Being (undiagnosed!) AUTISTIC at university

What is it like being (undiagnosed) autistic at university? In this video I tell you about my experiences in higher education - the good, the bad, and the ugly.
An important part of autistic advocacy is sharing our experiences, especially so that undiagnosed autistic people can pursue a diagnosis (if they feel that would be helpful).
My experiences at uni were definitely not what I expected, and this part of my life with undiagnosed autism was particularly tough for a variety of reasons.
I'd love to hear what your uni experiences were like - feel free to share them in the comments below!

[@YoSamdySam]

I'm interested to know about your experience at university (whether diagnosed or undiagnosed). Let me know! One thing I forgot to mention (but alluded to) was that heavy drinking was also a strategy for dealing with sensory overload, as the social events almost entirely took places in environments that were unpleasant to me. Drinking made the noise, the sweat, the stink, easier to bear.

[@rosecaron9905]

Yo Samdy Sam thank you for sharing your experience. It makes me feel less alone. I had to leave university after one semester because the sensory overload was endless, the socializing was humiliating, and I constantly felt overwhelmed and exhausted due to executive functioning difficulties. This last year has been about me finding my own normal, doing things that make me happy without the distressing part, and taking care of myself.

[@ahmadag1820]

you are the british of me except i started to reject standard social norms

[@julesfett6622]

I've just found this video and cried. From joy. I am at uni (mature student mind) I was diagnosed coeliac in my foundation year and am waiting on my diagnosis for autism which I am currently only self-diagnosed. Everything you say here really hits home. Thank you for this video and your labour making it. I spent 2 years struggling not sure why i couldn't just manage my time. That I too thought i was lazy etc

[@mireillepoirier9688]

I drank heavily my first two years living in a dorm, but once in an apartment did well. I was a music student and music calms me so the conservatory environment was quite nice. Reading and learning have always been a joy for me but I did struggle with procrastination.

[@amybe3]

I dropped out twice

[@kirbycobain1845]

"oh you'll eventually find YOUR people" i was told that CONSTANTLY by family members when i complained about bullying and lack of friends that cared about me from ages 5-12 until i made my 4 closest friends in high school. those are pretty much the only people i hang out with and i guess MY people are my local (small town) drag community but that mindset definitely hits home for me

[@TerryProthero]

Your people should have been martial arts instructors so that you could learn to kick the crap out of the people who were harassing you.

[@seatbelttruck]

College was horrible for me. I didn't finish (though I'd like to. I'm trying to figure out where to get the money right now) because I burned myself out. The lack of structure made staying on top of my studies difficult, even though the classes other than organic chemistry weren't hard. My body was having fun finding new and exciting ways to let me know I was stressed (Have a fever, weird bump on your chin, and a dream about all of your teeth falling out!) I was constantly missing class because I was sick or too depressed to function, In the dorms there was no respite from squealing girls, I never felt like I could escape school because I lived on campus and didn't have a car, I was dealing with side-effects from various anti-depressants that I took to try to mitigate my problems (one lowered my blood-pressure, resulting in shaky hands and light-headedness, which made the aforementioned Organic Chemistry interesting). But my only diagnosis was my anxiety disorder, I had trouble asking for accommodation for that, because it was anxiety provoking, and also kind of humiliating since I had been the "smart kid" in high school. I made some effort to socialize my Freshman year, but each year following my energy depleted and I was able to do that less, leading to me feeling pretty isolated. I tried to self-medicate with TV shows, fanfiction, online-games, etc, which lead to a computer addiction. By the time I was put on an academic suspension I was passively suicidal, my days and nights were pretty much backwards, I'd lost a bunch of weight, and my self-image was the lowest it's ever been.

[@leilazerrouki7040]

I liked because I'm feeling you (is that it in English ? Touched ? Relate ?).

[@seatbelttruck]

@@leilazerrouki7040 It makes sense the way you said it, but it could be taken multiple ways. You could also have said "I can relate," which would be a little less ambiguous. Also, thanks for the like :)

[@Phantomi]

Same for me... It was too much, in the end, I had a stress reaction just for passing by the building. I want to study and get my degree, but I don't think the uni environment is for me.. Just the thought of going back makes me stressed. :c

[@gabe2791Gabemupe]

This is just like my story, last year my anxiety and panic attacks led me to drop university

[@oh_ASMR]

I feel you. Just wrote my story up in the comments. I felt weird while reading 'em all. Ashamed that couldn't make it. Thank you for your story.

[@TheProductofyourmind]

I just finished my Master's degree and I can relate so much! I didn't have a diagnosis for all of my Bachelor's studies and it was SO hard. Now that I do have a diagnosis, I could take things a lot more slowly and with more structure and with some luck I'll be able to start working on a PhD soon, I never thought I'd get this far.

[@ainoruoste9338]

This gives me hope! I've struggled with studying for my entire uni career. One therapist suggested to check out autism in girls. It sounded familiar, but I brushed it off. Now, after a year I find myself coming back to KZbin to find answers. This video hits so close and your comment just makes it clear that it could be worth thinking it over.

[@bookbunny9]

I'm working on my master's now and really struggling with executive function. I'm also thinking of pursuing a PhD, so your comment gives me hope!!

[@TheProductofyourmind]

@@bookbunny9 hey, if you need some tips or mentoring, feel free to message me (is the chat function still a thing on KZbin?). I've worked as a tutor for a while and I have issues with executive functioning myself, so maybe we can work out some strategies for you!

[@bookbunny9]

@@TheProductofyourmind Thank you so much!! I don't think the chat function still exists, unfortunately, but if you have any strategies you could recommend, I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one who would love to hear them!

[@adeel-eh7xq]

I was in grad school for a very long time and never knew I was autistic for all of those years. When you go back to uni, it will be a good idea to ask the services to introduce you to other autistic students, that's something I was never able to do when I was a student, but it would have made a big difference. Some unis are really good at getting autistic students together, others only do so if you ask. Good luck with your future studies.

[@daphneagneessens8527]

I’m in my first year of college. I was diagnosed with adhd at age 6 and with autism at age 8. Because of my diagnosis I get extra support which is great. I want to become a middenschool and High school teacher because I want to help people with adhd and autism. Cause as a teen I never felt understood by my teacher.

[@pawel198812]

Me, I sank. I felt like a broken clock that would never run properly again.

[@MythicGirl2210]

Currently in a sinking ship, but I don't know if I'm in a position where I'm "allowed" to drop out of school...

[@cerirose3148]

Me too. It's taken me nearly ten years to even get close to finishing my degree. Now it's all online and the only socializing I have to do is on the forums for my classes. Routines are still an issue but it's improving. It's a pity because I love being a student. I just hate everything else surrounding university.

[@MythicGirl2210]

@@cerirose3148 Surprisingly for me, the pressure of other people makes me fall into line. (Like taking a shower, doing homework, etc.) If there's judgement to be had oThEr than ny own, then I stay on a straighter path than what I'm doing currently (which is falling apart, since I don't have any routines lol :/).

