What Is Echoism? 10 Phrases Narcissists Use To Shut Down Your Voice

In Ancient Greek mythology, Echo lost her voice and could only repeat back what was said by the other. Today we refer to echoism as losing one's voice to one who would take control over your words and thoughts. Dr. Les Carter identifies 10 favorite phrases used by narcissists to shut down your voice. But with awareness, you can choose not to fall prey to echoism. You can instead take full initiative to be fully you.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 40 years he has conducted more than 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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[@djbrelinski]

I’m spending thanksgiving alone because I’ve started my healing from narcissistic family. Prayers plz

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, I wish for you...peace. Dr. C

[@Herekittykitty01]

The happiest thanksgiving to you. Peace is better than terrible dysfunctional company ❤️

[@djbrelinski]

Thank you.

[@lilleeball1148]

❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤

[@analiecfernandez3375]

❤Congrats for taking that vital steps! Do not worry being alone for now and away from people who depleted your energy: you will feel a boost of that energy and it will heal you in no time! That's what I felt when I walked away from a Malignant Narcissist. I hope and pray you will also be able to takes care of that energy field of yours and only share it to someone with same energy or better❤🙏

[@pollylarue4521]

My teenage son at dinnertime, to his dad "Oh, I'm sorry, did the middle of mom's sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?"

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

He's seeing it early! Good for him for speaking up. Dr. C

[@crochetingaroundnewzealand]

Wonderful. My kids saw my parents and brothers nasty behaviour to me early too, but now they copy it. I'm so sad as I've stopped all contact but this now means I'm the bad one.

[@pollylarue4521]

@@crochetingaroundnewzealand I'm optimistic, I don't think mine are going to copy it. For one thing, they are avoiding alcohol (they are both in college now), and his npd tendencies really are minor when he's sober. But when he drinks daily... Ugh, he's full blown crazy NPD. KZbin NPD videos really helped me understand the crazy stuff that didn't make sense. And he does understand that we will ALL leave him if he goes back to drinking regularly. I'm sorry you're having to avoid the kids, too. Probably what saved mine is that he isn't full blown npd when he's sober, and he wasn't always a heavy drinker. So we just have some understandable control issues that can be dealt with... Partially because the kids are grown and don't need our agreement or permission to do their stuff now and menopause gave my too-passive self the rage I needed to realize I don't give flying fox what he thinks I should or shouldn't do when his control issues show up.

[@mallariculp3551]

Crocheting Around New Zealand Who cares if you’re the “bad one?” Consider the source. You owe no explanation to anyone. You are the priority in your own life!

[@mallariculp3551]

Polly LaRue What does NPD stand for?

[@ljc9845]

I am literally tearing up by these statements. Narcs are HORRIBLE PEOPLE. Should not have the privilege of being a spouse or parent because they cause such deep rooted damage.

[@Sjb2077]

Couldn’t agree with you more. But now I know their behaviour I am close to bursting out laughing when they try superiority with their enormous egos. I just see them as week, pathetic human specimens. Poor souls🤣

[@justdawndb]

@@Sjb2077 I am with you, with the laughing... When you can't get away and they chip away at you, it hurts to have to work your way out of their "world" once again. After listening to Dr Carter and trading your comment, hopefully I can pull myself out quicker and get back to the 😆.

[@GirlofNicky]

Horrible having a father with Narcissism. Now a sister who has narcissism. Hideous emotional and physical abuse. My growth was stunted & infertile due to pituitary damage from my sister banging my head against the wall.

[@zackrytran-point4400]

At least you know the bs behind the facade.

[@themanofgod3784]

Sad 😞 but true

[@lillianshaver4899]

80 year old, who was married to narc.for 23 terrible years. Never realized for years what a number he worked on me. My mom knew something was wrong . Took years to come out of it. I actually like myself..

[@lilgorgo]

I'm so happy you like you again or for the 1st time 🖤

[@janetpattison8474]

Awesome!!!

[@johngalvin3124]

I like you too..more power to you!

[@bettyveronica460]

🤗💜

[@bettyjean740]

A great reminder that it is never too late to get happy with ones self!

[@Christiegotgame]

Here's 10 ways to shut down a narcissist's voice: #1 Go no contact #2 Go no contact #3 Go no contact #4 Go no contact #5 Go no contact #6 Go no contact #7 Go no contact #8 Go no contact #9 Go no contact #10 Go no contact

[@lavenderflowers1075]

True, true and true.

[@bsinger3189]

If you have an opinion I'll tell you! You're going to wear that? Shushing me in public. 30 yrs of it. Still mending.

[@peachluck1050]

Well stated!

[@a.k.4085]

💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@louisegogel7973]

Do you mean: Go away from the person/people, have no contact.? If one is stuck, then seeing a video like this can be so helpful, and learning the skills of congruent communication, self care, deescalation etc can be immensely helpful. I don’t know how far it could help, but it would be something to do using the ho’oponopono clearing work... and maybe just maybe some key things would shift.

[@kristenfranz1027]

How about “you don’t need to be defensive. We’re having a discussion “. But a discussion means ... you listen to me and don’t talk.

[@brianbagnall3029]

That one is pretty familiar to me. We'd be having a so called discussion, and there was absolutely no acknowledgment of anything I would say. Only her view mattered, and anything I said was like talking to a wall. Sometimes I got so desperate I would ask her to summarize my view to confirm that she actually heard what I said. She either wouldn't or couldn't. It got that silly.

[@kristenfranz1027]

@@brianbagnall3029 you know what I do now? When the narc calls I answer the phone, say hello, and put it on mute..... this reminds me that what I say doesn’t matter ... and believe me she talks for 30 minutes and says goodbye and I haven’t said a word. It’s lame. Slowly I’m learning what I need to say to shut her up.

[@danielkaiser8971]

It's good that you know what's going on so that you can handle it in a dignified manner. I'm not sure I would be as polite as you.

[@kristenfranz1027]

@@danielkaiser8971 I have been undignified for a long enough time to know it doesn’t help. It just amps me up and sucks the energy out of me. Disassociating myself from the narcissistic behavior is something I had to learn to do. Perhaps out of self preservation.

[@candirayne470]

exactly

[@notsheepish8304]

They ask you a question. When you start to answer, they talk/yell over you. They don't let you defend yourself.

[@valerieneal2747]

This...thos.. Your correct..that's exactly what they do. Which is why I blocked my eldest granddaughter's phone number today. I'm so done with her.

[@mallariculp3551]

Valerie Neal It’s the only way. Cut them out of your life. Sad but true.

[@dhowlin612]

It's so true!

[@jamiesmith2724]

I got so sick of telling him to stop talking. I’d ask for one min. I’d even add a timer for him, he’d cuss me out and shut me down 4 seconds in.

[@notsheepish8304]

@@jamiesmith2724 4 seconds is about right 😒

[@my_humble_opinion4019]

The 171 thumbs down ratings came from narcissists trolling this site. This is a terrific channel and has been really helpful. Thank you!!!

[@marcwesley3645]

Lol that's a good one....lol thanks needed a good laugh! No disrespect I agree this channel has been more than helpful

[@SusanBame]

First my dad, then my husband. Iʻm 63, divorced for 16 years after a 25-year marriage, and Iʻm still in the process of finding my voice.

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Susan Bame, you deserve better

[@diamondgold5277]

Curse Everyone Out(Not Dad) dosen't mean you can't speak your true feelings against him, you take power and control over the conversation, if he's still acting out Walk Out the Room/ House That's a Strong Statement don't talk to them for while... That's what I did I feel damm better now, saying some shiiiii folks never expected me to say I cursed everyone out😂🤣👌💯

[@linak7155]

I think we all need to work on ourselves first and fore most. that way we won't easily fall into harmful relationships. I hv lived through some unsavory experiences but I refuse to fall into a voctimhood mentality. We can rise above it and make ourselves the kind of people that draw healthy ppl.

[@ETBlair]

First my mom, then my husband. I’m 59, divorced for 9 years after a 23 year marriage. I’m a wreck.

[@1johnnygunn]

@@ETBlair you don't have to be, ya got out, now quit letting others live rent free in your head. Defy their limitations projected onto you.

[@sandrathomas2893]

My favorite line" I'm so tired of you and YOUR drama" That's just hilarious from drama junkies 😂

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Seriously. Dr. C

[@loriallen9237]

My favorite: "I don't want to argue." No--he wanted to steamroll and abuse me and never be accountable or have to answer for his behavior, so he acted like I started it. Of course HE didn't have any problems with how he was treating me...

[@violet32makingit64]

This is a familiar one .... and it’s always said, directly after some kind of drama caused by the narc. . , and you bringing it up .

[@janetgaurie7163]

Oh, my goodness! So true!

[@jeaninedeichler1799]

My FIL is the KING of that one! I always tell him, "don't start none; won't be none."

