Narcissists and Financial Abuse, Part 2

Shannon Thomas continues her discussion with Dr. Les Carter about ways narcissists sabotage relationships via financial abuse. She places great emphasis on reclaiming responsibility for your well being.
Shannon Thomas is a best selling author who has a counseling practice in Southlake, Tx. Dr. Les Carter is a psychotherapist in practice in the Dallas, Tx area. He has published several books and has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions.
Shannon's books: www.amazon.com...
www.amazon.com...
Dr. Carter's books: store.bookbaby...
www.amazon.com...

[@tryseeme5389]

My narcissistic husband left me after 37years. Created a smear campaign to his family and our friends to the point where nobody is speaking to me. Then he drag me through 18 months of court to take everything. Listening to these tapes are truly helping me to heal

[@11kids35]

Wow 35 YEARS my wife lied and stole. Covert narcissist had evey one fooled including me.

[@teresadexter9965]

These stories are heartbreaking ....making me v angry

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's why we are doing this. Thanks for the good words, and good luck as you move forward. Dr. C

[@sue8235]

Same here. However my court battle still has not ended...5yrs he keeps taking me back to court & court buys his bullshit. He's destroying me financially & using the court system to do it & the judge allows it. Those judges have their heads up their ass

[@rkooyers]

I had 42 years of this bullshit. I'm glad it's over.

[@loisdouglass-alston7135]

The person I married neglected to report nearly $70,000.00 (yep, $70,000.00) in income, and since we filed jointly I was held responsible just as he was!! When I confronted him about it, he stated that it was 'none of your business'!! I filed an Innocent Spouse Relief form, with supporting documentation, now I've filed a separation agreement and am getting the heck out of his (and his family's) dysfunctional environment!! Many thanks for sharing such great information...

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

This form of secrecy makes you wonder what else he did not tell you. Dr. C

[@melisherwood9734]

Lois Douglass-Alston Oh, wow! I discovered my ex owed exactly that amount: $70,000!! Glad you could file that form and get out.

[@l.m.f.g.6015]

True!!! Big planners!! Thieves!!! Same experience i suffered!! Gigolo!! Manipulator!! 60.000€ he stole me in 4 years only!!

[@ColoradoLady36]

It was completely your business; because you got pulled into that crazy making. I am so sorry. How are you doing now little one? I hope that this finds you well.

[@europeancavebeast9100]

98% same as my situation, expect I'm male. Thank you for bring your situation to this forum.

[@TheArtisanTarotTBMoon]

For anyone going through this, I just packed my stuff and moved out with only $200.00 I did it, and got out of the house. I did not announce my plan to leave the narcissist via or the phone, in person, or tell anyone until I secured and moved things into my space while this person was at work. When the abuser is gone go to the bank and get your own account and mail PO Box- pay cash if you can. And have your new bank card sent to the P.O. Box the usps has PO Box for 32.00. I had my abuser actually send back my personal bank and debit cards back 2 times in the mail so I could ot get my own apartment. They would come home early and send my bank cards back. So the only way to get control of your money back is by taking the control completely out of their hands. If you can put money in your own PayPal account if you cannot get access to a bank account right away. What I did with my apartment is I worked the whole situation away from the living space of the abuser and worked it out at public spaces. I packed my suite cases and things while they were sleeping. Then loaded my car up when they left for work, and made it seem like I was going away on business trip. Then I announced at my birthday dinner I was leaving that space and had secured a space of my own. The narcissist was dubmfounded and had no idea how I managed to get away. I still have that PO Box to this day.

[@linvi_chemutai]

Good for you

[@annmutua638]

Brilliant gal!

[@nowyouknowrealestate5703]

I cannot understand how anyone would give any of your videos a “thumbs down” unless they are guilty of these practices. Thanks for all your advice and wisdom!

[@justaroot4315]

Probably covert narcissists...

[@shannon8315]

I think you're right. 🙃

[@missmoxie9188]

They are guilty of these practices

[@miryreina925]

Narcissists themselves!

[@MultiCappie]

How about that it appears they're trying to sell books to people who've been financially abused? I like a lot of Dr. Carter's videos, but these two are really scant on insight...

[@SJMe777]

This is very spot one. These narcissists will try to drain your pocket book. I knew a 46 yr old man with only a part time job and could barely afford his section 8 apt of less than $100 a month, no car, no bank account, not even a penny to his name. He would always need something. Never applied himself to get a full time job and expected you to feel sorry for him. He had a sense of entitlement and was never responsible. In fact he felt as of you owed him something. Always telling lies and never the truth too. Know your worth and don't feel sorry for these con-artists expecting a hand out.

[@miraclesforus2]

You perform an incredible role in educating people all over the world. Blessings in the mighty name of Jesus.

[@amyjkr]

I really needed this one. My credit score was over 800. I should have known narc jealousy would make that a target. And yep, just stops paying my bills without telling me. And he was the one who just had to be the bill payer! Now I know why he had to control it.

[@pamelapap]

Amy Kline my husband did basically the same thing.

[@kalaranch8025]

When you're starting to be honest with people and sharing your abuse story, be VERY CAREFUL WHO YOU SHARE TO! So many of these people will run and report back to the Narc! You may have no idea they would do this and not see the double cross coming.

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

😂😂😂😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉

[@suanneleepool]

I'm terrified because I'm going through this! I'm going through a divorce and he is financially abusive. I don't know which way to turn next. Glad I'm not alone. So sad!!

[@ninak8506]

I'm so sorry... Me too. Utterly financially devastated.

[@TrueBeliever6491]

Don't be terrified. Suanne Pool. Listen to what the Lord says to you at this time. Exodus 14:13 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

[@findingdori442]

You will rise above this 💜 As hard as it is to start over, you will be at peace and have success.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It can feel daunting, but you'll make it and it will feel like you've been released from a cage. Dr. C

[@suanneleepool]

Thank you all. I feel blessed to have even found this! I feel weak, but hopeful.

[@bradmcewen]

You two are quite remarkable. The commonalities of relationship abuse conveyed is priceless to those having self doubt. That precious tool of the trade, of manipulators. Lesson learned is never doubt your intuition when an accumulation of actions experienced produce a clear discernment. Forget your in love, forget your in love with being in love, forget it will get better.

[@vesnadjordjevic28]

"Never doubt ur intuition"that's ok.

[@janiceg7661]

Yep. It's a con. But what you said about not being ashamed is sooo important. The old saying is a fool and his/her money are soon parted. But with narcs the problem is you never expect someone you love to play you. It has nothing to do with being a fool. You're human. You love. They are sick. They lie. Protect yourself. Can't wait to get Dr C's book. Looking into Shannon's now.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for these good words. Dr. C

[@starrycrown]

This is such a great statement, Janice G. I have struggled with the shaming that comes from old friends and family who blame me for loving the abuser. It’s a form of abuse itself, because it keeps a person silent AND confused.

