My Wife Changed The Custody Agreement Of Her Daughter Behind My Back r/Relationships

[@KCohere33]

That commenter calling OP heartless missed the part where the wife explicitly told him NOT to be a father figure. This is on her.

[@GaskyChan]

Yeah I heard this story ages ago and is just as annoyed with how the redditors didn’t seem to read it. His wife clearly put the boundary that he wasn’t to be a parent role in any way

[@anthonygilmour6236]

Oh they heard it they just don't care 🤷

[@fandomfan2800]

no it is not

[@N3yo100]

@@fandomfan2800 so who is it on?

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

@@N3yo100RIGHT?! I’m dying to hear the mental gymnastics needed to make this NOT her fault.

[@toxicdotaep2890]

why is everyone acting like the OP doesn't want to be dad to the kids. he literally says multiple times that it's his wife that doesn't want him to be the parent. i weep for the reading comprehension on reddit, Jesus Christ.

[@PrimateProductions]

Reading comprehension? It's not even that...they _listened_ to it and still didn't get it...they are simply ignorant

[@PrimateProductions]

Nevermind...my apologies you were referring to those that were actually on Reddit not the people here

[@toxicdotaep2890]

@@PrimateProductions LOL i try very hard not to read the KZbin comments ... they're even worse most of the time... absolutely wild that there can be 2 forms of intake and yet 0 comprehension. at the very least, I usually expect weird nonsense from KZbin comments, but I've never seen a reddit comment section as bad as that one.

[@PrimateProductions]

@@toxicdotaep2890 agreed!

[@samiulhuda4001]

whats wrong if he doesnt want to be the dad. you dont HAVE To be the dad even you marry someone with kids.

[@aduckofsomesort]

OP isn’t refusing to integrate or take care of his stepdaughter. He is refusing to accept a unilateral decision that will involve him.

[@league-of-shadows]

Right? She knew he had longstanding plans that predated their marriage but agreed to take her child without checking with him. Good on OP for not rolling over.

[@momo382844]

Wife wants to OP to make all the sacrifices of being the parent but none of the rewards. There was another story exactly like this only the OP was a woman. OP’s husband and Ex didn’t want OP to play a motherly role in the stepkids lives so OP said okie dokie. She stopped cooking, cleaning, and helping with homework. Cause you know, they already have a mother to do those duties.

[@yamairad1]

Story 2. I'm convinced the guy never had cancer. I don't know much about it but he sounds very spry and healthy for a man that will die any day now. Also, her finding out the guy doesn't have cancer and she blew up her life because she was manipulated is enough to cause a suicide.

[@Chellirsl]

I think that too. I believe she was played and when she saw her plan didn't work out she took the final act. What a sad bizarre story.

[@flamelily2086]

I was also wondering if he had cancer. It sounds like a story a low-life scumbag would tell to a gullible woman in order to get into her bed.

[@PrimateProductions]

Nobody said he was about to die any day now. One can be diagnosed with cancer and still not have any symptoms at all. Buy I do agree that there us likely more to it because she move him in secretly and all.

[@yamairad1]

@PrimateProductions I might have misheard. But I'm certain OP stated that the guy was a serious, intense, or grave case. I can't remember the word, but it was something that implies stage 4, going to die any day now. And clearly, that's what the wife thought was going on.

[@KG-VanityInKnickers]

​@@PrimateProductions You must have not listened to the comment portion as the wife literally tells OP, family and friends "he's not long for this Earth".

[@flavialm1]

First story, the wife doesn't want him playing golf every week. She is using the kid as an exuse. I wouldn't be surprised if she was the one that suggested the change.

[@lianabaddley8217]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who saw it that way! If he's golfing with his siblings, she can't control everything he does, says or thinks. Plus she gets the added benefit of having more control of her daughter. SMH

[@YellaBellaReno]

Agreed. Her being upset with the solution he found (his step daughter staying with her step-cousins while he golfs) says that she is super controlling, hates his family, or both. Either way, it sounds like she is totally comfortable isolating him from his family…. Without even offering him the title of “parental figure” in his new family.

[@gaaraxnaru]

Wouldn't be surprised if the AP in Story 2 even had cancer. OP's wife was probably fed some sob story and believed it. Her taking her own life probably was due to her finding out the truth and how badly she screwed her life up for a liar.

[@TheTeresamori]

Oof this is wild but we have heard worse

[@recycledapathy7411]

Or the AP dumping her once OP filed for divorce, because the AP didn't want a full time relationship.

[@marshawargo7238]

I always wonder why people who have an affair, often want the marriage to continue! But these comments put some reasons in a clearer light! Thank You!

[@aaronwilber2377]

I was thinking the same thing.

[@PrimateProductions]

​@@marshawargo7238you dint understand why someone has an affair but still wants the marriage to continue? Obviously had they wanted the marriage to end they woukd just initiate a divorce and get with the other person. They want to continue for a lot of reasons but mainly they want their cake and to eat it too.

[@Zxgrhexbj]

That last story… She messes up her life bad and when she couldn’t handle it she took it. Apparently the there was no guarantee the other guy would even pass from what he had. I kinda wondering since she couldn’t pass the kid as the OP if the other guy rejected her. If that happened her husband divorced her, her side partner didn’t want her, she was pregnant and her family were angry with her. I have sympathy for the OP and family but…every choice she made was got her to that point.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍

[@myounakami]

Yup, I suspect she took her own life to escape the consequences of her actions. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she ran to the affair partner after being served, only to find out he never had cancer and had only used it to trick her into sleeping with him (a "This might be my last chance." kind of deal), and that pushed her over the edge.

[@D64nz]

Worse, it wasn't even going to be that bad. She could have adopted the kid out and moved on and learnt from this but instead she chose the nuclear option. It's close to a Darwin award at this point.

