My Wife Doesn’t Love Me Anymore

My Wife Doesn’t Love Me Anymore
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[@katiez688]

When someone says they don’t love you anymore, believe them. And don’t be fooled into thinking you can somehow “earn” their love back. Its just like that Bonnie Raitt song. Cut the chord.

[@fotismichael1877]

You don't want it to work. Trust me. She's gone. Let her go. Save you both a whole lot of trouble.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Not necessarily… I felt this way as well during the beginning of our marriage… and we just celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary and 26th year together. I felt this way due to unresolved trauma that I did not recall at the time AND due to the disparity between what real love IS and what our society portrays as love but also as a result of my husbands pornography addiction and subsequent dishonesty. It has taken years of vulnerability, sacrifice, and trust but we are on the other side and it IS beautiful.❤

[@fotismichael1877]

@@sarahalderman3126 Good stuff. Happy for you, genuinely. On the balance of probability, though, this is a no-brainer. Red flags galore. And, if I were him, I'd take a long hard look at myself, too, wondering how I got blindsided so badly. The devil's in the details and the details are always there if you're willing to look hard enough.

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@fotismichael1877 that is so very true, in many different ways. I agree that taking a long hard look at ourselves is needed regardless of the circumstances. Unfortunately as a society this is NOT encouraged any more. Furthermore I would say that she was also feeling blindsided, I know I did. It isn’t usually selfishness but rather ignorance that brings about these feelings. I know for myself it wasn’t as though I CHOSE to see love this way as a young woman, it was taught. Yes just in fiction, fairy tales and such, but due to my upbringing I had NOTHING else to inform me. I truly believed that the lack of that butterflies feeling meant that he was not the “one”. It wasn’t until I taught myself this truth that I began to learn or understand what love truly is. Because men are so different I know that this is difficult for men to grasp. To men it feels as though we have deceived you, but it is actually that the world has deceived US BOTH. This is similar to men’s desire to SEE the female body in a sexual manner. To men love is primarily visual, especially at a young age, that the lack of sexual attraction can feel as though there is a lack of connection. When in reality BOTH are true and false. True marital love does require physical sexual attraction AND emotional intimacy, equally.

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@fotismichael1877 oh and as for the “probability” comment… it only makes me smile. Due to the inaccurate assumptions made in order to come to that conclusion. If one has done their due diligence, the probability is on their side. For example marriages between committed (religious) individuals from unbroken homes do NOT have a 50/50 chance of survival. In fact amongst those there is a greater than 94% chance of survival…

[@fotismichael1877]

@Sarah Alderman You're misrepresenting my position & projecting your marriage into this couple's situation. It's as if you didn't watch the video. First, my probability comment has nothing to do with the divorce rate and everything to do with the information given in the video. Wife outwardly expresses she doesn't love him and believes it's over. Delony hints at another guy in the picture (probably true). Advising this couple, who clearly don't know each other nor themselves, to stay together is irresponsible. If he stays, he deserves every bit of chaos & dysfunction that follows. As a separate argument, I know loads of married people but not very many functional ones (religious & otherwise). Remaining "in covenant" & counting anniversaries is, for many people, a show...an artificial display of success in relationship. It's what they live for because the reality of their union is bleak.

[@mimimonster]

I had almost an identical thing happen to me except it was even SOONER after the marriage (1st month). We stuck it out for 7 years - he refused counseling. We never got to the bottom of it - he thought it was depression. Come to find out, he had an emotional attachment disorder from childhood trauma (which explained why we didn’t have a deeper connection and he never talked about anything serious) and he thought getting married would “fix the emptiness inside”!!! Shortly after we got married, he realized that I didn’t “fix it” and I must be the wrong person and that someone else would be able to and he needed to find them Over the 7 yrs and 2 kids, he admitted to sleeping with 30 women including my best friend. When they say they “don’t love you” and won’t get counseling or take it seriously, RUN!!! They have issues deeper than they’ve EVER LET ON most likely.

[@livelife9644]

The most shocking part of this is the fact that he slept with your best friend. Smh. Cant trust no one. How sad.

[@tedoymisojos]

What a best friend. Jesus

[@relaxcalmly1742]

Dang I’m so sorry

[@stephengallagher2209]

Why marry with no emotional connection?

[@lilithowl]

Oh no, how awful

[@ethxo6734]

Trying to find herself equals I found someone else. Let her go. She doesn’t want in, back to the streets she goes.

[@kmay6365]

Coming from a women, it sounds like she's interested in someone else and has been since before you got married. 'Trying to find myself' is the go to excuse of any women interested in someone else. Leave and go find a women who will love you. This will be an ongoing issue for the rest of your life if you stay.

[@beatdown3361]

Ya she checked out. In todays age its better to just live for yourself as a man.

[@evelyndaisy9722]

She has a new lover

[@KittyCurioso]

Coming from another woman, I don’t agree.

[@scaldon2]

She never loved him

[@mariawilliams7264]

I think you are all wrong. She probably deals with depression and self doubt and the marriage is not providing the support and well being she thought it would. So easy to make her a villain.

