Nobody Tells You This about Relationships in Germany

Nobody Tells You This about Relationships in Germany!! Why my German husband doesn't like speaking German with me. And why I don't speak German with my German husband!!
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So my question for you is: Have you experienced something like this with a friend or partner?
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Thanks so much for watching!! Subscribe for more videos about the German and American culture, life in Germany versus life in USA, travel, and languages!

[@irian42]

I also feel there is a slight English influence in Stefan's German (at least in this video)... I read somewhere couples' speak patterns do tend to synchronize over time, so maybe that's happening here. Anyway, it's cute!

[@cptn_sumi]

Ich habs auch gehört 😁 Dachte ich bilde mir das ein.

[@paulcullen5712]

i guess im asking the wrong place but does anybody know of a method to log back into an instagram account..? I was dumb forgot the login password. I would love any tricks you can offer me.

[@kyriejayson2413]

@Paul Cullen instablaster =)

[@paulcullen5712]

@Kyrie Jayson I really appreciate your reply. I got to the site thru google and Im trying it out now. Seems to take a while so I will get back to you later with my results.

[@paulcullen5712]

@Kyrie Jayson it worked and I finally got access to my account again. Im so happy:D Thank you so much, you saved my account!

[@rubygold]

Finally someone put it into words. I'm German, my husband is Brasilian, we met in Germany and lived there together for the first six years of our relationship and never managed talk to each other in German over a long period of time. We were always trying to explain that to friends and family who couldn't really understand why we almost exclusively spoke English at home but never found the right words. It's a situation that you have to be in on order to understand so thank you for making a video about it. I agree with every point you mentioned. Feels good to know that we're not alone!

[@gato311]

Pretty odd to speak a language in the relationship which isn't the mother tongue of anyone of both. I suppose both of you must have been pretty fluent in English from the beginning on. I am German and my wife is originally from Chile (now all living in Germany for more than 10 years) and both kids are bilingual (oldest learned German at age 14, youngest was born in Germany). Actually I have no statistics about the use of Spanish as I don't really notice which language is used. I suppose with my wife it's more Spanish and with my children (even the older) it's more than 50 % German.

[@janaaj1an889]

But English is not a native language for either of you? Wild!

[@rubygold]

When we met his German and my Portuguese were non-existend but we both had lived in English speaking countries before so English was the only language we could use to communicate. Nowadays our "dengliguese" includes a lot of German and Portuguese words and is torture to listen to 😂

[@rubygold]

@@gato311 Raising your children bilingual is such a great thing to do. Not only for the knowledge of language but also to pass on a part of the culture that comes with the language. We're definitely going to do that too if we'll have kids one day.

[@gato311]

@@rubygold Just happened to be like that. We never had any rules as to speak a certain language with a certain person (as some people for example try that each parent talks to the children in their mother tongue). There was some time my older daughter was speaking English with me for practice (as she needed to get more fluent for the German secondary school). That did annoy my wife who does not speak English when she was around. However, I did not want to discourage the child as it took her about a year at British School in Chile to gather the courage to start speaking English freely.

[@Nekochan-sv2xz]

Ihr beide seid so wahnsinnig süß zusammen.

[@monal3544]

I am german but I have to speak so much english because of my job that sometimes I don't even realise I speak english with someone 😂 And they look at me like: "Why is she talking in english...?" Haha

[@Luziemagick]

Hahaha..mein Mann ist Amerikaner und wir sprechen englisch miteinander und wenn ich mich auf deutsch unterhalte muss ich oft überlegen was das deutsche Wort ist😀😀😀

[@monal3544]

@@Luziemagick Ja, das kenne ich! Muss man erst mal überlegen, was ein Wort auf deutsch heißt haha

[@gunslingergirl_ger6053]

haha, i can relate to that 🤗👌😁

[@rosaliefaun5961]

Ich habe keine englisch sprechenden Freunde, mag die Sprache an sich aber total gerne und muss mich immer zusammen reißen mit meinen Freunden auf deutsch zu reden oder zumindest mein Denglisch zu minimieren . Keine Ahnung wieso die Sprache es mir so angetan hat, bin auch bestimmt nicht allzu gut darin aber es macht Spaß 😄 deswegen führe ich wahrscheinlich auch Selbstgespräche mit mir oder meinen Katzen auf english - manchmal erwische ich mich auch wie ich auf english denke oder Träume 😅

[@rosaliefaun5961]

@@AndersGehtsdochauch ja, genau das ist es! Manche Sachen hören sich auf english einfach besser an oder lassen sich leichter / schneller erklären bzw. erzählen 😊

[@WantedAdventure]

Good morning!! New video out....with Stefan!!🥳🤗☀️ Who else is awake here so early? Have you also experienced something like this with a friend or partner?

[@lonelywolf8388]

Hey Dana, what about starting a "Deutsche Stunde"? I think the main problem is that you both get exhausted from trying to speak German to each other. By limiting the amount of time you can get around that exhaustion. Meanwhile, you're still practicing daily. You could also include material from language courses and do tasks together, to further improve your learning experience. That would make it easier for Stefan, because he wouldn't have to explain the grammar etc. to you, as the teaching material will do it for him. You could even make this a new video format on your channel, a mix of "Dana learns German" (for people who also want to learn it; you could even start at the bottom and work your way up, as the simpler exercises would be easy for you) and "Doing activities in German" (for example: cooking with German recipes, visiting a museum, documenting daily life in German, experiencing all the "culture shock"-things that require a higher level of German speaking capabilities - I'm sure you'll think of better examples than mine). From the video, I get the feeling that you'd really like to advance your German. Maybe this will make it easier for both of you, as you'd still have 23 hours of English left. Keep up your nice channel! :) Hope I contributed to it in some way!

[@jm8985]

Guten Morgen Dana! I can identify. In my case in Colombia, I speak Spanish, and my girlfriend always in English. Strange, but it works.

[@charmaineolmedo2457]

Ich habe die gleiche Probleme mit meinem Mann mein Mann komme aus Chili und er spricht mit mir nur Englich. I met him speaking English I fell in love with him speaking English so I understand why it's hard. Ich bin auf deutsch lernen für seit zwei Jahren.