[@SweetiePieTweety]

Thank you for reminding us of this!

[@anka2112]

Thank you for addressing this really important issue. I have been through years of financial abuse. It is terrible. It takes years to grow back from the ashes. I own nothing but a sello, a piano and my dignity. Things would have been much worst if I have stayed (in the relationship). I am happy now for what I have. Freedom and mental health have no price.

[@ozzyoz5210]

Ugly love, sounds about right! One word describes them, THIEVES!

[@lairofdionysus1943]

@Sirley Ray, I wanted to respond to you on another post you made where you mentioned about the Rh Negative evils in your sister... This is a typical hive trait of Rh Negatives. They are Energy Vampires which rob, imitate and copy everything from those they enslave as if it was their own creation. They talk about all this empathy, love and creativity but they have none of it and they feed off of these energies from others... I work in research of this blood type and of the dysfunctional behavioral attributes of Rh Negatives. ALL Rh Negatives are evil and demonic human hybrids which are interdimensional demons. Never trust their manipulation tricks they have even to make themselves look like some of them are "good". In fact a lot of the sources which even claim to be specialists behind Narcissism are actually Rh Negatives and the Narcissists themselves! My website will explain thoroughly these traits and attributes in the Blog and Elsewhere... If you would like to know anything specific feel free to message me privately but be sure to visit: rhnegatives.wordpress.com/

[@og6026]

I couldn't agree more they steal so much more than material things.

[@justaroot4315]

@@og6026 They steal your life!!!!!!!!!!

[@Suzu52]

Yes, life "stealers"

[@ursalaoutrageous9249]

My children grew up being ridiculed because I was told all during those years that we could not afford to clothe them nicely. He wanted to deny one very ill child a specialist, saying “Well, she might just have to die, because I can’t afford it.” A few years later he told me that we still owed $42,000 on a house we’d bought 25 years earlier on a 30-year loan. That is when I got very suspicious and began a snooping campaign. His checkbooks revealed a pattern of going in the red and moving money over from savings. Credit card receipts revealed expenses at fancy stores where I had never been allowed to shop and expensive dinners for two in restaurants I never went to. The final straw was when I went to the bank to check on our home loan status. My spouse had taken out a loan for 21,000 and our home loan, at 24,000, was collateral on the loan. He had been buying a girlfriend groceries, clothing, toys for her children and even cars. I guess that is financial abuse, right?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

yes, and a whole lot more! Dr. C

[@mrbaldwin8658]

Holy cow!!! These people are truly demonic!!!! I'm sure he blamed it ALL on YOU once you discovered his mess!!! SMH 😴

[@jeanwhite1659]

Understand, my financial abuse from husband/ then my children. All gal friends/ illegitimate children had it better than l, whom he borrowed $20, though. From my Dad to start a building houses. All hidden assets put in his mom's name. One Christmas he brought home a mouton for coat, way too big for me. I wasn't into fancy furs. But encouraged him to return it, smaller size. Never happened.. later found out he'd bought for his gal friend of the month. She had broken off because he would not leave me/ get divorced. I was so naive. We built a home building business from 20 thou $$$ borrowed / never repaid from my Dad. Fast forward, my 2 children are carbon copies. After l rebound from that situation, my grown children conned me financially.

[@shannon8315]

Nancy Clay.......I'm pissed for you. Deny your kids for someone else's kids. Exactly what my husband would do.

[@tamiburney712]

@@shannon8315 I can relate. My husband wouldn't take his son to his 4H meetings or the fair to show his livestock or show up to the parent-teacher meetings. It was all up to me and I'm the stepmom. He said that was my job because I'm the woman. Oh brother!!

[@KeepinItReal632]

In my situation, I was the one who tracked the bills and made sure money was in the right accounts for automatic payments to come out on time. Then suddenly one day, he changed his direct deposit to his personal account and the only reason he gave was “I’m done with the joint account”! I still handled the bills, but I never saw how much money he had in his personal account, and most of the time I didn’t get any money for myself or if I did, it wasn’t enough to do anything. I haven’t worked since 2014, something that we talked about and agreed upon, and then every chance he got, he threw it up in my face that the reason we don’t have money is because I “won’t” get a job. I’m not working because I homeschool our kids, not because I won’t get a job. I finally got tired of the narcissistic abuse and told him to leave in July. Of course, he’s not willing to send any money, even though I have the kids and still need support to take care of them. I know he was wasting money, and I know he used his personal account to try and hide it. I just don’t know how I can prove it. 😔

[@supastar9805]

I couldn’t have found this info at a better time. I have been struggling for 8 years now to make sense of my situation and to “rebuild my life and sense of self” after an emotionally and financially abusive 20 year marriage. I am so grateful to have stumbled across your videos and am hoping I can learn more through your books (and Shannon’s now as well) to dig myself out of this mess I’ve been left with. Thank you so much for providing so many survivors with truly valuable information.

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

Amazing how these videos show up just in time for me. He cheated financially a long while then abandoned me when I was ill. I got off his taxes. It took years. He is a criminal and I have had little help. Very scary now. Now the help I get is from a narc and he has a seeming mood disorder...I sweat every day. Many thanks.

[@user-bd4bo4tb8u]

Mine sabotaged/sabotages everything! Every time I wanted to prepare to leave, he’d make sudden changes that prevented me from saving any money. He stopped buying groceries completely, and other things he regularly paid for, so I’d buy spend any extra on food. He’d even take our son out to dinners (not me) instead of buy groceries for home. I had access to very little money so it was significant. All kinds of big and little things.

[@helenazaccardo6648]

Rita Harmeyer save whatever tiny bits you can at a time. Sell what you can . You must not despair that’s what he wants . You must keep on the path to getting away no matter how hopeless it seems. We all feel hopeless you are not alone .

[@vesnadjordjevic28]

Reading all these comments I can't stop my self from saying, how the hell humans ended up this way?!Instead of caring for their children n wife, they'd become monsters from another planet. Marriage is just another form of false institution made for "legal" abusing. Such disgrace of human rase.As a female I m very disappointed n disgusted by men behavior.

[@moranasprowler]

You have not touched on the subject of financial abuse by narc parents, meaning how they can be sabotaging in a way to make their children dependent on them - when transitioning, or even into adulthood, so they can keep them within their reach, and continue to abuse them, and how to escape it.

[@IvonneSpinoza]

Sleepwalker This, please!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Got it. I plan on at least 2-3 videos on adult children of narcissists. Stay tuned. Dr. C

[@moranasprowler]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you very much, will do.

[@dbstube]

Surviving Narcissism 'Hope there's coverage of why so many and roughly what percent of adult stay at home with parents children are likely the product of the narcissism of parents. Thank you!