[@ronaldnichols9945]

She's stringing him along. She's in an affair. If you go to counseling, she will continue in the affair. Go through her phone and social media for evidence of an affair. Then leave her when you find it

[@Whatorwellsaid21]

I once dated a girl (just talking and met up a couple times) after 4-5 months talking she said the same thing. I said “ok we will be friends, no worries.” After I found someone else and she saw I was happy then she wanted to come back. No way. People who are this undecided about what they want or who they want to be with are emotional wrecks.

[@dfsw]

I know it's hard but if someone says they don't love you then leave and never look back. Being single sucks but it gives you the chance to find someone to love who loves you back.

[@terriesmith2616]

Agreed 💯💯💯 This guy needs to love himself and have some self respect and let her go. Why begged to be with someone who clearly doesn't want you back?

[@AvaLeBlanc]

Being single is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. I found who I am and truly love myself. Being single doesn’t suck being stuck in an unhappy marriage/in a relationship does though

[@abbyxiong3931]

I agree. Let her go.

[@351528]

Being single doesn't suck.

[@lililoladzinergrl5255]

I got married back in 2020 and we dated for 3 years prior to getting married. I owned my own home and had a previous child of 12 years old on my own. The day we got married my new husband began showing his true self and basically I realized he pretended to like the things I liked and these are what I based our compatibility and my love for him on. All the while when I am trying to communicate these issues as they happened and he is the type(I didn’t know this at that time) that will tell you what you want to hear to end an argument to give the impression we were on the same page and then would gaslight me about my concerns and pretend everything w was rainbows and unicorns when I was communicating otherwise. Long story short - this went on for two years and by then I had been going to counseling on my own and it took me two years to realize he basically pretended to have the common interests but was being dishonest and k felt betrayed because everything I based our relationship on was a lie. He refused to go to to couples therapy until after I had suffered for two years trying to communicate this despair I was facing in this marriage while he just lived his life doing what he did as if he was still single. ( we never merged bank accounts and he only paid $1000 rent for about 10 months with paying the electric bill . I never got Money from him for food or upkeep or an allowance or a access to any money so we largely were independent like prior to marriage. So the burden of him coming and going as he pleases and being lazy and smoking pot every day really turned me off.) When I finally put it all together and drew a line and told him I needed him to move out so I could make sense of my feelings because everything was toxic at this point . He did that and wants to work things out but I feel like I resent him and can’t trust a word he says based on his ability to lie to fix his unpleasant situation. I feel no love for him because I feel the foundation which I built that love for him was based on his lies and the more time away from him I’m happier when he’s not around. I haven’t filed for divorce yet because I’m not trusting my self now because of his gas lighting made me distrust my judgement and don’t want to make a mistake in divorcing him. I’m fine as long as he stays living with his mom - but I don’t respect or love him and he is love bombing me because he wants our marriage to work. But I don’t see a way foward honestly - he repulses me and every time he says a word I feel like it’s bullshit and I can’t believe a word he says. Maybe the guys wife feels something like this? Although he didn’t mention her being distressed due to their disagreements. He seems more empathetic and in touch with communication of his feelings and listening to his wife more than my husband did. Did this guy own a house or did he have a good financial standing that she may have married him to benefit her own finances by marriage? I think my husband married me because I owned a home , 2 nd home and investment properties. Maybe that’s why she married him to want a divorce so soon after marriage. Mine literally started changing the day we got married little by little showing slips in his mask. And I’m still trying to make sense of it today! ❤️‍🩹

[@dhritikapoor2897]

I am sorry this happened to you. As a fellow lady I am sure of a few things here 1) she surely had her eye on someone or full blown cheated on you before your marriage. That crush/affair didn’t work out and she desperately tried to settle for the safe guy( you) to make herself feel better 2) now that she had time to calm down she has realised that her happiness lies somewhere else and wants out 3) her behaviour has NOTHING to do with you. It’s her own demons. So don’t try to fight them for her 4) if you plead her to stay or to “give it another chance” she is going to lose all respect for you and grow even more and more distant and repulsed. Your best bet right now is to simply tell her calmly that you wish her the best and respect her decision and then go distant. No anger. No show of neediness. Just pure dignity , confidence and with as few words as possible

[@terriesmith2616]

As a woman, I agree with you 100%!! You said exactly what I would've said but you worded it way better than I ever could. Your comment is 100% spot on. 🎯🎯🎯

[@garret8787]

Is a girl like that ever worth taking back? I feel like the answer should be ‘no’

[@savvmoreland3595]

This comment is fire and so helpful!

[@neisci]

Waw, your comment describes the level of maturity I want to reach when I grow👏🏿.

[@mentallyillfinger]

I don't know necessarily if she's cheating. But maybe that's just me hoping.