[@JENTHINKSO]

When signing up for classes each semester I remember being very focused on trying to arrange it so I had as many days as possible where I wasn't obliged to leave my apartment to attend classes. It was frustrating how hard it was to fit the required classes into two or three days power week rather than five or six! I thought of this mindset as a manifestation of laziness but now I understand I needed as many no-pressure, no-masking days as possible. Of course, I had ZERO clue that I may be on the autism spectrum. I'm still unsure, but I'm starting to think my uncertainty is sort of ridiculous and founded more in negative, invalidating experiences with mental health "professionals" and other ignorant members of society than fact.

[@georgebunney9569]

It could be that you also wanted the days that you were there to be very regimented because you had to fit everything in.

[@JENTHINKSO]

@@georgebunney9569 True. I wanted to create a schedule that was neat and efficient. Lol

[@ithacacomments4811]

My aspie daughter struggled to decide what her course study would be. First she thought law and then settled on being a photojournalist. She got sick frequently and almost had to drop out and complete the next year. She rallied and graduated. I am so proud of her. College was very hard but she pulled it off!

[@RockyRZ]

Asperger’s is outdated term

[@chadjones1377]

Oh, my god. This was my experience to the letter right down to the "Oh, you finally found your people and really blossomed in college." I even joined a fraternity (nerdy artsy types, not misogynistic meat head types). My days were pretty heavily structured because of my scholarship requirements in music groups, but my gap periods were 100% wasted in terms of studying, doing papers, and the like. Barely a year after graduating, I was sitting in my apartment alone, as usual, and just melted down in a pool of tears. I had gone from four years of being the social and active person I thought I should be right back to the isolated socially awkward person I had been in high school. I felt like I had failed myself and it broke me. Hearing your description of almost the same thing, it makes so much more sense. I'm sure there are others, but I for one have definitely benefited from this story. Thank you for doing what you do!

[@betkakad]

I'm so happy I realized already during my teens that drinking parties aren't for me.

[@ithacacomments4811]

My aspie daughter and her aspie friends from high school banded together to all attend the same college. Having her peeps at college helped her to get through.

[@elizabethbennet4791]

holy shit how do you even GET "aspie friends" omg

[@DeviliciousNails]

Your idea of uni before going was exactly what I had hoped for too. Of course, I was also disappointed...

[@littlerelief5029]

This video brought back so many memories of how I was treated throughout my primary, high school and university times. I used to feel like I only attracted people that deliberately tried to hurt me in as many ways possible because I was forced to put myself out there (as if I wasn't trying to be a 'normal' child). Around mid high school I gave up trying to talk to the other students, and I still stand by this decision as its helped my so much in later life. If I'm not being framed as quiet/rude, I'm being twisted into incompetent or lazy - and this is even by friends or family. I fundamentally have no reassurance in anyone around me, I like but I cannot truly love some of them, and as much as that hurts it's fine. Oh my gosh, that comment about university students haha. Trying to explain to people about the bullying I still experience as an adult and how pre-med it is makes me out as if I either deserved it or it's paranoia. I've stopped bothering, I just distance and hope that the affiliation stops because they're too blase to continue. Always have a chuckle when they ghost me.

[@alysfreeman11]

Bullet journaling helps a lot with executive functioning.

[@azlizzie]

I can’t ever remember to look at it beyond a couple days. 😐

[@azlizzie]

To expand a bit, I find google keep more useful. I don’t forget my phone at home but I can still access it from my work browser without distraction from notifications. I can rearrange my notes without having to rewrite. And then I also have a routine written in there I can refer back to for helping me set boundaries. Either way, one size doesn’t fit all.

[@amymclellan583]

I am also a psychology graduate and studied 2005-2008 at the university of Plymouth! And diagnosed with asd earlier this year at 31! Your uni experience resonates especially the drinking x

[@hollyastewart]

I think we all major in psychology trying to figure out "WHY?!" 😅

[@MsPandaV]

@@hollyastewart I honesty think that is so true! The ones of us who aren't yet diagnosed all have been told for the most part that we are either crazy, weird, quicky, awkward or a plethora of other terms that can be overly critical but also confusing. Being labeled in that sort of way can make you wonder who you are and why you are that way which makes you want to research people and the human mind and behavior so much more than if you didn't have that background

[@heathermackenzie9313]

I started watching your videos tonight and could not stop. Thank you, thank you, thank you - you are an exceptional teacher and a delight - I laughed, I cried and this is just what I needed today!!! I will be sharing your site:)

[@YoSamdySam]

Thank you so much! It means so much to me to get comments like this one

[@MsPandaV]

I agree!!

[@jackieclaverton]

I studied Modern Languages in the early 1990s. In my first year I socialized (with a lot of alcohol), then met my husband, who was from home not Uni and spent a lot of my second year 'running away' at weekends. My year abroad was a nightmare of loneliness because I can just about cope in English with social interactions using puns and formulaic expressions but in French I didn't have the idioms to mask with. It's not because French isn't my first language, but because it seems human isn't my first language!! My lectures back at Uni in year 4 were not compulsory and I found sitting in them very difficult so stopped going and did most of my tutorial work using articles instead. Is that an autistic thing - finding sitting among strangers too stressful? I got a good degree but haven't used it. I was pressured into university entrance by my school who wanted Oxbridge alumnae, and never considered whether I was suited to a career using languages. (I was a very shy child so probably not). Looking back, no one ever asked me what I wanted to do. I was planning to be an OT and I might have been good at that, or I might have struggled with the work environment. It's too late to know though as I have a large family and health issues. Thanks for your videos.

[@Xsetsu]

Being undiagnosed in college was extremely painful. I struggled so much, and I had no idea. I was oblivious to even understanding I needed help. A lot of this story sounds really familiar. I just recently found your channel. Great stuff.

[@hakumeichan7346]

I'm in the process of being diagnosed and I don't know, your story made me feel strange at first. Most of what you said (minus the drinking and the parties) is like my own story, but I always thought that is just my personality, that I'm a procastinator and that my incapacity to give myself a deadline is because I'm lazy. I never thought it could be a consequence of being autistic. I still find it hard to think of it like that. How can you tell it's autism and not personality? I'm really curious because maybe it can help me get the diagnoses! Thank you for your video, I like the way you talk it makes it easy for me to understand (I'm italian, so sorry if there are mistakes, sometimes I can't write in my own language, in another is nearly impossibile)

[@YoSamdySam]

Executive functioning difficulties (i.e. organising and planning) can be a key part of autism. (ADHD as well) if you are already in the process of being diagnosed it is likely that it's a consequence of autism... Lazy is not the same as struggling!

[@hollyastewart]

You'll know whether or not it's laziness due to your actual interests, or if there are specific consequences you avoid well. For example, I would procrastinate with school, but was always on top of and prompt with personal banking and bills (So, to avoid fees and interest). Personality traits would be consistent in all areas of your life.

[@siginotmylastname3969]

@@hollyastewart executive functioning doesn't have to be something you struggle with in all areas equally to be a part of disability though. After all, people with adhd can have interests which they're incredibly driven on, and autistic people can struggle to maintain any interests. Also, the moment it's requiring accommodations and adaptions for you to do basic living things like bills or chores, it's obviously a part of a disability.

[@fabiolagiorgio839]

Ho, I'm Italian, too. Would you like to keep in touch? Let me know.

