No More Mr Nice Guy Summary 📖 Robert Glover

Learn how to be a man and how to be masculine in this book summary of No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover.
★★★ SOCIAL ANXIETY COACHING ★★★
Hey, it's Brandon! On a 60-minute Zoom call, I will help you to stop caring what people think of you.
I will help you to get your social skills to a level where you're enjoying yourself and not constantly second-guessing everything.
In high school I used to be a 'floater' - I'd walk around from group to group, never feeling like I fit in. I was always the quiet one, and I was afraid to talk to women, let alone understand them.
Now I talk to women with ease, dive into public speaking gigs with enthusiasm, vibe with my real friends, and choose to be the one who organizes get-togethers.
My approach is to 'cut to the mustard' and get to the Truth of parts of yourself you are hiding, but only as far as you are willing to go. I will never force you to do or say something you don't want to do.
My number one reason for helping you is to get you to place in yourself where you feel like you are free. You are at ease. Because you are being the authentic you!
onepercentbett...
---
When you were growing up, you received messages from your family and the world around you that it was not safe, acceptable, or desirable for you to be who you were, just as you were.
This has resulted in Nice Guys who...
-Co-create poor relationships with women
-Try to hide their flaws and mistakes
-Put other people’s needs and wants before their own
And a whole laundry list of other things:
-Seek approval of others
-Sacrifice personal power and play the role of the victim
-Disassociate themselves from other men and masculine energy
-Create situations where you don’t have very much good sex
-Fail to live up to their full potential
Now, if you’re a Nice Guy and you don’t have 10 minutes to watch and understand the lessons in this video, then you’ll likely continue to feel unhappy.
You might not think you’re a Nice Guy. But you could be.
So keep watch this video to find out if you are one and learn what to do about it!
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[@ceedott]

This book was like a sucker punch to the gut. It made me realize so many terrible things about my behaviors and how I was doing nothing but just inflicting misery upon myself. I had loving parents and wasn't neglected by them as a child, but the issue was rather with friends. I discovered one day that I wasn't genuinely liked for who I was by people that I really thought were my friends and was abandoned by them, and it destroyed my self confidence and made me rethink everything about myself. It turned me into a people-pleaser and I hid every detail about myself that I thought people wouldn't like, so that I wouldn't be abandoned again. But guess what happened? I found myself once again being abandoned and alone. For so long I waged this mental battle with myself, wondering what I was doing wrong. I was so nice to others, wasn't I? Wasn't I doing everything right? Shouldn't I be paid back for that? This book made me realize that I wasn't at all being genuine with others or myself. I was basically building fake relationships and only showing the parts of myself I wanted others to see. There was no real connection being made at all. I wasn't being kind out of the goodness of my heart - I was being kind because I wanted things from people. I was "secretly negotiating" my way into being their friend. What a joke. I can't believe I wasted so much of my life being such an idiot. I cannot tell you how immediately better the quality of my relationships became once I started following the advice in this book. I started showing myself as I really am, stopped chasing people, stopped seeking their validation, and tried being genuine to others, and actually caring about them instead of fake caring about them. Even if that only leaves you with a few people who reciprocate, the feeling of actual, mutual friendship makes everything else fade away. I can't recommend this book highly enough. It truly changed my life. It's required reading for all men in my opinion.

[@barbmiracle]

I listened to a vid last night that mentioned the book and the basic premise and I was absolutely shook. I’m not a guy but at 58 recognize this is at the core of my struggle with relationships. The whole book is on yt so that’s my next listen

[@kunalpatel8339]

Thanks for sharing this and your experience! I look forward to reading it and having my life change for the better in relationships too!

[@deusexaethera]

I read this book about 15 years ago and it changed my outlook on life. But I've recently discovered there's a deeper level to Nice-Guy-ism that I've still been manifesting. Early on in my life, I somehow learned that someone asking me for help or emotional support was a gesture of love from them to me. Essentially I learned to falsely equate trust with love. I don't know where it came from, but I'm 41 now, and only in the past week have I finally realized I've been misinterpreting the intentions behind women asking me for help my entire life, and suddenly the reason they were so shocked when I fell in love with them is painfully clear. Now I have more self-work I need to do.

[@nightfangs2910]

Be very aware that many people in your life will walk away from you forever once you follow this advice, ( being assertive and setting boundaries) BUT do follow this advice it's very much on point

[@quickstrike209]

Exactly 💯 This book don't want to talk about that. The world is based on relationships. It take people to make money not things. Be careful on the advice you receive world . It may sound good but it may not be good for you

[@jad2290]

@@quickstrike209 what you said is so deceiving .

