve the best!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thank you for this comment. Eli is a beautiful soul and it was surprising and heartbreaking to hear his story and the pain he holds.

[@kp8740]

Thank you again -always such interesting people and interviews.

[@jillclark6076]

This was a wonderful interview. I'm so glad he was able to come through the trauma he experienced as a boy and has found a good life for himself.

[@ArtU4All]

“Trauma as a boy “ A what about the trauma as a young father and what about the trauma that is being caused onto Eli’s son?!?!

[@charlottehollander7841]

Such a bright guy. I am reminded of the saying” mind is a terrible thing to waste” His lack of education stopped him from his dream of being an academic. It’s like the Rebbes deliberately put blinders on its children. There is a cruelty in this. 0:05 0:05 0:05

[@tamararutland-mills9530]

I enjoyed this conversation with Eli so very much ❤ Thank you Frieda for your good work. Hashem wants us to have a faith that is not based on what others do. HE is perfect, loving, kind and good. I became much happier when I learned how to separate commandments from traditions in my mind. People will always come around to confound us, confuse us and disappoint us Satan will see to it. I’d rather be “outside” and keep my faith than to be all bound up with the traditions that men have created. Sometimes it hurts a lot, but it is for the good given that we keep our hearts in tune with the Tanach.

[@elise2914]

Eli, I’m so very sorry that happened to you and that no one protected you, within or outside your community. It makes me so upset that when people finally get the courage to go to community leaders or the police, they are faced with disbelief, statues of limitations, and all kinds of other barriers. Your physical symptoms definitely sound like CPTSD. I’m so glad you are safe now and healing.

[@venuscraig748]

the frequencies were aligned between u and Eli, matching shirts. its Fantastic to root up the secular Hassidim of its cultural heritage as an art form. Hope he gets a lot of support, there s more than the fiddler on the roof, Hassidim can produce. From Montreal, there s 2 comedian that does yeddish stand up. so cool!

[@TsetsiStoyanova]

Matching and yet opposing colours

[@wiseasia]

The part about his son broke my heart. I hope they're reunited some day ❤

[@ArtU4All]

What I heard stunned me. Impossibly cruel. Anti-love, anti-family, anti-forgive&undersstand…. Just against everything real and meaningful in life. Adopted … ADOPTED children seek their biological parents!!! And here the system is literally ripping the father away from his child. Why are they putting this burden on the boy to look for his father? This is incredibly cruel.

[@Zelde-M]

A revealing story that resonates. Another creative square peg!! Thanks for this interview. Eli’s programs in Mame-Loshn (Yiddish) are informative, interesting,charming and well-produced. Shkoyakh Friedl & Eli!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Eli is wonderful. Thanks for your thoughts!!

[@VioletACordy]

🌳🌳🩵😇🩵@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn

[@ZamirMalachi6354]

​@@FriedaVizelBrooklynI'm interested in converting to Orthodox Judaism

[@krl970]

It is not faking symptoms, it is called conversion syndrome and happens to people who are traumatized. Eli is a light, speaking out is so important and is very hard to do. Many religious institutions do not deal with sexual assault. Organized religion (all religions) have the same problem, the institutions are more important than the individual. Naming names is the only way. My take is that kids that are already questioning and are known as such are much more likely to be abused because they already are not considered 'reliable' reporters. I agree with Eli that the reason for leaving is recognition that there are holes in the religion's story and the decision that the closed life is not what is wanted, the abuse is the result of the child's showing signs of questioning.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Great comment - thank you!

[@VioletACordy]

🌳😃🩵💙🩵@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn

[@sherryegibson2950]

So interesting! Thank you.I am learning so much.

[@pietrufarrugia9617]

A brave interview, thank you.

[@maralynfarber2068]

Oh, Frieda. This is GREAT! I am listening to every word. 😊 I was raised Jewish in a very small town in North Carolina-and I love to hear about Jewish life in other places. On both sides of my family, my grandparents came from Vilna, Lithuania. I imagine that my grandparents and their families were Orthodox (maybe Hasidic?) in Lithuania. There is much that I do not know about life in “the old country.” I thank you profusely for your gentle, respectful, informative, and in-depth interviews. Thank you for teaching us about Judaism. With much love and appreciation, Maralyn, social worker in Virginia 🩵🇮🇱💙P.S. I have one question or concern: I do not understand the concept of a boy studying from before dawn to late at night. Number one, this is not healthy-children need more sleep than that; and number two, exercise and fresh air are important!…Developing / connecting to the body as well as the mind…I feel sorry for the boys in the yeshivas, because, to me, they do not have a “balanced” life. Thank you for listening.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Dearest Maralyn, you are not wrong about your comments of concern and there are those who are trying to raise these issues and reform the education status. After everything, this society values boys studying tremendously to the point that it could take away (imo) from healthy development / exercise / etc especially after age 13.

