Neil Hilborn - OCD

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Neil Hilborn, performing at Rustbelt 2013 in Madison, WI.
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Button Poetry is committed to developing a coherent and effective system of production, distribution, promotion and fundraising for spoken word and performance poetry.
We seek to showcase the power and diversity of voices in our community. By encouraging and broadcasting the best and brightest performance poets of today, we hope to broaden poetry's audience, to expand its reach and develop a greater level of cultural appreciation for the art form.

[@ButtonPoetry]

Support the author, get his books here: bit.ly/neilhilborn

[@wickedromantik]

Did he ever get her back? Please for the love of all things holy say yes..

[@zebracorn9184]

@@wickedromantik so my understanding is they did date again and she actually saw him perform this poem but also they broke up again and then dated again and then broke up again. There was a lot of “lying and making each other miserable” Neil also implied that she either never loved him or cheated on him but I’m not positive which. They were friends for a while after but idk if they still are. A long time later Neil got engaged and later married and I think him and his wife are still together

[@BrunosSquirrel]

The first time i heard this poem was years ago, but once in a while i remember and come back. It always hits the same. It is sl beautiful.

[@fire1937]

Bruno'sBaBySquirrel same man, this is one of a few for me that I have to come back and listen to every so often.

[@taylorloewen1]

totally agree. i get the same chills every time

[@vic-vk1rt]

Same. I'm not a huge fan of poetry slam but i love this one soo much, it's just so beautiful.

[@tnydaycare]

Honestly same.

[@cloerelene]

Bruno'sBaBySquirrel me too. and i still get chills every single time.

[@kattmatiquite]

"He only kisses her once. He doesn't care if it's perfect." This still kills me. Everytime.

[@lisaraye6000]

My favorite line

[@MissAmandaaaGee]

My heart straight up cracks everytime.

[@Snarl_Marx]

What always gets me is "I leave the door unlocked. I leave the lights on " Love is powerful...pain is powerful. Sometimes the 2 can't exist without the other.

[@jackdolah2031]

what does that mean

[@neiljohnsemaning6227]

@@jackdolah2031 People with OCD tends to arrange things perfectly. They spend tons of time just to make things look symmetrical or clean. In this case Hillborn kissed her but he doesn't care if it's perfect. Which is why that qoute is so powerful.

[@daddykool-aid1031]

"I can't breathe because he only kisses her once. He doesn't care if it's perfect." Oh my god my heart

[@shantcheetah]

such a deep line :(

[@dustinbrite2422]

Hello profile pic brother.

[@ArnoBach]

@@daddykool-aid1031 please don't blasphemy

[@alrengemgayneri7690]

I think that's the most painful part about having mental health issues, the people you thought understood eventually leave because they can no longer take it.

[@squamish4244]

They do understand, it's just too much.

[@alrengemgayneri7690]

@@squamish4244 you really cant be mad at them for thinking that it's too much.

[@squamish4244]

Yes. I get it.

[@deficator750]

Everything is exciting when new, but it gets old really quickly

[@taylorn4934]

Feel this

[@eb0osh]

" I want her so bad I leave the door unlocked " Had me murdered ..

[@Zzzk23]

Hopefully no one murders him. (This is the part where I laugh at my own joke to hide the fact this poem hit me hard.)

[@segalin3]

RIP

[@udreams_9532]

Can anyone explain what that part means? I don't have OCD so I wouldn't know

[@Dino-gk3ps]

@@udreams_9532 he has ocd, so he's obsessed with things like "have i closed the Door?" But he love her so much that he can avoid doing that (and it's reaaaally hard). (Sorry if my english isn't that good, i'm italian)

[@udreams_9532]

@@Dino-gk3ps Your english is okay, but why avoid doing it?

[@zeppyjenjen]

"How can it be a mistake if I don't have to wash my hands after I touch her?!"

[@ellaconnaughton8107]

That's when I started crying

[@rebekahmccann6429]

that's my favourite line

[@Miller473]

Liek if you cry everytim

[@jadeadair4968]

love 😍 that line

[@watson0813]

rain jen that exact sentence just killed me. I started crying like a shit

[@simonj48]

Just imagine how many times he's had to re-write this poem before he was happy enough to stand up to say it.

[@genuineinterest]

Worth. It. God damn.

[@jackfitzpatrick668]

+Simon Johnny In an interview he said that it has to have at LEAST 10 drafts before he will compete with it.

[@patrickkresnik48]

Simon Johnny maybe that is why its so good just amazing.

[@Waffles-jt8cw]

jack fitzpatrick does he really have OCD because I heard him spoke before and it was way different then how he spoke now

[@brendalaaful]

No he doesn't actually have OCD

[@landonanderson3747]

My mom didn't sign my permission slip for this feels trip

[@mikedang3613]

I'm dead.

[@Biskawow]

Thats it Billy, you're grounded

[@rickgifford42]

There are a lot of wonderful comments here but yours is classic...I love it!

[@Zzzk23]

The feels on the bus go round and round

[@avisgreen5789]

lmao

[@JackKramme]

"I cant breathe because he only kisses her once, he doesnt care if its perfect" Just... wow

[@patrikcarlsson2908]

If he loved her, he would not care if he kissed her once, he would care if that was the kiss that made her a better her, a kiss that made her smile, a kiss that she thinks about and a kiss she feels.

[@katemcmann7725]

Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and guess you do not have obsessive compulsive disorder, Patrik.

