My Wife Is DEMANDING I Get A VASECTOMY Or She Won't Sleep With Me r/Relationships

[@roomierfatback]

This is a weird coincidence that this popped up on my page. I'm getting a vasectomy in a few days. The reason is my wife had to stop taking her birth control due to a blood clotting issue, and the medication I'm on can cause birth defects. I choose to get the smith because I'll be out for a few days while if my wife got it done she's out for a couple of weeks.

[@pansprayers]

Thank you for understanding this. Thank you.

[@SherriLyle80s]

Thank you for contributing to your BC in the relationship.

[@thatoneguy9816]

His body his choice. Still doesn’t change that fact.

[@thatoneguy9816]

@@pansprayers Still doesn’t change the fact that it’s his body and his choice. You’re disgusting.

[@damien678]

yeah fr, men don't need to go through even a fraction of what women do when it comes to birth-control and body strain

[@LadyCeag840]

Story 2: As much as I am grateful to see a happy ending all around, that roller coaster of a story left me super concerned about that mother. Courts and restraining orders can only protect you from high levels of insanity for so long...

[@WobblesandBean]

Keep in mind he's old money, so he's good. Trust me. He will hire the best lawyer team and Jen won't stand a chance.

[@shootingcomet082]

It sounds like, if the situation escalated, he could afford to move overseas and not tell Jen what country they're living in.

[@coreymartin6486]

@@WobblesandBean restraining orders dont work on insane people........OP should get cameras, carry protection, and consider moving. Who kmows how many delusional people killed the spouse of a person they thought belonged to them. Clearly Jenn is well on the way of thinking she is the true wife.

[@nidodson]

@@shootingcomet082 since May is already in another country, he locked down the sole custody already. There is no way Jen has the resources to do anything about that. Also, the kind of money he and his family has, evidently, absolutely no concern at all. They have the ability to do things normal people can't even dream of to keep Jen away, because with money comes influence.

[@shootingcomet082]

"Career starving spouses" Hey lady, maybe if you actually got a job, your husband could come home sometime.

[@thedorkone1516]

First story, 1: I absolutely get both sides of the issue, though if I were in the wife's position, I'd also be going in for a tubal ligation. But that is, frankly, a considerably more difficult surgery than a vasectomy. She's out to make sure she doesn't get pregnant again -- which birth control *cannot guarantee*. (Not even vasectomies or tubal ligations -- my older brother was conceived AFTER my mother had had her tubes tied, though this was back in the late 70s when the procedure was much less thorough than today). Getting surgery is still the surest method to avoid an Oopsie. On the other hand, it IS his body, and his choice, and it IS a surgery. If he doesn't want to, he is absolutely right to say no, and his wife can live with the consequences.

[@shammydammy2610]

If she can find a doctor to perform it, and hope she has insurance good enough to pay for it, and doesn't have any of the complications, sure.

[@magnarcreed3801]

I just wouldn’t have a kid with a man if he wouldn’t agree to do the far easier and safer vasectomy afterwards. If she carried and birthed their kid, he can get nicked. But like always, women are expected to do the hard shit.

[@Jade-fs9kh]

Yeah no. It's all well and dandy for women to put themselves at risk of clots and cancer but as soon as a woman asks a man to have a minor surgical procedure, she's somehow the one in the wrong. Sure he can choose not to have one, but it's selfish and puts much more pain and burden on his wife. Insertion of a copper IUD can be excruciating. We can't get tubal litigations because "what if you change your mind" as if adoption isn't an option

[@Jade-fs9kh]

@@magnarcreed3801 💯

[@adrianparsons6683]

I just hate how he is not looking at the fact that again and again she has had to sacrifice her body, 1st with birth control and then with the baby and now with a invasive and painful surgery or a IUD that they insert with 0 pain medication.. all so he can still make babies?. . why is it that the woman is always expected to sacrifice?

[@RSARYR]

Holy crap show. That second story was a roller coaster of crazy. That lady was so into her delusional state. I hope that the little girl's father gets full custody and that the crazy mother will never ever bothers either families again.

[@WobblesandBean]

He's rich, so don't worry. He'll crush her in court.

[@nerdygeekgamer5528]

JEN does know that someone has to pay the bills and keep a roof over their heads and food on the table and clothing on their backs right and if she doesn't have a paying job then her HUSBAND has no choice but to work although he could have talked to his boss about his hours so that way he can also work from home every now and then

[@DrownedInExile]

Story is so outlandish, it sounds like something from Apple Texts' channel!

[@jodieg6318]

It’s hard to listen to story 1 without some preconceived resentment. It’s his body and he can decide to if he wants a vasectomy or not but so much it seems that women are expected to alter their bodies through hormones and major surgery when a vasectomy is a simpler outpatient procedure. That being said, everyone has bodily autonomy and it’s good to see that OP and his wife managed to talk like adults and work something out.

[@vanzy01]

Women have way more options of birth control than men do and because of this women are going to be responsible for the majority of birth control. What do men have versus what women have that isn't surgery. Birth control should not be just put on the shoulders of one party both parties need to be equally involved.

[@blackrex828]

I agree with you, but it looks like the wife caved and is getting surgery (idk I'm a guy and have no idea what's a copper wire), but other women been stating that it's painful and cause heavy bleeding. It just looks like the wife getting something done to their body while the husband feels relieved that it's not them.

[@RaiderMXV]

I had a vasectomy. Worst two weeks of pain. Doctor said it would last a week at most. Then my partner decided to cut sex off afterwards. She said it would go up since we wouldn't have any more kids. Well she was right. Pain and then emotionally cut off. Fun I know my anecdote, but my truth. I'm leaving her for these reasons and more.

[@nellysmith6006]

@@blackrex828 Copper coil affects the act of having sex, is extremely painful, causes BV and UTIs and odor, and causes hair to fall out. Vasectomy on the other hand are a minor procedure, with minimal complications, and once you recover from it, which takes a week or two, there is no more pain or discomfort.

[@blackrex828]

@@nellysmith6006 thanks for the information. That basically states that OP is POS since he didn't want to do surgery, just like his wife, but he talked her into getting the wiring.

[@izzisart]

Story 1: In this case, it very literally is their body, their choice- he's allowed to not want a vasectomy, she's allowed to not want sex without one; neither is technically wrong. What they have to hurdle now, like any situation, is the consequences of these choices- is the result really worth it to them? The change in their relationship? Are they willing to potentially part ways over it? They need to talk it through in depth, weigh it all up and come to understand each others thoughts.

[@Adrian-uw8gv]

To be fair, I think the risk of breaking up is understandable in that situation, having someone so controlling and manipulative trying to push you into unnecesary surgery by treating you as a kid, taking away you "play time", can't be healthy, his partner needs to set up boundaries and leave things clear for their relationship to succes, otherwise he is gonna end up misserable or leaving

[@fiyahquacker2835]

@@Adrian-uw8gv plus 1 comment talks about what she had to do for them to not have another kid but disregards the fact that what she did wasn't a permanent thing and what she wants the op to do is permanent.

[@rubyfool14]

She isn't wrong for withholding sex, she IS wrong for attempting to bully and manipulate him into a sometimes permanent "solution"

[@aliciabearss8136]

@@fiyahquacker2835 vasectomies are reversible and bc has a SHIT TON OF side effects that are dangerous. Idk y ppl think it cant be

[@Adrian-uw8gv]

@@aliciabearss8136 vasectomies are reversibles in some cases a big part of the surgeries fail. The first three years after one you have around a 75% chance, after that there is a 50% chance and the odds will continue decreasing.

[@wyvern723]

Stories like #1 make me so grateful for my husband. After I had our second child, we talked about permanent forms of birth control. I was willing to get my tubes tied, but my husband told me after having two kids, and two C-sections, it wouldnt be right to ask me to deal with that too. He volunteered to get a vasectomy.

[@WobblesandBean]

Copper IUDs aww incredibly painful and cause heavy bleeding. I feel sorry for OP1's wife.

[@magnarcreed3801]

I’d leave him and take the kid. He’s a piece of shit that clearly doesn’t love her.

[@farah8035]

@@magnarcreed3801 I'd do the same. He can go find some other little submissive pick me to mess with.

[@magnarcreed3801]

@@farah8035 Damn right.