[@tiffanymoore152]

I constantly got "you're crazy", "you're delusional", "you're irrational", "you're insane" or "I have done everything for you." I'm so glad that I am out of that marriage! He projected everything that he was on to me.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's what they do! Dr. C

[@niteal1255]

Would call me crazy then turn around and pick my brain for solutions to his problems. Why would someone ask a crazy person for advice? No contact is wonderful.

[@Avalon041167]

Had all of those. 30 years with a Narc. If i thought id done something good, he would tear down my. No compliments, just constant criticism.

[@acrylik]

I get I'm unwell

[@niteal1255]

@@acrylik I am told , "you are crazy". Then they try to pick my crazy brain for advice to fix their problems. Sorry I am crazy, never ask a crazy person for advice. Laughs on them not me.

[@melanieknowles7002]

My beautiful mom always said.... dont think you better than anyone else... BUT there comes a time when you know you are ...walk away.

[@morganlefey8885]

I'm no longer willing to participate in my own punishment!

[@Noname-dg3pm]

True. And yet, I.... What is wrong with them do this to people? My gawd.

[@julietcrowson3503]

Regulatory Lawyers in England, U K, are narcissists then. At least we know !!

[@johngalvin3124]

That is so well said

[@morganlefey8885]

@@johngalvin3124 Now if I can just remember to do it!

[@danettejones4969]

Yes! 👏👏👏

[@hantievisser8956]

My husband always told me how stupid I was so I told him that I know that I am stupid, because I married him. It was the last time he said it to me.

[@sharonborris6675]

Hantie visser , That was a really good come back, my husband would say to me am never going to get another man like him, I said to him you're damn right, I don't ever want another man like you😅.

[@katalinmcewan]

@@sharonborris6675 I have heard that too. Thank god for that! 😂

[@tinacarlton9949]

You should tell him how smart he is

[@AnnaLVajda]

Lol good one.

[@theresefournier3269]

@@tinacarlton9949 i did!

[@karyn19]

"I don't want to fight all the time." Response to normal, and meaningful, relationship conversations.

[@mommadeux1]

Response to any discussion about literally anything! Oh look the sky is blue! "No it's not" Actually it is... "Why do you always want to argue?"

[@Miss-320]

Nailed it! Gesssh I hear you!!!

[@vincentoravec261]

I have heard that soooo many times when attempting to express how my wifes actions made me feel. Its like trying to navigate a mine field, and ALWAYS managing to step on one.😖

[@kristen9827]

Soooooo TRUE!

[@Privatenospying]

Can’t help thinking how much suffering I could have avoided if I found this beautiful kind soul when I was young.

[@manbearpig7521]

He is lovely!

[@joannchristmas8127]

AMEN

[@MaryBarranti]

Don't regret the past. What we need to learn appears when we are ready to receive it. You are just on time.

[@dixiegardner6207]

Don't look back.......look forward. There is wonderful life out ahead. Enjoy the peace.

[@krishnamayimarianni8026]

Me too.

[@rachelhope3161]

He would say, “excuse me I was speaking....you are so rude, how dare you interrupt me.” I thought I was just having a conversation but he really just wanted to hear himself talk. I hated him. So glad he is out of my life.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Being away from narcissists makes it easier to stick with Team Healthy. Dr. C

[@marcirobins5144]

There's a big difference between talking with you and talking "at" you. Narcs are the "at" you people.

[@bethmorris260]

My ex did this EXACT thing to me all the time. Would pause awhile and I thought it was my turn to speak in a two sided conversation, but it was always; “There you go interrupting me again. That is a nasty habit. I guess my words don’t matter.”

[@missmonkeymind708]

@@bethmorris260 What was his name because we dated the sane guy 😂

[@mfar3016]

My ex was a textbook narc! Over the last few days of watching KZbin videos, I’ve learned that “stop interrupting” is one of their common tactics! I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, ever! It was so bad, that even if I made a gesture or a facial expression while he was talking he’d blow up because I interrupted him again. Been away from him for decades, but still get flashbacks.

[@psl2013]

My sister gaslighted me my entire life. I’m 49 years old and I feel like I have to start over. Literally, I have to learn everything for the first time.

[@samme1024]

My brother and parents did the same. Deep wounds. I wish you well on your healing journey.

[@johngalvin3124]

How wonderful to learn for the first time it is still a beautiful world. Luck to you.

[@conniehenderson7071]

Mine too. And my father and grandmother before her. It's minimum contact now.

[@Cosmic.cougar]

My brother is narcissistic and now delusional.

[@gammagammagulch]

I know. Stay strong and keep learning about narcissism.

[@rosehuber1997]

So any time a person belittles you, you need to stop and consider the source. That person is not your friendand is toxic.

[@cd9400]

I had 'Shhhhhhhh' and 'keep it down' and 'control yourself, everyone's looking at you' I literally stopped communicating eventually. But now I'm free and proud to be loud! 😁

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Be what you are! Dr. C

[@goesfarfliesnear1447]

@@SurvivingNarcissism "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Theodore Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss

[@mdee860]

Wow, that "Shhhhhhh" - was quite a trigger for me. Brought back memories of my Mom coming home from work. Next, martini while watching the news. No interruptions allowed. I would try to tell her something & was ALWAYS met with Shhhhhh! Stepfather cooked, then dinner @ 7 followed by me doing dishes & by 8 or 8:30 she'd go up to bed to read & listen to her Talk Radio. For communication I often got a note when I came home from school: Clean the house & your bathroom. Change the sheets in your room & move upstairs. We're having overnight company. That pretty much sums it up.

[@pollylarue4521]

@@mdee860 I'm at the point where I leave notes (or send texts) if I think it's important to complete a whole sentence... But I think that's a different reason than your mom left notes. 😜 Sometimes it takes literally days to say something simple like Saturdays full menu listing and who is expected to make or bring what, because of random rhyming, "joke" interruptions, talking over me because he "thought I was done...", "Didn't realize I was talking", "said something wrong", ...

[@mdee860]

@@pollylarue4521 - aww 😘

[@matilda1505]

“Get over it, man up, sucked it up, grow up, don’t be so sensitive, give it a rest, never happened , it was a joke,I give up, I can’t control what’s going on in that head of yours “

[@ginette8540]

Mom? Is that you? 😂 Yes to all of the above, wow. 👏

[@sihmonahblyf4733]

So accurate

[@artmicasa]

They hv no feelings so they cant handle emotions from others

[@fredkuglin9717]

Yvonne Kimada......Those are the words my EX- wife used constantly.

[@melissatravitz2306]

Dr Phill uses some of these phrases!

[@mustafabasheir4758]

I think The gold standard phrase of the world of narcissism and manipulation is (You are so sensitive)

[@natrlgrl]

Yep. They do all these things to you and if you respond "you are too sensitive."

[@jjm559]

so true

[@jackiepowell7513]

My retort to " you 're overreacting, you are under emoting". Yawn..

[@nicola-anneross5585]

Yes, I spent years trying to strip myself of feelings as I was told I was a delicate flower for joining in a conversation

[@nicola-anneross5585]

@@jackiepowell7513 that is good.

[@duromusabc]

Narcissists sure are bullies aren’t they ?

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Yes!

[@user-wz4bz2fn6s]

YES, BUT MORE, WORSE, EVIL.

[@ClaireGraceMarshall-jr5mm]

Absolutely but with a side of severe nastiness

[@randyrandall8274]

My favourite one was, whenever trying to stand up for oneself, or bring up dialogue about anything that felt uncomfortable/unequal,,,the response was "Why Are you creating conflict?!".

[@dnwitte]

"You always make such a BIG DEAL out of NOTHING!" said by someone who just had a screaming tantrum over a misplaced teaspoon.

[@emmabronkhorst2650]

My favourite one is "Do not speak to me in that tone!!" When you're talking normally

[@moseyoriginal]

When it comes to a narcissist, replace the word love with compliance.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it. Dr. C

[@moseyoriginal]

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you so much. Coming from you that really means a lot. I so appreciate your videos (I’m in Australia) they have saved my sanity. Thank you so,so much. AllyK

[@analou3357]

You can say that again...

[@JaneDoe-ij4ls]

Yikes, this is SO true. If the narc you deal with is violent, watch out!

[@russellm7530]

Oh I've been using the words neglect, abuse and torture to describe what I thought my whole life was LOVE from my relatives and especially mother.

[@sharonschuringa5240]

He would say " you're crazy!...you need help!"... so I went and talked to someone and the next time he said that I got to say "Really?... I got help - and guess what - they told me you're the problem" that shut him up.... well ..for about two minutes.

[@Joy-zd3wu]

I'd hear that when he had no other grenade to lob at me "you need professional help"... I got it, and realized he was the one that needed it, got away, and a year later, can breathe. These videos have helped more than any other videos or even the counselor, who in all fairness was a basic family counselor as I didn't know what to look for when hunting for that professional help I was told that I needed because I didn't want to be in a polygamous marriage. I would also hear that I was selfish and didn't love him and accept him for who he was in needing 2 wives. What I hate is that I still get surprised when listening to these videos by Dr. Carter (I've listened to 50 now), like how did I not see that. I still face palm at times. The thing that I like most about these videos that I didn't get in counseling was how to handle that situation at the root or boundary level as well as how to handle the pollution that remained inside of me after leaving. I am much clearer now, but am so ready to be fully back to pre-him/marriage, me.

