Narcissists want you to be the one that reaches out to them | The Narcissists' Code Ep 811

[@myutube5882]

Use their pride against them. If they're too proud to reach out, so much the better. If they discard you, let them go.

[@PassionateFlower]

Okay💗

[@myutube5882]

@@PassionateFlower ❤️

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@Saylerk9]

I like that! Use their pride and ego against them! Makes perfect sense. 👏

[@2_blAck]

I give what I get🤷🏽‍♀️ You ignore me, cool you’re dead to me. You text me, I text you😂😂😂 Idgaf about nobody that much anymore🤭😂😂😂

[@mortischahicks5341]

DON'T BREAK NO CONTACT!!

[@MentalHealness]

🎯

[@1111spiritualone]

NEVER! 🎉

[@kimkilgore148]

Been No Contact almost 7yrs, same small town. I took alot ,and I mean ALOT of bullshit even have diagnosed PTSD on the count of this coward malignant narcissist, I will go to my grave HATEING him, he ruined my relationship with my daughters and I could never forgive him what he had done to me and my family, he done some horrific things that should never been done to children and thier mother!

[@vivianperdue4329]

Never Ever 😮😮😮

[@diva00]

Don’t do it. Be strong. Move on!

[@michellewright6500]

I just feel lucky to be alive. I’ve been so emotionally and mentally abused. If this has never happened to you. It’s just hard to understand.

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙌🏾

[@rodericafreeman7603]

People definitely don’t understand!😢

[@Cy-bz9jh]

preach, my friend, preach!

[@Meya-w7h]

Sometimes, I second-guess myself after abuse by malignant narc mom for five decades and covert ex who cyber-bullued me for 18 years, long after divorce. Then I read the comments and I realize that, no, I am not making this up, the C-PTSD is real

[@tarataylor1743]

@michellewright6500 Say it loud for the people in the back📢📢📢

[@casperinsight3524]

They fear rejection to avoid shame ...but reject you in a heartbeat

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

Narcs play games

[@madamejaysynstarotoriginal]

They stupid

[@SoSillyWilly26]

Whew!! The way this gave me chills!! Cause this is the very truth!!

[@RoseDavis-k5z]

Blessu

[@RoseDavis-k5z]

Well done. Blessings.😮

[@Kelly55216]

You’ll be a fool to reach out to some one who simply don’t think nothing of you…. Fix your esteem you deserve so much better…

[@MentalHealness]

‼️

[@FaithlnHim50_]

They always avoid a conversation 😮

[@MentalHealness]

😔

[@Lilmommabear4]

They do!!

[@madamejaysynstarotoriginal]

Little demonic kids

[@jent5704]

Absolutely. They don't want to listen to what you have to say. My MIL will ask what is wrong. However, if anyone responds she will hang up or say she doesn't need to listen to our complaints.

[@IsabellaPiesch]

The avoid responsibilty. If you want to take them to account they behave like toddlers... My hair grew literally grey - you can´t reach to them in any way. It is just frustrating (you are like a hamster in a wheel with them).

[@msangieluzu]

If you call them , they win, don’t take the bait.

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯

[@daniellemorse6929]

They would ignore calls. It isn't even worth it. We have to just let them go and move on with life chalking this up to an experience like no other.

[@davidcoppotelli3957]

1000% CORRECT. Better To Keep Very Quiet Stay Far Away From Them. They Are NOT Going To Change. Don't Ever Forget There Betrayal And That Back Stabbing It Came With A Shit Eating Smirk On There Face Just In Case You Didn't See It Trust Me It Was There. There LOSS OUR GAIN.

[@Judith_Ekka]

​@@browneyes9507true. And there is the trauma bond

[@IsabellaPiesch]

@@browneyes9507 They will ignore you if you call them out ... (If you put their masks down).

[@ashgeorge2246]

I sent my narc a cease and desist order to stop the smear campaign. Certified mail that they had to sign and return before a certain date with threat of lawsuits and protection order. I avoided the face to face at all costs. So far the silence has been golden 🥰

[@Lotus_LoveHER]

Good for you!!! You deserve happiness and peace!

[@9321adri]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾Bravo!! I had to sue my narc. He worked on cars and he offered to fix my car for free and I let him. SMH bad idea. He used the fact that he had my car against me. When I didn’t act the way he wanted me to, he held my car hostage. He got his boss to attempt to declare my car abandoned, and said I owed them $2500, all because I didn’t want to play his games. So, I sued him and his boss. I had text messages where he said he was going to fix the car for free. He ended calling me sounding like he was about to cry because his boss threaten to fire him because of the lawsuit. I actually got him on tape because, you know, narcs love to lie. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@1badombre82]

That's 1 way of reaching out lol

[@gennacalvaresi422]

Please tell me how you did that. I need to do this to my mom and son please please help Me figure this out and stop it... thanks ❤

[@eyesonthemosthigh9241]

Foreal how did you do that?

[@dehsa38]

If you're the pursuer, you're the needy one -they're the hero. You're subject to rejection-they aren't.

[@MentalHealness]

🏃‍♂️

[@user-tx8xv6zy2u]

❤

[@tropicaoptica]

If you are the pursuer, you are being the masculine one. Period.

