Why I decided to stop having sex.

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Timestamps
00:00 Intro
01:34 I. Why Doing This Thing Is So Uncommon
06:04 II. Why I Chose To Do This
09:28 III. What It Taught Me
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Music
The original Nathaniel Drew x Tom Fox soundtrack → www.nathanieldrew.com/nathani...

[@Gunner5644]

I also had this period of my life where I stopped chasing women for about two years and I can say that the clarity you gain is astonishing, but I also felt I was isolating myself. After I started dating again, I realized that there must be a balance where you don't chase but also don't deflect.

[@Bllairy]

I wonder why this is not the norm

[@canchero724]

​@@Bllairybecause most people aren't mentally healthy. It's an absolute minefield out there.

[@jayaom4946]

As a woman I don't feel like I ever chased. It would of been healthier for me if I had learned to set much more clear boundaries because all I needed to do was just open up a little bit to the idea and before I knew it we were in bed together.

[@BoojeeRedneck]

@@canchero724🙌💣🧠

[@tinazaccagna1459]

Fantastic content .

[@ProBot.]

Me who is single for whole life watching this: 👁️👄👁️

[@samueletuia7065]

😂😂😂

[@rv9122]

Hit the gym bro

[@emmap.6795]

@@rv9122 ok bro 👹

[@penguinswithwifi]

TMI 😄

[@Coulouncoulo]

you are single cuz you play pubg.

[@nathy0308]

I love male content creators who dare to be vulnerable like this. What you're saying shouldn't be revolutionary but in today's context and internet, it most certainly is. Thank you for sharing ❤

[@whitneykibble7979]

I so agree with you on this. It’s rare to hear these statements from a man. Refreshing.

[@soundscape26]

​@@whitneykibble7979Yes, the kind of guy women love to _hear_ but are very rarely attracted to.

[@BoojeeRedneck]

It’s hot 🥰

[@BorisBirkenbaum]

Lol you are only saying that. As soon as a man does that in front of you you get turned off.

[@BoojeeRedneck]

@@BorisBirkenbaum Hiiii 👋!!! I don’t appreciate you telling me what my reality is and projecting your own tendency to be dishonest onto me! Why would I go through the trouble of lying about something like who I’m attracted to & why on social media? What could I possibly stand to gain from this exercise in futility? You don’t know me! How dare you violate my boundaries that way because of your desire to play a helpless victim (I presume you’re an Incel) and oversimplify by putting things into black and white boxes. I’m demisexual. I’m attracted to personalities first and foremost. If you want to find a partner - work on yourself - especially your personality. A man who makes me laugh and is curious caring and kind is way sexier to me than some boring conventionally attractive man who has no personality and who doesn’t have to be good in bed because he has it easy in that department. (I also have a thing for nerdy brains, eyebrows, crow’s feet and canines/slightly weird teeth.) People are not monoliths. Insisting on refusing to see the nuanced spectrum of personalities and only see the black and white and insisting on putting people in simple, unrealistic boxes is emotionally and intellectually selfish and lazy. It also feeds a negative, self-pitying victimhood mentality that will only serves as an endless loop of self-sabotage and will ensure you will continue to remain unhappy until you find a way to shift that paradigm. You’re the only one who can do this. You’re the only one who has proper power and control over yourself. That’s the only thing in life you’re guaranteed to be able to control. The only thing anyone has control of is themselves. Focus on yourself instead of the ways everyone else may or may not be victimizing you. Be honest about your weaknesses and work on them. If you shift your energy towards what you can fix and control vs what you can’t, your life will change for the better. Yes, I’m sure you’re being victimized by the many, many assholes out there (I know I am & far too often) but giving in to learned hopelessness and being sad about it is not productive. Figure out what you have the power to change (yourself) and how to change it and then you’ll be ready when you meet the right weirdo for you. Who knows, maybe it will be me (I’m still working on myself but think I’ll be ready in a year or so). Wouldn’t that be funny? _”The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” - Einstein_

[@ashboheme]

I’m 20 and am a virgin that hasn’t dated very many men. It’s hard for me to connect with someone emotionally going straight into it with the intention of having a romantic relationship. I need the base of friendship and emotional connection to be able to connect sexually. I’ll be waiting until I find a person that I love and am comfortable with to share the experience with me.

[@LuxVi7]

I had the same mindset as you but I was 22 when I first had sex and I totally regret it because I feel like I betrayed myself somehow. Got into friends with benefits situation that ended up damaging me really bad. All I’m gonna tell is this, listen to youself, be true to yourself and how you feel, I wish I had done so back then.

[@sasjaw.5651]

You may want to look into demisexuality!

[@Fatiimaaaaa]

There's not right age to have sex for the first time, you'll feel when the right person is with you and sex won't be so important in a healthy and real connection (if the guy really likes you, he'll have that mindset and he'll stay with you for the person you truly are). The best things will come when you don't expect!

[@jubiterr]

@@sasjaw.5651 no. it's just having standards.

[@LadyDecember]

@@jubiterr I also call it by another name. 'Normal'. I fully believe that the sweeping majority of people originally feel this way but hookup culture has tricked them into thinking that sleeping around indiscriminately is what's supposed to be normal. I don't get this current phase of the internet that reinvents or relabels things that already exist.

[@georginamunoalahera9395]

"Life is learning to be ok not having everyone approval"...I love that! Thank you for your courage and honesty!😊

[@brosej99]

Kudos to you for being so open. I think this is such an important conversation that's not talked about enough.

[@miles611]

Many kiddos if you do unsafe sex

[@asquarem2]

@@miles611 😂😂

[@alexah8521]

Kiddos yes

[@akbk2505]

​@@miles611No more, man! Get an update about fertility rates of average post-industrial plastic poisoned and mobile phone radiated men. Where do you put your phone? In the front pocket, next to your balls?

[@donnaaa08]

“When you have a solid relationship with yourself, it is so much easier to love others.” PREAAACH NATHANIEL 🙌🏽

[@dionline88]

Perfect. I did this exact thing when I divorced my first husband. I didn't date and I stayed on my own for 16 years, willfully, intentionally, and I loved every moment. I learned so much. I learned I liked myself, I liked what I had to say, I liked my witty comebacks to most everything. Since then I put myself out there, met a great man online and we got married in Vegas 9 months after we met. That was 16 years ago and, thus far, all is well. But I know at some point in the future if he dies first, I'll be on my own again. And that will be fine. Because I like spending time with myself. God bless you Nathaniel. You chose a good path and I'll be tuning in to find out the next path you choose.

