My Take On Trauma

[@neartothewildheart]

I honestly felt so much better after digging up the past, not because i was holding on to it but because i felt like i was letting go of it. At one point you have to let go of digging into your past at all, once the trauma doesnt haunt you anymore. Just like you said, creating safety in the present.

[@markhendrickson8460]

EMDR initially eliminated chronic symptoms. I was diagnosed with complex trauma. Sometimes getting underneath the wound and healing it as opposed to ignoring it is what helps the most. It’s about releasing the past, not holding on to it. On the other hand, not communicating that you are safe will perpetuate the symptoms. One size does not fit all when it comes to healing chronic pain.

[@kimiramirez5884]

did you know what the trauma was? must you, for EMDR to work?

[@naturegirl4074]

I’m about to try EMDR.

[@khatijakay4107]

I’m all for trauma work personally… giving yourself a space to feel big emotions, make sense of what happened, develop compassion and see your coping mechanisms or unhealthy attachments etc is priceless! I’m also totally understanding that it can’t be the forefront of your topics in conversation but I do have compassion for those that do… because sometimes they need a shoulder or listening ear…

[@phoenixmassey]

Survivor of some pretty horrific childhood crap here. I did 13 years of therapy to recover from it. This process was not to deal with mind/body pain, but to simply stay alive. Yes there was a long period of being mired in the pain I had repressed for years, but the day came came when I was able to let it go and get on with my life. I think of it as going through chemotherapy of the soul. However, I knew another survivor who refused to let go of her victimhood and nothing changed for her. It's the letting go part that is the goal. All that work made dealing with the mind/body pain I had very straightforward.

[@LilyOscar333]

Well done you 👏👏

[@Inge508]

I loved the ´chemotherapy for the soul’.. wishing you a happy healing ❤️‍🩹

[@phoenixmassey]

Forgot to add that during those years I had “fibromyalgia” which disappeared as I moved on.

[@Inge508]

@@phoenixmassey ooh wow! I have fibromyalgia myself so that gives me lots of hope! Did you get rid of it completely?? Amazing! Well done!

[@NicoleFitnessYouTube]

Wow. Absolutely beautiful how you let it go. Empowering yourself. Fantastic!

[@estherzwaan9928]

In my experience, the tendency to keep telling the stories often goes back to a need for comfort people never got, and/or a need for justice being done, or at least being spoken. Telling it once or twice to receive comfort and understanding can be a very healing experience, but keeping that alive in therapy doesn't fix anything. Still, picking up what you teach can be hard for people who experienced early or ongoing childhood trauma: it can interfere with the normal development of life skills, like the ability to regulaite our emotions and the ability to feel self compassion, which makes it more challenging for people to put into practice what you teach: if basic needs for safety and comfort weren't met back then, there is a hole in our emotional foundation. It's important that people understand their needs are legitimate, but they can't be met by living with the trauma in attempts to solve this. Years ago I realized it felt like doing unjustice to myself if I would not be depressed anymore, because being happy felt like saying it wasn't that bad what happened to me. The same way it can be hard to forgive the people who harmed us. To leave trauma (especially severe childhood trauma) behind, we need to come to a point where we don't need others or even our own ruminating anymore to confirm that what happened was terrible. We can get free by letting go and give ourselves the gift of accepting bad things happened, and forgiving those who did it, so we don't have to carry around bitterness that keeps the emotional and physical pain going. And we need to find a way to connect with people in a healthy way, not needing 'our story' to define or identify ourselves, but just believe we are loved and worthy for who we are, completely independent of what our past looks like. I think, trauma therapy should focus on these things and on learning how to deal with triggers and emotions, so we can handle life in a healthy way, and that way it would seamlessly fit together with your approach.

[@LilyOscar333]

Well said and very true.

[@Marias-9000]

Wow!!!!!! This hits home. Thank you for your message

[@naturegirl4074]

Well said

[@elalbafordamon]

I think this is really the only thing I might slightly disagree. But I completely agree with what you are saying, Dan. I am reading a lot on "not becoming your story" and letting go. That is crucial in healing. Being stuck in your story is what keeps people in pain and misery. However, having PDP is only a part of the problem. Personally, I don't want to just stop hurting, I want to learn to let go of resentments, to process what has happened to me, to feel finally all those emotions, so I can differentiate between then and now. I see the occurrence of TMS pain as an opportunity to finally change my way of existence and yes, face my surpressed traumas and set myself free. I want to become a happier person, learn to instill boundaries, forgive my parents, learn to fight for and take care of my inner child, experience joy, improve my mental health, change my perspective on life, get in touch with my emotions and develop spiritually. All that cannot exist for me unless I process trauma I carry deep down. So yes, I might hurt in the present more by digging up, but long terms goal is a more mentally healthy person who is then more apt to truly feel safe in the present without a thousand and one trigger daily. I totally agree that the key to pain free life is feeling safe NOW and being present, but for some that's not as achievable without going through the dark night of the soul and coming out better. I think there's a difference between people who identify with their trauma and are highly alert because of it, stuck in a loop of self pity, and people who acknowledge what has happened to them, are learning to let go, heal and understand themselves better. Thank you for your amazing videos as always ❤