[@silkwesir1444]

I think it should not be a surprise that there is a difference in personality when using another language. Though to most people it probably is unexpected, because they never thought a lot about it. But the more you look into it, the more you learn and figure out how much influence on our thinking language has. Heck, even most of what we call "thinking" is literally _talking to yourself._ (Yes, I know, there is lots of stuff we also call "thinking" which have nothing to do with language, and I am not denying that. But still, I would say, at least 90% of the time when we say stuff like "I thought about...", "I was thinking...", etc., what we are referring to is talking to yourself (inwardly, usually). So, it basically becomes a sort of operating system. And of course Linux will be different to Windows. ;)

[@leonajane]

I and my German husband is having the same struggle, I am still learning German (sehr Langsam), and I know it would be very helpful if we'll speak German at home, but more than the language comfortability, (I am a non-native English speaker btw) since we started building our relationship communicating in English, it feels different, if not strange to communicate with him in German. I just wish I had earlier exposure to the German language, like English, perhaps, German wouldnt be soo intimidating and dreadful to learn. Thanks for sharing your experience, it made me feel better and less alone.

[@christianschmitt2409]

Someone (my cousin studied psychology and she told me about the phenomena that people behave differently in different languages. She said that he reason why this happens is that you have another vocabulary that you use and the fact that you feel psychology more connected to your mother tongue. If I for example (noticed it myself and I'm trying to stop it) use more swear words when talking English, according to my cousin because I was raised in German and my parents told me not to use swear words in German. So that's the reason people are different in other languages.

[@irian42]

I can relate to the swearing thing. I can say the f-word without a problem, but saying for example... "Ka--e" is really difficult!

[@horst_gott]

Well I also think I very much depends on the sources you are learning a language from. If the person teaching you is using a lot of cursing words, you will most likely adopt something similar. Of course cursing habits in other languages and cultures may have an impact but I wouldn't rate them as highly as the other point

[@LythaWausW]

I read that you can never truly be yourself in a foreign language. I strongly believe this because when I speak German there is a huge chunk of me missing - my sense of humor.

[@christianschmitt2409]

@@horst_gott definitely

[@christianschmitt2409]

@Sam Cooper OK, what does he say why this phenomenon occurs

[@M1985-]

You two have such a cute chemistry. Ich erkenne mich und meinen eigenen Mann in euch. Das ist so lustig. We are both technically German, I was born in Iran though. ;-)

[@kevinwittig96]

Ay meine Mutter ist auch aus dem Iran und mein Vater Deutsch :) reden tun die eher miteinander in Deutsch. Aber mein Vater versteht super persisch und kann sogar etwas lesen, während ich nur gut reden und verstehen kann 🤣

[@Adventurer1990]

@@kevinwittig96 ist persisch eigentlich das gleiche wie iranisch?

[@caciliawhy5195]

@@Adventurer1990 Persisch ist die Sprache von Iran.

[@Adventurer1990]

@@caciliawhy5195 Achso, ich dachte vielleicht, dass man noch vielleicht äquivalent "iranisch" sagen könnte oder so. Aber das wäre dann wahrscheinlich ähnlich falsch wie wenn man "Britisch" für die englische Sprache sagen würde...

[@jeremyemilio9378]

Youre not German,you are just an Iranian living in Germany. You wouldn't call a Nigerian a Chinese just because he lives in China.

[@2405lollo]

Wenn du Englisch sprichst und Stefan Deutsch, würde jeder die andere Sprache hören und gleichzeitig könnt ihr flüssig miteinander reden. Vielleicht hilft euch ja der Tipp 🤷🏻‍♀️☺️

[@JustMeNoName]

This video puts a voice too so many feelings I have about relationships/ friendships in different languages and also how the personality changes in different languages. Very well done!

[@houseparkour]

I have experienced something similar :) when having conversations in english, I kind of disconnect more from my inner introvert and am able to speak more freely about topics that are hard to talk about or emotional for me. I like to call that the "professional distance" to a topic.

[@stefanb6539]

When I was a teenage boy, I felt rather shy and awkward around girls. Until that fateful summer camp in Finland. Naturally, we German boys didn't speak Finnish, and all those really beautiful girls in the neighborhood didn't speak German, so everybody talked English. I was better at the language than most of my German pals and just felt compelled to use the opportunity to improve my English skills by talking a lot. It took me about 3 days to turn into the camp's resident womanizer, and about a week to realize it.

[@FireEye-zd4fm]

If I had an american girlfriend I guess it would be the same. German is really difficult to learn as an adult, and it is easier for us Germans to improve our English. I have been listening to english music for 20 years, watching tv shows and movies for more than 10 and need English everyday at work. And I agree, you definetly are a different person speaking another language.

[@mtrmann]

I think that's why people like Dunna are bad at speaking German, they refuse to "become a different person." I always tell people how my mind works differently when I speak Spanish, for example, than when I speak English which is my first language. It has a lot to do with identity and ego.

[@kimwold]

@@mtrmann even though this comment doesn't sound so nice, i do have to agree with it. I like Dana, but I do think we should be able to get past that comfort zone and become that other different person speaking another language and feel awkward but deal with it

[@vanessas2454]

@@kimwold - I so agree. I think it´s about comfort zones. Yes, it feels different, but the person is still the same. You have to keep in mind that things won´t be worded perfectly all the time when you use the weaker language, but speaking it nevertheless is the only way to make progress. And sharing two languages as a couple is so very rewarding, so the initial awkwardness shouldn´t be a reason not to make us of that advantage. And ultimately, any person is most real when speaking his/her native language, so I´d definitely want to get the real deal which is so important for cultural understanding as well.

[@Upscent]

Ah, you guysssss, you made me feel fluffy on the inside! You are so cute together

[@gerharddeusser9103]

"auf Wiedersehen" sounds even nicer with an american accent : "ouf weedoorsayn" ! ! !

