No Purpose, No Problem | Picky Girl Travels Podcast Season 4, Episode 7

[@Uplift3704]

Society does not like free thinkers, especially if that free thinker is a black women. Our purpose is to take care of everyone else even when it affects our health. Live your dreams

[@AdaliaAborisade]

💯

[@NiNi4real802]

I appreciate you.

[@stephanied.k.3589]

"Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears."

[@StephaniePerry]

Adalia, super thoughtful and insightful, as always. 💗 The Purpose Patrol doesn't talk this way to anybody but Black women. Can you imagine them telling Tom Brady to give up football to better contribute to society? Or to raise his children?

[@AdaliaAborisade]

💯Nobody is hounding Jeff Bezos about finding his purpose

[@winnieb1352]

Stephanie is right. I have spent 50+ years trying to figure out my purpose. This year I asked myself what is my dream, and that's why I'm gonna learn how to play electric guitar and play in a rock cover band 🎸😝

[@BrendaReed55]

That sounds great!! I have always wanted to learn to play the guitar and sing. Thought about doing a KZbin channel featuring singing cover songs. I have always liked singing. Good luck!!

[@brooklynqueen7089]

❤🎸🎶🎼🎵👸🏽

[@Erica-en2qz]

I love this! ❤️🎸

[@R4B247]

Yay! Me too. I quit my job a year ago. Now i want to learn acoustic guitar, enjoy painting and live freely. 🎉🎉🎉Yay for you! Play that funky music🎶

[@juliebrinkley4064]

Go for it. 💯We as black women are so busy thinking the rest of the world needs us to take care of them. That we don’t get to know ourselves and what we want and what’s best for us. I have pianists in my family and I was inspired to learn & get my daughter into piano lessons. Years went by and the dream died. Bc I was too busy working sometimes two jobs. I’m going to revisit that dream.

[@hrhsophiathefirst4060]

When you prioritize yourself, you are seen as selfish. I was told this many times by black women for choosing not to have children. Even when I had a medical reason to support the decision. I have been in a selfish season for 47 years and plan to continue!

[@agnescampbell7692]

Love this!

[@kemi1486]

Keep doing you because as black women we will never be enough or do enough for others. I have one child and because of medical reasons I can’t and really don’t want a 2nd child but people don’t want to hear that. I also did 20yrs of military service and people want me to get another job instead of me working to healing from the trauma. I just stopped listening to people who are not encouraging me to take care of myself. I just tune them out and you should do the same.

[@denisechilds2391]

I agree with Stephanie and Adaila, Live your Life , make u happy 1st, I'm done with negative people, I choose Denise 1st,....i must follow my dreams, I'm.on dream road....❤😊😊

[@denisechilds2391]

I can't do for nobody, but me ...

[@denisechilds2391]

Love this !!!!

[@kimhazlewood334]

People always get their backs up when your dreams threaten their purpose for you.

[@Abrandnewday123]

Okay?! They have a plan for how we should be living our lives that prioritizes them, not us.

[@kimhazlewood334]

@@Abrandnewday123 You got it✌🏾

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🎯

[@lisamariano1553]

This statement should be accompanied by a mic 🎤 drop🤯

[@lamar7902]

Ms Perry living her dreams is fulfilling her purpose.

[@blackhannahofficial]

There is no better example in the black communities, than the example of: Big Mommas. We all know Big mommas SACRIFICED their lives, generation over generation. And What did Big momma get in return... She got ran the hell down ❕Out with the old model; Tme for the NEW. ✋🏾I stand with Stephanie Perry and PGTW. Team 'Follow Your Dreams'

[@erikaatplay7124]

Man! I used to farm and as my youngest officially grown I’ve stopped and folks lost their minds for a minute. Ummm feeding others was a bi-product of feeding my family. There is NOTHING in me that wants to work that hard and have my life centered around feeding outsiders. I have other goals that I’m pursuing but i highly encourage you to grow your own food. But y’all ain’t about to guilt me into feeding you.

[@annaware1836]

Adalia, I think the " purpose" theme has been a focus of religious people for 30 years. I have completed so many of them. Now, I am 60, still searching for the purpose. I used to dream a lot as a child. I would travel the world on a flying rug. Teen years, I dreamt of having a job that required traveling. Got married. Survival mode for 20 years. Stop dreaming. Single for 7 yrs. I am dreaming again. Found Stephanie Perry, with a message of liberation from other people's labels & duties. I will retire in 3 yrs. I am seeking a space in Guadalajara, MX or Boquete, Panama.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

So glad you're dreaming again 💗

[@annaware1836]

@@AdaliaAborisade Thank you! Me too!!

