Top 10 DISTURBING Books of ALL TIME 🔪

[@binkusbonkus]

Isn't Naked Lunch also about how terrible it was to be gay in the 50s? Like absolutely it's about being addicted to drugs as well, but it's also about the kind of Kafkaesque horror of realizing you are gay in a society that wants gay people dead, and hating yourself for it.

[@itsmyturnonthexbox]

Yes, it's written by a gay man about being gay in the 50s as well as the internalized homophobia and comphet that comes with that

[@ConvincingPeople]

That and society just being fucking nonsense and how being gay and addicted to drugs makes you comprehensively aware of this fact. I'm not sure if Burroughs would have associated himself with anarchism per se, at least at the time, but his work is intensely anarchic in many senses of the word.

[@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick]

Yeah, I remember that being an important theme of the film adaptation too. Arguably more directly than the book itself. Great movie, by the way.

[@ConvincingPeople]

@@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick The film is more based on Burroughs' Interzone stories and his explicitly autobiographical work, but it's a running thread in his pre-cutup-era work.

[@IndustrialFan666]

My favorite is Junky, Naked Lunch is good too but extremely heavy. The Nova Trilogy is amazing And you gotta read Call Me Burroughs, the biography, for insight into his character. A lot of people recommend it. I will be getting it in the mail soon

[@mek0626]

I read Guts out loud to my husband over 10 years ago when we had just started dating. Neither of us knew what it was about, he just had a few Palahnuik works on his bookshelf but hadn’t opened this one yet. By the end we were both crying with laughter lol literally howling laughing so hard. Yelling “what the fuck!!!” at each other and shaking with laughter. It’s one of my fondest memories. Good times.

[@sweetviolents29]

Omg his short stories are the BEST for reading with your trusted confidantes lmao NO ONE ELSE LIKE HIM

[@kohtan13kumi]

That's def a story that would be fun to read with a friend who is on the same page! I read "Guts" recently and I really liked the storytelling. Like, the content was like "WOW" but it was just...he knows how to tell a story really well!

[@FloatingRumHam]

One of the few times I was simultaneously laughing and nauseous

[@piperfuriosa]

you and your husband have given me hope that maybe there's someone weird enough out there for me.

[@chazpedersen13]

And that Johnny is how you were born.

[@raddestoflads7771]

I read Haunted with NO warning, NO idea what was happening, and only knew that this guy also wrote Fight Club.

[@raddestoflads7771]

Oh and I read house of leaves in 7th grade. For some reason house didn’t fuck me up, but when I read Haunted (which was a few months ago) I was NOT fine. Both books are great

[@atomail6334]

@@raddestoflads7771 try reading leaves as a adult it's way more gripping when you can pick up on threads you missed.

[@raddestoflads7771]

@@atomail6334 YO FR!!! I never got that the Minotaur was supposed to be the house and supposed to be bad, and I never got the missing page. I also grabbed The Whalestoe Letters, which I think stands alone as a book… my copy of HOL is full of notes and highlighter. For whatever reason, I never got back into his other work, including Only Revolutions, which I started reading, said “this is cool”, then dropped. I think I might want to get Yggdrasil tattooed on my back one day, or maybe “this is not for you” on my lower shoulder. I think that HOL might’ve literally saved my life a few times. Anyways, that’s my trauma dump!

[@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick]

I’ve read soooooo many Pahlaniuk books, and ALL of them are a trip. Hell, Fight Club might be one of his TAMER books.

[@gracex3217]

I was listening to the audiobook at work. no warning. i was so shook for days

[@NovemberXXVII]

The question of 'what if I had read Ghosts Of My Life as a teenager' really gets to me, because I came across Albert Camus' "The Myth of Sisyphus" as a teenager, at a time when I *was* a danger to myself, and it probably helped save my life by coming at it from the angle that freedom is choosing to keep living even if life is absurd and the reasons have to be completely arbitrary.

[@Lunar_Atronach]

Was gonna mention Albert Camus's work, wish I read it, ya know, when I was suicidal and not after I recovered but it's still amazing

[@papaversomniferum8508]

i had the exact same experience but with the stranger. i even have a quote from the book tattooed on my leg lol

[@suzybearheart530]

​@@papaversomniferum8508I'm reading The Stranger right now!

[@capybarash4967]

So Albert Camus saved all of us right?

[@ThanhTriet600]

10 years before reading Camus's work, I heard a very toxic interpretation of it that stuck with me and made me feel worse. He seemed to be saying "humans are doomed to trapped under the weight of hard work. You're a slave, and you need to shut up and push the rock because there are no alternatives."

[@FiniteAtticus]

Another book that is oppositional to ghosts of my life is the book called “why people die by suicide.“ By Thomas Joiner it helps people recognize the subtle signs of a suicidal person. And the signs within yourself that you might be suicidal. Definitely helped me work my way out of some issues.

[@basicindiebro]

as someone who has been suicidal since 2018 I can verify that that book did change my life

[@milkcatdog394]

That reminds me of another book called Afternoon Demon. It’s a study of depression with accounts of those that are plagued by it and the author himself suffers from it. It was a hard read for me. Too close to home lol

[@FreakoftheAngels]

How do you spell the name of the book she recommended? I'm tempted to read it I need some life breathed into me

[@yogurt8150]

​@@FreakoftheAngelsits spelled bhagavad gītā

[@caimdavis3763]

Chuck Palahniuk is gay, which I only bring up as a response to "what the straights are up to". He strikes me as someone who struggled with that for a long time (which, given when he came out, I understand) and as a result channels the self-loathing internalized homophobia and the resentment he feels toward women into his writing.

[@ConvincingPeople]

Only a very angry gay man could so accurately depict the Straights at their least OK.

[@haleywilson520]

I literally never knew he was gay, mind blown

[@dancegregorydance6933]

He came out as an adult so you may be correct. At least came out publicly.

[@squirlmy]

@@haleywilson520 the Marla Singer character was based on an effeminate gay man Palahnuik knew. And, her sassy, confrontational personality kinda makes more sense for a gay man. Although Helena Bonham Carter does an amazing job in the movie Fight Club, but when you read, or re-read, the book it's easy to see her character as a gay man in that time period.

[@squirlmy]

@@dancegregorydance6933 he is also married and raising two children. And his father was murdered by a white supremacist who was jealous of the father's relationship with his(the racist's) ex-girlfriend. His life story was pretty crazy and nearly matches the story of Fight Club in it's intensity.

[@Gryps2]

I have to say. when you said "Unfortunately for the book, I am alive" while reviewing Ghosts of My Life, not only did I find it extremely hilarious, it was also incredibly affirming. Sometimes you can't argue against the darkness surrounding you, sometimes you just are and that is enough. Thanks for this video.

[@sadielappin8862]

For some reason the Chuck Palahniuk piece that most disturbed me was the scene in the novel Survivor where Tender is on the phone with his employer as he's carving up a boiled lobster, and after a certain point, when most of the meat is removed, he realizes its heart is still beating. Maybe its because I've spent my entire life in the northeast where lobster is cheaper/more plentiful than other places & I've worked in restaurants that serve them, so it gives me that feeling of, "Oh god, I could find myself in that same situation." I'm surprised lobsters aren't a more common motif in horror, tbh. Just the sound of their claws tapping on the inside of the pot while they're boiling alive is enough to make me aware of my own mortality and what a nightmare a death that slow would be.

