5 Red Flags You're Dealing With a Covert Narcissist

[@carparthero]

if you find yourself justifying, arguing, defending and explaining over and over on a consistent basis, you're absolutely dealing with an idiot narcissist. period. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

[@user-dz7pi5wi6t]

Yes, absolutely true. My father is a covert narc...no matter what I do or say, he is always denying, disapproving, disagreeing, criticizing, belittling, or lecturing me. It's all about control and him being 'superior'.

[@carparthero]

@@jbrown2908 good to see you again on the comment sections. 😉 even better move to cut out a toxic person. it's nice if family relations can be repaired, but there's no point ruining one's life for someone/something where there is little to no chance of fixing a serious problem. -cheers, steven

[@carparthero]

@@caroleminke6116 💯

[@carparthero]

@@user-dz7pi5wi6t nothing to achieve with these folks. it's unfortunate to have to cut out a parent (i cut out both my parents back in 2007, no regrets) but if you've done all you can, there really are no regrets to be had. aside perhaps from not doing it sooner, that was my only regret lol. 😉 -all the best, steven

[@carparthero]

@@caroleminke6116 any attention is good attention for the idiot narcissist lol. they are so backwards in their ways. -cheers, steven

[@joyphillips1821]

Don't forget how the covert narcissist uses you as their emotional dumping ground and then blames you for being so negative all the time.

[@RM-qq5rj]

Yep the 2 narcissists i know do this. So negative and dump their negative emotions on me and both of them have constantly accused me of being negative

[@kikikliewer1920]

The man I live with does this to me all the time .....or just starts yelling and telling me everything I do wrong even if I have not done anything and I sitting quietly reading or journaling ....I need to find a way out of this place

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

They kill their victims slowly and by the time the victim realizes it, it's too late. Coverts are the worst

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

​@@kikikliewer1920good luck

[@neowolf09]

Emotional dumping ground, so could one say maybe like it feels like being an unpaid therapist?

[@simonpegg1196]

They'll weaponize your words and your silence against you.

[@madilynrobertson2582]

💯

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Covert narcisists play a hero, a victim or a martyr or a combination of the three. They make you feel confused and uneasy and not enough. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing. The worst type of them all.

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

Yelp, and can be codependents too

[@landigb9481]

I experienced this type of narcissist. He shattered my heart. It’s taken me 10 years to heal. A long time but at least I’m past it.

[@kerrytaggart8206]

That’s an accurate snapshot. They are also triangulating perpetrators.

[@maow9240]

​@dontbelongherefromanotherp9807 THANK YOU!! Couldn't of said it better myself. I made the mistake of letting my soon to be ex mother inlaw move years ago and didn't realize I was dealing with 2 narcissists untill after they left and accused me of being a narcissist. I never looked onto narcissism untill then. They make you forget who you even are as a person and I was like "am I really a narcissist?" So I looked into it and WOW I didnt know how much I was being gas lit.

[@kerrytaggart8206]

@@maow9240 I call that psychological gang banging when you are being tortured by two or more narcissists.

[@duromusabc]

They’re charming and charismatic- a huge red flag

[@angelakeely5859]

Massive 😏🚩🏃‍♀️

[@helenmcclay2622]

At first.

[@yuu_miran]

They look very sexy or naive and innocent - a huge red flag😅

[@J.X.Sanchez777]

They're only charming and charismatic to those that can't see past their bullshit

[@JessAnonymous]

People would tell me I was very charismatic but that’s honestly due to me knowing how to be on guard with ppl sue to the abuse. I wouldn’t dare (subconsciously) sue anything to upset anyone knowing what the narcs did to me 😮‍💨

[@spuiwu-js]

In the beginning - It's like finding the most sincere kindest person in the whole wide world. They are nice and gentle. They are affectionate. They will cuddle you and hold you. A couple months in you will notice that they seem to lack in the intimacy department but you will dismiss that to shyness. They will mimic/mirror your style of communication & you the entire time (which goes unnoticed until they become distant with you & use new words). I learned that If you express intimate emotions they will say “I feel the same way for you too or I would do the same thing for you or I love you just as much or I'm glad to hear that.” Which feels insincere and robotic. However you might dismiss that to shyness or inexperience expressing feelings (even tho they could be gorgeous & clearly experienced with women). They will never voluntarily just express their love for you in their own words and say how much they love or miss you. Very rarely will you get an “I miss you" or ” love you" for no reason at all. You will wonder why? Like do they have any feelings? So, you find yourself working harder to make them feel more safe & more loved in hope's that they provide that love back to you. It's easy to dismiss them withholding as a lack of trust or insecurity because they seem so nice. You will look for logic in behaviors and with Coverts there is never any logic which will lead your further down a rabbit hole creating confusion. In time you will start to doubt your own perception of what you see and lack the clarity to see the abuse. You will have more anxiety, lack inner peace & feel tired. Your physical appearance might change where you either gain or lose weight. You struggle to keep yourself at peace. Its exhausting. By now, you have became an expert at everything they like. You take on all the chores and make their life as easy as possible. You feel isolated too b/c they kept you “away". You feel so confused b/c you worked so hard to break down their walls in hopes of a more consistent close bond with them. One day they seem really into you and the next they withhold affection. It's hard trying to figure out what is wrong. The more you vocalize your feelings the more they encourage you with their words that everything is ok. You certainly don't feel “ok" but you make peace with it the best you can and start “withholding” your feelings too b/c they have made you feel like your “too" sensitive and it's too much! Most of the time it will feel like they are present in the flesh but nothing else is going on inside them. Even after all this time you've been together you still feel like you don't really know them. If you happened to gain the courage at a later time to ask more questions as to why things still feel off they will say your being insecure & that they aren't cheating and make you feel like you have issues. If you cry they will watch tv, stare at their phone or even continue to eat dinner. They won't ever give you all their undivided attention & acknowledge your pain. Which makes you more confused bc their actions doesn't match their words. They won't look at you while you cry, they seem like it causes them shame to see you cry. At times you might feel like your having to teach them about feelings as if they were a child. You will wonder why their emotional intelligence seems very immature/off. Everything they have is something you also don't have access too. Their family, phone, friends, bank accounts, pay stubs, credit card statements, and etc. You will start off feeling like they are very private or insecure & years in it now feels like they are super secretive b/c it makes no sense for them to still be so private. They promise things that they don't see through or conveniently feel bad or forget everything that is important to you. They will isolate you and hide their relationship with you. When you express that something about what they are doing isn't right then they act like they lack understanding and that they do nothing to hurt you. You will always be explaining everything and wondering why they just don't get it! They will even use apologies as a form of manipulation. (lack of empathy and no change to their behavior). You will always feel like you need to phone a friend to ask if your situation is normal because this person will give you $200 to pamper yourself but won't invite you to Christmas dinners or let you have access to their phone. They will leave/abandon/ghost you to say they are sleeping at a relative's house then on their way home they will offer to bring you breakfast or something from the store. Even their giving is a form of manipulation. They want to distract you with gifts to keep you off balanced from the emotional abuse they are putting you through. When you ask them why they didn't come home they will say they felt like you didn't want them around or etc. You will spend the entire relationship wondering how someone who seems like such a nice person can be so emotionally cold. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..

[@clintonnagy1662]

This comment was amazing. I am amazed how I lived this, and testify to their behavior. She was the Beautiful & most kind woman I ever dated but I noticed narc patterns that were odd. Eventually the relationship eneded and we both walked away.

