Obsessed: Painful Attachment Fades When You Face the Truth and Act On It

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***
People with unhealed trauma often see their own destructive actions as something that is just "happening" to them. When confronted with a moral choice -- to do something that hurts many people, or step back - they become confused. In this video I respond to a letter from a single mother who has had a long-term, toxic relationship in the workplace. Hear my advice for how she can face reality and take action to change her life.
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[@redwoods7370]

Pursuing a married man or woman is a recipe for pain and more pain.

[@rose4490]

It's pure poison is what it is! 🤢☢️

[@QuilaGee]

Maybe death because this is what it leads to according to proverbs. A prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread the proverb goes.

[@lovenosa1105]

When it comes to married men, I fully encourage ghosting. They don’t deserve the sympathy or closure, once you come to your senses, block and delete immediately.

[@GlossyHop]

Absolutely. And there is no need after all this time later to “go back and set things straight”! Edit: had to add a word

[@s_gal9900]

When the writer says our relationship I cringe. He’s married, you have no relationship.

[@loveinthematrix]

I pray for anyone struggling to break free from someone they think is “the love of your life” or your soulmate. Although breaking the fantasy is heartbreaking - it may be the only thing to actually start to find your blessings in life. There is something better on the other side. You are more important than the person you think you need to cling to to be whole. Aloha ❤

[@TeamCat1128]

Yes! Doing this was difficult but so freeing. It has to be reinforced over and over again as thoughts of the person come up, but each time seems to get easier. So happy she covered this topic more in-depth. Good luck Renee.

[@JohnM...]

Sometimes one day, their behaviour just snaps you out of it by slapping you in the face like a ton of bricks.

[@di3486]

That’s how I cured my limerance tendencies for good. I faced the truth of it all and acted on it, purposely disciplining myself to avoid it.

[@DaPoofDaPoofDaPoofDa]

You can express limerant behavior even while in a relationship: it’s called seeing hope , where there is none; or not seeing someone for EXACTLY, good or bad, trauma or not, for how they are: Limerance can look like extreme codependency in. a Relationship

[@emilysmith2965]

This describes my parents, I believe. To an extent it also describes me. But I’m hoping my limerance can be broken… it’s not strictly heritable. It’s learned.

[@designchik]

When I was in my 20s, I met a guy at a coworker’s barbecue. I barely noticed him, but unbeknownst to me, he asked my colleague for my number. (This was long before texting or mobile phones.) He asked me out for dinner, and since he seemed nice on the phone, I went. Well, while out with him, he told me he came to town one week every month and was wondering if I would be his “companion” when he was in town. He knew I loved cultural things and said we could go to the opera, symphony, and ballet. I was flabbergasted because I didn’t believe I was attractive to the opposite sex. I won’t lie; I was flattered. However, despite my profound attachment wound and longing for male attention, my deep insecurities compelled me to say no. Then, while I was still reeling, I noticed his wedding ring, which solidified my resolve to turn him down. He accepted it gracefully and slapped down his platinum Amex to pay for dinner. We parted ways, and I never heard from him again. It’s decades later, and I still shake my head at the experience. I can only assume that this had worked with other women, as I have no doubt I wasn’t the first and wouldn’t be the last. Unbelievable. The bottom line is that people like the letter writer’s employer and my wannabe affair can pick out damaged souls from a mile away. It’s like we have a giant red light sitting on our heads, flashing our vulnerability for the world to see. It almost always ends badly.

[@meridaphoenix4036]

I love your story. I once experienced this too. I was so in need for attention and this man met me the night before through group meeting and asked for my number. The day after, I got a message and pictures of his meals, his activities, his thought and his problems. I knew from him right away that he was not in good term with his wife and he told me they have not had sex since 3 years ago. So what?? He visited me several times and I knew he wanted sex. Nothing happened thank God. But I felt like I enabled him to keep trying to seduce me. I kept texting him, telling him to keep being healthy and so on. Despite knowing his intention, deep down I think I wanted to be wanted. I needed his attention as I felt I am not worth it of any. I was in the wrong but I got lucky to not keep doing it.