[@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick]

That’s why you’ve gotta split ‘em down the middle first. Immediately destroys their brain, and guarantees that it’s death was swift and painless. Granted, it’ll still move around in a very disturbing way, but that’s more reflex than anything. Like how a snake with bite even if it’s head is cut off.

[@loki1456]

One of my ex-boyfriends was a chef and he got a bunch of lobsters to show off how well he cooked. Then I watched him boil them with glee and start laughing as they screamed. That was the day I realized he was a sociopath and I broke up with him.

[@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick]

@@loki1456 Jokes on that guy, the hissing sound from boiled lobster is just steam. Couldn’t have been THAT good a chef if he didn’t know that.

[@edgarallanpoelagusmarjorita]

omg you are SO real for this genuinely after reading that scene i became like, physically ill and had to put down the book for a little while and sit outside in the sun. chuck palahniuk is a master at making the reader uncomfortable in this aspect and, even after having read literally every published book by this man, tender eating the live lobster has stuck with me as one of his most powerful scenes

[@Skullkan6]

Oh my God that's a memory you resurrected. Until Lullaby that was one of the most horrible scenes in any of his books I could think of.

[@ScreamingAllTheTime]

God, there is no clearer memory of 14 year old me reading A Clockwork Orange than getting to the record store scene, flipping back to the actual book to the glossary and just being like “oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.” The entire time

[@ericm215]

Is it in your opinion better than the film?

[@squirlmy]

@@ericm215 it has a different ending, a much more positive ending, where the gang and Alex himself sort of reform, just by getting older. In rel life, Anthony Burgess' wife was raped by American soldiers in Russia, I believe. She drank herself to death, quite literally, so the book is more autobiographical than you might ever think, and his insistence on the basic goodness of people that much more remarkable..

[@Eshanas]

@@squirlmyAmerican soldiers…in Russia. No she was beaten and robbed in 1944 London by gis, causing a miscarriage.

[@Agostina999]

Also, an author that no one else mentions that always gets under my skin is Khaled Hosseini. Both The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Suns, while they did end with some semi-uplifting ending after facing many obstacles, have some of the most disturbing and distressing scenes I’ve ever read in a book.

[@magicknight13]

Omg yes!!! When her husband made her chew on stones, my god

[@Agostina999]

@@magicknight13 Oh jesus I blocked that out of my memory holy shit

[@drexyspivey]

Agreed. I had to put them down a few times.

[@fluffyfishcool226]

I had to read A thousand splendid suns for a literature course in college and oh god the imagery he creates haunts me

[@j.jnerdamy320]

​@@magicknight13 that scared me so much that I kept having nightmares about it

[@nicoleemenhiser8028]

I own a couple Poppy Z Brite books and I can't tell you how fuckin' validating and accurate "you'll read it and you'll never tell anyone about it" is. Part of what makes them hard to talk about is that I honestly think this is an exercise in gore fetishism and that's VERY different than a person writing gore to horrify. Harder to recommend disturbing stuff when you can kinda tell the author was really... into it.

[@elifish927]

Just picked up my first Poppy Z Brite book at a second hand store this morning and I’m definitely intrigued/wondering what I’m in for...

[@morganalabeille5004]

I've read some stuff like that but all of it was Tokyo Ghoul or Dead by Daylight fanfiction lol

[@zanathium]

@@elifish927 If you can, start with Lost Souls. Definitely a better entreé than Exquisite Corpse.

[@elifish927]

@@zanathium Interesting, thanks for the recommendation! Exquisite Corpse was indeed the book I stumbled on first, but I'll take your advice and start with Lost Souls. :)

[@amoraobscura]

i have a copy of exquisite corpse and i always feel the need to hide it whenever i have people over

[@MrElectricfever]

Sarah Kanes play '4.48 Psychosis' is definitely one of the most disturbing and depressing pieces of literature I've read. It was essentially her suicide note written in a psychiatric ward of a hospital. A really tough read as it feels so personal to her, almost like we shouldn't have been allowed to read it. For those that don't know Sarah Kane was a pioneering theatre writer and director who pushed forward a very intense and disturbing style of theatre that portrayed very extreme acts of sex and violence. Her work is super interesting and at times very disturbing. Worth checking out if you like reading plays and scripts.

[@Air_Serpent]

I recently read it and it was incredibly relatable in the worst way possible. But it's possibly the closest representation of madness and being on the edge

[@griffin7770]

I was really glad you included Junji Ito's graphic novel adaptation of No Longer Human. The book is so important in Japanese literature and very disturbing, and very autobiographical to Osamu Dazai's experience.

[@baashasucks]

How the fresh hell did you spell Osamu Dazai so wrong

[@timk6181]

Two books that genuinely got to me: 'Tender is the Flesh' by Agustina Bazterrica which imagines a world where humans are harvested for meat, didn't get very far with that one before I had to stop, just no, seriously uncomfortable reading, and In the Miso Soup by Ryu Murakami which lulled me into a false sense of security before unleashing a scene of extreme violence which makes American Psycho look tame.

[@gb8269]

My funniest Crank story is that I picked it up as a 17 year old not knowing what it was about beforehand. The back blurb mentions a monster (which is crystal meth) so I was excited but it turned out to be some DARE type shit instead of a creature feature

[@christianburton1652]

My high school best friend was obsessed with the whole series and talked me into reading one. I can’t even remember which one I read and I honestly don’t care. My friend asked me what I thought and I told her it was terrible. She got excited and started going on about how it’s so edgy and great and she knew I’d love it, only for me to have to burst her bubble and say I meant terrible as in the book wasn’t good and I hated it. I still don’t understand how Hopkins’s books became so damn popular. I would’ve much preferred a creature feature story too.

[@sofkmilh]

omg same thing happened to me when I was seventeen

[@gatsbyvalentine]

Same thing happened to me when I was like 15 or so. Glad I’m not the only one who was let down 😂

[@Topdoggie7]

@@christianburton1652 Tbh as a fanboy of her work, the Crank trilogy is the worst she's written. A lot of her work is pro LGBT and trans and all about doing drugs and escaping abuse while the Crank trilogy is about forgiving your twenty years of abuse abuser only because "you only get one mom" and the majority of her other books read like someone else wrote them, there's such a narrative change.

[@heidilorelei]

Fun story, I picked up crank when I was like 11 or 12 and ended up assuming based off of the blurb that it was a bloody horror/mystery novel. I ended up bringing it to summer camp, and reading the whole thing on my first night there. I was really shocked that it was about drugs, and there is no funnier experience than sitting in the dark at summer camp at 2 am after finishing a anti-drug book that you thought would be a fun gorefest, thinking where the fuck to I go from here

[@seraphimxiii]

on the note of "crank"-- when i was a kid, i was similarly inundated with a book to frighten children out of talking to strangers online called "want to go private?" where a misunderstood highschool freshman meets up with a guy from a teen chat website and is ultimately kidnapped and S/A'd. at 12 i was already talking to strangers online, and something about imagining myself in the scenario presented was ABSOLUTELY TANTALIZING and i could not put the book down. it felt like poking a bruise or an open sore, with the same shot of adrenaline in tow.

[@katie2275]

So the book did the opposite of what it wanted to do lmao

[@victoria-fo7tx]

reminds me of megan is missing

[@pikachuneoncat6480]

What was it called?

[@ConvincingPeople]

Ahhhh, that "this has awakened something in me that it was not supposed to" mood.

[@Topdoggie7]

That sounds like some Megan is Missing shit.

[@JadeCryptOfWonders]

May Lietz should do a gritty and disturbing Reading Rainbow with these fucked up books.

