Husband Says He Doesn’t Love Me Anymore (Is It Over?)

Husband Says He Doesn’t Love Me Anymore (Is It Over?)
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[@ConceptHut]

"I don't know if I ever loved you." Translation is "I'm cheating. This is how I get out."

[@karenjones8713]

Yep.

[@thomascarlton82]

It's really that simple, I feel bad for her but she didn't see the clear red flags when she started dating him. When you ignore the warning lights in your car, its guaranteed to break down somewhere along the road

[@LisaLisaCJ]

Yes. My ex did the same. After the divorce he was married to his current wife. Two weeks later

[@JerryStevens]

I know a guy who was cheating on his wife. He too said "I don't know if I ever loved you." Way to twist the knife.

[@TheEquiss]

Exactly

[@owenb8636]

Leave his wife and buy a motorcycle? This screams mid life crisis

[@rachelkruse9087]

Guessing if he is hanging out with all people he met in the past year equals side chick.

[@aislcsales]

What if she is really fat, doesn't take care of the house and makes no effort with sex? High value men dont deal with low value women. Especially some chick who's whining about "my mental health"

[@eclipse.5295]

Or another affair most likely.

[@helixmoore7636]

There's no such thing. It's an excuse for piss poor behaviour.

[@susananavarrete2801]

We’re not married or anything but what about: being together for just over 10 years, I’m in the same shoes as Heather, we were both 17 when we both started… leaves me and then goes out and buys a brand new Camaro SS with all the bells and whistles… Is that also a mid-life crisis?

[@hf110510]

🙋🏼‍♀️ - A year and a half later. I am indeed strong, grounded and by the grace of God am kicking ass. Lots of therapy, self acknowledgement, growth and healing. It wasn't all of his fault. I made many mistakes too. Unfortunately his lead him walking away from his family. Something he deeply regrets. He is off living his life and learning lessons. He has our son 30% of the time and seemingly starting to step up and be the dad he needs to be. I have little to no communication with him - I have placed many boundaries. I am #1.

[@reneeantwi-boasiako3974]

So glad to hear this! 🙏🏿❤️

[@angiescorner9549]

Did he try to go back to you?

[@rebeccawright5987]

Good for you ❤

[@ladytea697]

That’s awesome!!! They always think the grass is greener on the other side. They need to lose everything and realize its not. You’re better off wnd so is your son! God Bless!!!💞

[@motheryuba57]

Wow, Congratulations. You lived through it. You made the transition. So much learning. So much growth. It seems like a long process to learn how to love ourselves. So glad to hear you are doing well.

[@heatherjones4981]

If someone says they dont want you, don't give them the opportunity to say it twice

[@weekendnomad5038]

If a guy tells you he doesn’t love you he 100% has a mistress. Happened to me after 16 years. I let her have him and he begged me back lollll no gracias also mid life crisis

[@V.Hansen.]

No takesies backsies 😂

[@sugardonut2296]

yesss. haha this is so satisfying, glad you dumped him.

[@isla24bonita]

Bravo 👏🏻 I’d definitely do the same! Once the guy decided he wants out, especially there’s cheating involved, no way I’m taking him back.

[@susananavarrete2801]

Sweet justice! How long did it take for him to come back and beg?

[@ASmith-jn7kf]

What if a woman says that?? Many women have felt that way and have not been having affairs.

[@michaelwoods4495]

My wife and I have been together for over fifty years. In that time one or the other of us, or both, have been out of love with one another from time to time. But we promised each other, so we recommitted and learned to like each other again. When I think about it now, I see that she's really pretty easy to love.

[@weekendnomad5038]

I think it’s something that feels like “out of love” but I don’t think you stop loving that person.. it always blows over

[@eclipse.5295]

@@weekendnomad5038 Seasons

[@alqoshgirl]

I don’t believe in falling out of love. Feelings go up and down. That’s normal. That’s why love is supposed to be hard work not mere feelings.

[@teekaybe4016]

Men like you are harder and harder to find!!

[@susananavarrete2801]

That’s withstood the true test of time… I’m glad there’s still people out there that are willing and able to make it work. Not just quit

[@homegrownstranger4661]

I don't understand why people portray a 20 year relationship as an accomplishment, when the relationship ship is a gold painted turd and probably should have ended many years ago...

[@ineedhoez]

Facts.

[@ancientmage666]

True, my now decreased father was married for 40 yrs and it was he'll for his wife. But she depended on him 100% so she put up with him. She was miserable and hated him, but his $$$ was important for her. Moral of the story: Live separately 😊

[@simoneaustin8076]

well because to them 20 years i better than one year or 75 days of marriage. they stuck it out good or bad, in this case.. bad

[@ineedhoez]

@simoneaustin8076 so getting you ass beat for 20 years is an accomplishment?

[@sonjamiller8266]

Because for some people it is very important to present to the world that they have a spouse.

[@yvonce7309]

Let your husband go. You can’t make someone love you. I’m talking from experience.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

He’s going through his own crisis and doesn’t want accountability. So it’s all your fault in his eyes . This is how he gets to escape to do what he wants .

[@helixmoore7636]

I call bullshit. This is a loser who wants to abandon his family. I hope she gets major spousal support and child support. I hope she let's him have it and he suffers.