[@theresat8379]

Same thing here. Meet the counselors before our first session telling his story, then go to the first session together without me knowing. The last time the counselor told me I was being emotionally abused and to get out. Kicked my husband out of the office. When I got to the vehicle he asked me what lies I told the counselor for that kind of a reaction. I told him I just answered the questions truthfully.

[@DivineEmpress1810]

@@theresat8379 They don't want you to go alone to any counseling even if they say you need the "professional" help. Mine got angry that I went alone...wanted to "tag" along because he knows he is the issue and it's not me. The one time we went together he swears that the therapist said he had done NOTHING wrong in our marriage! WOW...JUST WOW! I told him that I didn't remember the therapist saying that to him because they aren't going to tell you that you are perfect and you don't make mistakes...that but that is how he chooses to remember it! I left him in his delusion!

[@tannaeros]

@@DivineEmpress1810 My sister tried to get me committed from 14- 21. She wanted my clothes and record albums. I'm still standing. She's still the same person she was at 16.

[@katalinmcewan]

Brilliant! I have heard that also. Was in utter shock! Once I knew what he was I told him that I’m really happy to go and see a therapist together as long as they specialise in NPD. He never brought it up again.

[@bobmathieson987]

When I was a young boy of 12 years I actually lost my ability to speak coherently after years of narcissistic abuse from both parents. I Thank goodness of a teacher at school at the time who cured me of my incumbrance as he recognized the suffering and re-trained me to have the confidence to communicate again.

[@dsaylor36]

That happened to me too.

[@bobmathieson987]

@@dsaylor36 Sorry to hear that. Fear was the driver behind my wheels. I was not allowed to speak back to my parents unless asked a direct question. I went through my childhood constantly in fear of physical and mental abuse. My world at this time was small and resulted in a numbness that only left me in my late twenties but returns sometimes when my opinions are challenged.

[@dsaylor36]

@@bobmathieson987 Its horrible . 🧡

[@darrenheapy1265]

I use to speak so soft like a whisper. Took me years to learn how to increase the volume

[@king-qo8fi]

GOD BLESS YOUR TEACHER FOR BEING IN TUNE TO YOU AND SEEING YOUR DESPERATE NEED. WE NEED MORE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD THAT LOOKS OUT FOR THE CHILDREN THAT ARE FALLING THRU THE CRACKS. I’M THANKFUL FOR YOU AND YOUR AMAZING TEACHER.

[@katalinmcewan]

“No point repeating the same thing over and over again. Let’s just move on.” When I tried to have any kind of discussion with him. It’s all about them and “you are crazy”!

[@joannebolen2211]

I get the, "Don't you ever shut up. You always go on and on" This after only two min. of talking where he mostly talked over me for that 2 min, 😂.

[@Canaday291]

My ex would make sure he was in front of my children and then create a fight by playing the victim gaslighting me , slandering my reputation and destroying my relationships triangulating with everyone around me projecting his guilt , lies, and delusional conspiracy theories onto me and I would constantly take the bait to engage , react, and helplessly defend myself against his merciless abusive mission to destroy me and my children , our whole family that is now ripped apart and we all have so much irreversible damage from his ongoing abuse that all falls on my shoulders as always to constantly pay the price for ,repair , and protect not only myself but all of my children As he sits smirking and carefree ,proud of his evil “accomplishments “ Living his self serving deranged psychopath sadistic lifestyle “

[@Devo9094]

I’m glad you can laugh about him talking over you! You made me laugh too😂 by reminding me of a show my guy loves to watch. It’s called Pardon the Interruption 🤣🤣

[@reneeboehm558]

He says and you keep going

[@reneeboehm558]

They are SO DAMB SICK UGHHHHH

[@1991windsor]

Yeah, mine used to say "You just keep going and going" and I wouldn't even say anything or start the fight to begin with!

[@statusdisarray9598]

My father brother husband, step mother and son all have told me “you really are crazy” so much so I had to go get undiagnosed by a domestic abuse counselor who helped me to believe I was a valuable human being not crazy. I have had a wonderful career and was never told I was crazy by colleagues..but how could I not believe them when everyone in my family thought I was “crazy” . If I cried I was “crazy” if I laughed I was “crazy” if I was quiet and hid from the constant emotional blows “you are so crazy” . My therapist changed my life so did leaving this guys behind.

[@ceecee6378]

Good for you! “Crazy” is the go to word used on women for millennia. It’s an abusive gaslighting maneuver, too.

[@NuSafari]

Ditto.

[@christinalw19]

Are you an empath? I got that same treatment since childhood from my mother & older sister. Telling me I was too emotional, that I should be “on medication” 🙄 and grand mother told me I would never amount to anything. Well, I amount to a lot more than all of them put together. 2 out of 3 are gone now just my passive aggressive elitist sister that loves to diss me. I spent years in and out of therapy but no one ever mentioned narcissism. My sister is miserable now at 77 and taking anti-depressants and sleeping pills and I have a great life. I feel badly for her because she is too weak to be honest. Very sad. 😢

[@heatherwhatever7714]

I had a similar experience this week and was surprised by stepdaughters acting just like their Dad used to. When a sister in law wrote on a weather report I posted, “nutbag” after friends had written nice comments, I knew one of the “girls” had been running around building up support for their very startling attack. Maybe they did me a favor, but just like with their Dad, the first bad event and backtracking and then guilt trip was baffling. I believe I can’t convince in law family members of what is going on so all I can hope is that someday given one of these gaslamping attempts one of them reads something here like I first did a year ago. It was hard truth to swallow but ready helped me finally grieve in advance of my husband’s fifth surgery this year which ended in his death. He didn’t just neglect all of us but himself also. Yes, I miss him and all I can hope is that I can always allow those good memories not be tainted by my thoughts that maybe they weren’t real.

[@Jasonhb07]

@@ceecee6378 I dont think women have a monopoly on being subject to narcissitic namecalling in child/adulthood.

[@propertyofjesus6818]

I've attracted these people my whole life! They're bastard's, absolutely no contact is the best way to move on with your life. They're the reason I've suffered chronic depression and low self esteem! All changed now hallelujah!!

[@christar9527]

Same. F’rs everywhere I went! I became suicidally depressed for most of 60 years. I love being alone. They are demonic killers. No need for that!

[@suzesinger6762]

@@christar9527 ..oF coooURSE !!! They are ... D.O.A.'s Demons on Assignment. !?!?! ;)

[@rg-mi5hh]

They are the ones with the problem not you. They just aren't nice people.

[@davebarone506]

It's interesting how they home in on you and have they're tactics on making you think, they're the one for me

[@laurasprague6940]

My husband NEVER looks at me when I speak. He always interrupts or says “I’m done talking about it”.

[@Ski7440]

Selfish rude man

[@sharonboehm5296]

His behaviour is disgraceful.

[@loriallen9237]

As if the man has spoken...

[@jenniferraymond9766]

Yell him you're not done. Tell him he will listen until you are done. If you know his tricks, don't put up with them anymore. If you can't or won't leave this narc, the least you can do is Stand up for yourself

[@cierraword6056]

My mom does that. Always feels the need to announce when they are done with a conversation. I always respond by saying "I don't need an announcement, just stop talking."

[@dwayneneckles]

“You are so sensitive. “ this video is on the money

[@freelife1121]

My mother say it very often 🙄

[@dantoinettem6825]

This is my childhood...

[@DeniseLaFranceCDNpainter]

*_NARC-ISMS..._* "TOO sensitive" "Vivid imagination" "You're confused" "Your FATHER wanted a daughter"

[@LG-kx8xl]

You can't get along w/anybody, you got a problem w/everybody, *you act like somebody is always doing something to you.....that would be fine except for one thing..you ARE doing something to me.

[@chikaka2012]

The problem is, vulnerable narcissists will take offense at everything so, sooner or later, you find yourself saying this to them. Better just to let these people go, but it’s hard because they make you feel like they need you. Fact is, no one needs a particular human being. If you can’t meet someone’s needs, there are 7 billion other people in the world who can at least try.

[@TabithaElkins]

Mothers who passively accept narcissists teach their daughters to be passive. It becomes multi-generational.

[@lilleeball1148]

No, their daughter often turns out to be a narc for some reason.

[@theresat8379]

Yes!!!

[@splenderella9]

@@lilleeball1148 Undercover federal drug investigator?

[@stevesyncox9893]

What difference does gender make?

[@AdrienneJung.M]

Yes! I recently have come to this same conclusion as I examine how I ended up in this marriage. Its sad to realize that my dad was also a narcissist and my mom a passive enabler, so I didnt even realize how fucked up my own marriage was getting because it feels so normal.

