Narcissistic relationships & OCD

[@l.ameenaa4669]

I have had OCD since 13 yrs old. After finding out about narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse, I have come to understand where it stems from. I am 49 now.

[@kayzar293]

Hi do you have a NPD yourself?

[@xyZora]

I want to add that as someone with OCD (already clinically diagnosed), my narcissistic ex mocked and belittled me for my anxieties. I was "weird" and "strange" and "deficient" for struggling with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. My experience is that, for people with OCD, a narcissistic partner will make your OCD worse because they will make you feel guilty for your fears. They will also use it against you to make you feel they are so special and patient for "tolerating" you.

[@Az_WitaZ]

Thank you for sharing. I'm sure that wasn't easy, and I hate that you had to go through that.

[@sage9836]

I thought it was the narc who had OCD because they sure liked to perfectionalize me. I can see how someone would get OCD behaviors as a result of trying to be perfect to keep from being harmed.

[@danchandler7112]

I know the feeling

[@phalinimcleod8819]

Oh Sage, I can so relate to your comment.

[@justathumb]

yeah, in my experience it was caused by the anxiety inflicted by things not being "good enough" - so it really sets your mind into a destructive pattern of checking for missed errors, when none of it is actually necessary.

[@cherylsibson2529]

Yes, I could see a little bit of OCD forming in myself to distract myself, I'd do breathing exercises, yoga, walking in nature, writing, drawing, fill my life with hobbies to feel better for myself. I can't change narcissism in others, I am good enough.

[@user-of9bx1uk3u]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@vahag25]

When there are repetitive thoughts, then a person cannot think creatively. When a part of the brain gets hardened, new thoughts can’t be created. The same simple thoughts keep running through the head unless that hardening is softened up, trauma is dissolved, and function regained.

[@noracharles9366]

Psychologists call that ruminating✡

[@joywebster2678]

Reparative?

[@cymbolichuman433]

Paralyzing is how I feel. Then you have to get your freedom back.

[@paperdollyglitzzy]

Congratulations on 600k subscribers Dr. Ramani. I love your videos. 🎉🎈❤

[@DoctorRamani]

Thank you!!

[@elcee7800]

Same here, Dr. Ramani, you literally saved my life! You are an incredibly talented person, so charitable, sympathetic, empathetic, relational, connected, and knowledgeable. Thank God I came upon you!

[@NarcSurvivor]

Narcissists are often OCD. They are obsessive by nature, they can’t let things go. They hold on to everything and develop dysfunctional habits.

[@Life-kv5bv]

Good to know wooww

[@martineldritch]

There was an episode of "Scrubs" where Michael J Fox played a visiting doctor with OCD. His character was so personable and cool. Zach Braff's character idolized him and in the end saw the doctor in his obsessive handwashing routine and realized he was only human with his own personal cross to bear and overcome. Great episode.

[@mrscrofford]

When I was in the midst of narcissistic abuse with an ex I was in ocd mode. At the time I didn’t know what this was but I was trying to shop my sorrows away. But now I see what this was. I really did a number on myself with shopping addiction. One of Biggest regrets of my life.

[@miriamcastillo1268]

Thank you so much for this Dr. Ramani! I have OCD but got so much worse in a relationship with a Narcissist. Intrusive thoughts if I was losing my memory (because he told me I didn’t remember things), constant reassurance of the relationship (which he hated and victimised with), and finally sexual intrusive thoughts of abuse (because I was feeling emotionally abused and manipulated). Now I’m feeling so much better that I could let go that relationship. But narcissistic abuse was an immense trigger to my anxiety and OCD. The worst is that because you’re aware of your problems, narcissists treat you like crazy to manipulate you more. Please be careful! Narcissists don’t want you to be healthy, they want you in the darkest hole possible.

[@mariaalaniz5437]

You look beautiful today Doctor.Ramani! Hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day tomorrow. Thank You for all your hard work.

[@rayak7071]

My mother is narcissistic and I have intrusive thoughts and anxiety, which makes perfect sense now. Once again, very eye opening and validating. Thank you Dr. Ramani you are an Angel. ♥️

[@nicbro3831]

One of my former narc boyfriends had these insane rules for everything. I couldn't do anything right: pour cereal, squeeze toothpaste, fold laundry, wash dishes. Even the shows I picked and the music I listened to were wrong. Made my anxiety so much worse. It's never gotten better and I haven't seen him in 10 years. I still hate him. I want to let it go.

[@joseenoel8093]

Ya that's my mom, as a kid she dictated I wash the dishes, no problem, didn't I mistakenly wash the frying pan first, I was cast aside myself as it's apparently imperative to be washed last, fair enough but I didn't know, I refused to wash dishes (even visiting decades later) for her ever again, out at 17 and into normal, now at 59 I rule my sink and no one complains about it here either, maybe I have OCD not to fret about such stupid menial things, peoples' feeling are more important.

[@noracharles9366]

Working on elimating the hate 💖 its killing me

[@user-of9bx1uk3u]

Do the healing and let it go...💖

[@Maria_9789]

@@joseenoel8093 feelings are more important

[@Maria_9789]

@J Mc i relate to this. Thanks for sharing

[@funnykidnotebook9731]

Yup. I got diagnosed with stress induced OCD after narc abuse and whenever I'm around a narc, the OCD tendencies flare up. Sigh. But once they r gone the OCD magically disappears. It's like the body knows....