[@colleens1107]

No one in a relationship is getting matching tattoos with their guy/lady friend if they aren’t at least in an emotional affair. OP is right to nope out of this marriage

[@kurotsuki7427]

I could see a group all getting matching ones and it not being an affair. But that would be 3+ people

[@Iflie]

Yeah they had a sick relationship as it was on her neck and she ended up pregnant by him. Does he even really have cancer I wonder or is that what he told her to get her to sleep with him? That certainly would have been a reason for suicide after it helped her ruin her own life. It seems a lot of millitary guys come home to cheating girlfriends.

[@evanmatthews2159]

@@Iflie The military gives benefits if you're married so there's a lot of quick marriages, which when paired with long periods of separation leads to not great outcomes.

[@Iflie]

@@evanmatthews2159 I've also seen warnings not to get involved with the types of women that hang out at bars the military guys go. There was a real story about how the wives on base would put a certain detergent in a window and that signalled to the hook ups that they were "open for business". Like not just one wife, a bunch of them with the same code. Crazy. That's not just when the man is on assignment but just at work for the day.

[@YellaBellaReno]

Do you have tattoos? Most people I know with matching tattoos do it with friends, regardless of their sex. It’s way riskier to do it with a romantic partner. My fiancé and I have multiple matching tattoos with friends of the opposite sex and recently got one with each other for leap day. Our friends also have matching tattoos with other people. I ask if you have tattoos, because I wonder if this is the take of someone who doesn’t get inked often or at all. I feel like you get a lot less precious about the meaning being or circumstances surrounding a tattoo the more of them you get.

[@janedoe885]

The person talking around 6:30 or so has reading comprehension issues fr.

[@Ll_ring00]

Literally, she told him not to get involved with the parenting and the arrangement/boundaries SHE SET. Now he HAS to be a parent when it's convenient for her?

[@X3N14]

For real. Jane kept him out of every decision regarding Emily and made it clear OP has NO say. How does that translate to single childfree people shouldn’t be dating parents if they don’t want responsibility for a stepchild but not that single parents should stick to dating other single parents who understand what it’s like to raise children?!

[@Louise-ls4jv]

Yeah they probably skimmed it and just reacted based on the buzzwords "babysitting" and "stepchild"

[@itsjonna5070]

@@Louise-ls4jvtotally agree… and this is coming from a dyslexic person 😅

[@blackrex828]

STRAIGHT THE HCK UP. How do people skip over important information?

[@RylieRiddle]

S2: Markee, want to say thank you for how human you are when you yourself react after reading the post and comments. The laughing at the truly bizarre ones, the anger for the posters who are wronged, but mainly for the kindness you show towards the ones who experience grief and pain as they seek advice from Reddit. That's probably my favorite part of Reddit post reading channels like yours, Mark Narrations and Lost Genre. I had to put my cat to sleep on Thursday and it still makes me a little emotional, and hearing you wish the second OP well and healing added to my little crying fit.

[@GellaHumbug59]

Sorry about your cat. ❤

[@RylieRiddle]

@@GellaHumbug59 thank you.

[@QuayHollywood]

May your little ball of fluff have all the yarn, the best scratching posts, treats, and all the cuddles as she rests on her new little cloud.❤

[@monkeynumbernine]

Aaawww 😢 That's so sad, I'm sorry you had to say goodbye to your precious kitty.

[@One.DeSanctis.]

Damn, OP'S wife in Story #2 should have been gotten help by all of the very concerned parents. OP is doing the right thing by seeing a therapist. He did nothing wrong by getting a divorce.

[@bricksloth6920]

Wife isn't just a miser, she's a control freak and her freak on is controlling her husband in particular.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

That’s definitely the idea I got as well. Not just the husband, but the daughter. It explains why she doesn’t want OP to have any authority. She can’t control the fact she has to share parenting with Emily’s father (and there’s not enough there to figure out their dynamic), but she doesn’t want to give up any control of the daughter while she’s at their place.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

Exactly. This is about more than this one situation or the cost

[@nyxspiritsong5557]

24:32 oh look! Another commenter who apparently didn't read any of the damn post. Ffs. Read it twice people. Eta.... saying that somebody else is responsible for another ending their life is about as disgusting as you can get. Even if op was "the problem" (which he absolutely was NOT) it was the ex wifes decision to end things.

[@robertx8020]

This although I know of some examples were other ppl DID cause a person to end him/herself So never say never

[@sgtjarhead99]

S2 - Oh man, this is SO familiar. Military marriages can be so drama filled. Had a buddy who was about to get married to this one girl (who was also a single mom). Out of the blue one day, she got a tattoo of one of her Exes (not even the baby daddy) because she thought it was cool and they were still "friends". Thank God he dodged that bullet and left the Ho before he actually got hitched.

[@D64nz]

Any marriage in the army sounds more like a business deal than a love marriage. That's fine, but one should have that expectation.

[@WildKat25]

Honestly, that stepdad in the first story is getting a raw deal.

[@sweeneytodd2420]

Most step parents do... Especially step dads

[@Catherine.Dorian.]

Yeah it’s not a good situation and he shouldn’t stay

[@mbyerly9680]

This is divorce worthy. This is spousal abuse.

[@anthonygilmour6236]

​@@sweeneytodd2420and people get mad that guy's don't want to date single mothers 🤔🤷

[@WildKat25]

@@anthonygilmour6236 The same could be said about dads with kids getting mad that single women won't date them. Or dads with kids getting mad that the person they are dating doesn't want to play mommy or full-time caretaker to their kids. Or dads with kids that purely date to try and trap a woman to do HIS parental duties.

