Narcissists and Financial Abuse

[@michellewilloby8448]

My ex Narc, made triple what I made financially, but I was expected to split everything down the middle. Would go shopping with him and watch him expand his wardrobe and I could barley get a coke. I was broke all the time hard time paying my bills, without borrowing from family. That idiot is a thing of the past, was hard to let go of what I was familiar with but given time I am in such a happy financially in a healthy place.

[@idahorootsidahoroots4413]

Financial abuse is always thought of as the abuser restricting money - but it's not always that! My ex husband drained my finances - we used my children's college funds just to pay our monthly bills - all because he REFUSED to work! Even after paying for my divorce attorney, and receiving no child support from him (he lost all rights to our child together), I have much more disposable income than I did when he was squatting in my life. The college funds aren't built back up yet, but they will get there! Thank you for addressing this often overlooked issue.

[@leilanielizabeth9988]

Polly Thompson I agree! I know this post was from a year ago but if you are still active here, I'd love to hear more of your story since I see my relationship having similarities. I feel so alone in this.

[@teresadexter9965]

Leilani Elizabeth me too Leilani Elizabeth financial abuse is not always about restricting finances. my ex used more n more credit cards so he would have access to his own money.....even though he had access to money in our joint bank account. At the time I didn't understand what was happening .....it has caused a lot of anxiety and confusion for me...as I didn't know about self partnering etc thank you for explaining.

[@staceystrukel1917]

That's what my husband does. If we get ahead, he will sabotage it. I'm done.

[@johncorson6599]

My ex narc wife also refused to work and finances were always a mess as no matter what I earned, savings wouldn’t build up ... after divorce I have been able to save almost as much in 7 months as I was in 7 years with the narcissist earning LESS than I was

[@shelleycamp56]

Idaho Roots oh my gosh, my ex spent my three a Daughters college fund on a one acre pool sight. He didn’t care what I said....... I’m just beginning to get my bearings. I’m learning to earn on my own. I did prior to my 20 year marriage. I was younger and more vibrant. I have some work to do... PS From Malad, Idaho and Utah I live in California

[@FemiBeauty]

Can I just say thank you for this? I literally woke up out of a nightmare about my Narc. His main manipulation tactic has always been financial with me. I came to your channel looking for videos to self soothe and saw this one recently uploaded. It feels like such a blessing and you are spot on about everything. Thank you so much.

[@sagebay2803]

i learned more in 30 minutes of watching your videos, than I have in 1 year of therapy! Thank you so much!

[@nicolewagner1430]

Whew! Hard to have the fingers pointed back at myself. The hardest part of dealing with this type of abuse is now understanding my own role in it.

[@Majsztrik]

You are so correct with everything you are saying. My husband was never supportive of me, and sabotaged all of my attempts to go back to work or get a higher degree.

[@apersonthatsnice6202]

Thank you. I never knew money and sleep is a form of abuse....but it really is!

[@randyandretti]

Right. Not trying to impress a man anymore in any way.

[@kynchan3332]

So helpful. I grew up with a narcissistic parent and found myself exhibiting many of those horrible narcissistic traits. But in keeping a diary, looking back through, introspecting, really listening to others, taking on sales work (where rejection many times a day is a normal part of life), spending many years without a relationship (to not need any source of external validation), volunteering (without any expectation of favors in return) and apologizing sincerely to the people I've hurt I've found myself and am a far better person for it. I take great delight in improving and seeing others better themselves, that envy is gone.

[@korisnaperspektiva9480]

It is like you have lived and written out the current story of my life. Much respect to you since I deeply know what you have gone through! It's a struggle but thank God for it because it makes us stronger for the future challenges.

[@Evernia6181]

Vintage Melanie! OMG! I love how you peel the layers off! You are a quantum gift to the world.

[@5457kj]

I've suffered financial abuse from a narcist for 27 years! He withholds when i break free... So this has come at a time in my life( the final breaking) when I am finally saying I want to heal! It isn't just me but also our 4 children ! It so true exactly, seeking my well being and stability through him , i actually lost more! I'm still fighting for over a year this time for support finally saying no!!

[@nicselectronics81]

My family tried to control my money since the beginning. I had a stupid made up contract about how I have to use or not use my money. Such SICK individuals but karma will come around.

[@raajparkash7981]

Brilliant video Melanie Tonia , I had been with a narcissist for 3 years cost me a lot money , emotions and drained of energy, came across your videos & feel much better now knowing the price I paid just to learn what you teach , will be checking all your videos out and practicing your teachings thank you so much

[@Rebelwellnesslmt]

It us nice how your videos are popping up gently and unfolding for me. I allowed myself to be blind. And need the reminders that I can never ever go back.

[@victoriacorcoran1258]

True Melanie....they look for victims to feed off because they stuffed up their sorry lives, Eyes wide open now !

[@Overweightstress]

Hi Melanie, I have bought two of your programmes and they literally saved my life. Perhaps you could consider creating a financial recovery programme specifically for victims of narcissists.