[@lindaversil1121]

They are afraid that the boys will be curious about secular things and want phones and sports and regular books and be assimilated and talk to girls and go off the derech. So they study Torah all day and have no time for anything else. Not balanced and very sheltered

[@evelina2363]

Such an interesting interview. It is honestly inspiring how he manages to be so detached from the traumatic experiences he had in the past and how he rebuilt his life

[@chetanjoshi2159]

Frieda ,good point about family. Divorce is not good if u have kids. U have to sacrifice. U can not clap with one hand. 2 story.

[@ChayaFriedman-cs6qs]

"They are fighting the box" --so accurate

[@kathym5307]

Wonderful interview!

[@venessamaxwell8105]

Excellent insights!!!! Thank you.

[@CoachRedRochelleStrauss]

This was such a beautiful interview! I can relate to so much! My Viznitz cousins were born in Bnei Brak. Next to what I thought was the Bobov Yeshiva. I’m not sure. (Rechov Breslov). I want a tour from Eli. I will keep this in my mind. Shkoyach!

[@rivkaesther2442]

I experienced sexual abuse at a similar age to Eli and afterwards also made up symptoms to avoid school (and not because my abuse happened there). It seems to me that after such confusing trauma and acts happen to such a young person, they have a need for time and space without any pressure to stabilize in some way. School is a high pressure environment and often too much to handle for a traumatized child. Like Eli and many children, I didn't talk about what was happening and so everything becomes bottled up inside. My problem was that my father was a physician and I had to work extra hard to come up with symptoms that he couldn't check. I think that I very much wanted and needed comforting but had no way to really ask for it. Perhaps something similar happened to Eli. -- I rushed to watch this interview because I was entirely charmed by Eli and his tour of Bnei Brak. I happen to now live in Petach Tikva right next to Hwy 4 with Bnei Brak on the other side of the road and I often go there, so it was especially fun to see the familiar sights to me. -- I know several people who are OTD, younger men, and see how they struggle due to the lack of regular secular education and a worry about them. Isn't there some way to fund their education until they can get on their feet? One young man whose KZbin channel (Joseph Kraus) I have seen who I have watched really going through this difficult transition and it's so excruciating to see . I wish there was some way to get them all together and to find some benefactors to adopt and mentor them through the journey and pay for what they need educationally.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thank you so much for sharing. It’s heartbreaking and eye opening to hear how little kids in such terrible situations can go through life desperate to cope with the best tools they can figure out. I watched a bit of Joseph Kraus too. I feel like there should be much more support but sadly there are just bureaucratic opportunists organizations that often are more hype than help.

[@rivkamargolis7368]

In Israel there is what is called the michlalah haharadi - haradi college - which trains haradi men (and in a separate school also woman) who lack some of the backround to go to regular higher education. But it isn't really geared for those who are otd - rather those who want to leave kollel and get an occupation. In Israel in general there are many higher education options for all the different religious communities that take into account their needs for a religious environment. Those that lack backround because they grew up in the haradi school system and then went otd could fit in in micinot - schools that do highschool equivalency for those that dropped out.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

@@rivkamargolis7368 interesting! Thanks.

[@MsSherryjh]

On Oct 8th I woke up to see a report on the Hamas attack from Cannel4 in England (I'm in NJ USA). The next report was your quick one, and the first interview I remember was with Eli. He was and is, so interesting, I could listen for 2 hours. Please have him on again. There is so much he can speak about. Maybe you could go visit the communities in Montréal (maybe you could be the deciding vote on who makes better bagels, Montréal or New York?). lol

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thank you so much; I feel like Eli is a kindred spirit in a way. I love talking to him. Also, I’d love to come to Chesky’s in Montreal to try their famous kosher bakery goods! Maybe one day…

[@beverleydoherty5717]

Welcome to Canada, Eli. As a Canadian I must say we are not off the beaten path.

[@SwamiMommy]

The”science” is another form of religion today. Love the video!

[@cecilhayden585]

Besides your usual programs, this series has been so informative and enlightening. My influence has been Sephardic except for learning with R. Abraham Twerski Z"L. The only Yiddish I ever heard was usually from Chabad. The one thing that I'm curious about and/or have to research is his usage of Haredi/Hasidic.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I hope you’ll eventually know a few ‘heimish’ Yiddish words from my channel :)

[@ChanaFeit]

Wow Freida great episode… Eli my heart breaks for you, hearing about your abuse and your son.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thank you for all your comments; Eli’s story is so HUMAN.