[@HS-bk1qk]

It's time to check the probate laws concerning pre-death will contests, disinheritance prevention, and even bringing tort actions. For many of us, it's not too late. They brought us into this world, not the other way around. We deserve to inherit the legacy and pass it for our future. These legal avenues are not for everyone and they are not the sole answer, but they are available avenues that we have right now that could help us recover damages and invest in our future the way they refused to unfairly.

[@Jessica-iq3id]

Heartbreaking. I SERIOUSLY am lost on what to do. 20 years together. His mask slipped a few years ago when I lost a fantastic job teaching a nursing course at a college. I had a heart attack and my world went to pieces. Dealing with a heart condition is hard, but he acted like "you don't need to work. I'll take care of you." Yea right...talk about a long con. Slowly but surely he covertly got me isolated, stuck and desperately dependent on him and the finances. A year ago I had a stroke!! By the grace of God I'm still here!! Doctors warn me to relieve as much stress as possible..yet my husband is increasing his control. I wanna pack up and run out of here right now!!!! But I also have no money and my health is bad and I need his insurance. I've stopped being emotional...it's safer to dissacociate. But I'm having a terrible time hiding money away. Especially since I discovered theres a tracking device on my car. Wyd am I gonna do??!!😭😭😭😭

[@shannon8315]

You need to stash money for a good lawyer.

[@CassiaMacielSullivan]

www.thehotline.org/help/

[@amyjkr]

Financial abuse is the framework for narc abuse. Either I hear of survivors who had a leech narc who wouldn’t work, or ones that have a “I’m the powerful breadwinner” narc who sabotaged and discourages the target from being financially independent. Mine is the latter. It didn’t escape my sense of irony when I found out the deception, that this man had made sure from day one that I’d be made dependent on him. He did it very stealthily, selling my classic van, because, he said, I needed a new truck to drive the kids in because it’s safer. Really, he hated that I had something of my own, and as a bonus, he could then “buy me a new Tahoe” to pull his boat so he could get a classic, and still have a towing truck. Thanks asshole. My van is easily worth $25,000, and he sold it for 5!

[@shannons842]

Mines the I'm the bread winner! Every time I try to start a small home business he does all he can to emotionally drain me etc! I'm done!

[@anneneem]

Mine was the loser can't work so you need to take care of me type, while I slaved away he would watch soccer all day and occasionally treat *himself only* to concerts. I'm so glad that's behind me. I guess the breadwinner narc would be scarier though. You feel too vulnerable to leave.

[@007nadineL]

Why would you sell yr $25k van for $5K? He couldn't sell yr van without yr signature on the paperwork.

[@inpursuitofhappiness9441]

Thank you! You have no idea how much it means to hear this (including the Part 1 video) and get the validation that what you've experienced was the abuse you always thought it was. I was gaslighted and drained of $$ for 3.5 years (plus other narcissistic abuse). I finally did get to the Turning Point and then to Protection Mode. I was able to recoup some of the $$ from the abuser before letting go of him. I am in the Re-build stage now. Overall - i did well, but I did it on my own, and, being with the narcissist for 3.5 years, I did have some doubts over my instincts. These two videos give me such a huge relief and validation. Thank you both!!!! You are saving lives.

[@OceanSound100]

It's not all about married people and love relationships -- what about parent and child. My father AND mother hated to watch any independence in me - I really wish married life would stop being the only story .

[@IvonneSpinoza]

OceanSound100 Yes! My father used emotional, verbal, and financial abuse to try to control me my whole life 😪

[@OceanSound100]

My father too particularly - he would stop buying groceries when i was a young teenager and then watch us begin asking him for money to buy food. He had a good job and always kept the house filled with food all the time, but on occasion he played that game to watch us beg. As far as my mother - another Narc, but a covert one, she just did not like to see her daughters do good for their self -- jealousy.

[@IvonneSpinoza]

OceanSound100 Oh, mine made us beg for new shoes or school supplies because he supposedly “didn’t have money”, all while buying all kinds of absurdly expensive and unnecessary luxury items for himself to boost his ego and “image”.

[@OceanSound100]

Sounds the same here except my father was very good looking and he knew it, so he went on that mostly cause he was a drunk and spent a lot on booze. Well, take good care now and best to you with healing from it all if you haven't yet - it's bad and it makes you mad when letting it live inside you. Take care ! and thank you for your response.

[@freedomspromise8519]

Financial abuse, the dependence it causes by parents, sometimes leads us to our choice of financially abusive mates. We are usually not even aware of this mind manipulation. We allow this abuse because we are conditioned. It is a very sick dynamic.

[@anotheramy71]

Man oh man oh man, this is a spot-on overview of my life for several years. Secret accounts, maxed out credit cards, extravagant purchases, and tens of thousands of dollars of debt racked up on a prescription drug addiction by the narcissist, all while I was having to use credit just to buy groceries. Yes, recovery takes a while, but I've come to the point now where I actually love paying bills simply because I know there's money (that I earn) available to pay them.

[@trojanette8345]

WOW !! God Bless You Both for such a valuable and POWERFUL 2-part video. What a dearth of wealth of good information.I wish I had known about the 'phenomenon' of "financial abuse" much sooner. For that matter I wish I had known about the two of you sooner. Regrets aside one thing I am happy about and that is the fact that now I know that what I experienced with my son's father has a name. In addition, now I know that I am not alone with what I have been through. Thanks again to you both for sharing.

[@odette8905]

What a dynamic duo you both make, Dr C and Shannon. Shannon's book Healing From Hidden Abuse was a bible of sanity for me - thank you. Am so grateful. Now am getting to grips with the financial abuse as we try to navigate divorce. The covert abuse is right. As is the hiding of income. Needs a lot more attention from legal side to recognise the narcissist role (from poor child care to money manipulation). Great video folks!

[@sonyap.6512]

Crisis creates growth if you let it...love that!

[@seant126]

Thanks for posting this video. I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse and I suffered financial abuse in this relationship. I had no access to my bank account and my credit cards were maxed out by the narcissist. I'm now picking up the pieces having left the relationship. Looking forward to reading your books.

[@tamaragootman832]

I'm 38 years old and fighting for my life. My two narcissistic parents left me completely dependent on them no matter what I did especially after my car accident where I had a minor brain injury. I found myself emotionally manipulated with my grandparents and even my pets. I I'm going through major fighter flight and it's hard for me to think grounded but I'm looking for any resources because I don't want to face homelessness and have to surrender my animal. But they currently control everything I own including my phone where I live and my vehicle. I don't mind the hard work I don't mind starting over I just can't think straight and I don't know where to go and where to begin to feel seen and heard. Even though they have told me my whole life that I'll never amount to anything I finally learned my lesson I know that I'm enough and I know that I'll never stop fighting and even though I never want them in my life as long as I live. I will honor them as the Catalyst to a very important lesson.