[@designchik]

@@meridaphoenix4036 Thanks for sharing your story, Merida. I’m so sorry that happened to you, but try not to beat yourself up. I completely understand how strong the feelings of being wanted are. I spent decades searching and longing for male approval that rarely came - and when it did, it was usually toxic. Even my long relationship with the person I believed was the love of my life turned out to be a sham in the end. I don’t know your background, but in my case, I’ve spent a lifetime trying to heal the damage my father did to me. He couldn’t love me, and when you’re not good enough for the first man in your life, it sets you on a difficult road. I know he did the best he could because he was emotionally damaged by his past, but knowing that doesn’t make life easier. Hugs to you. ❤️

[@lovearttherapyalways]

Wow! I think anyone who is in a relationship and texts you is trouble. I agree with Anna.... run!!!!!!!

[@a_sea_of_serpents]

I had an online relationship with someone for almost 5 years and fantasized all day, and all night about meeting them in person, only to realize that I was flying towards the sun with fantasies, and a very detached view of reality of how this person would react to me in real life. I’ve dealt with a lot of cognitive dissonance when it came to abusive circles in school as a child, because I wanted to surround myself with people who “liked” me. I’m 23 now and I can’t stand to be around people my own age because they’re constantly bitching and moaning about their boyfriends/relationships, or their children and there’s just 0% of things that I could relate to. I can’t hold a conversation with a person for more than five minutes without drifting off and thinking about being someplace else . It’s a lot of shit that I need to clean out in my attic (my brain).

[@jeanieshank1433]

I struggle with disassociation and your describing a lot of those symptoms. I would seek a professional for that one. It’s tough to deal with.

[@TheKatoreilly]

I would also gently, and kindly point out that it is hard to connect with people when you aren’t able to stay focused.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Here is a great way to clean out the attic :) bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@b.k.701]

Been there. Journal. Just keep writing.

[@Humgin1234]

Ur not alone baby , I fifty fuckin two and after seeing this wonderful channel I realized how completely fucked up I am . Lots of abandonment and Limerance

[@eliser9776]

Most likely, this man's wife did NOT say that she could see them together. Most likely, there never was any "open relationship." The mistake that honest, good hearted people make is that they believe everything that the other person says. If he says he has strong feelings for her, she believes this BECAUSE SHE would never say that to someone unless she meant it. So, she has not realized that you can't believe everything that people tell you. He knows she is vulnerable, and a single lady, probably hungry for love, so he whips up a fake romance with her and she fell for it. I promise, I am not judging. I did my time with a Narcissist and he wrecked me for years. But I learned. I learned that I had no boundaries. I never knew that boundaries were needed because I am not the kind of person that exploits others so it didn't occur to me that boundaries are important... and bringing this back to childhood PTSD, I had a parent that rolled all over me and I was not allowed any boundaries and this is how it all ties together. Thanks Childhood Fairy. You have the BEST content!

[@designchik]

You said it, Elise. Brilliant response!

[@MsSheilaC]

I related to this 🙏🏻

[@cindyj5522]

I remember the very day and hour that I realized nothing was going to change with my ex. It was not that he was the love of my life. It was all limerence. It was late August in the evening. I was home alone, sitting on the sofa looking out the living room windows, actually thinking of nothing more than what might be on TV. I had a sudden, lightening strike revelation that the rest of my life was going to be this...empty, rejected, used, disrespected, disregarded and tossed aside in favor of women who would worship at that narcissist's feet. And when I realized that, I immediately determined to leave. I had no belief that I could before than moment. After it, my only goal was to get out and be free.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow! A powerful story. Thank you for chiming in. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Analysis_Paralysis]

Thank you for pointing out that there might actually be not a thing like an "inner child" because I was desperately trying to find my inner child, since people have constantly been perpetuating this idea that "healing" is connected to "healing one's inner child" and I was just convinced that I have no inner child. I'm so relieved that I don't have to search for it or think that there's something wrong with me because my "inner child" has never spoken to me or shown itself to me. 🤗 You're awesome, Anna... 💗 This makes the process of healing so much easier for me now, I'm so happy! 🙏🏻

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I hear you. At best, it's a metaphor.

[@lumpyspacecadet]

How is it that people can't understand that married people are NOT available? Meaning, they are not in the dating pool to choose from. At least this guy was known to be married and wasn't pretending to be single. That's just the biggest red flag of all when you know they are married.