[@italorossid]

beautifully put. self love comes first. I've been divorced for two years now and enjoying the process of building a new life without considering a new partner, just focusing on my growth and rediscovering myself. if a new person comes next, they'll find a better version of myself, I'm sure :)

[@josuesoto7817]

OMG! The way you think, how much you have gone through, has made you so strong.

[@sararichardson737]

Thanks for sharing>. I too am happy alone. There is faint spark of hope for being with “other” but in the meantime , me myself and I are getting along just fine. There are moments, however, when I have to risk my back carrying heavy stuff on my own when I do feel the lack of other but hey. A good relationship must be founded on good friendship first rather than this thing called romantic love.

[@esikazemese]

It is okay to not liking being alone. It has it's good and bad moments, but it is very good to know that you can stand on your own and not gonna settle for just the sake of a relationship! It was very depressing for me every once in a while the idea of maybe never finding a partner (I was single for over 10 years), but it's a great feeling that I can be with my partner, because I chose to not because I depend on him. But he makes my life a lot easier/better now and I only wish that for you one day.

[@pallexa]

Yes. This has been my focus for the past few years as well. I wish more men were able and willing to grow in this way. I’m impressed

[@inhisimagepod]

i’ve been dealing with this internal conflict regarding sex and getting this notification is crazy timing, keep creating beautiful art nathaniel i’ll always be here watching🦋

[@h0llypops]

So I decided to sort my teeth issues once and for all during the pandemic and have been in Invisalign for 2.5 years in my mid thirties . I unintentionally stopped dating during this time and started focusing on myself and reading a lot. I’m so happy I did! I feel this unexpected sense of calm and contented ness , my creativity went up because the “noise” was removed- , a by product I did not see coming . A lot of what you said resonated with me. Great video !

[@Christian-dr4ge]

i recently turned 30 and watching this i realized i haven't had sex through my entire 20s. i am definetly not a bad lookin guy and there were plenty of opportunities. similar to you during the beginning of my 20s i was completely focused on developing as an artist. i even spent one year without masturbating once. i probably wouldn't do it to that extent anymore, like everyone in the world of nofap is trying to tell you but there is without a doubt a reorganization of your sexual energy once i doesn't find expression through sexual release, which not only gives you a certain aura/glow(tryin to get this for the attraction of the opposite sex is missing the point, trust me...) but it also greatly enhances your ability for introspection and creativity.

[@jenesaisvraimentpasquoimet8473]

I hate the word creativity man. Creativity is such an innate thing.. no amount of anything will change that, we’re either born with it or not

[@Cocoisagordonsetter]

@@jenesaisvraimentpasquoimet8473 Ok. So never learn how to swim, do math, do anything.... I wasn't born playing music. In fact, I sucked big time at the piano before I discovered my instrument. Your way of thinking is very small.

[@DefinitelyNotBlackOpalDirect]

@@jenesaisvraimentpasquoimet8473what a crock of shit, and thoroughly incorrect.

[@abduwalimuse7482]

Wait how is it an achievement to go a year without masturbating? I’ve never masturbated in my life and I never plan to. It’s not that hard.

[@sgemmell1103]

This video really resonates for me a 61-year-old single woman. I feel that time spent looking for a partner and the time that I inevitably spend immersed in another person is time I would not be spending learning new things, going new places, and figuring out (again? finally?) who I really am!

[@np8173]

As a 54 year old woman, I completely agree. I’ve just returned from a short vacation where a sexy, handsome man (with whom I connected with in a short period of time) asked me if I wanted to spend a wonderful afternoon exploring each other in his nice hotel room. I verified his story of who he was on the web while we talking, but I politely declined. I just don’t feel the need to connect with another physically like that these days. And I like that I didn’t need to convince anyone of my choice. I’m about me and exploring more of me these days.

[@VivBeyer1111]

YES!

[@antons7210]

Could not relate more, been single for the most of my adult life. I have dated, but I continuously realize that what I'm looking for is not easy to find. It's almost an understatement to say that it's not easy, because it's damn near impossible. I have accepted that I may never find it, I have accepted that people will think I'm weird for not having kids or getting married. Because the last thing I will ever do is settle for less.

[@malazkarar1171]

What are you looking for?

[@kelsiegerig5353]

I completly agree with you! It wasn't until I met the man of my dreams about 2 years ago that it helped me realize I will never have something like that. I have made peace knowing I will be alone for the rest of my life and still be a virgin. Finding a connection like that is pretty much impossible to find. Heartbreaking, but there's beauty in living your life alone!

[@taropafadzwamawire985]

I agree,it's better to be single than to settle

[@ChristopherX30]

Exactly what is it that you're looking for?

[@littlesometin]

Are you looking for an alien?

[@JrnieJade]

I’m incredibly proud of your vulnerability and strength to speak on this topic. The video was so so well made and your storytelling aspects of this made me understand your perspectives. I feel this will cause a shift and give permission to many young adults to make more conscious decisions on their romantic choices and change their relationship with themselves for the better. Bravo Nathaniel ❤️

[@tracymcgrady4867]

Translation: I would never sex you nathaniel but keep doing this for the world

[@annabrook633]

I agree 100%!!!🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@isabt4]

Well said! Totally agree 😀

[@manuelbarreto7032]

I do not think he is vulnerable at all, he is being brave, honest and real. You think he is exposing himself because you really care what others think, he doesn't.😊

[@elesaknowles5664]

My boyfriend and I were each others first in our 30’s - we are on the ace spectrum so the social pressure was really overwhelming for us both so we found each other after we worked on ourselves and defined what we both wanted not what society demands

[@DP-mu4sr]

I applaud this video and relate to it immensely. You’re one of the few KZbinrs who seems genuinely authentic and who shares unconventional views without caring about what’s currently trendy to talk about.

[@soundscape26]

What? This guy overcomplicates basically everything.

[@KatieRingley]

I have searched the internet for one person to say .. ya know what? Sex is NOT that damn important or that serious. My husband and I have a very deep, intimate partnership of 12 years, and it INCLUDES sex, but it’s a very small piece of who we are together. And the over inflated “sex is so vital unless you want your relationship to fall apart” is so problematic. Like can everyone get a life and be more interesting ? 😂😂🤣 ok i’m done.

[@MatthewKanwisher]

Having sex is like having money, it only becomes so obvious how important it is when it’s gone. See what happens if the sex stops, the marriage will end

[@techno6106]

You tryna paint the picture like it's black & white, which is certainly is not. Let everyone find out for themselves

[@KatieRingley]

@@techno6106 lol absolutely nothing is black and white. But one universal truth is that people say sex is soooo important, when I think we all need to deconstruct that a little.

