My Therapist Doesn't Think I'm Autistic?

[@gmlpc7132]

Therapists who have these misconceptions should be challenged and corrected - gently and constructively. They can do a lot of harm whether it is making already-diagnosed people question their diagnosis or discouraging those who need a diagnosis from getting one. They may be experts on other issues and very supportive in dealing with them but they should know their limitations and leave passing comment and - even more so - making diagnoses to genuine experts. They should realise that autism isn't just about matters such as eye contact, smiling, etc but life history. Masking has become second-nature to those with autism and how they project in brief sessions with a clinician is not a reflection of how they live their lives.

[@breannapiscitelli3941]

I do truly believe this. This is actually the route. I kind of in for us to go down. I’m on a waiting list, but there is a three year wait. I could no longer wait for counseling . I basically told my therapist that I’m going to try to be as open as I possibly can with her, but the only thing I ask is to not put a label on anything because that will trigger me. Everyone constantly trying to tell me I have bipolar disorder, but I’ve never had a mood swing in my life except on my period. I get very irritated because no one understands anything I’m trying to say. This has been a continual issue since I was as far back as I can remember. My therapist literally thinks that I am the female version of Sheldon lol I don’t even think she knows that Autism is but that’s how she describes me and I’m OK with it because that’s kind of almost people describe me which is funny. I also know that Sheldon Cooper is a major head cannon for people who have autism and it’s not some thing that hasn’t gotten brought up before. Basically, I know who I am at this point I’ve been living in my body and trying to pretend to be someone else for years. I think that is important to establish boundaries with the therapist because this does happen a lot. It’s actually why I’ve left therapy in the past because I broke down and finally told my therapist what I think is wrong, and they had denied me. I don’t want my therapist to ask that question this time because I don’t think it will end up well. I think the best thing she can do for me is just be an open ear and listen to me. That’s all I really wanted was to talk to somebody. I was legit talking to myself for three years because I had no one to talk too

[@elladurbin1505]

My therapist also doesnt think im autistic and it was a big reason why i didnt get diagnosed earlier. I tested negatively for asd a few years back and avoided getting another test for years because of my therapist's opinion. I think it's similar to your situation - that she's used to male-normative diagnosis criteria, that I mask in front of her (and everyone), etc. Her reasoning was that I am too emotionally intelligent to be autistic. I believe i am pretty emotionally intelligent, but it's still clear to me that I am autistic. It was validating to finally get a diagnosis last week.

[@DanaAndersen]

I think I'm fairly emotionally intelligent BECAUSE I'm autistic if anything, I've had to spend a lot more time developing my emotional intelligence in an attempt to blend in better and understand people more, it baffles me that anyone would think that means someone isn't autistic!

[@SingingSealRiana]

​@@DanaAndersenthis! Hyperfixating on understanding how people tick to compensate the intuitive skill we lack can make us a lot more knowledgeable in that regard. The skills we are forced to learn to survive, often end up "better" as those what normal people need

[@paulinejulien9191]

That’s the reason why I’ll only see autistic or autism-informed therapists from now on 😅 I actually had my first session with my new autistic therapist this morning and it was amazing to feel understood and not have to mask so much 👍

[@Eryniell]

it's honestly also so super harmful...I was in therapy for 3 years and was so confused about it why I seemed to progress in some areas, but the ones I had the most struggle with that are affecting my ability to function majorly, weren't affected by therapy at all (executive function related issues). At some point I actually pointed it out and asked if it's possible that i might be autistic (at that point adhd wasn't even considered by either of us) and she just said "you don't seem autistic to me" and that was that...no explanation....no asking why I thought that way etc. after our relationship ended (cause healthcare wouldn't pay for more) the first psychatric nurse I met suggested both autism and adhd....that's now over 2 years ago and it has pretty much turned my world upside down, reframing alot of my experiences and realizing how there was no chance for me to progress in my therapy because everything was pretty much put under the umbrella of "this is anxiety, you just need positive experiences to counter the negative ones, you are overthinking things" etc. the reasons for why I was/am the way I am was put down to things that should be changable and would have no basis on my current reality ....not to mention I always felt "left alone" with my issues....as if I would "just need to try harder" in some areas and "just rest more" in others, without ever adressing why I'm chronically stressed from things that any "normal" person doesn't or barely struggles with. Needless to say, I'm doing my own health journey now...also waiting for official diagnoses/evaluation which I'm only a few months short of....but learning about this was so so important, because it allowed me to not blame myself for everything and to believe it....to accommodate for myself and reducing stress slowly...to know which situations to avoid and how to prepare for difficult situations etc.....and that asking for help isn't a sign of failure but of growth of understanding my needs better.... btw. thanks for sharing your journey, I have been watching many of your videos and it helps hearing similar struggles/thoughts being expressed...but also the way you talk it feels alot like how my mind works...the intensity, amount and depth those thoughts go.