[@benjie128]

I had an IUD. It was the worst 18 months. It poked me and was so painful. It got to the point I couldn't move without pain. My doctor was so dismissive of the pain (I went in for like 5-6 follow ups complaining but just figured this was normal.) I finally went to another doctor and had it removed. When it was removed the next doctor immediately went into other forms of birth control. It took 5 doctors to finally fix the issue I was having.

[@alaaesong164]

@@magnarcreed3801 right? because GOD FORBID MEN BE ABLE TO MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT THEIR OWN BODY. Or are we only extending that courtesy to women? And just treating men like pieces of garbage who don't get a say in their own reproductive system?

[@wolfkingraiden4455]

As someone who has a vasectomy i went to a sperm bank before the operation so my wife and i could have kids again if we wanted js but I understand both sides

[@champslim]

That is a great idea

[@Luckyrider1958]

There ya go!!

[@kyriacarica5862]

Don't want to get into my opinion on the first story, but anecdote: My mom got pregnant still after getting her tubes tied (after she gave birth to me). Wasn't full term, though. It was an ectopic which could have become life-threatening if a kind stranger hadn't helped her out (she was walking home from work when she just started bleeding and keeling over from the pain). So even getting tubes tied isn't a 100%, just like a vasectomy isn't 100%. And a pregnancy after tubal ligation OR hysterectomy are both SUPER duper risky and end in pregnancy loss.

[@83gemm]

My aunt got pregnant with TWINS after getting her tubes tied. My understanding is that the hospital had to pay what amounted to child support for the kids until they were 18. I don’t know the specifics. I’m aware that it’s not a guarantee and I also think it’s strange that she won at court. I think it was proven that it was done improperly.

[@binnie1801]

My cousin had gotten a vasectomy after they had two kids because it was easier that way. A year later his wife was pregnant with twins. Yes they are his. The surgery failed. This was almost 20 years ago.

[@SnowyWolborg]

I remember hearing a story on here a long time ago about how a dude got a vasectomy, and they used a condom as well as birth control, and the woman still got pregnant. That baby was destined to be born.

[@amandab8433]

Yup, it happens.

[@ResidentMilf]

Yes, because the only form of BC that is 100% effective is abstinence, but surgical sterilization is still better than every *other* form of BC, especially condoms alone (as in, not paired with hormonal BC). Not really an argument.

[@mbyerly9680]

To quote Jeff Goldblum in JURASSIC PARK, "Life will find a way."

[@anastasiablair8091]

He probably didn’t go to the appointment that was suppose to scheduled a year after the surgery to check his junk. Most don’t so they get the baby surprise and freak out.

[@psycojuggalo1642]

Huge problem with copper iud there is a chance your wife could develop copper toxicity which I watched end my friend over 5 miserable years of pain fatigue sickness huge weight gain and finally it took her from us ( meaning her friends and family please be careful with this option

[@belalugosisdead4444]

I could've sworn there is zero evidence of people getting copper toxicity from an IUD, unless it was a sketchy one I guess.

[@neil999ish]

Story one. It is his body his choice, or it seems to be not his choice if he is a male. The hypocrisy shown by some posters about this is insane. Plus what i get from it there may have been no sit down discussion, just an ultimatum(forgive me if i am wrong).

[@meadowsong8560]

Second story-Wow! That was crazy! My heart was racing at the end.

[@oldgreggsmadmemes4431]

Always press charges it's the only way to protect yourself from crazy people

[@shootingcomet082]

Not all countries give that option.

[@susanminer2088]

Birth control pills made me weepy and bloated. IUD made me bleed uncontrollably. Tubal ligation was one day in hospital, (Friday). Back to work (construction, not an office job) on Monday, with no adverse effects. Everyone’s body reacts differently.

[@belalugosisdead4444]

I'm finding it difficult to believe this is a real story. It's a major abdominal surgery, I doubt you'd recover that fast or any doctor would approve you to return to work.

[@snowfall1232]

For someone who’s asexual, it’s definitely strange to hear how important sex life can be in a relationship. Especially with the proof in the first story

[@joshuarichards8065]

Yeah, I'm gay and even I don't understand it either.

[@a.noumen]

it’s just too big of an aspect of life to have any less impact on relationships. it’s unique way of fulfilling need in intimacy, of expressing gratitude, it’s a ritual, the easiest way of conceiving, it’s very strong instinct which entails hormonal attraction, it just to much of everything

[@billijomaynard8924]

I think most couples that go through this, especially from a women's standpoint i think, rather choose vasectomy as the natural choice for a few reasons, one it is much harder for a woman to get a tubal ligation then it is for a man to get a vasectomy. Most doctors will not preform the surgery unless it is absolutely necessary for a medical reason or the woman is above a certain age. if i remember correctly age 40 is around the standard where it is more likely to be accepted. Two, there is no way of checking to see if a tubal ligation is successful were as with a vasectomy it is very easy to check, all it takes is testing the semen to ensure that there are no little swimmers to put it politely, and three a tubal ligation is major surgery which can cause huge problems, while a vasectomy is much less invasive. Also keep in mind that even these are not 100% full proof. It is the best birth control by far but there is still a small chance of pregnancy since both surgeries can reverse themselves over time. Basically OP and his wife need to accept that regardless of what route they take there will always be the chance of a pregnancy regardless of how slim it is and it is the natural consequence one must accept if they choose to be sexually active.

[@pansprayers]

The problem is, the 'guidelines' on a tubal are arbitrary, and contain actual fatality rates, and long term risks of death. Ironically, vasectomies have a zero fatality rate, carry certain health benefits, and you don't need your spouse's permission to get one after a browbeating from a doctor.

[@damien678]

@@pansprayers yeah... while I still think His Body His Choice, these are two wildly different surgeries. that has to be absolutely acknowledged while discussing birth-control between them.

[@damien678]

yeah, it's actually rare to be completely sterile as opposed to infertile (which does still mean there's a tiny chance of pregnancy, even if you shouldn't expect it for your own sake) i'm ftm, on male levels of testosterone, as well as birth control (that doesn't negatively effect my hormones), and it's still very possible for me to get pregnant. it'll be a very rare chance, but that chance will most likely never be 0%.

[@jenniferkay9789]

I had my tubes tied, after my daughter was born, at age 32.

[@lilmissiamsodonehere_2399]

Thank you!! Not to mention men always pressure women into getting their tubes tied plus birth control. Condoms have no consequences for guys while wearing them but taking birth control can cause a women's body to go wack.

[@miriam3848]

Story 1: why do I get an impression that this is happening in USA, in one of the states where abortion is becoming illegal/unavailable?

[@MrSupernaturalLife]

For story 1 Guys, talk to your doctor! Based off the tone of the post and as the commenters in the update confirmed, OP sounded like he was making an uninformed and unilateral choice on the matter. (admittedly, the wife's communication skill was also lacking) It is a common knowledge that birth control pills, abortion, hysterectomy all have life long harmful side effects (physical and mental), while a successful vasectomy is known to have no lasting physical side effect. (some mental, but treatable and only natural since you went through life changing surgery) Ultimately, everyone needs talk to their doctor before making any decision as a couple/family, including choosing to 'not get a life-changing' surgery.

[@hollowkid97]

Nope. He seems informed.

[@shammydammy2610]

@@hollowkid97 Well, we hope he's informed about what he's doing here in more ways than one.

[@khuu8342]

i love how you treat mental effect differently for a man and a woman lol, for a woman it's a "life long harmful side effect" but for the man it's "SOME mental but treatable and only natural". hahaha

[@Jade-fs9kh]

@@khuu8342 that's because hormonal birth control and hysterectomies etc literally have a chemical effect on the brain you moron

[@MrSupernaturalLife]

@@khuu8342 No mental health issue is a laughing matter. But some can be treatable. Mental or physical health issues from messing with female hormones have serious consequences. Personality changes, mood fluctuation, decreased metabolism, and chemical imbalances with chronic, untreatable symptoms that cause discomfort for the rest of your life. These are definitely topics that all partners can benefit from talking about it. In all seriousness, it is totally understandable OP is scared out of his mind! But I think he needs to consider that his wife is may also be scared about what their current lifestyle can lead to. Pills until something goes wrong? abortion at the age of 51? Lots can be going through her mind. OP was vague in the post, but it read like he cut the conversation off until his wife agreed with him and no one actually consulted with a doctor. I am sorry if my post seems like I am projecting. I admit I do overthink frequently

[@owl7072]

Story 1: She basically gave him an ultimatum and then got mad when he made a choice. Why give people an option if you're going to get mad at them for choosing the one you didn't want them to choose 🤔

[@nerdygeekgamer5528]

I agree and this man's wife should know that not all VASECTOMY'S are effective right so he could end up having it done for nothing

[@curlykoala696]

Tbh I get a little kick when an ultimatum is giving and the person chooses the other option

[@TipTheScales27]

The wife has suffered enough! She’s gone through pregnancy and childbirth. He’s a baby for not getting a vasectomy. It’s the least he could do!

