Necessary Attitudes in Recovery - Part 6/9 - Forgiveness - Part 1/2

  Рет қаралды 18,470

Tim Fletcher

Tim Fletcher

Күн бұрын

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How resentment builds in our minds.
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DISCLAIMER:
Tim Fletcher is not a doctor or licensed therapist. Tim’s videos are for informational purposes only to provide understanding, learning, and awareness about complex trauma. No information published here can replace professional evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment.
If you are in crisis, please contact your local crisis hotline at 988.ca/, 988lifeline.org/, dial 988, or call your local emergency services.

Пікірлер: 42
@annemurphy8074
@annemurphy8074 Ай бұрын
I've discovered that when I go into resentment, anger and feeling like a victim, I have become enmeshed with the toxic system I grew up in that became internalized. Underneath all of that are beliefs that I am powerless and that the abusers destroyed something in me, they took something from me and I can't get it back which is where all the anger comes from. They made me believe from a young age that I can't be myself or else terrible things would happen, they demonstrated this over and over so now, I just repeat it. There is a huge fear of being myself, like I'm breaking some major cosmic law that will bring some horrible catastrophe down on me if I dare to stand in my own two shoes, claiming the right to exist. This was a huge insight for me. It was true as a child that I couldn't be myself, I would be punished for trying but it's not true now as an adult. I've got to work at getting the adult in charge instead of the wounded child parts of me running everything. I think cultivating compassion and acceptance of all parts of me is a game changer.
@Coccoscrappy
@Coccoscrappy Ай бұрын
I feel the same way❤❤
@Mebingototo
@Mebingototo 17 күн бұрын
I hear you, when I start to accept all the darkness and violences, the evil that had happened in my childhood with the clear confrontation, I feel like I start to stop punishing myself. As a starting point of coming across real self who was abandoned not by anyone, by myself , a long time ago. And the acceptance of the past as a part of my life, the wounded parts of the inner child as a part of myself, is the key to forgive myself as well with the authenticity. so, the fear, the guilt and the shame have been so core parts for me to heal myself.
@annemurphy8074
@annemurphy8074 16 күн бұрын
@@Mebingototo Well said.
@thebadmanrisesagain
@thebadmanrisesagain Күн бұрын
Thank you fro being vulnerable here and sharing this. It opened me up to look at at this in myself. I feel as if I am looking in a mirror through your comment.
@annemurphy8074
@annemurphy8074 Күн бұрын
@@thebadmanrisesagainYou're welcome, I'm glad you found it helpful. Dealing with these issues is not easy.♥
@Coccoscrappy
@Coccoscrappy Ай бұрын
Jumping to 'worse case scenario' in literally every avenue of my life, even when it comes to health
@myoldfarmhouse4316
@myoldfarmhouse4316 6 жыл бұрын
My parents never really hugged me, seemed to care about my feelings or told me they loved me. Still after listening to how Jesus was still so gracious...makes me feel terrible for the resentment l've held and the justice l've taken into my own hands to get even with people who have hurt me...even this very day! l will say also, when you lower yourself to take justice into your own hands and get even with those who have hurt you, the shame that than settles into your soul is even worse than what was done to you to cause that hurt in the first place. The loss of rising above and being gracious and like Christ...l feel like a terrible Christian and repent of the sinful actions l've done. Lord Jesus have mercy on my wretched sinful soul! Forgive me Heavenly Father!
@Ali76564
@Ali76564 5 ай бұрын
Remorse is healthy
@annettehansen6047
@annettehansen6047 3 ай бұрын
I have always struggled with anger , resentments, and unforgiveness. I have been working on it with a therapist and 12 step sponsor, and it is getting better. I was told that resentments only hurt you, not the wrongdoers. I had to write down my resentments and how they affected me to see the damage to motivate me to let go. I also had to write down my part in the resentments so I could see where i was in the wrong, make amends, change behaviors, build my character and reconcile relationships if appropriate. Obviously there are some situations you don't play a part like if you were abused. I really get into psychology and human behavior so I like to understand why people act how they do for example mental illness. It helps to have compassion on them and to wish them well. This is NOT justifying or condoning it just helps to understand, have compassion, and wish them well. Its also not good to get revenge, not only because of consequence but they will get their karma and there will be justice. If it motivates them to change and make anends be happy for them.
