Nurse Bullying: How to Keep a Toxic Coworker From Ruining Your Career

[@makaylahollywood3677]

I am not a nurse, but bullies are everywhere- and, I am still learning not to take other's toxicity personal. And, most important, I am learning to speak up.

[@platinumgreyx8976]

True. Bullies are everywhere. But in the medical field, that can translate to increased mistakes made. It can effect patient care. And you are putting your job at risk depending on who’s the bully. I started working at a new facility a while back. A former classmate got hired as a new grad a year ago. She’s a bitch in sheep’s clothing. She’d say as a new grad she felt incompetent. Dumb. And didn’t know how she made it this far. One year later I get hired. And she gives me attitude. She snaps at me and orders me around. I put that bitch in her place. Not bc I took it personal. But because Bullies attack the new and attack who they feel is weak. They want to establish dominance early on. Naturally I look like the Bully but idc. She’ll act innocent but it’s important to give the Bully hell. Then if it keeps happening or gets worse. Or even recruits other coworkers against you, give them hell too. And go to the Manager or HR. Never let someone play you. Especially at a job.

[@makaylahollywood3677]

@@platinumgreyx8976 Wow, I am so sorry this happened to you. I'm glad you spoke up. I didn't say to much initially- but, truth is the clerk at my job was a bully. I left before she could make my life any more H-E-double-toothpicks. In the med field it is more serious. This is a problem in society & the workplace. Laws are needed. Have a peaceful holiday;-)

[@rosieposie9564]

I really think that during nurse training, more emphasis should be placed on civility and respect for colleagues. I think a whole semester long course should be dedicated to this. There needs to be as much emphasis placed on treating colleagues well as there is about treating patients well.

[@Phxviix24]

OMG the story you told about the Physician pulling you aside to give you support.. that made me cry!!! Thank God there are still kind people in the world!!

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

Yes yes!! There are good humans in this world. The key is to BE one of them!!!

[@AnthonyManzio]

@@healthyworkforceinstitute Is to ignore and distance yourself

[@jalissavillarreal6577]

I'm currently going to ultrasound school and I'm doing my rotationd through the hospital. I was shocked how much gossip there is especially in the nurse room it's disgusting.

[@dottysicat7480]

Yes. Keep your distance. I was able to heal and get back my self esteem. ❤

[@kriziaeloraf3581]

I found out there is backstabbing going on behind my back at work.

[@vickielee9523]

I am a care assistant in a care home. It happens a lot there too between nurses and care staff. Some care staff do it to other care staff. Sick of it.

[@heavenscolour592]

Just walked out on one this morning. Correcting me when I hadn't even started to narrate a situation at work. Sick of ppl not checking themselves .

[@vickielee9523]

@@heavenscolour592 they are just trying to make themselves feel bigger. How sad. Don't let people like that get you down.

[@heavenscolour592]

Vickie Lee you are so right thank you for the perspective alignment.

[@lisacarter6228]

this I deal with daily!! makes me want to leave this job but why should I walk out I think that's exactly what this nurse wants! we are not in high schoolI'm so sick of it

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

Try setting boundaries with anyone whom you believe is a bad influence on you at work - find the positive, professional nurses and spend more time with them!!!

[@wdemas1]

I can relate 100% to your video. I too was the victim of envy and bullying. The envy and bullying came from my ADON and administrator but especially the ADON. She loved to put me down in front of others. She would yell at me, and always tried to find fault in my work. There were times I felt like she was stalking me. She would find me no matter where I was just so she could berate me. I remember one time she had me cornered and I remember feeling scared not knowing what she was going to do. The Administrator witnessed her behavior and took her side. I had alot of anxiety. I didn't know what to do. My coworkers also witnessed the behavior and did nothing to help. This is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. I don't want patients suffering because of it. One my coworkers quit because of her behavior. She called her into a storage room and was yelling at her. My coworker told me this herself. She reported it to the administrator and the administrator said that she has every right to talk to her as she pleases.She is known for treating people badly.

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's a shame that there are people that treat others so poorly.

[@juliecava2623]

Great video! Agree, don’t take it personal, keep your distance, they are mean and neurotic. Our DON told me to go directly to her. Our nurse supervisor does not so anything about it. Our DON will definitely help us. Our DON is amazing, beautiful, and intelligent.

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

Thanks for sharing!!

[@user-em4el6rf5v]

like psychologist jordan peterson says “ tell them to stop or there will be consequences , document 3 instances , go to management or HR “ My two cents see if they are part of kliq with management. If so quit life is too short !

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

Yes!!