[@psybormonkey]

the love between these guys at the beginning is so sweet.....thank you

[@Ri_Shin_Marco]

Interesting facts! As Stefan (Stephan?) I also started to lern English in 5th grade. And I was just awfully bad (well languages in general isn't my strong point :D ) through out my school life (10th grade=mark 5). From there on I had no more English lessons (or even the need to read/speak English) because I started my education as a car mechanic (is that how you translate KFZ Mechatroniker?). And over those 3.5 years I developed my hobby, that being reading/watching Manga/Anime. I Started with German translations but the moment I caught up with it and I wanted to know how it continues. My only way to get the continuation was to read/watch it in English. And it was really hard at the beginning, I had to use a dictionary or Google translator for the translation of some words. But I improved over time. After I finished my education I went back to school (11th and 12th grade) to get my graduation there to go studying at an university. And with being back in school there came those "hated" English lessons back in the day. But I changed and it was funny and I felt relieved because I got my marks and they improved from a 5 to a 3+ with stricter evaluation system. And I'm at a point where I watch and read every movie or book in English and I understand nearly everything. Well I have problems with dialects or when they speak really fast but that is it basically. But my problem is, I have no one I can speak English with and here I think you and I have similarities. You know what the one in front of you wants (in German) but you just can't find the right words and that is basically me the other way around. And I believe the only way to get over it is to force yourself to speak English. And I'm thinking about taking a semester off from my university and do 6 month work and travel in Australia. Because there I have no other choice but getting used to it. And I might do it, because I live in an area in Germany where I don't need to speak English at all and I really need English in my future job to come. Fun fact the only other time I spoke English in Germany (aside from: in front of my computer or at school) was at my vacation (5 days)with my friends in Munich, where I spoke to young adults from America. (I was nervous as hell) I really like your channel a lot. And I really enjoy every video and every kind of topic you upload. And the best part I'm still learning from it. Thanks!

[@rosaliefaun5961]

Es ist aber auch echt schwer in Deutschland Leute zu finden die mit dir auf english sprechen wollen - wenn man nicht gerade einen native speaker als Freund hat. Ich kenne das. Gucke deswegen meine Serien und Filme und KZbin überwiegend auf english um so zumindest ein bisschen dazuzulernen 😊

[@vanessa9739]

Well if you want to improve your English you should think twice about going to Australia. I was in New Zealand for one year after I finished school and I was shocked how many German backpackers were over there. I met quite a lot of Backpackers who were in Australia before they went to New Zealand and they’ve told me that’s even worse in Australia. There are a lot of Germans over there. So if you want to improve your English you should look for something where you live with an English speaking family. In New Zealand I worked as an AuPair, was traveling around and I did some wwoofing where I was living with a family as well. And I think I improved most when I was living with a family. I’ve met way too many Germans while I was traveling..

[@crazypiratesquirrel3038]

You guys are so adorable! :) I'm so glad you talked about how your voice changes when switching to different languages. I've always thought that when speaking non-American English, people's voices change pitch vs when speaking in their native accent. For example Karl Urban's voice always sounded a touch deeper to me when he's doing an American accent vs when he's speaking with his native New Zealand accent. Also Scottish actors voices seemed deeper when using an American accent. I'm so glad to finally realize it not just my imagination! :) Keep these videos coming!

[@firefly551969]

I came across this channel a few years back (pre-Stephan appearing in videos), and was impressive by the energy level that was conveyed in her voice, as a person still new to German culture. More mature, now, and like listening to friends conversing at a meal, than a tour guide telling you about an area. Thanks...

[@gustavovillegas5909]

Aww, ihr seid so süß :) Ich wünsche euch einen schönen Tag!

[@annikavesper6871]

I learned 3 different languages at a very young age (German is my first language, English my second and French my third). I speak each at a native speaker level and use them everyday. Even I find there are slight differences in “German speaking” me, “English speaking me” and “French speaking me” so I totally understand what they mean about being slightly different. Also, you get used to associating a certain place or person with a certain language. That is how my parents were able to keep my German even though I moved out of Germany when I was five. I associated home with German so whenever I came through the door I automatically started speaking and thinking in german. The same thing could be said for English and French at school. Also a tip if you really want to transition to German with each other might be to start speaking to each other in German outside of the house in places that you would normally associate with speaking German (like a park or the supermarket or on a picnic).

[@christopherjosef5164]

Now i find this really awesome and interesting. Speaking three language at native speaking level. Huge respect.

[@inessaeidemiller8337]

Your English really improved a lot! You sound so much more fluent it's incredible

[@yildizofyiti7628]

Great topic, always love to see you guys together in a video! I have a Japanese husband and am German myself. We met and now live together in Japan, but when I came here for the first time I couldn’t speak Japanese yet, so we spoke English for the first year or so. Now we only speak Japanese though and find it weird to switch back to English ;D But I guess that’s different because English is a secondary language for both of us..

[@angelicjay]

I totally relate to this. This is happening between my husband and I. This is amazing. I am glad that I am not the only one that feels this way. I am a Canadian living in Germany. We still find it hard to speak to each other in German and I haven’t been progressing as much as I would like with the German language. Thank you!

[@Muhalka]

Ich bin Tschechin und mein Freund Österreicher. Wir sprechen Deutsch und wenn er möchte, dass ich ihm etwas auf Tschechisch sage, komme ich mir sooo komisch vor! Auch einfach ungewöhnlich. Wenn wir beide English reden ist es auch bisschen seltsam für mich, aber nicht so komisch wie mit meiner eigener Muttersprache. :D

[@jobfilm-joeblattner9024]

Deutscher Dienstag that is great :-) I love the "Schlieschlisch".

[@kirstenkunert5420]

When we visited my husband's uncles in the U.S., who went there when the were teen boys, the older one wanted to speak German and his wife could only speak English- we were switching the whole time, but it was easy after a few days(Uncle Horst has almost a Berlin accent, so funny!). And Uncle Hugo is more "American", he is speaking German with American accent, and to his wife, we only spoke English. I learned to be very fit in switching between German and English, it was an interesting experience.

[@karollmendez]

Wow! Well my relationship started also in English ... but I am a native Spanish speaker... and all is true. My voice changes when speak English and now that I speak german it also different .... Thank you for the time explaining

[@irian42]

I noticed my voice gets lower when I want to sound professional - in a business meeting for example. Or on the phone!

[@Nyth63]

The KZbin auto captions trying to render your German as English is rather hilarious.

[@LadyBugger24]

Dana, I'm literally crying. Not because the video is sad, but because I relate to the topic so much! I also have a German man every day by my side, I also live in Germany, I also want to become as fluent as possible in German but... For the exact same reasons you said, every single one of it, we speak in English between us. And I have beaten myself up for this sooo much. Everybody around you also pressures you so much "You have a German boyfriend, why are you coming to class?" and they just don't get it and make me feel that I'm not putting enough effort into this. But you two just explained perfectly and finally I can cut myself some slack. There's no use to force something that doesn't feel natural onto my relationship with the risk of running it (cause we actually have fought over the topic several times!). So, Thank you.