[@dehsa38]

@@tropicaoptica You're not being the masculine one when they use it to manipulate you.

[@ZidaneDaMan10]

@@dehsa38 facts

[@effortlesssuccess2585]

Narcissists avoid being direct because it means they have to be emotionally vulnerable. That’s something they hate to show, emotional vulnerability. Only simps and cowards behave this way.

[@NatzTalk]

Say this, girl. Mine would use EVERY excuse inside of another excuse to msg me instead of just admitting he missed me. 🙄

[@veebliss1266]

They can’t do nothing unless we invite them too! Stay no contact 🎉

[@MentalHealness]

🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@Macgee826]

Yip dont invite them in theyll suck you dry and leave you like a shrivelled up husk!

[@smplyred191]

I have 3 unread messages right now stating, "If you don't want me to message you just let me know". I know that's his way of attempting to get a response from me and I'm finally in a good place and I am protecting my peace.

[@monejohn9973]

Lol 😅 a sico response to get you back 😅 It's crazy how the whole relationship. We tell them that action speak louder than words. And they still don't comprehend that like Obviously, you don't want nothing to do with him if you're not contacting him. See if one of my ex's did this to me and I was forced to see him. I said not only are you a narcissist. But you're too dumb to comprehend. When somebody wants nothing to do with you boy Quit being so dumb and desperate.I h8 ppl who don't respect boundaries.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I have his phone number blocked on my phone. It's rare that I deal with him. He's baiting me. I won't fall for it again. He thinks he's so important, popular, busy, that I have to understand that his time, only, matters. It doesn't. Nor does he.

[@Stardustpal25]

Category: Silence speaks louder than words. 🤝🏖️

[@AAXS-op1vo]

Let the crickets and the tumbleweeds speak for you, honey. NO CONTACT

[@Scepticool1]

I've experienced that a good few times.. madness!

[@moondust1979]

They are needy they are insecure they want YOU to always reach out to them rather than them ask you how are you. Very self centred people. I feel sorry for the kids of narcissist mothers :-(

[@steveparish4209]

100% true. Reaching out first means you are extending the olive branch and that's what their pride needs.

[@MentalHealness]

😫😫🎯🎯🎯

[@SeymourKitty]

And what does the person reaching or extending the branch need?

[@steveparish4209]

@@SeymourKitty I can't answer that for everyone, but for me personally, I was trauma-bonded to my narcissist for 3+ years. It's not an easy thing to break, even once you know what you're faced with. Eventually I was able to move past it but it took me more than a year.

[@ruffian-wl1nd]

Today is his birthday. There is no way I'm going to wish him a happy birthday. He blew it 14 months ago when he ghosted me. I am lucky he lives almost 300 miles away so I won't have to deal with him anymore. He's also in love with his female roommate who is 26 years younger than him. I'm pretty sure he was seeing me to make her jealous but it didn't work so he ghosted me.

[@steveparish4209]

@@ruffian-wl1nd we each have our own individual relationships with them. I am civil with the person who hurt me, but that's just what's comfortable for me. I see her like lines of code in the Matrix. No matter how I look at her, I can never see her any other way again. It's now impossible for her to hurt me further so, there's no danger to me in being civil to her and it's what suits my personality.

[@deha5084]

As long as he moves on, I don't care what he does.

[@MentalHealness]

🙌

[@glendafell5729]

I agree! (Speaking to the ex mentally) Buh Bye! I'll do me, you do you, I hope I never hear from or of you, ever again

[@carolynforge8586]

They don't want to change. If you reach out to them you have no bargaining power.

[@MentalHealness]

🎯🎯🎯

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

My dad(narcissist) thinks the world should revolve around him, his family(one of his brothers is like him, and their now, late mother, the enabler.) their sole convenience. This will happen with me!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Then, they tell me I'm the one who should be kow-towing to them. Not!

[@steph020]

My ex would disrespect me, call me names, put no effort into our relationship, abuse me verbally & emotionally. Once I was fed up, left & wouldn’t reach out or respond he would accuse me it’s because I’m with someone else 🥴 I defended myself a lot saying things like “why would I want to be with someone who belittles me?” He just wanted a reaction & to hear that I was by myself. Now I don’t react to those comment bc so what if I am. I’m single. Been single for a year. Somehow he thinks I’m his property & feels appalled that I left due to his disrespect & abuse.

[@NatzTalk]

Yess the emotional and verbal abuse🙄🙄 😡😡

[@amandadayca]

This is so spot on. I went no contact over a month ago and he keeps watching all my stories even though I unfollowed him. And he tagged me on Facebook for a job posting, trying to get a reaction outta me. I kept thinking , ‘If you wanna know how I’m doing, ask me, don’t creep.’ But I’ve dated guys like this before they just wanna know they’re still on your mind / check and see if you moved on so they poke you. If you reach out it validates their fragile ego and then they ignore you again . Love your videos. Thanks for the honesty .

