Olivia Hall - The Skinny List

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[@Emietmolaisa2012]

“I lived eternally torn; between wanting to love myself and wanting to lose myself”

[@serena7901]

"I realized that envying other girls bodies doesnt make me any happier and that their beauty doesn't have to take away mine"

[@x0mi07]

Olivia Hall - The Skinny List For five years I kept my own special kind of bucket list. It was my "Things I'll do when I'm skinny" list; My "Bike around Amsterdam in booty shorts" list; My "Own skinny jeans and a bikini" list. It was my "One day I'll be beautiful" list; and my "Then I'll start living" list. It was a "Maybe I could be worth something" list. So each night I sat and imagined a tool that would let me carve layers off my body. I imagined cutting off pieces of me and giving them to boys in the hope that if they could not love all of me, maybe they could at least love part of me; maybe that would be easier to swallow. And still I keep the list. "When I'm skinny, I will take my clothes off before sex"; "When I'm skinny, I will do the heart breaking". I lived eternally torn between wanting to love myself and wanting to lose myself. I carved the word "enough" into my thigh because I only felt worthy of love letters that caused pain and compliments that made me bleed. But it turns out that hating your own body is exhausting, especially when the rest of the world is already doing it for you. So one day, I put that list in a drawer and I started trying to unlearn all the problematic things we teach about bodies. See, I was raised to believe that compliments on my thinnness would satisfy any hunger. Body-shaming was my Bible but I know we can teach something better. So I stopped longing for boys who could only love me skinny and started longing for boys who were better instead. I rewatched all the Disney movies that I loved as as a child but this time I made sure to notice that Ursula was just as hot as Ariel. I reread the Harry Potter books and I imagined Hermione as a fat girl and it didn't change what a bad-ass heroine she was Or the fact that everyone in that series would have died without her. I realized that envying other girls' bodies didn't make me any happier and their beauty didn't have to take away from mine. So I stopped thinking about all the times that this body has been made to feel worthless and started focusing on the fact that this body is my living breathing miracle instead. I stopped scratching and pinching this stomach and these thighs in favor of tracing gentle lines over my stretch marks and thanking these legs for not shaking when I speak the truth. And somehow, among all of this, it happened -- teaching myself to love other fat bodies made me finally, finally start to fall in love with mine. One day I looked down at my skinny list and all I saw was a bucket list. That night, I stood in front of the mirror and said "I am enough, I am enough." until it didn't hurt anymore and it was the love letter my body deserved.

[@Sarah-ul5wc]

"It was my 'one day I'll be beautiful' list, it was my 'then I will start living' list"😥 hhhhhhhh I can relate.

[@preciousjones3778]

S Mari me to

[@maryweidman4110]

this just changed me. i don't want to specify how. but it changed me.

[@stephpowell7648]

I saved the link wanting to share this with friends but then I remember that they won't understand, fat is not an issue they have and if I share this amazing spoken word with them hoping that they'll get that this is how I feel and a place I pray I'll get to, I know that all they'll get from this is pity. And I realise I don't actually want to show them this anymore. No, this is for me. My treat. An understanding between the words and my heart. Not the words and their heads.

[@shaleejones137]

Steph Powell that's the thing. Being torn is not visable, instead noticeable.

[@pandusyawal2015]

[@guppy8073]

I wish I didn’t care about what my body looked like or what others thought about it. I wish I could recognize the stupidity of beauty standards and feel satisfied with who I am. I sometimes believe that loving your body should not be essential to a healthy mind when you could just not care, but this poem is making me think about how it’s even better to love your body because it’s yours, not because of any made up standard but because it’s you and it’s a miracle.

[@SPcamert]

"I only felt worthy of love letters that caused pain and compliments that made me bleed." *snaps* Amazing.

[@preciousjones3778]

Its like she took the words from my own personal journal and spoke them out loud but changing them and making them beautiful

[@GGswiftie13]

I am enough I AM ENOUGH!!!!!!

[@faithb.3254]

GGswiftie13 YES!!!

[@emilygales9549]

i love this so much, as a bigger girl this is very inspirational to me.