[@nerdygeekgamer5528]

@@TipTheScales27 he could doesn't mean he has too and she can't FORCE a VASECTOMY on him it's his BODY not HER'S and if he doesn't want one he doesn't have to have one so it's okay for a woman to live by the my body my choice rule but when a man wants to live by that rule all of a sudden he's not allowed a CHOICE

[@rae197595]

I don't agree with people saying she gave birth he could at least get the snip. I don't think she was forced to become pregnant, this was her choice to change her body. He was fine with her stopping birth control and using condoms, but no her attitude was do what i say or you don't get sex from me. Then she's mad because he doesn't need sex to be happy he's ok without it but she's having fits. CTFU that's what happens when you try to control someone.

[@mro2352]

My wife and I had her tubes removed during a C-section surgery so it didn’t increase her recovery time. She had five pregnancies in six years so there wasn’t a possibility of having another pregnancy that wasn’t high risk.

[@justheretowatch1733]

So how was your vasectomy?

[@ashleymcgaha5794]

This is what I did. I had to have a c section for my youngest and since I was already planning on having my tubes tied I just had to sign some extra paperwork and they were able to do it after the c section prior to closing me up.

[@mro2352]

@@ashleymcgaha5794 for us it was a simple choice as she, as you did, just got it during closing. It was also a mater of future proofing. If, God forbid, something happened to my wife and I were to remarry, I’m 32, my future possible spouse and I could have a child. It’s secondary though and again it’s something I hope to never have to deal with. It would be different if she wasn’t having a c-section which is what I think is happening here.

[@saje239]

@@mro2352 Maintaining your own reproductive potential so you can be sure you're able to lock down another woman (just in case), while she sacrifices hers for the good of your family. Nice!

[@eugenesnell6600]

This, why isn't tubal ligation (?) on the table? She could save some of her eggs for a later date and he could sperm bank his as well? I tried getting a vasectomy when I was 17 try it again three times after that try it again at 35 and was still denied because I don't have any children! I have always been child free since I was 7 or 8 years old. It's not just up to the guy, or only the guy, the woman could also be the one that gets the pregnancy stoppage surgeries!

[@CastorCas]

Story 1: He literally is fine with no sex. She shouldn't have given a ultimatum if there wasn't really any choice. She is also the one who decided to whatever with her body. She didn't need to do shit to herself as again he Said he was fine with no sex but nooo she wants sex so he needs do get a surgery. Also they are a couple they talked things out and that is what they decided. I hate most comments about this. He said and he didn't want surgery and she also could have said no. They could have divorced if they didn't fix anything. Also why is "my body my choice" only being held for women. It is for everyone. No one can control anothers body.

[@macylouwho1187]

I never could take any birth control that I tried, it massively impacted my body and hormones. Several of them caused me to bleed nonstop long term until I stopped taking them and they cleared out of my system. I also have a friend who developed a massive health problem from long term use of birth control. She literally had mini strokes that could have led to a bigger one that might have killed or permanently disabled her. She opted for a hysterectomy. My husband chose to get a vasectomy, and it was an in and outpatient procedure that took maybe 20 minutes and he was back to normal function the next day. He was supposed to wait two days but did not. He felt fine, everything worked fine, no difference of feeling or pleasure. It was like nothing ever happened to him. Meanwhile we have a “condom broke and the pill failed grandchild. So two methods of birth control failed. Nothing is guaranteed on that front.

[@zrayneofchaosz]

I would never recommend a tubal ligation. I’ve had so many issues. It puts you at higher risk for a hysterectomy down the road.

[@arandomfan4710]

Story 1: Don't give someone a choice if you don't like their choice. She as the right to request anything but OP is allowed to refuse.

[@janedoe885]

I'm really creeped out by how many people were trying to coerce OP into having a permanent, body-altering surgery that he wasn't comfortable with while minimizing his discomfort. Birth control is not equivalent, is not permanent, and frankly people take birth control for reasons unrelated to contraception too. The recovery time might be different between male and female surgical procedures, but if she's the one insisting on that approach to the exclusion of all else then she should be willing to undergo that step herself. I'm glad their situation resolved, but the comments made my skin crawl.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@janedoe885 Yeah, the compromise he came up with was understandable and fair. Condoms aren't foolproof but neither is birth control. Or vasectomies and tube tying to be honest. I agree with the one commenter who talked about using condoms and birth control to help prevent pregnancy.

[@shammydammy2610]

@@untitled-gv3qp Except there's a really big difference in statistical failure between vasectomies and condoms.

[@superzooperhaze6597]

@@shammydammy2610 and not to mention i’ve been told vasectomies are far more reversible?

[@commanderblaster0423]

@@shammydammy2610 same can be said about tube tying and birth control

[@hagnat]

you know the story is good, when you have to stop everything you are doing just so you can focus on listening to it holy shit, what a clusterfuck of fire that woman is

[@FlipsideShenanigans]

I get that it’s his body, his choice. But to have your partner make all the sacrifices to not get pregnant is crappy and says a lot on the type of partner he is.

[@Ospyro3em]

Yikes, that final story was a real rollercoaster!

[@jingerjar1365]

I would call the husband and let him know she said she's having an affair

[@jalyc8515]

Just what I was thinking. She WANTS another baby but wants to be sure it ISN'T her husbands. When she gets pregnant then she will bully her boyfriend into marriage and leave hubby. I have always said whoever doesn't want a baby is the one who should get the surgery. Anything can happen in life, to people, and it seems HE may want more kids. SHE should have a laparoscopic tubal done and leave him alone.

[@maryjernigan6127]

If you don't want surgery, you don't have to explain it to anyone. It's your decision and nobody else has a say.

[@LilBluSky0417]

So I had laparoscopic tubal ligation done a over a year ago, and they told me that the recovery was going to be 3 weeks Max. It was not. My first day home was less than 24 hours after the surgery. I got home and laid in bed and went to sleep for an hour and woke up in a huge puddle of blood. I had three teeny tiny incisions and I bled out so much that I needed a transfusion. My first period after tubal ligation (periods do not stop after a tubal ligation, by the way) was just as awful as it was before the surgery. And they kept being awful for 6 months. If anything they got worse after my tubal. Shortly after that they discovered that I had uterine cancer. So I had to have a complete/total hysterectomy 8 months after my initial tubal ligation surgery, as well as cancer treatments for nearly 8 months after the discovery of cancer. The recovery was... Words cannot express the pain... the discomfort. And then on top of that, the fact that I was suddenly menopausal at the age of 33. It took me months to get back to something that resembled normal. That was a year ago. I'm still dealing with some side effects from the hysterectomy and tubal ligation as well as the cancer that they found. They managed to get rid of the cancer with the total hysterectomy but the surgery itself was no different than any other total/complete hysterectomy (cancer or no cancer). The recovery was awful. I still get phantom "period cramps" a year later. Overall, a vasectomy is a hell of a lot less invasive than a tubal ligation and about a million times less invasive than a complete or partial hysterectomy. I'm glad that on the update; that you guys have stuck a bandaid on the situation thus far... but with both of your strong views considered, if I were you, I wouldn't even dream of asking my wife to go through a surgery like that just because you are afraid of a little outpatient surgery. I really think that you guys are only putting a Band-Aid over your problem so far. The condom thing is great but it sounds like your wife really does not want to use them if she can help it. And I totally get that.... because sex with condoms, even for a woman, is just different. I hope that you guys can find a good compromise on a source of permanent birth control for your sex-life. I just hope that you remember how much more of a big deal it is to get a tubal ligation than it is to get a vasectomy. If you guys aren't planning on divorcing or separating anytime soon and you are both 100% committed to the idea of not having any more children... You need to consider the science and the medical facts: of vasectomy is a million times less invasive and less painful with a much quicker recovery time then even a laparoscopic tubal ligation will ever be... Because the tubal is abdominal surgery and usually requires at least an overnight stay in hospital with a few weeks of recovery, whereas a vasectomy is literally an office visit with some ice packs and painkillers, and some discomfort that only lasts a few days to a week or so.