[@karollmendez]

Wow! ❤️ ... keep slow ... love if the most important thing .... no matter the lenguaje

[@eXpos3D]

My experience: I grew up in the philippines, where English is a language that is kinda part of the national language. When I was 11, we came back to Germany, so I had to learn the German language, since I haven't spoken it before. Nowadays I still speak in Filipino or English with my mother, especially if the topics are really serious. For me or us, it's just much easier to speak the language in wich we can communicate fluently. My Mom still speaks in German though or atleast tries it, but sometimes I just answer in English. Great Video you two :) Keep up the good work! Grüße

[@edelyningermany1479]

I can relate very much on you both when it's about language and I found it cute that despite of the differences,still you both adjust each other.I speak English and my husband is a German but at all time i found him very much comfortable speaking to me in English than Deutsch...🤣 Looking for your next videos👍

[@karpland]

Finally someone has said what I have thought all these years! My voice changes when I speak too. I use different muscles in my lips, face and tongue to speak Deutsch! Since my relationship began in English with my husband, it stays in English. It is our family language and our kids get upset if we speak German at home too (we live in Germany). Thank you for posting. So very true! German us hard to express emotions!

[@demewatozo]

You two are pretty cute and i love to hear about your story. I find it quite normal prefering to speak in english, because for me as a german english feels much more comfortable and just nicer to speak and to listen to. That is also the reason for me and my friends, who i am playing pen and paper with (Dungeons&Dragons), to speak in english while we are playing although we are all native germans. It helps us to slip into our characters and into this fantasy world. In most of our spare time we speak, read and watch stuff in english, because we simply enjoy it more, if you can say so :D

[@claire4jj468]

I completely understand the problem switching between English and German. I mad a exchange semester in the Netherlands on an university where the lessons are in English. I met many new people from all over the world and we all spoke English but of course there were many Germans. And when I was alone with them we normally spoke German (not so often most of the time we were in a group but yeah). And it was so difficult to switch back to German after a long part speaking English. Also when I answered messages on WhatsApp to my friends home in Germany I often answered in English. And it is really a different feeling when I speaking English. It is the English part of myself. And here now it is the same problem: After watching your video in English I also thinking in English. That's really crazy before I made this exchange I always was like "Oh my god, I need to speak English? Help?" And then I often was frustrated and scared and totally blocked, so the same feelings you had on your "Deutsche-Dienstage". So I totally understand you. Oh and by the well your English is very clear, your videos help me a lot to proof my English and it is very interesting to have a different view on Germany or the German language from someone who not growing up here😉

[@mariecagan5825]

Me and my boyfriend got to know each other in English and it took some time for me to talk Swedish with him. As you said the own comfort zone is so hard to leave. When I got better in Swedish and I actually felt save and liked it he was the best practice. I think also a pretty big part is the sound of a language. For me Swedish sounds so much nice then English and if I'm supposed to say something even in German I feel like I'm breaking the melody of the conversation. Even though I still talk a lot of German, English or Swedish is just nice to listen to :D

[@sabinebruhns6632]

I can tell from my experience, that I am more of an outgoing person, speaking english, even though it is not my mothertongue. I recently went to New York and talking english all day and seeing, how people are responding so friendly, totally changed my habbit. Your voice sounding different, might also have to do with the fact, that still have to do this "translating thing" in the back of our head, when we are not very used to talking in the foreign language.

[@susi131]

I have also noticed that with a couple of my friends. I have a group of friends that is very international probably 1/3 German-speaking and the rest either don't speak any German or just the basics. So when meeting with them we always speak English. However when I'm within that group I can't get myself to speak German even when I'm in a conversation with only German-speakers involved we also stick with speaking English because it's how we usually communicate and it just feels so wrong to speak German with them. But then on the other hand I have a friend who's from the US but has Latin-American heritage so he grew up speaking Spanish and English. And he's studying German and speaks it rather well at this point. Whereas I grew up speaking German and I speak English all the time so it became second nature to me and I have been learning Spanish for 5 years and can hold up small talk. And when we're talking to each other we're constantly switching between English, German and Spanish without even noticing it. And none of the three languages feel weird. So I guess it really has a lot to do with how you start out your relationship with someone.

[@erictrumpler9652]

This is probably your most beautiful video to date....really touched me! As I've mentioned before in your comment section, I'm bilingual and have lived in Germany since I moved here at age 22. I definitely agree that there are people I feel more comfortable talking English to, and others German. I had a twenty year marriage that was German languaged, and all my kids (my two plus four step-children) speak German. My current partnership is English, with a little French and German mixed in.... she's bilingual French-English, and my French and her German are equally bad, though we are able to converse and get around in those, our respective, third languages. We've occasionally tried doing French or German-speaking days, and also find them extremely exhausting. My family of origin is an interesting case, because until I was about 13, we spoke only German at home (in the US). That changed when my German mother started working.....the Denglisch crept into the house, and after my brother and I grew up and moved out, my parents actually spoke only English with each other, so clearly, what had originally been a relationship in German, shifted and became an English one after about twenty years of marriage. Since I moved to Germany, I speak both languages fluently and virtually accent-free. My Dad also grew up as an only-child in a German speaking family (in Canada), and his parents continued speaking German to him as an adult, probably because my dad was speaking German with my Mom, too. Interestingly, my grandmother died when I was twelve, around the time when my family language started to shift....my grandfather lived about ten years longer, and with him we started speaking English as well. He always spoke a really strange mix of English and Swiss dialect anyways. My Dad's German has become quite neglected, as has my brother's (he was only ten when we started speaking English at home), so they are both barely fluent in German anymore. My Mom continues to be fluent in both languages, with excellent command, but speaks neither language without an accent.

[@micksr8680]

I understand your predicament so well as my late wife was English and I am German. I was 16 when I met my wife and from that time we only ever spoke English with each other. There is no right or wrong how you can resolve this issue for yourselves but if you allow me a little advice: Don't make it a problem where there is none, it's not even an issue really :-)). Living in Germany my wife soon was fluent in German though she had always kept an accent which was adorable for the German ear. But we still felt most comfortable in talking English with each other. Funny thing I found, over the many years and with our 4 children we developped our own family English which used also some German words, so other English or German people might not be able to fully understand us. For example: Fernbedienung = remote control - we just used the term "the fern" (pronounced: the foern) My best wishes to both of you. You are lovely.

