My Wife Moved Out Because of My Addiction

My Wife Moved Out Because of My Addiction
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[@tamid2225]

It hurt so much to leave my husband (now my ex) due to stupid alcohol. I felt like I was watching someone slowly jump off a building. But it sobered him up and saved his life, and now my daughter will have a healthy, functional father.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

I can only imagine how painful that would have been . That's good for you daughter though .

[@mariahconklin4150]

Yep! That's what happened to my ex's father but I think he left, became homeless but his son saw him on the street and took him home. After that day he stopped doing drugs and never went back to them. Honestly the guy is a better father then my own dad is because he went through what he went through. The family has forgiven him and my ex is trying to get help for other addictions but alcohol is what he started to do. His parents were pretty crappy parents though especially with his dad addicted to Meth which is one of the worst. He says he didn't have any help he just stopped which I think could be possible to but that is rare.

[@tamid2225]

@@sarcodonblue2876 Indeed it was! This man loved me more than air. My nickname for him for was "puppy". Sweet, docile, and loyal. However queen alcohol would snatch his boyish charm and turn him into a monster every time. Sometimes, I wonder if some people have a "mental allergy" to the intoxicant. I appreciate your sentiment. ❤‍🩹

[@ThillerKillerX]

Yeah couldn't be he was going through pain and would try to reach out to you only to get told he needs to fix it when men only want someone to talk to and feel for them but that's too hard for modern women that entered into the same relationship knowing the guy drank. Life is hard but harder for a man that is alone emotionally

[@tamid2225]

@@ThillerKillerX I was there for him. But when he drank, he would intentionally start fights with our child for entertainment. I couldnt fix that.

[@callilove8378]

Alcohol made me soo ugly...ill be 4 years sober in September. It's a much better life.

[@mmp495]

❤

[@cosmicshy637]

Addiction's a b1tch. Let her be free. She needs it. Get yourself straightened out. LONGTERM. Best wishes. 🙏

[@stephenwishburne1034]

I listened to the first 3 mins and stopped. I heard this caller’s questions, the 2 or 3 he asked and I knew right away what the issue is. Narcissism. Selfishness. All of his questions were self fulfilling and about how can he get people back into his life bc he’s lonely. He’s not starting from a place of-how can I be a better human to the people who love me and have given me too many chances. Contrast this to a previous caller named Doug who was 630 lbs and wanted to lose weight so he can be a better friend and serve his community and loved ones better. This is how narcissism presents.

[@aimeerebecca1]

Most people who appear narcissistic wouldn’t actually be diagnosed as such. Trauma, CPTSD, etc, produce narcissistic traits. If this man wasn’t at least reflective enough to want to work on himself, he wouldn’t have called. Narcissists DO NOT subject themselves to being exposed, scrutinized, advised. This guy definitely has those traits, but let’s give a little grace for people who are actually reaching out. He might get to the same place of honesty as Doug.

[@stephenwishburne1034]

@@aimeerebecca1 I hear ya, I really do hear ya. I think you made a leap, I’m not diagnosing him with every DSM criteria to meet NPD, but my opinion is there’s a lot of narcissism going on here. And people who rarely think of others will often times reach out for help because they are the beneficiary of receiving that help, they get their loved ones back. Again my opinion here was not a complete diagnosis of him, but I found it very telling that never did he mention a selfless motivation to getting his family back. And the first few minutes of the conversation is when we hear the thoughts that are most prominent in these caller’s minds.

[@aimeerebecca1]

@@stephenwishburne1034 I agree, and I didn’t mean that I heard you diagnose him. Trust me, my mother & grandmother are verifiable narcissists, and I left a 6 year relationship with a verifiable narcissist. I feel for this guy’s wife and kids, and I 100% believe leaving is the right call. I hope she stays in her strength.

[@RogerClough]

You cant ever successfully quit an addiction unless you want to stop. It doesn’t matter how much others want you to quit and it doesn’t matter how badly you dont want to let those people down. You have to have a deep desire burning in your belly to stop.

