Is it BETTER to be a KID in Germany vs. the USA? 😱 Parenting Here Has Surprised Us! 🇩🇪

[@karinland8533]

Very interesting list of how Germany is child friendly. We Germans don’t even see anymore and take for granted. 🤯

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yeah Germany has a lot of benefits for families that the USA doesn’t offer!

[@nachnamevorname_the_original]

@karin Land Wie immer, unser deutsches Leben wird so oft für selbstverständlich und als normal angesehen. Dabei ist das Leben in Deutschland einfach wahnsinnig privilegiert und luxuriös. Montags gegen Maske demonstrieren und dann abends auf der Couch liegen und TV schauen, mit einem vollen Kühlschrank in der Küche und warmen Wasser in der Dusche. Das ist nicht normal, das ist Luxus. Im Krankheitsfall medizinisch versorgt zu werden, Luxus. Arbeitslos werden und dafür geld bekommen, Luxus. Daher gehen mir die ganzen schreihälse und Menschen, die immer über dieses Land abhaten, einfach nur auf den Sack. Mehr Demut und Wertschätzung für das, was wir in diesem Land überhaupt alles haben und als normal betrachten. Und dann gibt es echt welche die ein Tempolimit auf der Autobahn als Einschränkung der persönlichen Freiheit sehen. Wir leben wie die Made im Speck.

[@karinland8533]

@@nachnamevorname_the_original ja, da hast du recht. Ich war erstaunt zB über „Es gibt Familentickets.“ und „Der Arzt spricht direkt mit dem Kind.“ das hätte ich in so einer Liste nicht erwartet.

[@samu6874]

And thats a good thing.

[@YukiTheOkami]

I dont think its a problem thst we only tent to see the negative aspects and there are some. Only if we dont stop pointing out whats wrong and actualy try to improve the syrhem even more there can be and even better future. If we just sit down and apreciate the good we might as well change our name to usa 2.0

[@westfale520]

what just happened in Texas shows that one of the most important things is that children can go to school without fear. in schools without closed doors, without metal detectors and without armed security guards. this is probably one of the most child-friendly. then comes the parents without fear of being able to go to cinemas or supermarkets without fear with their children.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

We so agree!

[@dave8599]

Tell that to the victims of the german death camps. If only every "undesirables " had been armed to the teeth when the german police came to round them up for a train ride of death. Germans welcomed many with promises of a nice hot shower, only to find Zyklon B pouring into the shower.

[@westfale520]

@@dave8599 now no idea what crimes that happened 80 years ago in Europe (Germany) has to do with the weapon weakness of today's USA. but while we're at it, how many Indians have been slaughtered under the US? how many slaves did the US have and how many of them were killed? vietnam with 2 million dead Vietnamese were also not exactly a glorious leaf and hiroshima and nagasaki ? or the preventive war of junior bush in Iraq, where the USA had lied to the entire UN, etc., etc., so first sweep away the dirt in front of your own house door.

[@elisabethkonopacki1575]

As a German raising our family in the US I have to agree with you, too. Everything is sooo expensive here. There is no walkability past our block. We are lucky our kids are able to walk to a close by park on their own without having to cross a major road. (Thanks to Utah embracing "free ranged" kids) We still feel liberated each time we visit family in Germany.

[@rebs20890]

As an American living in Germany and raising my little one here I 💯 agree with all of your points. Definitely doesn’t make me want to move back to the US anytime soon. I much prefer our quality of life as a family here in Germany and excited for my daughter to experience a place that treats children with much more care and respect.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

It's very validating to hear that another American mom agrees with us! Once you've lived in both countries, your eyes are really opened to how Germany has progressed beyond the USA. It's so interesting how the USA was such a beacon of light to the rest of the world in democracy for so long. And then things really started shifting after WWII.

[@Gert-DK]

If you wanna know why Germany and other countries in Europe have developed to the countries they are now, you should watch this video (36 min): "How Denmark invented Social Democracy". It is NOT a commercial for Denmark. The video is made by a German guy, and he explains how it all started. The video is based on political science, and it's brilliant. Even though Kevin have lived in Sweden, I will bet a Dunkel, he doesn't know why Sweden is as it is. But he can find out by watching the video. Even Germans will learn why their country developed to the great country it is now. Very educational.

[@hansjanko7966]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife Sorry, but the USA was never ever a beacon of democracy and freedom in the world. Race segregation till the sixties! McCarthy era, wage slavery at the coal mines till the 50ies! andandand. That is just for the record. Sorry for the interruption but....

[@maracuja1009]

I'm from Austria and it's also considered really important to learn about "stranger danger". We all were told "Never get into a stranger's car" and "Never take sweets from a stranger". But nobody ever told me not to talk to strangers, e.g. adults often asked me for directions - if you are out alone as a child, you probably live in the area and know your way around... For teenagers, another "stranger danger"-rule is added. "Never take a drink from a stranger". Crime rates in Austria are the same as in Germany (or even slightly lower), but people still follow some rules to be really safe.

[@marlenehibiskus]

I will never forget the day when spanking got illegal in Austria. It was an incredible and uplifting feeling that your government shares and even supports your opinion as a child that it is not ok to hurt a kid.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes! And while there will still be families who spank their children even after it became illegal, the cultural tone that law sets is strong and very important in changing the mindset and culture long-term.

[@StAngerNo1]

I am from germany and my father did occasionally (rarely) spank me when I did something really stupid like beating other children or my sister, but never much only 2 or 3 hits on the bum and I think this is ok. I personally am no parent yet, but I am a teacher and I would never hit a student, even if I was allowed to and I think I could not hit my child, if I had one.

[@Cairistiona44]

I myself have no children, but a girlfriend of mine has three. She got divorced when the kids were 5 to 10. When her two boys were teens they became very difficult. One was often very aggressive and the other used to drive trunken moped which sometimes ended at a police station. My girlfriend never punished them but always talked and discussed with them - often for hours. Today both “bad boys” are themselves in their thirties, one is studied IT-expert and the other made carreer in a hotel. And both have a good relationsship with her mother! I was always impressed how she handled the problems with the kids. When her younger son failed at the gymnasium she was not disappointed but recognized that he is more a “practical” kind of person. And as a shift leader in a hotel he is very admired and respected by guests and collegues.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

What a great success story. I’m so glad it Worked out well for your girlfriend and her kids.

[@lhuras.]

Once again I'm so freaking happy to be born and grown up in Germany.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

It’s a great country!

[@TheHC97]

But in what way does this contribute to the discussion on the situation of children in the U.S.? At some point we will have to accept that countries handle things differently, and that opinions about it will differ as well. If the German way was universally accepted, every society would choose to implement it. That is obviously not happening.

[@jennyh4025]

@@TheHC97 looking at other places for raising children might slowly change things in the USA. I’m pretty sure, you couldn’t just copy the way Germany does it, but maybe implement some the things adapted to the culture in the USA. I know, that some prisons in the USA changed, after the responsible people visited prisons in Germany and somewhere in Scandinavia (I forgot the country). They didn’t change everything at once, just implemented some things and things were getting better for everyone involved.

[@TheHC97]

@@jennyh4025 I do agree. But I also believe that this should always go both ways, because not everything is either entirely good or entirely bad in one country or the other.

[@Sedrftg83748]

About three years ago I experienced the following in a German drugstore, which I, as a mother, also very much welcome. I stood in line at the cash register. In front of me was a child holding a larger toy. When it was the child's turn, the clerk said she couldn't sell him the toy. The boy naturally wanted to know why he couldn't buy it. The saleswoman explained to him in a friendly tone that children up to the age of twelve can only buy goods that do not exceed the value of twenty euros. They are therefore only allowed to buy small things that they can safely pay for with their pocket money. The saleswoman went on to say that if he wanted the toy he had chosen, she could put it away for him to buy with his mother or father.

[@DieAlteistwiederda]

Beschränkte Geschäftsfähigkeit nennt sich das. Ist definitiv eine gute Idee für die Läden sowas im Blick zu halten denn die Eltern können bei Kindern ohne Wenn und Aber die Ware einfach zurück geben wenn sie nicht dem Kauf zugestimmt haben. Bei 14 bis 17 jährigen gibt es da auch noch ein paar Regeln die dürfen aber schon etwas mehr kaufen.

[@eLISAbeth0395]

"Where we lived, our neighborhood was pretty safe. [...] There were some shootings in the town we lived in" This is a sentence that does not make any sence to me as a german. Having shootings in the town is something I would concider very unsafe. So bizzar to hear this both sentences describing the same place.

I thought the same thing 😂 WHAT you call that safe

[@jessicamoses3149]

That's the US for you! I live in a safe neighborhood, but we have pretty frequent shootings in several areas of town 20 minutes away.

