Noah's Ark (part 1 of 2)

[@MGL83]

"A year in wooden boat with 4000 species of termites on board" slayed me :D

[@johnstryker8619]

And how many species of woodpeckers?

[@ndrthrdr1]

John Stryker ... and carpenter ants, and powderpost beetles, and dry-rot fungi, and wood borers, and carpenter bees, and horntail wasps ...

[@insectilluminatigetshrekt5574]

+ndrthrdr1 fungi aren't animals

[@YouCensored]

Yes, fungi would have a lot of fun under thousands of feet of water. Then again, nearly every plant on land would die as well.

[@kasajizo3136]

don't forget dinosaurs of every kind on the boat

[@isidoreaerys8745]

I love how this Noah character is clearly an inhumanly wise genius and even then this is impossible

[@Xane_Dragon]

I'm sure he wouldn't have been the only one with a boat 😂

[@prodecks6654]

@@Xane_Dragon certainly not, but he would of been the only one with a boat capable of surviving the floods god was going to unleash, as god, a supposedly all powerful being was going to wipe out all of humanity besides noah, so even if humans thought to make boats (no one else knew the world was gonna flood, only noah did) they would of simply been drowned by god's wrath. only noah would be spared the raging waters. likely through some godly magic calming the area around him on some poseidon shit

[@minshuajo]

​@@prodecks6654say it with me no one was fishing on earth at the time. no one on earth was traveling by boat at the time.

[@prodecks6654]

im aware@@minshuajo

[@SmurfieDurfie]

Yeah who somehow lived 600 years and made all this impodsible possible because ,,god just made it possible"

[@bensadikin9513]

" You just have to add.............................................................22 million ants " lmaoooooooooo

[@Supadawg1000]

“I can’t believe they got here from Central America.” “Central WHERE?!” “Anywayssss”

[@zachdurocher1166]

Wh ee ze

[@shealupkes]

and of all things he forgot the fucking unicorns

[@NonStampCollector]

Shea Lupkes That's in Part 2.

[@louistournas120]

NonStampCollector How exactly did the evil snakes get a free ride? Didn't they cause the fall of man. Perhaps Noah forgived them and that god still can't forgive.

[@NonStampCollector]

Maybe because they were cursed with losing their legs and sent to slither around in the dust. But maybe given that there'd be no dust for them to slither in, perhaps the snakes got them on a technicality.

[@beaconrider]

+Shea Lupkes But at least he remembered such crowd pleasers as the malaria spreading mosquito and the ever popular intestinal worm.

[@troman5000]

+Shea Lupkes The unicorns were out fucking around and did not get the memo!!!

[@sjl197]

As an exasperated zoologist of 40 years, I approve of this message.

[@jdos5643]

What do you mean you approve this?

[@Speed001]

​@@jdos5643it's proper funny mate, so many creatures

[@wolfumz]

the idea of Noah making a little helmet for a male praying mantis makes me laugh every time

[@suicune690]

wolfumz And he'd have to make about 2400 of them for all the different mantis species.

[@chrischickering1959]

Pistachio shell helmets :)

[@niltonc.7333]

@@suicune690 and sill can't stop cancer in children - get your priorites right god!!!!

[@andrewspencer5220]

4,000 species of termites on a wooden boat.Yes I see your problem Noah.

[@pablo9234]

and don't forget the woodpeckers and wood worms

[@treywixson2441]

Also dont forget the problem of the boat not being structurally sound because its wooden and insanely large

[@viddork]

And beavers! How do you expect to have Canada afterwards if you don't take beavers?

[@rs72098]

Oh I see, there's no such thing as metal in the days of noah? Even though it's specifically mentioned in the book of Enoch? There was also likely clay, glass, stone, and brick around.

[@rs72098]

It's actually 2,000 and there are only 40 kinds. These species are really just intermingling of 2 different species. This can happen very rapidly, have you ever heard of killer bees? Also not all termites are destructive to wood. Even 1,000 wouldn't be that big of a deal, you can literally put thousands of termites in a medium sized bucket full of tree bark, wood, and dead carcasses.

[@sennosoeki]

Why did they need to take any animals at all? It literally took God one day to make them all in the first place. (Gen 1:24-31) Was it really too tall an order to make them again? Or did God just think it would be funny to put that pressure on Noah?

[@LegDayLas]

Gods not a moral god. He likes to watch humans suffer for his amusement. At least that's what the bible says on multiple occasions. Watching a man struggle to build an impossibly large boat out of materials that could not possibly support them self.based on the sheer size... much less float.... and even less possible to survive the rushing waters that would have ripped it to shreds. Once this impossible ship was created god felt it would be fun to watch that same man gather animals from all around the world (he was nice enough to transport most of them to his area with a magic dog whistle that gave animals the ability to cross oceans) then to make sure they all got on the arch, make sure none of them ran out of food, but without actually supplying any food for half of them that cant digest and survive off plants alone,. Not to mention the storage required to keep all the food needed. He also had to deal with all the animal shit otherwise most of the animals would begin to catch diseases and die. All of this sounds very much like something an immoral god would do for no reason whatsoever.

[@fred_derf]

+Alex Wood, writes _"Why did they need to take any animals at all?"_ Why the need to flood the world in the first place? If he wanted to wipe out mankind, just have them all die.

