My Wife's Sister Moved In With Us And She Made Me Realise I Want A Divorce r/Relationships

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 I've heard this one recently. I love when its a guy who's the emotionally neglectful one in these situations redditors say just leave him. He doesn't deserve you. But when a woman is emotionally neglectful they make up every excuse for her. I'm so sick of double standards.

[@jlyo1991]

THANK YOU

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah. If you're married, you should try to help your partner as far as possible. Sometimes that *means* leaving.

[@sweetr1832]

Yes. Especially when you have already the best you can to build working communication, there's little to do but leave. She may be ill, my ex was, but it's not our duty to become parent-figures and support their whole weight while they refuse other help like counseling and therapy. I found so many reasons and excuses for her and if other people had added more, I would have been more broken by the time we ended it. Excusing people past reasonable and compassionate limit is babying, and disrespectful for you, them and relationship, no matter genders involved in relationship.

[@HaliaStone]

Same as when if a woman does fuck all around the house it’s ‘she might be depressed’ but if it’s a dude, he’s a man child and she’s better off. Really pisses me off

[@indianspartan76]

Came here to say this

[@tephrafalls6321]

Seems like a good old "Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm" to me. Good on OP for taking back control of his own life.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: A lot of Redditors gave some really terrible advice on this one. Fortunately, OP was like, "Yeah, uh, no. Already tried that. Already tried that. Tried that, too. Don't need to stick around at this point. I'm outta here." OP's STBX may well be depressed (though the jury is really out on that one), but so what? There is a huge difference between supporting someone and trying to "fix" them. Most of the Reddit advice was about how OP could pop-psych-diagnose and fix his wife. YOU. CANNOT. FIX. SOMEONE. ELSE. You can only change yourself and your own behavior (even *that's* hard!). If OP's STBX doesn't want to meet him halfway, then it sounds like that marriage is over. It also sounds to me as though she's been checked out of this marriage for at least a year (and may well have an addiction to social media), but wanted to push him to make the first move so she could cast him as the bad guy. All the yelling may also have tipped over into verbal abuse. Yikes. Run, OP. Run fast, run far.

[@GMAMEC]

I was with some of the initial comments, but the refusal to get help, the yelling, and deliberately ignoring his concerns are major problems. Depression can be difficult, people can’t “snap out of it”. However, not acknowledging your actions or problems is where you have to draw the line. I would have empathized with the wife if she was willing to acknowledge that she was having problems, but there’s no room for improvement.

[@paulastiles5507]

@@GMAMEC Oh, I totally agree that depression is not something you can just jolly yourself out of, any more than any other major illness like, oh, say, cancer. But as I say elsewhere here, mental illness and being an AH are not the same thing. There may be overlap as someone struggles, but they are not the same thing and one should not get a pass for being an AH just because they *might* have a mental illness. That just stigmatizes mental illness. If the wife wants to stay married, she needs to start admitting the two of them have some problems (I have no doubt that OP is not perfect, but he still has a right to leave if he feels she won't meet him halfway) and start working on them. If some of those involve her having an illness, she needs to acknowledge that and get/use some help. OP doesn't owe her setting himself on fire to keep her warm, especially since I'm pretty sure she doesn't really want to stay married.

[@tallyp.7643]

I was getting the vibe that she checked out and wanted him to be the one to leave her to make him the bad guy, too. Otherwise she would've likely shown SOME signs of remorse or apology for her actions. Nope, cold and angry all the time, not caring at all. Screams GTFO pretty loudly, but now she can weep and play the victim (and maybe finally get "help"... though only after he's long gone so nobody will bother trying to convince her that she can sucker him back in once she gets back to "normal").

[@samiulhuda4001]

@@tallyp.7643 na he was never the guy for her. his first mistake was marrying a ran through women in her mid thirties who is five years older than him. she was desp to get married coz it was getting too late for her and took the first reliable option out.

[@WhtAbtBob10]

Story 1: OP is right to get divorced and leave. His wife doesn't want the marriage to get better and doesn't want help for herself. You can't help those who don't want help. The best thing to do is leave at that point.

[@anonmouse15]

The Karenification has started.

[@invisible123-l9d]

He will obviously try to portray himself as a saint. However, there was no indication that HE made any effort. He demanded her attention, but he never LISTENED to her, or TOOK HER SERIOUSLY. He never pulled his weight with the housework. He spoke of going out to eat. He never bothered to ask her if she wanted to go out to eat, or where she would like to eat if she did. He whined about her using her phone, and whined about the lack of sex, whilst he did NOTHING to make sex worth it for her. MEN need to make the effort, and stop demanding that women do all the hard work, in relationships. Cue the abuse, sneering, and name calling, as none of you have the balls to reply respectfully, or even in a civil manner.

[@KryssieQ]

​​@@invisible123-l9d Did you stretch before you did all that reaching?

[@thaddeuszukowski4633]

​@@invisible123-l9d Wow, that sounds like serious projection

[@mgaus]

​@@invisible123-l9d please consider comprehension lessons as your comment makes it obvious that you did not absorb the facts contained within the story

[@The.S.M.Evans.91]

Story 1: Depression and mental health can't be the answer in every single situations like this. Nobody is responsible for your happiness but you, and it sounds like she just wants people to commensurate in her misery. It's not on OP to fix alone. If you try to show somebody the light, and they choose to fade into the darkness, that's on them. It's been a whole year.