[@jannekedevries7820]

Ich sag’s euch, ihr beschreibt eins zu eins die Beziehung mit meinem Freund. Wir sprechen auch nur englisch, da er noch deutsch lernt und wir beide echt gut englisch sprechen können. Und alle fragen immer „Janneke wieso sprichst du nicht einfach deutsch mit ihm, dann lernt er es doch sicher viel schneller.“ Und einerseits denke ich mir dann immer, dass sie ja recht haben aber ihr bringt echt auf den Punkt, wieso das nicht so einfach getan ist, wie gesagt. Wir sprechen noch immer fast nur English und tatsächlich hatten wir auch mal nen deutsch-Dienstag, ich wusste gar nicht, dass das andere auch machen. :D aber wir haben es nicht mal einen Tag durchgehalten.. immer wieder versucht aber einen ganzen Tag bekommen wir einfach nicht hin. Ab und an reden wir einfach so mal deutsch aber im Grunde kommunizieren wir fast nur auf Englisch. Es ist echt interessant zu sehen, dass es anderen echt ähnlich ergeht. Ich liebe deine Videos und freue mich auf weitere!! 😊😊

[@cody0902]

My wife is Australian and I am German. We also live in Germany. And we also experience the same thing. Our relationship started in English and that's what we still speak at home. We also tried Deutsch Dienstag nur most Tuesdays it doesn't even last half a day. What changed the amount we are speaking German was the birth of our daughter last year. Because we said right from the beginning, to raise her bilingualy. So often when I talk to my daughter in German and my wife enters the conversation we stay in German. But when I talk directly to my wife we still mostly speak English. It is always nice to hear in your videos that you experience similar things in your life than us, as an multilingual couple. Thanks 🙂

[@janaaj1an889]

Is it possible for each of you to speak your native language in the presence of your daughter, or is that just too weird?

[@cody0902]

@@janaaj1an889 We do that sometimes, yes.

[@MinaMina-tf7ig]

Great video. I grew up speaking Serbian. I spent almost 20 years speaking English at work and at home. Even though Serbian is my mother tongue I still find it much easier to think, speak, expess my feelings and opinions in English.

[@athen3212]

From which Serbian City are you originally from? I'm from Macedonia.

[@stefanbork3326]

i was told once: "... it's like you're a different person, when you are speaking spanish" ... the person who told me that, heard me speaking english and german .. though spanish was our usual language at that time ... so yes - it's not only the pitch or attunement of the voice that changes ... obviously it's also the attitude or "view" that someone has towards the language itself that mirrors in your speach just my five cents, though! P.S.: i have horrid difficulties in switching between languages without respite!

[@fedupnow61859]

I was 45 coming to live with my German Husband. I never had spoken any German and went to school for French. I felt and do still feel after 15 years here like you guys. My husband speaks English with me but I am good enough to get through life now and even going to the Rathaus alone to do business. Your right it is exhausting.

[@yagnikchatterjee1910]

This is something that I have faced as well. I speak 3 languages, my mother tongue Bengali, Hindi and English. I have always communicated with my parents in Bengali and a few times we tried to converse in English/Hindi just for fun; it never worked. It feels like you are speaking to someone else. I recently took German as a foreign language in University. It's a great language. I don't appreciate having to memorize all the articles, though. You two have an amazing chemistry. Hope to see you in more videos together.

[@juliam.8147]

I can relate so much! My boyfriends and my parents come from poland, so we both are fluent in german and polish (but german still being the "main" language). We got to know each other in germany in german and I am somehow not able to talk to him in polish. It just doesn't feel right, it's exhausting and weird. It feels uncomfortable to talk in polish to him even when we're in poland with our relatives😣 and when it comes to "being different" in the other language- i noticed that the "regular reaction" you (are expected from society to) give someone on a statement is different in different societies/languages and of course every Country has a own kind of comedy (so irony/sarcasm is used in different situations). I tend to accomendate my behavior to the language i am speaking🤔😂

[@benedikt5974]

Ich habe viele Dinge auch erlebt, die ihr beschreibt. Ich habe bei mir selber bemerkt, dass ich mich verändere, wenn ich Englisch spreche - ich bin dann u.a. aufmerksamer, motivierter und komme in großen Gruppen besser an. Ein Freund aus den Niederlanden und ich haben auch einmal versucht gegenseitig unser Deutsch und Niederländisch zu verbessern. Wir haben auch versucht, dass ich nur Niederländisch und er nur Deutsch spricht... Das hat super funktioniert! - Für bis zu 5 Sätze, dann sprachen wir wieder Englisch. :)

[@MarissaJoyClark]

Yes! Oh my gosh yes! I asked my boyfriend, who is german, whether his thoughts about me and our relationship are in German or English and he looked at me shocked and said, “well, English of course!” He also really struggles to keep speaking to me in German for the same reasons you guys list. It’s hard I think because our conversations in English are so deep and interesting that when you have to revert to a child-level conversation it feels so limiting and even condescending. Glad to know this isn’t just a problem we have!

[@ggiiaaccoommoo]

You can install an app on your smartphone to tune guitars or ukuleles and use it to measure the pitch of your voice. That way you will know for sure if your voice is higher or lower in the other language.

[@kingjul7817]

Ich habe dein buch gelesen und fand es super 👍😂😁 Ich denke das Kinderbuch der lindwurm und der Schmetterling könnte dir gefallen da geht es auch um die Sprache bzw. Bezeichnung 😁😊

[@Lauralaviva]

Hej! I made a similar experience. I'm German and my boyfriend is Swedish. When we met in Sweden we only talked English with each other. My Swedish was to bad and it would have taken so long to talk about something you could say really quickly in English. Now that we are a couple for a year, we switched to speak most of the time Swedish, I wanted that at least one person in the relationship could speak his / her mother tongue. Now we speak 80 - 90 % Swedish ans 10 % German. No English anymore. Mostly. I agree that its different to speak with your partner in an other language. It changes the personality. We have now three languages to communicate. I think it enriches the relationship and you get to know your partner better! You have many more ways to express your feelings and thoughts. I appreciate it a lot!