[@ireneb8075]

Hello from Brossard. we are neighbors with Eli:) was surprised he lives here)

[@elibenedict4858]

I am also surprised to find friends in the area😲

[@ireneb8075]

@@elibenedict4858 a small community of israelis here on south shore. we often do outing with kids. Your family is welcome to join us. Let me know if you are interested:))

[@ireneb8075]

@@elibenedict4858 there are few Israeli families on south shore. We do family outings with kids sometimes. Your family is welcome to join us if interested. Let me know 😉😊

[@tishleigh7026]

I pray he can be united together with his son in the near future . What a wonderful heart of this father. This was totally out of his control .He was young .He is such a kind person, you can tell. I hope he has a very good life with much love and happiness and blessings .🙏 ❤

[@TylerBerge22]

Eli, bienvenue au Québec. I was born in Quebec . Eli I couldn't have anticipated the depth of pain beneath your cheerful demeanor and calming voice. I can't say I feel your pain because it's just too much, but I do want you to know my heart aches for you, and I hope and pray for a swift reunion with your child. Frieda, I’m surprised. you appeared to me as too sensitive and איידל to conduct such a personal and invasive interview. Your adept handling of challenging and sensitive questions with a poised and respectful demeanor, makes me wonder if you are taking professional journalism courses, or is it just really good יענטא skills you revealed for the first time?😀 In any case, you did a professional job, I only wish the story would be a happier one.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Tyler, thanks for the comment. I did feel like it was too personal, but Eli is so generous with his life story, he is so forthcoming and he was so wonderful about it.

[@ArtU4All]

Frieda is always at the top of professionalism. Some people just got it - Frieda is it. 👏❤️🙏🌿

[@peterdalyy3542]

I really like the longer videos, this guy is very special thanks for the video. Is there going to be more talks with Pearl koll tov

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I hope so. We are in talks about it!

[@Töllö-Tv]

Very interesting,I need to listen and see this video again as there is so much things to think about. Greetings to Eli,you are verran interesting personality like many other jewish people on Frieda's chanel. Thank you Frieda for this.

[@tecora7419]

You content is always interesting 🧐 Thank you for sharing a world that is unknown to most. It’s good to show Truth and extinguish the false mindsets. It’s so sad the father cannot see the child nor the child to see the father. But what is true is they will have to answer at some point what they have done. The child will one day 🙏🏽 search for his father and they will have to answer to GOD.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thank you!

[@Elvertaw]

Thank you for bring this story to light. ❤ to Eli and to you.❤

[@minkagoldstein9228]

This is amazing to me: i belong to a modern orthodox world but i am a cultural jew mostly. I feel that it is a way of life that i love….each jew decides for himself what to do and what not to do……..i like this guy Eli Benedict. Terrific.

[@MsSherryjh]

What you ended by saying about your son, is what I was going to comment to you. I hope your son has your knowledge and your curiosity, and that he comes and finds you. It's a shande!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I hope so too; I feel Eli’s pain.

[@jademarie4610]

Very sorry for the situation with his son. That is very heartbreaking and I hope he will have a relationship with him someday! The system needs a total reset, the mindset of the ones in charge is just baffling.

[@Mister69K]

Great video!

[@sarahm9723]

These all are the most interesting interviews on KZbin. It's so interesting to hear about such an insular community, and find out that it has some errors and flaws in common with secular and non-Jewish communities. I say this because I used to look at religious communities (of every sort, secular and all sorts of non-Jewish communities, religious and not) through a lens of perfection or perfect behavior. Because I did this, whenever there was some error, flaw, or some kind of crime, I was always shocked. Now I no longer do this. Now I realize that just because people are in a strict religious community, that doesn't mean that those people stopped being human, or no longer make mistakes, or have perfect behavior. Maybe they have much less bad behavior than secular communities do, but there's no doubt at all that they can still have bad behavior.

[@annabizaro-doo-dah]

I used to think the same about being in regular school, why cant we learn outside some days? This Hasidic divorce/access system is, sorry but its evil. To prevent a parent from seeing a child is so wrong. So awful. I absolutely loved this interview and relate to a surprising amount. I feel for him.

[@TsetsiStoyanova]

He looks and sounds German

[@RabbiKolakowski]

Would you do a story about people who joined the community?