[@atlasalexander7790]

Dad, in the first story, is getting undue hate for no reason. He asking for 1 day a week to spend time with his family. The wife's family drew a line in the sand and then forced him over the line to benefit her without asking him. Yes. As a step-dad, he has responsibilities, but it's unfair the way he's being treated. She can't demand he give up time with his family to benefit her family but still can't given respect. NTA.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

I don’t get the comment about “you wouldn’t be doing this if it were a biological kid” or the one that’s like, “don’t date people with kids if you don’t want to treat them like your own”. Like… duh it would be different if it were a biological kid. This wouldn’t be an issue at all if Emily didn’t have a whole second family and step-siblings she didn’t get along with. And even if this were OP’s actual kid or if they had a more involved step-parent/step-child relationship, wife would still be the asshole for not talking about the schedule change ahead of time and not compromising on getting a babysitter for the few hours he’s already got a prior commitment.

[@locusxe1411]

@@Rose-yt5hiReddit is stupid like that sometimes

[@kurotsuki7427]

Yep, wont treat him like the girls family for decisions, but does want to treat him like her family after she makes those decisions

[@Catherine.Dorian.]

He’s not a step dad because she wouldn’t let him be, he’s basically just a trusted adult.

[@marshawargo7238]

I think he protested that point too much ! Every time someone said that he needed to step up to the plate, his rebuttal was, I'm either a parent all of the time or not at all ! How about still not a parent, just a babysitter/trusted adult, on Saturday & with that, He's Not Available On Saturday's !!! IMO, I think that he's holding Saturday's availability hostage for more authority. Well, that's what it sounded like to me... He's still NTA, but his wife sure IS, for offering him up without even asking him first !!! *Edited because of auto correct! I know what I meant to say, Mr Auto!

[@FM-br2rm]

#1. The mother accepted behind her husbands back because she knew he would say no. She thought he would change his mind. The mother needs to take care of her child. She treated the husband as an on call babysitter.

[@robertx8020]

FREE oncall babysitter

[@daisychain5087]

His wife is SO PROFOUNDLY SELFISH, the suicide being the climax of said selfishness!! Poor man. I hope he realizes that he did EXACTLY the right things.

[@angelicakaufman7183]

I'm finding myself wondering if Mr card shop James was ever actually terminal or if this was a game to get with the wife

[@roserocks1979]

Plus she killed her baby when she killed herself.

[@angelicakaufman7183]

@@daisychain5087 I'd love to know if James got her on drugs because this all escalated very quickly

[@league-of-shadows]

It is never wrong to stand up for yourself. OP did the right thing.

[@daisychain5087]

@@roserocks1979 Yes. This perhaps, enraged me above all else. Her unborn child was entirely innocent - and she and her AP dragged him or her into existence just as entirely by deliberate choices they knew could and would result in pregnancy.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

2:24 _”She doesn’t want to spend money when I can do it for free.”_ This feels entitled. Just volunteering OP like this and devaluing that time is just unacceptable to me. 4:30 THIS PART! She didn’t want OP to even be a step parent and then treat OP like a parent who has to sacrifice as a parent would.

[@cindykq8086]

Giving up set time with siblings for a full year to babysit because it's convenient for the wife. No, no, no. And OP's family ends up caring for the child and wife still isn't happy? Wife is toxic, OP needs to GTFO. OP's wife is pregnant by another man and OP still went to her funeral? And did baby daddy go, too? What a screwed up situation.

[@league-of-shadows]

Oh god I wonder if the guy went to her funeral!

[@NakaidaBeauzec]

Why does the bio dad not want to spend time with his daughter.

[@skyelindsey687]

@@NakaidaBeauzecbecause it’s easier to swap custody around than discipline his child and step children when they misbehave.

[@DoctorJaneDoe]

That poor guy in the last story 😢

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: NTA. She doesn't want you getting dad perks? Then you don't get saddled with dad responsibilities. Her kid, her responsibility to figure out. These are the consequences of her own choices. And some reddit commenters need to learn how to read. He's not never watching or spending time with her/ignoring her. S2: Cheating is selfish. Expecting him to just take her back when she was ready was selfish. Not admitting to the affair and potentially foisting another man’s child on him was selfish. Her death even was selfish. I’m so sorry OP is feeling guilty for this, but as someone who has had a person threaten suicide out of selfishness and an attempt to control me, I had to realize he made his own choices and I couldn’t be chained to him out of fear or guilt. I hope OP heals and moves on.

[@twentyfiveyears5010]

That last story, OP needs to keep repeating "None of this is my fault, these were all her decisions." I wonder if James really has aggressive bone cancer? Or was that just a cover story?

[@TempestinBlue]

I’m honestly so indignant on OP1’s behalf. If his wife keeps drawing firm boundaries that he is NOT her dad and it’s NOT his place to act as a parent, she can’t then turn around and demand he be a parent when it’s convenient for her. She can’t have it both ways.

[@july_paradox3094]

It ticks me since the commentors did not read that when OP tries to parent her, he is loudly reminded not to pull that crap. I bet it be the same when he did take the offer of watching his step daughter. The wife will figure out that he parent and discipline the child and will lose her crap all over again.

[@n0r7h3rn2]

On the military hubby story, It is so sad I feel for him trying to defend the country while his wife, with obvious mental issues and entitlement, really did him dirty. I think she wanted to follow her best friend with terminal cancer, and that had nothing to do with soon to be ex. She just wanted you to feel all the guilt because she could not trick him into being the father of her affair partners baby but then, she gets the delusional fantasy of having a piece of her bff still in her life. Her family should be embarrassed. The pregnancy bit you finally dropped between her, and the BFF solidifies you as the victim counseling all the way. You can feel the guilt, but this was all on the extremely poor wife soon to be ex-wife's decisions. With everything said, I doubt she truly loved you in the way a wife should love a husband, or the way you loved her. Sounds like this was a get married because our families were close deal for her. OP you will find your true person good luck. Take the help you need to be solid on this mess she dumped on you to be in safe head space on missions. 🙏

[@aaronwilber2377]

I don’t think the ap was really a bff the wife only met him a little while before the affair started. And sounds like the ap coned the wife.