[@thcnugs5118]

My story exactly

[@rebekahjette6304]

💯🚩

[@redefinedliving5974]

I never suspected because you're right, they were mirroring me!!! When my emotions got too intense and she couldn't match that anymore. The truth came out. Imagine I was in the rock bottom, how can she mirror that without me being suspicious? Lol. She said I was too difficult. Yes difficult to manipulate. Because my life is no longer treading the superficial, it's not a narcs comfort zone

[@joangipson9836]

Nailed it! 💯

[@DrewClark-ov5up]

You end up feeling responsible for their emotional state, and that’s a moving target. They can upset your emotional balance at any time.

[@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql]

True!!!! If a person upsets me with a normal conversation, something is wrong.

[@gabrielleaumont3971]

They can also destroy you, subtly, with time. Arguing won't work. Nothing works get out fast.

[@natassjamyers5999]

The mood swings are also used to control you. You now have to be tiptoeing around them not to upset them

[@popmonika]

Trauma bond. Go no contact, get in contact with your doctor about what you're going through (health wise) and if you can get therapy.

[@1vtmom966]

Not only are you then 'off balance' per plan but they then seem to be able to snuggle right down and fall asleep! I wonder sometimes if they don't think to themselves "My work here is done!"

[@kpsk1627]

The best way to deal with a covert narcissist as far as I know is to ignore them. Don't try to point out their mistakes. Do not take whatever they say seriously, most importantly don't take their comments to heart. Forget that they exist in your life. Have a goal for yourself and work towards it. Put all your efforts in improving yourself and spend most of the time with yourself. Create a beautiful world for yourself, protect it and make sure not to allow the covert narcissist to intrude your space.

[@PatGusoff]

That's what I did. Ignored her comments and focused on what I wanted to do. Often asked me how did I do that. I said nothing. If she could read my mind she would be shocked. Very jealous! Often tried to discourage me from finishing college. Go get a job.Never complimented me on being first to go to college or anything else. I always "burned her up" in her own words. People don't like it when you do better than them! Her favorite saying.

[@andreagutkauf6263]

They make you feel exhausted, tired and you can see their aggression in their eyes.They hate your happiness and liveliness...

[@monicadewit4281]

I have experienced this too with my husband. He left almost three months ago. The more successful, happy and confident I became, the angrier he became.

[@emilyjones8545]

Yes they'll take you to the Dr, but 99.9% of the time they're the one who made you need a Dr in the first place..

[@theladyamalthea]

Completely!! Mine nearly drove me to suicide, told my parents how concerned he was about me, staged an “intervention” to show how much he “loved” me, and then drove me to the doctor and told them how much he cared. It was all I could do not to slap the fake concern off his face, because I knew that would only convince them I was crazy.

[@connie9492]

Then they abandon you while you recuperate!

[@tammywatts6221]

Amen 🙏

[@nicholecornes1915]

Hell tes!

[@TimBadger-w7d]

She keeps dragging me to therapists and counsellors - trying to make me think I’m the one with the problem. No! She’s the problem.

[@anne-marie6098]

Quiet, kind, caring, humble, insecure, self deprecating until the mask slips, they explode in a sudden rage and you see the demon behind the mask. Deadliest type.

[@kimberlyvergez4391]

This, absolutely

[@Healing_Oaks]

Yessssss I witnessed this exact thing. Terrifying.

[@joangipson9836]

Nailed it!

[@widowbyte]

Ya I was like how could I mistaken wisdom for judgmental and criticism?! When you make them accountable it reveals itself. Both of my parents narcs. I can't believe I'm remotely normal. So so much self work to do. 🎉🎉🎉🎉 I am glad to do it. For my daughters and for myself. ❤

[@ShirlGodisGreat]

My husband 😢

[@emilyjones8545]

They'll stop you from doing things, but you won't really know how, you just find you start doing less and less, and they can say 'I never told you not to do x,y or z' and they'll even go so far as to play the super supportive partner, who sadly has an imbecile on their hands to look after, but they're doing their best! They get all the sympathy and you get treated like you're a dimwit..

[@simonpegg1196]

That's so true. It's really inexplicable, and that's why not many people who have never been with a narc in any capacity, can thoroughly understand. But I'll say this - they achieve this by withholding crucial information and resources which will help you achieve the best results. Covert narcs want you to do just about enough, so that they can tell the world that they did their best to make you realize your potential, but at the same time, they never want you to achieve so much that you 'outshine' them, so that they can say then that it was a failure on your part.

[@GmonkeyJ777]

It's so evil, from the pits of hell

[@danaparfitt2491]

This

[@karenlynch8348]

Omg you just described my ex husband!

[@karenlynch8348]

@@GmonkeyJ777truly there is a spiritual evil & uniformity of all of them

[@griff791]

What bothers covert narcissists the most is when they have no effect on you. It confuses the hell out of them and makes them extremely angry. My sister is a covert narcissist.

[@Thilosophocl3s]

Before I left my wife, I was just done and completely non responsive to an assault that was fairly standard, until it went on and I told her, "when you start talking to me instead of yelling at me, I'll listen." She lost her shit so hard when I used her own words against her.

[@GrrenStone]

I'm sad for all of us. Sorry to everyone who deals with this.

[@sandradorsey5001]

These crazy people are just horrible and exhausting. Thank-you for the great content.

[@JW-yv5jz]

1. Skilled at using every situation against you (with a self-victimizing spiral and addiction comorbidities, and plausible deniability) 2. Mastery in the art of putting people down subtly 3. Perfectly feign empathy. Show up for you but devalue you at the same time (similar to BPD splitting but triggered by you saying no to them) 4. Frequent mood swings, making you a people pleaser 5. Want to be the martyr in every situation. I could put a photo of my ex under the definition of covert narcissist. Thank you for this video, it took me from wondering to certain.

[@daniheinckel6908]

My mother is a covert narcissist. It left invisible wounds all over my life that I didn't know I had. I just felt like I didn't deserve to be alive for some unknown crimes I must have committed. As a teenager, I ended up in hospital, suicidal. I stayed a while. There were meetings with my family, doctors, and myself, regularly. My parents and sibblings were supposed to attend them with us. But only my mother would come, giving the staff excuses why I wasn't important enough to have others attend the meetings. But she was the perfect mother that wouldn't miss them. I remember the last time she showed up. The doctors were trying to make her understand that changes were needed at home and with the parenting we were receiving or the children would keep suffering. She started crying, shouting, "MY family doesn't have a problem!! SHE IS the problem!" She took off and no one attended my health meetings after that. Months later I was released from hospital. She came to pick me up. She had brought the golden child along. In the end, she gave me a coin, told me to ride the bus closer to home where she would eventually pick me up. She and the golden child drove off together. I felt my heart break. I wanted to walk right back in that hospital. I am 40 yo now and I don't have a relationship with my mother anymore and I finally feel I deserve to be alive.

[@redefinedliving5974]

So sorry about what you have to experience and so happy you're living the life you deserve now.

[@angelakeely5859]

He loved to play *The Perpetual Victim* no one had a harder Life than him, no one was treated worse in Life than him, loved *The Pity Parties* 😏🚩🏃‍♀️

[@jeanette590]

Oh yes. Whining every day. I finally asked him “do you ever have a good day?”

[@angelakeely5859]

@@jeanette590 It gets really old listening to their constant whining 😏🚩🏃‍♀️

[@danaparfitt2491]

Until it's time to put someone else down for being "not giddy enough with joy" just for the pleasure of their stinking company.

