How to Deal with Coworkers Who Undermine You

[@atonio2476]

As a general rule, I would recommend to 'keep your own counsel' in the workplace, and not divulge too much personal information. This can prevent people 'hooking' on to you psychologically. Silence is golden.

[@JustMe-ob3nw]

I totally agree

[@atonio2476]

@@JustMe-ob3nw Dear Just Me, thanks for your reply.

[@atonio2476]

@@justinstuart8382 Yes, it took me a few years of trial and error to come to this knowledge. It's something you learn with age and experience.

[@atonio2476]

@@justinstuart8382 Yes, workplace bullying has only relatively recently been identified as a harmful phenomenon.

[@shadotarot]

Except when it's not. See, when you are too quiet like me, you end up being branded as 'not sociable', and that would still hurt your career

[@pbird1638]

I find the coworker/bullies that undermine you are trying to control how others see you. I dont think having empathy for the bully is helpful. I think having higher empathy and a lack of anger is what attracted my bullies. I have learned that what is helpful are: Boundaries and healthy expression of Anger/Upset.

[@observer698]

I agree with you, empathy is not the solution since they are as happy as they are most of the time. Either the boss on their sides so they get the courage or they have so much self confidence that you even question yourself...

[@lorineilson7529]

It’s a shame that people have to walk on eggshells while at work.

[@FosterC144]

Especially when they're actually trying to work and get punished for it.

[@gimmyherbert8217]

You are only as good as your last messup....

[@gimmyherbert8217]

You can do 99 things right ...but they gauge you on one thing you do wrong

[@tommyparkerparker]

At home too.

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

Me

[@thenorthface4]

So glad I found this… I’m sick of being undermined, talked down to and made to look like I’m constantly making mistakes when I’m not and management makes excuses for the behavior.

[@Anony584]

Finding another job is usually the best option. They never stop and if you complain then they start sabotaging your career

[@smartgirlnyc]

You are not alone, however its pretty much the same everywhere.

[@VM-yd6zq]

I am going through this situation and I am going to just quit. My reputation is ruined so why bother.

[@bekit7131]

Oh my God!! I relate so much to your comment.

[@Micscience]

I feel you I have not just one but multiple co workers undermining me every single day by withholding information, keeping certain tasks away from me they just don't want me near anything important because they know I will give it my all. It seems like every job I go to I run into this and to be honest sometimes I just want to flip out on them so bad but I can't. It is comforting knowing there are others like me going through the same struggle. God bless everyone...

[@Christ777_]

Just quit my job and am in extraordinary pain - loved the service part of my job but had a small swarm of female bullies that emotionally took me out. It’s so hard to not speak out about what’s happened 😭 put my blood, sweat and tears into that job. I just feel like I allowed jealously/hatred to ruin something I gave my all in. So hard to move on 😓 will try to be compassionate towards them yet so hard to hold in the truth

[@michaelbodner4891]

Sorry to hear that. But maybe it can be also relieving to acknowledge that some people are just jerks, who love to torture other people - just for the fun of it. The moment I realized that I started to feel much better. There are predators out there, being determined to hunt you down. Why not perceiving this a ferocious attack? Strike back next time. Good luck!

[@orls9068]

You are stunning, they probably felt threatened by you, I hope you find a better group of people to work with Listen to 48 laws of power audio book, helped me see what was happening in my old workplace

[@boopdoop2251]

I really just don’t understand this. We’re here to do a job, why do people have to play stupid games and cause so much drama? They don’t gain anything, then they complain about how short staffed they are after driving people away with their behavior. It’s baffling to me. I just want to do my dang job and go home after.

[@pinkrose4322]

Everything you said is true. But, unfortunately some people have child hood issue that they never addressed.

[@cheriemugo2389]

Some of them have mental disorders and its very self destructive. They don't realize their digging their own graves.

[@demonderriere5912]

My boss and the person undermining me are best friends outside of work. There’s no use in defending myself. Filed my resignation lol

[@honeybunchesofgoats6781]

That’s fucked up. Glad you left

[@jaydenp4975]

Friends and work don’t mix

[@NTJedi]

10 years ago my boss and his best friend was also at the workplace. His best friend would play cruel jokes and yet the boss would come out his office and try blaming the normal employees.

[@Jenny-sc6ko]

She puts on this fake personality like she’s everyone’s best friend and they all believe it i couldn’t talk to anyone about it

[@selenem3384]

bet she got no true friends

[@pinkrose4322]

Yep. I have a person like that work. She has most of the people fooled.