[@devina1100]

Could relate to what you said here Melanie . I maintained my financial independance thankfully and didn't get ripped off in the last N relationship but the ones before that left me high and dry at times financially and it took time to learn the lesson but i did ! and gladly so .

[@CoolInOlympia]

This is brilliant! I had never thought of putting together the search for love as search for security and the financial issues! Thank you!

[@lisakittylarooful]

The long story was my journey. I can finally tell my story, without feeling horrible. I was codependant, I had no role models so I really thought this was normal behavior, so the man I chose was my dad all over again, one I could change to really love me. Now I can see that kindness matters, not crazy over the top "romance". I am so grateful for finding that security comes from me, I am strong and I won't allow anyone who is a narc to try and destroy my kind character. I learned boundaries, I do have to work at it. It happened that my sister turned into a narcissist. She is really struggling but this is her journey, I chose to leave her alone, otherwise, she continues to manipulate. This is how I discovered the whole disorder. She did this to her family, she did victimize me, I thought I had gone crazy. I doubted myself, she still creates chaos, she still creates crisis after crisis, claiming no one can help her. She can only help herself, but she refuses to take accountability for her actions. She was manipulating me, making me feel sorry for her condition, calling me and demanding that I come and fix what ever was wrong, finally I realized she is a narcissit, but saying I was, accusing me, accusing her children, it is her loss, she hates herself, therefore she hates and blames everyone around her. She is self-destructive and there is nothing I can do to help her because she will attack my character, blame, shame, accuse. So threatens suicide and if she does it, it is not my fault either. I cut ties so I can be free of her, it is sad but true.

[@luciaprayogo8469]

OMG.... I wish I listen to this video 15 yrs ago..you are sooo right... I was married to a narcistic, he took all the money at the end, my confidence was depleted.. and now I will try to find what I did to allow him to play his narsis game on me... Thank you soo much for your explaination...

[@Wildflower77777]

Great video. Thanks Mel. Knowing that my resources are precious and it is up to me to decide how they are shared, whether emotional, physical or financial, enables me to steward them wisely and not get trapped in childhood wounds that cause them to be stripped away until there is nothing left. I am so glad that I have healed and know that no-one outside myself can give me those resources of love, affirmation and security of one kind or another. I am safe in the world, my life is happy and peaceful and my home and resources are held safely.

[@maybecriminal]

+Suzanne Spiers thank you. you provide a really worthwhile affirmation. Knowing that my resources are precious and it is up to me to decide how they are shared, whether emotional, physical or financial, enables me to steward them wisely and not get trapped in childhood wounds that cause them to be stripped away until there is nothing left.

[@Wildflower77777]

+Sara Lehane this is true and when we realise that all our resources are energy in one form or another, we can value them better and keep them safe. Healing those childhood wounds is critical to this process.

[@raini0705]

that is so true! I have to put up with standing for 8 hrs straight at work. That is tough physically. Nobody should be entitled to that money! To think I gave them free labor for years working behind the register when they owned a restaurant years ago, i feel disgusted with myself. i was young and stupid and my brain was not there. I did not have the slightest clue how to take care or look after my own future. if only time machine exist, I'd love to take back ten years robbed from me financially and emotionally

[@emmywells575]

Here I am again researching, reading, YouTubing......you're all over my inbox so I start there but inevitably end up right back here with you because you're everywhere! I find you without looking! I was reading about online therapy, clicked on a title and BANG! It's you!! ! Thank-You Melanie! Thanks for your resources, your guidance and for always providing real, supportive content and material!

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

You are SO welcome Emmy Wells. I can't help thinking Source is guiding you to my work sweetheart. Are you working with the NARP program to heal the deep core wounds and beliefs? Love and blessings to you xoxox

[@darlenerea5760]

I knew I was doing something wrong because I kept getting these people. I am 53 and have worked since I was 12 and have nothing. Two families of narcissist this year back to back was what it took to make me give up. Then I found your videos. I listen while I work, sleep and rest. THANK YOU!! I am happy the narc's finally got thru to me. Gas lighting and everything. When I fall asleep my keys are missing and I just keep smiling & going. I know it will end soon. 😉

[@bradcroy7904]

Perfect timing for me to hear this message, Thank You!

[@igortheinquisitorplease1452]

Thank you for your very pertinent information Melanie. You hit it out of the park.

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

Igor it's my pleasure, and thank you for your lovely comment :) xoxox

[@greatlandranchrescue5363]

These narc people seem to find people that r kind, giving, loving, financially stable n then weasel thier way into your home n then one day snap and u c what u have given into n it is very tuff getting them out of ur life! Never again! I was a very happy sharing anc caring person n this narc person did nothing but destroy me every way he could when I said no! He was charming n helpful at first n I thought a nice person, I forgive myself for falling for this person n now know to first of all do a background, he was the wounded child whose paents would not let him bqck into their lives, they all were codependant alcoholics, which he hid very well! He also knew the laws n how hard it would be to get him to just please leave.