[@yai69]

The point of Anna’s entire video is that with CPTSD the lack of boundaries and trauma re-enactment cause people to overlook the obvious. It’s not that black and white with severe emotional dysregulation and psychology barriers that stop us from getting our needs met when it’s the only way we know how

[@user-ex3mx7hk4l]

They lie to themselves in a million ways in order to participate in an affair. For example, they dodge responsibility for their role in the affair - Telling themselves THEY are not culpable because “It’s his decision to violate his vows - not mine.” Also, they live in denial & pretend the Wife doesn’t exist - out of sight / out of mind. They also ignore the fact that they can be a major factor in blowing up innocent kids families. They must constantly lie to themselves in order to live in the Land of Denial because if they didn’t most women could not do what they know is wrong.

[@reneezmp]

Geez…. I feel so called out here hahaha My names also Renée and last year I also got involved with a man who was married and told me he was in an open relationship. Got the same ridiculously strong attraction that made me turn a blind eye to the blatant red flags. Had some intense nights that ended with him breaking up with his ex and start an absurd love bombing stage. And after some months everything started to fall apart when he changed completely and became a whole other person, one who was emotionally void. And now, 9 months later, we broke up but are still in touch. I guess there’s no way but going no contact…

[@HannahMitchell-Art]

Yep… you said it first ❤❤❤

[@sherriflemming3218]

Agree No contact and detox

[@cindyj5522]

I think there is actually a thing for those of us with CPTSD that makes us seek out people, mostly romantic partners, who are blatantly unavailable to us so that we can both run after them and reject them when they don't reciprocate our attraction. It helps us avoid attachment and keeps the chaos coming, both of which usually accompany the original trauma. We are assured that we won't be able to bond, because really....we are too afraid to do that for fear that it will fail as it did when we were children. We WANT to be loved and cherished and don't believe we are worthy of it because the people who are most supposed to love us don't. Why would we ever seek out someone who actually does? And how could we ever believe we are worthy of it if our very PARENTS DIDN'T?

[@di3486]

No contact is all you can do when falling victim of a narcissist

[@suru01]

I have to wonder how many people in polyamorous situations have CPTSD.

[@sophiafaith]

The Daily Practice will help your confusion. Listening to this letter was interesting for me, as an only child of a mother who was “very confused” and it’s SO damaging. I feel for you, I hope for your sake and for your child’s, that you heal.

[@user-yd8xn7is1s]

There are so many stories on this channel about completely toxic relationships but this one was beyond the pale. Anna, thank you for holding this person accountable - for her neglect of her child, her contribution to destroying a new family, her continued employment/involvement with the situation way beyond when any reasonable person would have left, and her overall total disinterest in using her agency to make any of this right. It sounds like the guy here was malicious and I don’t think she is, but her involvement with him amplified his harm to others exponentially, and continues to do so years later. I really hope the writer of this letter hears Anna’s feedback loud and clear - continued involvement is ridiculous at this point, and she deserves to delete this man from her life and focus on cultivating integrity and a self she can be proud of.

[@catcat9582]

How do we know she neglected her child?????????Just because she doesn't speak of her child?????

[@di3486]

Holding yourself accountable even for allowing yourself to have that fantasy is very healing.

[@biondna7984]

It has been over a year now, the longest, most intense limerence I've ever had, with (ugh) a married man. I'm stunned this can happen even to a wiser 69-year-old, but clearly limerence isn't about age. Mine is about starving for the chemistry and compatibility I finally found and cultivated for 8 wonderful years with my late - 2 years ago - second husband, to whom this guy is achingly similar. Our mutual attraction was evident. I behaved myself anyway, in manner, speech and dress; at least I have THAT comfort. I'd gone 7 months no contact, excepting two brief, mutually-polite texts. Last week, I searched the parking lot of a restaurant for his truck, to see if I could get a favorite meal, unseen. No sign; I'd begun to eat when the booming voice was next to me, offering a warm, accepted, and returned hug. Christ on a pogo-stick. Was he driving something else?! I'd done so well. It's a chain restaurant; from now on, when I want that meal (sigh), I'll be driving 30 miles to the next nearest. My struggle is in two parts. (1) Even without my childhood traumas, I'm intense. I don't consider passion a flaw; it fuels my artwork and writing. I've learned to keep it on a leash in (public) social interactions and conflict resolution. It's no bloody wonder this paragon of old-fashioned tough and tender machismo knocked me sideways. I lap that stuff up. My spouse was great at it. Meanwhile, I'm volunteering, active in a club, taking dance classes, out and about, back on online dating sites, and have met three nice guys whom I've wished all the best, who are ... nice. Like oatmeal. (2) I'm working to not cut HIM any slack, either. In the few months we worked together to complete my course, he was mostly polite, patient, and kind. But there were a few remarks he made to me which a fully-committed married man would NOT say to a single woman. I knew he was testing me, checking my borders. I tell myself, pity his wife; she's got a restless guy who's tinkering with emotional infidelity, instead of working to re-jumpstart their relationship. So instead of settling for mild men, I've decided he inhabits part of my mind only as a prototype: I'm looking for someone like him, only SINGLE, damn it, and who knows two people can build and re-build something delicious in monogamy. My darlin' and I sure did. God. Sorry. Maybe wait for the novel.