[@andreutormos7210]

"It's not the opinion that matters, it's the reason behind the opinion." I think this summarizes it perfectly. Great video, thanks for sharing.

[@stephaniemover6298]

Sorry this is long but your video really resonated with me and I have some thoughts about my own experience with therapists. I have diagnosed GAD and social anxiety, and suspect I'm autistic but haven't been formally assessed. I recently switched therapists and my previous therapist was a lot like your current one. She was very scientifically minded but completely shut me down when I mentioned that I thought I had autism, only stopping to ask why I thought that when I burst into tears. She was very helpful with managing my anxiety but she seemed to not know how to help when I asked about a bunch of sensory issues. With some reflection I've realized that I put on a mask for my therapy, that of someone whose issues all stem from anxiety and specific fears. And she couldn't see through that even when I pointed out the cracks. And it limited how much she could actually help me. I've only met with my new therapist twice but I'm so much more comfortable around her. I feel listened to even when I just start rambling and she's getting me set up for an ASD assessment. She certainly has a different perspective than in used to but she is radically accepting of me. The biggest difference I see is my previous therapist had a very scientific/medical approach in that there's a "right" thought pattern where the person is normal. My new therapist thinks people are people no matter their differences in experience and is trying to help them feel happy and content as best she can. She told me "you are the expert in your own experience" which helped me just be myself instead of masking or trying to phrase my descriptions of experiences in a certain way. I'm glad you're happy with your current therapist and find them helpful. But if you find yourself in a spot where you need help with things your current therapist doesn't believe, switch therapists. You shouldn't have to settle for a provider who only halfway helps just because they're better than what came before.

[@DanaAndersen]

No need to apologise for it being long, I love reading longer comments! You make some great points that I definitely agree with, and I’m glad you’ve found a therapist so accepting of you and helpful! They sound great! I’ve never been able to afford therapy so it’s dribs and drabs from local charities and the like, so I think that adds to feeling like I just need to be grateful for what I can get, which so far tends to end with me realising what I got wasn’t actually that great 😅 The moment I’m in the financial position to do so though, I’ll be getting the best, most autism friendly therapist i can find 😂

[@valentinamarichal4128]

My therapist told me yesterday that the sole reason she thinks i don't have autism is because i have friends, and that apparently just cancelled the rest, my assessment starts next week, but i can't stop thinking about what she said, and now i'm doubting myself and i'm re-researching and everything i did a year ago when i started with this whole thing, i tried really hard to trust in the process and the profesionales and that the re was no Way that in 2022 some would still follow the steriotype for my sanity and to prove some ignorant people around me(e.g. my aunt said there's no way i'm autistic because "people with autism are absent from reality" and other stupid nonsense) but now that trust and calm is shaking

[@rahbeeuh]

How'd your assessment go? It's unfortunate that there are professionals who basically gaslight their clients into questioning if this thing (Autism) they suspect is even real. They're s'pose to be supportive and listen to you while offering suggestions and working things out with you. It's meant to be a bit like a partnership but invalidation doesn't allow for that. Ugh this topic gets me heated 😵

[@letsrock1729]

Did she not consider that your friends may actually also be autistic and that this is why you have gelled so well with them? Because I struggled to make new friends when I moved to a new area (and still haven't, after living here for 23 years), but I have lots of very close friends I met 30+ years ago and we are all now in our 50s and finally realising that we are autistic. Birds of a feather. It hardly seems like rocket science. It's very disturbing that so many therapists are so uninformed/misinformed about autism.

[@valentinamarichal4128]

@@rahbeeuh i just saw this, sorry is a little late. The good news about my assessmet is that I was told I seem to be in the spectrum, the bad news is that I was told that since I made it to adulthood with no 'major' issues(which is funny considering i just told them my entire life story and all the problems I had growing up), pair with the fact that I knew getting an official diagnosis as an adult is rare, they said 'I don't really need it on paper'.

[@valentinamarichal4128]

@@letsrock1729 probably not, but my friends are't autistic, at least I don't think so. One has ADHD though, and she was the first to befriend me and bought me into the little group.

