Narcissists do THIS to destroy your happiness

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@r3sfernjbb]

Always remember: happy people are hard to control. Miserable people are easy to control. If someone likes to make you unhappy, run like hell.

[@doesitmatter9022]

When someone truly has joy and peace, they seem to target those people most. Even if those qualities are bruised by your experience with them, those beautiful traits DO return and then they start to come on stronger than before. Release them and move on! And block the crap outta them!!!!!

[@15lumen]

Exception is when therapist is narcissist and ruins most of my life starting with really good relationship with my girlfriend. Getting to know this girl I was survivor of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I don't wish this to anyone. Please, be careful with any people which are supposedly entitled to help you and make you feel better, stick to your own rules and boundaries before someone turn those against you.

[@mightymouse1005]

Exactly..... That's why I SHOW happiness...sing and laugh. Just not to him. I have family and friends who I have fun with and he doesn't know them. He knows one son who doesn't think much of him. For whatever reason, even in the beginning, I kept my friends to myself.

[@DrPhilGoode]

Umm….I’m not saying this is wrong…but it’s definitely not a proverb that is always right. Miserable people are already miserable, so why would anyone want to control someone who is miserable. The opposite is true. Narcs are happiness vampires. If someone likes to make you unhappy, I can promise you they aren’t leading with that part of themselves. It doesn’t come up when they take you to a Sunday morning church worship service for that first date. Always remember to sometimes forget what you always remember.

[@allisonquerze7941]

Here is something to remember too. These horrendous people do not live forever.

[@jenniferrivera1265]

"Other people's happiness disgusts them." Exactly! Thank you, Dr. Ramani!

[@banerjees4481]

I am suffering from ptsd from 2020 and till now.when a episode comes i feel totally lost and dissociate and numb and dead and my appetite lost.please pray for me and send a bunch of love for me.

[@jenniferrivera1265]

@@banerjees4481 🙏🙏🙏

[@carefulcarpenter]

Misery loves company.

[@jdm8503]

If they can't have it, no one can either. These people are very dangerous! Outsiders have no idea how far they will go to destroy your happiness and success.

[@banerjees4481]

@@jdm8503 but post traumatic stress cant be cured by knowledge or anything.this is really very awful to have ptsd and having peaceful sleep together

[@justice8563]

Whatever you want, a narcissist will sabotage it. Not once or twice, every single time.

[@bocobocoboco]

“don’t put your life on social media”, solid advice 👍

[@judymurray191]

Good advice for anyone, any time, in my opinion.😊

[@jodizellmer994]

Good advice. If you are truly happy in life, you wouldn't feel the need to prove it to the entire world on social media.

[@NO-ib1ip]

@@jodizellmer994 Exactly !!!

[@angelamarsters9169]

FAKEBOOK

[@mridlon1634]

Social media is the Narcissist’s playground.

[@timothygenaw2199]

They can sense it in the air when you don't think about them anymore. That's when the text comes. Don't go back to a situation you prayed your way out of.

[@janetpattison8474]

Exactly. I didn’t put out any signals at all that I was finally feeling very clear, and ok, balanced, like the narcs weren’t in my head any longer, and I swear, a day after I felt this freeing awareness, one of the narcs baited me, with a sweet voice mail, and I took the bait, only to hear more anger & bs from an EX- loved one who MUST ghost me constantly, (7 months ghosted out of 12). So, I was set back by this call. It’s hard to give up entirely on long time abusive narcs that were close family.

[@learningenglishthroughtran8540]

And they would abuse you and say they love you, and you are the bad guys. They would think it is wise to treat you with suspicion, but when they are treated with suspicion, they still cannot get it.

[@greenapple1039]

Exactly my mother is a narcissistic and she has challenged us my self and my sister that she ll destroy our life as we realised what is going on in our life we seprated from her control staying away but it is not at all helping. There is no progress going on in our life...when ever I think of doing something progress she will sense it is a mystery how she will know when I just think I don't even open my mouth I will hide inside me but she will know... We are fighting every second to save our life from her and her flying monkeys. We cannot completely move away our situation is not helping. God showed us what? Why? How? Things are bad in our life from the beginning but now I don't know how to save our life she destroyed my character completely. My english is not good. I don't know what to do I feel very helpless and vernareabl I know she ll neaver be punished but I don't know why is she is making us suffer what is my sin is it being decent obedient child my whole life. Every body supports her lies

[@doesitmatter9022]

Amen! Stay away from them or run. Especially if many prayed you out - STAY OUT!!

[@paysonadams4597]

​@@user-ww2qt1uv1x

[@debrown60]

I like that phrase, “ Narcissist people are allergic to other people’s happiness.”

[@rainhart27]

Thats why an ex narc always posting here so called happy moments soo no one can dominate their happiness

[@hazelcain6150]

So did I, it's a good one to remember.

[@MeMe-lx2jw]

That sentence is SO incredibly true!

[@joannewilson4450]

Sooo true

[@dominiquecloutier7364]

So many instances come to mind where my ex had an attitude when people around him were happy and having a good time !

[@carolyntu367]

I’ve learned from my experience to not share anything good and healthy to narcissist. They will flat out destroy your happiness no matter how big or small accomplishments.

[@killadjango6995]

ur exactly right!!💯💯🎯

[@jetsetter883]

Yup! And a lot of time they won’t even use direct language to do this

[@obscurum6]

Never give a narcissist advice, they feed on it and drain you of time and energy to 'help' them.

[@celanaellis3248]

I made a big . mistake in feelin.. g sorry for a friend. her misfortune was created by her bad judgment. as I listened to her pitiful stories she was always the victim. her divorce her money problems her apartment problems her disagreements with her adult children . my intent was to be a good friend however eno ugh is enough! very rarely did she ask about how day was going! I recently discovered I was on her list to call when she needed supply. many narcs want to destroy your happiness . I allowed her to dump on me for 10 years! am educating myself on narcs!!! thank you u tube!!!

[@cb9825]

Yup, had to stop talking to a woman who was constantly complaining about EVERYTHING. We were not closest friends, but our kids were friends. Thankfully they moved to a different part of the city and we haven't seen each other for like 2 years.

[@obscurum6]

@Anya Wow, he could make you levitate. 😉

[@killadjango6995]

facts!!💯💯🎯

[@sirius1075]

I kept a journal. Best thing I ever did!! I wrote a 'for when I miss him' list and wrote down all the ways he broke me. I go back and read it and instantly feel better.

[@alyssawoodman]

Nice! (I took a screenshot of this and I will use it to help myself. Thank you)

[@SparkleAnBlake]

The journaling was awesome! I even started taking pictures of behavioral evidence of the torture. That was unbelievably helpful over the years. Then looking at those pictures and reading the journal help me to not slip back into the abyss. It also helped me to recognize that it has been going on since we first got married not just recently.

[@amethystseapaw9806]

I made a mistake once. It cost me a lot. So I had all this baggage I just needed to dump. So I wrote a letter as if I'd ever send it it. It was unfinished thoughts and things I wanted to say. I wrote one addressing the narc ppl that adopted me and another to my narc sister. Both were unfinished. My narc sister found it lying around. I had forgotten about it and left it where she could see it. This was a few years ago or so...both of us adults. She calls the ppl that raised us and tells them about what I wrote to them. I don't know if she read hers to them or not. She's such a grrr...ofc I never really had any contact with the ppl since I moved out at 16. Unfortunately I still contact my sister. I need to move away from her

[@keekers3373]

I did the same thing! As soon as I feel the pangs of missing him, I read this list and it’s like a brick falls on my head and breaks the fog.

[@lisab7977]

After watching videos such as these, I started documenting how he treats me. I picture us in divorce court with him playing the victim and manipulating and probably crying. I, on the other hand, will be reading my typed up log of what he has done to me. I will NEVER forget how he has abused me for YEARS.