[@goldendogs5398]

Did all of this. HR admitted the other employee is unhinged. No corrective action was taken.

[@donkylefernandez4680]

The "some people suck" rule. At that point they become an employee, not a person.

[@LadyBoBannon]

He is not your friend. They are there for the company.

[@selenem3384]

​@@LadyBoBannon even if they make the business look bad?🤔🤣🤣

[@icysurfer1]

Empathy to a bully..? That is narcissistic supply. I loved the vid. but bullies sometimes cannot be dealt with rationally.

[@jaredmengsk6330]

Use that empathy line in the video to your advantage. The bully can say what she doesn’t believe in, so can you.

[@NTJedi]

Best way to defeat an enemy is when you use stealth methods for turning two enemies to attack each other. Repeat the process until you only have one enemy left.... when there's only one enemy left then it's merely a strategy of whether you or the enemy is more clever, more powerful in the company and influential on others. You might win or you might lose or maybe nothing will happen.

[@esolo7485]

Don’t quit you will most likely run into that again and then your quitting all the time. Have to figure out how to address it. I would say avoid them and make sure when they ask you anything someone else is around and speak to them only when someone else is around

[@iris81977]

Best thing is to put your hours in and get out don’t engage with any gossip don’t show weakness don’t confront just keep silent if you have a record of behaviour or something like that go to hr bullying is not allowed on a work place be tactful and trust no one

[@beaulieuc8910]

agreed, but it becomes in sane after a while lol

[@theManishMuse]

You missed the part when they deny and gaslight.

[@lanaklassen4968]

I don’t want to quit, I like it, it’s just these TWO people that undermining me!

[@NTJedi]

use stealth methods for turning two enemies against each other.

[@so8154]

i will have empathy when they start to have some themselves because the PAIN they cost is on them .

[@terranova3655]

I’m trying to stay calm and keep moving forward at work. I have quite a few people undermining me and it’s causing a lot of emotional stress on me. I’ve tried just letting our Heavenly Father handle this but it’s getting to a point where I want to address it. I went to a coworker that was supposed to train me last night and told her I needed her to train me so I can help her when she goes on vacation and she was so rude. People don’t want to help me train and I’m just going to start documenting because I’m tired of this childish bullshit. All because I’m still on probation and learning their jobs fast. Never thought of these people as competition 😒🙄 I thought we were supposed to be a TEAM but hey, not in the real world 😒😒😒 Just be professional and do your damn job then I wouldn’t care at all what they say about me. CYA- Cover Your Ass

[@perryjohnson7659]

..Sorry to hear this.. Just keep pushing forward, keep the info you're documenting accurate..it is important to do so. I've come to realize that some ppl have egos as big as Texas and will undermine ppl they feel are less than them.

[@aheart4learning788]

Facts

[@shirleystein6521]

Good luck. Hope it works out for you. Your colleagues are clearly threatened by you and they are clearly insecure. In my experience, I found that most colleagues are unhelpful and deliberately withhold information. It's a shame that management can't stop these people, but I guess they hide it pretty well. I haven't finished this video yet, but so far I'm impressed with the tips given. I hope they help you too. My small tip would be to try and put as much info. as possible in an email. When you want a colleague to to train you, put it in an email, then there is a written record of it.

[@charvine7181]

I started a new job and thats exactly whats happening to me. So rude

[@trudyletson1264]

i'm dealing with this at my job there are two coworker's who pick on me and make up false accusation's and is a horrible gossip. the manangment at my job is aware of this and they do not do anything about.The company has been sued few times for this type of behhavior.

[@user-ky9tk5es4c]

Time to take documentation to HR. Been there done that at two other jobs. Also if you have witnesses, get third support and statements bring to hr also. That toxic person can and will be fired or demoted. I would say that unless I lived it, and I had.

[@mysticmaven3511]

Great content, very on point! 🎯 It's such a shame that so many people have to walk on so many eggshells just to be able to get through a day at work 😒

[@mariahconklin4150]

I think it would be better if it was like the show The Bear and we just all told each other how we felt at least then I would know lmao

[@CTS55555]

A coworker who is a lead(assistant supervisor) undermined me today in front of 25 coworkers during the work lunch hour. She blurted out something about my job performance in a negative way. She has never approached me about this job duty and talked to me one on one about it. She just blurted it out to other coworkers under her, loud enough for me to hear. I am going to talk about this with her tomorrow in private because it was an all of sudden comment that came out of nowhere without any warning. She did this in the middle of a leisure conversation with coworkers at a restaurant.