[@mariebednarova8888]

Who else takes half an hour to write a comment because you go back and forth on how personal and detailed you can write it? Anyway, I'm not the only one, but I am a person this video helped a lot. I did know that I wasn't lazy, but the inability to get organized and get big stuff done felt like a huge failure on my part. After seeing this, I'm realizing it's ok to get help with that. Which, luckily, I'm getting, I'm working with a coach on my budding career as an artist, it's just that hearing you say that it basically doesn't make me a bad person has lifted a lot of guilt from some memories. Thanks! PS: I adore your humor!

[@everylaurenislemons]

I had a meltdown in a class and was given disciplinary action bc it showed “unprofessionalism”. I’ve been told all my life that I wasn’t fit for university or the workplace so this furthered my self-doubt and made me consider quitting school. Bc I was undiagnosed, my school did nothing to offer me support despite my obvious need. I loved my university years, but that event mentally affects me to this day.

[@NS-pf7jr]

I just got diagnosed with autism, and your story about uni is like having a flashback but I only lasted about a year. Back then I got in my head that you need to go to university to "be" someone, that you are not enough (and somewhat of a failure) if you just work a regular job. Now I know that not to be true.

[@karenabrams8986]

I joined the US Navy after HS. Got my GI bill and paid for my lab degree BS with that afterwards. Very glad I did it that way. The Navy helped socialize me in a lot of ways. I got to do that with a big band of misfits in a F/A-18 squadron which was actually a pretty forgiving environment for people who don’t fit in. I looooved the structure and routine in the Navy. At university the only socializing I did was go to study groups. I lived off campus and committed to my goal to the exclusion of all else. It took all of my focus and energy to pass all my classes and get to graduation. Still feels like my greatest accomplishment 20 years later, more so than doing the 4 years of loading bombs on aircraft in constantly bad weather, which turned out to be time well invested just for the lifetime healthcare coverage I am currently using to get my autism diagnosed.

[@felice_picks_sticks]

College was haaaaaaaard for me! I had to ask for extensions on everything, and I struggled with social rules. I alienated so many "nice" girls who I really wanted to be friends with...and usually, they wouldn't tell me what they found annoying about me. I found out because they talked behind my back. I found a separate group of friends working in the cast at our nearby Renaissance festival. That literally saved my life. I learned to do improv acting and talk to anybody, so my social skills appear amazing when you first meet me, haha. But I have a really hard time maintaining friendships. When I look back at college, I mostly feel sad. My roommates moved on with their lives, and I remember feeling awkward and rejected. I think my peers felt sorry for me, and didn't know how to help. I was also abused by a professor who shared a passionate interest with me. I didn't realize it until more than a decade later. I still think a lot about it. It's still painful. Thanks for the video. It helps give me perspective on my own experience.

[@pseudomugilidae5897]

Ooof. Your description of struggles with executive function in college really hits home for me. I'm currently undiagnosed with some sort of something affecting executive function (ADD? Autism? Something? my therapist has mentioned certain aspects looking like both) and working with a therapist, but the way I got through college was taking as many classes and extracurriculars, on campus jobs, tutoring positions, etc. as I could so that my schedule was really busy and I didn't have any time to spare to not work homework and research. I would fit my homework in at night or if I had a long gap between classes and the lack of free time gave everything urgency so I had to start on it and couldn't procrastinate. I got through and graduated with honors magna cum laude, but holy mole I burned myself out so much. I definitely internalized that I was lazy and undeserving of the distinction that I earned which along with the constant stress really did a number on my mental health. Figuring out that I'm Trans in my senior year didn't help anything either. I also found a great friend group who, now that I think about it are mostly neurodivergent, and who helped me so much. At some point I think in my Junior year I went to a party for maybe the first or second time ever at college, and was supremely surprised to find out that not only did most of the people there know who I was but they were also happy to see me. weird.

[@matthew7419]

I love your preconceptions of university. We had a coffee shop like that in Alexandria, Va. It used to have a table in the roasting room where I imagined beret wearing communists plotting and playing chess, but the music was good. They must have been plotting something. They moved across the street and now it's overcrowded with teenyboppers. I actually got to go to such a college, Thomas Aquinas College, in Santa Paula, CA. We used to spend hours discussing Euclid and Aristotle. People passing through thought that it was a monastery, not without reason, but we thought it was funny. I'm pretty sure my best friend was autistic. One time she was reading Plato and laughing so hard that that she actually fell out of her chair. I miss it very much. It was the only place I ever fit in (sort of). A lot of the kids were homeschooled. All of the other colleges I went to (yes) were pretty lame by comparison.

[@rachelweisz861]

Thank you for creating this video!! It really helped me. I also masked in college and tried to be social and outgoing because I was ashamed of my quiet, autistic self and it didn’t go very well. I was obsessed with having a social life and with being thin and having good grades, which were very unhealthy thoughts and I did the best I could, but struggled immensely. I lived in Seattle, Washington for college and I think the weather ultimately made me more depressed and it was very hard to for me to be happy because I tried so hard to be someone I’m not that later in college it was challenging finding people who knew the me I was hiding, if that makes sense. Also struggled with time management and multiple choice tests since my mind struggled to see a concept taken out of context.

[@rowanbirch9389]

I've been watching lots of your videos, I'm currently on a waiting list for diagnosis and am trying to learn more so I can better understand my autistic traits. I'm also off to university soon - and this video definitely is helpful! As much as I love people, I prefer to spend about 80% of my free time by myself, with a pet (I will miss them when I go to uni), watching Drag race and knitting. All of your videos are so helpful in understanding who I am and how to cope when this world feels difficult, I really appreciate you spending the time to make these videos, thank you :)

[@twirly3472]

Sam, my university years were very challenging too. I went through not only university, but two graduate programs and some 40 years of life beyond uni undiagnosed. I’m just recently realizing just how ND I am. Back then, I was shy, socially awkward, a completely undiagnosed quirky person who could power through courses that interested me, and failed some that uninterested or irked me. I usually struggled with keeping up with assignments and navigating socially. I had a small circle of friends, but never liked the drinking scene. I was lucky to live in a small dorm my second half of university, which had a built in social family, some of whom were just as nerdy and quirky as myself. I and my spouse have built communities around us who value us, but i still run into people who don’t “get” me. I am now getting some support, but for most of my life, i just struggled, and had to figure out things on my own. I’m a little better about supporting myself now. Even if people know about my neurodivergent brain, they are not always understanding or helpful. I try to be kind to myself, not always easy either. But if I had known and recognized it earlier, how much more i could have accomplished without so much pain and suffering.

[@Liv-yv8tz]

Thank you so much for this video. I never thought I would relate to someone's uni experience so much! This describes my experience in a way I wouldn't be able to verbalise. This will be really helpful to other people, particularly girls! Agree with your advice too on looking after yourself and not trying to be something you're not. All great advice

[@Alibm80]

Thank you for the video! Very relatable to what I faced in many ways. I do find KZbin and the internet generally a great tool to look up how people would had behaved in certain social situations or when faced with a dilemma. You can tell that's true because I am doing this right now ;) And yes back before the internet this would have been very difficult. Especially for me as I was raised in a culturally isolated socially conservative environment and very limited sources of information that would help guide you through or help you cope. That's the problem of living in a totalitarian state which controls all the media, literature and bans all social movements & gatherings apart from those of the ruling leader. It is more like living in jail or in a bubble and being unaware of what's going on outside. I might have made it through by having imported books, imported music, having like-minded friends, trying my best & living on the hope that one day I would escape, which I did.