[@irenehopfner4915]

Last year I was in Bregenz at the opera festival. Sitting in a nice cafe next to the waterfront we could hear our American neighbors talking. They were talking housing prices in the San Francisco area. One of them talked about the housing prices in a specific area being pretty decent. No more than 1,5 to two million. And pretty safe. Just the occasional drive by shooting. 😮 the other one agreed that this was decent. We were just laughing so hard because they were serious- in no way this would ever be acceptable here!

[@charlotteschriener8739]

Fun fact about your last topic of spanking children. The initiative comes from the famous childrens author Astrid Lindgren. When receiving the Peace Prize of the German Book Trade, on 22 October 1978, Astrid Lindgren made a speech about non-violent upbringing. In 1979, due to Astrid Lindgren's speech, a law was introduced in Sweden prohibiting violence against children. I had her speech as a poster for years over my desk. There is a great article on wikipedia "Never Violence!"

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Oh cool! Thanks for sharing this with us. Maybe Kevin knows about this, I’ll show it to him.

[@TukikoTroy]

And has this had the desired effect? The last time I checked nothing much had changed, in fact I think there is more youth-related crime and violence than before the ban was introduced.

[@moelleunbelievable]

@@TukikoTroy you think? maybe check the facts again. Its for sure not due to lacks of spankings lol

[@TukikoTroy]

@@moelleunbelievable Okay, just checked again and The figures for youth related crime are still pretty much the same as pre-ban. resourcecentre.savethechildren.net/pdf/4616.pdf/ That said, reducing youth crime was never one of the stated aims of the ban. Which is odd, because it is often quoted as being so by many anti-spanking groups who use Sweden as an example of the benefits of such a ban.

[@hardyvonwinterstein5445]

I was born in 1952 and raised with the pedagogic slaps and kicks of the time (delivered by parents, neighbours, teachers, police). Same as all the kids around me. No big deal really. There might have been some real abuse, but that is still going on now, as we all know. But when I look at the result of the new, extremely non-violent raising of the kids since, I wonder if the little narcists, the princes and princesses, will do any better in society, by looking at it through their handscreens.

[@sorenmeyer7347]

When i was young my father didn't take parental leave (i don't know if it was available in the late 1990s) but we went on a father-son cure vacation to Amrum (island in the north sea) when i was 4. They are paid by your german health insurance and available for mothers too of course. I still remember this today and it was an awesome experience. Beeing on vacation for 3 weeks with only your dad (and other parents with their children) formed a really big bond between us. I can highly recommend.

[@Laurin-nm8yx]

It was an option, that father's could have taken parental leave. My father took it in 1998. But it was a rare occasion.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Awe I love this! It sounds like you have an awesome dad.

[@manub.3847]

Our children are your age, yes, after maternity leave the father could have taken parental leave (instead of the mother), but in many professions overtime was still paid at the time, and the father often simply had more income as a result. Even if the income was otherwise almost the same. The child-raising allowance at that time was a maximum of 600 DM/approx. 306 euros The new regulation requires fathers to share parental leave with the mother, since a) the amounts are higher and b) if both take parental leave a few months longer is paid. When our children were small, only 2 men from our circle of parents and acquaintances at the time (baby care course; toddler group; family members) took parental leave. "Young" fathers take parental leave without worrying, even if they hold managerial positions. And thanks to "home office", some fathers tend to stay at home when their wives and children are sick. ** the fact that your father went to the rehab with you could also simply have been because you had health insurance with him and your mother had another insurance, which would have made the application processing and billing more complicated.

[@antoniaweber8074]

@@Laurin-nm8yx yeah my father took it in 1995.

[@DieAlteistwiederda]

My dad went to one of those with my older brother. My brother had meningitis when he was 3 years old and that left him having to relearn pretty much anything. They offered to either let our mom or our dad go with my older brother. This was in 1990 so this really has been a thing for ages now.

[@PalmyraSchwarz]

The main reason why the birth rate in Germany has been too low for years is the poor compatibility of work and family. Politicians are trying to counteract this and have gradually created the parent-friendly laws we know today.

[@neeag4112]

To incence the lively debate even more: I really do not understand how U.S. American politicians argue that it is the states' right to make a woman carry an unwanted pregnancy, and at the same time argue that the state has no responsibility in supporting families. Either you are in or you are out - rights and responsibilities go hand in hand, even for states and federal governments. The hypocracy makes me afraid for your democracy.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Couldn’t agree more with all that you have said. They are pro birth, not pro life. 😔

[@scottevil4531]

It is hypocracy. But you have to see it as two different things. The first is the conservative culture war issue, they adapted after couldnt do their racism openly anymore after the civil rights movement. So its the issue, that gets them the votes and therefore the power. On the other hand, any social issue including surporting families and kids would cost money. And since they are legally bribed by companies (because the Surpreme Court considers money as free speach) to keep the taxes as low as possible and keep down any workers rights. So one is used to gain the power, the other is used to get rich while in power.

[@arnodobler1096]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife Yes and against Woman. The US needs human supplies for the military and cheap labor - so sad. These people make me angry. There is already a bounty on people's heads in Texas for helping an abortionist!!!! 😨The USA is so backwards in parts and the Democrats do nothing about it because they might lose voters and sponsors. For example, the states could not be admitted to the EU because they do not meet the requirements.

[@neeag4112]

@@scottevil4531 the explanation of the origin makes sense. But how they get away with outcome of these contradictory arguments is puzzling. Why would people vote against their own self-interest?... But then again, we have some of the same problems, just not as obvious

[@grandmak.]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife there is quite an amount of hypocrisy involved, yes.

[@loniivanovskis1239]

When the Child Tax Credit was expanded and paid out it reduced child poverty in the US by 30%...for a while. The child poverty rate in the U.S. is nearly double that of Germany. And you are so right, the people who need it most get it the least.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Wow, we didn't even include that in the video - child poverty rate is nearly double that of Germany.

[@bugbean5500]

I honestly started crying at the end when you were talking about spanking kids. Because it's a tragedy that this still happens and is widely accepted by society in so many countries but also because of how empathic and well educated you two are in terms of brain development, child behavior etc. The respectful and loving way you treat your kids is one of the main reasons why I watch your channel. It's a corrective experience for me to see but also very difficult emotionally because I realize how things should have been instead of the horrific abuse I had to survive at home and in various other places when I was a kid. I'm sure Germany is more aware of children's needs than the US but there's still so much to do here in terms of the family system being valued and protected more than the well-being of the child. As long as children don't get hurt overtly no one cares. The parents almost always get the benefit of the doubt which I don't understand when there's clear evidence for trauma in the child's behavior, thinking and feeling.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

I am so very sorry you experienced trauma as a child. It’s not right nor is it fair. ❤️ Yeah talking abou spanking makes my stomach hurt also - knowing so many children still live with that fear, despite the resounding evidence that it’s harmful.

[@doloresmey]

Danke für das wirklich sehr interessante Video! Als Deutscher nimmt man so vieles als selbstverständlich … und es tut gut, zu hören, dass es das nicht ist. Ich bin dankbar, hier zu leben. Unabhängig davon, dass ich einige der Vorteile, die junge Eltern heute haben, noch nicht hatte, als meine Tochter geboren wurde. Und natürlich bin ich sehr gespannt auf euer nächstes Video.

[@butenbremer1965]

I was yelled a "communist" by an Idahoan simply for appreciating the GER family care system.... Once you've received the silver plate for 100k subs, please make sure to repost this video (amongst many others). I sure hope you're having lots of viewers in the US......

[@MrJm323]

Aawwww, that's awful! ....And shocking too that he would so readily identify what, ultimately, you guys are advocating. Maybe he values his "life, liberty, pursuit of happiness, and property" and doesn't want to be FORCED to pay for YOUR "family care"!!! ....Go figure! Don't you worry. Someday, they will make such outbursts a crime -- you know, "misinformation" (as deemed by a government commission dedicated to proper thought). So, what do you want to call it: a system where THE STATE (even if by majority vote -- most mob lynchings are done by popular demand as well, you know; three cheers for "democracy"!) LEVELS a GUN at your neighbor's head -- you know that guy in that other ZIP code whom you've deemed "privileged" (by race, even 04:45 ) and identified as someone who has "too much" or "more than enough" -- and takes from him a sizeable portion of his earnings or estate, and gives it out to others in the community on the basis of "need" (or even on the basis of historical grievance by people of the recipient's ethnic/racial stock)? Who was it who put forward the slogan (as moral justification for a particular state-backed economic system called, what, again?), "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need!" ....(AND, that this was to be accomplished by state coercion!) Was that Jesus? Maybe it was Plato? ....Some guy named "Karl"? ....Groucho Marx's older and more hirsute brother? (Okay, I don't know about that last part.) Yeah, that Karl guy had NOTHING to do with "communism"!!! (Would you prefer to call it by its other name, "socialism"?) Is the fact that it is developed over decades via democratic vote (in the Federal Republic of Germany or the United States) something which makes it FUNDAMENTALLY different as an end result? ("Social Democracy", I think it's called.) It seems the Idahoan understood the FUNDAMENTAL POINT of the system that you are "appreciating" ("admiring"). He's thinking, "how can I draw a line and declare, 'No, this is MINE! I developed my own talents and worked hard and I'm keeping THIS!!'." Tell him how you would draw this line and declare, "That's enough! We'll just take THAT much!" ....Because we haven't met a democratic socialist (or any kind of socialist) who has managed to elaborate a LIMIT to this "rob Paul to pay Peter" stuff. ...After all, the RECIPIENTS of this entitled largess can vote also! People can vote THEMSELVES money out of the public treasury!!