[@MyynMyyn]

If I remember correctly from my translation studies, your brain stores foreign languages in a different part than your native tongue. So when you're talking in another language, it's literally a different part of you talking (or at least everything you say gets filtered through a different part). So yeah, your voice, characteristics and expressions are bound to change. Some friends and I actually use this deliberately sometimes. When we're discussing a difficult or emotional topic, we switch to English (we're German), so that we pick our words more carefully. You can'T blurt out potentially hurtful things if you have to think about them first while you're translating :D

[@MrPhineas74]

Oh God! This is so true! I face the same issue with my boyfriend 😀

[@Seegalgalguntijak]

That is really interesting! I've recently talked to an Englishman, who lives in Germany and is married to a German woman, and his German is so good that you barely notice an accent. So he speaks German all the time at home. He also has a son that is something like 18 months old, so not yet in a speaking age. But while they want to bring him up bilingually, he told me that for some reason he finds it really hard to speak English with his son, because it is so unusual to speak English at home in the family. So somehow it's quite different than with you two, but also the same ;-)

[@sarahschaarschmidt7106]

Ihr seid so süß zusammen:-)

[@sissi007bm]

Dana‘s voice gets higher when speaking German

[@HagenvonEitzen]

And the "R" changes significantly (and as a non-Bavarian, I'd even say awfully)

[@Hoelzchen]

I noticed that women in general have higher voices when speaking English and lower voices when speaking German. So, for example, Heidi Klum's voice sounds even more annoying in English.

[@LisaMarie-eh7up]

This is my experience. I'm American, my husband is french and we've been married 23 years, living in France. I came to France not speaking french, my husband spoke English for work. When we started having kids I spoke to them in English and my husband in French. Living in France, my children only used their English with me (besides English class in school). Over the years our family of 5 started speaking "franglais" (this is probably equivalent to denglish :) Our kids hate it when I speak French or my husband speaks English. Our rule was that if there was anyone around us that was part of the conversation and they didn't understand both languages then we would all speak in their language so for example we I needed to talk to the teachers at school I'd obviously speak French; if I turned to talk to one of my kids I'd continue in French so the teacher was still part of the conversation EVEN if it had nothing to do with the teacher. I told the kids this is just being polite. I now work with my husband and we follow the same rule; if someone is around we speak French, even if the topic doesn't concern them in order to be polite. But when we're alone it's English out of habit. I think there is something to be said about Europeans, though. They spend so much of their life being corrected grammatically that my husband still does this to me now even though my French is very good. But it's hard to talk to someone about important things in a relationship and then in the middle of it have them correct your grammar!! As an American, I think we're more tolerant of grammatical mistakes and there's less of an urge to correct everyone all the time. This is not a negative judgement on my part, I just feel it's more important to French people that your grammar is correct; I think Americans have an attitude that if I understand you I'll let it slide.

[@JK-bj4ni]

I am 50 years old and my school English is lost. I said okay to me. I am young and I have more than 17 years to work. I am interested to understand my new work colleagues. The way from the A1 to A2 was simple. But now the way from A2 to B1 is hard. It is so much more to learn and understand. Every day I ask me if it is right? Many time but in 12 months the Sunny shines. I need more time and that’s all. 🏋🏼‍♀️🤞🏻

[@lunaheaven1]

I can relate to this so much! My boyfriend is dutch, I am swiss and we met speaking english. Since then we never switched even though we tried a lot especially when he moved to switzerland. But we alsways automatically switched back cause it just felt weird to speak another language than the one we fell in love with. Even though his german by now is great!

[@Belugamori]

Boah Dana, dein Deutsch ist mittlerweile unglaublich gut. Und ja...es geht mir genauso....ich nehme sehr schnelle die englische Sprache an. Ich schau zb. 95% alle YT videos auf englisch an. Dann passiert es mir hin und wieder schon, dass nach 3 Stunden YT ein facebook post komplett in englisch ist.

[@Danny30011980]

The way you two are always looking at each other - so cute!

[@Dr-le4zt]

I got my help from Dr. Stephen, he was the only one who was able to help me bring back my ex husband back.!! ☑️.

[@Dr-le4zt]

! ! ! ! ! ! Text him on WhatsApp or call him..

[@horst_gott]

I noticed a very different mindset when I am switching from speaking german to english. I am usually very much an introvert but when i switch languages I notice being more open, doing more gestures and the sort, just like the people I learned it from.

[@birgithade5022]

When you speak German the subtitles go crazy 😅 I knew a couple, he was German, she was from Canada. They almost never talked in German, because he was exhausted after work. He was too tired to teach her or to explain everything. I would love to have an American friend to improve my English. Put in the work, speak more German. It gets easier the more you do it🏋️‍♀️ Thanks for sharing😍 Sorry for the big gap. I don't know how to fix it.

[@BlueClarinetKitty]

My best friend is german and our friendship is literally founded on him wanting to help me with my german, but we quickly discovered we had a lot in common and we wanted to have actual fluid conversations so for the last four years nearly every single conversation we’ve had has been in English. He says he doesn’t want to speak german with me because he doesn’t know how much I’ll understand, so we really only speak it when we need to (like when we’re around people whose english might not be very good; we both live in Germany). It’s frustrating honestly! But at the same time I don’t want to speak german with him because by this point we’re used to speaking English together and it always feels „komisch“ to switch to german.

[@Alfadrottning86]

This is a very interesting aspect of your relationship. I guess it works well for small talk and everyday chats ... but might be quite troublesome when you have complicated things to discuss - things you have trouble "finding the right words" in your mothertongue even.

[@janettecardenas681]

I have two German friends and I am trying to learn German but they ALWAYS speak English with me. The only way I can get them to speak to me in German is if I specifically ask them to hold the conversation in German or for grammar correction. I think it’s so cool to listen to people speak I another language because their voices do change, and I think the emotions are conveyed differently. Nice video and you two are so cute together🥰

[@JulieT..]

I so relate to this. Incredible. I love these videos. My spouse is from Germany and I'm American so this is very relatable ❤❤❤❤ 🇩🇪 🇺🇸

[@Dr-le4zt]

I got my help from Dr. Stephen, he was the only one who was able to help me bring back my ex husband back.!! ☑️.

[@Dr-le4zt]

! ! ! ! ! ! Text him on WhatsApp or call him..