[@matheuscastello6554]

im watching this 2 years later but... god, this is so relatable and it hurts so much... i've been like for 3 years bouncing from course to course and failing classes left and right and not being able to progress in any course it's been horrible, even though i used to be a pretty good student in high school and earlier :( thanks for sharing this, it makes me feel less alone

[@JeffarryLounder]

I hate University. All the work you have to complete at once. The social expectations. The anxiety of approaching deadlines. Fear of failing. Fear of disappointing your family. Being unable to plan anything. Being constantly distracted and behind all other students and finishing last. I really liked high school because it gave me a lot of opportunities to relax and take things slowly and more thought-out. Because of this I had pretty good grades, but in University it's a never-ending fest of stressful tight-knit deadlines and not knowing how to manage them at all. I am only through my first year so far and about to enter my second and I had a 50% fail rate for all my units which is so bad I got a letter saying I had to have a meeting with my academic chair or else I'd be suspended from University for one semester. Meanwhile everyone else I know is doing just fine and I feel so left out. Again, I hate University.

Thanks Sam for sharing your experience at university! In my case was a bit different: I struggle at the beginning because my secondary education was at lower level on general topics, typical for first year, but better for further ones in my engineering degree. I was mostly alone even I made some "friends", they saw me as a lone person very focus on study and passing. I was involved in middle-end of my degree on student representation to help others and improve the general situation. My final year was in UK, so I met new different people and the rare factor was not that evident, but my housemates got to know me as a bit "different". Again I was focus on learning English Language (it was very low as most Spanish people), and passing the subject that I felt easier. I didn't go to parties, but only some "Erasmus" dinners, and only before my parents came for graduation I enjoyed the mild nice English summer, that was fantastic. Emotionally the university was a challenge with so many changes, but I'm good at stablish and follow strong routines. Also I was luck that some teachers and university's psychologist were very kind with me (I was not diagnosed at that time). There is much more to explain, but maybe another day. Again thanks for sharing and keep going!

[@hollyastewart]

I had a very similar experience (including the major, and minus the social life). That social time was eaten up with a part-time job that I hated, and committing to my classes from out of town. It was a trying and miserable time (also undiagnosed/untreated depression AND delayed sleep phase syndrome), until I found a special interest to specialize my education and career plans in. Once the motivation was established, I also taught myself how to properly study AND organize my time. I would recommend that people like us learn how to self-educate and study (for me, it was talking myself through and rewriting/drawing out material in the evenings) before taking on courses... you don't want to be getting bad grades when you don't have to. University is a whole new ball game from high school, which is very easy to pass and skip classes in. Also, be mindful of what electives you choose; be certain you will find the subjects interesting, or you'll struggle to uptake the information (don't just choose whatever fits into the schedule). Science degrees are unfairly overloaded due to the amount of lab time required.

[@davidlanier7006]

I went to class and as soon as the class was over I got in my car and came home. I had almost nothing to do with anyone at my university. I only talked to people if I had to. I didn't like many of my professors either. And a couple of them didn't like me either and graded me harder because of it. It's amazing that I made it through. I would like to go back to get a degree in computer science but I really dread the thought of sitting in a class again.

[@ourfamilyvideos7283]

Just going to say that God aligned your story with sooooo many and we APPRECIATE all you’re sharing…you ARE an ENORMOUS help.

[@joannaatkinson235]

Wow, your story resonates with me. I too was undiagnosed at University, I too blamed myself for being lazy and procrastinating. I too was bullied at school and into University. Luckily, no FB (I'm too old) and I joined the sci-fi society, full of equally odd people (it's a compliment). I was lucky in that I was confident enough not to go clubbing, but I can see now why I had the difficulties I had. I found 'my people' but I too burned out - I didn't focus enough on my studies to get a First nor my social groups enough to enjoy them. My Uni years, with all the good in them, thus ended up a bland continuance of my school years with the added enjoyment of doing subjects I loved. My advice echoes yours. I share this not to diminish but to signal boost your own experiences. And, hopefully, to lend my tiny weight to the comments in case anyone else reading them and watching your video.

[@riyo9114]

I just started to binge watch your videos and I really relate to them. And when I though I couldn't relate more, you said celiac disease! I finally found my people. It's really nice to fit somewhere for once. Your videos are very interesting and educational and I love them. Thank you for your time and work that you're putting into them :). Ps: Sorry for any mistakes, english is not my mother tongue.

[@Michelle-kw8dc]

I've been struggling through university for 8 years now... The best times I've had in university were when I was taking distance courses that didn't have deadlines. I had 6 months to get all the stuff in, so I could take it day by day as I felt I was ready to. The hardest things about campus university for me are 1. the number of people and the forced socializing, and 2. the schedules and deadlines. It is impossible to make a routine. It's impossible to know what to expect. So I just crash.

[@zaraandrews600]

That is a really good idea. I am really wanting to continue a Masters I am doing, and I have been trying to figure out how to cope with it whilst I am currently on a leave of absence. My plan before I had a meltdown was to do a phd after, and I have been really struggling to work out how to do it without going insane again.

[@Toldandretold]

I relate to this. Alcohol can make things harder as I already didn’t understand the social situation I was reflexively responding to. The next day, my brain trying to process it and understand but I just had no idea how I had been perceived. I ended up becoming a Stoner. This helped with masking as people have always asked me “are you high?” Now I could say “yes I am”, and they were far more at ease with my zaniness. It also relaxed me. However now from watching your videos, I am starting to see more what I was actually doing. It’s quite interesting. I’m very sorry to hear of your bullying. I was very lucky to have two older brothers, one autistic and one adhd, who looked out for me in high school, and a friend who would go with me to parties and look out for me. It was puzzling and often painful enough how I had it. All the best and much thanks to your videos. I’m not diagnosed formally and whether or not I would meet criteria, I relate so much and your videos have really helped me. 🙏

[@palomamacarenabustamantega3625]

My life at uni whas almoust de same, i strugle a lot with attending class and my mental health. 5 years and i became a teacher, after 6 years of teaching i got my masters degree and now i'm getting my phd in education. (Im from south america sorry my english), but every single video you upload makes me feel like i'm not alone. Thank you very much¡¡

[@franmidnight]

Hola! se que tu comentario es viejo pero noté que eres de Chile y quería saber si... has visto comunidad para personas autistas adultas? Yo todavia estoy en la U pero... siento soledad por no saber donde buscar una comunidad o qué hacer porque creo que yo soy autista pero no tengo diagnóstico.

[@palomamacarenabustamantega3625]

@@franmidnight hola la verdad es que no he podido contactar a otras personas, me diagnosticaron este año y los grupos de adultos en mi región se encuentran en pausa de actividades aún por efectos de la pandemia. Pero podemos buscar grupos de apoyo y nos pasamos el dato!! Saludos!!!

[@HarrisonsGX]

Another one I really relate to! I did Graphic Design which was all about coursework and there was very little scheduled that you had to attend. I felt a bit lost and looked to others to see how they were organising themselves but a lot of them just seemed to do different things and turn up having made progress.