[@supernova19805]

I have read several articles now, why the birthrates in the U.S. have gone down in the past several years, and more young people don't necessarily see it as an enhancement to their lives anymore. The number one reason given, was the cost of raising a child because of all the reasons you touched upon in this video. I've seen young mothers cry because they've had to leave their babies and go back to work, because their family needed the money. I've seen mothers cry because they've not properly recuperated from child birth, because 2 weeks off work without pay, was all their family could afford. My heart bled for those mothers and to me, this is criminal. It's a huge failure of the society here, and makes me absolutely horribly angry. When you make it this hard especially on mothers and dads too, to raise a child or children , society has horribly failed. In most cases, 2 incomes are needed now for a family to make it through all their basic financial obligations and when you add the burden of expensive childcare to it, it comes to a breaking point. On the subject of corporal punishment, I'm stunned that it is still allowed in some States in schools. How utterly archaic and counter productive to a child's development. When my daughter was a toddler, I started a playgroup because there were no kids her age in our neighborhood. There was a group of about 7 or 8 mothers and their kids, and on the very first meeting at my house, one of the mothers spanked her kid in front of all of us because the toddler didn't listen to her. We were all shocked and it got very quiet and awkward. What can a 2 year old possibly do, that you as a grown adult lose your s..t, and hit your small 2 year old child? Let's just say, that mother never returned to our play group. I've experienced corporal punishment during my childhood on occasion quite severe, and it was absolutely devastating to me and had lasting effects. I swore to myself then that if I ever had any kids, they would never have to experience that, and she didn't. Children should never have to fear their parents or any person of authority over them.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Love your comments, Isa, and agree with everything that you write - especially this part - "My heart bled for those mothers and to me, this is criminal. It's a huge failure of the society here, and makes me absolutely horribly angry. When you make it this hard especially on mothers and dads too, to raise a child or children , society has horribly failed." I so agree - a failure of society.

[@helgaioannidis9365]

This was really interesting. I'm a German living in Greece and my children consider Germany not very child friendly compared to Greece. As a parent I would say that Germany is definitely very parent friendly and hence also child friendly, but when it comes to how people interact with children I'd say that Greeks do better than Germans. Hearing how children live in the US made me very sad, but also helped me understand the why of US politics. If you can't trust anyone you can't trust your government and you must focus mainly on your own survival and wellbeing and don't care about community.

[@carpediem5232]

How specifically do you think people in Greece interact in a better way with children?

[@helgaioannidis9365]

@@carpediem5232 I tell you a few interactions I've experienced with my children in Greece that I don't think would have taken place in Germany: 1) I get onto the bus with a toddler and need to close the pushchair because there's not much space and a bunch of teenagers sitting in the back of the bus are listening to music and trying to behave "cool". The biggest guy with his girlfriend on his lap sees my toddler and screams right through the whole bus: "A little girl!!! She's so beautiful, I want a daughter like her when I'll be older!!! Come here little girl, sit with us until your mummy gets the pushchair closed." My daughter walked there and all the teens wanted to have her sit on their lap, talk to her. They told her how pretty she was, gave her snacks, asked for her name and said her name was beautiful. She sat with them until the teens had to get off and they brought her to me making sure she was sitting down properly before they got off the bus and waved at her, calling her with her name saying goodbye. 2) when we would go have some food at a taverna if it wasn't absolutely busy the stuff would approach the kids and ask if they wanted go see some cat/fish/baby/the kitchen/... If I had a baby they'd offer to carry it around a bit so I could eat more easily. Usually kids would be offered a little sweet for free. Children running around would never be seen as a problem neither by staff nor by guests. It's also not uncommon that children go to other tables and people talk to them and sometimes can offer them a little from their food. 3) when I had to do stuff like going to the bank or in a public office or anything else that requires queuing and had little kids or a baby with me it was absolutely standard I was told to skip and just go next even if I had like 20 people in front of me. Everybody agrees that you can't require pregnant women, babies and toddlers to wait for a long time in such a setting. If the staff don't call a pregnant woman to the desk, people in the queue will approach staff and tell them there's a pregnant woman/baby/toddler so they can call them to skip the queue. 4) when I flew to Germany, pushchairs, being considered bulky luggage would arrive in the end after all the other luggage. When I flew to Greece pushchairs would be brought directly to the exit of the airplane, so parents wouldn't have to carry the child and contemporary have to get their luggage. 5) While at the beach other parents will encourage their children to approach your child and invite them to play together. They'll offer your child food, toys and look out for your child. If people see you struggling with carrying all the stuff you carry when having little kids, most likely someone will offer help.

[@carpediem5232]

@@helgaioannidis9365 Well to some extend I think it has more to do with a different approach to privacy while it also seems to me that a lot of what you described happens in Germany as well. In a Restaurant for example, as long as it was outside I often have seen children running around. Compliments for children are pretty common too. When it comes to the situation in the bus I know similar situations from the train where people either give up their seat entirely so that a young child can sit or interact with the child. Although it has to be said that again this is accompanied with a look or two to the parent once in a while as if to check if they are also fine with that "intrusion" of family privacy. The same goes for helping to carry a piece of luggage maybe or helping carry the pushchair down the stairs. As far as kids roaming around and maybe getting a snack, that is something I know from parks. And parents encouraging their children to play with others is common on play grounds. That pregnant women/ parents with toddlers are able to skip the queue is also pretty common in my experience. When it comes to pushchairs on plains that would probably have to be the policy of the airline or the airport. Lufthansa for example seems to have the same service you mentioned. "Sobald das Flugzeug die Parkposition erreicht, erhalten Sie den Buggy an der Fluggastbrücke zurück oder am Fuß der Fluggasttreppe, falls der Transfer mit dem Bus stattfindet." There seem to be some airports where as a passenger you can not take the push chair into the plane cabin yourself, but it seems that the the same service of getting the pushchair once you leave the plain still applies. All in all. I can't say that these examples seem that strange or foreign for me. There might be a difference in how "open" you perceive it, which probably has to do with the different approach to privacy already mentioned, but non of the examples you listed would seem out of place to me if they happened in Germany and many actually happen in Germany in similar fashion. That's at least my experience.

[@helgaioannidis9365]

@@carpediem5232 I agree that these things can happen in Germany, too, it's a question of frequency I think. In Germany I've had the experience of people trying to get in front of me in a queue while busy with my toddler, that never ever happened to me in Greece and would have brought very hostile reactions towards the person trying to do that. In Germany nobody cared, not even staff. I've also in Germany had the experience that many people refused to help me with the stairs and the pushchair, even when I was having two children, luggage and the pushchair. One person even said "why did you get a child if you can't handle it on your own?" 😮 My children having experienced both Germany and Greece growing up, consider Greece being much more child friendly. I think it's just the general attitude. What I personally really love about Germany are the great playgrounds. They are really designed to the needs of children. Greek playgrounds are very boring compared to German ones. And in Germany families get much more help financially than in Greece.

[@carpediem5232]

@@helgaioannidis9365 Well all of what you mentioned is not socially excepted also. Skipping the line anyway, skipping it in front of an elderly person, or a parent with toddler especially. Of course I won't discount your experience, but in my experience it is more likely that 3 or more people look if they can help a parent down some stairs than none at all. But yeah always interesting to hear another perspective.

[@stimmkontorhannover9858]

Your Videos are awsome. Thank you so much for sharing your expirience.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Thank you! 💕

[@stimmkontorhannover9858]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife your Welcome. Enjoy your Sunday 😀 greetings from Hannover

[@indiramichaelahealey5156]

This is exactly what I experienced. My son was born in the US and I was so afraid that my son would not survive school when and was constantly watching him because I was afraid that he would be kidnapped. Even after I came back to Germany it took me quite some time to calm down and realize that he is safe here.