[@ShahrezadNorMohammadiy9116]

Be the person who breaks the cycle. If you were judged, choose understanding. If you were rejected, choose acceptance. If you were shamed, choose compassion. Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you. Vow to be better than what broke you-to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.

[@ellemere9884]

This is beautiful. I love this.

[@jennypennylane5851]

True words of wisdom for today and always. Thank you so much.

[@kms5306]

This is great advice , thank you for sharing❣️ (edited for spelling)

[@banerjees4481]

I am suffering from post traumatic stress from 2020 and till now many episodes comes and goes in my 3 years of narcissistic abuse.Please all people send love to me by that yours love can heal my ptsd and destroy it

[@maggie_codes]

This is what I’m trying to do for my son

[@kirstyjones2231]

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like living with your enemy, they are emotionally constipated, empty, evil, miserable, unreliable manipulative and abusive compulsive liars. I thank God every day for removing them out of my life ❤ an experience I would not wish on anybody to endure but I am stronger than ever now 💪🏼

[@mothersruin9058]

'Never engage with them again' - absolutely the right advice. Never, ever, ever re-engage with a narcissist.

[@killadjango6995]

1000% agreed! stay strong and become stronger!💪🏾💪🏾💜

[@mothersruin9058]

@@killadjango6995 Thank you!

[@greg9069]

Wish I knew that sooner.. this needs to be taught in schools.

[@aryahdft]

What if you married one?

[@mothersruin9058]

@@aryahdft I was

[@rodneylee4026]

I've had so many instances in life where a narcissist has tried to make me unhappy intentionally but I cannot think of one single instant in my entire life when I wanted to make or see someone unhappy. I actually enjoy seeing people happy.

[@V.Hansen.]

They are so weird. As bad as it is to be subject to their attempted abuse, is just a relief to not be such an embarrassment of a human being. How truly miserable that must be.

[@christelinemachala2435]

My older sister is like this, she's hell bent on making me the miserable cow that she is. I unfortunately had to take her in after an abusive ex almost killed her but i dont know how much longer I can take this. It's killing my spirit. I moved away from her a long time ago but for the past year she's been with me to escape the abusive ex but her lashings are becoming more frequent and more brutal. Its like she is dropping the mask she was forced to wear for the past year and suddenly isn't so 'greatful' anymore for me taking her in. I cant, i feel trapped.

[@V.Hansen.]

@@christelinemachala2435 you are not obligated to take anyone in, let alone someone abusive. Get whatever help and support you need to get her tf out of your house. Grown adults have no right to expect others to take them in anyway. If someone can’t get their crap together in a month, they never will.

[@socrates123ish]

You are a wonderful person.. the type that is rare to find.. I like to believe that I am also like that.. I admire and like happy fulfilled people..

[@jesterb0mb89bruh6]

100% felt this

[@theorangepersonman]

1000% agree with the social media. “Taking a break” has made me realize how unproductive it is, I can share my joys and happiness with people I care about in real life, and it’s so much better and protects my privacy

[@marcellamiller7808]

💯👏🏽

[@mkeyser]

Promotions, money, success, keep it all secret, even from people who know the narcissist. If you can lose it, they can take it from you, and they will try.

[@JenPurple2022]

Narcissists don’t want others be happy. So true!

[@mightymouse1005]

It's the old saying...misery loves company

[@babylej]

It’s amazing how much your happiness wrecks narcissists. They will target your happiness and dedicate their life to destroying it. My ex would always tell me “you are always so positive and always smiling” and then spent the next few years trying to rob me of those exact qualities till I felt I had nothing to be positive about.

[@texannadeb5005]

It’s a weird thing, it seems the things that most attracted them to you are the very things that hate most about you. I think it’s because they understand that what they found attractive others find attractive too. They are jealous of it or terrified that those qualities will attract someone that will steal you away from them.

[@alexatkins9515]

My ex said something similar if I remember accurately he said I was always so happy and then made it his mission to break my spirit!

[@mightymouse1005]

And it was YOUR fault right? Narc mantra

[@mightymouse1005]

@@texannadeb5005 They're attracted to our positive attributes because they will never have them. So they hate us for that and make it a mission to steal the joy from us.

[@Seraphim7]

Funny coz they have 2 faces. One says they want to See you Happy: But, when you Reached Happiness….. they’ll try to Sabotage it.

[@tlove6932]

Indifference is such a great place💗💪🏼💪🏼 Correct - Happiness disgusts Narcs.💯💯💯 1. Don't Engage 2. Keep new relationships under wraps 3. Avoid Social Media 4. Ask friends to not pass on info. 5. Narcissists CANNOT change! 🔥A "Scorpion is going to STING"🔥

[@zhalali5018]

Funny my betrayal was from a Scorpio lol

[@drinkingoutside7584]

6. They cant process internally. Even newborn babys are processing internally..

[@whome6081]

I was indifferent about my ex-husband. He emailed me a couple of weeks ago saying he wants to reconcile and to meet up with me. Unfortunately, I answered, but thankfully, I didn’t meet up with him. I rewatched your video about reconciliation, and you said explicitly: never do so in the case of physical abuse. These messages are life-changing. Thanks, Dr. Ramani!

[@NO-ib1ip]

Thank goodness you didn’t go. ❤️ … … I feel the same. I’m currently in Therapy but discovered this channel recently and it’s helping me so much.

[@karlabritfeld7104]

I haven't known any narcissists that resort to physical abuse as that is so obvious.

[@whome6081]

@@NO-ib1ip yes, you will be an over comer!!

[@LaViedeRed]

Narcissists are allergic to happiness of others… THAT STATEMENT ! 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼

[@jbilotta]

I've had relationships with narcissists and was fortunate that I wasn't friendly with anyone they associated with. I live by a creed: If you don't want someone to know something, don't tell a soul. Keep it close to the vest!

[@banerjees4481]

I have post traumatic stress from 2020 dec and till now many many ptsd episodes comes and goes.and maybe it will come in future also.I only need validation and love from this support group.send lots of love to me from you by that My trauma is destroyed by yours love.

[@GlobalFreeLiving]

@@banerjees4481 Love et Light... it's best to heal and depend on your own agency... don't allow anyone to be responsible for your power or healing. Give yourself the love and validation you need. Now, that's being healthy.

[@susancosgrove5010]

Allergic to your happiness. A scorpion always stings. So true - perfect reminders for self-protection. Thanks Dr Ramani ⚘

[@dimondsjewls4236]

PLEASE EVERYONE STAY HAPPY, LOVED,CONTENT,MOTIVATED,and most of all HUMBLE!! DON'T share your POSITIVE ENERGY with NEGATIVE and TOXIC PEOPLE!!😁

[@killadjango6995]

agreed!!💯💯💯🎯🗣

[@susanford2388]

Alas one does not realize one is toxic until it is too late. That is the narc way, rope someone in little by little then bam, you are entangled & cannot instantly get out.

[@panfried7566]

"always remember what was DONE TO YOU" - as painful as it might be to relive the past abuse, it is necessary to remind yourself that narcissists DO NOT EVER CHANGE. Always remember how lucy ALWAYS pulls the football away and Charlie Brown never gets to kick the field goal and falls flat on his back. thanks, Dr. Ramani - feel better

[@amiblack8294]

Yes, don't ever give someone a SECOND chance to disrespect you.

[@tangela0725]

He sure did!!! She did him so bad!!!

[@annebodee]

What a great metaphor.

[@daniellecaufield475]

❤

[@drbovie]

I’m so glad you mentioned Lucy and Charlie Brown and the football. I have used that EXACT SAME analogy to describe what my relationship was.