[@biancasouza226]

It's a new semester for me. This video help me so much! I think of you as a distant dear friend❤

[@marthabradley1266]

If I could give my younger self advice, it would be very similar: don't be afraid to ask for help from an advisor or counselor you can trust, don't try to please everyone, believe that you are the same bright student you were back in high school, life is scary but beautiful too, enjoy this phase of your life, and never give up. You may feel lonely but you are not going to feel this way forever. You are different and one day, you'll be as appreciated for this by one special person when the time is right. There is no Prince/Princess Charming. Your life partner will have his/her own flaws but you can work through it all. Love yourself and keep the faith. Failure is not defeat so keep going. You are beautiful in your own way. Don't be so trusting. It takes time to truly know someone's character. Take care of yourself.

[@TheAfrikaChika]

I am finishing up my last semester of university. I am positive now that I am undiagnosed ASD and plan to pursue diagnosis once the pandemic ends. I wish that I could have had the benefit of help that comes from the diagnosis to give me more accommodations. I am a heavy masker myself and I am figuring out who I am. Much of what you have said in this video and others has been coining what I’ve been striving to do for myself over the past 5 years. Thank you, because this helps and helps me be able to describe my struggles and needs better to my family and friends.

[@mrs.torres7035]

You make so many awesome points and I relate to your struggles sooo much!! 💖 & Yes university was definitely worse then high school for me, in high school at least I had some friends, in university no one cares, they are only there to compete, they take everything offensive and teachers had cero considerations. It was hell for me! 😞

[@thevirtualjim]

Almost all of your experiences matched mine. EXCEPT when i transferred colleges i found a science fiction club that was amazing and it was the one time i felt like I was home for the only time in my life. Being and feeling part of that group was possibly what kept me from crossing over from being suicidal to being successful at it. i only realize now that the depths of my depression there was from the heavy masking and the toil of having to work all that stuff out for the first time ever and also not knowing I am autistic.

[@mishapurser7542]

I'm at the University of York now studying Philosophy and Sociology. I chose philosophy because I have too many interests and there is a philosophy of everything so it's a great way to become a modern renaissance woman. I chose sociology as well to learn about LGBT+ stuff and social change strategy. I'm currently on leave of absence because of the struggles I was having with motivation and anxiety. I was only diagnosed with autism the summer before I started university and it helped so much. SPECTRUM is a great fortnightly social event and the man who runs it is a wonderful and kind man who really goes out of his way to help people. I have also been planning to move to the Netherlands, Germany, or Scandinavia. If you haven't already I would love to see a video on life in the Netherlands and what it was like moving to a new country with autism.

[@little5maggie]

Im not sure if Im aspie or not, I have no official diagnosis. But Im sure that Im different and I always have been. I struggled so much in high school, I had no friends and excellent grades which were a perfect combination for being a "weirdo". I was really interested in technology and maths, which was completely not acceptable by my family. I was not girly enough for them :( When I went to university, I chose the electrical engineering school (and yes, Im a girl) and I was brave enough to choose the most difficult university in the country. And I fell in love with the atmosphere and the people during the very first day!! I finally felt like I belong to somewhere. While studying, I also worked at the university and my boss at that time was terrible. He forced us to be one big happy family, to share everything with everyone. I was put into a group of 40 complete strangers and everyone expected me to hug each of them every morning and afternoon instead of saying hi/bye and take each of them as my BFF from the first day. Well, during my whole life I made only 1 real friend, so this was not possible for me. Also, this one big family was a total fake, but my boss didn't see that (or didn't want to see that). I stayed there for almost 2 years and I suffered every single day. They made me feel like Im a useless person, they couldn't understand that I was different and that I see the world differently. They didn't understand that I needed to be left alone to focus on anything. After 2 years, when my boss crossed all the borders and invaded my personal space in very negative way, I run away. I run away from that meeting where it happened and the next day I run away from the job. It took me 10 years to finish university and most of the time I stopped going to the classes because of people like this. Some teachers and some students were treating me very badly. It was even worse for me since most of the time I was the only girl in the class. Im glad that my university is over and that I have a very good job now with an amazing boss who accepts me as who I am.

[@alexac5001]

I identify myself with most of the beliefs you had about university and only realise it with your video! Omg! Thanks!

[@Elora445]

I can relate so much to this. My problems with studying started showing up at age 16-19 (it's called "Gymansiet/Gymnasium" here in Sweden). Before that, it was easy sailing through the obligatory parts of school. I always thought that it was me being tired of school that did it. Nope. It was probably me only being interested in two or three subjects we were studying. Ended up "graduating" with about half the grades that my fellow graduates did. Most of my grades were not good. Took me several years, but managed to finally actually graduate - like a decade later. My university studies has gone a bit better. Up until my bachelor essays. Failed in both my subjects. Failed more times. This time it's my fourth try for this particular subject. Hopefully I will finally make it this time. I didn't get my diagnosis until my late thirties. Better late than never, eh?

[@sweetlostmemoriies]

Hello! I just discovered your vlog and omg. Your experience echoes mine. Just because I'm in med school. Yeah, those procrastination and low organization issues; right now I'm dealing with the fact that my grades aren't that good and the assignment by those grades of clerkship positions. I'm not going to lie, that makes me feel bad (at those times I was extremely anxious and unable to deal with "ordinary" college life). I even took a year off for my mental health so I dropped out of college. I'm in my senior year, recently I've gotten better and better, but I still have my moments, you know? Also, temporal lobe epilepsy (very recently pb diagnose bc my parents didn't believe me that I was feeling not good), doesn't help. But we are still here, right? My parents always try to make me feel like I'm the wrong person and I have to change to fit in with others. I adapted to live like this, to survive. Now, I'm not afraid if people think I'm weird, that is, all my life I always believed that that part of me is what makes me feel like myself.

[@UnapologeticFranchfries]

Its nice to hear another persons perspective on how being on the spectrum could effect the college experience.

[@stephaniefrosh127]

I just applied for Uni. Finally. Understanding that I'm likely Autistic has finally given me the belief in myself that I needed. Thank you for your videos. I'm 34 and undiagnosed.

[@beckysmithson8918]

Hi there. 42 year old here - awaiting assessment in June. Your experience of university really resonated. I really, really struggled, to the point of total burn out and having to drop out of my 2nd year and restart it the following year

[@puscifer99]

It wasn't until I completed my third degree in psychology. I truly understood the neurophysiological challenges and limits being Autistic in an educational environment. I think you addressed the key challenge, it is of identity.

[@NatureLover-pj2qe]

I’m autistic and I’m currently a freshman in college. I was diagnosed when I was 2 and have known all my life so I always got the support I needed. However, up until recently I masked heavily and forced myself to be hyper social and endure overwhelming environments. Now I have more freedom and have decided to start unmasking and be my true self. I have struggled a lot my first semester of college though. My life has changed a lot and now I don’t have a structured routine which I need. Also, I’m terrible with executive functioning skills such as time management and getting all my work done so that was a issue. Another thing was I was / still am struggling with anxiety, mild depression and insomnia. Recently I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and am going to therapy for that now. I hope next semester is better for me. I will continue to unmask, work on time management / staying more organized and get the proper help for my anxiety.