[@Inge508]

Wow! So beautifully expressed! Feeling the same way about it! Have a happy healing ❤️‍🩹

[@sheilawojciechowski8928]

Yes 🙌🏻

[@naturegirl4074]

It’s like my Grandpa said when he was in the hospital about a year before he died. I hadn’t seen him since I had become an adult. It had been 17 years. I asked him to tell me some stories about the past. He replied, “I don’t live there anymore” ❤ RIP Grandpa Charlie

[@timruof]

I can only share my own experience but I feel pretty confident that certain experiences in my past did stay stuck in my subconscious without me knowing about it. Things I ignored and “moved on from”, until last year when I experienced extreme fatigue ME/CFS related to covid. My intrepretation is that virus triggered my nervous system and brought up those old traumas that I had not processed at the time they happened. So, in present day my body is experiencing the stress / brain response to the virus and remembered other times when I experienced that level of stress. During this time I had several dreams directly related to those events. It felt like I was finally processing them. And I was able to process them in the present day from a point of safety, telling myself things are safe now. So I personally believe these things can get stored away but retriggered and processed from a place of safety in the present day. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong. If they come up naturally you need to process them from a place of safety. If you need to consciously talk with a professional about them, that’s fine too. I think you are absolutely right that a mesage of “safety now” is the key.

[@sheilawojciechowski8928]

This has been exactly my experience from covid. I’ve never seen someone who it’s also brought this up for as well and I’ve hesitated to share with anyone besides my therapist bc i assumed I’d be thought of as nuts lol. Love everything you wrote and it’s nice to know I’m not alone ❤

[@timruof]

Oh wow! Thanks for sharing. I'm glad it resonated. I've also had a hard time finding others with this type of experience.@@sheilawojciechowski8928

[@Ender-Corbin]

I've found that if i bring then up then let go it releases me and I can move forward with life. It's gradually fading and releasing me to better myself.

[@shelcruz9942]

I think you’re on board. I know when exactly my symptoms began and from what trauma. Can’t forget it but I am healing from it slowly but surely. That is all that matters, not beating a dead horse so to speak but just moving forward in spite of it.

[@Inge508]

Overcoming trauma for me is taking your power back on emotional, mental and physical level. A bonus for me was discovering a spiritual level in me as well. Once trauma is neutralized, we no longer need to tell others in detail about the horrific experiences we went through.. We can take those experiences with us and start loving and nurturing ourselves ❤

[@LilyOscar333]

Very True Inge. I believe dealing with and letting go of trauma whether it’s with the correct therapist or journaling or whatever works is very important. But we need compassion and help to do it.. it’s not easy. You may not heal the chronic physical pain immediately but it gives you the space, emotional strength etc to deal with that then. Have you read the Body keeps the Score ? By Bessel Van der kolk ? Another great book. 🥰😊

[@Inge508]

@@LilyOscar333yes i have that book Lily! My husband read it too in order to understand more of what was happening within me.. it’s a real eye- opener!

[@Inge508]

@@LilyOscar333also true that it gives me the emotional strength to deal with the physical pains at this moment..❤

[@NicoleFitnessYouTube]

Beautifully said Inge! ❤

[@Inge508]

@@NicoleFitnessKZbinthanks Nicole!Hope you are doing well!❤

[@Inge508]

Very courageous to touch this subject Dan.. digging up old stuff over and over is not what a good therapist should do.. I experienced therapist doing that with me too and things got worse.. But a good therapist will look for answers in the NOW to deal with harmful trauma - responses happening still now but coming from the PAST - experiences. I see my pdp- journey as a big personal transformation. I came as a healthy baby, got overwhelmed with uncapable parents( because of their own stuff), then the child learns to wear masks / coping- mechanisms until many years, sometimes a life- time later .. then there is a conflict in the mind/ body that because of maybe one virus, accident or very stressful event makes the stress 🪣 bucket overflow and starts bringing pains / symptoms.. so in order to reverse that we have to learn what our masks are also what our core wounds were( abandonment, rejection, humiliation, injustice etc..), learn that they now longer help us survive like before but harm ourselves.. in fact we need to go back to finding that naked perfect baby again that was authentic and start with all the new knowledge about our trauma / and all sort of life experiences back .. Transforming ourselves to the authentic person we truly deserve to be..so that the brain doesn’t need to protect us with those pains anymore.. Just my idea on it and what I’m working on daily.. And I find it wonderful to see what a transformation is possible for a so called severely life- long trauma - sufferer that I WAS but no longer am..🌺

[@Inge508]

Ps: so in the end there is no one to blame for me. It happened to me. And now that I’m finally aware of all those things I can reverse MY situation and also forgive myself and accept myself that I needed those masks and mechanisms then but not now anymore.. hope this made sense..