[@Jade-fs9kh]

I am so sorry you had to go through all of that but I am thankful they found your cancer and removed it successfully. Sending you all the love and healing vibes in the world ❤ women are expected to sacrifice so much and are berated for daring to ask for their spouse to do something for them, it's upsetting especially given gyne care is practically non existent for the majority

[@LilBluSky0417]

@@Jade-fs9kh I personally think the more ridiculous thing is that many women aren't even allowed to be candidates for such surgeries unless they are over a certain age and have given birth to a certain number of male AND female children. I personally had been begging my doctor for well over a decade to give me the mercy of having a tubal. I have suffered lost after loss after loss.. including a stillbirth. I begged my OB/GYN to give me a permanent form of birth control so that I didn't have to go through another loss. So that I didn't have to suffer through losing ANOTHER baby. If I had given birth to every single child I have been pregnant with... I would have over a dozen children. Instead I have three beautiful boys... Who I am extremely grateful for. It really sucky thing is that women don't even have the autonomy to decide whether or not they even WANT to have children without a fight from a doctor. Literally the only reason that my doctor even agreed to the tubal ligation was because I offered to pay him for the surgery... In Canada where Healthcare like that is supposed to be free. I literally begged and bartered with him.. and although he refused my barters and begging he eventually came around. A decade later. And after I wrote a literal essay outlining why I didn't want to carry any more children. My ex-brother-in-law was allowed to get a vasectomy at the age of 20 (unmarried/no children) without a fight from his doctor. He asked for one and they gave him the referral the same day... He didn't have to fight for the right to NOT reproduce.

[@Tyggs42]

Woo that last story was a roller coaster. Kudos for Mae's dad for getting himself and his kid away from that lunatic.

[@Laz3rCat95]

Ultimately it's your body, your choice, and that goes for both men and women. If she's really adamant about not getting pregnant again and she's open to the decision, it'd probably be best for her to get a tubal. They really should release a birth control pill for men though, it doesn't seem fair that option is only available for women.

[@PoisonedTongue]

Story 1: “laid up for a week” from a tubal ligation? I recently got my tubes tied & it was nothing like that. Surgery day one, relaxing days 2-3, then back to work day 4. It’s an outpatient procedure that takes an hour. I was actually fine the next day, the extra time was just being cautious. I think people may be getting it confused w a hysterectomy

[@vampsarecool]

"Sex is important in most relationships " Me an ace..... no wonder I have no relationship

[@alana.dyer.author]

Honestly, i like cuddles and kisses over sex lol

[@cianap.281]

Story 2, did they never tell the kindergarten what was going on? It's a shame Katie had to leave.

[@heatherdickau5335]

Story 2 why on earth would you allow another parent to undermine your relationship with your child? The women is toxic. Children have lots of friends this one can be a friend she sees at school. Quit exposing your child to this poisonous person.

[@willj24]

For Story 1, I'm a little annoyed at the number of people who are snarking the OP for the choice. I know it's a trope, but consider the reverse situation, and a husband demands that his wife have a tubal ligation or give up on sex entirely. He'd be RAKED over the coals. The wife is welcome to decide to stop taking hormonal birth control. She's also welcome to get her tubes tied. She is NOT entitled to assert that the ONLY acceptable method of birth control from here on out is *HIM* altering *HIS* body. If he offers condoms and she turns them down, and also turns down hormonal birth control and also turns down having her tubes tied, then it is not *HIM* that's stopping their sex life, it is HER. She doesn't get to limit the options down to only one, that requires HIM to alter HIS body, and then claim he's the one stopping their sex life, and more than it would be acceptable for HIM to limit the options down to hormonal birth control, or tubal ligation, and then claiming SHE stopped their sex life when she didn't want to do one of those.

[@Princetonian4eva]

The impacts of these surgeries are greatly different for men and women and therefore the “reverse roles” argument doesn’t really work here. Women have to carry the pregnancy while men do not in addition to having had to bare the brunt of the physical load when it comes to birth control.

[@willj24]

@@Princetonian4eva Doesn’t matter, no one has the right to demand that their partner undergo an elective surgery that they don’t want. He listed several options including abstinence. She wasn’t willing to accept them, that doesn’t give her the right to demand he have a medical procedure he doesn’t want.

[@emilybarclay8831]

@@Princetonian4eva a tubal ligation has the same recovery period as a vasectomy

[@TaterKakez]

@@emilybarclay8831 ?tubal ligation takes 1-3 weeks of recovery. A vasectomy is 48 hours of ice packs…. They are not the same

[@TaterKakez]

@@Princetonian4evaI agree with you

[@shootingcomet082]

Story 1: He has the right to not want to alter his body, she has the right to refuse to have sex without the vasectomy. But I think he's way too nonchalant about this. It is a big deal and such a large difference in desires over their sex life can absolutely be a deal breaker.

[@magnarcreed3801]

This. He doesn’t care or love her. Leave him.

[@shadesteel9247]

@@magnarcreed3801 lmao so quick to leave, they're probably married for a reason bigger than sex mate.

[@niyablake]

@@magnarcreed3801 SO it's not his body or his choice. SO he she be able to demand she have her tubes tied , oh wait no he is man so he is wring

[@ccpvris]

@@niyablake what

[@magnarcreed3801]

@@niyablake If he wants that choice fine, but he don’t love her.

[@johnkendall6962]

The story with the working mother and a young daughter that's being influenced by a stay at home mom. What a screwed up mess. The stay at home mom sounds like a nut job. PS. I hear this in reverse much more often then this way. It's the stay at home mom who is constantly being shamed for her families choice. My wife was able to stay home from when my children were tweens. This was always her dream. I heard some of the snide remarks myself. I just told my wife they were jealous.

[@amelianekomimi1936]

Damn vasectomies are controversial. Theres more about story 1 than the absolute psychological horror of story 2

[@Luckyrider1958]

oh please..

[@amelianekomimi1936]

@@Luckyrider1958 ? huh?

[@SheyDeCo]

Noticed that, probably just the drop off between storiws

[@6ftgentle863]

That second story was WOW.

[@mariethedicedragon5977]

Your body your choice... but also her body, her choice. Do you realise how harmful hormonal birth control can be? When I was on it, not only did I have a bunch of health issues, the one that caused me to stop was the reaction to a medication that I need to live, that caused me to have an average of 7 full scale panic attacks a day for the 3 weeks I was on both... it is also harder to get a doctor to actually agree to do anything more permanent for a woman. Also, I mean, condoms get expensive if they are the main method of birth control, and they rely on perfect use. Also, from what I understand, the reason male birth control was stopped for "the same side effect as female hormonal birth control" is a risk vs benefit for the individual taking the medication. Getting a woman pregnant does not cause any medical risks for the man at all, but a woman getting pregnant actually can cause severe medical complications, that are worse than the side effects of the medication. Yes, there is still the risk of someone getting pregnant, but it's you risking health complications to prevent someone else from having health complications.

[@dollface2907]

the bigger issue is op asked for option hell they offered to wear a comdon yet she wanted him to change instead of trying to find a middle ground i am glad it worked out but the fact she went all or nothing at the start is just WOW

[@emilybarclay8831]

If she doesn’t want to get pregnant she can get her tubes tied. His body, his choice

[@dollface2907]

@@emilybarclay8831 the thing some people don't seem to understand is some people do change there mind about kids the bigger issues is why did the wife go straight to an my way or nothing when it didn't have to don't want to call selfish but yeah she is being selfish as Ive said in another comment it's double standards at its finest if reversed they would tell her to leave him, I think she has problems or a questionable friendship group

[@cianap.281]

@@dollface2907 The genders can't be reversed. Cis women's decisions can't result in pregnancy for cis men.

[@shammydammy2610]

@@dollface2907 Maybe because she knows that condoms are statistically not the best choice for permanent birth control?