[@isay207]

Got a side piece

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Maybe she had depression and anxiety because of him and he was making it seem like it was her fault . 🤦‍♀️

[@bee12355]

Of course it’s from her dealing with his infidelity and addiction. She needs to cut him loose. She will find love again

[@rachelkruse9087]

Yep. He sounds like a narcissist.

[@LarennPBel]

@@rachelkruse9087 yup

[@FriskyTendervittles]

She will move on and come out of this stronger and wiser and have an amazing life and in a few years he will be at ROCK BOTTOM.

[@chocolatte8301]

I was thinking the same thing!

[@Tragedy59]

Or they will both be better off

[@rachelkruse9087]

Yep... guessing this man is part of the reason that she stuggled with depression and anxiety. JS

[@michellejones4110]

Exactly!

[@lexalee5795]

Why do you people always attack the man as if he’s the bad guy…. The love is gone, love dies… they both can part and each come out strong… quit always attacking the man.. or the woman… love just dies.

[@carolallison9685]

Man, her husband is gonna be really upset when she gets on her own feet, starts loving and living her life, and finds herself a hot new man that her son starts calling dad. Gents better think long and hard before leaving their wife because studies show that women are far happier post divorce than men, and a majority of men who leave their wives end up regretting it, especially men who leave for another woman.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

I remember my ex husband calling me a burden and that he wanted out to “ do what he wanted “ Well the mistress now wise has chronic illnesses she can’t travel he can’t retire because he has to take care of a sick wife. She has this illness and didn’t tell him until they married . He wiped out my money and now he can’t keep any and is really burdened. You reap what you sow in life

[@dewilew2137]

This is so true about post split happiness. And it’s actually the same for non-married couples who split. The women always fare better long term, even when the breakup was initiated by the man, and even if they were heartbroken initially.

[@Stanley_Baby]

A nearly 40 single mother divorcee? Oh yeah the men are gonna be queuing up 😁

[@briskettacos]

​@Stanley_Baby do you understand how statistics vs anecdotal evidence works, sir?

[@Sasha-zl1xr]

​@@Stanley_BabyWhat's with the fake cheesy grin? Are you celebrating the idea of women having no option but to put up with BS?

[@berlizgonzalez6736]

My husband just told me this. I'm pretty sure there's someone else.

[@alycewich4472]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Dr John is right, it is hard but you will be stronger on the other side.

[@mamadoom9724]

What ended up happening? Was it someone else?

[@TheLamba444]

At least she has a warning, my uncle left my aunt with not enough money in the bank to buy a gallon of milk after thirty four years of marriage, she called from Mississippi to my fathers hime in Kentucky crying asking if he was at my fathers there, he had used that same phrase to her that he was no longer in love with her. I was just in high school at the time and was so disgusted with my uncle. He took their life savings, she died a few years later. So sad what she endured with him, she was like this lady, high class lady.

[@starlightdreamer1999]

So sad for your Aunt 🥺

[@sarrahconley3143]

I've seen it too. I think it happens to both men and women. But for myself I stayed employed because of this stuff. Scares me. My Aunt can't even retire now.

[@mrs.fredrick_]

Omg how did she pass? Sounds like it was from a broken 💔 how can someone be so evil 34 years

[@TheLamba444]

@@mrs.fredrick_ , It was, she didn't last another year after he left her like that. He ended up dying alone, had fell down on his way to feed farm animals, I guess he had a heart attack. His own children refused to go to his funeral. So hard to think someone would treat a beautiful person like my aunt like that.

[@mimimonster]

My husband said this to me. He was having an affair. He never admitted it but found out from my best friend whom he slept with.

[@00mylovey00]

I'm sorry Molly, for the headaches you've endured :( I hope you will come out stronger and in a path towards healing.

[@mamat1213]

Ughhhh I’m sorry. It almost seems like a defense mechanism. If they say they never loved you it somehow makes it less terrible 🙄

[@mamat1213]

@Marie Baker wonder what this has to do with anything? Her own husband told HER that he didn’t love her so it’s not far fetched that he was cheating

[@rogersmith9566]

Wow…same situation except I wasn’t married with my last ex

[@michellesimmons3150]

that is no friend girl, a friend would never in a million years sleep with your spouse.

[@eclipse.5295]

I wish John would do an entire show about men going through this and how it affects the lives of the families left behind. This is an epidemic, marriages are falling apart at record speed at the 20 year mark and something needs to be done! Lets address the issues that men are having with relationships and holding onto their families and the education of men on marriage and partnerships. I feel like at a certain age they just hit their expiration date and that’s it and the families and wives are left to pick up the pieces. Please John do an entire series on this.

[@Lacuna1122]

Let's discuss what evolution intended for men as opposed to what women who grew up on Disney fantasy and hallmark movies, expect from men. Women live in a fantasy world. And when reality comes to bite them in the ass, they are broken and destroyed. But i guess it's good money for the therpists and pharmaceuticals

[@eclipse.5295]

@@Lacuna1122 Agreed, I’m raising my daughter never to depend on a man financially. And never to be a SAHM. Times have changed. But men also need the education to be true partners. I graduated college and have always worked but in my marriage when we had a child (just 1 not 4) somehow his brain went back to 1950 and I was expected to do EVERYTHING! That wasn’t the partnership I signed up for. Thanks patriarchy 🙄

[@Lacuna1122]

@@eclipse.5295 keep thanking the patriarchy, it's the only reason you're alive

[@erikrohr4396]

@@Lacuna1122 Evolution... the Ramsey network's outreach isn't just for Christians anymore.