[@johannadavis7594]

Another woman here.... She's having an affair and looking to sow her oats. Dude needs to accept it and move on. She thinks the grass is greener and he is yellow as far as she's concerned. I know it sounds harsh but the sooner he moves on the sooner he'll be able to find someone else

[@Renee_N]

I'm female and about month 6 and just newly moved to a new state with my new husband I got the I dont love you anymore and he wanted a divorce. For the next 12 years I did everything I knew to do to keep that marriage going, be a support, and to win his love. After 2 or 3 more of the I dont love you anymore episodes I finally threw in the towel. I could not be who he wanted or needed despite my desire to make it work and make him happy. It was hell. I hope the caller has a better outcome. Maybe I fought to hard and long. The divorce was about 20 years ago and I still feel like such a failure. God forgive me I wasn't perfect but I tried.

[@marciabernard3820]

U not a failure..someone don't want you say buy

[@terriesmith2616]

You're not a failure. You simply stayed too long and fought for someone who clearly didn't want to be with you. At least you finally let him go. Better late than never. Now you're not wasting anymore of your precious time on someone who doesn't want you back. This is a lesson learned. Learning new life lessons is never a failure.

[@SteelRhinoXpress]

You can't be a failure at something that never worked to begin with. Be like trying to fix something that was never repairable. Fact is you tried to love something that never loved you back. If anything he duped you into thinking something, that wasn't ever there.

[@toscadonna]

File for divorce. You’ve only been married for 7 months. Next.

[@zee-zm1io]

A woman wanting to find herself, meaning she hates who she has become with you around.

[@blueseptember2174]

My husband said he didn't love me anymore and then cheated. Now that he's done he says that he always loved me 😅 People today be wildin'. Protect yourself by keeping your standards high. If they meet you there, great. If not, there's your answer.

[@marciabernard3820]

Don't let him keep hurting u

[@blueseptember2174]

@@marciabernard3820 we are not together now as sad as it is, I didn't really have any other choice. Thank you for kind reply 🙏

[@Nah-ah]

Sorry to hear that! They will say anything to keep you interested. Just let them back to the streets…

[@marciabernard3820]

@@blueseptember2174 very good 👍 so u can start healing..my 20s I keep trying to worked on relationship big mistakes .. when it's done move on

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

Sounds like he found out the grass wasn't greener on the other side real quick 😂

[@FrankS111]

My friend, go hire an attorney and file for divorce today. She’s checked out and already interested in someone else. Be a man and do NOT put up with that nonsense.

[@JJJJ-he8bz]

He’d get her attention real quick if he stopped worrying at all

[@Gman941]

Apathy is a great motivator

[@the_review_lady_channel]

Can you do an episode on how to find a good therapist - a litmus test so to speak?

[@Mrs.LadeyBug]

Great idea. I went through a few and a number of close calls (almost deadly) before the right one came along. It was horrible, and worse than no counseling. Two of them nearly ended my life by their words, and I found out a few years later, that other people had also been harmed by them. Apparently they both assumed that anyone who was suicidal actually wasn’t… they were just “attention seeking”. So, when I told her how I felt and that I was not ok, she said “go ahead I dare you”! Well, ok then… Thankfully someone saw what was happening, intervened and I was hospitalized until I stabilized. I had severe PTSD at the time which precipitated those events. I’ve now been seeing my current counselor for over ten years, and haven’t needed any big intervention or hospitalization for over six. It was almost annually before that.

[@DNA350ppm]

I support that as a coming episode, it is so important! My test would be somewhat like a gut-feeling-test: do you feel "up", energized, after each contact, are you looking forward to next session, do you have a lot to write about after s/he gave you a good question, do you walk from the session with a happier/lighter step than during the week before, did you get an inkling that there is, or might be, *light* at the end of the tunnel, after all. Never go to a *cold* therapist that doesn't help you each and every session, who doesn't part with you after the session-time is out, giving you hope and support as the rounding up. If they can't do something more skillful, at least they can pose the "magic-question" with genuine interest. It goes like this, and one can ask oneself too, but better with a real warm.hearted person: "If during the night a magical thing whould have happened to solve this your problem(s), how could you then notice it. What signs, changes, would tell you, that something magical in your life had occured?"

[@theshunnedBandersnatch]

@@Mrs.LadeyBug my god, I am so sorry that that happened to you 😰 I'm glad you found a better provider and have had more success!

[@2411Mal]

Cut your losses!

[@Guts318]

"You cannot negotiate genuine desire." -- Rollo Tomassi. Also, in the context of this, I would wager that she's seeing someone else.

[@b7Hn4eX8yv4m]

She's probably been seeing someone else for a while and had to get married because she thought it would all just be ok, instead got in too deep and now she's stretched herself way too much and needs to get away... But yeah, either way here the marriage is over. Should never have happened in the first place.

[@jenniferhuerta9824]

He needs to run and get strong on his own.

[@marla-singer]

There’s been studies that show when women get off birth control, they no longer have the same attraction to their partners (assuming the romantic relationship began while the woman was on birth control). If that’s the case, she might be having a hard time articulating that this all comes down to lack of attraction.