[@JordanDragonAs]

I know as someone with depression and a mental illness I disagree with diagnosing every thing as a mental issue

[@doyouliketacosiliketacos5139]

As someone who struggles with chronic depression I let my partner know when a bout of it hits, he supports me through my struggle and when I'm free from it I make up for the time we lost together. It's not perfect but I make sure he knows I love him and I remind myself this chemical imbalance isn't forever.

[@audraverela3663]

It can be an answer but not an excuse. I didn’t even realize I was depressed again til my therapist diagnosed me and it’s taken a long time to find the right meds and do adult things. I’m still depressed but at least functional usually.

[@brianaschmidt910]

Person with depression here, op's wife does sound like she's depressed up until this one line "I turned 32 2 days ago and she went out with her friends and didn't even acknowledge me" know what I did for my partner despite my depression? I decorated a chair with streamers and attempted a cake from mix (didn't even get it out of the box) by I definitely said happy birthday and that I love him. Op's wife? That's straight up uncaring. Everything else? Possible depression. That? Complete apathy

[@greyscaleanon7551]

Honestly, as someone with depression myself who between that and other issues has memory issues? The big red flag for me is that she's spending time with friends. Maybe it's just me, but when I'm an ornery ball of misery, the last thing I want to do is socialize with anyone, let alone leave the house (and risk running into someone I'm not mentally prepared to see, including complete strangers) to do so. Sounds to me like she just doesn't like or respect OP.

[@CensorshipVictim]

Story 1 NTA: why can't people just be adults communicate with their partners and resolve the issue? I'm tired of hearing these stories of people acting like teenagers and thinking that they can treat people like crap and then are surprised Pikachu's face when divorce is mentioned.

[@susanlosey9511]

OP tried for a year to make things better for his marriage. His wife refuses to try. So he’s divorcing her, good for him. Maybe this will make the wife wake up and see what she missed. OP, go on with your life! You tried, she refused. So the divorce is on her! Good luck with your future and enjoy the rest of your life! You deserve it!

[@Rose_Bride]

As a person who has dealt with chronic depression for pretty much my entire life, it really doesn't sound like OP's wife is depressed. I had a really bad episode recently that lasted for about 2 years. I have only recently began to recover in the last several months. Back when I was in the thrall of it, it was all I could do just to stay awake. Getting up in the morning was awful. Dealing with people IN GENERAL was awful. I wasn't "hanging out" with friends or even COMMUNICATING with them. I wasn't on social media or TikTok. I know everyone is different and depression can look different for each person, but the fact that his wife has _no issues_ with seeing her friends and going out with them makes me think she is just not into OP or the marriage and is probably only with him for financial purposes. I'm glad he eventually stood up for himself.

[@cpaul9269]

as a fellow sufferer, this is exactly my thought too. I don't want to engage with anyone. at all. its not directed at one person, but not at anyone else. there's more to this story i'm pretty sure of it.

[@jakeand9020]

Also the yelling part. Getting angry yes, but yelling about it is more than I can be bothered with. Then there's blaming everything on someone else. When I'm in deep that's the last thing I do. Yes, symptoms are different for everyone, but these are some pretty big deviations. The doing nothing but watching social media I can relate to though. Not so much because I want to, but because I don't want to do anything else and it's there. I can't really comment on the going out with friends thing, I don't want to do that at the best of times. Hang out at a friend's place for a while sure, but people? No thanks. Humans are the worst and they just get worse the more of them there are.

[@jaweiss34]

Agreed. Everyone saying she has depression but she’s going out with friends and talking to them on FaceTime? It sounds to me like she’s just unhappy in the marriage.

[@McAnik-uo1ol]

"just not into OP", "only with him for financial purposes". You've noticed a couple of the bread crumbs. Now follow the rest of the trail. What is this angry, selfish, resentful woman getting up to when she goes out on the booze with her friends? Do I have to draw a picture?

[@Ivy94F]

@@jaweiss34 That part. I dumped the depression theory when OP conveyed that her social life was fine, she’s going out with friends, etc. So she’s only acting like that with OP which says a LOT. She’s checked out for a year and just doesn’t care about being married anymore.

[@michamocha]

Idk, it doesn't sound like depression to me. It sounds like she just completely checked out of the relationship and just didn't care to work on things or end it. Op did everything he could to save the marriage and at some point, you can only do so much when someone doesn't want help. I don't think it's fair or safe to be diagnosing her with anything when we don't have a full examination of her behavior other than what caused Op to give up. Either way, I'm glad that he's cutting ties with her and moving on.

[@kristinecollier8113]

OMFG I LOVE that malicious compliant story!! That father/ex husband deserved everything he got!!!

[@AndyyWithAY]

The wife isn't depressed, she's just an AH! 🤬 She didn't even wish him a happy birthday and WENT OUT WITH FRIENDS. That's not depression. That's AH behavior. I've been depressed.

[@solmas2111]

I mean there are levels of depression. You also can't just say if someone is or isn't depressed. You can go out with certain friends when depressed and not with others.

[@jackspring7709]

Lol I laughed at the depression diagnosis from dr and nurse reddit.

[@shadowyplays8290]

He’s having an affair with the sister. Anyone can see that.

[@paulastiles5507]

@@solmas2111 Depression and being an AH are separate things. They may occur in the same person, but AH behavior is not a symptom of mental illness. It's just being an AH.

