Nobody Talks about the mixed Experience you go through when your narcissist dies

[@deanamcdougall7192]

Father mother and husband of forty three years all narcissistic,I took my first clean breath of air when I was sixty one years old..Please get them out of your life early.I had the best cup of coffee when I felt safe even though I felt guilty.stay safe all.

[@sea2sea2seevanlife92]

Huh, I opened KZbin up and clicked on this first recommended video, (algorithms), listened to this handsome chap I am subscribed to, and remembered a woman I dated for a few hours, (no, not like that… it’s a short story but too tired to tell), and she shared with me how she felt a sense of relief, freedom, when her father(?) passed away… I understood it but lately, after severing the relationship with my narcissistic father maybe 18 months ago, I’m understanding this more. He’s still alive as far as I know… I’m every bit as overwhelmed and experiencing hopelessness every bit as often, but something is different. Not necessarily good as my sole desire in life was to have that ‘connection’ with him… Roughly 18 months ago I accepted this would NEVER😢 happen… once a narcissist, always a narcissist. They don’t change. I feel for him as it cannot be easy going through life with a brain so damaged, I feel for his younger self, child, as I’m sure the abuse which created him was lengthy and dramatic… I mourn the loss of family due to my own shame, I mourn the loss, never existent, father… but something is different I notice now after 18 months. What caught my eye in your response was your age… we are the same age. Ah, I have a dog barking, one of seven, so… cutting this shorter than I wanted to. Thank you for sharing… And if the chap in this video happens to be reading, thank you for sharing your personal experiences and knowledge on this subject. And… your new hair style suits you well. 🙂 A handsome young man full of wisdom and a desire to help others. Thank you.

[@Gail-iv7om]

Don't stop HEALING! It takes time. Good Luck!

[@deanamcdougall7192]

@@Gail-iv7om thank you very much.

[@Chippychips83]

Couldn't agree more, same experience just a couple of decades earlier. You know i find it so strange that once we identify one of them in our lives, we suddenly realise to our horrors that we're often surrounded by them. As if we are the core of their little gatherings and clusters, just attracting them like magnets.

[@veracaleca]

So accurate. It happened 3 years ago and still having mixed feelings.👍🏻

[@pragatibhushan8697]

No no guilt ,they took away most of my life.....

[@yly5991]

When my narc grandparent died a while back, I felt huge relief. They harassed me a lot. I had eventually gone no contact the last couple years of their life, but there was pressure from other family members to reconnect. Because of how my grandparent had treated me, I refused to reconnect. It wasn't easy standing my ground. It was also a huge relief that I had actually gotten through the no contact time without caving to the pressure. I didn't mourn my narc grandparent passing away. For me it was a welcome closing to a horrible era.

[@deanaburnham9571]

❤❤❤Danish you are such a comfort and blessing. Thank you for teaching and coaching!

[@RKX_Errant]

When my narcissist mother died, I did not have any useful information regarding narcissists. I knew she was not a good person, evil in fact. I did feel free of her finally. It was a strange emotion at the time and I had to reflect on it for a bit. Yes, happy and a tiny bit sad, but being finally free was the most overwhelming emotion

[@annmallett6719]

Sadly, my mom died in 2020, at 89.. I didn't feel anything but sad and depressed. Because even when I saw her right at her end, she tried to gaslight me. She began talking about my dad. When I finally responded, she didn't like my (quiet) response. So I moved on to care for her, and I let it go. I was alone with her for 4 hours that day. All I wanted to do was pick her up and rock her tiny body, make her pain go away. But she acted like it was any other day. I never expected an apology or any admission of her neglect. I just wanted her to know that I loved her, and yes, if she would have said that she loved me; believe I would have been set free.. But she seemingly wanted to argue about my dad. And I wouldn't accommodate her... I loved him too, and I was closer to him. Which bothered her because all 5 of my other siblings didn't want much to do with him. But he spent the last 13 years of his life trying to rectify his poor parenting. He was an alcoholic, and died young... and that was torture for me. With my mom, I just felt empty... and I still do.

[@rosearning9974]

I also felt sadness. I feel sad that our family was so dysfunctional to the very end.

[@violetpelham2067]

I felt all of those emotions. It's been 4 years now, and I still dwell on all of the past hurts, and drama that came with my mom. I tell myself that she couldn't help it, she was mentally ill. Then I also went out and done all of the things that she made me feel stupid about. She would laugh at me if I tried on a hat. After she died I was in the store one day, tried on a hat, and thought, that's not ugly. I bought 3 hats that day! Just things like that.