[@eleanorbarha4006]

From experience, the pain of the consequences has to outweigh the pleasure of the high

[@carnivoreRon]

I the 1990s, Dr Laura Schlesinger said there are 3 reasons for a divorce. Adultery. Abuse. Addiction. She's done putting up with his addiction/alcoholism. He should let her go. He needs to work on himself.

[@soul1380]

She forgot money.

[@marybaltazar6751]

Take responsibility sir. Self control. Break your habits. Look forward. Don't look for excuses from the past.

[@calmtea5369]

People can break free from addiction when they understand how it formed. It’s usually from a deep trauma that creates a disbalance in the reward system of the brain. Most addicts were abused or neglected as children. It’s psychological scars, not habits. Acknowledging the pain of the past is not making excuses. It’s actually not healthy to repress the past pain, that is why negative coping mechanisms form.

[@jakes658]

Or they just like getting hammered...​@@calmtea5369

[@AccidentalHiker1]

Too little to late. She had to save herself.

[@MindyM2144]

Amen!

[@jeromehenry4484]

Yeah, really tired of hearing from addicts that are only 10% repentant (so not really repentant, just a sob story). Their 1st love & only priority is ALWAYS their addiction(s), not any person in their lives.

[@sarahdancs8769]

As she should

[@CMADDillac]

​@jeromehenry4484 yes, that is the disease. The disease takes over the decision making part of theit brain and if and when they get sober they will be capable of feeling extremely profound feelings of regret. I know the realization of what pain I've inflicted on my family, that I'm responsible for my families demise, I went to treatment and it was too little to late. It worked, it saved my life but as far as my family is was too little too late. The regret I live with is extremely intense.

[@kylemedeiros6907]

my brother Shawn- you must surrender to the program. i have seven and half years clean- it's my experience that a total unconditional Surender is the key to freedom. Pray and take action every day. meetings, homegroup, fellowship, sponsor, steps, service, higher power. that's the blueprint! better get moving before it's too late! your structure to stay sober is to follow the blueprint, god bless.

[@mmp495]

Best post I've seen.❤

[@janethartmannjones4781]

You are so spot on, most suffering folks had poor parenting (because their parents grew up in dysfunction etc) I am a grateful member of ACA and we tell everyone you have to deal with your addictions before you can delve into the past, it is just too painful and requires depths of grieving and you have to be sober. We have a member that was forced into AA to get hip surgery, he never identified with the stories in the AA literature but in ACA feels right at home and is healing from his childhood after 70+ years.

[@cosmicshy637]

❤️🎯🙏

[@aimeerebecca1]

Thank you for this ❤

[@thomasschellberg8213]

American Canoe Association?, Affordable Care Act? What does ACA stand for here? Thanks.

[@janethartmannjones4781]

@@thomasschellberg8213 Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families

[@Jcasilleri]

My mom left my dad same reason, I’ll always be so grateful to her for that

[@yenibobenny]

I think the move will do this gentleman a world of good, he seems like a good person. Loved how he always referred to his wife by name too. 🥺

[@cosmicshy637]

Good people can have haunting problems. 🙏 Once they get themselves turned around longterm on the right path, they can help create miracles in others' lives.

[@edithandlez]

@@cosmicshy637except he’s not doing that so doesn’t apply

[@rosezarco9185]

My alcoholic partner never called me by my name always called me love honey in a calmed voice ..he cooked cleaned help with the kids..payed bills help with car money and such ..but hes got a problem his drinks over priorities ...hygiene self love , be a present father he prefer to drink over his own well being. Don't get foolled

[@vjs4539]

Smart wife. Let her go.

[@tomnohmy1273]

I moved out my wifes place in 2013, never went back. Best decision i ever made.

[@jessegraham6971]

Good job John. He needs to know that women don't have to wait around for you to get your act together to. They are incentivized by the system to not have to. So he better figure it out or drinking isn't going to be his only problem

[@fallon7616]

Absolutely 💯 My first husband was drinking almost every day and

[@fauxbro1983]

How about of a man leaves his wife due to her food addiction and she puts on 50 lbs

[@trashpageant7861]

Hahaha

[@bensondentalassociates8690]

@@fauxbro1983it’s pointless to try and make them understand

[@ChristConvicted]

​@@fauxbro1983Im all about women being more responsible with their weight, looks and being pleasing unto their husbands but I don't think it's comparable to alcoholism.