[@GGswiftie13]

Yes Hermonie is a badass hero for sure👏👏👏

[@anabuitrago3243]

"Ursula was just as hot as Ariel" jaajajajjaj ohh yep

[@anuyew9537]

YES, I love that line!!

[@forbiddenfable1607]

Beautiful body, beautiful soul, anything is beautiful when you want it to be xx this was lovely and inspiring

[@GGswiftie13]

You are so powerful and so right.THANK YOU

[@daisy_elle_]

this deserves a hundred thousand likes and more appreciation

[@lauraloo29]

Thank you.

[@rfban]

She is beautiful in so many ways.

[@sorah1]

Wow. Just wow.

[@cheshirecat809]

BEAUTIFUL poem!! self love is everything! Thank you for this!

[@writtenfromthesky3828]

Simply amazing.

[@cassidyjeffcoat4949]

This just gave me so much more confidence

[@RanasEspace]

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

[@JJ-zm3ne]

I am freaking crying. This is beautiful. Truly.

[@siobhansalter6641]

Love this one. Amazing

[@AnythingWithAbeat]

👏 hopefully I'll be able to get rid of my skinny list too.

[@AriPuff23]

I'd love to have the strength to change my way of living the way she has... I'd love to finally stop hating myself. But what if I'm never gonna be capable of doing it? I feel so ugly, so worthless, and the looks on other people's faces all mirror these feelings when they look at me like I'm not enough. And all I can think is "I'm not enough, I'm not enough, I'm not enough" over and over... is this ever gonna end for me as well? Will there ever be happiness for me?

[@marcellaboehler9543]

I hope it does, for all of us: that this ends and happiness arrives.

[@kristenshatz2132]

Couldn’t have been put in better words ❤️

[@nomas4336]

I-I c-can't stop c-crying❤

[@jordangropper9396]

Absolutely inspiring, deep, and hope inducing

[@skyecalame-pennington5932]

BEAUTIFUL.

[@jootjuu]

Honestly this gives me so much power to love myself and my body, thankyou so much

[@alyssawinters6745]

This is beautiful

[@elishamiyahira4301]

Body positivity done right and. Beautifully

[@KelseyOlson]

LOVE LOVE LOVE

[@laughterwillgiveyoulungdis4076]

Oh my god I got chills halfway through

[@Lashanae17]

Yes girl 😩❤️ I felt that 💯‼️

[@justbookishthings6694]

I needed this so much

[@gladiatorinasuit3094]

this made me cry

[@DubemN_]

This gave me the feels

[@LaShounWrites]

Those last few lines though....amazing ending! You are beautifully enough.

[@ashleecarrero8804]

This made me feel so much better thank you

[@Just-Darcy]

Holy shit. I needed to hear this.

[@shalalilala5853]

Amazing

[@carox1901]

We need more of this♥️ such a great message #bodypositive

[@Louintotheocean]

this is so good

[@loganpattyson7617]

LOVELOVELOVELOVE

[@TheeMeganStarr]

Yes queen!

[@user-qo6pz6ji5t]

i love this

[@ana_.m]

amazing

[@nadz_m8802]

this is so beautiful♥️😭 it’s gorgeous

[@guppy8073]

I was just thinking about how chubby I am.. this was very much needed

[@privsoph4755]

Love😍💜💜💜

[@jessicafantoni1464]

I love her I love her I love her

[@mariabelenspina8811]

♡

[@paolaramirez4361]

so damn beautiful!

[@dianajanna7228]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@fauziyahputri2795]

"Focusing on the fact that this body is my living breathing miracle."

[@justme-rr3dy]

The fact that I actually have that list

[@mistRJumpcut]

i´m a skinny small dude, females like me, like i like you, i am alone

[@haileyhopkins1252]

😍😍😍

[@punya1621]

1k likes 0 dislikes over 5k views.

[@dominggus6726]

👍👍👍👍👍

[@dominggus6726]

Thnks 🙏🙏🙏

[@lorikeushgerian9068]

Whose cutting onions ffs

[@deborahs.1312]

Ok but what is this wetness in my eyes??