[@LilyOscar333]

Well said Inge .. we all heal differently, someone telling you to forget and move on its more traumatising. It’s finding the right therapist and way for you..Hope you feeling good today 💗

[@Inge508]

@@LilyOscar333thanks Lily ! Reading and self - observation is what helped me the most to be honest.I’m ok, hope you’re ok too! Have a lovely day ❤

[@LilyOscar333]

@@Inge508 thanks Inge .. yes in good form today. Another lovely autumn 🍂 day .. rain forecast later. 🎃🍂🥰

[@josiejo117]

Wise words as ever Inge. Your wisdom is gained from all your self reflection/ awareness/courage & I thank you for sharing this. Giving ourselves what others were not capable of doing (for whatever reasons)...learning how to do this with Dan & others, is the journey we embark upon. Love you sweet soul. Have a beautiful day.💜

[@Inge508]

I also learned from Dr Strachs that research shows that when you grow up in a stressful environment, the brain is predisposed to see shifts in life as dangerous.. ex job change, having kids, marriage problems, changes in family - dynamics etc.. If these situations alarm you enough the brain will create pain to distract you.. Also if there are things you don’t want to revisit your brain will distract you through pain/ symptoms…

[@LilyOscar333]

Inge your point earlier about the Polyvagal theory is very true. The correct knowledge about our nervous system, emotions etc is very helpful in healing. The correct knowledge is power. You would make a very good therapist 🥰

[@Inge508]

@@LilyOscar333hahaha thanks Lily! I would love to help others for free if I’m on the other side❤

[@McStorch0]

Pain, suffering, injustice, adversity etc are all part of the human condition. No one gets dealt a perfect hand (or I’ve just never met those people). I’ve been dealt a rough hand too but I will continue to accept that as part of my humanity and move forward. The word is used way too much in the last few years. Your words are spot on and very much needed.

[@justinberanek4061]

I can tell you choose your words well to be kind and caring. Great job.

[@juliamcrae1821]

Dan, I appreciate your perspective that rehearsing is not helpful. Most talk therapy is a rehearsal and reinforces trauma. The therapy world is as lacking as the pain Management world, but as you have discovered, there is also a pocket of legitimate help. It’s a needle in a haystack to find a truly helpful therapist. Trauma loops are many times precognitive and fire without a persons awareness of it. To bring awareness to those places that have sometimes even been in shock( that completely locks it away to keep you alive) for the purpose of giving what was lacking is fully loving and resolves the trauma and the chronic stress response that keeps firing over and over. This loop can happen even without talking about it over and over. A fully informed practitioner will allow the event/events to be brought to awareness to give what was lacking at the time of the event and to restore regulated Vagal function. This completely resolves the fight or flight associated with the event. In fact, reliving interferes with healing. Bringing it to awareness and recalibrating with love towards the person who suffered is very powerful. It is succinct, focused and brings full resolution. I personally have found that people who cannot move forward from trauma are not just choosing to keep suffering, but have not been given the laser sharp tools to heal their pre cognitive loops. They also many times do not have strong relational support that helps to build safety in the present. Just like I do not believe people choose to stay in pain, but instead are lacking the knowledge and tools to heal, I also believe people who stay in trauma are not being given the proper information and resources to heal. Thank you for all of your work!!

[@Inge508]

So well written ! Agree 💯 ! Knowledge about the polyvagal theory is really helpful to understand the mechanisms going on in the person who is suffering.🌺

[@1STLUCKYB]

EMDR worked for me. Fascinating how a traumatic incident can be moved within the brains filing system

[@littlerose6673]

I agree with you about saying it out loud. In the past 2 years I have had a circumstance that has brought some traumas back to the forefront from a past relationship. Talking about it and being reminded has made me much worse along with present day circumstances. We carry these traumas with us the rest of our lives. It is like grief of a loss of someone or something you carry it with you, but when you do learn to live with it at some point, some how I agree to go back to it can be detrimental. Also I have noticed that as I get older, talking to my friends about things that have upset me a lot of times now, makes it worse not better. It used to help me when I was younger. It is almost like I want to say, I am hurting right now but I don't want to talk about it, I just want you to know. This has been my experience. I am just sharing.

[@justinberanek4061]

Its amazing how for this long you have been able to put out new videos that have great messages to encourage others. Great stuff!

[@cosmicserpent7253]

I went through exactly what you are talking about, Dan. Over 2 years of therapy with a therapist who specialized in somatic experiencing and was all into the Peter Levine, Gabor Mate, internal family systems trauma release approaches. Initially I did see some improvement but the pain would come back and plateau over again. He was convinced it was little t trauma that I experienced as a child and a lack of being in touch with my emotions. I came in with chronic neck/shoulder pain and have never had issued with PTSD or expressing myself. I could tell this guy was trying to help me and continued the therapy (mostly because I was scared of the pain going back to 'what it used to be'). It just continued like this and got to a point where I started to doubt my own thoughts and experiences because it did not jive with this whole trauma informed counselling philosophy. I finally stopped and it was hard to do, but now I am really making some progress. The whole experience, for me, was negative. And it was scary to see how, under a figure like a therapist where there is a power dynamic, you can start to doubt your own thoughts. I never imagined that could have happened to me.

