NAVIGATING UNSUPPORTIVE FAMILY DYNAMICS: Transphobia, Rejection & Healing (AMAB & TransAndrogynous)

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[@kalijanecooper4514]

I definitely needed this vid cause I am in the process of pulling back from my family. I wouldn't say I'm cutting them out completely (hopefully not) but they need to respect my boundaries as a trans woman. Also I know this is off topic but you look great! I love hair!

[@brynavery]

Best of luck. I know how painful & confusing it can be to have to shift dynamics & boundaries with the people you love. No matter what happens, you’ll always have support from the community and from me. It’s also great that you’re putting your needs first-self care is so incredibly important. Wishing you the best 💛 and ps: thank you so much! I wasn’t sure if I was going to like it this short but I’m actually loving it

[@Piotrus208]

You are so clear and easy to listen to...good job describing difficult situation and people..your language skills are amazing to the point where I am curious as to what your profession is.I am so impressed by your sincerity and hope to see more of you

[@brynavery]

Thank you so much, that seriously means so much to me. I try very hard to be an effective communicator so it’s always a pleasant surprise when someone acknowledges that. As for my job, I’m a hair stylist (which the ongoing joke is that hair stylists are are just mini therapists lol). I also love writing music (mostly just lyrics and guitar) and writing in general, I really enjoy art-honestly anything creative really sparks joy for me. I find it to be an incredibly vulnerable & honest way to express feelings & experiences in a way that can connect to a variety of people, and I personally believe a large part of life is about human connection. I’m actually hoping to learn how to produce/record some of my own music this year, once I get the money to purchase the equipment.

[@ClaireCarter13]

I needed this video so badly, thank you so much ❤

[@brynavery]

💕

[@michaeleberl2222]

You are the absolute best. Always giving us the most healing energy and wisdom. You deserve everything you want in this life. Thank you for what you do. 💗 (Oh, also, since you asked, I made it to the end. As always. Hehe)

[@brynavery]

Thank you so much, I’m glad I can help! 💛 And I’m happy to hear you made it to the end 😌

[@deegsmack]

I made it to the end :) I love your videos Bryn. For me, realizing that my family had boundary issues while I was growing up was a very slow and difficult process, extending well into adulthood. I've since limited contact greatly with my family in general -- it's interesting because I'm still working out why I feel better when I'm not around them. It's sort of akin to the thing where, people can be generally loving and positive personalities, and also politely deny the existence of trans & gay people because of vague religious reasons, but mostly refuse to talk about the topics because they'd rather you not probe their deep-seated bigotry. Nice people, toxic worldviews... it's a mess, tar and feathers galore.

[@brynavery]

Glad to hear you made it to the end! And I 100% agree with you about nice people sometimes having toxic worldviews. That’s exactly how my (cis) mother is & was and it made it really difficult for me to feel validated in ending my relationship with her. I was actually just discussing the situation with a friend of mine last night. It was all indirect pain & trauma, which made it very hard to understand & articulate. I’m glad you’re feeling good about your decision to distance yourself if that’s what you need for you’re mental health (which is what it sounds like). If there ever comes a time where you need to grieve, there’s no shame in doing so. Best of luck with everything 💛

[@alyxshilling467]

Your content is always so helpful, thank you

[@brynavery]

Glad I can help 💛 life is going well for me thank you! 😊

[@alexwhite4885]

Hi Bryn! I've been watching your videos forever! You're great! I was wondering if you watch any other trans KZbinrs that you're inspired by

[@brynavery]

Aw thank you, I’m glad to know you enjoy my content!! Honestly I don’t watch much on KZbin anymore, but I do occasionally watch Samantha Lux, and I watch Jessie Gender sometimes as well. Samantha Lux (mtf) usually does shorter videos and they’re usually talking about stuff that’s going on regarding media attention. She’s funny though so I definitely enjoy her videos. And Jessie Gender (mtf) usually does pretty long videos (like at least an hour if not a few) diving into different trans related topics, so if you have the time and attention span, her videos are very insightful. As far as trans KZbinrs that share their personal experience (similar to my videos), i don’t think there’s any that I watch. When I first came out I watched Stef Senjati and Princess Jules (both trans women) but as far as I know they either don’t post anymore or post different content unrelated to their transition. I do have a list of non binary KZbinrs in my description boxes if you’re looking for other channels to watch, though a lot of the KZbinrs were recommended to me from my viewers, so I haven’t actually watched all of them that I have listed. Hope that helps! 💛