[@akshatanaiknimbalkar6456]

Oh my god!! I feel you

[@user-vn9sh6hv8r]

Great observation. Mine comes and goes too - i'm going to try to track the triggers to see if they're spurred on by certain people or situations (i already sense that that is the case). Oftentimes it's invisible to me as it's quite normalised now and generally happening when i'm disassociating and 'in my head' about stuff, not fully conscious of what i'm doing - i.e. washing my hands again & again. I haven't watched the vid yet but i have noticed it's worse when i feel confined, stuck in a situation, when i feel "small" and unable to take up space, and when my immune system feels under pressure or attacked. It's all connected. I have found that taking echinacea helps - for physical immune support, but it also makes you feel stronger psychologically too. It's like it helps rebuild your aura around you like a protective force field... Whatever works right?! 😊

[@miriamcastillo1268]

Exactly the same!!!

[@lukeskywalkerlucasfilm]

Thanks for sharing your experience!

[@indigoechos6796]

Same lol

[@ls3815]

OCD's nickname is the doubting disorder and we oftentimes end up gaslighting ourselves with cognitive distortions that OCD loves to play with all on its own. Often times we say "Is this me or just my OCD?" Therapy encourages you to challenge your OCD by treating it as something separate from your authentic self. Having OCD itself ironically is like having a little narc living inside of you. It constantly is undermining you becoming your own worst enemy, and ultimately prevents your true self from leading a meaningful and fulfilling life if untreated. However, this problem is amplified significantly when dating an actual narcissist. Instead of having a supportive and loving partner who wants the best for you and wants to learn more to help you, the narc uses this to play even more extreme games and keep you off balance even further. A person with OCD doubts more than the average person and the narc knows that. Toying with you is easy for them. Unfortunately, this person with OCD is doomed to get gaslit twice. It takes serious core value self-awareness to take on this two-front war.

[@colleenjohnson9013]

Living with narcissistic individuals reminds me of driving. To drive safely everyone needs to stay in their own lane and not their emotional lane. When others drive in their emotional lane it results in reckless driving. Likewise living with a person with OCD can be like a driver who can’t stay in their lane.

[@michellew6875]

Congrats on reaching 6 hundred thousand subs, if anyone deserves it, its You!

[@DoctorRamani]

Thank you!!

[@imapandaperson]

OCD was my way to feel safe in a world where I was being abused and my attachment style was incredibly insecure....I absolutely think, though obviously developing OCD versus another disorder has to have a genetic component, my OCD might not have been so strong or even expressed itself at all. Abuse triggered it, my abusive mother continuously made me feel unsafe, and every time she made me feel unsafe I would develop a new OCD theme about the specific abuse....and she was incredibly controlling, and growing up her expectations were always changing....my OCD was my way of putting rules that I could predict in myself, and in order to strive for validation from my narc I strove for perfection. My mother required perfection. When I left her my OCD became so much more manageable.

[@lukeskywalkerlucasfilm]

Thanks for sharing your story...you're right on...the brain does what it has to do...especially when you cant quantify abuse with outside resources....Narcs are great actors and hide abuse to the public.

[@Lttnggo123]

I have the "Pure O" form of OCD, which is fear of harming someone else and extreme hyper vigilence. I've spent my whole life worrying that a decision I make will hurt someone. Broken glass, electrical stuff, blood borne pathogens, and on and on. So much time and energy afraid for the wellbeing of others, that I have taken the joy out of many events and worn my friends and family down. For example a lovely piece of cake I may offer with the disclaimer that I may have accidentally spit on it. Interestingly I believe limiting carbs may help. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

[@cynacist1823]

Omigosh, this just turned a lightbulb on in my head... The hand washing, the inability to relax unless things are "in order", constantly checking, the fear that something terrible will happen if I don't do these things... During the abuse, something terrible WOULD happen if I didn't so now it's a coping mechanism....Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

[@pajamacladangel9920]

This is the most minimized disorder, OCD. People pretend to have this all the time over some quirky thing, “I’m OCD...sorry”

[@pajamacladangel9920]

Sometimes I think I have it, but I don’t have the fear of thinking the world will end if I don’t preform a certain act. I’m just extremely picky about certain things.

[@joywebster2678]

You can be obessessive without compulsion and it's the amount of distress it causes u and ur life that matters.

[@dakoderii4221]

I developed some symptoms of it. Like I started checking to see if I locked the door 57 times before I leave. And then a few more just to make sure. The whole time I'm thinking "What the **** am I doing? I know it's locked now. But is it really? Let me check again" 😕🙃😩

[@antoniopizzolatotroia8754]

I got diagnosed with OCD, disorganized attachment and generalized anxiety disorder, after years trying to make me eared by my single parent and after start falling apart end with a CPTSD. These people must be avoided at all cost. "It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything". When you get free and you start to soul distancing yourself from them you return back to be way more emotionally regulated and focused again, stronger than ever if you really want to.

[@ankicazander3464]

When I first saw the title, I was like, OK, that's one disorder I don't have. Then, as Dr Romani stared to describe it, I'm like, oh shoot, I do that too. I count the trees, the windows on houses, anything. When I'm leaving, often I go back because I'm not sure if I locked the doors. How many disorders can one person have?! Thank you Dr Romani 🙏

[@SueP-D]

I think with counting, for example, you don’t allow yourself to move on until everything’s counted in a pre-set way that you’ve determined. And it prevents you from moving along because you keep counting and counting. So counting something, then moving on probably isn’t really OCD. I think!

[@klee_of_c8082]

Congratulations on 601,000 subscribers, Dr Ramani. In my mind, that equals 6,000,000 helped, if each of us knows even 10 people who benefit by our recovery. Thank you!

[@deborahjohnson1065]

You never cease to amaze me!! This was very informative. And by the way...you looked very pretty. Thank you for sharing your passion with us.