[@Ruth-vy1qj]

Addictions cause to many problems legal, stealing, mood swings,toxic people that don’t care, abuse,etc. children are involved abuse and neglect or worse It not worth it to be with a person like that

[@EnfinLibreNM]

This guy claims that he loves his wife, but he obviously loves the bottle more. His wife finally realized that he's been cheating on her for the last 17 years -- cheating with the bottle. About 30 years ago, my brother was arrested for a DUI. His wife told him if he EVER took another drink of alcohol, she'd leave him. He hasn't taken as much as a whiff of booze since. So Sean...if you're reading this...realize that you need to love your wife and son more than alcohol.

[@ohdwight]

tough love ; isn't popular these days ; but it works ; drinkers are weak and need to have tough love ; loss is the only thing they can understand. But people are discouraged these days from that .

[@TheBookOfPrincessSam]

I love your acceptance, validation but also accountability. The kindest way to be toward others ❤

[@AshleyLebedev]

My mom was / perhaps still is an addict to drugs. Ruined our lives as kids and continues to be such a dismissive checked out person. My dad is an addict to his anger, which he can’t control. Make peace with your pain and spirit. You need a trauma therapist & some sort of therapy for regulation of your nervous system. Look into somatic / trauma work.

[@TheLisaGate]

I spent 4 years begging my husband to stop drinking. He used to wake me up multiple times a night but never remembered it the next day. He also never believed me that he got that bad. This year, a day before Thanksgiving, it was his worst night episode. I had ENOUGH. I asked for a divorce the next morning. He moved in with a friend. He still won’t talk about why we are separated. He told me it’s because of my argumentative nature.

[@michaelthompson7217]

good for you. you can not make others aware of their own issues. it never works. other people have to find their own rock bottom

[@TheLisaGate]

@ I still have nightmares about him living in my house even though he moved out. But, it’s now peaceful and I don’t have to worry about him being so unpredictable. You are right, I can’t be responsible for another adult that should know better.

[@Lil-Whiskies]

"I don't have a sponsor, I call my buddies". The same buddies he drinks with no doubt. This guy isn't serious or ready to stop drinking, he just doesn't want to lose his partner and family.

[@jeromehenry4484]

I have doubts he really goes to AA because the first thing AA does is get you a sponsor, especially if you have already been to rehab.

[@alancall5113]

They say death to your part, but when there's an alcoholic run. My wife's alcoholic She will pick the booze over anything and the booze picks her.. All I can say is run no fixing that. They will convince you that you're the one that's messed up. Stop definitely not healthy.

[@wendyeskelin8765]

It sounds like he needs some deep reflection.. He said he knows what he did AFTER the fact.. he might do well to keep that in the forefront of his mind so he doesn't keep taking the same path. Maybe his wife / son leaving will be the final push to make him want to change for good.

[@raymondlin8728]

My wife moved out for my drinking. Too drunk to realize that. Anyway I don't drink anymore. That's it.

[@john1425]

Even when someone is doing what theu are supposed to be doing, I think it must be exhausting to be eith someone in "recovery".

[@ttaylor8239]

Accountability = healthy relationships.

[@RodneyKingg]

Going to Moses Lake this weekend, gonna find him and give him a hug

[@Cowgirlkate]

Pulling a geographic is just another lie; no matter where ya go, there ya are!! It's a cycle that will repeat itself unless he gets to the bottom of the real deal; GET A SPONSER!!

[@texasrodeogirl3814]

My best friend lost 2 kids to alcohol addiction. No amount of rehab helped them. They wanted the lifestyle and partying.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

That is so sad 😭. I hope your friend is doing better.