[@estereism]

What is it you're writing? Would love to read it 😃 I vibe with your writing style 😃 And wishing you strenght to keep away from connections that don't work for you 🙌

[@StreetcarDesire]

I enjoyed this. Made me laugh a bit. I feel for your situation though. You have the strength to walk away from that man and entertain more available men. I’m glad you’re focusing on yourself too. Someone more suitable and maybe just as exciting will come along when the time is right. Hang in there.

[@biondna7984]

@@StreetcarDesire Thank you. Very kind.

[@joshhoobler5769]

"What the hell are doing in this job?" I don't wish to be unkind either, but damn! that question kept coming up for me too

[@LadyNightsong]

Thank you for speakimg up for the child!! Currently have a colleague who is a single mother going through a similar situation. It is so sad to watch how much time she spends worrying/talking about this man, how much money she spends on this man who will not commit to her in any real way, while her child ends up getting the crumbs affection and attention. I've thought about sending her a link to this channel but not sure how she would respond.😢

[@jennyferguson5583]

If she is Aware-? Did She have a Crappy Childhood?! I was a Single Mom of 2- Son and Daughter. I Did Not Date for 10 years . I was self Employed and worked Around my kids Schedules . I cherished My time alone, exhausted:) My Daughter has Praised me for Not Dating when they were young. Prayer Works. Keep passing on Wisdom to your friend!🙏❤️

[@LadyNightsong]

@@jennyferguson5583 she may not be aware and I don't know her story so I try not to judge too harshly because I've been there myself. It just makes me sad when kids are involved, because as a child I watched my mom put her boyfriends before us kids.

[@b.s.a.4332]

Send it for her child.

[@emiigarzon]

You can trust that she will come across content like this when she is ready to be aware of herself

[@Saoirse-xt7mi]

​@Jenny Ferguson I did the same! Quite a few kids in the neighborhood could always be found at my house too. Two brothers who were the same ages as my sons had a mothers the had "all Saturday hair appts" every Sat! I had a few dates, but no serious connections back then. I wondered how did other single moms have time to date & a few found new spouses! Last Summer my oldest son took me on an all expense paid 7 day cruise. He said it was to make up for the one we took as a family in 2000 when he & his brother took up every moment of that cruise! They tell me often how they've just come to understand how lucky they were. If I had to do it again, I'd still choose my sons. I enjoyed raising them.

[@Gnomesmusher]

A married woman showed up on the dating apps one day and messaged me. I didn't know she was married at first. By the time she told me, I had already fallen for her. I had to break it off later because I finally realized it wasn't going to work for me. I wish I had never met her. She was probably the most crushing heartbreak I ever had.

[@cassandro9445]

Sorry you went through that 🫂

[@starshiptrooper4455]

Wonder if the guy was ‘bookmarking’ I learned about this idea from Anna, it’s new to me. Maybe he was creating options; lots of people do this by the way, but morally it’s an awful thing to do. Keeping people dangling as an option is plain selfish. But I wonder if monogamy is a minority thing these days, people marry and then create safety, only to use affairs to maintain the pretence of ‘normal.’ Also, I think it’s important to understand how destabilising lust and fantasy can be - I mean fantasy and the power of sexual desire can put you in a kind of trance where you chase a mirage of what will quench your desire only to have it evaporate as soon as you get too close.