[@hughjazz4936]

My father is french, my mother is german and I grew up in Germany for the majority of my life. I don't speak French very well because my father, who also speaks German, lost his patience with me and resorted to German after a few minutes into a conversation. This is why I never became fluent and a little ashamed to talk French myself.

[@cinematographos]

Stefans Stimme klingt höher,wenn er Deutsch spricht - nach meiner Wahrnehmung. 4:40 😂😊🥰 So süß!

[@silkwesir1444]

Und nach seiner eigenen Wahrnehmung, wie er im Video sagt.

[@lisakatharinar324]

Feel you Stefan! Auch wenn deutsch mit dem bayerischen Dialekt meine Muttersprache ist, switche ich automatisch um auf hochdeutsch, sobald jemand hochdeutsch mit mir spricht, obwohl die Leute es verstehen würden.. Aber es ist soooo schwer😂

[@alyssa77]

I really relate with you on this! I'm an American living in Munich (for under 2 years now) with my partner who is half Irish, half German. So that I could improve my German, we tried to only speak German on certain days or maybe just speak German in the mornings until we got too tired and switched to English and so on. It was too strange for us because 1. I can't be myself speaking German, and 2. our relationship was established in English. Speaking a different language with your partner is really like speaking with somebody completely different, so it just wasn't working for us. We've decided to just stick to English unless we're in a primarily German-speaking group, and I'll just have to find other ways to keep practicing! It's comforting to know that this is a common issue.

[@Jirolin1]

I live in Scotland but speak german at work - keeps me on my toes for both languages equally :D

[@tomzito2585]

There is a beautiful still frame of the two of you at 2:39 right after you tell Stephan that you still love him in German and he raises his fists in jubilation. If you find a way to pause it just right and save that, I it would be a great keepsake.

[@constanze8404]

I love speaking English with native speakers while I'm visiting my friends abroad, but...it feels as if my brain relaxes whenever I have the opportunity to talk in german, while talking with my German friend.

[@peternakitch4167]

He is a native German speaker, his voice is deeper when he speaks English. My Dad was not a native English speaker, whereas my mother only spoke British English (as we, their children did/do), so their relationship was in English and we only spoke English. His English was fluent and was certainly improved by his love and relationship with my mum. Still, after a lifetime he still had his own idiosyncratic English language; it was part of him and his life with us. So don't get too hung up about speaking English (or another language) at home: love and live the lives you want to.

[@JojoLizzGrimm]

I totally understand that, my boyfriend (Canadian) and I are mostly talking in English at home because it just feels right, I've met him speaking English .. thank you that we're not the only ones!

[@DasherzloseMaedchen]

The first impression is that his voice is higher, but I think its actual the clarity of the words that makes the difference. Wenn man noch was unsicher ist in der Wortfindung ist die Sprache manchmal was verschwommen.😁 Meinen Partner und mich verbindet dasselbe Gefühl. We just talk english to each other, it's our love language as well.💖 Liebe Grüsse an euch zwei 🤗

[@Beatrix_]

Oh my god, this video is so interesting! I'm living in the UK and got a English boyfriend and he also wants to learn German. I already noticed too when he wanted me to talk some sentences German it is just a mess out of English grammar and German words. I'm suddenly struggling to just build a simple sentence in my mother tongue.

[@myrandomadventuresyrv]

Dana! You are so close to bumping up to the next level of your journey towards ultimate German-language fluency. Here's a SECRET to get you there: find an engaging subject that you and your husband can share wherein the subject is expressed in German. This could be an awesome German-language Netflix series with multiple seasons. This could be a book, written in German. This could be certain kinds of music, sung in German, etc. This subject will be in German and you both will only speak about it in German. Your improvement will accelerate if you and your husband do this activity with other German speakers so, for instance, if you both joined a book club OR a fan club for the TV series. In 3 to 6 short months, you will be SHOCKED at your own improvement. To sum up: find a German-language subject. Both you and your Husband converse between yourselves BUT also speak with other German speakers about the subject on a regular basis.

[@coreentarrell6730]

You should try the nest idea. Where you pick a room in your house and you only speak that certain language and once you became more comfortable start a second room. And so on and so forth.

[@andreasbuttner2085]

Man muss schon SEHR GENAU hinhören, um einen Unterschied von euren Stimmen zu erkennen, wenn Ihr von Englisch auf Deutsch, oder umgekehrt wechselt ☺️☺️☺️

[@GuentherBN]

I fully understand your situation. In 2009 I got to know my wife. She is from Singapore so the language we used was English. As she relocted to Germany so that we can live together she was obliged to visit language courses and pass exams up to level B2. At that time I was often in the role of a "Nachhilfe Lehrer" for her. Her German was quite well though we made the same experience as you. Until now we talk (D)English.

[@fogllama]

Fascinating topic. I want to know more circumstances around the "situational language block" phenomenon. For example, if Stephan has a dream where Dana speaks, I am guessing that would be in English, and he would speak back in English. But are there dreams where you might switch languages? If you had a complex but short conversation in language 1, how hard would it be to relate to a third person (who only speaks language 2) what was said? Since Stephan is now so fluent in English (seriously, now he could adopt an accent and fake being American), the idea of finding German (situationally) difficult captivates my imagination.

[@ceritajuni]

I have the same experience. Mine a bit complicated. We have 3 languages and live in Germany. I am from Indonesia and my husband is German. We met in Canada and we started to speak English. It's really difficult for us to switch to German. My husband Indonesian is improving. My German I feel like it's ok not perfect but when I meet with people outside I could speak German most of the time no problem. But with my husband I feel like weird to speak in his language. Idk why. I think I must try dienstag Deutsch. Thanks for the motivation too Dana.

[@skylar1898]

I'm from Singapore where our first language is English. My mother tongue is Mandarin Chinese, and I grew up in a Mandarin-speaking family, so when I was a child attending primary school, English was hard for me. Gradually, through the hard works, I have managed to master English to the point that it's better than my Mandarin now. I'm currently learning German, watching videos online etc. I find that there are some similarities between Mandarin and Germans words in their literal translations, which is very intriguing, Sometimes I may get issues with pronouncing "s" in English after practicing German verbally. Your videos have been insightful for me in learning German and its culture. Vielen dank!