[@platinumgreyx8976]

I started working at a new facility where a former classmate started working as a new grad. She was a bitch in sheep’s clothing. I remember her saying in the beginning as a new grad she felt incompetent, dumb, and didn’t know how she made it this far. One year later I get hired at the same facility. And on my first week she was giving me attitude. Then she snaps at me for no good reason. I called the bitch out on it. Wrote down what she was doing. And will continue to write down what she does. Never shit where you eat. Never mess with someone’s job. I’m 6’2 and she’s 5 ft. Naturally I look bad even when I’m defending myself. But idc. Fuck bullies.

[@rozzie5651]

Ive had coworkers witness a toxic worker berate me in front of others, and one person, an admissions clerk tell me later, you're so nice, soft spoken, humble, kinda like my mother. In other words she seems to be blaming me for the bully berating me.

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

It's never okay to blame the target!! Just like in crimes. We need to become better upstanders - not bystanders!

[@VVeeezer]

It’s so disgusting,distracting and makes EVERYONE FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, not to mention unprofessional to berate someone in front of others in the work place! Like Dr. Thompson points out- the bad, unprofessional behavior is about that toxic person!

[@nicolesabetti9104]

Actually, this happens alot in Nursing, its because of all the high pace, high stress and high liability of the field.

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

Yes!! We need to adopt better coping mechanisms, one of which is working together as a team.

[@rosieposie9564]

That may play a part yes but I think it is more the type of women who are attracted to nursing. Even in low stress environments the nurses are often mean and bitchy. Even in countries outside America where liability is not so much of a issue, many nurses are still mean and bitchy. Many have troubled personal lives and troubled early life backgrounds (hence wanting to compensate by being caregivers). Many of these women are traditional, passive aggressive types who have no tolerance for people who are different from the norm. Nurses are also often treated badly so they decide to treat others badly. Nurses despite their responsibility level and education are still relatively powerless and low in the hierarchy so they go on these power trips where they belittle other nurses to feel better and more powerful.

[@starlightwhispers6781]

@@rosieposie9564You got it! It’s the having studied quite in-depth medical terminology yet still not having as high a hierarchy as a doctor. There’s only a certain stage they can progress to before there’s a cap

[@devaj.singhacaliforniausa9245]

Thank you so much for being the advocate for nurses who are victims at work places.

[@jackies6238]

This is helping me so much right now! Thank you! It makes me sad that nurses do this to each other when we could support each other.

[@LaylaMF]

Iam quitting nursing ...I am working on my plan B right now

[@lisamariesimmons63]

Lots of love from Texas! I’m so glad you are still fighting the good fight! You are wonderful ❤️

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

THanks!! I'm not giving up...EVER!

[@devaj.singhacaliforniausa9245]

Thank you so much for such wonderful videos. You have saved me from all the bullying nurses and bullying doctors.

[@luclongly529]

It's easier said than done. I do understand work place shooting now (not that I would ever do such a thing).

[@rosieposie9564]

I think you are right that it is easier said than done, I understand that it can be overwhelming and relentless. I would encourage you to find a new profession if possible. Just about all nursing environments are full of unpleasant people.

[@angelcharms2195]

This is very helpful, especially as a student nurse. It’s hard because I can’t even really speak up for myself due to the power imbalance.

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

I'm glad you find it helpful! I have many scripts, tips, and tools for speaking up that's professional and respectful. You can find those resources on my website healthyworkforceinstitute.com

[@4812megan]

As a man in nursing I found it quite difficult with this behind the scenes bullying. The expectation is still for me to protect a female...........even if I know full well she has spent the last 2 years spreading false gossip about me behind my back. It is a very difficult balancing act and it is exhausting.

[@kaelyncole3953]

What recommendation do you have for giving report to a nurse who is passive aggressive or condescending?

[@platinumgreyx8976]

Give your report with confidence. If she tries to be passive aggressive smile and start laughing. Then continue with your report. They hate that. Because you’re showing them 1. You’re unbothered by her. 2. You’re happy 3. You’re not lowering yourself to their level. Remember... a miserable bitch needs attention. A miserable bitch need company.

[@myimperfectdiary890]

The worst thing can I just give report and go home. All the same information is in the chart anyways.

[@veeh3215]

There’s a nurse has worked at the unit for years likes everyone kiss her butts. All people she favors are getting patients with higher critical care, so they can learn new things. That nurse even picks and chooses certain nurses from next shift take over her assignments. If she doesn’t like someone at work, people in her group will dislike that person which is very stupid to me. Most people close to her are at management level.I have no respect for people like that.

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

Favoritism and cliques are a real thing in healthcare. It's a shame. You should start documenting these incidents so you have actual dates and times to show whoever can address these concerns to that nurse.

[@getfit2047]

I’m a nurse and have experienced outright disrespect from nurse aides. Thoughts on this kind of scenario? This is my first time encountering this level of disrespect from nurse aides. I have been blessed with mostly good staff up to this point.