[@sassypantsg.6617]

Love this!!! 📖 🌈

[@Kate-uj9rx]

For pride month!

[@dinosaysrawr]

Yes, please!

[@TricksterModeEngaged]

honestly, yeah!

[@woagnya]

YES

[@jordonrosson496]

I'm so glad that Crank was torn apart here, because not only was I a very sheltered middle schooler when I read it, I was a very impressionable sheltered middle schooler. And it still managed to make me think, "Why, this is a load of horse shit!". The funny thing is, I do remember reading several Ellen Hopkins books just cuz, and there were ones called Identical and Tricks that, while really fucking stupid as well, were *way* more fucked up in concepts. Ellen Hopkins really don't trust teens to not be completely fucked up, is what I'm reading from her.

[@Topdoggie7]

Tbh most teens I grew up with were that fucked up so she clearly has friends from school she borrows lives of.

[@Blargle42069]

OH MY GODDDDD I READ IDENTICAL IN HIGH SCHOOL I think I was 14-15?????? But it absolutely fucked me up especially when the twist hit,,, I haven’t read it in forever so I imagine if I went back to read it it wouldn’t mess me up anymore lol

[@torsegundo637]

May: "Is there a book out there that you can read that will *literally* ruin your life?" Me, no hesitation: "Yes, and Ayn Rand wrote it."

[@ebagentj]

I've had my life ruined more by others reading Ayn Rand than reading anything by her myself.

[@maristiller4033]

Ayn Rand fucking sucks not just as a person and a philosopher but as a writer too. Her work has only survived because Libertarian Americans like it

[@torsegundo637]

@@ebagentj Hard agree but for real it's a risk to open any of her books if you're at an impressional time or place in your life

[@ebagentj]

@@torsegundo637 I guess I can't also fault everything that comes from reading Ayn Rand: I'm a huge fan of the Bioshock series and the first game, at least, wouldn't have existed if the writers hadn't read Atlus Shrugged and the Fountainhead and decided they absolutely hated what she was saying.

[@anarchohannibalism]

god i hate the fountainhead so much

[@docfrancis5882]

When I heard “Exquisite Corpse” I got so excited! I was first told about it a year ago, and fell in love with the plot so much I literally bought a signed copy of the book online and it’s become one of my most loved and fantastical books I’ve ever been able to read. It’s ugly, it’s disgusting and romantically abysmal. 10/10! Poppy Z. Brite for the win! Edit: Billy Martin is his chosen name now, but I know he’s professionally known as PZB!

[@BaiBrootal]

Me too!! Great great book. Drawing Blood is my personal favorite Poppy Z. Brite (and probably my favorite book, period) and I have to re-listen to the audiobook on the regular.

[@Rose-ef2cm]

Martin’s books are so beautifully written, it’s wild. I really respect how he can make the most abhorrent actions sound like a love poem.

[@BaiBrootal]

@@Rose-ef2cm oh my gosh yes. He’s the best at it I’ve seen in my several years of reading hardcore horror fiction.

[@loki1456]

I was obsessed with Lost Souls in high school, but I didn't know that he wrote other books. Imagine my surprise listening to this video and his name comes up! Now I may have to read Exquisite Corpse because I'm intrigued...

[@AoiUsagiOtoko]

there's something i love about PZB/billy being a trans dude living his best life writing the gnarliest stuff you can image idk as a demiguy horror fan it's inspiring! he's talented as fuck and it's just...cool to me

[@24fretsoffury]

Berserk has shown me what comics can do. Plus “Guts Theme” is fantastic. Junji Ito was perfect for Silent Hill, they really had the dream team for Silent Hills. Just another horrible mark against Konami for cancelling that.

[@kikoonthemove]

House of Leaves is easily my favorite book of all time. I read it when I was 17 and it absolutely changed the way I choose the books I want to read and my perception of them. One of my favorite things about it is, with every other book I’ve read there’s the level of “what you’re reading is happening in the book at the very least”, House of Leaves just fucks that idea with a chainsaw and tells you “lol half of the shit going on isn’t even happening in the book”. I ate that UP and I was obsessed with it.

[@hollowone777]

A book that did that for me in my young childhood was the Neverending Story. After watching the movie, I saw it was based on a book and I just HAD to read it. I don't remember how old I was. Nine or ten maybe I think. It's a breathtaking fantasy that breaks the fourth wall in fascinating and unexpected ways. It's a wild AND LONG ride. Though probably not disturbing. It definitely changed the way I pick my books though, and how I look at them, as a reader, to this day. It's easily one of my favorite books, though it's so hard to pick just one! Anyway, it's fascinating that we had the same experience with different books in completely different genres.

[@kikoonthemove]

@@hollowone777 One of my favorite movies ever. I somehow managed to never grab the book though, I’ll definitely have to buy it soon to read it!

[@suzybearheart530]

​@@hollowone777Neverending Story is still one of my top ten books of all time. It's so complex and every time I re-read it almost feels like the first time because I find something new. I'd love to learn German and read it in the original language it was written. Seems like that would be cool.

[@Desi-Designs]

I know an inordinate amount about folks working in meat packing places (yay rural Colorado!) to safely be able to tell you that those folks are so overworked and underpaid that they don't have time to think about messing around with the dead animals, much less do anything to them if that takes a little anxiety off your brain about the book Cows! (I mean. Now you gotta think about the non-unionized and horribly abusive working conditions about meat packing plants, but that's more angry inducing than ick inducing xD)

[@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick]

I suppose that’s darkly comforting. That there’s too many worker abuses going on for any of them to have the opportunity to commit gross mishandlings.

[@itsaballoonparty]

“things have gotten worse since last we spoke” didn’t scare me because of the gross stuff. It got to me because of the portrayal of the abusive relationship and only being able to watch it unfold through chat logs. It haunted me to think about what the characters thought processes’ would have been when they were alone and haunting each other only in their minds

[@MichaelMeinberg]

same, except the gross stuff was so gross that it left me unnerved too

[@statvuesque8431]

honestly after reading it i had a good old cry because it reminded me SO MUCH of a relationship i was in a few years back

[@itsaballoonparty]

@@statvuesque8431 I’m so sorry - it reminded me of one of mine, as well. we both deserved better than that, and I hope you’re doing well now 🖤

[@schmuelking1535]

​@@statvuesque8431 holy crap, you poor thing. I hope you never have to experience that again.

[@zab416]

I lent my copy of House of Leaves to a friend, and she died pretty soon after. I didn't have the heart to ask her partner for it back so I don't know. This is sad and creepy but I mostly wish I could have heard her opinion on it. If it wound up in a Half-Price Books or something, it's a little weird, but whatever, my friend would've said hopefully somebody got that copy and liked it. I liked/own Things Have Gotten Worse Since Last We Spoke, but I don't remember much about it. Disgrace is the most haunting book to me, haunting isn't the right word, but disturbing in a bleak way. Well written but bleh. The End of Alice is the yeesh in recent memory (sort of much more visceral Lolita).

[@dylanmcmahon4902]

J.M. Coetzee's work is all fantastic, Disgrace is his masterpiece in my view. Highly recommend his novella Waiting for the Barbarians

[@ConvincingPeople]

Oooooh, I've been meaning to read The End of Alice for a while. I've heard it's supremely gnarly.

[@Sevenpuddingsx]

"Call me Tuesday" is a detailed story, diary style, of a girl who is severely abused by her mentally ill mother and it's one of the few books I've ever had to put down to just... Weep for this poor child. That one and the one of the woman falling in love with the wall of her house stuck with me most through my life.