[@YouCensored]

The reasons for this story could be many, but I would speculate that one of those could be statement like this: "Most people in the world were horrible sinners. So God flooded the world, a cataclysmic end-of-the-world event, and killed everyone because they were horrible sinners. So fear God, OR ELSE this will happen to you!" It is both a claim to display power, and instill fear in the hearts of people. The Bible is full of statements like these anyway, it is basically the way of the Old Testament.

[@fred_derf]

+Morphaes, writes _"So fear God, OR ELSE this will happen to you!"_ How is "I'll flood the world and drown you all" any more fear inducing than "I'll make you all burst into flames and burn to death?" Except that one, floods, are a common natural phenomenon and the other, mass spontaneous human combustion, isn't. Almost as if god doesn't exist and people are blaming random shit that happens to them on an invisible sky-daddy being angry…

[@LegDayLas]

#Morpheas, key word in "most people in the world were horrible sinners" is the word MOST. In other words god said fuck the minority of decent people, who cares if they die in the process. That's one great god right there. The whole concept of "god fearing" is a way to guilt people into religion, and to recruit others as well. No just and moral god would use such tactics to gain a following, nor would he need to as a omni-powerful being. All proof that god's existence and worship defy logic.

[@avakaphy1556]

I can't believe I used to be a bible literalist this is one of the videos that deconverted me

[@NonStampCollector]

+ava Kaphy Really? That's great.

[@avakaphy1556]

+NonStampCollector Ya but it was your 1 Corinthians 13 video that really sealed the deal awesome videos man you should make more if you can

[@GenerationX1984]

+ava Kaphy Reading the encyclopedia at age 13 and finding out Herod the Great died in 4 B.C. was the beginning for me. My interest in anthropology in college and finding out the similarities between the myths of the Bible and older Canaanite and Babylonian stories made me question even more. The more knowledge people have the less blind faith they have.

[@Dutchyy]

Welcome to the dark side.

[@paulinegregory5551]

I was brought up in the Anglican faith ( Church of England but more RC than Proddy. I was taught that these OT stories were made up to placate and scare ancient peoples I liked Christmas though, I had to go to church, but I got loads of presents and always played the Angel Gabriel coz I was thin, tall and blonde and looked fab in a white sheet with tinsel halo and wings.

[@reesercliff]

"I think I'll become the worlds first anti-Semite" HAHAHAHAHA

[@にこ-c7l]

lol

[@ictman940]

HAHAHA that one was hilarious

[@paperxplane1]

Very good attention to detail that the brother he was angry at was Shem. Shem's line is the one Abraham and the Israelites came from, hence the term S(h)emite to refer to the Jewish community.

[@luna010]

I don’t get it

[@zenvanden991]

@@luna010 because everyone back then was a jew

[@user-nz4dg4db7k]

I cannot begin to imagine how many hours of actual research went into this. This video needs at least 5 million views.

[@judybash9393]

I know right

[@SpicyCurrey]

It took him over a year

[@johntuffy5721]

1.1 million so far :)

[@FearMonarch]

I remember in the church services I was dragged to how "merciful" god was for letting Noah do all this...I dont think merciful is the word I would use XD

[@JamesRichardWiley]

Yahweh's Infinite Love: All the unborn babies choking to death in the womb because Yahweh gifted their parents with free will. He knew this would happen.

[@dodojesus4529]

@Bocaan The Humble trollish fits this behavior perfectly, what else could motivate him do do this silliness

[@BricMayco]

4000 types of termites on a wooden boat.. lol

[@shakie3545]

+Bric Mayco I laughed harder than I should have at your comment

[@skippersthepenguin3591]

+Bric Mayco God will use his magic for them not to eat the boat. So stupid

[@tmrchpmn]

And beaver

[@festethephule7553]

+Shakie Same XD

[@royms2000]

Yeah, but it's gopher wood. Only gophers can eat it.

[@Call_Me_Echelon]

"We live in an age where a freakin wheel barrel is a piece of high tech equipment. So how do you suggest that we make a cold area?"

[@theorangeninja6486]

Raises an excellent question, doesn't it? In an era where a freakin wheelbarrow is a piece of high tech equipment, how do you suggest Noah, a 500 year old man, is to build a 450 foot long, 75 foot tall boat designed to drift the seas for an entire year without twisting itself apart? Seems legit

[@YouCensored]

"a 500 year old man" Thats basically already a fictional story right there.

[@FriedrichHerschel]

If we are willing to give the benefit of doubt, we could say they used a lunar calendar, so 500 (lunar) years boil down to roughly 50 (sun) years, and that somehow slipped through translation or over the ages ...

[@monsieurbreakyourpc]

Wheelbarrow*

[@tedbishop]

It is spelled "barrow".

[@TzarTVR]

almost 9 years later and this is still comedy platinum

[@raw_oyster]

12 years later And it still a banger

[@generic716]

13 years later, still a banger

[@devontaykang7]

Please tell me he has done one in the tower of Babel. If he hasn't, plus one this comment

[@devontaykang7]

NonStampCollector are you going to make one

[@edzamper5803]

Devontay Kang Please NonStamp, you gotta do this!

[@devontaykang7]

NonStampCollector yo, you working on this or nah.

[@FreemanicParacusia]

He hasn't. DarkMatter2525 has, and it's damned funny (look up the video, "God Zilla").

[@masterbaiter9856]

Genius 19 is a banger

[@adam2aces]

If God eradicated sin during Noah’s flood then why did Jesus come? God either: (a) did not know his plan was going to fail (in which case he is not omniscient or infallible) or (b) he knew it would fail, he would have to send Jesus, and yet he chose to kill all those people anyway. If Jesus really does quell sin then why didn’t God just send him sooner to supplant the flood? If the flood plan worked then Noah’s flood negates any necessity for Jesus’ magic sin cloak. The Christian doctrine fails on innumerable levels.