[@letsrock1729]

@@valentinamarichal4128 I think the ADHD is definitely relevant/significant because this means your friend isn't neurotypical. I also have a couple of very close friends who 'only' have ADHD and one with bipolar. So all these things add up even if they aren't specifically autistic.

[@luvscats3]

Hey! I hope I’m not out of line here but I just wanted to validate that it’s ok to be hurt or upset by your therapist not believing you and not recognizing that important part of your identity. I hear that you also like her and feel like she does a lot of good work in other ways which is great to hear! Maybe a goal can someday be to bring up both of those feelings. Something along the lines of I really appreciate our work together and like you a lot! And because I value our relationship I wanted to let you know that I am hurt that you don’t believe this diagnosis that I’ve gotten by a professional and that plays a huge part in my life and who I am. I hope we can work through these feelings together. Idk just a thought and you absolutely don’t need to take that advice and again I hope I’m not overstepping!

[@mariesmith3666]

Your therapist needs to see this video!

[@mrmarten9385]

I wish they could just see what they think is helping is actually hurting, generally speaking.

[@satansmuffintop2884]

Someone please help me. I went to my therapist this week, trying to talk to her about how much I really think I have autism because of all the research I've been doing. I am a very rational person, and my therapist knows this. I could tell there was a vibe shift in the room ever since I brought up autism and it made me feel like I had to walk on eggshells in the appointment. Eventually, after I brought it up again, she told be that "if you even are autistic, your ~high functioning~ I mean, you can make eye contact with me, and have a conversation with me...? I didn't say anything and it was quiet as I was losing cognitive function rethinking over and over what I could not say/could say in this scenario. I then started crying while trying to explain to her that I was upset-while not trying to make her feel like she upset me 🙃 The meeting ended soon after that and I think I successfully masked my way out of it without even fucking meaning to. I'm going back again this Monday, with a new plan. Please fucking help me. Or validate me, I've been feeling like I'm going crazy this week.

[@DanaAndersen]

Are you able to switch to a different therapist, or reach out to other medical professionals? I’m in the UK and was able to access my diagnosis through speaking to my GP for a referral. Whether you are autistic or not, you’ve done the research and deserve to be taken seriously and supported to find out if it is that you’re autistic, or what it is if you’re not. You shouldn’t be being disregarded and invalidated like that and I’m really sorry you have been.

[@satansmuffintop2884]

@@DanaAndersen thank you for your response! And my situation is a bit complicated. I have a lot of respect for this woman and she's been someone apart of treatment for a handful of years now. But she doesn't know me much behind what I tell and show her (trouble when I'm masking masking the time). She did diagnose me with ADHD about 2 years ago when I brought it to her attention how many things I'd been noticing. I have been so upset this week. I live in Austin, Texas (USA)- so there's some resources... but it's still so fucking hard and draining going through everything again. I've been thinking I will seek out someone who specialises in autism and diagnoses if my therapist doesn't correct some things.

[@foljs5858]

Many therapists are misinformed, trained and focused on other conditions (which are far more common with their clients than the 1-2% that autism is), and don't know shit or care to keep up with the literature. They go off with whatever they picked during their training, which could have been 1 to 3 decades ago, and even then they didn't focus or specialize on autism, even less adult high functionism autism

[@jo45]

Plot twist: the therapist is autistic herself and doesn’t know! She thinks ‘this is normal, I do that too’. /joke

[@Truerealism747]

60 percent are apparently

[@michaelvandenheuvel317]

That's because your therapist is probable in denial about themselves. And if she says that to you, she needs a therapist of her own. Keep looking you deserve a therapist that fully supports you as you are.

[@st.cIaire]

I got diagnosed less than a year ago. I am also turning 24 soon, when is your birthday? My favorite thing is... Me: I'm autistic Person: You don't seem autistic / I couldnt tell Like thanks? I guess? Not really? I can tell though. YES. I was definitely liberated by my diagnosis I felt so validated.

[@DanaAndersen]

My birthday is on Sunday, the 28th! When’s yours? Exactly! It’s such a weird way to react and I can never tell if it’s meant to be a compliment or just general observation 😅😂

[@julienfroidevaux1143]

​@@DanaAndersenOr a insult ? Let them live in our skin and they may see .