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

What do you mean, I’ve done one with Sara Braun. I’ve asked a TON of people who are in the community. I know a few converts/joiners whom I wanted on. They haven’t agreed.

[@RabbiKolakowski]

​@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn i am happy to do an interview. Trying to grow my KZbin channel and they say colabs are key

[@3chars]

The Satmar Rebbe zt'l once asked a chasid what he would do if he the Rebbe would change his views and decide the Tziyonim are ok. The chasid said that he would follow his Rebbe. The Rebbe screamed, "YOU'RE WRONG! If such a thing happens then you say that YOUR REBBE IS A SHAIGITZ and you leave him! (Bitachon Weekly)

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Ha ha, awesome! Thank you for sharing. The Satmar Rebbe's stories always surprise. Was he a fanatic? Did he believe that authority was the be-all or end-all? Did he believe in rebbes as the center of the chasid's life or did he kind of look at personality worship as a bit suspect? I really can't figure it out.

[@mariekatherine5238]

If you know your child is receiving proper care, he can always contact you when reaching adulthood. Try to let him know you are still interested in him, but circumstances prevented you from contact. You’re open to a relationship if he so chooses.

[@renag9475]

I heard of a man in similar circumstances who began a one sided email conversation, knowing it would be years until his son could read it, yet able to provide proof when that time came of the father's continued wish for involvement and connection

[@VioletACordy]

🌳🌳🌈🔆FRIEDA:: MAY G-D BLESS YOU + FAMILY😎EXCELLENT + THANK YOU FOR THIS ~ “My Story of Growing Up and Leaving Hasidism" | In Conversation with Eli Benedict” 🩵😃🩵I LOV ALL UR VIDEOS🌳🌳

[@fran4636]

"I was trying to find my way in it, not to break the system." This is why it took me until age 29 to leave my religion. Nothing big happened, I was just not able to fit.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

This is my story too... People have a hard time understanding this...

[@donnagonzalez9893]

What an interesting person!!

[@ArtU4All]

About the first son…. The laws are inhumane and draconian, illogical and counterintuitive. I feel very sad for the boy. No one has the right to separate the child from his parent who longs for him 🙏😔

[@minkagoldstein9228]

Oy such a yiddish! I love it. But it is not the accent I know…i say “ich vase”, he says “ich vice”……i love his accent and his mind and his views. An amazing man. I hope they have a lot of children so he can pass his talents on to them.

[@Boulderman]

I just found your channel and love it. I have a very big question. Why are Satmar Hasidic Jews anti-Zionists. Maybe you could make a video on this one question. I understand the basic reason being that the return of a Jewish homeland has to come about through some divine miraculous event from God and the arrival of the Messiah. But being a strong Zionist, this seems crazy to me. The Jews have been waiting for almost two thousand years. If we waited for this, we would be waiting for ever. This is especially interesting in the light of the fact many Hasidic Jews now live in Israel.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

such a great question. I plan on publishing an audio-only episode on my podcast ‘Hasidic Judaism Explored’ where I cover this subject. But in the meantime, I suggest you check out my video of my Hasidic school curriculum. ‘what i learned as a hasidic girl’ is the title I believe. I show there what I learned about Zionism being a secular movement. I can’t square it all myself, but then I’m not in the fold anymore and the Satmar ideology around Zionism completely makes no sense to me. But I have listened to Naturei Karta and many hardcore Satmar and I have come to understand that their faith is always so great, that no matter what you first foreground the text and the faith. And if it means waiting, you wait!

[@calebalton2084]

The Satmar are against secular zionism based on western values, they are not against theological zionism based on Torah values. The basic premise is that the Meshiach will return the people to Israel, and not that the people will return themselves, establishing a secular state in Israel. This is seen as chillul Hashem, a desecration of God's name. Thus they reject the secular state of Israel. The Talmud teaches that the reward for a mitzvah is 7x greater in the Holy Land, eretz hakodesh, likewise the punishment for a sin, an avarah, is 7x greater in eretz hakodesh compared to outside Israel, chotzla-aretz. Thus secular Sabbath desecrating Jews, for the sake of their souls, should be encouraged to leave Israel. How can one support a Jewish government in Israel that is allowing secular Jews to make aliyah, causing their sin to increase 7x?