[@BoojeeRedneck]

I’m so tired of hearing this line that “sex is a human need/necessity along with water, food and shelter.” Ok… *¡NO!* You will _not_ die if you never have sex or “enough sex” (whatever that is). It will be okay. I swear people like Hugh Hefner took advantage of the feminist movement and fed lines like this one ^ and “a truly liberated woman has ALL the casual sex!” When I came of age I thought I was a freak for not knowing what it feels like to be “horny” (I imagine it’s like hunger but in your loins instead of stomach?). I am absolutely disgusted by the amount of male “friends” I lost because they shamelessly whined about being too horny and insisted they absolutely needed me to let them do sex in me… (like “you have this neat thing called am opposable thumb along with the creativity of human intelligence - _allegedly…_ use it, not me”) and then none of them could fathom why I wouldn’t want to remain friends w/ them after being objectified that way. They sincerely thought that _they_ were the ones who were victimized in this scenario. _”If men have anything it’s the audacity.”_ Turns out I’m demisexual and it’s been 6 years of celibacy. I’m goooooooood, thank you. #AintNobodyGotTime4That #CostsOutweighBenefits

[@BoojeeRedneck]

Also, this narrative about how utterly important it is that a couple has sex all the time puts so much unnecessary pressure on couples. Everyone is different. No one in the history of human existence has ever had the same exact brain. Why do we need to force everyone in the same box? Black & white thinking is so intellectually lazy.

[@JodysGems4]

I appreciate you bringing this the needed attention...ive been doing this for years, just working on myself and I also felt judged and misunderstood. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share this 💙

[@edsonbaptistafinda3312]

It's not just about watching your videos to improve my English listening and speaking skills, it's about developing my self-awareness, it's therapy, and I really appreciate it, Nathaniel

[@MochaManSpirit]

There is something so refreshing about seeing a person live as their most authentic self. Great job, Nathan!

[@BATgirl57]

I’m basically celibate by default because I will not have casual sex. When the relationship is true, I will be happy to explore intimacy! If I’d had a healthy sex life in my marriage, I may have stayed married because it’s an important part of the relationship I desire. Better to be alone than with the wrong person.

[@whitneykibble7979]

I felt that way for years. I then decided to explore the casual scene on MY terms, to find out what MY wants/desires actually were. Not just to please my partner. When you take the romantic love part out of it, you really can explore your sexuality. Try different partners and different skill sets. It was liberating. I know everyone is different and I couldn’t live that way forever, but it really helped me understand what I needed and wanted in a partner in and out of the bedroom. I wish you every happiness by the way stranger. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@jeanjacqueslundi3502]

I'm a guy, and the only casual encounter I've evr had, the next day I was crying (and I never cry). I don't do casual. I think lust really gets in the way of building a true relationships based on other things (REALLY based on other things) first. I think the sexual impulse is really something that was encoded in us to force us to copulate. I don't think if we are 100% healed and alligned with our soul, we get the some impulses.

[@darcyd2680]

​@jeanjacqueslundi3502 It is good you can be honest with yourself. As a girl, I can only confirm to you, how many guys actually feel like you... very hurt, very broken and literally crying... ( after "cool hookup" whaterver it is) you can't even imagen. The problem is many times it's portrated as something "cool", very rarly guys can open up how they really feel about it even before their buddies or sometimes even themselves. I had men and guys crying, telling me how they really felt. And literally they are all the normal men, that you would see strong day to day life, they just felt safe with me... and to my own surprise, because I know it's very vulnerable for a man to cry. I dont know if these men ever cried like that infront of anyone else, ever... I guess I earned it by respecting them. And I've learned a whole lot of their real soul and had understood a lot more of how that sex has deep negative effect on men, not the lies we are given about.

[@jeanjacqueslundi3502]

@@darcyd2680 Yeah we overemphasize our genders. We are essentially the same as men and women....much like kids are the same up until a certain age (sure, girls are said to develop a bit faster or whatever). It's just it's easier for a person in a female body to express the emotional side...and easier for a man to express the mental side. What happens is in a society govern by the mental....and where our faulty software often overrides our feelings.........we learn to suppres all sorts of stuff. And along with it.....we also support vital emotional feedback on how societal values individually makes us feel. Curiously enough, my experience wasn't about having a cool hook up or any macho bs.....I'm genuinely a very sexual person....and it was an experience that made me aware I need to channel it differently.......because I'ma one person kind of guy. Even serial monogamy I'm iffy about...... As I dissect stuff...the lust and strong sexual impulse is really abouy being SEEN. Seen and accepted. It's also our minds and conditioning that determines, for example, sex is the only way to achieve that goal. Or pleasure. There's other forms of pleasure. I remember having meditations where I experience orgamisc.like bliss that was more powerful than any sex I have..........so really.........sex becomes a fixation for us humans for various reasons.....but it's just a MEANS to meet a need.

[@transitionsnc]

Completely agree.

[@ronaldfoks]

This year, I finally made the choice to choose for myself, and not for the sake of external validation. In that, I left my friend group that I was no longer aligned with and distanced myself from women, because that caused me to follow other people's lives, but not my own anymore. Thank you for this video Nathaniel, it’s an eye-opener for me. And to end with a quote I really believe in: “How can you love others when you're not loving yourself?”

[@jeanangelo98]

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else, can I get an amen?” - RuPaul

[@jeanangelo98]

You’re so right though! 🙌

[@kidcoma1340]

Dunno, sounds like the solution is self work, not completely dismissing women?

[@luccayann]

Mama Ru would be so proud

[@gnaji1307]

I am totally on your side. I still want to find love someday, but going on dating apps or forcing myself to go out just to meet potential partners is not the way I want to find love. It should happen naturally and out of the blue when you least expect it.

[@Catthepunk]

I don't think that was his message tbf

[@ladymondegreen]

Just saying - I met my husband on Tinder of all places (which is so random we met there bc we both despised dating apps). He's sweet, intellectual, and a gentleman, and we've been happily married now for almost 10 years. I always had trouble dating (and so did he) until I took a chance on him and that darn app. I would have hook-ups with people I met randomly, even though I wanted more; interesting how I met a real genuine partner on a hook-up app. We never would have crossed paths naturally without its help. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work out the way movies romanticize meet-cutes.

[@julistar90]

Keep dreaming. You have to put yourself out there

[@ChristopherX30]

Waiting for life to happen to you is an easy way to watch life pass you by. If you want something, you need to invest time into making it happen. Otherwise, you're just being lazy about it.

[@reginoramos9030]

AMEN 🖤

[@italorossid]

thank you for this! I was in long-term relationships non-stop from 15 until 35 (officially divorced at 36) and two years later things feel great when I get to think on my own terms instead of considering someone else as a priority. I've relocated and I'm not actively pursuing dating in my new city as I have more than enough to focus on with my studies and making a new life here. that will come later, I'm sure... it's just not a priority at the moment, and being by yourself while growing your wings for whatever comes next is priceless.