[@DrFobik]

Kate McMann he has no idea.

[@DrFobik]

Patrik Carlsson, you don't get it. He's imprisoned by an arbitrary set of rules set in place by his own mind that he unwillingly feels he has to follow. He loves her, and wants it to be perfect, but he also literally cannot handle it not being perfect. That it doesn't line up with the rules enforced by his bastard of a brain.

[@honeymoney23]

thunder1soldier 😭😭😭 my damn heart

[@medhahaldar4588]

'I leave the door unlocked'. Man the feels.

[@valtonen77]

ive had my door unlocked for all my life.

[@FlashTracer]

I leave the lights on

[@Jatramain]

I leave my pants unzipped.

[@ts4gv]

“I leave the door unlocked” is one of the most surprisingly crushing sentences i’ve ever heard. this was incredible.

[@JudyJohnston-zf5hi]

Makes me cry EVERYTIME

[@StrawRocks]

Someone recently broke my heart. It was so painful and they kept coming back home, but my door was closed and my lights out.

[@squamish4244]

Yeah...that's not how OCD works though.

[@StrawRocks]

@@squamish4244 yeah, i never said it was. Dumb ass

[@calebperkins2563]

@@squamish4244 Exactly, that's how important she is to him. She's able to make him fight his compulsions because his love for her is greater

[@TheEtherny]

"She was the most beautiful thing I ever got stuck on" this is both beautiful and tragic.

[@520clumsy2]

TheEtherny I read this as he said it

[@Len124]

I think he actually says, "... the _first_ beautiful thing..." I promise I'm not correcting you out of spite, but because, for me, it adds to the tragedy and, ultimately, the beauty you mentioned.

[@SLISKI_JOHNNY]

That hit too close to home

[@redonline808]

Those final two lines. Died.

[@heking21]

I didn't understand it. Could you explain?

[@colinies]

+Philosh Bohara he, despite his OCD tendencys which would usually require him to make sure the door was locked (16 times) or that the lights were off, left it unlocked and the lights on hoping for some chance that it would make her come back.

[@natanoj16]

He told earlier how he locked the door 18 times and how he turned the light on and off even more times to make sure it was out. He now leaves the door unlocked and the lights on.

[@jazzballqes4715]

exactly...

[@chelseadelgado45]

I bawl my eyes out every time when he says those lines

[@EpsilonA789]

"He doesn't care if it's perfect." im not crying, you're crying

[@mycroftholmes4593]

Your mom's crying

[@amieebise773]

Koopa368 your dad's crying.

[@angelmarcoux2072]

i think we all are at this point

[@TheRecluseJanitor]

Koopa368 WE'RE crying

[@CamilaCaramujo]

Yes, I am

[@ARCANEOS51OX]

As a man, a doctor, poetry enthusiast, OCD patient, this moved me to tears an still does to this day.

[@Coco.coco.c]

ARCANEOS51OX same.

[@kieraforest463]

I respect that both of these comments have full stops or periods, depending on where you're from.

[@kishascape]

Wait, do I have this? Am I insane too?

[@Fiddle2805]

not really sure if you're OCD since you left the typing mistake here for more than 3 years.

[@jazmyneb2585]

@@Fiddle2805 read more

[@ameerachaudhry5578]

I had a girlfriend and she had severe OCD. I was one of the very few people she could hug or touch without being uncomfortable. We broke up a while ago and the other day I was walking by her and accidentally brushed by her and she instantly started rubbing the area of her arm that I had touched. It was in that moment that I realized she didn't love me anymore, so that one line at 1:48 completely broke me down.

[@SmashYoureIt]

I'm very.. very sorry.

[@Alleyway_Jack]

so so sorry :(

[@reaper0204]

Dude... I'm so sorry man. I can only imagine how much that must hurt. I hope your doing better

[@anonymously5474]

+Ameera Chaudhry Poem didn't make me tear up....... but your comment did.

[@ro3253]

This comment really got to me...

[@migguigabrielle4950]

The first time I saw her... Everything in my head went quiet. All the tics, all the constantly refreshing images just disappeared. When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you don't really get quiet moments. Even in bed, I'm thinking: Did I lock the doors? Yes. Did I wash my hands? Yes. Did I lock the doors? Yes. Did I wash my hands? Yes. But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips. Or the eyelash on her cheek- the eyelash on her cheek- the eyelash on her cheek. I knew I had to talk to her. I asked her out six times in thirty seconds. She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right, so I had to keep going. On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating it, or fucking talking to her... But she loved it. She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times if it was Wednesday. She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk. When we moved in together, she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times. I'd always watch her mouth when she talked- when she talked- when she talked- when she talked when she talked; when she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges. At night, she'd lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off. And on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off. She'd close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were passing in front of her. Some mornings I'd start kissing her goodbye but she'd just leave cause I was just making her late for work... When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking... When she said she loved me her mouth was a straight line. She told me that I was taking up too much of her time. Last week she started sleeping at her mother's place. She told me that she shouldn't have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but... How can it be a mistake that I don't have to wash my hands after I touched her? Love is not a mistake, and it's killing me that she can run away from this and I just can't. I can't - I can't go out and find someone new because I always think of her. Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin. I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars... And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on. I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel. How she turns shower knobs like she's opening a safe. How she blows out candles- blows out candles- blows out candles- blows out candles- blows out candles- blows out… Now, I just think about who else is kissing her. I can't breathe because he only kisses her once - he doesn't care if it's perfect! I want her back so bad... I leave the door unlocked. I leave the lights on.