[@AnnamarieShellard]

I wish I'd seen this last year before I signed up to uni 😂I'm exhausted and just going through the diagnosis with a therapist,referrals,tests,questions arrgghhh😂 You articulate your experience so well,I feel quiet the same ❤I hope my tutors understand I will need to cut down on a module.,thanks for this great video and channel Sam❤

[@canarymarta]

wow I just realized a few things! I changed so much when I went to University. I became more social, way more than I used to be (I always was the quiet girl of the group), and also I always struggled with studies but I was doing ok at first, still leaving everything for the last minute... but after a couple of years that changed comlpetely, I was still socializing but I can see now that it used to drain my energy so much that I just stopped going to most of my classes and there for it was really difficult for me to keep up. Also even if I liked and was interested in one subject to the point I used to help my friends with it, I ended up being the one that fail the test, mostly because they were multiple choices and I just couldn't focus because each minimum noise was distracting, and it was (still is) really difficult to focus on what the question was asking, or to understand the answers... And at the end I didn't finish the degree... I couldn't take it anymore and left to a different country...

[@archiecook55]

I don't know if the UK has something similar but I'm in the US and I started my college journey going to community college and just took a couple of classes at a time to start out with until eventually I got my Associates degree and was able to transfer to university without having to worry about the general education topics outside of my major since I had already taken those classes in community college. I think this helped me a lot to ease into the college life and figure out how to succeed.

[@ann-cathrin860]

Wow, incredibly interesting and helpful, thanks for sharing your experience! :)

[@gunieapigvideos8065]

Thanks.

[@ramtinbiglari976]

The lady's be killing it a academia ! Congratulations !

[@carrotgains9856]

After being recently diagnosed, I realise why I had the struggles I did in university. Many of them are similar to your experiences, with the lack of being able to organise myself and always asking for extensions, right up to the point I just started giving up and handing assessments in late without asking for any help because all I could think of is that I must be dumb, there is something wrong with me, etc. Nowadays I realise why I was like that. At the same time I don’t think I could do University again hence why I doing more of a self-driven study course as it takes some pressures away.

[@elisabethkonig4267]

Wow that makes a lot of sense. I just had to drop out of university despite being a top student because it just didn't work and wasn't entirely sure if that could be autism or ADHD related... but I went to get a diagnosis anyways. And I guess it can be. I guess everyone has it harder with covid around too?

[@a.jmanning4567]

Thank you x

[@mikelberke8239]

100% agree this is fantastic advice!

[@PhoebeJones]

Thankyou for talking about this!

[@dandelionroots]

I'm a senior currently and I'm pretty scared (more like terrified) of attending university because if I had such trouble in middle and high school, how am I supposed to deal with uni, which is much more impactful on your life and can be harder in many aspects that you described? I have adhd, asd, depression and anxiety, which don't make for a fun mix at all, and we have no support system where I live at all for ND people (most people don't even know ADHD is a thing and think ASD is a small white boy playing w trains (there are a lot more negative stereotypes ofc as well)), but your video gives me a little bit of comfort because it reminds me that I will probably survive it and that if you managed to get through w the negative experiences you had, I have a chance too. Thanks ❤️

[@anitamojsak6209]

Yeah... knowing now how many of my problems at uni were caused by autism makes me wonder how the hack I survived my 20s. I feel so proud of my stupid bachelor’s degree now. And imagine all the achievements that would have been possible with the right support and if I would myself understand my needs... I know this heavy masking too. How exhausting it was! It definitely ended in some big depressive episodes for me.

[@marcydarcie5884]

omg everything you said from the minute you were talking about pretending to be a super outgoing party person and not wanting to admit that you weren't that naturally, I feel that so badly. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm just quiet and like being on my own, yeah sometimes I like partying but it isn't me naturally. It's crazy how bad I feel about this. I feel like that shyness and awkwardness is what got me bullied in primary school and even now at 22 i'm still so unable to let myself just be myself, i feel like no one will like me. I DONT like me. i gravitate to exciting loud people as a survival technique to make friends and not be on my own

[@trickynicky2118]

I have self-diagnosed Aspergers and uni was pretty rough. For one I got lost almost every single day and ended up in an ornamental Chinese garden. I struggled to talk to people, I had no idea how to prepare food and I didn't drive. This meant I was 'trapped' on campus after 630 pm as there were no more busses out. I loved studying and now have 3 degrees but I was completely ill equipped to handle the experience. I also lived on campus, almost 800 km from my family as there was no uni in that town. Oh and there were no mobile phones back then so trying to find a payphone that worked was another challenge. I used to walk with my head down staring at the ground. I didn't know I did this until another student told me. I was 17 and completely out of my depth.

[@yivmaiden]

@yo samdy sam Thank you for sharing your story! It made so much sense in retrospection and would help future high functioning spectrum ladies to cope better even though the tertiary education society may be unwittingly discrimatory to neurodiversity :)

[@M13C7]

Im not officially diagnosed, though i had two therapist agree with the idea i probably have autism but didnt pursue a diagnosis and i didnt feel like it was important back then (would consider it now) Im finishing my masters degree right now. I dont regret going to college, but it was an awful experience for me. With the knowledge i have now, i could have prevented a lot of the suffering.But still i cant change the past, and for me it was hell. Now that its done with im still not sure if it was worth it considering the harm it has done to me. But i love the knowledge i could acquire!!! My subject was the opposite of what you described. We had class 6 days a week, for 10 hours per day. I am an overachiever so half of that was on me. THe other on the subject. I know many other subjects at university, like psychology, are much more easy going. I had a lot of lab work, and other classes where we had to be present. I love organizing my day, studying at home, etc. I am very motivated on my own, and i do not enjoy external pressure. I would have achieved more if i were to sit at home and read a book. But our classes were obligatory. And to me the latter was how uni was described to me ( you chill at home and do your things peacefully alone in your room) but sadly it was the opposite for me. lab work, more lab work, excursions, lectures many many lectures and classes... Whenever im around people it drains my energy though. In school this worked, because i could avoid people, have my own space, and it were the same 40 people every day for many years. In college, i was sitting in a lecture hall with 100 of people, many i never talked to personally. Every semester you picked your courses yourself, and so the groups ( 10 -20 people) with which i was sharing a class were always changing too. I never connected with anyone, and i never made any friends in all those years. Even though i tried. So my issue was, that every day when i got home i was burned out. I cried every morning before i left my house. And i cried every day i got home. I started to get migraines every weekend that made me feel like i am dying, but also wish i could just die to let the pain pass. I neglected my health, both mental and pyhsical health. My eating disorder got worse, to the point i was malnutritioned and fainted on the daily. I was a perfectionist and couldnt deal with achieving average grades either. The "promising" child turned out to be the "average" of the class, your typical scenario. The only thing keeping me motivated was my perfectionism, my stubbornness that i cant leave things undone, and my absolutely passion for the subject and learning in general. What i really hated was the lack of routine, combined with a routine that didnt work for me. Every semester i had new professors, new shedules, new peers. I didnt like that every time i gotten a routine and gotten used to it, it was broken apart again. I didnt like the new conditions every semester, the new faces. I also didnt like the workload per day, as i explained that dealing with people drains me. It wasnt the studying that was the issue, but the people and environment. Crowded, loud, without any corner to hide in and breathe. I had to mask for hours and hours. ANd once i gotten home i still had to study, because admittedly the lectures were not providing me with enough knowledge to pass my classes and i had plenty of "homework" to do. So i been awake till 4 am to do my things, then gotten up at 6 to go back to Uni. And reapeat 6 days per week. I was behind on my projects, which i wasnt used to. I had a very strict shedule for my time at home and at uni. When my train was late i would just break down crying because i coudnt afford to waste even a half hour getting my things done. i even talked about this in therapy.... this was so traumatic for me that i dont remember half of my time in college, despite my very good memory. My ability to memorize was great for college, but at the same time i blacked out my personal life completely. Im sad that many of the things i did outside of college are a blurr at best, that i only remember because people tell me. I was so occupied with college, i was a wandering zombie. Truth be told i literally just finished my thesis work today. Although i wasnt procastinating, the time i had wasnt really ideal. I was awake for weeks, sleeping only 30 min at a time. I re-read and fixed up my thesis countless times. Stressing out, not sleeping, not eating... and today i turned my thesis in and crashed. I had several panic attacks and one of them made me seriously consisder if im having a heart attack. I havent enjoyed my hobbies in months. Im working part time, and taking job interviews for a "proper" job after i graduate. I havent had a single peaceful day since 2020. Im living on the edge every day, and im getting through it because im stubborn. But slowly realizing my needs and how my mind works; i am noticing in how many ways im betraying my "instincts" and pushing myself over the edge. If i knew all of this before college, i would have handled it completely differently.