[@Lady_Tism]

I know this is an old video but I'm curious...do you still have the same therapist now? That'd honestly have been a deal breaker for me and I, personally, would've been like, "Look I've done the assessment...it's your literal job to educate yourself and to UPDATE your education, thoughts and views on Autism because they're inaccurate and outdated. I hope you'll take this as an opportunity to better educate yourself" and then I'll be damned if I ever went back to her lmao screw THAT. You should NEVER have to withhold parts of yourself and/or things about yourself to your therapist. She shouldn't be trying to lessen your experience as an autistic person. She sounds horrible. You had a whole assessment done by a professional for God's sake!

[@Mitzthatonekid]

I've been diagnosed autistic my whole life and just yesterday a new psychiatrist said "Erm you're not autistic because you care about people" And he also called me a r*tard. I've seen him before and got evaluated after him again and gotten diagnosed again with autism- shocker.

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

Great job, you should look up Mom on the Spectrum (or maybe even collab) I can definitely understand that feeling.

[@CB19087]

She's clearly not that educated about autism so she should keep her opinions to herself. A good therapist would say they're not trained to make assessments like that because they don't have expertise in the area. Her unsolicited advice in this area has clearly had an impact on you.

[@Opalescence_]

My therapist says , I'm not autistic because she thinks, the fact that i don't know how to communicate with others is due to trauma and not because I'm autistic. And at this point I'm not even sure I'm autistic ....

[@Alf258]

well ask her this question If I am an undiagnosed Autistic living on a neurotypical world without getting the help that I need and also being expected by people to perform like a neurotypical wouldn't this be traumatic as well ?

[@theautisticwoman]

You have more than 400 people who think you're autistic (subscribers)! What does it take! Great video. I love the points you raise.

[@makedreamstangible2263]

Hi there, thank you for making this video. Did she not think you’re autistic even after you received your diagnosis? Usually people need that 3rd party “proof” which I still think is bull, and yet there are many people who still don’t believe you after a diagnosis which I think it’s bogus. It’s pretty cool that this doesn’t bother you, but it is rather frustrating for me so it was cool to see your perspective!

[@legoloverforever8100]

No matter what your therapist or any one else says you know your autistic that’s all that matters .

[@Ronzo777]

That seems like a very unhealthy mindframe.

[@philsaspiezone]

Epilepsy ironically was my first diagnosis back in 1987. In 1988 I done a piece of so called therapy because of suffered adverse childhood experiences. The therapist didn't really do anything constructive. Apart messing my anti epilepsy meds and getting a psychologist to run an IQ test. Also the therapist who was a psychiatrist comeletely dismissed the possibility of me being autistic. I was groomed to get me out of the therapy and to get me into forced labour (the euphemism for forced labour is industrial therapy) on October 1988. Funnily Enough I was confirmed as autistic/Asperger syndrome back in 2003. Psychiatrists have no clue about autism. I was also put int group therapy back in 1998-99 because of some crap the jobcentre work coach said accusing me of having a 'behaviour problem' and recommending professional counselling which involved being in a psychotherapeutic environment but getting bullied and excuded by allistics who most were getting preferential treatment at my expense. Behaviour problem?' I don't think so autism is neurodevelopmental not behavioural.

[@LaylaTow]

Well I understand that some autistic people understand emotions but I completely don’t. I barely can describe mine and I can look someone straight to face, observe them and I would not be able to tell it. So for most of the life I’m asking question like “are you this? Are you that?”. And sometimes I when I think that I might know what someone feels and I ask them if they feel like that they say “no”. So guess I’m completely blind on that matter. 🙈 But I just want to note that it doesn’t change that I’m empathetic and trying to guess how people feel and if I can do something to make them feel better. But another but I’m also bad at it.

[@DJ_Dopamine]

I understand the 'concept' of emotions. The theory. But really... the whole thing has always been a mystery to me 'in practice' and that includes my own emotions! If I had a low IQ that would perhaps explain why. Except I absolutely do not.

[@undertheradar001]

No therapist is trained to diagnose autism. Their opinion is opinion only; not a medical diagnosis.

[@amjay9013]

It's interesting. I have Social Anxiety Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder and I have symptoms of Autism and relate to you (hearing you talk about yourself in other videos) but I believe (even considering how large the spectrum is) that my autism-like symptoms are nothing more than side affects of my Social Anxiety and Avoidant Personality. You know you but I just felt like I needed to share my side of things given how much that I relate to you.

[@BipolarCourage]

There is overlap with some diagnoses & this can indeed be the case. Yet somehow autism has become popular & has been significantly altered from clinical version & people are encouraged to self-diagnose with it.