[@betaylor5031]

You could have a broken leg, bleeding out of your eyes, and he would say others had it worse then you and spin it into all of the crap that happened to him when he was an adolescent...🤦🏻‍♀️

[@sonias9722]

He made it seem like he has the hardest life ever, because he needed to go to work like every other person. He used substances to "get through it" because it's sooo hard. He also made ridiculous comparisons like, he has a more difficult life than me because both his parents are alive while one of mine died when I was younger! I'm sure though if it was the other way around and his parent was dead he would milk empathy on that for all eternity

[@tburgher1]

My mom was a covert narcissist. Nearly cost me my life as a teenager. I walked away and never looked back. Coverts are the hardest to figure out. These are good videos. Thank you!

[@Behind_the_Wall_of_Sleep]

Severing parental ties is sometimes a necessary act of self-preservation. Did you manage to avoid any negative pushback from your mother?

[@betaylor5031]

You were smart to permanently severe ties with her. After doing that for about five years and returning, supporting her, she turned around, twisted an unfortunate event that happened to me into a ‘it was your fault. I raised you better...’ as I could not support her apartment anymore, turned my entire family against me, she would not talk to me and then, passed away out of nowhere about two years later...Talk about a mind Ef...Took me a decade to start to function normally, again. Yes, you were smart to server ties with your momma...!🤗🕊💕

[@PoyTroy]

This is probably the most spot on video I have ran across when discussing a covert narcissist woman. You described my ex to a T and everything I went through. How she reeled me in , she was extremely bubbly and happy. Very beautiful. Full of ideas. Nice. Kind. Worshipped me. You name it. I almost thought it was to good tobe true. And within a year of dating her , I found out it was. She was the polar opposite of what she betrayed. She was mean. Nasty. Unresolved issues , trauma. Just nasty. I always wondered why her family never invited her to things. She told me they wronged her and were horrible people. And the more I got around her family I felt the opposite. She was playing the victim from the start and I fell for it. Be careful out here gentlemen, they’re good. Vet a women for atleast a year and half before you do anything serious with them

[@warriormom5843]

They do still fly into rages overtly though. When they dissociate and incur a narc injury--they explode!

[@ritapeters1330]

Yes, the covert shouts out of a sudden

[@neowolf09]

Looks like a snap right? Like a switch flipped? Fight flight freeze ECT. Response activates in you?

[@KatherineGrey-pz9on]

For me, the covert narcissist comes across as a people pleaser. They like to be in the spotlight to get the validation that they crave for, as other narcissists but at the same time, they pretend to be humble, simple, generous, over giving. The covert narcissist will take time to build a relationship/friendship with you. During this period, they will show their admiration and their devotion by helping you with everything that is you need. They will try to convince you that you are soulmates and that they understand you deeply. At the same time, you will see them being overly altruistic, maybe helping society by engaging in charities, activism. They feed the poor, take care of the homeless. All this makes you think how lucky you are for having met such a beautiful soul. You want to be by their side for ever. However, soon you notice how much they enjoy being invited in galas to talk about their achievements. But they don’t admit that. They still play the humble guy who doesn’t want all this. Who is beyond money, beyond fame and recognition, who wants to share the floor with other people. But their acts don’t match their words. You come to realise that this selfless soul is actually doing whatever it takes to be in the centre of attention. When you do something together be it at work or at home, they want to control everything about it. They just exerce their control in a more polite and implicit way, making you believe that your voice was heard whereas in reality you did what they wanted you to do. Covert narcissists have a smooth way of leading you on. They don’t shout, they don’t give orders. They are master actors. They convince you that you are together in this. What makes them a narcissist is that when the time comes for them to use you in order to draw certain benefits, they will do it without a second thought and you are not going to believe in your eyes. And when you stand up for yourself and raise your voice against them calling them for their phony identity, then you will see their rage for the first time and the mask will fall. Covert narcissists manipulate less with rage/exhibiting superiority and more with people pleasing behaviour/playing the eternal victim. They are not aggressive as overt narcissists. They are more cunning. What they both have in common is self-centered ness and lack of empathy. In the case of coverts, it will take you longer to find out.They knew what they wanted to get out of you from the beginning. They created a whole theatre play to fool you about who they are and their true motives. You will trust them with all your heart but when the time comes for them to prove their loyalty by choosing your bond over their personal gain, they will choose the latter with no remorse, without even taking any responsibility. Unlike the overt narcissist, they will have an eloquent excuse for doing so, rationalizing why they had to f@ck you over. They will pretend to be sorry about it because this is something that matches the image of modesty that they want to project but in reality they are not sorry at all. You will see them partying with your own money when they said they didn’t have enough to pay you back. You will see them being unfair and untrustworthy to other people as well. When the mask of the victim will fall, you will see the cruel smile of a perpetrator who managed to get what they want without deserving it. If you decide to unmask them run for your life. Additionally, The unwavering support and dedication demonstrated by Metaspyhub@gmail. com have been pivotal in my journey to uncover the painful truth surrounding my partner's infidelity. From the moment I first reached out to them, their professionalism and unwavering commitment to assisting me in finding the answers I desperately sought were readily apparent and highly commendable. Through their swift action and meticulous investigation, They presented me with compelling evidence that left no room for doubt. Armed with this newfound knowledge, I confronted my cheating partner with newfound courage, reclaiming my self-worth and paving the way for a future filled with renewed hope. Throughout this emotionally challenging process, Metaspyhub's expertise and unwavering support served as a constant source of strength, offering invaluable guidance and empathetic understanding when I needed it the most. I am profoundly grateful for their unwavering assistance, as it has empowered me to move forward with unwavering determination and newfound resilience.

[@barryrichardson685]

When they knew I was seeing it and connecting the dots they ramped up the charity work and the public persona perception mask management to control the narrative in the end game and it went into over drive. The smear campaign was already underway for months prob even years before! They know it’s coming and front run the whole situation to make sure they take not a single iota of accountability and it all falls at the feet of their victims. They weaponise your empathy and anything you care about against you and nobody understands the mechanics of how they operate unless they have had first hand experience.

[@wilmadutoit3002]

You just described my ex. How on earth did your paths cross! Brilliantly explained.

[@nelindagomez7113]

🎉 Awesome information!

[@трыцтытыдыц]

Can you discuss the topic of narc neglecting their own health, get sick and expecting YOU to feel sorry and take care of them. Sadly faced it with my covert ex

[@danaparfitt2491]

"You take care of you for me, and I take care of me for you" eludes them?

[@margaritaramos7643]

I’m there now. Did two yrs with a broken molar. Finally went in when half his face swelled 15 yrs with back pain refusing to report work injury. Almost retiring now wants to do it because someone at work made him like a martyr with his back. Been hobbling around. Never mind to visit fam he perks up or does amazon delivery. Yes he’s in pain but it funny how he goes from crippling pain to perky. 😳😳 it’s exhausting. And never listened to me or my advice.

[@上口秀文-c4y]

PLEASE BACK TO MY DANISHLY NARCISSISTIC TRAITS. I CAN FELT SCARED AND NERVES AND SADLY AND LAST UNHAPPY. THANKYOU FOR MAKES ME SADLY FACE IT WITH MY COVERT EX NARC DAUGHTER...

[@joglynn602]

I’ve noticed how they call you passive aggressive and it’s like treading on eggshells around the victim when it’s them who’s doing it 😊

[@duromusabc]

They’re expert fault finders (they do it as an art form too- perverse and sickening !) - even in an underhanded covert subtle way - digs especially

[@SquishyGrayMatter]

The digs are the worst

[@BookishDark]

I’m living this right now. It’s the most insidious kind of disorder. It’s so sneaky, so underhanded, soooooo invisible. My mother definitely has this. So does my husband. And I am Borderline. Thankfully a slightly more anxious borderline than aggressive (thankfully for people around me, that is). Talk about being stuck in a hell of my own making.