[@jeanniefelix6534]

@@eclipse.5295 that's why women should never have gone to work, the woman brings the man money, neglects the kids cause she's tired from being at work, n he enjoys the sex anytime he wants it after your bring money to the house, it's horrible for the woman

[@SummaGirl1347]

"I don't love you and I don't know if I ever did." Reality: "I was getting the supply I needed from you for all these years so, it was in my best interest to stay...until I found another woman who helps me relive the younger years I wasted on you. Now, I'm out." Let him go. And, remember: "The best revenge is success".

[@JnikaJ]

This is very sad. He met someone else. As painful as it is, let him go. Process and heal. Then when he comes back, and trust me HE WILL she can be strong enough to keep the door shut.

[@YanRAWR]

You don’t need to meet someone else to not love your spouse anymore

[@lynnebucher6537]

Happened to my coworker. He tried to reconcile a year after the divorce when his GF kicked him out. Coworker said nah, I'm happy in my single life now.

[@karenjones8713]

I would bet that he has someone else waiting...happened to me too and he DID eventually want me back...it was too late for him. He blew it!

[@Nah-ah]

@@karenjones8713 good! People like that need the door slammed in their face!

[@couchtater4621]

@@YanRAWR But when you DO stop loving your spouse, what is typically the next step?

[@mr.j3371]

This is actually normal. Men usually fall out of love with their spouses after like 5, 7, 10, 20 years! Marriage isn't based on love but discipline, you can't be expected to have the same feelings and emotions over decades. Which is why you need to do some deep work and spend time with each other in way that the couple can introspect and re-connect.

[@xreediculousx]

Women do it too.

[@mr.j3371]

@CJ clearly you didn’t read my last sentence. How about you use some “discipline” and finish reading my entire statement dude.

[@veronicalagor4771]

​@xreediculousx In my experience, they fall out of love faster too. There's just more shame around sharing that fact.

[@downbad2874]

@@veronicalagor4771false

[@Foxie770]

Love grows out of the daily commitment to the family, legacy, and your life that you build together. Marriage is t about “you”, it’s about “us.”

[@RahmaSheikh]

You can tell this woman is so loving, the way she described her son was soooo sweet!

[@keithsiegel5769]

Shut up

[@danerichards7280]

I'm sure it's an act women.not all are con artist who think all men are perverts

[@Amor_Fati_]

Damn you bad

[@liannemarie2504]

​@@danerichards7280uh, what?

[@flyandshy00]

Infidelity? Why she's still with him? Probably he is a narcissist and broke down her self esteem in the process, blaming her for affairs like "if you looked better, then...".

[@alliepoe5487]

“You can hold his hand. You can’t absorb it for him.” I needed that

[@nancygamez7087]

She will realize this is a blessing in time

[@Hiker2110]

My heart breaks for Heather. In all honesty though, I would not be surprised if she feels relief down the road. It sounds she has been the one to put nearly all the effort into making the relationship with the father of her son work. His addiction and infidelity issues no longer have to be her problem. The worst part is obviously going to be her son's hurt in all of this. Do you, Heather. You deserve far better.

[@Apostylicpoet]

Whew! I felt that “He’s tired of being the pillar in my life.” Translation… Bitterness.

[@isay207]

Side chick

[@timizo691]

This is what my wife of 14 years did to me. She suffers from OCD and she is a triple negative breast cancer survivor. I stood by her side through everything. After treatment her personality really changed. I think she truly hates herself. She had everything she ever wanted and she threw it all away.

[@molly5262]

I’m so sorry..

[@squidward6187]

You were victimized but still blame the victims. That's what I hear.

[@nmc1859]

I honestly wonder... if it's not only the trauma, but effects (physiological) of the drugs she took then. Big pharma might not know and certainly wouldn't admit it if they did. Sorry this happened ❤️

[@timizo691]

@@nmc1859 I think you are so right. She was on the worst Chemo drugs possible. One of them is nicknamed the red devil. She also takes a Lyrica type drug for nerve pain. This effect neuro transmitters in the brain. I think it's possible that all of these drugs killed the woman that I loved.

[@soni05131]

Wow you been through a lot sweetheart. My ex said the same and basically the same situation. This was 10yr ago after 23y of marriage. I was done just as well. There is a limit to everything. Told him to file for divorce and get on with it. He left me w a 14yo son. Glad to say my son just graduated w his Masters degree. I think I done a great job. You are stronger than you think. Love yourself enough to know its come to an end. Stay strong. Soon you will be on the other side of this.

[@starrjohnson1327]

Proud of you girl!

[@ASmith-jn7kf]

The real test of your job is how he treats women and others and not what degrees he has. So when he gets married, ask his wife if she is really happy and when she smiles and says yes you can say: I did my job

[@dewilew2137]

You have absolutely done a great job, I am proud of you and your son! 🤗💗💗

[@doniciovelasquez9904]

​@@ASmith-jn7kf Word

[@stephanied.k.3589]

As grown people we have to learn to respect other grown people's decisions. "Let him go". Get your finances in order. Do one of those Love language test and start practicing loving on yourself. Your peace and happiness is within you. Remember, he said that he doesn't love you. Move on.