[@stephaniedonahue1272]

Thank you for Lryics.... and The first time you saw?

[@marcuss5089]

Not all heroes wear capes

[@CyberkoretecK]

@@marcuss5089 9gag?

[@sollym8814]

I also watched the video

[@MelinWisconsin]

Wow, thank you for writing all of that. I really like being able to read, and re-read that poem.

[@TheN00bpower]

"I leave the door unlocked" *Heart breaks*

[@AnaArabi88]

"I can't breathe because he only kisses her once. He doesn't care if it's perfect." "How can it be a mistake when I don't have to wash my hands after her?" My heart... I feel you, my friend. I feel you.

[@candice_ecidnac]

It's actually "I don't have to wash my hands after *touching* her" You left out touching It's such a beautifully brutal line

[@charlottecelinski9947]

”He doesnt care if its perfect” Is someone cutting onions? :’(

[@alexm947]

Someone is cutting onions here too

[@rosecastelao6490]

I cry every time I listen to that line

[@zloveless]

namjoon

[@melody-tp8go]

마리아 shut up

[@Marinus2311]

I’m not crying, you are crying.

[@sarahhull5064]

"I can't breathe because he only kisses her one time because he doesn't care if it's perfect."Gets me every time

[@JUStCALLMEZIMM]

Sarah Hull same..

[@shinylipscosmetics]

"He doesn't care if they're perfect." Damn. This one hit me hard.

[@peggiedorismond7565]

***** Seriously. That was deep.

[@sunnydaysluvlynights]

shinylipscosmetics Didn't hit me at all. How does he know that this man doesn't care that they're perfect because he kisses her once? He doesn't. It sounds incredibly profound, but really, it's not. One kiss can be all it takes. One kiss means there were no mistakes before. All it took was one, and that one kiss was perfect.

[@DarkAssassin315]

sunnydaysluvlynights GTFO

[@LuisSoto-fw3if]

sunnydaysluvlynights you gotta understand an ocd person point of view. He kissed his ex repidetly because his mind told him it was not perfect and had to do it again till it was perfect. In his eyes, if her new bf doesn't do that, is because he doesn't care.

[@googlegooge2735]

Luis Soto

[@christianryanbarsagas835]

"She said love was a mistake, but how can it be a mistake when i dont need to wash my hands after i touched her?" Beautiful poem

[@shantcheetah]

that's such a beautiful thought. this poem was incredible

[@avadakedavra69]

Here after Corona.

[@ZaynPilot]

Yeah, I really can't touch anyone, anything if I touch I have to spend 5 hours to wash my hands.. feel everything is dirty around me.

[@faith9196]

So beautiful

[@hpd4ever]

That part makes me cry.

[@Nanancay]

'She closed her eyes, and imagined that the days and nights were just passing in front of her' This is my FAVOURITE line

[@AchieveWithMe]

What does it mean

[@TwoDerpsAndAComputer]

+AchieveWithMe when he'd turn the lights on and off, she'd close her eyes imagining that the light was the sun passing back and forth from day to night

[@christinamae1902]

+NANCAY WANG I got chills, that was absolutely my favorite line

[@Nanancay]

+Christina Mae YESSS i thought that was the most beautiful way to describe something like that omg

[@soccerxnicolexbabe]

+NANCAY WANG didn't understand it at first, then it hit me. loved the imagery of that being the exact thing she saw

[@equineegg9589]

9gag brought me here, I'm glad it did... So beautiful

[@ButtonPoetry]

Tom F Glad you found it! Could you link us to the 9gag post? Thanks!

[@ricardoalencar4746]

Button Poetry 9gag.com/gag/adY3q1Q

[@ButtonPoetry]

Ricardo Alencar & Josiah Ward Thank you!

[@Rendasproud]

Same here

[@laurenc1061]

Tom F Same! The power of 9GAG

[@snazzydrew]

"How can it be a mistake when I don't have to wash my hands after I touch her." This line always brings me to tears.

[@siahkennedy6075]

Literally the part where I just start crying every time.

[@Smoovious]

yeah... and the very end, where he leaves the door open... if that isn't love, for an OCD, I don't know what it...

[@daddy2baddie]

It's scary to know that the reasons people fall in love with you, can be the same reasons they fall out of love with you.

[@francoHasADeathwish]

THIS!!!!!!

[@chandler5933]

THIS

[@tybacks6534]

Hmm. You’ve made a believer out of me.

[@pinkwakabeagle]

Mmmmhhmmm

[@larhondah.2793]

Deep and painful 💔yet true 👍🏾

[@nicolenarcis2800]

So many beautiful lines but "how she turns shower knobbs like she's opening a safe" is by far my favourite. Such a small detail that someone else wouldn't have paid attention to. It just shows how much he cared about her 😭

[@DrFobik]

"How can it be wrong when I don't have to wash my hands after I touch her?" I've suffered from severe OCD for 24 years, moderate 3, and finally mild for 3... and that quote nearly made me break down. Lived that quote. Painful to remember. I am so thankful I've worked hard and come so far. Still, I can feel that pain of suffering. Imprisoned by the stupid rules that only exist in your own mind. I honestly wonder how many of my friends and loved ones now would still like me if I was the man I was 6 years ago.

[@esperanzahopejaduri678]

I know what you mean, bro. I've been here for some time too, and I also wonder that sometimes.