[@cocogomez2278]

Beautifully written. In 2025, it's time you give yourself the love and care that you never received. Parent yourself. You are worthy to be loved and set free 🦋🌱☀️

[@nancychandler768]

Guilt was the first thing to come to mind. I had finally distanced myself from her after my father passed away. I always try to do the right thing even at the expense of my own mental health. Thank you for all your insight and wisdom. 😔

[@yeswing10]

She cant hurt me anymore. Relief.

[@godschildyes]

This is the truest explanation in the world for this subject. Thank you so much for taking the time and having the heart to share this. It's so helpful and freeing! 🙏🏾 ❤

[@enriquemartinez5647]

I feel like I have lived a lie from the onset of my existence. And now I can actually reflect and not just live in a prison of such a sect of a family. But all the rest of the family does not know, never suspected it was a fairy tale from hell. We all need psychoanalysis to find our authentic place. Thank you for your channel and sensitivity on this theme. I salute you from México.

[@chellecendejas6886]

The abuse and violence and control gone.

[@casandramiedema9849]

Yes my husband is going through this right now, our marriage is blissful now

[@Lesah_]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@musictherapy141]

I'm happy for you. I know someone whose husband is a narcissist, due to his Mother upbringing

[@ClarkeSzlachta]

I can't wait..

[@bigfoot91]

it took me decades to realize what a monster she was

[@sineriafrankenstein7316]

I was very happy to finally get it over with and behind me!!! And there was relief - for a while. But the why's and hurt (to put it mildly) was still there and I don't think it will ever go away or be resolved. The best I could do is decide to believe she did the best she could with her screwed up brain. So I've been able to forgive and sort of understand but will never forget. Or recover and be 'normal.'

[@Nete-vb4xo]

Danish, thank you for doing a video about a narcissistic parent! Most of the videos that I had seen of yours were about a narc spouse. When my narc mother passed away, I was surprised at how heavy I grieved and was puzzled as to the reason why since it was daily abuse my entire life, until there was no more contact... became estranged, a frequent pattern with us. I had a feeling she passed away, so I did a google search with her name and the word 'obituary' after it. That was how I found out she had died. Why the deep sadness? WeIl, then I realized I was grieving over the mother I wish I had, not the mother I did have. It was enlightening. After watching your videos for a long time, I realized that my sibling was a narc as well. It also was revealed to me that authority figures I had in my life were narcs, as well as some neighbors. Until the source of the pattern is healed, narcs will reappear in different skin-suits! May all of us have the perfect healing, and life journey!!!

[@lindaslay1089]

My Mom, who had some narcissistic traits passed at the young age of 63. My Father was already gone years ago. When Mom died I felt all of those things you talked about along with the “shock of her death” on top of it which also magnified all my feelings since the death was unexpected. She had a way about her that when she said something to me it made me feel lower than dirt, If anyone else had said the comment it probably wouldn’t have had the same effect. But, because it was said to me by my Mother, the comment just ruined my mood and made me feel so bad. That’s how much power is in just the words that some folks use. Depending on their importance in your Life, those people’s words can weigh so much heavier than if someone else has said them. That’s ABUSE of “parental power”, and some people know it and use it against you. My NARC husband is (91 yrs), and I know I will be experiencing some of these same guilt and relief feelings again when he passes, His death will not be a shock, so those feelings will not be magnified because the death is expected due to his age. Maybe I know a little more about grief due to what I have experienced in my 75 yrs. I read quite a lot about different kinds of grief when I buried BOTH of my children (at different times). GOD reminded me a long time ago, who’s running this show ⬆️..✝️…not me, so I just ask him everyday to give me strength to carry on and show me what he wants me to do. I appreciate all of your helpful information Dr.Danish Bashir.😢

[@AmandaWheatley-g9f]

Relieved and as if my lungs have expanded so that I can now breathe properly, my heart too feels expanded. Thankful that at the end of my mum's life I found compassion to do things for her as she struggled but without being untruthful to myself. This gave me peace. I feel free and reborn at 66!

[@yogita4418]

I COMPLETELY FEEL FREE AND I AM NOT GUILTY FOR THAT. AND I DONT LET ANYONE MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY

[@pragatibhushan8697]

Me too

[@consejosdemama6084]

No guilt. No sadness just peace at last… all those feeling already went through when I started to separate from them when I realized they never loved me or cared from me one bit. Good bye for ever 🎉

[@dariusrao2536]

My dad passed 4 years ago...i realised his narcissism very late in life....n till date i get random memories of his toxic behaviour with us...very loving towards his siblings and humiliating towards us

[@NinjaMaxHaven13]

I'll probably feel guilt when my dad goes, even though I'll want to celebrate. I already feel pings of guilt about being happy, but I acknowledge it and remind myself that he's not allowed to get what he wants (me to suffer). I'm allowed to be happy, surrounded by people who love and accept me, and to not be gaslit or guilt tripped.