[@devinwatkins8953]

@@quickstrike209 you totally missed the point of the book

[@krash6951]

Not true at all. If anything it can draw people towards you. And if anything the wrong people will just be removed from your life because you see the world differently. It aint about becoming an asshole or anything. If you do that you’re bound to break relationships. Its about becoming you again, the kid before the abuse and childhood trauma. Im sure people loved that kid

[@krash6951]

@@devinwatkins8953his loss😭

[@jlrob85]

I realised I was this nice guy at 35 and had suffered greatly for it. Developing my confidence now to the point where I get my points across respectfully

[@spiroskatsas6888]

Same here, although for me being "nice" was more about getting the approval of God(?) than others - practicing healthy spirituality, without seeing God as the judge, can help you be more assertive and be kind, but when you really feel it, consciously, not when you "should" do it.

[@duthegee]

Never take dating advices from women if you are a guy. Trust their actions not their words. She will either make or break rules for you depending on how 'nice' you are.

[@wtfatc4556]

Woman: ohh, i love a nice guy! Same woman, later in the night: Ohhhhh you baaad baaad boy :))) Hint: the nice guy was home(alone)

[@Tootruetootrue]

LOUDERRRRRR 📣📣📣

[@Amctothemoon]

True Break rules for alphas Make rules for beta Set your boundaries, have some self respect

[@omarleo2785]

@@wtfatc4556 hahah well said bro

[@keodiozubu8670]

Take advice from women who are self conscious

[@jrqberry]

I got this book after my divorce. It was literally life changing. Sent it to my nephew that was getting serious with his girlfriend.

[@ShareefusMaximus]

That's a good Uncle! I think the whole audiobook is up here on KZbin. Maybe also gift him a copy of The Rational Male (audiobook).

[@victorespindola3318]

Great! Hope we can all learn to be better men

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

Same - like a spiritual experience in a sense - so much revealed so quick and emotions that feels more aligned than ever. Touches the heart and soul for many men finding themselves lost and confused in divorce. 75% of women initiate divorce and very likely from overly nice and tolerating husbands in many of them. Female instincts naturally disengaged and disassociated from an unnatural and inhumane "nice guy syndrome."

[@highliving-animatedvideos5831]

Nice guys often finish last not because they are nice (there’s nothing wrong with that). But they finish last because they often lack CONFIDENCE and ASSERTIVENESS, and this makes them people pleasers. If you are not assertive, you are unlikely to get what you want, and deserve, in life 🚀🚀🚀

[@laxmanlxmnisuppose308]

Hmm, I certainly lack the assertiveness. But I'm not trying to please some people, I'm rather disturbed by other's assertiveness (like don't they care a bit about others?). Being pushy destroy the calm in crowd. Is over assertiveness a thing?

[@reginalol5324]

@@laxmanlxmnisuppose308 Peterson said that only when you know you can be mean if necessary for your own defense then you are nice with a power, you need to master the shadow first then you show up the nice side with confidence.

[@revanvonheaven8270]

Bullshit people hate empaths because they are cowards and most people today are ammoral religious people too. What a sad world it is when good is seeing as fake or bad. This is a sickness while every evil manipulation porn, drugs, idolatry, Godless soulless, NLp witchcraft, murder, war, cruelty manipulation is glorified. Personally I am not a nice guy but this world's is damned it deserves a meteor rain.

[@jaythenihilist4689]

@@revanvonheaven8270 I spent the best years of my life as a nihilistic misanthrope. I was angry and miserable. I'm 37 now and happier than I've been in my entire life. It took me 36 years to experience optimism. And I managed to do it without turning into one of the people that I used to hate so much. I hope you find your happiness one day. Just hang in there. Peace✌🏻

[@m4tko]

@@revanvonheaven8270 You are right. Do something good by helping someone and they will call you a manipulator with ulterior motives, ass kisser, door mat, weakling etc. Most people don't help other people to gain something, they do it because maybe one day in their lives they had the same problems and know how hard and long it would take to fix them alone. But people keep watching these KZbin guides on how to live and try to follow them. Just think about it... "I live my life like this because some guy on KZbin said I should" and you will see how ridiculous all these videos are. What a world.

[@sanecatlady]

Not a guy but a lot of these things hit hard for me, especially the abandonment part. I used to believe if I pleased someone, that is the only way they will love me, and if I act out on my flaws, they won't want to be around me. I also felt like my needs were an inconvenience to everyone else, so I tried to do things by myself without bothering anyone and kept my mouth shut. I was (and still kind of am) terrified of hurting people's feelings, especially the ones that I love. Funny how today I am almost literally opposite of everything I used to be. I learned that nobody is going to speak up for me (all the time) and if I don't address the problem, it will never be solved. But I've also built much stronger walls and boundaries with people, and I don't make effort to get close to anyone I don't see lasting long term or that I don't like. I won't give people a chance until they show me how much they care. And even then, I look very closely to see if their actions match their words.