[@versasdemialma]

I really enjoyed this video. I'm a Christian and I waited until I was married at 27 to have sex and so did my husband. I think in society today so much emphasis is put on sex and if you are in a relationship, you need to be having sex for it to be good and fulfilling. Personally, I feel sex is good when it's with someone you love and connect with but it's not the most important aspect of my relationship with my husband. There is so much more to a relationship and life. I think when I was not having sex but dating, people thought I was very strange and would talk like, "How on earth could you NOT HAVE SEX?" and "don't you feel like you are missing out?" and honestly no I didn't and even now after being married I still do not feel like I missed out in anyway. I was secure in myself, and I enjoyed my life, and I will always with or without sex. Also, sometimes people forget, just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are guaranteed sex. Think about couples who a partner ends up ill or disabled and are perhaps unable to have sex. Sex can't be the defining feature of a relationship and it shouldn't be otherwise, what happens if there comes a time when you can't give or receive? Sex can definitely enhance your relationship, and is a part of intimacy but it is not the be all end all of a relationship. Life and relationships can be very meaningful with or without sex.

[@IAMNationX]

I am currently 17 years single and celibate. This illusion that happiness is finding/being with someone else is wrong imo. For me finding myself, my likes, my enjoyments and what motivates me etc in life has been so important. I have friends and know of work colleagues who have simply "given" up on so many aspects of their life because of the "9-5 home life". For me being single has allowed me to focus....weirdly .....on me and what brings me joy. When people meet me, they meet me alone, no outside contributions and allows me to represent myself in a good way. When the end inevitably comes in a few decades (i hope) I can know I did my best to end my short run in this universe with a smile.

[@erikahuxley]

It is good that you understand this at such a young age. No one is made for anyone else. Only yourself is made for yourself. Love isn't a thing has to be given by someone else in order to have. Once you go to meet yourself and know yourself, then you can generate love from within.

[@Dhi_Bee]

As someone who recently turned 39 you’re already years ahead of what I found out in my late 20s. A lot of people I know (even in my own family) are constantly jumping from relationship to relationship or scared of being single & ONLY in relationships because they think it’ll fill some void in their life just having someone around (even if they don’t truly love them).

[@franconasello6160]

Virgen

[@FromTheHipp]

@@erikahuxley i took this as them being single for 17 years. which is wild

[@IAMNationX]

@@FromTheHipp yes, 17 years single. I'm 45

[@alejandrascott6115]

The best relationship you can have it’s with yourself. And by finding these aspects before you enter a relationship would make for a healthier one. It’s so brilliant to see such an enlightened person at a young age. If all people thought like you the world would be a better place. Thank you 🙏🏼 for sharing this wonderful well put together video.

[@devanhadlock8888]

You have a good head on your shoulders. Keep on truck'n. I am a gay man but made a personal decision in my early thirties to stop having sex and for years I went on this journey where my attention and focus went to other things. The profound effect this time period and that decision has had on my life cannot be overstated. I am now married but that period of voluntary abstinence was one of the better choices I've ever made.

[@omeirai124]

It's not about sex, it's about chasing relationships for sex only, or looking for a relationship for the sake of having one. If you're open to connection instead of trying to force relationships, if sex happens within this connection, no matter if it's a long-term relationship or not at all, it should be an enriching experience, because you would have wanted it genuinely instead of following societal expectations :)

[@kalilavalezina]

I'm 43. Dated on/off in monogamous relationships since I was 15/16. I've taken several extended breaks from partnerships in the past, but after my last relationship ended in 2019, I just decided to stop looking for a partner and focused instead on therapy, healing my body and mind, building my business, connecting with people, fueling my creativity, spending time with family, etc. These past 4 years without a partner have been the best years I've ever had. Such introspective focus on healing has produced good results in all areas of my life and I feel no internal or external pressure to seek romantic relationships. I miss intimacy of course, but it's no longer such a big driving factor. The fact that you figured these things out for yourself at such a young age is testimony to your unique character and innate wisdom. I was always a bit too entranced with my hormones (pushing me towards sex, tbh) and my unconscious traumas to see what I really needed was to be single and healing. It's been impossible for me to heal in a partnership with someone else due to my traumas. Hats off to anyone reading this who is choosing to be single to figure themselves out, find healing, build themselves, etc. x

[@jcransome5616]

At this age Might as well give up. All that’s left are single moms and whales

[@TheShondell13]

I’m female and I have been celibate for four years now and I’m sooo happy I did it 😊 oh and happy birthday Nathaniel

[@MaddieDragsbaek]

Such an amazing video Nathaniel, I had a really similar journey with it myself. What started as a year of no dating and no sex to get closer to myself and clearer on what I wanted turned into an entire reinvention of the way I saw and experienced intimacy with other people. It's been a few years since then and it's transformed every part of who I am for the better. It feels so profound looking back on it, I love hearing that other people made similar choices and felt the same way. You're such a talented storyteller, I just loved this :)

[@irynasmila8014]

At times it is so helpful to hear your own thoughts coming from somebody else. Somehow it automatically makes them more "legit". Thank you for sharing and for being so open. Many people can relate and feel less weird about themselves thanks to it. And when your time to grow WITH someone comes YOUR person will come

[@zofys]

Decided to be "celibate" like 3 years ago. I have hypersexuality and my whole life consisted of it so I decided that it was not healthy at all. Once you remove sex out of the equation, all of that external validation, men withdraw and my life has become so much better!! No relationships. I feel like I never will get into a relationship again. I am in a relationship with myself and live for my own good.

[@fsu3786]

Nathaniel- you bring so much value to this world. 💗

[@CelCreates]

You basically summed up what I thought about social media that we desensitized or normalized showing ourselves to the world without reservations. At surface level, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a form of empowerment. But somehow, it also allows boundaries to be easily accessible.

[@user-yj3wh7uc9f]

I’d made the same decisions on the exact same premise of this video for the past couple of years - just wanting to figure myself out before I go out with anyone. Even though I was clear in my intentions, I’d have so much trouble in trying to explain myself to my peers. This video put into exact words what I’d struggled to articulate forever, and I’ve never felt so heard. Thank you for opening up this much-needed conversation, and for making people like me feel seen :)

[@TheMushmul]

"The pleasure of having sex is so short lived". If it's sex just for the sake of sex with whoever, sure. If it's sex with the person you love with every fiber of your being, then I don't see how that could be short lived. I used to have FWB relationships and they always used to leave me empty inside in the end. After having sex with a person I was madly in love with(no longer together though) I just can't imagine having sex with a person who I don't love. If it's a person who you love, sex can be incredibly spiritual. Casual sex is a two-way street. If you treat a person as a "piece of meat" you are a 100% diminishing your own self to that level simultaniously. I came to this conclusion the hard way.