[@namedhuman5870]

@@shadowyplays8290 no

[@brandi5126]

S1: If she is depressed then it is her responsibility to get help. Period. If he is tired of it and doesn't feel like making it work then he should move on. Sounds like he has been trying to help for awhile now and she hasn't bothered to reciprocate.

[@andysheepleton]

Exactly. They have no kids, she treats him with contempt and had energy when it is time to go clubbing, but all the commenters think that it does not matter at all if OP is not getting his needs met, he should keep at it and fix her.

[@MrBrachiatingApe]

@@andysheepleton Sure. Basically, the average Reddit commenter is totally against holding women accountable, especially when they can hold a man responsible in her stead.

[@rustypotatoes]

so someone with depression here.. i get where he's coming from and it took a lot of pushing to get me on meds and look forward for a better life and I'm so glad i did. I think whether someone does or doesn't have depression, if you dont want to be in a relationship with them that shouldnt be a factor. I'm thankfully in a great relationship right now and never thought I'd be with such an amazing person. There are still days where I wanna be left alone or have some personal time to myself but never for long and I always try to make sure I'm doing my best to support my partner. Even if the wife has undiagnosed depression, thats on her, op did all he could. I sympathise and feel bad for her but it's op's life he can do whatever he wants to feel better and be with someone that actually cares and loves him

[@ebayrose]

Story 1 reminded me of a couple reddit posts where the withdrawn spouse was actually cheating. In one post OP found out when he was still trying to fix the marriage and was reaching out to her family that she might be depressed and her sibling scoped her out and told OP it was actually an affair. Another one played out exactly like this one except swapped genders and years later update was that OP's ex-husband was cheating with with a succession of three different women before the divorce. Both times the wayward withdrawn spouse acted so upset over every attempt to mend the relationship and then again when things came to divorce. First OP never confronted his ex-wife about the affair her sibling revealed just went on with the divorce saying their relationship was in the gutter and she refused to work on it.

[@markbigbadbear]

Damn. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks the wife is cheating. Had to scroll down WAY to far to reach your comment, though.

[@ebayrose]

@@markbigbadbear I'm surprised too. Any long term Reddit reader/listener should think about cheating when spouse suddenly changes behavior and gets aggressive about their partner trying to understand them. I think somebody started on mental health theory and no one else in the comments wanted to be dismissive of mental health problems by bringing up cheating.

[@beatapogorzelska1241]

@@ebayrose Cheaters who aren't caught feel relieved when their partner wants to leave as they can start a new relationship or have more time for a lover.They don't have to pay compensation or alimony.The wife was furious.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Everyone is screaming depression, but I do not agree. She has no problem frequently hanging with friends and seems to enjoy constantly being on Tik Tok. OP deserves to leave and be happy with someone who cares

[@Musiyca]

Second this! Sure, there is some chemical imbalance at play, but doesn't have to be depression right away. She still puts an efford for others, just not for OP. Waking up miserable is understandable if you are not in a place you want to be, surrounded by people you're not fond of, but she married OP! If you keep showing that you are miserable next to your spouce and you don't want to be there, despite spouce being patient and caring, there's no work OP could've put to help their marriage. She is just not interested. On top of that, she's blaming everyone around, and there is nothing more unattractive than a person who's not taking responsibility for their life. We need to stop pressure people into staying and trying when it's blatantly obvious only one side is trying for X years already. What's the point in staying in miserable toxic relationship when you can be happy and content single?

[@a.b.2850]

Even if it’s depression, it’s been going on for over a year. She’s responsible to take care of herself. But the husband tone is disturbing imo. He says “I told her things need to change”, he sounds patronizing af.

[@diarradunlap9337]

@@a.b.2850 Disagree on that last sentence. He isn't patronizing: he's setting a condition for staying in the marriage after the year-long emotional abuse he's been suffering.

[@jackspring7709]

Absolutely right - that's not depression: that's someone with a bad attitude who seems motivated enough to be on tik tok all the time: and if the roles were reversed nobody would be talking about depression, they'd be all telling OP to get off tik tok and sort his marriage. Lol reddit.

[@k3upikachu]

Well, when I was heavily clinically depressed I would spend all day in bed (unless I had work) and only get out of bed at night to make myself food on weeknights. On weekends I drank half a bottle of wine by myself around 10 pm so I had the emotional energy to be social, then met up with friends to get wasted, do drugs, and stay up until 6:00 a.m. once I was out with friends, nobody would ever guess that I was depressed Edit: meant to add that I was not in a relationship at the time and was actually going through a really bad breakup. It wouldn't have been fair for me to behave like that if I had a partner at home

[@OmniscientlyMe]

1. In a lot of these stories, the spouse "going out with friends" is cover for cheating. The SIL will probably support you with the in-laws having seen things first hand, so I doubt that would be an issue.

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

Story 2: My lord, this was pure justice crack. Glad OP helped his mom get what she deserved and at the same time probably wiped out his POS fathers savings.

[@xboxboi4444]

So get this.. My wife is autistic and deals with anxiety and depression. I get everyone is different but she always puts us first. And whate ever issue she is having she talks about it with me and her therapist. She makes an honest effort in our relationship. She doesn't use those uses as crutch to check out of the relationship. Seriously 1st story Op should do what makes him happy.

[@AutumnFire1414]

Story 1: OP had suggested counseling for him and his wife and she always refused. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. OP's wife kept refusing. Time for OP to leave.