[@djpaeg1]

I think these phrases are probably associated with overt narcissists. The covert narcissist won’t use these phrases, but they will imply some of them by their continual actions. They will do things to make you feel like these things are true, without using these words. It is a total mindfuck.

[@abi4422]

Yep. 😩

[@CaraWorick]

Yes, this is my experience. Most of these were never said directly to me. They were implied. The only one that was said out loud and directly was that I was selfish. I was told over and over that I was selfish and that all I do is invent problems (which was a way to make me feel like I was fundamentally flawed as a person). Everything was passive-aggressive and covert with the narcissistic person in my life.

[@Sabrina96]

Yes, I dealt with that with me last ex narcissist. Covert is worse in ways because it is not obvious. It was different than the npd people I grew up with.

[@pianoplants7884]

“Steadiness, contentment, and peace” for all of us this year!

[@sallyomae9262]

“Well, I do have needs.” And it doesn’t make me wrong, or inept. I tried for years to make myself needless, so that I could meet the desires of my narcissistic family members. Spoiler alert, it didn’t work. I’m so glad to have the freedom to need again. Thank you for this video, and happiest new year.

[@elcee7800]

Marie Eno: Making yourself needless is exactly what the narcissist wants. Narc wants you to curl up in life. Narc is the one who should curl up and make himself needless!

[@remaininganonymous4129]

That's exactly what I did. Made myself needless, gosh I never looked at it that way. Although I was thinking along those lines. As I was constantly asked by the narc, why do you need that, why do you do that. Why why why why whyyyy oh wow the beginning of our relationship was full of questions as to why I was me. Why did I decorate my house this way, why did I dress this way, why did I eat that.... I'm the type of person who thinks too deeply when asked questions and I ended up doubting everything that made me me...

[@Cthulhu4President]

I'm 34. I was there under my own parents for ~22 years. Had to deal with much the same from basically half of the random people willing to talk to me. Currently married, and with no choice but to live with our mother in law (trying to build the capitol to get our own place during COVID was never going to happen) we find ourselves dealing with this treatment all over again. We both very likely have Complex PTSD from this treatment throughout both our childhoods, and with the clear damage that exists because of it I can only imagine what this continued reinforcement is doing to us.

[@howardcohen6817]

@@remaininganonymous4129 Questions which are asked not in "quest" of something, based in wanting to get to know somebody or something and in curiosity, are an attack - or rather a threat of an attack. It must be difficult experiencing life at all when the most "important" other person is being disdaining towards you. When a child asks, "Why did you do this or that?", I'm most often only too happy to answer the question. All too often, I hear in the same question coming from an adult the effort to manipulate and not the joyful curiosity the child expresses. I've lived through a life of this attempted manipulation without being forced to give up these sensitivities. My difficulty is my getting angry at the person from whom these attempted manipulations come. The anger stems not only from frustration, that yet another person is trying to manipulate me (how silly) but also from the fear that one of these days one just might succeed (again), especially now that my powers and talents are diminishing of their own accord. Who is a person, really, without their needs, desires and preferences? While not every person is desirable for me, for others or even for themselves, someone's own unique perspective is always exhilarating. How in the world is life to be joyful, when the means of experiencing it and playing with it is being actively subverted and taken away? The real question from a partner/friend must be, "You need this or that? How might I help you achieve that (you wonderful person)?"

[@xrotarebil]

This comment is a year old now. How far along have you come in your journey?

[@FairnessFobe]

I can confirm all this. I had to struggle with this growing up. My mother was a champion at putting down people. I'm still learning how to overcome it. I'm a senior citizen. A parent like this can ruin their child's life.

[@strawberryredz1997]

It sure does, once you realize that hindsight, I say, it's like a "sucker punch " It really messes with your mind. Especially being older.

[@christar9527]

Yes they most certainly can. I’m 62 and they really did destroy my life! It’s almost over and it wasn’t a life at all. It was a long slow suicide.

[@20sandi12]

Me, as well, Christelle. A lifetime of impact that I'm just learning

[@jeancoathup8591]

is it genetic? I can see it runs in my family. I know is nurture as well as nature. My NM's DNA showed up with bipolar, schizophrenia. Even though she didn't have these, there was something going around, brother, cousins, father, angry, controlling narc traits. Some were really scary! Is interesting that people notice and you don't, you are used to being blamed. When the narc dies, people will speak.

[@georgeluna8089]

@@christar9527 hi! I'm 60 and feeling the same way. I'm so sorry 😞

[@connieaustin6136]

The one comment I would always hear from my former husband was “nobody wants to hear what you have to say “. To this day that stays in my head and I always remember it before I speak. Very damaging words. I wish I had known all of this good information back when I was married to him.

[@mallariculp3551]

You’re actually lucky he said it. Some just ensure you feel that way without anything to base it on... so it’s your own fault you stop talking!! Ugh.

[@jamesarmstrong4179]

Connie Austin,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist...

[@KMR1776]

Wow

[@jeancoathup8591]

@@KMR1776 yeah, wow!

[@sudhakhristmukti1930]

Mean, degrading words..coming from a mean, petty person.

[@torpedoback51]

"Don't put that on me now." is the phrase I often heard, when I tried to express my feelings.

[@tashasmith2245]

My mother.

[@torpedoback51]

@@tashasmith2245 Mine too.

[@moonkatmagic5599]

Yes, and it’s NEVER a good time to talk about things, in their eyes

[@selecttravelvacations7472]

“I’m not doing this with you”

[@heartchitect1960]

as a survivor of a dysfunctional family, for generations, I'm learning that my mother may be a narcissist. So glad I found you.

[@whalesong999]

Been working on the same sort of thing for most of 40 years. My own life as a pretender was blasted apart by a psychotic break in '78. Only in the last couple years has the core of the narcissistic demon been seen clearly though a therapist told me in 2003 my mother was controlling my life. I was married, lived states away from her, how was it that she was "controlling my life" I wondered. It's now in full view - my mom was indeed a narc and for years I lamented I didn't have "my own voice" but thought it was all my fault. I'm so glad to find these videos now also - so much has come to light since our former president was seen to be a narcissist and much was discussed about it on YT over the last few years. I could sense somehow I had similar drives but it's finally coming more clear.

[@GiftSparks]

Am I the only person who bursts into tears when I watch this channel? It’s like he has a window on to my upbringing.

[@Octobergirl85]

After 22 years of silently putting up with my covertly narcissistic sister-in-law's poor treatment of me I told her that I was no longer going to put up with her abuse. She wanted to sit down and talk about it so I listened to her go on about how I am too thin-skinned...I just sat there looking at her w/o saying a word. She said, "you look confused." I said, "No, not confused at all. I'm on to you. You may have everyone else fooled but I see you." She clutched her hands to her chest and proceeded to tell me that she really does care for me and would never do anything to hurt me. I said, "please stop acting, it's no longer necessary." I literally saw the blood run from her face. The smear campaign started shortly thereafter.

[@HappyPlaceToronto]

Hang in there and grey rock with her. They can’t stand when you ignore or dismiss them. 😊

[@dnwitte]

@@HappyPlaceToronto Ten years after I shut off contact, my narc still occasionally makes contact with some kind of 'pity me' message to try to guilt trip me back into the snare.

[@irenemccall1973]

I thank you, Les Carter, for being there for me when I needed you. I am much stronger now. The narcissist no longer controls me and I simply do and say whatever i want. My sense of humour and peace has returned. Thank you for letting me go back to being me again. God bless you and your kind heart : ) x

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks once again, Irene! Dr. C

[@annabejko4803]

@@SurvivingNarcissism you save my life and my children 😭 it was horrible and difficult to leave this situation but we are surviver and smile again.thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I like the sign with the cat knocking over the cup and saying "I do what I want"!

[@vladimiraofficial]

I was raised by a narcissistic mother and an alcoholic father and despite my isolation from them and a “help” of my beloved music career that’s been a wonderful outlet for me, because of my conditioning, I’ve met so many types of narcissists and energy vampires that I almost died alone and in a total poverty (despite having worldwide career prospects!). I didn’t die and - it took me several years to “de-brainwash” myself and reconnect with my real self. The feeling of my natural self and my natural confidence feels like the heavenliest of feelings, something I have never felt when in the brainwashed mode. I wish every single person to achieve that and I will do all in my career to help as many people as possible. 🙏🏻❤️🤩

[@debrahamlin5214]

My narc never let me finish my own sentences.. most of the time he finished my sentence with something I wasn’t going to say.. or he never heard me if I was talking anyway.. soon you realize it’s no use talking. He did yell me no one was going to believe me and no one was going to listen to me.. finally someone did and they helped me escape..

[@marlamartenson5312]

Mine would cut me off everytime and when I asked why he did that he said, “because I already know what you are going to say, and it’s bullshit.”