[@goblinqueen626]

gonna have to check this one out

[@Topdoggie7]

The Yellow Wallpaper and it was about clitosectomies to treat hysteria. She had her cl*t removed from her after being too emotional as it was seen as a way to treat emotional women and she went mad from the pain and inability to have any sexual pleasure as masturbating was also seen as mentally ill behavior.

[@oliviabees]

I’m going to need the name of the woman falling in love with a wall, sounds super interesting!!

[@oliviabees]

@@Topdoggie7 Hmm, I don’t see a reply from you! Drop the name again please?

[@Topdoggie7]

@@oliviabees "The Yellow Wallpaper and it was about clitosectomies to treat hysteria. She had her cl*t removed from her after being too emotional as it was seen as a way to treat emotional women and she went mad from the pain and inability to have any sexual pleasure as masturbating was also seen as mentally ill behavior."

[@FallenStarArt]

I remember my girlfriend gifting me "No Longer Human" from Junji Ito when we were at a convention, purely the fact that she knew I really love his work. Neither of us know what this book had in store. Oh boy. It ended up taking me 4 days to read it, to break and pace myself. I felt numb, empty, like all my grief and guilt for this person was sapping away into the pages while I read. Taking away a lot of thoughts I had, until the very end, where I was left with nothing. I truly felt nothing, not good nor bad. Just nothing. And yet, at the same time. I think that was OK to feel that. It was OK to feel nothing. I yearn to find a book like that again. It was an experience I don't know how else to describe other than, you will feel everything taken away into nothing.

[@nicoleabrahamson1883]

Junji Ito is excellent! He is so different in person, one wouldn't expect with his art!

[@ev6564]

I love Junji's work too! I thought No Longer Human was written by Osamu Dazai. I'm guessing Junji did a manga adaption.

[@twochicks23]

There was a book my teacher made us read in like 5th grade called Toxin I believe. It was about mad cow disease and how it gets into the slaughterhouses. I couldn't finish it. I didn't eat anything substantial in like a week. My mom had to chew out my teacher and I had a pass to read a different book and I didn't have to sit in class when she was talking about it. But it really make me stand out too. "The girl who couldn't read that book" I'm 30 now and I'm curious but I really don't want to go back cuz it caused so much trauma that I can't even hear what foods are made of.

[@TheUmbravulpes]

I actually wrote a review of the Ito adaptation of No Longer Human (all legit, real world, physical publication and stuff, though not in English) and so far it has been the only horror manga I've reviewed that I had to include content warnings. Ito might sometimes write about things like SA, self harm and abuse in his works, but seeing that stuff portrayed explicitly and realistically is a whole different experience. I said at the end that the book is definitely worth reading, as is the Dazai original, but I wouldn't recommend as anyone's first Ito work, Uzumaki or one of the short story collections are a better intro to his style of horror. Oh! And I recently got to talk with VIZ's main Ito translator, Jocelyne Allen, and she is a delight. Her insight's on the process of translating No Longer Human were fascinating. Appreciate the translators, folks!

[@christianflynn4978]

I commented on another video about this, but I'm a recent Mark Fisher convert and I'm floored that Ghosts of My Life is considered this disturbing. Me and my girlfriend read it and found it inspiring - an argument that counter-culture is the only possible way to defend against the meaningless of a corporatized world. Also when you consider what the book is - a collection of interviews, essays, book reviews, etc: you get an insane amount of wonderful perspectives and music recommendations. I know that Fisher committed suicide, but I can't help but think people read that as the meaning of his work. He didn't write this book knowing he would commit suicide. He tried his best. He loved music. He loved books. He inspired a whole generation of writers - a whole movement. He's an inspiration. In my reading, he's drawing maps for a better world.

[@sgeddegs]

yeah same, like im so surprised that the kind of message she got from ghosts of my life is that "we should commit suicide" but when i read it, it wasnt anything like that. it was really just a piece of cultural criticism about the inertia of culture and alladat. and for that matter, reading mark fisher himself is genuinely life-affirming. so much of his work is about trying to *break out* of capitalist realism and hsi entire life force was driven by that

[@rosaryrose2505]

Nyx videos gives me the "3 AM wellness check" vibes that I need.

[@NicoPonder]

honorable mention to Kathe Koja's The Cipher, a book so disturbing that when some friends found a secret cupboard in their house containing a copy, they burned it after reading like 20 pages

[@DudiTheGreat]

I rlly liked it! It’s not that bad! Promise

[@piperfuriosa]

The Cipher is one of my favorite books, which now has me worried about myself

[@teatimewithtraceyandcrew]

Absolutely loved this book Currently reading her back list now.

[@cathycat4989]

A surprising disturbing book series is the Animorphs. Yes, it's for children, there are no swears and it's written at something like a 5th grade level. But the descriptions and emotions are visceral. The transformations are downright horrifying, and basically all the kids suffer from PTSD from the first encounter with the baddies. Yes, it's repetitive, formulaic at points. But I feel like this story wouldn't have worked in a different format. Sometimes the prose are evocative and beautiful, sometimes chilling. That's impressive for a children's book series. Also the author's daughter is trans and the kid that becomes permanently trapped in a bird's body is a pretty good metaphor. Tobias is free and embraces most aspects of being a red tailed hawk, but there's downsides, including the isolation. It strangely works. Read Animorphs, there's only like, 56 of them or something.

[@Ryukocha-kun]

Just a small correction: Katherine Applegate’s trans child is her daughter (a trans woman).

[@cathycat4989]

@@Ryukocha-kun oh, thanks for pointing that out. I will edit my comment. My apologies

[@untroubledwaters2137]

Good gods, stop it.

[@softestshade7813]

Seeing art of this series reeeeeally makes me wish I’d read it as a child because the covers made me avoid it but the art I’ve seen makes it absolutely fascinating

[@ringofbrass]

the david storyline + some of the other alien species other than the main two... rachel's fate yeah there is a lot there.

[@gengoozle]

the only “disturbing” book i read was american psycho at age 13 with no awareness of the movie so when i actually watched the movie it was so upbeat and fun in comparison. anyways that book permanently rewired my brain

[@paulsecrest9427]

I need to read the book never knew it wad a book.

[@peachcola2]

THE RAT SCENE 🫢

[@Nlotus]

@@peachcola2 He was nice enough to buy his rat another rat.

[@gengoozle]

@@peachcola2 ITS SO BAD. also the book version of the scene with the homeless man and his dog :/

[@CircleOfSvlt]

Just finished it last week. The funny thing was I hated it the whole way through, now I’m here looking for a replacement. “Chasing the high” so to say

[@FiniteAtticus]

Me: yay, she mentioned Lugotti! Also me: *crying* she mentioned Lugotti.