[@daniels.9740]

It's different for some people tho. I never felt much of that connection from sex or kissing. For me it was always an ok bodily pleasure and nothing more. I felt the deepest connection while just talking(however it might include some physical contact, but not in a sexual way) one on one for a long time without distractions

[@TheTeeProd]

I don't get how people are bashing sex 😆casual sex during my twenties or intimate sex, both things i am grateful for that we have in life. i am afraid that Nathaniel's overthinking is leaving people confused here 😂

[@victoriasvibesss]

@@TheTeeProd lol, not overthinking

[@OdinsSage]

@TheTeeProd it's okay for you to be into sex and it's okay for other people realize there is more to life than sex. Let people be different, guy.

[@katiem6773]

So well said Nate. I love this content. I am in my late 50's and single. I stopped dating many years ago and have never been happier. I found dating disappointing, uncomfortable and at times scary. I love the single life and focusing on my career, hobbies and exploring as well as making new friends. I believe we have to find happiness with ourselves first! 🥰

[@barbara8802]

Same @Katiem6773! I am experiencing a freedom I had never lived before.

[@ZenLifeLivin]

In my 20's I definitely used sex as a form of validation but always felt empty afterwards. Once I quit masturbation and reduced the amount of partners I share my body with, all aspects of my life improved. The peace I now feel inside and the love I have for myself is also manifesting in my daily life and surroundings. Your energy and the way you carry yourself will completely change and those around you will notice. Congratulations Brother, this is the way.

[@cashmererose1101]

This is really refreshing to hear a males perspective. As a woman who doesn’t sleep around I feel judged if I did sleep around and also judged for not. And because I don’t I worry other men look at me as inexperienced, frigid or something alike. Yes I might not be the most experienced but I’m happy to explore intimacy with the right person that makes me feel safe.

[@mr.badass5292]

LOVE that you're saying this. So proud of you and more people then you think can relate to what you say. Especially as a fellow 27 year old guy in this digital age! Do what feels right to you. That outside noise is just unnecessary..That being said, Keep being you bro! 😎

[@LashanR]

I agree with you to an extent - taking intentional years for yourself like you did, like I also did does wonders for your own growth and exploration, but at the same time there's a ton of growth that comes from going through relationships. Dating can be very superficial and draining of time and energy, but like anything it's a skill, and navigating relationships is also a skill and builds a ton of emotional maturity that you can't really develop on your own. So, like everything in this world, balance is key 😅

[@nickxiao6126]

Exactly. Some things you can only learn on your own but there are other things you can only learn with an intimate other. A healthy relationship provides a mirror to make you really see yourself.

[@LashanR]

@@nickxiao6126 Even the unhealthy relationships provide a lot of life lessons

[@sophialoizos5250]

I am so impressed by your willingness to speak on this and your vulnerability. We need more of this! Thank you!

[@KCNwokoye]

You're right. I have adopted a celibate lifestyle for several years now. After every romantic relationship that ends in my life, I take time to heal and learn from the breakup. That's what helps to create a sense of peace after the breakup. That helped me to create a high level of work ethic, peace of mind and personal fulfillment. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@zuzanafellerova7255]

I was definitely an incel. Just when I stopped trying, I found my partner. We are in the same community and I had to go through some stuff and be ok with myself alone before it occured to me we could accually be very happy together. I feel as loved and accepted for who I am as never and it makes me try to be the best version of myself.

[@vanwagon]

It's crazy how certain things in life don't come until you stop chasing it

[@erikahuxley]

You'll be even more free when you stop putting labels on yourself and on life itself.

[@victormizarelli4313]

🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@cantbendknee]

I don't understand why folks can't just be lonely, why do they have to be incels and hate women. Many people are just simply lonely.

[@paulgoogol2652]

​@@cantbendkneeI think loneliness is more difficult to deal with. Hate just comes by itself and keeps you busy being a piece of crap.

[@IamDebsy]

It feels as if you took the thoughts of my mind and made a video out of it, I am on the same path. Thanks for making youtube such a valuable place with your content!

[@lenasvisionblog]

Same. I stopped trying and instead focussed on raising my self esteem. I am a huge believer that when the time is right, the person will come. In the meantime, I focus on myself. Haven't had sex in a long time and not missing it. Sometimes I miss the intimicy of someone knowing me, cuddling, etc.

[@Ohanasui]

I have so much respect for Nathaniel’s courage, discipline, curiosity and the ability to tell the story of it all. This video made me come to terms with this sense I carried around dating, a sense that caused me apart from situationahips for ever progress. Thank you for the great work. I’m glad to see there’s a community out the that feels the same.

[@pawntozy]

What a video! I don't have words, great work Nathan

[@TheMRock888]

I'm a woman and I live in a country where we don't have body autonomy (abortions are illegal). Due to this, I've decided to not have sex. I don't think the benefits of sex outweigh the costs (getting pregnant, sti's, SA, and others), so until I'm in a truly committed relationship I will stay celibate. I got 99 problems, but I'll never let a dick be one of them.

[@bartekglinski2665]

What country? What you described reminds me of Poland, where I live

[@WolfManThoughts]

JayZ should use that last line as a song remix.

[@juliam.4688]

@@unknownyoutube0 I hope from the bottom of my heart that this comment is an art of irony

[@emiliapietrzyk9656]

There isn't any contraception that would be 100% safe from getting pregnant, it might be shocking to you but many women get pregnant WHILE using some forms of contraception. Hence it's very smart to not have sex if you don't want to risk getting pregnant.

[@OdinsSage]

My sibling got pregnant with 2 of her 3 kids while on some form of contraception. Different brands/types each time too. 😆 if you don't wanna have kids, don't risk it.

[@cinthyaherrera3860]

It simply makes me warmly smile to find others who have come to realize that solitude is nothing to be afraid of… because in the end they realize it’s actually been themselves all along. Thank you for so beautifully having shared this; both because of the amazing video quality and your own inner beauty.

[@tombenford227]

Appreciate you being so open and honest. And great job on the video editing and sound design!

[@momomasters]

your content remains totally dope. thx for keepin'on keepin'on.

[@gabi_cnd]

This video made me realise some things I wouldn't normally. I always pressured myself and saw sex as an objective. I always thought that is what I need, not just something that I wanted. And having you speak so openly about it, it's just relieving, for the fact that my parents never talked with me about this things. Thank you. Just, thank you

[@cincoestrelas9635]

I love when he says he's found his voice as an artist. I can totally see it in this video, what an amazing and inspirational job!!!