[@Wsg_bo]

How did u become like this?

[@enlightenedrogue3871]

I’ve always seen myself as a nice guy - until I read this book. Others, by and large, do not see me as a nice guy.

[@justanotherfella4478]

When I acted out my true nature, teachers tried to ruin my life. This caused me to develop a victim mentality and as I matured I realized that this kind of thinking won't get me anywhere in life. You can't change the things that happened to you but you can have an impact on your present and your future. Be whoever you are and the more difficult your life is, the tougher you get. Never judge others and take their hate as fuel to do good things for yourself. Alot of people live in mental hell and alot of the decision they do is based off pride or envy. They hate other people because they hate themselves and once you start loving yourself, you can't hate others. Because we are all the same.

[@spiroskatsas6888]

Right! Our mind ideas and experiences makes us "different", but it's on an outer level, more superficial.

[@phillipm3724]

What steps did you take to understand this better? I realize that my ego and resentment torward how I acted in the past is resisting my efforts to change in the present but its very difficult to break out of this habit. Im concious of my decisions based off pride and envy but don't know how to deal with them in the moment. It has me frustrated...

[@roberthorvat9347]

Do not expect anything, help for the sake of helping, that is how a person becomes a good man(there is a huge difference between nice guy and a good man).

[@akiuarasan]

They're basically the same, you can tell if the person is faking it or genuinely serious on pursuing you, it is not that hard to see.

[@matthewmagda4971]

Some of Glover's best work is on approaching women as he provides a (rarely seen) healthy middle ground between being a calculating manipulator and the useless "just be yourself" trope. Please do more on Dating Essentials for Men.

[@Law-Enduring-Citizen]

I’m reading the book and I’ve come to the conclusion that most guys can identify with at least one of the personality traits that Glover lists. There are definitely gut punch moments in the book if you identify with several of these. I def found myself identifying with a couple, but some of the traits are dependent on my environment and who I am around or, honestly, the mental state I am in at that time and period of my life. But, either way great book and very self reflective and thought provoking. Take charge and stop seeking approval, this is your show! ✌🏼

[@spike8683]

what do you think about the eizengangler video on softness? in relation to being openly disagreeable

[@forso9218]

Thank you for summarizing sir! I actually bought the book, I hope I learn a lot from this

[@BharatPatel-bb6lj]

The moment of realization when he said nice guys is dishonest. Never thought that about me but I know its true about me. Time to change myself.

[@krash6951]

Yeah. It aint your fault though, it was your parents own misused caretaking on you. Time to heal from the trauma though, you’re a good guy.

[@theUnmanifest]

this should be taught in high schools!! It seem it would have saved me and the people in my life, and everyone else like this from unnecessary headaches and hardship so that we don't have to feel like crap all the time, so that we get to thrive and love instead of hide in fear

[@krash6951]

A lot of people don’t know about this, even the teachers. The teachers suffer from a lot of shit too its rare to find people who don’t go through a lot of trauma and develop shit like this. Just be grateful you found this though, its time to heal

[@matt5745]

It is based on attachment styles given by our families. However a securely attachment style person will present nice and positive with the confidence to walk if the other is insecure and withholds attention or affection as a means of punishment. Withholding affection or attention or both is what the parents of the insecure party did when they acted out in a way the parents didn’t like.

[@nassernathan]

The level of accuracy in this video

[@lucf1431]

This video made me realize I was a nice guy and aldready started working against this problem inconsciously some day in the past Fuck yeah

[@Pssst.ByTheWay]

what i dont enjoy about any og these things is that they teach you loads. but dont really have concrete actions. its a lot of good to know.

[@onepercent162]

My whole life in explained in 12 mins.

[@rontan8433]

Very valuable book. Discovered this book at 47, but luckily I've been using the techniques of healing nice guy syndrome for the last 10years- being more assertive, using affirmations, saying what I meet, boundaries and having safe people to confine in

[@andrewdewar8159]

I do a lot of the things that are described here. Resoates a lot with me.

[@jeffryrodriguez9340]

Dude just wanna let you know I’m like 1 or 2 as I’m writing this and I just gotta say your a genius

[@johnhenderson6840]

I had some, but not all of these traits. Def an eye opener

[@iamnode2088]

such a relief knowing that *i am not nice guy* now i realised i am just doing what is needed not what they wanted

[@nickmaddalena985]

I don't full agree with these. Being direct yes, but being nice if you really like doing that, i think that is fine. I think there are some good understandings, but like everything, it must be balanced and taken in a moderate way. Another thing I thought of is why we are taught to be nice. It is to smooth the hyper / badly brought up kids out. The problem is the the well brought up kids get effected by those ideals being pushed in churches and in schools in the 80 and 90s.