[@definitelyarealperson248]

Story 1: If I had a brother/sister in-law, and I felt that my sibling was bad for them, I would support my in-law. I don’t understand sometimes when there’s stories where people think they should abandon the in-law if they divorce, or treat the in-law like they’re mot family. I do hate it though when people act like the person isn’t getting help fast enough so they’re mot worth it. Not saying OP is wrong, but rather some of the comments are. Story 2: That’s a crap dad

[@solmas2111]

As long as they don't end up dating.

[@definitelyarealperson248]

@@solmas2111 I don’t think they do. It’s just nice seeing supportive in-law relationships since so many on KZbin are if bad relationships.

[@paranoiarpincess]

Story 2 dood may be a "failed" paramedic, but he is a hell of an accomplished writer good lord! Epic prose my dood, epic.

[@AndreNDP]

Dude's from Atlantic Canada. We spin a hell of a yarn there.

[@paranoiarpincess]

@@AndreNDP I'm Ontarian and I've published a tale or two people seemed to enjoy myself ^-^

[@AndreNDP]

@@paranoiarpincess I don't doubt it. There's a couple sayings in there that are specifically East Coast.

[@paranoiarpincess]

@@AndreNDP I'm not east enough to have picked them up I think lol. Happy Canada is getting represented!

[@anthonym6119]

It looks like they were trying to find every excuse in the book for her not to be a terrible wife,he dealt with it for a year trying everything he could I doubt he would wait for a miracle.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#1 - So glad OP decided to get out of a miserable marriage to this woman and try to move on and be happy. She completely ignores him, doesn't even acknowledge his birthday, yet screams at and blames him when divorce is brought up. What did she think would happen? That any reasonable husband would just live for decades being treated like shit, ignored, refused intimacy and be fine with it? Not a professional, but don't think she is depressed. Something is going on, but she is going out with friends (quite often, from what OP says) and has for a while. Does she act the same around her friends? Cannot imagine many would put up with that for long. Nope. She is completely different person with them and they can have her. OP is going to be happy and live a good life, she can wallow in whatever BS she wants to.

[@shadowyplays8290]

He’s having an affair. With the sister or another woman.

[@noydb-1]

@@shadowyplays8290 I think its the other way around. "Going out with friends" sounds like code for meeting with the boyfriend. She's upset with the divorce, because the BF probably doesn't want to keep her and pay her bills like the husband would, ruining her perfect plan.

[@Someone-or8tp]

@@shadowyplays8290 He's expressed that he and her sister are just friends and there's nothing in the post to indicate anything otherwise or even the existence of another woman's involvement. he seems like a genuine guy who has given up on the marriage and wants to divorce to pursue his own life. he and the sister seem like good friends (men and women can have friendships too, unsurprisingly). if anyone's likely to be having an affair, it's the wife who checked out of the relationship first.

[@samiulhuda4001]

@@shadowyplays8290 he should with that useless wife

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: for a judge to put that in a court filing says 2 things. 1) he was an AWFUL person 2) he rrally possed that judge off

[@randomusername3873]

Why do people feel the need to defend neglectful (or straight up abusive) wives? Like every single time they must have a mental healt problem and the husband is a jerk for leaving. Despite the fact that the wife clearly refuse to listen to him and shut down every conversation about their problems, so she would obviously refuse any therapy attempt. Then you read the stories where the husband doesn't want to cook and the unanimous verdict is that the wife needs to run away and never look back. And you wonder why the response is so different

[@indianspartan76]

Yup

[@335chr]

Because men are bad and women are not responsible for their actions

[@iris5678]

The Internet has shaped society now to believe that men have to be absolutely perfect or he is abusive and women are fragile creatures who should run like a deer at the first inkling of trouble

[@Frostfern94]

EXACTLY

[@Harvest133]

Don't you know? Women are wonderful and never do anything wrong. They fart rainbows and sunshine.

[@Russman67]

Story 1: OP at a certain point has to look to his own boundaries. His soon-to-be-ex wasn't going to change her behavior and it was hurting him.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: that marriage sounds awful. Bounce out bud Marriage takes 2 people. You can't fix it on your own. If theyvarent willing to make changes...it's over. If your friends are more concerned for your wife than you...they aren't YOUR friends. Edit after comments: does anyone else think maybe she's depressed because shes done with him but doesnt know how to end it? Maybe shes pushing him awY on purpose?

[@xydis.06.03]

If that's the case, she's still in the wrong because she could've just been an adult and tell him outright instead of waste both of their time playing this stupid game.

[@Mewse1203]

@@xydis.06.03 exactly. The comments seemed to ignore so much of what OP said. She wasnt just escaping. She was going out with friend's which points to her being OK doing fun stuff just not with him. She was also, beyind ignoring him, treating him badly. Even IF she had depression, that isn't right. He tried for a year and she refused everything.

[@deppnut1]

Your edit is exactly what I was wondering. It certainly sounds like she checked out of the marriage a long time ago. Perhaps her sister's divorce allowed her to realize how unhappy she is.

[@shadowyplays8290]

He’s having an affair with the sister.

[@DepressedWendigo]

@@shadowyplays8290 Any proof? Or are you just gonna keep spamming this in the comments

[@Tailsgothicangel1]

Story 1: I don’t think that it’s depression or only depression, I think that the wife was cheating and made her marriage miserable to justify it, but still wanted her cake and being able to eat it too.