[@kristend344]

My grandmother was my narc. I was a teen when I noticed she wouldn't allow my grandfather to complete a sentence, she was constantly talking over him. He'd bite his tongue - and turn his head. Then he'd stop talking (until she left the room.). It was one more evidence to me - something wasn't right about how she treated people.

[@annpopenfoose3750]

Same here. ALWAYS finishing my sentences, usually not with what I was going to say. SO IRRITATING!! I was constantly having to say "Please let me finish!!" Now I just give up.

[@kathyharmon2093]

@@annpopenfoose3750 why don’t you leave? I’m single and happy never thought my life could be so peaceful

[@debbiewaddell225]

I'm out of it! Sadly, I will never be believed! The lies he told, to destroy me....all the sneaky games......live on!!! He loved to instigate NIGHTMARE fights. Once he realized I REALLY WAS making my plan of Escape. Would SHUT UP and sneak video. As tho I just up and flipped my lid! One day, I caught him.....questioned....." why so quiet"????? OF COARSE YOU ARE.....GOTTA KEEP UP YOUR " VICTIM" PERSONA! WHEN REALLY.......YOU ARE THE MOST EVIL MAN I had EVER MET! AND YOU CONTINUE TO SHOW ME.....YET.....MORE!!!! Tbh......I was TERRIFIED OF HIM!!! He is gone from this world! Left a SAINT........ My son brought him and those videos up yesterday! Had I KNOWN FF.....maybe I wouldn't have fought back! But today....in thinking......will be telling my son(A MAN.....who WATCHED and SAW abuse)..........When your ready to remove him off that SAINT PEDESTAL......and remember him HUMAN.........do NOT speak of those videos to me again!!! Not till you can! And MAYBE I will tell you what was happening! And MAYBE I won't! My Narcissist........he was worse even than THAT WORD! I just don't know "the word"......except purified Evil! I HAVE changed LIGHT YRS! Feel free! Worked HARD on myself!

[@goodmorningsundaymorning4533]

"everyone knows you're the crazy one". - my sister. She's dead to me now for 2 yrs. I don't call it 'no contact'", I call it "dead to me". I could write a damn book.

[@krisluvsutube2684]

This totally resonates. My mama was a little more covert. When my best friend in high school came over to stay at our house she would say things to her about me in front of me. For example my friend and I are having a conversation that had nothing to do with her at all and she'd walk in the room and say "Yack Yack Yack"! and then look at my friend and say "Doesn't she get on your nerves?"! " How do you stand being friends with her?!" And of course it would come across as a joke to my friend, but she really had no idea how horribly evil she truly was. If I called her out on that behavior when we were alone I'd get "Oh your just so sensitive. You know I didn't mean anything by that. It was just a joke". "What's the matter with you"? The flip side of that is I would have been murdered by her if I ever said such a thing about her in front of one of her friends. Of course that wouldn't be ultra sensitivity that would have been cruelty in its rawest form from me to her because I'm abusive to her. I guess the old saying they can dish it out but they truly cannot take it is right on and apparently you can't be disrespectful to your mother, but she sure can be to you and embarrass you whenever it suits her. Thanks Dr. Carter.

[@latsnojokelee6434]

Wow, I’m having flashbacks. I would have a contractor in my house giving me an estimate for repairs and my mother would walk in and just launch into something I did back when I was about 10 which was put chewing gum wrappers in my desk. It just came out of nowhere. When I told her to knock it off, she responded with the ever popular don’t be so sensitive. When he left, and he left quickly because it was a very uncomfortable situation, I told her to her face that it wasn’t very nice to put other women down in front of men. The reality is that even at 70 years old she was desperate for a male attention. And believe it or not, she has a background in psychology.

[@krisluvsutube2684]

@@latsnojokelee6434 I would believe it. There are psychologists that are narcissistic too.

[@pinkymaxine]

"You're crazy", or "you're controlling". They literally call you everything they are. I got called controlling for the dumbest things. I once asked him if we could stop talking about politics and just respect each others difference of opinions and he called me controlling. 🙄 Yet this is the same dude that argued with me over my favourite color, what clothes i wear, who i talked to, my hobbies etc. Who's controlling ?

[@marielaaleiramh3819]

I have the same situation, they really call you everything they are, they are angry all the time and they told you why are you angry all the time? or you are mean with people or you don’t understand life let me explain to you.

[@praisedancer010244]

I started telling him, calmly and sweetly after he finished devaluing and spinning around like the tasmanian devil..."I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself.". Then while he recovered from shock, I'd get up humming and happy. He became meaner as I would block his BS.

[@joevanygarcia2957]

God . Can i marry u ❤💜💘😭 uhff. I'm dieing to meet a Real woman in my life. . He'll id be ur slave uhff. Gbu for being the dew good woman on this earth. Iv debt with this alot but with my ex 😔

[@kimberly1221]

@@praisedancer010244 That’s the best lol gby

[@noracharles9366]

@@joevanygarcia2957 hang in there J. Good people need to stick together. Surrounding yourself w quality people as best you can. God loves you 🎭

[@glizzard1894]

My favorite, "go ahead and leave. Nobody else would put up with you," and "no wonder nobody likes you"

[@roserollins9471]

You can't make it without me

[@violetviolet2634]

Oh my God , always used said that to me , until now i belive nobody like me

[@zippyustar6350]

Classic narcissist saying congrats you are….. what we are plotting & planning to leave. The news is no one liked you and we made excuses for you for all those years…. He came from a broken home / she was abused as a child//// come to find out she was the abuser he was the reason for the broken home

[@christar9527]

The egg donor would say “You SHOULD kill yourself....No one can stand you!” when I was already suicidal. I despise her to this day!

[@zippyustar6350]

@@christar9527 it’s always the meanest hook it should keep us running away; never wondering why anyone could be so dark and hurtful // it’s the only way to get your shock attention still no value 💡

[@Elite-advantageNet]

With 2 narcissistic parents and a narcissistic sister, I was always the scapegoat. One of their favorite phrases if I was upset and started to cry was "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about." My father's favorite way to give me something to cry about was an electric cord. My mother's was a belt. And then my sister loved to watch and snicker. So glad I've now gone no contact.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's abuse, and no one deserves to be treated that way. Glad you're out of their system. Best wishes to you. Dr. C

[@Elite-advantageNet]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I agree, but being raised that way, I didn't recognize it as abuse. I thought I deserved it. But now I'm out of their system and into therapy so doing much better. Thank you.

[@nancynelson179]

When I was a toddler I was afraid of the dark so my dad said if I didn’t stop crying the Boogie Man and my mother would say that if I ever cried Daddy would give me something to cry about. My two older half sisters and I would be belted with his belt strap. The last time I was as belted I was 16-years old and instead of crying I silently in my head counted 39 belt lashes before my mother told my father to stop because he could not break my spirit. I left home at age 17.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Dad, instead.

[@SaraLevins]

Another classic is: “i talk to people a lot and i’ve never heard that one before...” making you look “strange”. Or even better. They say: usually when i talk to people they listen and agree with me but with you it’s like you never even understand anything”.

[@maudemathildeh335]

My Narc mother truly enjoyed speaking down to me in public so that everyone would hear. In the grocery store she would say: "Lookout! You are in that person's way!" While in fact I was in no way blocking anyone. When driving it was always: "Watch! Watch!", which was when a pedestrian was standing on curb waiting to cross the street.

[@debbiegainesart]

How about this: Him: "You always interrupt me while I'm speaking." Me (after waiting until he finishes saying that): "Well, I just..." Him: "See, there you go again." Me: "Well, when do I get to speak?" Him (with his back turned as he's walking out the door): "It's no use, you're never going to learn." Next time I see him he acts all cheerful and like nothing's ever happened, and it starts all over again but in slightly different ways. Is this narcissism?

[@doreenplischke7645]

Yes

[@lilleeball1148]

Yes

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Debbie Gaines, you deserve a good man not a narcissist!

[@debbiegainesart]

@@lioydwilliams1850 Well this is not someone I am dating.

[@lioydwilliams1850]

@@debbiegainesart oh ok my dear.I am Lioyd from the States.You?

[@sugarfree1894]

Here's another one: "Oh, here we go again....." People who are OK in themselves do not require a punchbag, end of.

[@belowthesilvermoonBe]

From my experience, he resented anything positive. Made fun of my morning yoga, walking to work, & loving my job. He even made fun of the fact that I loved butterflies. He forever accused me of being selfish, if I didn't drop everything to rush to his side when he was having anxiety in the middle of the night from his own drug use. He didn't care that I had to get up for work. threatened that he was going to call my boss and tell him I quit. This was a constant anxiety for me because my job was my escape. In the end, his stalking and harassment after breaking up with him for the millionth time it felt like, was too much for me. I put hours between us. It blows my mind all of the effort they put into trying to destroy you when they don't even love you or care about you or like you for that matter. I lost a lot but I'm very grateful that I didn't lose more like my life. I definitely was once an Echo. I've changed my perspective and become my own Echo. Abusive cruel words do not define me. There was a time when I did believe the things he said. It took a lot of work to change the way I thought about myself. If you're in a relationship like this... please try to free yourself. The longer you stay, the harder it is to leave, and the more damage that they cause to your soul. Peace and love.

