217: Are We Raising Our Daughter To Be A Career Woman Or A Housewife?

[@taylorhumpert4965]

For all the moms watching this thinking enterprising is necessary while homeschooling, it’s not!! These women are doing great things while parenting/homeschooling but my plate is very much full focusing on the minds and bodies under my own roof ❤🎉. Like they said, you can use allll your skills as a mother and homeschool “teacher” and never receive a paycheck for it. It’s God’s work!

[@hanmo564]

Yes!👏👏👏

[@iwillforeverpraisethee]

Amen! We certainly can't compare ourselves! We are all different with different measures of grace and giftings! Beyond caring for/ training my children and educating them, my plate feels full! Perhaps down the road if he leads me in that direction!😂❤

[@lillian9884]

Love this!!! Agreed!

[@lizsa5727]

This was good conversation. I use to be a woman who only saw the value as a working woman outside of the home and looked down at sahm. Once I had kids my husband and I realized it didn’t make financial sense for me to continue working. But now I see the value I bring to the family. It did take a while for me to see the value. We are now stressed less because I can cook healthy meals from scratch, attend school activities, not deal with the stress of traffic, or scheduling my work around my husband’s for us to do anything as a family. I also save money in not having to pay someone to clean my home. My husband does have a high stressful job which requires him to be away from us 4 times out of the week but that’s why it’s also important for me to be his rock at home so that he can thrive at work and provide for us. I will say that if I could have him switch careers I would love that, but God has called him to this career and I see the importance in it.

[@HomesteadHealing]

I love this!! I'm 40 years old and homeschooling my children. I became a cosmetologist when I was young and decided I wanted to become a dietician, so I went to college, I met my husband and got married and pregnant before I was able to finish school, but what I learned in school has helped me to become better at managing my home, and keeping my family healthy, I'm happy to be a homemaker and homeschooling my children, it was never my plan, it's much better. I will raise my daughters to be educated, organized, and well-rounded so they can succeed at whatever they are called to do. Love your perspective!!

[@kaileyjacomet4660]

I think it's possible, but difficult to do both and you need to really think about what you want your long term day to day to look like. With many young adults delaying marriage, getting onto the moving sidewalk of college, debt, and then job can be a trap that causes you to limit your options before you even consider what you wanted your family life to look like. I met my husband when I was 20 and we talked about what we wanted our family life to be like when we had kids. Long story short, I was really intentional with my choices so I could have the career I wanted without sacrificing my vision of motherhood. I wanted to be a lawyer but I wanted to be home with my kids when they were little more. I went to law school on nearly a full scholarship, worked for the government for a few years, resigned when my first child was born to be a stay at home mom, started a virtual, part-time practice when she was a toddler, and now have two kids that I hybrid-homeschool, while running my virtual law firm 3 days a week. Technology has made it much easier to balance both but it still takes a lot of intention and careful planning along the way. For me, it's the best of both worlds. Now, I mentor other lawyers on how to start a part-time practice that is built around their other priorities in life. So, with my daughter as the original inspiration of all of this, I will teach her that family always comes first, but there's a lot of room for more if you are intentional. I'll also teach her to make her life plans with the long term day to day and family vision in mind, because I have many friends who wanted to stay at home with their babies but couldn't afford to and the situation could have been avoided with a better long-term plan.

[@stephanieritz9165]

This ☝️ I have a similar story, though I was trained as a scientist and worked as a consultant for pharmaceutical companies. I now freelance and stay at home full-time with my son. It just took a little creativity and faith to figure out how to accomplish that. I think the key is for us parents to help our children learn how to listen and determine God's will for their life. We should not be guided by the structured path that the world lays out for us without any thoughtfulness (college, grad school, corporate job, etc). Instead, we obey our calling, walk in faith, and He will work out the details.

[@katiacleroux7376]

See for me, my career as a nurse was not transferable to remote work. So unless I'd return to college/university with 5 littles at home, for now I'm simply a sahm who homeschools. Our plans pre-covid was for me to work 12 hours a week, but those shifts do not exist post-covid, and now my license expired since I've been 'retired' for over 3 years. Now we're scrambling to find an option

[@stephanieritz9165]

@@katiacleroux7376 I'm not sure if you are interested, but there are lots of remote jobs for nurses these days. You can work part-time for insurance companies educating them or patients. You can be a health or medical writer educating patients or HCPs. (This pays very well part-time, and this year I may even make as much as I did working full-time.) You can work with Medical Affairs teams for pharma who are trying to educate their sales reps. I know labor and delivery nurses who started their own lactation and postpartum support companies and infant sleep companies. These are only a few of the options I know about. I'm sure if you Googled remote work for nurses, you'd learn about more opportunities. Savvy Nurse Writer and RN2Writer may be helpful to you. While you aren't able to be a floor nurse, you could possibly use those skills and that education for a different type of job that values nurses. That education is in high demand.