[@NewNameNaomi]

My ex was so good at isolating me that we ended up not having a single mutual contact and oddly I’m grateful he was so efficient. I changed my phone number and have zero social media (except KZbin but I have a nondescript name so no one will know it’s me). No contact for life!!

[@55379_ancient_trees]

@@user-ww2qt1uv1x scam often?

[@sonnyca]

Yes, make a list of things they did to you, remember the facial expressions, the destructive comments and conversations, your futile attempts to make things right and appease them.

[@mightymouse1005]

The narcissist SMIRK..

[@susanq6398]

The furious grimace became imprinted on my narc.

[@Pomoscorzo]

I would like my to add two cents. 1. Pick your battles. Narcissists have no shame. Be aware that they might strike at any moment and hurt you in any way they can. I blocked all contact to my abusive mother and ignored her, only to learn that she had told all sorts of people that I was "insane". She tried to contact both my landlady and my boss to tell them the same. Most people have no clue of narcissism, toxic parents / relationships and mental illness. If someone tells them that you're "sick", a lot of people may be inclined to believe it and this can destroy your entire life. 2. Break all contact to people who might still be in contact with the narcissist. Be aware of the fact that the narcissist may try to contact you through a lawyer, the police or someone else of that kind. 3. Say the truth. Don't just withdraw into your shell. Speak or write about what the narcissist did to you and if possible, give evidence. Share this with the most important people in your life. 4. Be prepared. Don't justify yourself but be aware that you might come into a situation where the narcissist attacks you. Have your responses ready so if the moment should really come, you will be able to tell the narcissist and everybody around the two of you what you want (living in peace), and what the narcissist has done over and over to you in the past (making your life hell). Good luck to all who want to keep toxic people from their lives. Have a good life and be careful. 😊😊

[@astrarai-thesobercoder]

Dr. Ramani is Legend! These videos are literally saving lives.

[@thebehaviouristguy]

These videos are really assisting people with hope. Some persons are really being terrorized in these relationships...and at times are to ashamed or scared to seek help.

[@JJ-mh4xd]

I second that she saved my life!!

[@lovestreet2675]

I'll 3rd that thought. She's saving lives 💯🎯

[@janeene24]

I’ll fourth it! Her videos gave me the strength to leave a 20 year toxic relationship. ❤️

[@jenniferrivera1265]

Yes, she has helped me in so many ways . Validation and tools.

[@brandonf.8360]

These people wouldn't be happy even if they got everything they wanted.

[@DalHarpJr]

@Brandon F. And they never are! Been there, done that! They're miserable people, plain and simple!

[@cassiebennet4262]

I'm literally witnessing this with my husband. At work they gave an albeit difficult job this summer and yes it's not technically ideal, BUT he got what he wanted and is still completely miserable. I'm convinced that if they gave him the so called gravy job he wanted he'd still be miserable. Nothing makes them happy. You can wait on them hand and foot and they'll still find a reason to be unhappy. They are spiritually sick people.

[@privateprivate8366]

Yes, now that my mother has passed, and I’m tending to legal affairs, I’m getting the impression that my sister is my mother’s narcissistic leftover. While I totally get her rage, because she doesn’t have the history and details of why I upped and left, I still see someone who wants to hoover me back in, for the sake of indebtedness and punishment. I’m sorry that she likely ended up in a situation where, because I went no contact, our mother probably decided that she’ll do, in terms of trying to destroy her daughters, but my sister was not only warned and wouldn’t listen, but I’m pretty certain it would have been me taking the brunt, had I stayed, while my sister played not just a flying monkey, but a secondary narcissist, eager to rip flesh. She either has no idea or doesn’t want to have any idea that the clock didn’t start running, when she decided to participate in family affairs, after mostly being gone, for 30+ years. I think my mother was well aware and strategizing that, when she passed, it wasn’t she that my sister would be enraged at, for mom doing whatever she could to ruin her life. That my sister wouldn’t even consider that, with being given an opportunity to live in a house, instead of an apartment. That her rage would be directed at me, whether I stayed or not. I feel sorry but, once these legal affairs are over, I will not be spending the remainder of my life, tethered to an enraged, likely damaged person, who is determined I will be their slave. One of the main points of handling probate isn’t simply to ensure everyone gets their share. In a narcissistic family, it is an opportunity for closure.

[@privateprivate8366]

Rewatching, as per my current experience. These things are easier to do, when after leaving the narcissist, you don’t come into contact and you’re not a constant reminder to them, if your existence. But, if you work with them or are a neighbor, you’ll cross paths all the time and the whole thing will be rekindled by mere proximity, no matter how much you grey rock, low contact, no JADE, etc. in the workplace, even worse, because you’re expected to collaborate with them, putting your personal problems aside and, trust the office sees a narcissist as your problem, if they acknowledge it at all. It is EXACTLY like being punched in the head and having your superiors tell you to stop getting punched. If it’s a neighbor situation like mine, just me walking around above her, her hearing me come/go, driving a newer car, walking my cat, talking to other neighbors, ever feeling she might have to get rid of a dog she maybe shouldn’t have adopted, so it’s obviously my fault? All of these things would be triggering for a narcissist. The fact that they may have caused their own problems? Yeah, you did that. You did it even by doing nothing they wanted. I’m about to run to the store. If she sees me take off in my car and not offering to pickup groceries, I might have to pay for that, no matter what boundaries I’ve got. I think she’s quite cognizant and intent that, the constant threat that she’ll smear me to other neighbors, when she can or have false fire alarms, during the middle of the night or when I’m at work, while she’s here 24/7, is cause for at least some stress, meant to cause me to either cave or acquiesce to what she wants.

[@Nk66222]

"Keep your healing quiet for now" 💯💯💯

[@treatpeoplewithkindness5466]

Exactly !! 💯

[@sma5559]

When the kids an I were singing along in the car he switched off the radio, when a wore something I felt good in he disliked it and wanted me to dress otherwise. He knew I preferred a larger safety distance while he was driving , but when I was in the car he went straight up to the bumper in front of us and declared me hysterical. (Others told me he never did it with them in the car - this treatment was reserved for me only).The list goes on and on... He never was violent in a physical way and when he abused me emotionally he tried to hide that from others or was "just kidding". Indeed, he was disgusted by my happiness.

[@aynilaa]

My narc switches the radio off too! Any time it’s a song I like and without even singing along, they turn it off.

[@sma5559]

@@aynilaa Maybe there is a manual each narc gets in exchange for his human soul.

[@lisaroselle4559]

My ex narc turned the water off to the house a couple times. Once was when I had been cleaning to put the house up for sale and he heard my sister in law and I talking about how we were going to each have a nice hot shower when we were done for the day. Shut it off and went to bed he did. The time before that, he shut it off and left for a weekend, I used rainwater for dishes and coffee, but couldn’t have a shower.

[@forgiven5919]

Don't ever get in a car with a narcissistic person. You are trapped so they say or do horrible things.

[@lumisis1943]

Narcistics and their reckless driving. Mine speeded like a crazy. Small roads, dark, rainy etc you name It. Only when i was alone in the car with him.

[@MLTDPT]

Do not engage is not a short term strategy, it’s a forever strategy. So true. Literally had to block my own mom because of this.

[@conniem2394]

My own son.4 years no contact.coming to to end of my life now, I hoped it will chance but all I heard was iam 100% to blame and all his nasty spiteful mean things he did to to me are justified because I made him do it. I am walking away and I've accepted that he won't be part of the last breathe I take

[@dorotabrown7917]

@@conniem2394 Dearest Connie,I feel your pain 🥰I love you for who you are beautiful soul. You are enough and you are awesome. Sending you only good energy of gentle love and total acceptance♥️☺️😘 You are loved unconditionally forever💐💗

[@bebopbonsai]

This is all too common, unfortunately. I have done the same thing. So have friends of mine. It’s healthy to get away from unhealthy people, especially when it’s someone is SUPPOSED TO LOVE US. I love my own kids more than my mother ever loved me. I stopped the cycle, and anyone can. Much love ❤️

[@fendermon]

@@conniem2394 We come into the world alone and leave same way. Just my view anyway. Good luck

[@mimi8352]

Praying for you. With Jesus you will never be alone.