[@sharonj3276]

Greatland this is my situation now

[@beksblzr]

Melanie, you are so right about the pay off in the end of dealing with a narc. I've come to understand so much through the pain and joy of my relationship with the narc that I was involved with that I thank God for all that has happened because to not do that would be saying that God's plan don't work and only mine is supposed to work. And as I write this I understand that this is what a narc is really doing, insisting that their "plan" is better than God's and they will do anything to prove it! And while being so focused on that, they are not able to see what they do to others as they push people around like pieces on a the board game of life in order to be right and win. Sadly, they feel the rules were changed on them and now they have to win at all costs when the truth is the rules are really simple, only when we understand who we truly are and the real power each of us has with in us, is when we "win". Which means surrendering the need to be in control of something that is in "reality" a temporary situation in this plane of existence anyways! We are all here for a reason, even the narcs. I pray for the narcs whom I've encountered, because the reality is they also come from God. I also pray for the people they will unfortunately continue to feel they have to "push" around in order to find the love and security they can only find within themselves.

[@jrhetch]

I couldn't pinpoint why he is the way he is. The negative characteristics you define of a narcissistic is the individual I have been involved/emeshed with for 20 years. He mirrors me but then puts his characteristics on me. I don't know what is worse, emotional, mental, physical, social, financial, etc....I HAVE encountered it ALL!!!! FINANCIALLY-when I tried to succeed(and I was employed and hired on with many Great companies) he sabotaged my work, he deprived me of rest/sleep, I decided I was getting older and either needed to upgrade my skills or go back to school. I chose to go back....he sabotaged that and about 3 other 'positives' that were focused on my progress. I am starting to hate him---b/c his actions have shown me he hates my progression. I cannot begin to tell you about the isolation, intimidation, the devaluing of my spirit. He's sabotaged it all. I am a week away from being homeless HOWEVER within myself I am a week of ending his 'game' with me. I could share soooo much....I am sooooooo tired.

[@lovemagicandroad]

Thank you!!! Must say I was hoping more talk about finances and less about the emotional part, that I’m so fed up with hearing about. I LOVE MYSELF and think I’m AWESOME! I truly am. I still got deceived by my Narc husband of 20 years. He played the role so perfectly. Deceived and deceived everyone, polite smiling pretending to be everyone’s friend. It took me almost 19 years to figure out what was going on. I didn’t know NPD existed. When I had my AHA moment, I was like so shocked. Since then, almost 2 years now, it’s just been lots of observation and validation that the diagnosis is indeed correct. I just don’t know how to protect my 3 sons that are now already Teens. I so wanted to leave him years ago, but the kids were too young. I would have if I had known the NPD stuff. I thought it was just a regular bad marriage. Then I got severe near-fatal incurable brain cancer 5 years ago. And with my brain damaged from the seizures I could not work, nor do most other things. I had to have my Narc husband take over the household (what a mess!). So now 5 years later and he’s realizing I’ve seen through him and I’m not working or providing anything for him, I don’t put out and I don’t earn, I don’t admire. I’m not a good source of supply anymore. So now he wants to separate. How lucky am I!!!! It’s what I’ve wanted for years! And the fact that he initiated it is so totally GREAT. He will likely go more peacefully and not as angry. He even doesn’t care so much about the $, or so it seems. Probably other source of supply pressuring him to leave his wife. Oh get out of my life, you useless spineless vampire. My life WILL BE GREAT without him. I’m so thrilled. Even though I’m studying for a major exam and super stressed about it, I’m walking around SMILING and HAPPY, since I’ll be FREE OF HIM, at last. I just want my investments and house. Also getting nice chunk of inheritance money, so I can stay in our beautiful house...that I will finally be able to clean up and fix up. He neglected everything, things I did before I had the brain tumor. My 3 teens, sadly were completely manipulated brainwashed by him. Hoping with time and therapy they can see the truth and I can reconnect good relationships with them. My oldest 2 boys are pretty damaged. My youngest still has some sweetness left....he was always closest to me, go figure. Wishing everyone out there much SUCCESS, don’t stay with someone emotionally abusive, unless you absolutely have to for health or financial reasons, which is what happened to me.

[@sueziehmer1901]

Your story is similar to mine. Wishing you well! Melanie knows the truth. I am healthy and free now.

[@blessedbeneurobeautiful]

wow. just wow. thank you melanie, so much! ❤

[@christinechistine1220]

this is my favorite video of all time; everyone in the world needs to watch this... :)

[@lessandra602]

Codependency is something I identify with but on such a subconscious level that I sometimes truly wouldn’t have known as I have no idea of these ‘insecurities’ or a model of a decent relationship

[@valeriewedel2775]

Thanks again, Mel. I keep re-watching this one and also really like the one recently about altruistic narcs. My son is trying to reconcile with his alt narc dad, which is a good step for him to take and certainly leads to turmoil as well. Helps me stay focused and clear and stronger for my own work when I review your words. :) Blessed be - love, Val

[@licowgirl111]

what a great message I received tonight through finding and watching your video!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank You......

[@Pandurz]

Thank you for your work.

[@valeriewedel2775]

Hi Mel, this is very timely. Have been using goal setting mod. 11, and sacred masculine and feminine, to route out little gremlins that were part of that codependent financial picture. Be fun to see where I am in 6 months! Am amazed by how many mental booby traps I've already found and transmuted.