[@denisem6790]

I thought I had to mourn - but no tears came. Throughout my life I saw normal regular happy families that loved their children. Selfish people are not necessarily a narcissist - the term is thrown around a lot. The real ones do things you cannot imagine...

[@KathyGarcia-r3p]

I get it! God opened our eyes. It was a shock and an answer to all our “why’s.”

[@youlolah]

I’m thankful for you. I’m sorry that you suffered. Thank you for sharing your experience and your professionalism with those whom you want to help. God bless you. I will pray for you.

[@Isabela2024-yr]

I left my parents at a very young age. It felt complete freedom. I remember I was 15 1/2 years old. I got beaten by my mother with a bamboo stick, and our next-door neighbors were listening. I was so embarrassed. From that time, I decided to go abroad far from my narcissistic mother. I left my country. I was barely sixteen years old. It was hard to be so far away from my family, but it felt so good. I uttered to myself, at last, I would never hear those yelling and screaming everyday. It was a total freedom. I never got back since then, but I went home when my mom and dad passed away. I still respected them no matter what they did to me. 😢

[@Skylightwolkers]

Yes. my narcissistic mother died two years ago in front of me. and I didn't feel any regret or sadness, I just felt relief. then I felt guilty that I didn't do anything more to save her and that I felt relieved. I even started to wonder if sometimes I wasn't narcissistic because I didn't feel sadness but relief. mixed feelings. My narcissistic father is still alive and I have the feeling that I am also waiting for him to die. and I feel guilty that I have such feelings for him. I don't wish him death, but I know it will also bring me relief. he still hangs over me and manipulates me. at least he's trying. because I'm not afraid of him and I stand my ground even though he's terribly controlling.

[@jesinthajenifer204]

I've been waiting for freedom and peace for almost 35 years. I don't know how long it gonna take?!

[@ragekrgaming5178]

Thank you Danish for giving words to my feelings ❤

[@Yeetingmicrowavesatcars]

No contact is actually the best solution

[@YSBAJDPN]

I have felt all those feelings. It is confusing. Loving someone who hurt and betrayed you and remembering the few loving moments... if they were that really... it is so hard to tell what it all was

[@roslynpersaud4052]

Great insights

[@denisestepp1369]

Absolutely 😢

[@waragainstmyself1159]

I felt closure but i also finally cried. For the young me who just wanted his mom and dad. They seemed to hate me and want me to suffer. Only time i saw my father smile with sincerity was when i came back from being jumped into a gang lol.. he took pictures of my face.

[@writeidea]

Unfortunately after watching my narc father die, his spirit came to visit when I was resting in a house he'd never been to. I was facing the wall and heard his footsteps come into my room and my cat sat up on me and meowed at him. I didn't want to see or interact. He'd been a violent sadistic and evil father. But it felt like he came to apologise. I screamed No!! In my head and he left. Then I had nightmares and flashbacks for two horrific years.

[@iphone1627]

Yes just by ignoring them I have freedom

[@AmyBradley-e5l]

My foster mother was a Narcissist. I have just learned this about her not long ago. She would get upset and be in bed and tell me not to talk to her. She gave me the silent treatment. When I moved out as an adult she called my house over and over and got mad when I did t answer the phone or tell her where I was going, this was before cell phones. She made me feel bad bc I was not appreciative enough of all she did. There were many other things, but she passed about 13 years ago and the moment she died I felt her leave the world. It was the strangest feeling in the world like I literally felt her leave. I understand this was the trauma bond breaking!!!

[@sickofcrap8992]

I don't remember feeling anything when my father died. I still had my narc spouse, so there could be no feeling of relief, because no relief could be had.

[@gogogirl6998]

Yes, she passed in July. I was relieved when she was gone. On the other hand, i have been flooded with the memories of the things that she had done to me, which made me angry. I have yelled at her and told her my mind. I can finally tell her how horrible she was to me...i was never able to talk to her in person. She would not allow honest communication... but I am so glad that she is gone. I'm still trying to heal.... but I am better... she called me in her 11th hour, when she was going, and wanted to tell me "I have always loved you".... but I don't believe this, because she was just trying to be nice before she left this world... she never did appologize in any way... she just called and left a quick message..... I'm not sad. Still angry to a point, but getting better..... I'm glad that she is gone. I don't have to feel guilty.....