[@sarahisrael6268]

Pplpp0pp0ppp0p0pppp0p00p00l0000pp

[@ninanightnurse]

I'm over a month now too going no contact...ignoring texts/calls even though I've blocked him?? Tbh before I wud have given in and taken him back...but its def different this time...instead of remembering nice things...all I seem to remember now is the bad/nasty/embarrassing stuff! Happy days😊

[@momonique09]

Yes mines keep making fake pages on tik tok cuz I blocked him and I know it’s him because we were together for almost 4 years and who else will go out of their way to keep making the same 50 Snoop Dogg pages to watch me then I go live and he gonna pop in and I said hey snoop Dogg and he like the live and got off. People are weird. smh😂😂😂😂

[@missjoriccac8481]

This video is like a normal person. Normal person tactics 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@zh1408]

Spot on they poke at you, just to get a reaction, the ignore you ! It’s a ego stroke ! Pay them no mind !

[@casperinsight3524]

The cowardly narcs tend to be passive aggressive Indirect is well said Lee 🎯

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯🎯

[@kikip7420]

💯🎯❣️So true they are pathetic AF no shame or accountability ever

[@dillon2829]

They talk in circles, speak in riddles and throw out subliminals. They play with your mind and make you question your sanity

[@casperinsight3524]

@@dillon2829 They speak in code and dog whist!e

[@NatzTalk]

@dilllon2829 he definitely did that with me ALL the time so he wouldn't have to officially commit but so I wouldn't walk away either.😡🙄

[@sweetoneloves6811]

Reaching out to them, omg, that is Pure Burnout on a person. They don't reach out to you when you need help

[@MentalHealness]

🎯🎯

[@casperinsight3524]

They can't be bothered to extend an olive branch but expect you to Over Extend

[@MentalHealness]

🎯🎯

[@racebannon96]

Extending an olive branch to them is saying you want confusion, drama, and chaos in your life again. The only way to win with a narcissist is not to play. Go No Contact.

[@cobrasmom]

We are going on 1.5 days of the silent treatment. He got mad at me because I called him out on his bullying. I told him I get afraid of him when he raises his voice to me. I don’t feel safe. Now he’s mad. 😂. Well I went shopping at had a good time so I’m taking advantage of the silent treatment. I have peace.

[@JessicaJLandi]

I told the toxic person I needed space from their insensitivity. When I realized I had noticably more peace & joy in my life without them in it...I made the space from them permanent.

[@amuddymoose]

Same

[@michignamymichigan]

They will do most anything, I guess. They won't acknowledge me as a human being worthy of respect, and having my needs respected, as they are.

[@rockerdad2]

Just turn and walk away and, never look back . Live your best life as life is too short to waste time on these demons.

[@PanelsWainio]

I have to say, if they lied during the relationship why would you trust them with heightened emotions and drama?

[@MentalHealness]

🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@madamejaysynstarotoriginal]

The trauma bond is strong, it blots out all common sense.

[@Morastbiene]

The reverse hoover is how I got pulled back into the toxic dynamic with my covert narc for the second time. Although he was the one who had blocked me in the past, he was always lurking in certain places and eventually started to shame himself publicly in his online profiles. That's when I reached out because my empathy got the better of me. I felt sorry for him and wanted to clear things up. Big mistake, y'all. It got ten times worse in the process and took almost three years for me to heal after we stopped talking. Protect yourselves and your peace!

[@MentalHealness]

yes! protect your peace

[@donnaromano7200]

Abso freakin lutely!!! Protect your peace

[@montricec8795]

You can not feel sorry for them. They lie and make up stories just to MAKE you feel sorry for them. They will say, "I'm sorry" a million times. They are NOT sorry!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I got lectured by the people I complained to, that I should be the one to "work things out". One of these people, gave me, literally, to him. Bitch!

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I tried mending fences, only for the narcissist to blame me for the problems he caused me, that I should apologize to him, for making him look bad(he did that, not me) and I should "get with the program(his)." Not!

[@Lkingfwdnevabkwds]

A narcissist can make you feel like you're a narcissist. Some of these things you discussed, while i appreciate it, can be the result of narcissistic abuse

[@trevorcarroll5882]

This would make sense as to why my narc never reached out to me first, never could call me first, everything was done by me first. It got old after awhile

[@AnnaH803]

For 10 years I was the one reaching out. I would be left on read or ghosted. I’d see them later and it’s like nothing is going on. I stopped trying and I feel a lot better. They reach out once a year to “check in” then when I respond they leave me on read. So I may just ignore that reach out too.

[@socol76]

Your messages being left on read when you clearly see they’re online is painful. The ghosting and breadcrumbing excruciating too. Best to admit defeat, cut my loses and go NC no matter how painful the trauma bond is to break.

[@lcgarrett]

I actually laughed in my ex narcissist face at the bullshit that was coming out of the mouth. I couldn’t help it. It was so ridiculous and I walked away. The bullshit only increased when I moved, changed jobs and the narcissist didn’t know where I lived

[@UnpopularAdvisor]

This is difficult when kids are involved… they really try to get you to do all of the work

[@mariejack506]

Agree.

[@vienicestyles]

My ex narcissist fiancé stole from me when he moved out to get me to call him to ask for my stuff back. I never did. When his scheme didn’t work, he called me 14 times…idk why because I didn’t answer. The best strategy when it comes to narcissists is to ignore them at all costs. If people take their side, let them go. If someone else brings their name up, stop talking to them. Never engage. You are at war. Win at all costs. Get your peace of mind back. Battle on.

