Narcissists & Borderlines Lacking Empathy

To take advantage of the DeMars Coaching service, please visit www.daviddemar...
Monday, May 6, 2024 5/6/24
Stop Narcissistic Online Bullying Petition:
change.org/sto...
If you believe you have been a victim of emotional abuse, please seek professional help.
Suicide Prevention (US) 1 800 273 8255
Domestic Violence help (US) 1 800 799 7233
www.endingviol...
Suicide Prevention (CAN) 1 833 456 4566
Womens Aid (UK) 0808 2000 247
Domestic Violence help (AUS) 1 800 RESPECT (737 732)
Thank you for watching and please vote for this video with a thumbs up or down. Please share this video with someone else and on social media, forums, groups, and try placing it in a playlist. Please subscribe if you would like to see more and thank you for supporting myself and this channel.
#daviddemars #demarscoaching

[@Jazzmarcel]

28:16 this part really set off a red flag for me! a leeson i just learned the hard way! now i need to heal myself from an extremely toxic relationship.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

You can, its better with support I promise.

[@cmoneybosox24]

I love your videos David! Awesome stuff! I'm from St-George's Mb Canada. I'm going through so much right now, I have a 2 year old daughter with someone that has all the BPD symptoms. I can't go anywhere without accusations, i get accused even when i'm at work. Lots of name calling, yelling, hitting and so much more. She's deleted over 300 of my facebook friends, even cousins. Whenever she doesn't get her way she goes straight to social media to call me down. I was working night shift a month ago and got a call from her family telling me she went to jail for public intoxication. I had to leave work to go pick up my daughter from her moms. After all she's done she deflects everything on to me. Thanks to your videos I'm in the process of finding a lawyer to get custody of my daughter and to protect myse

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Hello and thank you. I'm so sorry for your marriage and good for you and your Daughter to finally end this. You will recover from this just learn as much as you cna and please don't do this alone.

[@marymattingly6197]

Thanks David for being truthful with everyone on the channel!

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Thank you Marty!

[@victoriamuniz9851]

Victoria from the Bay area..Happy Mother's day 🎉 To all the beautiful Mother's on this channel.I've Listen to so. Many of your stories And I really enjoyed watching you guys becoming stronger. as a family Happy Mother's Day. 🎉🎉

[@rorywright5692]

Happy Mother’s Day, Victoria! I have enjoyed sharing our journeys! Enjoy your day, friend!😎❤️

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Happy Mothers Day Victoria!

[@DeMarsCoaching]

​@@rorywright5692Happy Mothers Day Rory!

[@twocandles1108]

Tim from PA again. This question is very important to me. Its very hard for me to walk away. How can I get over the fear of being alone, the fear of never meeting someone else, the fear of having to settle for something I don't want, its so hard for me to walk away, I KNOW when to walk away, but just the thought of it brings me to tears, with the narcissist ex fiance, and now with my borderline, I loved them both for real, but I hate being abused, I want the best for them, but im not strong enough to be what they need, how can I bring myself to walk away? Its the hardest thing to do and I've never been able to just stop, turn my back, accept defeat, and walk away, I dont give 2nd chances, I give 50.... I know it stems from childhood, somehow, someway. But I cant walk away, I dont want to, it scares me, and it just gets more and more toxic when i keep wanting to fight, when there has been abuse after abuse, how can I walk away? Please I know I need to learn to walk away. I would like to learn how to do it respectfully, but so far, the only way I can walk away is by making that person hate me so that THEY won't come back... its so toxic and I wanna be different....

[@Ravid394]

Hey David, David in Kanata (Can-A-Ta) Canada. About not engaging...Years ago I was dealing with a very toxic person, and a friend of mine offered to help me not engage. He said every time this person emails you, or texts you, come to me and I will help you craft a reply. I was willing to try this method and it was amazing. I went to him with some stupid dramatic email and his answer "do not reply" I was like really then a few hours later it happened again. She sent me another stupid thing, and again I went to my friend and he read it, thought a moment and was like "do not reply" after four or five days of this, I started to learn that I did not have to reply each time, most of the time it was just ignore it. Huge life lesson, my friend really did not do much other then tell me it was okay to ignore insanity. LOL simple and effective way to not engage.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Hi David, support is the best. I do the same with Clients sometimes.