[@peterwynn2169]

I didn't have many friends at school, so university was kind of difficult. I completed an undergraduate degree and a postgraduate diploma, so they count as achievements, but, I, too, struggled with the lack of structure and the social aspect. I didn't really socialise at school or university, but I had the dual issue of doing Japanese (which I loved) but most students in it were business students and I was an Arts Student. Also, I found that many students in my history subjects were based around, "This is what we do in lectures, outside we socialise and don't talk about academia." If I had been diagnosed at school, I could have coped differently at university, maybe taking on three subjects per semester instead of four and maybe having a support group for autistic students.

[@oh_ASMR]

I don't like posting much, but hey. It's been a week since I left another Uni, and it's the third time. I tried Translation, CompSci and Gamedev. I thought I could do it. The pattern repeated itself through all of my attempts. There are tons of things like basic self-care (food!!), living with strangers (I can't fucking move or do a single thing in the presence of a stranger=roommate), having absolutely zero friends (our workload is quite harsh and can't be done without a somewhat cunning cooperation), schedule difficulties (classes, homework, life balance, "time feel" etc., it's like I don't know how much time fits in an hour), communication with professors (the absolute majority of our tasks require taking a place in a queue (a distinct and GREAT struggle!!), going up to your professor and defending yourself), noisy corridors and lectures and lecture rooms (the echo!!!). PLUS I have severe migraines (with attacks 2-3 times a week). The absolute shit of the situation is that I CANT communicate my difficulties to anyone, because all of them can be disregarded as "you're not trying hard enough!". Well fuck, I believe I do. I don't even think that much about autism anymore. I'm not even diagnosed and my mum says I'm fine. You know, excuses and such... Maybe I'm just a trash human after all.

[@Torby4096]

Went to local junior College at age 18 and did well. When I was 26, I went to university to get BS degree and came out with MS. It was diffecult, but I liked it and did well. I learned to socialize a little but did not get into the party scene. I don't think I was mature enough at 18.

[@kaistinakemperdahl9667]

Intellectual paradise? It's what I loved about uni. I didn't do many social things any I would absolutely not have minded nerding infinitely in social settings. But in class, it did happen and I loved it so much.

[@stregananda]

I believed those things too 💜 still working to shed a bunch of them…

[@RennRenn85]

Undiagnosed. College was an interesting experience. If I didn't have my circle from high school (my then boyfriend and my family) I might have struggled hard. I was diagnosed with a learning disability in grade school so I got accommodations which were a great safety net. I typically didn't use them unless I had a math class test. Looking back I think professors would forget I had these issues and I often struggled because of it but I managed. I tried grad school and I literally think they could have cared less, as if me being an "adult" meant I was capable of this new structure and schedule. While I didn't fail, I didn't meet their standards of passing enough so I was booted from the program. I wasn't much of an advocate for myself and they seemed dismissive. It was tough for me. I definitely feel they had some responsibility to guide me in my education and they let me down. Even if I wasn't diagnosed with autism I still had a professional evaluation with the kinds of accommodations I needed in order to succeed. Looking back I wish I had advocated for myself more. Ultimately I didn't need a grad degree but because of this I have student loans from a private college. I feel still feel slighted from the experience and this was more than 10 years ago.

[@TerryProthero]

I turned 18 the day after I started college. I went to study computers (Computer Information Systems). It was a complete disaster on all levels. There were a few classes that I had a very easy time with. Most of which were science related classes that had nothing to do with my major. I get easily overwhelmed by assignments. But courses that were primarily lecture were super easy for me. And then socially, it was painfully awkward. Or I was painfully awkward. However you want to look at it. I went on one date, and I was kind of involved with one other woman for a short period of time. None of that went well. And I ended up suffering from extreme depression for I think a couple of years. Then after dropping out of school, I struggled with employment until I was diagnosed at age 44 years old. After that, I successfully got onto social security disability benefits, and I retired at an early age. My life has been a whole lot easier since. A lot of lessons here. First, get diagnosed at as early of an age as possible. Secondly, don't try so hard to fit in with others. And don't assume that what is considered, "normal" is right for you. I was brain washed into believing that everyone is supposed to seek out romantic relationships. But I never stopped to consider whether that was something I even wanted. And I would say I'm a lot more comfortable in my own skin. I make a reasonable effort to accommodate other people. But the key word here is, "reasonable". Basically, I try to avoid making major social mistakes, but I don't sweat the small stuff. And if that bothers anyone, I don't really care. I'm here. I'm weird. And I'm not going anywhere. So, get used to it.

[@DJ-ky4fk]

I am currently at the University of Cleveland State, and I already had been diagnosed with autism at the age of 5. I often visit the Office of Disability and never had accommodations for extended exams because I usually do well on them. For that matter, I never did use that.

[@philipblundell9256]

Hi Sam, Which TV shows were you into? And, what makes you think that you would have had better support years before your Autism diagnosis came to light?? I think if I had been diagnosed any earlier then it would have been more difficult for me. There is a better awareness of Autism in the public domain now than there was 10 -15 years ago. I first noticed I had problems fitting in after my 19th Birthday in 2001 (and took me many jobs later, after many rejections to discover my ASD diagnosis and it was hell, as I didn't understand what was happening to me) I finished my degree in 2017 and spent most of my time concentrating on getting the degree (socialising always took a back seat) and I'm glad I did because I did better than I thought I would do :) You must've made some friends whilst at Uni?

[@Nerdy-Jules]

6:40 🤯 I thought exactly like this until recently. I was in the USMC instead of university but the social part feels pretty much the same.