[@helixmoore7636]

She needs to take him to court and get spousal support. And he isn't making a grown up decision . But she does need to let him go. In fact she should never speak to him agaim.

[@downbad2874]

Respect other decisions bith they are married mtfs need to learn to respect their vows

[@daCubanaqt]

@@downbad2874 Yes, people need to respect their marriage, but when they don’t? Respect their decision to not respect you and move on. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t really love you.

[@MM-gu8tk]

This actually really helped. My husband told me this same line years ago. I wish Id had someone like Dr John affirming me then that it wasn't about my failing but rather was my husbands demons

[@somethingclever2]

It's always a man's demons. Doesn't make it better for women.

[@Diana734]

This is why women should have their "own" in a marriage because love is not guaranteed.

[@terriesmith2616]

To be fair, nothing in life is guaranteed. Not love, not your finance, and not even your life. It can all be gone in an instant.

[@LisaLisaCJ]

A woman should always work to make sure she can provide for herself and any children she has for when he leaves because more than likely he will.

[@somethingclever2]

This si why women should not get married or procreate.

[@somethingclever2]

​@@LisaLisaCJshe shouldn't marry or procreate

[@TEM14411]

Unconditional love is. We are in a world where most place conditions on others. As long as they get what they want from their partner and can do what they want, they "love" them. That isn't love.

[@Candace-M-]

Sometimes the only way out is through.

[@amydoran9987]

If he’s cold hearted enough to say this, she should forget him and move on. She will meet someone else eventually.His advice is right for this caller.

[@Zumcho]

He found someone else, simple as that. He's been wanting to leave for months, maybe years.

[@helena3631]

Yeah that’s code work he cheating men can’t hide nothing well

[@EadsB7002]

Yes. And doesn’t respect his wife at all because she’s probably been treated poorly for years and never put her foot down

[@user-cz1vw9tt2x]

My ex husband told me it was never love and was a trauma bond and I was a narcissist and people like me can’t be helped. He filed for divorce 3 days later.

[@mildredmr79]

This is a crazy call..I'm was also in a dead relationship for 20 years. Once he started having his midlife crisis I planned my exit quietly. It's gonna b hard for her bc she still loves him n wanted her marriage.. 😔 he's not worth your tears. This is your new life it's a blessing in disguise for u..

[@LisaLisaCJ]

See I wish I had done this instead of crying and trying to make things work and being weak. If I ever marry again I will never be blindsided again

[@mildredmr79]

@@LisaLisaCJ we live n we learn .. jus don't look at it as wasted time..if u see it as a lesson u won't feel so messed up about the wasted time.. all I could think about was that I wasted all my youthful years with him.

[@crazeekids9744]

I understand you SOOOOOOO much. I was with my ex from age 18-32. We had 4 kids and went through A LOT. One day, he just said peace out. The 13 years since then have been the hardest of my life, as he basically abandoned not only me, but the kids as well. BUT, you can get through it! Reach out. Get support. Get a therapist. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your son. You can come out stronger on the other side, while your ex most likely will crash and burn. John is right. This is about HIM. And he will continue to search for something that he will never find.

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

That is a sick sick thing to do to your kids and your wife I have nor respect for men like that they are trash and take 0 accountability

[@gayle2276]

Yes the cheater always blame the spouse

[@slothisasin8240]

​@@gayle2276 The cheater?

[@Blonde111]

Yea, I was told everyday for 29 yrs I was loved… then he stopped talking to me, treats me like an enemy. Same thing, he told me he doesn’t love me anymore and wants a new life. Snuck out while I was out of town… he’s remarried now, I’m still alone.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

When it is a sudden "I don't love you any more" out of the blue, you can bet he has a mistress (or is about to seal the deal with a potential mistress). They rarely leave without a replacement lined up.

[@DHass64]

John, you were incredible to that heartbroken woman! I wish that I would have been able to call you 22 years ago when my husband wanted out of our marriage! To Heather, I PROMISE that life will get better down the road. Get a good support system around you, focus on raising your son, and on loving YOU!! Some day, you will look back and realize that this was a blessing in disguise. I would have never divorced my exhusband but am so so glad that I am no longer married to him. I promise that once God closes a door, He will open a window. Just don't spend too much time worrying about the closed door! You gave your marriage your all and your husband has failed to see your value. Now you can focus all of the energy that you used to put toward him and refocus it on your and your son. God bless you both

[@EmilyLucille523]

Middle age crisis!!! Went through the same thing. Married 22 years so far. The more you try to “hold it together” the more he will try to find a way to break it apart. When I learned to let it go (the marriage) and accepted he will leave one day and I did everything on my part right…well, he stayed! Now, he won’t leave even though I tell him there’s the door 🚪🙄😅. Love him very much though.💞

[@maryjojouwstra3860]

This same thing happened to me 40 years ago. “” he said, I don’t love you anymore “” and then preceded to hang out with friends from work, that would go drinking after work, and having fun every night. Wouldn’t go for counseling cause his friends told him it would never work. I had a 2 year old and 8 year old. With plenty of health problems to deal with. He was 32, I was too, in 1982. To this day, our children are mentally miles and miles apart. He is the one that really lost.