[@GGVanilla]

I can attest to seeing the narcissist in my life disgusted with the happiness of my family. We are a family that is very divided (too many narcissists unfortunately) so very rarely do we have a wonderful time all together where no one is being put down, where we are all happy and bonding… and the very few times this happened the narcissists HAVE to say something shitty to destroy and derail the bonding. They can’t stand it. They’ll say something cruel or racist or provocative or bring up shit from the past. It’s exhausting.

[@dr.jackienavin8446]

They are so fragile that their "greatness" is threatened by other people's happiness and well-being, Destroying it provides the narcissistic supply that they feed off of.

[@cherylannebarillartist7453]

The grief journey IS hard. And it IS doable! After the hurt and anger stages sits the sadness. And we must sit with it and nurture ourselves back to steadiness and wellness.

[@gogi682]

I do think of it as "grief", as the man I knew is gone. He will not return. In little bits, like when the kids come over at Xmas, the "old" husband seems to return, but, makes me think he never was what I thought, and returns to the new abuser. He, seems to enjoy bringing up an old lie, gaslight again over old stuff from a couple years ago, make me fight. Then blame that I am the fighting one, the abuser...that I won't let it go. There's never been a true, loving, caring apology, just blame to me...when I'm down, he uses that time to make me feel very much worse. I'm so not over the stuff that happened, and still does, and he seems to enjoy the unhappiness and blame, even on a bit of happiness I might have. Over and over. It's truly grief.

[@cherylannebarillartist7453]

@@gogi682 I’m referring to the grief in healing….letting go and moving on.

[@patriceroach6373]

Amen 🙏 Been there done that my will was so strong 💪kept telling myself ts wi not be my life

[@Anna-nr3sh]

"Make sure your gates are tall and high" - it's a good one! I let the narc in after 5 years of no contact. He came back saying all the right things, including the fact that he'd been in therapy, admitting (some of) his flaws and imperfections. After one meeting and 2 weeks of on-and-off texting, my observation was: he only changed from a malignant to a covert. So much so. The never change. But I did. And this time, it was my silent triumph.

[@tigerheart4303]

Wow! You recognizing that behaviour speaks volumes on your healing. Absolutely a victory to be proud of ❤️

[@tigerheart4303]

Wether you're still in contact with him or not, I wish you the best. Narc abuse is so devastating.

[@Anna-nr3sh]

@@tigerheart4303 thank you Dear 🤗❤ This time I was educated and after therapy. Channels like dr Ramani are pure gold! I'm listen and listen, and make notes sometimes. I could work that bastard out like todler puzzles, haha. I didn't ask for closure, but I got it for free. Cheers for all of us, survivors!

[@V.Hansen.]

Whew. You had me nervous for a second. So glad you had your new, healthier radar to rely on the second time. Yay you👏

[@deawallace3584]

SIlent triumph...I wrote that down. My silent triumph is that my mother and brother think it bothers me to be ignored. Bwahahaa

[@marinelayer4940]

It's incredible that you covered this topic today. Tomorrow is my former best friend's birthday. We were friends for decades, and it took me a long time to realize she was a narcissist, and I was her narcissistic supply. In spite of that, I was actually thinking about whether or not I should send a simple happy birthday text. As a naturally empathic person, it's still challenging for me to do things that under any other circumstance I would think is completely thoughtless and rude. So, while I can't say that I will really, truly feel good about ignoring her birthday on some level, at least I know I absolutely did the right thing. Thank you for reminding me that I need to keep this door securely closed for good.

[@KimbaCookie]

Wow.. a similar thing happened to me! I finally had enough after 8 1/2 years. I let go of them at the start of May and it’s still is difficult to stand my ground because I truly wish to give them a second chance. I’m still debating on whether or not to send her a birthday text out of respect. Maybe it’s best that the doors stay closed here too. For our mental health, we have to stay strong enforcing our boundaries, it can be a very empowering feeling when empathetic people start to see progress in their healing journey. I wish to best for you! You can do this!!

[@LettersOfLoveDesigns]

My ex best friend of 30 years was a horrible narcissist & her 45th bday is today. Same here & thank you for this reminder also. It’s safest just not to reach out. ♥️

[@jazminolivari5554]

Omg, same here I had a best friend I thought would be for life,but sadly when I found out she was narcissistic among other things it truly dropped my heart❤️ it would be the first year I didn't say happy bday & many thanks for reminding me to stay distant is the correct thing to do.

[@ninashlimon7634]

Same

[@NO-ib1ip]

I’m also going through this now. A girl I’ve known since primary school, who is now a woman of 50. My last contact with her was end of March. Her birthday. I sent the message and decided that day would be the last. The hoovering since then has been ridiculous. I feel just as exhausted ignoring her as I did in the friendship ! I just wish she would go away. I know, if I ever replied I would deeply regret it - regret having to start over. Regret allowing her to treat me as supply again. Regret feeling like I needed to plan another exit strategy. I don’t wish her any ill feelings. Ironically she is already very ill. I just don’t want to live in her distorted reality anymore. It’s so difficult when they pursue you … knowing in your heart and your gut, it’s just to elevate themselves.

[@wrektum]

It is so difficult for an empath to understand how a narcissist actually gets pleasure form someone's pain. My narcissist would have a little smirk on her face when she would see me coming undone. That smirk went away when I realized what she was up to and I stopped responding in a manner that gave her pleasure.

[@jeahluna2385]

When you see someone who’s not genuinely happy when you’re happy, and friendships that feels like it’s competition vs genuine friendship, just get out Dr Ramani made me be more aware of this dynamic it’s really a work within yourself at first.

[@trumptardism6755]

I was just telling this to my best friend and his wife. When we love others we should find happiness knowing their happy ❤️

[@annabrian7484]

This is a story about. Petr who was heartbroken by his lover Annabelle At first, there were this dream couple everyone wished or rather still looked up to in admiration of their cuteness and love which there both share Growing up, Petr always got everything, the Brains, grades, loves and attention. Meanwhile Petr grew up into becoming a tech guy, and got married to his childhood sweetheart Annabelle, there both were a thing of joy to glimpse on through, well things got so well and there were this perfect dream couple Month passed by and Annabelle started going off on her childhood sweetheart Petr, but whenever there both left the house, it always seems things were going on smoothly for the love lovebirds. Month passed by and years followed, still there were looking like this evergreen perfect couples, like an eagle flying above the sky for the little birds and fowls to look-up to and wish there was the ones looking so happy and fly as Petr and Annabelle was Alas Petr was going through an emotional abuse and trauma in their long lost love relationship but coming out and calling it a no no to their existing old lost love was such a difficult task for Petr to do Petr was this brainaic tech guy who at the early stage of their marriage noticed the sudden change of Annabelle's attitudes, she got this narc traits from day one but the saying which goes love is blind overshadowed his sense of reasoning as at that time, well a chip click encryption was entailed on his wife's phone by Petr just to confirm to him his fears, there were all TRUE, an Affair going on behind his back by his wife, Shaking His Head he ....... decided to keep it on or what ?? perhaps you want to get the full details of their time and relationship, struggles and more info into their life and .. Find out what happened later on after Petr the tech guy got to know about his wife's dealings, Now Petr's programming company called "pettoolzzz" where he helps out with persons who got issues with spouses LOYALTY, narcissist victims support, he helps track mobile phone calls, gain access to all messages,facebook and instagram chats, emails, and lots more in getting hardcore real evidences about your partners. DON'T HIDE IN SILENCE NO MORE, IF YOU NOTICE ANY RED FLAGS🚩IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, WAIT NO MORE PETR IS ALWAYS AVAILABLE AND WELCOMES ALL, SOMEONE WITH A FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE WITH NARCS @ "PETTOOLZZZ 💌 come get a valid loyalty tests on your partners and know where your loyalty stands link below to Instagram👇 instagram.com/pettoolzzz/ Instagram handle: PETTOOLZZZ

[@susanford2388]

I was married in 1987, I had never heard of a narcissist or their shenanigans. I wish I had. At least I chose not to have children which meant my leaving was easier.