[@Noname-dg3pm]

I'm made fun of for loving rainbows and caring about others. I should care about myself they'd say when my heart went out to something. And I'm wrong for liking kind things like i am so delusional.

[@Noname-dg3pm]

Oh my gosh. Yes accused of being selfish constantly. And the world does not revolve around me. And i am reminded constantly of how much and how long they have helped me out. I see it as the truth of not being helped more than helped. If one wants to word it as such. I feel like i keep coming back and getting caught up varying passing times. And i wish i didn't because it makes me feel so much worse amd in turn i get worse off and for what!?!? But it's the dance i seem to find myself in. It feels and is that i am out of options but i try to understand that in respect to that being my only option ...that that too is really not one. I am foolish to believe in the words promised and said. Yet because i am me meaning somehow i do something "wrong" and it is not met well and there u have it... I don't matter am pushed away and out...out out out who cares out into what... In fa t they know the harsh conditions in which they put u in because apparently u have the plaque. And since u didn't react the way or whatever the way u did that u shouldn't have done that they personally have a disporportiant reaction to. Like wow

[@Noname-dg3pm]

Thank you

[@zackrytran-point4400]

Butterflies are awesome, that guy is a douche... pardon my french.

[@belowthesilvermoonBe]

@@zackrytran-point4400 Interesting you say that. A member of The Douche Awards knocked on his door but he didn't open it because he thought it could be the police. He felt powerful & untouchable in his castle. He just screamed "Don't you know who I AM??" "Sir, that's why I'm here! You've been nominated for..." The door swung open & he invited him in. An award is an award.

[@shelleys1551]

The problem I have is the silence, and when you try to have a conversation with them about anything other than the weather. They automatically get on the defensive, and shut you down. They are sneaky and wouldn't know the truth if it hit them upside the head 20 times a day. They also play stupid really well, to gaslight you. Having to deal with them through covid has been a nightmare. It's hard to escape when the world has been shut down and there is no where to go. Thanks to videos like these I have learned that it isn't me, and it's helped me to let go of their emptiness. They will suck you dry if you let them. Don't.

[@montebowers8060]

Was married to one for 19 years. The silence was horrible! I found a place in my own spiritual walk and professional life where I was secure enough to stand on my own and they were the one who went off the rails and left. It was infuriating and difficult, but also one of the best things that ever happened to me. Narcissism, when it is full blown, is almost an instinctive drive and has to be dealt with like you are preserving yourself from a predator. In many ways, you are. Stay strong and value your self

[@lindasharpe7039]

Yes, this shut down is the worst since someone has retired.

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

@@chelli5845 Wow they are so unfriendly to say the least.

[@ladennayoung2939]

We have to learn that we all have choices in life, even during tough times. My ex have narcissistic personality disorder. And initially I was afraid to break up with him. Because I'm a single mom, and I was concerned about my needs getting met. But this dude convinced me to make certain decisions, that had a negative impact on my finances and credit score (for awhile I still thought he had my best interest, and could trust him to help me make decisions that would benefit me). Anyway the Lord kept telling me to let this man go. Finally I had enough and broke up with him last year. Yes I still have made a couple of bad choices. But it have been easier for me to let certain people go faster, that have not benefited my life in a positive manner, and slowly become stronger and wiser during this process everyday. I pray your strength in the Lord to do what is best for YOU in Jesus name. Know that you will be okay regardless. I pray that you receive and have the peace from God, and true joy from the Lord in Jesus name. Amen and Amen. Blessings to you and yours.

[@ladennayoung2939]

@@montebowers8060 I pray you continue on your road to recovery in Jesus name. Amen and Amen. The best is yet to come. And yes you are protecting yourself from being preyed on. They are and can be vultures. They are well at disguising it initially in most cases.

[@annking8633]

Anxiety, depression, anger. Yes, all of those. Starting to shed that skin and it's refreshing. I kind of like being emotionally naked on my terms.

[@saraweil5849]

I'm currently going threw anger, anxiety, and depression. Mainly because Everyone says I've done nothing wrong but I feel they are being won over when I defend myself. So wrong so I'm not allowed to speak or just be.

[@candacecasey5634]

Me too

[@tinacarlton9949]

@@saraweil5849 Jesus is listening talk to him

[@jeancoathup8591]

did you feel you were leaving jail every time you left them? Good indication, when you feel like you've been freed after a short time with them!

[@marieyatestaylor5732]

Number 11: "You understand revenge, don't you?" They threaten you of the evil they are certain to do to you. It's a done-deal at that point.

[@TheDriftwoodlover]

Worked for more than one. The latest told me a vendor didn’t like me and complained about me. I apologized to her and she said she liked me and would have nothing to complain about. Fast forward nine years and I was told I’d never done my job. I needed this job until I could retire. Today is my first day of retirement. May there be a special place in hell for narcissists.

[@dlacour6559]

I'm soft spoken and he was loud. He would just talk over me so that I couldn't be heard. After 20 yrs, I started getting out on my own and realized I had trouble finishing a sentence b/c I was so used to him completing them for me. Somewhere along the way, I gave up trying. It was too exhausting. I would pause at the point he would usually take over and have to really think about what I wanted to say. It was a big wake up call to realize that.

[@world7570]

Classic controlling narcissism

[@2gooddrifters]

I find it difficult to finish a sentence when he's there. When I'm with other people it's easier.

[@michelleshefstad4699]

THAT was/is my case. After about 24 years talking over me or putting me down with a joke, I felt the same way. Even when I was finally on my own, I caught myself rushing through a sentence or abruptly stopping and going blank because I was so used to him interrupting. I had actually stopped visiting in group settings around him for this reason. If I had talked to him about it later, I would just be yelled at. Why bother. Everyone was/is either charmed by him or awkward and so always went along with it. I'm still learning to relax through a conversation and it's been about 2 years.

[@mallariculp3551]

Michelle Shefstad Ah, the rush through... because your thoughts aren’t valued in any way. So, you opened your mouth before remembering no one wants to hear you. Yep.

[@marciabradley7660]

What about “who told you that?” Like I couldn’t think anything worthwhile. I had the last laugh because I told him that everybody deserves love and respect and I’m just not capable of holding him in esteem. Then I went on to get a masters degree and went to work using everything he taught me to help battered women and their children. Sweet revenge

[@marciabradley7660]

@Tessa Shaw glad you could relate. He was the idiot for sure. The narcissist tells you every day who they are by what they say about you. I was able to help little kids who were bullied by teaching that concept.

[@lorireed8046]

Good for every one of of you that learned and went on. I'm not that person. I've lost the fight. I just wish for death.

[@lorireed8046]

@Tessa Shaw Thanks but, no. I'm a narc magnet, apparently. It wasn't "just one" I'm 55 and just through with any relationships. I do things and do have acquaintance type people. But, prefer alone in my home and personal life.

[@lorireed8046]

@Tessa Shaw Ohh and tes, I walked away 6 years ago.

[@lorireed8046]

@Willy Wonka Sorry! I really wish everyone else happy times and relationships.

[@Anonymouse428]

As a covert narcissist, my ex was never as direct as this. He never told me I was awkward, instead he would say things like “Wow, you ACTUALLY did well tonight.”

[@phelinephrenzy2358]

Let's add a few more to that list: *"You're reading too much into it/this" *"I think there's really something else behind what you're saying". A politer way of them saying you're crazy is... *"I have no idea what you're talking about! "

[@enricosanchez894]

Some narcissists have no original thoughts, and just echo what others say. I've had my narcissist relatives repeat things I've said as their own. Rather than fall into their trap and argue over whose idea it is, I just say, "That doesn't make any sense", which leaves them dumbfounded (dumb being the operative word).

[@Jane-gt6ef]

Hm, what an interesting idea! I may try it myself! 😉

[@BeautyAtTheAltar]

Thank you. It happened alot, whenever I would hear my estranged husband talk and he would deny it when I asked him if he repeats what I keep saying while claiming it's his original content.

[@s.9806]

Omg haha this is a good one

[@claracarpenter8913]

That's actually quite funny. Good job.

[@mcdoodle158]

Lol, so funny!!

[@firewoman7722]

No. Never lost my voice, but lead to more & more fights. Now, I just laugh any time I hear a line like one of these. They shut up after a while. Laugh like they're the crazy one & you have to stay strong. Cool, nobody does think like me, I act like I want, & I don't give af! Remember who you are & stay strong!

[@firewoman7722]

Yeah, I heard all these BS lines & give a cool reply that everyone's entitled to their opinion. Don't buy into it & you take away their power. The only power they have is what you give them! Remember who you are- I can't say that enough!

[@Noname-dg3pm]

Thank you

[@cynthusinfinite]

You should be in every school, training institution and especially any faculty teaching psychology. Your delivery is so soothingly effective. You're incredibly matched to your choice of career. A true service being. Of the angelic realm. Thank you.