[@robertaborg3201]

thank you Mel... needed this inspiration, besides lovin your hairstyle and colour xxxxx namaste

[@PathsToEmpowerment]

+Roberta Borg Thank you, and you are so welcome - that is very sweet of you! xx

[@lovedichoreo1529]

The constant need which compels them to turn someone into or keep someone in a child like state speaks to a deep insecurity and void. The desperate need for control and power drives dominating behavior and creates a parental role which further feeds a codependent dynamic with a power/control differential; it becomes a never ending cycle. (Controlling whereabouts, movement, relationships, friendships, music, actions, thoughts, finances, schooling, spouses, gf, bf, hairstyle, clothing, decision making etc) Berating and emotional abuse follows as the differential shifts further and further into the hands of the person in control. You are no longer seen as an equal partner therefore unable to make decisions for yourself. The fear of having a leveled playing field wherein two parties are equally valued and empowered is too frightening because then you may leave or the differential would shift in the other direction. This is something both parties would have to work on consistently provided, both are ready to do the inner work.

[@Dreamweaver777]

Ugh...my parent and marriage. Love your channel...ty.

[@Dreamweaver777]

+Lee CatalanoACourseinMiracles "rather than be my rock, you're my hammer." Holy God it was hell.

[@lessandra602]

For me I think a lot of this boils down to not knowing what each types of relationships require from each individual

[@goodenoughgirl8102]

Yes! Yes! Yes! I just said that the other day--how that now FINALLY, my soul is prospering and even though it has nothing to do with money or material things, it will most certainly be a catalyst for prospering materially. And well, other than not being destitute, it's just stuff. Money could NEVER buy this amazing thing happening inside of me. Yet, I'm not going to oppose being prosperous in every way. Yet I will always know which ways are more important and crucial to prosper in--and it's certainly not in a material way that matters nearly as much as some other ways.

[@laraayoubi4970]

Love your videos. Mel you are such a selfless person. All the best

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

Aww thank you Lara, love and blessings to you sweetheart xoxox

[@irinatsvek5870]

Melanie - I know exactly what you are talking about. Thank you for your help and sharing. Irina

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

You are so welcome Irina and I'm happy to help sweetheart xoxox

[@marlenabontas1657]

subscribed! thank you for this valuable information!

[@sheliene12]

Thanks for this great video. Once I started seeing and started healing and tuning into self, it was then I began to lean more towards of finding happiness. I let go of the fear of being "Stuck" Once I realized that half the things that I do I was already doing on my own.I realized that my narc childs father was always finding ways for why we need to save money on other things and never having money actually saved somehow went to bills or car repair or tickets etc. I lost so much. Well, not anymore! I realzied that he was keeping me dependent on needing him. He would slowly spend my money over time and when I had no money I was given scraps Or if I wouldn't do what he wanted me to do, he would say I am selfish and ungrateful for what he has to do for "us" Or he would say "see how you are? "Stay out of my way and don't ask me for shit!" Now I have no money or food in the house now I am stuck asking for money. He never cared to relize that the reason I have no money is because it was going to him with no questions asked and no strings attached. It was just "here. take this" I am so glad that I see now. Helish. Very helish relationship.

[@LifeAfterNarc]

What if you don't feel well enough to work after they have destroyed you financially?

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

Hi Paula, by healing the emotional wounds you heal everything and take your power back Dear Lady. Many members of our community have healed and gone on to go back to work or find a way to make a living that fits their new life. I would love you have the free New Life Starter pack, so you have see how this can happen for yourself xoxox www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage.htm

[@Francoise888]

Life After Narc you do it anyway.

[@newe444]

Thank you. I just moved and my narc landlord only sent back half of my security deposit and is replacing the carpet and charged me a cleaning fee even though I left the place cleaner and in better condition than I got it. If I take him to small claims I will lose becuase I have no pictures of how I left the place....all I can do is get my revenge by creating more money but especially be more of a self generating source (as you said) in my life, so that his financial abuse will feel laughable. yes.

[@suekruse8953]

This happened to me in a same sex relationship with a covert narc-ironically I was the much lower earner but ended up stumping up for the deposit for our home €20k worth... All through the relationship she would tell anyone who would listen I was tight with money....but in actual fact I was the one who was manipulated into paying for stuff to prove I wasn't. In the end I lost everything.... But I walked away with my dignity and a true understanding of why I did what I did. She really was my "Angel in disguise" as Melanie often points out.

[@eyeswideshut7354]

Hello. I am a new subscriber to your channel and am loving your wealth of knowledge regarding these topics. Keep up the wonderful work and hope to learn more from you. Take care.

[@smoothandchunky1]

Excellent video thank you! People don't get this.