[@1STLUCKYB]

Just finished 12weeks of EMDR(15 hours )for PTSD.only dealt with two major incidents. Therapist said this would be enough, as can be more detrimental. One I was age 5,(so 50+ years ago) I was in a oxygen tent, my sister died. Ongoing claustrophobia, hospital phobia. It was NEVER ever brought up and explained to me so my brain put it in a "withheld emotion box" that needed to be opened, because not knowing or understanding it, left my brain to fill gaps, probably falsely. 2nd Incident, an assault a year ago. I reckon no more than two hours of the 15 were reliving and refiling the really bad sad stuff. Absolutely lots of tears (healing).Both memories now in a different file. I'm not triggered into fight and flight re assault. Still dealing with agoraphobia and anxiety. I will get there. My story book closed, it's too easy to raise the demons of fear because the brain doesn't know what's real. PDP is all that's happening in my case. If I get a symptom /sensations sometimes I can get fearful it's bad news and spiral into the land of make believe 😂 consistent messages if safety is key. Your videos are so helpful. 🙏.

[@mollieanne]

I understand the land of make believe. When I was a child I watched Mr. Rogers and the land of make believe was nice in the show, but not as an adult in real life lol. I am 54 so close to your age. It is time we both get off that land.

[@1STLUCKYB]

​@@mollieannewe can get there, Dan is our guide

[@ShirleyMartin-lp2or]

I guess it’s where you’re at - I put effort into some journaling, and had a couple of sessions, but I felt as I was journaling that I was going over old ground, which I’d already dealt with, and it didn’t have any effect on my symptoms. What’s had the major effect of eliminating my symptoms has been calming my nervous system, and my responses to difficult situations, and relating safety to my brain.

[@monicathrasher3561]

Creating safety in the present. “All we have is the Now.” Anxiety is living in the future, depression is living in the past. This set me free a few years ago and I overcame PTSD… but God!

[@AlexDelfont]

Sensitive subject! I expect some pushback on this one :) I find it quite interesting, and would like to share my thoughts for what its worth... As someone else said, a good therapist should not be making you re-live trauma, I think that's quite an antiquated form of therapy, although obviously still happens. But if you've experienced traumatic things, small or big, but especially severe cases of abuse, there will always be a big dose of shame and other emotions that can fester inside us. So just going to someone who absolutely doesn't judge you and hears your story can be extremely healing. Carl Rogers 'Unconditional positive regard' always made sense to me. 'Wow someone can accept me despite all this stuff'. So in that respect I think simply expressing things to a relatively objective safe person is very helpful. My therapist often said you need to bury things dead, not alive. If you bury them alive they will come back to haunt you. It would be nice if it was simply a choice to let it go, or put it down as you say, but often it doesn't work when the underlying emotions are so intense. I think ultimately you're right, it's all about danger and safety, but for many people it can feel near impossible despite their best efforts to feel safe, or to put down the things that feel dangerous. I think unless you've experienced trauma in a similar way to someone else it's hard to relate to this, and from the outside it can look like they are simply choosing to suffer or to keep carrying it, which in some cases people do. I'd say I'm somewhere in the middle, having some pretty traumatic childhood experiences, but nothing compared to many stories I hear from people. But everyone is different, some people are born less sensitive, they feel things less intensely for whatever reason, a less sensitive nervous system etc. Why do some kids/people go through hell and come out pretty strong and unscathed, and others are debilitated for decades by seemingly minor things. I don't believe this is as simple as mindset, although it plays a part. I totally agree that constantly re-hashing things does not help, and it is up to us to not take the path of least resistance into obsessing, and to not follow our minds down dark paths in to bad places. For me therapy has been a huge part of this, and helped me get to a slightly more balanced place where then I could make better decisions, and had more ability to make good choices. Someone else mentioned Peter Levine, Bessel Van Der Kolk, Gabor Mate etc. I've read all their books, and I think they are interesting and they've helped so many people. I'm still unsure personally about this idea that trauma is stored in the body and must be released through the body. I think even separating the body and the mind is unhelpful, and something that isn't done so much in Asian culture (in the past anyway). The brain is part of the body, and in a way the body is part of the mind. It gets a bit confusing trying to think about it! I don't think trauma or memories are stored anyway particularly, but it's a complicated process of all our senses and thoughts coming together to recreate something. I think all the terminology in past years about the brain being like a hard drive is not helpful, memory doesn't work like that. But the stronger the emotion in any experience the stronger the memory, that's the same for incredibly good experiences, or terrible ones. We remember our first loves so intensely because we felt so much, it was all new and novel. The same goes for difficult experiences, we remember them more deeply due to the emotional intensity. I often think of songs getting stuck in our heads. I think there are songs I know so well, if I didn't hear it again for 50 years and you played the first few notes it would all come back to me. Just like picking up an instrument after decades, the muscles memory is still there. Maybe in a way that's how all of this works, through habits that have gone way beyond the conscious mind and happen automatically. I'm gong off on a tangent now, and just thinking about it all as I write! It will be interesting to see what happens in the next 20/30 years surrounding trauma and all the mental health issues that seem to plague everyone these days. I do feel a huge part of it is repression, it certainly was in my case. We have a million ways now to avoid our feelings, we never have time to reflect on anything, or just be still. Emotions need to be felt and expressed, and when they are not, for very long periods of time, they don't just disappear. Carl Jung said 'neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering'. I believe that, and I guess you could say TMS and anxiety etc are forms of neurosis Sorry this got long!