[@pauldunn3946]

Last story, OP had me crying with his revenge! I loved hs description of his lawyer. Classic!!

[@PyxeledGenesis]

The wife absolutely does not have depression, or at least these aren't symptoms of it. Outright ignoring your partner for your phone is not depression. Refusing to just talk to your partner or get help is not depression. Ignoring your partner's birthday to hang with friends is not depression. Blaming others for all your actions *is not depression.* Depression can make you sad, apathetic, and tired. Not a complete pos. Ffs, depressed people still have empathy. Anyone saying she has depression either has a VERY terrible and loose view on what it's like to be depressed, or they're projecting. If you relate to the wife, that's concerning, you are a problem and your mental health is no excuse. Change. -A dude with depression who used to be a terrible person and changed for the better

[@LordGertz]

Everyone saying OP should help his wife, once he has repeatedly suggested solutions has been rebuffed he has done his part. I know a lot of people like the saying never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, while correct in sentiment it misses the mark. Depression is like drowning and others action of people, even well meaning, can cause that drowning person to thrash more. You can offer a lifeline or a lifesaver to the person, but do to their own thrashing if you try to swim out to save them personally they may drag you under as well. They need to put forth effort to save themselves, grabbing the life line or put on the lifesaver, if not you can't save them.

[@dan_mer]

Jesus Christ, the OP's wife in story 1 was having an affair, not having mental issues.

[@ineedhoez]

Word?

[@MrNemitri]

Story one, she doesn't have depression, she is a narcissist.

[@beatapogorzelska1241]

I've thought about it myself but a few puzzle pieces don't fit in here.Narcs may be afraid of being left and then use bread crumbing (she doesn't) or move on quickly to a new shiny toy.She wasn't interested in either.She wasn't even jealous which is atypical for narcs

[@DrownedInExile]

Story1: Glad OP is getting out of this dead marriage, life's too short for this. Just one thing: the STBXW should be the one banished to sleeping on the couch. Not OP.

[@bricksloth6920]

I love reddit revenge. Pro revenge, nuclear revenge even. It hits all my passive aggressive buttons, very satisfying lol

[@diarradunlap9337]

Agreed. Some revenges, however, are beyond Nuclear. The best ones, in my opinion, skip petty, pro, nuclear, and even supernova, going straight to Extinction Level.

[@josephtucker7181]

She isn't depressed she just using op as a safe guy to fall back on while she is going out with the girls and trying to get other guys.

[@shadowyplays8290]

He’s having an affair with the sister

[@josephtucker7181]

@@shadowyplays8290 Most likely I could see that also happening.

[@jades_cabinet]

It is possible she cheating imo

[@seffie]

As someone who has mental issues and severe depression/anxiety, when I realized I was affecting others with my pulling away and finding I didn’t enjoy the very things I’ve built my life around, guess what I did, I asked a friend to go to the hospital with me to help support me and give me the courage to actually go and get the ball rolling on getting help. Years later, I still struggle but I have a support system now. The person struggling NEEDS to take that first step if anyone else is gonna be able to help/support them in getting better. (Though I still had enough mindset to wish happy birthdays).

[@jackspring7709]

She's addicted to her phone and tik tok? Well - sounds to me that sh's already checked out but is enjoying the security that OP gives her. "Depression"?. Sure, reddit. Sure.

[@sylviajones6745]

Depressed people don't go out with their friends. I am severely depressed, tried many different kinds of medication. I've been depressed since I was 12, I'll be 70 this month. I go to the dr, having to force myself. I don't leave the house at any other time. I cry. A lot. I seriously doubt she's depressed.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - OP did an excellent job. So happy his Mum got her just due and was able to have everyone benefit from it. Am curious what dear old Dad's reaction was to the decrease in funds, though. Maybe we will get an update from OP on that. But hope OP and Mum - and rest of family - get to enjoy her long and proper retirement far away from that monster!

[@Swnsasy]

Ahhhh, the hole bait and switch.. Nope, sorry dude, I feel so bad for you and there is no possible way I could be with someone that got married and now doesn't even want to do the things that attracted me to them.. No intimacy, just go out and do with friends but not within your marriage? Life is WAY too short! The only thing I can say is if you've sat down and talked to her and let her know how this is affecting you and your mental health yet she blew you off and doesn't care, you have to move on... How is she in depression though if she can go out with friends, talk to friends etc but just not him? Not saying it isn't depression but it seems everyone has always jumped to that immediately anymore... His mental health matters as well... Story 2: I absolutely LOVE, LOVE that Revenge... Haha!! Scorched Earth glory!!

[@lewid019]

Story 1: are we sure she's not cheating?

[@natnuss98]

Omg! Right! That would be a possibility

[@BraveryWing26]

"Other people arent living your life" I always say this this is so true.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Before I finish hearing story 1. I am surprised (since it is usually a Reddit go to), that no one is suggesting she might be having and affairs. That's what it seem like to me. But, maybe I am wrong. So, as Mark says, "I will listen on."

