Narcissistic Abuse: Childhood vs Adulthood Recovery

[@Miniver765]

PLEASE REMEMBER, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF FOR WHAT THE NARCISSIST DID TO YOU. You're not responsible for the behavior of a toxic, fundamentally broken person. They willingly chose to treat you badly, and they were quite aware of their actions. DO NOT in ANY way take responsibility for their actions. You didn't do anything to deserve that kind of treatment, and there's absolutely nothing you can do to cure a narcissist. Once you know what you're dealing with, don't bother trying to confront them. They'll only double down on their tactics, and quite probably they'll try to enlist the aid of others to punish and humiliate you. If at all possible, get away from them, or limit your contact if you can't. It's also worth remembering that everything narcissists do is calculated to provoke an emotional response, so be as flat, vague, and unemotional as possible when dealing with them. Brief answers, no elaboration, and keep exchanges with them as short as you can.

[@jcsrst]

As an older survivor of both childhood and adult narcissistic abuse, I can say it's taken a force of will to recover. I have found the most important parts of this recovery involved not seeking validation from anyone but myself and developing healthy self esteem and the ability to put up boundaries. Along the way I went no contact with EVERY narcissist that was in my life. It's been very difficult to learn to trust myself and others but I believe I am well on my way to recovery.

[@elainesmith5313]

Thank you! You give hope in my recovery from the Abuse from childhood to adulthood.

[@thescapegoatclub]

As a child of two narcissistic parents, I think the biggest problem is that we don’t know there is a problem. It’s our normal. Then when we find out the truth we have to decide between ostracism from the family and our own health. It’s incredibly hard. But recovery is worth it.

[@SLR.e14]

It’s extremely evil & sad What these narcissists people do to others Because Narcs are soulless & It’s all about the Narc Narcs don’t like boundaries nor the word No And Narcs will do whatever they have to To get their way The best advice in dealing with Narcissists Is to not deal with them at all .. RUN !!!!! and don’t look back

[@basketballfan5763]

Amen

[@pavanatanaya]

In my childhood, I was neglected. In retrospect, I think it became obvious to abusers and they would find me a target of opportunity. People who can see a scar, then they tear at the scar tissue for their own amusement

[@basketballfan5763]

Don't get me going that's my whole life story but not in relationships but in college and in the workplace I have had consistent targeting and bullying and with friendships it has been the worst😢😢 it's like they can see me coming. I have since discovered that if I want to find a friend that I feel I deserve I must pick them and go for them..... do not let anybody choose you because they're watching you from a distance and picking you because you're really nice and they figure you'll be a fool for them😢 good luck my friend

[@rhondamock7628]

It didn’t happen suddenly, but after a lifetime of “taking it”…When my mother said I needed to “get off this planet”, that was it. I told her calmly (and in monotones) that I can’t control what she thinks, and I can’t control what she says, but I can and I will control what I hear. I sat on it a couple of weeks and it finally came up in a conversation, followed by the screaming, the denial-“I am not that kind of person”-the accusations of how horrible I am, telling me what I think, and how I need therapy, I concluded the call. Calmly. She doesn’t know that I’ve been in therapy the past few months, because she’d have to control the narrative through threats. If you need help, and I think we all do in this situation, get it. It isn’t easy but it is making me stronger. She called me a few days ago to see if I was still angry with her. When I told her I was never angry, all she said was, “Oh” No level of understanding at all. I no longer call her.

[@cierahayes]

Beautifully said! This resonated with me as a survivor of narcissistic abuse. The first twenty-six years of my life were spent in an environment characterized by narcissistic abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, & severe isolation. It was not uncommon for me to be kept at home for months at a time without leaving my house or getting fresh air - the longest duration being about six months. I finally escaped that situation when I was twenty-six years old and began my journey of healing, recovery, discovery, and building a life for myself from scratch. The journey has been challenging, heartbreaking, and rewarding all at the same time. My faith in God and my hope for a better future got me through my years of abuse. The darkness I experienced in the past makes me better appreciate the beauty and light that I am free to experience in my life today. I want to choose to see my life experiences as an opportunity to understand and empathize with other survivors, share hope and encouragement with them, and bring awareness to abuse and abuse recovery.

[@michelleuk676]

I can relate to many of your experiences. I am also a survivor learning to thrive. Knowing I am not alone in the world has given me strength, raising awareness is the key to shining light into that darkness. ❤

[@deborahschmitt3335]

That’s an inspiring thought, “What can you do today that you can thank yourself for, tomorrow?”. It works for all sorts of frustrating times, not just with narcissists !

[@llkellenba]

Safety is such a strong driver that is necessary BUT can also interfere with growth and healing. Grew up with narcissistic parents and partnered up with narcissistic people-Double Whammy. Grief and regret - no more bandwidth for trauma and drama. The isolation as an older survivor is very challenging. Building a new “family” slow and not as accessible for multiple reasons as we age. But consider the alternative-Good luck out there fellow travelers!