[@beaulieuc8910]

so horrible and no one challenged her behaviour

[@wandagetz966]

I have a coworker who has only been there since December. She is constantly trying to find faults or mistakes in my work. I'm the senior case manager. I have developed a lot of our program policies with my supervisor. Other program managers send their employees to me for training. Ours supervisor sent an email out saying we all would be training staff from other programs. When the program manager brought their employee over, she asked me to work with her on case management, reasonable accommodations, appealing landlords and individual service plans. She later said to me, we were all supposed to train. I said not this I ne. She said, yes our boss sent out the email. I told her that the girls supervisor asked me to work with her on certain things. How are you supposed to train people whenyour still new? When I was trying to train her she would walk away or not listen. Since day 1 she has tried to be number 1. I have been theremthe longest. I try to teach everyone everything I know. I want everyone to be successful and empower my co-workers.

[@isikka16]

:( Dnt know what happiness people can get by doing all his

[@ditya97]

How do you deal with this if the bullies and toxic people are the managers?

[@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794]

This is a great suggestion for a new video topic, and I'm adding it to my list. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! In the meantime, these videos might be helpful: How to Deal with a Bad Boss: kzbin.info/www/bejne/q5mni2OjjM6MrrM 3 Tips for Communicating with a Boss Who Doesn't Listen: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oJXUgqdth995hcU

[@smartgirlnyc]

@ThatBoy Good question

[@mac-ju5ot]

Good question. All I know is it got much worse. I wanted yo due when the boss said turn about is fair. I trusted everyone in that office not anymore. They contacted after I left said I wasnt BRI g supportive someone e shot them self. ...that person had been bullying me so o left..I'm tired of peopling people I. Pretty intelligent. A cop stopped my xat told me they weren't my friends

[@lenebrantley221]

It's the absolute worst. My coworker just went through this and resigned. Nothing was done. The manager's direct report did absolutely nothing. It was so sad and disturbing to see her going through this. She took the high road and left.

[@kaleyjoplinRAWRR]

Maybe this is bad advice but honestly if you have to deal with your bad boss all the time I would just quit. A lot of toxic behavior at the workplace starts with the boss and how they handle this. In my job my boss likes to gossip and lie and this has caused unnecessary BS to go around. Bc if this I noticed that this seems to be normal in our company. The only reason why i haven’t left is because I don’t have to deal with her that often and she is nice (to my face) but if I had to work and deal with her everyday I would’ve been out of there. It’s very hard dealing with bad bosses. I find that most like these won’t change.

[@denisebertone8597]

Management don't care i had all my notes. Sued them and won as they fired me. She was a favorite

[@XPrincess30]

I only have one coworker but we are in the same role and she is training me. She is also really close to the boss. She is only mean to me in person and in private, never over emails and in front of others. Whenever I bring something up she goes insane and twists everything loudly in front of everyone, and makes it look like I’m “causing conflict”. For that reason I am choosing to ignore her, instead of addressing anything with her. I’m not sure if that’s the right call, but does it really matter If either way their behaviour won’t change?

[@tiffanyriley1832]

She's a total narc and a psychopath.. I'm sorry you have to put up with her

[@lenebrantley221]

She's a sheep in wolves clothing. Could be jealousy 😏

[@icysurfer1]

That is an awful situation

[@lenebrantley221]

She mentally unstable 😕

[@snasike]

That's awful situation.... but sometimes you need to put people in there place..... tell it to her face ...... and make sure both in public and private ..... because she is doing that deep down she thinks or believe your actually scared of her.... maybe you show her to much respect and she confuses it with fear

[@aheart4learning788]

It is so discouraging. She wants my job but cry when she is confronted

[@aheart4learning788]

Update I was fired. But have opened a case

[@melaniejoannejohn8]

Thank you so much, didn’t realized how real my situation was. You break it down, on point.

[@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794]

Thank you so much! I'm so glad to hear you found this video helpful.

[@hgiles7280]

How did it unfold?

[@kaleyjoplinRAWRR]

Wish people could just go to work and do just that lol, work! Like who wants to deal with this BS? I just want to get paid lol. Thanks for this video. I’m currently dealing with 2 coworkers like this and I’m just trying to mind my own business And do my job. I stood up for myself during the last incident and hopefully that will put a stop to one of them but still gotta deal with coworker #2. It’s honestly ridiculous.

[@mj92f15]

Well this guy is undermining everyone working in my company. He has a free pass from the boss, who's always on his side and puts down all complaints. Four people already quit within the last six months and the boss doesn't do anything about it (we're a team of 10). It's really sad because I like working there but the boss is always excusing his behaviour and it's so mentally exhausting that I believe I can't stay much longer.