[@sekaitherborn3618]

Story 1: it is a conversation that you need to have before any commitment and needs to be a deal breaker. If as a woman you constantly risk your health and life for someone that will take it for granted and never do one tenth of it for you then the guy is not worth it. Most men absolutely take it for granted. It baffles me but at this point it is too late for her to demand it at that point. Seems like she suddenly realized the injustice of what she had to go through all those years with birth control and child birth to realize the dude would never ever do a tiny fraction of it, that sucks but she can't force him, so she can leave or stay in resentment knowing he does not care.

[@srideout91]

The second story is all over the place.

[@eugenesnell6600]

Thank you Marker, both of these two stories hit home for me pretty hard. I appreciate you we're reading them for us! You do a very good job at reading them for us. Sorry little loss for words at the moment. But, thank you again it is appreciated and please keep up the good work!

[@cianap.281]

Everyone's comparing male birth control to female birth control, but OP's wife is probably comparing the vasectomy to pregnancy which she has already gone through once. She had to go off the pill, so if she ends up pregnant (the condom rips, etc) she's either going to have a traumatic miscarriage or go through childbirth again (which, just as a reminder, comes with a risk of death or permanent injury). His unwillingness to alter his body puts her at a direct risk of FAR more serious consequences. None of this means she can MAKE him get a vasectomy, but if he called a risk of unwanted pregnancy "making a big deal out of nothing," I would divorce his ass yesterday. I'm also surprised everyone's saying she's "withholding sex" out of spite without considering that she's doing the one thing that will make sure she doesn't get pregnant.

[@WobblesandBean]

^ This. All of this.

[@kvasir8931]

But she was witholding sex out of spite since he chose that option and she got mad he chose that option. It just shows it wasnt really an option, she was trying to manipulate him.

[@cianap.281]

@@kvasir8931 One does not logically follow the other. She protected herself from unwanted pregnancy and hoped he'd choose the option where she gets to have a sex life, which are both rational and normal things to want.

[@gcarr1089]

Story 1 is op scared of the operation, is that the real reason for the refusal

[@hollowkid97]

And his wife is scared to wear a female condom

[@shammydammy2610]

@@hollowkid97 With a 21% typical use failure rate, I'd be scared to trust them as well.

[@dagnytheartist]

That's a valid reason. No is a complete sentence.

[@AIBot929]

May's mom sounds like other mother from Coraline

[@brandonshelp4682]

Good grief, anyone sympathizing with the woman pressuring a man into surgery is messed up. Pressuring someone for sex is wrong, using sex to pressure someone is wrong. Sidenote: the male chemical BC side effects are not even remotely comparable to the female version. Permanent sterility and chronic health effects were not uncommon.

[@tardislady9546]

So it's fine for men to have no responsibility for contraception? You are a typical, misogynist, Redditor, who thinks that men have no responsibilities, and need make no effort, in relationships. You will just be boring, and hurl the usual misogynist abuse, YAWN!!!!!!!!

[@samhayet4286]

Sterility and chronic are just a *few* of the side effects women/females experience. So, enlighten me why are they not comparable to men's BC again? Educate yourself on bc before you shoot your mouth and cry, "WAH. Men have it SO HARD!" Cry me a river. 😂

[@lamarrharding4776]

I did have a vasectomy, i walked out feeling the same as walking in, easiest surgery ever! Side note, haven't had Sex with wife In decades even with vasectomy because she developed pelvic pain, and has been bedridden for the last few decades.

[@MikeThePike316]

There's a plot twist for you.

[@nicholasking4302]

While the "my body, my choice" is true the fact remains that if he got one he'd be (1) taking responsibility for something it seems like she has been the taking sole responsibility for (2) for all the "she can get her tubes tied," that is far riskier than a vasectomy (3) by having a child with OP she changed HER body (4) it seems like his feeling is "I don't want more kids but I like knowing I can." Which I get but I, as a guy would want to step up and do my part.

[@locusxe1411]

There’s always a possibility they’ll want to change their minds. Sure they can adopt but most people would prefer a kid by blood.

[@damien678]

not to mention how much cheaper and less invasive it is to store sperm than it is to store eggs. it genuinely isn't fair how easy cisgender men have it in terms of birth control compared to women. that is how life goes, but it's also why it IS considered the caring option for dudes to get vasectomies.

[@ghostplays1993]

Also he's willing too wear a condom

[@anufoalan]

Also with tubal ligation it’s virtually permanent it can sometimes be reversed but more often than not it is permanent so if they do change their minds it’s almost guaranteed they can’t have any more biological children even if they wanted to. On the other hand Vasectomies are easily reversible and happen frequently, in this case I see it as she’s had to put up with the responsibility of not getting pregnant for so long possibly with negative side effects from the birth control, and he doesn’t want to find a realistic compromise, sure he could wear condoms but without a second form of birth control if they fail they aren’t a great solution, he’s just being a giant baby, maybe she should find someone else cause this guy sucks

[@annallen3426]

@@locusxe1411 you realize they can be reversed... right?

[@marypeasall3774]

I would of said ok but you got to get fixed as well.

[@saraups]

She probably wishes most doctors won't do it

[@damien678]

good luck finding a doctor that'll actually tie up her tubes

[@amandab8433]

Problem with that is that in the US it's nearly impossible to get a Hysterectomy before the age of 35, unless it's for medical reasons. We had our last child, who we absolutely adore, at the age of 30. After our first two, ages 6 and 8 when she was born, we had decided to not have any more. I had an IUD, and obviously it didn't work. After she was born I asked several, ten, doctors about getting a Hysterectomy. ALL of them said NO, not before 35 because I maybe would want more kids. I didn't, and my husband went and got snipped. Even then we didn't have unprotected sex until his last appointment to make sure there was no possibility of anything coming through. I'm 51 now, and our daughter is a Sophomore in University, I'm glad he got it done.

[@mindyschocolate]

Lol, doctors won’t do that to a woman, because god forbid a woman wants to sterilize herself.

[@mindyschocolate]

@@amandab8433 these doctors are such pos trying to tell women our only value in life is having kids.

[@dessnatazha]

That last story was a ride lol

[@kathrenjohnson4875]

His body. His choice. If the tables were turned and he required her to have surgery, everyone would be up in arms against him. So why is it on him still? And why is he being shamed, bullied, and pressured to just "give in" to a procedure he doesn't want?

[@SnowyWolborg]

Because the bottom line is, people tend to care a whole lot less when it is the man who is put in a situation like this. It's just a double standard and nothing more. This doesn't even have to apply to birth control. The fact that she is withholding sex until she gets what she wants makes it very clear that she is controlling.

[@lilmissiamsodonehere_2399]

Lete break it down. His body his choice and I do think that ESH but. It is not easy for a woman to get her tubes tied. A lot of places expect a woman to have kids and be at least a certain age. Secondly, his a vasectomy is not nearly as fatal or permanent as getting one's tubes tied. His wife's body is probably out of wack because of birth control and she is tired of it

[@wmdkitty]

Vasectomies are reversible, and quick in-office procedures. It's less of a hassle than getting a tooth pulled. He's a jerk for not getting snipped.

[@katrinschirmer8018]

@@lilmissiamsodonehere_2399 but she also wasn't willing to compromise. he gave her an alternative and she refused it. vasectomy or no sex are the only options she's open to. it took marriage counseling to get her to see that trying to force him to have a procedure he didn't want was bad.

[@chelbanna]

@@wmdkitty why are you bringing up the "reversibility" of vasectomies? They both decided they did not want any more kids and the wife at least wants a surgical procedure to make sure pregnancy doesn't happen; I think its pretty clear that she'd definitely not considering changing her mind at all. If she was on the fence about never having kids again she would be all gung-ho for condoms or other impermanent options.

[@dorothylloyd1804]

OP already said he didn't want to alter his body. What else is required?

[@reanehooper3085]

Story 1..why does the husband have to get a vasectomy? If she is the one pushing this, maybe she should think of getting a hysterectomy.

[@RealityEscapeeMeeeeeee]

You are so ill informed. A hysterectomy is a massive operation and not for contraception. The female version of a vasectomy is getting your tubes tied.