[@humanearth574]

How did you get better if you don’t mind me asking?

[@abcm5967]

Dr. Fobik wow

[@hindnhanood]

@Sam Williams you are amazing

[@danielJamesFernandez]

"she can run away from this and I just cant"

[@fernandomoreno3370]

Honestly, this is the first piece of slam poetry that actually moved me

[@udreams_9532]

same

[@shnugglebugs5524]

"I want her back so bad I leave the door unlocked" Wow, that spoke to me better than words can describe.

[@SuzieQandducttape]

"He only kisses her once, he doesn't care if it's perfect" FUCKKKKKK that hit me

[@ellaphx]

This poem simultaneously makes me tear up for Neil, and makes me sympathetic towards his ex. Argh. What a shitty situation. Poor both of them.

[@L0Ldude11]

ellaphx You know it's fiction, right?

[@ellaphx]

It may or may not be. I also teared up at the end of How I Met Your Mother, so.

[@L0Ldude11]

ellaphx It's inspired by Neil Hilborn's actually diagnosed OCD, so this may be a let-out of all his pent-up emotions.

[@charmeddude07]

Blue Wolf It looked like he was trying not to cry in the video so it may not be fiction.

[@L0Ldude11]

Timothy Blonshine As a person with OCD, I read this poem to my friend, and they believed me, it's a subconscious manifestation of your struggles with OCD, which is what Neil did.

[@TheMortal1990]

I don't have OCD but seriously i am crying like a baby, Because love is love no matter what and everyone deserve love.

[@wetheppl5155]

Unless u support Trump

[@jaipasdenomenft7328]

we the ppl XDDD

[@k1w1222]

THANK YOU warms my heart there’s still ppl out there that actually care for real ❤️❤️

[@ZaynPilot]

@@wetheppl5155 😂

[@ZaynPilot]

Yeah I have OCD, I'm so suffering with thinking everything is dirty around me. If touch need to wash hands hours to hours spent washing hands and also 🚿 ....

[@TheChrispy771]

Look, I’ve listened to poetry a lot over the years. A LOT. And I keep coming back to this poem, because I believe it is the closest I’ve ever seen a poem come to absolutely perfect. The delivery is unique and fantastic. The topic is incredibly interesting. The flow is so easy. It doesn’t use gimmicks like preaching on social agendas or resorting to extremely controversial messages to draw you in. You’re excited about the skill of the poet and the way he presents things. It’s just a fantastic poem and I hope that they still have this one logged somewhere 100 years from now.

[@lisaraye6000]

Oh god , I agree. This poem... Means everything to me really.

[@lpsemilygirl1847]

Hello!! I really like your thoughts about this.

[@AleksandrDemurin]

Can you suggest something similar? I am not a big fun of poetry, but this this is so great that I come back once a year and enjoy the feelings that it gives me.

[@tiagoveiga8916]

His words and delivery takes us on an emotinal journey. One can feel his joy, his love and then his road to loneliness and anguish. This is all poetry is about.

[@ct3731]

This gives me chills everytime I hear it.

[@thediaryofwoo]

Omg right??

[@lindinle]

+Smirky Stirky it sucks that bad.

[@lindinle]

Smirky Stirky because its not poetry. its just some hipster blabbering.

[@Ozzyberto]

+lindinle Clearly you don't know what OCD is like.

[@lindinle]

Héctor Ayala And clearly you dont know what good poetry sounds like.

[@skyethekid]

"I can't breathe because he only kisses her once, he doesn't care if its perfect" a line so beautifully written

[@BabvBlues]

always been a fave

[@ASMinor]

This a a transcript of the poem entitled, "OCD" by Neil Hillborn. This is a public service, and I do not claim any connection to this poem, the poet, or this youtube channel. *I apologize that the format of this transcript makes this comment a little long, but it's the writing format that I use for my own spoken word poetry on my KZbin channel. Enjoy! 💓💙 -The first time I saw her -Everything in my head went quiet. -All the ticks, -All the constantly refreshing images just disappeared. -When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, -You don’t really get quiet moments. -Even in bed, I’m thinking: -Did I lock the doors? Yes. -Did I wash my hands? Yes. -Did I lock the doors? Yes. -Did I wash my hands? Yes. -But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips, -Or the eyelash on her cheek, -The eyelash on her cheek, -The eyelash on her cheek. -I knew I had to talk to her. -I asked her out six times in thirty seconds. -She said yes after the third one, -But none of them felt right, so I had to keep going. -On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating, -Or fucking talking to her. -But she loved it. -She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times if it was Wednesday. -She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk! -When we moved in together, -She said she felt safe, -Like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times. -I’d always watch her mouth when she talked, -When she talked, -When she talked, -When she talked. -When she said she loved me, -Her mouth would curl up at the edges. -At night, she’d lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off, -And on, and off, -And on, and off, -And on, and off, -And on, and off, -And on, and off. -She’d close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were just passing in front of her. -But some mornings, -I started kissing her goodbye but then she’d just leave because I was making her late for work. -When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking. -When she said she loved me, her mouth was a straight line. -She told me I was taking up too much of her time. -Last week she started sleeping at her mother’s place. -She told me that she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her. -That this whole thing was a mistake, but... -How can it be a mistake when I don’t have to wash my hands after I touch her? -Love is not a mistake, -And it’s killing me that she can run away from this and I just can’t. -I can’t go out and find someone new, -Because I always think of her. -Usually, when I obsess over things, -I see germs sneaking into my skin. -I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars. -And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on. -I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel. -How she turns shower knobs like she opening a safe. -How she blows out candles, -Blows out candles, -Blows out candles, -Blows out candles, -Blows out... -Now, I just think about who else is kissing her. -I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once, -He doesn’t care if it’s perfect! -I want her back so bad, -I leave the door unlocked, -I leave the lights on.