[@Five0]

Hugs 💘

[@brynavery]

💛💛💛

[@g.9478]

Thank you so much for exploring this specific subject right now, I just cut contact with my family because after two years transition I felt they were not getting more tolerant, to the contrary, and I made the decision that I was not able to take more, my health was obviously impacted by any phone call I had, so I made the choice to just block them all after an another argument, made it completely clear, allowing to be reachable only on my mailbox, where I answered with even more honesty. It was such a journey to understand that I could and should live without them and its already really good. It helps me found my name, i was so stuck on that aspect on my transition, so I know it was the right thing to do. So I fully agree with what you are saying : despite all my efforts, all the lecture-like conversations I made to explain myself and what we are, and why it's okay, and being patient and forgiving, well that was not enough and finally I choose to care about me. It was just a question to allow myself to go my way without them agreeing. Thank god there is my friends and there is youtubers and icons like you Thank you again for the video, it's so good to hear you and feel your compassion ♡

[@brynavery]

First off, I’m really sorry you had to cut ties with your family. I’m glad you’re feeling good about it, but also remember there’s no shame in grieving if that’s a feeling that you end up feeling down the line. I’m so glad to see you have support in the form of friends. Friendship is absolutely underrated, my friends have been like family to me, so I understand the importance of friendship and I’m so glad you have that. Also, the fact that you referred to me as an icon just absolutely made my day lol. Best of luck in your journey, and I’m glad my videos & experiences have been a part of helping you through that journey 💛

[@stevie_M]

Hi I just can’t understand how you’re mother can call herself a ‘Christian’ and not support you? How?😂

[@brynavery]

I definitely agree lol but unfortunately there’s a lot of sources in the Christian community that teach rejection instead of support. But it’s her loss, not mine. 🤷🏻

[@lobuk516]

my mom is a born again christian and basically stopped talking to me when i came out at trans. it happens. but my auntie is christian and loves me more than anyone else on this planet.

[@cynamonowacma]

I was extremely lucky to be accepted by my family, but what you said about parents sometimes projecting their own trauma and jealousy on their child (which comes off as rejection) really got to me. It may have been the missing piece I needed to process some experiences during my coming out, so cheers for that! Also, is that the Divine Feminine Oracle on your shelf in the back? :)

[@brynavery]

I’m really glad your parents accept you, it’s definitely great to be able to have that support. I’m glad my words were able to speak to you. It took me quite a long time to understand that other people’s projections are not personal, even when they feel personal. Definitely a very long and frustrating process to go through. And yes it is!! It’s one of my favorite Oracle decks, and I absolutely loved that you could point that out! 💛

[@cynamonowacma]

@@brynavery I love how it includes figures from so many cultures but particularly the Christian saints outside of religious dogma ❤️ have you heard of the book "Mary Magdalene revealed" by the same author? is so incredibly healing too

[@brynavery]

Yes exactly! Having religious trauma myself, it’s been really enlightening to see Christian stories told in a way that isn’t dehumanizing and takes the religion out of the spirituality. I have not! I did do a little research on the book of Mary Magdalene, which was kept out of the Bible but has some really interesting insight. I’ll definitely have to check out the book!

[@cynamonowacma]

@@brynavery same here! as I too grew up in an extremely Christian environment, only when starting to re-integrate these stories back into my own alternative spirituality was when I felt a real shift happening. Hope you enjoy it if you do! 🤗

[@brynavery]

Thank you for the recommendation. Still working through a lot of my religious trauma so I definitely need all the help I can get lol

[@znswanderer]

Made it to the end ;-) It's always great to hear from you.

[@brynavery]

Always glad to hear you made it to the end 💛

[@Benjabola]

I watched a lot of your videos and I like listening to what you have to say.

[@brynavery]

Thank you! 😊

[@hannahroedder936]

My family seems outwardly to be accepting, but I suspect they think I'm delusional, and they are just being polite. Many clues to this, not sure how to handle it. They knew me as dead name for over half a century. I'm not sure I can expect more.