[@shireenramnarain4005]

True

[@shireenramnarain4005]

​@@susanford2388 i also got married in 1986 No kids for 10 yrs ....his family tortoured me for not having kids n blamed that being the reason for his infidelity which he denied ..... But God sent a beautiful baby ....only for the narc to take revenge on his own kids now...25yrs of their lives n daughter 18yrs Sooo im glad u didnt have any kids cos it breaks ur heart to witness ur kids going thro what u went thro with a narc...😢

[@areason1831]

It would be really nice if you did an episode about children whom grow up with Narcissistic Parents. How to change those learned behavior and triggers. ❤️

[@braindumpsush]

I would LOVE this.

[@lovestreet2675]

Yes! Please! I need daily inspiration while I handle my narcissistic mother. (I'm 58, she's 90)

[@braindumpsush]

@@neurodivergentpixi6736 I am 25 with 2 kids living with my parents. I feel defeated.. I need to get out of here with my kids as soon as I can, but whatever I do it just feels like there is no progress.

[@lillabenak8802]

Amen!

[@puppetproblems2935]

@@neurodivergentpixi6736 oh, my! I'm in the same position with my dad. Im really sorry and I hope you've discovered a way to "put on a soul shield" when you have to care for her. Make sure to take care of YOU. You're a strong and worthy human.💖

[@sherrymckinney2753]

It's hard to understand the concept that someone would want to hurt you for no reason -- because normal people don't think that way. But we must accept the truth for our own protection, even if it doesn't make sense to us. This is not judging someone -- it's discernment, recognition and acknowledgment of what we have seen the narcissist repeatedly do. A wise person in my life once said to me "when someone shows you who they are, believe them."

[@daynapeterson9033]

My elderly narc mother and I would go out shopping and have an enjoyable day and right before the day ended would come the meanest most evil cutdown ever, knocking the wind right out of my sails. Narcs are disgusted by your happiness.

[@dianabailey9757]

I once timed how often my mother would say disparaging things after I shared ANY positive thing. ... 10 to 30 seconds. Every time. This was suggested by my therapist at the time. Brilliant lesson.

[@someoneyoudontknow7705]

Love this! Thanks for sharing 🙂

[@reneewilliams1747]

Mine acts like she didn't hear what I said and keeps talking or she has some story to top mine.

[@Jessicahurst1]

The comments from daughters of narcissistic mothers always hit me. Liberty and empowerment at all costs, but big hugs for the grief and loss that comes with that process ❤️

[@fendermon]

Yes, brilliant...love it. This is how we disarm destructive people, by seeing things in a new light.

[@tundrawomansays694]

My “mother” was extremely cold, highly rejecting and skin peelingly critical. Not a day went by when she wasn’t denigrating and sabotaging everyone in the family. So glad I terminated the relationship decades ago. If I knew she was a nasty ugly sadistic “person” before NC, she reaffirmed my decision spectacularly time after time post NC. She was even more evil than I knew.

[@JustaLittleMystic]

I’m in a small town, so gossip is just a reality. I’ve gone no contact and had to let go of a couple ppl who facilitate the gossip. Your healing course has been my life line in moving forward, even tho the ex-toxic person is happy to try smear campaigns whenever a doors opens for them to do so. I’ve limited a lot of what I post, and honestly being away from social media feels like such a ‘secret power move’ lol.

[@middleofnowhere1313]

I deleted my Facebook entirely. It was his spying vehicle.

[@angeladempster]

Agree, other than that it still means they have some control over our freedom to do whatever we wish in life!

[@tracyross5831]

I Too live in a Small Country Town........ YOU'LL ALWAYS find Someone who loves to GOSSIP 👍👍. I'm OKAY with that, as I NOW keep my distance 👍👍👍🤣

[@annripley1964]

If you can relocate-do it! There are folks out there who will bring love and joy into your life and bigger towns/cities are ideal for eliminating nosiness and gossip-I have never regretted moving after I learned what my ex and BFF did to me-narcissists are very believable-people will listen to and believe whatever they say about you! Don’t try to fight it-just move away and rebuild your life with good people-they’re out there!

[@leokot7228]

The pain of a highly sensitive person: you see narcissist's bad behaviour, but you empathise them because of their childhood trauma, and you can even think you can heal all that by being a "good" close person. But then comes the reality. And even if they realise what they are doing is wrong and say they want to change, can it all outweigh the pain they give us?.. that's the question.

[@killadjango6995]

they can't change, they have a mental block that they must keep u beneath them at all costs. they're cowards and a coward never changes!💯🎯

[@PenninkJacob]

You mentioned "after betrayal the relationship ends", my experience is it only "ends" when I go no contact, everything else is just more pattern... ❤👍

[@Chahlie]

I so clearly remember my sister, as an adult, saying to me "what right have you to be happy?!" And mother laughing.... It absolutely enrages these people for anyone to be happy. It's like the proverbial red flag to the bull. So, after you go no contact be sure to always keep a beautiful smile at the ready for when you run into them in public. Flash that gorgeous smile, with a cheery "Beautiful day!" as you walk past with your new found confidence. Just be sure to have your security cameras on in your locked yard as they will then be out for blood :)

[@mightymouse1005]

My sister is the same. I simply don't have anything to do with her and hasn't for decades

[@killadjango6995]

their cowards with low self esteem, keep shining!! they'll fade into darkness!💯💯🎯

[@franlewis1607]

Because they are sadistic, destroying your happiness becomes their Joy. Scoop them out like poop in a cat litter box.

[@franlewis1607]

BEWARE: FRAUD

[@rg-mi5hh]

This is the best illustration of them yet!

[@oogabooga5510]

TELL ME WHY AN EX FRIEND OF MINE TOLD ME, “sometimes i wonder if you’re sadistic” WHEN I WAS TELLING HER ABOUT MY ANXIETY ??? AND WHY I DONT RESPOND TI MESSAGES VERY FAST CAUSE I HAVENT BEEN FEELIN GOOD…. god it made me feel so awful

[@tqmnini]

I allowed my mom to hoover me in when I was pregnant with my oldest. She had discarded the whole family and now she denies it to the point where I was questioning if she really had left. My husband was the one that pointed out that when he and I met she wasn't even in the country. My siblings and I grew up neglected, abused mentally and physically, it's a wonder how my mom can still manipulate my older sister to be her flying monkey. This mother of ours beat my older brother's arm out of his shoulder socket and lied to the doctor about how it had happened during a wrestling match. She pulled me out of bed to beat me because I fell asleep without changing into my pijamas. There were daily beatings. She had a stressful day at work...no problem she'd beat her children to feel better. Still though, I was hopeful when I was pregnant with my oldest that she had changed, that finally I would be able to have a healthy mother daughter relationship with her. Well, I was wrong and I put up with so much. My poor dad, her scapegoat, died last year and he was the only reason I made an effort to keep in touch. I was honest with her about that when she was abusive to me and my kids while we were trying to be supportive during her "grieving" process. I do believe she grieves, but she doesn't grieve loosing a good man. She grieves having someone to torment at her constant disposal. I told her I wasn't interested in having a relationship with her after my dad's passing and now she shows up at my house with little gifts, but little does she know I understand now, I never had a mother and I've already grieved the relationship that never was.