[@moelleunbelievable]

The gun violence issue is so insane, at least from my german perspective. Its crazy for me to think of strangers carrying guns. Never have I ever heard of someone being shot within my social circles or in general. Sure there might be some really rare occasions in the news (national wide), like 5-ish a year if not less. I can't understand why people are so stubborn if it comes to owning guns.... and call it "freedom" - the more guns a society "got" - the more people will die. period. There is no way around it.

[@JakobFischer60]

Actually there are many guns in Germany as well. I think Germans rank 4th on gun ownership. So it is not the guns that kill people, it is indeed the violent society (in the US) that kills.

[@moelleunbelievable]

@@JakobFischer60 really? apart from hunters? Maybe its just my area, but I know no one, nor someone who knows someone who owns a gun.

[@JakobFischer60]

@@moelleunbelievable Yes, 32 weapons per 100 capita in Germany vs. 101 in USA. Total homicites in Germany 42 vs. 10945 in USA. (Data from 2014)

[@moelleunbelievable]

@@JakobFischer60 okay thanks, I wasn't aware of it. nevertheless, the homicide numbers speak for themselves. Glad to live in Germany :-P

[@JakobFischer60]

@@moelleunbelievable Yes, I think it comes from social inequality and social accepted aggression.

[@karlernstvorbroeker6182]

My mom always told us, that when she was in the U.S. as an AuPair in 1961 !!, in a family with four Kids, spanking was absolutely taboo. Her own experience was quite different. She learned from her hosts: „Beating a Child causes broken glas, on which you will get your fingers cut, later on, when you have to pick it up“. We grow up that way. Never got beaten. Neither our own kids. And quite sure not our granddaughter. So we learned it from an family of Saddle River, NJ. Isn‘t it amazing, how 4 generations are influenced by just one international exchange? Herzlichen Dank für Eure tollen und interessanten Videos. LG

[@marieme5454]

To me as a neighbour of a super noisy family it is a horror that children can be as loud as they want the WHOLE day. I really suffer because the shouting and stomping for hours is so exhausting. I have to work from home and often cannot understand my conversational partners during video meeting since the neighbors' children are so loud. I think parents still have a responsibility to be considerate of their neighbors. When I was a child, my mother often told me to be a bit more quiet as we had elderly neighbors and I understood it and tried to follow. My today's neighbors think that it will harm their children's development if they tell them to be more quiet. 🙄 It is very frustrating to me and I think that there should be a law that restricts children's noise to a certain amount. To me, it is totally clear that children are louder than adults but that should not be used as a "license" to be loud. By the way, I think Kevin's story is from Sweden. In Germany there is Nachtruhe, usually from 10 pm to 6 am and not even children are allowed to be noisy during this time period (except crying of course, but they are not allowed to play loudly).

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

I can totally understand the difficulty you must have with loud children while working from home. Before COVID, working from home wasn’t that common. But now that it is perhaps this law needs to be updated.

[@marieme5454]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife I am happy that most parents are not like my neighbours but for those few who are, an updated law would be helpful. We also have other neighbours with children and the parents are very considerate and even said they hope that their children are not too loud, even though we have not felt disturbed by them at all.

[@jessicaely2521]

In the US apartment complexes and condos do have quiet time in the US. It isn't during the day but still there is a quiet time. Generally speaking a person who is going to be working from home can afford a tiny home out in the country. Since this is the case it's a choice to live in an apartment or condo. If you want quiet build a tiny home out in the wilderness (as I said before). I HATED that kids had to be quiet in Germany and Switzerland, but I respected it because renting isn't as much of a choice in Germany and Switzerland. Kids are loud, kids love to stomp, and they love to hear themselves make noise. This is plain and simple and kids need to be kids.

[@marieme5454]

@@jessicaely2521 I know that it is normal that kids are louder but I think it is still the parents' responsibility to be considerate about the neighbours when you live in an apartment building. That does not mean that they have to be quiet all day. There is still the opportunity to go outside with the kids e.g. to one of the countless playgrounds in my neighbourhood and there is no need to stay inside the whole day. Also, it was very interesting that my neighbour's kids are able to be more quiet. At some point, the father changed his strategy from "my children are not noisy" to "I will to tell them to be more quiet at least for two hours a day" and voila it works. For a few weeks, I am able to work without interruption again. In my experience, many parents in Germany saying that children need to be children are just not willing enough to deal with the children. It is easy to have children but not to bring them up. As I said, most parents are NOT like my neighbours but it is a problem if you have those neighbours - even if you have own children. My best friend who is a mother of two couldn't believe how noisy my neighbour's kids were and told me she would go crazy. I think that there is also a cultural difference between the US and Germany. I experienced that people in the US are way louder than Germans. In Germany, people try to be more quiet in order not to disturb others. Even parents take care that their children are not too loud in public places which does not mean that Germans are monsters and will complain when a child gets a tantrum in a train or a restaurant. But it is common to take care that a child does not yell or stomp around for a longer period of time when you share a space with other people.

[@jessicaely2521]

@@marieme5454 if you live in an area where you're working from home don't put yourself in the situation where you can be disturbed. You probably have the choice of living in a tiny home in the US. Leave the apartments for people who are working at McDonald's, Burger King, Taco Bell, etc. A good chunk of people who are working the fast food joints have children and don't have the choice to get a home. 10 pm to 7 am is quiet time. Kids being loud outside of these times you either have to put your big kid panties on and deal with it, get good noise canceling headphones (they really work), or get a home where it's you and only you. It's you're responsibility and only your responsibility to make yourself comfortable in an apartment outside of quiet time.

[@swanpride]

Btw, a lot of the view on child rearing in Germany also ties back (like so many things) to the NAZI time. Basically we realised that raising children to be obedient MIGHT not be the best idea. Hence there was a phase in which all kinds of child raising was tested out...we actually went all the way in the other direction for some time, with the "laissez-Faire" style, in which the children were basically allowed to do everything, which turned out to be not quite right either, because those children tended to grow up quite spoiled. So nowadays, most people settle somewhere in the middle, in which there are SOME boundaries for the children, but they are also treated like full human beings.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Oh wow, interesting! I had no idea this was part of the reason, but it makes sense. It’s so important to raise children who think for themselves and aren’t forced to think a certain way.

[@alluresoftheseas2999]

Sorry i found your posting very strange to say it friendly.

[@cappuccinoloffler]

@@alluresoftheseas2999 Why? Where do you see the discrepancies?

[@karinvasquez3956]

@@alluresoftheseas2999 why?..

[@PeTer-xd8nx]

Als erstes frage ich mich welche Bücher Sie gelesen haben und komme zweitens zu der Annahme das sie keine Nachkriegskindheit in Deutschland hatten.

[@krisw2791]

14 month Elternzeit is really one of the things we did best in Germany …i feel a bit proud

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

I agree - it's something to be proud of!

[@swanpride]

Wie have a saying in Germany (well, I think it actually originated in Africa, but we readily adopted it): "Um ein Kind aufzuziehen, braucht es ein ganzes Dorf." - "To raise a child, you need a whole village." It is just naturally to look out for children you encounter, even if they aren't your own. Recently I was waiting in line at a ice parlour and one father had one child with him and the other was waiting in the seat on the bike. He kept looking at the child he left outside, but eventually the line moved forward enough that he had to go in and place his order. Pretty much everyone in line kept their eyes on the child for him until he was done automatically.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

I love this about German culture!

[@wora1111]

That was German staring, the appreciated way.

[@StrongKickMan]

Yoú two are an awesome team. Glad that your family seems to enjoy Germany.

[@Dahrenhorst]

The core of the difference is already in the wording: In the USA, health care and all the amenities around child birth are a benefit, in Germany (and all other EU countries), they are a right. The effect is clear: infant mortality rate in the USA is double of that in most European countries, and life expectancy is around three years lower in the States.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes!! Infant and maternal mortality rights are higher in the USA than in most other industrialized nations. WHAT?! That shouldn't be so for such a rich country. But yes you make such a good point that in Germany, health care and benefits for families are considered a right. It's a HUGE difference between the two countries.