[@Inge508]

Thanks for sharing ! I read something about traumatized mums giving birth and the baby ‘s nervous system gets highly sensitive this way.. so that could explain why some kids are more resilient then others..

[@dawnheer6831]

You touched some very key points, memory is most definitely attached to emotion, so we probably will never forget but the process of perceiving experiences differently is the Real therapeutic outcome. Repeating a story with the same perception is certainly going to keep it all alive..Dan is so right we must change our perception and reassure ourselves of safety..clarify and reframe you perception and absorb your Now.

[@AlexDelfont]

Yeah I'm sure it all has an effect. My mum said things were pretty rough when she was pregnant with me, so maybe that explains some things! @@Inge508

[@1STLUCKYB]

​@@Inge508apparently this happens in vitro. Baby being prepared for the environment it's yet to arrive in. Fascinating read. Can't remember the book, something like we carry our ancestors fears. War babies wiring different.

[@ruthking5350]

Thanks for your thoughts on this Alex. I feel similarly to you. I think Carl Rogers really understood what the client needed. I had an excellent counsellor years ago who was very person centred and it helped me more than I can say. This is why I get frustrated that there is so much emphasis on CBT these days as if it helps everything and everyone. I have always wondered how my dad turned out so unscathed from his own childhood. He was fostered and moved from one place to another. And he never suffered anxiety or depression. He rarely told people about his past unless he knew them well. But at the same time he was always happy to share his stories with his family and he told me a lot about his experiences as a child. He seemed to always view things through a lens of positivity and understanding. I think we are all made differently and for some there is no need to go back and release emotions whilst for others it is paramount to move forward...just my thoughts!

[@macijane236]

I agree. I’ve been doing trauma therapy but we rarely talk about the events. We talk about how to react better in life now. Which is I think why I believe in the TMS work. Event though I’m new, I know the answers to get get better in terms of my new symptoms that came along are not in constantly digging up old emotional

[@frauschmied369]

Hi Dan Well in my opinion it did lots writing down all that bad stuff. It lead to the realisation it don't help. And that's huge. I made same experience and came to the same conclusion. THANKS FOR THE VIDEO Greets from South Germany

[@Thebetterkeepsgettingbetter]

Mine all trauma since age 5 and I know its all tms now. Making that commitment to not freak out. 1 step at a time. Ty Dan

[@maggiejames9057]

It's like constantly picking at a scab - the wound will never heal. My life and my TMS symptoms are so much better now I'm focused on the present and the future, not the past. I did need to do some work on my mindset and self-esteem to get to where I am now, and counselling and self-help books aided in that, but eventually I had to let go of all that angst to move forward.

[@feliceofficialmusic]

I LOVE THIS GUY

[@Lollywaterbaby]

Love your sound advice thanks Dan…….it works for me! In the 80’s and 90’s there was huge focus on our wounds which lead to the woundology movement. Unhealthy obsession with trauma. Temperance and balance is good as you say. Get help if you need it but then let it go. Be happy, be healthy, be pain free! 🙏

[@pampatton8658]

I “hear the words that are coming out of your mouth”!!! Thanks for sharing. I can definitely apply it to a particular situation I’m navigating through.

[@bethhenderson9154]

I say " the past is over...it can touch me not!!!

[@jopeskett144]

You are exactly right in what you are saying Dan I have had group therapy for nearly six years it helped but I still had anxiety tension you name it,i then for six and a half year had psychotherapy it didn’t help it was just someone to talk to regarding my anxiety bringing up the past and leaving me with it after the hr was up regardless of where I was in my talking I had to leave it’s like a therapist saying I’m going to help you with your wardrobe that is spilling out with clutter and then you empty it out into the room an they walk away leaving you with a chaotic environment it causes major emotional and physical issues you feel over whelmed, the only person I feel that connects to the needs of my mental health is you Dan and it’s free I would never have any sort of therapy again it didn’t work for me it just dragged up all the past trainers up and they gave no advice what so ever they said you need to work it out,your my saviour and hope, so thank you ❤

[@robynwinter-blick9697]

I totally agree with digging up the past only making the symptoms worse as I did some work with TMS therapists and my pain levels would go through the roof. What I did was change the stories ReFrame the stories so that there was no trauma attached to them. What I would like to ask you is that I live next door to an alcoholic and I am safe but 7 years of abuse and violence in my external environment is having an impact on my nervous system and I'm wondering how you would deal with that. I have support from the tenancy people but it's always the thought of when the next event will happen that keeps my nervous system on high alert and it's incredibly challenging. I'm getting so much from listening to your podcasts thank you enormously. 🙏

[@Montyofkittentopia]

Where delving into some experiences that felt traumatizing to me was helpful, was that by exposing them and really looking at them, I stopped unconsciously fearing the emotions caused by the traumas.