[@brynavery]

Im sorry, I know that’s so disappointing. And it can be challenging to not know what to expect from them. I feel the same way about some older people in my family who still misgender me. It can feel invalidating at best, and devastating at worst. I’m sorry you’re going through that. Do you think they would be receptive to having a conversation or watching videos/reading articles that you relate to? I understand if that wouldn’t feel comfortable for you so of course no pressure there, just an idea in case it would help. Regardless, I hope you know you’re not delusional. Your feelings & identity are valid and perfectly normal, even if they are many times misunderstood. I hope your family is able to understand you better 💛

[@Jutty04901]

Just wondering how you are? I've noticed you haven't shared any new videos recently.

[@brynavery]

Thank you for asking! I’m doing really well honestly, just been pretty busy. I filmed my one year post op video but I’m still editing it. Hopefully I’ll have it out by next Friday! Thank you for checking in 💛

[@eimanm4676]

Thank you for sharing this, I needed to hear your thoughts to make sense of the family rejection part of coming out, but it always amaze me that it's always the case that these exact genes ran in the family for so long and were supressed and opressed once they find a an outlet for expression it's like everyday is a battle field.

[@eimanm4676]

It's so good to hear that you found acceptance with your grandparents. ❤

[@julesrayne]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that with your mom. I'm in exactly the same place with my dad -lack of communication - misgendering, deadnaming - and it's the hardest thing in the world to deal with, but I'm managing the best I can. Thanks for making your videos. It's very consoling to know that so many of us trans people are dealing with the same issues.

[@brynavery]

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation with your dad. I know that can be incredibly devastating. I hope he ends up coming around some day. I know that’s not always the reality of these situations, but sometimes it can be. Even if he doesn’t come around, I hope you’re able to find peace and healing. You deserve to be yourself and to be loved 💛

[@lobuk516]

made it to the end, as always :)

[@brynavery]

Yay! 💛

[@Jess-wk5jo]

Hello I have question for you over lung transplant for cystic fibrosis. Can bacterial from old cystic fibrosis lungs infected new donor lungs after lung transplant for being sill being in CF sinus? Cf patient who had lung transplant call Eliana cotter stay that she had some lung infections like her old lungs can that can happen .

[@brynavery]

Honestly I’m not quite sure. I was evaluated for a lung transplant but didn’t end up getting one, because I was able to start Trikafta. I thought that it wasn’t possible for your lungs to get sick like they do prior to the transplant but I could totally be wrong

[@melanie9860]

Great video. I just came across this video, I'm not trans but I did have to cut off my parent due to their abuse and unacceptance of me in general and it was done with love and clear boundaries. Life is too short to put up with those who not only don't support us in life but who hold and pull us back or create toxicity. My family member can come back if they meet strong boundaries that I told them, but I doubt they would be able to control themselves enough to meet them, they are still too angry to get to that point and they may always be. I'm sorry to all who have these issues, parents are not supposed to reject or abuse us. Its beautiful and at the same time can be hard to see people with supportive and loving parents from experience, I wish everybody had that

[@brynavery]

I’m so sorry you had to go no contact with your parent. I know how hard and how saddening that can be. But also, you should definitely be proud of yourself that you have the strength to set the boundaries you need in order to keep yourself happy. I hope your parent comes around, but even if they don’t, I hope you’re feeling at peace and more content with life as a result of setting boundaries. Best of luck with everything 💛

[@starsinfinity1987]

So spot on with helping us know that we're not alone. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your encouragement.

[@brynavery]

Thank you for listening to my vulnerability, it’s always so appreciated 💛

[@curiouslittlefrog]

Hi! I’m a non-binary person newly out and on KZbin and so it was so exciting for me to find your channel. I haven’t found many nb creators here yet yay! I am starting to make videos as a non-binary person and I am definitely worried about how it will affect me if I receive hate on KZbin for it. 🥹 thank you for showing me another person just being themselves online! 💖

[@brynavery]

Glad you found my channel! Receiving hate on KZbin is definitely not fun.. but I will say it doesn’t compare to the number of positive messages I get from people. There will always be people who disapprove, but even more who are your light and grow/become inspired. 💛

[@curiouslittlefrog]

@@brynavery as I keep making videos I just keep getting braver. Excited to be my true self in the open for the first time in my life!