[@invisigoth510]

Story one: when there are children involved custody can change for reasons at anytime If you didn’t know that before hand, you do now Hire a babysitter, too bad mom doesn’t want to spend the money. She doesn’t want you to be a parent so you don’t have to take on the responsibility of one She unilaterally decided to change custody, she gets to arrange childcare Marital counseling stat or this marriage won’t last

[@champslim]

Pregnant WITH HIS CHILD?????!!!! DAMN

[@dmb25108]

S1: no wonder why Jane is no longer with Emily’s father.

[@yamairad1]

Correct wording, "No wonder why Emily's father is not with Jane anymore."

[@robertx8020]

@@yamairad1 Because they both seem to suck?

[@yamairad1]

@robertx8020 LOL, true, but we have more proof of her suckiness than his. What we know of him is hearsay. Nothing is confirmed. Her sickness is confirmed.

[@Sherwoody]

I feel bad for Emily. Her biodad doesn’t actually care about her. If he did, he wouldn’t have a relationship with someone whose kids were toxic to his own daughter. Jane doesn’t really care, and likely doesn’t want Emily telling her dad that mom passes her off to other people. It makes her look bad, and might affect the custody agreement and support payments.

[@wheelsndealz]

Story 2. Holy shit. No. Not just the name but the fact it's her neck. Not only is it public facing but the neck hurts a lot more and it kinda means more to put it there. You're willing to go through more pain for that person. Also, how is no one talking about how he was staying with her, presumably without his knowledge, then suddenly leaving right before he got back. Man, just a whole lotta NOPE.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

Matching tattoo.. yeah....NO people that get cancertreatment can't get a tattoo. So.. of the story is fake, of the best friend hasn't cancer.. i tend to the first although JAG gives free service for service members during a divorse, but they can't represent you in court. Every officer would recommand an experienced divorse lawyer instead of JAG.

[@yamairad1]

I didn't know that. I figured out the lie because he's healthy enough to empregnate despite being at death's door. Also, it's been 6+ months, and he just moved away? Where? If you have cancer, you have to stay close to the hospital. Also, her meaning that he never had cancer and how he let her destroy her life to the point she would NEVER have the life she dreamt for would push people to suicide.

[@frozenkoipond]

Both of my parents have had cancer and were able to get tattoos after treatment

[@paulinadeboer3604]

@@frozenkoipond after not during. I have to wait also i have cancertreatment now. Thats how i know

[@recycledapathy7411]

Sometimes you hear a story about a divorced parent and you don't even need to know why their ex dumped them.

[@diamcole]

S1: Nope. She didn’t ask before switching the custody agreement because she knew he’d say no.

[@n0r7h3rn2]

Wife in the first story has a lot of balls to set up ongoing weekly childcare for her husband as the stepdad without even asking him after she has told him he isn't to have anything to do with to step daughter as a parental figure and to step off. I would seriously check that relationship and the fact she was still going to dismiss all solutions except her own? Well, that tells me all I need to know about who she is as a person and a wife. This does not respect OP at all or her daughter. I'm glad he insisted on counseling, but OP needs to hear truths, and since they are childless, seriously think about if her self-importance and obvious bullying boundaries are worth it. Also, stepdaughter Dad and step family all need to go to counciling themselves to iron out their family and not kick his daughter to the curb for his new family. She is probably glad stepdad and his family are showing her any love and care after her 2 parents chose THEMSELVES over her and pushed her to the side for self-interest! They are great parents ? OP, they really aren't! You would have helped if it wasn't railroading your own set up before even marriage happened over plans with your family that is some major entitled behavior of wife. YIKES!

[@terriebtsOT7]

The wife told OP he is not a second dad. Wife changed the custody schedule withOUT his knowledge or discussion. OP has babysat before but this was not cleared with him? It's not his child and she made that clear early on.

[@nightmare_jeanie]

I hate to say this, but as someone who was in a situation where someone tried to use the "im dying" excuse to get me into bed with them, i get the feeling OPs late wife may have unalived herself after finding out she blew up her marriage and life over a total lie. I just find it hard to believe that dude is still working whike having an aggressive form of bone cancer... i feel terrible for OP but the fact is, his late wife was nothing but selfish, it isnt his fault. She couldn't face the consequences of her own actions and decided to make everyone else suffer instead. I hope OP finds peace, happiness, and true love.

[@league-of-shadows]

OP1 is not the asshole. Jane agreed to having her child at a time she knew she nor OP was available and just expected OP to bend to her wishes regardless of how important his own time with his siblings were. She refused any compromise and when a solution was presented she was STILL mad. OP2: NTA. This guy’s wife was cheating on him, moved the guy into their home and was pregnant by him but just wanted OP to roll over??? NO.