[@karladanielshooper2622]

So true! Religion failed to promote the scripture says, "delight thyself in the Lord and He will give the desires of your heart."

[@MoniqueJoinerSiedlak_Author]

I missed that! I need to go back and watch it. My family is already not speaking to me since I pulled up stakes, sold my house and moved to Poland. My inner child was screaming "Yes!" I've had one dream since I was 12, to be a writer who traveled. Luckily, I met my husband. Coming home after a particular bad day at work that brought me to tears, he said, "Quit. You Always wanted to write, so just quit. I'll get a second job." Yeah, I fell for him all over again. When his father passed in 2019, the apartment my husband grew up in was left to him. The pandemic kept us from returning until 2022. I'm still writing and we try to go to at least one place a month. Our first goal is the cities around Poland and not just Krakow, Warsaw, Wroclaw, Zakopane, Gdansk, Gdynia or Sopot (even though we've been there) before visiting other countries.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🙌🏽

[@prettylady818]

How exciting for you ❤And your husband deserves a round of applause 👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾

[@mpricemsw]

I don't know why I was shocked by these comments 🥴 People really don't want Black women to reach self-actualization and it shows. Thank you for this powerful message! 💕

[@AdaliaAborisade]

They absolutely do not

[@moneycoachmalika]

I view purpose as a calling or divine assignment and live both - my dreams AND my purpose. I think when you follow your dreams and prioritize yourself, you will naturally become aligned with your purpose. Based on the way you and Stephanie have helped so many of us shift the narrative to center ease and joy in our lives, I think you are fulfilling your purpose (divine assignment). I’m grateful that you have aligned your dreams and purpose so effortlessly. Otherwise, I’d still be stuck in the matrix. But I’m FREE! 🙌🏾

[@claudiaross239]

My purpose is to live my dreams😂

[@tiaholloway9668]

Sounds about right!

[@prettylittlemaverick]

*Omg, stating for the first 40 years you “did not dream”, is so profound!!! So many don’t realize they’re perpetually in Survival Mode, because it’s the story of the majority; sadly.* 💜

[@AdaliaAborisade]

It took me a long time to realize how much that had impacted my life

[@ServantTeacher50]

I am sending this podcast to my 22 y/o daughter. This message is right on time for her since she is stressing herself out about finding her purpose. It's one thing for her to hear her mom (me) say don't worry about finding your purpose, just focus on your dreams, but hearing it from another strong black woman will solidify the message. Thank you for sharing the powerful message❤

[@sagecurates]

I couldn't think of a better time for her to be getting that message. and the pressure of the world is so big, it's great that you're sprinkling this message upon her life.

[@notthatvashti8127]

Ding, ding, ding give the lady the prize. You are so right Adalia, we have been in a role of servitude for so long that it is offensive for many to see us dreaming or doing anything else that makes us joyful. I don't need a purpose, I need for people to let me be who and what I desire. I've worked long enough and hard enough to deserve it. I subscribe to the airlines' theory of putting on your oxygen mask first. I can't help anyone else if I can't breathe!

[@FarmerCee]

My purpose is to be happy. Period💜

[@AleciaRenece]

Adalia!!!! Yeeeeeeeeeees!!!! Thank you so much for sharing this!!! This reminder feels like balm to the soul. 🥰🌺🌻💛 Also... These comments you're reviewing are GROOOOSS. 😫 Ugh. And that man is LYIIING. 😒 Black women have ALWAYS put others first... And to our own detriment. Thank you.

[@strawberryoats570]

I am proudly selfish. When I gave myself permission to not be responsible for solving other people’s problems it, allowed me the mental and physical resources to devote to myself. I am now the happiest and most satisfied that I’ve ever been in my life!!!

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🙌🏾🙌🏾 It is such a freeing place to be when you stop making yourself responsible for solving other folks' problems

[@anthonysmith9170]

Stephanie’s message was spot on and you all are only telling us to love ourselves and find your joy…. Thank you !