[@misharaschuun2893]

I felt peace. I was so happy. I was pregnant and I didn't want my baby yo be born knowing such wickedness. I could throw a party. I had peace and I am pleased how I raised my child. I did nothing to my child that she did to me!

[@gachapotatocookie2309]

I felt relief and guilt for feeling relief. I also felt judged because I didn’t cry I couldn’t cry I was too filled with relief and gratitude. As the years go by I have moments of sadness.

[@DesertLife4me2]

Very helpful to talk about this. Thank you. I have prepared for this day. I know it will come and won't "make everything right" . I am right within myself.

[@ladypengo0102]

My mom was a narcissist and very abusive, she hated the fact that I believe in God and Lord Jesus ever since I was a kid and made it her life's mission to discredit my faith, taught me all different sorts of pagan ideologies, molested me as an adult when I thought I was able to give my opinion (it humiliated her so she humiliated me) she would lie, was involved in witchcraft, the list could go on and on. Well, she died last year, and this year has been the most peaceful year I ever experienced. I'm glad that she is gone, I forgive her for the things she has done, and I know that she's being held accountable for the suffering she caused. I pray that everyone dealing w the death of a narcissistic parent will be blessed with the grace to see the good and see the freedom in their lives away from narc abuse. It's liberating, take a deep breath outside. You all deserve it.

[@haroldlazarus4634]

Yes, I experienced recently when my narcissist father died. I felt a freedom I've never felt before. I also felt sad because I never new him.

[@bigfoot91]

i did not go to the funeral

[@Amy.Munson34]

If you’re at their bed side crying then you never healed the trauma bond

[@franken-pattern]

I've been "no contact" for almost a decade. I had so much pain from the abuse, I just feel indifferent now. I have no idea if my parents are gone or not, and have zero intentions of finding out. They bought their tickets, now they can take the ride...without me.

[@taraclever9boyybmyvb]

When my mother passed away all I felt was sadness that we were never going to have the mother daughter relationship I wanted. Had to always argue with her to get her to act like she cared. And then slowly relief settled in. She was gone and couldn’t do terrible things and then try to blame it on me.

[@eeren2560]

I didn’t feel all that. Only, when his soul return to put things right, I exploded! I hear his reasons. I understood his predicament. He has been manipulated. Hence, he is forgiven. Different people different predicament.

[@2anthro]

@his soul return to put things right Did you have the experience of an after-death apology? I did, and did not share that with anyone because I thought they would think I was crazy.

[@danielmcgrath4751]

Yes, definitely had a lot of mixed feelings when my NPD father died. Relief but also sorrow, because it was truly too late for healing, even tho I knew it was impossible anyway.

[@Privatenospying]

In my 30s she died in front of me calling out my siblings names. No mention of me however there was a hospice nurse there whom I am eternally grateful for making her passing comfortable for her in her home.

[@lislelisle5453]

Oh no, I feel free and released, I will take a deep breath and say arrrhhh it's over

[@tinekespa1190]

You are so wright Danish. My malignant covert mother died april 2023. Even the last week of her live she put me down. Very mixt feelings, but im free after 69 years . She was 91

[@whysthat123]

Unless you believe in ghosts.

[@loridevries4198]

My Mom is in a nursing home and is 90 years old with dementia. Family that thought I was the bad person now finding out what I dealt with. She has punched people in the face. Run over men and women with her wheelchair. Very combative bully. One home kicked her out because everyone was afraid of her. Now she is locked in a room most the time Guilty?? Yeah it’s still my Mom and guilt of not visiting much 😢

[@rickfrey9465]

My father died last month, I experienced a little guilt for the freedom and joy in my heart 🎉

[@CordeliaCol317]

Victim or Narcissist. Its an identity " ping- pong" game and takes time to sort

[@healtyme2194]

Whenever my parents leave the house for days i always feel relax but i also feel guilt for feeling that way

[@JasmineSurrealVideos]

All I want to say is yes, and the video made me feel unsettled because of its exactitude.

[@gracegwozdz8185]

The mixed feelings and lack of closure are the sad legacy of life long narc abuse. But it's liberating nevertheless.

[@Divinequeen478]

You’re so beautiful

[@abawihi7474]

Recently I divorced my real narcissist husband because lately I don't feel safe arround him and I cannot bear his rage anymore. Mixed feelings hunting me right now. At the same time I feel like I am out of a glass box where i was contained

[@Alexandra-l8v]

I agree! Sad. But TRUE!

[@JJJJJJ5076]

I feel very angry. This person used me and did not care. Every dream I have had with this person in it, I wake up angry. I am only free physically, but emotionally, I am still trapped. How do you break free?