[@Boulderman]

thank you for your reply. I will check it out.@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn

[@kkendell954]

What I notice is that all the people who left and especially the people that you talked to are simply wonderful. Many parents in your community did a lovely job bringing up their kids. The smart, more inquisitive , courageous and fair children seem to leave. Frieda you should do a TED talk…you would be amazing. There is a lot of abuse in many closed communities…across all religions. Pedophiles thrive in these types of religious communities where they have the trust of uneducated parents, in particular. I’m so sorry for Eli ❤

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thanks for your very sweet comments

[@skippykatz]

Frieda teaches everyone, Jews and non Jews about Judaism in a kind way. Thanks Frieda!

[@rivkamargolis7368]

As a toanet rabanit (lawyer in bet din - Jewish religious court) his divorce agreement is very unusual. Yes small children (under 6) are usually placed with the mother , but the father pays child support and usually has regular visitation rights - usually one weekday afternoon and every other shabbat and an alternating schedule of holidays. This might differ in the case of an infant depending on the father's ability to deal with an infant and of course if there are any abuse concerns involved. But the usual theory is maintaining a connection with both parents is important for the child's welfare. And usually in divorce agreements there is a clause about not saying negative things about the former spouse /other parent to the child/children. So his case seems to be something his community pushed the couple into.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Do Hasidic bes dins work the same as wherever female toanim would serve? I'm asking seriously - I've never even heard of a toanet.

[@rivkamargolis7368]

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn As far as I know officially all the Beti Din are run by the Israeli Rabbanut. It's possible there are private beti din but they wouldn't have the same authority. From what I've seen if the population that appears in the Official beti Din - there are many hasidic and haridi couples that appear there. As to women Toanot - aprox 20yrs ago the Rabbanut officially permitted them and officiates / gives the qualifying exams to women as well as men. - understood that women might feel better represented by a woman.

[@rivkamargolis7368]

After relistening to this clip what it sounds like to me is that a divorce agreement was arranged as if it was a mutual agreement and both sides signed off in it. In that kind of case then the bet din basically just ratifies the agreement. It sounds like as he says his toan was not really working for his interests. It's not clear exactly how long ago his divorce was but he could fight it ,but as he says he'd have to pay retroactive child support ( or at least some of it) and start paying monthy child support. ( What seems to have been the deal was he doesn't pay child support - not really legal, and in return he gives up visitation rights - also not really legal - and We're talking Jewish law ) I do differ on his judgement of Beti Din - my experience is most of the time they are very just and try and do the best for all the parties involved - but divorce itself is a messy often vindictive business and the sides tend to make it ugly.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

@@rivkamargolis7368 I very much hear you. In NY the bes din does the get and won't do the legal divorce unless it's sort of arranged by the two parties to go outside of the legal system to bes din arbitration. That's why I guess I'm a little confused. Is in Israel the legal divorce system and religious divorce system one? I suppose yes.

[@rivkamargolis7368]

​@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn In israel there is no such thing as a secular divorce -Jewish couples have to do the get process through the Bet Din. That said the other aspects of the divorce - child custody /child support and monetary agreements / division of assets can be done either by the bet Din or the secular court system. There is often a race between each of the couple to file first the case in the system they prefer to get jurisdiction. The main differences being: In the bet Din the case will be heard sooner ,will be quicker and will cost less usually because there is no requirement for lawyers ( or toanim - though toanim are usually cheaper than lawyers , though qualified lawyers can also appear in bet din - but often are less versed in how it works etc) Usually the amount of child support granted is less because the bet din calculates it somewhat differently the the secular court. The secular court the whole process will be more time consuming and will cost more in fees and lawyer bills Though they will often grant higher amounts of child support ( often unrealistic - so many ex husbands default or end up living out of their cars even with a good job to pay it.) Untill recently in neither court was the ex wife's income taken into account because according to Jewish law child support is solely the father's obligation. As said previously in any event they have to go to the bet din to arrange the get( the actual divorce) Usually the wife prefers the secular court and rhe husband the bet Din. The other option - which now both the secular court and the bet Din try to encourage is sending the couple to a family mediatir to work out a mutually acceptable divorce agreement - and as stated earlier if there is such an agreement the bet din radifies it and then goes through the process of the get either in the same session or say a week or 2 later.

[@marshah5745]

I know I'll get pushback on this but It seems that sexual assault or other mental illness is always the key to people's going off the derech.

[@NeshamaNation]

Plus generational trauma. Such as children/ grandchildren of holocaust survivors. This is a category into which many chasidic people fall. A child may not want to tell his parents so as not to hurt them.

[@NeshamaNation]

And remember that there were horrible pogroms before the holocaust. Understandable how that can ruin someone's nervous system and judgement.

[@myopinions1]

Not mental illness. If they have mental illness it was caused by the abuse.