[@leahcollins165]

I’ve been in a major book rut. This really sparked something when you spoke on House of Leaves and I can’t wait to make the leap. Also, about to binge your videos, because you are fun to listen to! So glad you popped up on my recommended list! ❤️

[@NyleGames]

So I just got two audio books, The Bhagavad Gita and Ghosts of My Life. They both amount to about 8 hours long, so I'm going to try listening to them side by side. Should be interesting, I'll report back with a reply when I'm done. Update 1 - I have listened to about 25% of both right now, and it’s been interesting! Although I think the Bhagavad Gita and The Conspiracy Against the Human Race would have probably been a more compatible pairing. Update 2 - So I finished both of them! Ghosts of My Life is disturbing because of how subtle it seems at first, on the surface it's a fairly academic collection of hauntological media of the past 50 years. The arguments he makes against neo-liberalism through music/film are convincing but also coated in a sort of sadness that is potentially very infectious. Mentions to suicide are pretty uncommon, but come about in such a nonchalant way it's disarming. In contrast the Bhagavad Gita is, well, very different! I grew up in a hippie community, so I was familiar with many of Hindu terms but hadn't actually read the Gita before. There are number of aspects that I don't agree with, but I really like one of it's ultimate claims. That is, the core of what makes us human is incorruptible, no matter how far we fall we will inevitably reach enlightenment, no one is left behind. One connection to Ghosts of My Life I thought fascinating, was the Guṇa: Tamas. To put it very quickly Guṇas are tendencies of one's personality, and Tamas is the tendency of ignorance, inertia and laziness. Tamas is also defined (in my translation of the Gita) by worshipping spirits and ghosts. You could take this is in any number of ways, but in my opinion it correlates with Mark Fisher's view of Capitalist Realism's impact on contemporary media. We have very little time to make or enjoy media that truly challenges us, so we are sentenced to consume the same regurgitated crap over and over, becoming incapable of recognising past, present or future. Therefore being unable to envision a just future beyond capitalism. Essentially, our current system forces us to worship ghosts and sends us into deep pits of inertia. I'm going to try Conspiracy Against The Human Race next and see how that pairs with the Gita, because I think that contrast is more compatible. Also I think it's worth researching and shopping around for different translations of the Gita, because the interpretations can be vastly different. Update 3: I’ve started The Conspiracy Against The Human Race, and I will do another update when I’ve finished that. Some early thoughts: it is so incredibly miserable that I actually find it hilarious, and the fact I’m not supposed to find it funny, makes it even more hilarious. I’m really looking forward to properly comparing this with The Gita, because in many ways they desire the same thing, but have vastly different solutions and outlooks.

[@TH-lw7of]

I just finished listening to the conspiracy against the human race, and it's very compelling! Very much a mental exploration on death and how we deal with it (or don't) as a reality. While I'm in a good mental place right now, I think this one more than any other could've been the one to drive me to suicide at worse points, due to the straight forward logical presentation of it.

[@ConvincingPeople]

I think people miss that Ligotti is very much funny on purpose-if you've never read his short story "The Town Manager", it's pretty straightforwardly an extremely bleak shaggy dog joke. It's just that his core underlying point is deadly serious.

[@NyleGames]

@@ConvincingPeople Ligotti is definitely very funny on purpose, but there are some parts that I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to find funny, that’s what I was referring to. :) Now I’ve finished the whole book there are some large sections towards the end that have a clear sense of humour.

[@nikoteardrop4904]

Truant's moment outside the tattoo shop is hands-down the best description of agoraphobia I've ever seen in any medium.

[@WaterDrinker666]

i think that a good name for the sequel to the acclaimed novel “fluids” would be “two-ids”

[@WaterDrinker666]

@MORRIS_SPORES ON INSTAGRAM IS THE BEST PLUG okay Fed

[@woagnya]

Too Fluids Too Furious

[@commercialairliner]

Electric Flugaloo

[@LunaxRoss]

i was obsessed with ellen hopkins books throughout middle school and high school. pretty sure her books are what started my obsession with “iyamisu” (ew mystery) later in life. for those who don’t know, iyamisu is a japanese genre of literature that focuses on the horrors that humans can create. anyways, some of my favorites i’d recommend are: goth by otsuichi, confessions by kanae minato, and penance by kanae minato, and nan-core by makoharu numata. i’d also recommend the novel for perfect blue that the anime movie was based off of.

[@corinforrest9658]

goth!! yes goth was good! i just wished it was longer

[@N30KID]

It's pretty shocking how it's seems Goth by Otsuichi has gotten missed by a lot of people. Both the Manga and original novel are honestly haunting.

[@toothfl3sh]

i had a friend who let me borrow goth and i loved it, im so upset i never finished

[@glazelazer8857]

Exquisite corpse was way more racist than I expected it to be

[@AnisaThePunk300]

True! I found myself wondering as I read if those sections were to make the character less easily sympathetic or if it was just 2000s disease where pop culture is just way more openly biased (and in this case fetishistic). I want to be able to say that Brite wrote those sections knowingly creating meta conversation about the role race played in the real life Dahmer case, but I also don't want to blindly give an author credit when I don't know the author's explicit intent and am so many months away from my last read to provide analysis

[@CreamsiclePup]

Pimp. Pimp was such a scary book to read because it takes you deep inside the mind of someone who abused so many women on such a huge level and just hearing about everything heinous not only he did, but was done to him, was a fucking roller coaster.

[@connordebruler3264]

32:19 I was shopping in a grocery store and a cashier over the intercom said, "Customer needs assistance in aisle 16." Another grocery stocker stared up at the ceiling and said, "But we only have 14 aisles." DUN DUN DUN FOOD LION OF LEAVES!!!!!

[@timotheahaider3822]

The most disturbing book I've ever read has got to be "the indifferent stars above" cause I was listening to the audio book at work. Oh boy, when you listen to someone's account of finding a den of half-frozen children eating people meat... and then you just have to put on your customer service voice and keep selling tickets to shitty comedians as though you didn't just learn something that will make you forever afraid of children... it kinda puts a damper on the day.

[@magicknight13]

And now I want to read that thank you

[@pierrotcrow]

oh man i listened to the audiobook of that one during the early days of covid lockdowns. it's a really fascinating and very well written book, but it definitely did not do anything to help me out of the depressive episode i was rapidly falling into at the time. it's just so bleak.

[@morninggoblins]

Hey I read a chunk of these! House of leaves did mess me up and I did not expect it to mess me up. When I first read it, I was working at a call center and so I read it while in a very large well lit building with lots of other people, and then I tried to reread it a few years later while just... In my house, and that did not go well

[@oldsalt4798]

I literally just added Fluids to my TBR based on another channel's recommendation, and now here I am on your channel! Wow!

[@freshbornmute2752]

6:50 "Clockwork Orange" ... "Eye-opening literature" ... That pun did not seem intended.

[@Rose-ef2cm]

As soon as I saw this video in my feed, I was hoping Exquisite Corpse would be on this list. Most disturbing books have the same quality of writing as a wattpad fanfic, but that book is so legitimately beautifully written, it’s almost poetic in nature. It’s inspired my own writing (purely in style, not so much in its content lol), and it still boggles my mind how someone can write the most abhorrent shit with such lovely prose.

[@drexyspivey]

Ditto. It’s trashy and gross, but also high literature at the same time. I’ve never read anything else that describes horrific things so beautifully.

[@sniffitsblog]

Finally, a May list where I've actually read most of it! Excellent choices especially No Longer Human. I'd love to know your thoughts on Tender is the Flesh.

[@R0291-l1l]

I really love thr positive mentions too ❤ theres this thing Natalie at Contrapoints mentions called "epistemological self-harm" - the mindset/perspective that whatever hurts is true. But that's not necessarily so, and we owe it to ourselves for our integrity and honesty to acknowledge the complexity of life, the good and the bad and everything in between

[@anitacrumbly]

I really like this I don't watch her that often so thank you for sharing her idea here it really gave me a lightbulb moment :)

[@torsegundo637]

Starting off with **Exquisite Corpse** was such a shock to me I actually had to go on Wikipedia to make sure you were talking about the same book that I read. I don't disagree but after reading **Drawing Blood** and **Lost Souls**, I guess I was kinda prepped for it? Also it felt sorta darkly comic? Like...Gallows Camp? Having listened to some of Fluids on your livestream I absolutely feel an twist of PZB in there. Also, when you summarized "Guts" I literally barked out laughing. It sounds kinda grotesquely funny.. Am I...damn, am I also a Goblin?