[@tulsatosca]

When my dad died years later we talked about it. Like if our dad lived today how bad he would be. How he would complain if was alive now he would not make it. Food prices too high. It would kill him. He probably would not believe I am living in his house.

[@sandrasandra2724]

You can not go completely no contact with a narcissistic parent because even if you go, you will feel guilty after their death and they will leave you a lot of crap in their legacy after they die- my narcissistic father left us real estates without proper documentation and people have to deal with his irresponsible behaviour even after his death. I don't feel my father's death as a relief but as a new burden on my shoulders.

[@Chippychips83]

To be fair , i know in my heart that when the time comes, my very distant siblings will phone to tell me that she's in her last moments or passed away and they will all feel like the strangers that they are, like as if a stranger had phoned me up to let me know that satan is dying. I'll then be in a surreal state of relief , maybe cry,not out of grief but out of relief, I'll be oddly cheerful and want to seek comforts or maybe even want distraction or celebrate. Get a little cake, go to the cinema. I'll do it all in my dads country , far away from any of them, so that they can't see me , and i refuse to feel guilty although I undoubtedly will.

[@roshanr5695]

No..I am waiting

[@mizginavale22]

My narcissistic mother is still alive and I haven't been in contact with her for over 2 decades. She is now in her mid-80's with a history of health problems so I expect that her life will end in the near future. I have already made the decision to avoid any visits if she is close to death since I've read that a narcissist doesn't arrive at some type of self-awareness at the end of their lives. I won't put myself out for any further abuse no matter the circumstances but I often wonder how I will feel when she finally passes. I can't predict how I will react, but I am sure that guilt for not being there in her final hours won't be a factor for me.

[@junedaylejelm-jelm3359]

I managed to turn my back and not attend. Their back had been turned on me from the beginning.

[@Alexis-ed8km]

Yes❤❤❤

[@riddhidharaiya5032]

Agree .....🙏🏻

[@NaiSaetern-tp6fi]

So true

[@jane84321]

I'm in no contact now with a narcissistic father who has a severe heart condition I wonder every day I will be going through the final day soon.

[@RavinaPande]

I feel extremely sad

[@nehakanauje9788]

My narc mil still breathing 😂

[@soylentgreen6120]

Hear me out…. Make one room a break room and smash everything you can’t quickly sell and move Tf on. Batteries don’t mourn a remote, 😂

[@madelsigmaempath]

My narcissistic mother in law died year 2014 we only had 1 year experience together, but not constant being together. Well, I felt like happy and finally free, bcoz she can no longer control my husband anymore nor destroy our marriage. So I felt happy and free. Maybe bcoz that was only 1yr being with her and she's not my real mother that's why I didn't have such deep emotions like sad or guilt. Maybe bcoz I try to detach my emotions with my mother in law when she was yet alive. That's why I was not sad or guilty, just feeling happy and finally free!

[@Karen_Dasso]

I could transform those feelings into peace. That brought relief, because guilt was processed. Finally they were wounded too, they tried their best in spite of that, and now they rest in peace. I chose to keep the good memories even though their last days weren’t nice. I also chose not to carry their wounds forward. I’m lucky I could forgive.

[@summacumsoap8983]

Karen, good that you are a bigger person than many of us. Choice is the word. I wonder if you are a part of the wonderful Jean A. (Dasso) family. 🕊️💜🙏

[@JulieCunningham-w2b]

Yes

[@nicosiabrown7501]

Well she's not passed away but you might as well say she has been because of the on and off cycle it's like like every 6 months she'll try to come back try to rekindle try to make things work back at square one again within like a month or two and just so I let her go for Christmas this year and told her that she's not invited to my home not around my kids I just want peace and love and happiness and joy I no longer want to be a part of the mental emotional cycle jealousy and envy nonsense with her and my brothers anymore and I feel a little bit of peace and freedom I'm voice texting so hopefully this makes sense I could go on and on and on but I totally agree It will probably feel the same way if she does pass on one day cuz I basically I never had her

[@OriginalOne-z1g]

Ok have a mother & son & ex husband

[@jananirajasekran9793]

Who is that

[@SugarBee333-y7z]

My mother told me when I asked her WHY did you let those horrible things happen to me she said I was her curse breaker and she was preparing me for the moment she wasn't strong enough to get through she and my sister felt I was strong enough to get through everything they felt they couldn't so I felt proud that I was chosen to break the curse and that is what I'm going to do. How could she believe that I would be the one so with that being said it is what it is and I will let it flow

[@DavidThompson-x8d]

Wtf is he talking about?

[@mukttamahajan524]

Yes