[@jeannes.356]

How are you doing now, Tamara? I have been mistreated after needing two brain surgeries. I’m financially dependent on my narc parents and if I don’t do whatever my mom says, she will cut me off.

[@angelaobryant1895]

In my case this came through my mother in-law. My mother in law kept us all under her thumb and in bondage literally for nearly 20 years and now sadly our daughter is just like her. So, yes I should have left somehow when she was little, but was also under this form of control myself and had no family to turn to either. I’m now learning, my family we’re also narcs which had left me codependent and vulnerable to thinking I had no choice but accept such horrific mess. We married very young as I was trying to escape my own family situation and ironically I thought I’d found freedom. I had no idea back then what to call any of this. My parents and his truly used different tactics all together so I had no idea it was exactly the same thing. In reality Id hopped from the skillet to the frying pan and my pain was just beginning. After we married, I began to see that my husband was emotionally controlled by his mom and that he literally couldn’t do anything without her approval, not to mention she would literally stay at our house most of the time. That was because I was NOT pre-approved and I had to be ‘helped’. In fact, I was broken by her in ways I had no idea existed so I could be controlled. My husband could NOT see how she was keeping him believing that he’d never be able to do any better financially and that wed have to accept that we would just be very poor and have to depend on her for her help forever. He began to see this for a moment when she stood in the way of my education after I filed for and received a grant. Sadly tho, he also stood in my way as well after she convinced him with fear that Id leave him if I did manage to get a good job. Ugh. It was awful and seemed so hopeless for so long. I managed to fight for a while and go to school and made good grades but finally gave in and stopped because it was just so hard. She made sure it was and that I was pressed hard psychologically too, which she used to discredit me and later acted as if she cared and had me diagnosed as mentally ill. A diagnosis that I was later cleared of btw but that she used to control me with for years with fear of losing my children. We then had 3. Our situation was complicated and so hard and in reality it damaged us all. It took literally years for my husband to acknowledge any of this and for me to get strong enough to help him and for us both to begin to face and address it. We, after a lot more hard fought battles, finally were able to move across the country for an employment opportunity and of course to escape. Then, of course all hell broke lose. Sadly, our then young teen daughter was effected by her grandmother, who actually encouraged her to rebel against us and even to run away. I overheard it all while listening in on the other line, but my husband refused to believe me. It was hard to believe that a grandmother would do such a thing, but she did. My daughter would run away and then my mother in law would call and say ‘well you’ll just have to move back’. We didn’t. Then things got much worse. She finally manipulated us once again by using our own fear of our daughter being on the street (she ran away over 20 times) and even manipulated our daughter by giving her whatever she wanted if she’d come and live with her. Then gloated about helping. Sadly, our daughter is now also as unbearable to be around as her grandmother and considers us abusive parents and to blame for the things she did while being coached and given her way by my mother in law. Ill spare you the details. Anyway, It’s been very hard especially since we now have grandchildren and are low/no contact. It took me nearly dying of some undiagnosed autoimmune issues for me to finally seek these answers and go no contact with them. My husband still maintains low contact as his mother is aging and he feels it would be wrong not to see her and our daughter even tho they both treat us both with complete contempt. So the subject of narc parents/in-laws using money and other issues of control and also grown narc children and the ways that can happen are also subjects that so need to be addressed. I’d love to see these hard to imagine scenarios discussed in hopes that you can somehow advise us on what to do at this stage of our journey. It’s nothing short of a miracle that we are still married, especially considering the ongoing things they both now do regularly to try to break us up. They both claim that they are my victims. 🤦‍♀️ I’ve finally stopped trying to defend myself and prove differently. It does no good and I have to now consider my health, also. Love your channel. It’s helped me personally to find needed answers and help, if only for my own inner peace about it all. God Bless you.

[@tinawhitt9547]

Thank you both again. I am going thru this & have found myself in a very rural area, serious health issues that have forced me to receive disability. Which he points out is not enough to live on plus unsafe due to my health. Trying to find a lighthouse to point me in the right direction. Very heartbreaking. Thank you so much for what you are doing. God bless you both.

[@Jeweli.]

Perfect timing! Thank you so much, God bless you both in abundance +

[@Jenniferde2007]

During our divorce, I found that all our assets had been sent to a Swiss Bank Account...I came home from Court to find two FBI agents at my door as several insurance companies felt they had been defrauded by his medical practice. There was no way to get the money back and the courts awarded me a large monetary award which I have yet to see as he fled the country and went to live in his home country-Egypt;.

[@suanneleepool]

J Lee I understand you completely! I'm going through a similar thing myself. It's absolutely shattering. I will keep you in my prayers!

[@Dastardly_X]

🙏

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Wow! I'm hoping you will find peace as you continue forward. Dr. C

[@Jenniferde2007]

Surviving Narcissism My peace is 18 years and counting! If he ever tries to come to the USA Interpol will pick him up or the FBI. I am safe because he is now living in our former homes in Cairo and Alexandria, Egypt and he can never come back or he will face arrest. I am not interested in any more marriages or relationships with men that go beyond basic friendship. I work and provide for myself and live in a high security co-op building.

[@newoaknl]

@@Jenniferde2007 well the female narc got me good. Lost everything. I am now recovering. Hospital had to save my.life twice. Ending up all alone and isolated in my community. Its 1 year No Contact and that her final discard happened, after being used up. I broke 1 time No Contact and spoke w her on the phone... it all was still my fault. She had 1 thing on me and played it out against me and then i knew for sure: she is a high functioning female narc, with her con-job on me for 6.5 years. She never loved me. Then after the call, i knew it 4 sure. I will not recover & in changed permanently.

[@OceanSwimmer]

Thanks for correcting the sound! Too low on part #1. Just right now! : )

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I found a way to run up the volume in #2. Glad you noticed. Dr. C

[@marywilsonvocalist2181]

@@SurvivingNarcissism and mary loves ya too..😊

[@WhatBigEyes]

For 13 years I was married to a man who thought it was my job to support him. A few years before the final curtain on our marriage he got a job to show me just how it was a bad idea and actually managed to get himself hurt on the job and then of course it was my fault that he was injured. That was when I realized I had no partner in reality. If I was Injured or became ill, he would not pick up slack and be my safety net. Then I had to ask my self the very hard question, “Just why exactly do I need him around anyway?” He did not cook or clean and was always complaining that I took too long to get home from work and cook supper.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Sounds like he had a nice gig. Glad you're on your way to a better life. Dr. C

[@WhatBigEyes]

Surviving Narcissism Thanks Dr. C. Bad experiences are lessons. The price of education can take both your time and money. Glad to be free! I’m luckier than some who never find that freedom. Love all your videos. You are top notch! ❤️

[@madeinhisimage3447]

Covert Abuse is hard to quantify. It’s sooooo open to interpretation and a skilled manipulator knows how to evade accountability. It’s part and parcel with their knack for deception and spinning false narrative that end up making the victim look like the crazy one.