[@k3upikachu]

Story 1: This is going to sound bad but I don't care bc this is anonymous lol. My current partner was in the same situation when he met me, and I was the one who made him realize he hadn't laughed in a very long time. he became one of my best friends, but we were coworkers in different states so obviously didn't hang out IRL. But, after a lot of therapy and thinking, he realized his marriage was dead and had been for a long time; meeting me just helped him realize it. He went from just trying to get through each day to waking up excited to get online so he could talk to me. His marriage wasn't toxic or anything, and his wife wasn't a bad person, and he wanted to end things with her amicably, so he didn't tell anybody what made him realize he wanted to get divorced. Because of this, nobody understood his decision and gave him a lot of shit about it. He took time to be alone after she moved out, but eventually he and I started dating and we're a year strong and so happy. They got married young, so I don't think she'd ever been alone either and it sounds like she's starting to find herself as well. Sometimes we don't realize we are unhappy until happiness comes along and we realize it's been missing.

[@warrirornunluv801]

I don't know if it was depression or not, but either way, she needed some kind of help. And OP made a right decision to nope right out of this so-called marriage before he burns out.

[@joycevally7878]

I loved story 2. It had me laughing. I love OP's story telling.

[@vlastelinprislic286]

Funny how this works: if the man is being a bad partner and family member, the woman should leave him, but if the woman is failing at being a wife and sister, it's somehow on him to fix her problems.

[@lennaedaley8676]

Story one - it's just so funny to me how every time we hear a story like this women get the benefit of doubt that they are depressed or experiencing some type of mental Health issues / crisis; but oftentimes we hear of men in these stories exhibiting the same behavior in the comments will just completely trash him call him lazy and competent and state that he needs to go home to his mother without the benefit of doubt that there's an underlying reason for the behavior; and without the task of OP given one last chance to confront the situation and help them or make sure they will have an emotional soft landing after the relationship ends. Does anyone else notice that in stories with this scenario?

[@justine8387]

Depression is a reason not an excuse.

[@sandracox4341]

Yes

[@sandracox4341]

​@@justine8387, this comment was pointing out the double standards on reddit. If the story was reversed reddit would say, "he's a horrible man child! Run!

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

Story 1 - it’s one of my favorite reddit phrases. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep another person warm

[@karibear5]

Story One reminds me of Mr. Peanutbutter in Bojack Horseman. Marries a fantastic woman and they just slowly sink and become depressed and they just hop onto the next one.

[@porter0311]

That last story was a good one!

[@YoYo-gt5iq]

This might be the best video you've ever made. Both stories were absolutely fantastic

[@PeaceLoveHarmony82]

Story 1: I don't think she's too depressed, just comfortable now she's married and doesn't feel the need to put effort in her marriage. She puts effort in her friendships by going out with her friends but refuses to go out with her husband. People sometimes get lazy and that's what I think is going on here.

[@harryh4h720]

Story 1 I feel like if he doesn't want to lose friends over maybe complain but still seem invested and trying but then give it a few months so you can basically say you tried and you friends know that you have

[@killdashade314]

Story 1: It doesn't sound like depression, it sounds like an affair. Op said it best "it sounds like she's living her own life without me". She's always on her phone, picking fights over small things, always hanging out with friends, even on her husbands birthday, and generally not giving a sh*t about her spouse. I don't think the rejection of counseling was about her seeing it as criticism, I think she just deluded herself into thinking Op was the problem to justify her actions and counseling would expose the truth & take away any justification for her actions.

[@laragirl84]

I love that glitter bomb/fart bomb video. I think it’s by Mark Rober? I have a friend who sent her boss a confetti bomb…the confetti pieces were shaped like dicks. 😂 legendary ✨

[@RomeGod177]

S1: sounds like she is cheating to me. Had an ex who did the exact same thing. Only to turn out ahe was sleeping/in a new relationship an I was the last one to find out. My ex last words to me was this. " I just needed to make sure the other guy was in" that's why she stay with me. Safety plan

[@mindyschocolate]

I love the way OP in S2 writes. 😂😂😂😂😂

[@nightcorelucario2218]

21:01 Mark Rober! Another brilliant Mark on this platform

[@paden1865able]

Yesterday, I made cookies for my son Today, I pissed off the neighbor who always parks his equipment trailer in our backyard this time of the year and leaves it until late Spring. I saw him loading some stuff on it and leave, so I decided to trim a bunch of overgrown tree branches. (Might have been a bad idea because it was hard to see what I was cutting.) When he returned, he acted as if he was going to park it back there but couldn't because I had made a huge pile with the results of my work, and I was still going.😁

[@tinygabriel9760]

Like the others here have said the bias in these comments is sickening... Why is it that a woman deserves better and should leave if in a shitty relationship going no where.. but a man should stay and give all of himself Till there's nothing left .... Its ridiculous...OP good on you for knowing your limits and walking away.

[@Kirby-zp6cg]

Perfect, I just woke up and got this notification

[@GBunnyG]

I've seen that exact glitter bomb video. It fills me with glee remembering.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Your wife is just not into you. She has no problem with you two being young and not having had sex for 6 months. She makes no effort to spend time with you, she's always on her phone and otherwise disengaged. You need to distance yourself from Elle though. This is just an affair waiting to happen.

[@groofromtheup5719]

its already going on

[@deidresable]

I suspect she's already cheating on him

[@philwill0123]

No, she's avoiding OP but not she's not attracted to him. It's housemates sharing a bed. Doesn't automatically mean affair. But she has checked out of the relationship.