[@aprilsealy357]

Amen thank you so much

[@djdrea]

thanks so much !!!! all your work is so beneficial really appreciate your support

[@lynnvs6372]

Watching from my sons channel. Describes me so well. And in childhood.. I felt worthless so expecting anything is not in my nature. So when the narc indulges and u do w out.. you feel like if I JUST KEEP DOING W OUT.. theyll love me. They dont. They kerp using u for disposable income til u have none and bad credit then theyre looking to replace u

[@m.j.2939]

Wow that was really positive thanks. I am in a state of confusion atm. My husband has made it financially difficult for me for many years. I chose to be a stay at home mother because trying to get to work was difficult with noone willing to help look after the children and I don't agree with strangers raising my children. The children have turned out wonderful people and self sufficient and we are finally more financial. But after having no money for so long and being told what I was allowed to do with it and still am, I am overcompensating with buying jewellery and eating . I feel lost. If I save for the new fridge we desperately need I am told no because we don't need one. Because it's something that helps me not him. He would literally make me take it back to my embarrassment. Then I get the third degree from him and them mocking me. I have one child left at home and no employment opportunities in a small town for my age and being out of work so long. Apparently volunteer work means nothing anymore towards being validated. I have just been wanting to end it all for a long time now. First time I have said this to anyone. When I did confide in a friend it turned out they were also narcissists and were gaslighting me etc. I managed to understand what they were doing to me and cut off but not until the damage was done. I trust noone now. I will not be supported if I do work and want to be home on our rural property when the children are home so not alone. We get snakes that kill and I have never been willing to compromise my children's saftey. It's like the old damned if you do damned if you don't. I have had a blessed life really so feel very guilty about well my feelings of hopelessness.

[@Mag-g5s]

Brilliant video!!!! Thank You

[@trishahahn2949]

Oh my gosh that is right on

[@glozzymilly8407]

I am healing myself after a year of being alone I was in the relationship for 6 year's. I do wake up some days and all I can do is think about us which I know is normal. I realised that I was in a trade off after the first 2 year's and knew that I would have to get out of the relationship. I was sick of him at the time and I became the abuser I mirrored him though anger. When he finally stopped coming back to my door I was lifted. I struggled with was the lost of the year's wasted on him I think I equate the feeling of lost of us being together with the years I had losted maybe because I am middle aged and life becomes valuable as we get older. can anyone relate to what I am feeling ? I think that it's part of the process of healing after any relationship let alone a relationship of lies and decent. off to the gym now to have me time. Thanks for your videos :))

[@devina1100]

+Glozzy milly I can certainly relate and thanks for sharing Glozzy . x

[@jennifs6868]

+Glozzy milly yes. for me it was 12 years. consider yourself lucky.

[@vanamandaa]

Glozzy milly I can completely relate . I'm actually trying to find the strength and stability to leave him for good .

[@mandyscardino3080]

For me, my parents passed early and I have no other family. I do not have friends. If I would leave I will be blamed for destroying our family by my children and I will literally be an island.

[@meliharrison3806]

Thank you for posting this.

[@glassmanagementinc]

I am taking the gift...! :) ...thank you so much for this inspirational video.

[@lunitee]

Outstanding video!

[@emilianolopez4289]

The problem is that there are people who have been living their true self from early age since they did not have contacto with narcissists in their family,. Meaning, I should not HAVE TO PAY any price for the right to be myself because to be higher self in the world. That is a birthright, and not something I have to earn. Truth is life is better some people and painful for others. Life is not fair in the first place.

[@knottygirllocs3778]

This is so amazing

[@omfgkalie]

Thankyou my parents have been making my life a nightmare

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

Hi Nichole, this video on the mother wound may help you sweetheart blog.melanietoniaevans.com/how-to-heal-the-wounds-from-narcissistic-mothers/ and then later in the week my video on narcissistic fathers will be out too. xoxox

[@chrishanna2490]

Just found your channel. Thank you. explaining alot to me.

[@dorian6467]

Now that I've escaped and divorced my narcissistic ex wife she now uses the family courts to abuse me with astronomical child support and unnecessary medical bills. Our child is autistic and she also makes sure I know that she can continue to seek support even after he's 18.

[@GoldenGoldman]

good job, thank you

[@brittlamarOfficial]

Thank you so much

[@teresal4147]