[@rachelclare1398]

I haven’t finished listening yet - but right off the bat the question presents an “either or” that isn’t necessary! You can have a vocation and be a spouse. And different times of life will have different focuses.

[@bigfatdogby]

Exactly

[@sabl6381]

I agree to some extent, but I would also say that the word "vocation" isn't supposed to be synonymous with one's occupation. As married Christians, our vocation IS to be a spouse and parent.

[@wendymtzc]

You can have a vocation/career and a spouse but can you have a vocation and raise all the children God blessed you with, or will you set a limit to the blessings in order to fit the vocation, just something to think about

[@rachelclare1398]

@@sabl6381 good point. to be more specific, we can pray and hope that daughters will live up to the profound calling as mothers someday, and that doesn't exclude the possibility of learning a trade or marketable skill. while their children are at home, I believe it is wondering, God-honoring and worthy (although hard, as a SAHM myself!) to set the marketplace work aside to do the home work. However there are whole entire other decades of a woman's life where she may occupy herself working at a trade for money. Or God may not bring her a husband until she has been supporting herself as a single adult for one or several years.

[@rachelclare1398]

@@wendymtzc indeed - that's what i was getting at with "different times of life will have a diffferent focus." just today I heard the quote: "Women can't have it all, not all at the same time. But we can have much of what we desire throughout our whole life." I myself am a SAHM right now but I do miss and crave the creativity I was able to express in my job as a designer. I try to remind myself that there are other outlets and there will be other years and decades in my life where I can explore that more fully, but this work of raising my babies is the most important and precious.

[@annamcg928]

I am raising her as a proverbs 31 woman. She took care of the home but also worked from home and then sold her goods.

[@hannahbaker2856]

I think you phrased this well. Personally, I never felt called to marriage or motherhood when I was growing up . . . but now I'm married to a godly man and mama to one so far, and those "surprise" vocations are meaningful.

[@steffa648]

@@hannahbaker2856 what do you mean as surprise vocations?

[@hannahbaker2856]

@@steffa648 Vocations I hadn't thought I would have. Not a technical term by any means!

[@naominibogie4620]

“Anything that’s common isn’t going to produce more than common results” love this and your insights. I have two daughters and you have really helped me to think through how to guide them. Thank-you for articulating this so clearly.

[@cderry10]

Really great points! Especially on not having an all or nothing thinking regarding this issue. A highly skilled woman with “career skills” can run her household much better than a girl who has spent years with her dad making every little decision for her while doing some homemaking tasks. Both women can value the calling of mom and wife but the one who spends singleness investing in growing as a person through the challenges of education and work can actually do a better job once married! Have seen this play out repeatedly in my social circle!

[@mrs.b3902]

I have my law degree: I worked for a time. I saw later on going to so much schooling and getting into almost a 100k debt with lots of interest was completely wrong and backwards when trying to also have a family and have more than the standard 2 children. Going to graduate school was terribly terribly wrong for me and will always affect our income level now that we need to pay off debt. It’s not worth it. My parents did not push staying at home at all so I was formed by public school teachers and college professors and no clear guidance (my mom worked full time while I was growing up).

[@valeriya105]

This was SUCH a great podcast that I needed to hear.Thank you SO much. I am a SAHM, that is a sourdough baker from home and a wedding photographer. Both of those are my hobbies and just side income. However, people like Lori from "The Transformed Wife" are really great at demonizing these things and making them seem like you can NEVER do anything within the home. Only taking care of children. It makes it seem like a cult somewhat. Whenever Prov 31 is brought up and how she was her husband's helpmeet by doing ALL the things mentioned in the verses, I get silence from Lori. I am all for women being at home with children and keeping family duties as PRIORITY. But if you have been able to be great there, why not do something on top of it like selling from Etsy? Maybe even selling WITH your kids together so they learn?? I am thankful for Lori when I was an infant spiritually. However, I have matured and am now seeing things that I fully disagree with because she does not provide Biblical support, but more of an aggressive opinion using some Biblical verses to put things into a box. Again, reminder that I am for mother's being home. But the way Lori talks about it, makes it seem like a "Bible hitting you over the head submission." Love your podcast, thanks again!