[@elisabethm9655]

@@NeshamaNationalso some of the survivors were also made crazy with the complex PTSD and were not able build healthy relationships with their own children. So the children had enough spiritual common sense to seek healing outside when they reached maturity.

[@chetanjoshi2159]

Very interesting. Looks like Hindu wedding. We do the same ritual. Like that.

[@houseofsofia6650]

The existence of Israel is a game changer for Jewish people and identity: It's a Jewish state, this means it's the only place in the world where the Jewish calendar and holidays are the standard. This means that, even if less religious, you are still immersed in this civilization. For example, many Israelis on the right tend to be religious in the sense of overall values, yet they don't see the necessity to be so insulated when you live in a Jewish state. Many rules are seen as illogical and almost an obstacles to true devotion to the Almighty. Therefore, many take an approach of resting on shabbat, spending time with family and friends, but without going to the extreme.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I always wonder what it would be like to live in Israel, where you don't have to make the same concerted effort to hold on to your Jewish identity/traditions/culture.

[@houseofsofia6650]

@FriedaVizelBrooklyn You should give it a try! Maybe plan to spend 1 month, especially during a holiday. It's a true eye-opening experience, and it will definitely broaden your definition of "who is a Jew and what does that mean?". Also, your videos are interesting Keep up yhe good work 👏

[@elisabethm9655]

Yes, come to Tzfat☺️

[@BertGraef]

there are actually two Jewish calendars. And one of them is out by 168 years. The essence of this religion seems to be murkiness,and conspiracy to destroy things that either the rabbis dont like or exposes them. To remove 168 years from the Persian era and claim that these 168 years never happened is just the same as removing 168 years from the history of any nation and claiming the events recorded and chronicled by others never really happened. Why the 168 years were removed from the Persian dynasty, of which the captive and exiled Jews in Babylon were a major historic part of , is a query then that is rebuffed, attempted to explain away by endless confusing and contradictory arguments , or , as the orthodox rabbis always claim. they are always and forever right, and even the entire educated ,scholastic world is wrong. Then comes the tickler. Rashi claims if the rabbis say right is left and right is left, one must always obey the rabbis. But the rabbis themselves dont agree on much, do they? R Eliezer was excommunicated from the Talmud religion because of his reasoning in the Talmudic legend of Akhnai. So who is right and who is wrong. What is truth, if there are 2 rabbis with 2 conflicting opinions? Truth becomes murky, a system where an obvious lie can become twisted into an uncontestable fact. A ruling screaming mob can claim truth because of the majority. Even GD himself can be told to shut up, since wasnt He the one who entrusted them with Torah, and even a bat kol from heaven doesnt mean anything, according to the flawed interpretation of Deutoronomy 30:12?

[@jayem5738]

What are his views on Palestinian genocide? - I’m 15 mins into the interview and only heard that he used Oct 7 to move to Canada.

[@MyNote-lp9rm]

Hi, I would be very grateful for some links to videos of Eli Benedict dancing traditional Hasidic Dance like at 2,08min in this video. Many thanks in advance!!!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I got those videos from Eli in an mp4 file, I don’t know if they are online. Sorry!

[@deskset7436]

Erliche guy. I don’t see a contradiction between studying gemarrah for 12 hours and then running off the Meron. It’s all about intensity. You just need to balance that need for intensity with other responsibilities in life which are fundamentally routine. I can’t really get enough of the beauty of yiddish and Yiddish English. I think the English spoken by people who have Yiddish (or “Jewish” as my grandmother would say) as their first language is really beautiful.

[@pyenygren2299]

A comment for the algorithm. 🎉

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Thank you!!!

[@daphnabarak4941]

I don,t understand why people leave completely. Don’t they know there is a place for everyone in the community to be as religious as they want. Why give up everything

[@chanaselwyn9265]

That's a horrible story. It's been pushed under the rug for so many years in our communities. These abusers are responsible for so many going of the Derech. (Not the only reason but to think its not part of it you're kidding yourself) In my book That's Shfichas Domim. Most Rabbonim will allow massering in such situations now. So sad and scary. Yes BH it is changing.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

No doubt - terribly heartbreaking, doubly so because he tried to do something but wasn't believed.

[@maralynfarber2068]

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn-That is called gaslighting.