[@FrankS111]

Nah…she’s interested in someone else and possibly already having an affair. It’s done and he needs to hire an attorney and file for divorce immediately

[@admcdona]

Our world puts way too much emphasis on attraction. I don't understand it and I don't think it's healthy. Fall in love with the person, not the packaging. If my wife of 17 years gets in a horrific car crash tomorrow and comes away with burn scars all over and missing limb(s)...I'm probably not going to find her super attractive anymore. And it's not going to matter 1 iota to our relationship.

[@lepolhart3242]

@@admcdona I still think you need to be physically attracted to the person to have a romantic, sexual relationship which should be part of a marriage. Marriage was meant for having children which come from having a sexual relationship. If there is no attraction, sex etc then what is the point, it`s not much of a marriage. I as a woman would never marry a man I wasn`t attracted to, it would be unfair on us both.

[@loezakidd3149]

Lmao no

[@ahdorbfidks]

@@lepolhart3242 and besides physical attraction, in this terrible situation with the car wreck, you would still be attracted to your wife for her personality, humor, grit, etc. I think attraction is very important in all relationships. It literally just describes wanting to be around someone.

[@shellyc8086]

Her taking his last name and loosing her own identity can be a challenge for women on top of being in a season of grief/loss. It can feel so overwhelming.

[@shachede6828]

She wasn’t force and made that commitment. That’s a BS excuse. He didn’t force her or they didn’t even have a proper discussion about it. Smh.

[@larissagonzales6075]

wtf? If you don't want to be an adult then don't get married. She could have had a hyphenated name like the rest of the feminists.

[@Nah-ah]

This sounds like the first 6-12 months of my marriage! You don’t really know what you’re getting yourself into and my husband and I just figured it out as we went! Celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary yesterday!

[@sunshinestate1306]

Was there someone else?

[@Nah-ah]

@@sunshinestate1306 no, we both were trying to fit our differences into our relationship. I’m a homebody or what you’d call ‘introvert’, and probably too reserved. He was life of the party and I just found it exhausting and him dragging me out of my comforts all the time kinda made me feel real anxious and a lot of the time, defeated and didn’t want to anything to do with being married anymore (if this is going to be what it’s gonna be for the rest of our lives) If that makes sense? I think what it was was that we never really lived together… nothing more than a few wks. I’m still very much and introvert and he’s still very much himself after 16 yrs

[@lilsamantha1]

@@Nah-ah sounds awful. I wouldn't want to be you

[@zeal4god402]

@@Nah-ah Doesn't sound like you were trying to find yourself, you already were secure in your identity. Did your hubby live with his parents for a short period too?

[@Nah-ah]

@@zeal4god402 in western society, what is the cultural belief of “finding one’s self”? I’ve been on a path of finding myself my whole life; in meditation, spiritual development and practices, education, etc. I was born into it thanks to my father and continue to find myself bc we all don’t know ourselves especially beyond the flesh. My husband never stayed with his parents. In those 6-12 months, I found myself visiting my sisters a lot and even my mother in law. I lived with my sisters for many yrs and even they would leave me alone for days and not bother me and do their own thing. Living with my husband was full on and even right after we got married, my MIL said “good luck. He’s gonna drive you nuts!” It was nice having him in small doses until we had to move in together lol.

[@gavypatty]

Sounds like the way my ex-girlfriend acted before she dumped me Edit: Sounds EXACTLY like my ex-girlfriend

[@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord]

Maybe his wife is your ex?

[@MichaelJones-rn2pq]

Don't try to wash and wax the car when it has been totaled. It's time for the caller to move on with his life.

[@AKR892]

This is what happens when you get married too young. Just getting married before you hit “the wall” since men told us we’re undesirable after 30. Be careful what you wish for.

[@theshunnedBandersnatch]

I listened to the full episode earlier today and decided to come back and leave some thoughts. I wonder if they ever discussed their backgrounds/childhoods/trauma history before getting married? Also, I'm surprised that John didn't seem to care that she had a "weird childhood." I know the wife wasn't on the call, but I could relate to the way he describes what she says. I'm in a relationship with a great guy, but I too have days where I go through those same emotions and thoughts -- I just want to call it quits, this isn't right, I need space/feel stuck or cornered, etc. It's not that I don't like the man, but I had a chaotic + traumatic childhood that left me with pretty injured attachment. To me, close relationships of any kind can feel threatening since I've been hurt countless times by those closest to me and who were tasked with protecting me. As a result, I keep most people I know at arm's length and letting people in any more than that is utterly terrifying. Once I realized that I have those same intrusive thoughts about _every_ person I am in close relationship with, I felt better able to let them go and not get upset at myself for "thinking wrong." My brain was conditioned a certain way for a long time and it will take time for it to unlearn that. I don't verbalize these thoughts because I don't want to hurt my partner or those close to me, I know that those emotional "flares" are temporary, and I work on my attachment in trauma therapy. It's possible that something else is going on with this woman -- especially since she seems to eschew couples therapy -- but I wanted to give another perspective.