[@bengrisanti]

I loooove Drawing Blood

[@Uhohlisa]

I read Drawing Blood and Lost Souls in 8th grade but I pretty much wouldn’t read the books on this list. I think I started Invisible Monsters and gave up on it.

[@ConvincingPeople]

I mean, "Guts" is pretty funny in a grim, gross way. So are parts of "Hot Potting", another story from that book which I'd argue is a sight nastier.

[@vigilanterobot3855]

Junji Ito's work is fantastic, I've been trying to collect all of his books, which hasn't been too hard since the special editions came out. I strangely found Uzumaki more thought provoking than disturbing. Though I've always found his short stories to be more upsetting, I think it's because he doesn't need to spread the themes and imagery over a long story and can punch you with it all at once. Army of One, Splatter Film, Grease, The Long Dream, and Enigma of Amigara Fault are the ones that stuck with me the most. The Long Dream in my opinion is the most upsetting short story. Though I still have yet to read all of his stuff.

[@vigilanterobot3855]

Also gotta give a shout out to The Human Chair, all of Tomie, and the Hanging Balloons.

[@tiniepuppie]

im also a huge junji ito fan and collector! i recently bought 5 more of his books and have been working through them. if you want some existential and celestial horror that makes you look at all the characters and go "oh god i hate these people", you should read Remina! Whispering Woman and Bloodsucking Darkness are some of his short stories that really stuck with me for some reason. If you want some other artist recs, Kazuo Umezz and Shuzo Oshimi are great. Ive specifically been reading Blood on the Tracks by Shuzo Oshimi, but he's the creator of The Flowers of Evil as well and i think they share some similar themes.

[@Lunar_Atronach]

I will read junji Ito books just to vibe so I totally get what you mean by it being more thought provoking.

[@D0ttorestestsubject]

omg i also collect his stuff and a long dream has got to be in my top 5, I absolutely love how it questions human morality and the fear of death

[@alicethemad1613]

Hanging Balloons made me so emotionally distressed I couldn’t even finish it for months, no joke

[@setheus]

I just ordered a copy of your book!!! Also, what's your stance on your book being put in a public library? A lot of the time after I finish independently published books, I give them to my fiance (a librarian) to be put into circulation, if the author's cool with it. I know a lot of authors also like to have a set of years that's sale-only for sustaining themselves, then after a while put them in libraries. If not that's totally cool of course!! For real though congrats on publishing your writing, most people don't know how difficult it can be, both artistically and logistically. It's so fuckin rad that you did!! Through the years you've given me a lot of inspiration and resources for exploring my own horror story-telling, you're killing it!!!

[@raddestoflads7771]

Same question here! I work as a page, so I have some little influence. I’d love to see more queer horror in circ (we do have manhunt, at least!)

[@tirtic1756]

This is actually really cool. I hope she sees this and gives you an answer :)

[@nyxfears]

I'd be down to work with you!

[@KoalaProductions]

"and there's possibly a... Minotaur in the labyrinth." Minotaur is one way of putting it lol. I interpreted it moreso as a manifestation of the monstrous madness that lurks within the darkness and consumes the lives of those who explore it, the same thing Johnny was so afraid of. It's the OG backrooms, the horror of something arbitrary not caring about if it makes sense or not but just being and defying all rationalization.

[@ignat22869]

A book that can ruin my life? A bible?

[@flutistnotflautist4740]

That’s a bunch of books.

[@elextrano7597]

The fandom can be realy cool or suck...

[@rottenluck118]

11:32 I’m 100% here for May’s top ten most disturbing pieces of art list

[@mangocryptid3280]

The same guy who made Mai Chan’s Daily Life, he also made a manga about Junko Furuta but knowing what Mai Chan’s Daily Life is about you already know the way he treated the Junko manga and I can’t remember if it’s really hard to find or not but p much everyone who has ever seen it say it’s disgusting for his fetishization of the case

[@N30KID]

Yeah without a doubt that mangaka is the worst. He does a lot of pedo scenarios and a ton of r*pe paired with gore and just nastiness. It's very bad.

[@randiwatches]

I am so happy you mentioned Exquisite Corpse. Read that in 2010 and had a full on panic attack in the middle of the night. Talk about terror. Still one of my favorite reads. I'm not ashamed, May!

[@LiminalBookkeeping]

I read Exquisite Corpse when I was maybe... 15? And cried for like three hours after I finished it and couldn't sleep that night. Absolutely loved it. I should reread it soon.

[@colinr0380]

No Longer Human feels so terrifying because it is about a person feeling that they have no soul or compassion for others and then living up (living down?) to that expectation, and then being forever haunted by the spectres of those we failed who are forever tied to us. It makes the world itself seem bleak and pitiless. In that sense, it makes for a perfect bookend to American Psycho. Great list Nyx! And thanks for the uplifting recommendations at the end to offer a counterbalance!

[@sabersin5368-c2c]

One thing scarier than these books is that jumpscare we got at the beginning of the video.

[@SickTwistedQueen]

Books have a way of diving into the self-conscience that movies do not. I think reading books is very "lonely" compared to watching movies, since reading involves being alone inside your brain with only the text and whatever imagery it brings.

[@geektanic]

Just bought your book, so lucky I caught one of what I think were dwindling copies! I really hope to continue to see you on here because I legit love your channel so much

[@TheShark657]

Calling Cows borderline camp is really hitting the nail on the head. I remember reading the first half and feeling so viscerally nauseated by the gore, torture and abuse that goes on in it, but there comes a point where the violence becomes so excessive and the prose veers into magical realism that the viscera just stops having the same effect and you're like "Oh ok, guess that's happening now." I think there could have easily been a point about imagining what circumstances or psychology makes someone want to work in an abattoir (or at least tolerate it), but the direction that the second half takes obscures that commentary (whether or not such commentary was purposeful).

[@carpe_noctem241]

(Disclaimer I have not read Cows, I'm just going off what I've heard about it in this video and others) I think something that takes a similar concept (at least the "working in a slaughterhouse" part) and does a way better job of it is episode 30 of the Magnus Archives, "Killing Floor," although that ends up a lot less grounded in realism and more supernatural I genuinely just recommend the Magnus Archives in general if you're looking for a horror series with some queer romance woven in lol

[@loki1456]

The Magnus Archives is some of the best horror I've listened to in ages. If you are afraid of something, The Magnus Archives will magnify that fear by tenfold. Also the characters are so endearing, you have to keep reminding yourself that this is a horror story and they are all going to be tortured and traumatized by the end.

[@carpe_noctem241]

@@loki1456 Absolutely agree with all of this!! Genuinely it's one of the best podcasts I've ever listened to, and I'd say one of the best pieces of horror media I've encountered. Although, I don't watch/listen/read too much horror so idk how much of an endorsement that is lmao

[@loki1456]

@Carpe_Noctum as a lover of horror of all sorts of types, it's so interesting being a horror fan now after listening to The Magnus Archives, because now I will watch a movie or read a book and go, "Oh, this is obviously of The Web" or "this is totally of The Hunt" and I love that. There's a tiktoker I follow who talks about horror novels and talks about which Fear might be associated with that movie. It's honestly great.