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

I'm glad you've mostly had good staff and sorry to hear you are dealing with this now. Scripting is one of my post powerful tools I use and share with others who have had a lot of success with it. For your situation, practice these scripts and use them the next time someone disrespects you: “It’s not okay for you to speak to me like that.” “I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t speak to me like.” “The way you’re talking to me right now is disrespectful/rude/unprofessional.” “The way you’re acting right now is unprofessional.” “I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t speak to me like that because it’s unprofessional/disrespectful.” You can adapt those to fit the situation. And just let them know that their behavior is not ok. You all have the same goal and it's to provide the best patient care possible. Hope that helps!

[@tprime2702]

I was assigned a toxic bully as my nurse preceptor and she was given absolute power over my course grade. She did exactly what you described in the first minute. Constantly putting me down, finding every mistake, ritually embarrassed me in front of others on the unit, gossiped about me and joked about how she was planning on failing me. I even appealed with mountains of evidence for my competencies and the university didn't stand behind me. It was really sad. That was 3 weeks of misery for a placement. Sometimes you are stuck with the person and put into an impossible situation. There needs to be greater advocacy for nursing students to have more power over their own academia. The way the system is run right now is intellectually, and emotionally insulting.

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

I'm sorry to hear that. As much as I give advice and strategies on how to protect yourself and address the bullies, I do believe that there are some people that just won't change their behavior. That, in the end, you have to leave to protect your mental health. While I know not everyone has the luxury of leaving a job or school, you have to do what's best for YOU. I recently saw this meme that I shared on Facebook and it really struck home. It said, "A bottle of water can be .50 cents at a supermarket. $2 at the gym. $3 at the movies and $6 on a plane. Same water. Only thing that changed its value was the place...So next time you feel your worth is nothing, maybe you're at the wrong place." I hope that you are in a good place right now.

[@tprime2702]

​@@healthyworkforceinstitute First off, thank you for the kind wishes. However, I respectfully disagree with your advice. But, I only do so because I am the person in the position to observe the entirety of my own situation and what was best for me at the time. Just as I believe that it is best for many others that they are correct in making sacrifices, which include their mental or physical health, in order to justify their investments. Often, we have invested too much time, and we are too far involved to just 'walk away'. Sometimes, it's never that easy. Some of us have to stand and fight for what's ours. As an imperfect individual myself, I do not blame the bully for bullying. I blame the university and the teaching hospital for creating an environment which empowers the powerful, and savagely curtails the victims, allowing this kind of bullying to take place in the first place. It's easy to say that an individual should simply head for greener pastures, but if we all run to greener pastures every time we come across this kind of adversity, instead of standing up and fighting for justice, there will be nothing green left to graze... and every bottle of water will cost $6 dollars because the price gouging bullies of the world can simply dictate their terms unopposed. I had to take my 'medicine'. It was unfair, and unjust. But, I will one day be in a position where I can proactively prevent this kind of harm from ever happening to any student, ever.

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

I think you misunderstood me. I 1000 percent believe that we should all stand up and fight against the bullies and fight for healthy work cultures. I support what you are saying. Organizations need to do a better job at equipping their leaders with the skills and tools they need to address bad behavior. Changing a culture requires organizational by in, leadership development, and employee involvement. What I mean is that unfortunately, there are plenty of toxic people that aren’t reprimanded despite the circumstances. Babs Ryan, author of America’s Corporate Brain Drain, says you may have just one option in the end. “If you work with a toxic coworker, your only choice may be to leave as quickly as possible - especially if the company supports that bully repeatedly and has already exited several of the bully’s targets.” If you’ve done everything in your power to not allow a toxic co-worker to get to you, including involving Human Resources, but haven’t had any luck, it’s probably time to walk away. Life truly is too short to live it around people with no respect for themselves or others. I really appreciate your insights on this!

[@heidijagler8533]

Thank you for this video!!

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

You're welcome! I do take requests :-)

[@BL-no7jp]

The word toxic and bully needs to be replaced by the word narcissism and jealousy because the underlying problem relates to dealing with a weak dysfunctional narcissist who is counter-productive to a professional nursing team. Their abusive and narcissistic behavior should never tolerated at any level. Such nurses have no boundaries and oftentimes require closer supervision.

[@froggybug]

Wow! What a great doctor! What great advice! I would have been the last nurse she bullied.😒

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

I'm glad you found this helpful!

[@justprax6569]

Wow! This is very helpful Ma'am. You just gained a new follower =) Love lots, Prax RN

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

Yay!! Thanks Char! Nurses need to do better!!!

[@jodisimeral4531]

What if the bullies and toxic coworkers and the negativity and undermining is coming from management?? And as a new employee with their team they allow others to criticize you and treat you horribly. How do you deal with a total environment that is forcing you to fail and you can’t just quit and not have income. How do you maintain your integrity and prevent them from destroying your reputation?