[@HippieGoddess142]

“You’re so awkward!” was said to me by my sorority sisters after they learned of my social anxiety and autism. I was so confused because I thought they would understand. Thank you Dr. Carter for helping victims through their trauma!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Just a few weeks ago I posted a video about going public with mental health issues. Although I didn't mention their names, the uproar surrounding Simone Biles and Naomi Osaka prompted it. See if you can find it. You deserve support and encouragement, not derision. Dr. C

[@HausofLightShadow]

Yes this! “Weird” “Awkward” “Strange”

[@sudhakhristmukti1930]

What a mean thing to say, instead of encouraging you and helping to put you at ease. Hope they get a taste of their own medicine.

[@colonelmustard2652]

I was denied an autism diagnosis so the alleged doctor who misrepresented herself as a psychologist could try and saddle me with one of her basket case clients she was sick of. There was still hope for your sorority sisters, since they hadn’t yet been ordained with a diploma and given an institutional free pass. In either case, it seems there is no winning strategy with obtaining and coping with one’s autism diagnoses.

[@turtleanton6539]

No it is just more to complain about

[@kitmouser]

Painful, over thirty-two years in this prison. Good message.

[@tmklunk]

Married to it for 27 years

[@gianetta69]

Can’t you get out?

[@kitmouser]

@@gianetta69 At her age, health and alienating similar family members, I am stuck putting up with her.

[@gutsinmyteacup]

I’m sorry. I too can’t just leave them. I don’t want them to be alone. I want to prove to them that they’re wrong about me and I’m not like everyone else that has abandoned them. Mine admits they have a problem though, at least. They still do whatever they want but after, they apologize and remind me they are working on themselves and say the kindest things and most sweetest gestures. I wish they would one day wake up. It’s like they’re lost. My parents are almost the same. It’s so exhausting.

[@ENNARELL]

“You think you’re so perfect.” and “You’re just jealous.” When I try to discuss certain things that I felt uncomfortable with them doing or start to give boundaries.

[@greatmatth3093]

What I heard constantly from childhood on into adulthood: "You don't have a right to feel that way."

[@Equinox1.5]

In my experience, narcissistic individuals often convey the sentiments contained in the phrases you use in the video but without being so explicit. By being more subtle and passive-aggressive, they create an extra layer of deniability if you pluck up the courage to challenge them. Then they can respond with, 'No, I didn't mean it like that' (assuming they admit that they said it in the first place!) or 'You're paranoid,' or 'That's how you took it up; it's not what I meant.'

[@SmartStart24]

Yes! “I can’t help how you decode my message, that’s your problem” even though it was blatantly insulting and diminishing. I’m still amazed at how he could twist every little thing I said to his favor.

[@leighatkins22]

"You've always got an answer for everything haven't you"? Is that one?

[@alicestratton2306]

I'm told that every day.

[@amyengrav6509]

Mine says....you have an excuse for everything Just left today, my nerves are shot!

[@leighatkins22]

Sometimes they just have to be taught, like a child, that there is enjoyment to be gained from every facet of life, even the slightest joy, coz that is ALL the rest of us get too!!! THIS is how we teach our children... THIS is how we teach the narcissists... becoz deep down they ARE spiritual children... I am Mother... 🥰 But if you are not a Mother at the pit of your soul, this is not for you either...

[@Izabela-ek5nh]

"You have Jesuit methods of talking - turning everything against me!" - when I just try to explain I am in fear or try to bring back the harmony... or to refuse to do sth and explaining why. If he is the only one always right then must be sth wrong with me trying to argue and if what I say makes sense and he cannot deny it - apparently it is "Jesuit manipulation" and he is the victim :( so exhausting...

[@amyengrav6509]

@@leighatkins22 mine is a 55 year old child that will never learn. Narcissists can’t be taught, they already know everything.

[@jwilson8007]

I’ve heard you’re too “emotional”, you’re so petty. Or the reverse psychology line: You’re too good for me, you deserve better”. The silence, blank stares, lack of empathy or no compassion. This push/pull tactic is a nightmare.

[@Noname-dg3pm]

Like for real it is. All of it but tje fricking silence. Omg. So cruel. It's heartbreaking among the breaks.

[@stevesyncox9893]

Ya

[@speakingout9740]

Yep!!!

[@SaraLevins]

Another thing they say: “are you bipolar/borderline?” I actually called them bipolar once since they were actually acting bipolar and they literally didn’t talk to me in days. They’re so sensitive it’s almost funny!

[@uyoebyik]

It's very common for narcissists to call people borderline or bipolar because you have a normal emotional reactions and they don't. My narc sister phoned me one time and said "you sound quite happy, I think you might be bipolar,,

[@andrewmaniscalco3533]

@Sara Levin I actually am bipolar/borderline! 😆 A lot of my BPD symptoms have been clearing up since I've been watching videos about my parents, a few old "friends", and my ex gf/"friend". I've never been asked that. BUT, my dad, who is a mostly absent workaholic anesthesiologist has "diagnosed" me with the following: schizo-affective, bipolar, Asperger's, cyclothymia, and being strange. On the phone AND in the rare events that he wants to see me in person. He will not leave his town to drive across the state to visit with me. I can't afford to drive to see him. That's my fault. Everything is.

[@kathrynwatters1289]

I lived this for 35 years. That is a long time and now it will take a long time to heal.

[@baxrok2.]

My favorite narcissist phrases during arguments were: "...I never said that!" & "..ALL my friends agree with me.." & "..you're so passive aggressive.." & "...oh, is that right, ohhh reeeaaallly..."

[@katalinmcewan]

Oh, yeah! “My Mum thinks you are crazy.” “My colleagues think that you have mental health issues. They all agree with me.” I had never met any of them, but did tell him that I was happy to have a meeting scheduled and discuss who was crazy and which one of us had mental health issues.

[@christar9527]

My egg donor used the “well WE” line a lot. Like the bullies were all together in their thinking and I was the outcast and wrong for just being.

[@teresah.6696]

Another line they like to use is "You Never Agree With Me On Anything"

[@julietcrowson3503]

Sooo true Wow! Thanks for that comment 🤗

[@pninamaimon2955]

this is his favorite,

[@DivineEmpress1810]

My thing is for healthy people you don't have to agree on everything with them...you are allowed to have your own opinion!

[@brown_eyed_girl]

OMG Yes! My ex said this to me all the time

[@swanzkat8828]

The one that's used too much is "that sounds like your problem". That phrase shuts down any discussion.

[@Jbaabyy9]

Oh my gosh, just listening to these breaks my heart for anyone out there who deals with someone like this.

[@Ski7440]

True - I’m so glad I’m out of it , and have someone kind caring and considerate in my life now. It was so damaging living with someone like that ..

[@cliffordkeith8437]

When I heard the term, "echoism" I thought it was as I experience. When ever I express that I am angry, they immediately, and without any acknowledgment echo that they are angry. If I say that hurts, they echo "I'm hurt". If I'm frustrated, they echo that they are frustrated. Its like an echo of my own complain that dismisses my voice, feelings and assert them to the forefront. The most aggravating part is when I call it out, STILL no acknowledgment or recanting of their position.

[@SimplyNatalieXoxo]

YES

[@janewright2800]

Totally spot on and then you feel bad for expressing hurt feelings cos it's been turned around to them feeling hurt and convince you how horrible you now are for suggesting they have treated u disrespectfully when they say they haven't and you are left confused and feeling guilty!!!!!💚

[@melaniemackenzie8084]

This is exactly what I experience with my mother. Never owns her wrong doing and vindictive behavior. She is The Queen!. She distorts and fabricates history to justify her behavior as appropriate, considering what I did, even though I never did it. Then the amnesia sets in and she makes all nicey nice like nothing has happened, to Hoover me back in. This no longer works and I rarely communicate with her. Only on birthdays and holidays as a mere courtesy. These are sad people wirh a big, black hole where their soul should be. I am so eternally grateful that I had a family member who was very loving to me so I did not become like her. I did not realize their profound impact on me and how it saved me until I was an adult.

[@janewright2800]

Yes Melanie same with my mother and all you can do is have little contact as possible to protect yourself X even sending healing love could change things and help you as much too to be freer still X I had guilty feelings bout staying away from my mother, not justified ones at all just conditioning isn't it but I am more at peace with it now as I know I couldn't be true to who I really am if I didn't distance X so glad you have loving family member as us sensitives need the support X happy new year to you and all 🌠☀️🌈💚🌟

[@melaniemackenzie8084]

@@janewright2800 Thank you for your kind words Jane. Yes,the guilt is hardest to bear, emotionally. And they know it! The community this channel has created helps me to stay balanced and strengthens my resolve to keep my distance and to never trust her or her motivations. I wish it were different, but it is not and nothing I can say or do will change that or make her come to her senses as she knows no other way to navigate her world. PEACE!