[@manuelagomezcardenas3892]

Nathaniel! sólo pasaba a decir gracias. Gracias por inspirarme, por acompañarme en mis viajes, en mis almuerzos solitarios y en los momentos que he necesitado inspiración. Gracias por darme el coraje de hacer las cosas a mi manera, quisiera poder estar escribiendo a mano, porque se siente que estuviera escribiendo una carta a un viejo y buen amigo, lastimosamente, no tengo más social media que esta (si es que es considerado social media), para hacerte llegar mi mensaje que sin duda he programado tantas veces en mi mente luego de escuchar uno de tus podcast, o ver alguno o de tus videos y reflexionar al respecto. El teclado no es suficiente para expresar lo deseado, quizás algún día en algún lugar compartamos un café. Hoy te escribo desde el Amazonas, con el corazón llenito de agradecimiento, amor y admiración.

[@phoebe2584]

I have to admit that sometimes I find your videos to be “a bit much.” But that’s okay, they still make me think and consider how I feel about what you are experiencing and saying, even when I don’t necessarily agree with you. And you strike me as the kind of person who is just fine with people rolling their eyes or yelling at the video. This video I found absolutely fascinating. The concept of being okay with being alone is something I have been thinking about and considering for several years. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.

[@christianlorenz2717]

I really needed you 10 years ago when I was this insecure teenager 🙈 thank you for sharing your thoughts! It gives me so much joy to see your videos! Greetings from Germany 😊

[@asiya6316]

Thank you for sharing that and being so open on this quite tough topic 🖤

[@mariaparticles]

Happy birthday Nathaniel! All the best, with more great years to come, full of interesting experiences and personal growth. I'm glad to watch a video like this, as it makes me hopeful that there are people like you out there, working on themselves, trying things - not just for the sake of it but with the aim to focus on themselves, discover what's best for them and without them even knowing, becoming an example for others. Keep the good work and being inspiring!

[@isam7928]

Que importante es lograr ese punto en la vida: no tener la necesidad de alguien que complete tu existencia. Siendo mujer, a mis 67 años, habiendo experimentado esa sensacion de vacio estando en pareja, comprendo perfectamente ese estado de solidez que haz logrado contigo mismo. Eso te da una visión mucho más rica de la vida....es como darse cuenta que el azucar no es necesaria y es, ademas, toxica. Mucha gente se extraña de que yo no consumo azúcar. Un abrazote!❤ Felicitaciones!

[@leslysandra]

yo tampoco consumo azucar! que buena analogía, gracias por compartirlo :)

[@elibrooks1662]

I dont really think your concept is clicking for me totally. I dont get the idea that you need to stop having sex to have self improvement or get to know yourself. Being gay I think I'm just in a totally different world from you. I think you straight people treat dating and sex like almost solving this complex math problem and its just not that deep for us gay men. I found my partner when I was just looking for casual fun. Sex for many gay men is like having a deep conversation and getting to know them, and I prefer that. Instead of sex being this heavy weighted thing that can ruin your perception of yourself bc "you had sex with someone" or something to just stress so much over. Sex is normal. Sex is good for you. But I respect not wanting to engage and work on yourself. Just want to add my opinion that you can work on yourself while still having sex. Mostly because, Like you said you'll never have everything together before a partner. And you can take all the time you want to work on yourself , but you'll never be young and sexy again. You will however have your entire life to learn and reflect. I think you and people who relate to your video are massive over thinkers. I would venture to even bet that you guys do this with everything in life where you try to change and maximize stuff because in reality you have an evolutionary need to improve and change. But I do not think making sex into this "I need to be perfect/way better to have sex" is so toxic... You can find out a lot about yourself THROUGH sex.

[@vicmiller2204]

preach.

[@Pangaea83]

Several good points here

[@lavinder11]

You're seeing this from a strictly male point of view. Sex between men is easy, also you're summary of what he said is incorrect.

[@elibrooks1662]

@@lavinder11 I quoted him several times. And gave my opinion. never once was trying to summarize the video.

[@yzma6142]

are you a top or bottom

[@eider13]

I 100% agree with everything that you shared, I've had a similar experience as well. And many times I felt like you were reading my mind. Thank you so much, Nathaniel, for allowing yourself to be this vulnerable and for creating such authentic content. It's always a wonderful experience to hear your thoughts 💖

[@shaneschick3016]

Every time I think you couldn’t possibly be more vulnerable and thought-provoking you come out with a video like this. I loved it.

[@CarolynnMc01]

You got me thinking when you said we are into sex for validation a lot of the time. I was. And now with the advent of the internet, and all these perfect looking women, it really makes the average woman stop and wonder whether she's good enough. I'm average, no beauty queen, but I have kept myself in decent shape. During my 50's I was in a situationship with someone who honestly got on my nerves outside of our sex life. It seems I was miserable about half of the time during that situationship. I didn't want a relationship but wanted attention. It came to a point I didn't feel I was getting enough "attention". And being a woman, I wasn't about to play the field because I'm not very attracted to most men (the way of the woman). Eventually, I decided to leave that situationship and since then, I've been thriving. No sex in several years. I don't feel like I'm missing anything, even though in my 60's I still have a sex drive. I'm happy with myself and much better off by myself. I see a lot of woman (and some men) living a celibate lifestyle, even in my generation. I feel liberated, to be honest! Best wishes.

[@bee.bishay]

I cannot tell you how strongly i relate to this video, and to your way of living. I relate to the showing up to your life with a heightened existential awareness that is rare. But that makes me feel lonely sometimes. I feel as though introspection and a willingness and bravery to do the hard thing are such rare qualities to find, that even when i am in a relationship i run the risk of self-sabotaging based on the standards i hold for my own self (if that makes any sense). Obviously this is such a huge topic, but i just wanted to thank you for your vulnerability with such a touchy subject in our world today!

[@emmaj5807]

Thank you for making these videos. It is wonderful to see someone talk about this. I am so happy that I found your channel.

[@RooV22]

Massive respect for you sharing that, it's great to see your journey and how you have become you.

[@amberramirez8097]

I enjoyed this so much. It’s the same path I’m on. This made me feel safe. And ok with not gaining approval from men. Stepping away from the crowd of dating. Thank you for sharing ❤

[@yabum3608]

In 10 years of using KZbin I never felt that I could relate more. I've never dated anyone or have been in a realitionship(and if I would have that would be totally fine) because I feel like for me this true meaning of "love" can only be found when you move on this journey inwards towards your most authentic self, most weird self and most happy self. To follow your path of separation of society to become closer with yourself and everyone. Thank you for your video :) Also in terms of your journey of becoming you authentic, natural self what kind of reminders helped you along the way?