[@jimhendricks88]

At 12:30 -- "I am my own responsibility." This is great; it negates excuses for any of us to continue in poor situations, and it takes away power from anyone trying to control us. Cheers!

[@fredhubbard7210]

I'm here because although I think I have recovered from a series of abuses (mother, older brother, and ex)... there always seems like one more thing. My ex always had a "her" account where all money went in... and I was given a separate account for "household expenses." I just trusted her. And yes, I felt that shame that kept it private. Now, 12 years later.... Thanks Dr C. Recovery starts with identifying the abuse.

[@dianatutt400]

This hits me in the gut! My husband mortgaged our home over & over, bills sent to his office. I never had a clue he was bankrupting us for over $1,000,000. I'm supposed to forgive & NEVER mention it again. Due to being an empath, I was able to after the fact "know" something was wrong. Married at 19 w/an Italian immigrant Catholic upbringing, he was 26, University educated, I trusted him, erasing myself. After the children were grown, I joined the Company. I wanted to earn $ for a French Door. Instead, he told me to pay all the household expenses, including mortgage. You'd think I would have smartened up...nooo. Continued his behavior, even buying a brand new tractor when I was unconscious from a concussion. I'm ordering your book. Hope it's on Amazon. I have become a recluse, isolated at MY family Ranch I inherited. Enriching him considerably$$$.

[@1ajtg]

Valuable, thank you, we need more understanding for these sort of situations. When you leave the narcissist you carry so much guilt, why didn't I see this coming.. The financial consequences when controlled by a narcissist can be devastating.

[@spahhhvelous]

Dr Carter, I am so enjoying your videos and so glad I found your channel. I am a grand parent of two and I am watching my grandchildren slowly be exposed to narcissistic abuse by their mother via alienation tactics directed at their father in an effort to 'win' the kids favor. Hope that makes sense. It is like watching him try to co parent with a 6 year old! It started as her denigrating their father in front of him, to devaluing the items he purchased for them, to being dismissive and even verbally abusive to him in front of the kids. I would love to see you do a video on how to protect or maybe even inoculate small children (4-8 yo range) against the abusive actions of a narcissistic parent without bashing the parent. It is this denigrating and devaluing of one parent by another that is SO damaging to young children and so many need this help to navigate these emotionally dangerous waters without causing harm to the kids from the targeted parent's side. Neutral phrases would to use on a level that kids can understand that don't bash the other parent would be awesome! Thanks for all your work!

[@darleneallison471]

I really liked these 2 segments. So dead on but also addresses that you need a plan forward and what that looks like. Well done!

[@cindyp2181]

My spouse does work that he is excited to try because it involves risk for what he believes will be a big return in the end, (think, house-flipping, new business owner, etc.), but for which he has no prior experience (so trying feeds ego), and produces no steady paycheck. So while he is out experimenting and "chasing rainbows", I am left providing for and paying basic daily needs for the family, though I have objected over and over again. This is definitely a form of abuse and i am done--thank you for helping confirm what I already knew to be true. I have sought help from others who could influence him, but it falls on deaf ears since they fail to see the flaws and why his plan is wrong and abusive because they have been charmed by his "sales pitch" for his supposed no-fail idea, hard-work and good intent...

[@mrs8792]

My ex husband didn’t file or pay his employee taxes for 7 years! I lost my home and had to pay $75K in back taxes in the divorce. He went on to spread lies and blame me for the failure of the marriage 🙄

[@LoriEsters]

New subscriber. Thank you so much. Another form is having a disabilty exploited and denial of a car. Financial abuse is such a deameaning and scary situation.

[@robertacrawford6412]

Thank you for making these videos.. I feel better to know I am not loosing my mind.. I am living in the twilight zone and unfortunately my husband moved me 2000 miles away from my family and he has complete control over all finances..

[@cecilepovich3861]

With narcissists financial abuse is indirect,passive aggressive and subtle.These behaviors produce their supply very fast,and keep the other person from leaving.Narcissists generally talk about undying love during these assaults,it increases the confusion, which is necessary to freeze movement,and produce fear and grief.

[@SuperKatdancer]

My husband and I have been married for 25 years. In 2013 we separated for 2 years. He blames the separation of course all on me. Since we have been back together we live as roommates (his choice) and he doesn't allow me to see any of the finances or allow me on bank accts. I have NO idea where money goes. I found out by accident that his student loans are way more than I expected. I thought maybe 50k when they are more like 180k. He lied for years making me think his work was paying his tuition. Before we separated I was allowed to see accts. Now when I ask why I am not allowed he says because I don't deserve it. He withholds all affection too. I know I need to leave but I stay for our son with Down syndrome who is hard to care for alone and adores his father. I told my husband it was illegal what he us doing and he said to sue him. He said what am I gonna do when he is in jail. He is so cruel and bitter. Any advice? He is 100% a covert narcissist too.

[@christiebell6667]

Sounds a lot like what I have dealt with. I'm still trying to figure things out....I'm living in the Twilight Zone! 😢

[@bekinditcostsnothing1684]

So good info. For yrs, I'd wished I'd known more concretely. It was the first sign my ex husband was narc before I even knew what narc was. My family also has this tendency, amongst themselves. And with my Mom more recently, when she passed away, the inheritance 'disappeared' and just a total blackout from them. I think just listening now that there is a similar thread between my ex husband and my family, which are predominately narcs as well that I've never recognized regarding finances. More need to be educated about financial abuses. Thank you.

[@maisy7926]

Excellent. Thankyou. I was financially abused during my marriage and with a relationship afterwards. I am many years later and mentally/emotionally healthy now. So many regrets, but no point in looking back x

[@trisholishable]

Thsnk you. I didn't know this was a thing. My mom paid my bills for decades under the guise of helping me. I absolutely own my part in accepting the help, because I was addicted to the lifestyle my parents money provided me. But, for me her so called help was not a gift. It (the money) , became a tool for her manipulate me, because thr money factor increased my sense of guilt and a sense that I owe her ..or that her demands of me became reasonable in my mind. And, consequently she would acuse me of only coming around because of her money, which was completely untrue. I didn't hear you speak on that side of the issue. So I am wondering, according to your findings, is a parents use of their money to "help" their child a form of financial abuse?

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you so much for your help and support.