[@deidresable]

@@philwill0123 Are you 100 % sure she's not in EA or PA

[@philwill0123]

@@deidresable people can just exist in a relationship without an affair taking place. But it will start with dwindling sex down. That can happen with depression or a couple who have worked themselves out of a mood.but usually that stems from partner not finding the other sexually desirable. Otherwise she would be worried about him not finding her attractive and looking elsewhere, and making an effort, romantically, sexually even with counselling.. She has checked out. Doesn't mean an affair. But means she wants a distraction to avoid dealing with OP and the truth that relationship ended.Can be work. Can be seeing friends or family after work every evening. If she doesn't even want his company afterwards, it's time to end it, as resentment has set in. That's when she will have a affairs. When resents hit, that's when people justify cheating and affairs.

[@anastasiabonnet1629]

Story 1 : I recognize myself before therapy and treatment so much that it's scary, I went on playing games on my phone to flee the reality (burnout at my job, not able to find a new one after 6 months active searching while others around me had no problems, not being able to educate properly the shelter dog we took in after we discovered she's unable to hold in pee when she needs to go and pee's herself in fright at the word "No", probably been abused before, I became withdrawn and had trouble keeping the house and myself clean, late on laundry and dishes etc etc) and fell really low, would burst into tears at the mention of the house's state. My fiancé took me to a doctor, he diagnosed me with deep depression and PTSD, I was pushed to an amazing therapist with great sense of humour who speaks both my first and second language so it's easier to speak up things on my mind, got prescribed not addictive medicine and I feel much better, I got up, I'm more cheerful, quicker, I do things without thinking I'm worthless and a plain slob, shower everyday or two days, wash my hair twice a week and brush my hair everyday, talk more openly with my fiancé and parents, much of a changed person, I quit my past job and been searching still but also receiving more positive feedback from potential employers. I've made a homemade wooden doghouse outside with insulation and a heated pad and put it and the dog outside on a leash long enough for her to run around, she's much happier because no more frustrated yelling and she gets inside the house for fun and cuddle time with some extra treats, much better behaved and asks to go outside now. I'm so relieved, so thankful with my fiancé for helping me out and not waiting until it got too late.

[@columkenn]

Laziness and very bad habits in Story 1. Addicted to TV and social media.

[@squidward6187]

Sounds like an energy vampire. I've had severe depression. I certainly wasn't going out with friends. I desperately wanted someone to talk to who cared but had no idea how to reach out. I didn't feel worthy of anyone. This guy would have been mana from heaven to me. As someone else said, redditors have to stop with the double standards.

[@AmandaGeyerSnobahr]

The glitterbombed vehicle was a Mazda "mee-YAH-Tuh" - for reference's sake :)

[@ahmadyusof2480]

I completely agreed on preditor's comment. People can help to a certain extend. The rest is our own effort to help ourselves. You dont always expect other people to put a spoon in your mouth until you are old. AND THAT TOXIC BEHAVIOUR CERTAINLY DESTROY OTHER PEOPLE'S THAT ARE CLOSE TO HER THEIR LIVES.

[@linda5789]

Story 1. No one should be made to live a depressing, miserable life. OP did the right thing for his own life's happiness.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: Seriously OP unleashed all the Hell on him and it is glorious!

[@Dragonemperess]

Can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves.

[@helenlewis2510]

Sometimes it’s not depression, sometimes people are just assholes

[@bangeryun94]

Story 1: wife is angry because she's got somebody else. Husband needs to leave.

[@ahmadyusof2480]

For those people asking him to go on with the marriage inspite of the constant torture, I hope they would face this in order to understand his conditions. Instead of saying she is in a depression, she also showed MANY RED FLAGS OF A CHEATING WIFE. MENTIONED THAT SHE WAS ALWAYS ON HER PHONE, NO SEX FOR SIX MONTHS, GOES OUT WITH HER FRIENDS, ( IT MIGHT BE MEETING MEN AND EFFED AROUND. )

[@hellbent1234]

just playing 1ST story so my SO can hear (you know subtle hints) she put on head phones(to listen to her stuff) , tomorrow I have to drive her to her parents (nope she's not a kid, we're both in our early 50's) but everything comes first except me. together over 10 yrs. BUT think its time to bring it to an end.

[@kitsune4058]

Story 1 As a person who suffers from chronic depression who is close with many people of varying degrees and diagnosis of depression - I sincerely doubt that woman was depressed, depression presents in many different ways but thee way she seemed to actively target OP's presence and existence tells me it isn't Depression. When you're depressed if your expression is through anger or annoyance you don't just single out one specific person then act nice to everyone else, this is why so many depressed people tell stories where they lose large groups of friends over their behavior. She was singling out OP and had most likely just lost interest in him but still wanted the financial support, and the fact that she freaked out when he said that he wanted a divorce after she had repeatedly refused help really shows that.

[@phoenixfire8978]

Yay! Get to listen to Mark while I decorate Meeples!

[@MarkNarrations]

Might make myself look a burke here but Meeples as in from Carcassonne the game? Likely in other games but that's where I've heard of meeples :)

[@phoenixfire8978]

@@MarkNarrations Correct! Carcassonne is the game that the term “Meeple” derives from. But it can be used to refer to player pieces used in any Euro-style Board Game. Sometimes hobbyists will buy deluxe piece sets that look nicer. But a budget option is to get vinyl decal stickers for the original pieces. But it takes awhile to apply hundreds of stickers and to make sure everything lines up!

