My Ted Talk about anxiety - Answering your questions - Part 2

[@Sirburus]

So....I've been having a really rough day, with anxiety pain and derealization. And I just stumbled upon your Ted Talk. And a few other videos of yours. And realized you put this out yesterday. And that this would be a great opportunity to have my question answered. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and generalized anxiety a decade ago. Though my first panic attack was two decades ago. I've been in counseling all my life. Seen many psychiatrists. Been on many different drugs. Self medicated with street drugs. The whole shebang. When you said the quote by John Shedd about the boat, and the consequential explanation of the ship after that. It made me cry. I realized how hateful I was to myself. I realized that all the things that have helped me in the past were me talking to my crew. Currently I am homebound. I consider myself to be agoraphobic. I avoid crowded places (such as grocery stores). I don't drive anywhere because I feel trapped at stop lights and in heavy traffic. I cower during really bad weather (a lot of snow or a bad thunderstorm). I am in this constant mode of anxiety and pain. They feed each other creating a vicious cycle. I have only been like this for the passed year or so. And the state of the world. And only seeing the world through the internet or TV has compounded my fears. I found myself talking with someone on a crisis line. Begging them to talk to me like a normal human being. In order to restore my faith in the kindness of others.....I digress, I realized this is a lengthy comment and more than I was planning on writing. My question is this: 1) How do you convince yourself to not being anxious about being anxious? I hear that and immediately begin to sabotage with myself with the whole; "It's all in your head. It's not real. Just get over it." leading to me not believing it. Or it losing its power. And 2) probably the simplest question with the hardest answer...Where do I start when I've gone so low? Like, where do I begin? I have no clue. I feel like your example of someone that has so much to do. Looks at it all and tries to manage it all at once. Sure you say do one thing at a time. But what? How long? How many? In one day? I'm sure you could say in response to this question. "Well it all depends on the person. The situation. Blah Blah Blah." But, Lets strip all of the random dicing throwing away. You or I have anxiety and panic attacks. It's become debilitating. You don't have access to professionals. You're all alone. It's 8 AM on any day of the week. You're feeling anxious. All the thoughts and images start making their presence known. You decide you are going to get up. Boom where do you begin. What is the first most defining thing to do in this situation? To start turning your day and ultimately your life around. Thank you. I hope this can be answered. And it helps not only me, but also people that feel just like me.

[@TimBoxMindCoach]

Firstly, really sorry to hear you’ve been going through this. These are challenging times and the situation is inevitably going to have the potential of exacerbating our existing issues. Let me answer the question about the one most important thing to do and how we decide what that is: It really doesn’t matter. Most days when we decide to do something we could very easily argue it wasn’t the most important or effective thing. That’s ok. The important thing is that we did something. The problem comes from placing too much importance on getting that decision right. Taking action on the thing that didn’t really matter is better than taking no action on anything. Let’s remember why we’re doing this... it’s to help us start to remember that we are effective and capable. It’s our perception that we are broken that is there problem here. Any action on anything and recognising the value of that (in whatever small way we’re acknowledge it) will serve to take steps towards building our self esteem. When we start to restore faith in our own value then we automatically start to feel less vulnerable to life’s challenges and less anxious. A diagnosis of a panic disorder and generalised anxiety is not a life sentence. It simply describes where you are (or were) at any given time. Unfortunately, that diagnosis can often become the reason we lose faith in ourself and the reality that causes us to disengage from our every day life. You stop feeling anxious about anxiety when it no longer scares you. You stop being scared by it by getting control of it. You get control of it by realising and rediscovering your own ability to cope with life’s challenges. That’s why in the situation you describe it doesn’t particularly matter what you decide to do. It just matters that you do. Really hope this in some way answers the questions.

[@Sirburus]

@@TimBoxMindCoach Yes, I agree. I have a quote or an inspiration on my whiteboard in my kitchen. "Bravery isn't big or small; It's simply doing what you're afraid of." Your talk has really helped me cope in amazing fashion. I am taking time out of my day for myself. Not always distracting myself. Learning to "live" with myself. As in allowing all the noise to exist and accepting it. This goes back to your whole "crew" concept. I am finding it difficult to tap into that crew though. Any pointers? PS you response to my first question is appreciated. Any response big or small is always welcome. It helps to make me feel less alone and more valuable.

[@maggiequinn8087]

Another GREAT talk Tim, with very helpful answers as always 🙏🌈☘

[@TimBoxMindCoach]

Thanks Maggie. Glad you got something from this one. 👍🏻

[@maggiequinn8087]

@@TimBoxMindCoach I always get Sooo much from your talks Tim 👌👏 also reading your replies to other warriors questions 🙏 if only you where around 30 + years ago 🙂 with " All " your "BRILLIANT" knowledge and advise, I wouldn't have suffered for as long as I did, but thank God every day is a new one. The BIGGEST THANK YOU TIM, because now I'm finally taking control of my ship 😉 and looking after my grew. 🙏🌈☘

[@lozb1631]

Wow this is the first site I have seen that has mentioned loss of appetite. I'm in the grips of high anxiety and it's like a switch that happens with my appetite. This is the worst symptom for me. Everything around us is food orientated. So not fancying any type of food and knowing this is not good for you propels the anxiety and there we are on the anxiety cycle again.

[@TimBoxMindCoach]

Loz, it’s the cycle that’s the problem. The way we feel when we’re anxious being eventually the thing we feel anxious about feeling. The thing about circular thinking is that if we can invalidate any of the beliefs that perpetuate it then the cycle gets broken and we do that natural thing of starting to recover. This is why I talk about anxiety and the way we feel when we’re anxious as being completely natural. It’s the idea that anxiety is a sign that we have something wrong with us that drives the continued anxiety. If we can let go of that idea (because it’s ultimately not the case) then we can break the cycle. Remember, anxiety always passes. Once it does our appetite will return.

[@nathalieds9011]

I always struggle with food when I'm anxious, so much that one time I just got anxious about the fact of how hard it is for me to eat when in that state, so I fell into a non-stop cycle of anxiousness and not eating. it was one of my worst experiences with anxiety, but I got through it. from time to time I still get that fear of falling into that hole again.

[@TimBoxMindCoach]

Nathalie, I totally hear you. It’s really natural for us to develop a fear of repeating s horrible experience we’ve been through. Whenever you have that thought always remember that it was you that got yourself through it. It was unpleasant, but you got through it. The only reason it was so bad was because at the time you had no idea if it would end. You will never again fall into that hole because unlike before, you now know that you eventually find your way out.

[@sandeshsingh2854]

I want to discusse so many things with you.....pls

[@TimBoxMindCoach]

Sandesh, details of my 1-2-1 work can be found on my website: thecontrolsystem.co.uk You can reach me directly there and we can talk.

[@sandeshsingh2854]

Sir! I need your hepl. I want to out of it pls