[@AdaliaAborisade]

You are so welcome

[@gg13308]

She is going against the American agenda for a women. She is entitled to her opinion, there are women who feel they need that purpose. We are programmed to believe this. Sometimes our purpose and dreams align,but not often. There are expectations for us as women…sad but true. I have already did for everyone else, it’s my turn. I get it..totally agree with Stephanie we need to put ourselves first for a change

[@arhythminthedark4718]

My godmother told me when I was a new young mother that I need to put me first ( take care of myself, my mind, my heart) so that I can take care of my child and show up in the best way possible. I was shocked to hear this at 22 yrs. I think of my good ole friend, may she rest in power, how she was the ONLY one that gave ME a gift for my baby shower ( day spa certificate) because she felt that people always forget the mom and the hard work she put in. I love this video. Thank you so much for this MADAM!!! STAY PROTECTED AND WELL.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

You were very fortunate to have that kind of support at such a young age.

[@arhythminthedark4718]

@@AdaliaAborisade I most certainly agree.

[@Abrandnewday123]

The more I think about this I believe the negative response is based in selfishness. Typically our purpose is tied to service to others but our dreams are about ourselves. Some folks will say we’re selfish if it doesn’t benefit them. They completely miss the energetic effect of women being happy and fulfilled within ourselves. Seeing us embody that space will be a balm & a blessing unto their very souls. So, Black Women, please rediscover your joy, your dreams and live from that space. I’m rooting for all of us.🤗💕🤗💕

[@AdaliaAborisade]

All of the research, quantitative and anecdotal, shows that if you improve the lives of women you improve the lives of everyone

[@claudiaross239]

An odd example of women putting others first are swaps in the craft community. One gets paired with a random stranger to send a gift swap. Often preferences are noted. Participants make a package then mail it off. I've done two or three in the past. The last one actually brought tears to my eyes as another woman, half way around the world, made me a beautiful package full of things I wouldn't buy for myself. That's when it hit me how women are so conditioned to serve others. I could justify spending money on a stranger more than I could justify spending it on myself. That was my last swap. Nowadays I strive to honour myself by getting things that I want.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

Good example

[@claudiaross239]

Every birthday I select a word to guide me for that age. I'd already selected 'me' as my word. This video reinforces that decision.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

Love it!

[@thehowardworldview]

The short from Stephanie Perry is one of my all-time favorites. The truth stings. Hopefully, after sitting with the content a while, people will take the positive seeds shared and plant them. Embracing laborious situations, burden, abuse, disfunction, struggle, and disrespect and calling it "purpose" is not a virtue.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🎯

[@jenniferjoseph2290]

A very good message when u are selfish with yourself people feel that you are a mean person or not caring

[@AdaliaAborisade]

Yep, all designed to keep us in line and playing our role in the system

[@rozcateringllc2362]

You and Stephanie are my heroes

[@_brandixx]

This is my first time commenting, but when I got to 19:02 I had to replay again and again, because ABSOLUTELY. This bizarre idea in the black community that all black mothers should be revered has always baffled me. And in general, the idea that we can’t be fulfilled as human beings unless we are pouring ourselves into making other people happy is ABSURD and not just patriarchal, I find that it’s steeped in racism because nobody else, certainly not white women, is expected, from birth, to put the needs of everyone else above their own. The mens get big mad when they think of a woman being selfish, because it means there is one less woman available to take care of his ashy a*s and perform femininity for him and call it “purpose”. See, now I see why it took you a minute to make this video, because I was to scream at the internet, too! Also, I love ALL of your content. 🤓😅

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🙌🏾

[@bethan.gruffydd]

Absolutely love this and could not agree more. Putting ourselves first is a victory for women's liberation and undermines the patriarchy. Tear it down and build ourselves up!

[@junquette3000]

"We need to do more dreaming! " Absolutely. Thanks for another great video, Adalia!

[@AdaliaAborisade]

You're very welcome

[@africaraisedme]

I totally appreciate Stephanie Perry saying that. It was right on point! I needed to hear it! Thank you Stephanie!

[@juliebrinkley4064]

I live in Florida and all I see are people, families enjoying life. Boating, biking, traveling the list goes on. I see people that looks like me, including myself, at work while others are living their dreams and don’t work. Idk 🤷🏽‍♀️ 😮I’m going to start taking notes to start my journey on how to do as ,”Stephanie put it,” as little as possible while earning money.” lol 💯😂

[@Hello_Pri]

When I saw Stephanie’s video, it completely changed my thought process. It opened my eyes. It hit hard in the best way. I’ve also gone through so many periods where I ask myself what is my purpose, am I living my purpose, will I ever figure it out, why can’t I seem to get it, what am I missing. Hearing Stephanie’s words, I felt like I had permission to let that go. Changing the question makes so much sense to me. It also made me ask myself, why can’t our dreams be our purpose? When you live your dreams you put so much more good into the world than you would otherwise. I think you and Stephanie are wonderful examples of that. And living your dreams gives life so much meaning. Thanks for this video, I watched it twice and will watched it again. And thanks to you and Stephanie for putting such a wonderful message out there for us to hear. I’ve changed my question! Move toward your dreams.