[@anitazakarian908]

I worked night shift as an RN ( Nurse) so I could try to minimize the crazy poor parenting contribution from the ex- husband w/ my sons in the house while I was at work. That way the boys would mostly be asleep. Worked great till the boys teenage years and then NO ACCOUNTABLITY watching over their safety. ..as I worked. It was a DRAIN!

[@barbarabrennan1753]

for 14 YEARS I've been financially controlled. Kept from pursuing further education.

[@jeanscott5854]

Don’t understand why you still there you are letting this happen you gave up control this is not living life

[@americansaga4849]

@@jeanscott5854 Oh really Jean, this is your take on the situation??? Allow me to enlighten you... Maybe she has children that are her first priority! And maybe this narc knows this and has used this against her. Maybe her backs against the wall and he’s the sole breadwinner and has a chokehold on the money coming in and going out of the house! And maybe it’s not that easy to just walk away from a life you built with someone who you believed and trusted, and through manipulation and control has robbed you of your choices. You see Jean, I’ve said all this because I’m in the same boat. I’m no fool but yet I’m stuck with my narc for almost 20 years! When you love someone, seeing the abuse for what it really is is like finding a needle in a haystack! Especially when it’s emotional abuse. Love tends to cloud your reality. You know, it’s funny how your comment triggered something in me. And now I know why... Your comment sounds exactly like something my narc of a husband would say. 🤔

[@ohiochic]

I see all this talk of the narcissistic being secretive about SPENDING money but what about when someone is a stay-at-home parent who is homeschooling and the narcissist has an account that the spouse is not allowed to see or touch and the stay at home parent is being given "an allowance". THE narcissist is not a spender. How do you deal with the "it's MY money and I tell you what we do with it" approach?

[@shakengrain1942]

Yes, something similar happened to me. I refused to turn over the checkbook, and he ran up a bunch of bills. Then when I gave it to him in exasperation when ends wouldn't meet, he started hiding money. Withdrawing from family. Stonewalling. Never did come out in divorce where he hid the real money. I know he had a lot. Real sicko. Also hiding porn addiction and affair. Finally hired detective because his behavior became so ridiculous. Would be really helpful if there was more info on how people hide money.

[@SweetiePieTweety]

This was my experience. Friends who had been thru similar kept telling me to stash away for a run away day. I didn’t. It was a huge mistake. Also, find your local victim support and report “financial abuse” and answer their questionnaires to determine if any other abuse is happening. I’m sure there is. Get it on record. Know this... courts do not support a homeschooling unemployed person ever. Honey you are not paying into the system so you are unprotected. Mine used the homeschooling in conjunction with the courts to make a deal he would insure the kids were in the school system. Buy something you can return for cash back. Little by little by little stash somewhere outside the home. I couldn’t “get cash back” at the grocery store. He had notifications set for everytime I made a purchase. He took out credit cards in my name and kept them maxed and delinquent to ruin my access to credit. I couldn’t come up with the deposit for an attorney. Meanwhile he was pushing income into secure hideaways and forcing tax fraud cooperation with blackmail. He favorite line was “you can leave but there will never be divorce, you will get nothing, not the house, not the kids, and nobody will believe a thing you say”. He was unfortunately, accurate. Ended on a 911 call and the police believed his lies. I was taken to hospital then arrested them homeless with absolutely nothing. Because he won protective order he didn’t have to pay me a dime. He delayed court proceeding for divorce holding up the finalization for years to prevent me from having access to the 401k and alimony to secure housing to be able to have visitation with my children. CPS said if you report him for abuse you can’t get your kids because you are “compromised” because I got the rap that should have landed on him for assault. The tampered with his video evidence and the court allowed the audio playback, which was “doctored”. He had an excellent high dollar well connected attorney. He had previously won fraud cases in the same courts. I am still paying taxes he refused to pay when we were married. Tax evasion like crazy. 200+ income yet claiming almost nothing. I was terrified he would get caught and we would both go to jail. Please please be careful! Document document document is what they say. My kids lives became hell living alone with their dad. I would have stayed forever in a heartbeat to be able to continue to be their buffer from their dad. But, he got wise I wasn’t going to be a player and set up a blackmail opportunity. He didn’t anticipate 911 would be called. Then he had to double down. He was trying to get blackmail evidence to continue to threaten me. 911 and the system just enabled him more. Still do. Because I was told his evidence would “hold” I took the guilty plea on the assault. If I lost I would do jail time because I couldn’t pay a fine, no money. That charge prevented access to employment and housing. They will lie, cheat, steal, kill. His tactic to silence me was “choking”. Victim support said when “choking” is reported data shows when corned the next move these people make is to kill you with firearm. They say me down for a long talk to convince me the protective order was critical for my safety and we had to do “safe exchanges” with the children visitations through a safe house. He was a front pew good guy “Christian” in the community. Believed by all. Oh and there are books online detailing how to basically “screw the b*tch”, he executed perfectly.

[@bekinditcostsnothing1684]

It's abuse. All members of family are equal and thus access to bank accounts is part of that healthy mindset. The prob with the narcs attitude is that if an emergency occurs how does she have access to it? What if she wants to leave? And needs some cash to leave? I think you get my point here perhaps.... Its amazing how many spouses use this and its complete abuse and exploitation.

[@TheSahand68]

Great program, learned a lot...thanks! This changed my views on finacial aspects of relationships/marriages.....

[@nana820able]

I try to pay our household bills and he spends money without telling me. He wants no part of financial responsibility or to even know if I'm having problems paying bills. He sabotages every effort I make to pay on time or save money. That's his control over the money even though it hurts him and his credit.

[@buyerbware25]

Separate your money from his money or he could make you broke and homeless. Don't sign onto any debt with him. A narcissist sees all his actions as justified - rules and consequences are for other people (you). He may have already gotten you into far more trouble than you know or can easily repair. Don't spend the rest of your life paying for him to have everything his way.

[@annettebatts2849]

I remember my soon to be ex husband told his brother that he didn't really have to work. I was the main bread winner. He would get a job and about 4 months later would get fired because he would go to work on a regular basis, but I am the one who had to keep a job.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Sounds like things are about to change for Mr. Moocher. Dr. C

[@annettebatts2849]

Surviving Narcissism Righy now he has to work because I left 5 myths ago, so doesn't have a choice. He still expects me to pay his balances on his doctor's Bill's, but no. He took $24K from me the day I left. Left me and my daughter without any money and I only get paid once a month. He doesn't care, wouldn't even give me my clothes, my moms things she left me she passed, my family photo albums or anything of significance to me or my daughter.

[@tapestrylove2770]

Stepfather discarded us kids once our mother died. Took all the money and estate and is living high on the hog with a young girl and her little kids. He's in his 60's. I have had to live well below my means and do lots of sacrificing in order to repair what was taken. I took care of my mother his wife at the time and helped them tremendously through it but he didn't have one ounce of empathy once she died. It was a horrific experience to go through.