[@reanehooper3085]

@@RealityEscapeeMeeeeeee don't talk down to me. I had a hysterectomy 20 yrs ago and it was the best thing I had done. I personally wished I could of had it done in my 20's. I've had more problems with my female parts then without them. Also don't be a hypocrite. If women have the right to say my body, my choice, then a men have that same right also.

[@rhiannoncarney9380]

Last story: That woman was a WHOLE BOATLOAD OF CRAZY!!!

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Story 1: OP, stand up for your rights and don’t be bullied into surgery you don’t want. I was in your situation 25 years ago. We had 4 kids and didn’t want more. I was willing to use birth control but my then husband threatened to cut me off if I didn’t get my tubes tied. I told him multiple times why I didn’t want to but he kept up the bullying and I gave in. Worst mistake ever. I became a bit depressed over the thought of never being able to change my mind. He also cut me off anyway. I cried over giving in for years afterward. Stand up for yourself OP. Don’t be bullied

[@magnarcreed3801]

Lmao except his is reversible and the woman’s gonna suffer way more if he doesn’t. He’s a piece of shit who doesn’t love her.

[@diarradunlap9337]

Wow! A woman who is actually taking the MAN'S side in this argument. 😮😯 In truth, as YOU speak from experience, the fact that you're encouraging OP to stand by his decision brings a perspective to the conversation that most of us lack.

[@eph2vv89only1way]

@@magnarcreed3801 Vasectomies aren’t any more reversible than tubal ligations are

[@MilfywayGalaxy]

@@eph2vv89only1way I don't agree with bullying anyone into any body altercations, so ya the wife is out of line. That being said, having your tubes tied is far more invasive than a vasectomy. They might have the same ability to be reversed but one is more risky.

[@eph2vv89only1way]

@@MilfywayGalaxy that is true

[@necilya]

Story 2 made me realise a few things. Sometimes some people will keep their distance from you, because they have experienced craziness and just don’t trust people anymore.

[@JustSomeStoriesGuy]

Story 1 (I will get a lot of hate for this but I am writing it to express my opinion) I Saw a lot of people writing how the man is selfish.. Well I think he isn't (my opinion) The wife gave him an ultimatum and he chose the second option and now she is mad at him? The husband tried to find a solution without anyone going to a surgery but she was still mad and told him that if he didn't do vasectomy he wont have sex with her anymore and he is selfish for chosing to not have it? He might be a little but arent we all at least a little selfish? Like not sharing change with a random homeless person can be called selfish ect. So basically from what I see husband provides a good solution to a problem and the wife just keeps rejecting it (I think vasectomy provides more risk[for the mans health ] than wearing a condom) and also there is a risk that they fall out of love or the wife leaves him

[@faceofvision]

The commenters in the first story who don't even know that vasectomies ARE REVERSIBLE and still giving their takes on how he should save his seed in case the wife will change her mind... 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@faceofvision]

Still his body, but their arguments are NOT it

[@watergoddesskasey]

They could always have some embryos frozen if he’s that worried

[@oindrilaroychoudhuri273]

What about his body his choise? It works both ways, if roles were reversed people would be fuming. He agreed with her condition and was willing for compromise but she didn't. She is an AH

[@pansprayers]

Exactly. Vasectomies are so much easier to reverse. 'My body my choice' seems to be a one way street here, and I'd bet you that if the marriage were to fail due to lack of sex, he'd blame her, when all she's asking is to not be on hormones, have a chunk of metal shoved in her, or get a tubal that could very easily result in an ectopic pregnancy that could be life threatening.

[@faceofvision]

@@oindrilaroychoudhuri273 read all of my comments before you reply, jeez

[@johntingle455]

There is more to marriage than sex. It is a nice perk but people won't die if they don't have sex. What happens if one mate has a medical condition that prevents ever having sex again? Does the other mate just throw their marriage away. A hedonistic selfish and immature person might. Who would want to be married to such a person?

[@dmikewilcox]

Last Story: The new puppy was a great idea!

[@als2480]

I'm just going to say I'm greatful my bf who doesn't want kids is getting a vasectomy, and doesn't expect me to go through the invasive procedure of a tubal, or deal with BC. I do want to get a tubal, but i'm young, disabled, and they're hard to get unless you're a WOC

[@abbie_joan]

so the guy doesn't want a vasectomy but he's totally ok with his wife getting IUD as risking her health complications and pain just for his sake?? really equal partnership here huh?

[@EmptyMTYT]

It's his body and his choice but if his condom breaks he can up and leave. I also completely understand not wanting to take birth control, it's shit

[@an6786]

And even after marriage counselling, this guy wants his wife to get an IUD and alter body. Wow.

[@jam2727]

@@an6786 but it’s perfectly fine for the wife to think something similar?

[@an6786]

Also, the guy seems to be supportive only when the wife decides to alter her body. But absolutely refuses to support her when the wife wants him to get it. The update made me dislike him.

[@farah8035]

@@an6786 I hope she leaves him. She probably will, he's garbage.

[@shammydammy2610]

@@jam2727 I believe his wife should seriously consider all of her options, both in birth control and partners.

[@lizzy9975]

Story 1: Why doesn't she get her tubes tied then! ? Women sprout "My body, my choice"! Except when they want want to bully a man into altering his body!

[@tardislady9546]

So men have no responsibility for contraception? She sacrificed enough of her body, her career, and her life. He should stop being such a gutless coward, and have the MINOR operation, not expect her to suffer anymore through painful IUD's, hormonal contraception, or a major operation, which is what female sterilisation is. Before you sneer, yes I can spell, but I speak English, not American, so I spell words correctly, not in American.

[@HarpoonManner]

I don't have an opinion on the first story, but that first commenter needs to do more research. Vasectomies are reversible.

[@toadsandmarkers4347]

You can still get pregnant from someone who had a vasectomy. Its revserable so just like condoms and birth control, there's a chance you get pregnant. They just need counciling to find a compromise.

[@kvasir8931]

Not completely. Far from it.

[@unkindwinner0790]

I don’t understand why the last comment on the vasectomy post even mattered, honestly it just sounded like they were getting passive aggressive because the OP didn’t want the procedure?? I wouldn’t want any procedure I didn’t actually need, and they’re literally working it out on their own??? If the wife wants the procedure, she can get it, if the husband doesn’t, then he doesn’t have to get it. It goes both ways.

[@scourgedarkpaw9949]

he offered to use a condom she refused. She gave him a choice either procedure or no sex. He chose no sex so his wife cant be mad he chose a option that she gave him. He has as much right to refuse a procedure as she does to refuse birth control. Any procedure is a big deal. His wife has no right to force him into anything.

[@SnowyWolborg]

Thank you. You cannot be mad that someone accepts the choice you gave them. Let's just call it what it is. The wife just thought that he would be so horny that he would agree to get the vasectomy in order to get back in bed with her.

[@shammydammy2610]

Right. She should go get some toys and take care of herself. And hopefully they have a separate bedroom. But condoms are not a great option for long term birth control.

[@farah8035]

Divorce and being a weekend dad is always an option. Hope he's got enough to pay child support.

[@hack3r969]

@@farah8035 sounds like youre either a child, or a bitter single mom.

[@florayanes5144]

Story 2: the friend's mom is crazy if she thinks both parents can basically be stay at home parents

[@ladykay8]

IUDs are EXTREMELY painful to put in. To the point that some countries require the use of anesthesia for the procedure. The effects of it are significant. I've had a tubal, and you're extremely sensitive. It is surgery, and you're not lifting anything heavy for weeks afterward. Forget wearing anything with a non-elastic waistband for about a month. That being said, getting a tubal is the best decision I have ever made.

[@paulkilgore2020]

That last story was wild

[@LayfonDragnia]

Honestly, Story 1 is unsalvageable, the relationship is now a ticking time bomb. She wants to have sex with him getting a vasectomy but he is fine with no sex and no vasectomy. At the end of the day no one is allowed to DEMAND that the other changes their body. The wife does not suck for wanting him to get a vasectomy but she does kinda suck when using an ultimatum and then got angry when it didn’t work the way she wanted.

[@springs9922]

The wife is being a bit entitled. OP is compromising he's using condoms. then the wife decides to get mad after op doesn't listen to her. even tho it was a good ending still red flags showing she wont compromise.

