Is Poor Communication Ruining Your Relationships?

[@dachater1]

“If all of my dreams come true and all of your dreams come true we end up on different planets. Let’s rather call it now” That’s profound.

[@lindyloowho7]

Never compromise your values for a relationship!

[@lovelyskn]

1st caller ....I wouldnt say shes saying her values are more important than his shes saying hers are as equally important. They need to find a middle ground (which doesnt look likely ) or go seperate ways respectfully.

[@sarahcouture24]

Reminds me of one of my favorite songs by john denver that always makes me cry, id rather be a cowboy. Its about incompatibility in a relationship and allowing the other person to follow their dreams without you. Lyrics: Jesse went away last summer, a couple of months ago After all our time together, it was hard to see her go She called me right up when she Arrived, asked me one more time to come Or livin' on an LA freeway, Ain't my kinda havin' fun I think I'd rather be a cowboy I think I'd rather ride the reigns I think I'd rather be a cowboy Then to lay me down and love the lady's chains We were just beginnin', it was such an easy way Layin' back up in the mountains, makin' songs for summer days She got tired of pickin' daisies, cookin' my meals for me She can live the life she wants to, yes, it's alright with me I think I'd rather be a cowboy I think I'd rather ride the reigns I think I'd rather be a cowboy Then to lay me down and love the lady's chains I'd rather live on the side of a mountain Than wander through canyons of concrete and steel I'd rather laugh with the rain and the sunshine Then lay down my sun down in some starry field Oh, but I miss her in the morning, when I awake alone The absence of her laughter, is a cold and empty sound But her memory always makes me smile, and I want you to know I love her yes I love her, just enough to let her gol I think I'd rather be a cowboy I think I'd rather ride the reigns I think I'd rather be a cowboy Then to lay me down and love the lady's chains I think I'd rather be a cowboy I think I'd rather ride the reigns I think I'd rather be a cowboy Then to lay me down and love lady's chains

[@vitareid]

John's ability to build instant rapport astounds me.

[@more2me100]

Idk I’m on the gf actor’s side. I myself would show my body but I’ve come to learn that I shouldn’t make sacrifices for a boyfriend. Now if he was my husband I’d honor him all day because we have made a life time commitment to each other. But to make a life altering decision for a boyfriend is too risky in my mind

[@tandy174]

This was pretty insightful. The values segment has to be by far my favourite. Thanks Doc for your useful and practical insight ! 🤗

[@ashleyhunter9140]

I’m glad he’s going through this now and not after deciding to get married.

[@dachater1]

Wow! So simple yet profound. It’s super hard when you love someone and are so attracted to them but your values don’t align. I know how that feels 💔

[@l-train7876]

The biggest regret of my life is sacrificing one of my values for a relationship.

[@livvy066]

Same here.

[@dachater1]

Do you mind sharing what that value was?

[@AubreeFusselman]

I second the share request.

[@AS-kn6cq]

I un2nd one share request.

[@AS-kn6cq]

Respect though. That’s probably been a hard process to admit.

[@sarahcouture24]

I think the girlfriend is probably hurt that he's not supporting her in her acting career and making an issue out of a her job, which would stress me out if I was her. I get that it makes him uncomfortable, but does he really expect her to turn down the part and sacrifice her dreams over it? I would be pissed, honestly.

[@ismaelrodriguez40]

You already sound pissed 😡

[@JusttRaquel]

Ann's phone call. It was very interesting that she said where he's weak. I'm strong where I'm strong. He's weak. She couldn't even say she was weak in a sentence because she's so used to trying to hold everything together. Thank you both for your service. I hope you talk to someone just to decompress. God bless you❤

[@deb9806]

I read this on a Franciscan Friar site about listening. John would appreciate it. "Walking around as friars, we often have people stop us and begin to share. Sometimes they share deeply, sometimes they just want an audience for their hot takes and solutions to the world's problems. I remember keenly walking with a friar in Guatemala when this happened. Our new friend began what would become a 45 minute monologue. As a young friar at the time, I was watching and trying to learn from the older friar about what to do in this type of situation. To be honest, as 10 minutes became 20, then 30 and so on, I was confused as to why the older friar just stood their listening. It's great to listen to people, but at some point you have to end the conversation and continue on your way, right? So, as the "conversation" ended, and just the two of us were talking back, I asked him sheepishly, "So, that was kind of a long conversation. Would you ever jump in and end the conversation?" After a brief moment of reflection, the brother looked at me and said, "You know, I don't have a lot of gifts to give to the world. I just don't have a lot to offer people. But I can listen. So, when people talk, I listen to them. That's the gift I can give." Beautiful, right? Maybe that's something for us to all lean into. We can't solve all of the world's problems, but we can communicate to someone that they uniquely matter by taking time to listen to them. "

[@diannamc367]

Beautiful

[@waynepolo6193]

Sure, listening is a gift you can give to others. But your _Time_ is a gift that’s given to you… Show appreciation for the gifts given to you by _valuing_ them. What would you give someone whom you knew wouldn’t honor or value it?