2 Timothy 3-But know this, that in the last days [a]perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, [b]unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! 6 For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, 7 always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. 8 Now as Jannes and Jambres resisted Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, disapproved concerning the faith; 9 but they will progress no further, for their folly will be manifest to all, as theirs also was. James 2:13-There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you. Roman’s 12:19-Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the LORD. Proverbs 22:10-Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended. Proverbs 4:23-Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 16:18-Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall. The Beatitudes He said: 3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Deuteronomy 30:3-3-13- then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes. He will have mercy on you and gather you back from all the nations where he has scattered you. 4 Even though you are banished to the ends of the earth, the LORD your God will gather you from there and bring you back again. 5 The LORD your God will return you to the land that belonged to your ancestors, and you will possess that land again. Then he will make you even more prosperous and numerous than your ancestors! 6 “The LORD your God will change your heart and the hearts of all your descendants, so that you will love him with all your heart and soul and so you may live! 7 The LORD your God will inflict all these curses on your enemies and on those who hate and persecute you. 8 Then you will again obey the LORD and keep all his commands that I am giving you today. 9 “The LORD your God will then make you successful in everything you do. He will give you many children and numerous livestock, and he will cause your fields to produce abundant harvests, for the LORD will again delight in being good to you as he was to your ancestors. 10 The LORD your God will delight in you if you obey his voice and keep the commands and decrees written in this Book of Instruction, and if you turn to the LORD your God with all your heart and soul. 11 “This command I am giving you today is not too difficult for you, and it is not beyond your reach. 12 It is not kept in heaven, so distant that you must ask, ‘Who will go up to heaven and bring it down so we can hear it and obey?’ 13 It is not kept beyond the sea, so far away that you must ask, ‘Who will cross the sea to bring it to us so we can hear it and obey?’ IT HURTS!!!! THIS ABUSE IS DIABOLICAL!!! Literally!!! But, DO NOT ALLOW IT TO OVERTAKE YOU AND MAKE YOU LIKE THEM. THEY WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN THAT! CHOOSE FORGIVENESS/MERCY AND PRAY FOR/LOVE YOUR ENEMIES. THE BATTLE WAS NOT OURS TP BEGIN WITH, SO STOP TRYING TO FIGHT IT ON YOUR OWN STRENGTH. In your weakness, God is strong and can heal you. Submit to Him, resist the devil and he will flee from you. There is something deeper than psychology reveals. Trust that it’s not a force you alone can handle. The battle needs to be fought on your knees in humility and prayer/intercessory prayer. ANY FINANCIAL RUIN WAS NOT OUR MONEY TO BEGIN WITH. EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE BELONGS TO GOD. Try not to turn all your blessings into curses by handing over everything to a DEFEATED FOE. That’s right! It’s already won. The victory IS ALREADY WON. Claim it and do not waste any more time fighting a defeated FOE! DIABOLICAL NARCISSISM. MAKE CERTAIN YOU DO NOT BECOME WHAT HATED YOU! Amen. It is so. So be it. I’m

[@londindebele295]

Thank you for taking time to write this.

[@privateprivate8366]

I definitely started handling things like they were business deals early on, when I first began learning about narcissism. When my mother needed money to have her boiler and water heater replaced, I lent her part of the money, firstly, not lending her enough to put me at risk but, secondly, I had her sign a legal contract for the loan. This was definitely not something I'd ordinarily do. My mother has given me plenty of money in the past and lent me money that I never repaid. So, I didn't feel good about it but, I began to smell a rat and soon, she was asking me for thousands per week, which I didn't have to give. There had begun to be a great deal of rage, envy and animosity coming to the surface from both her and my younger sister and I'd begun to feel that the two of them might've decided to bleed me dry. I could smell that she was trying to to find out what I had and was trying to bleed me absolutely dry, in order to be in control and to prevent flight. Because I needed to pick up her emails at the time, I later found that she withdrew money from an annuity anyway. I cannot call her a crook but, although she paid me back, I think it was in part because of those legal contracts I had her sign.

[@tf4677]

Thank You

[@mariposarosada5733]

I'm learning english by watching these videos about narcissism. 🤣

[@mountainherald5414]

Thank you.

[@charlotteslemp3687]

Being married 55 years. And he has all power financially, even, what we eat... how would you start to start over?

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

Hi Charlotte, Narcissists are very controlling people and I"m so glad I can help you. The best way to start to put the pieces together is to sign up for my free resources. They will help you step by step to understand this experience and begin to detach from it. You can sign up here: www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage.htmLove and blessings xoxox

[@theduhj]

This video is extremely objective and multi-sided. It's hard to look at a video of this nature and not expect a feminist message. However this video is objective on both sides and I really appreciate that. Thanks Mel

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

It's my pleasure Weston and I am so pleased you found it to be this way! xoxo

[@muonlyte8841]

narcissistic in laws should go to jail or at least counseling as well...

[@nikkeisimmer8795]

It's not just narcissistic spouses; it's also narcissistic parents; when they have the upper hand financially, they can use that upper hand to crush you financially. Having suffered CPTSD, a personal injury (degenerative disc osteo-arthritis (which leaves me in a state of fatigue and pain) from a fall; that they were liable for via negligence of maintenance) that renders me unable to work - I cannot claim damages for because the statute of limitations is up, and frankly, having learning disabilities (that were left undiagnosed) - I don't know which way to turn. One's narc-parents can maneuver one into a position where one don't have any options - my surviving narc-parent did exactly that and she gets all the sympathy because she's an "elder". And THESE are the people who are supposed to protect you...according to societal norms.