[@brookeneeley396]

S2: ex-wife must have realized she was nothing but a piece of ass to the AP and she blew up her marriage for nothing. I don't feel sorry for her. She took the cowardly route because she didn't want to face the consequences

[@PerkiPerkins]

1st story I’m a parent, if I where to choose to be with someone else than the father of my children I would need to realize that would be a secondary parent. There’s no ifs and butts. So many of these stores end horribly bad, because it’s not reality. They step parents need to be seen as some sort of parent/ authority figure someone would could potentially ground the kids if needed. When ppl like OP wife try this hard to separate the 2 what causes kids to have issues especially when younger, they don’t understand why the step parent not as open and caring or why doesn’t mommy let him give any direction/ given responsibility . OP definitely not AH , but his wife need Thearpy because she’s steamrolling him she even had an issue with daughter hanging out at her NEW COUSINS home! Think about it she could be making new bonds with cousins, kids can be more open with them verse Step Siblings. My parents divorced when I was. An adult as did my husband, we didn’t have issues until it came with step parents and our own children. As oddly enough all of our steps didn’t have bio kids (super weird).

[@darsalome]

I bet my Pokemon plushies James did not have any form of cancer but had a huge role in the wife's self erasure. Some people are wired to destroy other people's relationship without even consciously realizing they enjoy it so much.

[@beccaf262]

People would’ve shit on OP so hard if he was forcing a parental role onto the child when the wife said explicitly “you aren’t her parent” and now he respects her boundaries he’s the asshole for not stomping her boundaries and being a parent?

[@HarryVibes36]

Wife sounds so….yikes

[@TheVeggiekat]

This comment works with both stories

[@Rattleyroy]

The second story hurts to hear because it sounds almost exactly like what happened to one of my buddies, up until the final updates, in the Navy. He's doing a lot better now, but the coming home from months of training to your wife cheating on you is a terrible thing to go through

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 2: Man I really want to know *why* she ended up, well, ending herself, because from the sounds of it the affair partner was fine boinking her behind OP's back but once OP filled for divorce and they could actually be together he ran because the dude just wanted to be the affair partner and not an actual relationship with her and she had actual feelings which caused her to break down over the fact she ruined her relationship with OP over nothing. But that's just my fanfic-y theory given there's only 2(?) people who who knew for sure and one of them game overed themselves.

[@ChiquitaBanana-si5qq]

Keep the bond with your siblings. It’s important to you.

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: Sounds like your wife got her boyfriend's name tattooed on her. Story 2 (update): Wow sorry, glad you are divorcing.. Story 2 (final): Don't blame yourself, she was the one who cheated and you just did what you needed, in filing for divorce.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

Imagine having (supposedly) terminal cancer and using your limited time remaining to ruin your friend’s marriage and life.

[@Markee]

Wild shit right there

[@Taecoconut]

last story: ex wife did that to f with OP and punish him for not reconciling with her. Her selfishness knows no bounds cos that means she also unalived her unborn child

[@thatonearoace]

Hey, let’s not act like suicide is done as a way to “get even” with people. Okay? Trust me when I say that nobody thinks so highly of you to the point where they decide that killing themselves is the only way to “fairly” punish you for anything. If anything, they (suicidal people) tend to see it as the only way to punish themselves for their own actions

[@Taecoconut]

@@thatonearoace - she had an unborn child. She wasn’t punishing herself.

[@Taecoconut]

And I didn’t say ALL suicide is done to get revenge. It’s a form of revenge called narcissistic suicide revenge/ suicide with hostile intent. In this case I believe it was cos she didn’t want to face up to what she did & was unable to get him to reconcile with her, her parents were on her case and he refused to conform and keep her life afloat (sleeping with her so she can pass the unborn child as his)

[@locusxe1411]

@@thatonearoaceI don’t think you understand what he’s saying

[@MsMookalate]

@@thatonearoacenot all suicide is the same. Of that was the case, we would all know the understanding of it being done. Some crimes even get ruled suicide too.

[@LittleImpaler]

Story 1: Sounds like the wife wants to have her cake and eat it too.

[@tinaqutelia5569]

Story 1, wife didn't want him to spend time with his siblings. There was no other option? No, she just got the opportunity to intervene in his 'sibling time' and used it.

[@kelseybeckman1723]

How dare you remind me of those chores I’d “forgotten”!

[@ksbs2036]

Story #2. I see some folks commenting that the cancer story may have been a hoax to manipulate the wife. Wow, never thought of that but we have all heard of that happening. OP's late ex was still awful to have an affair, but it just makes the whole thing that much more tragic

[@skyelindsey687]

OP’s wife: “I don’t want you to be a parent for my child” OP: “ok, I respect that boundary.” Reddit: “how dare you actually respect that boundary. You are her parent now.” No, she wanted him to be a free babysitter. This is when Reddit should be throwing out the divorce card seeing as she said his siblings are not more important than her wanting to save money instead of spending it on a babysitter for her child.

[@shadowkissed2370]

Oh god, I just had a thought-what if James didn't actually have cancer? What if he lied the whole time, weaseled his way in, and made her think his last wish was to have a wife, etc.? It's obvious she was already struggling with mental issues, whether it was depression or something else. I'm not excusing her actions, but what if finding out he didn't have cancer and realizing he convinced her to blow up her world for nothing was the final straw? Maybe that's what sent her over the edge, and that's why he's in hiding.

[@wolve2k]

yeah i'm with you on this, specially the hiding part, what everyone else seems to be ignoring, why would he hide if he didn't do something wrong, no one gonna hide with late stage cancer.