[@alysenchristensen3309]

I feel that he is calling his insecurity a ‘value’. Give me a break.

[@racheltarentino3314]

Same

[@AS-kn6cq]

The opposite of the total ownership D suggests here. Let’s play blame and belittle others!!!

[@DeRocco21]

that is a value, and its shouldnt be shamed like fatness or whatever

[@allysonreilly]

I’m normally in agreement but her performing in Cabaret is not a value- it’s his insecurity and desire for control over her body. Hope she leaves

[@dachater1]

Our values will always cost us something!!

[@harrietbaker4484]

I feel for Matt! I am dealing with the same scenario though it is involving different values between my youngest adult son and myself. It has just come to a time out for both of us. I no longer can accept how his behavior toward me continues despite boundaries and honest self reflection, apologies to him and improving myself; he co tines to shame and blame, and I can't do it. Yes, standing in our values is heartbreaking as it will cost you...either yourself and your self respect or for me, my son.

[@brandyk]

Wow this 2nd caller, the volleyball coach... good for her reaching out n trying to help these young women. I knew it was bad but I had no idea the problem was this bad. Damn, even with this group of kids whos parents have paid for and placed them in numerous activities with other kids since theh were little and at least have this in common? Whew, imagine how unskilled and awkward the rest of the kids are. Played 3 sports in high school and had great time with friends on and off the court. One was a friend for 25 years. Good memories.

[@beamar76]

Even that game that I can’t remember the name of it but you tell someone in their ear and at the end they say it out loud that helps

[@jamesphelps9573]

Telephone lol

[@laurahuber3826]

OMG. You quoted the late, great Biz. Officially my favorite KZbin channel!

[@AndiAlexander1]

That’s not a value that’s a hang up. Her purpose is the reason she’s here and if you ask her to give that up you don’t really love her you love an idea of her.

[@dachater1]

I wouldn’t say so. Nudity is a very intimate thing even though the world would try tell you otherwise.

[@tommyserrato6485]

In that case if we reverse it, if she does nudity then she doesn’t love him she loves the idea of him 🙄. Some stuff is sacred and that’s ok 🤷‍♀️ some people even consider smaller stuff sacred like board games/ watching movies and might not like if you do something specific with the partner and the partner starts doing whatever their thing was with everyone or anyone else. 🤷‍♀️ The smaller things I mentioned is more of a hang up but being naked?!? Is just a “hang up” is crazy would you get naked in front of anyone for money? If so then you don’t hold your body’s privacy as a value and you value money or fame more than your body. Some people value the intimacy of a body more than money or fame or whatever.

[@BrandieMcGaha-jh3je]

I have to agree with the gf, they are not married, its not like she is cheating i believe hes insecure. Remember strip tease? Well look at her now. Its apart sometimes of acting.

[@amybouchard]

Wait, is Dr. John leaving the Ramsey group? See 17:30 mark to end of segment. It was established as an example, but did he pick an example that is a topic on his mind?

[@caitlinhunsuck9099]

Caught that too--- I wouldn't be surprised. They clearly don't align 100% on values.

[@romanabrand6715]

Following

[@COINsimp2024]

No

[@katherinealba6768]

Man, you are both only in your late 20's and are not married and your girlfriend is pursuing a creative arts field. Open your mind and deal with your insecurities.

[@jeradkiester698]

This is the first show that not one caller had a single issue.

[@jeradkiester698]

@@tiednormal02 yeah, hope those high school girls learn to communicate on the court... sounds pretty serious. Or the guy with the actress gf decides whether he can stay with her should she get naked on stage. Or the lady whose hubby didn't get shot at the gym that really called for herself on unrelated issues... super cereal

[@David-wo9un]

@@jeradkiester698 It’s rather pathetic that people are so starved for attention that they make up problems that require someone else to help them solve; don’t these people have friends they can ask for input?