[@098098820]

You are spot on so correct.

[@laurajane4806]

As my late friend Beverly used to say, "Don't do it, it's a trick." Thank you for breaking this down into laymen's terms. Namaste 💜

[@MentalHealness]

🙏

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I fell into that trap last Christmas season. He was vile. I won't do it that way again, if I do, at all. He can't be bothered to be kind to me. His loss, my gain(ignoring him).

[@ninai5029]

Hoping me to reach out? They must be hallucinating. Not in this life time

[@stroNg2thaBoNe2thaMax]

Well, according to his smear campaign, I was the narcissist. I wonder what he thinks now since I've done NOTHING a narcissist does, while he's done EVERYTHING a narcissist does.

[@MentalHealness]

Doesn’t matter what he thinks nowadays

[@whoaskedyou.]

@@MentalHealness heyyyyy Mr Lee my narcissistic husband just sent me some money and asked for it back like I was going to send it back to him and I didn't contact him

[@James-Johnson313]

@@whoaskedyou. Sounds like one of those phone scammers.😂

[@naledismith3726]

I stayed so long I ended up doing narcissistic things…so the smear campaign was easy as all the ‘evidence’ was there. Only discerning people could hear through his lies and those are far and few apart

[@whoaskedyou.]

@@James-Johnson313 🤣🤣🤣🤣 sorry I just saw your reply but you're right 👍

[@Annejali]

The blocking and unblocking resonated with me so much. You need to be the first one to block the person because the person who first does the blocking controls the power. I one time made a mistake by unblocking my narcissistic partner and then they blocked me on all platforms so I couldn’t even find them to block them when I needed to. And all he had to do was unblock me, and then start harassing me again. Make sure you block first!

[@joeriveracomedy]

Reaching out feeds their ego. They think "aha I got em."

[@bettycarmella1127]

That reverse Hoover tho🤦🏽‍♀️ my ex narc was contacting me using other numbers. He tried to lure me out to meet him pretending he was someone else😳 I’m so grateful I figured out it was him… gives me chills to think what he would’ve done

[@Febreezy]

that's so... disturbing. :/

[@jvieira3807]

This is my mother and sister 100%! I was always the one to visit them and text them or call first. No way! 2024 is my year of freedom and self-growth! Let them miss my presence.

[@EastsideProHoodNarcSlayerBilox]

After seven months of NC, this person reached out. I fell for the okie doke and the situation became worst exponentially.

[@MentalHealness]

😫😫

[@andreahicks6770]

This is so funny and accurate. He unblocked me, sent a follow request, then unsent the requeat so that it showed up on my phone. Then, went and viewed my friends profile so she told me and i fell for it, i reached out to him. 😢😂

[@Luton-Mick]

That's the one thing that endears me to narcissists that some will wait for an eternity for you to contact them, that means I'll never have to hear or speak to that demon again.

[@SophiaGraceLove]

I’m no contact five years now. Jesus keeps the narcissists away from me because I am His Precious Daughter and I have a profound anointing and protection over my life! All the narcissists see on all my social media accounts are nothing but JESUS. I forgive them but they will never ever have access into my life.

[@MentalHealness]

🥺

[@Robloxplayer242]

You are absolutely right I keep telling him you act like I did something to you you want me to make up to you. I’m not doing that I didn’t do anything to you

[@luisaah5707]

I did this before. And each time he treated me worse. Then I stopped and he got crazy.

[@MentalHealness]

That’s how it goes

[@luisaah5707]

@@MentalHealness thank you so much for helping me to make sense of all of this. I am done with him. He treated me so badly, but I can see clearly now😎.

[@luisaah5707]

@randallglatt9115 yeah. Totally 😊. You are right. You cannot win, because it's not about empathy, it's about power. I did not get that before. I wanted to behave in a respectful and loving way and learn from my mistakes until I realised nothing mattered as long as he wins. So I said to myself yeah I am done.

[@luisaah5707]

@randallglatt9115 wow thanks. Well said😊. I realised it late, but when he tried to gaslight me and twist every single event to say he never loved me and so on. I realised. Yes you are probably right because you cannot love someone and you envy me for it. So he wanted to take that away. So I let him rage over everything and said only these words. I wish you the best. I have no time for those useless games. There are so lovely people out there. I will focus on them❤️😎.

[@vickysmith4684]

I wish more people would seek help and therapy so I commend you for having the bravery to accept the diagnosis and work on yourself. Being left traumatised and mentally broken is disgusting. 3 years of hell is what I’ve been through and slowly picking up the pieces of my life. Thanks for your content

[@MentalHealness]

thanks for being here

[@MatiaSmith-en7vb]

At the end of it all. I learned that a narcissist is like a little kid who is always trying to get you in trouble. They can be that brother who would pull your hair and you say stop then they do it again, all for you to lash out like your the insane one beating them up, while crying and lying to mom and then you get in trouble. Yet their laughing behind moms back while she's scolding you. Their just adults now who still do the same thing and don't care how they get you or hurt you because they take delight in it. And will run telling mommy aka anyone your crazy. And once I learned that I used that tactic on the narcissist and out smarted him . Just say hopefully he hates me now and will stay away. It's been a week and I'm loving my peace.