[@jbdmb]

One problem with trying to change your nice guy behaviours is that it will not be well received by your peers if it does not correlate where you are in status/dominance hierarchy. If Chad mcChaderson stands up for himself people admire and respect him because his placement in the social hierarchy allows this. But YOU little wee pee pee mcpeerson will be scolded for adopting the same behaviours as Chad.

[@sterlingsilver5937]

So what! If someone has a problem with a man speaking up for himself they can go to hell.

[@jbdmb]

@@sterlingsilver5937 just elaborating on one potential option of how people will respond to you dude.

[@sterlingsilver5937]

@@jbdmb I understand. It's just extremely important to learn to focus more on your personal growth and what is in your best interest as opposed to speculating about what people think or even how they may respond in reality. At the end of the day most of people's responses to another person's actions don't really mean anything. And I speak as someone who has lived a lifetime of being a nice guy who is learning to be more assertive and honest in the way I go about life and speak to others.

[@Vacuon]

Sometime people overcompensate. They hear "set your boundaries" and they start saying no to everything, or disagreeing in a violent or angry fashion. This behavior will definetly not be tolerated in any group. It's hard to learn so I understand where this mistake comes from (I've made it), but assertivness in its purest form has nothing to do with conflict, if you can say "no" or wtv with enough resolve, people will see that resolve and not even see the use in challenging you, it can be communicated very calmly. Also, from my experience, people who are at "the bottom" of what you call dominance hierarchy have an even greater impact when setting their boundaries because the people "at the top" are not used to crossing them, they will usually react with surprise and apologize, whereas people "at the top" will often be tested more. Remember the goal is to cohabit, if you read those books with the hopes of becoming "an alpha" your setting yourself up for failure. Eventually in a pleasant group of friends every member is the king of his own domain.

[@BG-sq7zf]

What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way. Cardi B. artist & role model for the most privilege 🦄 on the entire planet: '''My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.''' Feminist's Ideology from Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook: '''My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.''' Isaiah 3:12 *Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road. Proverbs 31:3 Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings. Ezekiel 23:20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. *Sex and Culture* by Joseph Daniel Unwin *The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi *The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar *The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell *The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis *Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe *Men on Strike* by Helen Smith *Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous

[@nastrimarcello]

I'm crying right now, and I never let myself cry. I always think if I put my emotions out, I'll be a burden. I'm always trying to be low maintenance. Always trying to be the best so people can depend on me. F#ck. This whole video, from start to end, was a punch to the gut. Why didn't I see this sooner?

[@xXnazmanXx]

This was painful to listen on audible. I dont consider myself a "nice guy" nowadays, I realised at some point 5-6 years ago I should just enjoy being me and stop people pleasing. But listening to the audible had made me realized there were still some traits in me that stayed. And after breaking up from my first serious relationship and wondering why i felt the way I did despite me being the one to break it off. I picked up this book out of curiosity. I can say that whilst I can control myself to be better with friends and people. Having an actual partner reverted me back to the way I was. I mistaked myself into thinking I can be comfortable with myself again when in reality my comfortable self isnt actually ideal in any relationship I have with anyone. What I'm sure of is that regardless. It was never going to work with her with how she was too insecure of herself and the situation that got us to break up. The thing I couldnt stop shaking my mind is that I knew I couldve handled it better but I didnt know what.

[@thetechnostate316]

Damn there’s an entire genre of guy just like Shinji Ikari

[@hoked2194]

Imagine being such a fucking beta that you cause the fanta apocalypse.

[@ikjman1]

"If you don't keep watching, you'll be likely to keep feeling unhappy." I'm planning to watch the whole video, but this sets a tone that almost makes me want to quit watching because that sounds like a way to try to get as much view time as possible.

[@ikjman1]

I ended up watching the whole thing though, it's a good video with good insights! But I did not like the way you said that at the start of the video. Take this as feedback or not, I'm just providing you a perspective.

[@drlarrymitchell]

My favorite technique is to offer them a false insecurity, that way when they go after what they perceive to be my insecurity, it doesn't hurt me, and I know exactly what's going on.

[@johnnyboy2411]

Is that the dude from aphex twins?

[@jad2290]

Can you elaborate?

[@cautarepvp2079]

what exactly

[@tizzlekizzle]

Behind every nice guy is a mother who destroyed their soul.