[@MegaDiddlemaus]

It appears that the whole world is suffering with OCD and narcissistic people

[@thenativist3564]

Nope

[@makaylahollywood3677]

My father wanted the house of ten children to be "run like an army" as he said. My mother was running herself ragged with laundry, cleaning cooking and taxi driver...to keep my father happy. He was never happy. I took on lining up towels, glasses, etc...but, not interfering with my life.

[@madeleinekallas955]

I am grateful for this video. Thank you Dr. Ramani. I have suffered from intrusive thoughts since I was nine years old. When I got married , I suffered a lot because all these intrusive thoughts were about my little daughter. I got divorce because he my ex husband accused me of being crazy... I am happy now because I live with my daughter. It is ok for me to be diagnosed with OCD. I accept this mental disorder as a part of my life and I understand this situation because I grew up in a dysfunctional family... I love myself now. I forgive myself now. I am grateful for you Dr. Ramani.

[@thebrightestrainbowever3841]

I am so glad you talked on the cognitive aspect of OCD as it is a spectrum. Thank you again. And yes Congratulations 🎉!

[@PassionateFlower]

You're saving my sanity one day at a time Dr. Ramani thank you❤

[@devidaughter7782]

I don't have full OCD, but I've developed (over)checking compulsions, which I never had previously. I tend to need to check the stove multiple times before going out the door, and I second-guess whether I locked my car, even though I know I did. The core issue is not trusting myself, and once indulged, the self-doubt grows. I have to really be firm with myself: 'yes, I checked the stove' and make myself leave without re-checking it one more time. Because the more I go back and check, the more the free-floating anxiety persists, and the sense of self-doubt creeps into the next thing (like locking my car). It is a dissociated feeling, the opposite of being firmly grounded in my reality.

[@ladybaabaa3294]

Yes! This kind of OCD comes from not trusting yourself or your own actions and perceptions. I have mild OCD and part of it manifests as being prone to doubting I really did something. "...did I really turn off my hair straightener?? What if the house burns down?!" or "Did I take my medication? I can't remember...uh oh!" So what I've been doing for quite a few years is, firstly realising the doubt tends to come while doing quick, mundane tasks where my focus goes on auto-pilot. So...it's hard to remember what you're not fully focused on in the first place, you know? Secondly, when I do such automatic tasks, I make it NOT automatic. When I turn off my hair straightener, I say out loud "OFF!!!" really loudly or in a weird voice. So later, if a seed of doubt does happen to creep in, even if I don't clearly remember turning off the hair straightener, I DO remember the "OFF!!!" part. Same with the medication. When I take my pill, I say something out loud that's associated with my specific circumstances. Like, I take this particular medication each evening between 5pm and 8pm depending on what, where and when I have dinner. So say I'm going out for sushi at 7pm, and I take my pill before I leave, I'll say "Sushi!!!" so hours later, I'll remember that yes, I took it.

[@devidaughter7782]

@@ladybaabaa3294 wow, thanks for the tip; I find it really helpful! :)

[@cerealis_5432]

This has been my biggest hurdle in recovery. The self doubt and crippling and keeps me in this perpetually anxious, uncertain, apprehensive, worrisome state. I hope your situation has improved and if you have any advice I’d really appreciate it!

[@devidaughter7782]

@@cerealis_5432 the best advice I got was from 'Lady Baa Baaa' above. Her concrete techniques for defeating self-doubt by making weird sounds when doing the task you worry later you forgot to do, has really helped me get better with my (over) checking. Its still a work in progresss for me and I still check more than is necessary, but less than before. Also, making the connections between self-doubt and our home life can really shed light on the roots of where these patterns come from. I was raised by a mother who frequently expresses doubt in my decisions, and treats me like I don't know what I know. As I get more clear about this pattern in our relationship, I can see how the roots of self-doubt were formed in me. From what you wrote, I'm guessing that your childhood was full of worry, anxiety and uncertainty. If you haven't done therapy around 'inner child'/ early childhood, this may be helpful. 'nothing comes from nothing' as they say. our current symptoms are clues to our early years and experiences.

[@CPaul-cm7qk]

Dr. Ramani...you are the BEST! I hope you have a show one day like "Dr. Phil" ☺

[@nennmir548]

Hello everyone, I am just now becoming aware of my narcissistic behaviors and OMG! WHAT AN EYE OPENER!!! Thank you Dr. Ramani for explaining everything in simple terms! I am so disappointed in myself for hurting others and I am ready to change! I am noticing that alot of the resources available are for those who have been IMPACTED by a narcissist, but there's limited resources for those who ARE narcissist who are becoming self aware and are wanting to change. Has anyone seen videos that address narcissist directly? Maybe a book? A guide? Something?! I really want to change my behavior and I am ready!!!

[@dapsolita]

These videos remind me of the study of epigenetics. Always pay attention to th environment when discerning an illness👏👏

[@ghuyakalika]

This is the video I was waiting for! Yay! Whooooop 💗 my mother is one of the most OCD people in the world. Besides Mr Monk!!

[@Mountlougallops]

Me too!

[@almousika]

Me too

[@goldieh7121]

Narcissists like to continually ask why we do things the way we do, leading to constantly preparing explainations in our head with everything thing we do...a type of rumination that keeps me from focusing fully on the task at hand.