[@perryjohnson7659]

..document some of the toxic behaviors allowed, hopefully your HR Department can get another Supervisor in place..sounds like the one you have isn't built for the position.

[@user-ky9tk5es4c]

Your advice is very helpful. I do know that coworker is currently going thru lots of " out of control" issues in her personal life and I'm just 2 months in the job, and my boss and manager had given me a special project to create that I turned in last month and absolutely loved and was very happy and impressed with. But I made certain I shared with no other coworkers in the office. But I do believe she feels intimidated and jealous of me. . For a number of facts that she over works and has voiced how management has not paid her enough. So I think she does this to help herself feel better. But enough is enough, she bullies me too, and unjustly And I've called her out on those. I am documenting if and when it comes to push and shove. She will be exposed. I've done my homework and know she had brought one other female worker to tears , then quit and got reprimanded for that. Your video has learned my anxiety. Thank u

[@DDR1610]

Thank you for this video. You gained a subscriber! I like the reminder that the whole reason the bully is undermining and competing with us in the first place is because we're doing something great and they can't handle it.

[@jbilotta]

This is very helpful no matter what level you are on the 'chain'.

[@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794]

Thank you! So glad you found this helpful!

[@mikejarmoluk3523]

This is happening at my work,just prefer to move on to a better environment, just petty in my mind but will call her out if it continues

[@V21IC]

Imagine that I have some coworkers who would spend literally hours talking about, joking about; and even include me into their 'harmless' and 'friendly' jokes! Whether I speak or remain silence, I'm on their lips! They don't give políticos, sports, and the news that amount of attention. Sometimes I feel especial to have folks talk about so much! I realized that they might be filling threatened because of their prejudice of me. It's not racism. It all have to do with their perceptions and prejudices! How do I know? I have met others at another level or other that respect and value me. The see me as a very intelligent person. Yes, I know that I'm intelligent but these folks see me at higher stratus of intelligence! I'm now convinced that's it envy, jealousy mixed with 'friendship' and companerism that's my reality! "It's not everyone who shows their teeth are smiling with you!" I used to hear when I was a child. Sadly, sometimes, I forget trying to be 'friendly'

[@Janicesaheed]

Yes I’d say it’s jealousy.

[@V21IC]

Now, I've had a supervisor tell me that a lot of the things/ideas are good but he wants to just do what he says ...even it's wrong! So, he doesn't want me to think! He thinks that I'm trying to bring him down when his boss asks me for my input on certain technical matters. Note. In no way would unintentionally seek another's downfall nor to make my leader/supervisor look small or less! I only want to help!

[@lenebrantley221]

@@V21IC He is insecure. The man shouldn't be in a leadership role. Just make the work day harder. Ignorance at its best. Good luck with that nut.

[@selenem3384]

​@@V21IC sometimes you have to stand back and be patient...let them screw themselves

[@TheaussieNoonga]

Having to currently deal with a department manager from a separate part of the store and a supervisor who overreach from their positions and seem to nit-pick anything I do wrong, currently in the process of finding a new store/job to work at.

[@sarahc.8453]

Hands down one of the most helpful videos I've watched in a long time. Thank you

[@sophisticatedmm3632]

I had to check a colleague that made a snide remark about me being a few minutes late, he's not my manager/ supervisor. I sent an email as a paper trail.

[@AiCash-mc8fb]

I recall a boss at a place I worked years ago was fired on the spot for telling his call center staff "you guys better improve your numbers or I'm gonna crack my whip!" The staff was predominantly black 😂😂😂!! What a dummy...

[@Eusebeia7]

I had a cousin who spent her work life in charge of employ files at 2 large corporations. She became wide eyed when I told her that I believed that good and evil were being systematically inverted. Then she said that she had noticed that some employees could get away with murder while others who were 5 minutes late got a letter in their file by the manager. Upside down of which there are many examples in the Bible.

[@jaydenp4975]

Happens everyday. Favoritism is real.

[@Eusebeia7]

Yes, my point was that it is systematic and structured. Isaiah 5:20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! kzbin.info/www/bejne/fHXCl62jbJKam8ksi=f6zlqpPy1_7j8UWx The Secret Religion that Rules the World - This is Long but Very Insightful!@@jaydenp4975

[@zhilahaghbin4766]

Thanks, I am a psychiatrist and I benefitted from your content, great advice and natural sincere delivery,

[@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794]

You are very welcome

[@JustOne-qe7jl]

Meetings that go on to long and go off on tangents are a major pet peeve of mine. Stick with the purpose of the meeting, describe a situation or new information without being in a mindless TIME wasting meeting for an hour (s). Also when employees make it a personal gripe feast tell them to schedule a meeting separately to discuss their unique issues. If a universal problem or need is found then call your team back in for a short meeting. Then get back to work.