[@genuineinterest]

Thank you so much, kind human. I'm going to use this to audition for my school elocution!

[@NoeMjj]

A.S. Minor thanks mate, not being a native I missed few words and now it makes more sense. thank you very much for putting this amazing poem down.

[@ThereseMark]

A.S. Minor thank you! The crowd was too loud at certain moments, it's good to finally get what he says!

[@ASMinor]

Therese Mark You are very welcome. As a spoken word performer, I completely understand that sometimes it can be helpful for the audience to be able to read the text. I'm glad it was helpful. 💓

[@genuineinterest]

Update: I got _into_ the school elocution with this and now the final thing will be soon, I'm scared but also excited and super happy with this choice of piece because it always wows everyone in the room

[@alrobin]

"...I want her back so bad, I leave the door unlocked, I leave the lights on" A lot was said in this piece but that says it all

[@talkalisha2587]

I found this years ago. Met someone and fell for them and watched it together now i am again watching it alone with happy tears in my eyes. ugh life.

[@Camtrain1989]

Who the FUCK is cutting onions in my bedroom...??!

[@violetx5276]

lol me too

[@shoegazed999]

"I leave the door unlocked" Try to not to cry "I leave the lights on" Cry a lot

[@nightmiztrez]

This is beautiful. No one really understands the minds of an OCD person, no one gets the 'ticks' mean something. this is beautiful.

[@mattparkin7224]

Irony is the fact that this guy doesn't actually have OCD

[@itsallhappeningtoday]

Matthew Parkin what are you talking about dude, yes he does, there's articles about him having it brandonsneed.com/neil-hilborns-spoken-word-performance-of-ocd-is-one-of-the-most-powerful-things-ive-ever-seen-which-is-probably-why-it-went-viral-who-is-this-guy-and-where-did-that-poem-come-from-2/

[@ashleyzombik9598]

This is probably one of the most romantic yet saddest poems I've ever heard. I absolutely love it.

[@ts4gv]

that sums it up nicely. same.

[@chasethemorninguk]

Mental illness is attractive. Until it’s not… unfortunately.

[@Techturtleyolo]

All aboard the feels express. Destination, your heart.

[@MrSottho]

Next stop, Feeladelphia.

[@boyo7918]

+Javier Soto Nice

[@HLhatesmilk]

Next stop, Feelippines

[@julenegocebe8766]

Next stop, Feelaware, then Sad York City

[@quantummiendfuk9571]

Error404 destination not found; train set to derail at 6pm

[@genuineinterest]

Can we have some appreciation for this line? "When we moved in together she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times. **takes a moment to do a slight facepalm**"

[@lucasgiovani3618]

The Secondary Aftermath "(...) I want her back so badly... I leave the dor unlocked... i leave the lights on."

[@lauracecilie9257]

Nazish Talati d

[@ButtahscotchKisses]

I didn't realize I was holding my breath until the end when I gasped for air. So intensely beautiful.

[@Lumpyducksauce]

God this is one of the greatest pieces of poetry I have ever seen

[@DiegoFernandoLoaiza]

Still a classic

[@alyepollack]

Chills every time...

[@allisondonlon2950]

Tears every time too.

[@100449Katz]

I cried so much in the end, this is the meaning of perfection

[@michaeljenkins7024]

So many of these things are delivered with fake studied emotion; cheapening the work rather than burnishing it with intensity. This dude wrote something honest and delivered it in a way which gave us a deeper insight into not only how he felt in that moment but also how he lives each day. Kudos.

[@BeastJeffrey]

Lol youre too much

[@MD-DOOM]

He doesn't really have OCD. It's a made up poem.

[@baguettebtch]

Superfluous actually he does

[@MD-DOOM]

Kyleigh M You have proof? Hes done other poems without repeating the things hes said. It's an act.

[@baguettebtch]

Superfluous look it up

[@QuashaBabii18]

I cried the first time I listened to this...and every other time after that

[@goldfishcode]

I got chills, completely froze and I didn't even realise I was crying until it was over.

[@krazykenn9136]

cool story bro

[@goldfishcode]

Go back to 2011, mate.

[@multo5588]

I'm crying in the bathroom of my work right now wtf

[@noahhaha5199]

First time I saw this I sat in the corner of a classroom sobbing.

[@BILEYBILEY-uy8wn]

Multo r u jokin???????

[@infinityknight2891]

I have OCD, sometimes I act like a robot short circuiting sometimes. For example, I might be getting dressed and I open my drawers and I close them, and then I open and close them and I keep doing that until I either snap out of it or someone tells me to stop. Sometimes my OCD acts up at school like when I'm getting my pencil case or my binder I would take it out and put it back in and repeat but while at school I stop my self quickly. All this time I felt kind of like a freak with this problem until today I told a friend of mine about this and he sent me this poem from this guy, when I was listening to the poem a few minutes ago I realized how it sounded a lot like what I'm going through. And now I feel happy, because i don't feel like I'm alone anymore. I cried my eyes out after it finished.