[@grubsys820]

It is unlikely to be your own making if your intentions are good, we are just not listening to our intuition, and doubting ourselves unneccessarily.

[@blancaanuario5212]

My boyfriend is like this and I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to break it off but I'm going to just do it hopefully tomorrow. He has been giving me the silent treatment for the last 24 hrs. I can't believe I am dealing with this. I was ready to go to a Dr thinking I am the one losing my mind!

[@margaritaramos7643]

I’m sorry for your pain. I’m there too. 22 yrs in this relationship. I didn’t find this out till finding out he cheated 9 months ago. I don’t see a point out tru reconciliation because he has done nothing to fix things. Avoids convos denying everything then minimizing then saying sorry. I kept finding things because I have questions still and he hasn’t been honest. Found dating app asked played stupid. Makes you feel like I’m loosing my brain.

[@emmamonroe3311]

In the private covert narcissists either mirror you or have times they are depressed and need to sleep a ton. I do not think they are really depressed, they just don’t understand why they cant be authentic like yourself deep down. They gave on that a long time ago.

[@lionheartklaric3729]

These are definitely signs of a covert but coverts are not all exactly the same. My ex covert boyfriend was 1) Generally fun in public and everyone liked him but awful to me in private 2) always the victim 3) loved to stonewall, blame and give me the silent treatment, 4) was aggressive in public and in private if someone (especially me or another woman) didn't do or say what he wanted and 5) loved giving devaluing comments about my views, achievements, interests and appearance. He was very aggressive when angry and didn't do things like be really affectionate or do lots of things for me. I think covert boyfriend versus covert mother is different because of their roles but the overall effect is the same as the abuse is behind doors and not upfront as with an overt.

[@freedomwarrior5087]

The worst narcissists are the ones that use covert tactics, that doesn't mean he was a covert narcissist. Also covert narcissists usually always choose a narcissist as a partner and can't be with anything but.

[@Cocopepper1111]

I’ve always thought my ex was a covert narc bc he is very good at disguising his toxic traits in public and often at home. But he did lose it and scream at me and the kids. He became physically abusive as well to my older 2 children as they became teenagers. I wonder now if he is a bit of both covert and overt? However, no one outside of our family would ever believe or suspect that behavior from him so maybe it is covert. He is always the victim or hero/martyr in every scenario. The first time that I discovered he had betrayed me (sexual betrayal) and confronted him, my oldest child was about 4 months old. He got tearful and said “the reason I always went with you to your doctor appointments was bc I wanted to protect you. That’s why I sacrifice and work so hard- so I can take care of you… so you can stay home with the baby” etc etc. He completely shifted the narrative from the focus of his betrayal to his heroic acts of love for me. I was left confused and feeling ungrateful. I felt afraid that if I said anything else about it I might be forced to go back to work when I really did want to take care of my baby full time. There was so much manipulation and confusion my entire 23 years of marriage. I became a shell of myself, silenced and compliant.

[@cushmanarmitige2369]

These videos really help. I've grown up with these people, been a magnet for these people as an adult, it helps a lot to hear i'm not alone. Thanks man, means a lot

[@Behind_the_Wall_of_Sleep]

When standing up to a narcissist by refusing to buy into their guilt-tripping bs, they will try to project their own lack of empathy onto you with self-pitying, retorical questions and statements like: "You wouldn't care if I was hit by a bus, would you? You're a cold and unloving person" I had one enraged person threaten to kill themself "and anyone who gets in their way" by driving as fast as they can into oncoming traffic, then ending this threat with: "and it will be all your fault!". My response, after ensuring all reasonable steps were taken to address actual risk: "No. You are responsible for the decisions you make and the actions you take. " Narcissistic behaviour is dangerously toxic.

[@sonias9722]

If you don't stand up for yourself, they abuse you. But if you do stand up for yourself, you're being difficult and wasting time because otherwise you could have been spending nice time together😨😂

[@RowanRiverstone]

My father through and through. They're the biggest cowards. And he could never eat anything I cooked without saying it was great, but so and so made it better. It was so transparent. He couldn't stand for me to be great at anything.

[@FM.......]

He want to critize you, but want to Do it sneaky So you dont realize it

[@dakoderii4221]

@@FM....... You have to pretend you are too stupid to see the insult so they can feel intelligent or they'll throw a tantrum and all the flying monkeys will start swarming again.

[@betaylor5031]

That hurt just reading it...!😭What an Ahole...!!! Can’t Imagine my Daddy saying that to me or anyone...I am so sorry. Got to the point with my narc, and others that I said do it yourself and stopped doing Anything at all...I’m stubborn as can be, though...☺️

[@RowanRiverstone]

@@betaylor5031 Oh yeah. He lost the privilege of eating my food. Lol It feels good when you decide you're not going to take their crap anymore. Stubbornness is a gift.

[@PoyTroy]

Sounds like my ex. Never satisfied with anything. You would ask her if she liked the food. And it always be something lol

[@staceygonzales7782]

He would always tell me he never said this or that! Always then when I would tell him I know what he's been up to. He would tell me to prove it. Always telling me to prove stuff to him..even the stuff he said he didn't say in an earlier time..I was starting to think.." am I crazy to the point where I would specifically listen to each and every word so I could try and remember for the future( because I knew he was going to say he never said that) I almost started to record every conversation. I seriously got to that point and then I started thinking this man is trying to make me think I'm crazy. I was not the crazy one!

[@lc4972]

I actually did record conversations. I'm out now and if I ever feel I have to record conversations again, I will be gone.

[@m.c.b.s.8361]

Great that you could find out!

[@carmenberaun2614]

Omg yes

[@shaleeallen2822]

I thought about putting up hidden cameras so I could record it all. It’s so frustrating & they make you feel sooo stupid. I’ve been fortunate to have always had other people around since we got married because otherwise no one would believe me. It took my mother YEARS to figure out what I was saying was true & well did u try this or this? Yes, I have tried ALL the things! None of it makes it better. Now I’m done trying to make them happy because I can’t. So I have to at least try to make myself happy since I used to be a super happy person & now I’m married to an eyore!

[@prueaddy-z3r]

I have no idea how I started watching your videos. And because of them I am healing. Today I burst into laughter instead of tears at the accuracy and deep connection I feel with you as you explain the truth of how these loveless individuals act. I didn't know what was happening and got caught up loving them as I do all others in a way that caused me to want to die, later got sick, exhausted me and my career could not be attended to because of depletion. No, I did not "bring it on myself". I didn't know. Now I do. Like I quit smoking to help my lungs, your videos and life show me how to remember the love I am and not allow their decisions not to find what's in them too, take from me like they could when I didn't understand. And I'm a therapist of 40 years. My profession doesn't get it yet. I do and I thank you.

[@abs8954]

This channel has been so helpful to me the last few months, thank you Danish. My mum is a covert narcissist, and guilt has dogged me and my 2 brothers all our lives. My older brother killed himself due to alot of reasons, but guilt was a major factor. Myself and my mum haven’t spoken since September 2023, (Due to me voicing my concern for another family members welfare in her care) and instead of attempting to repair our relationship like an adult, she has been on a huge campaign to tell anyone who will listen how i have hurt her, and I'm the devil in disguise. The final reveal of her covert ways came in December, when she sent my younger brother over with a box of my dead brothers shoes (which she knows impact me greatly). Just horrendous, but so glad i see her clearly now.