[@LinDoüx]

I can totally relate to this. My nex doesn't reach out to me directly - instead, he hacked my phone and deleted some photos from our previous text thread, he got into my Google email and deleted some emails, he broke into my house and ripped some pages out of my journals. I can only think that all this was out of anger and hoping to have a response from me. I have not responded to this in any way other than to get a new phone, change passwords and change my locks/install cameras in my home. Nothing back to him at all. And I don't plan to!

[@existinginthegray]

I was hacked as well and he has been through social media harassing me like CRAZY. Omg, thr fake pages, the subliminal messages and threats. He too intercepted messages, deleted some, probably sent others I didn't know about, etc. I was equally assaulted, he mocked me and invalidated all of tgebpain He caused me, and would torment me by having drug dealer accounts follow my page and comment on my post. Just all so weird, I went no contact and I can see He is finally backing off and seems to be feeling guilt,.but is attributing it to love not being on this planet, just very strange behavior.

[@aJoeStamps]

get a permanent restraining order

[@nickf9392]

All the tactics and tricks the narcissist will employ against you are just very real examples of what they are, and reinforces the fact of why you need to stay silent. They will pull you back in, but only if you let them. Staying silent is how you get your power back. Not power over them, your real power over you.

[@alisachaise3]

That’s true statement for any relationship… why would you reach out if someone treated you badly.. let them reach out or ☮️

[@indy3240]

There are SO MANY narcs out there 😢 I get so Angry at them Now I protect myself financially and that way if I need to run I’m out Ain’t nobody got time for that Too many experiences with them Thank you SIR!!

[@starttakinnotez]

Geyting a 3rd party to contact them is no better than what the narcissist does. Just stay no contact, keep records and ignore them.

[@existinginthegray]

Yup that failed for me the 2 times I had that done

[@DulcesSweets]

My narc went out of his way to get my address. I set strong boundaries with this person years ago, mostly no contact, only visiting for 5 minutes when they were in the hospital. When I told them they were not allowed to my house, they replied, "Oh no! I'm not coming to you. You're going to come to me like you're supposed to because I haven't done anything wrong." Getting my address was another way to gain access. My boundaries are stronger now than before! You don't just have to protect yourself, but the people around you too.

[@Joshualuv13]

Iv done this many times to myself since the relationship finished with my ex narcissist until the last time when he said something that was exactly reminiscent of the past repeating itself like nothing had changed ,it just hit me and revolted me ,I'm now finally cured .He will never hear from me again.

[@MS-yc2tb]

This is accurate for narcissistic parents too. 1 year NC and my mother started texting my husband about his mom being sick, doesn't text me but texts my husband. Then she also had a storage unit under my name, she moved her stuff without telling me to cancel the unit, the storage place had to call me to ask if I moved out. Which was a bait for me to call my mother to ask if they're done with the unit. I didn't ask I just told the storage place to go ahead and cancel it. I'm not falling for any of this crapola.

[@Stardustpal25]

🍰😏

[@AnastasiaLimanto-io2kw]

Exactly right, but I never did. He was the one who always reached out until I blocked him for good. Even then, he still tried to call me using his mother’s phone even after he said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. What a shameless thing!

[@twosense4989]

They are shameless, disgusting pathetic things... ALL of them

[@recoveringsoul755]

They can block their number from showing and easily bypass being blocked. Don't answer anonymous cyall either

[@tabisu4905]

I ain't reaching out. He ain't reaching out. It's been over half a year lol that ship has sailed ⛵️

[@MentalHealness]

💪

[@anacristinamoura881]

Don't be so sure, they ALWAYS come back, sooner or later. You are their property, they just put you in the basement for the time being. One day they will want to play again with that old toy. It's a personality disorder, remember.

[@darnelljones0425]

​@@anacristinamoura881And is that how it goes? (From a personality disorder standpoint)

[@basicinfo2022]

​@anacristinamoura881 well if he wants access to me, he's going to have to pay for my time since he didn't value you it when it was free

[@denisewimberly5249]

Mine started asking questions about what I am doing. He asked about my parking and stuff I’m doing after months of not wanting to “speak” he even asked about my job which he had never done,

[@tiffanyyisrael7989]

I know he's a narc and that's why I'm not doing it, if you're truly interested in a woman, you will do whatever it takes to show her that you care and put forth some effort in getting to know more about her. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@MentalHealness]

😞

[@michaeljonas7604]

When I was first discarded I was confused about what was going on and I tried reaching out via text and a couple of phone calls and got no reply,apparently I was dead to her so I'll stay dead.Theres no way I'm reaching out again , and hope she doesn't either she's dead to me too😅

[@motherearth888]

Oh lord, he called me a covert narcissist, and it really bothers me because he never let me talk or have a voice. I had to talk to someone about what i was experiencing. He would get mad I talked to others but wouldn't be able to deal with me talking to him. Every time i did, he would kick me out. Said i used him when i contributed financially to the relationship. He was gaslighting me really bad at the end because he knew i was looking for a place to get out. It's such a blessing to be discarded. Thank you lord. And thankfully hes to prideful to message me. Thats a blessing too. I know once I do better and start feeling better and stronger hes going to beg to come back because thats how it seems to go. I pray I have the smarts and my wits, I do not want to be sucked back in to that hell. 🙏

[@pocokurasag5869]

Bro, Im truly destroyed right now. You really help me through. Thank you to come forward. God bless!