[@amysin963]

Social worker here who has published articles on trauma. I mostly disagree, Dan. If you’ve experienced big T trauma (war, violence, sexual assault, abuse, car or other accidents, witnessing death, etc.), you are carrying it around whether you like it or not. Trauma is not stored in the memory or conscious mind; it is stored in the subconscious and in the body. Read Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps The Score to get all of the science here (and there’s plenty). Stored trauma, even if you’re not telling stories about it, causes every health issue imaginable, and certainly chronic pain. A skilled therapist of any stripe should be trauma-informed by virtue of training/education (though I am well aware this isn’t always the case). So, yes - beginning to unpack the trauma will cause one to feel emotionally and physically worse at first. Think of it like PT; you’re in greater pain when you start the process. But a skilled therapist will help you unpack it slowly and carefully, and you should not walk out of a session feeling too out of sorts. Skilled therapists know how to put you back together after a heavy session before sending you back out in the world. The one thing I will agree with is that your approach Dan and trauma therapy are both ultimately about creating a sense of safety in the body. Sometimes you have to work through the trauma to minimize the meaning and “hold” it has over your life. Then the subconscious fear gets released and your trauma story becomes just another thing that happened in your life; it doesn’t stay the main story of who you are. If anyone’s wondering, I speak not just from professional experience (25 years working with victims of domestic violence and human trafficking), but from personal experience: I suffered from chronic migraines from 2010-2018, until I processed the sexual assault I experienced in college that I had worked diligently to shove out of my brain over 20+ years. It wasn’t my “story,” but it sure as hell lived in my body. So please, Dan - rethink your message here. It’s natural for trauma work to make folks feel worse at first. The only way to not store it is by working through, not avoidance.

[@Inge508]

I applaud you for the correct information! This needs to be taken seriously by anyone working with emotional fragile people!Thanks for sharing!🙏🤗

[@LilyOscar333]

Amy we need more therapists like you. Well done on speaking up. 👏👏👏

[@lisasenior1463]

I agree with this totally. Now at a later age how can it help to keep blaming one's past.

[@amelin1612]

Thanks Dan. I feel the same way. Idk why I have to talk about the problems in my life and just leave it there when I had already worked to regulate my emotions towards these problems in the past. My old memories are old. I'd like to keep them that way.

[@PainFreeYou]

Well said!

[@emilyzena7070]

Thanks so much for this video; really important to hear an alternative viewpoint in this trauma-obsessed society. But just an addition to my comment: trauma does tend to repeat - in terms of events in our lives. Without us 'dwelling' or navel-gazing. And I'm personally not sure how to stop them recurring.

[@naturegirl4074]

Well said

[@GailRobbins-c6h]

i have avoided listening to this one because of the title. it did make my breathing get shallow and tight, but i dont think i felt triggered. i like your approach and i choose not to do trauma work. thank you for all you do.

[@naturegirl4074]

Holy moly I have a lot of catching up to do lol Can’t believe I haven’t watched but 1 of your videos in 2 weeks!

[@naturegirl4074]

I traumatized myself. Co sit op Ed myself into complete fear. Glad to not be there in this moment. Thanks Dan.

[@tammyrichards9901]

Makes sense. I tried journaling but I didn't get anything out of it. My stomach issues have been going on since I was 9. Still trying to figure it out to get rid of it the stomach issues have gotten worse throughout the years.

[@Viggle5]

I had a similar situation Dan, I was advised that releasing old trauma and emotions would help eliminate my symptoms (I have a diagnosis of ME/CFS) so worked with a somatic trauma therapist and had some EMDR therapy. I had a really strong reaction to it and it brought back a lot of stuff I’d repressed like it was happening in the present. It was frightening and incredibly painful mentally. A year on from the therapy I experience flashbacks, being triggered into fight and flight all the time and I have dreams of the trauma which I didn’t have previously. I can try and ground myself in the present etc and remind myself it’s over but sometimes it’s happening subconsciously and I have no control over it. I honestly wish I’d never done the therapy as it made me so much worse. I’ve been journaling daily but that doesn’t seem to improve things either. I’m not sure how to resolve this as I’m reluctant to have further therapy.

[@arthurlockwood8735]

Thanks sir for this one you are right what you saying but it's difficult. 🙏🇬🇧

[@deegee4565]

I could hear this a hundred times

[@carissa5575]

Wow this was timely. Thank you!!!! ❤

[@bethhenderson9154]

EXCELLENT! THANK YOU!

[@LilyOscar333]

Gabor Mate’s new book ‘The Myth of Normal’ is well worth a read for both Therapists , pain councillors and everyone. It’s an eye opener.

[@Inge508]

Thanks for the book- tip! Ideal to read in the upcoming cozy winter- moments ❤

[@LilyOscar333]

@@Inge508 ❤

[@arthurlockwood8735]

I'm taking it up what you saying thanks from Lancashire England UK pendle witches country fantastic

[@Joe-rd3bg]

So true Dan thanks

[@harrymckenzie3725]

I don't really mind going back to the events in the past, but it gives some clarity on how I got this way. There are some beliefs that I now have that were born in the traumatic events. I feel that what bothers me most is the blocks of negative energies in the belly and chest that come up all the time and make me avoid intimacy for example. If those bocks would be gone most problems would fade away

[@arthurlockwood8735]

It's not easy to do whan the problem is still about you. After 41 years but I no what you saying thanks. I'm trying to forget about it and do what you saying thanks 🇬🇧❤️🙏

[@joannerowell4410]

Dr Clare Weekes said in her book " Self help for your nerves" which is all about treating anxiety, that it is irrelevant trying to find out what caused your anxiety. You don't need to to recover. Same as with PDP.