[@grikmyr]

Thank you for another great video David. You're my voice of reason, loved your advice about online dating. It has given me direction and clarity. Your advice about online dating tied in perfectly with the other topics you spoke about in your video. Why, oh why aren't we taught these life lessons at school? Imagine how much heartache we would avoid in adulthood if we knew all this stuff sooner. Much love to you David. Keep well. Your fan, Alec from Melbourne Australia

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Thank you so much Alec! I so wish there was more education for children. Parenting should be up to the parents but there can be more guidance available to children who have neglectful parents.

[@Stacy942]

These are great videos that are eye opening

[@Decibelbass42]

David, thanks so much for what you do. I greatly appreciate it. The idea of a video on rules of engagement would be phenomenal. Hopefully you can get one of those before too long. Thanks again from Greenville South Carolina.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

I will and thank you very much.

[@Decibelbass42]

Thank you for considering that. I think it would be very informative for lots of us that deal with people with bpd. I know that would be helpful.

[@LukeOsmond-bw9ji]

I’ve been watching your videos all night and you’ve gave me so much reassurance explaining things that I can so relate to, when I find other videos about this there so confusing like the girl I just told to leave, thank you Man. Honestly, you’ve helped me sleep tonight,

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, David! How’s the weather where you are? Thanks for addressing my question about empathy! Your answer made a lot of sense. Always love Mondays on here! Have a great night!😎❤️

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Thanks Rory. Its really mild Temps and windy as usual. I hope its still getting nicer over there.

[@rorywright5692]

@@DeMarsCoaching a tad cooler but sunny and no rain today! Thanks, David! Have a great weekend!😎❤️

[@karins2200]

David, I have watched a lot of your videos. I think you are doing a great job Sir !! :-)

[@dougdeepdown]

Hi David. Thanks for your coaching it's a great help personally. So glad you included remorse, empathy and compassion are present with those struggling with BPD. From experience I agree...if anything it makes it harder to not re-engage with them. Beautiful souls in many many ways corrupted from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Anyway thanks..your delivery and simplicity is great explaining traits within those of us in the "cluster-b" family. ❤️‍🔥

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Thats o nice of you Doug, thank you very much.

[@komarac55555]

Your tone of voice is on point, and you explain it so well, so vivid. Ty. Life is easier when you understand these things.

[@donniblanco5239]

Awesome Chat - A Great Day for Personal Introspection - Thanks for Showing up. Uk ✌🏻💛✨

[@positiveparentingwithastro8044]

Hi David. Thanks so much for this video. Man, I have so much anger right now, it feels like I will always be angry at being taken advantage of. Could you please do a video on how to differentiate BPD from ADHD? There seem to be lots of overlapping symptoms, e.g., lack of object constancy, impulsivity, failure to learn from consequences, emotional disregulation, etc. Many people (myself included) appear to excuse toxic behavior bc it's allegedly ADHD-related. Thank you!

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Hello and thank you. Both conditions come from very similar childhoods. We know now that both are due to neglect early in childhood.

[@lionhearttt3540]

I'm doubting myself if I'm dealing with a male narcissist. We have been in an intimate relationship for over a year, he's cold towards me, he avoids giving me a direct answer when I ask a serious question. My father passed away and he just said it's for the best and changed the subject, we are not in a serious relationship so I keep thinking this is why he treats me this way. We have agreed to sexual exclusivity but I recently found out he's seeing his ex which he has denied this whole time...this poor woman has cancer He doesn't compliment me. He talks over me all the time and doesn't seem to take a genuine interest in my life.theres more, I can't be dealing with a narcissist I thought they were rare so the odds are low

[@DeMarsCoaching]

If you are worthy of better treatment and care then show the world and yourself by not accepting this anymore. There is support.

[@DontbeanNPC]

Don't believe that "narcissists are rare" nonsense. They're absolutely everywhere nowadays, in my experience. Most may not meet the full criteria for NPD but like David said, they might be so close that there's not much difference and they're high in narcissistic traits.

[@SurnaturalM]

Being narcissistic is essential to our self preservation to an extent. You have to care about yourself and strive to do better, to reach your goals. That's essential for the wellbeing of everyone. If you just care about others and do stuff so others are happy and don't care about yourself, it's not healthy at all.

[@rose-sk2qv]

Thank you, and I do understand, just my life changed, its dynamic will never be the same, I separated, then 2 yrs ago my ex partner died, and my now adult girls are gorgeous, but I miss when they were younger. And I didn't know about bpd, I had no experience of this behaviour, if I had known I would've seen it, my ex partner use to say, he doesn't care, he just likes the control, but as I said because of my life then I was nieve in my world, I've changed because of all of this, separation, a move, a bereavement, and living with him for 8 yrs nearly , so I do look back and see a different person who had none of this experience.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Hi Rose, please consider talking to someone. You are so worth it!