[@christiebell6667]

I am so very sorry you dealt with this tragedy. It is heartbreaking, and all together evil! These folks have no heart at all. I have set my two kids up nicely if I die, because I know my husband will only look out for his son (my stepson) and himself. I wish you all the best. Stay strong.

[@libertysprings2244]

That's exactly how my friend was trapped by her husband. She is Catholic so thought divorce wasn't an option. She had no cash, no credit card, no checkbook, no car. He drove her to work and back. Then hid around corners and spied on her at her job too.so creepy! She finally escaped and got an annulment through the church which showed it was never actually a valid marriage to begin with in the eyes of the Lord.

[@peacoliasnell5146]

Dr. Carter you’ve been an extension to my face to face counseling since leaving a narcissistic husband of 23 years. Shannon is spot on with the shame and guilt I feel from being that financially abused partner. He’d spend his money on himself and toys and fall short on household utilities and bills. He knew I had his financial back until I didn’t. I thought if I could support both of us, I couldn’t do bad by myself and would be much happier away from his control and manipulation as I was changing into someone I did not like and didn’t recognize. Thank you both for your advocacy and videos. I’m grateful that someone shared Dr. Carter’s videos with me. I deserve to be happy as me!

[@Whisperbutterfly]

Grateful for addressing this subject, it is so important but often overlooked.

[@phoenixd9679]

This is so important to know and courageous steps to take to expose the narcissistic scamARTISTS !!! Thank you 💜 ! This kind the abusers exist!!!

[@Saladmama57]

Bravo for your work, Shannon Thomas. And thanks again Dr. Carter for these videos.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm a Shannon Thomas fan too! Dr. C

[@newoaknl]

I had a female covert Narcissist from somatic type, using me financially to get her out of her bankcrupt country. She said to wanna build up with me. It costed me thousands and lasted 3.5 years untill i got used up & discarded me. Now recovering and alone, isolated. Alot of damage, smearcampaign, lost business etc. Recovery will be years if not decades and wasted years. A lot because of her, not all.. but a lot. A thief...

[@5winder]

May the good Lord restore you two-fold (or better).

[@newoaknl]

Thank you.

[@gramadidi]

This video is exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you.

[@akna5857]

Thank you for sharing this knowledge and wisdom -in all your videos. Peace and Blessings

[@antoinette8519]

My malignant covert ex narc lost his job when i was seven months pregnant. We had just bought a house we could barely afford at his insistence just two months before his layoff so we had very little emergency cash on hand. I had to work until the day our son was born and I had to return to work when our son was only one month old while my covert narc husband sat at home and did nothing. He even refused to take care of our son while I was at work so I had to hire a babysitter. I missed out on spending time with my son because of the narc's financial abuse of being unemployed many times in our marriage.

[@kspangler1419]

Yes, Full support on laws being changed. Off topic some is there needs to be a law against NPD folks making false claims getting CPA involved with no truth all because they can’t handle breaking up. He also made more money than me until the year I left him and now he want alimony and I have the kids! Costing me money in court on non realistic claims.

[@helenc9662]

Thank you so must ordered the book trying to stay strong xxx

[@lindamoore9729]

I have both your books, Dr. Carter. I read them over and over and right now I'm binge watching your videos. Thank you!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased! Thanks for the good feedback. Dr. C

[@JaneSmith.9941]

00:09:33 It isn't just "uncomfortable". It can be a fear that certain aspects of actively protecting yourself financially could trigger the narcissist to do something more aggressive or vindictive. Or potentially even dangerous. And - for some of us - all along the way is this persistent thought/hope that perhaps they aren't as bad as all that. You're seeing things with the wrong filter on. You're being overly-imaginative/paranoid. OR you just want to make sure you've truly given them every chance to make things right on their own.

[@valeriechavez5021]

This really makes me sad . My dad was a jerk but I still loved him . His choice of friends he had were this way . After he passed away on December 13th 2018 .My sister and I went through his bills bank statements omgarsh what a mess . They put a civil complaint against me . There is so much to this story I can't even begin to write it . I pray the judge sees it all when she sets the hearing date and sees their deeds .

[@dmac1356]

Boy I wish you would have asked my opinion on this topic...... my ex has absolutely DECIMATED my entire life!! Took every penny I made then tapped out my credit lines (in my name)! Removed me from all personal and business bank accounts. She put GPS trackers on my vehicles, paid $10,000 to have a PI firm follow me for 3 months taking photos of my where a bouts then filed a motion trying to put me in JAIL for having a single penny to my name!!!!! I have literally been living in a twilight zone!!! She put herself on my company INC then changed herself to 80% owner, put trackers on my cell phone, hacked in to my email accounts, etc. and now she’s filing phony eBay and twitter and Instagram accounts to log in and blast me on social media too. The family court Judge awarded me 50% custody time and warned her to abide by his ruling...... so she runs out the same day and files a phony ORDER OF PROTECTION against me keeping me from seeing or talking to my kids!!!! I have never experienced anything in my entire life like this. I’m the coach on my sons baseball teams and basketball and take them everywhere they go!!!! But now that I’ve crossed this sick twisted narcissist- (I’m now) transformed into a demon by her twisted despicable methods of lie after lie after lie. My own attorneys, counselors, doctors, accountants, friends, neighbors, police officers, even HER OWN FAMILY says they have never seen anything like her!! My ex is the Ultimate narcissist to the last dot of the sentence. Feeling lost and have no idea how I’m going to get trough this. Dr. Carters videos have been hugely helpful and this series blew my mind. It’s EVERYTHING my ex wife has done to me. To the letter. I’m actually shaking RN even typing this. Thank yo so much for your work and dedication to this disgusting and very real disorder. These people are S I C K AND NEED TO BE EXPOSED!!!Thank you Shannon as well. I have always had a dream of writing my own books one day on the 25 years of abuse I have endured living with this individual. Maybe one day I’ll find the time. Your input and knowledge has been very helpful - I just purchased your book. 😬

[@Phoenix_Enterprises]

I wondered why when I wanted to get a job I was told to run my business instead...then, We must have an emergency "talk" about your faults right now! when I tried to work on my business. Just wow.

[@altaerker5089]

Married 48 years and while I made more money I had no savings but found out he had 3 bank accounts with $20K in each! He bread crumbled me and slowly drained my finances.

[@jackiedinarske8101]

My stbx has taken out thousands in student loans, several credit cards with no intention of paying them back. Theft in other words. Years of taxes that were filed late if at all. I’m out soon and hopefully back to peace and a stable financial life

[@meghanmengel1026]

Absolutely! This is a huge problem.