[@jessicaely2521]

You can't use infant mortality rate as a comparison of if a country is better or not. Infant mortality is from some number when you're pregnant to age 1. Most countries report infant mortality at different stages. Some countries might say infant mortality counting starts at birth where other countries says it starts at 2 weeks after the egg is fertilized. If the US had their way infant mortality rate would start when the egg is fertilized. My sister-in-law lost her baby when she was pregnant. My sister-in-law was 4.9 months into her pregnancy. My sister-in-law had all of the prenatal care that any EU country gives their citizens. She lost the baby because she got pneumonia. The only way for my sister-in-law to have the best chances to survive was by delivering the baby. If her baby was born a week later her baby would have survived. Her baby is counted as part of the infant mortality rate. You also have to take into consideration birth defects that isn't caused by not having prenatal care. I lost a baby because the heart didnt grow. I had all of the prenatal care you can imagine. My baby counted against infant mortality. Zika (a mosquito disease) can cause a mother to lose a baby. Europe doesn't have Zika yet. They also probably never will get Zika. Zika takes hold in tropical and subtropical environments. European countries arent tropical or subtropical (yet. You never know what will happen with global warming). Most of the countries in Euope don't have the climate for Zika to take hold. You have to take into account SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) into account. No amount of prenatal or postnatal care can prevent this yet. Australia has found the reason for SIDS. It's an enzyme that babies lack. Now comes the research into why this enzyme is lacking, can you test for it while baby is in the womb, and can you fix it while baby is in or out of womb. The US has a higher rate of babies dying from SIDS than Germany

[@uliwehner]

yeah but you can have all the guns and ammo in the world :)

[@Dahrenhorst]

@@jessicaely2521 It's not true that countries define child mortality differently, since this is a definition by the UN, not by individual countries. Where did you get this from? Child mortality is the mortality of children under the age of five, according to the WHO. The child mortality rate, refers to the probability of dying between birth and exactly five years of age per 1,000 *_live births,_* according to UNICEF. The latter organisation also tracks number of stillbirths (after the 28th week of pregnancy), neonatal mortality rate for mortality in the first month after birth, infant mortality rate for children under one year of age, and adolescent mortality rate of children between the age of 10 to 19. There is no official UN statistics covering the loss of unborns in the first 28 weeks of pregnancy.

[@peterloschmann3750]

As a German, i even find it cute, when Childs play or Talk free in a train, even If it is a bit louder. It makes me Smile, to see a happy Child.

[@KlausZanetti]

Sunday morning. Time for enlarging my personal horizon. On a very uncommon but entertaining way 👍😄. Thank you for coming to Germany and for your ongoing stories on your YT channel !

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Guten Morgen, Klaus!! Thanks for watching!

[@Robinicat]

In Quebec, Canada, women get a year, paid maternity leave with their jobs guaranteed upon their return. There is even an option to stay home for another 6 months. Daycare can cost as little as $7 per day, spaces permitting.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

That’s pretty good! 🇨🇦 has it better than the US.

[@Roger-np3wi]

It must also be remembered that every state depends on children being born. The state benefits from the birth of a child who, as an adult, takes up a profession, buys goods from the money earned and pays taxes. Only with births can a state function in the long term. Children are our future and, of course, the future of a state.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes such a good point.

[@barbarado]

I never heard such good explanations for this themes.

[@Raffael-Tausend]

The violence against kids really really shocked me! That would never happen! You only see that in movies. That is very worrisome !

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Isn’t it? It’s not okay

[@ladyskyfly]

For families with low income there is also the option of getting a special ticket from the city or county. This ticket guarantees free entrance to some attractions and museums as well as public pools. And nearly every sports club and a lot of summer camps have a "Förderverein" that pays the fees, trainings and equipment for children when their families can't afford it.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Oh that’s awesome!

[@Candy7la3Creme]

"There were a few shootings in the town..." wtf. Even hearing this sentence makes me shiver as a German. It never ever should sound so normal

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

You are so right - and we didn’t even think about that as we said it!! This is how normal gun violence has become in the US. So normal that regular shootings aren’t a bad thing anymore.

[@michaelkloters3454]

Now that I'm watching your video for the second time to translate it for my sister, I can think of an old German idiom that is wonderfully applicable to you McFalls (and in this case especially to kevin!): when you think positively of something or someone If you are surprised or amazed you say: "Old Swede! Have fun googling where that came from and have a pleasant holiday! Michael/Hanover

[@jgr_lilli_]

When I was little and walked home from Kindergarten, I touched a broken pane from from a cellar window by the sidewalk and slit my finger open. Immediately a lady came out that house to give me a band-aid and apologize to my mom because the window had just been smashed during a move and they didn't have time to cover it yet. Even though it hurt, it is a very fond memory of mine.

[@ragnahoffmann3022]

the percentage and duration of fathers taking paternal leave is getting better, it’s also getting accepted more in the work environment. But as t’s still usually the man earning a higher wage than the woman in a relationship, and as the money you get during parental leave is a percentage of your actual salary (simply put), it’s still more economical for the father to stay home less time than the mother

[@Bad_Artist_]

Your comparisons of life in Germany vs the US are really enlightening! But sadly, anyone who might propose these kinds of changes to life in America would be demonized and labeled as a communist. Thanks for providing me with my weekly dose of optimism!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes that is why the USA stays stuck in the past and isn't moving forward with the rest of the industrialized world in some areas. The Cold War so deeply embedded this idea that any system that supports its citizens is related to communism. So instead of finding a middle ground, like so many countries in Europe have, the USA abandons taking care of its citizens all together. In English we have a saying - "you're cutting off your nose to spite your face." In other words, in trying to help yourself you actually hurt yourself and make things a lot worse.

[@furzkram]

Just a technical thing: When you're in the "two people in front of camera talking" setup, I think you should mix the mic audio input to a mono track in the editing process, as you get weird effects when one of the mics is being positioned partly behind some "obstacle" like a shoulder or a fold in the clothing ,or when it's catching more from what's also on the other mic's channel. It then feels like something got stuffed into the viewers ear. When Kevin turns his head towards your mic it suddenly sounds fully stereo, and when he turns back to look into the camera, on channel drops off dramatically. Best would be if you'd have ONE more "pro" mic standing or hanging at the camera position, right underneath the lens. So mix them both together into one channel and make that appear on both left and right final audio channels.

[@grummelmonster-in6254]

I more and more realize how lucky we are in Germany when it comes to raising kids. We use to complain so often but we should be grateful for what is good and improve what could be better. But to add my 2 cents on this discussion: think one reason reason why we have this support system for parents and families (at least financially spoken) in the end also is due to the „Rentensystem“ (pension system) which is built on the fact that children are needed to keep it running.

[@avivapeltin]

Omg Germany is great for children! Some of your points are blowing my mind. Makes me really think twice about raising kids here in America. I recently acquired Austrian citizenship, so this is actually a possibility for me. Thanks for making a great video.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Oh it would be interesting to see how it’s done in Austria - hopefully some Austrians will comment below.

[@FrauWNiemand]

Grewing up in the mid 90s in Germany everyone tells you: "Oh, America is a great country. You can reach everything" and during the last 10 years I realized that this is just a dream they teach people in the US, to not recognize that they live in one of the socialy poorest countries in the world. I also never thought about all these things the state gives us mothers by law in Germany until I became a mother myself 5 years ago. But it is true, this is very welcoming.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes! In this way, women are treated much better here than in he US.

[@arnodobler1096]

“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.” George Carlin

[@junimondify]

With the couples I know, the fathers have actually taken their share of parental leave, and nobody regretted it. I know a friend of mine particular liked the time where her leave and her husbands' overlapped (whcih they planned that way) and they could really take time to bond with their child together and become a functioning family. Also, kinda impressed with the way you pronounced Kinderförderungsgesetz!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Okay good to know! Thanks for sharing. Yeah, Kevin really nailed the pronunciation, didn’t he?!

[@janpracht6662]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife In an US social-report (I do not remember if it was with Michael Moore or in "Food Inc") was pointed out a big problem in the USA: Big fast food-chains (Mc Donald's, Burger King ect) are often the only ones in big cities providing properly playgrounds for kids. But that has nothing to do with humanity or social conscience but with customer retention in the youngest target group... 🤔🍔

[@junimondify]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife He did. The ö and the s between the two gs are often overlooked and pronouncing them right makes such a difference. Good job!

[@harryamus9147]

Ihr Lieben. Was mich besonders freut ist das ihr die deutsche Flagge in den Farben Schwarz Rot Gold abgebildet habt.

[@lucforand8527]

Paternal leave is definitely taken in the Province of Quebec, Canada. This varies from province to province, but Quebec is likely the most progressive and currently has the most affordable child care. As a result, very few mothers quit their job in the province of Quebec. Thankfully, this system is now being spread to the entire country.