[@Ad-Lo]

You are so awesome! I don’t use other social media channels, otherwise I would share, share, share! But I’ve subscribed.

[@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794]

Thank you! So glad you found this helpful.

[@teresahernandez1059]

Thanks, love the practicality of this advice. I talked to a higher up before getting ready to talk to her.

[@TRUSTME183]

What if it’s a manager that is undermining or micromanaging you?

[@perryjohnson7659]

..I have a Lead role at work, I felt that way at one point about her, as it was another person following up behind me on tasks..smh. In your case I would but just let the person know of the instances in which you felt that way. See if it changes anything

[@TRUSTME183]

@@perryjohnson7659 HE knew exactly what he was doing because he was only following orders from the GM that had made a racial discrimination comment to another employee about me that he did not like my “NATIVE” haircut. Mohawk style cut. I brought it to the manager & my supervisors attention about it which only resulted in explaining what he meant was….. bullshyt. That was the first week. Then I was put on pressure washing tables for about 2 weeks straight that caused an injury to my elbow called “tennis elbow” I was hired to test water and ended up landscaping for the first month then I started water testing until October and at that point offered me a full time job as the landscaper during off-season. I accepted and everything was going great until January when the micromanaging started. Walking around looking for me just to see what I’m doing. He always asked me to help him do a project he didn’t know how to do that took me away from my tasks I had planned to complete. He then put me in the direct SUN painting railings that hardly get used. Tortured & sunburned I still finished the task of painting and tried to get back to my tasks when here he comes again from the front that is 10 minutes walking to were I was at in the back! Told me some bull about why was I late & why I didn’t check in? I said I never had to before why now? So he took me up front to the conference room and gave me a write up for being late. Wtf I went from “you’re doing a great job” & looking at a promotion with a pay raise to being terminated in March. Right before the GM resigned on April 9th 2022. Now if that isn’t 😒suspicious 🤨 that the GM only hired me full time to keep them from being sued by me.

[@bmoshareholderappleshareho855]

What about harassment in the workplace?

[@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794]

This is a great suggestion for a future video. I'm adding it to my list -- thank you!

[@shirleyac12]

I treat people that lack respect for me like this : I say , excuse me ? Then I say this , since when have you been more qualified than me ? Go do your own job and let me do mine . I make it clear they are not welcome to get involved in my business and I know what I’m doing . Another way is : I’ll say , stop! I know my job thanks and it’s out of order to interfere. When I want your opinion I’ll ask you for it .

[@GPrince816]

In the state of NY, it is not illegal to record someone without their knowledge. I would do everything you suggested, and also record the undermining co-worker (attaching the recordings as links next to a series of documented incidences, dates, and times). This would be how I would show many incidences and a record over time of their behavior. I would then get an attorney or someone from the EEOC to listen to it, take my side, and then say I have enough to resign durress.

[@peterjarabek5541]

Go to HR? Rather not. HR represents the company and not you.

[@annaw.788]

Hi Tess, Thank you for sharing your video. I recently had a situation with my male coworker where he undermines me in front of the client. He was bossy and not pleasant. I was shocked as we share a lot of one-on-one conversations before where he pretends to be my friend (we discuss loads of business stuff together). I also thought he has crash on me, as I could feel some tension between us. I expressed how upset he made me feel and how unprofessional he was. But apart from that, I don’t know what to think in such situation. Any thoughts or advice?

[@hernettaodom1094]

Thanks very helpful. Had a boss that took my first and last name and said to me your mom named you a Ho. Then called my coworker over at a later date and repeated what I stated in a jokingly way. I walk away stated I’m not engaging that type of communication. How would you have dealt with the situation.

[@jarinorvanto4301]

Stoicism, I recommend it. To survive toxic settings untarnished.

[@anneloving8405]

I work in a factory and it's pretty low wages and someone is seriously undermining me work texted me at 10-30 at night and 1-30 in the morning about a really minor infraction which I fixed,I accidentally left my boots in a change room unattended for 30seconds before I realised my mistake,I went and got them and put them in my locker there are no cameras there so somebody said something,I feel that is beyond petty.I am going to start taking photos of the inside of my locker.