[@keithhull6749]

Good questions!

[@judyjames2767]

Yes!!!

[@jagarcia0705]

Cyberman: There is logic in what he says!

[@ateoforever7434]

adam2aces The original plan was to send Jesus, but the Virgin Mary didn't want to be pregnant, so God chose the second option....the flood. That failed, so this time the Virgin Mary was forced into falling pregnant, Joseph did the job very well to the point that she had an orgasm to boot. And Jesus was conceived.

[@theorangeninja6486]

Ateo forever But if God is omnipotent and omnicient, he should've known that the flood would fail and he would need to force conception upon Mary anyways, so why not skip the whole flood business and force it from the start? It makes no sense. And if I hear the words "mysterious ways" I'm gonna barf.

[@Bfdidc]

For some reason the bit about making the tiny helmets for the male preying mantises made me crack up.

[@NonStampCollector]

Bfdidc He was going to use pistacchio shells.

[@Bfdidc]

NonStampCollector Ha! Since you replied personally, please let me say that I really enjoy your films. Very funny stuff.

[@ashleycasey2093]

lol

[@wheredidsadiego9499]

“Listen, genius; we live in an age where a friggin wheelbarrow is a piece of high tech equipment! So how do you suggest we make a cold area?!” Favorite line in this whole thing; love it.

[@stephanie8560]

The bible doesn't address most of the living creatures on earth, that is: microscopic ones. Which isn't surprising, since the man/men who wrote it were unaware that they existed. Though that knowledge would have been more helpful to ancient people than a million creation, flood, and dying/rising (savior) myths could be.

[@lathamorama]

But the video did address parasites, which I hadn't seen addressed previously regarding the Noah story. Good innovation there. (Note: I suspect bacteria represent just one "kind" to people who try to read Genesis literally.)

[@Mantafirefly]

S Latham It does if you're Ray comfort. His idea of a "Kind" varies depending on when you ask him.

[@stephanie8560]

S Latham Sorry, I meant to say 'the bible' rather than 'this video'. That is: the bible doesn't address most of the living things on earth. I changed the comment, thanks for catching that.

[@Mantafirefly]

I can agree wholeheartedly with your edited comment now. It's one of those massive red flags that reveal the man made origins of Christianity.

[@Gordon_Freeman_PhD]

Why didn't god just wiggle his nose to instantly eradicate all people he didn't like. Or maybe, just maybe... he could have just sneezed and made them all good.

[@YouCensored]

But this would require a God that would make sense, and not a God that ancient ignorant authoritarian superstitious idiots created. Come on man, be reasonable here.

[@fan9775]

Also, this story comes from another religion....soooooo

[@viddork]

But if he "just sneezed and made them all good," then what of this "free will" that is so important to God (except when it isn't)?

[@alexanderchippel]

That wouldn't be very theoretical now would it?

[@tim_blau]

That would be boring and not cruel enough

[@Mantafirefly]

Incidentally, two bees (or indeed a pair of any hive insect) would soon die, they need their hive of thousands to survive.

[@rs72098]

It says animals with the "breath of life" were taken, not insects. Insects would be easy to take on board, but again it says animals with the breath of life. Common sense would state the obvious that more than 2 bees would be taken, that doesn't need to be included in a book giving the general story. If all specifics were included then genesis would be over 2,000 pages long, that's unnecessary.

[@Mantafirefly]

@@rs72098 Replying to a six year old comment? Okay. But yeah, way to to try to wriggle around the facts that insects are animals and they also breathe because it's inconvenient. Just because they don't have lungs doesn't mean they don't need that oxygen "breath of life" to function, because they do. That's the problem I have with all apologists, they have to make a bunch of creative interpretations, fill in a load of gaps with unproven assertion then act like I'm the fool for not seeing it. How about you go actually then try to prove this idea with more than just words, then come back?

[@user-vl5qg5rf4n]

@@rs72098 yea, that is because the bible is fucking retarded and absolutely wrong about absolutely everything it claims. insects are just as much a living animal as you and I are, and there is no such thing as "the breath of life".

[@spambamkeija634]

@@Mantafirefly Damn. How has life been for you these past 7 years lmao

[@Mantafirefly]

@@spambamkeija634 Do I know you?

[@scottland906]

It's so crazy to me that Santa Claus can't exist because the presents wouldn't fit on his sleigh but grown ass adults accept the story that literally every single species of animal hung out on a boat for half a year.

[@MJ-pu5lf]

Fun fact: about Noahs arc I was about to comment on the fish talking to my friends at school how it made no sense that they would be able to survive since the water pressure would greatly increase, the salinity would decrease as well as the light levels. All the plants like seaweed would die. But the second I mentioned the word fish they interupted me and said, "ha ha fish can swim they don't have to go on the boat idiot".

[@maalikserebryakov]

@@MJ-pu5lf And you had no response to them and came to us to collect internet points?

[@plexyglass429]

Some adults call it a "metaphor" or whatever that means in this situation

[@aaronayala894]

@@maalikserebryakovno, he had a funny story to tell that related to the comment, dumbo.

[@greg3087]

My nephew figured out the Santa thing and now I have to figure out how to convince him he’s being lied to about god without his parents finding out.