[@joseenoel8093]

Sad about your older brother, they live for kaos and drama, stand clear and don't bother knowing what she's thinking, mine locked up, I've the key 🔑 to where that is but wouldn't know which door 🚪 should I care to visit, dementia diva said I had power of attorney, just more lies, I'm glad that fell through, easier for authorities, her friends, family and neighbours to finally see how nuts she truly is, always was! She'd say too I was best kid to which I'd reply "Tough competition", 😝!

[@abs8954]

@@joseenoel8093 Dementia Diva 🤣🤣 that gave me a laugh this morning! These bloody mothers are hard work. I used to get that title too, but it's all a load of nonsense. Stay strong my friend 🙌 we got this.

[@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql]

An x friend is a covert. Went no contact recently. Last May I met her son in law. I knew immediately something was wrong with him. Just found out he killed himself. I don’t know his side of the family, but the in laws are totally toxic. Hearing this broke my heart.

[@abs8954]

@@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql that is horrendous news, that poor man. Yes, toxic families really have a huge impact on mental health and physical health. It sounds bad but the longer I am no contact with my mum, the better I feel. Gabor Mate talks alot about the impact of stress can have on the body and mind, worth a listen 👍

[@kalistrong3437]

My 17-year-old daughter, finally got out of a relationship with a full-blown, narcissist, not covert, I thought, every sign everything that you mentioned was going on in their relationship, and my daughter already had depression. She believed everything he said to her, and it really messes with your head, especially young people that are not have the experience of many relationships, I kept trying to explain to her that he is a true narcissist. He has every single trait and he has really messed her up. I kept explaining to her things and letting her know that it is not her fault. She was so loving and kind and wanted to be loved, and yet she turns around and blames her self for things that people on the outside know we’re not true, but she believed it, he twisted everything twisted her brain. She finally left him and I finally talked her into blocking him. No contact no communication because nothing will ever work. No talking will ever work. It’s all in a circle and blamed on her. She will explain till she’s blew in the face, and he will never work things out take responsibility or even have a normal conversation but now she has some other mental issues because of it and I just hope that she can heal

[@iononcantomascrivo]

Everything in this video is like a blueprint of my former colleague/friend's behavior. The whole time I knew her she had two personalities: she was either the pathetic victim/charity case or she was flipping into the nasty vile c-word b-word whenever she didn't get her way. It could have been something trivial or mundane or something serious. It could have simply been a case of a different opinion or a minor disagreement. She just could not handle not getting the last word, not being in the spotlight, not having everyone's full attention or not having all eyes on her. It was like dealing with a rowdy, rambunctious toddler who was still learning what boundaries, the word no and accountability are. She used anything and anyone to get attention. Nothing that was off-limits. Even her children were just props in the production was her life. The world was her stage, she was the star and everyone else was just background scenery strategically placed to lift her up. If she didn't get the positive attention she felt she was so richly entitled to, she would go about getting it in a negative way by concocting a series of conflicts or dramas out of thin air. Then when she was inevitably faced with the consequences of her actions after the fact, she'd play the victim while passive-aggressively claiming ignorance as to why everybody was so upset with her. Rinse and repeat. Most of the time she avoided accountability altogether by co-opting one of her favorite overused phrases, “sweep it under the rug” or “it's water under the bridge.” Because this was the business world and she had a habit of blurring the lines between professional and personal relationships, she made a lot of enemies. It could have been something as simple as not honoring a deadline or being on time for a conference call or not doing any of the work that had been allotted to her. It should come as no surprise whatsoever she seriously overstated her qualifications and was constantly leaning on those around her to keep her up to date or up to speed and would ask the same questions repeatedly because she never paid attention i.e. never read her e-mails or memos or any other professional documents so a lot of time with wasted making sure she was on the same page. It also should be of no surprise whatsoever, anything she was told or informed of or was expected to learn on her own went in one ear and out the other. There was no boundary she wouldn't cross i.e. ethical, moral, spiritual, familial, professional, legal, etc. To put it bluntly, the woman was a lying grifter with zero skills or talent who would have done anything to get what she wanted including selling her own children up the river. After she single-handedly ruined a really big business opportunity for myself, thus creating multiple enemies in the process (by wasting their time, money and effort) and was the subject of potential litigation, I cut contact with her after blowing the whistle on all her illegal deeds. In short, she was a wannabe, with no idea what she was doing trying to play with the big fish in the deep waters of the ocean and was about to get mauled to death by sharks. Somewhat inexplicably, she came running to me expecting me to save her while believing her impromptu one woman show where she once again had assumed the role of the victim while acting like an innocent bystander. I knew everything and took her to task. She tried denials, crocodile tears, projection, deflection, threatening to unalive herself, etc. I didn't fall for it. I audibly said out loud the word yawn. That stopped her cold and she got furious. Cutting off her tirade, I laid it all out telling her I didn't believe a word that fell out of her mouth and that she was wasting her time. I also added that I had all of the documentation I needed on my side to prove that she was nothing but a crook. I left her with one final warning that she better have all her crap together before everything came to a head and her world of lies collapsed in on her like a house of cards in a hurricane. I told her she was on her own and I would not save her from yet another one of her screw-ups; a screw-up, that was totally avoidable had she simply sat back, minded her business and yielded to the experts. I then twisted the knife, metaphorically speaking, telling her that all her bridge burning had left her isolated: not a single person gave a damn about her, that she was struggling in debt and blew a lucrative business opportunity because she couldn't keep her damn mouth shut. The final coda: she could add me to the long list of people who had cut her out of their lives; she wasn't abandoned, everyone including myself had left to save themselves.

[@kayinatkidunya]

They first act as a empath they try to be into you and understand ur feelings before ur in their trap once ur in they are very cold and they always want you to understand they never fulfil any promise of their and always judge you slightly and they can go on and on and remind you of ur past mistakes and how they helped you the help wont be so big but they will glorify their mistakes ...

[@englishteacher3253]

They are undoubtedly the most dangerous ones!

[@proudamerican2133]

Absolutely

[@Swedaintmyparadise]

😢

[@Swedaintmyparadise]

Scary 😢

[@nji7772]

Denzo moss: coverts have very powerful demons which gives them the ability to be as subtle and effective as they are. Very stealth, quiet. My experiece is well understood now. Can't explain. You have to have experienced it. So dark, cold, cruel and most likely a psycopath!

[@nyasharutambo2105]

Well said you are spot on ...they have powerful demons which gives them the power to feel your energy

[@hex11144]

The covert narc that I was dating would constantly emotionally dump on me, cry nearly every time we were together and I was expected to constantly comfort them despite them never doing that for me. Their problems were always worse than mine, they always had the right to complain but when I wanted too I was too negative. I was so exhausted and stressed all the time that usually when this happened I would have a panic attack and start crying too. After so long of trying my best to help nothing changed so I felt helpless and stressed and scared that they’d hurt themself (as was always held over me). I would then be told that “I’m making it all about me”. I remember one time (near the end of my relationship) this went on again and they were crying and complaining but at this point I was so exhausted I had dissociated from my emotions and wasn’t crying, just responding in a robotic tone. They immediately started crying harder saying that “I don’t care” and that I’m a “bad partner” and “I’m not listening” and “i dont love them” and after being berated with this for a while I finally snapped and did start crying and panicking trying to convince them that I did care. After I finally snapped, they dropped the act and said something along the lines of “this is the REAL you I wanted to see.” As if the “real me” is only present when I’m at my breaking point stressed out of my mind. As if all I am is there to be an emotional punching bag to boost their ego. It was then when I realized what I was really dealing with. Fucking disgusting.