[@peterknyk1942]

Hi Dr. Ramani! Thank you for this explanation today! I have another version of OCD that I lived with with a narcissist in my life! It is, as I endured all of the compulsive properties, the other was OBSESSIVE CONTROL DISORDER.... i’m not sure which was worse! Great video today Dr. Ramani! ❤️🙏🏻🕊

[@catwo6477]

I had OCD as a child in a toxic family dynamic...of course, you don't realise it is at the time. I formed rituals as a form of control, silly things like turning the light switch off and on so many times. I told myself one time to stop as a child and I did as I realised that it was controlling me. Except when I found myself in a narc relationship as a young adult, it started again, but this time with obsessive cleaning of the house. Again as a form of control and focus. I have been out of this relationship for over 23 years now and married for twenty years to a good man. I have never done this since.

[@anelinck5375]

Recently I was scratching my face until bleeding when talking to a neighbour. She is the wife of a GP and asked me if I did this often and that it would be worth while to look into an OCD. She was right! What is do is called an excoriation disorder and is indeed an OCD. I scratch my face, in my hair and my upper arms until it bleeds or hurts because the pain is a stress relief for me. I counted my open wounds for fun, but stopped counting at 50. It was really depressing. I have been doing this since I was a teenager and am in my 40’s now. So I have some permanent scarring.

[@devidaughter7782]

wow- thank you so much for your courage to be vulnerable and share this with us!

[@phalinimcleod8819]

Wow, that took guts to share. So proud of you. Hope you're healing now.

[@aliciabehrman4600]

I have been doing the same thing for years. My skin needs to be so beautiful and I had no acne and no problems. And now when I have any negative emotions about anything or something comes up and I just want the thoughts to go away. I will find myself in a parking lot. Squeezing the tiniest imperfections to the point where I make myself bleed so bad. Bruising my face and then I have had a constant addiction with Band-Aids to help with the scarring. Even though I was told now I am a crater face and of course there was addiction involved that he brought into our home. We were with each other for 13 years. He raised my child who was not biologically his from the time she was to and then we had our own 10 years later. How I stayed that long, well, I think we all know the answer to that question because I had left four times and came back every time because of the love bombing and the trauma bond and the fact that when your hippocampus and amygdala is damaged that you kind of forget the bad things that happened when they are being so kind and so nice and making promises to you... But the last time we got back together after having our child together he had lost his job because of his drug use and then started selling methamphetamine. So everyone shocked it up to my face being affected by drug use. I did not even know what narcissism was at that time. That was 2014 and in 2019 I found Lisa Romano and Dr. Romney and one mother's battle, Well & the list goes on because I've listened to all of them now... But I had noticed that it was not just when I would be using illicit substances in 2020 I couldn't take it anymore and I left my home with my older daughter and he lied and said I abused my 5-year-old at the time so they left her with him and I had to leave my house all of my belongings and my baby. Shortly after moving into my parents home I had started noticing that the nights before court or times that I would hear my other daughter on the phone with him and I could hear my 5-year-old in the background and I couldn't talk to her because he had gotten false restraining order on me for the abuse that I did not do but he actually had done and slammed her head into a wall and fractured my tailbone Little did I know that he had been smear campaigning the town police. We lived in a very small town and all of our neighbors and friends and to believing I was on drugs and having an affair And that I was unsafe and unstable, But moving on, any situation that put me where I was very nervous and stressed. I started breaking out in hives all over my entire body and it itched so badly. I could not sleep the first few times that it had happened. I found myself running to the gas station at 4:00 in the morning because I couldn't do anything to make the itching stop and the welts were horrendous and that was just an addition to the other obsessive compulsive tendencies on picking my arms face legs toenails fingernails back shoulders... And it was wild to me that I could sit there and tell myself to stop and keep telling myself to stop but I could not. And the amount of pain and blood did it cause was horrendous and I just didn't even care. It's like I was not even consciously thinking about the consequences of what I would cause myself for turmoil or possibly the next week. Not to mention the pain that I caused myself and it didn't matter. At the time the pain did not bother me but afterwards it sure did ,not to mention it was embarrassing, And he did not have that issue. So going from beautiful. Perfect skin to having now. Major acne scars all over my entire body. Mainly just shoulders face arms, then he shamed me for looking that way or doing that never was there a time where he tried to figure out why and then would tell his family and friends to come over just so he could humiliate me and tell them I was the user and to look at my face and how he didn't have that. So I was the problem... And I really thought that for a long long time until I finally got the courage to leave and it took me a long long time to leave. But when I did leave I ordered the DSM-5 and I actually found the obsessive compulsive disorder that has to do with face and body picking even in your sleep and it's caused by negative emotions or anxiety and anxiety or panic attacks just the same as people you hear pulling out their hair... I also just got diagnosed with ADHD and I'm positive I have CPTSD. I have severe anxiety every single day. I'm indecisive. I cannot easily make my own decisions. I'm getting better... But I recently started working with a girl and she is 15 years old, which I have a 15-year-old daughter now and she shows the same symptoms and same signs. And what's ironic is she picks her face and her arms and she gets hives every time she gets nervous or has negative emotions about a situation. It's the first time I had heard anybody else going through it.... And as they say, the Lord brings people into your life at a certain time for certain reasons. Because two days after this 15-year-old girl told me about her issues. A 21-year-old girl. Same thing has been happening to her and both of their fathers. Well stepfathers are narcissistic so I definitely see a pattern here....

[@ginacheselka6086]

I have been dealing with obsessive compulsive disorder for as long as I can remember the thoughts of something really bad happening has truly crippled me getting help with that and I can't afford therapy thank you so much for your channel I listen ALL the time. It is Extremely helpful. I do take medication and it helps to some degree I was also in a narcissistic relationship and these videos have helped me soooo much!!!!