[@elisam.5119]

Thanks for the clarity and motivation! Love your tardis 😉

[@basketballfan5763]

Before the video even begins I'm guessing a child would internalise it and blame themselves😢

[@kadootje77]

For something that is so much bigger on the inside, and has many floors with even more rooms, your words are very validating, Thank you Darren, for making this video so I can thank myself tomorrow for listening to it yesterday

[@myjourneytotruth]

As a person who's been victimed since birth till now adulthood you spoke for me with every word & sentence. For anyone's who's been dealing with it lifelong, it's hard so hard to let go of the people who brought all that toxicity to every stage of life & they arent showing any signs of slowing down at even old age with health matters. Just the guilt of ending things while they are or they make me feel like they are in need & in bad health is so heart wrenching. How should I cope, I was put in fear of reaching out to professional help when i had the means like a therapist or counselor. Now even if I do I wouldn't be able to afford it. I feel stuck 😔

[@ogmc626]

At least you are thinking about yourself.

[@Maiasatara]

I am SO angry that I lived my life with the tainted view of reality and zero self-esteem that were the result of two narcissistic parents. They literally robbed me of any chance of a "normal" interaction with/in the world. What I wouldn't give to have a do-over. I put normal in quotes because everyone has issues and no one's life is perfect. But most at bare minimum get to feel loved by their parents. These videos didn't exist when I needed them; NO help was available, let alone immediately at my fingertips. The injustice of it all is so painful.

[@izawaniek2568]

Whenever you see a narcisist run for the hills!

[@lydiagibas114]

As always... So many gems!! Thank you Darren.

[@susancosgrove5010]

That's a lovely proactive thought 'What can I do today, that I might thank myself for tomorrow?' Thank you, always enjoy your videos 😊⚘

[@maichka15]

Thank you for this. I don't consider myself to be a "victim" but I do think my mother fits the bill. It's been challenging but luckily I understood the idea behind setting boundries quite early on, and now practice this tool as often as need be with her regardless of her reaction (which is of course to play the victim).

[@rursus8354]

I'm 62 and a survivor of narcissist parents, so I'm pretty brainwashed. I only understood that my parents fit the definition of vulnerable as well as grandiose narcissism last year, and suddenly my own bad and distrustful relations made a lot of sense. I'm not bitter, actually I'm repressing my feelings with a great deal of intellect to such a degree as to suppress most of my feelings, so that pesky feelings don't come in the way for my fascination over technology, science and social science. But I know the patterns of manipulation, and I'm pretty hesitant to let people near myself.

[@angelaeastwood3938]

My husband went through abuse from his mother as a child badly. I met him knowing that and tried to him through that for many years with his short temper. Rage fits etc I felt sorry for him so felt obliged to stay. Had children together. Only his rages have continued no about of helping or being nice has done anything. Now he is what I didn't realise with all the gaslighting , manipulation etc is the same version of his mother what she was like. and he picked up bad unhealthy habits.Ive had verbal, mental, and physical abuse from him. I no longer feel sorry for him or neither care. I've now know he used all this to do the same and preyed on my empathy and kindness. I've lost years & patience and I feel betrayed, used and future faked. He is a hypocrite saying about his upbringing. but didn't feel bad doing the same to me and the children now are adults and thankfully are not like him.😐

[@oceanaoushn8803]

Brrrrr...."prayed on my empathy and kindness"

[@angelaeastwood3938]

​@@oceanaoushn8803 I write it how I want to brrr preyed. Preyed ok 👍

[@lauchlanguddy1004]

adding a child to a borderline Narcissistic relationship. Can a child in a relationship trigger narcissism

[@nyarparablepsis872]

Thank you so much for this positive message on resilience and the possibility of healing 🙏

[@jelenatanic8741]

Primala sam pozive na telefon i na mobilni. Ovdje je sve preko veze. A i gata se u selu...Još imam i dijagnozu šizofrenija.

[@angelabrainky7786]

Thank you.

[@kadootje77]

I think Darren, what I struggle with the most, is the feeling of, although I have done everything I can to create a safe/healthy environment, not getting justice. The narcissists, wherever they are, are still 'getting away' with the results and after effects of the abuse. F.E. : although I am divorced, The abuse is still going on and so are the after- effects, I went no contact with my parents years ago, but they continue to smear campaign and abuse me, and it still affects my life and I still unwillingly give it my energy, which I don't want but can't stop. When I would stop feeling I would not be true to my core. No matter what I feel or go through, no matter how I set boundaries and display assertiveness, the narcs still have a measure of control that effects our lives.

[@drvpscott]

💯

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

You do any videos on Fantasy Bonds? Are they ever fictional?

[@CanadianBear47]

Thank u. Parents family