[@sunium]

I can really relate to what you said about being at school. I usually feel like people look at me like I'm crazy. It's so embarrassing but I wish people knew that I can't help it. I'll twitch and blink obsessively and people will look at me and I'll unzip and zip my bag a bunch of times. I really loved this poem.

[@sunium]

It could depending on the severity. But that's a really good explanation of OCD. Like for me if I don't turn off the lights correctly I fear I'm going to be burned alive or poisoned. Even typing this gets hard.

[@cleetoris5791]

***** I agree with you. Must people diagnose themselves with diseases they don't have just to feel like there's the reason why they can't feel perfect in a sense that they limit themselves

[@QuentinFlores]

Almost 10 years since this came out. Every time I come back, the very ending just brings me to tears. The fact that he breaks his OCD to keep the door unlocked & the lights on for the woman he loves. That’s how powerful love can be ❤. Nearly a decade later and this still touches my soul.

[@ldmt1995]

Oh look it's raining.

[@pedrofdiniz]

yeah, its raining

[@jazzballqes4715]

its been raining here since yesterday... since I watched this.

[@madisonkenney1722]

its raining where i am

[@ProgrammedPersona]

Yes it is.

[@jgymnastics9586]

Programmed Pe

[@LunaVespertine]

My boyfriend has severe OCD and this just made me want to give him a big ol' hug (until it was perfect) 💕. Thank you!

[@AverageThinking]

Say you did it

[@romiadhiman9888]

even i had an ocd bf n the word perfect still haunts me today

[@sarahiibae4596]

I have severe ocd and it hurts & I’m tired of it

[@nosoupforyoukramada7005]

I seriously cry every time I see this.

[@kyrra822]

Years later, still makes me cry.

[@luisagoico]

YALL HE LEAVES THE DOOR UNLOCKED AND HE DIDNT WASH HIS HANDS AFTER TOUCHING HER ARE YALL HEARING ME SCREAMING I CANT

[@yashodhaan]

Calm down Susan.

[@valwilliams3834]

@@yashodhaan yo her name is not Susan, this girl has no name 😝😂

[@yoongibearrr]

the girl has no name SAME

[@kingmekrillinme4831]

The Girl With No Name! WHAT DO WE SAY TO DEATH? NOT TODAY.

[@kingmekrillinme4831]

The North Remembers.

[@stevenhageman8255]

This poem punched me directly in the soul.

[@xxItsjustme21xx]

The end always makes me want to cry... just a little bit. So beautiful.

[@humanpinapplelucinda8851]

"I can't breath because he only kisses her once, he doesn't care if it's perfect!" This was the last push before his words broke my heart.♡

[@kierrahenderson1470]

when he said "I wanted her back so bad i left the door unlocked" I fell. And I was sitting down.

[@okami912]

It seems like she thought it was a cute quirk instead of realizing that it was an actual problem that he suffers with day in and day out. That's not his fault, it's hers.

[@CaranthirAtillas]

I see you're point, but I would go as far saying it's not anyone's fault. He never blamed her in this, I don't think she is to blame. She couldn't handle him, as some one with OCD (I admit not near this severe) I have a lot of "issues" some of my ex girlfriends have called cute. They're actually problems, but they are me. They can't handle me, and we split up. Usually I get dumped, but I don't resent them and they don't me. I get clingy cause of my OCD, I'm scared of separation. I've even been hospitalized. It's incredibly hard, to hold friendships let alone relationships. And its painful and hard but people like us realize its not any one's fault. Some thing's aren't meant to last, and that's sad and terrifying and painful but its a fact that cuts deep into us every waking moment.

[@hopemattice6787]

That is pure love. I was gone when he said he asked her out 6 times in 39 seconds because it wasn't perfect. He kissed her repeatedly until it was perfect. That man deserves to have the deepest and purist form of love possible in the whole of time and space. He should have the most infinite form if love ever known throughout history and future for all eternity.

[@JeremyRemele]

Love is control manifesting itself. This is control, or rather, the lack thereof.

[@yellowbellylover]

every woman deserves a guy to love them as much as he loved her.

[@thismessymasterpiece]

"usually, when i obsess over things, i see germs sneaking into my skin. i see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars and she was the first beautiful thing i ever got stuck on." this line genuinely keeps me up at night. i never knew this could happen to another mind.

[@halliemarion680]

This poem is beautifully written but what about this girl? Why is she the bad guy in this? The villian? She put herself before someone else for her own good. I understands this guy loves her, but how can people sit and say she was wrong to leave? Edit: This comment is in response to some of the other negative comments in this video regarding people blaming the woman, not about Neil Hilborn making her out in a negative way. Sorry for any misunderstandings regarding this.

[@Matt-kh6te]

Nobody said that she's wrong. It's just how it is unfortunately.

[@halliemarion680]

I was refering to some of the negative comments regarding that she was wrong to leave him due to the fact he couldnt control his disorder. It is unfortunate though, that their relationship ended.

[@xcxGrad08xcx]

Your lucky to not know what it's like to truly fall in love with someone who ends up leaving you. To put them into your heart, and mind as much as this man might've for this girl. The fact that she left just because he was "too much" for her. I completely understand what your saying, she isn't a horrible person for doing it. But it hurts. It hurts a lot! And I bet you've dealt with your share of break ups, or haven't, I don't know you. But I can almost 99.9999999% sure say you have felt TRUE heart break, where even years after the break up your heart still lingers on them. Now take that, and multiple that 100x...shit 1,000x's! And that's what his dealing with, and is articulating his emotion through poetry. If your going to look at the very surface of things, poetry isn't for you.