[@kata7062]

Besides Parental or Maternal Leave what I think is really important to mention is the "Mutterschutz", Maternity Protection. In this time a pregnant woman is not even allowed to work, she is supposed to rest. I think it starts 4 weeks before the due date and ends 4 weeks after the birth (and then for most women Maternal Leave will start) with 100% pay. I was shook when my american hostmom told me, that her water broke while she was working. We do have the "Vätermonate", Fathermonths. 2 Months of Paternity Leave that can only be taken by the fathers to encourage them to use some of the Paternity Leave and as far as I have seen most fathers take those 2 months but not more. It is getting more and more normal for fathers to take a couple of months, maybe even half a year, but I would say that still in most families the mother will take a year and the father only the extra two months. But in general I get the impression that german fathers are a lot more involved in their childrens lives then most american fathers. Interesting thing about glasses for kids: I actually got all glasses free until I was 18. The lenses were paid by insurance and the frame was free for kids in the shop we used to buy my glasses. And about places being walkable: I totally agree. I´m German and I lived in Texas as an Au Pair. And not only did it annoy me that I was dependent on a car, the fact that the children were dependent on an adult wit a car absolutely made clear to me, that I would not like to raise a child there. There is actualy a really great KZbin Channel called "Not Just Bikes". It´s a Canadian guy who moved to the Netherlands. He mostly talks about infrastructure but also other things that just work better in the Netherlands. A lot of those things are simular to how it´s done in Germany (although the Dutch are always a little better then we are :D). I really would like a video where you talk about the things you think are better (for kids) in the US. I didn´t want to seem that negative in my comment, but there actually isn´t really anything that comes to my mind.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yeah we do mention Mutterschutz in the next video, but I didn’t know that about the two months of paternity leave! That’s awesome! Yeah things that are better in the USA for kids. I’m sure there are some but none that are coming to mind at the moment. More shopping malls? 🤪

[@mogon721]

​@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife Also worth mentioning that Mutterschutz with 50% pay compensation existed even before WW1. Goes back to the healthcare act of 1883, though unpaid at that time...

[@nelefinke1881]

I really loved this video. It's really great to see someone talking about these topics so open-minded and reflected. And I really appreciate that you're using studies to prove your points. That's why I think you should never excuse yourselve for talking about politics or opinion. I think this is as well something where America and Germany are different: I just read some years ago that you're not supposed to talk about politics or religion in America, but I think if it is in an factual way and you actually have good arguments and can even prove them (and in case of religion are respectful to these believes as long as they're not hurting some people or minority groups) it is really important to talk about it. Because politics are everywhere and are in our whole everyday life. The pros about raising kids in Germany you have mentioned are the result of people talking about politics and even complaining about it. There was a time in germany where many children of poor people died in the first days because their mothers had to go straight back to work in a factory for a starvation wage, because without even this joke of a wage their other children would'nt get fed and would probably die. And that's where some really brave people invented labor organizations and did fight for their rights (Paula Thiede for example

[@theresak915]

A friend of my family took his paternal leave during the soccer world cup, maybe that’s the German equivalent to going moose hunting 😂

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yeah there ya go!

[@ankem4329]

But you really have to time your kids well 😉

[@anschinski]

It is true that the mother’s job is protected by law and this is fantastic…on paper. What happens in reality is that the mother’s job sometimes does not exist anymore when she is ready to return to the working force. It has been filled by an other person or the company has restructured. While the company is required by law to employ the mother again they often give the mother a new job which is often less appealing. This is not allowed by law but still happens. Or they offer the mother a severance package and don’t employ her again at all. Afterwards it is hard to apply for a job at a new company because you have this huge gap in your resume and a young child at home which of course means that you will miss work in the near future because of sick days. The law is great on paper but mothers often have to fight for it.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Is this in Germany or the USA?

[@AnnieHumph]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife Germany

[@djenebasidibe468]

A very well done video!! :) Totally agree with you on all points. I very much enjoyed it even though I have to say I was shocked to hear that spanking is still legal AND used in schools in 19 states in the US and especially targets certain groups of kids - either the most vulnerable like disabled kids or children of color as well as boys in general. Plus with the research you so eloquently and coherently added to video: it just all makes sense that men are more susceptible to what we call 'toxic masculinity' in later years when those kids were poorly treated in a shame inducing environment as kids. It all makes sense. It added another piece to the puzzle. So great job on that! :) It was also so great to see how you know seem to be fluent in both languages. Just the fact that you added some German words to the mix and it came out so naturally without even thinking about it was really great to see and shows how far you've come already. :) Also your "Schwimmbads" made me smile: It sounded so adorable and I hope I don't make you stop by just pointing it out. I call them inter word switches between languages (or somthing similar) whenever that happens to me because the switch happens within the word. :) This feels so much like home to me. :) Great job as well for pointing out the importance for dads as well taking parental leave. I recently learned from a short British documentary done by the BBC that dad's brains also shift thru child rearing to a larger extent than i had previously known and that depends on the time spent with your child. so it's not just the mother's brain that changes thru pregnancy + also time spend with one's child. So women get a head start in the beginning but it's the time spent that is the really important part in the end. Also great news for any couple who for whatever reason adopts a child. (For the reference just search for it on yt in case someone is interested )

[@suenaable]

Do you know what is "kindkrank" in Germany? 🙂If your child is sick, as an employee you can stay at home and take care of your child.

[@walterrudich2175]

Hello to my favorite American family! I just stumbled over this video after I watched your new one (ICE trip) yesterday. I‘m from Austria and the same things you mentioned about Germany are as well valid for Austria. We have free commute to school, free school books, everybody’s able to get a place in Kindergarten, the communities offer holiday camps at a very reasonable rate and so on. Now I‘m 60 but I was never spanked or beaten in my whole life.

[@stampcollector74]

You should visit Leipzig! The train station is the biggest in Europe (by area) - for your kids the zoo in Leipzig is world famous. AND if you want some history just visit "The monument of the battle of the nations" = Völkerschlachtdenkmal. Leipzig is definitely a town to consider to have a visit! =D

[@barvdw]

And for music lovers, it's the city of Bach, he was Cantor in the city's Thomaskirche.

[@tantefee3968]

thanks for this nice video .. i am afraid that most of germans take all the things you mentioned for granted as we are used to them all of our lives or at least for decades. nice to have you here!

[@pfalzgraf7527]

Great video all in all! The understanding of child tantrums is a fairly recent development. When I was in the tantrum age (early/mid 1970 s) that only just began. These days really most people just think something like “poor parents … have to go through that (together wit the child)!” And that’s it. But as I said: only in the last … 20 years or so has that become normal here. Scandinavians were a bit quicker, I think. The main thing I take from this video is how important it is that we value what we have and watch out so that we can keep all those things! It can be all too easy to regress in these matters, just as it sometimes is a real fight to progress!

[@phoenix-xu9xj]

In the UK as a teacher or healthcare professional you can have a yr off for maternity leave with 6 months full pay. But childcare is ridiculously expensive. Wish we were still in Europe 😢

[@sns4748]

Such a nice family

[@mascami]

I remember something the other way around. German friends of mine where living and working for two years in the US, their kid was 7 years old. When we visited them and took a little vacation with them, we're on a boat to an island. There were a lot of children and parents on board and the "boat people" gave a lot of instructions through the speaker "Don't do this, take care of that, watch your step" on and on and on. My friend suddenly bursts out in anger and shouted: "They drive me nuts here with all this watch your step all the time. My kid will be dumb when we ever get back to germany" " I came here with a strong and independent 7 year old boy and he will be dumb when we get back in 2 years". This gave me a lot of thinking and I remember it just now. P.S. he recovered and is a grown independent man now!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

How your German friend felt really says a lot. We actually have a whole video series on childhood independence in Germany!

[@Irene_Lauretti]

I think you are wonderful parents!

[@Schalalai]

After the latest events i just wanted to say that we are happy to have you here. These days it is more like lottery who get killed in Us. Cant Image going to a supermarkt and getting shot. Glad to have you here and impressiv how you integrated so fast 😊

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes it is like an lottery - so then there’s heightened fear all the time. Makes Americans even more stressed.

[@LtdNulty]

I too think children should be allowed to be what they are in public.That loud and playful bunch... Most of the time i wont even consider this "noise" and it will rather make me smile than feel disturbed. But i must say... I've found myself in situations where i thought "why are these parents not even trying to tell their kids that (for example) they are not the only people in this restaurant?" I mean my parents as children were expected to keep their mouths shut at the table at all times and i think that was wrong. But on the other hand i think children have to learn that there are other people around who might want to enjoy their meal, their flight or whatever in a calm atmosphere. And i'm sure children are capable of understanding this.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yeah I agree - kids playing outside is totally appropriate. But inside a store or restaurant, or even on a train, we still ask our kids to be calm and if they can’t be calm, we go walk around with them outside until they get some energy out. I don’t want my children to disturb an adult’s nice, relaxing dinner. So the respect goes both ways and there is a happy medium, I think.