[@salma_Nella22]

My husband witnessed a murder is not an issue? Breaking up with someone you love over values is not an issue? What else do you think keeps this podcast alive? People calling in…wether you think it’s an issue or not. I’m sorry that you don’t think someone’s life isnt screwed up enough to entertain you

[@jeradkiester698]

@@salma_Nella22 I'm just super worried about those volleyball players, hope they can pull through.

[@salma_Nella22]

@@jeradkiester698 the topic is “poor communication”. What do you expect?

[@lblincoe2094]

I mean, was this her job BEFORE the relationship?? You can't enter someone's life, knowing who and what they are, and then tell them once you're involved that it violates your core values and they need to change it to align with what's important you. You saw her life and CHOSE to enter it as it was. Not to mention, it's HER body. She isn't violating the rules of fidelity, she isn't betraying your relationship, this is her CAREER. This is her life, you're asking her to give up her chosen life because you've come in and gone "whoa, whoa, I don't like it here, we need to change this for me". Because honestly, it doesn't sound like a "value" to me, it sounds like an insecurity dressed up with moralistic language so he can argue from a position of righteousness instead of possessiveness. He can't be argued with from the high road and she has to feel guilty if she refuses to comply. It also doesn't sound like he's trying to set a real boundary he's prepared to leave her over if she choses to continue following the trajectory her life was on, it sounds like he's really just trying to bend her to his will, again, with dressed up moralistic language.

[@samanthaberch]

I would love a follow up with Matt to see what the outcome of his situation was.❤

[@dachater1]

Yes

[@donnaj.1634]

Awesome video!

[@Shanshu72]

I haven’t laughed at a joke from the Dave Ramsey professionals more than John saying the song of the day was “I’m in love with a stripper”. That got me good. 😂

[@AubreeFusselman]

“I’m a rocker man through and through..” -Joe Dirt’e

[@samanthaberch]

I want an OG Deloney shirt for us first 17 viewers!!

[@judischneegas8179]

Do not give up your day job

[@clericstorm2009]

First caller should leave the relationship and do her a favor; he is just holding her back. A naked body does not equal intimacy. Sad he is going to destroy a great relationship over a ridiculous notion.

[@dachater1]

And it’s clear you don’t have the same value as the caller.

[@ismaelrodriguez40]

Except that when the naked body is your sister your mom your wife everything changes

[@alysenchristensen3309]

Forget this dude 😂

[@kathryndr3779]

I've never heard of "Louisiavna"! 🤪

[@mariee.5912]

🤣🤣🤣 a typo??

[@dachater1]

It’s his value and clearly not yours.

[@kylemedeiros6907]

Dude I promise it’s not as bad as you imagine. You get to say hey that’s mine while everyone just looks. Be proud young grasshopper. If she treats you well don’t leave.

[@emmalouie1663]

Break up with your GF because she is following her dreams? Ugh Ohhhhh-kay. Hope she gets great opportunities in the future.

[@86TexasGirl]

Y’all are probably not meant to be , move on you’re young…find someone else

[@jennbennz]

She said it's her dream... not a "thing"

[@brightpage1020]

This is a good dude. So, I'll let you know: As a 20 y/o I was in a theater group... The pay wasn't amazing. Many of us took 2nd jobs like waitressing to afford the apartments we shared. We'd rotate through 2 or 3 apartment complexes in 2-3 bedrooms with like 7 roommates. 2 twin beds or a bunk in each room... It was a lot, but CA coat of living... Over 2 years I had 3 roommates that became strippers. You know how long it room for them to level up to a nicer apartment? If you had to guess: 3 months? 6? A year? 2-4 weeks. No joke. The money was that reliable and that much. They'd move into fancy amenity places with 1 or 2 stripper roommates. A different rotation there. Patron men would pay their rent. It was literally less than 2 months. There is a reality there. Is she like in Pussycat Dolls type of contract? That's choreographed. Or flat out strip club? Because those are sort of different shows. If she feels uncomfortable stripping and doesn't want to do it and if you love her, and don't want her in that world, you get a job that provides oodles for you both and you marry her. Is this a girlfriend or a wife? Is she doing it for the money with the guilt and shame or is she enjoying the attention? Know that money is hard. That is hard money and a lot of girls hands down pick that over any man. Nothing personal but if you don't offer hard cash and she's a flat out stripper, not in a theater contract... Then unless you offer a future with competitive salary for her, smart girls pick money. Because boyfriends come and go... But money is under her control. A way to manage her life and future. You go from making $300-500/month in theater (20 years ago) to $5,000-$6,000 a month. In a week. The difference is that dramatic. If you want a future with her, marry her out of this. If you're not ready to be her husband, understandably, then back off and wind the relationship out. Privately I heard those girls make fun of how desperate the men who pant after them are. They call 4 guys their "boyfriend" at the same time until one pays their rent to "win" the competition and use possesiveness of her to her advantage. But it's a slippery slope to a dangerous path. Other things come with that. Sometime Drugs, abuse... Pimps... You can tell her you love her too much to let her slide down that way, and offer her a diamond ring in hopes she picks a future with you... But know that it's intoxicating. That power over so many men plus the money is intoxicating! The lifestyle at entry level. Because within 3-6 months they showed up to rehearse with black eyes. And then dropped out of theater altogether. I don't know her and nobody has a crystal ball, but... The trajectory was fairly predictable after witnessing it the 3rd time. Girls would chose that over friends warnings and people who cared about them letting them know... And then letting them go. Because people make their own choices and will do what they gotta do and learn their own way about things. Respect that right? 1 of the girls had a "serious" boyfriend when she started. For a week and a half. They'd been together like 4 months or something. He'd have married her if he could have afforded to. That was heartbreaking to watch. If she goes that route, you tell her you respect her choice but that you are steering your life in a different direction. And that you see this difference in values as an unfortunate impasse for your relationship. Tell her you hope she does great there and you know she will, and that if she ever needs you- or out of the lifestyle, you'll be there to help connect her with resources for that that can do that effectively (trust pros for this you won't want pimps after you). Keep the line of communication open, for her life. Even if the line to romantic relation ship is closed. She likely won't use it, but it helps knowing...