[@Rike-gr1jg]

For understanding my own thinking, my own patterns, my own unconscious reactions learning about the past was helpful. But the quantity and the frequency is crucial. Revisiting again and again is harmful and in the worst case perpetuates the habit of being a victim. That´s the opposite of self-efficacy and that´s what we need......

[@Kenny4AG]

Dan I appreciate what you do so much I can't even describe, but didn't you have this same hot take like 6 months ago and have to back off on it, Its not that i totally disagree with you but A-lot of people need to understand why they feel the way they do before they can begin to deal with the results I don't think its that different from understanding why we have pain Mind body actually only started to come together for me once i saw the pattern of trauma and how my symptoms(at the time not pain but more so acid-reflux) escalated even as a child during and after trauma To apply your philosophies to it, we should be assuring ourselves that even though these things occurred, we are safe now

[@mollieanne]

Identifying as trauma would be terrible and not a way to heal from it. I had some trauma as a child, but learned how to see it for what it was and move on from it. My trauma was not anyone's fault though so not sure what it would be like to have trauma like the woman you mentioned. I do not see though how this can help to tell people that they had trauma and identifying as trauma in a sense. It just would keep someone trapped with it I would think.

[@MsDearne]

I have experienced so much trauma because of my mother and her terrible childhood...not that their is ever an excuse to be very cruel and a terrible person but I find it's in their DNA to be nasty....again not excusing it. There really is hot blooded and cold blooded people. I have panic disorder Agoraphobia and PTSD and I can't get past my trauma because she's still doing it, she's cost me my life and I'm so sick that I can't get a job to get out and I'm nothing more than a cornered rat and no one cares, no one wants to hear the thousands of things I've been through and to think I've got a sister that's 10 years older than me that's never wanted anything to do with me BUT our mum was different to her, much nicer. I don't think there is anyone out there that could destroy someone like my mother has destroyed me, spoke slanderous lies and watched people bash me etc...she's gaslight the whole family about me that I don't ever talk to. Still to this day I'm copping hell from her and whilst I pay more here, we are renting if she died I couldn't afford this house on my own..the cruelest thing is no one cared to get her help and no one cares to listen to me so. No therapist can help with things like this. It's too messed up, you don't hear of the things I've been through in horror books, movies etc......I've lived a cruel life and my dad did it too and so did my sister. To think my mum wouldn't be here many times over if it wasn't for me. I gave her my whole life. You can only put down something after a resolution

[@Inge508]

Sending you love and prayers! You deserve to feel good and worthy and happy! Your life matters!❤❤❤

[@MsDearne]

@@Inge508 Thank you so very much, your words mean a lot. All my life smiling wasn't allowed, she is miserable, angry all the time and negative so in her eyes I have to be too. I don't know what it's like for someone to have coffee with me, be kind to me and my daughter or give a care. I don't know how I'm still breathing.

[@MsDearne]

@@Inge508 I'm so sorry for you too. You didn't get the resolution with your mum and that's not fair. I truly understand. My mums dad bashed her and her mum every night, so many things happen to her but no excuse for doing all that she has done and keeps doing. So much alcoholism and I couldn't leave her in her almighty death wish....so many suicide attempts and running to clubs, a toxic alcoholic boyfriend and I'd call my sister and she would say to not call her, don't stress her, she doesn't want to know. I've got no thanks for it, she treats everyone great but with me, I'm less than dirt. She even looked at me in the shower today and told me I'm disgusting. Can I ask how did you get away, how did you get independent and not let this kill you? I feel like I've gone in to a panic attack and cant get out of it. I would appreciate your advice X

[@MsDearne]

@@Inge508 I am so glad you got out of that horrible marriage and now you're with someone you truly love and vice versa because you deserve this and I'm so very sorry about your brother, that's terrible but you can look back now and see all the good you did. You are a wonderful person. Many years ago I had chances to leave but I was too scared to because I knew mum would die without me but I'm all but dead because of her and I understand the panic attacks, I feel like I went in to a attack and haven't got out of it. My daughter's father left us when she was 4 to act like she was never born, no child support no nothing so I have that too and don't talk to any family but they all have heard mums bullshit lies. I really appreciated you giving me this advice because for the first time in my life I feel understood and I'll never forget you as long as I live. I Brooke from Sydney Australia thank you eternally, oh I'm in tears now and the strength it took getting through each day for you was miraculous. How dare she do that to you after all you did. She had a right to give you some sort of resolution. Hugs!!!!!!!!!! Thank you again.