[@fendermon]

She's reaping what she sowed. Don't give her an inch. Life is about 15 minutes long, enjoy what you can of it. @neg

[@nydiamontanez8025]

Its Unfortunately, we got those types of parents. Blessings...

[@tqmnini]

@@nydiamontanez8025 my first name is Nidya, so your reply made me do a double take. It really is unfortunate, she came over to my house Saturday, knowing she had tested positive for COVID and rubbed her hand all over my daughter's head and hair. Who does that?

[@nydiamontanez8025]

@@tqmnini a person that doesn't respect and think of others. Keep distance as much as possible. I'm already 67...I know what I'm saying. Blessings!

[@tqmnini]

@@nydiamontanez8025 thank you, sometimes I feel guilty for keeping low contact, but it's the best thing I can do.

[@rakeshbhansali4907]

I 100% agree… they just cannot see you be happy for a moment! It’s very sadistic.

[@tealemon4693]

My narcissistic coworker who tries to make my life hell brought breakfast today and when I didn't partake she came over to my desk to berate me, typical!

[@BBB-rd2qi]

That sounds like my pathologically disordered Narcissist coworker. The best response I’ve learned to do is remain quiet and look at him like he’s crazy.

[@tealemon4693]

@@BBB-rd2qi it's like walking a tight rope isn't it? When they also are a flying monkey for your boss, they do have control over you. I'm tired of crying at work.

[@thebehaviouristguy]

Oh...sadden to hear that......Try getting your work done still, and this might be a good time to do a bit of journaling when you have a break in your work day....Take care!

[@yukio_saito]

I left a toxic workplace without goodbye and blocked toxic ex-boss and ex-coworkers on LinkedIn.

[@tealemon4693]

@@thebehaviouristguy that is A GREAT idea, and listening to these podcasts made understand what the heck was going on, and finally the pieces fell into place. Thank you!!

[@cherrelle3231]

I grew up in narcissistic abuse, I lost the ability to “feel happiness” many years ago as I became emotionally detached. Now I smile and laugh on cue but I feel nothing. My life is entirely miserable.

[@paoolguin7366]

I know what you talk about. Your life is a gift and all these people don't own it. Big hug and let's fight our own fights 🌺❤️

[@bs4real]

I feel you...once you're broken that's it.

[@NamiWonderful]

I grew up in a fully narcissistic family too. So horrible, need years, so many years only focusing on that, and now im adult and finding out who i really am and what i want from life. Normaly children from healthy families learn this from the beginning.

[@TheBaumcm]

Stealing joy, because they can’t understand being content in the moment even if everything else isn’t perfect, is one of their favorite things to do. Try to find something, anything that sparks that momentary “cool!” response. Sometimes, they become the voice in your head telling you it’s unproductive, a waste of time or not for you. That might be your cue that it’s something you enjoy. I know it is for me. Learning to quash that voice, not letting them live in your head, could be your first step.

[@trottheblackdog]

I feel that. Simple things that made me happy in the moment aggravated my mom to no end.

[@iamhere3442]

I told my brother, I will not grieve when our parents die. I do my grieving while they live. After all, who will miss their abuse when they are gone? 😐

[@Adventureswithbecky]

"Do not engage is not a short term strategy it is a forever strategy" that really hit me hard and my husband literally just sent a typical narcissist "apology". This was so timely thank you!

[@peaceoutjenjen]

Dr. Ramani, I want to thank you for literally saving my life. I've worked with therapists, built a support network, and done art therapy & Journaling. But your insights on this channel have guided me on my healing journey in ways that no other therapy has been able to do. I have had my eyes opened, stretched myself, and grown stronger thanks to your wisdom and guidance. You are amazing!!

[@Askalott]

I feel like I've written this exact comment. Traditional treatment methods never helped me. No therapist ever opened my eyes up to this obvious abuse. I even received Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation to try to "fix" my "broken" brain. Dr. Ramani taught me my brain is just fine and always has been.

[@maevebutler4641]

I agree with every word you said

[@denisegiannakis5667]

I haven't worked with therapists yet but Dr Ramani and Dr Carter are guiding me through the " I'm not an a@#$hole for going No Contact with my mother' stage ...instinct is what helped me first break away but both Dr R and Dr C and others comments like your own is what steers me away from self doubt!

[@MsK-xm7vw]

I gave up on therapy and social workers long ago, too bad they all weren't properly trained to recognize and identify this abuse. In fact, in Canada, unless you have a lot of money, you will never hope to receive professional, properly trained treatment for this life-altering trauma. If anything, the narcissist will degrade you so bad that Canadian Social Workers (as inept as they are) will label you as the evil in the relationship!

[@indiesindie1984]

Dr. Romani has done the exactly the same for me.

[@goldenviolet]

Flying monkeys and spys are super sneaky. It seems like l have been in hell ever since l have been associated with this miserable family. What you said is so true. Thank you for your comments.

[@goldenviolet]

Thank you for highlighting my comment. I didn't get this email until today.

[@Leto85]

I love it how you keep it so simple as these type of people excell in confusing you so much that things look overly complicated. Narcisists love to keep people down and they prey on other's happiness.

[@TheBaumcm]

They believe that every time something negative happens to them, it can be attributed to negative intent, whether it’s conscious or not. If you’re late, it’s not unexpected traffic but you’re trying to make them look bad. If you don’t get something done, you don’t care. This creates the case in the courtroom of their mind, where you are guilty which justifies any and everything they do to you (claiming it’s reactive) and also why they steal your joy (why should you get to be happy when you didn’t make me overcome my unhappiness?)

[@cindyoreilly2796]

Aweee........Dr. Ramani. I hope you get rid of that cold fast. I hear it

[@JessicaJLandi]

A few weeks ago I told my husband that I had noticed a pattern of when when we started feeling free & joyful again, that within a few days or week, the toxic person or people somehow try to insert themselves into our lives again. And I wanted to note to him that I was feeling happy. Lo & behold, within a week two toxic people contacted us. Amazing. No contact is really precious.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

They spy on you and when your in a flow state or in a power ful positive zone they want to interfere.

[@sharonkingston2821]

Narcs are “ The Fun Police” 100 percent 🌸 Great Content! Thank You Dr Ramani !

[@soliel8999]

I was at the top of my game when I met the narc. Having to start all over again right now. May God deliver us from these wicked people.

[@phyllisjunemillerjohnson15]

They are tricky. Pretty sad that you can never trust them again. If I ever loved them I'd ideally want to have them in my life. I was never a throw away kind of person. That decision really cost me. Glad to finally achieve radical acceptance about it

[@Layla-fr7mf]

I hope you get well soon Dr Ramani and take care of your beautiful soul. You need to get that rest and care. You are always cherished and have changed so many lives. I am a completely different person with my narc family and beyond everything they tried from the love bombing to the hoovering their last resort was to blame others for my change and try and use the family will to bribe me back into the sick cult while still letting me know I am not getting much as the golden child (my narc brother) because I am a woman and the scapegoat. Leaving is the best thing in life especially when you first leave in the mind and spirit when you are stuck with them before leaving physically. I was stuck without any money or plan forward after the pandemic coming back home and it was hell but I never gave up. I worked on myself day in and day out ignoring all their crazy mind games daily because they want to offload their toxicity onto someone. I did not allow them to bother me at all and even when they would call me for their “interventions” more like confrontations of “what is wrong with me” I would just day dream and dose off not to react at all (meditation, breath-work and kriya yoga really helped)to the point where they would try their best to insult my friends, strangers, me and my interests to get a reaction and nothing worked. My mantra was always “I take all my power back from you and you will no longer affect me” because like cleansing from a parasite you need to aim for that indifference to save your health and soul. Eventually I met my husband unexpectedly and we moved to another country and I never looked back ever again.