[@skyee277]

I do not know if someone else has already said it but the main reason that e.g. museums are relatively affordable compared to the US is that they are usually heavily subsidized by the state(s) or run by a Verein or foundation - even then they usually get subsidies because the represent common goods important for social cohesion etc. In contrast most US museums and so on have to run with the money they themselves earn without any help -> much higher prices.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes! That’s very true and sad. Then the poor have less access to museums in the US.

[@abee8405]

Hi there! I'm very happy that you are feeling so at home here :-)

[@Tommusix]

Ich wusste gar nicht, dass das Schlagen von den Kindern in der Erziehung verboten ist. Aber krass, dass es in der USA scheinbar noch gang und gäbe ist. Danke für das Video und einen schönen Sonntag wünsche ich noch.

[@jensbinder3148]

My wife and I took parental leave 50/50. She had the first seven paid month and I the other seven. We're both nurses, and at that time working at the same ward. I enjoyed every minute. I was there when he started to walk, a thing that working fathers often miss.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

I love that you were able to split it and that you got to see your child walk! Yes dads miss out on so much when they don’t get to have parental leave. It’s good for the entire family.

[@LythaWausW]

Re: Spanking - my parents never spanked us in the moment we were misbehaving, they told us we'd crossed the line and at 6 PM or whatever we'd be getting a spanking. They didn't want to do it while angry at us. We didn't need many spankings, the possibility of it occuring kept us in line. SOOO glad I'll never have to deal with that myself, I'm sure I wouldn't have the self control to keep it together with a tantruming kid.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

My parents would do that, too, and it made it even scarier that I had to wait Tyler rest of the day for my spanking! I just lived in fear for longer.

[@TexasServiceDogTeam]

When I was in the US military, I had 4 weeks maternity leave in 1986. Heartbreaking.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yeah that is really awful - it’s a joke. As if 4 weeks is even close enough. Maybe it’s much longer now? I hope so.

[@TexasServiceDogTeam]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife It is longer now. I think they get 12 weeks.

[@cellevangiel5973]

One day in an Ikea store there was little boy who lost his father. I noticed that, talked to him and told him I would lift him up so he could look around, By doing so his father saw him. But I would never ever do that in the USA. You frequently see a mother with a naughty, difficult child in a supermarket. Then I walk over and say to the mother: Madam, if he is naughty, you can give him to me, I will take him home. I say that loud enough so the child can hear it. Then I get a violent look from the mother. But the child looks at me and I see them think: oh no, I don"t want to go with that stranger. Then I walk of but the child stops being naughty, they are sweeties. I can advice this, it works every time again. Just another form of child-care.

[@karinvasquez3956]

Your comments about the bible belt in USA made me feel really sad for the families who are let alone with their problems. I am already a grandma and when I had my first baby in 68 there was no real help yet for a young family as there exists fortunatelly today. Only with my third daughter in 1980 I could take 6 months Elternzeit without a loss of my salary. But I was really a lucky young girl because my mom- she raised me alone- could send me to the Gymnasium as school fees had been abandoned and for my studies I got financial help - a scholarship. I am deeply aware that only with this government support I could make my career later on in life. When my husband and I lived for 13 years in SOUTH AMERICA with 2 daughters we had to struggle to pay for school and university. All the children in the world who cannot get a qualified education are a loss for their societies, a loss for humanity . I wish you and your children all the best.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes!! This is the case for most mothers - "I am deeply aware that only with this government support I could make my career later on in life." Most mothers cannot have the careers they want without good paid maternal and paternal leave.

[@yvonnehorde1097]

We say, like Africans, it takes a whole village to raise a child.

[@ingevonschneider5100]

I do not know about the US, but I was really astonished in the UK. In our hotel children were not allowed to go to the pool in certain hours. Reason: Not to bother adult guests. This would not be possible in Germany.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Oh interesting! There are adult swim times at neighborhood pools in the US, which were very hard to wait through as a kid. But also a good time to go to the toilet or eat a snack. 😆

[@alluresoftheseas2999]

Natürlich gibt es das schon lange. Finde ich auch gut. Kinder sind nun mal laut das ist völlig normal. Deshalb gibt es auch eigene Kinderpools und Kinderhotels wo Erwachsene UND Kinder betreut werden. Kevin und Sarah waren schon zweimal in so einem Hotel in Galtür und am Achensee und sie waren so begeistert dass sie sogar Videos hochgeladen haben.

[@ingevonschneider5100]

@@alluresoftheseas2999 I have four children and I am also a sports teacher and I have never seen that children are excluded. But of course you cant swim if there are special events. Does make sense.

[@kisoschu]

@@ingevonschneider5100 generally speaking you're 100% right but we indeed have some specific assigned,, no children areas" here in Germany too. But these places are obvious signed to adults and are usually things like adult hotels or areas which are inappropriate for children to walk around after 10p.m

[@jessicaely2521]

What a lot of US public pools do is they have 5 minutes every hour where kids aren't allowed in the pool. This is to give lifeguards a break and see the bottom of the pool without splashing, waves, kids being thrown, etc. It also gives adult patrons a break from children. Now for hotels some hotel pools have an adult only pool and a kid only pool. The adult only pool sometimes has a bar and sometimes a top less area. Yes some areas and people in the US aren't afraid of nudity. Only giant resorts like Margaritaville Hotel will have thr kid and adult pools. Hotels like Motel 6 won't have separate pools and they don't have a certain time when kids can't swim. They generally stay open late (1 am) so naturally kids aren't swimming. *

[@armondangeles7739]

Yah genau totally agree with each point you made. BTW, this coming sommer ferien my family and I are going to a kinder hotel in the Austrian alps. We were so impressed with your video when ou guys visited a kinder hotel, we were sold! BTW, if you guys ever want to visit Cologne we would be delighted to show you guys around, I have two kids (a 10 yr old and 7 yr old). Expats here from Los Angeles since 2018. I love love your videos!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Oh so cool you’re also Americans! You could’ve given great advice in this video. Thanks for the invitation to Cologne - we do want to get up there soon!

[@armondangeles7739]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife For me, the feeling of safety, a kid-centric society, being independent, selfless and weekly forest walkabouts are the major factors in child-rearing here in Deutschland.

[@petraw9792]

I don't know if there's law about that, but no one would call the police on neighbours having sex (unless they are a real jerk) in Germany. It's a difference if someone is having a party too loud that might go on for hours or if someone is enjoying themselves too much. Let's be honest, they are probably done after 20 minutes, unless they are really lucky. ;)

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

😂😂 so funny! And true - unless they are really lucky they are done after 20 minutes!

[@koala7484]

Ich liebe eure Videos, denn sie rücken meine Ansichten und Selbstverständlichkeiten immer wieder ins rechte Licht. Aber ich muss es einfach erwähnen: auch in Deutschland passieren schlimme Dinge und nicht jeder Fremde ist ein Freund. Even though my englishteacher used to say: a stranger is a friend you haven´t met.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Vielen dank 💕

[@jochenlutz6524]

Regarding shooting plans and preparing children for these incidences in schools it is incredible and shocking.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Right? The fact that this has become normal shows how much society has degraded there. It's like a frog in boiling water - the water kept getting hotter and hotter but it happened so slowly many didn't notice. But then you leave the USA and go live in another country and your eyes become opened WIDE.

[@Joelina456]

I absolutely LOVED everything you had to say about the topic.

[@pickle_D]

Our county runs a free wildlifepark with a large playground. There is no entrance fee or parking fee. Everything is paid by the county. This is a great offer for families with small children. You can have fun and see a lot of animals without the costs. This benefits families of all incomes.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

That's great! Which country is this in?

[@stefanjahrei7956]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife It is here in Bavaria. About 30 min north of Regensburg. If you are in the area, just message me. I can give you a tour.

[@LythaWausW]

My parents (and yours?) had to learn to take cover in school due to the threat of Japan bombing us. My parents promised us that we wouldn't have to suffer through a nuclear war because we lived so close to Boeing, we'd be the first to go and (South) Seattle would have no survivors. That was a great comfort to us kids. (Not)

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yeah good point! And if children are ever going to be under threat, it should be because it comes from another country and NOT from their fellow citizens. The whole thing is insane - it’s gone way too far and common sense is not being used.