[@karynwithers504]

Sadly, some black men are not supportive of black women anyway. Some men are selfish that's why there's so many black households that has absent fathers. The men are doing whatever they want. When you're on a plane & that mask comes down, you use it before that child. You have to safe yourself so can help others. I'm team Stephanie! I will be living my dream life & doing what I want to do. My dream is live my best life in reality vs having it just be saying. My oldest sister can't comprehend me living abroad if my son is not this with me. If he come with me, he come, if he dont, I'm still leaving. I will be able to get to him & vice versa.

[@comfortuanserume7850]

I used to obsess about my purpose. Now, I just work on doing good where and when I can.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

I think freeing ourselves from that search for purpose is not only liberating but also frees up energy for much more fulfilling things.

[@comfortuanserume7850]

@@AdaliaAborisade Yeah, I felt so much better! Ha!

[@anotherwarren7994]

It's interesting that women who seem to be serving such a profound purpose to other women, don't connect purpose to dreams. I think one makes room for the other. We really just need to stop allowing other people to determine our purpose, by imposing their thoughts about it upon us. That's the real issue.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

That's what this show is about, life on your terms

[@hjdreams1429]

Totally agree. Why do we need a "purpose," and what is the obsession with leaving a legacy?

[@stephanied.k.3589]

🎯 I think the whole legacy thing is linked to the fear of an obliviously human death. I've seen too many people blow financial legacies away and remembrance last about half a generation for the best of us.

[@HighVibe001]

I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the comments, but the one about not having maternal instincts hit different. Why was that even necessary? But I guess that was coming from a woman who has put everyone else first and feels that is her duty. Welp! I feel sorry for her when the reality sets in that she didn't have to live life that way. I am so thankful for Stephanie Perry and this EXODUS community for showing me through their lived experiences that my dreams are not unrealistic because they are absolutely achievable!!!

[@blackhannahofficial]

I felt that dig too. That inference was totally uncalled for.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

When we as women start to buck the system they look to attack our value as women - apparently motherhood is the pinnacle. I guess that figured that would cut the deepest.

[@lenorawilson2326]

The saying is self preservation, that the first rule of survival. If I as a human being, I am expected to care for others; how well can I do that or for how long if I don't first take care of me. I believe this is why we have more people dealing with mental illness today than ever before. People are truly unhappy and unhappiness leads to physical and mental imblance (mental illness). Think of it this way, if you are the pillar that's holding everything up and if the pillar isn't taking care of it grows weak and collapses, then the entire structure crumbles.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

💯

[@lakicia30]

Fav video of yours. EVERRRY black woman needs to see this.

[@workingtwiceashard]

The fact that several of the comments moved to "having children" and "maternal instincts" says a lot. In our society, if you're a woman I believe most people do equate your purpose with being a mother.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

Yep and it's sad

[@dominiquebt]

My purpose is to find joy in life and this can include me choosing to help others. But a lot of people equate Black women having a purpose to being of use to others and entirely for the benefit of others.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

That's just it, it's your choice

[@dwalker6868]

Loving it, my take away a new response “I have NO obligation to that”

[@living42dayonly92]

I strongly agree with Stephanie...Facts, facts & more facts. 😂

[@feliciamcconnell7335]

Thanks for making this video! I wondered about the response to Stephanie’s video and forgot to check the comments. I too did not have the luxury of dreaming in my younger years, survival was the name of the game😏 I tell all the young people in my sphere, follow your dreams!!! The survival game will rob your life!!! The whole “purpose” conversation started in the Christian circles I used to frequent in my holy-roller days😜 …it was so much pressure to have name your purpose whenever asked, like in demand!!🙄 it was so irritating! I remember telling one Christian sister that my purpose was to earn a living and raise my son!!! You would’ve thought she saw Linda Blair from the exorcist!!! So glad I let that go!!! What I did not do right away was focus on my dreams…until now!!! Thank you PickyGirl! I love your talks and the inspiration from Stephanie and Roshida💜 keep doin what y’all doin👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@AdaliaAborisade]

You're very welcome. There've been so many comments on my video about the connection between the purpose police and religion. I hadn't really thought about it in that context but it absolutely makes sense.