[@MajorieRoyal]

This is a great video. Thanks for sharing. You confirmed my mom was a sex addict... she slept with a married man 5 days a week for many years. With him she started drinking, being agressive, not caring about me... etc it started when I was 6. I have witness sex almost every day of mu childhood starting that point. I was scared and discusted. I had to start none excitant to this. Had to open the door to an angry and sad wife rhat would being his clothing bag in my house once in a while. I'm traumatized to so many level and only now at almost 40, do I come out of dissociation to finally speak up and assume the damage that was done to me. I start my new therapy with people specialized on people who lived with people with sex addition in 3o minutes. I'm so happy. Thank you so all the videos you do.

[@omowhanre]

That’s way too much for a little baby girl to carry. I’m so sorry

[@MajorieRoyal]

@@omowhanre Thank you so much

[@etcwhatever]

I hope therapy is working and that you are feeling better.

[@whbbrd]

Is it mean to say that much of the time when people say they're "confused", that they're not really confused and understand very well what they're doing?

[@laha5822]

Look up trauma brain fog… it’s a real thing. Someone with trauma has an established pattern of behavior that they probably don’t even recognize, that doesn’t help them TODAY but that they had to adapt as a child to cope or get their needs met. The feeling of confusion is like when you write a bad Excel macro and the program promises it’s just running the macro, but outside observers recognize that it’s caught in a loop and will have to be hard restarted to function properly. Heaping on shame doesn’t help people to see it.

[@whbbrd]

@@laha5822 That's true, I don't believe in heaping on shame, that's why I didn't do it! Please reread the comment--first of all, I said that "much of the time" people know what they're doing, meaning not ALL the time when people say they're confused. That automatically implies that some people CAN be confused. And as for shaming, "people knowing what they're doing" is not a character attack or insult. It's talking about behavior, and not in a particularly insulting way. When I said "Is it mean...." it clearly wasn't becaue I though I was actually being mean....just that I kind of sighed to myself acknowledging that some people would assume meanness without really looking objectively at my words.

[@laha5822]

@@whbbrd Hi Wendy, you asked (paraphrasing) if it’s okay to assume someone is not being honest sometimes when they say they’re confused due to trauma. It absolutely brings up shame for me when someone assumes I’m lying about something, especially when it’s something I’m confused about. I didn’t assume meanness, but it’s definitely not kind to assume you know better how someone is thinking than they have told you.

[@cassandro9445]

👆💯 amazingly put. Thank you. ​@@laha5822

[@francescocalemma]

I hope she can find new job. Best thing really

[@yuk498]

Anna, I have been reducing clutter in my home in past few months and your videos have been very helpful. My home is mostly very clean, kitchen sink empty and I am now upgrading my living quarters that can invite ppl home. and in my life. Thank you for all you do.

[@Seanus32]

Just Walk Away, Renee :)

[@northofyou33]

I have been to plenty of SLAA meetings. Sex addicts are often victims of cPTSD, and yeah, there is an inner child in there, and they suffer as much as any of the rest of us. Just sayin'.

[@doreenm8693]

Thank you so much. I’m a new subscriber looking for healing during a tumultuous time.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Welcome! We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@klarmy8824]

Good good good advice. It's going to be really hard for letter writer to follow though in my opinion. I hope she does, but I know I wouldn't have. I could have written this letter 50 years ago. I understand her confusion very well along with her desperation for a relationship and her rationalizations. It was my life for a long long time and only recently have I learned about attachment wounds and how that affects a person's relationships in adulthood. Again good good advice. Good luck to letter writer and I hope she does what you suggest and avoids years of pain for herself and others involved, especially the children.

[@greyfox2822]

I know people like this. I hope they listen to you and change. In my experience these people dont take accountability and juat keep doing the shit they do, because they think their feelings are facts that deserve to be acted on. You can and should consciously decide to just do better, it's so frustrating watching people continue to make awful and destructive choices.

[@Humgin1234]

Best channel on YT

[@shummers]

I'm going to my first ACA meeting tomorrow afternoon!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yay!