[@twocandles1108]

I feel like I'm being abusive and manipulative and toxic too and I hate myself for it.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

I'm sorry. There is help and everyone is capable of healing.

[@RelRodriguez-he1ll]

Hi David! Healing family from California! U make a difference in so many ppls lives thank u for wat u do! Another question, my therapist told me to journalize. I’ve got three journals goin on a daily basis. One for myself, of for my children and one for all the expenses I’m having since I don’t get a penny for them. My therapist told me to write down on my journal and kids journal everything I, how it’s making me feel and then end with positive about me. Like he blamed his emptiness, coldness, anxiety, tension, depression, suicidal thoughts on me. He’s sued several companies/people in his past and some for emotional damage. If he ever tries to sue me for supposedly me damaging him, will my journals help me? Will my proof of my therapist, kids therapist etc help us in court if he tries to sue me. Sorry just living in fear everyday. We dont know wat to expect from these people. Total victimhood. Thank u David.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Thank you and Hapoy Mothers Day! Dont forget to write something positive like a compliment to yourself and something you're grateful for.

[@RelRodriguez-he1ll]

@@DeMarsCoaching pls don’t forget my questions I had as well regarding him suing pls? Thank u

[@twocandles1108]

Tim from PA, the borderline cheated... and is sorry. Blamed me for her cheating... I say I wanna break up, I wanted closure I wanted her to just say she didn't love me so I can like move on and she refused... I know because she knew thats all I want to move on. Why does she refuse. Why does she insist on telling me she loves me when she clearly does not. I'm afraid because I forced her to... by coercion, by saying if you dont, I will blank... so she did. But now she blocked me ignored me she doesn't even care why... and I'm scared she's gonna try to destroy my life she threatened to tell my whole family lies about me and I don't know what to do. I already told my family to ignore her and block her. But I wish, she would just let me go. She cheated... this is the 2nd time... she cheated on me on my friggin birthday man. I tried so hard to be what she wanted me to be she keeps blaming me for everything and I'm actually afraid for my life because of who she talks to. I don't know what to do. But i can't stop trying to explain things to her. I wish I could just stop messaging her to get her to try and understand why... so I can give her closure. She wouldn't even let me get out "dont contact me" I know she will again.... she keeps memories of me... and I know it makes her miss me and thats why she comes back. But she's always gonna come back and I hate it. And she's using drugs too... so she's extra volatile I'm afraid. I wanna stop talking to her. Its so hard because I do seriously care about her and I want her to know that it's over seriously over forever over but she won't let me get it out

[@DeMarsCoaching]

I'm so sorry Tim. The choice is not hers to make, it must be yours Tim. There is support an email away.

[@RelRodriguez-he1ll]

Hi David!! Healing family from California here. Thank u for all ur answers always. I always refer to my ex fiancé that caused us massive emotional trauma as “bpd” but he’s undiagnosed. I’ve shared many odd/weird things he would do to us. I highly think he’s bpd cuz for the last year on a daily basis practically he would always say/ask me “ur never going to leave me right? Ur always going to stay with me? Etc then he self sabotaged and ended up abandoning us. But hes undiagnosed. In ur last Q&A u mentioned I should do some kind of motion to get him no where near my kids. How would I do that? Wouldn’t I need some kind of evidence? Some kind of proof of all the damaging weird/ odd hurtful damaging things he would do? How do I start that motion and how can I prove it? Pls give me ur thoughts/advice. Thank u best on line coach!!!

[@DeMarsCoaching]

That is for a Lawyer. Filing the motion and him not responding might help you.

[@twocandles1108]

Tim from PA again. Can you please explain how loving a narcissist or borderline can turn you into one? Its really scary. I find myself. Who i really was in 2017... being destroyed from the inside out. I want to be myself again. But im afraid im too far gone. Shes brought out the worst in me. Made me do things ive never done before in my life and never thought i was capable of. I am so ashamed of the things ive done and said to defend myself againt constant blame and false accusations, im doubting myself, i feel like some of the things she says is even true! I almost took my life a few days ago... i wrote a suicide note for the first time in my life and i had it planned. My family is sick of hearing it. So i cant talk to them. I am depressed and i cant sleep or eat my dad threatened to 302 me because i was crying in my room. He doesnt know what else to do i understand. But it just pushed me closer to suicidal thoughts. My friend... the last one i have saved me... but it cost me her respect... this keeps happening. I feel like im slowly turning into a true narcissist... im definitely sounding more like one and acting more narcissistic... i dont want to lose myself. Your information always helps. Please talk about it. It always helps. Thank you david you are saving people's lives everyday. Not just mine thank you so much.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

God I'm sorry Tim. You need some supoort and talk to someone. You aren't turning into a narcissist. This is common, to doubt ourselves and someone telling us awful things about ourselves is what causes it.