[@Matt-kh6te]

Brian Rothwell There's at least two sides to any story. I feel you but you insinuate too much. You can't understand the girl this poem is about just as much as you can't understand the girl that critiqued it. Keep an open mind and assume the best in people. It's good for you.

[@schyleravila4841]

thank you Matthew Indahl i was trying to say what you said in such great lengths. im glad you touched on it so briefly. and im a girl so i feel like a guy saying that means a lot more to him than it would if i went on a rant about vilifying women.

[@belleisnotreal]

As soon as he said 'I leave the door unlocked' my heart literally dropped I felt it plummet How

[@indirasantana6239]

I wonder if all those tics, repetitions, were planned or not. Anyway, this was really beautiful. I'm starting on slam poetry and it just hits me so hard everytime I hear something... Happy to get any recommendations.

[@proudscorpio46]

My health teacher showed me this in class... I think I was the only student who wanted to cry, actually understood, and went back home to look it up. I've watched this so many times, and now it's in my instagram bio for people to watch. Hey look I commented down yonder XD see I'm looking it up again!!!!!

[@thestupidchannel5624]

I AM JACK you're a good person i guess :)

[@Darqion]

I can somewhat relate... I dont have OCD, but i have adhd and autism. For 12 years i was in a relationship and while things werent always perfect, i always thought we were happy and it would last forever. But around year 11 things went to shit as i finally got an official diagnosis. Even though i've been pretty much the same for years, her just hearing that things will never change. That same day she tried breaking up with me but i talked her out of it but things went downhill from there, until at year 12 she broke it off for real. That's 13 months ago and instead of getting over her i love her more... I'm not a social guy (not uncommon for autistic people) and even getting to meet her was a freak stroke of luck that is so unlikely it will ever happen again. Even if i ever start feeling something for another woman again, chances anyone else would want to be with a guy like me are slim to none.. But till that unlikely day, i still look out of the window, at every car, to see if it's hers. Every time my phone rings, i hope she is calling. I've changed so much, more then she probably ever thought i could change, but it does not matter. Cursed since birth

[@Darqion]

Thanks for caring. I just learned she has a new boyfriend, so im going through a new "adventure" again, but maybe i can finally move on now, once it sinks in that she's definitely moved on. I wonder how much easier this would be if i had any idea how to meet new people. Oh well. Thanks again breh

[@omarsharifi9182]

+Yuri Visscher (Darqion) Dude listen what you have to do is you must not isolate yourself that is the worst thing you can do. Also you need to express how you feel to somebody it's much better than doing it on the Internet. Try to hang out with friends if you can or go to a social even to make more friends it will help you get back to things easier. Avoid thinking about her so do whatever makes you happy or distracts you from thinking about her. Know that no matter how long it will take one day you will find someone who will treat and love you better and you will feel the same for them.

[@omarsharifi9182]

+Yuri Visscher (Darqion) Dude listen what you have to do is you must not isolate yourself that is the worst thing you can do. Also you need to express how you feel to somebody it's much better than doing it on the Internet. Try to hang out with friends if you can or go to a social even to make more friends it will help you get back to things easier. Avoid thinking about her so do whatever makes you happy or distracts you from thinking about her. Know that no matter how long it will take one day you will find someone who will treat and love you better and you will feel the same for them.

[@omarsharifi9182]

+Yuri Visscher (Darqion) Dude listen what you have to do is you must not isolate yourself that is the worst thing you can do. Also you need to express how you feel to somebody it's much better than doing it on the Internet. Try to hang out with friends if you can or go to a social even to make more friends it will help you get back to things easier. Avoid thinking about her so do whatever makes you happy or distracts you from thinking about her. Know that no matter how long it will take one day you will find someone who will treat and love you better and you will feel the same for them.

[@omarsharifi9182]

+Yuri Visscher (Darqion) Dude listen what you have to do is you must not isolate yourself that is the worst thing you can do. Also you need to express how you feel to somebody it's much better than doing it on the Internet. Try to hang out with friends if you can or go to a social even to make more friends it will help you get back to things easier. Avoid thinking about her so do whatever makes you happy or distracts you from thinking about her. Know that no matter how long it will take one day you will find someone who will treat and love you better and you will feel the same for them.

[@icelajimenez1690]

This makes me cry everytime. ESPECIALLY when he says he now leaves the door unlocked.

[@BakaNeBaka]

Revisiting this today after a while (and I did see that there's a 2020 version)... THIS is the original cathartic study of a beautiful heartfelt written piece and it shall forever be....

[@SirMalorak]

While a lot of you may find it comical, it is also very touching and well written/spoken. Hats off, this is art.

[@nicoleburton9084]

"I leave the door unlocked. I leave the lights on."

[@AllieDavies]

This is beautiful, it made me cry. I hope she realises what a great guy he is

[@realdelgado8189]

Gods every time I watch this I cry. It’s so beautiful and heart wrenching. Here on 2024.

[@ButtonPoetry]

[@4bu53r]

You see kids? This is how person with OCD looks like, behaves like and talks like. You don't have a fucking OCD if you see something that is not aligned properly. It's a terrible condition.

[@cebru2]

Fire Penguin Disco Panda OCD in video. OCPD - obsessions with cleanliness and orderliness.