[@tizzlekizzle]

Nice guys literally developed that way as a survival mechanism from actual torture. The narcicist mother removes all their boundaries and any sense of individualism....that way there is no resistance when eating their guts. Sounds terrible because it is that terrible.

[@tizzlekizzle]

To recover from being a nice guy....you must revisit all the torture....this time consciously...you must walk through hell and face demons and smile at them.

[@prakhargoyanka3891]

Being nice is what stupid people do to hedge their bets -Rick Sanchez

[@ExaltedDuck]

Manipulation and covert contracts are anything but nice. It's only nice if there is no expectation of getting anything in return. With that expectation in place, it's just manipulative and shitty and people will see through it and dislike you. And unfortunately, they will presume all guys who happen to ever do anything nice, are nice guys. And that really sucks for all of us who just don't want to have to deal witg needless BS all the time.

[@justinstewart3248]

Removing porn from my life literally changed everything. I’m not just talking “no fap” although that happened. I’m completely new person since getting it out my life. I’m assertive and strong in a way I never was before. Try it!

[@jad2290]

In all seriousness , Does reddit pics count as porn? I need something to look at, or I will use my imagination, so ?

[@justinstewart3248]

@@jad2290 if it’s working to pacify you, instead of allowing you actually feel things in your life that you need to feel to continue growing - then yes, they count as porn.

[@jad2290]

@@justinstewart3248 Hey sir, 'Instead of allowing you actually feel things' What are those 'things' you're referring to?

[@justinstewart3248]

@@jad2290 life, the difficulties and pains that come with it, and also the good. But to the pain, most people use porn to medicate (and alcohol) rather than face their pain and take measures to correct things. Porn just pacifies and causes us to remain stagnant in those moments.

[@jad2290]

@@justinstewart3248 I got you

[@RjeanUrah]

I'm a woman but I relate to this.

[@tangbein]

I can't really see how believing you were the fault of problems in your family leads you to think that the world revolves around you. To have that mindset means being selfish which is the opposite of nice guy-ness ain't it?

[@quickstrike209]

This information just not the logical. It sound like it's a scapegoat for women's bs on bad choices they made

[@maciejgrenda216]

It's linked because of the perceived degreee of agency you have in the situation.

[@djangomarine6658]

Question to all that read this... If you're not supposed to be nice and kind to others, doing the right things and putting "good" in the world, and hoping that some good eventually comes back to you, then why wouldn't you just be a completely selfish a hole? Why not be wholely self absorbed and uncaring? Genuine question.

[@GrowthMindsetChannel]

Great vid as always Brandon, loved the voice acting too dude 👊🏻

[@shivakumarv301]

I remember my father who has nice guy syndrome. I and my brother hate him. I now understand base of his behaviour.

[@hrtjebc]

This is a good hypothesis and could help many people, however it should be said that it’s not a one to one fit. I’d actually say “nice guys” are rejected by the world young and you’re articulating one of the many ways that childhood innocence, love, development can be corrupted and inverted into a fall from Grace. I would recommend looking into the healing of the “whole person”

[@simonight6680]

Here you mixed between being a good manners person and a "nice guy" as you refer to. There are people that are raised in a balanced environment but they are NICE and KIND, this is their personality and cannot be changed but seeking approval from others and having no boundaries is a disorder and need to be treated. Be whatever you want to be, as long as you aren't hurting anyone.

[@Santiino]

My own sentence summary: Nice guys are literally ambitious narcissists... the key tool against it is empathy

[@anuragmishra1918]

I agree ☺☺

[@Namefist11]

As someone who used to be one years ago, try not to get too wrapped up in demonizing these people. They're a victim of gender roles and the idea that sex and relationships are something you have to work for or earn as a man rather than the RNG of happening to meet someone with mutual interest.

[@mikedojack8619]

Porn is a good obstacle to avoid in building confidence, seeking instant gratification will hold you back from confidence.. I had been a nice guy/doormat for a long time.. I was one of the last of my friends to lose my virginity.. I remember I was travelling and drinking a lot and something switched in my confidence.. I became the same person I was with my best friends but with everyone. I had always looked from the outskirts, I was very nice and kind and it didn’t get me very far.. I remember during this ‘awakening’ I was looking at a really muscular tall guy who was trying his best to seduce a girl but he had no confidence and you could tell it wasn’t going anywhere.. I was very short and skinny and I made the realization that being muscular or tall would not get me girls or ‘acceptance’.. I just had to be myself and have confidence.. Make people laugh, be kind, be genuine, and have the vulnerability most men don’t and you will find the life you had always wanted.. I was raised by a loving father.. I think society is an ever changing world, you don’t have to be what society tells you to be in regards to being a ‘man’.. you just have to have confidence and be yourself, you don’t want to lose yourself trying to fit in a crowd

[@jad2290]

You mixed the poison with the honey .