[@jacquelinegrace3]

@hex11244 holy crap!!! 😰🤭 thank you for sharing! Most of what you shared, is my life too… but that last part… where they said that’s the You they were waiting to see!?! 🤯 I hope toy are OUT!!! God bless you!!!❤❤❤

[@yumildarodriguez1175]

Their ego is sick!

[@hex11144]

@@yumildarodriguez1175 truly 🤢

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

Thank you for all your videos because many of us only thought that narcissist were fast fancy cars and they looked in the mirror and they had to have their hair. Just perfect and talked about themselves. Had no idea, I had no idea that it had to do anything different. Covert narcissist was never anything heard of, and then one a person just couldn’t take it anymore, and they type in toxic relationship ……BOOOOOOOOOOOOM…….. these different narcissist types pop up. Darniche, you are such a blessing and we love you very very much. God bless you. From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA

[@MJ-qb5ph]

What you see is NOT what you get

[@scottallen5269]

Wow… this should be required information for anyone that’s looking for a partner. Like you, I grew up with a mother that was narcissistic. Not to the level that you experienced, from what I’ve gathered here. I’m not traditionally trained in any way. And I never really knew what a narcissist was, until after my divorce. I came out of my marriage, lost and I didn’t know who I was anymore. I’ve devoured as much information about narcissism as I can since. Your part in this video, about your friend getting that job, hit me like a ton of bricks. After many years of changing myself, doing anything I could to better myself, and months or couples therapy, I decided to do something special for my then wife. A 3 week vacation, week in Florida, week in California and finishing with a week in Hawaii with some old friends. It was the middle of winter, sunshine sounded amazing. First two weeks were good, but the first night in Hawaii, not so much. I was having a great time reconnecting with my friends, and they were being nice to her. But out of nowhere, she started crying, when we all were talking. My friends consoled her, we figured she was just overwhelmed. Later that night, it was only me and her, and a close friend hanging out. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, but as I entered the house and walked to the bathroom, every hair on my body stood up. Confused I looked around… and that’s when I was rewarded for my efforts. I could see her out of the window, stand up and walk over to my friend, grab him, and start making out with him. He had to push her off. And I went to the bathroom. When I went back outside, I noticed my friend at the corner of the house and when we made eye contact, he put his down and walked away. I’ll spare the rest of the story, as this is long enough. When a narcissist is found out, they should be marked for the world to see. That way, they can’t hurt others.

[@christinevranas4031]

In her deathbed she refused to see me, her oldest daughter.” She tortured me my entire life.I deserve to die in peace.” Because she did so much for the church she was eulogized as “ an angel on earth.”

[@betaylor5031]

I hope she is in heaven, because I’m a Christian, but it’s dubious. I wrote on another post what happened with my mother...Sadly, I know your pain...it took me a decade to start functioning normally after she passed. Didn’t get therapy, but watched these videos and prayed hard. Please let me know how you are doing. Know you are not alone...I’m sending you a big Soul Hug and so much Love...🤗💕🕊

[@jennifergudelis9851]

My Mom is still alive, but she is the same- she would drag us all to church so everyone could see allllll of her children, then after church little old Ladies would come up to me and grab my arm and tell me “Your mother is a SAINT!” and I would think, “Aren’t saints dead?” And “YOU try living with her!”. I don’t remember how young I was, but very young - I used to sing that song “Step on a crack, and you’ll break your mothers back”- I used to stomp on every single crack in the sidewalk, sometimes jumping with both feet. I was such an angry little girl. Because of St Helen.

[@Thilosophocl3s]

It's been eight years since I left her. I'm still not sure if she even knows what she was doing. I didn't know what emotional abuse was, but I do now. She tried so hard to assign motive to my missteps and create a narrative to make herself a victim. In my face, cornering me, daring me to do something about it.. I did. I left. To this day she seems to remember everything as if it there were no problems. She even retells old stories from her perspective that are completely inaccurate in context.

[@wenchdoctor]

Thats the tricky part isnt it. They dont actually know what they are doing. I work 14 hrs a day 6 days a week and then come home to work sun up to sun down sat and sun, i just found out my current wife is telling everyone im financially abusive to her. WTF even is that, i just want the bills paid. We almost lost the house because of her financial problems and somehow im the bad guy. But she is all nice to my face, wont ever talk to me about something bothering her, i have to hear it through the grapefine....

[@joysasser7101]

I’m still traumatized over a year later. We were old friends from HS so I kept making excuses but 2 days into seeing each other first flag, another week another flag, but being a people pleaser I kept making excuses. It got to be where I couldn’t tolerate them even though they came across as nice and caring and helpful. Ignored all boundaries, always the victim, constantly needed to make him feel secure. Just a Giant manipulative con artist. Trust your gut, he gave off vibes and I ignored because of past friendship. If someone shows you who they are believe them. Run, run if you encounter one.

[@Jessica_Lynn3007]

This is one of the many reasons why my mom never cared for me. This subtle stuff never worked on me. I didn't care enough. Just ignored it. But behind closed doors she'd unleash on me. Probably as punishment that I didn't care enough or was too stupid or too authentic to play the game. One time she tried to get a reaction out of me and it worked. On a day that she was jealous of me she told a bunch of people that my little sister was cuter than me at the same age. She knew I could hear that and I stormed off. Later she tried to make it right by telling me I was really the cuter one lol. As if THAT'S what I was upset about. I explained that I was upset that she would even think to say something like that out loud, the deeper implications of what that meant. She could not understand or pretended to not understand and just kept repeating "no, you were the cuter one! Are you happy now?!" First of many times I would come to realize I don't really have a mother. I'm very close with my daughter and grateful to break the cycle.

[@joseenoel8093]

Yes and you must buffer, go between the 2, my mom tried to get my daughter to disrespect me at 17 when she'd visited there alone, everyone ends up being slandered/targeted, they've the mind of a mouse 🐁! 😮

[@danmurray1143]

"Too authentic to play the game."

[@FuneraryGirl]

When I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer my now ex’s mask began to slip. In public, he was the most supportive husband, ever. At home, I was living with two hells to deal with. In one of his rages he started screaming about how I had “too many wins.” I finally got him to explain that and he screamed he keeps tracks of wins and losses and that I had too many wins compared to him, so he was done with the relationship. Looking back, he was trying to manipulate me to do even more while going through treatments and surgeries for cancer, working full time, and being the one doing all the housework and maintenance. Seems so unreal thinking back on it now 😢

[@susanjohnson8290]

That is so crazy! Like you are in a battle with a sibling who gets more desert

[@batmanwgd]

so there right now 😢

[@FuneraryGirl]

@@susanjohnson8290 sorry to hear that :(. Sending strength, clarity, love, and peace to you 💜💜💜

[@redefinedliving5974]

They are heartless. I hope your health is getting better now. Drop that asshole and you'd probably be healed quick

[@mimibatman2787]

I accidentally found a miracle tool for dealing with lying and then gaslighting. Text. When you begin to question your memory. When you begin to think maybe you misunderstood, look back at the text and feel sane and confident again. If it's at all possible to communicate this way, text. It is soooo helpful!