[@Not_a_witch]

I’ve seen people argue this in her comments, but I’ve never gotten the impression that she against any of that, more that, women shouldn’t feel it’s necessary and that their main focus should be home and family. And for most women, that is more than enough and they don’t need to feel pressured to do more than that.

[@Mom_of_the_Chickies]

I really wish I had been told all this as a young woman. I am almost 30 and am only married with a baby because I finally started to realize what I really wanted in life and how me getting a PhD in chemistry wasn’t going to achieve that 😅 I’m so glad I left. And like you said, a lot of my peers that finished their phds struggle to find jobs. I dropped out of the phd program half way through but was resourceful and creative enough to find a job working from home that is not very stressful, pays well, and is not very related to my studies, but enough that they hired me. I really agree that learning to be creative with your gifts is the key to setting yourself up for whatever God has in store, instead of what you believed God had in store 😊

[@Mom_of_the_Chickies]

The fact that I can work from home and raise my baby is a real blessing in all of this ❤ and a lot more that is impossible to list all ❤

[@sabl6381]

Amen. I'm 31 with a husband and baby and am so thankful God pulled me out of a former lifestyle where marriage and family weren't even on my radar. I only wish I'd have started sooner.

[@Mom_of_the_Chickies]

@@sabl6381 yes they worded it so perfectly. Will my career be a hinder to what I really want? The sad thing I was so brainwashed by feminism that when men in PhD programs I was touring told me I should NOT become a chemist if I want to have babies, I would get so upset and be even more firm in my decision to get a PhD even though it was possibly unhealthy to my body to be surrounded my dangerous chemicals

[@brittanystanton4733]

I was raised being told that I should not cook, i should not clean, not follow the babies in the family to care for them and that I should read, and excell in school so i can be a carreer woman. My mother has a mental illness i could never get a good advice or moral support when making carreer or vocation decisions, she was against everything i would lean on. I was also raised by my grandparents and i always observed my grandma she was the nurturing women of the house, but she never wanted me in the kitchen. After 10 years of struggle in college changing degrees non stop, I know that I am mean to be a homekeeper and homemaker. However, thanks to my college dregree I can have an easier job that is still well paid so I can fulfill my desires to be a homemaker. But who knows, if I will hold on to this job.

[@steffa648]

If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time!! 🎯

[@marilynpetersen9115]

Can we get the name of the song your hubby quickly sang about being "One of a kind"? We would love to teach it to our kids.

[@lauralu04]

Yes I'd like to know that also! I couldn't find it online.

[@theparttimehomemaker]

I agree with your conclusion. If we just leave them to "make their own decision" the voice they will hear and turn towards is the world's. The bible explicitly tells us to train our children in the way they should go. We need to be telling our daughters the pros and cons of each, what a typical day of each life choice will look like in 10-15 year's time, and encourage them to pray about it whilst putting God first. You definitely hit the nail on the head about the juxtaposition though- some wives are called to help their husband by both working outside the home while being a homemaker.

[@steffa648]

I don’t see how a woman is called to work outside the home since the Bible clearly says for the woman to be a keeper at home. If anything, she should be looking for ways to save money and if need be bring in income while at home which will be a better help to her Husband. More often than not, a woman working outside the home doesn’t really end up making the family any more money than if she just stayed home and built a home economy.

[@wendymtzc]

I doubt it’s God calling women to work outside of the home, it’s the way our society is designed that forces many women to have outside jobs.

[@beans4853]

I understood that they will explan this side of it as well so they make a well informed decision, not completely discourage it. For example, an 18 year old might decide to pursue a 6 year all consuming degree while also wanting to get married and have kids within the next 2-3 years. Not realistic or extremely hard to accomplish both but hard for an 18 year old to realize on their own sometimes.