[@gamer-ni5kl]

The video I did'n know I needed.

[@varunbhalla7855]

Thank you so much brother! i did'nt realise i was doing this nice guy bs until i saw this vid now i realized i have to not screw over being liked by people and start fkn liking myself and respecting too and in return if they do the same i appreciate it otherwise i don't care

[@DANIEL-tq8zt]

So in essence become a stoic.

[@JohnJunior-l9z]

Dont be nice period.when you are nice women take your kindness for a weakness.

[@04liverydesign7]

Heh, i went from a question in google, to some advice in reddit, then to this book, and then to the biggest realization of my life Before i start, this isn't an attack against any specific gender, this is a personal experience, so responses will not be sent if you think i have something against be women or men I grew up mostly closet to my mother, my father was absent most of the time but that's because he didn't give a ahit about his children, i also was surrounded by 3 sisters, but since my father and mother were the ones with the mot authority in the house, we would always try to please them, and since my father got more absent over time, we would always try to act like good kids in front of her, after reaching ages of 15 and above, my father went to the hospital after he fell by accident on the street, brain damage happened and surgery was done, he healed over time, but the talk about heritage was always there, and since my mother was the one most capable at the moment, we again tried to please her to give us part of the heritage, this lead to a 4 year path of constant fights and trying to win the approval of our mother and also my father, we tried to control everything in order to help them and to show them that we were good kids like in the past but now being adults, at the end of the day nothing worked, me and one of my sisters had to run away, and i realized that waiting for heritage was a fucking waste of time, and the money was not even worth the conflict We found a room and started living together, and i personally developed this need again of trying to please a woman, my sister in this case, like with my mother, always being there, doing everything she told me so i could be rewarded, but like it was mentioned in the book, she didn't care and even one small mistake would lead to anger from her, i thought what i was doing wasn't enough and started having doubts about myself, i washed her clothes, cleaned the room, basically i couldn't say no to anything she would ask me to do, i reached a point where i exploded and got tired of doing everything, i started to do less stuff over time, but still had this feeling of being wrong, then i found this book being recommended, it was the first book that i couldn't take my eyes off it because every aspect mentioned there was like a life review, i realized that my trauma started when i was a child, and it came from always trying to be the "good boy" of the family, i read like half of the book in less than 2 hours, and the rest in the next day, after starting to apply everything mentioned, i gsined more freedom, no more favors, no fucks given if my sister became angry, no more manipulation based on a favor done in the past, no more self hate and flagellation just because i didn't meet the expectations that the other person had for me, and basically, more control of my life and time, and i don't blame her for this, because in some way i created this situation by always trying to please women or trying to be good with almost everyone else, even in other social interactions, and the truth is, if you try to be good and available to everyone, they will abuse you and your time, no matter how innocent people look, most of them are always looking someone to control, always the game of power. we as kids are always told to protect women and to always please them, but the truth is, that every kid should be taught to take care of its own no matter the gender, this isn't the cavemen era anymore where the guys were the strong ones that would provide food and protection, we are on the times where everyone can handle themselves and protect themselves without needing a guy or a girl on their side to feel safe or to be good, yes you can be someone with a good moral sense, you can still help without expecting anything in return and specially without being a nice guy, you don't have to be a shit head, but also, like it was mentioned above, this will cause an effect where many people will leave your life, but that's good, because they can't control and manipulate you anymore, so they will cease contact with you and find someone else to manipulate and control, if you have to say "NO" just do it, it's the most powerful weapon against manipulation, and if the other person gets angry and shows you a shitty face just so you can feel bad about it, or tries to play the victim, just ignore them and don't give a fuck about it, when true feelings are shown, you recognize them easily, but when they are shown with manipulation behind, you fall into a trap without escape which lead to constant guilt trips and possibly gaslighting. Forgot to mention that over time, your brain gets programmed to please that person, and it gets accustomed to feel fear in anything goes wrong or if the other person gets angry, so the most important aspect is to reprogram your brain after this, and to tell yourself that things are not like they were in the past anymore, and you don't ned to feel fear anymore, because now you have confidence in yourself and your own thoughts, no matter your age, you can still do it, i found out about everything at 24, other guy in this comment section found it at 35, what matters is that you get into that realization so you can heal from your trauma and have a different and new life.

[@Omega4relayfan]

I dont get it. Is listening to music a bad thing all of a sudden? Is it wrong to use it as stress reliever?

[@blessdontstress743]

When you have personal issues and do things like listen to music, watch tv, peruse the internet to alleviate those issues, you're running from them. You're not addressing the issues your just putting them off. For some ppl, it's quite difficult to sit in silence because their conscience will start addressing the problems in their lives.