[@D4leBryant]

One of my favorites said to me by my narcissist brother, "You need to figure out what you are and change.". Cracks me up to this day.

[@Olivia-fl3bn]

My parents made me feel like I wasn’t even a part of society. I had to either be completely above everybody else, or I was completely defective and could never fit in in the first place. Finally moved out! Learning what my voice even sounds like again!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep leaning forward, Olivia!!

[@Star-dj1kw]

The ending of the video is so good! From 7:33 on. I especially relate to: Self Preservation is not selfish. No: Having needs is not being flawed; No: that makes me a HUMAN. * Feeling hurt is wrong. No: This is a natural consequence of experiencing hurtful behavior.

[@jeanbryan8341]

I wish the internet was around 20 years ago. I could have used this information!

[@CallieRoseMartinsyde]

I heard phrases like this from my father for 40 years. I finally cut communication with him, refusing to speak with him except at family functions where there were others watching and listening to what he said. At age 42, I learned a trick for getting his voice and negative comments out of my head. I imagined them coming from someone whose opinion doesn't and never did matter to me (I chose an angry preteen in an online game, but it could be a politician, a celebrity, or anyone else). The trick worked like magic for me, and I no longer hear his toxic words in my mind.

[@Simon9Mr]

Good trick!! Have you read Anthony Robbins? That's like one of his neuro-conditioning tricks: imagine hurtful words coming from silly little cartoon characters in squeaky voices. Sounds like it works!!

[@CallieRoseMartinsyde]

@@Simon9Mr I like it. I can see how a silly cartoon's squeaky voice would have the same effect.

[@cynthiawebster3376]

Great info. Thanks for making this. I come from an entire narcissistic family cult where I was not allowed my voice. Divorced a narcissist after 27 years. Finally got my voice back at 61. So this is what happy feels like!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Way to go, Cynthia. Best wishes moving forward! Dr. C

[@maryanned9616]

When I told my brother that he needed to let us know when he was going to come over and not just show up unannounced at all hours of the day and night, and yes he'd show up at 2am about twice a month while we were sleeping, help himself in, put the stereo on and crash on our sofa...his reaction was "Dad wanted to disinherit you and Mom said she wished she never had you" He then went on to tell me what a failure I was and he felt sorry my children had me and my husband for parents. He then turned to my son and tried to say something to him...at that point, I told him to leave. He did not like to be told to do something. I told him if he did not leave, I would call the police...He did not leave, thought I was bluffing and said "go ahead." I called the police and he went nuts on them. After dealing with him, one officer suggested I should get a restraining order against him as they escorted him away. Narcissists REALLY do not like it when you set boundaries!

[@MaryBarranti]

And change the locks.

[@nixiemusic3928]

“You’re just being overdramatic” 😞

[@nicoledburns82]

Yep I get that alot too

[@kastaxprep]

Oh my goodness, YESSSSS did ever hear that over and over and over

[@kamicrum4408]

Narc- why do you alwsys have to make every thibg about you?

[@dlacour6559]

Wow! When I was in it, I felt so isolated, without support, and had no idea what I was dealing with. Look at the people on this forum! It's so nice to see that people can get this help, understand what they're dealing with, and that they're not alone.

[@Noname-dg3pm]

Yeah and there's something to the messed up shit being thrown at them.

[@RippleDrop.]

"You are a selfish" has always been my sister's strongest weapon. I identify as someone helpful just because it is the right thing to do, and selfish is the last person I want to be so I reassured her always I am not selfish so I condoned to her.

[@psychedlicsouljam1995]

I just found out I’ve been over paying rent to my mother. and I thought it was because I was helping her. And then I found out she has more money than I do. I’m so sick and tired of being around her. But my living situation is stopping me from leaving.

[@sarasol4677]

The anxiety, depression and/or suppressed anger these creatures generate on us when we allow them to stop our voice, bring along physical illnesses as well. My body shouted at me, I'd fall ll ill every fifteen days,..... I listened to my body, thank God and ran away. Since then, no more flu, no more backaches, no more urine infections, no more stomachaches!🙏

[@dlacour6559]

Raised by, then married narcissists. Nearly 60 yrs of their treatment before I understood what I'd been dealing with. Separated 8 yrs, worked part-time for him until divorce 1 yr ago. Had migraines a couple times a week, now only 1 in a couple months, I still can't sleep more than 3 or 4 hrs at a time. He'd come home late, drunk, screaming, accusing a couple times a week. Cried myself to sleep most nights. Haven't cried in 8 yrs. I couldn't finish a sentence, or a thought, when I first left, b/c he always talked over and louder to finish them for me. Somewhere along the way, I quit trying. It was too exhausting. Realizing that was a big wake up call for me. Info like this, along with being so miserable that I felt I had lost my will to live, gave me the strength to leave. Today, my life is what I always wanted but never thought I could have. I hope, through these videos, many will find that strength to go after the life they want.

[@sarasol4677]

@@dlacour6559 💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾🙏

[@kaylabryson1932]

I just left ... suffering the same symptons but already feeling better and it’s been 2 weeks

[@leighatkins22]

Flu is either you "need to get something off your chest" or something is "up your nose", depending where it is, backaches are "feeling unsupported" or "too much emotional weight to carry", depending on where they are, urine infections are being "pissed off" and stomach aches are you've "had a gutful". Look up Louise Hay...

[@sarasol4677]

@@leighatkins22 thank you! You've been so precise and exact! I know what you are talking about.

[@Indrani_Mukherjee19]

Narcissist mom;Narcissist husband;it took 36 years for me to finally be in my voice.Thanks to such educational videos about Narcissistic or else I used to think bad luck will never leave my life.

[@lunemiel786]

Hello y'all well I never thought I would write this one day but ... Quick long story.. I used to watch his videos and they helped me a whole lot and I started praying to Jesus to save my mom cause she was a real narc. Well, God made a miracle alright she is filled with way more empathy compassion and she is such a changed soul however she still won't believe in Jesus but dang she seems close so praise God y'all and go to Him our Jesus!

[@carlajohnson9369]

I'm still in recovery. I lost so much...I'm able to stand on my feet again; and work on being myself. I remember 'she' was a great person

[@s.9806]

Same here. Also in recovery & and lost allot. I’m still in shock and angry. But whit time We will and must get better and stronger!

[@angelanicholson951]

"I'm/we're trying to help you." " Oh, you're just imagining things, again." "You're so over-sensitive." " Why do you always do this?" " Oh, stop exaggerating." "Why can't you just be like the rest of us?" "There's something very wrong with you." "Why do you always have to spoil things?" "Oh, let's not have this again." "What on earth are you talking about?" (Said with a smirk or laugh.) "Just take no notice." "Why are you always so difficult or having problems?" (When you need support or are having hell from them/other's and need protection at school or in a dangerous relationship.) "You're always a problem." "Oh, here we go." "What have i done to deserve this?" (Guilt/shame attack.) "This is what you do every time." " Oh, it's no good trying to help you." "You take everything the wrong way." " I just can't deal with any more of this from you." "You twist everything to blame me, or EVERYONE else" " Ive/we've done our best for you and this is how you thank me/us." "I'll take the blame so this can end." Am i close, lol?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You’ve got it down. Sounds like you’ve had your fair share of exposure to these messages. Ugh. Dr. C

[@christineholliday4564]

@@SurvivingNarcissism mine has been... "Well, that's your perspective"

[@Aannishiaa]

Thanks for the list💕

[@jessiekitchens229]

I'd say yes, maybe...

[@noracharles9366]

Nailed it 🎯

[@laurieann906]

It’s so exhausting to deal with this. Even small inconsequential things get corrected or you’re told you’re wrong when you’re definitely not wrong. The “that never happened..” is a big one. “I think you have these conversations with yourself..” I never did that! You pull this stuff out of your ass!” Sometimes people know they need to leave an unhealthy situation but have things preventing them from leaving. And it’s really hard. And it feels like you’re really alone. I hope EVERYONE that needs to leave an unhealthy situation can eventually leave. Love and light to everyone reading this. If you’re here, then you’re dealing with it in some form too. I’m sorry you are.

[@Noname-dg3pm]

Thank you. I needed to read that cause i am caught up and i hate iy

[@janem5780]

Omg, the memories! I got to the point of recording some conversations because I was convinced I was losing my mind! These are wicked people to be around. Do not wait, always leave. You will be destroyed by them, when you know you go.

[@Chericherry4]

That "inconsequential" crap..... leaves terrible memories.

[@laurieann906]

@@Chericherry4 agreed

[@tantrictraveller1212]

Thanks so much for continuing to raise awareness of this psychological pandemic - I dearly hope we can quash narcissism in one generation by shining light in it's face and strategically defending our own spirits with information like this which help humans restore our sovereignty and self-love.

[@eusebiasantiago2715]

I've gone through this. I had lost part of my self identity. I felt at times it was no point of talking because words always got twisted from me being concerned to me being controlling over them 😔 I was made out to be a mean person when actually it was the other way around