[@MsDearne]

@@Inge508 I hope to hear from you too again one day and share some good news. I really am the kindest most caring compassionate person that didn't deserve this. I find the nicest people go through the hardest times and that's not fair at all. Perfectly worded ....may I break this vicious lifelong cycle and attract the love I deserve for my daughter Dea and I. I love you and am cheering on your every success. Thank you for being the only person to truly understand me. Im bawling my eyes out still, I've never felt understood. ❤️

[@1STLUCKYB]

Think the lady telling her story needs to speak to someone trained properly. By telling it, she's really saying please don't hurt me. In her head she's warned them. Very sad. Her brain trying to protect her is causing more heartache. Think the child in her needs to be heard and reassured. My opinion.

[@LilyOscar333]

Agree 👍

[@farisamin_cello]

What about people who are living ongoing trauma? And generational trauma? Like us Palestinians, or any oppressed group. How are we supposed to deal with mind-body pain when the trauma and danger occurs daily?

[@kathleenmurray3808]

No benefit from past. It hurt me

[@naturegirl4074]

I can’t touch you now.

[@naturegirl4074]

I’m trying so hard not to talk about symptoms all the time

[@motherwellandcompany]

I unfortunately don't think you're missing the boat on what a lot of (bad) trauma informed therapy can look like - talking up old traumas and leaving the client to fend. Ahh. Harmful. Not wholly informed, and not representative in the least of proper, expert trauma informed therapy under the guidance or education of a true master in this field - which absolutely holds completely transformational value. So very far from "digging up the past." What you do is very similar to what well educated trauma experts do. They teach how to work with the body in the present moment, build safety / capacity in the system, which creates room for what is stored to come up, be felt, and with embodied awareness, to release. Because after all trauma isn't in the story, it's in the body. When someone is stuck in a story, it's a purposeful signal that can encourage one to pay attention to their felt sense, which is begging for attention and integration. Many great trauma therapists don't ever need to hear a clients story. Their aim is to help the client gain a felt sense of safety with the ultimate goal of being able to release what the body has stored (because of perceived danger aka trauma to the system / psyche. Safety = Space = Release. An important component being titration. An excellent and widely recognized educational resource is Irene Lyon, my teacher of four years. I am now personally and passionately beginning to help others with a gentle and deeply healing form of trauma / somatic therapy know as Parts Work based on the model ofInternal Family Systems. Dr. Tori Olds is an expert in the field and known for her wonderful educational resources (YT vids!), and a book rec for the layman on trauma/ somatic experiencing / IFS and more is Happy Days by Gabby Bernstein. Thanks for an honest and humble share here Dan! I really enjoy your perspective, receive immense value from your videos, and am so with you on the harmful side effects often given in the field of trauma (un)informed work. There is much to know better now, and so we can do better, with this foundational and transformational work of working with trauma.

[@AashishmJogi]

I am 39 from India. I had a traumatic childhood was bullied by frnds and relatives suffered upto i was 16. Once i started my higher studies i was still having post traumatic anxiey and depression due to it. Unfortunately i got severe kidney stones when i was 24 which gave me pain 2 years effecting my career relationship and i just went into a deep hole of anxiety and depression. I was taken to a pysciatrist who forcefully put me on antidepressants and benzodiazepines which i never knew what they were at that time. It just helped my anxiety at that time but what i didnt know is that these drugs should not be given on regular basis. My doctor lied me n never wanted me off that. It made my body so much dependent to it that i just couldnt stop it nor did my doctor inform me of its side effects. She forced it 13 years on me i say forced because its not something a person will take it on will its lik s numbing agent or sedative. I just lived like a zombie 13 years. 2 years back i started asking doctors and researching and i got to know it should not be taken so long so i just quit cold turkey in fear. Since the day i quit cold turkey i was in horrible withdrawal 2 years i lost everything in my life. Now post 2 years my spine is damaged 6 disc bulges in my back and neck and sholder ligament tear all happened in this 2 years post the cold turkey. Today i am in bed 24/7 no one takes responsibility for my condition neuther do i have answers. I am 39 and have a 6 year son cant take care of him cant earn no money nothing. I want to kill myslef and end this suffering 😢.

[@PainFreeYou]

I am so sorry for your experience. There is a term called normal abnormalities. Are you aware of my concept called perceived danger causing pain? TMS? I would encourage you to learn more by watching my Fast Start playlist. DansFastStart.com Watch, take notes, understand it deeply, implement the safety messages, repeat over and over again.

[@AashishmJogi]

@@PainFreeYou I am following ur videos very much. I try to implement but my left side body is weak numb and and in pain. Reports say I have disc bulges in neck and back. I am most of the time bedridden really question my existence now.

[@PainFreeYou]

Sometimes things you see on the MRI are not the actual cause of the pain or weakness. Those are called normal abnormalities. kzbin.info/www/bejne/qIWck2WnltuWd9E Take the pain test to see if your symptoms are structural or caused by the brain perceiving danger. YourPainTest.com - if it says TMS, then you CAN get well. If it says TMS, decide that the bulges are NOT anything more than normal abnormalities. @@AashishmJogi

[@AashishmJogi]

@@PainFreeYou what about the nerves compression and nerves damage?? Clearly show s on emg. And my leg and hand has pain weekness and numbness clearly. How can this thing be dealt with?

[@PainFreeYou]

Did you take the pain test? What did you score? What are the doctors recommending? Surgery? @@AashishmJogi