[@user-gr5mt3hg8t]

It felt as listening to my own story. My husband came after a trip saying he is not sure if he still wants to be with me and that 5 last years of our 19 year marriage were horrible. 4 hidden sim cards, trip to his "friend" for a 4 day time spent together, I know I wasn't the issue. We meant to celebrate 20 anniversary coming January. My life and all the future has been shattered. I am slowly picking myself up, but would never thought, that my husband would announce he is leaving me via messenger. Totally cold and emotionless. World did not stop spinning. I have to move on and show brave face to our 7 yo daughter.

[@eventhere2788]

I'm so sorry. What a heartless turd he was. I pray you've become stronger.

[@Naimah_Vlogs]

So sorry to read this 😔

[@marlieesworklifeadventures]

😢😮

[@alycewich4472]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. One step at a time will help you get through this. Allow your daughter to grieve also. Get the help you need to heal. You are strong. You are brave. You are BEAUTIFUL!

[@carolblair2845]

You know….if it was the man who had to take the kids instead of the wife, there would be a lot of this crap being pulled by guys!!!

[@nicks7681]

She seems like a great lady .Hope she finds some happiness.

[@saribrown7156]

Something similar happened to me. Luckily we didn’t have kids. But my ex didn’t say he never loved me, he just said he doesn’t love me anymore and we should split up. Came out if the blue. He swears it has nothing to do with a third party. Oh well, been better off without him, but its hard to see it when you’re going though a divorce and you’re not the one who wanted out.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

When that is said out of the blue - he either has a mistress, or is about to close on a new mistress...

[@bethanybrowne3808]

Heather, you have your whole life ahead of you still. Once you are on the other side of this I truly believe that you will feel a massive sense of relief. Good luck to you.

[@porgyandme8745]

Leave him immediately. He is a narcissist. You are supposed to support him not save him.

[@bluecollardiesel]

I don’t fully agree with dr d. My wife is deeply depressed, hates life, hates everything, and she is sooooo angry. Anything sets her off. Im her pillar she even attacks me weekly. Im so tired and have tried everything. She ignores her councilors and physiatrists to the point i dont even know why she goes. I been listening to dr d for a year now and put forward this teachings into my life and it still doesn’t change. Im also ready to leave her and start over. If she doesnt want to change i cant make her.

[@graceinasamosir5511]

Stories like this make me even more scared and insecure of romantic relationships. 😢

[@helena3631]

Exactly in my thirties and see many man at my job looking to get divorced in that 45-55 age range men are something else best to focus on myself

[@carolflower8015]

My friends husband was pulling this b.s. on her - she packed his bags and left them at the front door - he got such a shock he begged to be allowed to stay - she let him but barely spoke to him again- she said hed finally killed her love but he was welcome to continue paying the bills - my God that man turned into an utter simp lol

[@STak-ju7gx]

​@@Jjjjjjjjjj37139 it's amazing you think a person should waste someone else's time. Make marriage vows and just turn up and say you don't love the person while probably cheating on them. Sorry, he is allowed because it's either she is also paying for the place or she owns it by virtue of being in the role of wife for many years. Since he decided to break their marriage, looks like he is free, and she has checked out. Your mentality is the mentality that had people thinking they can own others as slaves. No one cares about your stupid money, a person is a person and not everything can be purchased with money. People like you need to learn that your pathetic money doesn't buy people or slaves do do your bidding

[@johniii8147]

One of the few times I'd agree with Dave on this one. Ok we're now done so protect yourself and your son. Get a good lawyer, it will be worth the money. It's all about figuring out the transition at this point. You're 37 so plenty of time left to get in a much better situation.

[@megalopolis2015]

This woman deserves so much more Love than she has received in this relationship. I pray that she finds it, and that she and her sweet son have the best Life.

[@juanitarichards1074]

A man would only have to say this to me once and I'd be out of there.

[@jamieolivarez9083]

Something like this happened to me around her age. Same story, 20 years all kinds of UPS and downs and we have one child together. He left. Never really looked back and eventually he started to not even have a relationship with his own daughter as well. You as a mom can’t shelter your son from what’s going to happen but yes you can definitely be there for your son continue to build your life and and move forward to something way better that was meant for you. Stay strong and take your time to heal. The quicker you accept it the better it will be. Sending you lots of love and hugs. Do what makes you feel best!

[@queenbee3647]

Mine did the same. I never found out what he was up to but Im thinking the extreme internet dating was part of it and he was feeling left out. We parted ways with me getting FULL custody so that tells you something. That was 25 years ago. He dropped his only child like yesterdays news. She and I adore each other. She calls me her rock. She is amazing. A full success. He missed out and doesnt know it.

[@danerichards7280]

Women do it to men all the time we'll to equal

[@helena3631]

45 -55 that’s when they want to be single o work in occupational health all the men whine about their wife’s these women don’t know they going to be single by 60 at retirement age with no money because he’s putting money in thier parents or siblings accounts to hide money so when divorced unless they get alimony or something f they will be destitute in senior age.. be careful women and these are white men I work around this has turned me off to marriage I can’t imagine at 60 starting over divorced with nothing

[@simplygina7703]

She seems to be a kind woman. I wish you all the best, Heather 💕

[@Aprylbaby]

I went through something similar after 18 years of marriage. I left never looked back. I am so glad I did. I was tired of holding on and trying to fix it by myself. I felt this so much. After everything is over you and your son will get through this, and one day you will realize this was the best thing to ever happen to you.