[@breannapiscitelli3941]

I am recently undergoing getting a diagnosis, but I also did try to go to college at 18. I was kind of forced so I had no interest in it. I went for general studies, and it was very very overwhelming. I was not able to figure out how to get through it and unfortunately was kicked out because of bad grades. I also did not know I had autism at that age. (Almost 29 now) The biggest thing I remember thinking, though is if I was actually able to express my specific interests I probably would’ve done at least well enough to pass school. I was always embarrassed about my interest as a child because they were kind of masculine. I am really into building things , more so designing how things should be built. I love architecture and residential architecture like houses and apartment buildings. I also like making commercial buildings to but again these are interests, and all of it has been hypothetical. I am genuinely wondering after I finally get a diagnosis is possibly going back to school. I know I would get a 504 program because I did get one in school but I think I just need to sit down and specifically tell them my needs. Like I know, I would do better with online school not around other students. I know I would do better with less distractions. Sometimes I might need extra time and other times I might not. It really depends on what is going on in my life and what the class is about and kind of the teacher as well. I definitely get how you felt at that time. It’s been one of the reasons why I have been so terrified to go to school for what I love. Because it would be more devastating to not be able to succeed, and that then it would be in some thing I had no interest in. I’m still almost 29 and still have not been to school or really ever had a job under a corporation. I have basically worked under a DBA doing lots of different types of jobs for a little while. After I got pregnant for my daughter, my health kind of declined, but I’m actually, starting to get some help for that. I have a lot of issues and my family is trying to get me to go onto disability but I really just want to go and be an architect. I don’t want to sit here all day and not do anything or just keep the house clean. Right now I’m a stay at home. Mom and I absolutely love being a stay at home mom because I get to care for my daughter and she’s amazing. We have so much fun during the day, but I know when she goes to school there’s going to be a massive void and I’m terrified of, how depressing it’s going to be. I definitely think I would be a lot better at school even without a 504 just being older now and knowing myself a little better and how my brain works; but I’m still very nervous. These are some good tips though, and I definitely think being honest with ourselves is the best thing we can do. Before I knew I had autism, I always would try to lie to myself that I can do things, and then would not set up a way to do them. Just thinking I would get through it. Actually, sometimes it did work, but other times it did not. Now I try to make a plan for everything. I write down everything and I have multiple lists that I have organized in different places. As long as nobody moves my stuff I’m usually good. And most of my family knows how I am about my stuff.

[@bretthansen3739]

My experience with undiagnosed ADHD in school was terrible (I might also be autistic. I've been researching it because my wife is, and things look REALLY familiar, but I also grew up abused and I've read that complicates the diagnosis). Everyone assumed that because I could do "hard" things, that any time I didn't do something "easy" it was intentional. I also frequently made a fool of myself trying to "just be more social", and even really bothered some people trying to learn things like when hugging is appropriate. I eventually couldn't continue school because my financial aid ran out. I kept taking math classes because I loved them, but I almost never passed them on the first try. When I dropped out I had made it further in math than almost any of my friends, I was one class short of a minor. (I was going to take two more anyway. How could I be expected to choose between graph theory and number theory?)

[@TamaraZeiger]

Wow, it seamed tô me that you were telling the story of my life! 😍😀

[@Liquessen]

I went from a structured 9th grade to a "freeschool", where the emphasis lay on your own managing of work. I loved the freedom, but it was also terrible for me, as I had no training in how to structure studies. It began my academical freefall :( Teachers loved me, but I started failing tests and being late with homework and skipping out on classes. In retrospect, I should have gone for a more conventional school... Ah well, you live, you learn.

[@lauriensnijers2322]

as an autistic person who started uni in september. THANK YOU. I'm quite struggling at the moment trying to make friends

[@frankhansen190]

This stuff doesn't keep me seated very well but it does help me feel like im learning some stuff on autism.

[@Lucy-pg3fe]

OMG you have literally just explained everything I went through!

[@p.m.5141]

At the university I was still undiagnosed. Nevertheless, I was treated in a special way, probably because of my weird behavior?! I never attended lectures and courses. I only did the mandatory group work, which was very hard as I never masked. However, I did manage to get my degrees in for instance criminology and law...

[@berdooli3326]

i go to university in the present 2020 and the smart students are still too busy studying and the social students still go partying and as a person on the spectrum at uni, times can get lonely. to combat loneliness tho, I go out and do things by myself like going to the movies or smoking a joint lol and I'm happy

[@minnietheminx]

I'm a mature student (60) back at uni to finish what I should have done over forty years ago but lost my conditional offer because I had a meltdown in one of my A levels. No second chances then. Dreams shattered and spent my life doing something else, something I am very good at but that a diagnosis would preclude me from, so I can't get a diagnosis or I will lose my job. So I'm told by uni that unless I get a diagnosis of "mental illness" then there are no exemptions even though many students are playing the system to get extra time etc. I just want to do my exams in a different room because I get so overwhelmed by the exam room, people breathing, lights, sounds, smells, in one there was a clock that had stopped and that drove me crazy; I can only manage a few minutes at a time in labs because they are so full of people clanking things - I am used to doing lab work in a hushed atmosphere, sudden noises make me jump out of my skin and I find myself literally freezing and unable to think because of all the sensory inputs of students not taking it seriously. Don't get me started on group assignments. I have nearly finished the bachelors thank goodness and can move on to post-grad and away from a lot of that. But man I am finding it so much harder than I did at university in my 20s, when I was so good at masking. It gets harder as you get older and have had 40 years in a niche, it's difficult to come back out again. I'd say most of the other mature students I've met at uni have been just like me, we all face the same issues, we all want to do something we couldn't do when younger because nobody "got" us but we are all managing to get by.

[@purplequeen8298]

Psychology is very interesting. And art.

[@Torby4096]

It helped that I was older and studied my special interest.

[@himbo754]

I didn't cope with the lack of structure at university. I also had run out of energy during high school, so when I started university, I began running out of emotional energy at the end of first year, and suffered a complete burnout in second year. I was sleeping all day, voraciously reading "Lord of the Rings" all night, and missing all my lectures and tutorials. I had to switch to part time study to make up the subjects that I had failed. I only started making progress when I moved out of home into a therapeutic environment that happened to have an emphasis on social interaction and relationship skills as well as a very structured daily routine. I thrived -- slowly but surely -- in that environment and eventually completed university, grew enough emotionally to enter into a successful romantic relationship (still married -- it will be 39 years tomorrow), and start a career (I supervise an IT section in a public sector agency, and also volunteer to tutor gifted autistic high school students in computer programming). I was finally diagnosed in my fifties. I could relate to a number of things you spoke about -- especially executive function issues and leaving assignments to the last moment. I relied on native intelligence and adrenalin (fear of failure) to make up for inability to work methodically towards a goal. The lack of structure at university was a big problem too -- I used to think that the first time the university would notice if I were to die would be when I failed to re-enroll the next year. I loved the intellectual stimulation of university -- and I loved the university library where I could pursue my special interests to my heart's content. I did not love the lack of structure -- of feeling lost in a huge faceless crowd. I remember sitting in psychology lectures -- we were even taught about autism in the 1970s -- and thinking that one day "they" would discover that my brain was somehow different to other people's brains. One autism diagnosis decades later and that thought came true: my brain really is wired differently to most people's. So yes, I too was an undiagnosed autistic at university.

[@silvacindy2469]

Thank your for this

[@collinthomson7942]

It’s very interesting watching this after watching your later videos, after you found out you also have ADHD because I feel like so much of what you describe may have come more from adhd than autism