[@SamriBliss]

society has a certain role assigned for us and get upset when we venture out and go our own way :D

[@AdaliaAborisade]

Yep, they get big mad

[@doucelait1]

I wish I were selfish sooner. I’m just now learning to be first in my life and showing up for me. I love it. Screw my yellow cape and rubber boots. Screw my former position as captain save and do for everyone else first. I embrace the universe and all the fun and goodness it has for me. It feels liberating and great. 🥰. This took time to get to. It’s alright because it’s on my terms. Thank you Stephanie, Adalia and Roshida. I celebrate you all for encouraging women to live for their dreams and joys in life. 🥰🙌🏾

[@AdaliaAborisade]

Yes!

[@orlettacaldwell]

I know my purpose but I live it NOW as an expression of my dream and in ease. Please know that capitalism doesn't care about happiness nor American Christianity.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

💯

[@msevascloset3146]

You should get an Academy Award for this video. Also, your purpose is tied to your dreams.

[@thinkchivalryblog4772]

If we chase our dreams and service others in some way while doing the things that bring us joy, we've discovered our purpose. When our cups are filled, we're in the best position to support others around us. And as you said, we don't need to put ourselves last in order to be a good person. I can be a good human AND put myself first. I can follow my dreams AND be of service to others. I can be happy and successful WITHOUT working myself to the bone. We all just need to find our middle grounds. That's the only place life can truly be lived, in the "middle". Thanks for this much needed conversation!! Powerful.

[@BlueSkyyWanderer]

Maslow's hierarchy of needs! Is about self growth not service or purpose to others.

[@juliebrinkley4064]

I love her message to us as women to follow our dreams. Why not, all the other cultures are. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@katrinamichelle8373]

Purpose is interesting in terms of the 'nudge' one may get to fulfill 'some purpose'. For instance, when I was diagnosed with Leukemia back in 2013, the best two pieces of advice I got were from my Uncle and one of my doctors. First was to 'pay that cancer no mind and it will HAVE to leave you and go somewhere else', and the second piece of advice (from my doctor) was 'not to feel obligated to start a foundation, volunteer, run a race, get a tattoo or an F* Cancer t-shirt'. So I did just that, paid as little attention to my diagnosis as I could and I ran no races. But more importantly, I started living life a little harder, now really understanding that it is not promised. So to live out my dreams is my mantra! My hope that others get the message and start doing the same🤗

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🙌🏾

[@MexicoMills]

Love love love this message ❤ Thank you for bringing this TRUTH🎯

[@AdaliaAborisade]

You're most welcome

[@sagecurates]

I find myself always in awe and grateful for this entire community & even this comment section. I recently turned 30 and all of y'all remind me that I've not even lived a third of my life and I have time. And all of us have time and time is really not even real. I cannot wait to expat and really join the community in the world and beyond the confines of America and its expectations on black women. I have always felt that I don't want to work for a living forever-- I want for me and my wife to do our own thing and live beyond money we had been greatly rejected in general and the chance at a family be it a chosen one greater than ourselves with other black people particularly black women feels uplifting and again I'm grateful for all y'all!!

[@WrldExplorer]

I love this video because everything you say, I think the same way.

[@trace3254]

One last thing. It just occurred to me that serving others means you don't have to think about what you really want then have the GUTS to do that!!!! A lot of times, if you ask the woman who is always volunteering and running and cooking and the first one at church feeding all the folks......"what are YOUR dreams" she will look like a deer in the headlights and not have a clue. Sad if you really think about it. And......that's okay cuz it's her life. Not ours. And, frankly, thank God for folks like that ...in a way....they provide the stability so we can go!!!!

[@melissaforbes2173]

For almost over thirty years I’ve put people first, been a nurse and it almost killed me. I’m all about me now. Absolutely, love what Stephanie Perry says. Fuck been of service. This modern day slavery bit have to stop and black women needs to start thinking about ourselves. Thank you Adalia. I’m very new to your podcast and following you and I’m learning a lot. Thank you for sharing your time. I’m learning a lot and I’m preparing myself to been financially free. I’m preparing and planning for my future now and getting ready to walk away from a job that is a cancer to me. I’m choosing selfish!!!!