[@btrigwel]

Totally this. I feel like her attachment is maybe fearful-avoidant. She’s done everything she thought she should and hasn’t respected her own boundaries and needs in the process. Now she’s married, she’s realising her needs aren’t being met, that this is for life now, and her flight response has kicked in. She’s actually been quite clear, about some of those unmet needs - she doesn’t feel heard or listened to. Maybe she’s been trying to communicate her concerns for a while and he’s missed it. I hope they can come to a decision which works for them both, whether stay or go.

[@loezakidd3149]

Na you’re reading to much into this. I mean let’s be real here. She likes someone else

[@larissagonzales6075]

Yes but that is still not fair to him. She can't just not deal with it and tell him to leave. He needs to give her an ultimatum so he can stop wondering and killing himself.

[@keywestfan2503]

Women in a bad place: “I need to find myself” Men in a bad place: “I need to improve myself”

[@bignew7136]

Dude, get in annulment. Not now, but right now!!! Do it before your one year anniversary so your record will not show a divorce.

[@hubertroberts7800]

I'm tired of men begging after women. Have some dignity sir. Dump her and go find a woman who likes you for you, not for the validation of a wedding.

[@JohnThomas-xl2ro]

As a lawyer, I would recommend you explore an annulment of the marriage - based on what she said it was based on fraud. She’s clearly moved on to a new dude.

[@JennaJoker]

You totally need a Dear John segment like Dear Abby

[@hcastel]

Man value yourself and respect yourself why would you even want to be with someone who doesn’t love you back. Get a divorce and and be glad this didn’t drag out for years. Too many women out there or just be single.

[@9liveslisa]

I say listen to her and set her free.

[@johnpulaski6725]

You're free!.... Have a beer! 🍻👍🏻🤣

[@zoraster3749]

Anytime a woman says “I need to find myself” it usually involves finding another man’s 🍆. If a woman says “she needs space” there is another man making space between her legs. What is she going to say next, “I’m not happy.” There is another bull in the ring. Some other dude is gassing her up at work or social media, some guy at the gym. Ask to see her phone and see how she responds. This guy needs some red pill content. Watch Coach Greg Adams, specifically the marriage wheel and the “bait and switch.” This is sounding like a textbook case unfortunately.

[@larissagonzales6075]

same as when a man says he's busy at work.

[@Dillon_Ditch]

Childhood matters 💯 percent and carry’s on to adulthood

[@marquisstrongchild7535]

So sorry man. It must be terrible to love someone who doesn't love you back.

[@trejoseph5345]

It’s going to be tough man but I’ll walk away! I wouldn’t even want to try at this point.

[@reathahorrell2929]

Let it go 😢she’s done

[@karenmassey8354]

The wife probably got married just to be able to say she was married, as a lot of women do. This is a result of the immense pressure put on women to be married by a certain age. This works until the woman gets sick of dealing with/looking at the guy.

[@jdkayak7868]

This is probably the best answer as most people making decisions in their early 20s don't have enough self control to make good relationship decisions.

[@nt3833]

Karen Massey: “intense pressure to marry by a certain age”? Maybe a few decades ago. Who is doing the pressuring? I don’t see this anymore.

[@nt3833]

@Bavs I agree biology does. But if she’s saying our society does then I disagree.

[@miepmiep3017]

Maybe it's just me and my surroundings but ... I'm almost 30 and I know only two couples who are the same age as me and who are married/engaged. I don't feel the pressure at all. I feel like marriage and children are not as wanted as they used to be.

[@nt3833]

@@miepmiep3017 exactly. I see the opposite. Women are encouraged to be independent and pursue careers. Marriage and family have been devalued.

[@alexandrasalvagni6269]

This happened to me, I checked out after he betrayed me and lied about it twice. Then I started doing what I wanted with my life and going out by myself. When I realized I have many more options, it made me detach a lot from him.

[@terriesmith2616]

When a woman says she wants to "go find herself" it's code for she's interested in someone else. Dude, never fight to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Have some self respect and let her go. She clearly wants out of the marriage, she's done, checked out, she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Accept it and move on. Never grovel, never beg. Go work on yourself, improve yourself (financially, emotionally, mentally, and physically) and new women will swarm around you like bees. Women are attracted to a man whose Stoic, not a man who is needy and groveling. If she wants to go, let her go.

[@documentariesbycategory1483]

This is beyond vague as it is painful. IDK if there’s alexithymia, withholding, or disinterest because it honestly seems impossible to venture an educated guess given the utter lack of information. One thing for sure, there’s definitely A LOT not being said and “IDK” is a bit ridiculous to the point of being insulting as a reason for ending a marriage. As painful as it is, it’s never wise to fight for someone who is obviously not investing in the relationship. There is no amount of effort one partner can provide to heal a relationship with someone who just doesn’t want to be there.

[@samerm8657]

So they've been married for less than a year, and she says she hasn't liked him for over a year... So she MARRIED HIM during the time she didn't like him! Leave and may you find a more sincere person.