[@jayc.9296]

"I was going to make a helmet for him.."

[@NonStampCollector]

I reckon half a pistacchio shell would have done the trick. Tied on with a pube or something.

[@darkreaper88]

Hahhahaha brilliant

[@YouCensored]

The worlds first condom :D

[@elbuddy]

I had to pause my phone because I lost it with that line

[@joshuahaastrup6432]

Guess Noah forgot about some species of fruit flies that literally live for only 24 hours 😅

[@exploitation_restoration]

RIP

[@R3tr0v1ru5]

Surely the maggots live longer though?

[@desadograisedrobot515]

He'd have to carefuly keep them breeding.

[@emeralddragon2980]

Or the Atlas moth, which can only live for a week because it literally has no mouth to eat.

[@adams13245]

Or mayflies. Seems like a lot of insects only live in the adult form for less that a week. Might want to take the larvae.

[@_omri_]

*"We've all got to make sacrifices to save animals like the hookworms"* I nearly died omfg

[@Anno1602player]

also considered that the best line. I watched it severals times and it still hurts from laughing. Thank almighty god, that he, in his infinite wisdom created hookworms and saved them from extinction so far.

[@jdos5643]

I don’t get it….

[@JohanKylander]

​@@jdos5643Hookworms are a very unpleasant parasite, and a reason to wear shoes outside.

[@cassioschneider922]

i wish people would translate all your videos to every language that the bible has been translated. That could change the world

[@LiaThePenguinologist]

I like how this 17 minute MS paint two part youtube video is undoubtedly a better retelling of the flood story than the upcoming movie.

[@bigladgaming]

it was so bullshit and false

[@Bill_Garthright]

This needs to be made into a Disney cartoon! Of course, it won't be. But maybe The Simpsons animators could do it? PS. And yes, I know I'm replying to an 8-year-old comment. You needn't reply. I was just revisiting an old favorite video. Feeling nostalgic, I guess. :)

[@deadshot1995]

Many fundamentalists probably had their insane belief systems destroyed by this video. And that makes me happy.

[@rvapes5912]

No. Don't celebrate so soon. You can't penetrate the thick skulls of fundamentalists with mere facts, science and data. I'd venture to say that this video didn't change the beliefs of a single creatard. They're impenetrable by reality and it's a fool's errand to even try. The best strategy is to ridicule, mock and deride them so intensely that other people will think twice before taking a melon baller to their own brains.

[@urgandma]

Pravin Maraj you do realize we are talking about religious people right? If anything this has reaffirmed their position through the power of *lalalalalalalalalalalalalala can't hear you*

[@yaboisquiggle665]

+Pravin Maraj I'm a religious person and I found this hilarious

[@pineapplepenumbra]

+alan con Please could you come round to help me? I'm sure my mattress is possessed by a demon and every now and again it tries to tip me out of bed...

[@rvapes5912]

pineapplepenumbra My mattress did that every morning at 6 AM until I finally figured out there was a demon living in my alarm clock, so I smashed it. Now I can stay in bed as long as I want.

[@FeralHydra75]

Central what?! Had me in stitches

[@MannFace51]

The algorithm has chosen your videos, and I'm absolutely here for all of them. Instant classics I never even knew were on KZbin.

[@lynnefox4892]

Same. Thank you, algorithm.

[@hawaiidkw1]

This... THIS was what got me into your work. I absolutely _love_ the way the dialogue machineguns back and forth between the four characters from start to finish. It's hard as hell to pull off, but when it works, the results are just amazing. Thanks, too, for really driving home the single biggest problem with the Noah's Ark story, the sheer logistical impossibility of getting _that many_ animals in one place and keeping them alive for a whole year. (I didn't know it was that long, BTW; I'd always been taught "40 days and 40 nights".) Every picture, cartoon, TV special, etc. adaptation I'd ever seen on the subject, the absolute _most_ I'd ever seen were like 60. Just hearing all those species listed was eye-opening (and, I'll admit, more than a little cathartic).

[@jtveg]

Too funny because it's so true. However some apologists are now trying to say that only certain basic types of each "kind" of animal needed to be taken on board and then adaptation ie "micro evolution" created the modern diversity we see today. For example they assert, that all that was needed was to take on board, was a pair from the cat family like cheetahs and in the intervening years since the flood variation has produced the many different species in the cat family. This gross misrepresentation of evolution and desperate attempt to reconcile the obvious logistical problems such an enormous exercise would have encountered (that the video clearly shows) is evidence that they themselves know is impossible.

[@NonStampCollector]

John Thimakis I knocked that on the head in part 2.

[@jtveg]

NonStampCollector cool I'm going to watch that now.

[@Mr_Maiq_The_Liar]

You wound need the genius for 3000 years, more so a species, 3000 years is far less then a Eaon

[@Mr_Maiq_The_Liar]

3000 years is not enough time to change a species in a genius (feline knine ext) it would take millions of years

[@jtveg]

The Swedish spirit True. Now if you could only convince those that don't believe in evolution and also think the earth and universe are only 6000 years old

[@SantaDog81]

Central what?! Lol.

[@civmar1]

Funniest of the many hilarious moments. Genius.

[@krissiaarteaga5921]

SantaDog81 I'm from Honduras and enjoyed that 😂

[@alwaysmore2]

Haha yeah that line made me laugh too. Sloth joke destroys Noah's ark completely.

[@AkiraSanBeer]

That line got me too.