[@griff791]

To really get under the narcissist’s skin be emotionally unavailable to them and be happy when you are around them.

[@danielledegeorge2129]

"Other people's happiness disgusts them"... that disgusts me! I can't even imagine a human being disgusted by another human's happiness

[@user-ux9bx8kc5y]

Look at politicians for example.

[@makaylahollywood3677]

"They trampled all over me". It's the most humiliating feeling in the world. My sister and her army pounced at the exact moment I was already down, feeling bad. The shock was humiliating. She was like this as a younger child, possible worse..other siblings followed her as the cult leader.

[@abhijitdande3293]

There's no hoovers,flying monkeys nothing doing for me.. i have a 🤮🤢 emoji everywhere.. i know when it shows up, it goes straight to trash, I'm not even opening anything.

[@lisaedwards2551]

I had a good friend tell me “don’t get sucked back into the vortex!” when my narcissistic ex was trying to stop me from divorcing him. She is very wise. I took her advice.

[@vickicravener7529]

YES! I am careful not to ever have too much fun or enjoy myself too much because i know he will ruin it for me if he thinks it is making me happy.

[@puppetproblems2935]

After 23 years married and 3 children between us, he has figured out my weak spot in order to hoover; our mostly all grown kids. The youngest is 17 and has been suffering extreme mental distress the past few years that point to trauma. It's caused my ex and I to have to communicate with many therapist, neurologists, etc. It's incredibly painful to have nearly all of them think Im the difficult one and actually say to me "you only have to communicate and get along with your ex for 2 more years. You need to work on this." The worst part is that I can't explain to my son or the health professionals what is possibly the real underlying cause. It feels like all of them are putting bandages on cuts and bruises, but don't notice that the patient is actually engulfed in flames. They don't understand why he isn't getting better. It's a cruel hoover and the victim, my child, loves the parent who set the fire. I'm so glad you are helping people and hopefully before they have sweet children with a narcissist.

[@user-nc1ew2ni3i]

What if you try to slowly introduce to your child the real, give some insight into situation and educate with some help from therapists, KZbin? I have 15 years old, have been trying to divorce her father for nearly 2 years. She refused to have any contact with him at all. None for 2 years. She has been having therapy for nearly 2 years now. She had severe anxiety, depression, PTSD, vocal and motor ticks, OCD symptoms. She would not go outside on her own to water plants next to our windows. Now she has opened her own small business making cakes, swims 3 times a week, cooking every day, doing great at school. She got 8 and 9 at mock GCSEs Before we were preparing for home education. She just finished work experience as admin in a medical clinic and was offered a part time job. The transformation is unbelivable. I read her therapy notes and her letter to her dad she did with therapist and it was heartbreaking to read what she said to him. She never sent it letter to him. What I am trying to say there is hope in the future with the right help and support and things can be very different and much better. May be try different therapy or therapists? Best wishes to you and your child🙏😊

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

It isn’t an endearing or romantic gesture of hoovering, but my former spouse constantly files pleadings to interrupt my path of healing. It is done to keep me in communication with them. For them to be relevant to my life and to keep them in my thoughts; even in a negative way.

[@V.Hansen.]

Gross

[@13Hangfire]

The most pitiful thing is knowing a narcissist has to go through life... as a narcissist.

[@romonaelrod7870]

I think that other people's happiness disgusts narcissist and the narcissist is jealous of the happiness of others.

[@FeatherWolfGraphicDesign]

Can totally relate with both LTR to narcs. The last one cost me my home I waited 17 yrs to finally have. Lost all my possessions, my pets, and my good credit. At 67 yrs to try to start over is scary as hell. I will never forgive the damage he did to my life and my heart. I wont ever give him any emotion at although as I know he will feed of my hurt and grief. Not over losing him but what he cost me. To me he deserves nothing from me ever again.

[@reneewilliams1747]

The exact same thing happened to me! I didn't have the money to keep fighting him because I was a stay at home mom. The divorce stretched on for 6 years and he ended up taking everything from me! He told the most awful horrific lies in court. I was crying so hard I could barely speak. I was not prepared for what he was going to do. I was a good wife to him. I was isolated and just accepted it. I was not allowed to go anywhere or have friends. He told the judge that I was prostituting when he was at work and that is only a small sample of the atrocious lies he told. The emotional pain and humiliation that day felt like my flesh was being ripped off the bone. Mentally and financially he destroyed me.

[@FeatherWolfGraphicDesign]

@@reneewilliams1747 Very hard to be lied about. My first husband (a functioning alcoholic narc) when he realized I would no longer be his doormat had to get rid of me and began a gaslighting campaign and promised he would make sure my kids hated me and would stay with him. They were pre teen and teen. Having been thru that push pull due to my parents divorcing I did not want to put my own thru that. He was also very good at hiding his abuse toward me so they never saw it. They chose to stay with him because he made more money (as well I learned later that he had told them I left because of their behavior) My son grew up to be exactly like his father, and ruined two marriages of his own and blames all women for his troubles and not his alcoholism. No matter how many times I apologize for my part he still goes after me wanting to know why but dont I dare say anything bad about his dad. At least my daughter now a grandmother herself is more understanding but neither want ro know the truth. I watched over the years that man be worshipped like a king while I was a 2nd thought. I learned to accept and live that way. My second marriage to the sneakier narc burned me financially over the years and finally when I started finding out about all his lies I made sure he got an offer he couldnt refuse so I also could include in the debt settlement paying my parents back for all their unappreciated financial help. It did cost me everything and pretty much erased who I was but at least I know I did that for them. And that erasing narcs do to you can grow into self harm so easily. I really dont care if I live or die and pray every night for God to keep me breathing whether I want to or not. Cant stop breathing as long as there is unfinished business so its one day at a time to work on that, set some goals and hope to find during this time whats left of me. The part that can still find some peace and beauty in a world they made so ugly for us. I am truly sorry you got shown so harshly how ugly humans can be. When we do all the right things and care its shocking to realize those we thought loved us looked at our love and loyalty as a weakness to be exploited and ridiculed. We were played big time and when you truly have a good heart it breaks in ways that will bever totally be mended. The best revenge is surviving and finding yourself again and treat them as non existent entities. They are demons not human and have no God but their own selfish childlike desires wrapped up in an adult body and that makes them dangerous. We have to understand evil exists and we barely survived that brush with it. But if you managed to find the rest of us wounded warriors and help from folks like Dr Ramani that means you are still breathing just like me. Thats the best revenge. Outlive them and ignore them. Treat them like they no longer exist. Let the dead bury the dead. I wish you the best.

[@gail9566]

I can honestly say that I truly despise and perhaps some days hate my narc ex.

[@kamka8149]

Maybe that person was also a psychopath/sociopath, and not just a narcissist. That feels like too much damage for just a narc... although, maybe I'm just not wanting to give them credit... Sorry this has happened to you 😥

[@1ACL]

Very good advice. Its always good advice to keep ones good fortune on the down-low. Even with non-narcs.

[@charitysams6858]

Thank you! I have found that the narcissist in my life was trying to destroy my identity, not financially but mentally...

[@frenchy1220]

It’s crazy that a narcissist goal is to destroy the one person that showed them the most love and kindness

[@j.t.1086]

It's been seven months & I was starting to feel really, really good, I went to get an STD test in case I met someone new -- he gave me an STD. I am broken again & I don't know how to deal with this one. I've been violated in every way I can imagine & more, & somehow it's still going, shoes are still dropping, I'll never have a normal sexual/romantic relationship again, the trauma was enough already but now this too? I can't. **edit** It was a false positive, thank the Lord. Count your blessings & get out of your situations before things get worse!