[@madaaron]

i disagree... Matt is showing insecurity, control and jealously. Dangerous traits if he is a violent person, I'm surprised he didn't ask anything about that.

[@COINsimp2024]

Control? You sound young kiddo. Stop listening to Hollywood, they are all divorced for a reason.

[@lindyloowho7]

Wow! Your way off the topic!

[@bffoxjr]

There's nothing controlling or violent about telling someone that they're free to do a behavior, but if they choose to do so, it will be in a relationship with someone else. I've done that with friends. Didn't listen? Ghosted.

[@Wallbank888]

Violent people don't call doctors to get advice on reconciling value differences. Nothing he said was showing any of the negatives you choose to read into this. The point of the entire conversation is that when dating, it's often much better to end the relationship over a value conflict than to try and ignore it and grow resentful. He's allowed to want a relationship that doesn't involve his partner to be naked in public. She's allowed to say she doesn't think it's a big deal, and she's not willing to work against her goals because of his value that she doesn't share. More people need to break up like this on good terms instead of letting it go until they hate each other.

[@JM-lg9tv]

Try this on…Matt is saying that he isn’t willing to share his girlfriend with anyone else.

[@LadyLime100]

Sounds like the girlfriend in the first call is acting in the musical Chicago or Burlesque. Local theater is very competitive because it's a passion. Mat needs to learn about compatibility, he needs to date a meek and more conservative woman if that's what's important to him. It makes zero sense for him to have the values that he does and then literally go out of his way to date a woman who is in love with performance arts. It isn't fair or reasonable to ask someone to give up their dreams because of his conservative views. He needs to date someone who shares the same views as him instead of trying to sabatoge someone's dreams for his own benefit. I don't understand how someone who claims to love someone would even feel comfortable making that ask. How would her sacrificing her dream even be reciprocated if the relationship continues?

[@monkas7270]

nobody dreams of being a stripper 😂

[@lindyloowho7]

If you both don't have the same values, one will resent the fact they had to give up their value for the relationship. He wasn't asking her to give up her career. He was expressing it made him uncomfortable. The relationship doomed from the beginning. Love is letting go too!

[@LadyLime100]

It seemed like he was trying to guilt trip her to quit over his feelings. He basically said his feelings were more important than her dreams. Lots of plays have raunchy moments and underwear scenes, even mundane ones. So him implying that she should stop for his comfort is asking her to quit her dreams for him. However I absolutely agree with you. Letting people go is a very loving thing to do. It's loving towards the other person and loving to one's self. They need to break up.

[@COINsimp2024]

Conservative women aren't meek, remember they aren't the ones crying about being abused all day. We also don't need to take our clothes off to be successful. Also to your comment about performing arts, yes most are perverts but now we have companies like Pure Flix, thank God. P.S. Why are you watching this show knowing that John would never date a woman like that? Lmao.

[@peterlee584]

@@lindyloowho7 I seriously doubt that yhis is about values. I got the sense that it's more about Matt's own insecurity and jealousy.. If it were really about values, this conversation would have come up sooner.