[@Jambuc829]

You completely destroyed every argument made to defend this fairytale by the 2:00 mark of episode 1. The rest was just shooting a dead zombie. Wasn’t necessary at all but still cool to watch.

[@Calixxtus]

Once year I come back to this channel with a mix of laughter for the great content and tears for knowing there won’t be new material…

[@NonStampCollector]

Don't rule it out. Just don't hold your breath.

[@nathanmckenzie904]

​@@NonStampCollectordon't give me hope

[@Skyfoogle]

@@NonStampCollector got us waiting for new content like christians wait for the the rapture

[@McRuffin]

“I don’t know how they got here from Central America” “Central what???” 💀

[@GRasputin91]

WELLYOUSEEBACKTHENITWASONEBIGSUPERCONTINENT

[@kfkf6569]

FOR THE LAND OF THE FREEEEE🎼🎼🎼🎼

[@jecker91946]

This has got to be the best written and best presented of all atheist treatments ever made. Way to go guys, and nonstampcollector....just fabulous.

[@NonStampCollector]

Thank you. But there are no "guys" to thank. Twas a solo effort from go to woe.

[@Cachicochip]

6:04 "I dunno how they got here from their native Central America" "Central-what?!" lmao

[@loturzelrestaurant]

Science-Denial, whetever its relatively-harmless like flat-earth or extremly harmful, is blatantly rising and spreading (a thousand youtubers try to fight-back right now), so we do need more Atheists who respect Science in-Office on all Sizes. KZbinr Telltale argues this case wonderfully, explains the Need in his newest videos and even provides Links for direct help for running-for-Office. Please go and watch.

[@ThePelitin]

The greatest video on all of internet and took me 10 years to find it.

[@gphhawkins]

Ironic that it took me 10 months to find this comment

[@destroyahdestroyah9584]

And I wandered through the desert for 40 years to find that reply

[@billschlafly4107]

Refresh my memory. What did the animals eat after getting off the ark? Oh...magic. Now I get it.

[@YouCensored]

They all disappeared, because Noah was simply sky-high stoned and tripping balls on shrooms and weed, floating on his tiny 1-man wooden boat on a lake near his house, when he started gaining some lucidity and losing some of his high.

[@calvinharris3153]

Hmm what did the surviving dinosaurs had to eat after asteroid hit the earth which wipe out 1/3 life on the planet and cause a fallout which lasted for 6 months

[@calvinharris3153]

@Gyoto Azimoto you are very funny and I guess you eat air too

[@calvinharris3153]

Lol "magic" hmm 🤔 is that the best thoery you come up or you just like to make guess ?

[@maxsilnas7326]

Calvin Harris they obviously found something to eat in these 2/3 remains of planet. Now answer the question about Noah's animals food when the entire planet has been flooded 😉

[@hobocode]

by random clicking stuff, i have never randomly found something this darn funny. i am shocked. this is fantastic work.

[@hobocode]

back again to win a bet that I can make someone Lol for real in person

[@gayjebus4079]

This deserves a like just on the basis of how fast he had to say the names of all these animals without messing up

[@catfishcave379]

I just discovered this channel - this is the second video of yours I am watching - THIS IS HILARIOUS!! I can't wait to watch part two - I only wish you had more time to make more videos. Good work Sir!

[@dremoralorde5215]

I'm newish here too. Fucking brilliant because they don't just lay out the facts, they tell a story with it to actually demonstrate the nonsense, then provide direct citations to the Bible to make sure you can't just be like "No, no, no, that's not how it works at all" because everything here is already directly based on the Bible.

[@alibarznji2000]

This channel is so underrated LOL

[@adsomelk5130]

I have watched this several times now over the years, and it never gets old. You have the best debunk videos on the internet hands down. Genius.

[@EarthNationCeramics]

You know I never really thought of it like this but you would either have to believe that they took every living creature and it's mate or counterpart on the boat to minimize how many different subspecies there are or you would have to believe that they did take a significantly smaller amount of animals and that the species that we have available to us today evolved or mutated from those. Which means that you would either have to believe that this was an impossible task or you believe in evolution.

[@charlestownsend9280]

No you'd have to believe in a ridiculous super fast evolution, the sort that creationists think real evolution is, where one species gives birth to another species, not to mention also ignore that every animal would be horrifically inbred. So you'd have to either believe something impossible or believe something impossible.

[@plexyglass429]

We see evolution happening, so it's not even a theory anymore

[@GOD-vy8mv]

This is pure gold lol Well done sir, well done.

[@GOD-vy8mv]

***** yes

[@GReid-ol5gk]

+GOD You're not Morgan Freeman o_O. I thought he was God

[@GOD-vy8mv]

I may not be Morgan Freeman but I can acquire you some Captain Morgan for Free Man

[@GReid-ol5gk]

GOD lmao clever

[@juiweiYang2000]

abandonyahweh.blogspot.com/2017/08/christian-fanatics-are-just-as-danger.html

[@dougjohnson4266]

I love how they tell you when a kid that this is all true until you grow up and start to question it, then it is "well you have to take it with a grain of salt" They would have no idea about how high the water would have to be to cover the earth but I am glad you put this in the video to make us think about it.

[@alwaysmore2]

This crushes Christianity. I still like Christmas though. Keep that

[@directorkid3131]

"Either God is not all-powerful, or he is not all-good" Judging by God's actions in the Bible, I think he's not all -good. He's an immoral, narcissistic, murderous, raging monster.