[@jenniferforest5400]

She met someone

[@DNA350ppm]

How come so many guys are sure that "find myself" is code for being in love with somebody else, not the spouse?

[@ryand7713]

Maybe from experience, like where most of my wisdom comes from? :)

[@DNA350ppm]

@@ryand7713 Have you had relationships with so many women, who have said this, and it has turned out that they didn't mean what they said? Well, research tells that men tend to have a new partner in mind before they suggest a divorce and women tend to just separate and go out into being alone. It takes 2 years for men to find themselves in a committed relationship again and 8 years for women, after separation/divorce, and of course this is in average. So whose experience? I ask because I suspect that men judge from their own dishonest ways to express themselves when they feel emotional discomfort. Let's see what will be replied...

[@myboringpowerpoints7782]

@@DNA350ppm I was going to say the same thing. I don’t understand why it’s so strange that a woman might want to “find herself” separate from a man. Women are individuals. Some of us need more space to think than others.

[@rory644]

@@myboringpowerpoints7782 most of the men who are on here commenting are misogynistic numpties, don’t even bother trying to have an adult conversation with them, ignore & move on with your day 😀

[@Montoya777]

Because it is and there are many women in the comments saying the same thing.

[@luminous6969]

You can't negotiate attraction, sorry bud : (

[@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord]

This.

[@Dhuxul9]

Absolutely and a therapist won’t fix that

[@markmiller4595]

Run Forrest, run - as quickly as you can.

[@scaldon2]

This is nonsense. Someone doesn't stop loving you . She never did . It's sad that he didn't realize that before she got married. A woman's urge to marry is so strong that she'll marry someone who she doesn't love. Sad

[@scaldon2]

@@jacobrodriguez7771 yup . Be careful. Women are the first to initiate divorce. Men have to be extremely careful of the womean they mary

[@nt3833]

@@jacobrodriguez7771 yep, she sounds like a user.

[@TroyP20]

I agree women don’t want the relationship, they just want the 1 day when they look and dress like a princess

[@AshleyLebedev]

God, every single call all I ever think is these couples don’t know HOW to COMMUNICATE truly, from the depths of themselves to the other.

[@darrengeorgetown6758]

She settled for you as you were the safe backup alternative. Her heart is with the bad boy that she has always longed for. Kick her out and move.on

[@JustActNormal]

I hate it when men pretend they know nothing about their own relationships

[@MoveForwardMMA]

I think some men really don't 😅

[@heywuzzzupwithya]

Yeah... It was weird he seemed totally clueless.

[@CrystalM1917]

That may be the problem 🥴

[@Drifter-tw4kt]

He is not pretending. Just clueless 😂,🤣

[@kenya1067]

I wonder what the length of their courtship was. This is an example of why it's important to be alone and find yourself or know who you are before you get into a relationship. I've been single since I was 22. I'm 29 now and I know who I am and what I like. Things are going well. Now I'd make a great partner. Before when I would be in relationships and annoyed with the person was unhealthy. I was younger and still getting used to having to make my own life. Hopefully they come to a good decision that fits their lives.

[@zeal4god402]

If you have any OUNCE of regret, it doesn't matter if your in that life-changing moment staring at your fiancee in that formal outfit in front of you, with family and friends smiling who have invested time and money, marriage is one of the most CRITICAL decisions we will make. YOU have to live with the full weight of that decision, not them. If your feeling the pressure to say "I do" and deep in your core are hesitant, feel free to say "I don't!"

[@aliparker3]

Regardless of the "why," she regrets getting married, period. I would start working to get over/through it.

[@yellowbirch2498]

A lot of people ignore niggling doubts by telling themselves "everything will be fine once..." we are earning more, I've lost weight, we are out of rentals, we're married, we have a baby, etc, etc. and then wake up one morning and realise they have been doing nothing but papering over cracks. But honestly, I do believe that 90% of marriage is just deciding to be committed and making it work. Let go of the what ifs, maybes, and shoulda woulda and go all in...

[@ElizabethDerlin]

Okay so coming from someone who struggles with borderline personality disorder. I will try and cut off any relationship fast if I think they are about to abandon me. I’ve had to learn that just because I feel like someone is gonna leave doesn’t mean I have to act on those feelings. I fear abandonment because of my dad walking out of my life as a child. This might not be the same thing but she reminded me of myself. Trying to run before he abandons her first. I feel like I’ve conquered bpd with this thought.. My feelings are lying to me and my husband isn’t going anywhere. Married 15 years here. If she had a parent leave her as a child maybe ask her to go to dinner and tell her you’re never going anywhere and you love her no matter what (not some stalker like way but a loving way lol) Tell her everyday if you have to not just by text but face to face or phone call.

[@ElizabethDerlin]

Bring her a flower every day or write her a poem. Little things are big things that will bring a smile to her face when she thinks about them over and over again. Don’t think negative like suggested in other comments like she’s found someone else and blah blah blah...that won’t help save your marriage. She’s just scared and needs her husband to reassure her. 💛 Fight for her like you LOVE her more than life itself. Also if you don’t know Jesus read your Bible and pray about this. He will help you.