[@My_Jewish_life_in_Aruba]

I am so sorry Elli 😢

[@mo5ago1]

what's the reason for his hair locks

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I believe it's his own personal twist on payos. Taking tradition and making it his own. That's my understanding... I hope I don't misrepresent

[@mindyfriedman1861]

You talk about people "expanding the box" rather than leaving and you attribute that only to the difficulty of leaving. I want to add, as a frum (Orthodox) woman, many people find ways to keep Yiddishkeit (Judaism) because it is a value to them. The chasidic community may be to insular/extreme but they are able to leave the constraints and keep what is important and true.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

You have a very good point and I appreciate you adding this.

[@divnacvetkovoc1302]

Dear Frieda, is there any possibility to create some video about the last issues, what happened last few days, in the Chabad-Lubavitch World Headquarters, 770 Eastern Parkway in the Crown Heights section of Brooklyn, New York. There were 24 children there hidden, in the secret tunnels... How the other Hasidic people act, what do they think about? Are all the Hasidim belong to the Lubavitch community. I watch your tours and interviews with different people for a certain time and I am interested in your opinion as well... 🌹

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Hello. I did a livestream where I talked about it a bit. You have to go to my channel under "live" to see the video. It does not show up as a regular video. This is the first I hear of 24 children being hidden and there is absolutely nothing that I heard otherwise that would make me believe this was true. My guess is the rumors of child trafficking have spiraled into more and more made-up details and now some are talking about children hidden.

[@divnacvetkovoc1302]

@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn thanks I will watch that Livestream🌹.

[@danielvonweinberger799]

Hahaha 24. Haha meshugene welt

[@watchingchannel4463]

The idiom "Nachash m'tachat ha'kash" seems like the English equivalent of "snake in the grass"

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

I was unfamiliar with either. Thanks for teaching me!

[@Adraba241]

Dankeschoen! But studying in Yeshive seems to be like a life of a monk: up to 4h praying, studying, eating, sleeping. Only difference, that monks have to work at least 2h in the morning and 2h in the afternoon.

[@OhDeerOregonTrail]

❤

[@jimdeane3667]

The Ba'al Shem Tov and also Rabbi Nachman, his grandson valued learning, praying and meditating outside, on the grass, surrounded by nature...Hitbodedut and Hitbonenut. Chassidim who pray according to the nusach of the Ari z"l pray every morning that G-d should save them from lawyers (משטן המשחית), from judgements in court, from any type of litigants, Jewish or otherwise, and from the violent consequences of this type of process. The "Secular Chassid" Eli describes is the aspect of הנחש תחת הקש.

[@a.s.8972]

Most ‘chill chasidim’ are not staying because of the trauma involved in a complete exit. That is factually incorrect. They are staying because they like the way of life. They believe in god, they believe in the structure of the family, and yes, they push the limits with what the community used to identify with, and that defines them as ‘chill’. Most ‘chill chasidim’ are very happy to be where they are.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Okay, fair point. I mean to say that until the “chill chosid” there was not a lot of mobility option, and it was either leaving or staying all the way. Now there’s another option, allowing for leaving all the way to be less appealing.

[@Fitzgeehhsksl]

They are staying because they can't leave. 😂 cut the ball shit, I was also there once. Freida is right.

[@libafried5840]

​@user-yh7jh4dr9v it may be your experience, but it is not the experience for most "chill Chassidim ". They can leave if they want to, but they don't because they do believe in God and Judaism but they just want the "Judaism light" version.

[@renag9475]

I'm curious at examples of Chasidic customs he practices

[@MarleneKerr-p6x]

I respect all religions and i believe in the New testament in the bible and the resurection of Jesus Christ 🙏 He loves you and is comming back

[@BertGraef]

you dont actually beleive what St John warned about in 1 John 2:22-23, if you "respect" all religions. You cannot be part of lies and antichristianity of other religions.

[@Rlbwtz42]

Eli, you seem to be like a very nice person ,but i must clarify one importat thing, loving to learn AND doing chesed ,helping with events etc etc is NOT AT ALL contradicting....you can be a big " masmid" and njoy kumzitz and touring Isreal. You dont have to throw away your religion ...also, want to let you know that your mom is for sure crying every day, and praying for you to come back to your source...i know, bc im a mother too! Think about it...The Torah is VAST, you can do sooooo much with the Torah lifestyle...its broad! Remember, as long as you are alive, you can still do Teshuva!

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

My friend, you are a bit much!

[@Rlbwtz42]

Just being honest..

[@libafried5840]

Totally agree with you. Many frum people, Chassidishe people included, do both.

[@renag9475]

I was once told by a lawyer not to look for justice in secular courts either.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Looking for justice can be retraumatizing all over again.