[@bleach4052]

God is cruel af

[@giannhsalexas5713]

I once heard a quote i don't know by whom because it was a long time ago... "If there is a god, and he is just, he would have showed himself to us by now. If there is a god, and he is unjust, we shouldn't worship him."

[@kristen0009]

who are you to decide that god cannot be all-good and all-powerful simultaneously

[@giannhsalexas5713]

@@kristen0009 and who are you to say that he can??? Have you got any proof??? And i mean actual proof not some nonsense pseudoscience false arguement because i have never seen theists from different religions converting each other on their beliefs because someone's arguement was so unbelievably unfalsifiable...

[@kristen0009]

@@giannhsalexas5713 i dont, but that's my point. How is someone gonna claim that god cannot be all good and all powerful if he created the universe? if you're gonna say that he doesnt exist, fine. Do you get my point? edit: english isnt my first language so sorry if redaction is sketchy

[@upcbro3126]

Funny that more (actual) knowledge and research is found in a satirical KZbin video than the entire Bible!

[@YouCensored]

Thats to be expected though. You also find more actual knowledge in Star Trek, which is science fiction.

[@1MDA]

They just had to bring each of theire KIND, like all dogs came from the wolf, all spiders, all termites, all bears, all horses,and so on... That is more plausible and makes all of the storie more plausible

[@DanksterPaws]

Alexandre Daniel The fuck do you mean all dogs came from wolves? Anyway.. how do you expect thousands of species to arise in 10000 years? Tell me how the fuck does a pair of bears be able to differentiate into all of their species? Even ice bears wont make sense in your explanation... In fact... any animal that lived in the new world wouldn’t make sense... you tellin me sloths flew there? Mmm no thanks.

[@shiloughsimonhopwood3813]

@@DanksterPaws Um evolution teaches that all dogs come from wolves. Even poodles and pomeranians. Basic evolutionary knowledge. Look it up.

[@DanksterPaws]

@@shiloughsimonhopwood3813 No 🤦‍♂️ like always the “basic” popular knoweldge is wrong. No, wolves today and dogs share a common wolf-like ancestor. Even the first paragraph on the “Origin of the domestic dog” wikipedia page shows this, aswell as many genetic studies. Maybe you should be the one looking this up?

[@lagartino5093]

No no no! You've got it all wrong! It's not literal! It's a metaphor, for... well, it's a metaphor for.. uhh... Y'know....

[@ITSSKUDDUMMY]

No, YOU'VE got it wrong! Obviously the bible says 2 of every KIND which is just a protospecies of every species we have now so he only had a couple thousand animals and the "evolved" into the millions of the species we have now! Duh!

[@harrietjameson]

​@@ITSSKUDDUMMYyeah, obviously evolved and migrated way faster than we've ever observed ever and ofc no archeological evidence for the flood or this super-evolution either

[@ChaosPootato]

This is so well written and acted it's crazy. I don't know if the minimalist animation makes it better or not

[@LegDayLas]

these jokes are so easy to make but i cant stop laughing at them. "dad the female praying mantis just bit the head off the male one while mating what are we going to do!" "Shoot! i was going to make a helmet for him!"

[@NonStampCollector]

I had to cut the line that said the helmet would be made from half a pistaccio nut shell.

[@adams13245]

"Now behave yourself, or I'll assign you to carry the crab lice!" Such a great reading of that line! Great video really gets into the insane logistics of the whole thing. Bravo Non Stamp Collector!

[@abdelrahmanwael2551]

I recently rediscovered your videos, you really helped me see through religion and keep a sceptical perspective when I was young

[@DoesNotConcernYou]

You did such an amazing job with this. All the little jabs and amazing sarcasm! BEAUTIFULLY DONE I do say.

[@saturdaymark4857]

This is seriously a gem. The humor is classic.

[@gothicknight5538]

I love Noah's exclamations. "Of cooourse we dooo!". I'm dying! lmao

[@EazyElli]

I love how creationists and like minded bible nuts believe in hyper evolution but not Darwin's theory of evolution simply amazing

[@kingnato3299]

This is an ignorant comment. It's not "hyper evolution" , it's under the will of God that the animals create more species. And he may have created more afterwards as well. I don't want to personally attack anyone, but please consider all the variables

[@kellyf1117]

@Pablo Cervantes in science the word "theory" has a different meaning than in everyday conversation. in science, a theory is a explanation made to fit all our observations of the world. for example, gravity is a theory to explain how mass sticks together. a theory is a step up from a hypothesis. right now, the best hypothesis we have for the origin of life and how it changed is evolution. theories (and hypotheses) can never become fact, because facts are our observations, and hypotheses are our explanations for the observations.

[@justintempus7406]

@@kingnato3299 Well good thing the species in question have molecular signatures consistent with natural mutation rates over long periods of time with matching fossil records. He really covered his tracks well.

[@kingnato3299]

@@justintempus7406 covered his tracks? You sound like an idiot. You have no clue what you're talking about lmao.

[@kingnato3299]

@@justintempus7406 there aren't really "matching fossil records" with any species

[@GiornoGiovana]

Okay, fine I accept it, there is no way Noah's ark happened!

[@NonStampCollector]

+Giorno Giovana Oh, come now. Why be so closed-minded?

[@Jedi1MK]

+NonStampCollector ....ha ha ha :-)

[@benzenefire]

+NonStampCollector sorry to change the subject, but I'm just curious about something. I'm a Jewish atheist, I love your videos, and I'd like to know, what are your thoughts on Israel and the situation there? And how do you feel about Zionism?