[@MarkNarrations]

@@phoenixfire8978 ooo interesting, every day is a learning day! Thanks

[@a.l.finkbeiner8253]

LOL I've always called the Miata a "Barbie Doll Car"... what a vehicle for a man to get for his midlife-crisis-mobile!

[@draconisdragonheart4248]

Story 1: Social media has been known to cause depression. Time to move on. If you want to help her tell her to get rid of social media.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@indianspartan76]

I'd love to be kept in a cottage and taken care of! 🥺

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@indianspartan76 💜💜🤗🤗

[@indianspartan76]

@@broken_queer_but_fighting8589 take care of yourself! 😊😇

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@indianspartan76 thanks and you too m8💜💜🤗🤗

[@Bkgksan625]

As some with diagnosed depression. While lot of the description sounds like depression and also not all depression are same, people who are depressed would rarely want to hang out with friends. She is checked out of her relationship with husband and friends are her escape. She may or may not have realized it! He did the right thing!

[@ErisstheGoddessofmanhwas]

Doesn't matter what OP will do , divorce her or not it's his decision BUT DO NOT , repeat myself, DO NOT APPROACH HER SISTER . Because if ge do that then the real disaster will start .

[@rivertam7827]

Lol the Glitter bombing paramedic is a fking poet, they certainly have a way with words along with petty revenge 😆 Revenge is a dish best served Glittery

[@lharchmage6908]

Story 1: Always on the phone goes out with " friends," without husband. Hmmm cheating? It is a real possibility.

[@lisear2926]

The.. The Good Book❓ I don't remember the good book saying anything about screwing on to others as they screw on to🤔 ahaa, maybe into❓😄 And Oh my gosh🤭 - That part about the size of the turd OP was going to put in his dad's bowl of ice cream😄 cracked me up right along with you Mark🤣😂🤣

[@mattl6300]

Story 1, she's cheating for sure.

[@tyron2854]

He and L are cheating too

[@Spooky.Pookie]

Much love!

[@thekameru6058]

... Story 1. I fully agree that this guy should probably go for a divorce, leave, find someone that both he and the next woman can be happy with, because this mess just isnt working. I just hope to god hes telling the truth about not considering boning the sister.

[@TsukiKageTora]

The fact that this guy tried for a full year and got nothing in return and reddit turning on him saying he should be there for her because of her mental health as if he didn’t do anything the last year. Marriage is a two way street and she doesn’t give anything back at all. He deserves to be with someone who actually likes him enough to go to therapy to see what the issues are but she doesn’t. What is he supposed to do?? Pull her by the hair kicking and screaming to a therapy session that she refused time and time again? There is only so much a person could do in their failing marriage. It’s not up to him alone to fix both of their issues, they should have done it together with their partner.

[@SailorMya]

Story 1: You can't help someone who doesn't want it...

[@ellorasg4525]

Story 1: Is it possible she has someone else she is interested in? Sorry but I can't help but be suspicious.

[@richardlee653]

Could be. She does seem okay going out with her friends, whereas she doesn't like going out with OP. She managed to get herself out with her friends on his birthday!

[@groofromtheup5719]

She didn't just stop having sex for 6 months. Far more likely she just stopped having sex with OP for 6 months.

[@noydb-1]

Yes. "Going out with friends" is code for meeting with the boyfriend. She's cranky and distant with the husband because she would rather be with her BF. She is pissed about the divorce, because the BF doesn't want to pay her bills and keep a roof over her head like the husband is doing.

[@ellorasg4525]

@@noydb-1 for cheating spouses yes it is sadly

[@philwill0123]

@@noydb-1 not necessarily, out with friends can be code for avoiding being at home with awkward silences. They are coasting.

[@rachelm1085]

In story 2, he was talking about Mark Rober, a former NASA space engineer. Those videos are hilarious to watch. Glad OP got one and sent it to her dad. Way to get revenge. Awesome but it does say in the good book we should forgive those who have wronged us......so.......???

[@moosehead4497]

Deal breaker for me is when they are so addicted to tiktok they glue their face to the screen even when they have a conversation with you. Repulsive

[@Thebigbubba]

The full story is...a lot, it's truly enraging to know that this woman wanted to do nothing with her husband but expected for him to remain loyal when all she's done is treat him with cruelty and rage, I hope she reflects on herself and realizes that she didn't deserve him, that she didn't deserve the love he gave her because she wasn't reciprocating the love back.

[@sandyo1063]

To OP....Do not go and be with the sister! That would be so wrong

[@FlamesofJagger]

Hey hey Mark, Poppy, and all the Waffle🧇 Gang. Hope everyone is well. Have a great day and stay positive as always. Get those waffles 🧇gang. Much love 🤗💘💕💗💖❤️💜💙💛💘🤗 Waaafffllleee 🧇🧇🧇Gaaannnnggggg forever!!! 💯💯💯

[@wahwahqueenmew8953]

Have a great day as welllll!!

[@starlingswallow]

Story 1: dude, she sounds like my ex who is a narcissist. Yes, Narcs can get depressed, probably always are depressed because they suck, they know they suck, and due to NEVER taking personal accountability for their own choices, and blame everyone and everything else for their issues, they'll never get better. Life is short, get a divorce and stay single for a bit to rebuild. Then when you meet someone new, date for a while to make sure they aren't love bombing you or wearing a mask to get you in a marriage again. I'm so sorry. You deserve better!❤❤❤