[@lawrencelcunninghamii910]

✌️😎👉 I'm glad I found this channel 🙂 it's very useful & gives good advice for different situations. I'll keep tuning in 👈😎👍 Stay Safe 🇺🇲

[@kathyingram3061]

~I have been resisting texting my ex for almost a year & a half now...(sigh)

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Well done! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Joytotheworld9797]

Hi Fairy! I've just ended a relationship because I was limerant to a married man. It was a despairing situation. Currently watching your videos to make sense of what happened. I also already signed up for the daily practice. Thank you so much for your insights! I am really hoping to live a better life for me.

[@char-su9vu]

I so very much appreciate your videos

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for supporting this channel! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@emilysmith2965]

The thing that really made me mad about this relationship is, if he ACTUALLY had “an open relationship,” he wouldn’t have been miserable and trying to get out of it. Open relationships, polyamorous relationships, you get permission or otherwise you’re still cheating.

[@TheRaqessarr]

You are so wonderful and helpful. Thank you Crappy Childhood Fairy!! ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You are so welcome! Thank you for being a part of our community here! Nika@TeamFairy

[@ghelfling_bunny]

Speaking about denial... What about that sister that time to time tells you that she is going to divorce but a week later she pretends everything is great? She has been telling me this for about 10 years and never address the issue or go to therapy. I'm always kind to her, but it is hurtful when she starts to give me a silent treatment because I'm the only one who knows it. Although I never bring up the topic and I have never judged her, it feels that not talking to me is part of her denial of the facts.

[@vidamariaixchel4962]

Your sister is using you. Giving you the silent treatment?!?!?! 🚩Run! 🚩

[@shiversivegotem]

"there's no little boy there, there's just a mean guy" i love that 😂

[@juliemoore6957]

And dear girl, get a good therapist!❤

[@skinnypete3104]

I’m not sure if you have a video on this topic but if not can you do one on maladaptive dreaming? Thank you

[@thespectralsailor5819]

Or maybe she could get a referral for her work there and transfer. I’m praying for her bc I have been in this situation before or one very similar.

[@gaurs230]

Yeah this is exactly why I struggle with this too and a lot of shit just happene because this is exactly what happen s

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It can be such a struggle, but these techniques bring ease and comfort. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@simonwilson7581]

This is so hard to let go of because I don't even know who she is anymore. I can't tell between the traits I've created for her and what she actually is. I've made her perfect in my mind - how can we let go of perfection? I can't even ask her in a normal way because I'm already months into a relationship in my head with the version of her I created.

[@TopSecretInformations]

2 years for me. And he ignores me.

[@PodCast3_6_9]

I love your show can you speak about the children grow up with infidelity....and why some endedd up ditched from normal communication or normal relationship....

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Maybe write in with some details? We'd love to hear from you. bit.ly/CCF_Letters -Cara@TeamFairy

[@countvespasian1659]

Where's the list of red flags?

[@virginblythe]

I’d like to know where to learn about things like ‘intriguing’ and other tactic or methods or techniques or whatever

[@betransformed682]

Denial is a river in Egypt

[@freeschmidt]

I wanted to double check something. Close to the end, you explain what you mean by silent treatment as people in a committed relationship going quiet for a day or so because of a disagreement. My husband usually gets really quiet when he's upset, and I don't say anything about it either at the time because I just don't know what to say in the upset moment. Is it fine and not the silent treatment at each other since we talk it out a day or two later when it's not in the moment? (He's a good man. Relaxing into my close relationships is a little scary, like a trust fall, but he doesn't let me down and it feels so nice.)

[@GentleJungle]

Help! The memories are big!

[@astrolorand8036]

Anna, your website isn’t available in Romania. It says ‘country blocked’

[@rl4488]

Or can we pay you for a zoom session?

[@rl4488]

How do I write in ?

[@jazmineclark9776]