[@ohdwight]

it was their Choice ! sad but true ; it's all over with millenials

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

Why do I get the feeling that this guy has been somewhat of a functioning alcoholic for nearly two decades and he's basically gotten worse since covid and then after Covid he decides to get his life together and then he relaxes every couple of months. In addition and let's be real here she's probably been used to him being a functioning alcoholic where he's not being abusive not being a total drunk but just him using alcohol as way to numb his pain and problems. And then when covid happened it got worse to the point where he had to go out of state and get help and then he finally got himself together then he relapsed every couple of months and his wife and his son who I'm guessing is probably 14 or 15 or 15 or 16 since him and his wife have been together for 17 years have said they've had enough we're done and we're not going to do it. He knows his wife is not going to wait until he's fully sober and I guarantee it probably during the time of his alcoholism getting worse she started mentally checking out of the marriage and the son probably started checking out of the whole family dynamic with his dad to begin with. This is a guy who needs individual therapy he might need to consider talking to his wife and saying hey I think it's time for us to either look at starting over someplace else or we might need to go into more intense counseling for the both of us. Not to mention individual therapy for the both of us because I don't want to end our marriage but I also don't want us to come back together and then we fall right back into the same old. Not to mention his family's probably at the verge of being done with him altogether

[@SherryEllesson]

I really wish him all the best. He sounds like he really wants this, and even if it takes some white-knuckling to get through it, I bet he can do it.

[@foedeer]

If Sean is not doing basic human self-care like running, moving his body, eating a good diet etc., than recovering from alcohlism would be very challenging when he is experiencing those low moods. Sometimes its not about the story or ruminating on what happened because when you dip into those low moods, you'll find a story to ruminate on. He needs to start taking care of himself, put healthy stress on his body so he feels the rewards and to get all those good hormones into his body. Addiction is addressing mind + body + spirit all together.

[@lifeaccordingtotheo9643]

I think they should have bleeped the names. This his his wife, child, and dogs name. His career. Her career and new city. He called, not his family. She deserves some privacy.

[@missyfrank880]

Sorry don’t feel bad for someone who chooses drugs over their family. Addiction can only be used as an excuse for so long. Make the choice what’s more important to you.

[@edithandlez]

@@jollysteffenYeah i don’t think people have to understand addiction to come to the conclusion that they don’t want to be with an addict. You’re a silly goose.

[@sharona2850]

Probably the most ignorant comment i've ever read LOL.

[@blueseptember2174]

@@jollysteffen no they do understand. You give time to change but there comes a day your heart breaks but you have to move forward if they are unwilling. Addicts destroy their families and we hurt from what they've done.

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

​@@jollysteffenjust because we understand something doesn't mean we have to accept it as the end. How do you think people get help? Because they choose to!

[@missyfrank880]

@@jollysteffen I guess you can keep enabling addicts, coddle them and tell them it’s not their fault, and give them money to pick up more drugs to fuel their addiction.

[@Vanilla_Phil]

You know it’s a tough call when John goes shooo Tu Tu Tu

[@mmp495]

Please go to AA and get people around you. Addiction is so horrible not only to the abuser but everyone person around them. 😢

[@blueseptember2174]

Im jealous of people that have extra time on their hands. Raising a family is time consuming. Where do they find all this extra time?

[@tstanley01]

By delegating those duties to the wife! LOL

[@edithandlez]

They have slaves working for them

[@Lil-Whiskies]

By not being available for healthy family interaction.

[@manifest2203]

By making the wife do all the parenting.

[@thecramptons]

😂😂😂

[@AubreeFusselman]

I wish he could listen to “The easy way to control your alcohol” by Allen Carr. It’s life changing.

[@sarahsincerely2.0]

I'm about to order his book but to quit completely, I just heard about it, glad you recommend it too. Thanks

[@ashes2342]

He needs to get with a therapist to talk to. Then he can deal with the underly issues in a healthy way and environment.

[@erikcampen8276]

I love his reaction to John telling him he needed to get a Sponsor: REALLY?! In AA circles, he’s what’s known as a Tourist. Show up, sit there for an hour, and leave. “But, I went to meetings!”

[@joann5157]

Drinking b/c he's BORED???? He's got an excuse for everything.