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🙌🏾

[@deborahblount8571]

I've watched Stephanie for a year. You have to know what she is about. She encourages you to make decisions to live and commit to being free from Corporate Jobs that keep you from exploring the world and be free. She does house sitting travels all over relaxing enjoying life her video is for black women to put SELF FIRST. We need to value what we want and take a sabbatical you get burned out. Travel see the world. People waste our time they try to take away our desire to Dream and put you down because you want to adventure and there is always a negative comment. She is not selfish. She left her job as pharmacy tech she can return open door if she chooses to. She has a great vision and makes you say Hum that is a great idea step out on faith and go for it. People have children and travel the world broadening the mindset not just working stuck in unhappy life. Open your mind to travel and leave that job that's burning you out

[@Nabisoul28]

When I saw Stephanie's live, I was so grateful that she is encouraging people to actually enjoy living for yourself and experiencing the world is a most glorious thing it makes you see how wonderful the world in this earth truly is. The people that are jumping on and saying Oh but you must be selfish because they've really bought into the construct that if you're not doing for others then you're not necessary because I can't use you to get what I need from you and I can't get it for free. Slavery's been gone a long time ago but you can still see the slave mindsets in the community

[@AdaliaAborisade]

so much of this stuff is fruit of the slavery tree

[@ericadouroux9658]

I think a most people believe purpose is very important in life.. but I think it has been hijacked to believe it's about serving other people. Stephanie is speaking on serving youself first. then, maybe your life will be an example for others.Your purpose can be just to explore and enjoy life.❤

[@Fairexchangenorobbery]

I don’t care about it either! Live 🎉 I concur 👍 Side note I knew I liked you, my bday is in March too! Much support to the channel and the information given for women to break free ❤ it’s time to be FREE!!! I heard about purpose from religious beliefs.

[@TrustingYourProcess]

I love that perspective. I feel like trying to find my purpose has kept me in such a prison and just hearing don’t follow a purpose. follow your dreams. It really opened up something in my mind that allowed me to move forward. I think we spend too much time trying not to piss people off as black women. At age 58, I’m tired of it I’m just tired of it and it has held me back so long so this was like drinking new water. Thank you.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🙌🏾🙌🏾 I know exactly what you're talking about.

[@MochaManSpirit]

Your dreams have always been what keeps you going. Even Martin said “I have a DREAM”, not “I have a Purpose”. Your dreams are the fuel to get you to the life you really want for yourself, and sometimes others.

[@thebritneylashaun]

Thank you!! 🫶🏾

[@AdaliaAborisade]

you're welcome

[@venuskirby8243]

I am going to start dreaming!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤. Thank you so much Adalia

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🙌🏾

[@shakayeh6367]

I saw Stephanie’s video & now yours. This serves as reinforcement for me to start thinking of me. It’s not at all selfish when you spend most of your life thinking about others wellbeing & sacrificing your own to maintain some sort of homeostasis in life. And one day you wake up to find no one is willing to do that for you. The unjust relationships between givers & takers. Now that I’m ready to be selfish all the things I neglected to do for myself, I’m too exhausted to do😊 Thanks for this content it is really needed & I appreciate you, Stephanie & Roshida very much. Keep up the good work.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

You're very welcome

[@HollijoyJohnson]

😷I like it, it's a different mindset 😊 "LIVE YOUR DREAMS" instead of finding your life's purpose. Finding ones life purpose seems like a labor intensive endeavor, but fulfilling dreams will bring God's grace and/or gifts 🎁 to fruition however that materializes in your life 🤩 much thanks to both you and Stephanie😏 the little girl in me is fired up 🤭 reminds me of Genesis 2:15 and the role men have but modern women bogart 🤔 capitalism benefits from dysfunctional citizenry and people not knowing their lane😳 more work, more work, more work and for what 😬

[@CoachDonnaMarie]

I have to consider the source... who are the negative reactions from? Certainly not from within our community. Who cares about what others think? Those who are still tethered to those outside of our community are the ones who still care. The honest truth is that no one else will care about my dreams but me... and so, I have to consider the source and choose to ignore them, if needed or as needed.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

I guess I spend so much time in our community that it surprises me that there are people who would get big mad about women focusing on their dreams.

[@Fairexchangenorobbery]

Oh women with children…lol they think their whole life revolves around children or a marriage.

