No-Self Esteem | by Ajahn Brahm

We often strive to live up to our own expectations and those imposed on us by our associates and society at large. This pursuit of the unachievable causes enormous stress and a sense of failure followed by low self-esteem.
We can raise our self-esteem by recognising and rejecting the increasing and unrealistic nature of these expectations, and replacing them with an acceptance of the fact that we are not perfect. If we can accept ourselves then others will accept and welcome us.
When we are at ease with ourselves and have good self-esteem, chances are that we can take it further and develop 'no-self esteem'. This is when we do not define ourselves, but are who we are at the present moment. We are not 'locked' in our past and we are not anxious about the future, but are free to enjoy what life has to offer. This is 'no-self esteem'.
Subtitles available: (press the wheel icon in bottom-right of the video player)
Chinese (traditional)
原翻譯者： 周家麒
責任編輯： Franz Li (August 5, 2020)
German
by ggwenifer

[@Treebard]

When I felt I'd failed in some way or made a mistake, my Mom always used to say, "It's okay. You're just a human 'bean'!"

[@medha1021]

Lucky u.

[@TheSuetli19]

In my most darkest times, I listened to Ajahn Brahm and he saved me from deep depression.

[@metrx330]

I'm an atheist but I love these talks. Much wisdom and truth. I just practise mindfulness and compassion to all living things.

[@MrTomo4415]

Ajahns an Atheist isn’t he?

[@rapid1010]

@@MrTomo4415 He's a Buddhist Monk, technically he's not an atheist. But real Buddhism is more of a philosophy than a religion. So in a way, yeah he's an atheist.

[@matthewheap341]

@@rapid1010that’s a misunderstanding of Buddhism. Buddhism is definitely a religion and there is certainly faith in buddha, dharma and the sangha, there’s certainly devotion and worship of these aspects! The difference between Buddhism and other religions is that it’s not monotheistic. The faith is also not blind in Buddhism, it doesn’t end with faith, the faith is replaced by wisdom through practice. Hope this clarifies

[@noonespecial4171]

Only someone who has no idea about Buddhism calls it a philosophy 🤣

[@VitorNelson]

The best monk Ever. Thank You Ajahn Brahm for your stories. Always be you. Peace with us all

[@zofiaszabo1373]

i agree

[@dianaromero2251]

Every morning I listen to a video and analyze it before I start the day, really opens the way I think and prepares me for the day.

[@corsofrenchie]

sounds wonderful :)

[@Nagenmaha]

I do the same, constantly reminding myself until it becomes part of life

[@stevenpaulwerth]

Then you meditate right?

[@LunaLu-00]

lower your expectations and allow yourself to be "just you" . what a bliss that is :) "IF YOU OWN IT, YOU BECOME IT, WHEN YOU BECOME IT, YOU REPEAT IT"

[@rigoauebreturns]

In my weak times I put on Ajahn Brahm and immediately gain perspective. Thank you dear uploader!

[@matthewwilliams7170]

To be mindful, put Ajahn Brahm on before your weak times ;)

[@Ninanufu]

I listen to your talks for three years now. This is my all time favorite. It really sets my heart free.

[@ttytty6940]

2012 when this video came out i was 21 years old newly graduated from college 2020 8 years at 29 years old going thru jobs and failure at work, make many mistake blame myself many many times, i remember this teaching of Ajahn Brahm "no-self esteem" listen to it..... i learn nothing at 21 years old hahahaha

[@zoumzoumzou]

how is it going now ? :=)

[@luvhonest463]

Thank you, Ajahn Brahm, you have taught me a lot on how to let go of the past me !! The past was just a part of my journey, and i had all along perceived that as me, which made me so vunerable to criticism and hurtful remarks.

[@XianWangTheo]

阿彌陀佛

[@zoumzoumzou]

"None of these things are you" ... pretty amazing

[@annatran5179]

Awesome talk on self acceptance; self love; and forgiveness for mistakes-in self and others. Love, "Very Good :-)" and "Good enough"!

[@koulakremastioti8314]

Thank you for that talk. Brilliant.