[@bilgehanp]

My "textbook BPD" ex cheated on me and busy with the smear campaign nowadays 😂. It is hell of a experience what I'm witnessing (CPTSD). Depression still comes and goes but only thing makes me worried is the filth smear campaign of her. They are demons, evils. Whoever saying that "they're people too" are WRONG period.

[@hannitta9able]

Hi David. I have a question I'm struggling with.. My brother recently accepted a hoover from his wife after she accused him of some really heinous things. I'm wondering how to respond when I inevitably see my "sister in law" again. Do I set a boundary and sort of announce in front of everyone where I stand with her, or just do grey rock? I wrote a statement about her to the courts, and I meant it. My brother wants to bring her and the kids over to see my new house, I don't want her anywhere near me, but I miss my niece and nephew. I was in my own narcissistic abusive relationship a few years ago, and I truly understand what I'm dealing with. I've learned the lesson. I've healed, but this situation is tripping me up a bit. Also, is it inappropriate for me to point out to my niece/ nephew that there Mom is a toxic woman? They are 13 and 11, they seem confused and neglected. Thanks for any insights! A big thank you from Camano Island, Washington!

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Thank you and I'm sorry for being in such a tough situation. You don't have to do anything and it will feel best to do what best says who you are. You do not have to allow her to your house but there may be a price to pay either way. Not seeing your Niece and Nephew or allowing your Brothers abuser in your house. Talk to your Brother and be there for him but you do not have to supoort his marriage. Maybe it would help you to talk to someone about this.

[@lenaeleven8913]

I just had an unknown attached air tag for 3 days, it us an awful technology.. apple service was not able to remove the tag and urge me to go to the first precint, by the time I came home… the air tag was gone. It tracked me for 3 days. I in my life never met anything like bpd… He did not try to fix or work on himself, but is harassing me with the newest technology, not even the manufacturer knew how to remove it from my phone. What is next?? A novel…

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, Lena! That is terrifying! I’ve heard of air tags, but only heard of them being used as a luggage tracker! I am not technologically challenged so I would probably not even know what was going on. Take care!

[@lenaeleven8913]

@@rorywright5692 Hi Rory, It is only one year old technology, It is extremely dangerous, and invading, as you know … I basically just got forcefully introduced to it…Apple alerted me hours later…there are many lawsuits against Apple, pending. I am good, girl thank you for asking.. fun times… fun times…but I am very strong and confident on many levels… yet I am dealing with a very twisted mind and tormented soul-yet revengeful -person by birth.

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Go to the police and file a report. I'm so sorry.

[@Sally-ih6ls]

Sally from Canada I get the red flags and feelings from people but I think sometimes I’m overreacting to it, that I’m taking something the wrong way, I’m too sensitive , so I just leave it be, not good I know, how do you fix that? Possibly I just don’t trust myself

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Hi Sally. Our brains react to our most recent experiences and keeps us safe with fear. We must heal from our past and have better experiences. When we fully heal from trauma we are less afraid to try again.

[@faithwhite3175]

Indiana

[@davet.9364]

Big Dave from Tennessee here - Can I ask, have you ever been in the romantic space of gratitude and appreciation for a person and if they were gone you would feel miserable? And then How do you show love? Can you give concrete examples for both questions? Thanks in advance!

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Good to see you Dave. I will try but let me know if I understand your question. Thank you!

[@Liz-wz8dh]

I signed the petition. Have you considered doing one for stalking too? Off topic: Have you seen Baby Reindeer?

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, Liz! I watched Baby Reindeer! I had to take a break from it for a few days before I finished watching it! I found parts of it hard to watch! You see trauma through out it!

[@Liz-wz8dh]

@@rorywright5692 It's so horrifying.

[@rorywright5692]

@@Liz-wz8dh Yes! At times, I found it very intense to watch!

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Hi Liz, thank you very much. I havent really considered a separate one for stalking but you never know. No I have never heard of Baby Reindeer?

[@Liz-wz8dh]

@@DeMarsCoaching You should watch it if you have time. It's a movie that seems to cover the topic of mental illness/personality disorders.