[@theshunnedBandersnatch]

I have cPTSD not BPD, but I definitely relate to some of what you shared here. That fear of abandonment is deep and full-bodied and can feel so REAL even when I know it isn't. I ask my partner for reassurance when I worry I've made a misstep that I fear will "make" him abandon me, and have learned tools to help reassure myself when I feel the urge to cut him off because I made a mistake or fear that I did/said something "wrong."

[@beautepley8352]

I don't like how John kinda disregarded this callers wife's childhood a little bit but the bigger problem is that people are just to quick to give up on one another these days. It's a scary, scary world out there. If you find someone who wants to hug you, you gotta hold onto that sucker for dear life. I'm not hearing anything about abuse or cheating or any of these obvious signs to leave a relationship. I'm hearing a guy who is genuinely taken aback by what the hell is going on and just wants his to move on with his life.

[@lepolhart3242]

As a woman I can say that most women DO NOT like needy men who need hugs and attention. That is for children not men. Women respect James Bond types even if they are dangerous and have a don`t care attitude, this is seen as attractive as it`s seen as masculine and strong which is what nature intended as women are the gatekeepers to procreation and we decide whose seed is the strongest to be handed down to the next generation to ensure survival. If we pick the wrong men then we will have weak children who are less likely to survive.

[@beautepley8352]

@@lepolhart3242 Yeah I hear ya! Makes sense. I recently listened to a podcast on Spotify from radio lab the episode was called "the new normal." They talked about how alienating the alpha gene is the only way we can achieve world peace. It makes a lot of sense when you think about it. I hope you find what your looking for if you haven't already, though.

[@type2red]

Happening to me right now and there is nothing i can do, so i will leave it to God.

[@mreit28]

‘Trying to find myself’ is right behind ‘I don’t think we’re compatible’ and ‘I need to focus on my career’ as women’s BS excuses to get rid of you. That’s what you get for basing your life around someone else’s whims…and she’ll be lauded as a ‘strong smart independent woman’ after she takes half of everything you own and jokes about you with her new guy.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Lol injured much?

[@mreit28]

@@show_me_your_kitties lol toxic feminist much?

[@show_me_your_kitties]

@@mreit28 Wrong again, are you new at life? I'm a Greek American woman, I hold traditional family values dear and also contribute finances equally in the home. Do you have any other bad takes on life or ridiculous assumptions? You are hilariously fun.

[@mreit28]

@@show_me_your_kitties you’re wrong, but it’s ok, you don’t have to be accountable for how stupid you are. No one cares that you’re Greek and when you get divorced your ’traditional’ values will be thrown out the window while you take half of everything your husband has worked for his entire life. Enjoy your double standard b.

[@gayhendrie84]

Once she doesn't love you no nothing you can do

[@chazventura3594]

Great episode . But I found myself wishing you went into what BPD is . I had a therapist of mine tell me that she believes that my wife suffers from this. It would probably explain a lot.

[@tabithaedwards745]

Bipolar disorder you can look it up online.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Borderline Personality Disorder it impacts the way you see or feel the world and is where your emotions are 100x. For example you get into a routine disagreement that couples get in and the response is screaming, yelling, getting into your face, hitting, and kicking. It’s so powerful you can’t regulate your emotions unless you have intense therapy or some meds to help regulate. The therapy Dr. John mentioned DBT helps regulate and have new coping mechanisms for your feelings.

[@Julian-zc9vm]

She met someone else and is trying to slow fade on the marriage and let it fizzled out without being upfront and breaking his heart.

[@DNA350ppm]

I would also go to councelling - prepared for any outcome - just to not regret not having tried to. Be prepared to divorce a non-committed spouse. Go alone, if she doesn't come with you, it will help you with sorting out your feelings, if she plays mind-games with you. Don't let her make "everybody" believe you're the bad guy. Tell everybody, also in "her" circles, that you go to therapy because you would like your mrriage to work, that you love her, but you don't want to and can't force her to stay - you want voluntary, responsible, reciprocal love, nothing more, nothing less. Stand up for your good standards, simply and openly. I think it is right and well, that you don't run away at the first hurdle. Get support! You deserve it! This will also be a good foundation for the next relationship, because one who in honesty can love another, behaving decently, will be able to find a new love, in due time. All the best wishes to you and all the other men and women in a similar situation.

[@SpongeBobSquarePantsNickJr]

Why do people wait to fix a wreck right near the end?

[@itsme-notyou]

7 months, depending on the state you might still be able to get an annulment. She was out a year back and said so. I just hope there are no kids. You might get out clean!

[@jasoncampbell4203]

Say thank you for not wasting any more of your time

[@azimuthbusinesscenter]

if she doesn't love you now, she never did. Empty the bank account, change the locks, or get in your car and do not stop driving until you are on the other side of the planet. Women cannot exist without a primary love interest and if it isn't you, IT ISN'T YOU

[@phipsdeus2]

She’s either not attracted to him or is messing with someone else, or multiple someone else’s. Either way, it’s over, see if you can get an annulment to avoid the court system.