[@MsCtrain]

I always new my ocd was a situational response to my teenage home life. I’m pretty sure my dad is a narcissist or at least has strong traits. The fear, manipulation, his tantrums, control and gaslighting was too much for my kid brain. The ocd was a way to channel the very deep distress and anxiety into an imaginative world where I felt I had some control through performing the compulsions, even if that world was still another hell. I’m ok now and a lot older and therapised. I live in another city so am able to have a ‘normal’ relationship with him.

[@ekjotkaur1283]

This vedio is so true for me thankyou for your great work 👍🏻 i was told by my psychologist that i have developed perfectionist and ocd personality traits but the reason is clear now i have 3 close family members who I suspect are narcissists . Your vedio has validated my concerns and helped in restoring my faith in me

[@yamlwoz]

Dr Ramani, I am loving this series and am finding it so very helpful and healing, thank you so much for your sharing heart ❤

[@nabilabaset297]

Sometimes it gets funny that it's called love to them To me We are in circles of drama and patterns No freedom Locked 🔒 Like cage But I can't flee from here or home Nowhere Gotta do something Sneaky 🤫

[@Gwen13061]

Somehow, I see a connection with eating disorders.

[@joseenoel8093]

Great now I'll learn what OCD really means, thank you everyone! 💟

[@garycordle5295]

Thank you DR. RAMANI for educating us, on so many important topics 👍💯

[@ponetium]

After my last toxic relationship I developed OCD-like symptoms, and 1.5 years after, I am still dealing with those.

[@privateprivate8366]

It was weird for me that I had a brief bout with OCD many years ago. For a few days or weeks, I had a bout with being pretty sure that I’d left my door open, before going to work, that my dog had escaped and that I’d find him run over in the street. As I lived just close enough to drive home and back during lunch, yep, I’d drive nervously back home to check, still not entirely relieved, because I was angry that I felt I had to. I haven’t had that problem since, HOWEVER, that could be because I’m also into home automation. So, I’d know, from another country, if my door was open. But, for people with OCD, note that this is not a complete solution. I’ve bought backups and cameras because these devices are prone to failure. A horrible example is that, when I was working in the city, my front door sensor began to fail. As a result, although I knew I’d closed my door before I left, as soon as the bus I was on, would get on the highway, I’d get several alerts that the door was open. Trapped on the bus, all I could do was to either work to convince myself that it wasn’t true or relinquish the fact that maybe my apartment was being burglarized or that my cats were loose and that it was just in the cards, for them to run out and get killed. This was hammered down in me, as I couldn’t do anything, I needed the job and I knew no one cares about me, let alone my belongings and my pets. But, I do feel that it’s possible that, as I have felt that my mother’s narcissistic issues have been propelled by this ruminative stewing, it is just another issue for her. Because how else can a person feel so threatened by someone, who doesn’t live with them, just calls to chat and is usually just at work all the time? It’s why it’s no surprise to me, that narcissism is a defense mechanism. While I do recognize the true threats in my mother’s life, like racist neighbors, apparently, just by me having a livelihood, is a real problem for her. Some might mistake that for love. But, it isn’t love, when the person knows that fiddling with it, after you took 8 years to climb out of the recession, might end you. I feel sorry for her though. For me, I experienced OCD as such a weakness. You do not feel like a well and strong person. You may even mock yourself and it can become a circular pattern of recognizing the weakness, giving into it or blocking it and self-mockery. If I ever begin to show signs of it again, I just hope I’m not working the job I have now. I don’t know about how everyone else’s work life is. But, in the type of environment I work in, for myself and most of my coworkers, it is the type of work where you never trust yourself and where there are consequences for mistakes. Consequences for you and for your team. So, the nature of the system actually can promote OCD in people, I guess. Someone who already has OCD, would not last for long there.

[@Aumnimist]

Ma'am your videos saved lots of rumination from unauthentic sources! I now religiously follow you ... Thank you so much for your kind work 🙏🏻

[@actualizeyourmagic5106]

I'm so happy to see you successful! You're helping so many people with your videos. I'm very thankful to have found your channel. I'm listening to your books on audible too. You give me hope that I can understand what happened to me and heal from it. I hope you are going to cover PTSD from the abuse. I'm dealing with that now and would love to hear what you have to say about it. Thanks!

[@travis6694]

My narcissist wants me to give her attention while she has her new boyfriend. She wants me to get upset about it towards her. It’s her fuel isn’t it? She gets pleasure out of mental torture and drawing me in.

[@Ana-gq7ce]

Yes. Go no contact! Save yourself, you're no longer a victim, now you've seen the pattern so stop giving her your energy, use that energy to work on yourself

[@rickyd7631]

I'm going through the same thing. She comes into my work With her new supply.. To get a reaction. I need the mindset to not care. I Just don't know how.

[@cymbolichuman433]

People like that are annoying and stupid and childish.

[@ilhamjaa5059]

Congrats on 600k subs

[@DoctorRamani]

Thank you! ❤️

[@sll110]

wonderful,my mom evil narcissist, my childhood has very serious OCD

[@algutierrez9180]

Doctor ramnia ..you are a very beautiful lady..with a beautiful heart ..thanks for helping us out here that dealt with a narrasite

[@croberts7285]

Would have liked to see a brief touch on the correlation between OCD and basil ganglia inflammation. But Dr. Ramani always knocks it out of the park. I'm a future therapist benefiting greatly from her teachings.

[@carolhicks6796]

One of the first things my ex boss exclaimed to me . "I"m not a narcissist , i have OCD"!!!! Guess what he turned out to prove himself to be.?