[@DrJ-hx7wv]

What?

[@dinosanchez8528]

Just because you're intelligent doesn't mean you're always right. I agree with less than 50% of this. They are your own theories and they won't work for everyone.

[@stephenkeppie1308]

It seems so overwhelming.... I feel like I can trust any of my actions anymore 😢

[@traktorivanov3083]

Can someone explain what he means by “be sexual with yourself without fantasy or porn”?

[@MK-qj4wy]

Porn destroys your natural connection you got with females. So being sexual with yourself is pushing yourself off your comfort zone and express this sexual nature of yours with women.(porn doesn'r want you to feel this)

[@quickstrike209]

@@MK-qj4wy what?

[@orwahassan821]

Amazing work

[@RobertJones-et7gh]

Excellent video

[@Superanima7]

This is more people pleasing than being nice. Maybe too nice.

[@mr.maverick700]

one of the best books

[@girishkumar8074]

Hard hitting truths!

[@slstats7948]

Amazing video 💎😃 Fans from Sri Lanka ❤️🇱🇰😃

[@johnmacedo598]

Great vid!

[@felixtrager6476]

Thank you !! Really insightful

[@jatinnandwani6678]

Thanks so much

[@OnePercentBetter]

You're welcome!

[@kalgeriax1016]

I don't understand the meaning of Boundaries? What is the example?

[@farewelltome.]

You have a girlfriend, she then tells you she will be meeting her ex because she was invited by him. You tell her to not come because this is completely unacceptable to you. She then proceeds to come and meet her ex. She tells you sorry but as mentioned this is completely unacceptable to YOU. You dump/leave her, completely, no talking, no explanations.

[@kalgeriax1016]

@@farewelltome. Well that makes sense.

[@ST-ly8uf]

I decided to put myself first and be my authentic self! I'm gonna drive a tank with jolly rogers on the side and become the best damn warcrimminal I can. Thanks Dr Glover! I'll see you at Nuremberg!

[@tjenkins301]

Wow just wow

[@audraburke1526]

Does anyone know of a more "clean" version of this video? My dad has this problem and there's always been a lot of conflict with my parents but I feel like the language is a little insulting and I want him to take this seriously 😅

[@miknes12345]

The nr 1 person you should be a nice guy towards is yourself.

[@Mikeh404]

Everyone deserves to be treated nicely. That is, until you point a g u n at me, then, there is no ifs or buts

[@bartdegryse9345]

Krav maga their asses 🤛

[@ajayb.7240]

Yea... Nice guy is a bad ... And a guy who uses and dumps girls is a hero...v good

[@gerryvandepol7630]

Kindness and nice are not the same…

[@mrniceguy8298]

@@gerryvandepol7630 So Kindness Guy?

[@JimmyJaxJellyStax]

The more we bring awareness, the greater we repair the future generations of parenting to not create this ultimately inhumane pathological niceness - "nice guy syndrome" IS a mental health condition that can be prevented in childhood when we get our fathers back on track too.

[@nessmagalal7049]

This applies too much to my sister !!!!

[@rsdsindy]

I've been listening to the Audiobook version, but it was not captivating enough. So thank you for not having to listen to the audiobook version!

[@sahillohiya7658]

I am watching this after break up and every line is difficult to hear, it keeps reminding me how stupid i was and how i f*cked up

[@siphiwenomathebe6388]

😅😅😅😅it's funny though. Thank u ma man.

[@Joefest99]

Shit! I just realized I’m a “nice guy”! 😳

[@OmSinghJi]

Are you from NZ?

[@sergio1662]

Singkirkan syndrom anak baik

[@CarolinaKilla]

damn. i think imma nice guy to a certain extent

[@lonwof2105]

I am definitely not a nice guy. But relationships still dont work for me.

[@bliss5522]

I read this quote somewhere- Nice guys finish at divorce, whereas bad guy finish in her mouth. Thats all you need to know.

[@VictorDwyer1]

Great sharing my feiend // Create Friendships 💛👍🔔New member

[@CoachSteveJandS]

Glover is still running seminars and retreats...

[@thethrowbackguy4319]

You can still be a good guy without being a nice guy

[@ironcommander01]

Today I got to know that, I am a nicr guy & not introvert

[@frankdevans1]

Bad news, looks like that flight you took into Vegas just landed in western Kansas.

[@jamalmiller9643]

Make males friends that's why I always hung out with the homies and thugs

[@NdewoNigeria]

Almost every guy is a nice guy in one way or another, it's more of a spectrum, your goal is to get closer to the alpha male side of the spectrum

[@key2cozy622]

I thought this was gonna be sherm but it was actually good.