[@CoachDonnaMarie]

Definitely my favorite episode… loved that you pointed out the hypocrisy of American men touting the importance of pursuing the American dream while shutting down women who are dreaming on their own (Americanized or not)

[@Refreshing_Words]

They don’t black women to be free.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

💯

[@SunnieSkies]

You are so on point with this video@Adalia!! Those comments made me so mad. Especially after I read the full comment of that idiot taking about maternal instincts. Black women are encouraged to do, do, do for others until we have nothing left to give ourselves. I would challenge any of those naysayers of Stephanie's video to show me someone who pursued their dreams and didnt run into what they deemed to be their "purpose". And I'm differentiating here because people will try to tell you that your dreams and priorities aren't valid but YOU'RE THE AUTHORITY ON YOU! It may be different than what society deems as a valid purpose but WHO CARES! It's whatever we see as important in our lives.

[@Nabisoul28]

It's a social construct that we've bought into because we were born and raised in America it's a capitalist construct but it provides the black community with pack mules I mean black women You can access when you have a need and they will feel obligated to provide for you because purpose in our culture means you have success or are successful on some level when you're giving of your time and your your energy to others

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🎯

[@empress2020]

Thank you for this encouragement. I needed to hear this today. thank you, thank you, thank you!!!❤

[@AdaliaAborisade]

You are so welcome

[@pedrozatravel]

Very liberating mindset

[@01akqueen]

I have never dreamed until recently. I am a mom, wife, daughter, employee and was never able to think beyond that. I feel like I have been treading water all of my life. Now I'm dreaming and ready to be me. Not yet but surely soon!

[@JoyfulLife9]

This message is right on time! Learning to focus more on living my dreams!

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🙌🏾

[@ThePinkpaws7]

Why can’t living out one’s purpose be the same as living out one’s dreams? I look at it from a spiritual sense.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

Maybe it could be.

[@trace3254]

Most folks feel having a purpose to serve other people justifies their existence! In addition, pursuing your dreams is oftentimes more difficult.....more threatening.....then staying put and voluteering at home......donating to everybody and everything...............PLUS IT SOUNDS BETTER!!! Saying you're going to Bali right after you got back from going to Portugal goes into some folks head as "and she said she didn't have the money to lend me". Or, who the hell does she think she is....? Now, try saying I'm going to Bali or Portugal to volunteer to teach at an orphanage or to work at the local animal shelter and you will be applauded!!!! Lastly, folks, pursuing your dreams is more difficult! It's ultra personal and requires digging deep. Society has the opportunities to serve others to volunteer (another work for working for free) already set up for you....all you do is pick and go, write the check....and feel like you did good. Look, my way is to to be good, help where I can as I go on a daily basis, yes, donate money/times sometimes. However, a long time ago, I told someone who insisted that I get involved with some purpose they were selling.........that no, I'll do it my way, "I don't have to justify my existence to nobody". And, that's all I have to say on that!

[@denisewade2638]

I love this video; you summed it up we don't need to achieve anything to be valid in our humanness. Mic drop!

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🙌🏾

[@megandean5435]

Hell Yeah Stephanie. I have lost or forfeited time with that out of balanced shit as a black woman. No more. Thank you to my Sister Community. Much Love yall.

[@CreativeLivingWithAmeasha]

We get caught up in the words sometimes! The meaning is different for each of us. They can be the same thing perhaps for some as well. People let’s live and enjoy our lives and love others- purpose-desire-dreams❤.Although yes the underlying theme as u said has been purpose is meaning to life…ouch I agree with you and stephanie

[@AdaliaAborisade]

If we would all just let folks live the world would be so much better off

[@CreativeLivingWithAmeasha]

@@AdaliaAborisade ❤️Indeed. I feel that

[@pamellatysen5237]

Bullseye. Let it rip. Thank you!

[@pamellatysen5237]

Take care of yourself first and foremost.

[@CindyChilds]

I have to share this video because it is a must that we break free of this brain washing! Lord them comments are not for my soul. I am ready to follow my dreams that's something I can do!

[@AdaliaAborisade]

You probably also want to check out Hustle Culture is Lying to You kzbin.info/www/bejne/aaC3h3mDfbyqfM0

[@aimeepaterson4423]

Adalia, This Is An Excellent Session! SHOUT IT LOUDLY FOR THE CRAZIES (OK, People)AT THE BACK!!! I Am, Firmly, With Stephanie Perry With This!!! YEP! Follow Your Dreams & Empower Yourself; Find Your Happiness! Thank You, Adalia. Muito Obrigada.❣️Great Podcast!🌹xox

[@AdaliaAborisade]

Thanks for watching

[@DN-wy3ud]

I'm 30 years old and just realised ive never even thought about my dreams😭, thanks to this video im going to redesign my whole life😤

[@AdaliaAborisade]

That is society's plan but luckily you found us.