@freedomisntfree4836
@freedomisntfree4836 5 жыл бұрын
That was probably the BEST lesson on the Last Supper I've ever heard in my 30 yrs of christianity...and I consider myself an ameteur Bible scholar...just wow!! Thank you!
@Crazydoglady.
@Crazydoglady. 6 жыл бұрын
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!! 👏👏👏👏👏
@angierox6964
@angierox6964 20 күн бұрын
Thank you! And now I'm onto forgiveness!
@CMoore8539
@CMoore8539 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you for sharing your teaching on Utube!♥️ It’s Very Helpful to those of us that are in Recovery.
@mknels1299
@mknels1299 7 ай бұрын
Advocate for your self
@yourenough3
@yourenough3 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you! I ❤💚💙
@Coccoscrappy
@Coccoscrappy Ай бұрын
When a parent keeps denying your reality avout the smallest of things, man the resentment builds up
@Coccoscrappy
@Coccoscrappy Ай бұрын
9:28 Omg this is my issue all the time
@izdotcarter
@izdotcarter 3 жыл бұрын
This is extremely helpful
@Chris-yf2zs
@Chris-yf2zs Жыл бұрын
0:40 hurt thousands of times. hurt repeatedly...
@travisclymer4481
@travisclymer4481 3 жыл бұрын
Very informative and in depth explanations. 😃
@peggywereta3074
@peggywereta3074 2 жыл бұрын
Wonderful
@Ali76564
@Ali76564 5 ай бұрын
Brilliant
@Ali76564
@Ali76564 5 ай бұрын
We all do wrong we forgive with time and God's help but God forgive s is so we forgive others I ask God to help me but also I can have boundaries
@AurelienCarnoy
@AurelienCarnoy 9 ай бұрын
Thank you ❤
@Ali76564
@Ali76564 5 ай бұрын
Thanks
@Ali76564
@Ali76564 5 ай бұрын
Amazing
@lifeisbeautiful7047
@lifeisbeautiful7047 5 ай бұрын
Thank you so much
@jaryH3
@jaryH3 7 ай бұрын
Thank you!
@timtulloch3314
@timtulloch3314 Жыл бұрын
24:47 Christian part
@thebadmanrisesagain
@thebadmanrisesagain Күн бұрын
Wow, I just realized, I have a shit ton of resentments.
@Coccoscrappy
@Coccoscrappy Ай бұрын
What if a parent has resentment towards their own child?
@ameliarbaldwin1402
@ameliarbaldwin1402 3 жыл бұрын
Idk how to forgive.
@Cutest1TheGame
@Cutest1TheGame 2 жыл бұрын
Tim Fletcher talks about forgiveness here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fJSzmnqXaN2IaLM.
@AurelienCarnoy
@AurelienCarnoy 9 ай бұрын
Next to me is a guy eating bread after dipping it. 😅❤
@alexandrugheorghe5610
@alexandrugheorghe5610 Жыл бұрын
6:52 what if you're homeless, living in a shelter and you get discriminated?
@egomaniac7230
@egomaniac7230 11 ай бұрын
Ikr? He doesn't seem to understand how a lot of institutions that supposedly are designed to bring justice are themselves built upon injustice and abuse and violence. Even ancient greeks knew that people with might make what's right and their laws will only ever exist to serve themselves so they can keep having power over others. Weak, discriminated, poor people rarely get justice though the system.
@egomaniac7230
@egomaniac7230 11 ай бұрын
This episode and the one about forgiveness reek of many unpleasant beliefs. I can't help to feel like it's your religion taking over. "Resentment is when you want to take justice into your own hands" okay? You didn't explain why that's a bad thing. The "justice" system is designed to protect the privileged and the strong. It rarely ever does what it's supposed to. Not to mention how laws themselves could be against victims. If it didn't exist at least me and two other people I know would have lived better lives by taking justice into our own hands.
@Yhoshua_B
@Yhoshua_B 9 ай бұрын
When does the cycle of "justice" stop? Let's say you and the two other people you know, murder someone who did you harm. You feel justified because of this. What is to stop someone from their family or friends circle from doing the same thing to you and/or your friends? They murder one of your friends in the name of "justice". So now, you have to once again take up the mantle of revenger of blood in order to perpetuate the cycle of violence until justice has been served. The cycle continues indefinitely until someone decides to stop the cycle. Ever heard of generational blood-feuds? What good comes from such acts. I'm not saying the justice system ISN'T broken. It most certainly is. I'm trying to answer your question of "why it's a bad thing". Best of luck in your healing journey! I hope the rest of your life is better than what you have experienced thus far. God knows I need the same.
@egomaniac7230
@egomaniac7230 9 ай бұрын
@@Yhoshua_B by that logic no one should ever challenge the status quo and endure every injustice just as not disturb the "peace", but then what you said is true also, which makes me confused. I guess there's more nuance in this topic than radical violence and radical nonviolence. Best of luck in your healing journey too!
@oksangkim5856
@oksangkim5856 3 ай бұрын
Why do we stay in a marriage where you wife is not on your side.
@Ali76564
@Ali76564 5 ай бұрын
Thanks
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