[@vallerutpobkeeree1537]

Good talk as always Ajarn Brahm! Buddha had NEVER said to believe him and always remind us to prove all he said yourself and make your own judgement. And what he said were so simple but were not easy to practice. That are what I Iove about Buddhism. You have to prove it yourself! :)

[@truthseeker1871]

Yeah, that are what I love too.

[@TheFoxfeather]

I'm going to cross out the little quotes on my school agenda telling me that I need high expectations and goals and all that which drives me crazy by the way because most of the time I want to achieve perfection... He helped me :)

[@yangnaifen]

Thank- you so much, I really really needed this at this moment!!!!

[@sherryfortune]

No-body enjoyed this talk very much. Thank you, Ajahn Brahm.

[@kashaluv]

It is very true that owning mistakes or successes makes us prisoners of our self esteem. I liked how Ajahn answered the question of an artist doubting his work explaining that he should look at his work through the eyes of others. What if the problem is in others being critical of his work showing very little interest in paying for his art, but that's where the art of selling comes in, I suppose it can happen when he sees the positives of his work, others will start believing it too.

[@clearskymind]

Wise words. We should assess our skills and be realistic but we don't need to be so ego driven. It is stressful to strive to be better and be competitive, unless you are exceptional. It will be great if I can let go without striving to let go. I love his sense of freedom.

[@lesbianpanic]

As usual, this is exactly what I needed - thankyou :)

[@123chandimal]

wow I want to sleep here.No other place like this. "Where the worthy ones live-whether in village or in forest,whether in glen or in glade - that place is full of delight."

[@irpacynot]

This video was...more than good enough. It was great. Thanks.

[@warehousing2953]

One of his best talks. Watching this a second time.... 👍

[@123chandimal]

thank u Ajan Brahm!

[@erad05]

Very Good! Fantastic Talk! Thank You for this Stress Relieving View at live. Very helpful and confidence building. WOW!!!

[@mapleleaves85]

it is good enough...i am good enough...brilliant!!!! Thank you; just THE talk I need to hear

[@luvhonest463]

Am so thankful to those who recorded this talk and put it in You tube!! All of you are my saviours!!! Smuck!! Love you all!!

[@joannadrofa]

I really enjoy listening to you... thank you

[@monus782]

Loved the carrot joke, I just started learning more about the Dharma and these talks help a lot alongside all the wisdom contained in them.

[@zoumzoumzou]

hhh I just heard it, I want to tell it at a social event soon

[@nancymorsen1213]

Great advice... thank you for posting!

[@cdn20782]

What an excellent talk!

[@globuleman247]

wonderful talk. Thanks for uploading

[@tonyd7300]

Beautiful talk, Thank you xx

[@JTAV45]

Excellent talk as always....

[@ip9117]

Thank you Ajahn Brahm

[@patriciamolina5233]

Thank you por posting these videos. They help me a lot during my present times! we don´t have budist options where I live

[@JoelAdamson]

No-self esteem: I love that!

[@shermannapatsornhouston8298]

Anumodana..Sadhu! From The Houston Family U.S.A.

[@ColorsRedYellowGreen]

Yes, society is really critical of everyone. How can anyone feel good about themselves if we keep beating up ourselves of past mistakes. It's like we can't show any honest emotion otherwise people will take advantage of you. Competitive and successful people still are so defensive. We just need to ignore people's negativity. But, it's good enough, as he says.

[@shauna_kelly]

Good video. Thank you.

[@innerfire81]

Brilliant and simple. The simplest truths elude us in this modern world whose ceiling for success gets higher and higher the more you advance.

[@shughes428]

ahhhh.Ajahn is so charming he gets no peace.I think Ajahn ego was showing.LOL He would be the first to laugh.I use the very good reply all the time.thanks Ajahn.

[@clearskymind]

Really, he is great, and I love his optimism and wisdom. So funny and humble. Love it.

[@johnnydhollywood1587]

thank you so much

[@ziweiwu]

Thank you.

[@shughes428]

thanks again for your talk.;)

[@dwd1111]

motivating talk. thank you

[@rachelring2542]

Yes, That is me. No self esteem at all. No confidence just living.

[@thidaraung9574]

Thank you

[@SANDRA11610]

Its vonderful just to be me.Its e really bliss. I wish people to dwell in peace and harmony :) Thanks so mutch for another great teaching Ajahn Brahm. Appreciate it very mutch :)

[@fdja001]

amazing

[@czjl]

amazing amazing talk!