[@klee_of_c8082]

Ummmm... both? Time to give notice!

[@malia6015]

thank you so much for making these videos !! you're such a boon to the world ☺️

[@lykoe4045]

Absolutely this happens. It became my defense mechanism for sure when everything I did never felt enough or perfect enough. Its a serious thing thats hard to get out of, but Im sue its possible. Ty for covering this Dr Ramani

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

Thanks so much for creating this one!!! 🙏❤️ (i was waiting for this one especially, as i have OCD and am also a survivor of several abusive relationships;) 😉👍

[@anthonyfuscellaro233]

It’s crazy how right she is about my relationship, yet I keep questioning whether my partner is a narcissist or not

[@veracuskar3017]

Thank you Dr.Ramani

[@SherrysReviewsandResearch]

I knew a person who was being illegally researched and bullied and the bullies would go out of their way to even harass the victim online, and making mockery videos of the victim. That seems kinda OCD maybe..Like the main bully was so nerve wracked, they couldn't go a day without harassing the victim. Wierd.

[@squirrelystuff8345]

Psycopathy or sociopathy, but not OCD.

[@SherrysReviewsandResearch]

@@squirrelystuff8345 "co morbidity," as the doctor says.

[@ronalddaub7965]

I have to make sure my keys and my wallet is somewhere where I can find it in the morning it's just forgetfulness

[@joseenoel8093]

I think they somehow represent alot of responsibility and we've lots already!

[@anndra1160]

LOL! 🤣 I'm with you on that one! Just makes my already hectic morning easier if I'm slightly prepared! 👍

[@georgejgilles.3999]

I'm glad you said prayer because religion teaches prayer because religion is in the fear selling business.

[@bridgetthompson6926]

This is eye opening.

[@kaleyharris95]

I found myself double, triple and quadruple checking things I knew I had done already because the abuse made me question myself so much. My ex partner would even tell me I was OCD. The moment I realized the issue was learned self distrust from the ex the symptoms started getting better. I really appreciate this video because this one struck home.

[@timothygenaw2199]

Hi Dr. Ramani. Can you talk about resistance to dating after surviving an abusive relationship? I have stayed single on purpose for 4 years with no plans to date and I have contempt for the idea of any kind of close human relation. But I sense that this self-isolation is going to shorten my life span. Thanks.

[@danieladeutsch1708]

I support you Timothy, I have the same situation - I am suspicious to any new potential partner. Isolating myself and on the other hand loosing the fun of dating or building a new, healthy relationship. Thank you for bringing it up! XX

[@tracydanneo]

It could potentially be good for you to be single and meet people outside of the dating paradigm. Very much doubt it will shorten your lifespan! But that’s my bias as a single person. ☺️

[@timothygenaw2199]

@@tracydanneo Hi Tracey. Thanks. I agree. I think I have gone overboard on the self isolation (family, friends, etc) The past relationships have traumatized me so much that I have developed a generalized contempt for humanity in general. I'm bitter and I know it's not healthy.

[@dbrown8789]

I feel exactly the same way 2 years after the abuse. Won't date and feel Contempt at even the thought of it.

[@tracydanneo]

@@timothygenaw2199 makes sense. Since getting vaccinated and with social life opening up, I’ve been reminded how much isolating I’ve been doing. If you’ve never read Pema Chodron’s books, you might want to try. She can be helpful with putting trauma and bitterness in perspective. But it’s not for traumas that are better addressed with therapy, or things that were profoundly troubling. Good luck.

[@haumea6166]

Thank you so much for your videos they’re so helpful

[@des2507]

Thank you Dr.Ramani🙏

[@barbaracale1015]

Hoping for one about narcissism and OCPD, as well. Thanks!

[@DoctorRamani]

Stay tuned ;)

[@phalinimcleod8819]

Me too, Barbara. Waiting for this one.

[@juni_pearl_9591]

My exposure to Narc abuse sent my pre-existing OCD through the roof. I was almost completely un-able to function.

[@mckenziecartercameron5762]

Thank you for this…. I’m getting a second opinion but I’m having OCD pathology and never have before. But I have ADHD so that gets tricky as symptoms overlap. What a wealth of knowledge you bring to my mental health journey! 💕

[@provencepoppy1078]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your amazing videos. I learn so much from them and take a lot of comfort, too. Could you please do a video about, "Do narcissists ever hit bottom? If yes, what happens?" Thank you!

[@StephieGsrEvolution]

I thought you were going to talk about how narcissistic abuse causes OCD. That's what happened to me.

[@phalinimcleod8819]

Me too, Stephie G. I think. But I don't know. I'm not obsessive or compulsive, I don't think, but I am full of anxiety to try to be perfect because of living with a perfectionistic narcissist for 40 years and growing up with a covert narcissist older brother. I've suffered so much verbal and psychological abuse, I'm constantly biting the inside of my lips and cheeks. Maybe I need to watch that Dr Ramani video about Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Thanks for your comment. You helped me open up.

[@StephieGsrEvolution]

@@phalinimcleod8819 Yes, being with a perfectionist and/or narcissist can cause OCD, but you can also have OCD features and not have the full out disorder. Sounds bad enough if you're anxious enough to have mouth biting. Watch out for teeth grinding too. 😓 My unsolicited suggestion is to make boundaries and stick to them. I've been estranged from most of my family for almost 20yrs and it has saved me. Whatever works for you, but don't put up with people's 💩 for long. Best wishes for you. You deserve to have an abuse/toxic free environment. 💜

[@jessicaw.6539]

Thank you for your video. Another series could be on the Meyers-Briggs personalities and narcissism

[@phalinimcleod8819]

Good idea, Jessica. The Enneagram too, perhaps. I have often contemplated how Type 8 of the Enneagram Personality Typing System and narcissism go well together. My narc is a Classic Type 8 with a Tri-type of 8-3-7. An overly simplified analysis is that 8 is the dominating controller (stems from fear of being controlled by others), 3 is image conscious, and 7 lacks empathy. All present in narcs.