[@adrianalanbennett]

How about a video "How to Deal with Management That Undermines You." Especially in regards to employment with state government agencies.

[@becca7038]

It's not just co workers. I'm in outpatient recovery program and unfortunately the outpatient program I go to is medication assisted and I keep learning the hard way alot of these ppl are in the program to get the methadone and not recovery. Because I am doing this honestly, I am ahead in the same program they've been in for years, and they try to lie on you, and things because they are envious that you get to take your meds home instead of going daily. It sounds trivial, but instead of these ppl thinking "if I take my recovery seriously, I can move forward in the program too" they focus on trying to sabatoge your recovery. You'd think it's safe to be honest about things you used to do or going on on yr life, but nope. They pretend they don't have a past and the reason they aren't moving forward is because they smoke 'weed' when it's obvious they are on meth... Or try to tell yr counselor your bringing in fake pee... Because they can't believe your not really using, or pretending they arent out committing crimes still but will jugde you because you admit you used to steal to support your habit and try to make you think they have never done such a thing. It's sad that in today's times, a recovering addict can't even be honest. And I've never known a bully to move on. And I've never known these bullies to care if you stand up for yourself. They just then try to enlist others against you... The best thing to do anymore is become self sufficient enough to not have to need ppl. That's the times we live in. I've given up on humanity anymore.

[@AmmarH413]

Very theraputic . Big thanks

[@christierella]

This is very helpful information, I appreciate you.

[@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794]

Glad it was helpful!

[@juanitajames5978]

how to deal with this as a supervisor and someone under you undermines you? this is very difficult.

[@bellkelly4517]

Thank you 💐💐💐. This is not about me , it's about them (her for me. )

[@booswire4907]

I love your advice you are so right.

[@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794]

Thank you! Glad it was helpful!

[@bernadetteluisaga3304]

Wow, it was such a great help! I have been struggling with this for a long time.

[@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794]

Glad it helped!

[@jasonbourne6323]

This vid actually makes me feel pretty angry. These noble routes you are stating just don't always work.

[@lenebrantley221]

No it doesn't because they will take advantage or twist everything around. Nothing will change.

[@theManishMuse]

Agreed.

[@growing367]

1:19 bad mouths, ruins ur rep/how ppl see u, competing with u, not collaborating, witholds info, false info 2:11 1. Address it & Approach 2:50 Curious Investigate 3:58 Put em on notice 4:50 Address it with Manager & Record of behavior 5:45 2. Stay or Quit 6:15 Company Culture 6:25 How do you stay? 7:00 Paper Trail 7:22 Rumors* 7:49 Bullies must be called out 8:22 Practice Empathy

[@elana4335]

Thank you so much, needed this

[@lanovia3838]

what if the coworker is undermining you with your team leader? They both withheld information from me. Whenever I went to the toilet or to the kitchen, I came back and they were both sitting in front of the computer showing each other something, not asking me to join. I joined once or twice, but they pretended not to see me and not to hear me. What do I do?

[@strawberryyyyy4547]

I am the youngest in our workplace. They made this channel in slack for our team. They badmouthed another team and said terrible things. Someone from that other team pulled up the channel one day and they got escalated for it. Since I was the only one who didn't get escalated and was not involved, they all speculated that I was the one who took the screenshots and snitched them to the other team. They assumed that just because I have a friend from the other team. I am still teammates with them as of this very moment. I would want to resign but I can't since it's a 6 month contract and it's currently my 2nd month. It's a dread to have to deal with them every single day. All they do is give innuendos and throw shade here and there. Too bad cause I respected them alot since they were 7 years older than me and they're really good. I am currently given the cold treatment and just basically treated as an exile from the team. Just needed to let this out cause I don't trust anyone in our workplace anymore.

[@hgiles7280]

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you find a better situation soon where this isn’t the case. They’re the toxic ones not you

[@daeberrii6528]

How did it fare out ?

[@strawberryyyyy4547]

@@hgiles7280 thank you. I really appreciate it. I hope you have a nice day.

[@strawberryyyyy4547]

@@daeberrii6528 @dae berrii was able to finish the contract. Really did my best to be civil with them. I am now in process of applying again to a different company. Hopefully, things will be better from here on end.