[@karenm9478]

Thank you for your videos! They have been extraordinarily helpful. I kept trying to figure out what was happening......his behavior never made sense. I suspected covert narcissism, but didn't have enough info until I found your videos. Lots of missing puzzle pieces. Now I know and will leave. It was so insidious, I can't believe I second guessed myself. You and your videos are a blessing! You're saving a lot of people from abuse. Thank you again!

[@TheMoonkelly]

And they justify by saying “I just need to speak my mind.”

[@juanitakent6893]

This entire video fully describes what I’ve dealt with. Thank you.

[@ruumikayfoodandtravels6390]

Boy I never got so emotional 😭 and when you said i became a people’s pleaser it hit home 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@afairshare]

It's absolutely insane how they convince themselves, and everyone else around them, that you are the problem. And when you try to call them out for their manipulative behavior - they call you a liar and make you go crazy to the point of convincing you that YOU are narcissist and the problem. In the end - those looking from the outside in can't tell the difference as to which one is and isn't the narcissist.

[@simplypositiveme]

Is this why I feel like pets are so much better than people?! Ive been so physically sick with brand new things. Now I know why i am constantly sick and not sleeping. 😢

[@carmenberaun2614]

Yes

[@Muhammad-u]

We cannot even recognize them but we cannot categorize them u helped us a lot jazakallah khair

[@FM.......]

I need Almost my whole life to recognize him

[@Isabela2024-yr]

Thank you, Danish, for sharing the public clues about narcissism. At least the people can guard themselves from narcissistic abuse. I like how you explain the characteristics of the narcissist temper. You're on point all the time. God bless you for being there for us unsuspecting people about narcissism. ❤🙏🏻❤

[@asthasrivastav6736]

Ohh..its very painful that i am dealing with vulnerable covert narcissist ...my husband discarded me suddenly after devaluation state of 2 years.My 10 years of marriage was broken and i was left alone with my daughter. He was charming and charismatic person but shows his true monsters face.I have gone no contact since 1 month.I decided finally to leave him and do single parenting. I can't thank enough Danish for your valuable insights on this monster's narcissist who just ruined our life..I pray for all victims 🙏 and thanks Universe to send Danish as an angel in our life to save from this hell...thank you soooo much Danish 🙏🙏. Will be grateful to you all my life🙏🙏.

[@cjvklhortonfamily5]

My mother would tell me that I took better care of my pets than my kids when she watched me prep salads for my rabbits to eat! When I graduated from college, she insisted I have a graduation party that she threw for me. She made it a combination grad party and wedding anniversary celebration and then took all the money I got in the cards to reimburse her for the expense of throwing the party! Center of attention and backwards compliments really resonated. Thank you Danish!

[@happ-hobby]

Regarding #1, I would ask my ex (when we were married) how I looked in an outfit. He would say "fine" or "good" without even looking at me. I would call him out on it and ask again and he would say the same thing, again without looking. I gained a lot of weight during our marriage and would have a very hard time finding an outfit to wear on the rare events we would go out. I wanted to make sure I looked my best, so he was adding another type of trauma to the very unpleasant task of finding something to wear. I would ask which looked better sometimes, and he would always say it was the one I had on. I would call him out on that saying he just wanted to leave and it was quickest to say he liked what I had on so I wouldn't have to change again. He would respond "Yes. Now let's go!" He didn't attempt to care about how i looked or felt, just cared about how long it was taking me to get ready. That was obvious, but his behavior was consistent with my family of origin, so I didn't know there was a real problem with him treating me that way.

[@kimberlyvergez4391]

Another problem is that couples therapy isn't very effective. Few therapists can recognize a covert for the same reason that friends and extended family can't see it. It's hidden except for in very private. My completely unaffectionate bf sat down for our first couples session and took my hand-something he had never really done in private, so of course i looked like the uncooperative one when i pulled away. This is typical- they'll bait you so that you look like the volatile one, while they demonstrate how "reasonable" they are. Our therapist finally caught on when she asked him to imagine how i felt and realized he had zero empathy. Now she only works with me

[@DG-tm4is]

They buy you absolutely lovely gifts or really crappy ones. Often buying you something that they want or need.

[@ACommanMan76]

I lost 25 years in a burning hell because of my covert narc. Now I am taking my revenge. STEP BY STEP.

[@Sad-Lemon]

Just let go. They are sick, messed up people, dare I say they dont have a choice but act that way. Just let go. Forgive. Live.

[@neowolf09]

"He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves" As the lemon above said, forgiveness. You're not forgiving them for them, but for yourself and your own mental health.

[@wenchdoctor]

Its been 10 years for me, im just comming to terms with my spouse and acting the way she does. Im starting to understand a little better. Im getting my things in order so i can do what needs to be done. The hard part is going to be actually doing it. Once its done i can focus on my little girl and be done for the most part with my soon to be ex.

[@maryblaufuss7533]

My mother's mother fits this description perfectly. She loved being the center of everybody's pity party. I think my mother's father was intimidated by his wife to the degree that he always sided with his wife, never with my mother. My mother always felt attacked and victimized by both of her parents. The result? My mother married my overt narc father who loved-bombed her at first, then completely neglected her later. My poor, screwed-up mother became a hoarder because there was never anything for her other than outgrown baby clothes, old newspapers and magazines, and old plastic bags. So those are the thigs she stockpiled. The damage done by narcissists is far-reaching, and it's a sad thing.

[@Sweetyseth24]

He used to show in front of other people and his own family, that he is the best,he cares, but in the absence of them, things were not the same, there was silent treatment and devaluing comments.(confusing to me) One day, but this convert narcissist changes to an overt one and all the points match

[@user-dz7pi5wi6t]

It took me over 2 decades to realize my doorman is a covert narc. Ironically, the way I found out was through my overt narc mother...who might have overreacted when a neighbor's dog came out of the elevator, surprising her. That neighbor is very friendly with the doorman. Even though I wasn't involved, other neighbors became very rude and nasty towards me...and they also happened to be the ones who always socialize with the doorman. Putting 2 and 2 together, I found out the doorman is a covert narc who was badmouthing my family over the dog incident. In hindsight, other signs that he is a narc: (1) He likes to be an 'expert' or 'know-it-all' and shows off what he knows (2) He gossips about everyone, usually negative (3) He is friends with the overt narcs (4) He can be passive aggressive (5) He cares a lot about his image and does everything/anything to maintain it (being friendly, sociable, hardworking, competent, reliable, etc.).

[@redefinedliving5974]

Number 1 isn't really a sign though

[@user-dz7pi5wi6t]

@@redefinedliving5974 Most of the narcs I've known like to brag or appear superior in some way.

[@raewynurwin4256]

Thank you Danish, wish I heard this 3 yrs ago, started having suspicions 2yrs ago. Today Ive watched many of your vids so grateful, I ended that relationship in my mind. My guilt has disappeared in toto, amen.

[@liammiles5218]

I value your videos so much Danish. Everything you say is truth to me and I know you’ve lived it.

[@JD-ek6od]

I was thinking it was my fault that communication wasn't happening and that I did something to make them act the way they were acting but they were just enjoying being difficult to watch me be in pain. Than when I did finally get a chance to reflect long enough to communicate all I wanted to they provoked me and confused me so that I felt like the things I was saying wasn't even me but incomplete thoughts that were never given the time to be drawn to a point. There is a proverb in the Bible that perfectly describes this‭ Proverbs 29:9 AMP‬ [9] If a wise man has a controversy with a foolish and arrogant man, The foolish man [ignores logic and fairness and] only rages or laughs, and there is no peace (rest, agreement).