[@yl5757]

Thank you, Dr Ramani. I have low to mid level OCD, and I don't know what the obsessional thought is, I just feel the anxiety and do some compulsions. I suspect my obsessional thought had something to do with abuses from my mother. Once I was criticised by a narcissist for having OCD. I didn't understand why and I wasn't hurt. You can't take children's opinions too seriously.

[@cymbolichuman433]

I just don't want to live in a junkyard. I had to go through a lot just to have a home I can walk through. I like hearing people say: "how nice..."

[@sds6303]

Yes! My partner has ocd, has some narcissistic traits overlaping with some bpd as well. Thank you for addressing this

[@dancing0nthe3dge]

This video was made for me. Was recently diagnosed with OCD (cleaning and hand washing) and PTSD (unrelated to narcissism) due to a narc mother and sister.

[@dylancrang8810]

great video :-) keep up the good work

[@miadoyon9759]

Thank you so much for all the information you make available 🌷🌷🌷

[@izzylandyt]

I discovered that violent thoughts is an OCD trait. Is that true? Cause I really started getting those kind of thoughts when the pressure and toxic behavior of my family / parents, while also trying to finish school, became too overbearing. But I don't speak of it aloud for obvious reasons.

[@MarcelGomesPan]

The stress of the Narcissistic relationship made my OCD worse . I had had it more or less in check before that. Apparently that was an inconvenience to her ( and She told me as much ). One of the many things wrong with me. Cognitive Bahavioural Thereapy helped me and it is now almost no more than a background buzz.

[@banerjees4481]

I have ocd from my childhood and I still have ocd. I have compulsions like When I did something including masturbations and after doing that I think about over and over and over. It gives me temporary relief and even after that the ocd cycle anxiety,compulsion,temporary relief and same anxiety comes again and again for hours. But the ocd cycle making worse for me like you from my psychopathic mothers abuse. Her gaslighting,projection,intimidation and blame shifting and baiting all these cause me thinking about my own ocd symtomps again and again

[@cherylpgh9155]

My ex had both OCD and NPD. It unveiled itself slowly but resulted in impulsive behavior and later the whole love bomb, gaslight, dump cycle.

[@acholamum9590]

Good morning & well come

[@sianthompson8638]

🙈I've obsessed for about 2 days straight...and...my dad has symmetry and hoarding ocd but he denies it...my dad is also a little narcissistic but his parents were as well...my dad's a perfectionist as well and it rubbed off on me becoz i want to do things right ...I have more than one ocd theme...like 🙈Gaaah...i legit have obsessed over and over and worried that i may be a narc for a few days...Ocd is so debilitating...I ruminate for hours on end...it's gotten easier but there r days where i just can't fight it...I can see my patterns...so i try to my best to catch myself...compulsions r so hard to resist but I'm learning...

[@chickenlittle4014]

Compulsions holy shit if only we could just stop them

[@emmaisyikes3424]

This is so helpful! I’ve had ocd almost all my life and I am a victim of narcissistic abuse. Please cover eating disorders if you can!! I am very curious if they are related to narc abuse in any way

[@nabilabaset297]

I'm seriously obsessed of phone nowadays I don't know why Wth! But it's not safe even Need to do something about it!! Thanks a lot 🙏 Stay safe Take care

[@wakkowarnerfan558]

Oh wow growing up with my alcoholic dad he had severe OCD and was very controlling I was not allowed to live a free life around the house it was a showroom and the way he lived was not normal everyday was a routine had to eat over the sink he feared crumbs and dust he told me where to sit and how to sit where to walk and to walk carefully to not cause dust of course when became a teenager he was gradually worse and he made a path for me to walk on through the flat was not allowed to come off this path I was only allowed at one side of my bedroom aswell couldn't help myself to anything in the fridge or cupboards if I did anything to disrupt his condition I would get a hiding and kicked out more than once it wasn't ever his fault but my fault and he told people that I was out of control and messing up his flat he couldn't cope with me anymore.. my half sister would agree with him and tell me that it's dad's flat and I should respect his rules I got severely depressed and would start self harming because everyone would be projecting me as this teen who's all these things.. I ended up developing traits of ocd and it's a total nightmare to overcome I find myself going to eat at the sink because he's drummed it into me I have a fear of contamination with dust due to being brought up in an environment without any.. I knew it wasn't normal because my friends from school never lived liked the way I had too I couldn't even wear the clothes I wanted to wear he'd pick them out for me..

[@easygii]

thank you so much for this video. could you please do one on how to stay grounded in your own self or coming out of dissociation?

[@jsmorefield]

I am a perfectionist in many ways, which I feel has hindered my moving on from my narcissistic ex. I ruminate over, I have intrusive thoughts over the relationship, etc. I think over the play by play of my relationship, how it went wrong and how I screwed up. Even though I wanted the relationship to succeed and she did not. I still blame myself over its failure.