[@halmati2288]

Vor drei Jahren hatte ich eine grössere Operation. Da war ich froh, dass ich in Deutschland lebe! Aber diese Operation gibt es überall auf der Welt. Bei uns ist es leichter, weil die Operation bezahlt wird. Aber es gibt die Operationen auch in ärmeren Ländern. Doch es ist noch etwas anderes: NACH der Operation im Krankenhaus gab es eine Rehabilitation in einem Rehabilitations-Zentrum für 3 Wochen. Diese „Reha“ hat mir sehr, sehr, sehr geholfen. Diese Reha ist in Deutschland Standard. Aber es gibt das nicht einmal in allen Ländern der EU. Das heisst: Menschen in den Generationen vor uns haben darüber nachgedacht. Sie haben es geplant. Sie haben das System von Rehabilitation aufgebaut. Dafür bin ich sehr dankbar! Gibt es Rehabilitationen nach Herzoperationen, nach Krebserkrankungen, oder nach Orthopädischen Operationen auch in den USA?

[@enname1622]

That schools in USA physically punish children shocks me!!

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Right!! It’s criminal. It’s child abuse.

[@Roger-np3wi]

In Germany, it is also considered domestic violence when children are severely insulted, offended, and called vicious names by their parents and is considered a form of abuse. There are counseling services for children when it comes to domestic violence.

[@jennyh4025]

I didn’t know that, I wish it had been that way when I was a child…

[@Roger-np3wi]

@@jennyh4025 Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I'm a little older now. My father liked to take his leather belt with which he beat us boys on our bare butts. Wooden clothes hangers were also gladly used, which then broke on our backs. This strange kind of affection meant that I didn't exchange many words with my father after I moved into my first apartment of my own.

[@jennyh4025]

@@Roger-np3wi I was more the victim of verbal abuse, while my stepbrother was the victim of physical abuse - which was also used to verbally abuse me… think like „he gets your beating as well as his“.

[@Roger-np3wi]

@@jennyh4025 Parents are sometimes, unfortunately, the not so nice part of your own biography.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Oh I'm so very sorry you experienced that, Roger. That is most definitely child abuse. 😢

[@horstlohner2055]

In Ö gibt es gratis Schulbücher!Freifahrten für die Kinder zur Schule und zurück.

[@Baccatube79]

On a personal level, Sarah, today for the first time I felt like I heard some Southern Twang in your vowels - can you do that more often? I love it!

[@brittches]

I'm honestly so shocked about the spanking in the US. I have been to the US so often, but have never even considered that it is still normal there in order to raise or educate a child. Here in Germany it's a sign of weakness if that's the only way you can teach your child. It's so off limits. Yelling is similarly unpopular. Parents might get impatient and will have a word with their children about proper behaviour, but just yelling (as in verbal abuse) is so extremely shocking if witnessed. But I guess if you live in a society where you constantly have to hustle in order to live, there's just no time to teach children in a peaceful manner.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

You hit the nail on the head with that last sentence - "when you have to hustle in order to live." And that is the prevailing energy there. We feel such a big difference here in Germany. People still work hard here, but when they are off of work, they are off. And they a right to time off. Germans work hard but also take their time off seriously. There's a much better work/life balance here and parents can be less stressed, so less yelling. And I so agree with you that spanking our children really reflects badly on the parents. That we have so little skills to work with a very small person that we must resort to violence? We are the ones with fully developed brains who know how to behave - the responsibility is on US as the adults, not the kids.

[@jessicaely2521]

Spanking is getting less and less normal. Any kind of punishment towards your child is frowned upon from many parents nowadays. I talked about putting my daughter in a cool down area for 2 minutes at a parenting group and parents there flipped out. Apparently sending your kid to an area to cool down damages children mentally.

[@sharischmidt4712]

I couldn't agree more with your comments!!! When my husband has promoted in his company he was given a choice between US or Canada and we chose Canada and very happy that we did!!! Please don't make the mistake of thinking that Canada is the 51 st state, it most definitely is not. New parents are eligible for 12 month maternity leave that can be shared between both parents , they are paid and their job is secured for them for the first year of their child's life. The healthcare system although not perfect, is free for everyone regardless of who you are, soon the government is implementing universal dental plan. There is a safety net for those who can not look after themselves and of course government pension when you turn 65. Secondary education is subsidized so that you do not go into hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt to educate your children. There is no corporal punishment allowed anywhere, all children have rights under the law, conversion therapy in illegal. We found Canada a safe, welcoming and polite country,who is not as religiously judgement or politically polarized as they are in the US. Good subject 🙂🍁

[@stefanschuster4759]

... und trotzdem gibt es eine stark rückläufige Geburtenrate!

[@charliebecker9391]

Our Children grew up in the 70s & 80s. We lived in the city, however; back then, we could allow them to walk and ride their bikes to the Playground, which was at the end of our block. We could walk to the store also. We moved because the city element changed and we could see things going down hill. We built a home on a mountain in the suburbs. The children had to adjust since their movements were limited, although they were safer. Your description of the Community Caring, that you are experiencing in Germany, is great and seldom found here in the US nowadays. It just isn't the norm here. If I wasn't 74, I'd move to Germany. I'll just continue watching your Channel. Excellent videos, great content and entertaining. Danke und Die Besten Wunsche. Charlie

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes! I feel like this sense of community and safety in the USA began to end in the 1970's and 1980's. There are still great communities in neighborhoods, but not all over town like it used to be.

[@charliebecker9391]

@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife I agree completely. Thank you for your response and Best Wishes to your family now and the future. Charlie 😊👍

[@ChannelOneInternational]

You’re right.

[@lisalugt8643]

Would love you to remake this video when you have been through the teenage years four times. Hold on to your seats ....

[@arnoldkegebein2147]

Great video that highlights some of the benefits of raising children in Germany. I don't have kids, but I enjoyed listening to the points. I worked with teenagers for several years (youth groups, summer camps) and was always interested in understanding their behavior better. A great read about this is "Body Language of Children" by Samy Molcho. He is a mime artist and expert in body language communication.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Oh that sounds like a great book! I'll look that up.

[@jpdj2715]

To stay in Europe, having children can be extremely expensive in some of its countries - it's a serious problem in Italy, for instance.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Oh really! How does it get more expensive?

[@ArtimSequoia]

The downside though is that child protective services are basically toothless in Germany. It's great if the parents are good, but if they're toxic and abusive there's not much protection for the children.

[@yvonnehorde1097]

In order to get around the right to childcare, the state offers a place for the child, but many kilometers away from your home, so that it is very difficult to get the child there and to work there.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

In the US or in Germany?

[@TheLilli22]

So interesting to hear your opinion! I am a German myself and I always feel like Germans are so withdrawn and I wish to live in a country with people who are more open-minded and interested in others. Depends on where you live of course but my experiences are sad in terms of open-minded attitudes.

[@sabinedalianis2629]

You are not privileged because you are white, you are privileged because you are from well educated families, you have enjoyed a good education, you are driven to use everything that life offers to you to grow and develope. This entails good parenting, positive role models while growing up, self esteem and love. And we can see, that you are installing all this in your children too.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

Yes you are correct - it’s economic privilege also. But also as white Americans, we have privilege nearly all over the world.

[@sabinedalianis2629]

My issue is the world wide problem, that giving people extra opportunities, giving them extra support and developing Programms never helps. It is the family environment that is most crucial to development of personality, character, self worth, ambition etc…Role models to me are the strongest educator for children. I don’t think, that it necessarily has to be the biological parent, but children need grown ups, that have their backs, are reliable, protective, reflected and have a social education, that installs all this in the children. Love to me means, that your child, fosterchild, adopted child, feels totally save and respected, but it also means, that it is challenged to grow. If you then see the children growing up in the USA, most of them are emotionally, intellectually and physically neglected, by the state / look at the schools, by the government / no health care, no child care without cash, by the society / look at the values it is developing, making money the new god and by the parents/ food choices, being raised by Computers etc… and then you have to drug problems, beaming parents into a world, where a child is not welcome.

[@Danny30011980]

I've watched some videos on helicopter parenting and that in the states neighbours stateside can report you to child protection services if you let your kids play unattended on the front garden. How crazy is that? People seem to be so worried about security and kids possibly gettin abducted. It hasn't necessarily gotten more dangerous, but in this social media day and age where everything gets posted, re-posted and shared people perceive the danger as very extreme. What a life we had as kids, running around the streets, into the fields and forests and we knew to be back home when it got dark or at a certain time. But these days also in Germany parents are constantly hovering above their kids like a hen sitting atop of her chicks. I've also watched some videos about some Canadian guy and he was on about the zoning of cities over there compared to Europe, there was hardly any mixed use zoning aka having a supermarket within a housing estate or schools, so one needs a car for everything and kids cannot walk to school or anywhere else on their own. Regarding the prices and reductions of prices my granny always told me that back in the 50's and 60's big families like them (5 kids) always got free passes to the zoo or local swimming pool and that even more was done for families with kids. "Stranger danger"also exists in Germany where you are being taught to be careful with strangers and not go with anyone, even if they are offering you sweets or puppies or whatever