[@ohdwight]

exactly LAME

[@ohdwight]

alcohol addiction is a CHOICE ; if you seriously want to quit and save what you are losing , YOU will do what you have to do ; otherwise you love your substance more than those people you are losing.

[@samuelcohen2362]

Can anyone in the comments let me know how to call in the show? Is there a specific phone number to call at a certain time? I have a question to ask the doc.

[@sarahsincerely2.0]

Yeah he does a live show during the week set your notifications on and tune in grab the number and call the next day and try to get on. God Bless

[@samuelcohen2362]

@@sarahsincerely2.0 Thank you so much

[@flashthecorgi2053]

It is in the description of this video. I would link it for you but YT won’t let me put a website or phone number.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@samuelcohen2362just click the title my wife moved out because of my addiction and it the description will pop up.

[@samuelcohen2362]

Thank you I found the number. I will try and call when I can 👍

[@Tailormademan900]

His grandpa was probably old. Unless his grandpa raised him drinking over any of your grandparents death is just an excuse to get drunk.

[@doreen1289]

Recovery 2.0 join

[@sweetkat85]

on another note, John is looking hot today! (insert flame emoji here!)

[@daveezrin1896]

I learned the word splunking looked it up after john said it

[@colleenmonfross4283]

How are you in AA and not have a sponsor??? This guy is not serious about his sobriety. He drinks because he's bored? Gees. He's only going to John because his wife finally left him. Pitiful. Zero tolerance for addicts. I have a bunch in my family, they are the most selfish people there is.

[@EAAAA1505]

Honestly drug addicts Luke to play the victim and want everyone to feel bad for them but what about the love ones they hurt and let down that dis not deserve it.

[@ohdwight]

they tend to be super narcissistic and don't think about how they affect others

[@ohdwight]

you are "BORED"???? then get your ass up and DO something productive ! BEST way to distract yourself from something destructive ; Do some productive!

[@Em-im1yz]

Parents prefered my sister. Undiagnosed adhd and dyislxica i anoyed my mum she scream and shout got the impression she hated me. Still trying to stop the youre not good enough internal voice

[@titansmgr]

I'm horrible. All I'm thinking is..Dude, smoke a joint instead.

[@beebeelicious]

😢

[@amberbassoN12]

Oh sheesh

[@jesus1stsatan2nd]

Smoke some weed people

[@joesillamanrs7189]

“Stay STONE(D) sober” is what I heard.

[@jesus1stsatan2nd]

@@joesillamanrs7189 he wouldn't have these problems tho if he was a pothead lol weed doesnt make you black out

[@StephaniePasq-hg7vt]

I have plenty of first hand experience with alcoholism, from multiple people in my life. Believe me, trying to drink less by smoking more instead is not at all a solution.

[@sugarpie9492]