[@ravenestrella2310]

Speaking as one of the kids who went through the divorce of my parents, I can honestly say it's not as easy on kids as you're making it out to be. There's good reason why, statistically, children of divorced parents are twice as likely to commit suicide as those from homes where the parents stayed together. Speaking from personal experience, I know I to this day never truly got through my parents' divorce, nor did my brother. My step-siblings have never truly gotten through their parents' divorce either, and, in fact, neither have any of my friends worked through the breakups of their families, either. I'm not saying that parents should stay together if they're miserable, because they shouldn't. That's not healthy for the kids, either. But I am saying that to be so quick to tell someone that their child will get through this, when the reality is far more complex than that is to make light of what is a deeply traumatizing experience for kids. The reality is that if kids are involved, then every effort should be made to salvage the marriage, and the parents should walk away only as an absolute last resort, when every effort to save the marriage has been exhausted. Divorce is never one tenth as easy on kids as you make it out to be.

[@Aprylbaby]

@@ravenestrella2310 I never said it was easy. I never planned on being divorced, I got married at 19 years old with the intentions of being married for life. I know how hard it is as a child of divorced parents. My point is after going through such an awful and traumatizing experience, abuse, neglect, infidelity sometimes its better to walk away then to suffer and allow your children to suffer. If it was up to me and I'm sure the caller as well my family would be in tact today, but it wasn't up to me. The other person had already checked out the marriage, all we had was heart ache, arguments and disrespect. To follow up on what my point is, divorce is never the answer, but it's better then constant misery. That isn't good for anyone, you or your children. As a mother of four children I can honestly say they have thrived since my divorce, and so have I. I know I made the right decision leaving a toxic environment to save my children. Everyones story is not the same, however as a person who lived it, I can honestly say sometimes its better to leave a bad situation then to try and stay and "fix" it, because in most cases you're just wasting your time.

[@shachede6828]

@@ravenestrella2310 have you looked into the effects and suicide rate of children in dysfunctional marriage and abusive marriage? Doesn’t matter the kids are fucked either way. But when a kid becomes a responsible adult they can understand that staying with a cheating partner, an addiction partner, that’s has put you though hell is utmost foolishness and you will give your mom or dad a hug for even staying for years. If you won’t wish that situation on your self or your family. All my friends literally all are from divorced marriages and my parents are not divorced. We are no different from our mental struggles we are still the same. Thankful we have each other and God and we are still alive. Thank God.

[@renatelewis538]

Let him go. He'll be sorry. It will be too late. I feel for you Heather. 💔 you're a strong Woman and deserve way better. Hold your Son closely. He needs you now more than ever.

[@porscheh7120]

This is why you gotta be slow to hire and quick to fire when it comes to relationships, friendships, and or marriages. They both knew this marriage was over yrs ago and still decided to stay and waste more time. 🥴 This is truly unfortunate, and I pray everyone involved finds peace.

[@xionellal526]

My husband told me the same yesterday 😢

[@aliparker3]

Honey, he's an absolute loser if what you said is true. I understand you giving this the commitment you feel it deserves for your child, but it's time to move on. And you will, we always do. ❤️

[@madisonandthespirits]

I’m really happy Dr. John said “you can’t change his mind” because a lot of people will say “go to counseling”…”work on your marriage”…”tell each other what you did wrong, take accountability, work on it”. It’s time to let go, and focus on yourself. He will be fine without you, you have to decide if you will be fine without him. Go make a beautiful life for you and your son. That’s what I did with my daughter when my husband didn’t want me anymore. I went and found a beautiful place a thousand miles away from him to do my healing…my counseling…ride out our divorce and raising of our daughter. My career has grown so much too, I put more focus into that. I think you need to find things to keep you feeling good and busy. Eat well, sleep, and pray🙏🏼

[@dewilew2137]

How did you manage custody with moving so far away from him? Was he just not interested in seeing his kids at all?

[@jansilloway325]

Best of life to you, Heather, from a neighbor in Wisconsin. You’re going to bloom, I just know it.

[@ashleysalazar2012]

He doesn't want you. He said it. What could the question be? Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you?

[@Nah-ah]

Why women take back cheating men all the time, I will never understand. People don’t take advantage of you unless you allow it… and for 20 yrs?! My god… 🤦🏽‍♀️ Move on!

[@terriesmith2616]

Bingo!!! You hit the nail on the head. 🎯🎯🎯💯💯 "In life, we don't get what we deserve, we get what we are willing to tolerate"-Tony Robbins. She obviously was willing to tolerate getting less from her bf so that's what she'll get from him. He's able to take advantage of her because she allowed it.

[@Nah-ah]

@@terriesmith2616 exactly! And this happens in many types of relationships; partnerships, siblings, friendships, parent-child relationships! What you allow is what will continue. Women who get into relationships so young are at the detriment of becoming attached emotionally to the wrong person bc they don’t know any better. She sounds tired and exhausted, and she needs to regain her energy for herself and her son, and do it yesterday!

[@terriesmith2616]

@@Nah-ah 100% agreed with you. 💯 We get what we are willing to tolerate.