[@AKwildflower76]

Can someone explain the Narcissist that will give a person something they want or need and then take it away for no reason. My mother did this to us with food and medicine with my siblings and I when we were very young.

[@DontbeanNPC]

One thing I disagree with so far (I'm not all the way through the video yet) is when you said start with being friends. I totally understand what you're saying with that in that you need to vet the people in your life to make sure they're not toxic and you're absolutely right. I think you may have just worded it wrongly as do most people when they're talking about getting to know someone and just kinda casually dating. That's really what you mean I think. Let me explain better. First, most likely and in general, women that see you as only a friend because you haven't created any attraction, will absolutely leave you there in the friend zone and you'll never get out. Once you're there, it's not likely she'll ever see you differently than the nice guy that's like her teddy bear when her boyfriend makes her cry. Most women will agree this is the truth too and likely they have at least one guy there now because she put and is keeping him there. If it up to most men, they won't be in that friend zone and he'll definitely sleep with her if she allowed it. That's not a friend. Bottom line is don't ever allow "just friends" with a woman you are interested in dating because it'll most likely never change if you do. Casual dating or just getting to know each other is a better way of putting it as long as you make it known as a man that this is a man to woman interaction and you have no interest in being one of her girlfriends. Make it known you are romantically interested in her and go from there. For one, she'll most likely appreciate the forwardness and masculinity. Two, it immediately makes your intentions known so if she's not interested in that, you don't waste any of your own time. No friends with women you're interested in! It's very helpful to understand intersexual dynamics as well as psychology so you can understand the opposite gender as well as yourself from an evolutionary psychology standpoint. That being said, I really, really appreciate your videos especially on BPD and their behaviors as I am in the process of getting away from my BPD ex now. That's not my diagnosis either. She says she's diagnosed with it but I've also thought that she could be lying and minimizing how mentally ill she is because I do think she's actually ASPD or maybe both comorbid. At the very least, she maybe has psychopathic tendencies but you did say BPDs turn into sociopaths and that aligns with how she behaves especially when triggered. I've seen that theory quite a bit that Bpds are secondary psychopaths and I'm wondering if she's not all of the time and not just when triggered. Anyways, thank you so much and I love watching your videos. Not many others have such in-depth information down to small details of their behaviors that most content creators and online articles leave out.

[@rorywright5692]

I hope you’re having an awesome Sunday, David! I know I am! It’s a beautiful Mother’s Day in Ohio! You’ve mentioned before about opinions and we don’t have to value everyone’s opinion. I also have learned I don’t always have to voice mine. I can sit back and listen. I can accept some one can have an opinion, but not agree with it. Also , I can press the like button to acknowledge they’re here, and not agree with what they’re saying. Can you share your opinions on opinions and how you feel they need to be handled? IMO. 😎❤️

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Happy Mothers Day Rory, its great to know you had a really good day yesterday. I will share my opinions about opinions but I think you have a very healthy attitude.

[@rorywright5692]

@@DeMarsCoaching Thank you David! You have taught me a lot about opinions over the years! You’re healthy approach to others opinions has been refreshing! I look forward to today’s Q&A!😎❤️

[@cindyc]

🤗✌️👍

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, Cindy C! 😎❤️

[@cindyc]

@@rorywright5692 Have a beautiful day.

[@rorywright5692]

@@cindyc Thanks! You as well!!😎❤️

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Hello Cindy C in Georgia!!

[@rorywright5692]

Good afternoon David! I am looking forward to this weekend! Will just be relaxing! A few weeks ago I started buying navel oranges, cuz they are so good this time of year. I only buy five at a time, cuz I don’t want them to go to waste. The first week I bought them they were kinda dry, nothing to write home about. The second time I bought them, I decided to roll them around on the stove before I cut them! This kneading and rolling them around made them so much juicier! Do you do that with your oranges? Inquiring minds want to know! At least I do, anyway! Happy oranges! Sunny Ohio!

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Hi Rory! Yes I do, from my bartending years you always roll the fruit before slicing and my favorite for juice are mandarins.

[@rorywright5692]

@@DeMarsCoaching I will try that with mandarins the next time I buy them! Thanks, David!😎❤️

[@victoriamuniz9851]

Victoria from the Bay area My dog doesn't like you ,I don't think this is going work Out dating you. David. Would you date somebody that doesn't like your Dog ????

[@DeMarsCoaching]

Lol hi Victoria, I'm surprised because I get along with dogs really well. That's a tough question. I guess not but there are always exceptions aren't there?