[@jaredbond7908]

I am a self-admitted narcissist and toxic person. He's right - it's very hard for me to be ashamed of anything. I fear that there is no hope for me.

[@cassnorr1462]

I am going through the relationship situation, but along the way I realized that my oldest son 35 this year, whom I love dearly , is one of these npd folks, I'm catching it on both ends, I am learning tho. I've read , distance yourself, it's hard enough going no contact with the relationship, how are supposed to go no contact with your children❓❓❓❓ whew🥺😢🤯

[@iDontUploadiJustSub]

Embrace it. Narcissists are superior people. These people in the comments are weak minded

[@Beyondblessed261]

Only god please seek him

[@genisepenn4636]

What if it’s your mother!?

[@marygavin3203]

Seek help it is possible to change

[@nugget6635]

This one is easy to understand. Every person wants other people to reach out... except avoidant pd and schizoid

[@maryl9180]

I cut off everyone we were mutually connected to and I don't respond to his contact attempts.

[@MentalHealness]

🙏

[@xariaandcompany1650]

This is so crazy, because after he did so much to me and I decided to leave. I spoke to him again, and he said he sat and thought about all the things that I claim he did and realized that it had to be me just tryna make up stuff about him to hide the fact that I really left him to deal with other guys. There’s no other explanation. Yes it is!! Your abuse is the explanation lol

[@lilmami]

💯 they will go out of their way to rationalize their fuck ups blameshift and anything else they can come up with to avoid accountability

[@AAXS-op1vo]

You won’t KNOW about the block/unblock if you AIN’T checking for them. CUT THE CORD COMPLETELY and keep it moving.😳👋🏾👋🏾

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽💯

[@sneakyyniquee4153]

Currently going through this with my ex of 5 years … relationship was detrimental to my health , I wasn’t aware at first what a narcissist was back then but I always took note of how he treated me through his actions and manipulation . Being naive I’d always go back to him or he’d bait me into speaking to him and the cycle would continue of emotional abuse . Fast forward 2023 I’ve decided to finally take my power back and I’ve went no contact for 2 months and it feels amazing . However he is still watching my stories on IG and texting me from fake numbers . I ignore it all , I no longer give energy to things that don’t serve me !

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽💯💯

[@ofentseletoaba3510]

True they play from the same book, I had a similar experience

[@The2realdrea]

That was the last words I said to him… I said to him, YOU ARE A COWARD… str8 pitiful… and I walked away, and has not looked back. It’s only been a week but I’m doing EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO STAY THE HELL AWAY.

[@thecourseoftime]

What about a parent that won’t call you, but complains that you need to call them more?

[@MentalHealness]

possibly

[@m.j.333]

I was literally just saying that. I think it depends on the relationship. If the dynamic was toxic and most of other criteria are met I would say it might be yet another confirmation. Keeping in mind there are different types of narcissist.

[@davidslagmulder2423]

Your Silence drives them Crasy, you know. That's the only Power you have against those malignant Ghosts. Use the Force!

[@artofficial2010]

My brother whom I don’t hear from.. When I do call he says “you should call more often “…….

[@finchman1]

Sounds like my aunt who always texts me accused me in a rant that I rarely call her.

[@tonymartos2922]

367 days free from my narc ex. Took a good 6-7 months maybe more to really break free after, and resist the reverse Hoover. She does still occasionally texts me, checking in or whatever. I answer very robotically now, and that seems to keep her away.

[@MentalHealness]

stay strong

[@TaRonThomasTv]

I work in the mental health field and this entire video sent chills up my spine. When you elaborated on the narcissist possibly hurting their victim or killing them gave me Deja Vue. My dad is clearly a narcissist and I hadn't talked to him in over 6 months due to us getting into a physical altercation. He hit me up this past holiday, telling me that he was worried about me and that I can watch the house while he and my mom went out of town to Georgia. My dad screams conspiracy to set you up for insurance money. I declined the offer and told him I'll catch them at a public place so we can rekindle the family dynamic. To make a long story short; my family is so toxic I don't even disclose my physical address to them. Should I be worried?

[@Hackedagainandagainbycreeps]

No worrying. Rebuke those thoughts and feelings. Steer clear of them and continue to keep your details private. You're wise and strong and you deserve to live your life and to have peace.

[@TVindustries5000]

when i broke away from my step mom i had it in my mind she might come after me after i broke away and considered getting a hotel which wasnt fully logical (she was near 70 and i was at 25) but i also knew how bad her anger was and her husband before my dad supposedly commited s*icide. and i always have had in the back of my mind what could possibly of happened. she got his large property and farm and atleast when she talked about it, she didnt seem all that saddened by it.