[@ambertorres5358]

I would have sent him to hell the moment he cheated. The addiction I could overlook. Another person- nope, that’s breaking covenant, you gotta go.

[@strnglhld]

@@ambertorres5358 Same here - I can only help with personal problems like illness or addiction, but cheating is a red line

[@edithk2997]

We as women are so dumb sometimes, this never stops to surprise me. Man tells he doesn’t love or want you anymore and we still doubt it 😂

[@daisy9910]

I don't think it's doubt. I think she is in shock and denial at the moment. She's grieving.

[@flipphone4755]

She said to her husband, “You did what I wasn’t brave enough to do.” She has been checked out for a very long time, too.

[@jangrosemartindale8740]

I think she’s the one exhausted. Despite what the misogynists post in comments- the majority of women are still the childcare givers in relationships. Plenty of men think, “I work all day, I should be able to relax, not take care of kids or chores when I get home.” Meanwhile, she’s been caring for THEIR kids all day: fixing meals, doing laundry, general housekeeping, shopping for clothes & groceries, & it never ends until the kids are asleep in bed- after she made sure they had baths. Thank God my son, who works long, physical hours in his own business, does NOT have this attitude. My granddaughter was born 82 days premature & has special needs. He’s a collaborating, participating husband & father. He understands his wife needs a break from the 24/7 childcare. They are BOTH awesome EPIC parents & partners❤❤❤❤❤

[@flipphone4755]

@@jangrosemartindale8740 The misandrists are so much worse 😂😂

[@nd2663]

Been through this, if i ever go through it again i would let him go with a smile on my face.

[@MrRdh567]

Hubby and I have been together for 30 years. No cheating involved. Up's and downs. I had a sort of nervous breakdown after my hysterectomy. I am guessing it was hormones crashing. I was not hospitalized (mental hospital) .I had a husband who stood by me. I could not sit still. I could not be in a small room . I could not sit down. I would pace and pace. I would only sleep a few hours a night. I cried all of the time. I could not eat. I went between yelling and weeping. I never felt like ending my life. But it was a hard time. My husband hung in there for all of it. I have child-hood trauma. It certainly has caused some bad times with us. I helped my husband through some difficult issues. He was angry and distant. I stuck by him. When he hurts I hurt and visa versa. We have knuckled through it. The deal breakers for each of us would be: cheating, physical abuse, or addiction without seeking help from the addicted party. I love him. He loves me. I married him for the long-haul.

[@Lala89856]

I am very sorry for this lady, it is very hard when there are children involved. Prayers to her.

[@mercifulmermaidtarot2630]

I think there are so many people who haven’t done enough introspection and work on themselves to ever have a successful marriage with anyone. Realistically I don’t even think marriage is for most people.

[@spencerjohnson2911]

It sounds like the husband is going through a Midlife Crisis. Of course, it doesn't excuse how he went about relaying what he said to his wife, but you don't go through two decades of severe barriers, like how she mentioned infidelity, addiction and dealing with her mental health issues (anxiety and depression), then just randomly want to up and quit their marriage. Unless there's another woman in the background and he doesn't want to say so because he's head-over-heels crazy about a new woman, that's what came to my mind (Midlife Crisis) when she described how he blindsided her.

[@zanetawrightsell8527]

Self love is the best love.

[@EM-qm9bv]

I hope she finds happiness in herself and have a beautiful life

[@michellejones4110]

Hang in there. You'll come out of this so strong and he will be at the bottom! Do this for you!! You deserve so much more

[@9liveslisa]

Heather needs to cut him loose. She's already been through hell with this guy. There is life on the other side. He is the loser. And don't take him back when he realizes what he lost. Focus on your son's well being (as well as your own). Divorce is hard on kids. But if the divorcing parents do it right it can lessen the damage to your child. Good luck and best wishes.

[@SaystheTruth3]

My heart goes out to her.... Keep yourself & your son's head above water. You'll make it. A brand new positive way of life is in store for you. It will take some time to release the heavy baggage... But you'll make it in the end. ❤️

[@jmoreno730]

Heather, you are brave. Thank you for your courage to share your story in the midst of the storm. You got this girl, even when you feel like you don’t, you will overcome. You are taking every step possible to heal and grow. God bless you…!

[@halloweenbarbara]

Delaney is so incredible at this. Thank goodness we have have people that can see the reality. Amazing. Sad to hear this for this family but he is so amazing at this.

[@seekingthemiddleway4048]

Men tend to have the next one set up before they bail.

[@Mmmmkaaay]

Yep. They need a new mommy.

[@barbiesergio7663]

I was her almost 14 years ago. Yes an affair I found out. I'm remarried and so much happier. My ex and I still don't speak neither does he to our children but it's his loss and he was an ass. I took healing on as a second job. Best of luck!

[@blitzkrieg6872]

Tell your husband I don't love him anymore either.

[@susangoodwin8067]

Let him go and move on. In the long run your son will do better without his dad being in the home. The release of tension in the home will make your son healthier.

[@franny5295]

I wish I could have talked to you after my husband killed himself. I'm ok now but I really think you would have been able to help me. He broke my heart. Literally. It hasn't really beat right since. It's better but every now and then, I still have palpitations. You're really good at what you do...