[@privateprivate8366]

Sadly, this is what I exactly see the relationship between my mother and younger sister evolving into. I was likely the unwitting Golden Child for most of my life. It’s only been since the beginning of this year that I’ve, pretty much, confirmed that my mother is narcissistic and, now, my sister is the Golden Child / Flying Monkey. The scenario is that I’ve usually been the stronger child who drives and owns a car, has more computer knowledge, and earns more money, although I had almost a suicidal time during the recession. My mother was dependent upon me for being able to run her small business, as well. I currently have a well-paying job. My sister, on the other hand, has always struggled financially, no matter the economics of the country and currently holds 4 jobs. My mother has 2 properties - one in which she lives that she intended to leave me and another a few doors away that she intended to leave my sister. My mother became ill with almost no sleep and no heat and hot water in the hoarded home she lives in, during this past winter. There’s no heat and hot water in the other house either. I’ve actually brought her bottled water for years. But, I will cut to the chase. Over the past few months, other than all of the other mayhem my mother has been causing, I get the feeling that there is nothing she and my sister would love more than for me to lose my job. This is both out of need and jealousy. These are 2 people who would like for me to have a car to take especially take my mother wherever she needs to go, yet have no job to support it. This is in an effort to keep me miserable, dependent and under control. Understand that this isn’t merely “a feeling” either. My mother tried to interfere with a job I had 3 years ago and, although I’ve told her that it is why I won’t provide her my job number now, she recently obtained it through other means and called me there. She called me twice over the course of 2 weeks. The first time I hung up on her and the second time, she left a message saying that it was important I call her back and had the guard/receptionist looking for me. I immediately called her back but, between 2 phone lines in her house and a cell phone, “oddly”, I couldn’t seem to reach her. She never tried to reach me over the coming weekend, although part of that weekend, I suspect she was gnawing in the cease and desist letter I sent her via certified mail, telling her that she is never, by any means, to contact my workplace or any employees there and that I can only be contacted via personal email and phone. She did call a few days later and we didn’t speak of this pressing subject. Not sure what she will do next. Will she blow that boundary, as well, even though I said that I could source legal support through my employer? Will she head the letter? I’ve already assumed I’ll be disinherited. I guess the thing I question, particularly, for narcissists that are in a similar situation as mine is that their scheming is likely to boomerang right back into their faces. She and my now-blocked sister seem to feel that the way to control me is to browbeat and guilt me. To make me feel guilty that my sister is working 4 jobs, when it is mostly due to what she was unwilling to do with her life. To make things “even” between us by weakening myself. While I understand that narcissists are lacking in introspection, it would seem to me that one would know that, if I even have an inkling that you were glad that I lost my job, let alone were the cause and had to either become homeless or live in that filthy sewerage you call a home that “WE” would be intertwined in a Hell that you’d be desperate to climb out of??? That would only make sense. Perhaps she feels that she’ll blatantly try to shake me lose from my job - and, then, be grateful I can seek shelter with her and all of the control and manipulation she has to offer. I mean, she is twisted. I think what it might be, too, is that empathic, which I am likely, are seen by both narcissists and the “anti-narcissistic” community as weak, accommodating, docile, compliant and far more likely to direct their own rage, as an abusee, inward. That is definitely not 100% true! Part of the reason why I don’t see my mother and sister at all now is because I know that we are so Mad as Hell angry with one another that it could become physical. I don’t want that. There is no such thing as me being abused - emotionally or physically. Even the cease & desist letter to my mother is for her protection, as well, even if she’s too stupid to realize it. It is a warning that, if she continues interfering, she will have consequences. If she wants consequences, I can abide by her wishes and provide them.

[@flamingsword777]

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it's actually YOU who is the narc.... Re-read you own comment.....

[@unapologeticallyexoticalElla]

I got with my narcissist again after he hoovered me back and was saving some money im on SSI for bipolar and anxiety disorder as well as fibromyalgia while with him when my mom found out i was saving money she stopped sending me my money its been a year not even on Xmas, now im dowm to 20$ and she knows he doesnt give me money.😞

[@TheTerrypcurtin]

Your door is slowing opening and closing. No apparent breeze I can see. Can't be your lovely cat. I had a home that slammed doors. Just letting you know. Thanks again tonight. 5 am in Arizona. Needed your videos to stay calm today.

[@scottzoscott1]

Good stuff.

[@ToriGirlytar]

I really liked this video! ❤

[@risingeagle6332]

You are right! Thanks!

[@moonfreedom8523]

Great video! You have perfectly described my relationship with my father. I let him destroy my life by giving me money to the point where I fail to work any longer. My attitude and self esteem has gone in all the wrong directions. I've completely lost my independence, my apartment, most of my belongings and all my friends. I have died and seen the light, because there's nothing left- I've hit bottom, so the only direction to go is up. I've gone no contact with my dad, and I cry about it, but I'm not going to let him kill me. I actually attempted suicide, and that was it!!!

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

Hi Moon Freedom, I'm so glad this video has helped sweetheart. Keep healing, there is so much to look forward to. You will get there. Have you signed up for my free resources yet? You can do this here: www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage.htm Love and blessings xoxox

[@iharkins1]

So on point!