[@NonStampCollector]

Ben Morris I can't even begin to pretend to understand the situation, and therefore have no coherent opinion about any of it. It's not a cop-out; I seriously lack the intelligence to get a mental grasp on it.

[@tomsektul31]

@@benzenefire Jewish atheist... what?

[@flappy7373]

3:22 was my favorite joke by far. a year in a wooden boat with 4000 species of termites onboard. lol.

[@katrinapatterson999]

This is without a doubt one of the funniest videos I've ever seen! Brilliant content & delivery. The Noah's Ark story is so unrealistic (not to mention detestable). Excellent mockery of it. I love the subtely too. Central WHAT?!?

[@skaruts]

Every once in a while I still have to come back to watch this. :) Too precious to forget lol.

[@Maserati7200]

Just thought I'd let you know, I've watched this video (and part 2) 50+ times, sometimes multiple times a day, everyday for a week. And your What would Jesus not do video. These are just so funny and perfectly written. Does a great job of articulating how ridiculous the Bible and Yaweh really are. Signed, a former Orthodox Jew (atheist for 10 years)

[@TSubYT]

Dude congrats on a million views here!!! I've been watching your vids for many years. I'll throw them on before I go to sleep it's like ASMR to me 😂 anyway thanks for making these and here's to hoping more are made! (Personal request I'd love to see Jesus flipping tables in a temple in your art style)

[@KurodoDhaos]

Considering the time at which this tale was writen, the people knew of about... 50 different kinds of animals (at most), which means the ark needed to be big enough to carry at least 100 animals. At THAT time this tale could be considered as real, but even today that it's proven impossible there's still people who believe it. I don't get it... Oh, and very funny video! *Subscribes*

[@RockruffRuinsGames]

KurodoDhaos after all, God would have known about all the other animals and summoned them there or something

[@RockruffRuinsGames]

Mighty Raccoon I have NO fricken clue

[@human3507]

Mighty Raccoon It sounds exactly like what happened in Gilgamesh epic (Utnapishim is alerted about the flood that would come by ea and ea /the goddess of intelligence, which makes sense in the story/ tell him to construct a boat and put the seed of each animal in the boat and Give them to Ishtar, the goddess of love for... you know what), but with less logic.

[@dame3323]

@@human3507 Hes a copy to lol

[@edgy3031]

Actually Noah's Ark is real. Ron Wyatt found it

[@Wysiwyg43]

These videos are hilarious AF! Completely entertaining and informative. NSC, I miss you, son. . .

[@karlyost3572]

😂😂😢 I pray for you because God is not mocked you will see if you don't repent I pray you will if God does intend to save you he will make you go through a lot of things but don't harden your heart you need to call upon him and he will show how real he is so don't my God cuz you will know in the end when you burn and that is the truth 😂 amen 🙏🙏❤️

[@Drake33333]

@@karlyost3572 Didn't enjoy the video I take it?

[@sophienugre4161]

Finally somebody tells a realistic version of this story.

[@alanthompson8515]

Sophie Nugre Hi. Agreed! A literal version of a tale that wasn't ever meant to be taken literally by its (unknown) author(s) is often hilarious. Another example (using the same source material) that I can recommend is the collaboration between Neil Gaiman and Sir Terry Pratchett - "Good Omens". The novel is a great read, and the recent Amazon TV series (starring David Tennant and Michael Sheen) is pretty good too.

[@Some1inFNQ]

@@alanthompson8515 JUST CURIOUS, HOW DO THEOLOGIANS KNOW HOW TO CHERRYPICK WHICH BITS ARE NON LITERAL AND WHICH BITS ARE? I CAN'T THINK OF A SINGLE VERSION OF THE MANY VERSIONS OF THE BIBLE THAT HAS THOSE FOOTNOTES IN IT. IS IT JUST A GUT FEELING CHRISTISTS HAVE?

[@alanthompson8515]

@@Some1inFNQ Hi. It's not usually "theologians" who have a hang-up re: literal vs non-literal. That would be the apologists (though some like to use the label of theologian) who start from a faith position and strive to justify it. Most theologians are critical biblical scholars (a few are even agnostics or atheists), who try to establish, free from bias as far as possible, the historicity and literary forms of the Bible. Getting theologians to agree is not an easy task, on a par with herding cats. Many Bibles do have footnotes. Perhaps the most (in)famous example is the 1702 reprint of the King James' Version which had Bishop Ussher's suggested date for The Creation - 4004 BC - printed in the margin. It didn't take long for those of a literalist persuasion to upgrade this estimate to the status of God Given Fact. Today's young earthers still do.

[@johnny14980]

1:30 “are you including bats with birds?” “Yeah ofc” LMAO

[@Pikeandslippers]

Check out all Noah's Post It notes. Hilarious. Noah himself is brilliant, well created and great real world explanation of this tall tale. I salute your creativity and passion.

[@therationalcollection2999]

I don't even think the average bronze aged farmer would've believed Noah's Ark

[@Gxlto]

No and that's the point. They wouldn't just believe it, they would've been amazed by it. When interpreting scripture apologists always forget how, for example, the Israelites would've interpreted it, since they were the chosen people of yahweh. Anything that seems absurd given the modern scientific standards or cruel when compared to western morality, would only amaze the primitive people of the biblical times and leave them wondering what Yahweh cant do: Violate people's free will by hardening their hearts and then bullying them without remorse? Yes Killing animals for no reason? Yes Wiping out entire populations so that your favourite group of Jews can wander in the desert? Yes Stop the sun....?? Yes Make the... atmosphere..... solid? Yes And the list goes on All these things were supposed to glorify the maniac that is Yahweh and people still dont get that it's clearly the point of most old testament books but will do any mental break dance necessary to excuse it.