[@treefittyforall]

Let me get this straight... The wife flat out tells him from the jump he's not her father because she has a father and he won't have any say in her life? How can she then get mad and act like he's an AH when she once again decided what he will be doing which is the opposite of what was first stated? I'm sorry, but this is why most people don't date people with kids. She just seems like she wants a useful idiot that she doesn't respect to shut up and do whatever she thinks he should do at any given time. If he says or does anything that questions it, she starts to freak out and turn it on the OP for being an AH. Also, to all the comments saying he should'nt have dated her if he wasn't willing to ever interact with the daughter. That's not the problem. He loves the daughter and says they get along and he says she's a great kid. The problem is the mother who is trying to run OP like she's his superior and say what he can and can't do without his input over and over. I've been around where people who have dated women with kids that will constantly remind their BF or Husband... "You don't have any say! Those aren't your kids! You can't do that!" Meanwhile they are living in his house and he's providing for them. The kids don't respect him and won't because he's not allowed to discipline or call them on their bad behavior while the mom lets them be little hellians. This isn't the same thing, but it kind of is... She's saying I want you for what you can provide for me and my kid/kids, but you can't raise them or be any sort of say or authority in their life!" So, he just ends up being a useful idfiot that she gets everything she wants and he better shut up and like it. TBH though I don't know how these dudes put up with this shit and it ever gets to marriage. Also, this shouldn't be a problem, but it is because she's making it one. She could solve all of this by just either having the child's father foot the babysitter or class fee or at least help, but she doesn't think anyone should pay for it because she has her useful idiot that can and will do it for free because who cares what he has going on his life he's just her useful idiot... She sounds horrible and he needs to call her on her terrible behavior and her constantly making decisions without his input and expecting him to do what he's tolds at the drop of a hat or else he's the bad guy.

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: Wife Ex is the AH here...He married someone with children who hate his child and obviously made zero effort to blend his family before the marriage. Is there a reason you can't take your step-daughter golfing with you? You'll have to teach her of course.. But that can be really fun.

[@terramarini6880]

This happened in a different story, wife needed her husband to step up for kid on his golf days (his kid, but autistic) He decided to take a chance (potential melt down situation for some autistics) and took the boy with him and they discovered the kids new favorite thing, he's good at it and now he joins dad on all the golf outings and dad was looking at getting him his own clubs. Hit me in the feels, that one.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

_”She’s refusing to even discuss it. All she keeps saying is that it has nothing to do with me and her:”_ TF?! This has EVERYTHING to do with OP. I agree with OPs CO, a man really cannot live with this level of disrespect. The placement and the fact that this dudes name is on her body is absolutely wild! ETA: and she turned down matching tattoos with OP? I think OP might unintentionally be the side piece to the best friend.

[@lkayh]

NO. When someone ends their life it is NEVER EVER the fault of the other people in their life, except in extremely rare and super abusive situations, when they see no other way out. Typically the problem is untreated or inadequately treated major depression, which is not anyone’s fault. NEVER EVER let other people guilt you if you lose a loved one that way. We all disappoint and hurt each other from time to time-and even if the person who ends themselves leaves a note blaming you for doing this or that, it was really about an underlying mental health issue that is no one’s fault. If your actions hadn’t been the latest reason they’re unhappy, something else would be. Forgive yourself, and let them go. You deserve to move on and be happy.

[@hdeodh]

S1: Some wives or girlfriends cannot stand their SO having fun without them.... The golfing thing was probably on her mind for a while and she found the perfect excuse to force him to stop

[@lalalachris]

That comment going on about OP needing to step up is lacking reading comprehension. THE MOTHER chose to ice him out of childcare before she made this change behind his back She’s a controlling person with narcissistic traits. That’s the only explanation for changing the custody without her partner’s input and expecting him to just be her childcare without any authority and also being not happy that the kid would be babysat by somebody else. She likes control and she wanted OP to roll over when she commanded him to

[@jewlzcraig-leaves597]

“I love you but you’re breaking my balls” lmao 😂

[@valgardener7656]

Story 1: The comments are so off. Yes, a stepfather should expect some parental duties. But he should also expect a say in what those duties are. These commenters expect stepparents to be servants who just do what they are ordered, and have neither authority over the child nor ANY say in how they spend their own time. Nobody consulted OP about this, but he's supposed to give up his hobby AND his family for one whole year, on her command, without being asked or consulted in any way. That would be an outrageous ask even of a bio dad. A bio dad might have to end up doing it, but he'd still be very justifiably furious. I think OP needs to stand on principle. The way his wife is treating him is contemptuous and outrageous. He should absolutely refuse to take on any parental duties on those Saturdays, or even to discuss the matter, until he gets a sincere apology.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

I’m speechless at this update. Like, literally no more words

[@byronszohner3586]

As a man of I was never asked to participate in my step child's life and then given the chance I would absolutely decide to step up and try to strengthen the bond between me and that child. You can play golf every other week but you get one chance to be in this child's life

[@A_LadyBugs_Way]

Dude needs to Run Now, before Emily turn 18. This will Not End well for Op Nor Emily. Her Father Already replaced her, and as soon as Step-mommy gets Pregnant he will be Ghost, Op's wife will Now Start Demanding Op to Play/Take on, more of a "Fatherly" role, including Finances like College, Cars, etc... because Dads Money is going to be Stretched To the Max with New Step kids and a Baby. Run, Op, Run...

[@GellaHumbug59]

I was going to watch this video, until Markee reminded me of the chores I’ve been putting off! Then I immediately caught up on everything I have been avoiding before resuming watching the video. Ah hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha…. Thanks for the comic relief, Markee!

[@loganjoh1]

Story 2: another man’s name on her NECK! The fact she thought OP would let that slide is insane!

[@katiecakesl4691]

Story 2: I hope OP gets some therapy and clarity of what happened with time. The wife was likely cheating for a very long time, but when her affair partner was dying she decided not to hide it. Then when everyone rightfully turned on her she couldn't handle the fact that she would be alone once her affair partner died. The guilt and grief were too much. It isn't OP's fault but what he is feeling is normal. Even with all she did, love for someone doesn't die that easily, and not wanting someone you very recently loved to be dead is normal. It's really sad.

[@richardkeller346]

The comments on the past few videos have been ridiculous. Most of them have been completely ignoring what the OP has been saying and just jumping on them with assumptions and outright ignorance.