Watching this was really helpful today. It helped me make better sense of the damage caused by the chaotic relationships my mother chased throughout my childhood and young adult life. She was a single parent of two kids with special needs but abusive relationships with addicts and resentment occupied most of her focus over the years. Hearing how this is one of the most destructive things a parent can do was enlightening and puts things into perspective. These chaotic relationships drained out so much of our resources, not just financial, that I didn't have much left to build up my adult life, which led to my breakdown and estrangement with no contact over 8 years ago. The chronic stress led to chronic fatigue that is still debilitating even with 100 lbs. weightloss and other trauma healing techniques, tools, and treatments. This trauma debt directly impacts my ability to earn financial autonomy and some days this is devastating. But most days I focus on what I can do in an day, where I can rebuild elsewhere. I fight to keep my optimism from bleeding out, but earning more with chronic fatigue is a huge hurdle and this symptom keeps me scared of my future. I found a treatment that helped improve it but I can't access it because of the expense and war in Ukraine. I'm out of Modafinil and can't afford more of that either until I earn more. To lose this much functioning over addicts who never improved or sobered up much leaves me resentful sometimes, but then I find I can't afford resentment either nor do I want to spend my time and energy on it. I just want to heal so I can do the work I'm meant to do in this life, but those odds are objectively compromised when walking and eating is too exhausting some days.

[@5gx673]

Hang in there. We are with you

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Give the Daily Practice a try! bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@jazmineclark9776]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I do the daily practice along with 40 other things I do for my CPTSD symptoms as regularly as I can. These things help but chronic fatigue is still a massive challenge despite this effort. The daily practice maybe shaves off about 2-5% of my fatigue symptoms for the day but I try to stack this with other protocol to function better. It is honestly a terrifying catch 22 and I fear that even though I've found over 40 things to improve this that this still isn't enough. Ideally I need chronic fatigue cured or I don't know how I am going to realistically maintain gainful employment while being my partner's caregiver, even with 3D animation/modeling I'm learning.

[@annarunkle9819]

@@jazmineclark9776 Wow.. no pressure to change anything a particular way, but I recovered doing just one thing: The Daily Practice. Well, five sessions of EMDR 15 years ago, and exercise as regularly as possible. It's necessarily true that the more things you pile on, the more any one thing will work.

[@jazmineclark9776]

@@annarunkle9819 I have EMDR apps that I use at home, specialists in this area are not trauma informed generally so I rely on self guided therapy resources. These 40 plus things are the reason I function as well as I do, some worked better than others and I focus on the more effectives ones. My partner and I dig through research to find ways to help ourselves. We live in isolation in this town until we can afford to leave, my partner isn't safe here as a transwoman and she has more disabilities than I. She's on the schizo-spectrum and I'm on the autism spectrum, but disability resources here for this and CPTSD are scarce at best and demeaning/re-traumatizing at worst. I advocate for her here to the best of my ability. I went no contact with my relatives in the US back in late 2014, went homeless and fled overseas over 8 years ago, my partner is who I've got here. We've tried to integrate into this town but there's a lot of alcoholism, I'm over 8 years sober, and people here have publicly humiliated my partner. I've been publicly groped here in broad daylight in front of my flat and no one helped. I couldn't even report it because the incident wasn't taken seriously by anyone, sexual assault cases are not legally taken seriously here overall. We have no place in this community so the goal is to move to a major city where we can do more to launch our animation studio, we're both studying 3D modeling and animation on our own to make this happen. The Daily Practice is helpful and a great tool, but it doesn't make much of a dent with my chronic fatigue issues specifically. When I do it with Asemic writing/calligraphy it is more helpful to me I think because I was nonverbal when I was younger. I've been to doctors in this country, I'm originally from the US but in eastern Europe now, but they have not been very helpful and their prices have doubled since the pandemic. Many of them blamed all of my issues on being 300 lbs, which was a problem but not the main cause. When I got down to 190 lbs, I'm 5' 8" with more natural muscle, that improved the fatigue by 15-25% or so but didn't cure it. I love exercise and somatic experiencing has been very helpful, yoga less so but it didn't hurt. However, fatigue remains a huge barrier to all of my activities, even the ones I love. The most effective protocol I've found for the chronic fatigue so far has been tDCS in combination with microdosing psilocybin with Semax and Selank. I wanted to look into Cerebrolysin for the fatigue as well. However, I currently can't access Semax, Selank, and Cerebrolysin because of the expense and the war in Ukraine. Currently, the best protocol I can access is CBD in combination with self guided Internal Family System therapy, meditation, somatic experiencing, emdr combined with acupressure desensitization, and tDCS. Luckily the price of CBD is dropping in this area. I have a THC medical script, this would boost the CBD, but I also can't afford it at this time. Kava Kava also helps, other supplements also help (Biotin, Lion's Mane, Barley Grass, Chasteberry for hormonal issues, this list is long) but can't afford them until I earn more. I'm on meds for hypothyroidism, I've had sleep studies, I've ruled out other medical causes as much as I could and there's still multiple days a week where walking feels like mountain climbing. If I don't cure this well enough to secure gainful employment, there's high risk of losing my second chance at life. That would leave my partner alone in this town that almost killed her before I got here. This would mean losing my chance at creating content for longtermism as well. Longtermism is effective altruism that prioritizes future generations, and that's a major part of doing trauma-recovery content. I've been writing on Medium to try to accomplish this for a source of income and for the worst case scenario. I am grateful for your content and for this channel, it lights the way for many people and I hope to do the same with my work someday. My biological father died at 57, he lived a life of trauma and addiction because he was incarcerated for a crime he didn't commit and nothing was done about it. Because of what happened to him, what I've witnessed from the broken American fostercare system, and the psychiatric abuse I experienced, I will likely never feel safe going back to the US. However, it is my hope to heal this chronic fatigue so I can do the work I'm meant to do in this life. At the very least I've got stamina to write, it took 5-6 years to heal enough to get to that point. The empowerment I feel from writing helps shave some of the fatigue off as well. It is also my hope that there will be a Crappy Childhood Fairy publication on Medium or elsewhere someday so I could write for it or make animations like Crappy Childhood Fairytales. However for the time being I will keep doing the best I can with all of this.