[@rebecca8647]

That is heartbreaking. So sorry:( Hope you can find new peace and healing

[@georgewagner7787]

That's even harder in my opinion. Happened to a couple i knew .

[@LarennPBel]

he his

[@kisham415]

Thanks Dr. John for your platform and helping others. This call is extremely helpful to me. `Oh my goodness, this caller just told my story but it's been after an almost 30 year marriage for me. We were both young and made plenty of mistakes. It has been incredibly destabilizing and I have to reorient daily to care for my self and walk in Gods truth about who I am, both where I miss the mark and where I shine. Its been a hard season and I know it's gonna be better on the other side of this. Blessings to Ms Heather.

[@lapetitemorte415]

I really wish there were follow ups to these calls. Especially this one.

[@whirledpeas5717]

After living with an addicted spouse, I found great relief through regular attendance of Al-Anon. It's a program for those affected by another's addiction. I figured what I do have control over and what I don't, I found my self-worth, i learned to love myself. It's a process and wasn't always easy this learning process but it brought me to a place of peace and acceptance I never knew existed, even when life still inevitably gets tough.

[@user-yk9sk7pg6v]

Hi Heather, I am wishing you the very best.

[@orphansparrow2]

Dang that was so good. I've been where she was, and I wish I had taken words like this to heart.

[@kimberlygoguen3219]

John is so understanding..

[@helixmoore7636]

Take him to court. Stop trying to help him.

[@hehasrisen1990]

Good advice Dr John 👏🏻👏🏻

[@grittyinpink16]

Motorcycle? Get divorced ASAP so you're not responsible for his medical care when he crashes that thing. If he doesn't already have life insurance your son, include it in your judgment. Then let him go. He did you a massive favor.

[@lavidamia9]

Heather, there are many of us who believe a better tomorrow is there for you. You will survive if he leaves the marriage, and because you seem to be the one trying to keep it together ❤️. You are a person separate from him, and I wish all the best to both of you. God won't let you carry too much, and he is walking with you through this, even though you may not see him.

[@julied5162]

She stated "for 20 years I've been trying to hold this together" They have been together for 20 years, married for 15 and have an eight year old child. Sounds like she has had an healthy relationship from the very start. She mentions band-aid after band-aid... I'm wondering if both the marriage and the baby were bandaids. I hope she takes the next 10 years to focus solely on her wonderful child (sounds like she is an absolutely amazing mommy), get emotionally healthy .. with this call it sounds like she's on her way so that's good. And once her son is 18 and out of the house, look for love again.

[@wilshannoa9727]

Oh wow. How is this a snap shot of my life. It was time for me to hear this.

[@michellealjunaidi8471]

It can be hard to move forward. This lady needs to move forward with her son on her own. The marriage is over he's left. Sounds like he checked out of the marriage years ago but wasn't brave enough to leave until now. She can make her life good again just take it one day at a time.

[@AnnabelleC0306]

Great, as always.

[@ManyMannyMan]

My ice cold heart is melting..John Delony was such a blessing. Praying her for Heather in this new chapter in her life

[@terryheaton31]

My heart aches for her.

[@isay207]

And her son thats going to be abandoned by his father please think about who your going to have a child with

[@mirabella2154]

Midlife crisis.

[@mamajojoworld798]

This man is being honest and true to himself. He should just do the right thing, file for his divorce, take care of his son and be involved in his son's life. He should not stay there and be going to wild parties, running the streets, abusing her ,women calling, abandoning his son, yelling , running lose all over the place disrespecting his son and setting bad examples. Sister I know it is hard, but people have a right to be with who they want to be with and it may not be you. Sadly these days society does not take their marital vows seriously. You tried. Do not beg this man to stay with you. Check yourself into counseling, join a good church with a good women ministry, put your finances in order, check your son into counseling and take one day at a time. You are a good mother. You tried. Don't force it. Never be ashamed. So many women went out and did excellent things after a man left them. Girl you can do it. Sometimes when God is ready to bless us, he removes the people we think we need in our lives. You and your son will be just fine. Let the man go. Just set your boundaries that he is not coming back if his new happiness fails him, No No Sister forgive him and never take him back because he might just leave again and stir up your emotions all over.

[@luciabravo5301]

Great advise!!! I wish I knew this 10ths ago when I went through the same thing.

[@janelleodionu3631]

Great, great advice!!

[@bobbygzzz7116]

Its not worth staying with sumbody that doesnt luv or in luv with u....best to find sumbody that will luv u for u...its sad...but true...

[@misutasutanto6312]

Man learn how to spell

[@random-nz7dy]

One thing that might help her is to realize that this relationship was probably way over a long time ago. I know she's saying that this conversation came out of nowhere but let's be honest it didn't really come out of nowhere. Might not have been expecting it at that specific time but they were obviously having issues. I'm sure she can look and see things that were happening that we're building to this. But for whatever it is, he had moved on a long time ago. I had a friend who had a similar thing happen to her albeit without a child involved. Since she initially told us her and her husband were getting divorced the sentiment was it was pretty much out of nowhere. But as we talked further about it there were obviously issues the relationship had. It was clearly headed for a bad ending. I feel like sometimes when you realize that it helps you to move on in terms of not fantasizing the relationship up to the point of divorce. I think some people get it in their head of the relationship was great up to that point. But if you can sort of accept it it wasn't, it might help you to move on in a way