[@daeberrii6528]

@@strawberryyyyy4547 ok nice. I am having a similar issue at work. Am just praying for the wisdom needed to navigate

[@TheBottemLine]

Unfortunately my issues are with a boss who goes on rage out rants and then forcefully will bully people when he talks to them. And then another coworker girl who has gossiped about me since I've been there because I am a saved Christian and has gossiped about several others so I can't bring it to the bosses attention because he's her friend and he doesn't like me ither in his spirit and then there's her so when I go home I am mentally exhausted and just irriatat2d being belief

[@V21IC]

Well, with indirect speech people can refer to you by a name or may "mister know-it-all"; etc. Then even though they are referring to you; you'll have no proof. Your name was not mentioned? Sometimes you could hear them from a distance but once you enter the same room, it's utter silence until you have left the room!

[@terranova3655]

Ha! Sounds like my current situation. I just do my work and pat myself in the back when I achieve my goals at work. Imma be happy even if they hate lol

[@blessedinny7968]

This is happening to me everyday & I work in a school

[@JerryThibeaut]

Great advice ! Thank you.

[@guidofeliz8384]

Hi Tess. What you are about to read is not in my head nor is it a movie. It's a new reality for me at the job. There's something strange going on at the site in reference to me as an employee. Beyond the shadow of doubt, I know that someone has been going around defaming my good name and character in the building. As you know, this act is against the law. This is called defamation of character. Am I right? Why do I say this? Many of the people who have been friendly to me for more than two years have suddenly stopped communicating, especially when I am posted in the lobby. This new attitude towards me started about 5 weeks ago. I firmly believe that many of the employees from various departments are trying to make me feel unwanted hoping that I would leave the site. I spoke to several of my coworkers about what is happening to me. They told me to simply ignore the silent treatment, do my job and go home. Of course, this is easier said than done. There is a group effort to make me feel unwanted and uncomfortable. If I did something wrong or offended anyone, I would like to know exactly what I did that would compel a group of employees who have been saying hello to me for more than two years to suddenly stop all communications. By the way, this is only happening to me and not my coworkers. The silent treatment is only directed to me when posted in the lobby. I don't know who started the rumor, why the rumor was started and what exactly was spread about me. The rumor has ruined my good name and character not only in the lobby but on different floors and into several departments. If one or two employees decided that they no longer wanted to talk to me, I would not bother to post my story here. However, the number of people who continue to give me the silent treatment grows on a daily basis. Everyday, without exaggeration, a new employee is added to the DON'T TALK TO ME list, if you know what I mean. It is hard to work and be ignored. I make a decent salary and so walking away from the job is not a good idea. Questions: 1. What is the best way to handle the silent treatment at the job? 2. What would you do in my situation? 3. What is the main reason for giving an employee the silent treatment? Thank you.

[@Beautifullywaisted__]

This is grrreat advice, thank you 🙏🏽

[@tessbrighamtherapistcoach1794]

Glad it was helpful!

[@robertcamble3543]

The best way is to confront them in front of everybody. That way ,everybody knows what happening . Then look for another job .

[@Balta211]

someone undermines me recently and I'm planning how to retaliate by doing the same thing to them. THE BEST REVENGE IS TO SMILE AND MOVE ON 🙏👍🙏

[@harleyehuffinejr2432]

Great information thank you very much

[@masibanto4763]

What to do if you are an immigrant and have a little accent... because I feel left out at work then i just minding my own business. Because they talk so slow that I can barely hear them. So I am self doubting myself, loosing my confidence it’s stressful to go to work every day

[@flowersun321]

My co-worker, who I currently work with, prior to her under mining me. I loaned her some money. if that's part of the reason why she likes to make me look bad. Should i remind her she does owe money? Or let it go because we have to work together?

[@Amor-Fati.]

You should have mentioned that when approaching someone about gossiping lies, always have someone there, for 2 reasons. They are more apt to be truthful, and not giving opportunity for th3m to lie even more. Also someone that would do that, will not sympahize with you

[@MT-bc6xf]

Brilliant. Thank you

[@beaulieuc8910]

I am a Volunteer Co-ordinator and have been one for about 7 years. I have a member who has been with us for 3 years now and he has started to want to change things, so much so he has started to 'do his own thing' setting up groups and gathering polls from some of the members to influence how I want to make a decision ie 90 percent of group say such and such. But I have to see the full picture and so I said No and then he keeps coming back to push me into agreeing with them. They are not a horrible team but he is quite pushy. He made a social media group for us without my permission and I cannot even moderate it and I am the Co ordinator. I said my decision is NO but I feel the group would be disbanded if I stayed so I quit today. Because of their stupid behaviour they have lost not only one volunteer but my bf who is another another co ordinator and the group is leaderness. They wont accept my decision, want to do their own thing and encourage the others. Fortunately it is a Volunteer job and I have now joined another group but not as a Co ordinator

[@GTWLSamurai7]

what about there friends??