[@TaRonThomasTv]

@@Hackedagainandagainbycreeps thank you so much. I try to think positive thoughts but sometimes I have my guard up cus I’ve been through so much in life. Bless u for your comment though

[@TaRonThomasTv]

@@TVindustries5000 yes. You most definitely have to be careful. Mental illness is real in todays economy. You never know the financial problems people have behind closed doors and it’s obvious in people’s actions. Pay attention and stay safe

[@Hackedagainandagainbycreeps]

@@TaRonThomasTv Thank you. I wrote my first comment carefully because it's very easy to cause offence in the comments. I felt moved because you really do deserve to live free of their toxicity and the burden of worry. You've come through a whole lot and that's something to be proud of for sure. My Dad recently felt it ok to explain the difference between family and relatives, when I asked why he won't talk to his sister ever again. Thankfully we can choose who to call family. We're on here together.

[@theresathompson4719]

Learning a lot from this channel, I wish I knew this when I was dealing with him. I did contact him in the past due to him going on the dating website and all that. I will never deal with him again!

[@MentalHealness]

You got it now

[@tjustice808]

Yes I wish I discovered this channel too when I was dealing with my ex and now we have a child and I’m trying to keep it minimal to no contact because he only cares to really talk to his daughter if he has something to say to me smh 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@kimberleyjane2338]

Thank you. He is refusing to do the house division fairly. We are older and he started with no assets. I gave so much, but now he doesn't even care if I end up affording a home to the value I started with. So he doesnt want to be shamed, and I dont blame him, but ripping people off is shameful.

[@debbiedegenhardt9287]

Feeling your pain friend. I paid for my house lock stock and barrel; he took care of repairs and "improvements," many of which were done poorly or not finished. And he had the nerve to want a percentage of the house value for these so called improvements. It's going to cost more to fix and redo much of the work he'd done. Thankfully my lawyer has been very effective in getting this across to his lawyer and the judge.

[@kimberleyjane2338]

@@debbiedegenhardt9287 Lucky you have a great lawyer. Thanks for your kind comment. ♥️

[@antoniapana7131]

So accurate...My strategy with all identified narcs (mostly ex friends and coworkers and relatives) is low contact with emotional detachment. I don't contact them and if they do, I play my grey rocking role to perfection. Some are very pushy and nasty and have the audacity to call with false excuses, but grey rock is solid. I know they will always call, so I am waiting for the evil to strike again.

[@MelanieSmith-rt2eb]

Unsure, he actually blocked me across everything - and when I used a burner account he blocked that too. I took the hint. I got a permanent discard, which is a gift. (But damn it was painful.)

[@MentalHealness]

🎁

[@robertwhitehead9831]

Good video. Needed to hear this. Was tricked into reaching out then got the silent treatment.

[@Lilandra81]

OMG! I'm screaming! The accuracy! He came and sat near me at an event and I was like, heck, may as well say hi (after MONTHS of no-contact)

[@lizzyworld007]

I'm 11 months out. I had to call Saturday to make a report. All that evil and they still contact us. Crazy 😢 walking away feels great. Stay gone

[@Lotus_LoveHER]

Keep going & be careful! I'm proud of you!!

[@lizzyworld007]

@@Lotus_LoveHER aw ty 💓 u too

[@MentalHealness]

Protect your peace

[@Lotus_LoveHER]

@@lizzyworld007 💜💪🏿

[@mikz33]

never ever reach out! they eventually will 😂😂😂 it makes them crazy!

[@QueenBee-fg1iz]

My ex knew his adult daughter was still talking to me so he would bring my name up out of nowhere when they were talking. He even told her that he’d talk to me if I called him because he was the one who reached out to me last. He hoovered me when I went no contact after 6 months. He did start the smear campaign as soon as he left my house because I didn’t cry or beg him back. Been no contact since for 13 months. Yes, he told his daughter that I should drive 3 hours to visit him and buy him dinner. Really? He’s going to starve waiting for that to happen!

[@Lotus_LoveHER]

He can eat the 💩 he put you through and drink the tears you cried over it. It won't taste good but I bet he won't need another meal for a very long time. The audacity smh. You keep getting stronger love while he holds his breath & waits on that 3 hour drive and that meal he thinks he deserves lol

[@Cy-bz9jh]

sadly, we have to gently release all known associates of the narc. I know it is painful but it's truly the only way out with some of the narcs out there. Not all narcs but the ones that try to hoover after 30 years of no contact are out there. I know from experience. Life is better without the drama. I'm sorry this happened to you.

[@QueenBee-fg1iz]

@@Cy-bz9jh Thank you. Yes, 6 months ago I realized I had to end all contact with everyone in my ex’s family. It was difficult for his dad and he cried, but I told him I needed to for my healing. I have his family, kids, and friends blocked and have been at peace since they always wanted to give me updates on him.

[@Kelly55216]

Yes that’s it you must starve them stay away

[@ClaudKaKeiYeung]

LoL I don't know where I've heard it but the phrase "emotional maturity of a toddler" is so valid.

[@MentalHealness]

‼️‼️

[@VisDaddy11]

Great clarification and this provides deeper understanding, thank you! Catch -22 for the narcissist. As long as a victim answers they are OK in their false self. In effect they are playing it safe with this move. Brave in their transgressions but cowardly in aftermath and accountability. If a valuable supply source becomes stronger and escapes they are the ones who lose in the battle between their own false self and true self. In effect they are playing it safe with this move. Stay in darkness versus let any light in through the cracks. I guess for most of them - its next candidate please ! The Iron Rule of dealing with narcissists - you know, you go. It's arrogance to think you can change them. Be humble, admit defeat early, lesson learned and move on.