[@1001orpheus]

(cont.) The third time he hit bulls eye, and when asked who that was, said, "That was me!" The talk speaks for itself. I mean Ajahn Brahms talk above.

[@JoshuaBerrios69]

Inspiring talk Ajahn Brahm

[@WhitneyDahlin]

no way!!! he doesn't look 60 AT ALL!!

[@savecoupons]

i laugh so bad with the carrot jock that was a good one good video tnk you caroline

[@onesandzeroes]

The problem is, if you're intensely and whole-heartedly programmed from early childhood by your "loved ones" that you're no good whatever you do, you can try everything: attaining, non-attaining, meditating, reprogramming, anything.... you end up feeling a failure whatever you do, because that's your matrix, that's the obvious and only way of experiencing yourself, and there doesn't seem to be a way out - because low self-esteem is second... sorry, first nature to you, and you're actually amazed that other people can feel differently about themselves, you try to "emulate" them, but that never works - deep down you know you're a loser. What can help? Another incarnation, or just plain old death. I see no way from low self-esteem to high self-esteem, and then to enlightenment. This identity has to go - whether through intense meditation, or physical death...

[@stevenh4797]

Pawel, I look at things very much from what biology and buddhism teach. Yes, there are some very intense biological reactions in us that can get tangled and feel unescapable. It can be a bit like a dog on a leash whose gotten all tangled up and trying to get out actually makes the leash tighter. It's rough and confusing, and can feel like an overwhelming dead end. What's more, I agree, some of us have the added challenge that our relationships with the adults in our life as children added even more confusing, frustrating, and painful tangling. I don't see it as hopeless now. As an adult now, you have an opening to turning to yourself with the kindfulness AJB speaks about. You're not "perfect" at it, no one is, but you have an opening. For me, adding on learning about basic biology (combining my own observations with what I then read about) has really made me way more encouraged, and sense well being a far larger portion of my time.

[@scutfarkus8631]

Pawel X You recognise this programming and yet you still think there is a problem. Haven't you just answered your own question? Stop seeking approval from outer circumstances. Also, the title of this video is worded deliberately to show you one aspect of the 3 marks of existence that all sentient beings share: impermanence, unsatisfactoriness and 'not-self'. What esteem is there? What confidence do you talk of? Has anybody got a fixed personality? There was never a self to begin with, so how can any of the above be substantiated beyond mere concepts?

[@paradigmwolf4694]

Pawel X We all have our own struggles, some harder than others.. but it always boils down to one unmovable point: And that is, what are you going to do about it? As people with intellectual minds that we can't even fully understand.. we all tell ourselves stories. Life starts the narrative for us and, as we grow older, we continue it ourselves. The main thing to realize, though, is that it is JUST a story. It CAN be changed. It may be hard, but never lie to yourself and say it's impossible. Because that will become your new narrative; helplessness. And I know, it's easy to be optimistic when you're not the one in the battle, but it's also easier to see the truth when you're not busy telling yourself bullshit. I don't know exactly what you should do and neither does anyone here. We all have our own personal struggles and so, ultimately, we are all alone to defeat them. You apparently have a heavy weight to lift.. but the human spirit is unbelievably powerful. Our only limits are the paradigms that keep us from expanding. But as stories can change, so can paradigms, so can your thoughts, so can your character, and so can your life. What I want you to realize is that you don't have a choice. There is no room to tell yourself how hard it is, or why you can't do it. You CAN and so you must. This is your life you're fighting for. Happiness, and inspiration makes you more vital. Depression and apathy sucks the life from you. You have a heavy resistance in you which is metaphorically, and perhaps even literally, trying to kill you. You do not have a choice. You either beat this or you die. I'm not trying to sound like an extremist, or a quack, or trying to scare you. I'm telling you what is inevitable. Low self esteem doesn't just feel bad, it kills your character and it stifles who you are. There have probably been days where you feel just fine. Maybe not recently or maybe only a few times but I know you've probably had at least a glimpse in to how awesome you can be. The less stifled you become, the MORE you become. You feel worthless because you let yourself believe you are and stifle yourself from even existing. But again, I understand that your struggle is unique and I can't completely understand it, especially from so limited an interaction with you. I am not trying to judge you or make you feel guilty. I know its hard... and discouraging. I want to leave you with a metaphor that may be resourceful to you in understanding yourself and working yourself into an upward spiral rather than a downward one. Think of yourself as a chariot rider (It sounds lame, I know but please follow me). Your brain is like a horse that has been sprinting in a direction that leads you into a darker and darker place. The further you go the harder you have to strain to see the light behind you. But there will always be light. You aren't completely in control of the horse but you do have the ability to learn how to coax it into going where you want. If you've never done it before it might even take a bit to learn but, again, remember that it IS possible. This is not something you can half-ass, though. If you want to reverse course and save your mind and therefore save yourself, you have to struggle HARD to turn around. You have to get out all the carrots on a stick you can find, you have to find every reason in the book to turn around. You have to drown that damned horse with so many reasons why it should turn around that it can barely even have a thought of it's own. How? That is for you to find out. We all have unique and stubborn ass horses to deal with.. some more than others. But you can do it. Because what is really you isn't something that can lose. You can always give up.. but you can never lose. With enough will power, you will win. You are like a constant flow of wind chipping at a mountain. It seems impossible, and the mountain may even seem unphased.. but nature always wins in the end. You are the source of wind. You can keep going or stop. And stopping is the only thing that will keep that mountain standing. Never stop until that mountain becomes dust.