[@GTWLSamurai7]

wow

[@GTWLSamurai7]

what if he/she working with them too??

[@GTWLSamurai7]

they trash

[@gregoryforrest8970]

In high toxic workplaces where management and HR are weak and numerous employees engage in malicious gossips about you and others it will be a waste of time to approach management because they are incompetent and haven't the foggiest clue how to handle this sort of social problem realize that we live in a very woke society now of self entitled jerks that lack empathy you will get nowhere talking to people like this no where, they only care about themselves as sad as it is. Regardless of laws i carry a voice activated micro usb recorder under my shirt, I record all conversations as I like to go back later at home and re listen the harraser and abuser, some are very dark and evil sociopaths, I want to learn how this person thinks to learn how to out wit them however its best to close down conversations with everyone, you dont owe anyone and explanation , they will eventually get it that you don't appreciate their shit talk on you, find a book you like to read and go read it, giving jerks and other workplace losers the brush off will be the only solution to stay employed, but remember looking for another job doesn't guarantee you won't run into simular situation in new workplace jerks are everywhere now.

[@carmenprinsloo5276]

Need help please what do I do when someone goes over my head accusing me of favoritism. I was not the one making the decision and the info of her accusations reached me just because I am her line manager. I am not really sure what to do and I am honestly really dissipate in this lady.

[@sweetcapricorn]

Yea my team lead with held so much info in training and tried make it seem she gave me the info 😂

[@shashankkulkarni993]

Yes many bosses / coworkers / clients are full.of sacristic talks and fully of toxicity inside them.. Which makes people go away from them... Don't be sacristic to people based on there past life It show the person cheap characters if some one always sacristic to other person bullying him or her based on past. Sign of dirty humans . Not good work places with such sacristic bosses people around

[@samboriboun2213]

I had this on my first day i just laugh and give feedback

[@jayasairam1234]

I have done mistake in my personal life. But the in work place they r making insulting me indirectly. I hve realised my mistake. Is it necessary to the people to talk about my character and my entering into personal life. What I shuld i do. Due to personal problems I was just away from all the people by ignoring them. I am doing govt job I can't leave the job bcs I hve to look after my two children and decided to separate from my husband. What should I do mam pls

[@michaelvandenheuvel317]

No don’t tell me. Not again.

[@keana6067]

This is good 😊

[@jayzee2564]

Every dog has its day for revenge, stay patient and enjoy the blood when it comes. Your mind is your weapon , use it to you advantage they won't see it coming

[@user-jh6wt9oj6n]

my co worker told me I'm inconsiderate for not getting a vaccine. Then asked me why i wasn't going to the pro choice rally. I asked them or theys why they feel like I'm the problem. The answer was simply this, i wouldn't be able to comprehend the information given to me because i think as an independent.

[@michaelwhitlow372]

Psychology and basic law. Bests skill to learn to survive the toxic world of “navigating people” especially at work.

[@samantha6670]

Well, they are bullies who are not in pain, they're nust demonic.

[@shashankkulkarni993]

Yes many bosses are full.of sacristic talks and fully of toxicity inside them.. Which makes people go away from them... Don't be sacristic to people based on there past life It show the person cheap characters if some one always sacristic to other person bullying him or her based on past. Sign of dirty humans . Not good work places with such sacristic bosses people around ...

[@johnnyappleseedreviews]

How to deal with a chronically late coworkers

[@smartgirlnyc]

Good question

[@jamesringler987]

Figure out who is making them dread going to work coworker foreman middle management etc

[@donkylefernandez4680]

Talking might be the simplest solution, it may work for one day then taper back making you think it's not working so you tell them to consistently come in early so they can punch on time.

[@johnnyappleseedreviews]

@@donkylefernandez4680 well I got fired and was in the hospital in the icu I had a stroke and a seizure and my disabilities got worse because of it and now I can’t work till next year and I’m in debt my boss took the coworkers side I was fired and put under criminal investigation for no reason other then me smoking on the way gone from work

[@drsundipshenoy2471]

Apt one

[@deconstructing7307]

Do not confront them! Do not waste empathy on bullies! That's why you're being bullied. If you're being bullied and ignored, GET OUT! Protect yourself with silence and stoicism. Get a lawyer if you can. There is no god.

[@sheathfelixofficial]

💖

[@seanoregan998]

Bad advice.. DO NOT GO TO HR!!

[@michaelgwest3752]

Great advice. Thank you.