[@pennykanyaucat]

Actually most people are born with a very mild form of OCD. What he has is a severe case of it. Often most people only have a very mild form of OCD that often goes undiagnosed and undetected and quite usually it's just a single obsession. Like not wanting your food to touch, or always needing the toilet paper to be in one direction, or even just having a specific mandatory order of getting ready in the morning. So although you are probably correct in saying that wanting to fix something that is out of order is not OCD. I also don't think it's fair for you to be so dismissive of milder forms.

[@stephv6145]

Fire Penguin Disco Panda There are different types and levels of OCD. Just because someone doesn't behave and talk the way he does, doesn't mean they don't have OCD.

[@strafer8764]

pennykanyaucat You are missing his point which is that people joke about having OCD like "I'm such a clean freak, I've got OCD!" when they have a limited understanding of the disorder and have never been diagnosed by an actual therapist.

[@flowerpower6111]

thank you. i have OCD and have ever since i can remember. let me tell you, it is hell (although got easier w age) and had kept me from participating in many things that should've been fun as a kid.. and i kinda want to roll my eyes everytime someone says "I'm SO OCD! I LIKE things neat and clean!" bc if people joke always around about it, when someone who actually has the disorder mentions they have it many people won't take them seriously

[@brandonfalco722]

its just a poem he wrote Neil does not actually have OCD he was just immersing himself in the poem. acting in a sense

[@SketchyHippopotamus]

He actually does have Obssessive Cumpulsive Disorder he just exaggerates his symptoms when he's doing this poem. Makes the more publicly understood symptoms more visible.

[@cvde95]

I've never seen anyone without OCD be able to understand its problems at all, let alone to this level. It would be practically impossible to put this kind of act on!

[@brandonfalco722]

you dont know a poet than

[@jonathondavis4255]

TigsAndKizzii I am afraid you're wrong. There are very creative people out there and Neil is one of them. All of his poems are executed extremely well, he immerses himself in them which, along with his imagery and descriptions, make them very believable.

[@PatchWorkClock]

Actually, he does have OCD.

[@SonOfVulkan]

One of the greatest readings I've seen, left me quiet.......which is rare.....

[@marcuss5089]

I watched this in high school 6 years ago as part of a lesson in my English class and I still get goosebumps every time I watch this without fail

[@hannahmichaels9992]

when he reenacted the tics it brought me back to third grade when my ocd was the worst fuck im crying

[@ANiftyKitty]

This video makes me so sad everytime I watch it! You can just see the longing in his eyes as he talks about her and how frustrated he got when he couldn't stop repeating a sentence. This was absolutely beautiful. I watched this video about a year ago and I just had to track it down again!

[@AliBN2105]

"I can't go out and find someone new because I always think of her" - 🌌

[@indeed7289]

ive had very minor OCD and not washing your hands after touching some one is a compliment only some one with OCD would understand

[@msfattytroll]

I don't have OCD and I understand it

[@originalalexsa]

It's something only some one with OCD would appreciate

[@kailygranados]

"she was the first beautiful thing I got stuck on" ❤

[@chrism2984]

I'm not crying, it's been raining on my face.

[@Imshanshan]

It's so beautiful that it hurts.

[@ral003]

"What is a poet? An unhappy man who hides deep anguish in his heart, but whose lips are so formed that when the sigh and cry pass through them, it sounds like lovely music..." Kierkegaard

[@Dhjshfjdndk]

I always tear up at the end

[@hunter1739]

I just keep coming back to this wonderful, wonderful poem. As someone with OCD, this is one of the most accurate representations I have ever experienced. Thank you.

[@singerdude1992]

I love this poem so much. Honestly, when I first listened to this, I feel creeped out, because it sounded stalker-ish, but the final line just changes every single thing.

[@Rickai85]

It's still stalkerish, people in your life come and go OCD or not

[@eddietemple2302]

Rickai85 I can't imagine a more ignorant response.

[@eddietemple2302]

La Nausée I'd definitely agree to that, but I also think it shows a remarkable ignorance of what life is like for an OCD sufferer.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

Rickai85 Thinking of love lost and yearning for the return is not stalkerish. Yes, people come and go . . . but some of them take your heart when they leave. Shrugging and going 'oh well' is not an option, OCD or not. This poem doesn't mention sitting outside her house and staring into her window, it doesn't mention him calling her 30 times a day, it doesn't mention him scaring her, it doesn't mention him following her. It talks about his feelings, that isn't stalkerish.

[@proudscorpio46]

I watched this in health and I was about to cry, I was looking around for everyone to see if they even cared but no one had the reaction I did. I came back home and showed it to my mom and he's like my idol and it's the best speech I've seen. "He only kisses her one time, he doesn't care if it's perfect." "I leave the door unlocked." "I leave the lights on."

[@Iselsiaxel]

I don't know how long I've known this video... I don't have OCD, and maybe I don't understand it quite well, but damn... Everytime I watch this video, my heart breaks again and again. What I understand is having to love someone the only way you know and ca, and still not being understood... Yes, that last line breaks every person. And makes me think we can understand everyone now and then.

[@IrlandesLatino]

Ælex DrakenHell Stop drinking budddy. That’s your solution my friend.

[@Cbsilva92]

Same feeling here dude, I have seen it early today on 9gag, so I came to youtube searching for more videos of him, but I keep comming back to this particular one...because in many aspects is mesmerizing(it's moving, sad , touching) and everything that can make a person "cry' even the most manly one