[@MysticalBlueRse]

Who wants to bet that “James” didn’t have cancer, he just wanted self-pity from the girl he liked.

[@kentario1610]

"It sounds like this is something that should have been worked out more carefully as a family before agreeing to" Yeah, that's the whole issue! She spoke to him 0 times before agreeing to it and voluntelling him to stop meeting his family on Saturdays for a year.

[@TheRockinDonkey]

These are two of the wildest stories I've heard in a while. Thanks Markee! Chuck a prawn on that barbie for yourself.

[@cherrypopscile3385]

If something involves someone, you NEED to discuss it with them. That includes the step parents too.

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

Story 2 after updates: well the problem solved itself.

[@teddychu1177]

I'm loving seeing Markee twice in my calendar day! :D

[@pwmgirl]

The balls to say to your husband: I'll be back when he dies, you just wait in the corner.

[@tossedsaladandscrambledeggs52]

The commenters saying that a stepparent shouldn't separate so much from the child. That it's dumb not to expect to fill some parental duties. At some point you will just get stuck performing some parental duties. 1) No. Mommy said no parenting by OP. Mommy has shut him down the times he has tried to play that role. No, Mommy doesn't get to decide when OP gets to play daddy and in what way. SHE made the rules and she needs to live by them. It's not fair to expect the rules to change just because it works in her favor. 2) Mommy can afford a babysitter but she doesn't want to spend the money on it "when OP can babysit for free." HUH?!!! OP said the woman won't spend money unless she absolutely has to. Great! Her personality. But she cannot force others to pick up her slack just because she's cheap. 3) Every Saturday for months, however many are left of Mommy's class, is NOT performing "some" childcare duties. It's every Saturday! Even if OP did nothing on Saturdays but stand on his head and spit nickels, it is exceedingly unfair to expect every Saturday childcare. 4) Let me repeat - Mommy set the rules. Now, when she wants to cheap out as usual but still get to do what she wants, the rules change. She made sure OP had no parental (or human) say in the schedule change. She didn't ask him if her expectations worked for him because she expects him to bow and scrape at her feet. If a man did this to his wife, everyone and their dog would be screaming about the awful expectations. So, turn it around and think on that. 5) Mommy and Daddy either didn't look at alternatives to OP giving up his weekly contact with his siblings or they didn't look at all of them. This isn't simply about a game of golf. It's connection with siblings and that is very important. Mommy expects him to give that up weekly for months. The real option is paid babysitters. Again, just because Mommy doesn't want to part with a penny does not make this OP's responsibility.

[@TiffWaffles]

I get the wife getting a tattoo for her friend suffering through cancer, especially if they were to get one together- but it's weird that she 1. didn't speak to her husband about it and 2. she got the name of this friend tattooed permanently on her skin. This woman also moved this man into her home...? Yeah, there's something else going on here. Why make a decision so secretly? Why move this 'friend' into the house? Why get his name tatted on your skin? This isn't an issue of OP trying to dictate to his SO what she does with her body, especially if she wanted to get a tattoo for her own reasons. There's a lot of people out that have fandom related tattoos- but that's because they love that fandom and the tattoo means something to them. However, this woman went out of her way to get another man's name tattooed on her body. OP didn't even sound like he was against her getting a tattoo, it's just the name of another man that really made him upset.

[@madalice5134]

The person making the unilateral decision is almost always going to be TA. She was unreasonable from the jump by making such a big decision without talking to her spouse. It's also an AH move to refuse to spend money on the care for your own child. OP has respected her boundaries while she decided his don't matter. It's also annoying that OP is being called heartless for respecting his wife and stepdaughter's boundaries. He's right that it isn't fair for anyone to expect him to be a parental figure when it's convenient for someone else. Hell no! That's so disrespectful! Post Update Edit: OP found a solution anyway, and she's still not happy. I'm glad they're going to family therapy, but I wouldn't able to stand someone that inflexible. She sounds insufferable.

[@wildfyah]

1st story NTA. Wife seems to just like misery

[@MizMorgue1]

Retired Army here. Unfortunately, OPs story is far too common in the US Military. Soldiers go on mission, and come back to a spouse that has completely changed, cheated, disappeared, neglected the kids, or pets, or offed themselves. I've experienced some of these, or have battle buddies that have. Many of whom r deceased now. I sincerely hope OP stops blaming himself. His XW was troubled and that will never b his fault. All the best to OP in his future.

[@Nicholem718-1]

My ex told me he was going to jump in front of a train if I didn’t get back with him. I said okay. Bye. He called back and said he couldn’t do it. I said “punk.” And hung up. He stalked and harassed me for two years. Would’ve made my life so much easier.

[@faeriefire78]

That last story was just...wow. 😳My stepdad was in the navy and was an MP while on shore duty. He said that a lot of the issues he dealt with on base was related to cheating spouses. Cheating is super common in the military, sadly. I can't say this is nice or if it's even still as true as it once apparently was, but I've heard from him and many other vets that a lot of times guys talked about marrying less attractive women because they're a little more likely to stay faithful.

[@AdrienneWaterhouse]

Do you have to record / upload more videos to unlock a new hat? 😂❤ Thnx Markee I do sooo love these videos 😘

[@liamlockheartart7560]

People who don't want to be step-parents really need to stop dating/marrying people with kids. ETA OP is NTA though. This is more on the Mom, not the OP

[@Goliath_mindset]

Story 1: Really feels like Op seeking validation in his stance in the relationship, and possible divorce. Cant blame him either, he should run far and fast. Wife is a complete control freak.