[@Chaim-k7x]

Eli is lucky his wife was loyal to him and didn't leave

[@drwatson1234]

Even though Eli gave up religion, his love of culture and love of Yiddish and Jewish community life and customs are all based on Torah and they survived generations because they accompanied Torah. He was a rarity in being able to carry Yiddish culture but without Torah. However, how will his child , Robin, be able to have the secular Hasid life? His kid won't have community, and won't have Torah, and will be like all the academics who study Yiddish and Jewish history but never let it get into their depths, their kishkes. How will he have the satisfaction that his father had? Seems complex to raise a kid with this. Not passing judgement, just thinking about it. I wonder why Eli could not have stayed a Hasid and made use of the much more free religious world of the Orthodox community to not have to get rid of "the baby with the bath water." I believe American Orthodox in many communities can tolerate seekers like him, and not force one to seek a life in the secular academic world. Maybe there could be a Hasidic community without the fanaticism he was concerned about. Aish Kodesh in Woodmere, NY. Chabad in many cities. And other examples. Nevertheless, kol havod to Eli for his attitude and clarity and honesty, and connection to his family although it is very hard. I have no right to pass judgement or declare right nor wrong, just asking in the Jewish sense (caring for others, but asking them real questions not fluff) some questions to learn more and understand other pathways.

[@mariekatherine5238]

18 is rather young for men to get engaged. Most young men aren’t really mature at 18. Maybe it’s different in Hasidish communities. Women mature a bit sooner than men, so it may be okay. In general, 18 is still young in terms of life experience. There are always exceptions, but they prove the rule.

[@meeeka]

al-jirrit (?) = like pilgrimages, to the graves, or religious places.

[@d.sh.2501]

But how or why leave Torah? Or acknowledge G-d? Beezrathashem...online...please check out rabbi yosef mizrachi or rabbi yaron reuven lectures tc. It only after I was led by hasidic or former hasidic that I find more emet...wonderful to keep Shabbat and keep connections with judaism, Orthodox Jewish, Baruch Hashem!!!

[@MS219E]

I feel for children who are sexually abused especially at a young age then are confused they no it’s not right but from a young age who is going to believe them. I was abused sexually as a young girl so I understand how violated you feel.

[@chaimweiner8620]

I always wonder why people who leave are always convinced that people in the community live in a bubble of their own narrative. If having a narrative creates a bubble around your understanding of life, those who leave have their own narrative that filters their understanding of what happened to them. Don't they know that? The lack of awareness they show to the possibility that they might live in a bubble of their own, just puts them in the same place of those inside they accuse of not being aware of the bubble they live in. So maybe some people live in a bubble, whether inside or outside of the community. None of it matters. In the end, if you make any arguments, it boils down to facts and logic - of whose narrative is correct, not of who lives in bubble. And I'm not sure the arguments they make are stronger.

[@FriedaVizelBrooklyn]

Can you explain how you see a bubble here? A narrative? I'm curious.

[@chaimweiner8620]

So many things. I stopped counting. I'll bring an example: he describes the people in the community as assuming that everyone who leaves must have a problem. According to his own narrative this isn't true. While he makes no strong argument why his narrative is correct, he assumes the people inside simply live in a bubble thinking that leaving must be related to some kinda problem (...because they simply believe their way of life is true, so they can't contemplate the possiblity that someone might leave for other reasons...). Let's consider the actual position he took and the community and judge which one is correct based on true factors. The price one pays in order to leave is huge (the emotional connection to what you have been used to since birth, family bonds, the lack of grooming to live outside, all that is severed with a painful blow).The gain isn't clear from the outset, even if it works out later. Any normal person, even if he doesn't subscribe to the way of life he was born into, has the option of remaining inside and find their way around stuff. Something must be driving someone to risk all that, and put themselves in a situation in which they'll clearly lose many things for certain and not be sure to gain much. Now since we assume that people are not stupid, we believe that something must have gone wrong inside the community with that person that changed the odds, in which they stand clearly to gain from leaving that outweighed all that they stood to lose. What does he put agaisnt this very reasonable argument. Almost nothing. He simply claims that his experience was different. But, first, how does he conclude from a single case that this is the rule? Second, more importantly, why must I believe him? If it was the case that he left due to issues he faced, he had all the reasons in the world to present it differently. He might even be fooling himself, since it's hard for people to admit such a thing. Even if it's true, and he's not fooling neither himself nor me, he might be the exception to the rule, an outlier, not something that's indicative of the norm. But it's much easier to tell yourself that you're right and the other one simply created a narrative that suits him. Indeed, someone did create a narrative here, the question is just who it is.