[@shannon8315]

When his parents would visit he and his father used to go have talks in their motor home alone. He forgot when we first met he told me that his father hid money from his mom all the time. So I'm assuming he learned most of his deceit from him, including how to disrespect women.

[@Userienxlaopbd]

Thank you so much both of you. You were talking about my bro, mom and my ex. 40 years of my life has gone in such financial and all other kinds of abuses.

[@anthonyleveille1]

They're following me to stop me from working or using their cult resources to play games/harass me while I'm at work, trying to get me fired...and then they turn around to call me lazy or broke. However; they are 24/7 illegally surveillancing me to drain me and taunt my exhaustion

[@evea9811]

Thank you for the video! This has been A valuable lesson now that tax season is around the corner and I am going through a divorce with a covert narcissist. I have a lot to learn and appreciate all of the information you provide Dr. Les!

[@charmedwell]

Such helpful information. Speaking very clearly about my life. Thank you for your help.

[@jmh814]

I am realizing how blessed I was to come out of my divorce financially unscathed.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's major. At least you have something to hold you together. Dr. C

[@Barbara-oi3yi]

He would call me crazy when I had an idea to make a lot of money then convince me to get a shitty paid job promising it would get better in time so I couldn't save up to leave

[@matilda4406]

Thank you both for all you do. Really. It means a lot that people understand and that there is help out there with the books.

[@tatie7604]

Laws needs to change. I was married to a violent narcissist and had to divorce early-- seven years. After all the years I spent building his career, I am not able to draw on his social security in old age.

[@mosim9691]

Dr. Les, thank you "I am my responsibility!" Tweetable moment!

[@vesnadjordjevic28]

Sure, sounds ok.What about this story..Let's say we have a couple where during the divorce husband made some criminal friends who helped him to rob the wife,is that her responsibility? Or husband who rob the criminal and blame the wife while he say"keep your mouth shut or our children can be in danger",whose responsibility is that? What about jealous husband who calls his wife bad names for no reason ,most men do it with no reason,but some of them are extremely dangerous.What about husband who lies about his wife let's say ,he said she committed adultery just to stop her from getting a better man then he can ever be.So I put all the blame n shame on men who do this things, and many men are doing this,at least in my shithole country. I myself am living in the hell that my ex husband organized for me, and I don't see the way out.

[@teresagrall]

omg, these two videos are my life. I could tell you stories for days

[@annachmielewski1491]

I agree I have seen this abuse in everyday life.

[@burgerking2242]

Have a secret post office savings account/bank account that the narc does not know about save your money until you have enough to move out.

[@christar9527]

“You have to hear with your heart.” Thank you. My heart is strongly telling me that he is an abusive sociopath and there’s something very wrong with him. That’s why I go into panic and depression mode whenever I hear him., either wake up or walk in the door. Go with your feelings. What are they telling you. Leave him.

[@Twinmama143]

I left him and my car. In order to get my car back, he wants me to remove my name on our daughters college savings accounts. Not fair what they do. But I want my car back. That money can later be compensated once I start working again. But now he’ll have control of those accounts. Good thing he’s on child support.

[@WhatBigEyes]

It’s not the fact that one spouse or the other doesn’t work but rather what is implied or discussed prior to marriage. When your spouse lies about having a job and then after the marriage he suddenly decides it costs more for him to work than what he can bring home in pay. With a Narcissist it’s always something. After a while it all begins to grate on your nerves and saying they love you and demonstrating love are two different things. Don’t listen to what they say but instead watch what they do.

[@yvetteoglesby8797]

Thank you...thank you....thank you...

[@shadesofidaho]

Thank you Les and Shannon.

[@laturley7445]

Protective posturing is the simplest way to determine if someone cares for you. I know this comment is off topic, but protectiveness is instinctual and the reaction happens without awareness. If a man or woman never shows signs of being able to put your needs first (conversational evidence isn't enough), the relationship is doomed. I was walking across the road with a man (second date) and he was so busy thinking about himself he didn't notice that he was putting me in harms way. This literally was the man revealing himself even though he never realized what had happened. What kind of father will this person be? He's clearly not meant to be in a family until he can see the greater impact of his actions. Small situations can reveal realistic truths. Perhaps, this man may have been protective with me eventually, but I'm not going to wait to be hit by a car to see. Being single or thinking only about the impact a problem has from only the 'I, me' perspective too long can be very detrimental. In my opinion, this is where an individualistic society makes many mistakes and is easy to conquer.

[@teresadexter9965]

LATurner... Protective posturing.......very interesting....not heard the term before...thank you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Good thoughts! Dr. C

[@joywatson95]

I got married at 20. And the same year we married I hurt my back. Yet I stayed with him & had 5 kids. Every time I wanted something , that I felt I didn't need, he would say " Get off your fat Ass & get a job!". And now we are divorced he makes $50,000 a year and then I only get $1,000. For the 3 kids that are still Minors . But my revenge is not being with Him ! And being able to make decisions. I dropped cable , changed the bedroom around. And I hoping to start some college courses in a year !

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep moving forward!!! Thanks for these words. Dr. C

[@privateprivate8366]

Yep, people will say everything from, “How did you let this happen,” to “Well, that’s your family, you should be allowing them to do whatever they want.” I know people who look down upon me - because I have boundaries. Fortunately for me, I don’t care. But, I have experienced aspects of this type of financial abuse. I’ll first say that, where my mother is concerned, what she does with her money, including to disinherit me, will be her business as, I’m not entitled to it. Still, I recognize that, not only has she tried to sabotage my livelihood a couple of times, and over request money as if she was trying to see how much I had, as opposed to how much she could swindle, but I do have the gut feeling that says, “You’re not doing and being what I want so, you’re taking the risk of me leaving everything to your sister, who is doing all the things for me that I don’t feel like doing. I don’t care about what you did for decades, in her absence!” From my sister, I also feel the possibility of, “Whatever you’ve done for mom all these decades is null and void now, because I know how to be the doormat she wants so, while your back is turned, I’ll snatch up both properties and whatever I can get, while she’s even still alive.” Despite the understanding of this dynamic and all of the horrible pain and negativity it brings me, in another way, I cannot TELL you how much peace it brings me to also know that I’m not really attached to these 2 nut cases! Do I know that my lifelong freeloading sister could end up with everything as we get older and is it a problem? Yes, I do. Very much so. But, I also don’t have to spend my time cracking 2 heads together either. I don’t live with them and am not tied to them financially so, I can concentrate and direct my efforts towards a better trajectory in life, with the time I have left. I wish other victims of narcissistic abuse had these options. But, I know their struggle will take time to free themselves from and I feel pretty awful about it as, again, there’s an entire world out there who will coerce them back into the situation, not understanding that it actually is abusive. My heart goes out to them.

[@13Babeloe]

Excellent video thank you. Very helpful.