[@janinescheil5702]

I can absolutely relate to that. I have a lot of English speaking friends who also speak German fluently but we end up speaking English the entire time. And I think that someone's character also changes a little tiny bit when speaking a different language. Especially English kind of makes me a little bit more polite. 🙈

[@probeheld]

Hey Dana, not sure if you're actually gonna read this. ^^° But here goes: When I went to university, I lived together with different ERASMUS students for about 2 years. They were here in Germany to improve their German and the first two, Gareth and Beth (from Wales and Scotland) insisted on us speaking German with them because they wanted to get better. Gareth is now a tour guide for English people in Germany and Beth is a German teacher in Scotland. Both started out with a good vocabulary but spoke kinda slow and constantly thought about what to say next. And yes, it was very difficult and frustrating for them too at first and there were days when they were just too exhausted to use German so we switched. But 9 days out of 10 we would speak in German and after a year here it really showed. Gone were the constant pauses and worries they were going to say something wrong and they just talked and talked well. They had to push through some hard times to get to that point but they were glad that they had. The next year, we had two other girls from Indianapolis and England and they always tried to talk in English with everyone. I thought I was being nice to them and talked back in English so the only German they spoke was at the grocery store or with some random people on the street. At the end of the year, these two hadn't improved at all and knew just as much English as they did at the beginning of the year here in Germany. If they ever even bothered trying to speak in German it took ages for them to say a few sentences. My French teacher told me once that the only real way to actually learn a language and being able to use it easily comes with practice. At best daily practice. If you can't talk to someone in the language you're trying to learn, read books in it, watch movies and TV shows, listen to the radio or podcasts. Make it an ordinary thing in your life. So yeah. My two cents about this kinda situation. Don't get me wrong, I prefer the English language when I can actually chose between the two but if I meet someone who is trying to learn the German language I'm the "asshole" that tries to speak to them in German. I'm thankfully really patient about this kind of thing and don't mind waiting for them to find the right words or occasionally helping them with it or answering questions about grammar and vocabulary in the middle of a sentence. If they have no clue what I'm talking about in German I try to explain it in an other way or do switch to English though. Und warum schreibe ich das ganze Ding hier eigentlich auf Englisch? ^^°

[@kimwold]

Bitte sei mein Redpartner lol ich liebe es, wenn Leute geduldig sind und können meine Fragen beantworten und sprechen einfach mit mir

[@wanyuewang7375]

ich möchte auch so einen Tandempartner wie du!!! So geduldig und nett!!

[@osamajubari5801]

So great what you mentioned It's really good from you

[@GGnCO]

I now leave in Austria, but work in English. Learning German is still work in progress. But I can relate to your story when I think of my relationship with my ex. Me, Romanian and him, French. We started out in English, although I was speaking French (but not for very, very complex conversations) and he was learning Romanian. We got to a point where I was speaking my language, he was speaking his language, but the "fights" were always in English. This way we were 100% sure that the other one will understand :))

[@suzetteospi]

Very interesting topic! I know of two cases that are different from you guys. My sister and her wife met in Germany and started out speaking German with each other because my sister couldn't speak Spanish and my sister in law has a German father and so speaking German was easy for her. Plus they lived in Germany then. But when they moved to Spain, my sister started learning the language and has since become very proficient in Spanish. Now, they use both languages more or less equally most of the time. And then there was this other couple that I once knew. She was German, he was Japanese and they met in China. So in the beginning, they only used Chinese as a means of communication because neither could speak the mother tongue of the other. Then she moved to Japan to be with him and learned Japanese. So they switched to Japanese as their common language. But after a few years, they moved to Germany and he learned German - and they have only used German together ever since.

[@EtwasMartin]

You should do a collab with "Gewitter im Kopf". Jan said multiple times that he doesn't have any ticks when he is speaking English...

[@dougarnold7955]

The translation point is a good one. In high school I had a friend who spoke Quebec French and it was hard for him to translate the French to me in a specific way. He could give a general idea of what the phrase meant. I think that's a common experience for people.

[@Johnnyoity]

I think every language has its own personality. And so your personality and voice in that language changes. What's most interesting for me is that I have depression and in English and German, but I don't really feel it when I'm speaking (or thinking) in Spanish. So maybe the areas of my brain that know/operate in Spanish have less connection with the depression? It's definitely nice when I get the chance to use it and take a break from my normal brain for a while.

[@D0N73]

super-duper-fluently. I love that. :)

[@cs_yt]

This experience is quite common. I, for one, go through a similar situation. I am not native to US, but live here for decades and my wife is neither from US nor from my home country. I learned her native language, she didn't learn mine, so I mostly speak English with her cause I want her to be fully fluent, but sometimes I talk to her in her language. Also, the issue Stephan has on talking some subjects in English, I do too, for example, I fix my cars and also work on IT, I have a hard time talking about both subjects(cars & IT) in my native language.

[@somo522]

Yeah I’ve got the same situation with my dad! You know I’m speaking Russian with my mom and she isn’t fluent in German. So she first talked only english with my dad (who is from the us) for like 7 years or something. But now they decided to speak german with each other to practice her German.and that’s great but they were my constant source of the english language. Nope I’ve decided to only speak in english with my dad rather than German but it’s SO hard. We always talk german at some point... oh well but we’ve only done this for 2 or 3 weeks so hopefully it’ll get better gradually

[@Ginnilini]

I can completely understand that and I've had the same situation with friends. I have friends (a couple) who are both languages teachers like me. One of them is German, one is Indian. They constantly switch languages when talking to each other, switching between German, English, Spanish, French, Hindi and another Indian language. It's amazing to listen to their telephone calls and conversations. However, they've decided to each only speak their mother tongue with their daugther. She's about 3 now.

[@johnjdumas]

I can look up synonyms in both languages and find a word in common MOST of the time.

[@HealthyMinimalistMom]

This is soooo interesting. This is EXACTLY what I experienced when I was married to my ex-husband. I'm German and he's American. We met when I was 18, and we only spoke English. It was weird even trying to express feelings in German.

[@sebastianspyra9286]

You're so wonderfull. Keep on keeping on!

[@lous.1196]

I know that feeling of acting differently when you speak another language. Also the voice changing part.. I used to date an American and we mostly spoke English and whenever we switched to German it was completely different. I think we felt more comfortable talking in English and it was more natural somehow.