[@yeoreumdaisy]

1 year of being solely responsible every Saturday for her child when she is supposed to be spending time with them is not "some childcare duties" and all because she is too cheap to pay for a sitter? Naw

[@dre1978]

People like the commenter that kept saying OP shouldn't be making a big deal out of being asked to be a parent is the reason I no longer look at reddit myself. The lack of reading comprehension in some people on that app is just too much. OP's wife REPEATEDLY told him he is not to be a parental figure to her daughter. She does not get to disturb his already long set routine just because she doesn't want to spend money and made a decision that affects their household without talking to him. He's not her parent but he lives in that home, any decision that affects the household should be talked with ALL adults involved. She set the rules, she gets to follow them

[@Evolution1101]

The problem sorted itself out for the guy in that second story...

[@momo382844]

It sucks that the affair partner got off free while OP has to pick up the pieces. Even if he’s telling the truth, he can just pull the cancer card out for sympathy anytime he wants.

[@TheIronwil]

Some of the comments about being a step parent really made me angry. OP isn’t the one that “removed himself” as a parent to his step-daughter. It also angered me to hear people talk about how it’s not reasonable to expect to never “babysit” or take care of the step-child. What do they think OP has been doing this entire time, when his step-daughter is living with him half the week. Do they really think he doesn’t take care of her? If anything, this is deeply unfair to OP. He’s getting slammed for not being a parent, when his wife and her ex made it clear was off limits. Being a step-parent is too often a thankless, and sometimes hopeless, job. You get saddled with all the responsibilities of a parent, but with none of the respect or authority that comes with it. OP is merely saying he’s not going to stop a traditional meetup with his family that’s been in place longer than his marriage. That’s a fair boundary. OP’s wife made this decision without even informing OP, and now she wants him to drop an important family activity because she’s too cheap to hire a babysitter? Hard pass on that one! This is beyond ridiculous. 😊

[@ashh4929]

Last story: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hol' up a minute, she was pregnant with other dudes kid?! How the hell did that get glossed over so hard?

[@annikaferguson8819]

For first story, I swear some people dont know how to do comprehensive reading as people keep blaming op for following and respecting the boundaries his wife set for her daughter/ stepdad

[@Letha-AnnCooper]

Yuck! It sounds like she is trying to justify an emotional affair if not more ! She practically moved him in and didn’t think the neighbor would tell you. That’s the ultimate in disrespectful behavior

[@littlegreycat]

Lol you are getting too funny with the chores. I always listen while doing chores

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

6:14 if you’re told that you are not to be a second parent or have any authority in any way, then it’s completely unreasonable to expect them to step up when it suits you. 7:40 all of this! It can’t be a pick and choose situation.

[@ksbs2036]

Story #1. Feel badly for Emily and OP, clearly neither of them are being consulted with regards to finding solutions. Jane is clearly one of those "my way or the highway" folks. If she doesn't make some serious adjustments I don't see this marriage working in the long term. It's clear she puts her husband at the bottom of all the lists and treats him with huge disrespect. She's not even willing to shell out a babysitting money to let her husband continue to play his regular golf game. It's not worth $20-$50 dollars to tell your husband he has some worth? And the fact that she was still begrudging with his solution of playing with cousins tells you all you need to know about Jane. It's gotta be her way or she's gonna throw a tantrum. I think OP should think long and hard about what he is getting out of this relationship

[@Demonkinghiei-1]

You get all the responsibility but none of the authority when you get into a relationship with a single and or co parent.

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Story 1: I honestly don't have any faith in this arrangement or marriage. Jane is clearly the type that's only happy if she gets her specific way, regardless of what it does to others. Story 2: Having putting a name of someone you aren't related to tattooed to your neck after refusing a joint tattoo with your husband, and secretly moving the other guy in until your husband comes home (all without telling him), is just wow. She's definitely got feelings for the "friend". And even in her final act she couldn't be honest or take any accountability. I don't feel bad for her. I just feel bad for all the people hurt by her disgusting actions and behaviors. Absolutely awful. Hope OP gets the help and support he needs and deserves. And then there's the extra tidbit of her being pregnant with the other man's kid, which really is just the turd on top of the crap pie she served him. No doubt she would've tricked OP into think it was his if she wasn't caught. The other guy isn't any better though.

[@meghaffer]

Story 1- I'd be interested in why her first marriage ended. Even if the kid was OP's bio child, he'd have every right to say he's still golfing and we're getting a babysitter. Parents get to have hobbies and time with their families. He found a solution. Wife sounds like a nut for being so obstinate and controlling. And as he stated at the start, the fact that she didn't even discuss the custody change with him is just wrong. If getting the kiddo away from the step siblings is best for her, them I'm sure he's all for it, but he should've been included in that discussion as it affects his life too. Story 2- That's a tragic ending I didn't see coming. While mandated counseling isn't always productive because the person isn't invested, I hope OP takes advantage of it to help himself through that mess.

[@lachlanp3365]

Story 2, Cheating is cheating, she literally tattooed his name on her neck, for me that probably would have been enough to convince me that she was having an affair. I wouldn't have needed to have been told that they had moved in while I was away.(Not that the OP did)

[@dianasmith8248]

Story one: NTA, Sounds like OPs stepdaughter has a stupid father and mother. If her father can’t get his new family to blend. Instead of changing the custody schedule that only seems to negatively affect his daughter. He needs to leave wife number 2. And OPs wife needs to higher a babysitter or put her certification on hold.

[@TiffWaffles]

OP's wife should have told him about what was happening. That way OP would have figured out what he wanted to do instead of this being sprung upon him so suddenly. If OP was a woman and her husband decided to do something this sneaky, we'd have people jumping at the chance to tell them that they were in an abusive and toxic relationship and that they needed to leave- but because OP is a man, he's seen as heartless and cruel.