[@5gx673]

It is relatively easy to switch jobs in the US. I'm not so sure about other countries

[@Tratamientos44]

Woow my most intense ridicously limeremce was to believe my twin flame

[@JoelPit]

I'm a married man whos wife wont divorce me and now a mostly single dad im really having problems with unavailable women i think i look for them

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Maybe consider a letter to Anna: bit.ly/CCF_Letters -Cara@TeamFairy

[@user-ex3mx7hk4l]

You can not ‘date’ a married woman because she is ALREADY TAKEN.

[@Kelbel30]

Um did it ever occur to this person when he said he had an open relationship he was lying? He probably told the other woman the same thing. 💕💕

[@cassandro9445]

I'd love to know what happened with Renee and if she left her job 😬

[@andycodling2512]

Sounds like this drama is serving a purpose.. maybe filling a hole in your life or your going for unavailable men(seems has there's no mention of any other guy here) .. I get addicted to people who just aren't available emotionally to .. my advice would be look to heal that niggling wound inside you that drives this harmful tendency.. take time to love and heal yourself and your child..these kind of wounds are passed down through generations if not dealt with... Step away from crazy into the peace and calm that's waiting for you and your kid

[@tomtbi]

I think he sounds s bit spoiled too...

[@TopSecretInformations]

28:07

[@mastewalyeshrun1220]

I really want to speak with you please?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You can register for coaching with Anna here: bit.ly/CCF_Coaching -Calista@TeamFairy

[@rose4490]

When I heard the two-timing sack of 💩 was in a smokers forum I thought, I'm going light myself up a cigar, put on my fake beard and do my Freud impression for kicks! 🤣

[@Tmlm98]

He’s a narcissist.

[@Msruthi91]

See, that's the things about "open" relationship. It's an excuse that men made to justify sleeping around with other women and have the privilege of a married life and a wife at the same time. I think of someone loves you, they never ask for that kind of thing. And also i think that we should love back the people who are really show respect and really care about us.. for me it never worked to chase someone that 'i liked'. Physical attraction doesn't fulfill the other aspects of a relationship

[@rose4490]

I wanted to have some empathy for the OP in this video, but she completely lost me when she said, "he's married". Ugh, so gross! *I have always stayed away from married men, and guys with girlfriends, cause I'm not a homewrecker!* There are literally billions of people on the planet, it's not that hard to leave married people alone! I don't care if these people say they are in an open relationship, it's gross, and completely immoral. I have never been into shopping at thrift stores much less looking for used, second-hand people. If a man's not single I will chase him away with a stick like the dirty stray dog of a person he is! I really think that OP needs to stay the freak away from this dude, and married/taken men, you can't be friends with unavailable men, in general until she gets a moral compass! If you don't have good morals, and values you need to completely forget about dating, sex and relationships then start working on yourself for the love of God! 🧐

[@user-ex3mx7hk4l]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@etcwhatever]

Yessss!!!