[@sergio1662]

no More Mr Nice Guy

[@JoshHasbrouckSr]

Yup

[@josephdelgado1363]

Nice guys are covert narcicissts

[@Erad1288]

I was listening to this passively and it all made sense until I asked the question: Why is it that we understand that the best customers are the most loyal? Because they like what they get. This book is right in certain ways. It is the honest truth that hiding your flaws is not the way to earn respect and admiration. You just seem to be unaware or a pompous prick in denying flaws. It also correctly points to passive aggressiveness as a main source of fighting back when your feelings are hurt which gives all of the disadvantages of not giving the person feedback about your emotional state, but also punishing others for not knowing what hurt your feelings. It also points out that fear is the motivating factor behind many "nice" gestures. Nice people want to be rewarded for their kindness. I may be wrong so feel free to correct me here if I am so. Here are my thoughts. This man's book is wonderfully attractive in appealing to the our self desires. It is not wonderfully attractive to the person viewing our desires. You nor I intrinsically want to pour in a load of time and attention into a stranger. All you'll do is burn more bridges. The implicit contract of "I'll help you if you help me" is not at all a bad contract. It is mutually self serving and romantically the choice to do so is rational. You break it, I leave is also mutually self serving. The appeal of "not having to change" is to appeal to being selfish and self centered while claiming that those who would do for others are the real selfish ones. Both are selfish people, but one selfishly pours into others in hope of a return and the other selfishly pours into themselves hoping for returns. Ask yourself which selfishness is going to be better for all parties? Companies make products to appeal to your desires so that you give them your resources. It works and you sign off with no ill feelings over a good product. Compare the words and actions to what Greene is describing.

[@_..-.._..-.._]

I think you misunderstood the contract part. Nice guys do nice things and then expect certain specific things to be done in return, but they don’t voice these wants or the terms out loud, because of this, they are resentful and passive aggressive because nobody ever seems to give them what they want. It’s because they assume everyone can read their minds. If this video is all you know about the book, then you would have a bad understanding of it, the vid is okay, but obviously a 12 min summary is going to leave a ton of things out. “Nice guy syndrome” isn’t referring to what anyone would call actually nice guys, it’s only people who pretend to be nice guys and refer to themselves as such. Nice guy syndrome makes a man very dishonest and deceitful and not truly nice.

[@LoveAshleyCash1]

Good thing I’m an asshole

[@spetsnaz4027]

This is thinly veiled misandry. Please realize this men. Know when your being preyed upon. lol 😂

[@caseypayne5138]

explain

[@spetsnaz4027]

It’s the equivalent of graping and feeding young girl Big Macs her whole childhood then when she’s grown, call her a “round whore girl. ” when parents society sowed the exact “problem” this video describes. This gynocratic/ fem first society chose to manipulate males instead of honoring them. Misandry is this societies #1 problem.

[@caseypayne5138]

@@spetsnaz4027 AH. Yeah, 100% agree. I don't know why but I read it as "misogyny" the first time and I was like "say what bro?"

[@leonrobinson8180]

@@spetsnaz4027 Nonsense. Drop the damn buzzwords. The video simply says that you should be confident enough to ask for what you want instead of trying to trade favours for sex. "Nice guys" aren't nice. They're manipulative.

[@BG-sq7zf]

What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way. Cardi B. artist & role model for the most privilege 🦄 on the entire planet: '''My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.''' Feminist's Ideology from Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook: '''My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.''' Isaiah 3:12 *Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road. Proverbs 31:3 Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings. Ezekiel 23:20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. *Sex and Culture* by Joseph Daniel Unwin *The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi *The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar *The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell *The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis *Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe *Men on Strike* by Helen Smith *Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous

[@murphy_artz9326]

One thing: All childs are egocentric, that isnt a sole characteristic of young nice guys. "There are two important facts we must understand about children. First, when children come into the world they are totally helpless. They are dependent on others to recognize and respond to their needs in a timely, judicious manner. As a result of this dependency, every child's greatest fear is abandonment. To children, abandonment means death. Second, children are ego-centered. This means that they inherently believe they are the center of the universe and everything revolves around them. Therefore, they believe that they are the cause of everything that happens to them. "

[@Bluemoneystar]

09:33: Your sexual history, earliest sexual memory, childhood experiences, sexual violation and traum, sexual issues in your family Pretty ambiguous, since I got none of them, what is bad and good at the same time.

[@o2good4u]

If you get on the nice guy subreddit, you will see how women feel about the "nice guy syndrome"

[@captainflexasaurus8318]

Nailed the "girl" voice 😂