[@j.t.1086]

It was a false positive, oh dear Lord. Friends, count your blessings & get out with what you've got, things can always get worse.

[@lindabb7064]

The French say, "Vivons caché, vivons heureux!" It translates roughly into "Hidden life is a happy life."

[@tydukeman8526]

To put it simply, walk away from people who are toxic & abusive. No apologies & NEVER again look back.

[@susanford2388]

I was married for 5 years to a narcissist. He did his best to undermine & belittle me. He would try to mock me in public. I realized he was a bully & jealous & I got the heck out.

[@microdosenyc4515]

They harass your business. They pretended to be other people. It’s tiring .

[@BrendaLG]

You just exactly described what my ex did to me 2 months after our contentious divorce when his buddy he had stalking me told him I was dating someone and had finally moved on after being discarded over and over again. He lived in another state and was involved in another relationship. He showed up on my doorstep crying, making promises, full of regret and apologies….as soon as he had me convinced he was sincere, he discarded me yet again, in an absolutely traumatizing way. I wish I’d known then what I know now about narcissistic abuse.

[@shoushiyanagi]

Do not engage is a lifetime strategy. Yes, too true. Responding just gives them ammunition.

[@SweetUniverse]

You're right about that - they never change. I knew my mother for almost 55 yrs when she died & she didn't change even a hair. After I started seeing a therapist in my 20s, I wanted my mother to see one, too. She was NEVER happy. She said, "Why should I change?" About 10/15 yrs after that one of my friends tried to get my mom to look into Adult Children of Alcoholics. My mother was mule-y about it. Finally she said, I'm not going to change!" And she wasn't kidding. When she died of cancer we weren't speaking. I had to force her to move out of my house because she was mean to my pets. When she couldn't push my buttons, she'd take it out on them. It felt so good when she passed on, but I'm still struggling with self worth. Life is about 500% better, tho.

[@Eighties-Jadie]

Dr Ramani I agree with how happiness disgusts narcissists. They're only happy when others are sad and they're miserable when others are happy. It's messed up! Also journalling is very important because it's a good way to release feelings while keeping as reminders why to never go back. My journal is my best friend that I rely on to never go back to abusive relationships. Thanks again for the video 🌺

[@Stardusted1]

If you knew how badly I needed to hear this this morning, you would be so happy, even with all that congestion! From the bottom of my heart I thank you. It’s like you knew you had to post this, I swear!

[@OrigamiCalm]

I'm having this with a 'spiritual mentor'.. he caught me at a very vulnerable time. Just so hard to understand! How can people be like this?? I feel sad that people can be so empty. The one I've been involved with is very wealthy.. very successful in business, amazing lifestyle and has what looks like a lovely family. Now in his 80s.. it's like he's got nothing.

[@renewhn3821]

Dr. Ramani, I just think so highly of you. I would be your coffee shop Gal pal in a minute ☕️☕️😉 You have a way of explaining their insanity that makes so much sense. I’m recovering from a 25 year marriage/covert/slow build over years/worsening every day. Anyone reading this-listen when Dr. R says they WILL NOT CHANGE!!! It’s absolutely true. I’m slowly rediscovering me 🥰 So grateful for your videos ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🏼

[@AndrewQPower]

I have found taking their toxic blanket statements and then recording all the counter examples that disproves their statement to be a great self-healing approach. I don't share this with anyone but when I'm having moments where I question whether they could change, their previous words and counter evidence reminds me of that outcome.

[@TheBaumcm]

This is a great strategy! I struggle in the emotional moment to come up with the counter argument and having it in tangible form from outside of my own head voice would be really helpful, even if it is a recording of my voice.

[@cheri238]

MUCH LOVE TO YOU , DR. RAMINI. LIFE IS GOOD. MOVE FORWARD. Get off the cross we need the wood. Life is too short. Your help to all of us is a joy to this world 🌎 many thanks❤️

[@judithmcbride4023]

And also Many Blessings! ❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏 You are saving so many hearts minds and souls! Mine being one of them.🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🥰

[@Conflictinator]

Easiest way to deal with a person like this, is to never answer them, unless it's only to tell them that, yes, they are right, you ARE all those wonderful things, and yes, they're right, they are NOT worthy of you, then tell them to GET LOST! And never respond again.

[@NancyRodrigoStudio]

Thank you Dr. Ramani, journaling has been essential to my healing from my malignant abusive narcissist father, and other people in my life. I need to read back how bad it was because my mother to this day continues to minimize the traumas. My father’s control and violence continued till he died. I cut him out of my life, and never allowed him to meet my son. Keeping my son safe, and away from him was a victory. I ignored the family enablers and held fiercely to my truth, and when in doubt read my journals; that documented how I had to run away from home, live with family, sadly self medicated my ptsd with drugs and alcohol. I’m grateful for life long therapy, AA, and your channel, which is preventing me from getting into a narcissistic relationship ever again. Always grateful to you, you’re saving lives Dr. Ramani.

[@LaViedeRed]

Bless up 👍🏼

[@banerjees4481]

I am suffering narcissistic abuse from my malignant narcissist sociopath mother.she is constantly baiting me for days and even years.I am facing narcissistic abuse from 2020 and till now july 2022 it continues by passive aggressive behaviours.But I get ptsd from her abuses.Symtomos like numbing,dead,lost appetite,instrusion,alterations in cognition and mood and feeling dissociation from my body when a episode comes.but it never last more than 2 days.It comes and goes many many times.I share my story of pain of ptsd with here because I need lots of love from all of you because I want to get validation and love and yours prayers for me to heal me from my ptsd

[@NancyRodrigoStudio]

@@banerjees4481 Yes, it's real, and we're all here to validate each other, I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I'm sending you love and prayers that your ptsd will lessen. It's so hard not to take the bait, but if you can step back and see the damage it's doing to you, try Dr. Ramani's suggestions to grey rock your mother. It's so very hard with family. I'm glad you're here, there is hope and help here.

[@paulad.4578]

Your comments about limiting the content you put out on social media is wise. Too many people put a lot of personal information out on platforms that is just begging for others, with less than good motives, to peruse and potentially use against you. I decided years ago not to use mine as a show and tell. Makes my life much better in the end.

[@havestrength5802]

The peace and harmony I now have in my life has started to drive them crazy. 😌

[@elaineluckham4715]

Yes! They have a sixth sense for when you feel strong and ready to move on. That's precisely when they show up again. Thank you Dr Ramani. Your work has been my route to healing xxxxxxxxx

[@marysullivan1815]

They are cruel people they take your soul

[@jennaarmbruster2169]

Psychopathic narcissists are dangerous. I had one. I'm still traumatized.

[@greenfields396]

Its what they want. They gave theirs away a long time ago.

[@heatherwood6446]

Hubby & I have pretty much gone quiet on social media; he blocked my family, I've stopped posting. If my family asks my friends how I'm doing, I've directed them to respond "Why don't you go ask her yourself?" Thus far it has worked! The hardest part is not being able to share much with my extended family because it gets back to my family or origin. Kind has made it difficult to have family relationships...but I gray rock through & "test" individual's trustworthiness by sharing 1 thing to see if the collective finds out. In this way I have learned that most can't be trusted. I have also had to reframe my thinking on how family interaction should be; I was brought up with a pretty twisted version of loyalty, even if it meant hurting myself or friends, as long as the family came 1st above all else! I recognize that THAT is not healthy & family can be related but still treat you like poop & their DNA does NOT give them the right to know anything about you! Most importantly is breaking the cycle with my children & teaching them what healthy family dynamics look like so they can recognize the red flags on their own. They're doing pretty well! 💪😎🗽