[@SnowyWolborg]

@@springs9922 I am finding it to be very surprising that very few people are pointing out how the wife is using manipulation tactics to force his hand. And then when it doesn't work, she still gets mad. This same situation is going to get applied to a lot of other things in their marriage.

[@wmdkitty]

OP is a selfish jerk. Typical man, won't do a quick, simple snip, but demands his partner change her hormones and whole body for him.

[@farah8035]

@@wmdkitty Exactly. Most men now are like this, especially the ones on the internet. The dude reeks of male privilege.

[@shammydammy2610]

@@springs9922 Condoms are not a great option for long term birth control.

[@dr.pewpew2619]

Most tubal ligations are now done transvaginal, and have almost the same recovered time as a vasectomy.

[@ashley_7]

I think the big issue is that the only choice for women is major surgery, major side effects, she already spent years abusing her body for the sake of creating their family the way they want it... but he won't do an extremely minor, reversible procedure to help achieve the same goals...I can see why there would be a lot of resentment there.

[@dessnatazha]

Yeah, I get the my body my choice argument but this situation just isn't fair on so many levels. I'm glad they came to an agreement but I don't think it's fair, and I hope the IUD doesn't trigger bad symptoms for her because a lot of women can't use it.

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

And men wonder why women are leaving them at such high rates. We are realizing men don't care about us. They only about themselves

[@vanzy01]

@@dessnatazha what would make the situation fair if both of them got the snip. But that's not going to happen and life is not fair.

[@tvdsje]

@@vanzy01 no that wouldn't be fair because one of them is outpatient and the other weeks of recovery.

[@kvasir8931]

@@dessnatazha And if a woman get pregnant the man has zero say in it and can be forced to at least economically care for the kid. Life is not fair.

[@blaszizzz]

As someone who tried a coil, it was horrible! I was bleeding 3/4 of the month, sex was painful for both of us (I had it checked out few times and there was nothing wrong with it). Having it put it was a torture, but getting it taken out was even worse..... Woman go through so much crap when it comes to monthly bleeding, risks of pregnancy and giving birth, (yes, we can actually die) side-effects of contraception or even having an abortion due to different reasons, that it would be nice to see some man actually put that into consideration. I'm not saying OP is wrong for not wanting a vasectomy, but looking at a bigger picture it could be the best option.

[@badateverything5392]

For the person that said they couldn't see why the male birth control pill side effects were a problem, but they weren't for women: one of the most frequent side-effects was lack of libido (same for women), but when men have a low or no sex drive, they couldn't have sex. the problem was that these men weren't having sex, which meant their partners weren't going to get pregnant anyway, which could upset the data.

[@Pikaman20008]

Ohhh, that actually makes sense

[@saratronus]

Oh yeah I heard a long while ago that they tried to do birth control for men but the side effects were Unfortunate. I heard about one studies where the men started lactating

[@badateverything5392]

@@saratronus I can't find anything on that, but given there is a slight increase in the chance of females lactating, then it is possible that a VERY slim proportion of men experienced a small amount of lactation (progesterone can slightly increase the levels of prolactin in women, therefor it is possible it would happen in men). I do however think that if this occurred, it happened as a result of that man having above average prolactin levels to begin with. Breast tenderness for all men was also a common complaint.

[@saratronus]

@@badateverything5392 I honestly remember seeing it in a video and remember nothing else about the video but that fact lol. But I do remember on animal planet they were talking about how Humans try to do the technique polar bears use to give birth where they've go to sleep and give birth and it failed because the woman got up Losing her memory about the birth or her child it was weird and part of me thinks it's fake because it was on 10 extreme animal fact (?)

[@tayganroberts5098]

@@saratronus watch Teal Deers video on male BC. The one he talks about was scrapped because, when mixed with alcohol, it became a date rape drug because it would knock you out. Other men I believe had really bad mental side effects.

[@alfredthecucumber9757]

Story 2: I really hope OP and her family stay on high alert for the next year or so. Don't let their daughter or new puppy play outside alone even with them looking from a window. Maybe even keep some legal weapons in their home/bedroom. This woman is delusional and CRAZY. I really feel like this isn't over. She feels like she's owed something. Like one comment said, this is some fatal attraction sh*t.

[@cnow82]

Why TF is it always up to the woman to not only have the children, but prevent pregnancy. It is utter BS.

[@SilverMKI]

Agree, but there is a lot of inertia to history and societal attitudes. Even medical research into reproductive issues is skewed. It is getting better but there is a way to go.

[@SuperSpecies]

Condoms was provided as an option. He didn't force her to continue her birth control.

[@vanzy01]

It's because women (you can count trans men too) have the bodies parts that carries the baby that's how nature works. So of course there's going to be more research into female reproduction. Men and women reproduction are two completely different beasts and you cannot compare them. You may not like it but that's just life it ain't Fair and balanced.

[@tardislady9546]

@@SuperSpecies He refused even to consider a vasectomy, and forced her to look into the far more invasive procedure of female sterilisation. Could he have been trusted to use condoms? Some men cannot even be trusted to remember which day the bins need to be put out, let alone something as important as contraception.

[@SuperSpecies]

@@tardislady9546 he did not force her to look into sterilisation. Let us be clear, she gave an ultimatum, vasectomy or no sex. He gave the option of condoms. If men are so stupid then what do you need them for at all? Unnecessary sexism.

[@rixiant6373]

Why do I have a feeling the mother from the last story will try to break into OP's house- I hope they have security camera's in place.

[@Dobviews]

1. If the guy thinks condoms work 100% of the time he is a joke. If you don't want a vasectomy then don't be surprised if she leaves you. She has "altered" her body for the better part of a decade plus had a child for the benefit of the family and you as a couple... She should just leave you and save herself the headache since you are being so selfish.

[@hiya8722]

Temporary a pill not altering body

[@Dobviews]

@@hiya8722 Pregancy hips are *forever.* Birth Control can be dangerous for women who are past their 30s due to blood clots. Death is permanent too. My friend Beth age 38 died in 2018 due to blood clots from using BC. She left behind her husband and 2 little boys.

[@hiya8722]

@@Dobviews then just use condoms with sperm killing lube. It’s other options then just vasectomy or divorce.

[@hiya8722]

@@Dobviews I’m not finna act like I know it all because I didn’t know birth control pills where dangerous past 30. But I still believe there a compromise some where else. As I said earlier condom are 95+% effective plus simple spermicide lube which is 70-80 % effective. Use both and you don’t really have too much to worry about. Is it perfect no but why ruin a perfectly good marriage over it.

[@Dobviews]

@@hiya8722 *It appears there is a lot you don't know.* As for your opinion... IDGAF. It has no effect on me and other than finding you mildly amusing due to your lack of life experience I count it to be worth... nothing. Enjoy your *muted* existence in a *triggered* state. Backpfiefengesicht is your current issue. I don't have time to explain it to you and I cannot understand it for you either.

[@laumay7364]

Story 1: There is a middle ground. Pull out.

[@judyjohnson9610]

That is one of the most unreliable ways. Look it up

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

First Story: One of the voices in my head just had to ask if OP asked his wife if her friend's husband jumped off a bridge, would she want OP to jump off a bridge as well?

[@amypulitano7516]

A tubal ligation is not a traumatic procedure. I was back to work the next day. While a vasectomy is a good form of birth control it does take longer to "work" hence follow up office visits to make sure none of those little swimmers got through. A tubal ligation is the abdomen being "blown up" to do the procedure through the vagina. My only discomfort was the bloating from the gases used during the procedure. Gas-Ex took care of that little problem. I even got to see a pic of where the fallopian tubes were cut.

[@Nonexister1]

Nothing says I love you like a vascomy. As a man that's had one after a week everything was 100%. A bag of frozen peas is wonderful for recovery. Hell the whole thing took less than 20 minutes start to finish. The insicions were so small I didn't even need stitches.

[@justinburgard4700]

S2) With a job, a PHD, and a kid time is scarce" what does having a PHD have to do with how much free time you have? You already have your PHD what about it is taking up so much of OPs time??? Like if you were going to school for PHD that is time consuming having one is not...