[@tegaskins6287]

I think balance is the key. Too much of anything can be harmful. I seek to live a balanced life. Being in service to others is not bad. It's when it's out of balance with our dreams that we may suffer.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

As long as that service is a choice and not out of obligation

[@tegaskins6287]

@AdaliaAborisade Agreed. I've always thought that a life of service...nuns and priests, for example... is worthy of praise. But yes, only when it is by choice.

[@giulialawrence3663]

Spot on video, as with the one you referenced!! My children are not my PURPOSE, they are my RESPONSIBILITY. Those are not the same thing. Yes, I love and adore them and I work HARD (all unpaid labor) for their sake. But purpose, and dreams, at least for me and I believe for a LOT of women, are separate from that because I am a separate human being. I don't hinge my purpose on THEM or try to live through them. That would be gross and unfair to both them and to me.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

Well said!

[@TheKindredblue]

In my mind 'purpose' is usually linked to some sort of job/career. If I follow that logic, it is also a way of attaching a monetary value to someone's life which is the hallmark of capitalistic society. To say not having a purpose means your life won't have meaning is synonymous with saying America cannot attach a monetary value to your existence, and therefore you are worthless. Oof. From the perspective that everyone must be working and producing to be of value, the comments under Stephanie's short suddenly make much more sense. :(

[@AdaliaAborisade]

🎯

[@fdoctor79]

I think purpose involves using the gifts, talents, and lessons from your past to help others. I mean you and Stephanie do this consistently whether it was during your time as a teacher or currently through Picky Girl Travels the World and the Exodus Summit that provides the tools and motivation for women to live their dreams (i.e. house sit, moving abroad, financial independence). You all could have chosen to keep this information to yourself but you chose to share it because you saw and heard the needs of countless women. Purpose is not meant to be exhausting but it does require some work, and I do believe it can provide fulfillment. Just my take. Tfs

[@tiaholloway9668]

Good points. I think if we all look up the definition of both words we can see how closely related they are.

[@fdoctor79]

I think our purpose is for others. Shoot, even a clock was created for a purpose, why not us, too?! 😅 It doesn't have to have a negative connotation. Dreams are personal to me and what I aspire to do.

[@clarissajones5636]

I can't recall my dreams. I realize I'm kind of lost, so distant from my dreams I don't see them anymore. I'm older too so I guess some have expired. Gonna have to think about what you and Stephanie have said.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

It takes work to get in touch with our dreams after spending so much time in a system that doesn't value them

[@clarissajones5636]

It totally has been that system and if you are even some level of woke and trying to survive within it and not lose self, it's exhausting!

[@nicolacobbs7151]

You're making perfect sense👍

[@AdaliaAborisade]

I try 😁

[@jetta_may]

Thank you

[@AdaliaAborisade]

You're welcome!

[@OkaayYall]

I don’t see how your dreams and purpose are not hand in hand. Dreams can lead you to your purpose. How is following your dreams not your purpose? I hope I’m explaining it right. And I agree being selfish is not a bad thing when you are not intentionally harming others. I’m in the process of unlearning what it means to be selfish and protecting myself. Thank you for an awesome topic.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

Dreams can just be dreams with no other outcomes. Maybe they can be related or maybe they can be independent. One thing for sure you don't need a purpose.

[@mjaye1712]

I think a lot of people believe that if you are not tied to a "worthy" purpose, you will be rudderless and devoid of empathy or regard for anyone else. It's part of the win/lose mindset.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

I think you're 100% correct.

[@pamelar.edwards2617]

This society tries to keep women conflicted between being in service to others or look like villains when it comes to living their dreams. Living our dreams will encourage our daughters and sons to live their dreams and help to change this culture of how I can put myself to use for the advancement of others wealth, health and mental well-being.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

There are no winners in a patriarchy

[@shemari0129]

The whole purpose thing comes from religion. "God put you here for a purpose." If you aren't very religious, it's much easier to let go of your existence being solely about purpose i.e. service to others.

[@AdaliaAborisade]

So many people are pointing out the religious connection that I really hadn't considered.