[@ihylawood8048]

Dana, you took the words out of my brain. Thank you. Please tell me, Have you convinced her yet?

[@DanaAndersen]

I don’t think there’s any convincing unfortunately, I found a new therapist who is autistic themselves and fully believes and validates it for myself!

[@miezepups15]

Did you ever show her the stuff the guy who diagnosed you wrote?

[@stephenie44]

Curious for an update. Are you still with the same therapist? Did she eventually understand? You can only get so much out of therapy while you’re masking…

[@stephenie44]

Never mind, you made an update video…

[@zerohcrows]

Hey I know this was an old video but you mentioned that learning about your Autism was super freeing for you. Could you elaborate? Cause I'm a bit scared to even go through the assessment process as it feels like I won't really benefit from it. In fact, it kinda feels limiting as being able to chalk my behavior up to autism would make me feel not very in control of my life. I'm unsure if you've had a similar feeling but I'd love to know how it helped you feel more free!

[@davidcrawford9026]

Don't do it. You can self diagnose and help yourself with the things you know you have problems with. If you get a diagnosis it will bias medical professionals against you in other areas, you risk losing autonomy, and it may prevent you immigrating to other countries and god knows what other restrictions it will put on your life. The less the systems know about you the better. People peddling a diagnosis don't care about how this can negatively impact you

[@InterDivergent]

My therapist told me that I have many Autistic Traits, but also that I don't need another label.

[@Truerealism747]

@@InterDivergent I payed private for diagnosis after the diagnosis he said you can either give the letter to your GP or keep it yourself he said you would get better hospital care if they do not no scary.

[@InterDivergent]

@@Truerealism747 yeah basically it's like here's a piece of paper stating you have XYZ, now get back out there and good luck. And after the trauma you've just experienced unravelling your life to now to get this diagnosis, you walk out feeling worse than when you walked in.

[@Truerealism747]

They just care about making money 💸 do you have any physical symptoms from the autism adhd

[@InterDivergent]

@@Truerealism747 Physical symptoms? I often have digestive issues as soon as I'm stressed/anxious I'm spending a lot of time on the toilet. I also have an essential tremor mostly in my hands, but when very anxious my head might start shaking; thankfully that doesn't happen too often, but the hands are constant. My stims - I'm always bouncing, shaking legs etc which drives others insane so I've been told. I also have Klinefelter Syndrome so I'm on testosterone; prior to this my upper body muscles were virtually non-existant and coordination was rather poor.

[@InterDivergent]

@@Truerealism747 regarding money they don't seem to have an issue taking $700 per 50min visit off someone who only makes $200 per week. In Australia you can get free visits (to a Psychiatrist) if you're under 25yo or if you're suicidal. Anyone else has to go private.

[@borninussr7242]

The diagnosis of autism isn't done by how therapist feels. There are many different instruments (questionnaires) that evaluate many aspects of your personality, behavior, and emotions. Maybe, your score is not significant enough due to your ability to fit in...

[@DanaAndersen]

Yes I am aware, because I went through the diagnosis process with a different medical professional who diagnosed me as autistic. As I say in the video, I’m discussing an entirely different professional who isn’t educated in autism.

[@SaraHinata]

@@DanaAndersen I understand what you're saying. But her opinion is not a clinical diagnosis (which you already have). It's like a doctor saying they don't think you suffer from hypertension just because another doctor ran tests and determined you do have it. I know you love her and you're being empathetic of her ignorance. But it is not ethical the way she dismisses your diagnosis.

[@BipolarCourage]

Lots of things can look similar but for some strange reason, autism has become popular. What kind of clinician diagnosed you & what did your assessment involve?

[@DanaAndersen]

What business is it of yours exactly? Autism hasn’t become popular, it’s being more accurately recognised.

[@BipolarCourage]

@@DanaAndersen a lot of people are saying they are diagnosed yet it seems to vary greatly what it involved. No need to get defensive

[@otterIy]

​@@BipolarCourage no need to be defensive? how about no need to be intrusive

[@BipolarCourage]

@@otterIy how am I being "intrusive" asking for clarification about what someone decides to put out there?

[@LocalPest]

​@@BipolarCourage an autism asessement can vary based on the place you do it and the doctor who does it, I got 2 assessments and both were wildly different. Also, Autism has not become popular, it has become recognised. Go out and eat sticks or something, mate

[@truthofdsp]

You look like you have money. You should sue anybody and everybody.

[@johnkeane1419]

Your special interests are just mainstream culture.