[@stevenh4797]

Paradigm Wolf, I'm so grateful you posted this!

[@Maarten8867]

Pawel X You can still change these habits, it will just take you longer. If you believe you can't then you will never even try... Some of your good characteristics include: you are honest, you recognise the problem instead of lying to yourself about it. You care about yourself, because if you did not you would not even try to change these habits. Because you care about yourself you probably also care about others! See you aren't so bad! :)

[@hsbinh1412]

Very Good!

[@pragzter]

Bohoma hondai Ajahn Brahm! xD

[@TheFoxfeather]

At my school, people aim for the highest and I find myself surrounded by many who are constantly working and when the get a B, they get so frustrated. Even I do at times, so this video opens my eyes and it feels nice to be praised for what I do :) I am good enough

[@oathboundsecrets]

Very wise. Thank you so much. )O(

[@NahuelG]

Gracias :) Namaste

[@didjesbydan]

You don't have to be rich to be my girl. You don't have to be cool to rule my world. --Prince

[@PreYeah]

Wow, 36:20 really hit me :")

[@Ninanufu]

Me too.

[@heping07]

Love your carrot joke.

[@va8849]

U are awesome.

[@MrFazerlogin]

verdade cara, deu pra pega todas mensagens mesmo perdendo uma palavra ou outra! vlw

[@afshin9]

Love him

[@vineet-the-pooh2641]

The words are Good Enough

[@annagoebiowska229]

Bardzo dobrze

[@melanialidia]

13 min, really struck me

[@fingerprint5511]

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@1001orpheus]

Followers of Osho. Some would call him a cult leader. Famous for his luxury automobiles.

[@77rupinder]

It will take the next 100 year for Human being to understand Osho.

[@deciomms]

@@77rupinder By Human beings i guess you mean that species that builds rockets and send them to space, and build MRI machines and so on... i guess you are overestimating Osho, i would compare his writings to a child's.

[@wootwootwoot32]

Wanna get rid of more of you haha love this guy 😂😂😂😂

[@JeffreySykes]

Can anyone point me to the text of the chant at the end of the video? I would like to learn about it.

[@AnissaASMR]

0:14 That laugh doe XD

[@1001orpheus]

In the above talk, Ajahn Brahm speaks about not overly holding on to one's own personal identity. People are fluid. You don't need to own your past, according to Ajahn Brahm. In the talk there's a tale about a Sufi master who shot a target three times, the first time he only went half the distance, he called this the shot of a hasty man; the second time he made the distance but missed the target so far he nearly killed an innocent bystander, he called this the shot of an arrogant man;

[@kathypetersen2447]

I want family to care if I am alive or dead. Since they would rather have me gone, then there seems to be 0 love of self.. no esteem.