[@probablynot1368]

I think she might have found someone else before she married this guy. Rather than call off the wedding to this steady/stable guy, she turned from her ‘breath of fresh air’ and married this guy. Now, months later, she’s wondering “what if I chose the wrong guy?”

[@kgrimes4934]

I wouldn’t even do the counseling either. She is not acting like a spouse. She doesn’t want to be married. So she doesn’t get to waste your time. Poor guy needs to move on. You can’t fix someone else esp when they aren’t trying.

[@barabbasonmusic5503]

MY wife has said this like 6 times in the last year (we just had our first anniversary)

[@oppa1319]

My wife told me she lied for her wedding vows and she was to embarrassed to cancel the wedding in front of all of her family we invited to the wedding. She hits me and puts me down constantly because I think differently with my ADHD. What can I do if we are financially bound. I love seeing my son everyday but if her income was gone I would be homeless in this post inflation world. Feel like my soul has been crushed.

[@sophiawish9772]

She may be trying to figure herself out, or maybe she needs something more from her husband. It does sound at first, that she has another man on her mind, but; I also heard her husband begin to say something about how he doesn't listen to her, he did say that more than once. So, I totally agree that counseling is the way to go. She seems to have lost hope. I don't think this kind of trouble comes from out of the blue. There have been issues.

[@riseredeos]

She’s saying no one listens to her * He can’t verbalize the “fluke” last year, can’t verbalize what happened , constantly says “ I don’t know what that means.”* Ok then.

[@phipsdeus2]

You didn’t get the memo!? Husbands are supposed to be kind readers.

[@DeRocco21]

finding yourself means i want to find your self with another person

[@bethanynorman1829]

I think there's someone else, and she's just not telling him. Like, she's either cheating, or talking to a guy she is more interested in.

[@DeRocco21]

thank your lucky stars it was not a couple years in

[@kellypolfleit3942]

If you love someone enough you let them fly away. If they come back it was meant to be, if not, deal. You can’t make someone love you

[@lisaweaver5316]

She has not arrived at a mature mindset. She is trying to figure that out. Counseling Will help if you are both willing to work through it without blame or baggage.

[@Phonoodles408]

3:37 - 4:20 Bruh knows the game!!!

[@johniii8147]

No need to overcomplicate this. Just time to move on. When tell you who they are, BELIEVE them.

[@elizabethpieters7798]

Why is it so hard for people to accept that when a relationship has run it's course and it's over. They waste years of the life trying to save a dead relationship instead of focussing on starting over and living life. Denial is a powerfull thing.

[@robr268]

Marriage or relationship? Marriage is a commitment. You can't do it don't get married.

[@keywestfan2503]

If you don’t have kids together, take the gift she is giving you and just go. Unless you’re beating her, the issue is MOSTLY not you. This is her projecting her own issues onto you. And John is correct. She will goad you into reacting so she can play victim and tell everyone how “aggressive” you are.

[@ethan4048]

Sounds like she's cheating

[@Ja50nkAt]

And they say men are the only ones who don't share their feelings.

[@theblondeone8426]

omg this is me - we are getting divorced less than one yr and he left me while he went back to the philippines where he is from to see friends and has been gone 3 mo

[@cliffordincalifornia]

I would say let her go Bro , dont live in a regret later in life , find someone that you have a lot in common with ....for one Truthfulness

[@sarrahconley3923]

Sounds like she just needs to honor those vows. 😅

[@random-nz7dy]

She definitely has met somebody else and this is a very crappy situation for this person. This poor guy married an immature individual. Get out now dude. And get a good freaking lawyer. Often times if it's soon enough after a marriage things can be annuled with little to no repercussion for either side. Do not wait on this, dude. The longer you wait the more chance that has of being a non issue.

[@Marco-fn6kg]

leave her man ! this is a blessing before you had kids with her it will make it that much easier to heal

[@Pcj74049]

Make it easy for her to walk away

[@curoseba5363]

I don’t think we need “super clinical” opinion here. She has been tasting someone else. Period.

[@sherridevries9144]

Look up limerance from marriage helper on KZbin. Maybe she feels that has left. If leaves for everyone. They explain it very well.

[@katrinna7311]

What does that even mean? You need to leave your marriage to FIND YOURSELF?! One thing is falling out of love but then again they were married only for months. I think people get bored and are not happy with being content and need a life thrill or something. It’s just weird when I hear people say that and feel like they need to leave their marriage to do it

[@phackdaphish]

She's unhappy. It's her responsibility to make herself happy and needs support. If you love her, tell her that. Maybe she really needs space and do her thing. Not saying she should date but do what she wants to do. She needs to figure it out.

[@ReddingRed]

no

[@oambitiousone7100]

Avoidant attachment

[@Whatorwellsaid21]

Man, you need to move on. Take whatever pride you have left and walk away. This woman isn’t for you.

[@ricardoramirez84285]

It’s over walk away