[@aaliyanahmohammed2418]

Everything he said is true about their mindset. I personally have being going through this replay years. Even though I cut ties every opportunity is the same thing over and over again.

[@ancestorbackforthelasttime]

So glad you cut ties. These folks are insane. God bless

[@BlueSky-d7y]

I cut of all contact with the narc and I mean all contact. Almost two years after I divorced him I got this strange text from a hospice. Figuring it was him I ignored it, then the person at the hospice left a voice mail on my phone and I blocked the number. I am guessing his dad was in hospice and he gave them my phone number in an attempt to force me to reach out to him. Crazy behavior but not so crazy after watching this video 😂 that is what they do. I want nothing to do with that man, we were only married a short time and have no kids (Thank you Jesus) He acted like a nine year old during the divorce but I stood my ground. One of the best decisions I have ever made. When I think about that weird season in my life and how I overcame it, I smile, grateful that I was able to move on with my life without the fool. 🤣 I had decided to get off that bloody roller coaster 😂

[@portia547]

God Bless you for taking your diagnosis and using it for good and helping others. This is super helpful, thank you 🙏🏾

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@meganpearson2643]

Mine will beg, and come back when I ignore, then when I talk to him he’ll ignore me, it’s so confusing, if you want me just treat me right!!!

[@Freethnkr]

You're dealing with a 5-year-old child in an adult body, not gonna happen, and they get worse as they age...My mother is in her 70s and can still be petty & childish

[@boukm3n]

How hard was it for you to start this journey? Obviously you’re self aware, but how hard was it in the beginning? You’re a strong brother; keep it up! 🗿

[@tanjadouglass6834]

My ex used a conversation he was having on the phone with our child to speak with me. I moved out years ago, changed phone numbers, changed social media accounts, stopped contact with certain friends and family. To this day I cannot remember anything he said in the call except the last few words " I thought you would never want to hear my voice again. He passed away unexpectedly a few months later. Everyone is grieving now, but I had been in the grief phase while he was alive. Healing and peace is the goal. Pray Everyone finds it.

[@laurainsley2907]

Much love to you for giving the absolute father of the language of narcissistic abuse a shout out. The GOAT. Doctor Professor Sam Vaknin 💜🙏

[@Julie-n6k]

This is gold!!!the narc is trying everything you are talking about,do not break no contact,I broke it via other people to tell the narc to knock it off I have someone else to leave me alone everything is documented and sent to the police,the narc cornered me using a flying monkey to help the narc bit me,strangled me, knocked me down stairs ripped off my necklaces and stole them a kiss and a heart,I have never been in any sort of relationship with the narc,no contact is the golden rule!!!

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽💪🏽

[@Freethnkr]

They also love the attention that comes with always reaching out to them...Once they've love bombed you several times, 1:04 1:04 1:04 they think its your turn to run after them

[@MentalHealness]

☹️☹️

[@shanonstarr3852]

Yep some one said to me it’s your turn to show me affection. like now the love bombing stops and it’s your turn to return the favor…. Im done with this game

[@Freethnkr]

@shanonstarr3852 I was never actually told that, but the vibe he was giving spoke louder than words, and I knew that's what was expected but what's funny is, even if I did just that, I knew he would reject any advances, because it's happened before, so I just stop caring..It truly is a game that gets played

[@Freethnkr]

@MentalHealness It is what it is Lee...

[@rebekahhawkins1318]

Amen! Let their pride anger resentment and shame swell inside. They will never ever ever change the mindset until they continue to be lonely. I should have known when I met mine he kept bringing up his ex he never talked to for 3 months then she reached out for “shampoo” she left… I was like WTF would someone reach out for shampoo!!!!

[@domeatown]

I was confused bc I want people to reach out and to know that my relationships aren't one sided. But obviously it became clear that it was much more insane than that pretty fast lmao

[@bodegraven1978]

Man, you answer all my questions about my narcissistic ex's weird behavior. We work in the same building. He dumped me shortly after I pointed out that I didn't like the way he was treating me and our relationship. I was right, he cheated on me with several women while living in my apartment, and BEFORE moving in with me. It has been 3 months since he left me. Unfortunately, we work in the same building. At the beginning he was literally protected from me by his colleagues... the big, brave international soldier... But for a few days he started showing up around my desk and watching me from a distance. I didn't understand what he was doing. Thank you Lee, now I have learned something else about narcissists. But the most important of all: NO CONTACT.

[@TheSlatkaPavlaka]

Why the f I'm still stuck to a toxic person, almost 5 months after break up 🙄

[@folamibrown1450]

Mine used to take out my garage each week. His reasoning was he was helping out our 12y old son.

[@MelissaWinchester]

Mine is like that! I don’t get any hoover from him! But when I try to contact him he just blocks me again. He plays me blocking me everywhere and them out of the blue he opens the “street” again to me to reach out!

[@mitylene_bailey]

Like call their lawyer to call your lawyer to call you to ask about visitation schedules like we all didn't get the same document from the court....like he didn't protest it 4 times in a Month....boy bye!!!