[@cinemaghost3149]

This was amazing! Thanks for the book reccomendations and a new perspective. I really appreciate this and it validates a similar obsession I have, that the SCP lore helped me define. And its that I believe info/cognito hazards are real. Dangerous memetic information designed to either negatively effect or damage your state of consciousness and these books are great examples.

[@asherheart3574]

I recently watched an extensive disturbing books iceberg and one that was rather low on the iceberg and specifically caught my attention was 4.48 Psychosis by English playwright Sarah Kane. It’s apparently one of the most depressing books and experimental plays out there, and it’s also the author’s “last work” if you know what I mean (Sarah Kane had suffered from severe depression)… If you wanna feel utterly sad, there’s a recommendation!

[@4everJung]

The “manga” called “Metamorphosis,”aka “Emergence,” was by far the most disturbing thing I’ve ever read. Don’t ever read it if you’re sensitive to extreme sex scenes and drug addiction. :cry:

[@marceline5461]

i checked it out just now and read the first two chapters and was like, oh, this is just slightly f’ed up h*ntai, nothing wild. then i kept reading, god i was wrong

[@4everJung]

@@marceline5461 Hahaha! That’s exactly what happened to me, too! I told my friend the hentai feels like a mix between Requiem for a Dream and A Serbian Film combined!

[@chichonass8]

I read that manga and it was so embarrassing to admit that it depressed me for weeks! Didn't like how I could relate to something so ridiculous!

[@4everJung]

@@chichonass8No need to have ever felt embarrassed by how depressing it truly is. I also felt depressed after reading it because it’s unfortunately realistic. I feel it’s so disturbing in that a lot of the scenarios have been/can be experienced by many. :( I’m sorry there was an aspect of the story you could relate to in some way. Stay strong

[@marceline5461]

@@4everJung I also got requiem for a dream vibes as i was reading it!! tbh i just wished they would focus more on the addiction than the uh, other theme, but it was incredible in its execution cause every “bad move” was always motivated and extremely tragic instead of “dumb”

[@bettschwere]

i fucking ADORE poppy z brite/billy martin's work. his stuff is so deeply linked to my own identity and the person i am today that it's kind of scary lmao. reading lost souls when i was 15 is why i'm Like This. he was also the very first gay trans man i ever heard about and learning that was something i could be helped me so much on my Gender Journey.

[@TheSylvirr]

I had a writing teacher in college who told me that I had a very visceral way of writing. And then he suggested that I read Blood Meridian. W O W.

[@crazyfun95]

An honorable suggestion by myself for a piece of literature that will in fact drive you insane and make you obsess is the Sound Novel by 07th Expansion called "Umineko no naku koro ni". It's a visual novel type of story, but it's extremely long, it has disturbing elements to it, but also the framing is pretty unique. It is a very Option C type of story. It's framed as like a murder mystery/fantasy story, but it deals with the nature of truth, how there is no One Real Truth and how the truth we hold is fragile and how hard it is to hold onto it. It also discusses the ethics of sensationalizing and creating fiction based on a tragic event that happened to actual people. There's also a lot of family dynamics being explored - both abusive and wholesome. Showing that people can be either truly evil or extremely kind depending on their circumstances.

[@hollowedxbeauty]

Okay correct me if I’m wrong cause the two blend together sometimes for me, but didn’t Umineko come after Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni, or at least by the same creator(s)? Cause I loved Higurashi and wanted to check out Umineko, but everyone always said one was a rip off of the other 😭

[@crazyfun95]

@@hollowedxbeauty Umineko comes after Higurashi and they are by the same creator, correct, but even though the stories are implied to be set in the same universe, I wouldn't say one is a rip off of the other. Whoever told you Umineko was a rip off of Higurashi probably hasn't finished the novel, I'd say xD It's part of the When They Cry series - Higurashi, Umineko and Ciconia. In Umineko, at first glance, the framing seems similar to Higurashi, because you do see the same story, but have the events be different in each arc, but the whole reason for why that is happening is completely different. Umineko is almost entirely meta-narrative, superimposed onto the story narrative. It tackles very different subjects from Higurashi and is altogether a very different experience. I would really recommend it. And of course, there are nods to Higurashi, like there are some implications of what happened to Rika after the end of Higurashi. So you could look at Umineko as more of a spinoff rather than a rip off.

[@hollowedxbeauty]

@@crazyfun95 I’ve never even heard of Ciconia! Now I gotta read up on them; I loved Higurashi, I just really liked the framing of that one and thought it was really cool. Thank you for your reply!!!:D

[@crazyfun95]

@@hollowedxbeauty No probs, I strongly recommend Umineko, since it does shift how you look at the events of Higurashi a little bit. And Ciconia is currently being made with, I believe, only one episode made so far.

[@Zenene-ok5el]

May, I've been a relatively longtime fan of your channel, and I always come away from any new entry of your "disturbing" series blown away by both your resilience and your capacity to find a silver lining of beauty, truth, or otherwise substance to the most horrid stuff lol. What you said at the end of this video, about feeling haunted by missed chances and past mistakes, and the dialogue between hope and despair, really touched me. Do you plan on doing a video about disturbing albums or music pieces? Would love to see whether stuff by Scott Walker or Diamanda Galás make it on to your top 10 list.

[@ENBYSS]

One thing I'll say about the point of past choices haunting you with the potential lives you could've led - I feel like "Everything Eveywhere All At Once" runs in perfect counter to that. Just saw it yesterday and although I won't say much, there's two people who harbor opposite perspectives. All the other lives haunting them for what they could have lived, and all the other lives not mattering because this is simply the live we have and we couldn't be happier because it is our Home per se. Highly suggest you watch it if it's a point that's been troubling you.

[@Vampireprice]

Before guts was even written, that exact scenario was something I thought about on a daily basis.. During my youth, I frequented an old pool with a drain like that. My mom once told me, "Don't you ever go near that drain or your organs will get sucked out." My happiest days were spent at that pool, but I always eyed the drain sitting at the bottom of the deep end as if it were a shark waiting for me.

[@veeodinson3271]

Things Have Gotten Worse really hit me too. I saw so many people say they couldn’t finish it, and I was so confused. I realize my once yearly rewatch of Martyrs may have some long term affects.

[@haleywilson520]

Yesss based Martyrs fan

[@jamieg1907]

I read something that made me think about this video (specifically the discussion about Ghosts of my Life) that I'd like to share Hauntology used to frighten me a little, there were many moments in my life that I regretted and i couldn't shake that "coulda woulda shoulda" mentality no matter how many times i repeated it to myself. And then I read Discworld, specifically Lords and Ladies, and there's a specific scene where one character talks to one of the main characters like "Oh if only we had gotten married and lived in a nice cottage with kids" and the main character goes "What about the fire. That killed us both shortly after we got married." She doesn't know about any fire, but she brought it up because that also could have been a possibility. The point is that life wouldn't have been all perfect as he was suggesting. That kind of broke the spell for me I think, it felt like that passage finally defined what "it could have been worse" means. Now I think about it whenever I'm thinking about life.

[@poingupoingu]

The story about Cora Reynolds fucked me up way more than guts. The helplessness social workers must feel is more horrific than any eldritch terror. It legitimately made me disassociate for awhile.

[@FuriosoDrummer]

THIRD ENGAGEMENT I always start House of Leaves feeling like "this is the time! I will read this son of a bitch!" and then after 100 pages I wander away, because the book's construction is so hostile to the very act of being read that I inevitably have a hard time continuing to focus on it and I go do something else with my time. What a thing.