[@KweenJaz]

I WENT TO A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTER FOR HELP WHERE I MET MY NARCISSISTIC MAN WHO WORKED THERE AND SAW ME MENTALLY BREAKDOWN AND STARTED TO ABUSE ME MENTALLY ...THEN TRAFFIC ME UNTIL I COMPLETELY COULDNT FUNCTION MENTALLY ANYMORE. ....AND I WENT INTO A DEEP DARK PLACE FOR DANG NEAR TWO YEARS ....AND NOW IM GETTING HELP AND BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH PTSD BUT I FEEL LIKE I MISS MY PREDATOR/NARCISSIS/pimp who abused me in the worst way and took all my money ...i recently begged him just to apologize so i can move on but now hes doing the silent treatment .....I WANT TO MOVE ON BUT I FEEL STUCK IN MY EMOTIONS

[@lartele9517]

hello there! I don't think you miss h i m, I thought that myself for a long time until recently (after a literally lifelong history - I'm almost 57 now - of being in noumerous abusive relationships over and over and over again: I found it was what Melanie calls "the old normal" that wie actually miss because that is what we identyfied with for years and years. the narc/perpetrator (same vor another one)..... we fall for again and again is the one who re-establishes that very feeling of learned normality. It is that sense oft normality and therefore that illusion oft being back in at least some sort of control

[@lartele9517]

oops, sorry, that one escaped too early... also apologize for orhographic errors due to German keyboard/dictionary

[@lartele9517]

so... it is not missing h i m, it is missing the abuse which in and of itself needs to convince you of that illusion that you have (some sort of) power: if you only did or did not do this or that, if you only tried harder etc.... then he would ... PLEASE be patient with yourself while you are healing !!!!! as you progress in this process that feeling will gradually fade and go away completely eventually all the best for you on your way to a complete healing - you will be stunned in finding out about your true self!! lots of strength and courage!! much love!!

[@scottzoscott1]

You nailed it. If your right than wow. I went on strike after 100s of thousands. Not my obligations strike. My superman more than and more strike. I fought back. The whole treatment went into effect. Flying monkey parents. The punisher" is a wimp. Three years later. After divorce, isolation . Found this. Ruthless. Unbelievable . You nailed it can't imagine that this can be improved. Funny. We're all repeating ourselves out here. Like cookie cutter houses. Co-dependat narc couplings. This should be more common knowledge. Our pain could power the world. I'll take the gift. It's what is left.

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

I am so glad this helped Scott. Love and blessings xoxox

[@neen9438]

Had this torture also. Had to take a shitty job because he hardly gave me money as punishment for not wanting to have sex with him because he was online dating. He said i was lucky he gave me money for me and my son. Money that went to his househould and his absurd eating paterns. I lost all my tax refunds because he had a high income what he gave was poverty for us. I was not allowed to work also. Discard came after getting the shitty job. He could not use the you are not allowed to go out with your friends from my money. I was allowed to be his cook his whore and maid for free. At the end he said my son and i were to expensive he would rather go out to diner everyday and he cut me off and i bought his food from my little wage. He has no mercy. Took my stuff away when we got a house together. He stripped me off all and he says no i am begging fir money. Normal people would end an relation decent. He said well you went away so you are on your own. He gave money to be a good samaritan. Gift giving not for me. Disgusting.

[@teresadexter9965]

I suffered financial abuse throughout my 28 year marriage....not being able to give it a name. I thought I had recovered after 17 years apart, then I met a female friend who triggered the wounds I thought I had healed from by love bombing etc, which I totally fell for....not realising she had Narcissistic tendencies.....I am now in my seventies and hope it is not too late to learn how to self partner and heal from this toxic friendship which finds me wanting to help this lady who is very Controlling , using flattery one minute, followed by bullying and sarcasm in efforts to intimidate and hurt. Yes it is very confusing and I feel so alone but these videos are giving me hope. how can I email Melanie please?

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

Hi Teresa to reach out to the MTE Community you can email [e-mail] xox

[@flex102599]

Thanks luv

[@shepowerland2215]

He is always saying “prove yourself to Me”....

[@shepowerland2215]

Everyone always says wow you guys are perfect for each other!! (Yeah! That’s because he’s a narc and I’m co-dependent!)

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

So true Katy!! a perfect match! xoxox

[@Sheilaalien]

Are you a vegan or what is your diet like, if I may ask?? You're a role model to look up to for aging beautifully (or in your case, not aging at ALL) Love your videos!

[@lotuscrownrealm]

wondering as well such a gorgeous woman!

[@HairbyNardia]

Sheilaaliens working out and eating well and genetics play a vital role

[@kentoxymoron6857]

Thank you for confirming that narcissists can be female as well as male.

[@deborahj8405]

Melanie, while researching narcissist the co depending is not true as I had been finically supporting myself well before I meet my narcissist partner we are just brain washed we are not co dependent we are people pleaders empathy that it no co depending, the narcissist just made me so ill I couldn't work for a few years

[@abethomas8625]

Happy new year

[@plutonium6280]

You are very good,you are spot on ,on so many points on all your video's.one question how do you keep them out of you life?

[@TDavis-zp9ye]

What of they lied to you for over 2 decades and mismanaged all the income and only thought of himself and not the spouse and children? "Hes the breadwinner, so he controls everything " ..... is that still financial abuse???

[@MelanieToniaEvans]

Hi T Davis, if you google name + financial abuse I do have some resources which may help you xoxox

[@sangeetadasappa1947]

so true!

[@5457kj]

Im going through financial struggles still a year and a half after he left! Ive been struggling to know what is right to do?

[@humwishdom]

thanks