[@trevortaylor5881]

I am thankful for the knowledge you provide and so sorry @Danish Bashir that you went through this.

[@serenityserenity9829]

Covert narcissist the nice guy or girl very friendly they hide behind the false sweet hero image but the people closest to them know the other side

[@mzgodly8272]

Danish you are gold, everything you say is spot on the covert narcissist is just what you say

[@Imatellu-o9i]

Hi Danish, I am sorry to say I've read a bunch of the comments on this and many other videos and though I am confident that you're qualified I'm not so sure that the peanut gallery. I feel like there are too many chefs. Everyone is trying to blame someone else... I just want to write I am fully aware of my contribution to MY shit show. It took me a bit but I get it. Thank you for your work.

[@liezebartsch-wx2wf]

Mine has never said I’m sorry and never cried. Neither would he first reach out and hold my hand, I’ve always had to do it

[@666happygirl2]

He said all those mean nasty things to me, I've seen him beating on his own head with his hands. He called me very nasty names, Stupid, Crazy, everything is inside my head, and names I can't say on your channel. It was absolutely awful, and I divorced him. He was awful. Blamed me for everything that went wrong in his life, and I was no place near. Is this a Covert NARCISSIST ? Yes that meal exsample was one he used the same way. Many Black outs, and the look the would come over his face in his eyes, and I knew he would start the screaming & yelling.

[@_soupdumpling_]

I WILL RIGHT THIS IN CAPITAL LETTER ' MY MOTHER' ENABLING MY FATHERS NARCISSISM AND TURNING EVERY SITUATION AGAINST ME AS I AM THE SCAPE GOAT. 14 FUCKING YEARS

[@user-DeDeGe]

If I was crying, I never was consoled ! If he acted upset, oh you better show him all the attention. Such selfish babies !

[@victoriahall933]

Danish, Thank you for your ongoing mission keeping us informed❤

[@MarthaMahler]

Thank you! I now know exactly what I'm dealing with. My former pastor that I worked for for over twenty years is a covert narcissist and his wife overt. Plus I am actually still receiving abuse from them more than a year after being kicked out of their ministry. It's helpful to know what I'm dealing with. Thanks again!

[@sylvanascott1166]

Thank you for this explanation. We are told to honour and respect our elders but they are our first abusers that leads you into these bad relationships.You are so honest about your life.

[@careyshea8605]

My sister is a covert and very passive agressive. It’s so manipulating to me. She does this odd thing to everybody where she doesn’t return calls, texts and emails. It’s so infuriating and it’s things like that that drives me crazy. She will deny things that happened. I am her scapegoat.

[@careyshea8605]

@@jbrown2908 Your sister and my sister could be friends. My sister is that way too. My sister is extremely condescending. I can’t be around that anymore. I’m done!

[@Seekfind]

Thank you for the clarity in all your posts .Thank you for your detailed analysis

[@beachbliss9366]

Danish I love seeing become wealthy by exposing the people that hurt you. Now that’s justice.

[@rottingsunrecords666]

I have a good one for you. My step father hid his own cell phone and said he had lost it. I happened to be the one who found it. Somehow this got twisted into him convincing my mother that I stole his phone. Really odd since I had plenty of access to other phones. His phone was dead and no calls were made… I had done nothing and ended up having most of my personal items taken from me and I was grounded for the summer. Every time I would talk I’d get more time. My mother is also narcissistic in a more subtle way. She was very “loving” on the surface. She would however withhold any affection when I wasn’t doing what she wanted me to do. As a good example of this is that when I decided upon my religion I picked one that wasn’t hers and she stopped talking to me. It’s all quite frustrating and it took me years to understand that my mother was actually being extremely toxic. Things are better now but there’s a certain amount of guilt I still sometimes feel. Even if it isn’t justified.

[@vivsworldtrip]

Thank you for your honesty and sharing. so sorry to hear about how awful your 2 parents treated you. Thats why you created this channel Im sure.. to spread the message. That must have been scary & tough for you a a little child. I too have 2 narcassitic parents. You are the first person I met that also has 2 narcissistic parents. It was hard & scary for me as an only child, I had no one to turn to but honestly looking back I am stronger from it. Ive gone thru a long journey of self discovery, learning & healing and now have a happy life with a great husband and amazing daughter. Wishing you the best!

[@Shaleymar]

I think you hit all the 5 red flags for my mum she was truly a Covert Narcissist and my Aunt was an Overt Narcissist. Everything you said about the Overt and the Covert was definitely to my Mum and my Aunt. Well done! Danish Bashir

[@amynaira6514]

You are the best buddy... So deep and true... It resonates with my situation with my covert narcissist MIL.... I had tears in my eyes listening to you

[@deborahjoya]

I have experienced both and the covert narcissists have hurt me far more. They criticized me for being critical even though most of the time I wasn't. There was no room for me to say they were the ones being more critical. They knew to complain about what I considered my weaknesses and their words were always present in my head so I constantly judged myself when interacting with others.

[@HL390]

I have been watching and listening to your podcast for few years. All I can say having a narc husband for 35 years was hell. Thank God he is an Ex since 2017. But I must say that watching your video at moment amazed me to how accurate your description is of the narc. You are definitely describing the relationship I had with my Ex, and yet Neither me or my friends or my family understood any of it. So much so that my best friend of many years married him.

[@lc4972]

😮

[@corcat8608]

My ex drank and drank. He works always say he didn’t drink that much. I used to hear him throwing up in the bathroom in the middle of the night and wake up to the things go broke or the mess he made, he didn’t remember doing it. He drank himself sick twice right before he moved out of his apartment back to his parent’s house.

[@rebeccamilligan1711]

This made it very clear thank you for making the video explaining that bpd, and covert. My x is covert and boy did this slowly make me take more space. He took a lot of space but never was aware of his needs. The called me out for breaking our plans. I did want to get raged at and I was sick frequently form all the stress. These are helpful.

[@michellemooney6996]

Thanks so much for this video! It helped me so much!

[@annieb8521]

Thankyou so much for your work,it is helping tremendously. I wish you could speak about how to stop attracting narcissists and why there's always a strong chemistry with the natc compared to normal poeple...... I attract them I realized but I really don't want those poeple in my life

[@alicewright4322]

what about alternating between sulking, saying they are not worthy then attacking and saying you are not worthy. either way if you say no or disagree that is the cause of their rage. if you stop saying no and try to placate them suddenly everything is fine for a moment, but then they become grandiose and star to ask for more and more till you have to say no and fighting starts?

[@rh5273]

OMG DANISH, thank you soooo much for this video. I have yet to even go on to point number 2 but you hit everything on point and now I can confirm he is a covert narcissistic. I was thinking he is between overt and covert but now I am sure he is covert.

[@duke3229]

Neither for me. I just want to get to know them.

[@jjm585]

This is the best video with examples. I have both of them in my house and deal with them every day. This is exactly how they behave.

[@SusieSusy-us3lq]

Another thing I have found is a Covert Narcissist will have other people do their dirty work and avoid going to Jail. Some of them are quite intelligent in a very sick and twisted way.

[@neowolf09]

I really appreciate you doing this video.🙏 Two people I care deeply about think the other is a narc, both show some of these signs, and im starting to worry that both are this, yet because of who they are to me i feel this mental block, refusing to go to a concrete yes or no. These are not people i can easily cut out of my life. And also people i do not want to cut out of my life because of how important they are to me, especially if I'm wrong. I'm just gonna continue going with the flow for now and pray the universe puts things back in balance again. Thank you again for covering this. 🙏