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you. I wrote a couple older articles about the boss being the bully. Check them out below: healthyworkforceinstitute.com/3-steps-stop-bullying-boss/ healthyworkforceinstitute.com/what-to-do-if-the-bully-is-your-boss-5-steps-for-nurses/ healthyworkforceinstitute.com/bully-bosses-a-new-nurses-nightmare/ There are a few strategies in there that should help. If you haven't, I suggest checking out my website healthyworkforceinstitute.com. There are a ton of articles and free resources, including scripts you can practice and use when faced with bullying behavior from others - even management. I hope that helps! Please check all of that out and let me know if it helped and if you have any more questions/concerns. I'm rooting for your success!

[@M.Williams-n8t]

thank you!

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

You're welcome!

[@truebelieverthasit6265]

Im dealing with crooked mentality of police and inturn drs who have *zero state of self control nor consideration past their own *rude selfish will to gain fullfillment from *obsessing over me and my life to the point where it starts to feel like mental abuse..im greatful for your stories.. So a >>Big thanks

[@winzzz9105]

I can relate.

[@BethHawkes1212]

So much wisdom

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

Thanks Beth!! Right back atcha!

[@yotuba9493]

Just a reminder you can be mean back. You dont have to be a punching bag, and if they swing a punch or smthg you can get them fired. If its your boss, they need you more than you need them. Trust me.

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

You definitely do not have to be a punching bag. However, there is a way to confront the disruptor by being assertive and professional without being cruel. And if you are referring to a physical punch, that's a different story.

[@winzzz9105]

My tall big colleague became too physical to me.

[@truebelieverthasit6265]

I told a dr the severity of my tragic upbringing, and she neglected to offer me a *Single bit of insite for over a month going onto three months, and it didnt feel right to me as i forsaw myself having constant one way conversations with a lady who gets paid who knows how much money per hr, who inturn offered me Zero insite..i first turned myself into this clinic thnking i could gather enough proof because the police defend ppl pf society who blainetly discrimante against me during this pandemic and i wanted to take a lawsuit up with the city.. Im such a passive person, i desided to drop the idea, and just try to manipulate my way thru to get on disabilty.. I learned theres an inhumane four yr wait time under a denial period before any financial relief can be offered by the approved 1990 ADA association.. And now im in the midst of wanted to learn how to properly approch the health organsation to help bring faster means to suffering ppl in dire need of proper relief.. Its an old study, and i strongly feel it should become an open dissuction during this vital time..

[@rnhim2072]

I have to wonder how the atmosphere has been since covid?

[@prernaofficial2724]

Okay

[@imtrashyyy1171]

what should you do if the nurse is bullying allied healthcare.

[@platinumgreyx8976]

If the nurse is bullying you, defend yourself. Don’t let her mess with you. Bullies want to establish dominance early on. So be aware of that. Defend yourself with confidence. Some good phrases... “You sign paychecks to talk to people like that?” “ Did you not get enough sleep or what” “When was the last time you went on a date. Sounds like you need one” “Who you talking to... cuz I know you’re not talking to me like that.” “You want to talk about this outside or what. Tell me then and there how you really feel.” It’s important to not cuss and to not directly insult the person. But you do want to strike fear in the Bully. Confident and assertive. Let the bitch know you’re the right one to play with. Don’t let people walk over you. They’ll do only what you allow.

[@sunnysmiles8211]

I’m in the dental field, which is dominated by women as the employees, and the toxicity, bullying and cherry picking of work is prevalent here too. It’s especially present when the leadership is weak and spineless. It’s usually women bullying women.

[@healthyworkforceinstitute]

Nursing is a female dominated profession and unfortunately, women aren’t always that nice to each other. The gender imbalance in nursing taps into female-to-female competition and aggression. Some believe that women, often more sensitive or empathetic, also have the tendency to be equally sensitive regarding criticism. As a result, this leads some women to hold grudges, or feel the need to get even. Still others theorize that women, as the gentler gender, are less likely to fight back, making them an easy target for less sensitive, aggressive bullies. Nurse bullying happens because we allow it. Isn’t it time we stopped eating our female colleagues and start growing each other instead?

[@Bavarian.Donuts]

This reminds me of "Karen"

[@CaptainSpalding72]

I'm not a Nurse, but I work around them everyday as a Security Officer and there are a few that need to find another industry- do not fit. I record everything in a WORK JOURNAL. My theory is fact apparently, they do NOT teach or even encourage anyone to act professionally and behave correctly.

[@CaptainSpalding72]

REPORT THEM TO HR- What they are doing is ILLEGAL. Creating a TOXIC WORKPLACE is illegal remind them of that.