[@_ashutosh_singh_rathore]

I found this channel from youtube suggestions a few years ago as I'm love traveling and this channel provided me with stories of such experiences that I want to have irl. I casually watched videos from this channel time to time, never gave much attention. This video, the experiences shared in this video, the school of thought, the reasoning for different life choices, its is inextricably congruous to my own reasoning and thought process. I'll watch all your videos from now on.

[@argentinephenomenologist]

Hola Nathaniel, cómo andás? Soy Argentino pero te estoy mirando desde USA, donde estoy estudiando en una universidad en Ohio. Te tengo que reconocer que tus videos me ayudan muchísimo-y éste en específico. Siempre me sentí abrumado por la aparente necesidad que hay en la sociedad de tener relaciones sexuales además de lo mal que uno se puede llegar a sentir si decide no buscarlo. Me sentí aún peor cuando vine acá a estudiar y todo el mundo me hacía sentir raro por no buscar lo mismo. Coincido con todo lo que decís en el video y te agradezco por compartir tus pensamientos. Realmente ayuda muchísimo saber que uno no está solo con estas cosas. Un abrazo muy grande!

[@isam7928]

Hola Fabrizio. Yo soy una Chilena vieja que viví por demasiados años en USA. Esa es una sociedad emocionalmente compleja y generalmente vacía y materialista. No te dejes arrastrar por sus valores. Se poderoso en tus principios y prioridades ya que eso es lo que te acompañará por el resto de tu vida.❤ Ojo piojo!

[@argentinephenomenologist]

@@isam7928 Hola! Muchas gracias por su comentario. Le mando un abrazo!

[@coolbreeze5683]

Thanks for being so open Nathaniel. This reminds me of myself and my husband when we were in our 20s. My husband was never a chaser and didn't even factor marriage or a relationship into his life when he was younger. He was focused on other passions in his life like science, piano and violin (he practices both), chess, being in nature, etc. I wasn't big into dating either and was very happy in my single life, finding beauty in so much. I guess if I were to be labeled, I am a demisexual/sapiosexual. The universe decided to bring us together in an amazing way, despite neither of us looking for a relationship. If you're meant to find your soulmate, it will happen regardless. It will not take tons of effort. Some people are also meant to go on the beautiful, fulfilling journey of life on their own or with family and friends. That is also an amazing, purposeful life filled with learning and growth. The feeling of sex, while pleasurable, is fleeting and a very small part of the long term happiness and true joy we can experience in life.

[@lionheart-182]

as someone who hasn't had sex in a long time I see this as an absolute win

[@ZayShinning]

Love it!some of us are taught these values from childhood but you get there on your own and for me this is incredible. All the best ❤

[@nanaluthuli7462]

Really enjoyed this video Nathaniel and I 100% relate to your story. Focussing on finding out who you are first is never a wrong decision. Instead of giving away parts of yourself every time you enter a new relationship, it's better to use that time to grow as a person, get to know 'YOU', and enjoy your own company.

[@andreaprice1677]

I wish I had done this for myself. I am 50 years of age and still asking, "Who am I?" and especially who am I in my marriage regarding having a partner. If I had spent the time you did my life before marriage, I may have had a more inspiring life; it is not too late. As you said, this is very important work to do before marriage and kids; otherwise, it can have a lot of meaning, followed by pain and doubt. Thank you so much for talking about the acute focus on sex, which also mirrors society's obsession with money.

[@studioa_cc]

I'm so glad someone is talking about this! I find it even more interesting coming from a man, who, I find, are usually more sex driven than women. I myself went through a period with no sex and no dates in my final year of masters. I can honestly say I had never been more tunnel vision focused, productive, or fulfilled in my life. And yes at times I would feel a tad like a loser because some of my friends were talking about their spicy romantic life and all I wanted to talk about was the work I was producing or what I had learned that week. It was such a transformative year and I am so happy I took the decision to say 'no' to anything romantic, because, as you mentioned as well, it gave me the chance to prove to myself what I am capable of, and the confidence that comes with that is unshakable. Great work 💜

[@davidgallo2098]

Amazing work man. I also am working and my desire is to show up to life as intentionally as I can and have removed myself from the constraints of the “have it must dos” to ask myself what truly is of value to me. Thanks for being open and sharing.

[@Jose-sl9cn]

Man, what a great timing. In a single video you've expressed all the key elements that i was trying to piece in my mind when discussing this issue. People in my social group pose this type of sexlessnes as some sort of invalidation of your capacity to conduct a regular normal life. But for my whole life, even as a teenager, i was so driven by my interest and professional objectives that sex was little more than an afterthought. I never went out party because i was always busy with things that were much more important to me. But nowadays you're always questioned if someone finds out. If you don't have sex you are an outcast, an odd incomprehensible individual that has skipped a vital element of growing up as a person, but precisely because I skipped those "must do" steps I gained the abilities and capacities that I worked so hard for. In the end you trade this kinds of experiencences in order to find something more meaningful and substantial. More people need to watch this video. Thank you for making this, thank you.

[@thayspascoal8004]

Nathaniel, you are one of a kind . Thank you for being so vulnerable. That was absolutely refreshing to hear

[@thedavidjscott_]

I am in the beginning stages of a divorce. It’s been a really, really hard season to process through. As it is tempting to go out and find a hookup or be in a dating relationship, I’m also drawn to the life of solitude. To explore my work, my creativity, with the hopes that I find the fulfillment in myself over trying to find it in another person. Obviously I have to focus on being a good father, but outside of my parental duties, I have a lot of room to explore what will make me happy, without the involvement of others. I write this as I had a huge struggle with feeling sad and depressed about my position, but this video brought a lot of clarity for me. Thank you.

[@moichol]

wow man you are an endless source of inspiration. thank you for being so openly vulnerable, it gives a lot of people hope for humanity ❤

[@yeumie]

YOUR MIND IS JUST AMAZINGLY INEXPLICABLE. i love how you see things most people ignore and i love it when you dig deeper onto it. keep spreading your wisdom! love, from philippines:)

[@amuselucky]

As someone coming to terms with their asexuality it’s been an eye opener how programmed we are about sex, the hierarchy of relationships, and what we’re trained to believe we need or want. And how much of it is a form of external validation. You are in a much more stable and stronger position once you decide you’re okay, rather than when you need acceptance from others to feel that way. This way of thinking limits the kind of relationships people believe are worth pursuing or maintaining. Sex is just another activity we can engage in with others. It can be intimate or not, it can be bad or good. Sex isn’t needed for intimacy, (there are so many other ways to be intimate and to engage in sexiness) it isn’t needed for romantic relationships to be valid or to thrive, and it isn’t needed in life. It’s just another way we can connect with ourselves and others.