[@VikingUffDa]

You may have insulted the women who are at home making doilies or other crafts selling on Etsy. You make some good points but your critical thinking skills come from growing up in your ambitious family - with entrepreneur parents. There are many blue color wives or even unmarried women whose goal is not to be what is considered in the world’s eyes to be successful. . Many things you say come from your point of view as a child of your home and as the wife of a man who is very involved in the home. Not every woman is beauty pageant material, putting on a gown and being a beauty queen like your mother. Your mother is naturally beautiful and naturally vivacious. Not everybody comes from a background with a mother like yours. I have known so many humble quiet women who sit at the back table and have a meek spirit who are not the belle of the room. I would like to expound more - but maybe later. When you’re older you come to realize that not everyone fits the same How To handbook. I changed my views on many things as I’ve gotten older. Yes, my husband sits at the gate, but some husbands do not. And I try to put myself in their shoes end do not lift myself up higher than them. I love watching the KZbin women who have the attitude of come on over for fellowship. And not all women have their college bill paid for them. I did work off and on, and I brought my children along to every job because I had my own business and I took jobs that they could come along with me. I homeschooled, did ministry work, supported my husband’s career, wrote articles for the newspaper, published a homeschool paper, had a huge garden, and much more. I look back now and would have done things differently. I would have not done everything I tried to do.. My husband was gone a lot so unlike you, he was not an active presence. And that is how many wives and mothers have it. I listened to advice at a ladies’ retreat from a pastor’s wife who was very set in her opinion as being perfect - and it was the worst advice I could have. Because my home was different. I’d like to go on with that as well, but, we have got to realize we can’t be cookie cutters. Your KZbin and opinion is not the Gospel. We each have to interpret the teaching of the Word of God and apply it to our individual situation. I hope you understand what Im trying to say.

[@Dana-mb1hd]

As a mama to a daughter I’m excited to watch this! Love you guys❤

[@raquelacevedoreyna3003]

Three things I ❤❤❤ 1) I love the perspective of having long term goals, and how there are seasons to God's overall plan for our lives. Doing our best in each season is part of our stewardship of the time God gives us here on earth. 🌎 2) Thank you so much for taking a stand and being a voice of truth and hope in times of relative truth and uncertainty. 3)I so appreciate the way you guys affirm each other in your journey of being life long learners. I find that so inspiring. Thanks for the positivity!

[@HumayrahNunaina]

I am a Muslim fan of your channel. I agree with every view of yours except that I believe that Only One God exists and he expects us to behave in the best way. I am learning alot from you as a mum and wife. Keep up the good work. God bless

[@creativereindeer]

London listener here - honestly never heard some of this stuff! Super interesting. Thanks so much for speaking into this and I found your vision to not have one or the other but have a ‘well rounded’ individual. Thanks for this pod :)

[@ginahartley9833]

I love you guys! I watch all your videos! I have a big catholic family and I am still raising children and adults from 38 to 15 years old. I also have 6 grandchildren too. The only thing I did not do raising my children was homeschool and I had hopes and dreams for my 3 girls and 2 boys. Unfortunately, my children are headstrong and make their own decisions( no matter how much advice I give them)and married men that they really loved but had many problems that could not be fixed ( abusive) and now are divorced, and need to support their families which my husband and I are doing. So if they had a career they could fall back on it would have helped. I always put my family first and worked very part-time and that worked for me but life does not always work that way. You just have to be prepared for anything.

[@lillian9884]

Wow I love this so much. This is a beautiful podcast that I will most definitely listen to more than once. My husband and I don’t have any children right now. We pray one day soon we will. Point is, this was encouraging to even myself!!! Love what you guys do! Keep doing it, and never stop!

[@steffa648]

Great podcast and great answers!! Enjoyed listening to this and also loved how you tied the ending into admonishing your boys as well as what career for them would be family friendly. My husband worked in some jobs where men were on their third marriages because they were always working!

[@MilaDanceSport]

You guys have so much wisdom! I love so many of the episodes in your podcast. Even though our household is not religious, your values totally resonate ❤ thanks for sharing your wisdom!

[@HaleyMariah]

These episodes always help me to realign my priorities and I truly believe that God has used them to help me become more disciplined and provoke my thoughts as to how I want to be as a wife and mother. Thank you so much for your ministry!

[@nandinaibach5419]

Your comment about discouraging kids from investing in a career that takes a lot of school due to the possibility of dropping out half way and having nothing to show for it. Respectfully, kids need to be supported and challenged so they know that dropping out and quitting is not an option, unless very sick or detrimental to their health. That being said, when you go into law school or med school, you can find out first it the institution allows transferable credits. If it’s a non transferable school, then if the person drops out yes those credits are lost. However, there are options to pause or take semesters off usually that is a loophole if you need a break. The only dead end is failing out of the school, but if you know you’re struggling talk to the counselor about taking a semester off so you don’t fail. This is speaking as someone who received my masters in business at age 23, and my partner received his PHD in Engineering at 26. I worked full time as well during my entire masters program and we took no student debt. It can be done, and I wouldn’t discourage education because of the possibility of “dropping out”.