[@josuerizo10]

One of the teachings of Buddhism is..only believe what is true to you, don't believe or take everything you hear so serious. Ex:no matter if a monk, priest, Jesus had said it. Everyone is different and have different paths and perceptions

[@stanbimi]

Chinese subtitle is available on this talk. 這視頻有中文字幕

[@darikanantiya7451]

I think it's Ajahn Sumedho who suggested another sound approach to cultivating one's self-esteem: To rigorously keep the 5 Precepts. Essentially he says that if one knows that one does least harm to other beings and the whole Planet and as much benefits as one possible can to enhance their well-beings, then one will have high regards for oneself. That is, the 5 Precepts provides spiritual standards against which one measures one's existence.

[@plopperator]

He's right about telling bad jokes. Then he explains them to us.

[@BAZ9891]

Great video but.... how is it even possible that 2 ppl disliked it?

[@bachnhutduong6861]

🙏🙏🙏

[@sedthh]

"nagyon jó" that's very good in Hungarian

[@NatureandSpirit111]

People lower themselves hence low self-esteem. Them problem is not valuing the self does nothing for personal power. It lowers your personal power to essentially worship someone else’s self instead of yours and that’s what causes the low self esteem. If you know your connection to god is strong your personal power is high but not out of alignment with god. You don’t worship your self or another’s and you’re beliefs cannot be swayed by others or your own ego. It is mastery over the self.

[@Bhantekusala]

What an ideal Meditation cushion- you can press a button and get Capucino from it!!!

[@lRaikenl]

How can we send him questions? Thank you in advance.

[@TheFoxfeather]

Well that is true, but I don't know why I find myself comparing with other people who have a good status while I have a mediocre one :( ... and then again, I found out I have an inferiority complex which is lead to me wanting to be perfect in knowledge, although that isn't true. I guess being a teenager sucks since you are still trying to find yourself, anyways thank-you for saying those words. I''ll keep your advise in my mind. :)

[@thinkblue9169]

Hey, how's your progress been in a decade? I've had a similar comparison problem in my teens and I've been workin on it for about 2 years, it has gotten remarkably better from that time, but I'm curious about you 😅

[@halinaklimek4506]

Hi. When I can not offer much to a child and I fel guilty, when I have no work, I"m noone, I have nothing to offer... in such life I really have free time and not any opportunities...... .I have nothing to do. I'm scared about the future. Help. ❤

[@amna378]

😊💛

[@TheGodshelper]

Eggcelence :3

[@Kimoto504]

Yes, it is. Google the book "being dharma" and look at the cover.

[@reynadelacruz6983]

And what's reencarnation what's resurrection and what is rebirth and what is the difference between them !

[@marckipfer8025]

I might be dumb but I'm not a dweeb- I'm just a sucker with...

[@rameshsl7410]

@chondestes Why?????

[@MJapan555]

I dont have enough emotional intelligence! cry!

[@Brumyboi]

I'm showing my ignorance now, I just wanted to ask what that chant was at the end of the video. Some sort of prayer or offering of thanks? I'm fairly new to Buddhism; forgive me. :)

[@urgulp1554]

Hi. They are ancient Pali chants. This one is known as The Three Prostrations: 1. 'Araham samma-sambuddho bhagava buddham bhagavantam abhivademi' - The Noble One, the fully Enlightened One, the Exalted One, I bow before the Buddha 2. 'Svakkhato bhagavata dhammo dhammam namassami' - The Exalted One's well-expounded Dhamma I bow before the Dhamma 3. 'Supatipanno bhagavato savakasangho sangham namami' - The Exalted One's Sangha of well-practiced disciples, I bow before the Sangha

[@re98wlk55]

oli: jeez. typical moron afraid to say the truth. the chants are nonsense. religious rituals are bs

[@urgulp1554]

What's the matter, do you feel threatened by a bit of chanting? Any monk will tell you that the process is not mandatory, it's simply a means to inspire people in their practice. Even the Buddha said not to be attached to rights and rituals. It sounds like you may be scared of having an open mind to such things, there is nothing to fear my friend.

[@MJapan555]

LOL when he gave advice to the artist

[@remedyke1]

No bags???? Curious....