[@ivarjriibabyrbfh]

I lost it at “I can’t belive sloths made it here from their native in central america” “Central what??”

[@thisisgettingold]

I'm sure people have already pointed this out but if the flood covered everything on Earth including Mount Everest, it would be more like 60,000+ feet deep because you'd be measuring from the top of Mount Everest to the bottom of the Marianas Trench.

[@DerOlleSchwoebel]

"I think I become the world's first anti-semite" (6:40) LOL, I lost it at that point.

[@Lmaonoshot]

11 years into the future, thank you for this recommendation KZbin

[@victor9]

Years later this still gives me a chuckle

[@theorangeoof926]

Noah’s Ark would have been a logistical nightmare, thanks for the video.

[@MJ-pu5lf]

Fun fact: about Noahs arc I was about to comment on the fish talking to my friends at school how it made no sense that they would be able to survive since the water pressure would greatly increase, the salinity would decrease as well as the light levels. All the plants like seaweed would die. But the second I mentioned the word fish they interupted me and said, "ha ha fish can swim they don't have to go on the boat idiot."

[@langolodelladistopia6171]

by far my favorite NonStampCollector's video. Hope you are ok man, wherever you are

[@4504595]

I watch this every few months... it's too good.

[@joelalexander7328]

I am a former theist and worship leader. Why are you not doing more videos? God is calling you to this ministry. You have an anointing on your life!

[@seanmartin8465]

I love how fucking stressed out Noah looks 😂

[@SkwidToast]

I return to this video once in a while and "Central What?" Gets me every time.

[@n2bfw884]

This is one the best KZbin videos ever. Just so perfect.

[@unclescar5616]

I have a confession: This is not my first time here and it won't be the last.

[@yunoewig3095]

Simply brilliant… How anyone can buy into such an absurd story is truly beyond comprehension, and you made that as clear as can.

[@YouCensored]

Well, when people are ridiculously ignorant, and are specifically taught to NOT think and NOT question, then they accept things as they are without question. That is how. "Believe but do not question" = was the mantra I heard numerous times when I was being raised in a Christian Orthodox home, every time I was being indoctrinated with biblical passages.

[@kallamamran]

This is so good I can't even find the words to describe it... Never stop making these videos!!! :D

[@jumpinjohnnyruss]

This is an absolute masterpiece. If every person saw this, and every person knew that every other person saw it, the world would be immensely better-off.

[@jdos5643]

This is nonsense. If their attempt was to debunk Noah’s ark account well they failed.

[@oberonpanopticon]

@@jdos5643elaborate on your delusions or else why bother commenting at all

[@Speed001]

​@@jdos5643who cares, everyone would have a nice laugh. A small joy and shared topic would make the world a better place.

[@slagify788]

@@jdos5643there’s nothing to debunk, nonsense hasn’t got the right to be debunked, how would someone conduct the mental gymnastics to call this video nonsense but not Noah’s ark. Humanity is fascinating

[@bluelobster4593]

@@jdos5643 nuh uh

[@seanrrr]

I remember bringing this up as a teenager, since there are so, so , so many different species. They told me that they took 2 of each "kind" (as in, instead of the 7500 species of frogs that exist, just 2 of each major group). According to them, after the animals left the ark, they all evolved quickly into the species we see today; they were fine with "microevolution" (small changes within species/families), but not "macroevolution" (speciation). This is hilarious in hindsight, since those exact same people are the ones arguing that evolutionary theory is incorrect since we don't see any animals evolving today. So in their minds (though I doubt they've ever connected any of this), the animals left the ark, extremely rapidly evolved into hundreds of thousands of new species, then stopped evolving. I would never both asking though, since they'd just answer "anything is possible with God".

[@NonStampCollector]

And nobody in any surviving writing ever recorded that each generation of animals seemed to be changing dramatically. Weird.

[@kieleleron85768]

12 years later this still cracks me up😂😂😂 Noah's so stressed out! 😂😂😂

[@nicholastran4311]

I like how since this seems so outlandish and improbable, creationists have just gone to an ad hoc solution and say that they only needed to bring the ancestors to the ark which would later diverge to form the species we know today. However, these guys are the same ones who say that macroevolution is impossible. Also, macroevolution, something that apparently doesn't exist to them, is actually possible in a couple thousand of years instead of millions.

[@ToGetToTerrapin]

I can't believe I just discovered NSC... it's been a while since I hit the subscribe button this fast

[@FaughtyEmit]

I'm so late to the party... This is brilliant! There are so many people I know that I wish would watch this.... but they don't really listen to me anymore.

[@kalashnikov6608]

At that point Christians utter: “it was all magic” OR “the Bible wasn’t meant to be taken literally”

[@whitherwhence]

"I don't even know how they got here from their native central America" "CENTRAL *WHAT?!*"

[@YourIQDoesntMeanShitToMe]

"Failure of *the BOLD TEXT EVEN AFTER EDITING THE COMMENT?"*

[@YourIQDoesntMeanShitToMe]

The asterisk needs to go after the quotation mark m8

[@blacksuperman9891]

Completely underrated. These are brilliant and hilarious sir!

[@jorgannewman8620]

Unironically, one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Love this!!