[@user-dy7so7st2z]

Wow! first time watching you guys...getting so much out of this. We are expecting our 6th in a few months. New to homeschooling and homebirthing since the world went crazy a few years ago. Feel a little overwhelmed trying to navigate this "counter cultural" life that we know is where God is calling us.. Thanks for sharing your perspective and helping us look at the bigger vision. On another note i heard a great talk on Proverbs 31 from Jess from roots and refuge YT channel talking about how we are all as a Church the "bride of Christ" and are all called to diligence in our physical and spiritual life as a proverbs 31 "woman". She said it much more eloquently tho😂 excited to binge listen to the podcast for motivation ❤

[@pem1091]

You, as parents, are raising your children to listen for the voice of the Lord, and obey Him. This is the best filter. Guiding them through wise counsel, prayer and trust in His sovereignty is critical to this process. Blessings.

[@achavez7511]

Such a good point that there are many expressions of our gifts. That is so helpful! Blessings!

[@abrownie19]

LOVED this episode

[@steffa648]

You answered my question!! Yay! Looking forward to listening!!

[@MonicaBU]

This was so profound. Loved your guys’ input.

[@mackenzie.martinez]

Loved this conversation. Thank you for the time you put into this video.

[@nothanksmegan]

The Proverbs 31 woman didn’t do that all in one day or even in one year… that was her legacy and it is a beautiful one to aspire to.

[@laurens8623]

I think it's about balance. Not all men want a woman is super busy all the time

[@mayperez1420]

This was so good! Thank you!

[@inspiredbyaria]

I would love to hear a version of this for a son, as I've got a son and would love to hear what you think about raising sons ❤

[@inspiredbyaria]

A question for you: Do you think it's right to get up on a stage and do a solo? Weird question I know, but I've been struggling with this as I was given a talent to sing however I feel uncomfortable sometimes as when I am called to sing for an audience sometimes I just think of myself and the notes I'm trying to reach etc and seems a bit selfish and not what I'd like to do. Any thoughts?

[@annababcock3948]

Thank you. Enjoy your wisdom so much.

[@stephenpak2866]

Would love to hear about the 4 c’s

[@carinthiamontana7069]

Where does it say in the Bible that the family has to come first for a man? I always assumed that a man’s first obligation is to work / provide. That’s what Adam was charged with…

[@brookbell5466]

Would you ever do a natural birth video? I’ve always tried to do it naturally and always end up with the epidural. Do you have any tips?

[@sabl6381]

You could do like me and wade in the birth center whirlpool so long that you miss your epidural window! 😅

[@brookbell5466]

@@sabl6381 my hospital doesn’t even have those 😭

[@alissaartavia3940]

Super helpful! Thanks :)

[@yn3481]

This was so good

[@dylanbradshaw3506]

This was good!

[@laurens8623]

Is that verse man or mankind should not be alone

[@NowThatWereAFamilyPodcast]

Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

[@beans4853]

There are definitely commentaries that say it means mankind as well, however the literal basic translation is man

[@Bonnieuxful]

Raise daughters to be Proverbs 31 women❣️🥰💕🙏🏻🙏🏻💕👩‍🦱👩🏽👩‍🦰

[@hurlibutz5025]

The title is ceepy😢 I try to raise my daughter to be herself😅

[@sabl6381]

It's not creepy - it is a relevant question in today's culture.

[@wendymtzc]

We have enough self centered people in this world.

[@hurlibutz5025]

@@wendymtzc this ist not my point here ....I think its really self centered to raise another person to become something I want her to be instead of thinking that god already gave her the character she was meant to be

[@beans4853]

​@@hurlibutz5025it's not about characters, it's about values

[@elinhoke7771]

Mmm I'd say Only Fans is an excellent example of how women do not thrive better than men when left on their own. Women need men, woman was made *for* the man and we need to remember that. Men were made to lead and can lead in a way that women cannot. Mothering is different than fathering and is not the same kind of leadership that the man provides. Women were made to receive. And we're going to receive from somewhere, whether it's our father's instructions (which is technically what both boys and girls remain under until they leave and cleave), our husband's leadership, or the CEO paying us to do their bidding. Whether there are more women in leadership now is not the point. It's just a fact that men lead and women receive and when that gets out of balance we get this crazy world we're living in now. 😂