I'm 67 and have been sober 34 years. The way I handled it was on December 10th, 1989 I decided I wanted to quit (because my family and friends didn't want to talk to me anymore because I was always drunk) and I made an out loud promise to myself that I wouldn't drink NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. Because there is an excuse to drink every day when you're an alcoholic. And if I don't drink NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS THAT DAY, it removes EVERY excuse there is to relapse. Because I had promised I wouldn't pick up a drink NO MATTER WHAT, which meant there wasn't anything to ponder and start ruminating on, and so I just get on with it, and find something rewarding and productive to do when the cravings and stress hit. Because they will occur. And by having made that promise to just take it "one day at a time" has led to 34 years of continuous sobriety. Which will be 35 years in a couple of weeks from now. Which I celebrate every year by doing whatever fun thing I feel like doing during that day, which since it's December 10th usually means I go and get my Christmas tree, and a new ornament to mark another year of recovery. And I buy myself a nice lunch or dinner with or without some company, and a fancy dessert too. I don't miss drinking AT ALL anymore, and quitting was the best decision I have ever made. ✔️ Completely quitting drinking was pretty hard for the first 2 years, and then still a bit of a struggle until I had 5 years of sobriety. Because you literally have to change all of your habits, and that takes time, patience and a strong commitment to remain alcohol free. You have to slowly find healthy things to replace the time you used to spend drinking and going to bars. I went to AA twice a week for 7 years until I thought I had a pretty good handle on the problem. And I still go currently if I feel the need to sharpen my recovery skills or just listen to the young tribe of AA'ers that are just now me 34 years ago. And another tip that I have that helped me is to understand that alcoholic/addicts have 2 voices in their head. They have their normal "Laura" voice (my name) speaking to them, and they also have their "addict voice" whispering in your ear that you're only going to drink "this once" in order to get you to do it. And both voices sound exactly the same because they're coming from your mind. And the "addict brain has only one job in life, which is to get you to relapse. It's all it knows what to do. It has no other purpose. Especially if you have the "genetic family predisposition to addiction" in your familial DNA. Which I totally do. And so whenever I hear that little deprived addict voice starts whispering in my ear, and telling me it's "OK to have a drink just this one time" I literally say out loud to it "Nice try jackass, but I know who and what you are, and I know you don't care one rats butt about me. And so GTFOOH and go bother some other dumb schmuck who will fall for your smooth con. And so leave me the h*ll alone, because I don't drink anymore dude. 😎" Which then has called it out verbally, and told it to go away. You have to learn to STOP, and decide which voice is chatting in your brain. It's not that hard to figure out, it's the voice that isn't suggesting any good things for you and your future. Again, since the 2 separate voices in your head sound exactly like you do, you need to analyze it immediately, and stop that "first drink" from happening. I used to literally just change my location from wherever I was standing when a craving hit hard at the beginning of my journey. Just changing my environment by going from a point A to a point B seemed to quell that craving. I still take my own car for meet ups even after 34 years so I can just leave if I start to get twitchy where people are drinking, just in case. And again, your addict voice gets you to relapse easily by telling you it's only going to be "this one time" and then you'll get back on the wagon again. It's how it works, and it's always how it starts out. But it's a complete LIE. 🙄 No alcoholic in recovery just has "one drink" and then stops there. Think about it, it's going to likely turn into some sort of bender for a period of time where SO MUCH damage can occur. It really puts you at risk to loose everything you've accomplished in your recovery in less than a week. "Jails, Institutions or Death" are your only 3 options if you don't quit for the rest of your life. Because "Addiction is never cured, but only managed on a daily basis. Until you die.". 😇 🙏 ✨

[@mariahconklin4150]

Oh Gah I was with someone for 8 years always breaking up and getting back together. We are friend's now but we started to set boundaries with each other. I wanted to get help first I remember going to church with my friend which didn't help much but that's when my ex wanted to get help that night we left church. lol! Go figure because he is anti-church and I am now to but we are both getting help and making better choices. He started SMART Recovery and has a counselor (still struggles with gabapentin addiction but got off Kratom) I struggle with weed mostly and alcohol a little bit...Tried AA realized it wasn't for me because of the "poor me I will always be an addict I need to go to AA constantly 90 meetings a day." Not saying it WON'T work for others but don't feel bad if it doesn't work for you but if you don't go please get help in other ways...like this man says BOREDOM is a killer. The thing is man you keep doing way too much which I used to do also CR, childhood past, AA, etc etc etc. Focus on your goals I've been sober and just got my Food Handler Certificate which took 9 hrs because I was writing everything down and ended up getting 90 percent on it. lol! I focused on one thing at a time. Also know you have a choice to! A friend of mine was sober but her husband wasn't (alcoholoic) but when they moved to the mountains it changed his life forever and he got sober. Move away from friend's or family that is going to tare you down or drinks with you. It's why it's hard for me to stay sober sometimes to because in my apartment they do drugs. Having a sponsor is very very smart it helped me so much. Dr. Deloney says AA but just a suggestion try and do SMART recovery and see how that works. You got this man you may fail at times but you got this! Also don't be afraid to get to that 4th and 5th step many people get scared and leave I have and don't be scarred to get to that 12th step. I'm telling you you got this. Alcohol is so much fun until it isn't. Just because your family or friend's never treated you bad doesn't mean you yourself didn't if you read the AA book or listen to others in AA sometimes nothing bad happened at all they have stories in the book about that.