[@paddybee7852]

I am. EXACTLY the same as you brother, AND a deep thinker(which doesn't help),. It has been 18 months since we split.. It hurts still... We got played... 😑

[@paddybee7852]

I was with her for 2 years, she has two kids from different father's.. She told me that both kids were from her ex husband.. Her eight year old DAUGHTER told me that her father was different to her brother's... I still miss that little girl and worry about her, even though she's not mine... So very sad...😔

[@paddybee7852]

*one year into the two years together was when the daughter told me her father was different... Made me think, what else is the mother hiding?? *

[@jsmorefield]

@@paddybee7852 My ex had two kids that she used as an excuse to stay out of a relationship, then to keep me in the relationship and then as the excuse to get out of the relationship. For me, it has been 12 years. I still miss the kids and so wanted to be a part of their lives.

[@paddybee7852]

@@jsmorefield it just does our head in hey.. Some of the classic lines out of my ex? I (she) don't talk... 2. Sometimes I want to be in a relationship and sometimes I want to be single.. 3. There is no such thing as love. She said these things early in in the two years we were together AND I STILL STAYED.. when i told her that I loved her.. She laughed.. Unbelievable! So many red flags 🎌 so early.. Clearly I loved her and that is why I stayed and left and came back about 5 times.. I cared so much and loved her and her kids, but I now see THAT WAS EXACTLY THE PROBLEM! Totally one sided.. And each time I came back, she got worse... One of us has self respect,and it WASN'T her.. 😑

[@roxannevalencia2700]

Thank you. I always love hearing your advice.

[@ilhamjaa5059]

The sound in this video is good😍

[@bonnieworley1159]

Very helpful!

[@ronalddaub7965]

A type 2 professionist knows they will never get anything perfect and therefore never tries

[@joseenoel8093]

So easy to criticize, narcs huff and puff to blow air into the situation! I bought a carrot cake, told my bro to come get some (he won't/covid) and he could have some without needing to listen to "How much work it was, all that grating" as we've had to listen to his covert narc wife do time and time again! 😉😊

[@elcee7800]

Wise words Ronald!

[@eritquearcus8002]

I’ve been diagnosed level 3 OCD + Trichotillomanie that started at childhood (NM). my X(Narc) juste as like in The Film was using my OCD for ‘Baiting’ me, to then telling me I’m crazy. I went no contact with the 2 Narc, but I get lots of triggers that also trigger OCD reaction, it’s hard.

[@Pure_Imagination_728]

I have a current diagnosis of OCD (previous diagnosis of bipolar) with a history of narcissistic abuse. The narcissist has been out of my life for 4 years now but I’m still stuck in a place where I feel like he has control over me even though he’s not around. He had me controlled very well in the friendship and knew how to make me react. He even used the fact that I’m gay to manipulate attraction towards him to increase his control over me. This has made it very hard to let go. Ever since I cut him off I’ve self-isolated for several years and developed illness anxiety. I’m now in a state of hyperarousal where I’m unable to enter the restorative stages of sleep. I’m at a place where I’ve become extremely insecure and emotionally reactive from the abuse. I’m currently in a cycle of rumination obsessing over thinking I have a personality disorder like narcissism or borderline because of my hypersensitivity and insecurities. I constantly feel like I’m a bad person. I often get paranoid very easily and make up scenarios in my head thinking that if I get out into the world again my narcissistic ex-friends will find me and get revenge on me for cutting them out of my life-for instance, thinking that just when I’m getting back to a better place they’ll be there to smear me. I just want to get out of this stuck place I’m in so I can get back into life and pursue my career and be independent. I’m 24 and still live at home with no job. I know I have to make a change because whatever I’m doing isn’t working for me, I guess I’m just scared.

[@songbird716]

My ex-husband has OCD and he’s a Narcissist. He would make me get up and check the door at night after I was already settled into bed. He said if he went to check the door was locked, it would take him a long time.

[@KathleenArts]

I was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 8, mine was classified as one of the worst cases in my state. Colleges used me in studies and I have spent years in therapy, medication, group therapy ect... I feel like this is a safe place to explain the depths of my severe OCD. At the age of 8 I punched a beehive because if I didn't my grandmother would die. At the age of 10 I would plug in the hot glue gun and pour the molten glue on my skin because if I didn't I was petrified my mother would die. My OCD was all about self harm in order to protect the people I loved, it takes determination for a child to purposely do these things. The state filed a motion to have me forcibly institutionalized due to suicidal threats at the age of 8 because of my lack of inability to control my own thoughts, words, actions, and body. I cannot explain the pity I have for my childhood self. I had a narcissistic abusive father that saw me as damage goods and left. I am 23 now and have gotten to a point at which I am a professional at masking until I am alone, because I do such a good job concealing my struggle people try to minimize my OCD and say, "Its not that bad, I see you all the time and I havent noticed anything" and I am like yeah thats the fucking point. Masking and functioning is the whole reason my mother had to get a third job, so that I could learn the skills to function in society. I am so sick and tired of uneducated people telling me what is going on in my own head when all I visualize all day is literal death of the people I love in the most gruesome manner. Now I work as a forensic artist and handle human remains all the time (I think I choose this field as a form of exposure therapy) and I am having my first solo exhibition as an artist at the International Museum of Surgical Sciences where I will be displaying post mortem facial reconstructions in one room and works that explain and educate the public about OCD. OCD has almost murdered me more times then I can count... but with my mother (a trained child development therapist) and years of aid with dozens of specialists I have become highly functioning and although I will be struggling my whole life I am content with where my OCD and I are at. PS: How come my mother had to get a third job to be able to get me the help I needed to not literally physically torture myself?? America wtf? PSS: Because of my OCD perfectionism I would draw for over 24 hour stretches with no break, I worked so hard at my craft I needed reconstructive wrist surgery. My body is covered in scars and permanent damage from OCD. I wish I just washed my hands a lot haha