[@ondank]

I honestly am stunned at how quickly some people stopped respecting "my body my choice" because its a mans body? OPs wife took responsibility for birth control for years. She doesn't want to. Fine. OP offers to take responsibility in the form of condoms, this is not acceptable to OPs wife and the only option she will accept is surgery? And people think that's a rational position. And then people try and convince him away from a hard boundary he has set about his body in the comments. If a woman said she doesn't want children, it would be considered such a kareny thing to do to go "I had children and it was amazing, your selfish for not doing it" so why isn't telling a man to alter his body for someone else not? Sometimes Reddit really does come to some weird conclusions.

[@mindyschocolate]

When has anyone actually respected a woman’s “my body my choice” comment though? Until men do, the idea of us women allowing that for a man is laughable. Talk about double standards.

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

The funny thing is, if this was the other way around. And it was a woman being pressured by a man who wanted her to go through procedures to alter her body, because he refused to take action on his part. People would literally tell her to just refuse sex until he either gives up on his stance, or the relationship. It's really whack how different "my body, my choice" is between genders. And the wife here is really teetering on the edge of pressuring OP into sex. OP tried finding compromise in something that wouldn't be invasive for him, but his wife refuses to tolerate anything less than what she demands. Even though what she demands will immediately backfire if the vasectomy fails.

[@agnesmetanomski6730]

I think it's a question of fairness here. Both don't want another child, and condoms are anything but the safest choice when it comes to birth control, more like an extra mesure on top of safer ones. But so far, the woman is the only one that had to take the safer, side-effects-producing mesures. I understand her wanting to stop that and have her husband be the one for a change who takes the necessary mesures, since his will have the least side-effects and should not weight on him as he doesn't want more kids. But he refuses to even consider this option, while having no trouble approving his wife having a much more serious surgery instead. Wow! So again, the man gets out of taking real, serious mesures, and it all falls on the woman again!

[@ondank]

​@@mindyschocolate Thats cutting off your nose to spite your face. Any decent person accepts that a person has the right to make decisions about their own body. What makes your comment even sillier is that OP clearly DOES respect his wife to choose. He doesn't ask her to continue on the pill and says he will use condoms if she doesn't want to be on it. So your actually saying that to get back at some terrible people (because, btw, there are PLENTY of women who are anti-abortion and don't respect other womens right to choose) who don't respect a womans right to her body, a man who does respect a womans right to her body should be punished. Your just as crackers as the commenters on reddit, thanks for giving a demonstration.

[@shonnie81]

@@agnesmetanomski6730 He should just get a divorce. She wouldn't have to worry about having another kid (well at least with him).

[@SingingMermaid4]

While I do support everyone's choices of bodily autonomy, the OP from story 1 pissed me off. He does not have a valid reason to not get the vaesectomy when they BOTH no longer want children. She stopped sex so she had no risk of pregnancy not some horrible ultimatum just to spite him. And as a former copper IUD user, they hurt and do cause discomfort during sex. IUDs also can, and have, moved. That happened to me, that's why I refuse IUDs now. Again, men have and should make the say, but in his case, I genuinely did not see his point. ETA: Condoms do fail and break, if you never ever want children again, they aren't honestly the long term solution. Story 2: The OP and husband are kinda doormats. Also, they're expecting a crazy person to act rationally.

[@saratronus]

For the 2nd story I kind O hopes she told the other moms because that is A big fucking This problem tag a woman like that around

[@saratronus]

And now that mother's a homewrecker Just more problematic women in the world that we don't need lol. I honestly hope OP informed the kindergarten Of Jen's crazy behavior because heaven forbid she does this to another kid

[@matttillman7430]

1. It is a violation of Torah Law to sterilize a human or animal, whether male or female, except in cases where the life of the person is at risk. 2. What if she demands HE get a vasectomy only to up and divorce him, leaving him incapable of fathering a child with someone who isn't sadistic? Yes, SOMETIMES a vasectomy is reversible, but also YES, the procedure itself (the original vasectomy) can cause serious, even life-threatening problems.

[@angelamccreary2203]

Vasectomy is requires only a local pain anesthetic whilst tubiligation is a more invasive surgery and requires general anesthesia. There is more risk and longer recovery time.

[@dramuckus]

Angela you are missing the point here it's his body his choice. Men have just as many rights not to be forced into doing something he didn't want to do, she gave him an ultimatum and when he agreed and followed through with months with out sex she is the victim get the fuck out of here and please don't act like accidents can't happen just because some thing is relatively simple doesn't change the fact that any time surgery is performed that there is a chance for something to go wrong.

[@shammydammy2610]

@@dramuckus Sure, it's his choice. And then she gets to make her choices as well. She needs to take a trip to the happy adult store and stock up on do it herself toys.

[@tardislady9546]

@@dramuckus So it's fine for him to expect her to have a major operation, or take hormones, with their increased risk of cancer, stroke, and blood clots? What about HER rights?

[@MikeThePike316]

@@tardislady9546 whataboutism fallacy

[@MikeThePike316]

@@shammydammy2610 Sounds pathetic.

[@GoCoyote]

A wise person once told me to never give an ultimatum unless you are willing to live with either outcome.

[@eveliinahannele]

How is being terrified about getting pregnant again an ultimatum?

[@GoCoyote]

@@eveliinahannele In my opinion, being terrified of getting pregnant is not an ultimatum, but something that needs to be worked out with ones self and ones partner. The ultimatum is saying no sex without a surgical procedure. When one makes an ultimatum like that, one needs to be OK without the sex if the partner chooses not to have surgery. Otherwise the ultimatum is not really an ultimatum, but an empty threat. There is nothing wrong with ultimatums to maintain ones own boundaries that are necessary for emotional or physical health, but one has to accept either choice that is placed in the ultimatum. If I am allergic to cats, and tell my partner that either I go or the cat goes, I have to accept that it may be me moving out, and not the cat. The nature of ultimatums is that they are generally a zero sum choice between two outcomes. That is, one or the other, but not any combination of both.

[@serendouss9575]

His body his choice. It doesn't matter why he doesn't want a vasectomy, he just doesn't want it. They should have talked like adults and the wife should never have issued an ultimatum.

[@nocause5395]

Oh yeah he's such a great man who's totally fine with his wife getting serious surgery and suffering serious consequences because he can't get a little surgery. His wife should just leave him

[@laurahonaker2805]

It's his choice but every choice has consequences. His selfish choice will likely lead to the consequence of divorce.

[@SnowyWolborg]

@@nocause5395 Then she doesn't have to get one. But neither does he. And she doesn't get to be mad that he is OK with not having sex when she's the one who's trying to close the bedroom when she's not getting what she wants. How do you not see this double standard?

[@scourgedarkpaw9949]

@@nocause5395 he never suggested surgery. He's fine with not having sex. His wife gave him a choice either procedure or no sex he chose the latter she can't get upset he chose a option she gave him. He has as much right to refuse a procedure as she does to not take birth control. Stop trying to make him the bad guy.

[@amandab8433]

Even during the Update once again the majority of the contraceptive ideas were pushed onto the wife. He does not want to "Alter his body", but what does he thinks happens during pregnancy, or a tubal ligation. As the mom of an IUD baby, obviously they are not 100% either. BTW my husband decided by himself to get a vasectomy two months after our last one was born.

[@TisOnlyAScratch]

20:00 - I'd shoot back the "Career Cow" insult with "Dependapotamous" (Generalized as a Fat, Lazy, Unemployed, Dependant, usually military spouse but unemployed spouse of working person works too.)

[@EmmyRae1885]

Condoms aren't a good enough solo birth control. Women still have to be on birth control with condoms if they want to be safe And it's very hard to get approved for a tubal ligation

[@Phantom_Kero]

Exactly! It’s much easier for him to get a vasectomy plus he’ll have very little down time

[@meirin5316]

@@Phantom_Kero or you just get the damn implanon

[@Pikaman20008]

Or you could just not have sex which the OP was fine with, but the wife was the one throwing a temper tantrum about even though she suggested it

[@meirin5316]

@@Pikaman20008 hahaha exactly. its hilarious

[@EmmyRae1885]

@@Pikaman20008 yeah because a sexless marriage is super sustainable /s

[@BigRed1595044]

Also IUDs could make sex very painful. Tubal ligation is expensive, takes a long time to recover, and is very painful. I’m sorry, I just can’t get behind OP. I do t understand how he thinks it’s fair for the wife to take one for the team to avoid pregnancy but he won’t consider a procedure that’s far less painful a and expensive and takes less time to recover.