[@RollingScone]

I’m currently on the labyrinth chapter and haven’t touched it in a few months because I felt like I was being actively given the middle finger by the author throughout it lol. And that’s after putting it down twice before, so I definitely relate to the it being “actively hostile” part.

[@Feefbeef]

The format of the book is half of why I wanted to read it. It’s like you’re solving a puzzle, although a highly incoherent and at times unsatisfying puzzle.

[@Dollmoth9]

I'm so so glad Thomas Ligotti is on here. I adore his unique brand of horror and nihilism - it for sure makes you feel certain ways 😂 great list! There's a lot on here I'll have to check out.

[@ConvincingPeople]

"Vastarien" is just… I have been that person. I have been that desperate to not be in or of this world. Meant a lot to me as a teenager; means a lot to me now.

[@piperfuriosa]

Ligotti is a favorite, but Conspiracy Against the Human Race both ruined my life and transformed me in such important ways.

[@aliendeez]

im only like half way thru this but im just going to say you are the only youtube account i have found where A: youve read the books and B: are having fun with it instead of being "yeah its bad" and moving on. youve make me crack up so many times already i love this video good work

[@AoiUsagiOtoko]

as a transmasc type dude who loves the gnarliest nastiest literature possible, PZB is an inspiration to me tbh. dude has a knack for this stuff and i say more power to him! imma just toss a silly recommendation here, carlton mellick III is my favorite author basically ever, his stuff isnt necessarily overtly disturbing in most cases but his stuff always has the weirdest plots and titles, and an interesting fixation on monster women who eat people. it's a fun time all around! /gen

[@daisychains8144]

I read some of these as a teenager, and I think my naive edginess helped me not fully understand the emotional consequences of these actions. Now that I understand better, fucked up behavior psets me more. Like the scene in less than zero where they tortured a boy was horrible, but now that I'm a mother to boys it takes on a whole new dimension that I can't handle. On the other hand, there is a comfort in the idea that the depravity doesn't get much worse than what I've already consumed. I don't consider myself super out there now but I might be. I just heard the description of the mark Fisher book and thought "I've known for years that the dollar has more value in society than human life" but there's a way to know that and not feel hopeless and disillusioned. I'm glad you are recommending "opposing" books bc there is a joy in life, and there is immense value in knowing both sides of our experience. There's super fucked up shit and there is great beauty.

[@SpellboundWolf]

Many if not EVERY SINGLE volume of the books from Animorphs are pretty disturbing. War, slavery, death, existential horror, sexism against young women, a few scattered suicide attempts, genocide, murder, body horror, being eaten alive & graphic battle scenes are commonplace in this series. I so do love it though. Animorphs is such an incredible scifi series & is my favorite of all time for too many reasons. Please go read it if you love scifi, anti-war, animals & characters with depth. Read them in order too!

[@danielcantiego9374]

The legends say that once a weird girl from tge internet said: ,,Kids...Kids should read". We still have no clue what she was on about.

[@gatochick14]

The Pekingese story in House of Leaves is so much more messed up when you think about it. Like yeah, dead dog- but then you realize that she no doubt saw he was watching, chose to strangle the dog (that she was probably going to kill or dump anyway), and chuck it out the window WHILE HE WAS WATCHING and just driving off like any other night is so fucked up- like it's exactly what you say about Cows in which a conscious choice is made to be absolute garbage.

[@firebreathingllama]

Might I recommend: We Live Inside You by Jeromy Robert Johnson, a collection of short body horror so harrowing I almost threw up reading it, and My Annihilation by Fuminori Nakamura, which made me feel very empty for a couple of days upon finishing it.

[@dracenines]

huge shoutout to Jeremy Robert Johnson, his short story collection Entropy in Bloom and his novel The Loop are also incredible

[@astartesiri8184]

There's this literary movement from post civil war Spain called "tremendismo", it depicts violence and decadence in a very crude and grotesque manner. Its most famous title is "The family of Pascual Duarte" by Camilo José Cela. He is an interesting one, almost as much as his works. He fought the civil war for the fascists at a young age and his experiences compelled him to write the mentioned book, about a really messed up hillbilly from bumfuck nowhere in rural post-war Spain, very graphic work and written in a way that invites you to empathize with the protagonist, feels as if it was written as an attempt at atonement. He later became a censor for the regime and did forbid his own book as it was deemed immoral, and in his later years he won the Nobel Prize for his career, maily for the book "The Hive", his most influential work.

[@joerivera6334]

That last editorial bit felt really profound. Thanks for sharing it, May.

[@Meiliina]

Loved the video! There's a few I haven't read. Also, almost all Cormac McCarthy books are depressing to say the least, but also fantastic reads. You should really do a separate video for disturbing manga and comics, since you also seem to appreciate looming horror as well as gross stuff, so it might be interesting to hear your take.

[@SgtJoelberg]

I really did faint while reading the Guts section of Haunted. My friend passed me the book one day in high school, and next thing I knew I was lying on top of him.

[@thatonedude9744]

Fans of the band The Fall of Troy will note that the songs “You Got a Death Wish, Johnny Truant?” and “The Hol[ ]y Tape” are named after House of Leaves references

[@fadedtyrant1604]

Blood Meridian! One of my favorites. On my first sort-of date with my now-spouse, we did a book trade and I gave them this. It's a miracle that they didn't consider me a serial killer and ghost me!

[@hypnovertigo7200]

Holy shit I'm autistic with ADHD too!! I need to buy your book when I got the funds soon enough. So happy to see videos on disturbing books. Reading is sexy!!

[@TheTroutyness]

Word to the double neurodivergent helix

[@hollowone777]

I think reading is sexy too! Alas, fewer and fewer people seem to agree these days. Ah well, I'd have to lift my eyes from my book to see them anyway I s'pose.

[@bellat.1377]

I will say, the scene of a bear dancing with bullet wounds and a laughing megalomaniac who got everything they wanted really do haunt me more than stuff that should be worse.

[@smekdei]

Thanks for this list! I’m definitely gonna check some of these out. I really wanna try Ghosts of my Life, but only once I am in a better place mentally. For now I’ll stick to the gross out books you mentioned 🙂

[@dubitataugustinus]

I'm so excited to check (almost) all of these, I've already experienced some of these titles but it's amazing to have new recommendations to warp my soul even further :) thank you for doing the grind 🖤

[@mighty_claw]

had never fainted or felt faint in my life. read guts and felt hella weird and hot. went and lay in the bath because it was cool and kept reading it. got tunnel vision. decided i needed a nap. later i read about the faintings and was like "oh thats what that feeling was" lol. that story and the part where the writers cut up some of a still living woman's butt and microwave it and she eats it are the only things i remember about it.

[@Drbetes24]

The commentary is top notch. Algorithm blessed me tonight ❤

[@nattmazzoni]

House of Leaves is literally the only media I have ever consumed that kept me from sleeping at night from fear, but to be fair I have not read almost any of the other books you mentioned, so maybe I'll get to that!

[@Faith5x]

i'm so happy i read exquisite corpse. it's so terrible and so worth it. and the whole time i was reading it, i was thinking "there's no way a straight woman wrote this." so it's great to hear it's by a trans man lmao

[@christyfielding7498]

I remember Go Ask Alice. I read it for school. I thought back then it was a crazy book. Did it stop me from doing acid? Nope.

[@SpaceCase69]

I'm ngl I read it when I was like 12 and my main takeaway was that lsd sounded cool

[@Spiderlash97]

Weak

[@ThatCreepyReading]

I got autism and ADHD too, the struggle is real gamer.