[@flaviasomarriba6555]

couldn't have said it better! I'm also ace, so I think in our case we really didn't have another choice but to deprogram ourselves and understand that relationships are way more complex than media can portray.

[@skylarsa]

But we are programmed in a way to have sex for the purpose of mating. Its not inheritly wrong for humans to literally have the need for sex when its how we create. I'm not saying for you not to feel the way that you do, it's completely valid but also blaming the outside world for what we're literally internally programed to do is another thing.

[@daniels.9740]

​@@skylarsathe way we view sex nowadays is so much more than our nature programming tho

[@amuselucky]

I’m referring more to cultural and societal programming and its interpretation of sex, relationships, romance. Not specifically that we’re externally being programmed to want a primal desire, more like we’re programmed intellectually to perceive it a certain way and sometimes attribute our worth to it, aka one such example being “you’re not a real man unless you’ve had sex.”@@skylarsa

[@OdinsSage]

@skylars7030 no one is blaming society for the fact sex is needed to procreate and continue the species. The problem is how society puts a different level of emotional importance on it, and additionally how society creates a system of shame/reward around sex. Gotta have sex to procreate, that's fact. But no one should be shamed for choosing or avoiding sex. And having sex is definitely not a reward or bragging right, just as not having sex is not a punishment or something to be ridiculed.

[@14ariel77]

I see people in the comments confuse being single with not having sex 😂. You can be single for years and be sexually active and you can be in a relationship and not have sexual contact at all

[@kylethecreator]

I have never watched a video that explained my current phase of life better! Thank you for putting this into words.

[@Mimsp]

Thanks for sharing this perspective! I can say I've been that way from the start, until about 24 years old. I studied abroad, I joined theater troupes, took on internships in different countries, I travelled alone. No dating, except for very few encounters that happened organically. It was a great time, I learned a lot about myself and enjoyed being with myself exploring my skills. I can also say that at some point, I decided to date and it was great too, I met interesting people and discover new parts of myself. I'm 30 now, married and all. I think it's super important to take the time to just be with yourself and learn who you are without the pressure to be with someone.

[@wattw3900]

To expand on the topic of seeing beautiful people all the time: I do think it does something to our minds that detaches us from how real humans look. Granted, some people might genuinely look airbrushed and “perfect” in person. But most people don’t. And most people who sometimes look perfectly put together, don’t look that way all the time. I think social media, movies, etc, has set a standard that real people just can’t live up to. And it’s made, at-least me, more superficial/ given me unrealistic standards. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be with an attractive person (obviously the minimum of a romantic relationship is that you find that person attractive) but it’s important to meet real people, be open to real connection outside of these polished, out of reach versions of people we see all the time on social media,etc. I’ve even had to mentally check myself. It reminds me of those pictures that I would see on Instagram as a teen, they would have a picture of a cute character from a tv show that would say “why don’t boys like this go to my school”. Well because that actor is probably 20/ 30, has someone styling them, works out, and looks good for a living Lollll

[@sally.g.]

Yes, I think it's overall very bad for people's mental health. You get a false perception of what is normal and it sets you off to dissapointment.

[@oneworldonehome]

Thank you so much for being willing to be open about your journey and sharing your thoughts on this very important topic! There are many people out there that could benefit much from your example. Here, I would like to share a quote from a very important book for me - Relationships and Higher Purpose, by Marshall V. Summers. It's actually a free book so I encourage you to check it out. _"Sexuality is very important. It is something sacred to preserve. It is where life force is exchanged in the physical world. It is an expression of vulnerability and intimacy. Do not take it lightly. Do not engage in it casually. Do not use it for personal gratification."_

[@annanolte5076]

You're truly inspiring with what you do, keep up the good work!

[@Woodland_elfe]

I love this! This deeply resonates with me and my own experience. You are a gem Nathaniel! Thank you for sharing ❤

[@VickyVasiliki]

“Life is in many ways a journey of learning to be ok not having everyone’s approval”. I’m writing this on my wall 🙌🏼

[@ebenezer9178]

9:36 "I am totally okay with being on my own. I don't need somebody[...] I can live a really full, vibrant life doing my own life." To me, that sentence reverberated. It is so refreshing to hear that perspective - especially outside of a religious context. I feel like society and media have somehow instilled that idea according to which you need to be with someone to be happy. Thanks Nathaniel for sharing with us your journey with refreshing honesty.

[@triciamae5620]

Ahhhh thank you for sharing this! I wish to meet more people who think this way

[@kmiknik4861]

Just slow clapping right now - good for you!! And thank you for sharing this and the validation it comes with. I constantly have to reassure people in my life that I am single happily and am just giving my energy to other things. Love and intimacy are beautiful gifts. They are not the only ones.

[@Sam-by3kk]

Very well put together and something I can agree with. I've done the casual thing... a lot. Meeting new people and having those variations in experiences is certainly something fun and validating. But the cost is pretty heavy - motivation for all other areas of life do take a hit when dating and sex in itself is involved. It took me a while to believe it but, sexual energy is indeed creative energy - and using it wisely throughout your life as a man is *exceptionally* important.

[@diazjulianms]

The last time I dated was 1.5 years ago and the last time I had sex was back in May and these last few months, I always find myself alone (less friends) and at first it was saddening but then I find this solitude to be eye opening too. I learn a lot about myself and trying the best to finish what I do. I don’t know but I think for those who’s in early 20s should definitely have period of time of solitude because it’ll truly change you 🥺

[@jaydattanikalje3471]

Nathaniel, thank you for making this video. This is exactly what I wanted to hear today. I have always felt that people come and go but those who really care, will stay. It's not necessary always that the bonds you create with an opposite gender are only romantic. I too seek much different than their appearance, I seek interesting conversations of personal growth, vulnerability and hopes. This video does not only help me reassurance but also helps me find the calm from the anxiety. Your way of storytelling personally leaves me thinking deeper and reconnects me with myself. Again, thank you for making this video. Amor Fati!

[@mariepetitefleur]

Oh yeees!! I’m so happy that you share that, especially as a man. I think people need to hear this! It resonates a lot with me! Thanks for this beautiful and reflective video! ☺️

[@PiotrekPomorski]

Dear Nathaniel, you've just put into words, during a compactly formatted video essay, what is circulating through my mind in recent years. Thank you for that as you've just untangled in my head couple more threads to explore. I really appreciate what you've been doing and how brave you are when chosing and speaking up about such vulnerable and sensitive topics. Thanks.